#KISSES SMOOCHES HUGS AND AFFECTIONATE PATS ON THE HEAD <333 🥰🩷🥰🩷

[gothsuguru]

ARI OH MY GOD??? I’M LITERALLY SCREAMMMMING THIS THE MOST SWEETEST THING I HAVE EVER READ IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD??? AHHHH I LOVE YOU

i’m abt to write a THESIS on how much i love you rn……… FIRST OF ALL let me just SCREAM abt how much this means to me like omfg the fact that you took out the time in your day to read this in the first place but then WRITE all of those kind words too??? I’M SO THANKFUL OMFG your brain works at such a higher capacity than mine in the morning i’m cryifnfnfnfn brain squiggly (you) meets brain smooth (me) <3 LET ME RESPOND TO EVERYTHING BC I AM LOSING MY MINDDDDDD & I’M SO SORRY IF THIS GETS LONG BUT I CAN’T HELP IT SUGURU (AND YOU) MAKE ME INSANE IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE <333 gonna be in MY kenny dissection era now hehehehehe <3 also first time using the indent feature………. obsessed w her

u and me are holding hands when it comes to the geto / serpent symbolism <3333 he’s soooo serpent coded. it’s insane. and the way u use that imagery here makes me fucking insane like genuinely the way the guilt CREEPS through his throat, WRITHES further down until its fangs sink into his flesh…. the ache is just so palpable. it’s suffocating him.

- OH YOU ABSOLUTELY GET IT. suguru is soooo serpent coded i think four (4) animals depict him so well and they are a serpent, fox, wolf, & a black panther <3 AHHHHH i’m glad you saw that the words i used were in tandem w how a serpent moves (shoutout synonym searching on google) & YES… PALPABLE ACHE THAT SUFFOCATES HIM.

i think suguru falls into that spiral of self-loathing so easily. i think he might even kind of enjoy it? in a self-pitying kind of way…. like there’s a kind of satisfaction in the pain, in carrying it alone, etc etc.

- YOU ABSOLUTELY FUCKING GET IT!!!!! as i was writing it i was like… suguru in this specific story is just the type to cyclically make bad decisions even if it destroys him SIMPLY bc of the instant gratification he can get by being in reader’s presence… it’s a bunch of small happy deaths to him. & YESSSSSSS he’s sooooo self-pitying and tbh that’s how i see canon suguru too… esp when shoko called him childish like she gagged him a bit there… YES YES YES *EMPHASIS* on satisfaction in carrying the pain… he hates being pitied by others but he’ll pity himself since he won’t let others do it for him

yeah. he enjoys the pain a little. the risk of it all. and this line is just such a banger in general ”a pyromaniac to his very core”….. im obsessed

- DID YOU KNOW I ALMOST WROTE THAT??? i was toying with the word “masochism” but i don’t think he’s a masochist so that’s why i went w pyromaniac! i think if he had to be one he’d be a sadist bc he knows his actions might inflict pain but certain times he really can’t bring himself to care

im sniffling i LOVE this depiction of him so much because it’s not like . it’s not one of those things where he’s scummy or where he’s just attracted to reader, it’s so much more than that… he wants to take care of u!!! keep u safe!!! warm ur hands :(( ALSO SUGU HAVING WARM HANDS SO TRUE BTW that man is a whole furnace i just know it…… but yeahhh i’m just!! i feel so soft because HE’S so soft but it’s just a tenderness that can’t really go anywhere and that makes it so hard to swallow.

- OKAY I’M LITERALLY GONNA CRY YOU ABSOLUTELY JUST FUCKING *GET IT*!!!!!!! i am SO thankful you said that you love this depiction bc he’s NOT scummy/just physically attracted and i REALLY wanted to make that distinction!!!!! it’s not just him thinking abt homewrecking for the fun of it 😭 he’s like. genuinely in love. genuinely infatuated. he’s so paternal in nature like he really DOES wanna care for reader that’s all he wants… </3 AND YESSSSSS HUMAN FURNACE!SUGURU MY BELOVED <: i made him that way bc i myself am an ice cube and i need him to warm me up 24/7 <333 omg wow “a tenderness that can’t really go anywhere and that makes it so hard to swallow.”………… holy shit that’s BEAUTIFULLY said and SO right

the flame flickering …. the risk of it all…. and the way the emphasis travels from on to and to off when u repeat on and off three times is SOOO fucking satisfying i dont know why but i lost my mind ok. and how it’s a living metaphor for his burning desire, flickering on and off… yeahhh im in love w ur writing im ready to dissect this it’s MY kenny era now <333

