#KNK fanfiction | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

commander-orca · 3 years ago

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Cotw fanfiction - If torment you I must anew, at least drink from my hands

Tags: Rochalizo x Suoh, Suoh x Rochalizo, Princeshipping, Parrot soul, watch me dig angst from the most unsuspected places, healthy fluff-angst balance, or is it?, kissing scenes, some comfort, self-care tips, guns, force-feeding and force-drinking, injuries, the amount of guilt matches the surface of the sun, self-hate, suicidal tendencies, if this was a college students AU they couldn't be more tired, mention of severe thinness, brainwashing, sleep @ Suoh: let me innnnn!!!, Rochi is a cutie, dumb jokes, I can't believe they say prostitute, this a hate pipe post, communication fails are so annoying but so funny, I made Suoh's bad tendency worse but which? find out for $3.9 jk, visiting the mayor's house is kinda gay if you ask me, YES I KNOW THE END IS BASICALLY THE DISNEY BRAVE but what can I say it's my favourite

Much alike any force or incidence which had occured today and had carved their consequences into destiny, the winds were against them. They howled and whirled around the mast, the sail so swollen it threatened to rip apart and pushed the raft backwards wave after wave, challenging to a duel their efforts to keep it moving starboard. Rochalizo's ears rang, bearing each jolt of the gusts and despite the luminous break through the sky which dawned upon his brow, signing miraculously, the end to all conflicts, all he could see was more grey clouds, looming on the horizon. Weighting the full load of his body on the paddle, he rammed it into the deep waters; their surface displayed no reflection, as black and as agitated as they were. He would know better than to attribute any kind of morality to natural elements, however, whilst he and this exceptionnaly small crew consisting of one who paddled hard, shattered their muscles to a pulp to gain some distance, it crossed his mind that this wild sea and winds could be no other things than wicked.

Balancing his body forward, a foamy wave splashed into his face and he tasted its salt. The liquid went down his throat in a light burn. Eyes closing immediately, coughing and wiping it off his mouth, he groaned slightly and carried on. Pushing on the staff, he was moved by a strong-willed energy which did not run out, in spite of the increasing pain in his shoulders. His back arched, he was panting heavily, ignoring the thin trail of sweat on the brink of his nose.

"Sir Rochalizo!", protested the small man besides him, patting the flank of his arm with the side of the paddle he too held, "Let me do this, it is my duty!"

The young man kept his gaze fixed on the waves, sticking the pole in the sea and pulling it again and again, battling with the flows so they could hope to swallow yet another parcel of water that still stood between them and their goal. They moved at a decent speed, but still so slowly to his taste. Resting his aching shoulder on the secondary mast, preparing to paddle from this side, he gulped his saliva too steeply and almost choked on it. As he gasped and looked for oxygen amidst the stingy salty breeze, his eyes landed on his brother's profile. The latter stared back, arms crossed above his folded leg. He had not moved from his seat since they had floated the boat but Rochalizo had felt his eyes silently judging from that moment. So he could focus on yanking, he averted his gaze and executed the movement a lot harder this time. Nevertheless, in the process of doing that, the heel of his boot stuck between the wooden tiles.

Violently hindered in track, Rochalizo lost his balance and swinged his arms, succumbing to panic. Persuaded he would fall in as he capsized closer to the sea, he wailed fearfully, bracing himself for the impact which never came. Just before he could collapse into the water, a strong arm wrapped around his middle and snatched him backwards. The young man stumbled, confused and muddled.

"Watch what you're doing, you lout!", yelled out a coarse indignant voice.

It was Deiktis. His arms quickly let go of him, as if he feared the sand and milky perfume which still stuck to his little brother's clothes would spread to his and make them reek.

"I told you we should've waited for the crew to come fetch us and drive us with a bigger boat! You're too weak, clumsy mess..."

Dumpling brought him back his paddle which had almost been washed away. Rochalizo peered behind the small man's shoulder. They were already losing some distance...

"Your brother is right, Sir Rochalizo. We would've made better time with an imperial crew and a mightier hull".

The Prince lowered his head to the ground and rasped the tip of his boot against the foundation, feeling his fists tremble against his thighs. The lethal spear of regrets pierced him from throat to groin, causing the feeling of an intrusive, crushing pain, and he suffocated, paralysed by the bulkiness and freezing cold of this invisible rod. His chin shook on its own, making evident his wish to sit in a corner and start crying. Deiktis was right; he was weak. He kept deciding terribly wrong. Was it futile to still go after them now?

Of all the apologies he had offered in his life, this one would be his most genuinely felt. He hated that, perhaps, at core, all he wished for was to satisfy his poor wounded ego which was bad at handling hate from the ones he loved. It could be, him seeking them so he could be feel the sweet release of forgiveness, the cost of his mistakes being approuved of, being at peace with himself and not feel the need to be his own martyr. His own usual selfishness disgusted him. However, if this was how he truly felt, he would hide it deep within him and never show it. Only express his sincerest excuses. He did hurt, but he did not matter. He had been the one to hurt them the most, therefore he would make himself redeemable. But if they had gone already...

The thought was debilitating. An instant, he pictured himself looking in the distance, glancing at the empty fore-port, piteous. His hands would still be filled with the deadly Amonlogian weapons and theirs would remain hollow. They would fight alone against the Empire's troops, with sticks and stones, their wretched crossbows and slingshots and he would sit alone, in an vacant street, enjoying a nauseating peace, partly earned with the assistance of those they had refused to help.

"It cannot be this way...", Rochalizo whined softly fo himself, his nails scratching his cheeks.

Indignation and determination roamed his heart ardently, but his strenght was leaving him. This strange impression resurfaced again and his legs felt so mellow, he wasn't so sure now how he was still standing. He raised his head slowly again and saw through his parted fingers, the guard exchanging a worried look with his brother.

"Please... Let's keep paddling... I need to bring them those weapons, by any means!"

He felt on the verge of crying again. Evidently, he couldn't care less to bring the weapons on time now, owing to his vile egocentrism once more. Right now, all he could think of was to glance over the sight of the Mud Whale, to see its residents continue living distractedly, paying no mind and not knowing much more of the outside world, but that not being a concern. He wanted to see Suoh again... To hold his shoulders gently, hear his voice and the kind words Rochalizo had never been granted with, smile at him when he would say something stupid.

But if they had gone already... If they had departed without a trace, leaving no clue as to where they'd be heading, disappearing entirely from the world he knew and going beyond the limits of all his maps... What would he do? He didn't know what to do he didn't find them. If he didn't find him.

Already he could see himself waking up each mornings, his body painfully burning as the first thought he'd have would be them. Unable to find those people again, he and them would start living apart, growing apart. They would change, not waiting for him to come used to it. They would become different and possibly throw apart what had him dare say he had known them and what he could possibly use to recognise them. In the end, they would morph into strangers to one another. He would slowly, eventually be erased from their memories, so much so, that some daily supplies or a lazy throwback thought about the past, wouldn't initiate a single "Hey, do you remember that boy, Rochalizo?" anymore. It was often said that memories shaped your reality. If this was the case, then one day, it would be as though he had never existed to them.

He raised his arm to throw his paddle into the sea, but before he could even act on it, Deiktis wrested it out his hands.

"Enough, Rochalizo! I am getting cold! You will no longer paddle with this man alone. What made you think you could ever do it?!"

Rochalizo met his eyes, red and bloated, even though he had not shed a tear and endured his brother's reproachful look, biting the inside of his lip. He could as well give up and return to his miserable life, pretend this episode of a few months had never happened. His mouth opened a half, meaning to utter those acid words.

"I..."

—You and your stubborness! And for what?! A couple of monkeys...", continued Deiktis, talking over his little brother's attempt, "You're so lucky you have me, you know?"

He then kneeled on the raft and opened the boat's hold, taking out another pair of paddles. Rochalizo watched him in astonishment. Sighing dramatically, Deiktis tucked an overly curled strand of hair behind his ear. Every ounce of the expression he bore transpired frustration.

"I absolutely abhor when my hair is tousled so you better make this quick", he said, slamming Rochalizo's paddles onto his chest with one hand, as he got a hold of his with the other and started ramming.

Dumpling's face melted into a smile, boosted by the perspective of new manpower and resumed his yanking too. Rochalizo stood there for a few seconds, processing. His feelings and body were still too numb to rejoice but he once more stuck his pole in the sea and moved it back and forth as hard as he could. With the three of them, the sea had a harder time resisting their progress and the raft sailed fluidily, as if they were sliding down a soapy slope. He sensed his lips had lifted up on their own; he was hoping again.

OoOoO

Relief ran through his body like electric shock waves. They had made it on time! The Mud Whale overhung the horizon line, high and its walls shimmering delicately in the early night's lights. As expected, it bathed into the sea with such humility, Amonlogia's kingdom now appeared to not only be its own invader but to also disfigure the uneventful landscape, as if it no longer belonged there. A pale light, no brighter than stars, it blended into its surroundings, careful not to tame it, rather to respectfully borrow a small space and learn to dwell it. Yet, however bright and a hopeful light it was, it lay out a sorrowful one tonight, thought Rochalizo, lazily leaning on the mast. He sensed the presence of this dark veil which had fallen on the Mud Whale. It emanated a dazed fog of dismay and grief.

He was to blame. His evil schemes had led them there and the weight of regrets he had dragged around for months would never leave. But nevermind that. He was done turning his back on injustice and looking out the window to escape feeling guilty. His legs shook but his mind was made up. What would be the pain of humiliation and crushing guilt against the feelings of remorse in having participated only in their downfall?

Nothing. It was nothing compared to what he felt, when they got closer enough so he could make out the silhouette of someone standing in the heights and whoever that was, turned around and noticing him, cried out, announcing his presence. He was running on a strange kind of euphoria as a small crowd formed on the upper hill to stare at him and his stomach turned in utter joy, as the boat turned left at the corner and he and the people standing in the port, could stare at each other conversely. Rochalizo's wide-eyed face looked at them all, in complete gratitude that he could once more share the same air. But as far as his love for them showed, he didn't love them all indistinguishably. His eyes searched for one, in particular. Above the port, the earth featured a few more muddy hills on which stood Marked children, wrapped into warm cloth capes. Amongst them... And then he found him.

Followed by two of those kids, in his long white stained robe, Suoh's gaze met his and he saw his mouth open in disarray, then articulate his name. Rochalizo did not manage to smile. His mind went blank and each of his muscles were tensing, contaminated by a brutal itching. He could only stare at this precious human being and his disheveled hair, the thin layer of dirt at endpoints or the several bruises on his face which had turned blue. His eyes still wide open, he raised an arm and started waving.

Arrangements were made to steeply move the small submarine to the side and make room for their own. Their ship landed safely and suddenly he was hearing them. Their confused hubbub, the shouts of disbelief, the children running barefoot on the grass and peeking through their hands. Deiktis gave no interest of wanting to set a foot out. While Dumpling got out and set up the gateway so they could join the hill by foot easily, Rochalizo rushed outside to tie the front rope to the dock. Far too impatient, he climbed up the fore staysail, dragging behind the first wooden crate to the edge and then jumping. Complaints from the guard flew out behind his back, groaning that he had set it up for nothing and that he would hurt himself. The others froze too. He couldn't care. He was feeling the beloved Mud Whale under his feet again. Rushing back to the guard, he helped him carry the crate to them by the safer way.

When he got to Suoh, he forgot what to say. He had planned to say a thousands other words but in the end, he could only utter those which explained the main reason as to why they had come. And safety came before all else.

"Get these on board, quickly!", he ordered, presenting the crates to him.

Suoh gave him a genuinely curious look.

"What are they?"

The question he asked was so candid and innocently put, it made him smile.

"See for yourself..."

Consenting, Suoh kneeled besides the box and as he did so, Rochalizo carefully analysed his face. He saw no traces of resentment in him nor any anger he could've tried to smother and, he did not know why, but it made him somewhat sadder. Other than that aspect, he could tell the young leader looked terrible. If the others had noticed, this was an unsure thing, but the mere sight of him was worrying. Anyhow, he needed immediate care, but knowing his obstinacy and his foolish, often risky tendency to minimise his injuries, he wondered if that moment would ever even come. Emerging at his side, seemingly from nowhere they could have predicted, Roh and Nezu got a hold of the crate and opened it before Suoh could. They cried in excitement upon discovering the many rifles and guns.

"Wooooah! Are you giving them to us?!"

Placing his hands on his hips, Rochalizo nodded vigorously. He turned to Suoh again, the latter had his eyes fixed on the weapons, a strange determination building in his pupils. Rochalizo cleared his throat, aiming to capture the leader's attention. Suoh looked up and got on his feet again and he explained further:

"Dumpling found me a boat, so we made it just in time!"

He was impressed at how casual and unbothered he sounded. It could be a good thing. To break down and expose all his emotions for the world to see a second time would be disgraceful. But he hoped they understood what he was really trying to say behind those horribly common words.

"You'll need weapons if That Country is targeting you", he claimed, blushing a little, realising he had been smiling fondly at Suoh with intensity.

"Rochalizo...", Suoh trailed off, taken aback and... Moved?

Conversing again like this, care-freely, ignoring the past few days' traumatic events felt as though they were laying out flowers, peace treaties or doves on an already bombed, immolated house, marked by hate graffiti. It was uncomfortable and distressing; it did not alleviate the damage. Yet, notwithstanding the uphill struggle, Rochalizo felt the need to keep running his mouth. If he stopped talking, then there would be nothing left to say. Or, arguably, he was afraid to let someone else point out something he couldn't have foreseen and lost all his composure.

In the background, the guard was finishing transporting the few boxes with the help of members of the Mud Whale's army, most of them which contained more weapons, one some efficient desinfectant. Citizens had fallen silent and watched his crew attentively. Their own discussion, as he feared, had finally dryed out.

They looked at each other in the eyes for a minute, potentially longer; he was losing track of time. Suoh's gaze was coated in weariness and eyes which tried manifesting appreciation but could only exhale in a jaded sigh, their dispiritedness. This look of hopelessness on his face portrayed a different Suoh from the one he had known. He was locking eyes with a familiar stranger and it was a distressing feeling to tell himself that, he would scurry to him and hold his hands anytime from now while neither recognising him, nor being able, if asked in this precise to moment, to identify his features in a sea of look-alike people. Rochalizo's eyes wavered but he tried getting across as much as he could, his care and apologies, in lack of words to say. He wanted nothing more than to desperatly go back and make the right choices and treasure what had been most important to him; their friendship. Suoh's friendship. Albeit faint, he was almost certain, that glint of fellowship was still aimed at him.

"Let's go, Rochalizo!", called out Deiktis from underneath, in an urging voice, having not moved an inch from his sitting spot in the Amonlogian ship.

This was when Rochalizo realised, he had not planned the rest of his actions from this point and onward. Reaching the Mud Whale before its departure and ensuring they had ways to fight off the enemy and to heal their wounds had been the only objective he had set off to do. The rest... He must have unconsciously put off, imagining he would have time to figure out what to do. Turning to peer at him again and he noticed Suoh's eyes hadn't looked away, had stuck to him and had grown unsettled. Although expressionless, the young leader's face hid in it a hint of melancholy. But there was something else which he couldn't tell what that was; he stood frozen in his white dress, barely standing up. He had been the first to say goodbye, earlier, but now, he didn't say a word. One last farewell look to Suoh. Rochalizo took a step back and his chest tightened. He thought he had properly burried the pain of their parting, but it came crawling back to him, hooking on his leg. His mind cloudy, he watched as his legs redirected him back to the gateway, as he was under the impression it wasn't done in his own will. Each step he took caused his insides a fierce burn.

He crossed the gateway, slowly, his entire body stiff and sluggish in great contrast with his mind, overran in thoughts of confusion and panic. A few more steps from him and they would be leaving, sinking into the distance and meeting danger again. If they came to be hurt or if some of them were brutally killed in the near future, he would have no way to know. He would forever stew in his monotonous and oblivious wretchedness. Life would resume its course and he would walk the sacred halls of Amonlogia's palace anew, bearing his father's harshness and his brothers' hurtful teasings — everyone would had to go back to their usual selves in the end, no matter what lessons they had been taught.

He took those few more steps. Dumpling stepped forward and retrieved the gateway.

Rochalizo looked back. It was a brief look but in an instant, he knew he wasn't where he was supposed to be. This pain which tore through his stomach like bullets would not fade as long as he would stand on the wrong side. He had been at peace on the Mud Whale, where he had been shown kindness and love and he never wanted it to stop. To let them go would be letting go of his own person. Because, other than them, who in the world would ever accept his so flawed self? Having been exposed to such warmth, he was certain he would never find again such precious souls, ready to offer their hearts to the first comer. Ready to love limitlessly.

Most importantly, he knew of course, he had always been the useless fourth son here, the most powerless and the weakest. But if his royalty title could ever serve one purpose, he wanted to it to serve them and bring them shelter. Put all the knowledge he had often thought wouldn't be of use at their service and use of his influence abroad to assure they would be respected and well-treated. However on board, he never wanted his title to matter and allow it to create distance between them. Besides earning forgiveness through acts, he wanted to give back that love as passionately as he had received it.

With no warning, he turned around and ran at full speed in the opposite direction. It was almost as if his feet barely touched the earth: it felt like flying. He needed no gateways, confident he could make up for the gap. As he reached the edge of the staysail, his muscles tensed and he jumped, extending his legs as far as he could.

"Sir Rochalizo!!", a voice cried out.

He landed in a small poof. One of his ankles hurt but it was most likely nothing. A look behind his shoulder and he caught sight of Suoh whose back had bent in shock, not trusting his eyes; the stupefaction his face bore was something he wanted to remember forever.

Rochalizo rotated towards his own people, expecting them to get flustered and force him to come back. Perhaps mock him. However, they all had fell silent, arms balancing to their sides uselessly.

"I...", began Rochalizo.

He did not know where to start, having gone through so many realisations and allowed himself to taking so many liberties since the past hours, the train of thought which had been his was too complex to describe. But he was satisfied with one thing and this was simple to put into words to his brother:

"I have my father's trust now. It's... It's what I wanted most in the world".

From the boat, Deiktis and Dumpling contemplated him, abashed. The guard certainly was the most comprehensive, whereas his brother seemed slightly irritated. A bit below, Gampa and Chasmourito looked genuinely taken aback too. Rochalizo knew it was the latter's voice which had called for him. He felt bad for leaving him behind, but his choice had already been made.

"But Deiktis, people are selfish", he continued, spreading his arms —at least, he knew he was, "As soon as I got what I most wanted... I wanted something more. I... I want to see their new home!"

Deiktis' face melted, taken by surprise.

"H-How selfish can you get! Do whatever you want!", he finally retorted, turning to the side, vexed.

Indeed, if the Mud Whale granted his wish, he would...

"Sir Rochalizo! Let me go with you!", exclaimed Chamourito's voice once again.

Behind the boy, his crew approuved firmly, standing tall, as in a way of saying: 'we won't be discarded so readily'. Rochalizo hadn't expected that possibility, but it was clear that if he did left with the people of the Mud Whale, he might not see them for months, perhaps years if luck took on a bad turn. Sharing the waking hours with his crew recently had been a daily merriment, that he couldn't deny. They had been a great support and a comfort when it sometimes didn't go as planned. All things considered, he wanted him by his side.

"Yeah! Come with me!"

The small group cheered and he waited for his crew to come by the unfolded gateway again. Then, they came up and down the few green hills between Suoh and the Marked kids who too walked up to them. Rochalizo smiled so much, his cheeks ached and he couldn't detach his eyes from Suoh's softened expression. It was the first time, since the banquet he was giving him this sweet look again. His heart missed a beat and began jumping happily. As they came face to face, so they were just two steps apart, Suoh grabbed his hands in his.

"Rochalizo..."

He was so full of a gratitude the Prince wasn't sure he deserved, but his smile widened at the intention of the young chief and his eyes rested timidly on their entwinded hands. He wanted to say something sugary and dumb, like an "I've missed you" or an "I'm sorry, I've been a fool" and he did try, but his throat wouldn't allow the words to get through. Later, he would try again, when he wouldn't be so harassed by the flow of his bubbling emotions and relief. Instead, he folded his arms and teased, a smirk popping up.

"Without Lykos, you country bumpkins will have a hard time navigating. And you need someone to teach you how to use these weapons".

Uttering those simple words made him incredibly happy. They could be teasing one another again and that meant the shattered bonds and lost complicity would grow back again. But he earned only a worried look from Suoh.

"This island is a target. Have you considered how dangerous it is for you to be here?"

Rochalizo's answer didn't wait. He was well aware he would be risking his life. But the factor of risk had been the same for the time they had spent together, yet he had never felt happier.

"Let me help. For real, this time".

