#Käärijä needs to make it in top-10

[because-its-eurovision]

Voting for ESC Top 250 is open!

Vote HERE

[alien-girl-21]

Since semester has ended for me, have something I have been cooking for a couple of weeks:

Joker Out and Käärijä as shit my friends have said:

(Kind of long so it goes under the cut)

Kris: I'm the wall god punches when he's mad

-

Jan, while searching a song to sing in the karaoke: Peru :) ... wait

-

Bojan, filling out a form: is m for male or mujer?

-

Kris: if there was an idiot competition, Bojan would be the judge

-

Nace: good luck with your algebra homework!

Jan: how did you know it was algebra? (He wrote algebra on top of the page)

-

(Right before a test)

Everyone else: studying

Jure: well... what do we do now?

Jere: idk dude, join my game

-

Bojan: can you pass the meat for the grill?

Kris: what am I your fucking wife?

-

Nace, after joining the band: if someone were to come out of the closet here... I would say it would be Jan

Bojan: come out of what closet? The one made out of glass?

-

Bojan, to Kris: why would you need a toxic girlfriend when you have me

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Jure: I don't know if I should go to pride with you guys, I'm straight

Kris: you can come as an ally and support everyone!

-at pride-

Jure: -making out with a guy-

Kris: not THAT much of an ally

-

Kris, pointing at the rest of the band: I'm sorry if my children ever missbehave, if they do, just call me, I'll put them in time out

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Jan: Bojan, if you don't stop I'm dropping you off to Jere so his lovesick ass can sort you out

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Interviewer: what is the first word you think of when I say eurovision?

Kris: money

Jure: microphone trophy

Bojan: talent

Jan: reciting poetry

-like 10 minutes after the interview-

Jan: why tf did I say reciting poetry?

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Jan: the way to know that kris is really drunk is when he starts being nice to bojan

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Nace: if you don't want to come to pride with us, you can come to the afterparty!

Jure: that's not really his type of party

Homophbojan: yeah, invite me to a party for normal people next time

(I should clarify that the friend who said this is an ally and they were joking, they are actually really cool and respectful towards queer people)

-

Jesse: Jere got really drunk at the party and he was talking about Bojan and started crying because he missed him

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Bojan: I like people that have a presence, that's why I started dating jere

Nace: yeah, I remember the first time I saw him in person I went "oh, that's jere"

Bojan: exactly! ....... and then he opens his mouth

-

Jan: I don't care at this point, a car can run me over before I turn this demo in and I would be fine -walks into oncoming traffic-

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Jere: what are you guys doing?

Kris: cutting a cake with a ruler

Bojan: welcome to the balkans

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Bojan: I need to do my duolingo lesson!

Nace: Bojan, you're so drunk you threw up on the street, don't do your duolingo lesson now

Bojan: I have priorities

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Jere, walking into a surprise anniversary gift Bojan was making: hi— what's that?

Jure: it's a mass hallucination don't worry about it :)

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Jesse: Bojan branded my boy like a cow! (Jere's wearing a bracelet that says "are you?")

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Jere: if this whole music thing doesn't work out, I'm moving to Thailand and raising fish

[little-drop-of-water]

Chronicle Of A Concert

Chapter 1: The Concert Anouncement

First: Käärijä anounces he'll give a concert in Spain in September.

Me, in Mexico and with no plans to go: OMG! That's so cool! People from Spain and other countries nearby can go see him. Awesome! Good for them!

Then: I find out Tarja Turunen and Marko Heitala are also gonna be there, the day right before Käärijä.

Me, still not planning to go: Oh wow! That's gonna be great! I've read reviews that say they sound like Nightwish...more than Nightwish! I bet they're gonna play The Phantom of the Opera...

After that: I find out the venue is a medieval castle.

Me, having a meltdown: Holy sh*t, is castle! It's a castle! An actual castle! OMG, imagine listening to Phantom of the Opera in a castle...OMFG! Imagine listening to Paidaton Riehuja in a castle!

And finally: I find out the events are not in a festival, but in fact are separate individual concerts, which means more time for each artists.