- it was SOOOOOO satisfying to write like idk why 😭 i love my threes (3s) what can i say <3 YESSSS IT’S A LIVING METAPHOR FOR HIS DESIRE!!!!! again the coldness of the metal too resembles the coldness of the readers hands so all he wants to do is offer warmth so he pretends he’s holding your hand <3 he’s so sick in the head i’m in love w him

his dichotomy. it’s my favorite thing about him. the contrast. he’s a deceiver. he’s a sentimentalist. he’s still smoking even when you don’t want him to. with the lighter you gave him for teakwood candles. it’s so twisted it’s so fond this man makes me ILL.

- I LOVE HIS DICHOTOMY!!!!!! twisted & fond is the best way to describe him in this fic whew

AND THE MOTH TO A FLAMEEEE my fave metaphor ever ever ever <333 his body demanding that it be close to you…. it really is like a burning desire god that’s so. suguru loves sooo devoutly and when that love can’t really manifest itself properly i think it makes him a little insane lol

- ONE OF MY FAV METAPHORS TOO!!!!! again ties into his pyromania <3 oh i LOVE “suguru loves so devoutly… when that love can’t manifest itself properly i think it makes him a little insane” OH ABSOLUTELY. i don’t think suguru can love like a Normal Person i think he literally THROWS himself full force into it… a 100% or nothing type of guy………. kinda need him idk

i love it so much because it isn’t even really a sexual thing, he’s genuinely in Love with you and that makes it sooo heartbreaking. the kiss to ur hair that u cant feel… hhhhh

- YES YES YES!!!!!!!! i wanted to make sure of that too like it’s not even sexual or that he just wants a piece of reader like that - he’s really just THAT enamored & in love. omg that faint kiss to the hair where they can’t feel it… gagged my own self too i won’t lie to you…….. i wanted to toy w slight creepiness & overt fondness i’m glad you enjoyed it hehehehehe :3

“he deserves that much as least” THE WAY U BROUGHT THIS LINE BACK BUT THIS TIME IT ISN’T SELF-LOATHING, IT’S SELF-AFFIRMING…. godddd i can just FEEL that push and pull in his brain it’s so fucking tasty i thrive off his pain im sorry 😔😔😔

- OMFGHDHDJDHD I DIDN’T EVEN THINK OF THE SELF-AFFIRMING NATURE…….. nods head fervently……. yes that’s exactly what i meant <3 see this is why peer review is so important bc you’re so smart and made me see things abt my own writing ���😭😭 omfg same i love suguru “doomed by the narrative” geto w all my heart

IT MAKES IT EVEN MORE PAINFUL because he’s sooo affectionate so very trusting????????? he loves u both so much!!!!

- YESSSSSS!!!!!! that’s why suguru feels such insane guilt like… toru is just so pumpkin baby angelboy coded… he’s SO trusting and affectionate and doesn’t think the worst of suguru at ALL. which is why it’s so delicious that in damn near every universe that suguru is the betrayer… whew gege really made me so insane over this man

HIS WARM HANDS ON UR COLD ONES ”who would it bring solace?” is it for himself or is it for u……. he makes me feel ill.

- HE FINALLY GOT TO HOLD READER’S HAND!!!!! NO MORE IMAGINING COLD METAL LIGHTERS ARE YOUR HANDS!!!!! HE GOT TO WARM UP READER’S COLD HANDS WITH HIS WARM ONES… TO OFFER UP COMFORT… for whom? who knows not me <3

DO U WANT ME TO SPIRAL??????? ”just the summer heat :)” THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THIS DO U KNOW THE PTSD I JUST GOT 😭😭😭 suguru geto & his tendency to carry his burdens alone until he’s crushed under their weight noooooo :(((((

- PLEASENDNDNDNND i had to add it omfg 😭 i loved adding those lil tidbits from the manga in here like from the actual dialogue to satoru bursts onto the scene to just the summer heat… PLEASE i felt INSANE writing it like damn bitch 💔……. suguru nooooo don’t carry your burdens alone don’t you know your friends will carry the weight of them for you aha you’re so sexy 💔💔💔

“he figures he can allow himself this” he’s so… he hates himself for it but he can’t stop himself from wanting it. wanting you. he accepts the ache and the shame maybe even revels in it a bit??? idk i just. i think maybe he loves u so much that it overshadows the hatred he has for himself.. maybe ur presence soothes it and he just can’t get enough. it’s like a drug.

