#Kafka hsr

[aventurineswife]

Kafka, Silver Wolf, Blade and Jingliu with Reader who cooks as bad as Yor Forger? 🤣 (Could be platonic or romantic, whatever floats your boat.)

Like Reader’s cooking is so bad it makes the actual in-game food item Sugarball Fried Viscorpi look normal in comparison, and even the most hardened criminal would balk and flee the moment Reader lifts the plate cover. A cycrane could be passing overhead and as soon as it catches a whiff, it just drops dead to ground with smoke rising from it. A devout follower of Lan might start praying to Yaoshi for a strong enough stomach to survive a bite, maybe a few bites if luck is on their side. That’s how bad Reader’s cooking is. It should be impossible for one person to be so terrible at cooking, yet Reader pulls it off without even meaning to, with desperate attempts to avoid it being terrible.

I just think it’s funny for characters that are meant to be super serious or “tough/cool” have that exterior suddenly shatter/freeze up when faced with something that is so awful and yet very much mundane. 😂

“When Love Cooks... but the Kitchen Revolts”

Tags: Kafka x Reader, Silver Wolf x Reader, Blade x Reader, Jingliu x Reader, Humor, Fluff, Cooking Disaster, Slice of Life, Mild Chaos, Romantic Undertones but can be read Platonically, Lighthearted, Crack Fic.

Warnings: Slightly chaotic food descriptions, humor involving exaggerated reactions to food (no real harm intended), mentions of inedible meals.

A/N: was laughing when reading this req🤭, don't let this reader meet Solomon and Raphael 💀

Kafka was rarely fazed. A Stellaron Hunter who could manipulate the minds of the toughest soldiers and bring entire armies to their knees with her charm and cunning—what could truly unsettle someone like her?

Apparently, your cooking.

“I appreciate the effort, darling,” Kafka purred, her tone masking the visible hesitation in her movements. Her hair fell over one shoulder as she peered down at the steaming… dish? It was hard to describe what lay before her, even for someone as eloquent as Kafka. The consistency was gelatinous, the smell pungent enough to make the station's security drones glitch and crash into a nearby wall.

You watched nervously as she poked the food with her fork. It wobbled menacingly.

“I followed the recipe to the letter this time!” you exclaimed, your hands wringing a dishcloth. “I even double-checked the measurements.”

Kafka gave you a patient smile, though there was a flicker of genuine fear in her eyes. She tentatively lifted the fork to her lips, her composure rivaling that of a woman walking into certain death.

The taste hit her like a warpstorm.

The fork clattered to her plate, and for the first time, you saw Kafka’s facade crack. Her lips twitched as she forced a smile that was as strained as the vocal chords of a cycrane caught mid-squawk. A bead of sweat slid down her temple.

“Exquisite,” she said, voice a touch too high. “Truly a flavor I’ve never experienced before.”

Outside the window, a passing cycrane plummeted from the sky, smoke trailing from its feathers. You gasped, and Kafka seized the opportunity.

“Darling,” she said, standing abruptly and pulling you close to her side, “why don’t we step outside? Some fresh air might do us good.”

“But you haven’t even finished—”

“No need!” she interrupted quickly, her polished calm returning. “I’m already full. Full of… new memories.”

As the two of you stepped outside, the dish quietly bubbled on the table, sending faint tremors through the floor.

Silver Wolf was sprawled across your couch, console in hand, her fingers flying over the buttons as she annihilated yet another level. She barely glanced up when you called her to the table.

“Hold up, just one more boss fight!” she said, her voice dripping with casual confidence.

“Silver Wolf, it’s going to get cold!” you called back, proud of your latest attempt at dinner.

With a dramatic sigh, she finally paused her game and wandered over. “Alright, alright. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

She froze mid-step when she saw the plate. Her usual smirk faltered, replaced by wide-eyed disbelief. The dish in front of her looked… pixelated. Somehow, you had cooked something that appeared to have graphical glitches. A faint buzzing sound emanated from it, and a small spark leapt from one corner of the plate.

“Uh…” she began, stepping back cautiously. “Did you… download this food? Is this some kind of DLC?”

“No, it’s homemade! I swear, I followed all the steps this time.”

Silver Wolf adjusted her purple glasses, leaning in like she was analyzing enemy data. “It’s moving...” she whispered.

“It’s probably just steam.”

“It has a health bar...” she countered, pointing at the faint glowing bar hovering above the plate.

You crossed your arms. “Don’t be dramatic.”

Before she could respond, a stray kitchen cycrane beeped as it flew overhead, caught a whiff of the food, and promptly crashed through the window. Silver Wolf stared at the wreckage, then back at you.

“…Yeah, I’m ordering pizza.”

Blade had faced mara, untold pain, and the horrors of his immortal existence. Nothing could break him—or so he thought.

“Dinner is ready!” you called cheerfully, setting a plate in front of him. He glanced at it, his eyes narrowing slightly. The dish emitted a faint purple mist, and there was a distinct hiss as it touched the table.

“Is it… safe?” he asked, his tone flat.

“Of course! I made sure it was cooked all the way through this time.” you said, smiling.

Blade lifted his fork, gripping it with the same resolve he used to wield his broken sword. He took a small bite, and for a brief moment, you thought he’d handle it.

But then his usually impassive face twisted. His mouth opened as if to speak, but no words came out. Instead, he slowly placed the fork down and stared at you.

“This… is a weapon.” he said finally.

You frowned. “You don’t like it?”

He shook his head. “No, I mean it’s literally a weapon. Whatever this is… it could end battles. Entire wars.”

Outside, a devout follower of Lan walking by your home dropped to their knees and began praying fervently. Blade sighed, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“Next time, let me cook.”

[Header credits]

Jingliu was a woman of discipline and focus. Even as she descended into the madness of mara, she maintained an iron grip on her composure. That composure was now being tested.

She stared at the dish before her, her eyes narrowing. “This… is your cooking?”

“Yes!” you said, grinning nervously. “I thought you might enjoy something homemade for a change.”

Jingliu reached for her chopsticks, her movements slow and deliberate. The air around her grew colder as if her body instinctively activated her Path of the Destruction abilities in self-defense. She picked up a piece of… something. It sizzled ominously in the open air.

“Perhaps…” she murmured, her voice low, “this is a test of endurance.”

She took a bite. The room fell silent.

Moments later, a faint cracking sound echoed through the house. You realized it was the sound of her chopsticks shattering under the force of her grip. Her usually calm expression flickered, a subtle twitch betraying her inner turmoil.

“It is… unique,” she said, her voice tight. “You have… a talent.”

Before you could respond, a faint thud came from outside. Looking out the window, you saw a stray cycrane lying on the ground, wisps of smoke curling from its beak.

Jingliu stood abruptly. “I must meditate on this experience. Alone.”

As she disappeared into the night, you sighed, looking at the uneaten plate. “Maybe I should take a cooking class.”

[mlady-magnolia]

Day Seven: Free Day!

Yeah, we’re ending with a shitpost hehe

This was so much fun! Thank you Kafhime NSFW Week for putting this all together, and thank you everyone for being here! <33

[chattematsu]

idc about stellaron hunters *keeps drawing them*

[reypadawanjedi]

ngl I trust her

[nazumii]

hsr characters as things to never say to someone who just came out

crop is weird bc idgaf

[hunnieknight]

Freaky freak.

The milf and the uncle fresh-out-of-jail

.

Kafka's theme song is Government Hooker or Killshot

And Mr. Reca will be Undress Rehearsal

No,i don't make the rules,i'm stating fact

[rewuyuu]

[b1adie]

more stellaron hunter sunday

reposted w permission ^_^

[setsu-nana]

The Stellaron Hunters are a group who have killed numerous people, destroyed cities, and destabilized governments all for the sake of their goals. Members include:

A sad goth

A gacha gamer

Kibby :D

Your terminally ill girlfriend in a mecha suit

Your mom

To quote a friend:

[phantomknights]

world's most normal group chat

[mlady-magnolia]

Day Five: Stargazing

“Look at you, angel… like starlight.”

[chattematsu]

Their every meeting looks like this(sourse: trust me bro)

[karmapasta05]

this time the buttons arleady give up

[redr0sewrites]

Hands...

How would the hsr characters react to an afab!reader obsessed with their hands...

🥀Cw : nsfw, heavy smut, fingering, hand kink, reader is afab

🥀 Pairing(s) : Blade x reader, Kafka x reader, Luocha x reader, Sampo x reader

🥀 minors dni

Blade:

blade's hands are rough, and he has plenty of scars littered across the pale skin

i also think that they're always super cold, and its extra stimulating when his hands are freezing against your warm skin

his hands are deliciously big and veniny as well, and his fingers are long and slender. he knows what to do with them, and his long fingers always reach so deep inside you and curl so well...

while his hands are pale, his knuckles and joints have a slight blush to them and are pinker than the rest of his hand

blade has some callouses on his palms from always handling his sword, along with thin white scars across his knuckles and larger, longer scars on his wrists and lower arms

hes the type to go slow when fingering you as his hands are so large and rough; he would never want to hurt you but his thick fingers feel so damn good inside of your sloppy cunt-

you flinched subconsciously as Blade's hand gently stroked the fluttering lips of your pussy, the freezing temperature of his fingers making you tremble as he teased you. two fingers spread your folds and he stares, mesmerized by the wetness of your dripping cunt. he gently rubs over your slit, so, so close to your fluttering hole. you clench around nothing, bucking upwards as his free hand gently holds your thighs. "be patient", he whispers huskily, "you'll get what you deserve".

Kafka:

kafka's hands are slim and fair with long, nimble fingers and sharp pointed nails. she is big on self care and keeps her hands very well-maintained, she never has any dry skin or cuts and always wears gloves on missions

her naaillllsssssssss

theyre so sharp, and they're always painted a seductive red or pink

she keeps her cuticles well maintained and always trims her nails if they get in the way of her work, but they're definitely long enough to trace and claw your sensitive skin...

kafka often trails her hands down your abdomen towards your core before even touching you, she always giggles when goosebumps rise in the wake of her nails as she scratches thin lines into your trembling stomach

"so sensitive..." Kafka purrs, circling her thumb over your clit in tight circles and watching as you squirm beneath her. "i haven't even gone inside yet and you're already whimpering.. what a slut", Kafka crooned, pressing onto your pearl as she scratched thin lines down your thigh with her free hand. you let out a needy whine, she had been toying with you for what felt like hours, and she had barely touched you. "p-please-" you were silenced by Kafka's fingers in your mouth. her free hand still circled over your twitching, puffy clit, watching as your hips involuntarily humbed against her hand. "hmm, how greedy. you will take what i give you, won't you, bunny?"

Luocha:

luocha takes very good care of his hands, he always has lotion and cream on him and cleans beneath his nails at the end of each day

speaking of his nails, luocha always files his nails and keeps them smooth and short. he does this for both of your sakes', partially for cleanliness and also for your comfort when hes fingering you

he is another one with slender hands, and he has very boney fingers with exaggerated knuckles

i feel like his hands are slightly shaky but still very strong

luocha always fingers you with intensity and the intention of giving you pleasure, and his hands are very skilled

i also think he has a few beauty marks on his hands and wrists that are lovely to admire

"relax," Luocha whispered, pressing a kiss to your temple as he curled his fingers inside of you. a needy mewl escaped your lips as you grinded against his skilled fingers, your puffy clit sloppily riding the heel of his hand as your legs trembled. Luocha's other hand came to rest on your inner thigh, gently reopening your legs as your cunt squeezed his fingers. he slipped in a third finger and you sobbed, pretty tears streaming down your cheeks. "Lu- m'close-" you whined, and a grin spread on his face. "go on then, darling, let go f'me".

Sampo:

Sampo's hands are especially nimble and swift, he is a thief after all, and his hands resemble pianists hands

they're very veiny, but each finger is thick and flexible

hes got large palms as well, hes DEF the type to compare hands with you

Sampo has nice nails too, they're a boxy shape and he keeps them short but not super short

like they're trimmed but they have the tiniest bit of length to them just for the sake of fashion

sampo has insanely steady hands, its a good trait to have as a thief and their steadiness applies to sex as well

hes also a major tease, he KNOWS how much you like his hands and will sometimes purposefully tease you by taking his gloves off with his teeth or "innocently" stroking your inner thigh...

"ya really do like this, huh?" Sampo smirked, toying with your cunt and gently running his fingers through your folds to gather your slick on his fingers. "suck," he commanded, bringing the pads of his fingers up to your tongue, watching as your own arousal dripped into your mouth. your lips pursed around his boney fingers and he suddenly pushed them in deeper, making you gag and whine. Sampo snickered, pulling his spit-soaked hand away form your mouth. "y're gonna have to work for it, poor sampo here is so tired, i don't think i can fuck my pretty doll's cunt all alone..." he sneered, bringing his hand down and shoving three fingers into your needy pussy. "now, get off on my fingers on your own, or you're not coming at all tonight".

HEY YALL! finally another hsr post lmao- i promise im working on reqs but i NEEDED to get this out of my brain. hope u enjoyed!!

[hunnieknight]

Am gonna need a baby photo of the baby kittens STAT please bc i swear am gonna just chew of their little cheeks like mochi

Original Post

~~\~~~\~~~\

Jing Nyan

3 kitties, but reader's belly was big because the babies are so FAT.

Grow up to be chill cats.

I think JY's gene is strong so most kittens is following his fur (minus the chill face to FX relief)

SHEDS A LOT.

[A/N: i made reader a tabby cat because JY is a pure white cat]

Stellaron Strays

God forbid we ask how Kafka can impregnate another cat.

Two kittens follow Kafkat, the others are Blade's. However, one cat is pure white due to mutation.

The kafkat kittens have Kafka's color and reader's pattern. Same goes to Blade, plus short tail and the anger issue

[A/N : I forgot Yingxing is just Blade's hair color but with blue eyes, i realized after finished the art]

The white cat might be deaf or just doesn't care about being called.

Escape artist!! No gates nor cages nor door can stop them! They will stare at you as you sleep, or sleeps on your pillow and shed fur everywhere.

Hairball.

[A/N : I made reader a Japanese bobtail cat, so the kittens can take the short bobtail]

Luocat

Dad said no boyfriend mate. :(

[yoyvmii]

i did a little sketch of Thirteen in Kafka's outfit because i really liked @/godhatesyouandi 's idea

i probably won't have time to finish all of them this week because i'm working on some other projects, but I can't wait to get to it soon <3