#Just pop into the secret passage ways give Charles a heart attack sleep with him and then get arrested again

[artanddandelions]

One of the most important developments of the finale is learning that, yes, Charles and Jan ARE still totally down bad for each other

[bellabooks]

“Pretty Little Liars” recap S7 Ep19: Farewell my lovely

Previously on Pretty Little Liars, everyone enjoyed a sex montage and Aria got caught black-hoodied by her friends. Now it’s the penultimate episode, and all the pieces are moving into place for the grand finale. Detective Tanner is on the phone, demanding that a judge wake up and sign off arrest warrants for all the Liars. She looks at their previous mugshots spread out on her desk (how many times have they been arrested by now? Do they get one of those punch cards like at Yogurtland? 5th arrest is free?). Where is my DoorDash order?! I’m starving! Meanwhile, Aria finds Archer’s body in her trunk and simultaneously gets pulled over by a cop. She locks her keys in the trunk, but the cop is determined to help her out. He rocks the trunk back and forth, and is able to unlatch it, but is distracted by a call on his radio. Aria manages to sneak the keys out and slam the trunk shut, and the cop lets her go. The Liars gather together, where Caleb tells them that Mona has stolen the game. Everyone assumes that this means she is A.D. and they make plans to take her down…everyone except for Hanna that is, who remains ride or die for her BFF. Spencer is distracted by another wine bottle message from Mary Drake, while Ezra throws a mantrum because the Liars are still icing out Aria. He tells them that they’ve all made mistakes (like spying on teenagers for a book) and they must learn to live with them. Ugh, Ezra no one cares what you think!  I mean, we’ve all seduced minors, stalked their friends, and recorded their conversations for the purposes of publishing the great American novel, am I right? No? Just me?   Is he seriously mansplaining the plot of this show to us?   Meanwhile, Aria is speeding along, having a full-on conversation with the dead body in the trunk. A few weeks of playing for the A team and Aria is coming apart at the seams. She decides that the only thing to do is go straight to the police station and confess to the murder. She walks towards the station when she is tackled by Ezra, who refuses to let her go down. He tells her she’s sacrificed enough for her friends, because he knows so much about sacrifice clearly. He also tells her that he knows how to dispose of a body, because he has a master’s degree in American Literature. LOL forever. They go back to the trunk, but of course the body is already gone. Mona comes home with take-out to find the game has been stolen from her. In its place is a note telling her to meet at the Two Crows Café for some pie. Caleb and Hanna watch her leave her apartment, but instead of confronting her, they decide to tail her. Someone broke into your home and stole your game but FREE PIE!   Spencer shows up at the Lost Woods Resort, where Mary Drake has returned with one last goodbye gift: she’s giving Ali and Spencer joint custody of the resort, which they can sell or mortgage to pay for the lawyers they will surely need once they get arrested. Mary wishes there was more she could do to help, and sneaks off into the night. We then zoom across town to Emily and Ali’s Couch of Romance and Feelings, where they talk about their impending arrest. Ali is worried about what will happen to their baby if they both go to jail, and is terrified that the baby will be passed around foster homes and asylums like some kind of Charlotte or Spencer. Emily assures her that she didn’t come this far only to see it all get taken away, and promises to protect them. They kiss as A.D. leaks some sort of gas into the house.  Does it smell like a gas leak in here? Between the stress and the pregnancy, I’m basically a human whoopee cushion at this point, babe Haleb continues to surveil Mona at the diner, and Spencer rolls up to join them. They speculate over who could be meeting with Mona, and they remember that this same café was Mona’s alibi for the night of Charlotte’s murder. Spencer also calls out Haleb for arguing like an old married couple, when in fact they got married just a few hours ago. While Spencer fills Hanna in on the Lost Woods, Caleb walks right into the diner and sits down with Mona. He then EATS HER PIE and tries to bring her to the police, but Mona refuses, telling him that someone stole the game from her. Someone is ALWAYS stealing the game from her, just like there has always been someone playing with their lives. Mona hits the ladies room before they leave, which is of course when she makes her great escape. I ONLY throw my pie for Hanna Marin and NO ONE else!   Spencer and Haleb investigate the bathroom, where they find a false wall that leads to a secret underground passage. Caleb won’t let Hanna into the passage, but has no problem with Spencer joining him and they walk down the creepy staircase together. It’s all very Nancy Drew and I’m into it. Caleb, didn’t you know that every ladies room has a secret doorway leading to lesbian Narnia?!   Remember a million years ago when we had that flash forward of the Liars in Ali’s classroom, telling her she had to run? Whelp, it looks like the writers remembered it too, because here we are: Ali is writing different versions of her name on a chalkboard (including Alison DiLaurentis-Fields aww) when the Liars rush in telling her to run. A zombified Archer reaches out through a wall to grab her, when suddenly Emily wakes up: it was all her dream! She wakes up Ali, and they see the board game has returned. The phone lights up and plays a video clip of Ali from the kissing rock as a wee little Liar saying they’re out of time. A girl has no name   Caleb and Spencer spelunk their way through the secret passageway, and discuss the tragedy of Mona Vanderwaal: always the puppet and never the strings. Caleb tells her that he got married, and tries to apologize to her, and Spencer punches him in the arm and tells him to never be sorry they boned…and never forget it. I’m pretty sure no one would forget sleeping with Spencer Hastings, but sure, whatever. Ezria and Emison meet up and Ali apologizes to Aria for icing her out. She tells her that she doesn’t want to be the bitchy Ali of days past, and everyone is friends again. Hanna makes her way to the town church, and sees someone tossing flower petals from the belfry. Hanna climbs up the tower to find Mona in cosplay as Nerdy Mona, complete with glasses and a dorky sweater set. She has completely regressed and seems to think that Hanna is Charlotte. We FLASHBACK to the night Charlotte was murdered: she and Mona are facing off in the bell tower. Mona tells Charlotte that she may have fooled Ali/the courts/the world into believing she’s rehabilitated, but Mona still thinks she’s a psychopath. She promises to put a stop to Charlotte, but Charlotte just laughs at her and mocks her, telling Mona that the Liars will never love her or accept her into the fold.  Is this it? Is Charna finally happening?  It’s VanderMarin or nothing!   Charlotte tells her that everything they’ve suffered through will seem like a picnic compared to what’s coming, and Mona sticks a screwdriver in her back and forces her to the edge of the window. She tells Charlotte to jump or she will push her out, but Charlotte just laughs and tells Mona she doesn’t have the guts. Mona relents, and Charlotte attacks her. They fight in the bell tower until Charlotte’s head smashes into an exposed beam and she crumples. We FLASH FORWARD and Mona, still in a fugue state, tries to toss Hanna from the bell tower thinking she’s Charlotte. Spencer and Caleb arrive in time to save her, and they want to bring Mona to the cops since she killed Charlotte. Hanna refuses to throw her mentally ill BFF to the wolves, and decides to bring her home. They walk downstairs and find the remaining puzzle pieces hanging from their car window. The Liars convene and decide to call Dr. Sullivan (callback!) to help Mona out of her fugue state. Hanna refuses to turn her over to the police, because she’s worried that the Mona she loves will be gone forever. They assemble the puzzle pieces which reveal a ghostly face (Archer’s?) and the phone lights up with a “Congrats!” message. The Liars watch as a Pokemon Go-style avatar strolls across the board game to Aunt Carol’s house. They realize where Archer’s body is: in the empty grave marked Charles. It’s no Mewtwo, but I guess it’ll do   Everyone drives over to the grave, shovels in tow, ready to dig up the body. Aria stops them when she realizes that A) this is clearly a trap and B) the Liars fall for it every single time. She says that the game is now over, and they no longer have to play it. They can stop digging their own damn graves already and reject feeling scared and out of control. They all agree, when a giant construction digger rolls up and Det. Tanner pops out to arrest them all. Spencer, FFS drop that shovel already! The Liars are brought into custody and preparedfor the worst…until the look through the one-way glass and see Tanner with Mary Drake. Mary confesses to murdering her sister AND Archer. She lays out a logical timeline and motive of why she worked with Archer, and her anger at his deceit. She is falling on her sword to protect her daughter, her niece, and their friends. Tanner frees the Liars, and just like that it’s all over. She still suspects the Liars of being involved in something shady, but for now she is content to take the win. Spencer looks sadly on as Mary is arrested, and Mary gives her the classic Liars symbol as a farewell. Better lock it in your pocket, taking this one to Litchfield Women’s prison   Back home, Hanna apologizes to Mona for re-introducing her to the game and causing her to relapse. Mona tells her that she just wanted to feel needed and my heart breaks. The sun rises, the church bells ring, and the board game powers down. The game is over, the Liars are free, and there’s only one mystery left: who is A.D.? In the final scene we see A.D. behind the wheel, driving off into the sunset. Tune in next week, for the two-hour series finale of this crazypants show. Who will be A.D.? Is it Jenna? Lucas? Dr. Sullivan? Tweet me your A.D. theories @ChelseaProcrast http://dlvr.it/PPWRyk