#Jutti near me

[storesenor]

Transform Indian Wedding Trends with Store Senor

Traditional clothing for men, such as sherwanis, kurta pajamas, and Indo-Western outfits, are timeless staples in Indian ethnic wear. These garments not only captivate with their beauty but also embody rich cultural stories. At Store Senor, located in the heart of Gurgaon's bustling markets, these elements are brought to life in a stunning array of  , textures, and history. Today, we explore the enchanting world of Jutti, Pagri, and Safa—timeless treasures that grace grooms with elegance and tradition.

Step into Elegance with Perfect Juttis

Store Senor is your destination for the finest traditional Indian Jutti. Crafted with meticulous care, our Juttis blend age-old artistry with modern flair. Each pair features intricate embroidery and hand-stitched patterns, telling a story of heritage and craftsmanship. From the vibrant hues of Punjabi Jutti to the regal simplicity of Rajasthani Mojaris, our Juttis are not just footwear—they are celebrations of style and tradition.

Pagri: A Symbol of Honor and Tradition

Pagris holds a special place in Indian culture, symbolizing honor, respect, and valor. At Store Senor, you can explore a diverse range of Pagris, each crafted from fine fabrics and adorned with embellishments reflecting regional traditions. Whether it's the majestic Rajasthani Safa, the opulent Mughal turban, or the elegant South Indian Peta, our curated collection caters to every groom’s style and tradition.

Safa: The Pinnacle of Wedding Grandeur

The Safa takes center stage in Indian weddings, adding a touch of grandeur to the groom’s ensemble. Each Safa at Store Senor is a labor of love and craftsmanship, featuring vibrant colors and rich textures that complement the attire and narrate tales of heritage and festivity. Safas symbolize cultural pride and sartorial elegance, making them an essential part of the wedding celebration.

Experience Timeless Elegance at Store Senor

At Store Senor, the worlds of Jutti, Pagri, and Safa come alive. Our collection transcends fashion, embracing culture, traditions, and timeless elegance. Each piece is a testament to the artisan’s dedication and the richness of Indian heritage. Whether for a wedding celebration or a cultural extravaganza, our collection promises to adorn every occasion with grace, dignity, and unmatched style.

Additionally, explore our range of Sherwanis, Bandh Galas, Indo-Western outfits, Tuxedos, Suits, Kurta Pajamas, and Nehru Jackets. Visit us at Store Senor.

Discover the elegance and tradition that Store Senor brings to every Indian wedding, and let us help you transform your special day into a celebration of culture and style.

[ennaku-sirri-da]

It’s true love indeed

Day 6 of @smileformeweek : Again

[ ID: Traditional fanart colored digitally. It is of the game Smile For Me and involves the wedding ceremony of Trencil Varnnia and Jimothan Botch. It is of my AU Roseverse.

Jimothan and Trencil are getting married. In my interpretation they are both Indian, Jim is from the South and Trencils from the North. They are doing the Varmala ceremony. The garlands are made of colors of red, green and white flowers.

Jimothan is wearing his traditional dress, that is, a yellowish-white shirt and dhoti with gold trim, along with a shawl with gold trim draped on his left side. He also has a golden chain. On in his head is the tripundram mark. Footwear is dark sandals with toe rings. Jimothan has many healed scars, burns and bite marks from raising a difficult baby such as his son, Parsley. His dusty brown hair is streaked with lighter colors as a sign of aging.

Trencil is wearing his traditional dress, that is, a red turban decorated with beads and pearls, and a peacock feather to top it off, he wears a dark blue sherwani with pink floral patterns on it plus a dark green shawl covering most of his right side with yellow, pink, blue floral and teal-leaved patterns. He wears red dhoti pants with rose-pink jutti shoes that have purple floral patterns. On his face, he wears gold eyeshadow with glitter near his eyes. He has some of women's elements in his jewellery, like the gold and white maang tikka, with a gemmed flower shape as centerpiece. He also wears a nath and earrings with gold, white, red, pink- with floral motifs. On his hands is floral dark-red henna. In appearance, Trencil looks more old and wrinkled, with red eyes and claws as nails. His ears are also very long and droopy like a bat's. His hair is naturally black as can be seen at the ends but rest of it is dyed dark blonde.

Jimothan and Trencil looks at each other lovingly with smiles. Jim reaches a hand out to put the garland on Trencil while Trencil holds his arm. With their other hand they both hold up a brightly colored umbrella decorated with gold strips at its point, and mirror pieces through the body. Flowers and grass, with small white balls hedge the bottom, from them hangs arrangements of roses and white flowers strung together. The interior of the umbrella is a light pink, covering Jim and Trencil.

From either side, two hands throw pastel flower petals on the newlyweds. The text below reads , first in Tamil, red, " Botch " then black " weds" in English, then dark green "Varnnia" in Hindi. So it is " Botch weds Varnnia". The background is a gradient of, from top to bottom, light yellow, green, blue, pink. The whole picture has a warmer, orange tone to it.end ID]

//

They're getting married...again!!!!

Trencils wife is probably dead? And Jimothan is divorced from his. So yeah this is both of their second marriage.

Here's the rough sketch I did beforehand of both their full outfits if anyone wants to see, some things changed in the final product

[ ID: Pencil sketch showing Jimothan and Trencil standing, forward facing in the clothes I've described above, with few changes. End ID]

Man... do you think Trencil, hid Jimothans name in his henna🤭

Oh! In case you didn't read the image description-- they're both Indian in my headcanon. GOOOO!!!

Honestly if you're confused about some details reading the image description will help.

I think this is legitimately one of my BEST drawings of 2024, holy shit, also THEME SONG

[iamthecomet]

Your post about the “wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo?” Quote from jutty reminded me.

I fucking met him.

He came out to the queue line at about 11:30 and met with the early crowd. Someone near the end of the line walked up and said.

“Guys, don’t be creep, but jutty Taylor is around the corner.” We all gathered ourselves and then he showed up.

I wish I remember what he was wearing but I was too starstruck. He said hi, said he saw us (I assume from the windows of a tour bus that we suspected was them that pulled up about 10 minutes ago) and that he wanted to mingle with the early crowd. I gave him a bracelet and he GAVE ME A HUG

I swear I was about to cry. He was so nice, said he appreciated and thought it was cool that we queued this early (I was there since 8:45am) and that he hopes we like the show.

He was amazing

WAHHHHHkldashfjkads Oh my god that's amazing!! He seems like such a nice dude, and I'm so happy to know that he actually is. So fucking cool, and lucky. I'm so glad you got to have that experience!

[ladylexi-of-wind]

I’ll be tagging all the Ghost fans I know here on Tumblr just to see if I could get more opinions; it’s completely optional, please don’t think I’m a weirdo.

Ok, I’m not one for going into theories, I let the PROFESSIONALS handle that, but I have to say this or otherwise I might explode:

(This is all lore I’m talking about, not Jutty or real life itself)

I know that Swiss is typically really energetic and goofy on stage, but recently it’s come to a concerning degree– maybe that’s just me, but I’m worried about my boy.

He seems more…wild, aggressive, almost like something is happening to him.

He’s been: yelling, screaming, writhing around on the floor, and more stuff like that.

I cannot tell why, though…maybe it’s a ghoul thing? Do ghouls start acting differently when things might come in the future? I know Copia has been looking a little more scared recently because, well…

But does that influence Swiss’ actions? Is acting differently a reflection of what would happen in the future? Like, if a negative occurrence will happen soon in the future, do they start to have negative actions and the same goes for positives?

Then again, all the other ghouls seem to be fine…is he mad at someone or something? Another Ghoul? The Ministry? Papa himself?

I’m not sure, this is probably me overthinking things (SURPRISE!!). I’m just worried about him, and I hope he’s okay…is he possessed or something? Can a demon become possessed by another demon?

But hopefully it’s just him having a good time and not all becoming angry with what with happen in the near future.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk, and perhaps lemme know your guys’ thoughts.

Tags below ⬇️

@rocketlauncher3000 @tasty-ribz @in-cardi-c-we-thrust @owlghuleh @of-dragonss @dewdrop-ghoul @ghestie-nun @ghostchems @ghostbc-headcanons @historian-crown @hallowed-be-thy-username @leezlelatch @xrosaurax @copias-girl @beepophobia @batsghuleh @bitterconfusion @novaiisk

[sassylassy123]

The Sun And The Moon.

Chapter 1 - A Filthy Man

Divyanshi was just a normal 22 year old girl. Her life was pretty boring but the only thing she liked about it was that she was studying what she actually wanted to study, Psychology. She was pursuing her dreams in The Delhi University studying Psychology.

Living in Noida, she had to travel everyday by metro which was another unsafe place for her and several other women. Gathering all the courage she stepped in hoping that she won't she won't get in any 'trouble'. The definition of 'trouble' in her dictionary was 'getting harrassed by a man' which was so common that it was being ignored in the past few months. A few weeks before the day, her classmate was touched wrongly, in a manner which should've been punished but the man who was the culprit was released because 'a bad touch' couldn't be proven.

She hated standing in a metro filled with people with sweaty armpits and it was so unfortunate of her that she had a sweaty armpit just infront of her face, and as if that wasn't it, there was an infant crying uncontrollably just beside her, an elderly man who couldn't stop coughing on the other side and a filthy man who couldn't stop falling on her; behind her. Her breath fasten and her heartbeat even more, she could not bear the torture. She had enough, if it was a mistake she would've easily forgive the man but he was purposely falling on her, touching her constantly. She turned around and pushed him back.

"Are you blind? Can't you see so much space? Go stand there! Not close to me." she raged.

"Oh madam! Who are you to blame me? It's not my fall that I fell on you. You are being so dramatic." the man grinned.

She felt the sudden urge to scratch his face with her long nails and bang his head on the pole beside her. His grin which was as filthy as a gaze of a hyena looking at its pray. She controlled herself and said, "You aren't to be blamed? You purposely fell on me, you fool! Not once! Not twice but this whole time since you've boarded!"

He scoffed. "The women these days!" He said with disgust, "You are provoking me by wearing this deep neck top! And you're blaming me?"

She stared at him for a minute, she couldn't process the shit he spoke. "Are you mad? What the hell is wrong with you?" She spoke.

The man silenced himself and stood behind her again, maintaing a small distance from her. She sighed and rolled her eyes, her station was near and she didn't want to ruin her day with what had happened. 'Any moment now!' she thought, 'I'll be free from this shitty person.' Her thoughts were interrupted when the man once again, not surprisingly fell on her and this time he touched her bare neck and pinched it.

Being extremely proud with himself, he didn't expect a 'jutti' to land on his face. His face was red and so were the eyes of the girl. She looked at him with rage, if looks could kill, he would've been ashes by now.

"This bitch!" He pushed her back, touching her inappropriately again. "Didn't you all see? What she did to me was unpunishable and you are ignoring this?" He asked the crowd, his cheek still hurting.

"What are you talking about, Bhai? It was nothing. I saw nothing." An elderly lady said.

"Yeah, humne kuch nahi dekha." Another said.

The metro had stopped and a chaos slowly formed. The man was making a huge scene. The staff was impatient, another metro was arriving in ten minutes.

"Sir, why don't you understand?" A man asked, "We have protocols! You can't hold this woman's hand and block the gates."

"No! This is the matter of a man's pride, his honour! She insulted me and assaulted me infront of the public." He gritted his teeth.

"Arrey Bhai, you need to calm down! You are being so dramatic!" Divyanshi smirked uncontrollably, she felt a strange happiness in her heart, "My god! You are so emotional! It was just a normal touch and how can you prove it? Tell me! Answer me! Do you have any prove that I smacked my sandal on your face? Your face doesn't have any marks of a sandal."

"What's happening?" An unknown voice was heard, it was deep and rough.

"She hit me!" The filthy man complaint.

"Oh did I though?" Divyanshi smiled.

"Both of you, follow me!" The unknown man said.

"I am sorry but why?" Divyanshi's smile dropped.

"Thane, we are going to thane. I am a cop." The cop said.

"Hey Ram!" She sighed.

~~~~~~~~

"Name?" The cop asked the filthy man.

"Mohan." He answered.

"Mohan what? Don't you have your baap's name or your mother forgot to tell you?" The cop said.

Divyanshi snickered, it was an awful day indeed but seeing Mohan being insulted brought her joy.

"Mohan Trivedi." He replied bitterly.

"Oh! So you are a Trivedi!" The cop noted it down. He also noted Trivedi's number and address.

"Your name, madam ji?" The cop asked.

"Divyanshi Thakur." She answered.

"So, Thakur Sahab what were doing in that metro?" The cop kept down the pen on the register and closed it. He sighed and rested his head on his hands.

"Sir, aren't you gonna ask him that question? He was the who harrassed me uncountably." Divyanshi said.

"Thakur Sahab ji, let me do my job and please co-operate. It will be easy for you." He said.

She clenched her jaw, sighed and formed a fake smile. "Sir, I travel from Noida to Delhi every other day for college and sometimes to visit my friends."

"Friends? You have a boyfriend?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Sir, that's not relevant." She said respectfully.

"Accha so, this man claims that you hit him. Do you agree?" He asked.

"I can only answer that question if this man answer my question." She said, "It's just one question and then I may answer you." The cop nodded, she turned to Trivedi. "You are being constantly stabbed, what will you do?"

"I will die, simple." He replied.

"Exactly! I felt the same feeling when you touched me. It felt like my heart was being stabbed but this was something that you can't understand, because this is not just physical we are talking about, it mental and emotional." She looked at the cop, "Yes, I hit him, I agree. The only reason was he touched me inappropriately."

"See! This woman agrees! She hit me!" Trivedi said.

"Madam ji, you may leave." A senior inspector entered the conversation, "I'll handle these two." She glared at the cop.

"Ma'am, it was an investigation. I had to ask questions." The cop looked down.

"Haan, investigation! We don't ask such questions in investigations." She scolded her junior.

"Thank you, ma'am." Divyanshi left the police station.

It was almost noon and she had missed her college. She planned to spend the rest of time in the market and leave before it's too late for her daily metro. Walking on the footpath was very normal but on the streets of Delhi, everything was a chaos. People were swearing at each other in a corner, a teenager was selling belts, a group of boys around her age chasing each other. She assumed them as visitors as she had never heard someone wear in a language other than Hindi and English on the streets of Delhi. She knew it was a curse by the intensity of it. She felt a sudden push and she fell infront of a car and the car drove over her.

~~~~~~~~~

She had a faint memory of the accident, the last thing she saw was a huge black Thar and the last thing she heard was 'Yeh toh gayi!'.

She slowly gained sight and saw green grass around her. She felt a cold breeze and she shivered. She sat on her knees observing her surroundings. It looked foreign. She wondered if she had short term memory loss and she had infact recovered and went to spend time with nature.

"It can't be a dream. It's reality. But how?" She stood up and saw a pond. She dipped her feet but saw a movement in the water, before she could move a large crocodile appeared before her. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" She stepped back hastily and fell on her back.

"Hey, mitr. Don't do that. She didn't do anything to you." She heard a voice, the crocodile whined and went back in the water. "Good mitr."

She turned her head towards the voice. She saw a man not so much taller than her. He had dark skin but an unusual glow, his face was actually glowing. Well, not just his face, his entire body was glowing. She stared him in awe. He was dressed as a king. She noticed a peacock feather but ignored that detail.

"Thank you, sir but-" she was interrupted.

"Ah a 'but' follows!" The man sighed.

"But who are you and why are you dressed like this? What place is this?" She asked in a hurry.

The man sighed again and shook his head, "What about the promises you made me, sakhi? I thought you'd feed my favourite dish."

..................

[pesterloglog]

Kanaya Maryam, Sollux Captor

Act 4, page 1715

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GA: If Youre Not Too Busy Still Setting Up The Network

GA: Perhaps You Could Come Show Me How To Activate The Viewport

TA: ii am iin fact two bu2y 2tiill 2ettiing iit up.

TA: whoa HERE2 an iidea.

TA: pre22 F1.

GA: My Keyboard Is Missing The F1 Key

TA: liie2.

TA: dont bother me iim not iin the mood.

TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2.

TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever.

TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

TA: 2o go away.

GA: You Used To Like To Talk More

GA: If I Recall I Was Typically The One Who Would Solicit Reprieves From Your Nonsense

GA: So I Dont Know What Happened

TA: that wa2 before ii knew we were all goiing two diie.

TA: and no one beliieved me.

TA: and now look at you all.

TA: all beliieviing me 2uddenly HMM UNCANNY.

GA: Then Why Are You Doing This

GA: Setting Up These Stations For Us

TA: two get you all off my bulge about iit.

TA: but ii wont troll any of them per2onally no way.

TA: kiind of juveniile.

TA: but you guys go knock your 2elve2 out ok.

TA: 2ee the menu up top?

TA: fiiddle around wiith that tiil you open the viiewport.

GA: I Did Fiddle With It

GA: To No Avail

TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2.

TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2.

TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are.

TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology.

TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

[arocini]

Women's Footwear Online: A Stylish Journey

Introduction

In the dynamic world of fashion, the trend of purchasing women's footwear online has witnessed a remarkable surge. The convenience of scrolling through a plethora of options from the comfort of one's home has transformed the traditional shopping experience. As we delve into the world of online footwear, let's explore the evolution, styles, and the diverse market awaiting fashion enthusiasts.

The Evolution of Online Footwear Shopping

In the not-so-distant past, shopping for footwear meant navigating crowded stores and limited choices. The advent of e-commerce has revolutionized this, offering a convenient and expansive alternative. The ease of browsing, selecting, and purchasing has become a driving force, shifting consumer behavior towards online platforms.

Trending Styles: Women Jutti and Mules

Two styles that have gained immense popularity in the online market are women's jutti and mules. Once considered traditional, these footwear types have now become fashionable statements. Their versatility allows them to complement various outfits, making them go-to choices for many.

Convenience at Your Fingertips: Online Shopping Benefits

Online shopping offers unparalleled convenience, allowing individuals to explore a vast array of options at their fingertips. The availability of different styles, sizes, and designs provides customers with a diverse shopping experience. The hassle-free process from selection to doorstep delivery adds to the allure of online shopping.

Buy Women's Footwear Online: A Diverse Market

The online market for women's footwear is incredibly diverse, encompassing styles such as jutti, mules, clogs, and more. What sets online platforms apart is the accessibility to unique and exclusive designs. Fashion enthusiasts can explore a plethora of options, ensuring they find the perfect pair to suit their style.

Ladies Jutti and Mules Online: Finding the Best Picks

Selecting the best ladies' jutti and mules online involves considering various factors. Comfort, style, and occasion play crucial roles in making the right choice. Online platforms often provide detailed product descriptions and reviews, aiding customers in making informed decisions.

Best Deals: Buying Ladies Footwear Online

One of the significant advantages of online shopping is the availability of attractive deals and discounts. Fashion-forward individuals can find budget-friendly options without compromising on style. Savvy online shoppers know where to look for the best deals, making their footwear purchases even more satisfying.

Wedding Footwear for Women: Making a Statement

The trend of purchasing wedding footwear online has gained momentum. Brides-to-be and wedding attendees now explore unique designs that make a statement on the special day. The convenience of finding the perfect pair without the hassle of multiple store visits is a significant allure for those planning their weddings.

Designer Mules and Juttis: A Touch of Elegance

For those with a taste for exclusivity, designer mules and juttis offer a touch of elegance. Online platforms provide access to a plethora of designer options, allowing fashion enthusiasts to stand out. The allure of owning a pair of limited-edition or custom-designed footwear is now just a click away.

Handcrafted Footwear: The Artisanal Touch

The charm of handcrafted mules and juttis lies in the artisanal touch. Online platforms support artisans and their craftsmanship, offering consumers a chance to own unique and meticulously crafted footwear. This not only adds a personal touch but also contributes to sustaining traditional craftsmanship.

Local and Global: Online Footwear Near Me

The beauty of online footwear shopping lies in its reach, catering to both local and global audiences. Whether you're looking for something unique from your local artisans or exploring international trends, online platforms bridge the geographical gap. The world becomes your marketplace, and the choices are virtually limitless.

Customer Reviews: A Guide to Choosing the Right Pair

In the digital age, customer reviews play a pivotal role in decision-making. Before making a purchase, potential buyers often rely on the experiences of others to gauge the quality and fit of a product. Reading customer reviews ensures a more informed decision, contributing to a satisfying shopping experience.

Footwear Trends: Mules for Women and Juttis on Sale

Staying updated on footwear trends is essential

to remain in vogue. Online platforms frequently introduce new collections and offer seasonal sales, making it easier for fashion enthusiasts to stay ahead in the style game. Mules for women and juttis on sale are often hot items, providing an opportunity to snag trendy and high-quality footwear at a fraction of the original price.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the world of women's footwear online is a captivating journey through style, convenience, and diversity. The evolution of online shopping has redefined how individuals approach footwear purchases, offering an expansive and accessible market. Whether you're in search of the perfect pair for a special occasion, a unique handcrafted design, or the latest trends in mules and juttis, online platforms provide a treasure trove of options.

Embrace the ease of scrolling through a multitude of designs, read reviews to make informed decisions, and take advantage of the exciting deals available. Online shopping not only caters to the fashion-forward but also supports artisans, bringing handcrafted elegance to your doorstep.

FAQs

How can I ensure the right fit when buying footwear online?

When shopping online, carefully check the size charts provided by the brand. Additionally, read customer reviews to get insights into the fit and comfort of the specific footwear.

Are online prices competitive compared to physical stores?

Yes, online prices are often competitive, and there are frequent sales and discounts. Comparing prices across different platforms can help you find the best deal.

What are the key factors to consider when choosing wedding footwear online?

Consider the style, comfort, and theme of your wedding. Look for elegant and unique designs that complement your bridal attire. Also, check for return policies in case adjustments are needed.

Can I return or exchange footwear purchased online?

Most online platforms have return or exchange policies. It's essential to read and understand these policies before making a purchase to ensure a hassle-free experience if the need arises.

Are handcrafted mules and juttis more expensive than mass-produced options?

Handcrafted mules and juttis can be slightly more expensive due to the artisanal craftsmanship involved. However, the uniqueness and quality often justify the investment for those seeking distinctive footwear.

[jadenite]

Gonna ramble a bit here, feel free to ignore the text portion of this if you want.

I started working on Fy’ra Rai and have these two variants. I kinda like the silhouette of both, though I’m leaning towards V2 because I want to keep the Renaissance elements throughout the entire group. V1 is pretty much the same as the reference image I used, I only modified the footwear to be thigh high patent leather boots continued from the traditional jutti - I hope this is the correct term for this style of shoe if Google hasn’t lied to me, only in a different color palette; and I feel bad for just leaving it like that, because it’s not an impressive modification, at least not sufficiently impressive to me. Not that I did anything overly spectacular on V2, where I just “transplanted” some elements of the top from an actual Renaissance portrait (a male portrait, cos they’re the ones who wore that type of garment). I just thought combining these two wildly different styles of dress (not just culturally, but temporally different too) looked cool for the idea of an elegant, fashion forward monk like Fy’ra Rai.

Anyway, stay tuned for the eventual finished version of this portrait, coming soon to a dashboard near you.

[apopticghoul]

just so you know my jutty obsession is no where near gone

(im watching another stream help me)

[storesenor]

Jutti near me

Traditional clothing for men, such as sherwanis, kurta pajamas, and Indo-Western outfits, are timeless staples in Indian ethnic wear. These garments not only captivate with their beauty but also embody rich cultural stories. At Store Senor, located in the heart of Gurgaon's bustling markets, these elements are brought to life in a stunning array of colors, textures, and history. Today, we explore the enchanting world of Jutti, Pagri, and Safa—timeless treasures that grace grooms with elegance and tradition.

https://justpaste.it/fdn2q

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 4, Part 2: Flight of the Paradox Groans

BRIGHT: Remember Spades Slick being bizarrely aware he was in a comic, back in the Intermission? Buckle up, things are about to get even more fourth-wall-breaking. Appropriately, this starts by the comic focusing on an actual fourth wall, which activates to show...Andrew Hussie.

Hussie’s MS Paint avatar notices the audience watching him, laments that his side of the wall doesn’t have an off switch, and then recaps the first year of Homestuck.

Now, in all fairness: The recap is thorough, full of links, and explains things fairly well. It’s quite long, but given how much territory it has to cover I’m not sure it could be any shorter. So it does its job well, and it’s a boon if you’re getting lost with the plot.

As for the author insertion...on this occasion I don’t mind it. It comes across as tongue-in-cheek, but framed more as the author talking to the reader than as the author inserting himself into the narrative. It’s definitely very Homestuck.

Anyway, AH gets back to work, and after a couple of false starts we return to John!

John is still flying around with his jet pack. GC trolls him to offer him a world map of LOWAS and tell him she feels awful about killing him, although in literally the next line she tells him that technically he never even died so she doesn’t understand why he’s so upset. John understandably finds this disturbing. They have a brief nonsensical discussion about Jesus/Jegus, and then John agrees to go take a look at what’s on the other side of his Second Gate. Yes, on the advice of someone whose previous advice got him killed.

CHEL: Almost a shame we didn’t set up a Too Dumb To Live count, but then to be fair that was a separate timeline and he’s probably not thinking of it as something that “really” happened. This is supported by his later dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: The word Jegus is really popular in the Homestuck fandom, used far more often than it is in the canon. Gets quite annoying, in my opinion. Actually, a rather Jesus-like figure does appear, but he’s not called “Jegus”.

CHEL: Yeah, I think only Terezi, John, and Dave ever use the term, but it somehow became latched onto as an actual term used by trolls in general, even though in canon it isn’t.

BRIGHT: Fortunately, this time GC appears to be playing nice. John flies though the Second Gate and emerges...into LOLAR?

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie does an amusing trick where he has what looks like a loading screen for a flash but it’s actually a still image eternally at 2%.

BRIGHT: Yes, it’s LOLAR. John promptly crashes into Rose’s house, smashing through a wall and into her bedroom, where Rose is still snoozing in her knitting pile. Apart from briefly being stuck upside down, he does not appear injured by this collision.

Rose has somehow slept through the commotion. John decides to let her rest and borrows her computer to talk to Dave.

The first one he talks to is actually Davesprite, who points out how moronic John was to listen to GC again. No arguments here! Then he explains how the Gate system works: Odd-numbered Gates, above players’ houses, lead to somewhere on their planets. Even-numbered Gates lead to other players’ planets, exiting over their houses. Normally they aren’t meant to go through even-numbered Gates until the houses are built up, so they don’t fall to their deaths, but fortunately John has a jetpack workaround. So far Davesprite is living up to his promise of being straightforward.

John realises he’s talking to Future Dave, and asks “do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?”

...ouch, John.

Davesprite goes off on a tear, ranting that he is a real Dave — arguably the realest Dave, since he’s been running around LOHAC for months trying to get enough information to save everyone. John apologises sincerely.

CHEL: This won’t be the last we hear of this theme, though.

EB: i think i pissed off your future self. TG: what did you do EB: i said he wasn't the real dave. TG: ahahahahaha EB: i think i might have really hurt his feelings though! TG: pff TG: dont worry about it EB: why not? TG: cause i wouldnt give a shit TG: and hes me

BRIGHT: Not a hundred percent sure I believe Dave, there.

CHEL: Dave uses John to snoop around Rose’s room and get the captcha code for her journals. Classy, Dave. Not a SLAMMER point, however, as this does come back to bite him very soon.

Rose’s dreamself has awoken on Derse, the purple planet, and flies across to the opposite tower. Dave’s dreamself appears to be awake, sitting upright in his computer chair; the room is entirely an unsettling bloody red colour apart from the SBaHJ cartoons on the walls, and… oh shit, there’s Lil Cal again, now in a long purple nightdress and hopping around the room on his own. If Rose was having nightmares because of dreamself issues, I can only imagine how Dave’s nightmares must look. Rose throws a ball of yarn at Dave’s dreamself, alerting him, and causing the awake Dave to pass out.

Back in Rose’s room, it seems that Charles Barkley quote was not misattributed:

FAILURE ARTIST: Another SBaHJ reference in the book quote. Is that where Dave got it?

Still, I don’t recall this book ever coming up again. Just another item that seems like a Chekhov's Gun but isn’t.

CHEL: John feels guilty about opening his birthday gift from Rose, but reasons that it’s technically now his anyway, so he does, finding another bunny, this one black and filthy-looking except for the pristine knitted purple patches repairing it, though its shape is eerily familiar.

The gift in this box is a resurrection. I used your present to thread life anew into a tattered heirloom. As long as I can remember, its black, greasy appendages have been tethered limply to its ratty, porous carriage. Too delicate to wash, too dear to discard. I used to love this rabbit. Now he's yours. I trust you'll find this to be adequately sentimental. Happy birthday.

Oh my gosh, awwwwww. Even if you don’t ship them romantically how can you not love their interactions? Definitely one of the comic’s strong points. Also I need to go hug my childhood teddy bear.

John puts the bunny back in the box again and the box in his sylladex, freeing Casey the salamander while he’s at it. And let’s just take a minute to feel utter horror because dead John still had Casey in his sylladex, so the best option is that she died too, and the worst is that we have an And I Must Scream situation on for a baby salamander. Gah.

FAILURE ARTIST: Thanks, I’d never thought of that and I never want to again.

You aren't actually sure if she is a girl though. You don't even know if salamanders can be girls. Aren't they hermaphrodites or something?

CHEL: No, for the record. Though some frogs can switch from one to the other.

FAILURE ARTIST: Casey is very popular as a name for an OC child of John (often having Rose as the mother).

CHEL: John answers Rose’s Pesterchum, upon which GA is half-heartedly sending antagonistic messages. John answers on Rose’s account, saying that Rose is asleep, which GA takes for Human Sarcasm, prompting John to pretend to be Rose.

GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like. TT: you look kind of like... TT: howie mandel from little monsters.

Wait, how does he know? Am I forgetting a point at which he saw them?

BRIGHT: I always assumed that he was just goofing around and his guess happened to land in the right ballpark, but thinking about it, I’m not sure the kids ever express surprise at the trolls’ appearance.

CHEL: John, pretending to be Rose, talks about how awesome John is.

GA: He Is Either The Leader Of Your Party Or You Hold Whatever The Human Equivalent Of Mating Fondness For Him Is

CHEL: Both. Both is good!

FAILURE ARTIST: Knowing what we do of troll culture later this is an odd statement. Heck, it’s just an odd statement. Maybe this is why people think trolls don’t do friendship.

CHEL: John apparently confuses GA by saying it’s because Rose is thoughtful and John appreciates his gift, and suggests GA talk to John.

TT: why don't you pick the time that will make the most complicated mess out of everything imaginable?

GA sounds very annoyed, and leaves, intending to have the conversation with John that she had previously. We see her, GC, and the horns of AT and an unknown troll in the grey room, now revealed to be a computer laboratory. For some reason she chats via Pesterchum with another troll instead of just walking over to talk to them. This new troll is twinArmageddons, an appropriate name for the circumstances, who type2 iin yellow text liike thii2; he is, as it turns out, the hacker guy GC mentioned earlier. TA is busy setting up the network and seems irritable in general, and is not willing to help GA work her viewport.

TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2. TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever. TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

Nice callback, but trolls, as we’ll later find out, don’t have presidents.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 14

GA wonders why TA doesn’t want to talk to her, and TA complains that he knew in advance the trolls were doomed and no one believed him. He refuses to troll the humans himself but is setting up the system so the others can in order to get them to leave him alone. GA asks again for help, to no avail.

TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2. TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2. TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are. TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology. TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

Ooh, a threefer plus one! Tacky simile for the Problematykks. As for WSP, we’ll later find out that 1) trolls kill all their criminals, 2) trolls don’t give a shit about the welfare of their children, and 3) trolls don’t appear to actually go to school. These two counts are neck and neck in the lead now!

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 17 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 17

BRIGHT: As with much of Homestuck, the trolls give the impression of being made up as Hussie went along. That’s not entirely a bad thing -- it certainly makes the comic pretty unique -- but it does lead to some out-of-place slip-ups.

Anyway, GA chucks her F1 key at TA’s head and then starts poking him. We also see CG in the lab.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think I recall GA/TA were a popular ship before we learned more about GA. It does seem like they have a Rose & Dave dynamic going on.

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Rose and Dave have a dance party to Dave’s music while accompanied by some crows and Lil Cal, who keeps teleporting around the room. Rose eventually gets tired of Cal’s shenanigans and hurls him out of the window, to the relief of many.

FAILURE ARTIST: The flash originally included music by Bill Bolin. In fact, it was his unfinished music being included here that caused all the drama in the first place.

BRIGHT: Time for some random interludes! First up is Maplehoof the pony, who is following Rose’s mother through a large cave which, judging by the grist lying around, recently contained very dangerous monsters.

FAILURE ARTIST: Apparently pets can collect grist for their masters...and know what grist is despite being a normal(?) animal.

BRIGHT: First Mom, and then Maplehoof, stand on a transportaliser platform and disappear. Second is Dad, who has just acquired a replacement shoe and hat (which showed up in the walkaround game, way back at the beginning of the Act), when he encounters a familiar-looking stranger with a Colonel Sassacre book, who leads him to another transportalizer platform. Both of these interludes do become relevant later, but at the time they seem a tad unnecessary.

Meanwhile, John uses Rose’s alchemiter and a code Davesprite gave him mid-rant to produce a truly epic hammer called FEAR NO ANVIL. It’s far too big for John to wield, but fortunately he can use the scaling upgrade on the alchemiter to reduce it to a more useable size. ...wait. When did Rose’s alchemiter get a scaling upgrade? Dave and Jade added a lot of modifications to his, but Rose’s should be the original edition. Sigh.

EB: so what is this? EB: the thing the code made... TG: really powerful hammer EB: how do you know? EB: i thought you couldn't use hammers. TG: i cant TG: better be though TG: got it from hephaestus EB: who's that? TG: really tough to kill dude EB: you killed him for it? TG: nope EB: how'd you get it then? TG: shenanigans EB: ok.

...and we’re back to sprite evasiveness. Davesprite is being less than forthcoming here, although it’s less obvious than with Nannasprite because it superficially imitates John and Dave’s bantering.

CHEL: Now, this would be a good way of keeping us interested if we were eventually going to see how he did it, and also they have a time limit, so not going off into a long anecdote would be understandable. However, we’ll see how his evasiveness level proceeds in the future.

BRIGHT: Dream Rose and Dave see John using Rose’s alchemiter on Dream Dave’s computer. Rose wakes up.

FAILURE ARTIST: It is interesting how early Homestuck avoided having characters have face-to-face conversations. Would have been unique if it kept up throughout the entire comic.

BRIGHT: Back in the meteor, GA hassles TA into opening the viewport on her computer. This turns out to be as simple as clicking on the point in Rose’s timeline that she wants to see. No wonder TA was frustrated!

Of course, by this point, the only one left in the room is Rose, now awake, and the young salamander. Rose hurries to catch up with John, but he blasts off to explore before she can reach him, taking her mutated kitten with him.

CHEL: John renames Vodka Mutini to Dr Meowgon Spengler, and Rose renames Casey to Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer. Interesting link to the themes of identities which are starting to crop up, though it’s not really a direct analogue. The animals are the same animals with different names; the alternate timeline characters have the same names and superficially the same identities, but are they really the same people after their new experiences?

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Lil Cal inexplicably lands on a stray rocket board, catching the attention of AR.

You're not sure which laws are being broken, but it is probably a lot.

AR follows Cal to yet another transportaliser, and they both dematerialise.

We jump back to John, who spies a boat on one of the islands dotting LOLAR and lands to investigate. He follows hoofprints in the sand into a subterranean hallway filled with monsters. Fortunately his new hammer has time powers, which stun the monsters long enough for John to kill them. Further on, he finds the transportaliser Mom used. John, naturally, stands on it, and is transported to a meteor in the Veil.

Actually, it’s not just a meteor; it’s one of the laboratories where the Skaian troops are produced. John, along with the cat and Maplehoof, finds a bunch of chess guys being grown in glass jars on a giant podium. Most of them are the standard carapaces we’re familiar with, but there are also a few larger pieces, apparently based on knights and rooks. He also finds a JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGIST’S LAB SUIT, and another of those strange house-shaped sets of monitors.

On Prospit, PM is preparing to board a shuttle to Skaia when a COURTYARD DROLL sneaks up behind her. Unaccountably, she fails to notice him, despite the fact that he’s wearing a hat larger than he is. CD successfully pickpockets the White Queen’s ring, and PM departs for Skaia, none the wiser.

CD radios the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY to report mission success, and is told that he doesn’t need to keep wearing his ridiculous outfit, per orders from Jack Noir, who is now going by the SOVEREIGN SLAYER. CD says he’d rather keep wearing the outfit. Apart from the sword-through-the-chest part, it is a very nice outfit, so I’m with CD on this one.

Catastrophe is averted by Jade delivering a flying kick to CD’s head and following up with a very efficient smackdown. Her robot body replicates this back on Earth, beating the stuffing out of her mummified grandfather. Jade retrieves the ring, and puts it on her fingers to remind herself to give it back to PM later. Unfortunately, this doesn’t cause Jade to sprout wings and tentacles. Seems the rings don’t work on humans like that.

Meanwhile, in a Timeless Expanse, a WARWEARY VILLEIN is getting tired of the battle between Derse and Prospit. The next animation is called “WV?: Rise Up” and it’s one of my favorites! When I first read Homestuck I had to watch it a few times before I understood what was going on, but it is a very neat video.

Watch on YouTube

The Battlefield has been prototyped three times, and is now spherical. The forces of Derse and Prospit meet. The usual carapaces with swords are backed up by larger pieces -- some of them very strange -- and by battleships clashing in the sky. In the chaos, WV, who is farming peacefully on Skaia, has his home and farm burned down. He raises a flag and addresses the troops of both armies. Elsewhere, Jack Noir appears, flying over the Battlefield in search of the Black King.

WV rallies the armies and tells them that their real enemies are the monarchs, who are responsible for the war. Encouraged, the Dersite and Prospitan troops band together and march on the Black King.

Meanwhile, PM has reached the White King and discovers that she no longer has the White Queen’s ring. The White King listens to her and hands over his scepter, which seems to represent Skaia and serves a similar function to the Queens’ rings. Behind a nearby hill, the Hegemonic Brute radios somebody to report the transfer.

As WV and the united armies reach the Black King, Jack arrives and slices the Black King’s scepter in half, nullifying its powers and turning the Black King back into a normal carapace. PM is attacked by HB, who knocks the White King’s scepter out of her hand; it falls down a waterfall. Jack Noir beheads the Black King and turns to WV, and the animation ends.

...okay, much as I love it, I have to admit there’s a glaring question here: Namely, the kids started playing the Game less than a day ago and Dave’s kernelsprite has been prototyped for a few hours max. The second prototyping made the Battlefield more complex and the third took it into its current form. That’s a very short time to instigate a cross-faction revolution, organise the troops, and march on a monarch. For that matter, how long has WV been a farmer? The inhabitants of Derse and Prospit have obviously been doing their thing all the kids’ lives, but the Battlefield was supposedly a static, rudimentary space until John entered the Medium, so what gives?