OoOoO

It felt good to be back. Sitting in the mayor's bedroom, Rochalizo trailed his eyes in each corner, cherishing the sight of every furniture, crack in the wall or irregularity in the Mud Whale's floor. He felt almost furious with himself for having paid so little attention to his surroundings here. Had they parted ways at this point, he would've had only his superficial memories and his imagination to make up for the parts missing and return there in his daydreams. He had forgotten how everything was so charming and simple here.

He had barely had time to change clothes as there had been barely no time at all. He had lent Suoh his spyglass to check on Karkarias' movements so the latter could verify its position with the army commander and give order to the Marked to move the boat according to its coordinates. The boat had moved astern and they had begun following from afar, the Imperial ship while ensuring to leave a substancial safety gap between them. Afterwards, Suoh had gone to hold an urgency meeting with the advisers. Rochalizo had offered his help but the Marked soldiers having trouble reading the maps and still being novices in the matter of drawing an itinerary reading the stars, he had spent the first quarter of the night giving advice and teaching the ways of locating yourself and near reference points in absolute darkness.

By the time they were done with that, he had headed up to the meeting room but the mayor had sent him back, pretending the meeting would be over soon. Those eyes were filled with nothing but lies, but Rochalizo had said nothing. If he had looked pale before, he was now paler than conceivable and large dark bags circled the rim of his eyes, carving into the flesh. Sat on his knees in evident imbalance, his head kept swinging forward in exhaustion almost imperceptibly while his right hand pressed his stomach over the tunic he had put on in haste for a fresh change — at least one thing had to be. Another remarkably concerning thing was that voice, hoarse, as if husky from inhaling smoke. Those tiny details he hoped he wasn't the only one to notice, convinced him to keep his mouth shut and obey. He feared upsetting him in this state would be a huge blow to the mental strenght he still managed to show signs of.

Curled in a flax blanket, Rochalizo yawned for the third time in a row. He had stood straight on the bed for some time, now leaned against the warm wall, sprawling down with about his entire body, almost knocked out by an unprecedented tiredness. Although being on its threshold and sensing he was reaching his personal limits, he fought sleep, determined to witness Suoh's venue; as he had left the tower, the latter had told him to wait for him in his dwelling so he could discuss with him a certain matter in the light of the foregoing occurences. An hour had passed and, relying on his stomach and the diffuse clarity outside the ajar window, the Prince could tell with no doubts the first half of the night had almost slipped through their fingers. As his eyes gazed towards the dark blue sky which would soon lighten in a blurred cloud of grey and brown hues, Rochalizo's lids felt heavy he finally gave in and surrendered to slumber, his face directed towards the stars and the occasional smell of foam which the air lifted up.

However, because he had wished strongly not to fall asleep, his body had kept it mild and he was quick to emerge from this sleep. The sole touch of a hand brushing his arm delicately was enough to stir him awake. His eyes forcefully opened and fell on Suoh's face, who in awe, recoiled in a small jolt.

"Oh! You scared me... You sleep so light, Rochalizo!"

The Prince's eyes peered at Suoh's hand which slidded down his arm and back in place almost reluctantly. What a way to be woken up... He regretted already the presence of those warm fingers. Standing back up he flashed a small smile at the young leader who sat besides him.

"You took your time!"

— I'm sorry about that, I tried to wrap it up as soon as I could, but we had many things to talk about.

— Did you reach an agreement?"

The young leader nodded and Rochalizo watched as his neutral face faded into a miserable one. Things must have went wrong at some point. Had the counsellors pushed on him a decision he did not wish to endorse in the first place? He made the wise — or esteemed wise — choice not to address the topic for tonight. He resumed their small talk, outing a small laugh in his first few words.

"By the way, sorry. It seems I've dozed off at some point, though I've tried not to. I'm all ears for you".

Suoh looked relieved that he was freed from the burden of reporting on the outcome of their decision-making. His face lost some of its troubling shades. But this hand still contracted on his stomach was becoming worrying. He smiled at the caring words and his head bowed to their feet, shaking off the other's apologies. Rochalizo's head bent too to look. They were close; his left boot almost touched Suoh's right plimsoll shoe.

"I appreciate that. Thank you for staying up for me".

Rochalizo had grown tired of talking as though they hadn't spent the last months together. It sure would take time to regrow what they had, but there was no need to speak in souless formalities. He made eye contact again and tried a small teasing.

— No problem. You'll get a list of everything you owe me in the morning".

Suoh looked surprised a second and then snorted, quite amused.

— I should get started then!

— Alas before that, the contract still specifies I have to spend time with a dork..."

As he said so, Rochalizo dramatically raised a hand to his head. The other pushed his arm, his smile not fading away.

"Mmh... My bad, I should've spent too much time with you..

— It's fine, not everyone has good taste...

— Stop!", Suoh chuckled, his smile melting into a soft laugh.

As he said that, Suoh's shin flew into Rochalizo's, playfully hitting his leg and the latter chuckled with him, both looking down, conveniently hiding their silly faces in their hair. Their knees and shoes were touching now. He had the knowledge Suoh was looking in the same direction since he had just shifted the tip of his plimsoll even more towards his boot. Rochalizo ran his tongue over his inner lip, emitting a very faint — but which felt loud in the newly fallen silence — and unwanted mouth sound. There was something bewitching and deeply disrupting about this silence and yet he almost wanted to leave it as it was, the position they were in not being the most uncomfortable one. However, when Suoh's other arm wrapped around his white tunic, over the hand on his stomach, he could not say nothing.

"Are you cold? Your hand...", he made a tentative of asking.

— That's another thing. But... Yes, I can't tell why, I've been feeling very cold tonight.

— That's not so surprising with every of one of us wandering in the rain earlier. I hope you've not caught a fever...

— I'm fine. If it gets worse, I'll empty the nursery's stocks".

The Prince wanted to laugh and take this the carefree way. However he was virtually certain this had not been a joke and something about the uncommon phrasing coming from Suoh made him, incomprehensibly, disoriented.

"Isn't that forbidden?

— The rules can wait, don't you think? I'm forbid from looking all dirty and stained. Should I have brought handkerchiefs and a brush in the dungeons?"

Rochalizo muffled a small laugh. His worry had been unfounded.

"Ten points less for you, you no good leader".

His remark earned a warm smile from Suoh and he then did something Rochalizo didn't expect. Closing half his lids over his eyes, he leaned in and lay his cheek on the Prince's shoulder, pressing his skin clingily. The latter could have sworn his body had just filled with ice cubes. His vision blurred as he just stood straight, not daring to move and his eyes fixed a dot on the wall so intensely, if his eyes could've burned there would be nothing left of it. Making an attempt at another joke would've been in order, but he somehow could not make his brain work. Suoh's hair tickled his flesh and he could feel his breathing on his neck which made him imperceptibly shiver. After some time, he deducted the young leader had done so to seek warmth and he failed to understand why it had not occured to him that this had been the main reason...

Suoh moved his head away.

"Sorry...

— N-no, of course", the other managed to say through fuzzy trains of thoughts, blinking.

Giving a soft smile, Suoh sat back. It took a tough effort to get the conversation going again.

"I've helped your people with the maps. They were so tired I had to repeat myself a lot. And they're not all to blame. I kept forgetting details and being distracted. But I think they'll get the hang of it..."

— Of course, we're all in bad shape, that's understandable", assured Suoh, nodding gently, pressing his hand further against his stomach.

"Yeah... And some of us in even worse shape...", mumbled Rochalizo, giving him the knowing and disapprouving look.

"I'm fine", retorted Suoh, a spot more abruptly this time despite his usual gentleness, "I've not come to talk about me in any case".

That playfulness atmosphere evaporated into thin air. Rochalizo's impression of powerlessness increased. He wished for Suoh to lie down and get some rest, regain some of his strenght, but in order to do that, he was very cognizant there would be no other ways: he would have to get into a fight. The young leader's stubborness could not be curbed with reason nor stilled with threats, or a depiction of the many ways it could go wrong. He needed to see before his own eyes someone get angry or sad, showing with direct consequence how his actions hurt his relations. Suoh didn't have much empathy for himself; but if causing himself harm hurt others, Rochalizo knew for sure he could reconsider.

However, get into a fight with that Suoh? Merely raising his voice would push him to his last entrenchments, which could be a victorious battle if it enhanced his exhaustion and ushered him to bed. And yet, if this fight resulted in seeing him in a state close to a mental breakdown or ended up in cries or in a temper tantrum, he would've had messed up a great deal. Moreover, a further reason he would've preferred to ignore was coming up; as he was the cause for this chaos he had no say in how Suoh handled his matters. To try and foil the leader's plans when he had been the one to make him go through all that pain would be too indelicate to do for quite some time from now on. So, the Prince just sat there, watching as Suoh stretched his legs, got up from the bed and positionned in front of him.

"Rochalizo", began Suoh, opening his arms, palms uncurled, "I'm asking you this one favour. I know what I'm asking is a lot but... Could you —"

The words faded into nothingness. They were cut from Suoh's throat as his face moved towards the ceiling in confusion. His green eyelashes fluttered restlessly over foggy eyes, as his body started leaning backwards and losing its balance. He extended an arm, in his last seconds of consciousness to try and grasp at something but almost at once, his head tipped over, and he fell faster, carried by the weight of it. Rochalizo screamed his name and lept out of bed. Rather thanks to his previous concerns which had kept him alert than to his actual swiftness, he succeeded in catching Suoh's body before his head hit the ground, grabbing the upper-half of his chest and his shoulders. Suoh's body came crushing onto his own, sluggish and heavy at the impact, then quite light.

Rochalizo opened his mouth but no sound came out. He could only watch him, passed out on his knees, still. The vision was enough to make him lose all composure. It was Suoh after all. Not that he had ever pictured him as infallible, foolproof to all hardships, but this hope he embodied, had given the illusion more than once that he could be free of harm. A fool's reasoning. Which the Prince was also guilty of, to some extent.

"Indeed... No one takes care of you, not even yourself", he whispered, utterly distraught.

His face shut, teeth so clenched his jawline hurt. He needed to calm down. And do something. He could not be of any help if he lost his cool and Suoh could be requiring immediate help. He took a few deep breaths and placed Suoh's body down, crouching besides him. His hands traveled down Suoh's chest to try feeling his pulse, however he was so nervous he had trouble finding the spot and had to give it several attempts to make sure he hadn't hallucinated the beating.

"I have your back alright?... I have your back", he repeated, as a way of believing he was doing this the right way.

Next, he placed a hand to Suoh's back neck so he could support it while he was lifting up his tunic. He had been mistaken. The hands he had found warm just a few moments ago were the only warm parts of his body, which wasn't encouraging at all; goosepumps were spread over every piece of skin he could lay his eyes on and his shoulder blades, his neck, his chest, everything felt chill under touch.

"Why are you so cold?", Rochalizo muttered, panicked, "What's happening to you?!"

The tunic partly removed, he noticed a few bruises scattered from across the young leader's kidneys to his pelvis. They weren't recent, at least a day old given their purple and blue shades and the few scabs which had dried but could let blood flow if rubbed. He gulped feeling responsible for them; those he must have received in Amonlogia, from either the soldiers or his father. But despite those wounds undoubtedly needing treatment, he was fairly sure they weren't what had caused this state. Although... The fact he had seen him clutching at his stomach many times induced further doubt now...

"Why did you faint? Just sleep deprivation?"

If all he needed was sleep recovery, then it would be best to lay him down in bed and let him be. However, Rochalizo had an unexplainable bad feeling about this. It was true that lack of sleep could make your body temperature drop as he had experienced it a few times. But to be this cold... He suspected that couldn't be the only explanation.

"C'mon Suoh, help me out...", he breathed while struggling with removing his arms out of the sleeves.

He floundered further with getting his face through the collar while making sure he wouldn't pull at his hair, a difficult task because his hair somehow managed to twist around everything. His left hand held the back of his head, creating the strange sensation he was taking care of a toddler. Once taken off, he put aside the garment and examined the pale body. Realisation came crashing through as violently as if he had been knocked over by a giant boulder.

Unlike many of his comrades, Suoh didn't have that muscular build a few Marked or Unmarked naturally possessed or trained for. His lack of coordination made him inept in physical activities and, working as an assistant, then as mayor, intellectual tasks had been the most of his work. Even among those who didn't stand out for their broad body, he was known for his thin stature and appeared rather frail in contrast to them. But he had never seen him like that... He hadn't noticed before because his side loose hair, now spread out on the floor must have guaranteed the illusion but his cheeks were slightly sunk and the skin covering his clavicles looking thinner than ever. His large robe had been keeping secrets too. Now that he earned an overall view of his torso, he realised how prominent those ribs were, protruding through the flesh and how carved was that line which traced from the top of his chest to his navel. His pelvis bones seemed so close to piercing through, it made Rochalizo gag and bring a hand to cover his mouth.

"... Fuck... S-Suoh you..."

His vision blurred with the water in his eyes and his fists clenched. He had known something was wrong. From the very beginning. Had he been fed nothing in Amonlogia's dungeons? Was this how they treated prisonners? A shame for the entire nation. They were monstruous to have permitted that. His fingers pinched gently at the flesh covering his left arm. The bit he had pinched stayed up for an instant.

"And your skin is dry", he trailed off, voice and lip trembling, devastated with the weight of those terrible news.

He hadn't even had water.

Even worse was that they could have prevented that. If only someone had discerned how badly he fared. If only he had forced him to rest sooner, made him take a well-deserved break and brought him something to eat, a glass of water... They were nothing but selfish bastards. Rochalizo repressed the tears which almost overflew the rim of his eyes with his elbow — no time for that shit — and rushed to the door. He stopped in track past a few steps, looking back at Suoh's shape, so motionless and so pallid. A terrible image obstruated Rochalizo's mind. No, he couldn't let him. Not gonna happen. But that meant keeping an eye on him. His omnious gut feeling was resurfacing and he feared leaving him alone only a second would have disastrous effects. Running back to him he crouched down and slipped a hand behind his knees, the other around his upper back. With a gentleness he didn't know he had, he brought his arms closer together, rounding up Suoh's body in a ball so he could carry him more easily.

"Let's go", he said, bouncing anew on his feet.

Yet, his heart missed a beat for he almost tripped forward. Not from the heaviness. He had braced himself for that. On the contrary, he hadn't expected Suoh to be this light. The thought brought more angst to his heart but he refrained from digging into that. Cursing, he took one careful step which turned into a run. Relief coupled with intense worry. Night time was perfect to be running through the buildings, not risking to bump into anyone or arousing questions which would require time-consuming answers. But none to keep a safe eye on them and stop him if he was doing something wrong. Where was that water tower again? He couldn't stop to ask. Perhaps it was another demonstration of his self-centrism, but his mind was hazy, shouted at him it would take too long and he could only freak out.

He followed the path which turned around a few small houses and led away from the center, his feet stumbling into sand dust, Suoh's tall body joggling gently in his arms. The air was filled with bitterness and smells of dawn. The sky's blackness began to turn a dark blue, clearing up little by little to welcome the new day and the first early chirping doves. His arms hurt but he hugged Suoh tighter, cheek against his, hoping to be the warmth he was in need of. The sight of houses were melting away behind, but as he neared the most offset houses and took notice of some left-over fruits and honeycomb on a table, he seized them with no hesitation. He needed them more than they would and in the circumstances, who cared about theft?

In the distance, behind those mossy stones he was passing by, hushed voices could be heard, joyless. Most likely the third quarter of the army's watch, as well as those who took their turn at supervising the trajectory. Those were the only faint rumours which provided company as he ran down the dark alley, the sounds of his footsteps tapping in his ears. Stopping a second to make a mental update of what was left to go, he raised his eyes to a small tower whose narrow stairs could almost not be distinguished from its rocky surface. He had gone there a few times but night time made this place hauntingly sinister, like a silent caveat you should not found yourself there at this time of the night.

Rochalizo went up the stairs two by two as fast as he could, balancing more weight on his one side which scraped the wall, for security purpose. He ducked under a gutter and dodged big pipes, one holding a bucket. At the top, a few turns later, they got to an entrance in a recess of the wall. The inside showcased a boiler, a devilish machine with many cranks and old plumbing, a shallow basin as well as a dozen of watering cans, a toolkit and gardening hoses. Two varieties of soap and a towel had been placed on a wooden table along with a couple of pilled up glasses and, against the adjacent wall, three chairs. The Prince gazed at the chairs, esteemed Suoh would fall from them and layed him down on the ground. Pounding at his eyelids bluntly, — it always came to that mannerism when he needed to focus again — he grabbed a glass and approached the machine.

"How does that primitive stuff work...?"

Operating a few cranks turned out to be an absolute failure and stress was increasing in his chest, compressing him. He was losing patience. And faith.

"Look I have no time to play, you outdated technology mammoth..."

Seconds later he was hitting the closest pipe with a wrench, no rational thoughts left. If it wasn't gonna work immediately, then he would make it. Fifteen violent slams were enough to pierce a hole through the pipe and some water splashed into his eyes. The freshness of the water seemed to clear out his mind a little and he wondered what he had just done for a second, but he postponed the thought and reacted quickly. He filled a full glass with water and brought it to the still unconscious Suoh.

"Suoh...", called Rochalizo, his voice throaty from the effort and fatigue.

He brought the glass to his lips until the tips dipped into the liquid. He could've opened his mouth with ease, but he needed to be awake to properly down the water without choking. The Prince sighed. He was still so scared. Could someone be unconscious for so long without it being a terrible omen? Then he remembered a story. A story he hadn't played a role in but had been told so many times he remembered as much details as if he had witnessed it.

When he was sailing in the west-east, there had been a ball at the castle. Deiktis had drunk more than he could endure and passed out in the hallway as he flirted with some girl. He had gotten so dehydrated, he had woken up to cry dry tears as he hyperventilated and had passed out again. Paramesos had dragged him to the lake and pushed him from that small brige which overlooked the port's river. Antikeiras had gone berserk with worry and pushed the other too so he could get him back. But that wasn't the point. Apparently, being in contact to water could reduce dehydration and serve as a good boost in regaining one's coherent thinking or consciousness. He had to try that.

As he pushed the basin under the water leak, he thought to himself he was such a mess of contradictions. He had claimed wanting to distance himself from Amonlogia, for he had made nothing but painful memories there. Yet the memories of it still helped him a great deal.

He crouched down by Suoh's side and took off his pants, then carried him inside the basin and settled him right against the edge so he wouldn't slip. As he was plunged into water up to middle, the coldness seemed to elicit a small reaction. A small frown. And a silent sniffling. Rochalizo sat behind him on his knees, maintaining him in his arms and splashed some water on his torso and arms. He cupped some in his hands to wet his shoulders and some more for his face, delicately. Suoh had a small groan. Rochalizo smiled and kept pouring water on him, but rubbing his arms vigourously. The water wasn't so cold, but he wished to avoid him getting too cold. That could aggravate the issue. He waited a few more moments for him to wake up. Without him noticing him, his hands weren't splashing water anymore and as he drifted in his thoughts, they simply caressed Suoh's arms and shoulders.

"Cold...", a very small voice whined.

Rochalizo straightened up immediately.

"You're cold? Okay. Let me get you out of here".

Their small exchange had felt so natural, it took a few instants for Rochalizo, while he was raising him out and leaned him against the wall, to realise Suoh was almost conscious again. The corners of his mouth shivered and cracked into a smile. He wanted to giggle. The method to which he had entrusted Suoh's safety had worked! But there was no time to rejoice. Grabbing the small hand towel, he attempted to dry him up a little. He positioned in front of Suoh this time, smiling at him broadly. The latter had his eyes barely open and shook like a leaf.

"Cold...

-I know... I know you are... Um...", Rochalizo began, searching for Suoh's tunic.

Drat. He vaguely remembered having left it at Suoh's house. They would have to do without. Taking off his own shirt, he put it on Suoh, careful not to twist his arms as he slipped them in and stretched it down to the young leader's chest. He then found his pants and put them on. He had done this earlier in automatic mode for there was no time to waste, but to execute this action on an awake Suoh, with full consciousness of what he was doing was a bit embarassing but never mind that... At least, he had left him in his underwear in case he'd woke up and panic. Although it probably wouldn't be an issue for him to find himself naked in front of whoever... He smirked, amused as he remembered their first meeting, then shoved the thought away as concern came back.

"Have this. The shirt might be a little tight on you and a little too short too, but it should be warm enough. I mean I thi..."

His words died out in his throat. Suoh still shook a lot to the point it seemed to hurt. His face had a pallid hue just like the moment before he had passed out and Rochalizo felt his heart crunch in worry again. On a whim, he grasped his shoulders and took him in his arms.

"Here. You're not going anywhere".

As he held him as a tight as he could, Suoh let himself fall onto his shoulder, listless. Rochalizo originally cupped the back of his neck for support but found himself stroking his hair distractedly. Noticing this time, he awkwardly moved his hands away and pressed them back on the other's back neck. Suoh emitted a small new sound, of contentment this time. That was a tremendous easing on the mind; he could feel his frail body slowly heat up again and the franctic beating of heart which pulsated like a fury against his breasts calm down until it would almost reach an average speed.