Me: *Flights from Cancun to Spain*

Chapter 2: Talking To Everyone

At work:

Me: Hey, so...how do vacations work here? I know they're technically not paid, but how many days can I take?

Accountant: Depends on the date. When are you planning to take them?

Me: September.

Accountant: Oh, sure! Take a month for all I care!

To my parents:

Me: What would you say if...instead of going to my cousin's wedding, and spend my birthday at my cousin's wedding...I went to Spain for a couple concerts instead?

Dad: Go.

To my boss:

Me: I'd like to take some days off in September, is that ok?

Boss: Which part of September? Because I leave on the 15th.

Me: Oh, it would be during the first half.

Boss: Sure, how many days are you taking?

Me: I was thinking 2 weeks...

Boss: Why so much? Where are you going?

Me: I wanna go to Spain.

Boss: Oh, great! Sure! Make it worth it! But, I need you to be here on the 12 tops, so why don't you leave on late August, like the 28, 29 and come back between the 10-12? And you could work part time for a week so you don't go without a pay for all that time?

Me: You know what? That's actually a great idea.

Chapter 3: Planning

So...where the hell is Fuengirola and how do I get there? Ok, it's in the south, close to Marbella...damm, it's gonna be expensive.

The closest airports are Granada and Seville. The tickets to those are expensive. I'm gonna have to fly to Madrid.

How do I get from Madrid to Fuengirola? Oh, the closest city is Málaga...and it's only like 3 hrs from Madrid by train or bus...ok ok ok ok...so it's doable...

And how do I get from Málaga to Fuengirola?...oh, public transport, I see...great!

Hey, it's not actually as expensive as I thought at first.

Hmm...the direct flights from Cancun to Madrid are 9hrs long...pfff...I've done 11.

Chapter 4: The Story So Far...

I have the plane tickets, the concert tickers and I booked a hostal in Madrid downtown. I still need to book a place in Fuengirola tho...

I’m currently learning the Madrid Subway system and planning what to do for the time I'll be there (I’m going to a couple museums, there's a park I want to visit and a flea market that is a few blocks away from where I’m staying).

I already have my outfit for the concert (just need the shoes) and I’m thinking about making bracelets to give away.

[glorious-blackout]

My Year in Gigs

Seeing as we're nearing the end of the year, I thought I'd look back on the amazing shows I've been lucky enough to attend in 2023 and resurrect my Post-Concert Depression with a definitive ranking 😅💚

Eurovision Semi Final One - Live Show: Absolute dream-come-true experience. Loved every minute, the crowd was so kind and supportive towards every act, and I got to see most of my faves steal the show and advance to the finals 🥰 

Muse (Dublin) : My second Muse gig of the year was even more of a blast than the first! Absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the joy of finally seeing Butterflies and Hurricanes and Apocalypse Please live 😭 

Queens of the Stone Age: Josh Homme arrived onstage, called us all crazy motherfuckers, expressed a sincere desire to get fucked in the ass by a Scottish dude, then called his guitarist a 500-year-old vampire before flirting shamelessly with him. 10/10, no notes. Oh yeah, and the music slapped too.

Käärijä: Half hilarious stand-up show, half incredible party with insanely fun, energetic songs. One of the most enjoyable gigs I’ve ever been to and I would pay good money to fly to Finland solely to see Käärijä play a gig on his home turf. 

Muse (Bellahouston Park): My boys were incredible as ever and I had a genuinely great time at this gig, but it gets demoted a little due to the torrential rain cutting our setlist short and making me ill 😅 Would have been an easy third place had technical difficulties not robbed me of the chance to see Verona live... 

Go_A: If you’ve never been to a Ukrainian Folk-Rave before, I can highly recommend it! Go_A were simply phenomenal with great energy that had us dancing all night. Highlight of the show was Ihor delivering a badass flute solo while Kateryna went backstage to recharge her awesomeness. 

Sparks: These guys have been making consistently excellent music for decades and still have more energy and enthusiasm than most young bands could ever dream of possessing. Such a wonderful set filled with amazingly quirky songs both old and new. 