Then again, the timeline in the Medium is supposed to be distinct from the timeline on Earth, so maybe that explains it?

CHEL: An interesting point is also raised by WV’s revolution. Namely, Derse is presented as a kingdom of darkness and evil by the game, while Prospit is presented as good. However, while PM is good, WV and AR are demonstrably not bad people either. In this animation, we see carapaces of both sides apparently don’t want to be involved in the war and are willing to rise up against the Black King. The rank-and-file carapaces on both sides, it seems, are decent people who are just following orders. (Not to mention very cute.) Jack Noir and his gang are nasty pieces of work, except CD who’s also just kind of going along with it, but there’s nothing saying white carapaces couldn’t also be… And is that a Problematykks point, presenting the black-coloured people as bad and the white-coloured ones as good? I know they’re chess pieces, but still.

This raises the question, however, what’s Derse’s motive? Are its rulers and archagents simply destroying for the evulz? I wonder. I also wonder how much Skaia itself is involved in this and how aware it is. Skaia is called the crucible of creation, and it’s responsible for the creation of the carapaces too. References are made to it “seeing” and “knowing”; it’s quite possibly sentient, though maybe not sapient. On top of that, SBurb is specifically a game, and a game needs an objective, and an adventure-type game needs enemies. Derse, it seems likely, was created and presented the way it is in order to give the players something to battle against even if its people don’t want to be their enemies. No wonder WV’s pissed!

BRIGHT: Yup. Hmm, thinking about it...the imps and other enemies we saw attacking John’s house early on were obviously Dersite, but the ones we’ve seen in Rose’s seem to be Prospitian, if anything? The colour scheme looks that way, at least. But Nanna said earlier that Derse was the enemy, nothing about Prospit.

Perhaps it has something to do with Rose being a Derse dreamer, while John is a Prospit dreamer? But in that case I’d have expected it to come up in the text. Instead it just goes unremarked.

Rose goes on a massive alchemising spree and ends up creating the Thorns of Oglogoth, a pair of wands.

The needles seem to shiver with the dark desires of THE DEEP ONE. Any sane adventurer would cast these instruments of the occult into the FURTHEST RING and forget they ever existed.

Instead of throwing the wands away, Rose takes on the enemies camping all over her house, with style.

Meanwhile, Dave goes on another, less visibly productive alchemising spree.

GET ON WITH IT!: 18

FAILURE ARTIST: The SBaHJifier could be considered productive in that it provides foreshadowing cartoons. Wish Dave’s Brain in a Jar came up again.

BRIGHT: Once he’s done creating smuppet variations to disturb the monsters encroaching on his house, he sits down to take a look at those two journals he copied from Rose earlier. One of them is called ‘MEOW’, and is literally just those same four letters, repeated over and over in different orders. The second is ‘Complacency of the Learned’.

There is no way to adequately recap the beauty of ‘Complacency of the Learned’, so we’re just going to show the whole thing:

Frigglish bothered his beard, as if unkinking a hitch in a long silk windsock. A more pedestrian audience would parse the exhibit as nervous compulsion. Behavior to petition contempt among the reasonable. He was however not surrounded by the reasonable, but the wise, a distinction in men that would forever be the difference in history's garland of treasured follies. As a matter of fact, his cadre of fellow wizards were all putting similar moves on their beards as well. The practice would evince thoughtfulness - sagacity, even - if they didn't do it all the time. Standing in line at the bank. Shooing squirrels from bird feeders. Few occasions were safe. Zazzerpan inspected the clue. A single piece of evidence cradled in his coriaceous old man palms. It was a human bone, not striking in the tale it told alone so much as that told by the thousands like it festooning the marshy soil of the mass grave. The grisly expanse bore the texture of a decadent dessert, like one of Smarny's formidable custard trifles wobbled out on wheels for the holidays, to the dismay of a small nation. "You're certain of this?" asked Frigglish. Despite what he was doing with his beard, he was, in fact, immersed in meaningful contemplation. "I am afraid I am becoming more so with each terrible tick groused by that gaudy timepiece slung around your neck." In case it wasn't clear, Frigglish wore a clock Zazzerpan didn't care for. It was magic. "The massacre of Syrs Gnelph was not as written." "What has you convinced it was the hand of our disciples in this blackness?" Executus chimed in. "I believe... I..." a fat face stammered, eyes darting with the guilt of a thief in the throes of an unraveling alibi. "I can summon a... more pressing line of inquiry..." No, Smarny. Nobody was in the mood for a sticky bundt loaf just now. Zazzerpan's ears fell insubstantial to any line of inquiry, pastry-oriented or otherwise. His abstruse contour carved a pondering shape in the fog carpeting centuries-dead. His eleven contemporaries too embraced the muted consternation of their great Predicant Scholar. Few wizards kept sharper adumbratives or read them with such lucidity. When Zazzerpan treated men with silence it was seldom unrepaid by the wise and reasonable alike. It was harrowing to entertain. Zazzerpan the Learned's storied Complacency of Wizards was marked for grander descendence. Disciples hand-picked, vetted by Ockite the Bonafide and tested by Gastrell the Munificent. The twelve sweetest, most studious children a pair of elderly eyes could give their sparkle. Not the ragged guttersnipe so oft-harvested by the common Obscenity, those vituperative little beggars with hearts to corrupt as dropped bananas brown. That these chosen youngsters would turn was not merely unthinkable, but something of a roundhouse to the temporal bones of the Upper Indifference's high chamber of Softskulled Prophets. His wisdom-savaged brow pruned further with recount of his many lessons to wouldbe successors. Lessons to advance humanity's elucidation and prosperity, an outcome this bleak trail now painfully obviated. There were few puzzles The Learned could not suspend and dissect in the recondite manifold beneath his extremely expensive pointy hat. Daring to pitch his cherished pupils in with the foul melange of history's rogues, the heretofore abstract scourge that built up civilizations with ungodly magic and tore them down with joyful malice, would prove an intellectual trespass to make his calcium-deficient bones quake. And more daring yet was the only question that now mattered. Could a bunch of bearded, scraggly old men in preposterous outfits hunt them down? He didn't have an answer. Only a simple observation so blunt and uncharacteristically jejune for the lauded sage it was breathtaking in its selfevidency. "We're going to need more wands." (Wow. Think of something better.)

Wow.

Dave is understandably intimidated by this, and decides to stop reading for now. He puts his copy of the SBURB Beta in the notebook to act as a bookmark, and leaves both books in his room for later.

Then he checks in on Rose, who is burning her version of the MEOW book.

CHEL: Dave inquires about the wizard story.

TG: i thought you hated wizards TG: whats the deal with that TT: I like wizards. TT: What I don't like is my mother's obsession with feigning interest in them to antagonize me. TG: oh man thats so messed up TG: that you think that TG: she probably digs wizards for real just like you and youre blowing shit out of proportion like pretty much always

Once again, we see exactly how fucked-up Rose’s relationship with her mother is. Mom Lalonde has somehow managed to raise a child in such a way that Rose interprets everything her mother does as an attempt to mock and provoke her.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 16

TIER: The Lalondes are pretty damn dysfunctional as a family unit, and considering the zany nature of early Homestuck and its world's weird logic that is saying something indeed.

CHEL: As for the MEOW book, it turns out the gods from the Furthest Ring informed Rose while she was sleeping that the book’s contents are highly dangerous and must be destroyed. Said gods dwell in the sky above Derse; Dave’s never heard or seen them, but Rose points out his dreamself is always wearing shades, listening to music, and distracted by Cal.

TT: You're the prince of the moon. TG: ........ TT: I'm sure they've been meaning to seek a royal audience. TG: ..........................

Davesprite chats to Rose next. She protests at being spied on by two people, but Davesprite asks her why she burned the codebook. She didn’t need to in the future, but according to her future memories of the gods absorbed from her future dreamself, Davesprite appeared to make it relevant by traveling to the past. A sinister and familiar face watches through Dave’s window, soon proving to be the Draconian Dignitary, while Dave and Davesprite awkwardly spout elaborate mixed metaphors about how safe they are, until Dave, embarrassed, says "so i guess ill go back down and burn that book".

As any savvy reader could guess, he’s too late. The prompt suggests that he should go back in time to stop the books from being stolen, but, well...

It looks like you already tried that. GORE GALORE: 10

Dave looks completely undisturbed, but whether he is undisturbed is a different matter. He flings the corpse out the window into the lava, claiming it would freak Jade out.

John, in the lab, presses a button, causing the first monitor to depict his town, shortly before his birth. There is a Betty Crocker factory and a shopping mall, neither of which are in the town now. Zooming in locks a target over Nanna Egbert, who is taking a stroll with Dad. A meteor looms; this looks like it’s going to go very badly, considering the target lock, but it hits the factory instead. When John presses the glowing blue button, a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of Nanna is created; refer back to Rose’s experimentation in the lab and the green slime blobs. This time, the slime is sucked into a tube.

The next monitor does something similar with Grandpa Harley on his ship, and the next the same with Bro Strider, who stands over a meteor crater on an unseasonably warm day; something of an understatement, as the sky is the same lurid red and the sun the same glowing spiral that they were during the Strider bros’ battle even though it’s December. Bro is, regardless, prepared for the occasion with a small pair of outrageously awesome shades. What he needs these for will soon be revealed.

The fourth monitor goes back to John’s home town, a gigantic crater where the factory once was. In the shopping mall, Dad Egbert stands outside a joke shop, while Nanna apparently remains inside, busying herself with a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a rather hefty unabridged joke book.

Mom Lalonde, clutching the infant Rose and wearing a rather snazzy long Jaspersprite-pink scarf, has come to town to study the meteor impact at the request of Grandpa Harley while he explores elsewhere. Unfortunately, now is the time a meteor chooses to strike Nanna’s location, destroying the shop.

An old mother lost today, but a new son gained.

Wait for it.

Mom Lalonde flees, dropping her scarf, which Dad Egbert picks up and slightly creepily sniffs. The monitor continues tracking her, and John captures her paradox imprint too, starting the machines whirring away...

Four babies abruptly appear on the pad, already diapered and bespectacled and old enough to sit up unaided. Convenient, no?

When the kitten jumps on a green button, the slime is blended in pairs; Nanna’s and Grandpa’s, and Mom’s and Bro’s. More blinking lights ensue, and another four extremely familiar-looking babies appear.

BRIGHT: I will say this: These kids are adorable.

While babies clamber over him, John vaults up his echeladder to the rank of Ectobiolobabysitter, acquiring one million Boondollars in the process. This automatically converts itself to a Boonbuck, the weight of which smashes his Porkhollow.

Finding out just what is going on here will have to wait, as the comic takes a brief detour to a battleship navigating the Medium nearby. There’s someone very familiar at the wheel…

An old man has much to do before he returns to Earth, dies, gets stuffed by his adopted-yet-biological daughter-slash-grand-daughter, and stuck in front of a fireplace.

Also aboard the ship are Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde. Dad returns Mom’s scarf, and the two of them hold hands as Grandpa Harley pilots the ship towards Skaia.

We return to the lab, where John has his hands full with the babies. One of them has managed to break one of the paradox slime jars from earlier, but appears uninjured. Also, CG’s trolling him again.

CHEL: CG makes mention of the ULTIMATE RIDDLE, but John is confused because CG hasn’t told him about that yet. He uses an ableist description in explaining.

CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER. CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT. CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE. CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE. CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 18

… why wouldn’t you just hop right back to the start and work in a linear fashion from there?

TIER: Because CG excels at making things complicated for himself and is fundamentally rather stubborn and set in his ways/actions. Like he's made his bed, he's gonna lie in it.

CHEL: Anyway, CG banters with John for a bit, and then informs him that he (John) has arrived in the Veil and created infant versions of the players and their guardians.

EB: so they are like cloned copies of us? CG: NO. CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS. CG: PARADOX CLONES.

A paradox clone, we are informed, is A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED. The game worlds contain many clues hinting at the ultimate destiny of the players to create their own selves through the game, and the only way things could possibly go involved the players creating themselves, or else the game session would never happen.

CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE. CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Tragic and completely unnecessary, when there are millions of perfectly good humans already in existence who could just as easily create winning game sessions without this aspect of it. Here we see another aspect of Homestuck which hasn’t come up quite so clearly before; an extremely weird take on determinism. I’m not sure if this is meant as a parody of Chosen One plotlines or if Hussie just thought it sounded cool, but it’s uncomfortable. As it turns out, only clones created by SBurb have a hope in hell of winning the game, and even they fail most of the time. Regular people who enter the game to save themselves from the destruction of the planet will fail and die there, which honestly is not really selling this game as a good thing, since it’s what causes the destruction of the planet in the first place. I’ve had actual, legitimate, honest-to-God nightmares about this aspect of SBurb, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think many fans wish to play SBurb. There’s lots of fan sessions and fake GameFAQs and custom Lands. Yet in reality SBurb is not a fun time. This is cosmic horror. I think Hussie is sometimes playing it for horror and sometimes he ignores the implications.

Then again, some people want to live on the troll planet, which is straight-up dystopia.