"Don't fall asleep just yet", Rochalizo whispered in his ear some moments after. "I need you to do one last thing".

He moved away but not so far, holding Suoh's shoulders in his hands. Suoh's eyes met his rather clumsily and the Prince wondered what he was seeing through that misty haze. Keeping a soft hand on him, he bent over to pick up a glass and filled it up.

"Drink this... At least one. Two if you can manage".

He pressed the glass against his mouth and the lips opened meekly, acquiescently. Tilting the glass, a trail of water fell down Suoh's throat but as soon as the first droplets made their way down, he crooked over himself and began coughing brutally.

"Shit... Not like that..."

Rochalizo pat his back until he got his breathing steady again. Thinking it had only been an accident on the young leader's part, he tried again, tilting the drink from a new angle, but only earned further coughs and even, an expression of extreme pain. Now he was getting seriously anxious. Suoh had to drink so he wouldn't faint again, but he also couldn't drink. The latter had just laid back against the wall, expressionless, his gaze empty. The Prince held his forehead into his hand a moment, searching for a solution but all which came were irrational thoughts of how Suoh would die in there, right now. He stood up, so he would chase the alarming thoughts away, walked a bit and went back to the water leak. He didn't know what he was doing anymore but he joined his hands, filled them up with water and scooted closer to Suoh, bringing them at his chin height.

"Try again like this".

Suoh looked like he understood the request because he leaned in and dug his mouth in Rochalizo's hands. The green curtain of hair closed over his face, hiding his actions but he distinctly heard him take small sips. Those first ones he spat, coughed again, whined at the soreness of his throat when he did so and even a dribble of blood streamed from his mouth, but he managed in the end, encouraged by Rochalizo who pat his back, repeating a few 'Easy, easy...'

He drank slowly, so slowly minutes elapsed before the other could do the round trip to the leak and back, bringing in more water, but the strategy felt effective. He was taking his time, rehydrating at his own pace. Rochalizo couldn't help but wonder what had happened in that dungeon. Had his mouth felt so dry he had forgotten how to drink?

When Suoh finished drinking from his palms for the tenth time, he dryed his own hands on his pants and looked out for the stolen fruits. He divided them in several parts, tearing them apart roughly. A hand on Suoh's face, he presented the wedges, smoothening his voice as much as possible.

"Eat this and I'll bring you to bed. Deal?"

Suoh didn't make such an objection, apart from the fact that he had already started sleeping on Rochalizo's shoulder and felt comfortable there. They went through the same struggle with Suoh nearly choking on the food, finding it hard to gulp down, but the more he ate, the more he grew used to it again. Relief traveled through his whole body, clearing his previous worries with only sweet thoughts. Suoh was out of danger for now. While his mentee ate his last wedge, Rochalizo's arm came circling his back, providing extra support. His fingers inadvertently brushed the bare skin the shirt left uncovered. This made his eyes round up, realising this could've been an inappropriate gesture had Suoh not been in this state and he thought of moving them up, but the latter lay his head to his shoulder again, huddling against his arm, thus blocking it.

For the first time since they had come here, Rochalizo let his mind wander on this other aspect of his safety intervention. He had particularly enjoyed taking care of Suoh and found himself wanting to do more... For many reasons which all entangled. Because, of course he would need to care about the current issue that was his drastic weight loss. Also because the young leader deserved to have someone care about him. Something was missing... But what he knew was that, as they lay against the wall, pressed against each other, he felt his heart fly. As Suoh's mouth quivered on his bare ribs, followed by the dull sounds of his breathing, and both their skins brushed, tickled by Suoh's long strands of hair, he would rather be shot than having to put an end this moment. Rochalizo's spare hand migrated to his ponytail, untied the brown ribbon and gazed distractingly at the sight of his hair cascading down gracefully. Suoh shifted and lifted his head up, still feebly in a daze.

"I thought you were asleep...", Rochalizo murmured softly, eyebrows curving.

Suoh didn't answer. His head slipped down the Prince's chest and his arms wrapped narrowly around his middle, which given his actual strenght wasn't much but he still felt the intensity of the intent. Rochalizo looked away, mildly embarassed, but concern took over.

"Maybe we should head ba—

— I was scared..."

Suddenly he could feel Suoh's quick breathing intakes on his flesh, restless and messy and his mind immediately empathised, even though he didn't know the cause. Yet, for a few seconds he experienced watching himself from a third person point of view.

"I was scared when you weren't there...", pursued the young leader's voice, faltering every other word. "I didn't know what to do..."

Rochalizo blinked, rattled by the rawness of those feelings and how his own shrieked in response.

"I've blamed you".

Each of Rochalizo's muscles turned rigid at those words, stiffer than a board. Worse still, the jerking body in his embrace now felt of a complete foreigness. This must have been what he had feared the most; their hate and rancour. He had anticipated it in theory, but facing its reality was harder. When his hands unfroze, he carefully treaded them in Suoh's hair.

"I don't care if you hate me", he replied, a hint of sadness in his voice, "I don't care as long as you can live tomorrow".

Suoh's body snuggled closer, emitting a small sound. But Rochalizo also felt anger, a furious smoke slowly whirled in him. His hands in the green hair tensed. An anger aimed at everyone, and at himself.

"How can someone see you and think of hurting you...?

—I don't want to be parted with you...", Suoh's voice trailed off, fading into the inaudible.

Rochalizo sighed. He sat there with him for a short while more, musing over Suoh's other words. 'I don't want to be parted with you'. His heart jolted happily, despite itself. He had doubted many times Suoh felt the same way towards their amity; it had felt unrealistic at times to believe someone who was befriended by and befriended so many could take such a strong interest in him. Those doubts persisted regardless of hearing such sweet confessions. People said tons of things when unsafe and in need of someone. When the world seemed to collapse over your head, then anyone was a comfort and anyone taking the time to help was your adored saviour.

It didn't help that he was nonetheless, a hopeless believer. The feelings of joy lingered and though a little heavy and almost numb from the weariness which waned his emotions, he found himself whispering back quietly.

"I could never".

Turning him around and collecting Suoh's legs together, he lifted him up and walked towards the exit.

OoOoO

"Where am I?"

Rochalizo jumped slightly. He had barely had time to walk back to Suoh's house and settle him in bed. He was tucking him in, bent over his just awoken form, piling up a few blankets on his initial white sheets. Suoh's cranky eyes and wincing made him out a breathy giggle. When the young leader made a move to a sitting position, he pushed his shoulders backwards. A short break and he was already back on track, truly a self-control fanatic!

"In a safe place. You've passed out so I took care of you", he explained calmly, keeping it brief as to not overburden him in information.

"Passed out?", repeated Suoh, incredulous.

"I know... I had the same face when you did that", commented Rochalizo as he grabbed Suoh's hands which were feeling the black shirt he wore. "But I think you're fine now.

— I passed out?

— You don't remember?"

Suoh first stared at him blankly, as if trying to determine if he was being played. His doubts soon evaporated when he read no signs of lie on the other's face and let his head fall into his hands. His prostrate position, hair falling around sorrowfully was something Rochalizo wouldn't have wished to see. Although considering what he had just witnessed of him, this pose couldn't compare. It was an almost too private moment of weakness and something in his guts told him he shouldn't have seen that. Pretending nothing had happened, Suoh straightened up and crossed his fingers, lids closed, focused on getting rid of unnecessary emotions. Then, he asked, with no further detour:

"What time is it?"

— Must be around 5 AM...

— 5 AM?!"

The panic in Suoh's eyes made Rochalizo's throat tighten.

"What? What more can you do for them?!

— I... I need to write a draft for tomorrow's speech", began Suoh in a raspy voice, rubbing his back neck, feeling overwhelmed, "I must ready a few ointments for the infirmary! And... I remember now! I had a favour to ask of you!"

There was silence in the room for a short while. Upon realising something else, Suoh brought a guilty hand to his brow.

"Forgive me... I've had so much to think, I forgot to be grateful", he said, peering directly into Rochalizo's eyes, "Thank you. Thank you so much for watching over me..."

The other took a step back, scratching at his arm.

"Don't thank me, idiot. Not even the most senseless soul would've left you in that state.

— I know this but... I somehow feel the most safe with you".

Rochalizo's cheeks reddened. He thought that compliment was cute and it did have its effect on him, however how couldn't this be a lie? Hell, he had raised that gun, pointing at Suoh's forehead.

"Such originality! I bet you tell that everyone.

— I don't!

—Uh huh".

The Prince walked away to the opposite side of the room and rummaged in Suoh's drawer so he could find some clothes. He got out a white, sleeveless shirt and put it on as he stated he was borrowing it. Suoh simply nodded. Nearing the bed again he brought the young leader a few of those honeycombs and some water in one of those glasses he had managed to take away, by means of an amazing chance and perhaps above average balance.

"Thank you Rochalizo...", he uttered, a small smile to his intention.

"Yeah... You better drink more. Seriously, you're dry like a sand heap".

Suoh executed himself, eating slowly and tilting the glass. The frown on his face as he struggled to down it showed he had probably noticed by now how severe his state had been. The Prince didn't dare mention it for now, nor did he with his starvation issue, however that did not mean he wouldn't keep a close eye on that. He offered to take Suoh's glass and to place it on the bedtable, however, much to his dislike, the latter refused and pushed away the covers, swinging his legs to the side. Rochalizo rushed again to stop him. Taking a hold of his left arm, he pushed him back on the mattress and turned down the edge on his legs. Suoh protested but he interrupted mercilessly.

"Do you want to faint again?! Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? You need rest, Suoh!

— That's an exaggeration and it was an accident", retorted the other firmly, "Please let me through! I have things to do...

— Over my dead body".

The young leader flinched at the virulence of that comeback and paused his attempts of resistance. Taking advantage of this, Rochalizo bent over the bed and lay a strong arm, crossing his chest, then closed his fist around Suoh's wrist. Ordinarily, he was the strongest. The circumstances exacerbated that and the other knew it too. Suoh sighed, looking defeated but Rochalizo knew he was still, in his mind, fomenting a plan.

"You won't win at that game, that I can swear to you. Whatever words or stretegy you throw at me I will keep you there and make sure you don't move an inch".

Suoh sighed again, frustrated and unhappy, but resigned this time. He let his head fall onto the cushion in a small flop, hands joined across his chest, over the covers. His eyes dragged on the candles, burning on the higher shelves, litting up the upper corner of the wall and he inhaled once, mentally formulating another request. That, he asked the ceiling:

"If you won't let me do anything, can I at least talk to you?"

Rochalizo hesitated half a second.

"If you keep it quick, I'll listen".

Suoh looked at him, then averted his gaze and nodded, gloomily sucking at his own lips. Something in the way he stared in the deep void made this moment uncomfortable as it dawdled. Had he ever seemed so hesitant and lost?

"Could you... Could you lie down here with me?"

Such a demand from him was unheard of. Suoh didn't seek to be pitied and acted tough when he must. Any heavy decisions, he carried the burden alone. Something in him had changed... He sat in the almost dark, austere, resigned to whatever end. No signs of the carefree child could be found; the one in this bed ressembled a weary old king, whose wealthy kingdom he had beheld the fall. And there was something else he hurt for that he hadn't told him. White palms on the sheets were open, he struggled against inner weaknesses, slashing them skin-deep.

Rochalizo watched him, feeling his own face contort in pain. He was unsure if it would do much good but he sensed Suoh needed that minor thing to carry on the struggle. He couldn't bear to see him like this for even a minute. If he could help ease his mind and quel his fears, he would wilingly do so. For the healing of his own heart too, for he knew, he had participated in this loss. Pulling at the small string, he blew off the candles and, having taken off his boots, he stepped closer.

He had started climbing on the bed with the intention of lying down on top of the covers, but Suoh lifted them up for him to slip under. A light blush crept up to his cheeks, he didn't oppose it however and lay down, settling cozily on the large pillow, as Suoh shifted just a little. He drew near again, Rochalizo felt the other's hands sink into the mattress and his head press on the spare space of the same pillow he occupied, green hair spreading all over. As he moved, Suoh's bared knee brushed against the flesh above his own knee and Rochalizo drew a shaky breath. When the soft rustle of blankets got swallowed by silence, they lay besides the other on their backs, quietly, a few inches apart. The under the sheets was filled with Suoh's body warmth and he didn't know how that made him feel.

He wouldn't have time to process it for Suoh's closest hand searched for his under the blanket. He felt a finger on the side of his thumb, then an entire hand squeezing his palm, needy. Rochalizo's eyes traveled to the spot where their hands touched although he couldn't see them, nor the bump they most likely formed under the covers which the curvature of his thorax hid from this position. He hunched his head, ducking it below his shoulders and his arms tensed slightly. He could've sworn he hadn't ordered his brain to, yet his fingers closed around Suoh's and squeezed back tightly.

"I don't do this with everyone. You're wrong to think so", the young leader began, closing his eyes.

And as Rochalizo watched him, he knew it was true. In this instant, he was entrusting himself completely to him.

"I spoke foolishly", he replied, embarassed, "I'm just... Forget it.

— All right.

— Are you still feeling cold?", the Prince asked, changing topics, both uneasy and because he was getting genuinely preoccupied again.

Suoh moved to his side and gazed at him through the thin short strands of hair which fell on his pretty face. He gave another brief squeeze to his hand. He didn't smile once but his eyes reflected it.

"No, I'm really fine now.

— Good. Err... I've been told I tend to keep beds warm. I'm like a handy hot water bottle", Rochalizo said, sheepishly trying to crack a joke.

In those circumstances, he couldn't act natural. Saying those words had him wish for the earth to open up and swallow him, dreading that awkward interaction, but against all odds, it still made Suoh giggle.

"Using the regular ones is gonna feel boring after you".

A coy smile carved Rochalizo's lips and he felt his face heating up. He said nothing, savouring this stupidly earned flattery. As the room grew silent, he nudged him gently with the arm that held his hand.

"So, what did you want to ask?"

Suoh shifted awkwardly. If the atmosphere in the room had been briefly playful before, it had vanished just as steeply, replaced by the freezing taciturn old one. His hesitation and somber gaze as he thought of the best way to put it into words brought a feeling of heaviness on both of them. The young leader let his eyes wander on the ceiling, as though he couldn't look him in the eyes when he spoke those words. His hand crushed Rochalizo's in his with a tight grip.

"I want you to teach me how to shoot".

Rochalizo's mouth opened on itself. It was such a strange sensation. He thought at this moment that he should've felt something; fear, revolt... But he breathed fine and his blood hadn't frozen hearing the request. He felt nothing. Perhaps because he knew this moment would be coming. Of all questions he wished to ask, he deliberatly chose the one which raised his interest the less. Knowing what he was meddling with was in order.

"Did the elders permit that?"

Suoh's mouth twisted. Most likely, he had considered the option that the other would speak out against him and try discouraging him in the first times and he was surprised by such tolerance. Perhaps that was unconsciously not what he had wished to hear, in need of someone to turn his plans to ashes. He looked for words to say. Rochalizo knew Suoh had read the tone in his voice when he had asked about the elders and sensed the utmost disinterest in what a bunch of old men thought; he was convinced he was guessing the implicit question behind it — are you ready to go against your political power?

"They... They didn't. But those are critical times and this is a one-off misconduct... Why... Why should we care? It'll be over soon...

— Sure", agreed Rochalizo after a moment, nodding passionlessly, "I'll train you".

He admitted to himself those words Suoh had said were troubling. For himself, they must be devastating. It was a whole change of paradigm regarding his ideals and values, everything he had ever believed in. It was probably killing Suoh from the inside. But he himself couldn't feel sad. He felt nothing.

"Thank you...", whispered Suoh softly.

He pressed his face onto Rochalizo's shoulder and kept their hands intertwined as he brought them to his chest. Rochalizo felt numb, yet he felt Suoh's painful need for comfort. Delicately, he freed his hand and placed arms around the other's waist, bringing him closer. Suoh returned the embrace, slumping limply but gratefully into his arms. Holding him, he felt as though he was drowning in despair with him, sharing the biting of that tumour, inhaling the same smells of fire. It didn't diminish the pain, but buried into his neck, Suoh rubbed his nose against the skin and Rochalizo felt his entire frail body relax against his, as if freed of his load for awhile. Certainly, giving up tensing and the clenching of teeth hurt more, but although he witnessed alone the ruins of his aspirations, he had someone to hold in the dark. Rochalizo's hands found themselves on his back, stroking gently at his shoulder blades, tracing lazy circles up and down his back.

Those gestures were meant to beget calmness and sleep; what Suoh needed the most to recharge and never had sleeping away the pain not been (temporarily) efficient. Yet he realised he was doing this somewhat wrong. Suoh's almost asleep body before shifted in small wriggles and his own felt restless and too hot. Instead of forgetting, he was suddenly well aware of Suoh's legs which were pressed against his and of his long-nailed hand which — when had it started? — gratted not so innocently at the back of Rochalizo's neck. When Suoh moved back a little, both of them contemplated how entangled they had gotten for Suoh's strands from the top of his head still mingled with the other's hair and how much their bodies without the other, felt cold and missing something. Panting slightly but not comprehending why, both of them stood close, connected by those few strands of hair and other patches of skin from legs still interconnected. Weariness and pain could be all blamed, they were the demiurges of a few mayhems. But Suoh's rounded pupils, the chaos and sweet greed which reflected in them, the pink malleable lips, how could any of those be the thoughts of anyone but the sane? And was that lust that he saw in the other's insistant look deep behind those giants walls of suffering?

Each seconds and he seemed to be closer, their breaths tangling and the heat between them increased and the more details of his Rochalizo could indulge his eyes in. Their heads had kept going forward, inevitably bashing softly and yet, as none of them managed to predict it, it drew a jittery breath from Suoh and a tingle similar to electricity for Rochalizo. All attention was on their ajar mouths which had opened for a very small gasp. Their brows touched but it wasn't enough. They didn't use hands, nor legs to come nearer, but maybe they should have because this hesitation to succumbing to temptation proved to be never-ending. Or was it impatience which distorted his mind? They kept moving slowly, until the tips of their noses could meet and from then everything got messier. Pantings didn't sound the same anymore but rather felt like they were small whimpers already and as the Prince brought their lips only several inches close to touching, he thought he would break and couldn't physically experience more tension and desire in his body. Yet when the tip of Suoh's lips brushed against his, almost already moving away, Rochalizo felt his heart become an internal tide. Suoh's desperation was suffocating; he was begging for a moment away from the duties which bound the hands he had thought capable of anything. When Rochalizo remembered the presence of his hands, he cupped Suoh's face, gazing right into his eyes, keeping still as their lips still brushed and he was frozen with frantic desire. However, Suoh didn't meet his eyes. Putting an end to their torment, Suoh suddenly tumbled in and crushed their lips together.

Tonight was the night of the breaking of all rules. Only one could alleviate the pain for breaking every of them.

Rochalizo kissed back harder. Instead of saying 'You won't be alone', his lips devoured the flesh with indomitable yearning. Instead of promising 'One day, it'll all be over', his mouth melted inside Suoh's and coaxed it until both their jaw muscles felt sore. In the midst of their heated exchanges, Suoh's hands pulled at his hair, closed in fists, while he scrapped canines and sucked whatever bit of skin they could find, losing himself in the affection. Perhaps if he let go and pulled away from the red petals, he would start crying, so it could be why, he held on so desperately, scrubbing his tongue on the flushed lips, body shuddering for more oblivion. Pressing further against Rochalizo, he gasped for air as his hands steadfastly caught his throat and he resumed his kissing, wrapping his searing tongue around his. And the other responded in grabbing the nape of his neck, sinking into the wet mouth, getting a taste and recurring the movement with greater intensity.

They had become each other's warmth. Hips were buckling, hands tempting new strangled moans and, as the dichotomy wished, were also reassuring kisses, tight holds banishing loneliness and caresses of absolute comfort. Arms twisted on his collar, Suoh's kisses on the Prince's face were a wild kind of needy. Those kisses on cheeks featured teeth, until they were nothing but bites, for the illusion of consuming something. They had faced each other, laying on their sides, but Rochalizo flipped them over for Suoh's back to hit the mattress. Momentarily, there was a gap between them as he shifted over him, meaning to kiss again. That gap was opportunity for thoughts to flock back to Suoh's brain and, immediately, all unwanted and wished-to-be-forgotten pondering were there. While Rochalizo chewed at his lips, his hands stroking the sides of his face, tears came slithering down his cheeks. Feeling the taste of salt on his tongue, Rochalizo stopped dead and withdrew to stare into his eyes. He got scared for a second to be to blame, but Suoh's hands which came pulling at his face insistantly proved the contrary.