Joker Out: It says a lot about the high quality of shows on this list that I’ve had to rank these guys so low. In any other year they’d be a clear contender for top three! The energy from both the band and crowd were insane, the boys were clearly in awe of having a venue full of Scots singing along with them in Slovene, and I need the Demoni scream injected directly into my veins 😈 

Arctic Monkeys: This ranking has almost nothing to do with the band themselves who delivered a great show, but looking back on it I’ve just had to accept that I wasn’t having a good time during a large chunk of this gig. The crowd in my section were rowdy to the point where I couldn’t hear or see anything and I was wasting all my energy trying not to get shoved. My depression was also playing up to the point where I was struggling to get excited over songs I dearly love and I just felt unwell and burnt out all night. The second half was a definite improvement as we’d moved to a calmer area by the time they brought out The Car songs, but by the end I was just exhausted and desperate for home. Would see them again in a heartbeat in a more intimate indoor venue, but I think I’ll avoid any of their big stadium tours in future 😅 

Busted: Honestly, I had a much nicer time at this gig compared to Arctic Monkeys. The nostalgia alone of singing along to ‘Thunderbirds Are Go’ at the top of my lungs is always a special moment. But I can’t pretend for a second that Busted’s music comes anywhere close to the quality of Arctic Monkeys’ recent output, so they’re a very reluctant last place on my list of generally incredible gig experiences 😅 

Best Support Act: Nova Twins by a country mile. I may have fallen slightly in love with Georgia and her incredible bass skills. It was easy to see why Muse invited them on tour because they seemed so at-ease in a massive arena 😊  

Here's to (hopefully) more amazing gigs in 2024! I'd love to hear about some of the great shows that you guys attended this year as well 🥰💖

[esc-is-holding-me-hostage]

Final thoughts/rant/whatever

- Yeah, Greece giving Cyprus meager 4 points meant that it's all doomed

- The real crimes of the juries were putting Israel 2nd and Estonia 5th

- My tweet asking Ukrainians not to vote for Poland got a surprising 1000+ likes and retweets. And guess what? IT DIDN'T FUCKING MATTER, 'CAUSE WE GAVE 12 POINTS TO POLAND ANYWAY сукакурванахуйблядь I hate it here

- Slovenia in the 21st place is makes me wanna put on Joker (hehe) makeup

- Germany putting in effort and still being dead last is just sad

And now for the big thing

Do I think that the show was "rigged" in Loreen's favor? No.

But I'm still upset and the difference of 163 points between her and jury's second place is absolutely fucking baffling.

The jury vote system is designed in such a way that huge point gaps are less likely to occur AND YET. May I remind you that in 2019 correcting the votes of one (1) country changed the jury winner.

I'm sure they will try to change the system somehow next year. After all, we've got the current system after Sweden won as a jury 1st, televote 3rd place.

That said. Oh my god, can you guys fucking chill? Stop with these ridiculous conspiracy theories. "It's because of ABBA's win anniversary", "Melfest was purposely made bad so she could win" - jeeeesus.

Loreen was second in the televote, she got points from literally every country except for Finland (obviously), it's not like she was pushed to the winning spot from out of the top 10. People, a lot of people, voted for her. She did have the whole package with a good song, great vocals and great staging. It's not like the juries handed Bridges a win.

Do you all have the memory of a goldfish and don't remember KEiiNO? Who also won the televote but not the whole thing? This is not the first time this is happenned, come on, shit like this is bound to occur sometimes.

"The juries were put in place because of the anti Eastern-European sentiment, we don't need them anymore". Yes, and also because the contest was filled with shit-tier joke entries fighting for the televotes.

"The televoters know what's best!" After 5 points (last place) to Blanca and 81 points (8th) to Blanka? After 16 points to Austria? Really?

Look. I am also upset at the result. I turned off my TV before the winner's repriese, for fuck's sake. I expected Loreen to fight for that 1st jury spot. I expected Käärijä to get between 60 and 100 jury points so I could give up my hopes before they even started announcing the televote results. But he was in the 4th spot, and I thought that maybe, just maybe he can still win. And that's why you should never get your expectations up, kids.

tl;dr: Käärijä deserved to win, but making up fucking conspiracy theories to justify your fave not winning is stupid and you all should chill and stream Cha Cha Cha or something. Give the green man those 0.003 dollars.