- OH YESSSSSS he absolutely DOES revel in it <3 he can’t stop himself from wanting it & you and is willing to live w that shame bc it’s coupled w his own desire… YESSSSS!!!!! i love that you likened it to a drug bc it again ties back to his self-destructive nature! his love for you does overshadow his hatred for himself but again he falls into such a sick cycle </3 reader soothes him but also unintentionally breaks him over and over again. but suguru will NEVER blame you. like EVER

AND THE FINAL LINE KAIRO I LITERALLY BLACKED OUT ”he figures he should allow it to devour him” IM IN LOVE IM TATTOOING THIS SOMEWHERE GENUINELY like the way the serpent imagery returns here . he’s being devoured by the serpent crawling up his throat. and he’s fine with it. just like u i am Weak for any mentions of devour / maw / etc so this just . Ended my whole life

- I’M GLAD YOU CAUGHT THAT HEHEHEHEHEHE serpent finally devours him whole & devours him raw <3

I WANTED TO ADD “maw” here too but i’m saving that word for use in a future fic that i’m making where suguru’s untamable spiral into self-inflicted grief causes him to want to desecrate reader’s grave to “bring them back” </333 so insane i have sooooo many ideas of making suguru suffer like sorry king your character is just so good i had to put him through the ringer for his wrongdoings <333 omg also another fellow siken lover… suguru is sooon siken-poem coded it’s crazy

ALSO AGAIN THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KINDS WORDS & TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS :’) you really helped me SOOOOO much in terms of just putting this fic out there like your tags & hyping me up really made me feel so good :’) THANK YOU AGAIN I LOVE & APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH ARI MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH 🩷🥰🩷🥰🩷

Request: Getou feels bad for secretly liking Gojo’s gf and making excuses to touch her.

the enormity of my desire disgusts me.

a/n: hi! tysm for requesting :’) this is my first ever request/first time writing so please bear w me & i hope you enjoy! constructive criticism is totally welcome! <3 w.c: 2.3k

- f!reader, one-sided love, obsession, cursing, touching (not unwanted but the intention is unbeknownst to reader as geto makes it a point to always want physical contact w them), mentions of self-destructive behaviors, guilt, & delusions.

guilt creeps up suguru’s throat like a slithering serpent.

it crawls around the base of his tongue, writhing farther down, embedding its fangs into the flesh of his throat. a raw, mangled, bloody mess left in its wake.

remorse, witnessing the disarray that guilt’s plight leaves, frantically tries to discern where a home can be made. perhaps it can dance along his ribcage. pirouetting across his bones until it reaches a bloody cavern where it can dwell within a hole burrowed deep inside suguru’s heart.

maybe all of this despair can be washed away… a desire to cleanse his palate & purge his feelings away persists, yet he doesn’t allow himself the reprieve.

instead, he decides to swallow his shame down like a bitter whiskey, relishing in the thorn-like pin prickles. the harsh amber reflecting in his fatigued, glassy eyes.

the ache serves as a reminder.

suguru figures that the sharp gnawing pain that spikes his heart & torments his throat is the very least he deserves.

his therapist did say he had a tendency to wallow in his self-destructive thoughts. delude himself & cyclically make bad choices which turned into bad habits. but what’s another bad decision to him? a pyromaniac to his very core - suguru would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t enjoy playing with fire.

allowing himself a moment of respite, he fishes out a cigarette he stole out of shoko’s purse from the left pocket of his leather jacket. a silver heart-shaped vivienne westwood lighter in the right. he takes it out, rolling it softly in his warm palm, lackadaisically playing with the switch. imagining the cold metal were your cold hands instead, his own seeking to offer up warmth for your comfort. he gazes softly at the flame - flickering on and off. on and off. on and off. a burning fire reflected in his eyes. a burning desire razing his heart.

the whole world in the palm of his hands - the heart you presented to him.