At first, he resisted them; looking into Suoh's teary eyes was dread. He had never seen him cry and this didn't figure among the things he would've wished to behold, ever. Rochalizo's face crumpled like a use tissue, as his throat thickened and stung, following a tear make its way and disappear under the pale chin. He could watch and feel himself lose all hope, swept away by this misery spiral, but he forbid himself that. He owed it to Suoh to be his bringer of hope when he couldn't anymore, to make up for all the times he had shone brightly for them all, through the hardships. Giving in to Suoh's still pulling hands, he came forth again and pressed his mouth softly yet greedily to his face, at lenght, kissing the sparse glistening tears, wheedling his forehead, nose, cheekbones, mouth and lids all the while. Many times, his lips brushed against Suoh's face, in the hopes that the pleasure they lent for a while, would outlive the sorrow. He made sure the gestures were as tender as they could possibly be. Suoh's hands dropped to his sides and he lay still, letting Rochalizo catch his tears, letting himself be engulfed in the sweetness of those affections.

Rochalizo ceased his kisses after a while and lay back to the side. Getting back to coherent thinking again, he tried to get his mind to wrap around everything that had just occured. His brain was overwhelmed with questions — most for Suoh but some for himself — as well as a dizzying confusion. Above all, he wondered if this had been the result of those special circumstances, impelled by this impression of no way out or if it had been genuine. Either way, nothing was more important than this one thing. He had forgotten himself, he should have prioritised his slumber instead of doing... Whatever. His tone of voice was firm.

"Sleep Suoh. No less than those two consecutive hours".

He could've been too embarrassed to talk after what they had done, and he had been later, when thinking back, but right now, nothing mattered more than Suoh getting better. The other looked at him with mild bewilderment. He must have been too exhausted to say anything, even to just nod, so he shifted on his side, facing Rochalizo and closed his eyes. He didn't reopen them.

OoOoO

The Prince got woken up by dawn as it tore through the badly closed curtains. Stirring up and sitting in bed, he still felt tiredness if he listened to his ears ringing a bit and this slight migraine but he still had had plenty compared to the one next to him. He trailed his eyes on Suoh's sleeping form and it all came back. Him fainting, his protruding ribs, his terrible demand, this unexpected kissing session. That was a lot to take in and with so many bad news, perhaps one a little less bad, he was a mess of contradicting feelings. He was still trying to process it all when Suoh stirred up too, few minutes later. As he settled against the bed headboard, he could still make out the dry streaks of the tears he had shed the night before.

"... Good morning...?", Suoh said hesitantly, trying to figure out why Rochalizo was in his bed.

Despite everything and his mind still worrying, the sight was so comical, Rochalizo almost burst out laughing. He hid his mouth, outting a small giggle.

"Hello".

The young leader's expression was still very puzzled. His gaze was on the shirts they both wore and Rochalizo didn't know any way to clarify nor the bed nor the shirts story without embarrassing himself, so he skipped the explanation for now. Still, it was hard to look him in the eye. He blushed a little.

"I assume you didn't sleep enough, but were those two hours restful?"

Suoh massaged his head, granting him a small, wincing smile. He had a tremendous headache for sure.

"Yes, thank you", he said looking for his hair ribbon unsuccessfully, so he turned towards him again, "Did I ask you to stay yesterday?"

— So you do remember...?"

It being either Suoh remembering the actual events or those which had preceded, in his hazy state or even earlier as he was put in the basin, was a good sign. Relief washed through him.

"It's coming back little by little", qualified the other, as he treaded his fingers in his hair, attempting to disentangle them, "I remember going here after talking to Kuchiba... Then nothing. After that, you were in this room getting me to sleep... I think I've wanted you to sleep here too".

Rochalizo kept nodding throughout his blurred recalling.

"The nothing you have between those events is when you've fainted. We've talked about the meeting shortly and you've collapsed out of nowhere.

"Oh..."

Suoh brought a hand to his head, suspicious he could've hurt himself, but seeing the other shaking his head, he crossed out that possibility and immediately asked what happened next. Rochalizo raised his eyes up, taking some time to assemble those pieces of souvenirs too and told him about how he figured out he lacked water and food and told the water tower episode. He briefly described in a few sentences how he got him to be conscious again.

"By the way", he sheepishly admited, "I couldn't figure out how the machine worked so I think I've broken some pipe...

"What?? What pipe?

— A water pipe... But it was a small leak and it all fell into the basin... I really hope it hasn't overflooded... That was stupid...", he explained, talking fast in panic.

Suoh's eyes rounded up and Rochalizo could easily guess why; water in general was scarse on the Mud Whale, therefore infinitely precious. That machine must be keeping all their water stock. If they ever ran out of it, there was no other alternative than waiting for the next rainfall. But unlike what he had expected, Suoh smiled at his panic.

"The basin you're talking about connects several other ones in an adjacent room. If all of them overflow at the same time, the room still possesses a system to direct the leaking water to another container. I don't think you've done much harm.

— Really...?", the other blinked.

It was Suoh's turn to find him funny. He giggled at him, twisting a stand of hair around his fingers.

"You really believed we hadn't thought about that..."

Rocahlizo scowled. Of course, he was destined to be the butt of every joke.

He then proceeded to tell him how he had brought him back in here, safe. A mention was made of them conveniently switching shirts because of his cold body and of Suoh stubbornly trying to get back to work, then asking him to lay there, confirming the other's thoughts. And the demand about the shooting training. He stopped at that. Suoh would have to remember the rest for he couldn't possibly tell that last part.

The other nodded, satisfied by this short summary and those memories Rochalizo had unlocked for him as he had spoken. He thanked him again for taking care of him, rose up from the bed and walked up to his desk. From his still stumbly walking, one could still tell he could've used a lot more hours of sleep. His facial traits displayed tired, drawn features and those dark bags hadn't gone. Along with the memories of last night, his present responsabilities must have come back to mind too because he now bore this expression of deep misery. Sitting at his desk and picking up a pen, he turned towards the other, looking troubled and already close to a nerve-wreck. His tone had changed; he was firm, cold and resolute.

"Could you leave me alone, Rochalizo, please?"

OoOoO

He had expected the meeting wouldn't go well. The issues at hand had caused very divided opinions among the population. In truth, it really was a tough choice, for there was no right way to justify it without raising many unethical problems. It was the philosophical moral dilemma of choosing between favouring the lives of the most people, or taking each lives into consideration but risking there be just as much or more casualties. And which lives mattered the most?, that was a question better left concealed, but which had, obviously, been pointed at. Any political system had a principle of valuation of some lives over some other, according to a few characteristics and properties. Whether it be the rich, the educated, the old, the strong... Having the population become aware of those criteria was the surest way to lead to revolution or civil war.

Rochalizo stood by what he had said then. Sailing after Karkarias would be folly; they would be preyed on in a snap, powerless against their weapons, cannons and armed, trained soldiers. It was an abominable thing to give up on their friends, Ohni and Lykos who deserved to be looked after and sought back. But a rescue plan could come to an even bigger disaster and he agreed with the leader's decision, fully.

His biggest shock however had been Suoh's sudden violent temper and yet... He hadn't been as shocked as the people of the Mud Whale. He had had the occasion to catch a glimpse of his anger when his boundaries had been pushed to their limits, in Amonlogia, at the banquet. Back then, he had been truly startled. Today had been different. Suoh's extreme tiredness combined with the weight of his responsabilities and his people holding him accountable for the deaths of their families or friends had been a severe blow to his usual calm and cold-blooded attitude. People had shouted at him, screamed he was a monster, booed him... But Rochalizo understood him. More than one would've lost their minds trying to find a way out of this critical situation. Important note: heavier were probably his morals which pressured him not to fail his people and to be just. Then again, a choice had had to be made and given it had been an unfair one in the first place, any possible outcome could only be wrong.

Coming to Suoh's house was certainly a poor idea. Getting insulted and despised, he must be aiming for peace at the moment. But Rochalizo couldn't resist it. He wished to talk and see if he could help in comforting him. It was something he had noticed before; very few people achieved in putting his mind at ease. Chakuro did, most of the time, Kuchiba could, one time in a thousand, and he well... Sometimes.

When he heard the door creak, announcing Suoh's venue, he straightened up on the chair, directing eyes towards the door. Rochalizo waved his hand shyly, expecting Suoh to throw a tantrum but the latter could only stare at him with wide eyes and such a sad face, it made his heart swell. The young leader didn't utter a word, he stepped in, his feet dragging the floor and sat abruptly on his bed. He cupped his own face and hid it in his hands. The other tentatively came closer and sat besides him, moving a sympathising hand to place it on his arm.

"It's not your fault".

Suoh raised his head slowly to look at him. His expression was gloomy.

"... Thank you for defending me at the council", he said, flatly, almost mecanichally.

Rochalizo didn't doubt he was grateful. It only sounded wrong because he was in a too pitiful state to really feel it.

"I support your decision. I think it was a very brave thing to do to go down that path. Your people were unfair to you, they can't see that you're doing everything in your power to protect them!"

That statement didn't achieve in comforting Suoh unfortunately, but somehow made it worse. Head crashing onto his knees, his hands grasped at his hair.

"I'm not strong enough to protect them, that's why.

— That's not it! You're only 18! And you're doing so much!

— I doubt it", argued Suoh, rising up again, his expression distorted by guilt and disgust for himself.

Rochalizo was about to vehemently contradict him but the other pursued.

"But tomorrow... That will change".

Omnious thoughts squirmed at the back of the Prince's mind. He was afraid of what that could mean and knowing Suoh and how far his resolve went, it could not be a situation where he would not be getting himself into troubles. The ache in the belly was telling him something was wrong and he trusted that feeling blindly.

"What will change??", he exclaimed, "If you're planning something dangerous...

— Yes", Suoh almost shouted, having raised his voice so brutally it made the other shrink in surprise, "When everyone will be asleep, I am going with Shuan to the Emperial battleship to ask Lykos' brother to give us our friends back!"

Rochalizo fell silent. Then, he sneered, a very nervous sneer. His hands dropped to his sides as he kept laughing awkwardly. So he really hadn't given up on saving them. When choosing between two choices he had made up a third one so he wouldn't commit any wrongs. A great plan in theory from the mind of the simple-minded person that he was, however, an absolute suicide mission. How typical of him! Words mingled in his mind and he couldn't find what to say but he knew he had to say something to prevent that.

"That's... That's an awful idea, you realise it, right...?"

The young leader seemed to have regained a form of liveliness. Perhaps it was the relief of being able to reveal this plan he had kept for himself for so long. Or he felt relieved he could expose his true intent in which he didn't come off as a cold-hearted monster.

"Not as illogical as you think it is".

Suoh proceeded to explain what had happened in Amonlogia, when Lykos' brother had triggered a vision from the Nous. Rochalizo listened attentively. When he told the part of this vision of the man, clothes shredded and wet with bloods, severely injured, looking miserable, the other shook his head sternly, barely believing.

"Let's admit everything you saw is true, because even that is debatable, if it turns out you can't discuss with the man and he decides to have you and Shuan be executed, what will you do?

— Shuan can protect me in case, but I am certain I can find a way to appeal to his heart.

— Shuan is still injured. And you can't talk to that man, he murders people like he's playing ball. You don't want to get close to him!"

But despite his efforts in finding any good argument, Suoh's mind was set and although the leader stopped answering them, Rochalizo could see on his face that he would not listen. If he didn't find a way to hold him back, tomorrow Suoh could be off. And from then, as his mind shouted at him, the most hard-headed outcome would be that Suoh wouldn't come back. He saw the world around him darken and blur, his head was turning.

"Hey... Are you okay?"

Suddenly, he felt Suoh's soft hand on his wrist and it brought him back a little. The young leader had shifted so that they were distant from only a hand; looking at him from up close, it made Rochalizo's eyes fill with tears, against his own will. He hated him for being so careless. They had just reunited. If he lost him... If he lost him...

"Let's talk about something else...", offered Suoh, rubbing the other's wrist gently. "Or rest. I'm done hurting people".

Rochalizo sniffled as he nodded, swallowing his saliva with difficulty. They could talk it through sometime later. Right now, if they stayed on the same topic, he felt like his eyes would overflow and he could not have Suoh see him like that again. But within a few hours, when he would have had the time to better process the idea, he would start over. Suoh wanted to find a solution which comprised everyone's safety, an honourable goal. If he wasn't having it any other way, then he was sure they could find something together.

Stretching his back, Suoh had lay down on his side, head flopping back on the covers of his bed. When the other turned to watch him, he patted the spot besides him for Rochalizo to come join him. Rochalizo didn't wait to be asked twice and he did as proffered, leaning on his back, head thrown back so he could fix his gaze on the ceiling. Suoh's eyes trailed on him. They watched him casually at first, but after some time, they grew more insistant, more scrutinising, he could feel them burn his skin. He moved his head to meet his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Suoh's mouth turned into a small pout. He took a breath intake as he paused and asked, his eyes lowered to the side.

"Rochalizo... Did we kiss?"

The poor boy had not seen this one coming. His face turned red instantly and his eyes widened. It seemed he had conveniently pushed that thought to the back of his head for now. Of course, Suoh had to remember this. It would've been better for both their sake to forget about this weird episode and close the matter. It would've been better if Suoh had forgotten. But at the same time... Would it?

"I...", he began, wiping off his sweating palms on his shirt, "What do you remember?

— I have memories of me initiating the kiss and you kissing back... Quite a lot... And you were stroking my face".

Rochalizo clenched his fists and hid meomentarily behind them. He had never felt so embarrassed. And how could Suoh not be when he was saying those things?

"... Yeah... It wasn't a dream", he mumbled, crushing his own face hind his palms.

Suoh's face took on a somber expression. He pressed his nails into his palm just like he did when he felt guilt.

"Ah... I was right then. I had gotten so distressed yesterday, I was pretty sure I crossed all the limits...

— So I'm just a limit?", Rochalizo said, his tone of voice getting agressive.

He had taken off his hands off his face and looked Suoh in the eyes with no further detours now. Suoh's face melted into an apologetic one.

"No! I'm sorry, of course you are not!".

Rochalizo's face grew colder and he averted his eyes. Silence fell on the room. He heard Suoh sigh and grab a pillow which he placed on top of him and held tight.

"I should've chosen my words more wisely, I'm sorry. But you know as the mayor of this island this is considered a breaking of the rules...

— Why are you telling me this if you were the one to kiss me!

— I know, I'm just trying to explain! I've messed up and you've taken this the wrong way!

— You're being the fucking jerk now! You say that, but I still don't know how you feel about it!"

When silence returned to the room, they realised they had been shouting. Suoh's eyes moved away from Rochalizo, pressing the pillow to his chest harder, and he did the same, turning his back on him, laying on his arms. His heart ached and he didn't understand exactly why he had gotten so carried away. This conversation was stupid. He should be telling him it had been an accident and he wasn't interested.

"I... Liked it", Suoh said, very softly.

Rochalizo's breathing stopped. Immediately, he felt his face heat up and a strange sensation creep up in his stomach.

"That doesn't mean anything", he argued, as he tried to breathe again, still not daring to face him, "One could say it was pleasant but it still wouldn't have anything to do with feelings".

Suoh emitted a small sound, meaning he was thinking about it.

"That's true... But the mayor isn't supposed to have said feelings. Are saying you liked it too?"

Rochalizo blushed again but he was equally upset now.

"Well the mayor isn't supposed to drag people into his bed like a prostitute, but yet this one did!"

Suoh was stunned for a few seconds, then he snorted, making it clear he was offended. His voice raised once more.

— Call me names, I don't care! Yet when you climbed in, you kept putting those hands everywhere like a desperate floosie!

The Prince's eyes widened, knowing deep down he had tried to hide something. Whenever he would pretend not to care, his body sensations and thoughts would belie him. But Suoh still hadn't talked about his feelings and the fact that he kept going on about his impossibilities as mayor made he seem cold and uninterested and he hated that.

— That's not true!", yelled back Rochalizo, blood vessels bloating up on his brow.

— What I see is that you keep avoiding saying what you feel and I'm starting to guess. Are you such a chicken that you can't express yourself?!"

Then they were quiet again, the void filled with nothing but the sounds of Suoh's last word still echoing throughout the room and awkward rustles of fabrics. Rochalizo's head was bent in shame, not bearing to look higher than his black socks. How could they let this happen? Right now, fighting with Suoh was truly the last thing he wished to be doing. They could've laughed it off instead and made fun of 'what had they been thinking' yesterday? It all based off hurt egos. He had used awful words he didn't mean in the least in the heat of the argument. Not having your feelings validated wasn't as good of a reason to be harsh. Shame on him for being a despicable moron. He made a move to face him again.

"I'm sorr—", both started at the same time, then interrupted themselves.

Rochalizo's jaw hung open in surprise sharing a look with Suoh, just as taken aback as him. The incredulity caused a smile to pop up on Suoh's face, then a small giggle. Lowering his eyes, Rochalizo nonetheless felt his lips lifting up too and the other must have seen it.

"I'm really sorry...", he tried again, rubbing his own arm in embarrassement, "I shouted a lot of nonsense and... I really didn't mean that slur! I don't even think it's bad. It was just... The first to come to mind".

The other bobbed his head, seeming more amused than hurt, fortunately. However, he looked similarly mortified in terms of thinking back to the offensive words he had countered with.

"And I'm sorry. What I said was insulting and I've never thought that about you a second either. I guess we... Lost our tempers. That conversation wasn't easy...

— That and you're tired and everyone's shouted at you today. ("Including me", Rochalizo thought sadly). And that excuses every outburst of anger. Honestly, if I had been you I would've torn everyone to pieces today".

This remark had the young leader politely shrug, as he most likely thought it was something he couldn't allow himself to do at all costs. He replied something on how fighting only made matters worse. But Rochalizo stood up and walked up to him slowly, some wriggle in his hips, hands casually stuffed in the pockets of his baggy pants. Halting in front of him, the smirk on his face seemed to be saying 'Good luck trying to get that idea out of my head'.

"Actually... I like seeing you get all worked up".

Surprised, Suoh could only blink. The Prince smirked all the more.

"I'm not saying shout mercilessly at people. I'm saying don't feel bad letting people know they've done things you can't stand. 'Cause they will, you know, they will. If I'm being stupid, just go ahead and get angry at me".

Suoh didn't look entirely convinced but, as Rochalizo's sly smile didn't fade, there appeared some strange spark in his eyes. He still sat on the bed and therefore, was shorter in height in this context, yet suddenly Rochalizo felt slightly overpowered by the way he locked eyes. He did that for some time before he too stood up and walked away, leaning his elbows and back of the window's edge, smiling.

"That can't work if you don't tell why you got angry", Suoh answered in response, and even tough it was formulated as a general statement, even though he didn't look at Rochalizo, the latter could tell it had been aimed at him.

Rochalizo bit his lip, unsure of what to say and quite unwiling to do so.

"You mean before? I... I guess I didn't expect you to talk about leader obligations...

Suoh tilted his head to the right, a small smile on his face.

"I don't manage people's feelings when it comes to my folk and I know it's my flaw. You got angry because I sounded uncaring, didn't you?"

— Perhaps..."

He stepped closer again. Delicately, he grasped Rochalizo's fingers and the touch of his hands sent ice cold shivers down the other's spine. Suoh's voice no longer sounded serious or joyous, but unsure and lost.

"I don't know my feelings of love too well...", he said pausing for a moment, head slightly bowed, his eyes wavering guiltily under his eyebrows, "And I'm aware this is a terrible thing to say... But I can't be sure and may be mistaken... But at the same time... I think I feel something for you".

Rochalizo's entire body froze, jaw unhooked. Had he heard him well? Without him ordering them to, his fingers began to tremble against his thighs and a strange feeling of warmth spread through his body. One he couldn't identify, for it had him close to gagging and yet it also felt really good. He barely heard Suoh explain how he was sorry to put it like that through the sound of his blood flowing and pumping in his ears. It looked like Suoh had asked him something because he had stopped talking and had leaned back in wait. He made eye contact again, as he had been unable to during the other's little speech. The young leader watched him with gentle eyes, bearing this cute yet sheepish smile. In his hurry to reply for something, Rochalizo began two sentences in his mind; one beginning with 'Wait these need' and one beginning with 'Wait I promise' and accidentally mixed them up. Blurting this fail of a beginning, it resulted in him saying:

"Wait! Die plead—"

Suoh lost his smile, now utterly confused. Rochalizo interrupted himself and slammed his hand onto his mouth, face turning scarlet. No... Why... Why now of all moments... Overwhelmed by shame, his knees buckled and he fell on his legs. Suoh crouched besides him almost immediatly, asking if he was feeling okay. Rochalizo shook his head miserably.

"I mixed up my words..."

Suoh's face suddenly brightened as he understood what was going on. He giggled, getting a hold of the other's shoulder, a way of comforting his embarrassment.

"Die plead, you said!"

Treading his fingers in his hair to attempt taming them a little and looking less messy, Rochalizo took a deep breath and began again, not looking at him. His mistake might have not brought just misery; it had given him time to think more and elaborate his initial fuzzy thoughts.

