#KJGHFJFGH

[jealousrot]

open starter ! location: the mirage

pacing on the outside of a loud and fantastical establishment was a flustered and frustrated amara, pink and white to the touch, sweat slick and feeling fiercely impulsive. she does not want to go inside. she wants to go inside. people walk in and out with the kind of ease that made her stomach churn, and after being lost in thought she notices a hole developing on the tip of her boot and she imagines screaming so loud that her eyes turn red with blood and she drops dead on the concrete. in reality, she’s looking slumped and distressed outside a strip club, because women and their shapes and their morphing skin and bones, fluid like a stream, terrible like a stupid makeup commercial, wonderful like everything amara has ever wanted to be and live inside the chest cavity of. half of her doesn’t know why this is such a big deal, why she can’t just go in and sit quietly in the back, order nothing, then something, then throw it away because her stomach can’t stand the thought. she is ugly and this is no place for ugly, not her ugly.

in a burst of white hot impulse, desperation on her like an ill-fitting sun dress, making her gawky and awkward and pink, she grabs the forearm of a figure seemingly about to enter. “ — please !” please what, you fucking asshole? “take .. will you take me inside? i’m being a ridiculous stupid fucking —  ass. and i’m  —  well, okay. i’m meeting someone and i’m scared to be alone.” it’s a lie. she’s alone as a drifting planet. “just walk me in, okay? alright?”