(a gift from you to him - you begged him to quit smoking, it was bad for his health and you wanted him to be there in the future as best man at yours & satoru’s wedding. with a tight-lipped smile & crinkled eyes, he said he would.

always the deceiver.

you lit up, gaze softening while telling him to specifically use this lighter to light up the teakwood candle you bought him for his birthday. his smile turned fond, eyes crinkled softly with genuine mirth & adoration, he said he would. and he did.

always the sentimentalist.)

bringing the cigarette to his lips, he exhales a puff of smoke, allowing his low-lidded gaze to flit across the room. the warm lights illuminating the grungy bar, a favorite of nanami’s & shoko’s. he reminisces on the days where both of you would talk for hours - from deep conversations about space, morality, & your futures & pasts - to asking each other about what food you’d eat for eternity (cold zaru soba noodles for him, any form of potato for you), savory or sweet (both of you chose savory - suguru relishes in the fact that he has a connection with you on this), & if you two would still be best friends if the other one was a worm (both of you answered yes - you’d build a terrarium where wormguru could play & suguru would keep you in his pocket not caring if he’d be dubbed the weirdly hot worm-man.) from the serious to the silly, suguru felt his chest bloom with tender warmth. from the bottom of his heart, he knows that in this world and any others, he could truly be himself with you.

a soft sigh escapes him, a small smile gracing his face thinking about his memories with you. calling the bartender over for another drink after he downs his whiskey, he drawls out, “give me somethin’ sweet.”

he turns back around to the crowd of strangers, unintentionally smiling. he finds a few pretty boys & girls gawking at him, hyping themselves and each other up to go talk to him. he sees a few more pretty boys & girls looking away from his intense gaze, too shy to go up to him, praying instead that he’ll go to them. the grin that previously took residence on his face falters - he finds himself upset that they’d think his smile was reserved for any one of them. none of them pique his interest per usual, & he hopes that the bags underneath his eyes, his myriad of piercings & tattoos, chipped black nail polish, and overall resting bitch face will stop anyone from coming near him.

(he knows it won’t. people often went after suguru and not satoru. he was always more caring, more in tune with his emotions with an air of magnetic mystique, unlike his brash, loud, & arrogant counterpart.)

suguru intakes a sharp breath, surprising himself with the haughty & bitter thought against his best friend, quickly washing it down with a sweet daiquiri hoping to honey the words in both his throat & mind, while simultaneously praying that it would soothe his heart.

slightly more alert, his gaze wanders around the room again. tired eyes widening slightly, lighting up greatly when he sees you.

there you were in all of your glory.

sitting leisurely, a leg swung upon the other, arm resting over the back of the tattered red vinyl couch - the very same one you both had countless conversations on. how were you so effortlessly cool? you could do anything and suguru would revel in it - drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

and like a moth, he found himself gliding across the bar towards you, his feet moving faster than his brain. his body demanding that it be near you, that it be graced with your presence. with a flick of his ring-clad fingers, his cigarette is crushed underneath his black boots, a piece of strawberry gum popped in his mouth, with vanilla lip balm reapplied to his lips to make sure that you knew they were soft to the touch.

heart beating ridiculously fast, he takes a deep breath before he stands in front of you, your perfume enveloping his senses making him slightly delirious from how delectable you smell. he prays that the blush dusting his cheeks fools you into thinking that he just drank too much, & that it’s not because of you peering up at him through your lashes with your pretty eyes that are now affectionately directed towards his own.

“yo! suguru! long time no see!” you wave as you get up to greet him, a massive grin overtaking your face, eyes almost crinkled shut because you’re so excited to see one of of your best friends.

without warning, suguru envelops you into a tight hug. his left hand placed against your lower back while his right hand cradles your head against his chest, your cheek pressing against his beating heart. suguru places his chin on the top of your head, craning his face slightly to get a whiff of your shampoo, ghosting a faint kiss on your hair that he knows you don’t feel, relishing in this moment with you. for a few seconds he can pretend… he deserves that much at least, he figures.

he could stay holding you in his arms forever, your body pressed up against his, protecting you from everything & everyone bad in this world, shielding you from predatory eyes around the bar. fucking wolves, the lot of them - suguru contemptuously thinks. it’s a good thing you’re here in his arms, suguru muses, confident in his ability to keep you safe.

as quickly as that thought dashes through his brain, you pull away. not wanting to alarm you with his panic that you’d leave him, a tight grip stays around your waist, forcing you to sit back down. he positions himself right next to you, his thighs touching your own, his right arm draped across your shoulder.

something that you can consider friendly. something that he can consider more than that. affectionate, no matter which way you take it.