CHEL: Again, it isn’t really clear what he’s going for. Is it supposed to be terrifying or did he just think it would be clever? Does even Hussie know what he was going for? While it’s not exactly a joke, I think it’s worth another point here:

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 17

It might be a joke. As I said, I could see it as a parody of or playing with the Chosen One narrative. In this case, literally only the chosen ones have any hope, for reasons that are not down to any merit of their own. But if it is, there isn’t really much made of it.

Of course, the reasons people want to live on the troll planet are reasonable when taken alone, but a) contradicted every alternate scene and b) not a fair trade for everything else that’s going on there. But we’ll get to that when we actually see it. And I admit, SBurb powers would be fun, but not worth the loss of my entire species.

TIER: To me at least it's fun in the same way wondering how I'd fare as a wizard during Harry Potter's years at Hogwarts, or a ninja in Naruto is. Fundamentally you'd rather want to never encounter this sorta stuff even if you get some swanky I guess powers, but the mental exercise of it is quite honestly, really fun. The game has quite a lot of interesting things to poke around with, from lands to quests to what your co-players are up to. And I'm def guilty of playing trollsona games, because the world presented is just really fascinating in its gruesome glory.

Never want to have to actually go through it, Lord knows I'd be dead within the first ten minutes if I'm super lucky, but stories about it are pretty neat.

CHEL: That’s true, but the paradox clones thing seems almost to be taunting us for having that mentality. We can pretend we’d be the super-smart strong competent ones who make it, but in this universe if we demonstrably have parents we’re doomed to die for nothing and there’s nothing we can do about it.

BRIGHT: Another fun thing about this is that it fundamentally isolates the players from the rest of humanity. If you think about it, unless they have children with a non-player, they are completely unrelated to anyone else on Earth.

CHEL: And they can’t have kids with a non-player unless something thoroughly horrible happened, because as is stated later SBurb specifically takes its players away and destroys their planet around the point of their puberty.

BRIGHT: Although I think John is actually related to Dad — as far as we’re told, Dad is in fact Nanna’s biological son, which makes him genetically John’s half-brother.

They also miss out on (going by how active the babies are) the first couple of years of life. Those two years are crucial in terms of brain development. SBURB probably controls for that, but it wouldn’t be surprising if there were negative consequences.

Oh, and if you’re a player, your existence means your civilisation is doomed. Lovely!

CHEL: And do the players ever feel any guilt or conflict over this? Do they hell. It doesn’t even occur to them, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t occur to Hussie either.

TIER: Welcome to the hell game that is SBURB; it's fundamentally pretty fucked up! It runs on a hellish scale of "things have already been predetermined" and I am Big Fear™.

CHEL: That’ll come up later, too, but there it’s obviously intentional nightmare fuel, and not at all a bad use of time travel as a story device.

CG, meanwhile, explains that he was the one to create his session’s players. With twelve of them it was a bit more complicated, but troll lineages are complicated anyway, and we’ll find out how later.

The babies are still getting all over the lab. Note that they're repeatedly referred to as "little pink monkeys". Then again, calling a non-white child a monkey really wouldn't be good.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 18

John’s infant self has latched onto the Sassacre book, while his infant Nanna is sitting in Dad Egbert’s old hat. Baby Bro is napping in the lap of Lil Cal; that baby’s braver than I am, I can tell you that. Baby Dave is sitting on Maplehoof, and baby Grandpa has found a pair of pistols. John does not take them away from him, or even seem to notice he has them.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 7

BRIGHT: Earlier baby Bro broke one of the paradox slime cylinders and was sitting in it. John is pretty astoundingly bad at keeping babies away from obvious hazards.

TIER: That or the equipment is probably not sturdy enough to make it past an inspection into faulty management.

CHEL: But then he’s distracted by CG trolling him again, at least this time moving forward in time from the last conversation.

CG, like GA, apparently fails to grasp sarcasm...

EB: we had this great dare going. EB: to see who could be the least helpful and informative. EB: and you totally lost, dude! EB: you were hella helpful. CG: I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST SPITING YOUR STUPID POINTLESS HUMAN DARE. [...] CG: ANYWAY, HOW COULD WE HAVE MADE A DARE IF I'M MOVING BACKWARDS ON YOUR TIMELINE.

… which is weird because moments later he uses it himself.

EB: do you even have elves? CG: YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE. CG: WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!

Hussie seems to waver back and forth a lot on whether trolls get sarcasm or not, in general. Since he’s contradicting himself with troll worldbuilding, that’s a point.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19

Banter aside, he informs John that the babies are sent to Earth via meteors during the Reckoning.

BRIGHT: How do they survive the impact? Some of those meteor strikes destroy buildings. Those are some ridiculously resilient kids.

CHEL: Cut to AR, who is still having fun on the rocketboard, until he runs into a frog temple atop a meteor. This is apparently horrifying and illegal by his standards.

You are going to throw whoever is responsible into the slammer. You always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry at crimes.

Inside, he finds an empty time capsule, like Jade’s, some complicated machinery, and a monitor screen showing a greyscale house with a very familiar bespectacled female infant and dirty old hat in it. The year depicted, says the monitor, is 1910. Enter none other than Colonel Sassacre himself.

Eight days prior, the orphan girl was taken in by an aristocratic southern colonel and legendary humorist. He recovered the young lady from a crater where a bakery once stood, operated by the man's wife, a notable baked goods baroness.

An explosion outside leads them both to a crater, where once stood the doghouse of the colonel’s pet, Halley, but before the Colonel can investigate further he’s shot through the heart.

This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.

BRIGHT: I remain baffled as to how Baby Grandpa can even lift those things, let alone pull the triggers.

CHEL: Baby Grandpa crawls from the crater, and Halley the dog turns out to be alive.

The young boy has difficulty pronouncing the name though. Sounds more like "Harley" when he says it.

How does he know it? The colonel died before he even noticed the baby was there. Is baby Nanna speaking well enough to tell him yet? I guess he could be told later, as Sassacre wasn’t in fact their only sapient guardian...

Thirteen years later, the boy develops a taste for adventure. He and his guardian bid farewell. His sister is sad. She will be left all alone with the wicked pastry baroness. She can handle it, he tells her. He believes in her.

It isn’t clear why she didn’t go with him, or leave under her own power. They don’t seem to be imprisoned, as the panel depicts them outside on grass with no restraints or guards over them, so it’s not a matter of only one of them being able to get out. That’s a point for Nanna not trying and a point for Grandpa not bringing her:

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 9

That dog is also remarkably lively, considering it, unlike Bec, is an entirely normal dog, it was an adult thirteen years previously, and it’s somehow supporting the weight of an entire teenager on its back (again, please don’t try this at home, you can break the dog’s spine that way).

FAILURE ARTIST: As we’ve said, Colonel Sassacre is a thinly-veiled Mark Twain expy. The real Mark Twain died in 1910 at the same time Halley’s Comet was in the sky. It’s a cute historical gag having him be literally killed by a comet but it does muck up the timeline. Nanna must have been a senior citizen when Dad was born. Perhaps he’s adopted?

CHEL: The other option is that Dad is a senior citizen now, but surely John would have wondered why his dad is so ridiculously old. I think it’s just that thing in mainstream comics and cartoons where adults are split into Old and Not Old, and the parents are normal ages for parents but the grandparents would have to be in their hundreds going by the gags. See how Scrooge McDuck in the DuckTales reboot is over a hundred and forty years old yet his sister’s son is still a youngish adult.

AR notes that the appearifier is centred over Halley the dog, but hears someone coming. It proves to be the Draconian Dignitary. AR hides and watches, noting that DD is carrying Rose’s notebooks and Dave’s beta envelopes. DD keeps the MEOW book, but throws away the other items. Complacency of the Learned lands on the floor, and the envelopes land in the time capsule, which sets to bloom in four hundred and thirteen million years.

Meanwhile, John talks to CG while infant Mom Lalonde pets the mutant kitten. John asks if there’s any way to delay the Reckoning, but nope; CG warns him that the smallest meteors will start going in only a few minutes.

EB: ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why! EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR.

The Jack Noir from the trolls’ game session allied with them and helped them dethrone and exile the Black Queen, while the one from the humans’ session, as you may recall, killed the Black Monarchs and gained their powers, and is currently rampaging through the Incipisphere. John asks if it’s the same Jack Noir, but CG explains.

CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR BANDICOOT AND I PLAY MY BANDICOOT. CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME BANDICOOT, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS. CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE BANDICOOTS ON SEPARATE SCREENS. CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS BANDICOOTS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT. CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO. CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES. CG: OUR JACK TRUMPED THE QUEEN, BUT GOT NO FURTHER. CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING… EB: like an ace? CG: SURE OK.

The trolls don’t know what went so differently to cause the two Jacks to behave so differently, but CG doesn’t think it matters by now. John interrupts him, deciding to do yet another Con Air ending re-enactment.

Watch on YouTube

Recap: montage of Con Air posters and images to the tune of “How Do I Live Without You”. John hands the thoroughly disgusting Con Air bunny to the protesting baby Rose, while CG watches huffily on his monitor. Jade demands a toy too, so John hands her the bunny he received from Rose in an excessively dramatic fashion. CG frustratedly hits himself in the head. In scribbly crayon-like drawings, Casey the salamander performs a drum solo with glowing blue mushrooms for drums and the Con Air plane crashes. More Con Air imagery, John embraces baby Jade and the baby Lalondes while sobbing; GC points and laughs at him over CG’s shoulder and they have a slapfight. John imagines himself in Nic Cage’s iconic wifebeater and mullet and performs an air guitar solo.

TIER: Lemme tell ya, as someone who's only experience with this darn movie is whatever pops up courtesy of John this sequence is just a trip and a half. Possibly a higher number.

CHEL: Cut to end-of-act curtains; they open on the next page, declaring a PSYCHE; there are more pages to go.

Cut to Dave’s hands, covered in the dead Dave’s blood. I… guess he’s supposed to be staring at them in shock? It’s impossible to tell through his shades. For all I know he could be worried about the cleanup. GC trolls him and they banter creepily, with her demanding to know what his blood smells like and him taunting her about her blindness.

TG: just him and me TG: havin a see party TG: like a couple of eagle eyed bros peepin shit up into the wee hours GC: D4V3 GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY? TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS? TG: yeah thats fine

Neither of them seems to take it particularly hard. If there was narrative around the dialogue, I think we’d get a better grasp of how Dave feels. Lacking much body language or punctuation, tone is a bit tricky to get.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s a character later who gets a lot of grief for insulting her blindness but reading what John, Dave, and CG say I don’t know how that character could be worse.

CHEL: AT, meanwhile, is trolling Jade, rather politely. He even takes time to ask if she’s having a good nap. She’s worried about John’s dreamself not waking, and AT scrolls into his view of the future timeline, but can’t find John awake, nor see into his dreams. Jade, however, will wake up soon, and she thanks him for this report. Unfortunately, when Jade wakes up she will be in danger, and AT can’t see any further. He tells her CG wants to talk to her about her exploding robot. He can’t see whether it exploded or not because there are a lot of explosions, but asking future Jade shows it did, and that she declared CG to be a pretty nice guy, which surprises AT since he doesn’t think CG is particularly nice. Jade says she thinks AT is nice too, and asks why he’s the only one who talks to her while she’s asleep.

AT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROBOT, tO LET YOU SAY THINGS THAT HAPPEN, oN PROSPIT, AT: aND i'M CURIOUS, AT: bECAUSE THE ONLY TIME i EVER HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME WAS WHEN i WAS ASLEEP, AT: bUT NOW ALL OUR DREAM SELVES ARE DEAD, AT: }:'(

AT happily remembers his own time on Prospit, and we cut back to Rose, being trolled by GA despite the fact that Rose is obviously in the middle of an epic magic battle. The conversation is understandably chilly, and GA still hasn’t figured out that “Dumb Rose” as opposed to “Smart Rose” was John rather than a bizarre roleplaying scenario.

GC continues trolling Dave. He asks her how she operates a computer without sight.

GC: 1M SORRY D4V3 TH4T YOU W1LL N3V3R 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 S3NSORY BOUQU3T TH4T 1 3NJOY 3V3RY D4Y GC: TH4T 1 3NSCONC3 MYS3LF 1N L1K3 4 W4RM 4ND COMFY B4THROB3 M4D3 OF FL4VOR 4ND M3LODY TG: oh ok TG: so the dumbest and most far fetched explanation imaginable ok got it

Yes, pretty much. This brings me to a Problematykks point; GC is supposed to be blind, but it really doesn’t seem to affect her in any way at all. Its workaround is ridiculously convenient and effective, and while I’m not blind myself, I know many people with physical disabilities hate it when fiction does this. I know I would be pissed off if a piece of fiction showed an easy and convenient way to not have autism anymore. (Horrible, horrible memories of someone back in the days of Livejournal’s Fanficrants of a fic in which autism was somehow cured by having a foursome. I don’t remember how that was supposed to work.) “She’s a space alien” only goes so far in explaining it. Why even bother making her blind if it’s not going to affect her in any way?

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s the least blind blind person in media. Characters like Daredevil from Marvel Comics and Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender have a Disability Superpower but at the end of the day they still can’t do things like read printed text. GC has no disadvantages.