[gatalentan]

had a nap. am not hungover despite the tequila. final eurovision thoughts roundup in order before i shift back into abbott mode:

juries need to be reworked. its been known for many years at this stage and we can no longer pretend 5 people is a representative sample worth the same weight as the thousands per country who vote. if you tried to use 5 people as a representative sample in any other scenario you'd get laughed out of the room. they aren't eurovision experts, they're not like the panel at a gymnastics competition or something, they're just complete music industry randoms. when the two boards are this disprate it is stark evidence that the juries do not represent the music taste of the country and are given too much weight compared to the thousands of votes. it's like we watched two completely different shows. they're out of touch, corruptable, and value "art value" (ballads) over what the viewing public actually values (being entertained on the entertainment show). it does not prevent bloc/diaspora voting because the juries do that just as much if not more, as we saw last year with the jury corruption scandal. it's just last year they got caught. this may be the straw that broke the camels back with the juries and i hope it is.

käärijä would not have won with the old combined system because despite getting more 12s in the public than loreen, he received so many low jury scores whereas loreen conversely received many 10s from the public. he would have won if we only had the public vote, and with a historic 2nd highest score ever tied with Sobral. it's unmistakably the juries that are the issue.

i'm happy loreen won, that's my girl, but i would have been just as happy for käärijä to win, too. i would have prefered käärijä to have won than this outcome, however, because her win is now tainted forever and will not be seen as legitimate by such a large swathe of eurofans. the amount of vitriol i'm seeing towards her, as if she manufactured this outcome, is making me so angry. as if she's the first winner to ever return, as if there isn't decades of precedent for it. her returning isn't new or special, and she was chosen by the voting public of her country in one of the most rigorous pre-esc contests, melodifestivalen. she wasn't chosen by internal selection for gimmick reasons, like the uk sending a tiktok celebrity to chase clout. so the way the historic first ever double win for a queer woman of colour has been fucked up in such a way due to a broken system is just. not the tea. i really hope she has a good support system around her in the next few weeks because she's going to end up wrongly having to shoulder so much of the blame.

show thoughts:

overall line-up fantastic, so strong I couldn't predict the bottom. a very deserved no-nil year. the fact this line-up was down to public voting rather than jury interference does not escape my notice, either.

flag parade was a really fun time and loved seeing the old guard. a shame ruslana couldnt be there but loved seeing her in the interval vt. loved seeing tina karol also, underrated by everyone except us diehard fags lol.

show was way too uk centric. despite kalush performing the intro video was all about us and our shit celebrities. sam ryder should not have gotten a solo performance and the interval should not have been about liverpudlian acts. even julia's participation was diminished from what we saw in the semis - they should have had her in the green room instead of alesha or hannah if they were going to bring in graham as a 4th. the uk did not win in 2022 and that wasn't highlighted. it was very disrespectful to ukraine's win.

the interval was a poor attempt to piggyback off of Switch Song which i dont think will ever be topped, tbqh. I am, however, so happy Dadi Freyr finally got to perform at a final after two runs that were out of his hands. It was very funny having him perform Atomic Kitten, of all things, however, lmao.

hannah was a phenomenal host in general, one of the best there's been in modern day. similar to nikkie tutorials being a great host, there's a skill to seeming relaxed and open to improvisation that most hosts do not have. comparing her to alesha dixon was night and day. it was comfortable to watch hannah because she was just inviting the audience to have fun with her. graham has this same skill because he does it on his show. other countries should take note of this and choose hosts that aren't just people who can read an autocue but instead people who are light on their feet.

hannah and graham were a fantastic duo in the jury votes, it was the first time in memory where i've enjoyed watching the hosts kiki during it instead of me going wandering around getting drinks or eating. except for hatari they didn't seem stressed about time constraints or miffed about spokespeople going over the way most hosts are and it made for a much more comfortable experience because they were just vibing. it was nice. it was like having friends in the room pulling faces.

the jury rep who said "this was an exciting night for the girls and the gays" absolutely fucking sent me to pluto.

overall i enjoyed the show, one of the most enjoyable there's been, but yeesh. the way this esc may end up being a turning point year is so fucking unfortunate.