"I was trying to say... Your feelings... These need not be pegged and frozen in the now and forever. Perhaps you don't really... Like me like that, or you have trouble drawing a distinction between friends and those who are more. Perhaps you were just really sad last night and it was a mistake. But I don't think you can judge them all at a given moment. They take time to grow... Or to wither, they're always varying. I think it's right experimenting knowing others are aware, just as it is to be lying in wait. Whatever you choose leads to more answers... I think".

The smile Suoh shot at him was crammed with light and fondness. His hand stretched and cupped Rochalizo's left cheek with utmost softness. The other blushed.

"That's wise... (he smiled, muffling a light cuckling) And I think I've had those feelings for long enough to tell trying would be attractive. But what about you?", he asked again, emphasising the last word.

The bastard displayed a mischievous smile now. Rochalizo looked into his eyes uneasily, his stomach doing jumps and turns as if it had turned into a giant fair.

He darted his eyes across the room, then brought them back into his. Taken by a sudden anxiety, he bit the inside of his cheek. There was no denying now. Since they had shouted at each other, a dozen of minutes ago, he had noticed Suoh's attitude had changed towards him; Suoh must have guessed from this very moment what Rochalizo's troubled mood signified and how he had tried to hide this love. He had known from this moment and in consequence, had dropped all peculiar attentions in trying not to be too forward or demonstrative. It showed in his behaviour that he was not used to that; this grain of salt and delicateness was his usual way of doing, but now, it had no uses anymore.

"What about your rules?", he asked, his last escape road before he would have to give a definite answer.

However, he was also very much intrigued. As much as he himself found them unjustified and backward, he still felt full of an ominous curiosity as to how Suoh had decided he would suddenly ignore his ancestors' laws. Him who was so... Righteous.

"I don't think those rules matter for me anymore...", replied the other, giving quite the vague explanation.

Not an ounce of guilt was shed for what he had once considered his life path. Had the Amonlogia peripeties been such a drastic change in Suoh's outlook? He then added quickly, uneasily and, this time, with badly hidden guilt:

"I've decided I would listen to... What I feel".

Rochalizo assumed it was because he didn't know where he stood in terms of feelings of love. And he could understand not knowing what you really felt for people, love was a complex matter. But he also wouldn't be surprised if Suoh was being his usual dramatic self; first love implied being vulnerable and sharing affections you had not with anyone before. That perspective was stressful — he himself was terrified right now — and trying not to hurt the other was an omnipresent concern. Perhaps he would need some time, but Rochalizo thought he could tell... That what Suoh felt was genuine. Yes, he was overly affectionate with many, but there had been a lot of those little incidents, those looks not exactly friendly between them, those hugs a bit too long and half-worded confessions.

Suoh stroked the back of Rochalizo's hand gently, awaiting for his answer. His voice grew softer.

"I've had these feelings before, I think. And I might be misled but I think you have too. What say you?"

Nervosity was taking a hold of him and he could barely tell why. Because yesterday hadn't been the first day he had had such longing thoughts about Suoh, it was sufficient to admit he had wanted this for much longer. But if it wasn't a matter of uncertainty, what held him back? Perhaps a vicious deep anguish in him feared to be fooled. That he could be... Yet it was abnormal to be this scared of something so small. And despite all these reasons, something in him whispered to him that he couldn't be sure. Rochalizo mentally shook the thoughts away. No, he wanted this. He wanted to hold him again like he had and kiss his face. But he wasn't so brave as to get himself out there to get it. All he could think of was this stupid jest.

"Do you take cash?"

Suoh raised an eyebrow, at first not getting the layered joke. He thought about it, silent for a time that seemed excrutiatingly long to Rochalizo. Then he burst out laughing.

"Yes, I take that kind of cash", he said, wiping off a tear of mirth from his eye.

Rochalizo wandered on his face, unable to tell if it was the morning light, his pretty laugh, that balmy voice or the way his hair had fluttered around his shoulders but he had never been so mesmerised. His tender smile was aimed at nobody but him. Rochalizo took his time, leaning in edgily, clumsily towards the other. When he felt Suoh's lukewarm breath on his lips, a shudder traveled his back, strenghtening his yearning and narrowing the distance between them. Their philtrums brushed and he could not wait any longer. Slipping his hands into his, he pressed their lips together and gave him a small kiss. Then two feather-light pecks.

Suoh's coy smile on his flushed face when he drew back was even more bewitching than the last.

OoOoO

If only he had known in that moment what was going on in Suoh's mind. Some questions had crossed his mind of course. It was odd at the time that he would take no time to think and consider the results of his actions. His demand on a shooting training could be explained by the prism of his unbent will to protect the island. But their relationship, what could it protect? Rochalizo could've waited for an answer, but Suoh had decided to jump into a relationship head first, not pondering the matter more. Despite his feelings for Rochalizo being — he was convinced — very real, it was a uselessly broken rule and a new element of chaos amidst the already steaming Armaggedon. To accept it so easily, with no worries of repercussions, unafraid of those rules he broke one by one, leading to the slow downfall of the civilisation's stems, civilisation in which he took in an important part and adored... Something was off. As was beginning to love in the middle of a war... Some motive on his part had been concealed, but Rochalizo would learn it far too late.

OoOoO

The rest of the day went by rashly, as though the sun competed with the moon to catch her up and journey together for the following cycles. Rochalizo's first mission for today had been crowned with failure. Making sure he had drank two glasses of water and as much as he could — only a couple of nuts and bamboo shoots unfortunately —, he had exited Suoh's house leaving behind clear instructions on the sleep he needed to catch up with. However, as he had set off to speak with the army commander, he had laid eyes from afar, on the group of advisers who made their way there too. A good three minutes later and they were leaving, followed by Suoh. He didn't interfere, despite wanting to; the leader had to discuss other important matters related to the rescue team organisation planned for the next day, at dawn.

It didn't mean Rochalizo agreed with the plan now, but knowing that more people than just Shuan and him would be involved in this folly ensuring more chances of making it work, achieved half a peace in him. Also, it wasn't like he hadn't tried to think of an alternative. Ideas and diverse strategies had roamed his mind all day, unsuccesfully, so this must be why, he was cutting Suoh's plan some slack. Although, if he could, he would still try to discourage him from going and have him consider an alternative.

There a small cracking of twigs. Rochalizo turned around abruptly, on his guards. The trees in the nearby gardens swayed quitely, shedding some of their leaves away, a sight too reassuring for such a sinister sound, as if whispering faintly they knew something he didn't. His eyes scanned the perimeter of the hills which stretched away before his eyes, wary and now preoccupied by the prospect of a human presence he would've failed to detect. Be it the people who could be finding themselves in this area, in unlucky hazardous circumstances or because they had been followed, he wished he would have to deal with neither. In fact, it could compromise their plan greatly, if not be the final blow depending on the comer. But, when he spotted a dozen of meters away, a slim silhouette drapped in white, trotting in his direction, he sighed in relief. Good, Suoh had found a way to come to this place unnoticed. Well, almost, he thought as he then witnessed Suoh's dramatic fall in a bunch of ferns.

"Did you hurt yourself?", he whispered, as he walked rapidly to his side, his voice conveying the tone of someone who had seen too much of these falls.

Suoh stood back on his knees, smiling at him from underneath.

"You really meant that, didn't you?", he teased, grabbing the hand the other was offering.

"Don't complain... You trip on air most of the time so that saves me some worry".

It would've been true before the events of the night before. Rochalizo couldn't afford to be careless now and despite an apparent detachment, he made sure the chief didn't seem in pain.

"Very considerate", Suoh laughed and, back on his feet, bent to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

As soon as that exchange ended, the young leader proceeded to switch immediately to a more stern attitude; as they took the direction of the basement, he engaged in conversation about the blocking process of the sounds of weapons and he already sounded like a completely different person. A chief, not a teenager. Rochalizo wasn't attentive for the first ten seconds, his mind still thinking of that insignificant kiss. Would they regularly show affection from now on? That sounded most troublesome for his capacity to focus. He joined in and they discussed the gear needed for protection, as well as the equipment and, as Suoh was interested in, those soundproof panels he possessed to reduce the noise to a minimum. Opening the path below, Suoh asked the reason for so much equipment since in a real life situation, they wouldn't have the time nor the stamina to carry those heavy implements. To this remark, Rochalizo replied that, as a rookie and a very clumsy one that is, they had better preventing all risks.

The atmosphere as they descended the long set of stairs leading underground was of a strange kind. At first, this fizzing in his chest was thrilling, similar to the excitement on the onset of a small quest. Yet the thrill faded just as it had come, replaced by a gradually building fear which torn at his stomach. They moved carefully, alert, throwing looks behind them at the slight suspicious sound. They looked much like outlaws who knew could come to an arrest, and perhaps they could if found out. Less bearable than fear was guilt, this sensation of high betrayal, as if their slow escape (and everything from now on) consisted in an atrocious punishable crime. Perhaps, Suoh must have felt that way; despite saying he didn't feel bad for betraying rules which could not save them, he could not shake the guilt for destroying what his ancestors had struggled to put into place and built. He was like a shaky rock on top of the pile, threatening to have it collapse whole and there was no way he felt indifferent to that. Rochalizo, him, felt like a second-time betrayer. But they moved at a determined pace, feeling nonetheless, a hint of pride in the fact that tomorrow, one more could be defending the Mud Whale along with the others.

Suoh walked in front, guiding them into the dephts. He enlightened him on the running of the room and gave out other precisions on how it was connected to another room which they had to make sure wouldn't warn of their presences. He didn't beat around the bush, tackling the issue of the guns already and asking for the right posture. Rochalizo's eyes laid on Suoh's neck listening to his questions with half an ear, his core torn. He hadn't forgotten Suoh's tears the night before and how the prospect of resolving to killing had broken him. His guts couldn't help but twist as he imagined him holding that gun and anxiety rose as that moment approached the more stairs they left behind. Yet, from time to time, always unexpectedly, Suoh slid in playful comments and he laughed, or brief displays of affection like a hand brushing a strand or the top of his back and it made his heart beat wildly in complete bliss. Rochalizo suspected he did that for the purpose of keeping their minds busy so the wrenching, morbid thoughts would be kept at bay and their emotions not interpose too much.

It made his heart crush a little more. It didn't seem so because that carefree facade he bore always and always was the one carrying their grief on his back. Others could suggest to handle the burden as a team and he would meekly accept, but in truth, would only have them believe that and not share an ounce of his load. He never stopped once to breathe, perhaps thinking that cheering them both was another of the many imperatives he had to inflict on himself. He certainly didn't know, for Rochalizo had never dared saying it out loud, but Suoh didn't need to crack any comments, he didn't need to talk. Having him besides him was enough. He achieved in cheering him up, by just being here as Rochalizo laid eyes on him and filled his mind with his own daydreams formed off daily, magical sights of Suoh.

Settled downstairs, they disposed the soundproof boards around the room. The basement was a narrow place which stretched on its lenght, uncluttered, of an abyssal emptiness in general. Beams intersected on the low muddy ceiling which moist and silt released in the air smells of humidity and dirt. Rochalizo had never visited this place and he stood in the entrance, wide-eyed. During nighttime, the rock walls and boulders dampened the air they breathed and causing this feeling of chilling humidity on the skin. Moss glistened of a shallow light through the rocks, a helping eye in the dark of the basement. Suoh followed a path he seemed to know better than he had confessed and crouched to light up a few candles, then placed them at a reasonable distance, allowing them to practice without running the risk of putting them out while training nor knocking them off, but all the while conserving a good visibility. Then, he joined Rochalizo again on the threshold, his brow frowned in slight irritation as though it said 'be faster!'. He could hide many things but he couldn't hide his stress.

"Are you coming?"

— Yeah, sorry!", he replied, hurrying up to the spot the young leader pointed so he'd unpack the few bags on the floor.

So they stored them here... Doing so, he got out two guns and, from two other bags, headgears, safety earmuffs and a bulletproof vest. He felt Suoh's gaze on the equipment; he stood there from afar as though he wished to delay the moment he would have to get involved. Rochalizo would've wished to avoid that too, but against himself, he heard himself call:

"Come now! I'll put on your gear for you!"

He began with fixing the vest around Suoh's shoulders and fasten a few belts in the back while the latter restyled all his hair and short strands in a more convenient low bun. He looked very pretty like that but Rochalizo didn't have the heart to compliment him, he thought as he put on the other's earmuffs and tied his headgear under his chin. Next, he put on his own gear and grabbed the guns, warning Suoh of the weight. As he handed Suoh his gun, the other still got surprised by the weight of it, his arms dropping and almost dropping the weapon along with it. He then took it in his hands and observed the small details carved in the silver metal.

Rochalizo watched him attentively, checking if he could hold it correctly as he had explained earlier. His hands were placed in the correct places, but his posture was slightly off and his grip too tense. He moved behind Suoh's back and corrected his legs and head, placing his own fingers on his to shift them. Then, he brushed at the tensed knuckles to get them to relax.

"You don't have to hold it like it's gonna escape. If you hold it correctly, it won't fall", he explained.

A few tries later, when he esteemed Suoh had memorised and was able to replicate the posture and grip decently, he got out a few round targets out of the bag and went to place them on top of several rocks.

"Rochalizo, those targets are too small", Suoh argued, "I already told you this, I want you to teach me how to take a life".

One could never realise fully the wingspan of their own actions and how they took part in shaping the future; it was all too big and, first striked by cosmic horror, consciences would implode from the realisations they couldn't bear. Rochalizo's mind could never comprehend how much of an impact he was, however, those words which cut through him like blades were the small start of a realisation he was being the headman of some incredibly twisted perversion. His body relaxed, already prompt to exhibit laidbackness and this despicable counterfeit smile, even though his legs quivered and the saliva in his mouth seemed to have become as dense as cement. He wouldn't flinch. He owed it to Suoh. Despite the many contradicting thoughts howling in his mind, he didn't make any comments. Not opposing this abominable statement had him under the impression he would go out of his mind any instant, but he still made an effort to stabilise his legs. Those insane plans coming to mind consisting of running away from here with Suoh, leaving all weapons behind, he blocked, bursting the thoughts like a swollen abscess.

"If you're shooting from afar, it can be a useful exercise, don't you think?"

— That's fair. Where should I stand?"

There was no time left to lose and Suoh must have felt it, not lingering anymore on details or futile objections. Rochalizo pointed at a spot on the floor and watched Suoh memorise the mark. The latter then raised his weapons upward, aiming at the target uneasily.

"No, not like that", contradicted Rochalizo, moving closer, "You don't want to shoot at the grass, it's the enemies we're after".

It was somehow a blessing that he had taught a few youngsters the arts of war. The words came out of his mouth so easily, patient and pedagogic, with a hint of playfulness. All of this covered for his husky voice and the despair he felt at core. He had never payed attention while teaching, giving out a few tricks and tips, how there had never been much of a gap between learning to shoot and killing. You could learn it for protection but you would eventually have to kill for self-defence. You could learn to do good, but each time shooting, in the back of your mind, you would have to recognise that you possessed a way to end lives and good things althogether.

Moving Suoh's arms further up, he directed the end of his weapon a little above his target, explaining gently all the while that he would have to remember to place his aim higher, considering the effect of gravity on the bullets. Furthermore, he added, he would have to apply a few calculations and adjust his aim if the weather was windy or if it rained. Suoh nodded as he was told. Rochalizo didn't look at his face anymore. He feared it would break the self-control he had managed to keep under check until now. But somehow, he found comfort in the warmth of his arms when he needed to shift them. Suoh's first shot missed the target completely and went to the wall. His frustration was palpable.

"Don't get angry, it's only your first. You missed because you were shaking too much. Try again", he recited by rote.

He had avoided looking at the jolt of his shoulders and the glint of panic as the bullet had exited the weapon in a boom and as it had come piercing the wall, unfortunately it was all he saw as he closed his eyes. Suoh shot again; the ball hit the wall again but closer to the target this time. Rochalizo encouraged:

"You fixed your shaking, that's not bad. But you tend to bent forward when you're about to shoot. Be careful about that".

Thirty attempts later and Suoh hand't laid a single bullet in the red spot . With each failures, he got sadder but, unsurprisingly, that dtermination he bore didn't wane as though carved in his bones. Almost each time, Rochalizo could tell what was wrong and repositionned the young leader's fingers, chin or legs and they tried anew after he gave another piece of advice in a flat-toned voice, contrasting with its actual lively words. It didn't feel like interacting with Suoh anymore, but rather teaching a distant acquaintance in a distant, formal way. They didn't touch anymore, Rochalizo correcting him orally and Suoh making the changes by himself. he roamed the room in large, nonchalant circles, detahced in every way possible, forgetting the human behind the gun and instead focusing his eye on the tracking of misplaced members and common mistakes. It hurt less this way. But he made such an effort to forget and push his feelings away that he failed to notice the harbinger signs of something he could've prevented.

He was unsure how it began, of course he hadn't payed attention. Suoh still hadn't hit the target a single time and, suddenly, he didn't listen to his recommendations as much. His back was bent and when he relaxed his shoulders an instant after the shot, he pushed the back of the weapon against his chest and took it off only for a new shot, reluctantly. Once, he tried to shoot with the gun pressed against him and Rochalizo corrected the position harshly. Only when Suoh lay down his gun and sat weakly on his knees did he took notice of that little something wrong with him. Feelings came rushing back and his heart regained the strange and fast pounding it had shown when they had gone down the stairs.

"Suoh!" He was by his side in less than a second, taking a hold of his shoulders. How hadn't he noticed before? Suoh was paler than white sheets in the spring and his breathing was unsteady.

"Hey... Are you alright? You need a break... Suoh what's happenng?", he managed to articulate through a barely cooperating mouth.

"I... I'm fine, it's just... My...", the other began, his right hand clutching at the fabric covering his chest.

Rochalizo's mind froze. He worried so much he was no longer able to think, only stare. However, his hands which greasped Suoh's wrist instinctively made the pieces of consciousness fall back together.

"Stay still", he ordered a little too roughly before locking eyes with him. He was certain Suoh could make out the shameless fear in his eyes, leaving him vulnerable but he no longer cared.

"Don't faint again, I beg you. Are you hurting? Is it hunger?

— It's nothing, I need to pursue the train—

— I'm gonna fucking kill you, Suoh!", Rochalizo shouted at him, his voice rising in the high pitch. Pushing him back, he lay him on the ground as fast as the gentleness allowed. Suoh's protests were faint but disappeared as Rochalizo moved behind him and sat on his knees so they could support his head and, took of his gear rapidly despite his trembling hands. He got rid of his helmet first, then his bulletproof jacket. Pushing all of that aside, he lifted up his tunic. His milky chest still presented purple bruises, scars and scabs and as he trailed his eyes further, he noticed one of them displaying a most concerning shade of yellow and brown. The wound looked benign when he had first examined it last night. Could it be that it had goten infected overnight?

"Did it hurt before?", he asked, strangely calm, trying to figure how bad it was.

"Yes...", admitted Suoh, averting his gaze.

The Prince took a deep breath to avoid succumbing to fear, or possibly to anger. His heart ached with reproches he wished to lash out on Suoh, to vehemently diss his inability to take care of himself. But there was no time, for he was either in critical state, busy or in need to cool down and sleep. Alternating between these three states, he could always escape his admonitions and thus never learnt. The Prince's fists clenched; the anger he felt got duplicated somewhat the more he gazed at Suoh and as certain questions without an answer arose. All of this would have to wait. Again. Placing the other's head on the floor carefully, he got up and walked towards the bag he had let in a corner.

"I brought some liquor... I think it can help".

Suoh watched him as he crouched before him and poured some of the alcohool on his wound. The wail which escaped his mouth made Rochalizo jump a little.

"I'm sorry... I'm not good at this...

— Use a cloth as a compress", muttered the other, breathing through the pain.

"We don't have any here...", replied Rochalizo, panicking.

Before Suoh could tell him something, he ran back to the bag he had brought and presented to Suoh a few handkerchiefs.

"Can this work?

— Yes...

— Alright... Um, watch out for more pain coming, I'm sorry!

— ...

— I can't believe I'm asking you advice while you're the one injured, I'm terrible at this..."

Past the first moments of panic, Rochalizo could make a compress and press it to the wound a few times. Delicately, more or less, he extracted the pus from the injury and applied more alcohool. Such manipulations caused a thin flow of blood to pour out and he almost worried but it turned out the blood was easy to stop. From time to time, he lent an ear to Suoh's littlesounds of pain which were now no more, which was reassuring. He thought with many regretsthat he should've brought actual medical material since the hankerchiefs after a few utilisations lost their absorption and even, (it was a problem), stuck to the injury and he sometimes struggled getting them out. The positive thing was that now, Suoh's body relaxed, while, as he still checked regularly, was still fully conscious. When the blood dried out, he got out fresh handkerchiefs and used them as bandages. Suoh lay there on the ground, breathing deeply. He was still very pale. Rochalizo felt some relief to some extent and he allowed himself a short break, laying down besides him. Concerned eyes met weary ones and, in need of comfort, Rochalizo sought Suoh's hand and held it.