BRIGHT: She can apparently smell and taste photons.

Which raises the question why none of the other trolls ever show a heightened sense of smell or taste. If GC can learn to interpret smells as colours, her sense of smell must have been that strong all along, and there’s no indication in the text that she’s biologically more sensitive than her companions. Trolls must be better at following a trail than bloodhounds.

CHEL: Synaesthesia which makes one strongly associate colours with smells is a thing, and synaesthesia is generally the word the fandom uses to explain Terezi’s ability, but you still have to actually see the colours for that to work. If she was only mostly blind and was picking up blurry colour patches, I could buy it (and that is how the fandom tends to do it with human AUs), but not if she’s supposed to be completely blind, and she still wouldn’t be able to read text that way.

BRIGHT: Time for another animation, and for a hop back into the recent past.

Watch on YouTube

As the meteor locked onto Dave’s house approaches, Dave climbs up the tower to retrieve his cruxite egg from the nest his sprite made. Unfortunately the sprite attacks him, knocking him and the egg off the tower. Bro Strider appears on top of the approaching meteor and slices it in half with his katana; the two halves are diverted by the blow and strike different areas of the city. Dave’s fall is broken by a rocket board, which is presumably how Bro got up to the meteor in the first place. (How did he manage to aim it to intercept Dave’s fall? Wouldn’t it take longer to get from the meteor to Dave than it takes for Dave to fall from the top of the tower to the roof of the building? We shall never know.) The egg hatches, and Dave is transported into the Medium. There’s no sign of what happens to Bro.

CHEL: Yet more cartoon physics around the Strider bros.

BRIGHT: I don’t know if we mentioned this earlier, but although Dave and Bro live in an apartment block that presumably housed multiple people, only Dave’s apartment gets transported into the Medium. Everyone else in the complex is left to die on Earth. SBURB is sociopathic.

Elsewhere in the Medium, back in the present, Grandpa’s ship is approaching Skaia, with Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert on board.

Down on Skaia, Jack Noir draws his sword and slaughters the army WV raised to march on the Black King. WV cowers, but Jack leaves him alive. He then uses the Black Queen’s ring to send some sort of giant red tentacle attack through Skaia, slaughtering Dersite and Prospitian forces indiscriminately.

CHEL: Are they tentacles? I always thought of them as some sort of lightning lasers.

BRIGHT: That makes a lot more sense!

In the ectobiology lab, as the clock ticks down to the Reckoning, the babies are teleported to asteroids around the lab. There must be an air supply in this asteroid belt — characters are consistently shown as being able to survive outside.

CHEL: Maybe it’s just the players’ natural badassery. Batman Can Breathe In Space.

BRIGHT: On Skaia, CD makes his way through Jack’s slaughter fest, which has now ravaged a sizeable chunk of planet, and hands him the White King’s sceptre. Jack raises the sceptre and initiates the Reckoning. The meteorites start to vanish into Skaia’s defence portals. In the frog temple, DD somehow combines the MEOW genetic code with a paradox clone of Halley, creating Jade’s guardian Bec. Bec’s creation damages the laboratory equipment in the temple.

Cut to Jade, who is snoozing peacefully while her dream self explores Prospit. She looks up at Skaia, to see Jack’s shadow passing in front of it. Jack launches his tentacle attack on Prospit, slaughtering the inhabitants, then severs the chain attaching Prospit’s moon to the planet. The moon begins falling towards Skaia.

Jack then flies to LOHAC, where he encounters Bro Strider on one of the turntable mesas. Unexpectedly, Bro is able to give Jack an even fight. After a few exchanges, he drives his katana into the mesa; some sort of golden light emanates from the crack, and Bro absconds.

Wait, how did Bro get onto LOHAC? How did he survive the meteor impacts?

TIER: The ol' "rule of cool". As long as something is sufficiently "absolutely kickass!!" the rules of reality and physics can go sit on the bleachers twiddling their thumbs for all they fucking matter. There's a reason early fandom pinned down Bro as an unorthodox but immensely cool older brother type guy for so long. Because with what little information was available before we got bludgeoned with "No actually he was the absolute fucking worst thing to happen to Dave and fucked him up for life" that was the general impression he gave off.

CHEL: This and the meteor splitting are yet more reason not to take Bro’s treatment of Dave seriously; this is a world in which ludicrous animesque badassery rules the day, and physically impossible feats of battle occur every five minutes. Forcing a child to go through extensive and excessive sword training in brutal heat in a precarious place, possibly every day, ought by rights to be normal there, and I can’t believe he was physically hurt by swordfighting when he survived a meteor collision as an infant. Besides, training that extensive quite possibly could be the only thing that would keep Dave alive in these circumstances.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18

BRIGHT: There’s a random Squiddles interlude, and then we return to Skaia.

John’s unconscious dream self has fallen out of Prospit’s moon as it plummets towards Skaia. Jade tries shaking him awake, and then slaps him, but to no avail. At the last moment, she throws him out of the path of the moon, and her dream self is then killed when it lands on her. Back on Earth, her dreambot overloads and explodes.

CHEL: Taking her tower room with it; Jade’s sleeping body plummets towards the earth.

BRIGHT: The moon leaves a gigantic crater in Skaia. John’s now-conscious dreamself hovers above it.

The babies vanish through the defence portals to Earth.

CHEL: Each takes an item with them. John takes the Sassacre book, Rose the first Con Air bunny, Dave rides Maplehoof, Jade takes the bunny Rose gave to John (which is in fact the Con Air bunny plus several years and repairs), Nanna sits inside Dad’s old hat, Mom takes the mutant kitten, Bro sleeps in the lap of Li’l Cal, and Grandpa dual wields the flintlock pistols he should not be allowed.

BRIGHT: Dave and Rose reach the Gates above their houses and set out to explore their Lands. We close on an eerie shot of Bec outside the frog temple on Jade’s island at night.

CHEL: Jade’s tower room is blown to bits, and a truly enormous meteor hovers over the scene.

Curtains close. End of Act 4. Before Act 5, we receive a message from Rose, via her GameFAQ.

[ZZZZ] Rose: Egress. This is my final entry. My co-players and I have made every earnest attempt, with occasional relapse, to play this game the right way.

Really? You haven’t been in the game for more than a couple of hours and Jade still isn’t in at all! Maybe consider that the fact that not all your players are in the game yet when you wonder why it isn’t working?

I have been meticulous in documenting the process to help our peers and successors through the trials should we fail. In my hubris I believed these classes were relegated to the Earth-bound, but in even this quaint supposition I was in error. Our otherworldly antagonists have assured us of our inevitable failure repeatedly, while the gods whisper corroboration in my sleep. I believe them now. I just blew up my first gate. I’m not sure why I did it, really. I am not playing by the rules anymore. I will fly around this candy-coated rock and comb the white sand until I find answers. No one can tell me our fate can’t be repaired. We’ve come too far. I jumped out of the way of a burning fucking tree, for God’s sake.

I can see her point. The game is horrible and should be stopped. On the other hand, I’d at least attempt to spend more than one day investigating it before trying to break it. Randomly destroying shit is more likely to make things much worse than anything else.

I have used a spell to rip this walkthrough from Earth’s decaying network, and sealed it in one of the servers floating in the Furthest Ring. The gods may disperse the signal throughout the cosmos as they wish. Perhaps it will be of use to past or future species who like us have been ensnared by Skaia’s malevolent tendrils. In case it wasn’t clear, magic is real. Pardon my egress. You’re on your own now.

This note is signed with a glowing multicoloured “RL” and revealed to be emitted from a purple box with an aerial, floating in space. It seems that’s how their internet’s still working.

FAILURE ARTIST: The internet seems to be a magical dimension in Homestuck and not something that’s part of physical infrastructure.

CHEL: Hours in the future, WV lands in the desert remains of Earth, wrapped up in John’s old ghost-patterned bedsheet, which is still white. A villein becomes a vagabond. In his memory, he tears up an effigy of Jack Noir… where’d he get it? Did the game create it for some reason? Anyway, John’s blanket falls on him from the sky as Prospit plummets; WV calls it a RAG OF SOULS. Adorably melodramatic.

John’s awoken dreamself gazes sadly at Jade’s deceased one, which for some reason isn’t actually under the rubble of Prospit and appears to still be three-dimensional. There’s no excessive blood splatter like with the dead Dave, which is good, not too over the top. He retrieves the Queen’s ring from her hand. Was he told at any point that it’s important? Because if he doesn’t know, I’m not sure robbing the dead is very heroic. He sees an image of himself flying over the battlefield in a large cloud above him; in the vision he’s near a castle, so he goes to seek it out.

On Earth, PM wraps herself up in an old Prospit banner. A mistress becomes a mendicant. In her memories, she has beheaded the Hegemonic Brute and is arranging a meeting with Jack Noir. He arrives and she presents the crowns; smirking evilly, he honours their bargain, and the Courtyard Droll brings her the green parcel. She brings it to the castle from John’s vision as he arrives there, hands over the box, and angrily walks away.

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s Honor Before Reason (maybe she’s programmed that way) but she has the right reaction. This is a lot to go through to deliver a package.

CHEL: Inside the box is a letter from Jade’s unknown pen pal, who writes in dark green and a distinctive jolly-hockey-sticks dialect, with a tendency to ramble off on tangents about movies and wrestling.

Anyway you should listen to jade from here on out john because she sure seems to know whats best for you. Whatever your adventure throws at you im sure shell tell you you can handle it. She believes in you.

And another letter from Jade.

even though its super late and you probably went through a lot of trouble to get it, i really hope this present cheers you up! you looked so sad while you were reading my letter. um... which is to say, the one you are reading now.

She explains that in her dreams she goes to Prospit and John’s sleeping dream self is there, and that’s where she gets her visions. She hopes he likes his present, and says her penpal is fun…

john i am REALLY looking forward to seeing you when you wake up!!!!! its been nice playing with my prospitian friends and all, but also kind of lonely knowing you were in the other tower sleeping and having lousy dreams. :( im not sure where i am when you are reading this but im sure ill make it down to where you are soon! (jeez how did you get down there??? oh well ill find out) i cant wait to fly around the moon with you and show you all my favorite places. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!!! :D <3 jade

Ow. I think this is the only time John cries in the entire comic.

A Single Tear(™) is a bit of an understated reaction to the death of one of your best friends who you just recently learned is also your twin sister, but to be fair, John isn’t left with very much time to react, as next panel Jack Noir’s sword is pointed at his face.

BRIGHT: John knows about dream selves and waking selves by now, I think?

CHEL: He knows they’re a thing but I don’t think he knows they count as backup lives. AT told Jade dream selves can die separately from regular selves but I don’t think anyone told John.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jack Noir wants the ring, but then he’s stopped by Jade’s gift: a robotic bunny wielding multiple weapons.

They line up for a fight.

Hours in the future, on a destroyed planet, AR wraps police tape around himself and becomes a Aimless Renegade. Before the disaster, he went to the Veil, where he found a sleeping John. He saves John by putting him on a rocket board.

Back to the robotic bunny. Jack Noir flies away from the fight. Grandpa’s battleship lands and Grandpa takes away Jade’s body. Mom and Dad disembark the ship and wave goodbye as it leaves. Grandpa cries a Single Tear as he transports Jade’s already taxidermed body. Did he have a machine?

CHEL: For that matter, why isn’t he helping anyone who’s actually still alive while he’s there?

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10

FAILURE ARTIST: Nope, transporting a dead body is more important.

Again going back, White Queen leaves Prospit. On landing, she becomes Windswept Questant and wanders the Earth. We go forward years later. She repairs the laboratory and meets up with AR, WV, and PM. WV’s homemade spear hides the ring.

John watches this scene through the clouds of Skaia. He looks at the ring in his hand. In another cloud, there’s Jade’s laboratory. We close in on it and inside is The Fourth Wall. It isn’t turned on, but we are still lead to Andrew Hussie, banging away on a computer keyboard as he recaps the plot for a second time.

CHEL: Which we shall do as well when we’re done with this section, because it’s insanely hard to keep track of everything.

FAILURE ARTIST: Andrew Hussie says Nanna’s comet landed 99 years before John’s “birth” so he has some clue about the age but still doesn’t see it odd that a woman that age has a son who is probably only in his thirties.

CHEL: As I said, it’s also possible Dad was really old too, but that’s never really suggested. Not to mention, since they were brought into existence as toddlers, shouldn’t the kids be noticeably older than the ages given for them? John should be biologically fourteen to fifteen by now and at that age that can make a visible difference. I know the art style doesn’t really give clues, but no one I’ve seen has ever pointed that out in fanfic either.

FAILURE ARTIST: Newborns aren’t distinctive looking and can’t really do the cute things toddlers do. People in TV and movies regularly give birth to six month old infants so it’s not strange.

CHEL: True, but this isn’t TV, it’s a comic, and they don’t have to use an actual infant as a prop here.

BRIGHT: Possibly it’s intentional. Among other things, we see the newly-created players survive short trips through vacuum, crash-land on Earth without even minor injuries, and handle weapons they shouldn’t be able to lift for another four or five years. This could work if players have superhuman abilities (that is, beyond the classpect system). If that was the intent then it really should be made more explicit, though.