[darkerthanblack-666]

Hi! Could you perhaps explain how you made that crochet käärijä bolero? I’m trying to make one for a moomin plush :’) if not that’s totally fine! Just thought I’d ask :D have a great day

Oh, I just did 10 "eyes" (idk how to call those in English) for 2 rows, 15 for 2 more rows, 20 for 2, then back to 15, 10, etc. I improvised a bit with no pattern 😂. Then I connected two sleeves on top.

I'm not a good crocheter, so you should be able to make it easily 😂. Good proportions and counting is all you need! I profiled it on the bottle with old face mask wires, so that's the whole "secret" 👀

[j-restlessgeek]

Hello, my dear friend. I come bringing questions.

9. What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?

27. Do you have „rules“ about food?

36. Has anyone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?

48. Say ten facts about your room

83. What’s your favorite flower?

109. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

194. What’s something you can see yourself going for jail for?

Have a great day💚💚💚

Meow there :3 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😻😻😻

9. What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?

-oh most i have already cleared and secured but i would definitely love to survive my trip to finland and meeting my friends.

27. Do you have any "rules" about food?

Yes, two. Do NOT lie to me about what in my food is, if I ask you does this has ingredient X and you tell me its not because you want me to eat it, because you think i am being silly or whatever, I will trust you less or not at all, its an immediate deal breaker to me.

Do i have allergies? No, but a hell of texture issues, that make me gag and throw up. Don't lie to me when I am suspicious.

Don't force me to eat/consume things.

36. Has anyone ever spread a nasty rumour about you?

- maybe, not that it ever got to me or that I care. I am way to oblivious.

48. say ten facts about your room

1. i have a fancy metal bed that makes noise when i turn around 2. i have a doctor who darlek alarm clock :3 3. my walls and shelves are filled with content, art prints and posters. 4. my room has two outside walls so its pretty chill most of the time. 5. i have a big stuffed animal collection 6. i have a käärijä themed finland flag :3 7. my selfmade häärijä plushie sits in my shelf 8. the häärijä my friend made is right next to my bed under the jure magnet another friend made for me 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 9. i have a calendar from last year still on my wall because the art is absolute top game. 10. i have a punching bag screwed into my ceiling (that bolt needed heavy duty tools due to the ceiling being very sturdy).

83. favourite flower

Oh i freaking love gerbera daisies. They can stand for innocence, purity and cheerfulness and are usually sent to brighten someones day.

Also colours 🥰🥰🥰🥰

109. do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

-yes, you and several of my friends about which i am very happy 🥹🥹🥹🥰🥰🥰🥰

194. what's something you can see yourself going to jail for?

Hmmmm good question, i don't like violence, might make an excuse if i see someone abusing an animal.

Thank you for asking 💛💛💛💛

[xanaphiia]

I agree that we should keep the jury vote partially because it gets people up on the board that deserve to be (like Estonia this year). I think what’s frustrating about this years results can’t really be condensed to ‘abolish the jury vote’. There’s a few moving pieces - like the fact that the juries seem to clearly consistently prefer a particular kind of genre and don’t always simply judge the quality of a song. Like I’m not convinced that Sweden had the highest quality song (at least not by THAT far - they were twice the people below them) and I feel that their popularity with the juries may be also because she’s a known constant in Eurovision and everyone had high expectations from the start. On the other hand, the juries did make some pretty good calls - like rewarding Estonia and Australia.

I also have noticed that in recent years, the bookmakers odds seem to have a pretty big influence on the contest in a way that sometimes ruins the fun and the tension of the show and the decision. Not sure how to fix that one, just an observation.

I think the voting system needs reform - and the jury should be changed but not necessarily abolished. I’m also increasingly sceptical of the way we award points only to the top 10 of each country which can sometimes distort results (like Germany coming last when overall they placed much higher on average but just often not hitting the top 10). Again, not sure how to fix it, just an observation.

Either way, don’t send anyone involved hate. I would hope that wouldn’t need to be said anymore but clearly it does. That applies to both sides btw - I have seen people say callous things about Käärijä because they were frustrated that people preferred his entry.