“it’s been a while.” a fond smile beams across his face, bright amber eyes desperately glazing over your face. you’re so close to him and he’s so attentive to you, he imagines that the boy across the bar must think you both look like a couple. the pleasure suguru derives from that thought is second to none. you do look like you’d be his. he’s certain that he looks like he’d be yours, if his devoted nature is anything to go by.

he takes a a few strands of your hair, twirling them slightly around his fingers. “what are you doing here anyways? i wish i saw you before, we could’ve hung out!” suguru teasingly pouts, lips slightly jutted out, his eyes twinkling with playful mirth.

“tell me about it,” you playfully whine. “thankfully i just got here so we have plenty of time to hang out! don’t worry, i’ll make up for it so you can forgive me.”

“you never have to apologize for anything.” seriousness takes over his tone. suguru doesn’t want you to ever feel bad, even as a joke. not wanting to make you uncomfortable with his tense energy, he eases up his features and winks, “don’t worry your pretty lil head about it - i’ll let you off the hook this time.”

you bark out a laugh which makes him elated, glad that he was able to make you smile. “sugu, you’re way too sweet! and ooh - you asked what i was doing here! toru wanted to chill out here for a bit, said if he didn’t get to drink a virgin piña colada right this second he’d faint.” you gaze around the bar, muttering under your breath “he should be on his way here soon…”

right… satoru.

suguru feels his mouth get dry by the second, a venomous pang of guilt daggers his heart. his eye twitches along with his fingers, wondering if he should take his arm off of you.

if satoru saw this would he just consider it friendly touching? would he think that suguru was trying to make the moves on you? would he scream in his face about how can his best friend stab him in the back this way? the bitter taste of betrayal coats suguru’s tongue like a curse, and before he can do anything about it, a big SMACK! on his shoulder wakes him out of his trance.

“SUGUUUUUUUU! I MISSED YOUUUUUUU!” satoru bursts out onto the scene loudly, holding both your & suguru’s shoulders from behind the couch, bringing you two towards each other in a massive hug. with satoru’s face in the middle, smooshing both of your & suguru’s cheeks against his, suguru can’t help but feel a gnawing sense of shame.

satoru, affectionate as ever, kisses you both on the cheek. snowy hair ruffling with his actions, aquamarine eyes twinkling as bright as starlight, white eyelashes fluttering against the pink blush hued upon his soft cheeks. from here, suguru can see the light dusting of freckles on satoru’s nose, & the lightest sheen of gloss on his pink lips. no doubt from kissing you before he got here.

a twisted part of suguru is thankful for the kiss on the cheek, your glossy residue imprinted on his skin. an indirect kiss, he muses.

“sorry it took so long, i had to park so far away. hope you didn’t miss me too much, angel.” satoru pecks you on the cheek again, cheekily stealing an upside down kiss on the lips from you while he’s at it.

“no worries baby, i had sugu to keep me company.” you smile wide, eyes softening as satoru smoothes down your hair.

suguru forgot.

satoru trusts him with his entire life. with you.

the loud, brash, arrogant, self-centered boy suguru knew as a teen had grown up. cleaning up his act the moment he met you. enamored with your beauty, kindness, & personable nature - satoru fell deeply in love. he was still loud - but only to proclaim his love on the rooftops for you. he was brash at times but never with you. his arrogance was also truly never unfounded, he was just that confident in his own self and in the relationship he could have with you. suguru still thinks satoru can be self-centered at times, but never about you. satoru puts you forward in every single aspect of his life - devoted. loyal. faithful. unbelievably constant with his love & adoration for you. your perfect other half. your true soulmate.

you’re his one and only. and he’s yours.

“satoru! it’s been a while.” suguru prays the loud music can cover up the slight crack in his voice. he can feel his throat constricting like a python, he coughs to clear it, wanting to rid himself of the strangling feeling. he does what he does best in that moment - putting on a facade. a tight-lipped smile along with crinkled eyes graces his features, hoping that both you & satoru mistake it for pure happiness.

“you good, man?” satoru tilts his head like a puppy, looking at him questioningly. you do the same, concern clouding your beautiful eyes. he’s terrified that you both could see right through him.

“yeah.” suguru whispers quietly.

the ache that torments his throat & spikes his heart serves as a reminder.

he puts his warm hand over your cold ones in a comforting gesture. for who would it bring solace? he doesn’t know. at this point in time, he can’t bring himself to care. “just the summer heat.”

he brushes his thigh against yours once again, fiddling with your fingers softly. he figures he can allow himself this.

glancing into your eyes, his reflection stares back him.

he accepts that living with this ache of shame & this disgusting sense of desire is the very least someone like him deserves.

he figures he should allow it to devour him.

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