Of course, what it really boils down to is that Homestuck runs off Rule of Cool and Rule of Funny, and occasionally breaks down on examination as a result.

On the whole this is a solid Act, I think! We have a lot of new stuff happening, more characters get introduced, and we find out some more about the trolls. It’s much less rambling than Act 1.

COUNTS ALL THE LUCK: 0 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18 CALL CPA PLEASE: 8 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19 GET ON WITH IT!: 18 GORE GALORE: 10 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 15 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 0 RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1 SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 1 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS: 0 WHAT IS HAPPENING??: 9 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19 TOTAL: 127

[iamthecomet]

And hoot again :D

Yeah, you’re very right (both with so quickly depending on it being overwhelming and with it showing how much I needed it)

The trip to therapy went quite well! The bus wasn‘t overly full on both ways, so I could sit down which was really good. I‘m still nervous for the first time that I’ll sit down on the floor if all seats are taken (it would be safer and better for me, but before I was always too scared to do that. Now that I have a cane that makes it sort of visible that I have trouble walking/standing, I want to try to do it).

I have suspected that I have hypermobile joints for a while (the problem is that I’m not in enough pain to really struggle so much that it would really be worth seeing a doctor for, but I’ll mention it when I got my next appointment). Part of the problem is my bad memory, because due to that I honestly can‘t even remember if I’m in pain (I know stuff constantly and quickly starts hurting but that’s probably normal in most cases and I also have a really high pain tolerance).

My body can do things it‘s apparently not supposed to do though

But I feel it with the cane, cause my wrist always sort of wobbles cause it’s really not stable. So I tried applying tape today, but only went to the very near grocery store that takes like a minute to walk to. So I don’t really know how much it has helped yet regarding walking with the cane. I do feel more comfortable though, and I think it‘s also helping me with writing and drawing

(On the video I watched the guy explained what the hypermobile thing in that hand he was showing it on is exactly, what it would look like if it wasn‘t hypermobile and what the tape is gonna do. And my thumb has the exact position that is a result of the joint being hypermobile (so like my suspicion doesn’t seem to be too wrong)

Since noon I had a really really bad headache that felt like my skull was split open and my brain crushed. So really not nice. I took 1,5 ibuprofen and later one paracetamol but nothing helped.

Then I tested myself cause I remembered that the only time I had such a bad headache was when I had COVID and boom! Positive

So yeah. I‘ll stay in bed tomorrow (and my head hurts so fucking much. I hate it)

I‘ll send you pics when the order gets here if you want! :D

But two pairs of Doc Martens sounds very nice!

A really sweet and funny story:

A friend of mine asked me to explain Ghost (as in, explain everything).

Three days ago I sent a video of like a few clips of Jutty, one of which being this clip in which he is like “unfollowing is bullying“ and “wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨“

And since then, we‘ve constantly been sending “wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨” back and forth (then we started to send the clip as a only one time viewable video so it wouldn’t be visible beforehand).

Today, I cut off the beginning of an edit and put that clip behind that to hide it and sent it to them. They have also hidden it in a poll on WhatsApp already

It turned into a game and we can‘t stop laughing about it because it‘s so fucking silly xD (it‘s practically like Rick-rolling)

wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨

(You just got wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨-ed. You‘re welcome xD)

~ @owlishanon

I'm glad it's still going well! It's good that it gives you so much peace of mind and that you feel confident doing what you need to do now without worrying that something awful is going to happen. But I'm so sorry that you have COVID! It's rotten. I hope you get lots of rest and your headache doesn't last too long. Sleep and drink lots of water! You can definitely send me pictures of the stuff you get when it comes in! I always love to see people's hauls! I am very excited about my docs. I paid $140 for both pairs, which is like half of one what one of them costs brand new. I feel VERY lucky about it. One pair is rusty orange suede, they're short boots. Great for every day. The other are standard black knee highs which have been my dream boots since, like, forever (I've owed many, many pairs of knee high lace-up boots, but none of them were Docs). The wHaT iF i WaS cOsMo 🧐🤨 thing has me giggling. Thank you for that. What a great joke to have with your friends, seriously. Fucking Jutty. He kills me in the best ways.

[overtrolled-liveblog]

[1715]

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

Oh, that's interesting. You never really see a lot of interactions between Kanaya and Sollux in fanworks.

TA: dont bother me iim not iin the mood. TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2. TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever. TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit. TA: 2o go away. GA: You Used To Like To Talk More GA: If I Recall I Was Typically The One Would Solicit Reprieves From Your Nonsense GA: So I Dont Know What Happened TA: that wa2 before ii knew we were all goiing two diie. TA: and no one beliieved me. TA: and now look you all. TA: all beliieviing me 2uddenly HMM UNCANNY.

That's interesting. Sollux used to talk Kanaya's ear off about his doom prophecies? Huh. I wonder if he did that with everyone or just Kanaya. Kanaya seems like the kind of person who wants to know what's making her friends unhappy, so she can fix it, so maybe she was the one who initiated these conversations and then had to disengage after some point. Or maybe Sollux approached her, trying to get friend therapy. Either one is a dynamic that I haven't really seen explored.

TA: 2ee the menu up top? TA: fiiddle around wiith that tiil you open the viiewport. GA: I Did Fiddle With It GA: To No Avail TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2. TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2. TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are. TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology. TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

Alternia is so shit that I'm kind of surprised they even have a sex offender registry. I kind of figured that people either get away with it or get killed for it.

[liveindiatimes]

New Post has been published on https://www.liveindiatimes.com/ht-brunch-cover-story-celebrating-womens-day-with-grandmothers-and-granddaughters-brunch-feature/

HT Brunch Cover Story: Celebrating Women’s Day with grandmothers and granddaughters - brunch feature

Queens of cool

A second year history honours student conspires with her maternal grandma, a former social worker, on all things mischievous

Starring: Usha Trikha, 73, and Satya Dewan, 19

On Satya: Lehenga, Fabindia; Gold stole, an antique piece from her great grandmother; silver jewellery, Amrapali and Jaipur shops; juttis, Agra; On Usha: Lehenga, from a designer in Mumbai; jewellery, Khanna jewellers; footwear from Bangkok ( Shivamm Paathak )

What I’ve learnt from my grandmother: “Hearing how my grandmum made choices as an 18-year-old without thinking about what people would say makes the saying about following your heart so true. She did the cha-cha-cha, salsa, played the sitar and was a skater. How cool is that! She’s outgoing and modern in her outlook and encourages me to do what I want just like she did!”

What I’ve learnt from my granddaughter: “Satyu’s introduced me to the wonderful world of technology that instantly connects me to my near and dear ones. Courage and confidence at such a young age bewilders me and her artistic pursuits in theatre and photography have made me realise just how much a young girl can spread her wings.”

Wardrobe swap! Satya finally got her hands on Usha’s heirloom stole on the shoot day while Usha raided Satya’s wardrobe and agreed on a lehenga-kurta look. “Having worn saris since my early 20s, wearing a lehenga from my granddaughter’s wardrobe made me feel shy!” says Usha.

The art of living

A content editor says she learnt how to celebrate life from her paternal grandmother

Starring: Sudesh, 78, and Tanya Saihgal, 23

On Sudesh: Maxi dress, W For Woman; necklace, Anokhi; On Tany: Sari, Nalli; jewellery, Malabar Jewellers; Styling: Shamali Singh ( Shivamm Paathak )

What I’ve learnt from my grandmother: “It’s easy and cool for us millennials to say that we are anxious, depressed, that our job sucks and life is so tough, but I realise how happy and content my daadi is despite old age and health issues like cancer. She taught me to be a fighter and how to live in the moment.”

What I’ve learnt from my granddaughter: “Tanya’s taught me to chill more and think less about traditions. These girls want to be independent and believe in gender equality. Now that’s a lesson to learn!”

Wardrobe swap! Tanya rarely wears saris but for our shoot, she draped her grandma’s silk sari while the latter tried on Tanya’s maxi dress! “I’ve seen daadi wearing this sari in pictures. Looking at myself in the same was like witnessing a legacy,” says Tanya.

Gender no bar

School-going Leewana aspires to be an achiever like her maternal grandmother, the President of Cancer Care India

Starring: Sudha Murgai, 72, and Leewana Nanda, 16

On Sudha: Jacket and dress, Paro ; On Leewana: Dress, Paro; necklace, Amrapali; belt, Myoho; sandals, Tresmode ( Shivamm Paathak )

What I’ve learnt from my grandmother: “From naani ma I’ve learnt to stand strong and conquer everything in my way. She believes I’m capable of going as far as anyone else, regardless of gender.”

What I’ve learnt from my granddaughter: “Livu has taught me to be bold while making choices and the importance of being totally independent. She is my strength!”

Wardrobe swap! Leewana convinced her granny to give her saris a break and got a chance to wear her accessories for this shoot. “I was transported back to my youth!” says Sudha.

Women of steel

A lawyer-cum-polo player has learnt to say ‘no’ from her paternal grandmother

Starring: Prabha Singh, 84, and Avshreya Pratap Singh Rudy, 28

On Prabha: Sari, Kasim Collection, Varanasi; antique jewellery; footwear; Bata; On Avshreya: Sari, Kasim Collection, Varanasi; jewellery, antique family heirlooms ( Shivamm Paathak )

What I’ve learnt from my grandmother: “Resolve and resilience. Even after being widowed at 28, which is how old I am today, she raised five successful children. Also, the ability to say no and stick to it.”

What I’ve learnt from my granddaughter: “Avshreya has always been strong willed, even as a child. At the same time she is caring. I wish we had been allowed to be as strong and determined as girls are today.”

Wardrobe swap! Avshreya’s possessive grandma allowed her to wear one of her saris only for the shoot! “Wearing daadi’s sari gave me a strong connect with her and my roots,” says Avshreya.

Going scot-free

A restaurateur gets her helping of affection from her husband’s paternal grandma

Starring: Uma Bahl, 81 and Avantika Sinha Bahl, 27

On Avantika: Top, Shein; sari, boutique in South Extension; On Uma: Suit, boutique in South Extension; jewellery, Khanna Jewellers; clutch, Da Milano ( Shivamm Paathak )

What I’ve learnt from my grandmother: “Even at her age, daadi doesn’t ask for help. Women of her generation are natural multitaskers. I’ve learnt this from her!”

What I’ve learnt from my granddaughter: “I really admire Avantika’s fierce spirit and the freedom of her generation. Looking at her, I have realised that given the right opportunity, there is nothing a woman can’t achieve.”

Wardrobe swap! A dress-person, Avantika draped her daadi’s sari on a top while Uma junked her sari for Avantika’s suit. “Daadi liked her sari on me so much that she gave it to me!” chimes Avantika.

Partners in crime

A young chef has learnt the recipe for naughtiness from her maternal grandma, an ex-food taster

Starring: Madhu Sabarwal, 72, and Akanksha Dean, 23

On Madhu: Suit, Biba; footwear, Charles & Keith; On Akanksha: Suit, from a shop in Lucknow; watch, Fossil; sandals, Bata ( Shivamm Paathak )

What I’ve learnt from my grandmother: “My naanu often says: ‘Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them’ and that has been engraved in my mind. I’ve inherited her nose for news and love for cricket too.”

What I’ve learnt from my granddaughter: “Akanksha works as a chef, travels, writes and still manages to have fun and take care of me. Following in her footsteps, I’ve found joy in playing video games and getting connected on Facebook and Skype.”

Wardrobe swap! Madhu broke her dress code of baggy pyjamas and slipped into Akanksha’s churidar-kurta! “Taking on Akanksha’s style was like being in her world for a few minutes. What a fun idea!” says Madhu. for good measure…

A grandpa so cool!

A Delhi-based digital creator has an unusual model: his 87-year-old granddad! Both men participate in this HT Brunch Celebrating Women special by twinning and swapping wardrobes, then say the following about the women in their lives.

Starring: Satish, 87, and Siddharth Batra, 26

On Satish Shirt, Markham; jeans, Levi’s; On Siddharth: Shirt, Cotton World; trousers, Raymonds; cap, Zara ( Shivamm Paathak )

What I’ve learnt from my mother: Says Siddharth, “She’s extremely patient; her tolerance levels reach palatial ceilings! It’s rubbed off on me over time. I’m a lot like my mother!”

What I’ve learnt from my mother and wife: Says Satish, “Growing up, I saw my mother work hard to ensure the house ran efficiently. She managed to instil these qualities in me too! My wife was very good at managing our finances and ensured we travelled the world.”

Wardrobe swap! Trouser-loving Satish fitted perfectly into Siddharth’s jeans and Siddharth got an excuse to whack off his grandpa’s cap and pants! “I steal grandpa’s clothes regularly. Unfortunately we don’t share shoe sizes,” says Siddharth.

Who wore what

On Satya: Dress tailored from Khan Market; anklet, from a shop in Jaipur; Kolhapuris from Agra; On Usha: Sari, Nalli

On Sudesh: Suit, Infinity Creations; pearl string, Caratlane, ring and bangle, Khanna jewellers; shoes, Dr Scholls; On Tanya: Dhoti sari; Infinity Creations; ring and cuff, Nimai; shoes, Charles & Keith

On Leewana: Cape, Paro; T-shirt and jeans, H&M; boots, Aldo; On Sudha: Shirt, Loft; skirt, Sholeh; necklace from a boutique in Thailand

On Prabha: Sari, Kasim Collection, Varanasi; jewellery, antique family heirlooms; On Avshreya: Suit, Madhu Jain, jewellery, antique family heirlooms; jutti from Agra

On Uma: Suit from a boutique in South Extension; jewellery, Khanna jewelers; On Avantika: Dress, Mars; earrings and bracelet, customised; shoes, Ash Amaira

On Madhu: Outfit, H&M; footwear, Charles & Keith; On Akanksha: Top, H&M; pants, Global Desi; shoes, Skechers

On Satish: Shirt, Allen Solly; Trousers, Raymonds; loafers; Louis Phillipe; On Siddharth: Shirt, Selected Homme; trousers, Massimo Dutti; tassel slip-ons, SKO

Join the conversation using #GrandmotherChic

Follow @VeenuSingh12 on Twitter

From HT Brunch, March 8, 2020

Follow us on twitter.com/HTBrunch

Connect with us on facebook.com/hindustantimesbrunch

Source link

[behind-the-screen-of-bangtan]

Some stats about the BOMBs

Since the 19 of June, 2013, we’ve been regularly blessed with these little videos of random content, with titles redefining the notion of grammar and from which originated at least a gazillion of memes.

At the moment, we’ve got 364 BOMBs with one deleted from the official channel but still available elsewhere - hence I won’t count its view/likes as it’s not hosted on the same channel.

And of course the ranking for the views and the likes is just an indication and is bound to become outdated as soon as one hour’ll have passed, yet I’m still doing it to give you an idea of how things are.

Now that the scene is set, let’s go !!

The views:  Did you know that BTS is a music group?

 ... Because if you doubted it, the most viewed BOMBs will help you decide. Here’s the top 5:

방탄소년단 (BTS) '21세기 소녀 (21st Century Girl)' Dance Practice (Halloween ver.)

방탄소년단 '뱁새' Dance Practice (흥 ver.)

'Just one day' practice (Appeal ver.)

War of hormone in Halloween

방탄도령단 - 危險 (Appeal ver.)

They’re all dance practices, that have between 8 and 6 millions views. And it’s the same with the following videos. The first one that’s not music-themed (aka no dancing, nor singing, nor lip sync) is the 16th one and it’s Let's speak English!

On the other hand, not to suggest you to watch them but the least viewed videos have around 150k views. It’s 1st Minialbum Comeback feeling and Curious Cute Rapmonster & j-hope.

The length

With an accumulated length of 12 hours, 22 minutes and 16 seconds, you’d better prepare yourself when you decide to marathon the whole playlist.

If you got time, you can start by the longest ones:

Happy new year 2017! (11mn 19s)

Became an archer! SUGA & JIMIN's new challenge for ISAC (10mn 47s)

BTS Jenga championship thanks to Twitter (10mn 32s)

Hide and seek with JM, V, JK (#1) (09mn 41s)

BTS' Archery episode @ 2016 ISAC (08mn 48s)

Of course, if you consider that the two Hide and seek videos are only one, it takes the lead with 18mn 23s.

On the opposite if you’re short (no my sweet cutie Jimin, I’m still not talking about you) on time, you can have your dose, with the shortest ones:

더우시죠? It is hot today, isn't it? (6s)

Hi! Let me introduce myself! (7s)

Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! (8s)

Jutti Meri Oye~ Hoi~ Hoi~ (Catallena of Orange Caramel) (12s)

Let's dry hair ~ lalalalalala~ (14s)

The average BOMB is 02mn02 long so don’t worry you can always find a suitable match !!

The public’s reaction

Looking only at the number of likes or comments on a video doesn’t have a lot of sense.

Like 4 likes on a video with 100k views is really low but it’s gigantic if the video has 5 views.

So I made percentages to take that into account and whoa, I knew about the silent majority but... on average only 0.31% of the viewers leave comments. The extremes being Happy new year 2017! with 1.77% and Rapmon's Dance lesson with 0.03% of people commenting. Actually, it’s pretty normal for Youtube to have such difference between the number of comments and the views and it’s kinda reassuring: usually when people get chatty, it’s because they’re arguing...

At least it gets better with the likes/dislikes. On average 4,75% people click on one of the buttons. What am I to you? is the least judged, with 0,25% while what a cute boy, j-hope! :-p is the most, with 13,11% of viewers liking/disliking it.

But that’s not really the most important part about likes and dislikes, right? The real matter is rather the ratio between the two options.

The percent of likes

I’m serious, not a single BOMB has under 99% of likes, it’s so perfect that you can never see the grey side of the bar on any video. It also proves how deadly right Big Hit’s marketing strategy is: these guys know how to catch our wallets hearts and then keep it for eternity.

Just for fun, here are the videos with the highest percentage of likes:

Q&A Time in yellow post-it Room (99,9731%)

N.O last day! (99,9547%)

V's glasses (99,9519%)

Special BANGTAN BOMB 6- Jin's practice before the shooting (99,9489%)

SUGA with basketball (99,9486%)

And yeah, as you can see, the percentages are so close, you have to go four digits after the comma to make the ranking.

Conclusion

Whether they make you laugh, cringe, wonder why you’re stanning these idiots, be proud to be an ARMY or make your motherly heart clench with tenderness, the BOMBs will always make you react and also bring you closer to your favorite boys.

To emphasize my last statement, I’ll finish with this fact: starting from the seventh BOMB almost all have had an English title, easing the access of all international fans to the content. So we may not have a concert near our area, nor have special releases, nor see birthdays’ projects for the members in our streets but we’re not forgotten either <3

[aurora-borealis-love]

From

Brig Inder Mohan Singh (Retd)

KARTARPUR SAHIB VISIT.

I begin with a quote from Bhakt KabirJi in Guru Granth Sahib :-

AWWAL ALLAH NOOR UPAYA, KUDRAT KE SAB BANDE

EK NOOR TE SAB JAG UPJIYA, KAUN BHALE KO MANDE.

On 12 Jan along with three other veterans I went to Kartarpur Sahib. Lt Col H S Kahlon, Vr C Arty 26 NDA, Col S S Bhullar, 18 Cav and self travelled together. Col Mukhtiar Singh, Arty 1979 travelled separately with his wife.

Application: Application has to be made minimum 15 days ahead of travel, on line, at prakashpurb550@mha.gov.in. Scanned copy of Indian Passport, first and last page and a photo along with some details are sent. Foreign passport holders only with OCI card can travel. Rest through Pak visa. Arrange for police verification same day as you get a notice from the local police station the next day. In 4 to 5 days you get acknowledgement of your application. Final permission comes 4 days before day of visit.

Issue is why fresh police verification required? It is a formality completed by two neighbours of your area.

The final confirmation says "You MAY download the ETA...". It is MUST. It should say ETD. You need to carry the printed letter. If not, an enterprising guy from a close by village has pasted his mobile number at the first check post and he gets you a copy in about 30 minutes for Rs 20.

Checks At ICP. After two checks on the road leading to the ICP, one by Punjab Police and another by BSF you enter the car park.

At the ICP you have to show your passport and the travel permit more times than to enter an aircraft for a flight to USA or Europe. Finger prints at the immigration counter, mine seldom work and a photograph are part of the check. Customs check. You declare the currency being carried. Do carry USD 20. Out of the ICP in about 30 mins you are taken in an electric cart about 150 metres to the Zero line. Checked once again you walk across the Radcliffe Line.

Pak ICP. From the Zero line you are taken in electric carts to the Pak ICP about 200 metres away. You get entry permit by paying USD 20. You can also pay in Indian currency. Enter the ICP. Thankfully less checks on Pakistan side. Passport and photo done, you get to the Customs check and out of ICP. You board a bus for the 3 km ride to the shrine.

Our First Impression. Entering Pakistan we wished all of them, the cart driver, Rangers, FIA, currency deposit counter, immigration officials and the customs staff Sat Sri Akal and As- Salam-u-Alaykum. All conversation in Punjabi. What a feeling. When told we are ex faujis we got more respect than other visitors. The Customs Officer made us sit and get the check done separately whilst others were in the queue. Where is this animosity towards Indians and that too ex faujis? Not me. Ask anyone who has visited the place their experience. You are given a card to be worn at all times during the visit.

The Gurudwara. A few minutes' drive across the Ravi takes you to the Gurudwara. A young Sikh lady, Andleeb Kaur briefs you about the layout. Asked her about the non Sikh sounding name she said it's a Persian word. Its Nightingale. I asked her any problems she and others faced. Coming from Narowal, 16 km away, she said no problems at all.

It is amazing to see the works done by the Pakistan govt and the Pakistan Gurudwara Committee. Our SGPC and the Kar Sewa Babas must learn from them. The original Gurudwara building, made by Maharaja Bhupinder Singh is not touched except for painting. It's still a brick structure. The massive area around it, Baradari I should say, on three sides and the huge area in between is beautifully constructed. The Sarovars are like a pool in a 5 Star resort. Pilgrims not aware plus may be the winter cold saw it unused. As the story goes Guru Nanak's mortal remains were not found as Muslims and Sikhs argued over the last rites. The Gurudwara has a mazar just a few feet outside where the Muslims buried one half of the Baba's robe in accordance with their faith and a small enclosure inside the building where the Sikhs performed the last rites with the other half.Both communities had claimed Babaji as their own Peer/Guru.

The Granth Sahib is on the first floor. The space inside is slightly smaller than the Harmandar Sahib in Amritsar.

There is a well a few feet away which was used by Guru Nanak to water the fields. A small tail of an exploded bomb is displayed there. The writing says an IAF attack missed the Gurudwara building and landed in the well. I leave it at that.

The Baradari on two sides have long halls with thick mattresses, clean white sheets and pillows for pilgrims to spend the night. More for locals and those on visitor Visa. We have to return by 4 PM.

The Langar. A large hall, spic and span with a modern kitchen. The Aloo Vadi, Rajma, rice, chappatis, pickle and sewian langar followed by tea was memorable. All sewadars serving food and cooks are Pakistani muslims. The langar is practically Muslim run. Indian pilgrims do take part in cleaning the plates etc.

Experience from Meeting Pakistanis. Greetings are very well reciprocated. It will pleasantly shock readers of this post that more Pakistani Muslims visit the place than Indians. And they too have to show their ID and get a card to display around their necks. They are not from close by areas alone. Lahore, Multan, Gujrat, Sindh, Bahawalnagar and many more places. Met one Hindu Sindhi family from Sukkur. Asked them how was life. We hear lot of problems they face. NONE they said. Met a group of ladies from Lahore. The eldest, close to 80 said she was born in Delhi. All came from USA and Canada. We branded the Bajwa - Sidhu hug as anti national. What would you say when the elderly Pakistani lady was emotional and repeatedly held us in a hug.

The visit is special for Punjabis. You realise how strong this bond is vis a vis the hatred spread by the politicians. They wanted to know where we came from. One group which had migrated from Ludhiana was thrilled we were all from Ludhiana. They belonged to two villages, one Sherpur near Jagraon and the other Mundian near Ludhiana. Others wanted to know if anyone was from Jalandhar, Hoshiarpur and other parts of Punjab. Some wanted to know the surnames. One was a Waraich. So many common names. The immigration guy asked me are there Dhaiyas in Punjab. I said yes, few Sikhs, more Haryana Jats. He was one himself. There was a Bajwa policeman. We spoke to scores of groups. Teachers, bankers, students, young and old, men and women. Not one showed any ill will towards India and Indians. One of them left a lasting memory. Is the water in Ravi different on both sides he asked? They only said they wished greater friendship, meetings, travels etc.

I remember what late Kuldip Nayyar said many times. Leave the Indo Pak problems to Punjabis. The politicians, bureaucrats and foreign ministry guys from other states will not resolve any problem. This is confirmed after my visit.

The Return. There are about 15 shops outside the gurudwara complex selling handicrafts, dry fruits, desi juttis, women's dresses etc. Some accept Indian currency, some ask for it to be exchanged at a exchange counter. The passport is again checked by the Pakistan side before leaving the Gurudwara complex. You board the bus back. Same customs and immigration check. Board electric carts. Repeat checks on Indian side. Since most of the visitors are of higher age group, one wheel chair bound old lady was helped in getting into the cart and another elderly also lifted made a Pakistani Ranger remark in Punjabi, " ki gal a,saare budhe aa rahe ne". My prompt reply: The young are lining up in the queue for Canada, Australia, New Zealand. Brought laughter all around.

We profusely thanked the BSF personnel on return.

This is what Guru Gobind Singh ji said :

MANAS KI JAAT SABHE EKE PEHCHANBO.

What an experience. Pray this initiative brings the countries and communities together once again. Looks it will happen some day.

For all those who harbor animosity towards Pakistanis please visit Kartarpur Sahib and meet even one person with hatred towards India and Indians.

My heartfelt thanks to PMs Modi and Imran, Gen Bajwa and a Japhi to Navjot Sidhu who made it happen.

Inder Mohan

Photos sent separately.