I personally still think Käärijä should’ve won - I think one can express that sentiment without it being seen as an attack on anyone else though.

okay, my personal thoughts on the jury vote/televote drama (as unbiased as possible):

i understand people’s disappointment when their favourite doesn’t win. i also understand how that disappointment can turn into frustration when it turns out that was the most popular entry with the general public, yet it didn’t result in victory.

for me, the presence of juries in the contest is non-negotiable. i think they help to recognise aspects of the songs that very often get overlooked by the viewing public - composition and vocal ability being the two most important. i think of estonia from this year, a song and performance that most definitely deserved the love they got from the juries to push them up the scoreboard. i think of albania 2018, switzerland 2021, portugal 2022 - all entries that deserved to be recognised, and were not given that by the televote.

all of that is not to say the jury is faultless. i agree with most, that the criteria the jury is told to judge upon should be modified/expanded. i think they should drop the focus on commercially successful songs to help level the playing field for songs in languages other than english (or popular languages like italian or spanish). they should also include people from more diverse musical backgrounds to appreciate alternative forms of music like rock, jazz, folk and music with ethnic elements etc. they could also make the juries larger (i think just doubling the size to 10 people would already make such a huge difference).

i think the biggest change the EBU needs to make regarding the juries is to be much more transparent. the general public has no idea why the juries exist, or what they are even judging on. each show the presenters should explain the criteria the juries judge on. because i’ve seen so many comments on social media over the past 12 hours which seem to fundamentally miss the fact that the juries judge based on criteria which is given to them by the EBU. they do not simply sit down and make a ranking of their favourite to least favourite.

the big point for me is that the jury vote is NOT supposed to be representative of the public vote. there would literally be no point to it if it were. therefore the jury having different scores, and ultimately a different winner than the televote, does not in itself mean that there is a problem with the juries. if you ask me, it means that the juries are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. they recognised the song which best fit the criteria they were asked to judge upon… tattoo.

and i would also add that tattoo was immensely popular with the public as well, it came second in the televote. and the juries placed televote winner cha cha cha in fourth position. so the argument that the juries are out of touch with the european public (at least when it comes to the top spots) just doesn’t add up.

since the juries were reintroduced in 2009 we’ve had 4 types of victories

• where the televote and jury vote agree on a winner (2009, 2010, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2017)

• where the televote winner has won overall despite not winning the jury vote (2011, 2018, 2021, 2022)

• where the jury vote winner has won overall despite not winning the televote (2015, 2023)

• where the winning song has won neither the jury vote nor the televote (2016, 2019)

so, in the 14 contests with the 50/50 jury televote system, only twice has the jury overridden the televote to decide the winner. the televote has overridden the jury vote double as much. in fact, the majority of times (8 times, if you include the 4th category since on both those occasions the winner came 2nd with both televote and jury vote) both have agreed on the winner. overall, the televote has gotten their winner to win the overall contest 10 times out of the 14 contests since the reintroduction of the jury.

therefore i find the conclusion that the jury is tainting the results of the contests’ winners not based in reality.

now, all of that is simply the opinion of one girl who likes eurovision. you can take it or leave it. i don’t think this will change anyone’s mind if they are dead set on the juries needing to perish in hell fire to atone for their sins against euro pop music. but more so i wanted to explain my reasoning behind still valuing the juries as an important part of the contest.

and, two last very important notes:

• käärijä not winning the contest doesn’t mean that he’s lost. it doesn’t mean that you can’t go back and watch his performance a thousand times and revel in the joy it gives you. it will always be there. music is subjective, just because a certain song wins a certain contest doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the best. he has thousands more fans now and you can always support his future career.

• being disappointed with the results of the contest however does not give you the right to send abusive messages and hate towards other contestants. käärijä himself said after the final yesterday that he cannot complain about the rules and he was happy for loreen. this is the same guy who was so distraught when he received one hate comment that he deleted all his accounts on social media. he wouldn’t want anyone to be doing the same towards his fellow artists. the contest was about being united through music, and sending hate won’t change the results, and it won’t make you feel better either.