#JunPo I still miss you

[thamekisspo]

I really love how MARS affected Po’s life, specially Thame and Jun. Because of Jun, Po was able to know his worth. Jun saw his potential and Po was able to achieve his dreams of being a director because Jun believed in him and pushed him. He made Po gain confidence in his work. Thame taught him love again. Thame taught how to trust that just because someone is “successful” doesn’t mean they aren’t on the same level. Thame came into his life and gave him so much love, love that he probably didn’t think he deserve. Jun and Thame may love Po differently but it doesn’t change the fact that Po has a special place in both of their hearts. And Po deserves that love. He deserves to have multiple people in his life who encourage him and see his potential.

[stormyoceans]

i've been plagued by junpo for weeks and apparently my brain decided that i couldn't move on until i wrote down a possible confession between them soooooo. here it is i guess?

[based on this ten years later post thamepo breakup scenario. very messy, very rough, with no proofreading done because knowing myself i'd just delete everything otherwise. is half of it complete nonsense for someone who isn't in my brain? yes. is it ooc? most likely. still, i need to put this somewhere and let it go. also the funniest thing is that the actual confession of feelings is just a dialogue outline because i wanted to write them kissing. i need a mental health crisis intervention team in the room with me rn immediately]

———

“You like me.”

Po’s voice was soft but resolute, cutting through the low hum of the city. Rain had left a glistening sheen on the ground, and the air hung heavy and damp around them.

Jun’s smile froze on his face, a flash of horror striking his features like lightning, there and gone in the blink of an eye before he was able to catch himself and smooth his expression out into a mask of amused indifference. If Po didn't miss it, it was only because this time he was actually looking for it. He wondered how many other things he had failed to notice when it came to Jun.

"Did you go out for drinks with P'Fern again?" Jun asked. The corner of his mouth was tilted into a slight smirk, but the playfulness in his voice sounded strained in a way that didn't quite hide the underlying panic. "Come on," he said, taking his phone out from his back pocket and unlocking it with a quick sweep of his thumb, "I'll book a taxi to get you home."

Po recognized the evasion for what it really was: an outing. He could take what Jun was offering, pretend to be drunk, and ignore to have ever acknowledged Jun's feelings out loud. He was sure Jun would still be showing up in the morning with a cup of Po's favorite coffee like nothing had happened, but Po was tired of running, and he wasn't going to let Jun keep doing that either.

Po took a step forward and put a hand on top of Jun's phone, closing his fingers around it and brushing against Jun's own.

"You like me," Po repeated, the words hanging in the air like a challenge. "You have liked me for the past ten years."

Jun’s sharp eyes flickered with something Po couldn’t quite decipher, and for a moment he thought Jun might try to run away for real, but then Jun sighed, shoulder slumping. He slipped away from Po’s hold, sliding his phone back into his pocket and putting space between them by leaning against the wall.

“Was it Pepper?”

Po would have felt offended by Jun implying that he couldn’t have figured it out by himself, but after ten years of obliviousness, he guessed he probably deserved it. Jun wasn’t wrong either: Po did need someone else to clue him in. He just wasn’t sure how Jun would take it.

He hesitated, then answered truthfully. “Thame.”

He didn’t expect Jun to laugh.

“Makes sense,” Jun said, staring into the distance like he was talking to himself rather than Po. “He always liked to fight fair.”

None of this makes sense, Po thought. It’s not like he hadn’t believed Thame when he had told Po Jun liked him, he wouldn’t be standing there otherwise, but to have Jun not even fighting the claim just made the weight of it feel that much more real. A pang of sadness made his chest hurt.

“You're not even gonna try to deny it,” Po said, voice soft.

Jun met Po's gaze, his eyes dark and guarded. "What's the point? You clearly seem set on talking about it.” He buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket and crossed his legs at the ankles, giving off an air of disinterest. His tone sounded resigned, though, almost weary. “Say your piece, so we can be done with it and move on.”

“The other night…" Po started, his voice barely a whisper. “If you like me, why did you push me away? I don't understand.”

Po wanted to point out that if moving on had ever been an option, Jun would have done it ten years ago, but he swallowed down the words. He wanted answers, and antagonizing Jun wasn't going to bring him any.

He took a step forward. “The other night…" he started.

Despite trying his best to look indifferent, Jun's shoulders tensed up. He swallowed, and Po's eyes were drawn to the sharp movement of his Adam's apple. