#KNOW HOW MANY WORDS IVE POSTED ON AO3 THIS YEAR ABOUT KNOCKING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS FACES TOGETHER LIKE THEYRE BARBIE DOLLS

[violasmirabiles]

fucking Hate how i can never start anything on time ive a deadline tomorrow by which im . supposed to have written like 8k ish words. masters thesis theory section, THE part i hate writing the most. (i am not going to be able to turn in Anything tomorrow even if i work on it all day. luckily i know mr professor man probably wont be able to read it and Definitely wont be able to discuss it with me till like january. do want to be done with this by christmas though i hate that this alwaysssssss happens) like. i know What im going to write, i know all the things i need to include. i have pretty good sources. its like. the Finished Product is like this polished gem thats rotating in the center of my brain. but theres a ton of crap between me and the finished product and i have to pour all that crap into 28523804 draft files before i reach the stuff i REALLY want to say. a million tangents that go nowhere. soooo many instances of im totally blanking on one (1) word of this sentence so i cannot form it At All so i cannot continue working on this because no. fucking hell. i KNOW this is an issue. the PROFESSOR knows this is an issue. he also knows damn well i wasnt going to be able to do anything last week (thats why the deadline is tomorrow instead of last friday - i had choir stuff every day from monday to friday). fucking hell. mentally bonking myself on the head with a cardboard tube. repeatedly. also earlier this week at a peer support group (theres four of us and all have adhd and/or are autistic) we talked about this exact fucking thingggggg

today i somehow created six (6) separate draft files when i was trying to like. convey one (1) idea. every single one of those files looks like i just threw up over the keyboard. really truly fucking hope that when i wake up tomorrow i have a Thought in my brain that i can Word so i can. get this thing to work. cos i know its In there. theres just. so much fucking shit separating it from whatevers floating on the surface. 

also this posts just the equivalent of screaming into the void cos if i dont Let This Out i wont fucking sleep cos ill be Thinking about it. sighs for a thousand years