"Do you think you'll be fine?"

As he uttered it, this question didn't seem to stick to this moment, but rather encompassed every other future hardship. He should have known though, that there was no way Suoh would ever tell the truth for such matters.

"Yes... Don't worry.

— Don't worry?!", Rochalizo snorted gloomily.

In response, Suoh merely pulled the other's arm weakly and, Rochalizo rolled to his side. He came closer, filling the distance Suoh couldn't and wrapped his left arm around his upper torso, his other hand rubbing the green hair. It felt strange that they could be this intimate now. Suoh's face turned a little so their cheeks connected. His skin felt cold to the touch, colder than the ambiant humidity in this basement. This time, Rochalizo knew what to ask for.

"Something's wrong with you... How much did you eat today?

— You're not going to like what I'll tell you.

— As expected", Rochalizo sighed, withdrawing from their short-lived embrace.

He searched through the bag and found a few bamboo shoots. Meanwhile, Suoh succeeded in sitting through winces, taking great care as not to reopen the wound. Rochalizo came to help, allowing him to lean his head against his shoulder whereas he, divided the shoots in small wedges. Their sugary texture made his hands slightly sticky and he rubbed them against his pants, not earning a result.

"I'm useless", mumbled Suoh suddenly, "I couldn't hit a single target... And I keep involving you in my troubles instead of saving us all".

Rochalizo's heart almost fell prey to that emotional trap again but he had hurt too much tonight, all he could feel was irritation.

"I'm not gonna deny that. You are useless".

The other's head bent a little forward, still on his shoulder but eyes fixed on the floor.

"As exhausted and weak as you are now, you can't be of any use right now", carried on Rochalizo, forcefully grabbing Suoh's chin so that they faced each other and bringing a fruit chip against his lips.

"Eat this. Afterwards I'd suggest you sleep, but you won't, am I wrong?"

Suoh's tired eyes widened and, pinching his lips in guilt, he shook his head meekly.

"Then we'll resume your training and after that, I'll show you something".

The first attempts to have him fill his stomach with something resulted in failures. Despite him aching to hunger, mere fruit chips wouldn't pass his throat as if there, had been spreaded a web which prevented every food from entering his body. Those which Suoh tried to gulp inevitably ended in his cupped hands and gave him a violent cough. Last night's scenario was repeating and Rochalizo was getting anxious again. Puzzling to find a solution, he tried squeezing the juice out of the fruits' and their pulp in a glass and have him drink it. Curiously, in the form of a liquid, Suoh was better able to swallow it and digest it. Between each sip, he rested his head against Rochalizo's face or into his neck. The other gave him water too, glad that Suoh managed to drink a full glass of it; he pressed warm kisses to his temples every now and then.

Some bitter feeling was growing in his chest. Perhaps it was the circumstances of war, the ubiquitted uncertainty or the pain but a question had wandered in the realms of his mind like a beggar no one would hear at first. However when all lights shut out and the crowds of body sensations and fears deserted, it was still there and made sure to make itself heard. Now hesitantly, he lay another kiss on Suoh's baby hair, at the limit between his brow and his skull. It was beyond depressing, seeing the dream he had longed for so long become such an easy reality, but truthfully, regretting it had ever come true. He sounded like a jerk, he thought, as he observed Suoh reach for the glass on his own and lean against him lovingly. But it really had happened too fast. Not in the sense that would've liked to play hard to get. Not even in the sense that it bothered him to face together such hardships in the very first phase of what they were trying to build. If this had been what he was feeeling right now, then their friendship on the whole could've been discarded and he could be considering himself of the worst kind of human being, running away as he encountered the first problem. Rather than these bleak reasons, it was something he struggled to put into words and couldn't even put into coherent thoughts. Something in his guts told him it wasn't the right moment at all, to be together. For an all the more obscure reason, he thought Suoh's behaviour was out of place, odd and unnatural. He loved him. He loved him so much... But the question which had troubled him all day resurfaced; why would Suoh ever choose to express his feelings for him on the dawn of the riskier expedition he would've ever led?

The sudden presence of a hand on his face took him aback. Suoh was smiling at him, brushing the blond hair off his face. Rochalizo could tell by the way his lips had moved that he had just told him something, but he hadn't been listening. He blushed at the display of affection, under the impression his face was now too revealed.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

Suoh's lips stretched mischevously.

"I said your eyes are very pretty. Don't always hide them behind your strands".

His lips had moved differently this time so he was sure that was not what he had said in the first place, but there was no doubt, given the way Suoh looked at him that he genuinely thought that. Rochalizo's previous gloomy ruminations still wobbled on the front seat of his mind and as he looked through Suoh's eyes, but he couldn't help but blush a little. However weakened and dependant Suoh could be tonight, he still was very much in control of how embarrassed he could make him. A troublesome power he sometimes wished would go away, but not for too long, that would be a shame.

"Are we getting back to training?", asked Suoh tentatively, as if Rochalizo was the one being inconvenienced and not the other way around. Of course, Rochalizo was beginning to feel some tiredness in his legs and his eyes, when he did not strive to focus on his task, returned him a slightly blurry overview of the basement. He knew his brain wasn't at its full potential since this familiar urge to rush through things often crossed his mind now, but he had been lucky to get four hours of sleep. Suoh had barely had two.

Rochalizo stood up and offered his hand, in a way of agreeing, handed Suoh his gun and they resumed the shooting. The visions of him holding and brandishing his felt weapon felt alarmingly trivial now.

Throughout the training, Rochalizo noticed that Suoh barely stood on his feet, giving off the impression that he was a reed cane , still standing by whatever miracle. It seemed this way because all the energy he had left, he focused on the way he held his weapon which position had become excellent. It would only be a matter of time before Suoh's bullets would hit the center of the target. For what it was worth, his munitions already rammed and hit the sides of them, which was an (was this the appropriate word?) amazing improvement.

Moreover, the atmosphere had been tense before, but to both their astonishment — while surely also efforts coming from both — those dark mental clouds had cleared and they were able to smile at each other and laugh and even tease. It could've been this strange euphoria which came along sometimes with a lack of sleep and it wasn't for the worse since it helped dedramatise their situation by a lot. Even precious miserable thoughts had been forgotten. All that was left to think of was hitting the target like they were two kids playing a game of darts. Rochalizo had been teasing Suoh for the past minutes, in a jocular tone, talking to get him unfocused.

"Go on!", incited Rochalizo, through small bursts of laughter, "I'm sure you can't hit this one!

— Well, I can't if you're planning to keep on distracting me!", Suoh retorted, giggling along.

Rochalizo stepped even closer than he had been and moved behind the other. His mind was overthrown in thoughts of Suoh and he could think of nothing else. He was right there, with him and he wanted to touch him. Circling his hips with his arms, his hands brushed the fabric on his sides and came resting against the other's belly. His neck stretched upwards so he could whisper in his ear:

"What about now? Am I distracting now?"

Much to his delight, he saw a small blush creep up Suoh's cheeks and neck from where he stood. He could also see the determined childish smirk he displayed as he turned his still pinkish face in his direction.

"I'm gonna hit it anyway, just watch me!

— Oh I'm watching!", Rochalizo smiled back, laying a last kiss on the back of his neck which got Suoh so flustered he had to readjust his position.

He stepped back so he could follow the bullet's trajectory. Suoh's shoulders tensed as he directed the tip towards the target. Bracing himself for the impact, he anchored his feet on the ground and calmed his breathing. Then, there was a tremendous boom as the bullet was projected out of the gun. Rochalizo peered directly at the target; the ball had hit the smaller extremity of the center. Three centimeters or so and the shot would've been a perfect one. But they had not been aiming for perfection, just for Suoh to know how to handle a gun. Rochalizo stared at Suoh in awe. Then, he started bouncing on his feet, clapping all the while.

"You did it Suoh! You did it!"

Rochalizo's cry of joy was quickly followed by Suoh's. The young leader grabbed his hands, his smile carved into his face from ear to ear and his eyes sparkling in glee.

"I hit it! Did you see it?! Did you?!"

Rochalizo vehemently nodded at him, showing such an excited smile, Suoh mimicked it and they both jumped on the spot, hands in hands, celebrating in small squeaks, their insignificant victory but which to them, mattered so much. In this instant, they ressembled small children, lost in the innocence of their joy for such a small thing, sharing a few looks and excited laughs, the sweet satisfaction of what looked like the quest's end, the treasure. They stopped bouncing but their hearts did not as they grinned together for no other reason than relief and the happiness only a hardly-earned achievement could produce. Then, Suoh's helmet banged against his and Rochalizo saw the latter go from confusion to mirth. Rochalizo's mind was too foggy to understand what had happened but he kept chuckling sillily and he still was when Suoh wrested the helmet off his green head, sent it flying behind and kissed him.

Their kiss was filled, at first, with foolish sounds of theirs and they couldn't stop for a while, giggling through their intertwined lips. It grew more passionate as Suoh's hands slid under Rochalizo's chin and flung his own helmet, there could only be heard the sounds of suction and those of mouths cherishing each other, from time to time, their fingers treading in each other's hair and ruffling it wildly, earning lovely sounds from the other. The scene was almost unreal, them sharing affections in that dark basement , finding themselves in a place where they should not be, at a time of the night they should not be awake, dressed in those most rebellious army gear. And kissing the mayor, kissing him until his jaw was sore and his lips limp.

Rochalizo suddenly couldn't remember why they were devouring each other, but he had never felt such a strong urge to take care of Suoh and to signify his devotion and all those words he hadn't had the balls to say. As he bit the pink lips and their tongues rubbed needily, a bold thought slipped in and he considered taking off Suoh's bulletproof vest and perhaps all of his clothes on the heels of that. He pulled away, his hands still cupping Suoh's now lovely flushed face. It surely wasn't much of a stretch to say that similar thoughts had sprouted in the other's mind since the look on his face was a hungry one. They shared a long steamy glance which felt a lot like kissing again.

When Suoh's hands grabbed his shoulders and shifted, his wet mouth now on his neck fondling his skin, Rochalizo didn't wait another second; he slipped the tips of his fingers under his jacket, his knuckles less easily until they got stuck under it. His fingers brushing against the still clothed midriff insistantly earned a low moan from Suoh which he felt pulsate against his jugular. Rochalizo's breath hitched, sighing in pleasure too from the little sounds, rustled so close to his ear. Then, he felt Suoh's hands on his, moving away to yank at the back of his own vest so he could loosen a few belts and allow the Prince's hands beneath.

While Suoh slipped the skin of his neck between his teeth and lips and he shivered from the act, Rochalizo's blue fingers wandered through the folds of his tunic and under before meeting the flesh. Inside the cloth, it was hot and he clumsily trailed his fingers across his navel, then trailed them more carefully when the other's mouth left his neck, gaping slightly at the temperature shock. Suoh stopped his ministrations and stood there, watching him fondly, his hands in the ginger hair. Exploring his belly with a bit of coyness, Rochalizo found, to his amazement that some parts were covered in very thin fuzz. His mouth opened a little, fingertips slowly following upward the trail of tiny hair until he brushed against his ribs. He raised hesitant eyelashes to cross Suoh's gaze and saw the latter bit his lip, his eyes gleaming with the warmth of a thousand suns on midsummer's day. Then, Suoh threw himself in his arms. He held him tight, so tight Rochalizo struggled to breathe, but did he need that anyway when he could inhale the smells of trees, tall herbs and plums in his hair? A breathy laugh escaped the Prince's throat and he returned the hug, pressing him closer in a warm embrace. A tender one which the other's hand secured behind his back like a safe and reassuring lock.

They pulled away a second time, minutes after and Suoh suggested he tried again. Rochalizo didn't say much at first, too embarrassed to talk after they had just made out. But he agreed with the plan, exposing it would be a good thing to verify his shooting consistency. The other joked that he thought he had hit the target that one time only thanks to rookie's luck and Rochalizo laughed, teasing that all the others had been.

As arranged, Suoh brandished his weapon again and, going beyond every expectation Rochalizo could've ever had, he shot his bullets just as good as the last one. The Prince was so stunned, he was at a loss of words every other shot, but when he did find them, he didn't lack in praise for Suoh.

At some point however, the tranquil euphoria which had seized them like a drug came to a low and he became aware of the painful responsabilities and questions he had left behind. Suoh had not, still grinning like the idiot he was. He couldn't see this scene with the same eyes anymore and felt a stranger to the previous exhilarating moments they had just lived together. His heart heavy, he sat against the wall near the candlelights, took off his helmet and safety earmuffs and called for Suoh to stop shooting and join him.

"Why now?! I'm getting better!"

He shot another bullet at the upper target.

"I'm not playing around, Suoh. Quit it and come here".

Rochalizo's tone was firm.

"You sound so upset...", Suoh asked through little laughs, "You're good at pretending, I almost got—

— I'm not pretending", he replied, dryly.

This time, the young leader seemed to understand the time for joking was over. He lay down his gun to the ground and sat with Rochalizo in the back corner of the room.

"Are you alright?", he asked, this foolish smile not leaving his cheeks.

The Prince thought of replying something cruel and sour but he stopped himself just before he could utter it. It may be Suoh's fault for making up such a delirious plan but he couldn't be angry at him. It was the only plan which could assure a result without a war, if it hadn't come up with it, it would've been someone else.

"I don't want you to go...

— Huh? — In a few hours, I don't want you to go".

The young leader's face grew stern. He too, was coming back from that elating, floating state and it wasn't a pretty sight. His traits deformed in bitterness and he lost his smile so abruptly he could've sworn the room temperature had just dropped from a few degrees. As he came back to himself, his face whose uplifting emotions could be read as easily as an open book revealed no more secrets, having closed his heart to the world. Those steadfast eyes were stiffer than iron when he declared:

"I am going. I will not let you stop me".

Sharp and cold, this answer for the Prince, felt as though he had just been slapped. Before he realised, he had bitten the inside of his mouth and his flesh bled, he tasted the metallic taste on his tongue. It took him a great will to oppose what had just been said. Although he didn't recognise the person before his eyes, his feelings remained unaltered.

"No! This is folly! I've thought about it just now — actually I've thought about it all day and I can't see any way this could go well!"

Suoh stood up in front of him. From this angle, sprawled on the floor, Rochalizo felt even smaller and powerless. For a moment, he was under the impression to be staring into foe's eyes; his limbs were failing him, he couldn't move. Had he always been so intimidating?

"This will work. It has to".

He didn't mean for it to go this way, but his cornea filled with hot tears. Rochalizo bit his lips before he talked or he felt he would burst into tears.

"You can't make it work! He's cunning! And full of malice! And he's not like you! He has a terrible saimia and he's got brute force! Anyone is weak against him, especially you!"

Silent fell upon the basement and he thought for a second that he might have hit him with logic, that those hard, cold facts could have awaken some sense in him. But he witnessed Suoh's brutal turnaround and his fast footsteps in the opposite direction. He was leaving!

"Wait!", Rochalizo begged.

The young leader came to a halt, however it was not to grant Rochalizo's wish. He bent over to pick up his weapon, got in position and aimed at the hardest target. The bullet sound echoed through the entire basement. Rochalizo slammed his hands against his ears and forced his eyes closed, his head turned away. When he reopened them, he saw through the dust cloud which Suoh had hoisted as he had shot, that the bullet had hit the centre of the target.

Suoh turned around to face him, bearing that untenable stone cold expression.

"Tell me if I am weak, I dare you".

Rochalizo couldn't say anything, his mind had gone blank anyway. A moment, he lost himself in those eyes and he could not stand it anymore. He was so tired and he ached so much. On top of it, this bubbling worry in his chest needed to cease before it made him lose him mind. He hid in his hands, for he didn't wish to let Suoh see that, but he didn't manage to suppress his faint sobs and cries.

"Don't go... P-Please... They nee-need you here... And I need y-you".

What had he done to him? This had to be a nightmare. He never wanted him to touch that gun ever again. Suoh walked farther away from him, leaving only the back of his silhouette for him to see. Perhaps it was what the Prince wanted to perceive through the unflinching voice, but his voice didn't seem so ruthless and devoided of care anymore. The words, them, had grown crueller.

"You are so selfish, Rochalizo... You would want me to stay, giving up on our friends, leaving innocent people to die.

— It is you who is selfish!", the other screamed at his back, tears visibly streaming down his face, "You do reckless things with your life as if it doesn't matter if you die! You say you care about about people but you don't care that they love you! You don't care that they're suffering for your sake!"

Suoh flipped around violently, his eyes strickening Rochalizo down but for no less than a second as he bowed his face and narrowly crossed his fingers. His knuckles bled.

"Don't ever say things like that again", he said in a loud, broken whisper, then his voice gained intensity again, "All I do is care! I bear the weight of all your lives on my shoulders! I am only thinking of my people! I am making them happy!

— That's the point! You shouldn't choosing others over yourself! Especially now that you're sick!

— I am not sick! And I am tired of hearing you say that... Get it in your head that I don't matter! I have no importance, I am living for them!

— If that's fine by them that you're their puppet, then good for them, but I can't have you be so careless!

— All I do is care, Rochalizo!

Suoh's fingers folded tightly again, eyes peering uncomfortably into the Prince's who lowered them immediately. He had made it clear that thei talk was over, however if he dared bracing the silence and fill it with new nonsense, he showed he was all the more ready for another confrontation. Rochalizo was done arguing. Sniffling and wiping away his tears in frustration with the side of his hand, he sat back miserably, hands between his legs. He felt like crying again but he widened his eyes in an attempt to fight back the tears. When he deemed his voice was approximately stable to talk again, he sucked in air and began tentatively:

"Then... Explain to me why... Why you...—

However Suoh cut him off harshly. As it seemed, he had expected another fit of anger but hadn't been prepared for more sadness and despair. He seized his head in his hands as if the sole act of the other talking menaced to drive him to insanity.

"Be quiet! Don't talk anymore! Leave me..."

Rochalizo's head bent again. The words which he hadn't been allowed to say and which he still kept inside went up to his face and added pain to his expression, swelling his cheeks with suffering as if they were prisonners, banging on walls to be let out and obtain grace. No matter what he felt now, he decided on standing up and joined Suoh, walking at a fast pace. Suoh gulped his saliva, unsure of what to expect from him. Seeing the other raising his left arm at him, he raised his to, preparing to counter a kick. But Rochalizo had more strenght, he took a hold of both his arms and spreaded them apart brutally. Suoh closed his eyes, waiting to feel pain at some point on his body but nothing came. Reopening them slowly, he was suddenly yanked into a close embrace. His arms lay to his sides, useless, as he felt Rochalizo's head bury in his hair and his nails tuck at the back of his tunic, not letting go. The Prince's other hand stroked the middle of his back, feeling the skin over the cloth, as if it wished to remember and anchor the memory of how Suoh's body was formed, forever in its fingertips.

The latter sighed miserably and brought his own hands to Rochalizo's back. Yet, the moment his palms brushed against the other's shoulder blades, Rochalizo pulled back and, his face torn with wrath, he punched Suoh's face with such violence, Suoh collapsed on the floor. Sprawled on his legs, Suoh watched him from underneath, stunned as he held his painful cheek and expressing some barely concealed, raw fear.

"Oh... Don't look at me like that", growled Rochalizo, a small sardonic laugh escaping his lips, "This is what you make me feel all the time!"

Suoh's fear melted into deep guilt and his lids covered his pupils an instant so that Rochalizo wouldn't read more of him. He drew out a shaky breath.

"Do you understand...?! ... What I'm trying to say?!", he pursued, walking in circles near him, his voice raspy with bitterness, "You would hate it if I got hurt and you would want me to be safe! And if I didn't listen to you, you'd feel awful! I feel the same about you! You're not a symbol thats's unbreakable, immune to damage! You're a human before you are whatever else!"

Suoh was rubbing his palms against his eyes. Since they had dragged in the dirt before, his face was dirty and displayed shades of brown and a light grey.

"You can't comprehend our culture and traditions through outsider eyes...", he faintly whispered, oddly mecanically, as though he had rehearsed that saying many times in his head.

Rochalizo stopped walking in circles and looked at him with brand new eyes, although, not the kind Suoh would've wished he would make use of. He was seeing something in Suoh he had never noticed before. Something he couldn't have uncovered through their idle chit-chat and daily deep conversations around the chess board or the campfire. Suddenly, he wasn't angry anymore. He struggled to tell what he felt; it was a feeling of a strange emptiness. He kneeled before Suoh and asked gently:

"Are you hurt?"

Suoh understood they were burying the hatchet tonight and that they would not fight as long as they would be here. He shook his head slowly.

"No... I'm fine..."

— That's relieving to hear. What about your wound? Did it reopen?

— I can't say for sure...

— Can I look? Or do you prefer to do it yourself?

— No, go ahead", Suoh said meekly, agreeing to his first demand.

Rochalizo lifted up his tunic and checked his bandages and what was underneath. A few seconds later and he sat back next to him, confirming everything was fine. They grew silent again, standing close to each other but barely looking the other in the eye. There had been so much hurt in their words and looks. After a while, Rochalizo shifted on his knees and cleared his voice, uneasily.

"I said I'd show you something, remember?"

Suoh nodded, meeting his eyes for the first time since they had shouted. Rochalizo's tone grew sad.

"Are you scared of me now? Scared that I'll hit you again?"

Suoh shook his head, denying with violence.

"I'm not... I will never be..."

He continued with something Rochalizo hadn't expected him to utter so soon.

"And... Rochalizo... I... I feel bad for everything I said. I've hurt you and I can't stand it... I want to understand your opinion so that I can't hurt you again. Even if I don't get you, I will be careful. I don't wan't to hurt you..."

Rochalizo's heart warmed a little. He could sense that the young leader's words were more than an apology. There were a promise to take care of his feelings and to respect his beliefs despite not sharing them. He felt heard and valued now, but he gave him a sad smile.

"I know you are being sincere but I don't think you can accept my opinion given that yours is already so strong on the matter", he said, and spoke over Suoh who tried to add something, his eyes then losing their way into the green hair, "And I'm also sorry. You're the most selfless person I know and you didn't deserve that punch..."

Suoh visibly abandoned his idea of protesting and kept quiet. He sank into the Prince's words and a legere, sad smile pierced his lips too.

"You wished to show me something?", he asked, timidly.

"Oh... That's true", Rochalizo mouthed, having almost forgotten.

Rubbing the back of his head, he crawled a few meters away until he could lean his back against the wall. He then gestured for Suoh to come. When they both had their backs against the rock, he told the other to sit comfortably as if preparing for sleep and to relax every muscle he could feel was tense in his body. Suoh followed his words, not questionning them once, declenching his jaw, then his shoulders. Ultimately, Rochalizo's hand brushed against his fingers, the only articulation Suoh had accidentally skipped and the other relaxed them under his touch. Then, he instructed he closed half his eyes until he was seeing the external world through his eyelashes. The young leader did as he was told, looking better than he had during this whole night, however as Rochalizo noticed it, hid body still fiercely fought sleep.

"Now listen to me. This is a technique I used when I went sailing by myself", Rochalizo confessed awkwardly, embarrassed to be sharing something about his own experience but he hadn't found a way to cover it up as someone else's.

Suoh listened attentively, his brow ridding of th wrinkles of worry.

"The thing is, there are moments where you have to be attentive at all times, you can't afford to lose focus, because if you do , you're doomed. But you're also craving sleep and if you don't rest at some point, it's really going to get worse, which is... Incidentally the position you're in now, am I right?"

The other's head nodded almost imperceptibly.

"So... You do just that by maintaining your eyes half closed. You can still see what's going on you can get back some sleep! In fact, the longer you stay like this, the more micro-sleeping sessions you're accumulating and thus perhaps taking back thirty minutes of sleep if you do this for a while".

Suoh shifted against the wall to get into a better position. His right palm was open, fingers slightly parted on the floor. Rochalizo had a sudden urge to hold it in his. And pretend it was an accident that their ribs would be touching. Perhaps from then, they could cuddle... No. He repressed the thought. That idea competed with some of the worst ideas he had ever had in his life. From now on, they should be avoiding physical contacts, put some distance between them as long as the situation would remain the same. He couldn't love Suoh like he had before if, by dawn, he disappeared for good, never to return. He couldn't do that to his own heart.

Suoh's eyes were still half-closed when he started talking again. His voice was unsteady, thick, as though filled with tears. Rochalizo tried to interrupt him; at first because he was ruining the exercise, then because he had guessed where Suoh was heading to. He was aiming for his heart, as mercilessly as if he still held that gun in that instant.

"I know... I know what you meant to ask me... 'Explain to me why... Why you would express your feelings for me if you think you're as unimportant?'... That is what you meant to say, is it not?"

Rochalizo's heart fell from his chest. Suoh's husky voice made him unable to breathe. He had wanted an explanation ever since Suoh had admitted to him his feelings of love, but he wasn't sure he still fervently desired to hear it now. Especially since it was becoming apparent that it would hurt more than it would soothe.

"Because... Because... I've wanted to know what it felt like. I wanted to see if I could get someone to love me. And I wanted to see if I could pretend to love. And be like the others. Just once. I've wanted to know just once if something... If something were to happe—

— Don't say it. Don't fucking say it, Suoh", Rochalizo warned, trying to be firm, but failing as tears had begun pouring out of his eyes again and his words were small and broken, "I don't want to hear..."

But much to his horror, Suoh wouldn't stop. He had started his ugly confession and he would see it end.

"I don't know how to love. I've never been taught to pay attention to my feelings, nor to listen or decypher what they mean to me... They would always say 'repress them, your heart is not big enough to love for your people and a lover and you couldn't if you tried'. And that is correct... Because I'm not my own person. It isn't my purpose".

Suoh didn't face him as he talked. It would have hurt too much to feel such freedom and release while he gazed into the eyes of the one he was destroying, so he could stand up on his promontory of liberation. This revelation, he confided to the wall, for it never wailed in pain or in joy. It didn't care about your awful ways and if it didn't held you back if you decided your time had come to shove away your happiness. Whatever you chose, it would still shelter your head and lend an indifferent eye. Suoh needed that indifference. He didn't want to believe he had mattered so much as to cause such great sufferings.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm not really in love with you. I've pretended I was..."

Suoh was crying too. Long streams of tears dripped down and wetted his cheeks. He looked so full of guilt, he looked as though he woud pass out from the weight of it, his hands feeling up his heart, verifying it had not burst already. Rochalizo closed his eyes so he could for mere instants, forget the other's existence and kill the throbbing feelings in his chest. He needed to stop for a second and think, but he couldn't. The pain of having been deceived wasn't, surprisingly, as great as the pain of feeling abandonned. He felt lost and reduced to a crying child, unable to process his emotions too consequent for him. He felt cold and out of place and scared all of a sudden. Was it how it felt?, to lose the something which gave you hope. He had desired to be loved with every fiber in his body. Was this what the destructive voice in his mind fed on, delighted that it could prove him for good that all his slanders and bad-mouthings had turned out to be true?

And yet, it could be that he was refusing to let go, moved by a steadfast imbecility which still wished to believe he was being played. It could be that he couldn't wake up from this dream and so he clinged to it desperatly. But something was amiss. Something didn't click with it all.

"You're lying...", said Rochalizo, very quietly.

If this was denial, then he was in the deep. But he felt carried by some truth which still shed some light on his darkened, polluted thoughts.

"You're lying", he repeated.

"No, it's the truth!", persisted the other, hiccuping, "I've faked it. I'm not deserving of you...

— Like hell you are!", retorted Rochalizo standing up, screaming as his mouth twisted, the strands of his hair sticking to his drenched face.

"But you have to believe me! I've hidden all those things from you like...! Like a manipulator!", Suoh screamed in return, his fists so curled they had turned white, desperate to have his deviousness known.

"A manipulator?!", Rochalizo almost choked, "You think yourself so great and evil so you can fool me?!"

Rochalizo's mouth was open in bewilderement, tears getting in the way of his words. He wiped them all away, although more were cascading down his cheekbones. He couldn't believe Suoh would think that of himself.

"You stupid monkey, do you think you're so discreete as to hid your ways like a mastermind?! Others can see what you're planning when you're acting fishy! I even bet they knew what you were up to at the council! They can often tell when you're lying! Including me!, while you're thinking you're a cold-hearted genius!"

Suoh's eyes widened and he folded an arm over him, looking down in shame.

"I might have needed a confirmation, but I think I already knew, deep down, what you were doing. You were trying to sacrifice yourself, so you've broken all those rules, just so you could live fully just once..."

It cost a lot to Rochalizo to extract those observations he had been ruminating but refused to trust. Now that they were uttered out loud, their reality had heightened and the world felt like a nightmare.

"You've noticed...", said Suoh meekly, disgruntled, wiping away his tears.

It was a strange and unfamiliar sight, gazing upon the young leader's confused expression, as though he was a kid caught lying his way out of a mistake he would've committed. Wavering in inquisition, his prunels seemed to be whispering nonsense. Rochalizo shook his head in disbelief.

"You're so dumb... You're so dumb..."

He kneeled down before him, grabbing his hands in his. He hurt and he knew he would hurt harder if he turned out to be wrong. But he was filled with a fool's hope now.

"If you want to confess it all, then confess to me how long you've pretended".

Suoh seemed astonished by such a question. He bit his lip and averted his gaze, but nonetheless silently agreed to answer. He thought less than a few seconds. It was a well delimited moment in time.

"Since the moment I've kissed you for the first time".

Rochalizo fell silent. As he gazed into Suoh's pupils, memories from many entangled times rushed to his mind. He flickered through them, blinded by the warm golden light they reflected. He was seeing them; laughing together, chatting happily, annoying the other, fighting, smiling, simply enjoying the other's presence. Some dated from barely three days ago, some were three months old, but what general truth could be brought out of those sweet, sweet scenes was the amount of care. How much care they had put into their interactions and the pleasure as they were able stand close. He saw in a blink of the eye, those understated gentle gestures they had shared, those shy looks and foolish embarrass, the head-falling-on-shoulders moments; all of them were brimming over with love. With unmistakable love.

Rochalizo brushed Suoh's wet hair off his face and tucked it gently behind his ears.

"Then I don't think you were pretending".

It had all become cristal clear now. He thought he had known the many forms emotional abuse could take and how it manifested in people, how people's ways of thinking distorted under their influence, being fed with nothing but lies. He knew emotional blackmail, threats, guilt trips, violence gatekeeps, undermining to keep under control. He knew how those patterns were repeated to induce profound self-hate and dependance to the ones who perpetuated them. But he hadn't imagined it could be rooted so deep as to shatter one's capacity to know themselves and to know how they loved. It turned out, its viciousness could affect anything, turn a brain upside down and carve into their soul beliefs of a life-long damage. Of all people, he hadn't imagined to find it in Suoh. And yet, he realised now, of all people, he was the one with the most chances of falling prey to it.

Suoh's eyes wavered in doubt and confusion, looking much like a wild animal encircled by threats. He didn't know anymore if he had been pretending all along or if it had been true. And how could he know? He had never had the tools to say. To complicate things further, emotions weren't as easy to analyse; what began as play-pretend could transform into genuine feelings; what began as sincerity could get you to fake by the time you'd reach the end of the play. Suoh surely didn't know that.

"I... I don't know what I feel now...", the latter said in a small, diminished voice and he then hid his face in his palms.

Rochalizo sat again with him, his mind foggy with lack of sleep. He didn't prevent their shoulders from brushing together. His cheeks took on a brighter colour.

"I love... Being with you. And the way things have been since today. I don't want it to stop... I'm convinced you didn't put an act, because you can love, you're full of it. But if you found you've really faked it, you'll tell me. I won't blame it on you", he then raised his voice and felt his teeth grit, "We'll blame it on your fucking ancestors".

Surprisingly, Suoh didn't oppose the statement. He just lay there against the wall, looking into the distance, wandering on the ghosts of what existed in the room, pondering. Indeed, he would have a lot of pondering to do now. And many things to feel again, through his own prism.

OoOoO

Their bodies were close, but their minds so far away. Rochalizo made this constation as he noticed Suoh's eyes were locked in his, thinking, analysing himself until his brain hurt. While his own eyes no longer looked into his, but at the light reflection in them, announcing the first clearings of the sky which always preceded dawn. It would almost be dawn. And dawn brought important decisions. Breaking the sort of hypnose they had been into, he pointed at the stairs from which emanated the lights he had seen shimmering in the blue irises. He wanted Suoh to see there was little time left. The latter turned around, but knowing the end of their night escape reached its end didn't have the same effect on him. Rochalizo's determination had been renewed. If anything, it only made Suoh more miserable.

"It's gonna be dawn in less than three quarters. You give me no choice. I'm coming with you".

Suoh's face turned austere. Rochalizo knew he hated the perspective of that but the dark look he granted him with left the other mute. Sighing reluctantly, he leaned back against the wall. Rochalizo thought he would at least try to dissuade him to come but Suoh merely stretched his arm towards him. He vaguely nodded, accepting the proposal and shifted very close to him. Suoh's gesture had clearly been an invitation into his arms but he did the opposite, pulling Suoh by the waist into his own arms. This warm body against him was a benediction and chased away the pain of sleep deprivation. He felt like staying here forever, nuzzling against the nape of his neck, hands holding him tight. While he did, Suoh's face threw backwards on his shoulder and he rested still, breathing in his hair. Everything was calm and soft. After a short while, he offered some honey combs, thinking it would give him the right amount of energy to keep sleep at bay while also filling his stomach. Suoh ate them slowly, leaving out half of them, unable to eat more and yet, a small child would've gulped them all and not felt satisfied for brakfast.

From then, Suoh settled against him again, complaining he was feeling very cold and Rochalizo held him with the full lenght of his arms, his knees and his face, hoping it would establish a siege around Suoh's body and that the cold would surrender to him.

They kept awake, pressed against each other, immersed in the relaxation exercise. Sometimes, Suoh carefully shifted his wrists or his feet so he knew he was still up. But at the same time, he could tell he was gradually falling into a light stage of unconsciousness, emitting small mindless sounds as he exhaled. Rochalizo would've wished he could fall asleep completely, but he had decided to go on with his plan and trust his actions. He was going with him after all, so he could watch over Suoh in case things turned badly.

This lethargic feeling had taken a hold of his limbs and he struggled to move, forced into a heavy but pleasant paralysis. Lights began to dance in front of his eyes in flashy, colourful patches and he saw incredulous visions superpose onto the walls of the basement he barely distinguished now. He felt himself fading away into a black abyss which was nor deep nor shallow, but the red and yellow patches were rotating, flickering, going on and off, guiding far away from here and far away from Suoh's wavy hair and smooth skin, until he lost sight, then sensation of them. His last moment of consciousness as he recalled it later was this slight tingle he had experienced on his lips, as though someone was kissing them softly, before slowly moving away.

OoOoO

No one said a word. In spite of the purring of the engine and the occasional grating of Chasmourito's hands on the rudder, the submarine was filled with a restless apprehension. Suoh stood up in a corner, keeping still, trying to get his eyes to accommodate again to the blinding morning lights. Shaken by the small jerks of the boat, but paying no attention, his eyes trailed on the brown foam and the seagulls they passed by, the long dark tunnels of sand they plundged deep into as they dived underwater. He stopped watching after a while, when he felt too lightheaded and dazed and folded his fingers, as a way of bearing it all. His head hurt and he could see little strands of hair before his eyes, although not his and chased away by the wave of a hand. He thought he was seeing and feeling insects on his arms and back, but there was nothing and although the submarine's floor was flat and equal, he was under the impression to be standing on a slope. He would give anything to just let himself fall down there on the floor and sleep through the day.

"Is everything fine, Suoh?", asked a voice which seemed very distant.

He opened his eyes to Kuchiba who granted him a look of concern. Smiling in a reassuring manner, Suoh nodded.

"A bit of sea sickness, that is all, Kuchiba.

— Sea sickness...? I know this boat is rocking a lot, but you would be the first..."

The young leader laughed and said nothing to that. He waited for Kuchiba to swallow his stupid lie and cross the room to find himself a spot on the ground and sit down. Chakuro, crouching a meter away from him, gave him a worried look, emphasising he didn't really believe that. But that too passed. When all eyes moved away from him, Suoh closed his lids over half his eyes and, one by one, relaxed all the muscles in his body. He remembered last night how this hand had brushed against his fingers and he loosened them too. Then, he calmed his breathing, feeling how fast his heart beat and attempting to slow it down. However, he hardly managed to make it work, for he lacked a specific pair of warm arms around him and the guilt in his throat, couldn't be relaxed.

OoOoO

"You guys are back!", exclaimed Rochalizo, barely believing his eyes.

He ran through the room to meet the counselor and halted just a few inches before crashing into him. The latter raised his arms in astonishment, screeching a light 'hey!' and protesting. Rochalizo gazed upon Kuchiba as though he was seeing a ghost and he had to refrain from touching his shoulder, he, who wasn't touchy-feely at all ordinarily. The things anguish and fear did to people...

Kuchiba didn't reciprocate the look, his eyes stuck to the few weapons the Prince had carried with him in his arms.

"Rochalizo...

— Did you all come back?! And are you all safe?!"

He had asked with such fear in his voice and his throat was so tight, he was sure it came out strangled. But he had to know. His heart missed a beat when he saw Kuchiba hesitate, but then, he nodded slowly and Rochalizo could feel himself breathe again. He exhaled in a deep sigh and brought a hand to his face, smiling so hard, his cheeks hurt.

"Good gracious me!"

His hands placed over his mouth, then his eyes, his nose. He felt such relief he could have danced on the spot. Raising his face again towards the counselor, who watched him with mild bewilderment, he opened his mouth to say something again but he cut himself off. He turned around and gave another look to the bed from the corner of the room. There lay Furano, one of those who didn't make it through and had died under the remains of the second tower. Shinono and the other counselor who were preparing the deathbed looked at him blankly. Suddenly, he felt shame wash over him. It was improper to rejoice in the presence of people who had someone to grieve over. Adopting the island's ways of addressing respect to the dead, he folded his hands briefly and closed his eyes.

"Sadly, there's no time for that either", began Kuchiba again, contradicting his previous thoughts, "Give me a weapon, Rochalizo!"

In the background, the two other counselors nodded fiercely. Kuchiba's determination had revived their strenght.

"Me too!

— Yes, give me one too!"

Rochalizo distributed the weapons. He had come for that reason. Although they wouldn't know how to use it, the Unmarked ought to have a way to defend themselves. When they all held an arm and had their hands on the trigger, adjusting it to their height, he asked, his voice firm.

"Where is Suoh?

— He should be in the central place.

— Can I give him a weapon too?"

Kuchiba gave him a hard look and Rochalizo knew he was weighing what would be most damaging to them. He was part of the council after all, it was his role to supervise and assure the mayor remained a pacific, gentle, uncorrupted person. Yet, as he had said earlier, was there time to ponder in such precarious times? Perhaps still some, to a certain extent, as it concerned the survival of one of the most fundamental rules of the island. However, Rochalizo knew he would eventually lean towards acceptance. In this moment, having lost one of his comrades, he was ready to get his peace back, at whatever cost. When he saw Kuchiba start bopping his head, in order to agree, he curved his eyebrows, unsurprised. Poor Kuchiba... He didn't know he had had no say in the matter, for Suoh had held a gun yesterday and this very morning and had gotten corrupted whether he would've wished it or not. Whatever role you were assigned on the Mud Whale, it seemed to signify you were going to be powerless anyway.

Rochalizo didn't wait for him to verbally agree. His simple nod was enough to send him out the door and start running. Today, he could have ran hundreds of kilometers, just to make sure for himself and witness with his own eyes that Suoh had really come back. He jumped over fences, trampled over flowers and bushes, knocked over seats and tools, probably broke a few, but he kept running. As he got to the central place, he first saw the crowds of citizens which formed large disorganised groups. He could see Chakuro down te alley... And Ohni and Lykos! and how it felt good to see them again! He really wondered what had happened on Karkarias now and how they had managed to get them back, especially for Lykos since she was the Commander's sister, was she not? To restore peace with talking and argumentation. That was such a Suoh thing. But it seemed it had somehow worked and he got excited now at the perspective of complimenting him on his incredibly mad success.

He wouldn't do just that however. He had woken up this morning, stirred up by agitation and crowds panicking. He had known, before anyone else, finding himself alone in that humid basement that Suoh had left without him. He had punched the wall, cursed him, curled onto himself and despaired. He had been certain he might never see him again. Acting like he didn't know had been the hardest part; he almost blurted out everything he knew at some point when people rushed to him and informed him on what he already knew and wished to forget. When the clueless counselors declared their leader had gone, he had almost wanted to laugh. They were all so useless as to let an 18 years old kid face their biggest enemy in their place. He had spent the past hours in fear, blaming himself.

When he would find him and that was only a matter of seconds now, he would tell him off, yell, make him known he was an irresponsible bastard. Shout at him how he hated his damn guts and all of his crazy don't-tell policies.

Shuan stood there, in the north-est field, ordering things which didn't hear from the distance. Next to him, stood a silhouette drapped in white, his green hair flowing in the wind, moving his arms and giving directions for the people to follow. Rochalizo thought he had gone blind for a second, for he couldn't make out his traits due to bubbling excitement or relief but he knew it was him. He ran faster, the weapon he still bore joggling as he picked up the pace. At a few ten meters away, he cried Suoh's name. The latter turned around and they faced each other. Time seemed to froze in that instant. He would've wished to jump into his arms and tell many, many things, but neither of them moved, nor opened their mouth in reality. They could only stare. Then, Suoh turned his back on him and made his demand to Shuan clear:

"Guide the people safely underground and protect them! I need your strenght!

— Sure, Mr. Mayor!

— To the basement!", he then cried at his people, "Shelter there! Do not touch that thing nor the soldiers! Rochalizo and I will go fight off the soldiers on the southern slope, behind the central tower!"

Having had his order, Shuan hurried to rassemble the groups of people who waited there restlessly, almost yielding to panic. The Prince walked up to Suoh. Seeing him so close and alive and well, he forgot everything he wanted to say. All he thought of saying was that now that the mayor had returned, he needed to make a report. He had seen horrific things before the little crew had had the time to come back. They had lost friends to unknown forces and had been hopeless as to how to prevent those same cases from happening. It was probably the worst feeling there was.

"Several of your people have been swallowed by that thing... I don't know what's going on".

The young leader's face stiffened.

— I came to give you this, Suoh!", Rochalizo said, panting all the while.

"Thank you!", the other said, showing off fierce resoluteness.

The bags under his eyes had grown darker and he seemed to stumble around more than moving graciously, as he more or less did usually. The presence of a bandage around his right forearm had Rochalizo alarmed for a second, but seeing Suoh could it shift it without too much difficulty, he assumed it had gotten better. That was a story he would want to listen to. In fact, he would surely hear a lot of things; going to Karkarias in itself was already an exploit but coming back from it... He had prepared to keep his tongue in his mouth, for there was no now no time. The lands were swarming with soldiers and their threat was all the more unsettling since they didn't look like humans nor possessed any of weaknesses. But he couldn't repress a few questions. As they ran together to the southern slope, Rochalizo grabbed his hand.

"How are you still standing?! You look exhausted!", he screamed against the howling wind on his face.

"I'll be alright!

— And how did you manage to leave?!

— I'll explain later!", replied Suoh, looking at him behind his shoulder.

As expected, he wished to be brief. In such a situation, they weren't lovers. Not even friends. He gave orders, the Prince gave out advice and they suppressed the danger for the people. It was a first, but Suoh ran so fast he barely kept up. He only followed closely because their hands intertwined tightly, however it wasn't a pleasant hold since the mayor's nails gratted against his palms stressfully. The path of the tall herbs somewhat slowed them down; they brushed around Suoh's face and mingled into his ponytail, got into Rochalizo's blouse and boots, two got in his mouth. The central tower wasn't far and they circumvented the screes, watching out for rock falls. It used to be such a majestic monument; now it was giving up the ghost.

They came to a stop finally, halting at the cliff's edge. There, the ground shook beneath their feet and they clung to each other. Dust lifted up around them and they breathed smells of ashes. Rochalizo didn't know where the sea was anymore but he distinguished through the grey cloud, a gigantic shape make its way through. It was moving so slowly but already taking up so much space in his eyesight field, it felt like a planet had come crashing down on them. This dark haze steeply dissipated and suddenly, they were hit by an intense light of such a pure white, it glistened all around them like a divine halo. Rochalizo's eyes were burning. Had he tried to imagine the end of the world, it would've probably looked like this. He forced his eyes open so he could still make out the large shape. Squinting through his hurting retinas, he recognised the boat which had been attacking them. Suoh's nails sunk deeper into his palm and he heard him scream his name as though it was very far away.

"That ship is too close!", he cried back, his legs shaking so much, he wondered how he still stood.

Suoh fell onto him and huddled against his arm, gaping in horror and Rochalizo held his fingers as tight as he could. They raised their eyes and followed together the hull of the boat come so close its railing soon outreached their field of view and they had to crane their necks. They didn't think of fleeing, petrified as they were by this monster in size. And where to flee now? It encompassed everything; the fields waned away, outshone by this hypnotic white light and the sky seemed to have been ingested. Then, there was a loud boom, the sound of something crashing and immediately after, the earth shook anew.

"It rammed us!"

This time, the shock was so enormous, it knocked them on to the ground. Entire bits of the cliff broke off and when he noticed, Rochalizo wrapped his arms around and yanked him backwards so he didn't fell off the cliff. Both hardly breathed, covered in cold sweat and shaking like leaves. Suoh was the first to get up again.

"Over there!"

Rochalizo got up right after him and his eyes looked at what he was pointing. On the lower part of the boat, ennemy soldiers were infiltrating through every opening. Some kids standing on a higher part called for Suoh and he urged them to get to the basement. Rochalizo had his eyes fixed on the soldiers crossing over. They were little dots running around, similar to ants, almost insignificant from afar but were growing bigger and bigger. They must have spotted them. They were coming. Once the kids had headed in the opposite direction, the soldiers were running along the path, going up the hill. Suoh turned around, shockingly calm. He raised his weapon and adjusted it in his hands. Rochalizo had realised how much he hated him wield one when they were training yesterday, but to see him with one in the open air, ready to inflict death... The loud click it produced as Suoh removed the safety piece was a wake up call.

"Suoh...", he began, his lip trembling.

More soldiers were coming this way. The clown faces on their masks seemed to laugh at them.

"Are you sure?! These soldiers are still people!"

Suoh had a small, sad smile. His words cut through Rochalizo like glass.

— Do you think me incapable of hurting people?"

He bent his head over hid a second behind his hair. When he stood straight again, he looked as determined as ever. His long hair fluttered in the wind and he dared for some of the first times, showing how he really felt inside. The despair, the doubts, the pain. He had never looked as ephemeral as he had now and this new vulnerability made it seem like he would break into small grains of sand.

"I... Swore that I would protect this island without resorting to violence... I still hope to do that..."

Rochalizo's eyes widened.

"It was only one night but... Rochalizo... Thank you for teaching me how to shoot".

Everything went too fast. The soldiers were a few meters behind. He saw Suoh raise his weapon and then, the bullet hit a man in a loud bang. One after the others, the soldiers hit the ground. Rochalizo had his eyes fixed on Suoh who did not blink once as he administered the fatal blow. His stomach turned and he slammed a had against his mouth; he felt like puking. It was Suoh, this kind and once innocent person who used to loathe any form of violence, repelled by a simple punch, annihilating human beings, making them bleed and tearing them apart. The childlike wonder-tainted lens he used to watch the world with had finally slit.

"It's okay, Suoh, leave it to me!", he yelled through the gunshots.

Yet Suoh kept moving further away from him as though he didn't hear him anymore. Perhaps he didn't, immersed in his killing spree, his hand pulling the trigger every five second. The soldiers he had knocked to the ground however, got back on their feet, slowly and what they thought remained a small group of three quickly turned into a crows of invaders. And Suoh ran to meet them; Rochalizo's heart leapt out of his chest.

"I don't want to fight!", he shouted at the void.

Rochalizo called for him to come back, his voice screeching and thick with worry. He ran after him, his legs so mellow he tripped almost every step.

"I don't want to fight! I don't want to fight!

— Suoh, come back!"

The young leader shot every other second now. He didn't bother who he got shot, what he hit, but the bullets rained. Enemies fell over and got back and fell over again. Rochalizo saw from where he stood, a pair of arm flying away, followed by a skull and this time, he did feel the acid liquid go up his throat. Suoh kept shooting, impertubable, but it could be heard that his voice had began flinching. It was begging for a stop.

"When... We're finally on the other side of this... I'm... I'm going to do things my way...

— Suoh, NO!

The soldiers had agglutinated, tightening their ranks. The bullets Suoh shot hit them, but it no longer made them fall.

"I'm bringing everyone to new lands peacefully!", he cried out, running head first into the group of soldiers.

Rochalizo saw him disappear behind the thick mass of helmets and armours and he shouted his name. Then, the same pure white light flashed before his eyes and he watched, powerlessly, as Suoh crashed into the soldiers. As soon as the two entities touched, a green branch of vegetation unwinded around the first soldier's arms. What looked like lichen and weed jumped at Suoh like snakes and opened their jaws wide. The thick braches wrapped around his arms and his legs. He struggled for a while, trying to untangle, but it was as though some parts of him had been anaesthetised. His fast frightened breathing could be heard from afar. Then, the crawling weed rammed against his entire silhouette; it covered his face and entered his eyes until Suoh's pupils seemed to have turned to ice. The frail body slowly stopped struggling, until it didn't move. Until it didn't show any signs of life. No one could have guessed there had ever been a human being in this thin mass of wild nature and white cristal.

Rochalizo emitted a crying sound, but he had shouted Suoh's name so loudly, his voice had broken and no sound came out.

OoOoO

From every corner, the island echoed in sounds of suffering; a few strip of lands away, a couple of voices shouted in fear, protecting something with their lives and bare fists, and behind the hills, children were crying. Torn screams of anguish and wails of despair gushed from the underground, as though the earth itself had awoken and mourned for what was lost, sometimes followed by the buffetting of metallic gear hammering the ground in an endless death parade.

But Rochalizo's world was silent. He heard nothing except for the sound of the faint ringing in his ears and those of his footsteps on the grass. Slowly, he stepped over a corpse and another, careful as not to come in physical contact with them. Those cadavers did not bleed like humans; from their sieved armour and arms flowed some sticky, pale green liquid which could have been tree sap. His own hands were soaked in it and he felt some on his face, pouring on his cheeks. As he had found out, this substance didn't have the goal of trapping people like any other body parts of those monsters did. It was the remain of some humanity in there, what used to be lively, young blood, belonging to someone.

He couldn't remember how they had all fallen to the ground. He had spaced out for a second and it had felt as though he had seen himself, floating behind his body before coming back. He didn't remember either how he had found the strenght to walk up to here. His memory messed with him. Feeling foggy, he walked through another pile of those corpses. One of them had collapsed with his hands stilled as he was catching someone. Rochalizo's eyes followed the sight and his eyes gazed upon a white statue. Its hands were raised mid-air, as if attempting to catch something and his left arm was brought closer to the chest, protective. Rochalizo gazed upon the white face nonchalantly. When his eyes lay on the statue's eyes, he felt as though he had just been struck by thunder. He stumbled backwards and collapsed on the grass, but his eyes still locked with his big, cristal eyes and the porcelaine wavy hair which fell on them.

Suoh... Everything was coming back. What had just happened to his brain? He had cried his name and then... Then what? But nothing mattered anymore in this instant. He got back on his feet and extended a hand towards the precious body. He must be having a nightmare, for Suoh couldn't really be gone. He was stronger than that and not so obliging to his enemies as to let himself be rid of so easily. He would wake up at some point or another and break through that stone. Or he would appear mysteriously behind his back and claimed what Rochalizo looked at was a fake. His eyes blinked several times, his mind barely making connections. He felt limp and weary and although he knew something was terribly wrong and he must've felt worse than he did now, he just stood there, mute, no intense feeling to make his heart beat. It couldn't be real.

At some point, he realised he had sat next to the statue. He felt no feelings or hate nor deep sadness but couldn't look away. Even as he realised gradually that dusk had come and that his legs ached in pain, his mind commanded him to stay.

"Rochalizo...", said a voice, in a low comforting tone.

He suddenly felt the presence of a hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn around but he knew thanks to her intonation that it had been Ginshu. How long had she been there?

"I've called you before... You didn't hear, right?", she pursued, trying to be gentle.

Rochalizo did not reply. His eyes were still fixed on Suoh's frozen body and, all of a sudden, the pain he had foreseen would come came tearing at his chest and heart.

"It's over, Rochi. We've defeated them. You should come eat something".

He heard Ginshu sit besides him. Her too, was laying eyes on Suoh's terrified face, standing still, wheras he, had started shaking. The pain in his chest had become unbearable and made him want to crawl on the ground and slam his knees into himself. His eyes wavered, the more he lost himself into the lifeless ones. Ginshu nodded compassionately, trying to express how she understood.

"I've been sad before but it's gone... I'm just angry now".

She paused for a moment. It was apparent that she contained herself a minimum so she wouldn't shout in frustration. Her fists pulled at the grass in small grits.

"Have you ever lost comrades, Rochi?"

The other shook his head slowly. He didn't see Ginshu anymore in his side viewing field. Everything had been flooded by the tears in his eyes. His breathing got heavy and fast but he nevertheless felt no oxygen at all in his lungs.

"I hope it never happens to you again", she whispered, in a sorry voice which burned with frustration and the wounds of injustice.

Standing up, she granted Suoh with a last look and left the gardens. A while after she was gone, the tears exploded on Rochalizo's cheeks and he could finally move. His body launched forward, on his knees and he cried. He cried for a long time, his whole body shaken by sobs and his throat hurting, hurting from wailing so much. His knees shook violently and so did his arms, until he was left laying on the grass, curled on himself. He begged things, mumbled nonsense he wasn't sure he himself didn't understood and when he didn't, he was choking and coughing through the tears and the saliva which drooled from his mouth. He hurt and the thought of having no one around anymore was unconceivable. Most unsustainable were those waves of cold in his body. He was on his own. Never again would Suoh come walking up to him, smiling, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Never again would he see him simply exist, go through existence with the joy that only he could induce and embellish people's by a mere presence.

Pain didn't give him a break, and, he was still sobbing when he felt his insides had started burning. It was fine. He could burn along with them. He couldn't see how life would ever be worth it now that he was gone. There wasn't anything he wished to do if Suoh wasn't there by his side.

"Please come back... Please come back... I need you here...", he stuttered, raising his brutally itching eyes towards Suoh's stoned face.

In all likelihood, had they never met, this wouldn't have happened. He was responsible for his death, more than anyone was. He had been the one to put him through this hell, to have caused Ohni and Lykos' capture leading to him going back and meeting the second Empire ship. He had been the one to give him that gun. He had been the one to give in to his demands and let him go down the drain. His stomach turned a few times and felt on the verge of puking again. Suoh's death was his fault.

Time consciousness got back to his head after what could be hours later. The tears had dried a little and he looked around, seeing only the dark formless shapes of trees and bushes and the silhouette of north tower up the hill. It must be the middle of the night. Rochalizo sat back on his knees; his legs hurt and fatigue was making him dizzy but stronger than all body sensations was that ache in his heart. He extended his arm again towards Suoh. He knew he couldn't touch him; if he did he would live the same fate and turn into stone. But wouldn't that be the best option he had? Rochalizo didn't believe in life after death. He didn't believe they would be reunited if he brushed his hand against the green, lethal branches. But what if he didn't want to see the end either? Everything from now would be dull and an endless pain and if he could just... Forget everything, have his conscience wiped out of the surface of this world... He was tired. Tired of hurting and the solution was right in front of him. If he touched him... Then he would know peace again. And as he had hurted to take Suoh's frail body into his arms, he would leave this world in his embrace. It wouldn't be so bad. It wouldn't hurt. It would be as though he would fall into a deep, soothing sleep. Sleeping through his life and more, sleeping through the ages and never having to cry or to grieve ever again.

His hand came closer until it almost touched Suoh's cheek. But what happened next shook him to the core; he looked into his beloved's eyes, longing for release, ready to let himself fall into his arms, but as his eyes gazed into the crystal ones, he thought he felt them looking back. Suddenly it was as though those pupils flickered in anger, communicating as violently as he had been shouted at, an intimidation, an strict command to keep his distance. A warning, that if he dared taking this next step, something terrible, other than death, would happen. Rochalizo screamed in shock and terror and collapsed to the ground. Too stupefied to think, Rochalizo crawled away, breathing fast. However, when he raised his face to look at Suoh again, it was as though those eyes had always been still and he had just dreamed this.

"Su— Suoh...?", the boy stammered, dumbstruck.

But Suoh didn't gave an answer. His body kept still, eyes still seeing in utter fright an enemy who had been long gone. Rochalizo massaged his head, he had a migraine now.

"Am I losing my mind?"

He crawled back closer to the statue and watched him silently, bearing this wretched expression of misery. He wanted to hold him in his arms. He wanted to touch him, to feel the heat of his skin again and kiss his hair. The knot in his throat tightened. To make up for the missing warmth, he wrapped his arms against himself and pretended it was Suoh hugging him. He curled into a ball at the statue's feet, his back as close to it as he could afford to and let his body reclaim the sleep it had been aching to get.

He shifted even closer. He needed to feel his presence behind his back before he fell asleep. Softly, from the tip of his lips, he whispered, to feign he wasn't as alone as he felt, as he was:

"Good night, Suoh".

OoOoO

When the first lights of the day brushed against his face and he sensed the tiny rays of heat warm up his skin, Rochalizo's eyes fluttered open. He felt good for a while, contemplating the awaking nature around him taking on more passionate and brighter colours, as they chased the grey remains of the night before. A bird flew over his head and he watched his flight tranquilly.

The ache in his body came back as soon as he remembered. And as soon as he regained the agony that had been his and the burning of his guts, stomach and chest, his first thought was to turn around to see if he had been dreaming all this. The sight which met his gaze filled him with despair anew; he still stood there, arms raised mid-air, frozen for good, feeling deep horror as his last experience and feelings in this cruel world. Looking around, he cursed this place and told himself he had never lain eyes on something so ugly.

He sat back close to him and cried. He didn't got to say goodbye and he didn't got to say a lot of things he would've wished to confess. Now that all was gone with the wind, where would all those things he felt go? It seemed as though those repressed emotions ripped off at his flesh, deep inside and made him bleed. Had his internal organs opened and suffered a haemorrahage, he could not have told the difference.

"I love you", he murmured, tasting his tears' salt on his tongue, "I love you... But there's no use in saying that anymore, is there?"

He lay against the grass on the spot where he had slept and came close to Suoh, but turned his back on him. As his lids closed over his eyes, more hot tears poured.

"Do you hate me? Do you hate me because I couldn't protect you?"

He brought his knees to his chest and held narrowly, burying his nose in them.

"I miss you..."

The sun had risen higher above in the sky, small human sounds coud be heard from over the hills. Grasshoppers had begun singing softly and there were occasional rustles in the bushes. The world didn't care for people's losses. Despite everything, it was a new day. Rochalizo curled around the statue's feet, broken.

"Good morning, Suoh".

They came slowly, so slowly he didn't pay attention at first. He soon felt the presence of warm arms, wrapping around his waist and middle. Gentle and careful, as though they rediscovered him for the first time. Rochalizo's pupils widened but he could't move; it was his time to be frozen. Then, those arms circled him faster and held him tight. So tight he forgot what those long, loney, cold hours had felt. They fell into the nil when he felt a soft head bump into his shoulder and when from the corner of his eye, he saw a single thin strand of green hair fall along his shoulder and into his neck.

"Good morning", replied a sweet voice.

His entire body shivered from the shock.

He flipped around, his stomach tightening in fear at the thought of being mistaken and came nose-to-nose with a pale, weary face. Suoh's face. Not his stoned face, his full-fledged face, with its small imperfections and pores and its uneven colours. He was facing his flesh, his human body, which moved and breathed. Exhaustion pulled at his facial traits, but the smile he gave shone at him so brightly, he was light, and he stood with him in a luminous halo of hope amidst the first glows of the morning.

Rochalizo couldn't talk. The words didn't come and his throat blocked them all. He stared at him in awe, his heart pounding so fast his body beat to its rythm.

Half way between sat and sprawled, Suoh was before him, in the white rags of his clothes, his bare skin showing through the large rippings on his chest, waist and legs. He seemed to float into those torn fabrics, appearing in his half nakedness, the rays of sun shining on his flesh. Suoh's hands neared his face and cupped the other's cheeks and while he did so, Rochalizo felt the long nails scratch painlessly against his cheekbones.

A thick sob rose in his throat and he gave way into his arms, propulsing so hard he almost knocked him over, pressing against him. How blissful it felt to embrace him, to feel this heart beating in the flat chest and to have him reciprocate it, holding in return. It was a new day and he was alive.

Rochalizo's hands clumsily moved on his nude back, were in his back neck, tangled in his hair. He felt life under his fingertips and through the tears, a small smile springed up on his lips. Suoh let out a small giggle and hugged him tight. Rochalizo was about to lay his lips in the green hair but Suoh pulled away and cupped his face again. On the wet cheeks, he lay many quick, playful kisses which made the other chuckle along with him.

"You're here... And we're laughing like idiots. I can't believe... I can't believe...", managed to say Rochalizo, wiping off his already dried eyes, but he didn't finish.

He had not thought the end of his sentence and there were too many things he couldn't believe in this instant.

Suoh said nothing. He glanced at him with the fondest look he had ever awarded him with. Rochalizo got on his feet and lend him his hand.

"Come... I think the war's over".

Suoh grabbed his hand but gave him an awkward, amused smile.

"Rochalizo... I think I'm almost naked".

He looked preoccupied but not so much as he almost burst out laughing while explaining. Rochalizo nodded, embarrassed but too entertained not to find this amusing too. He had noticed before but was fully realising this now too. He laughed.

"... I... I know... Well... We will... Find you something".

He still offered his hand and when Suoh took it, he averted his eyes away from him and started walking in front. From the village, distant cries in joy arose for a reason he did not know yet. The towers and little dwellings loomed on the horizon too fast for his taste, for he would've wished to walk with Suoh's hand in his forever.

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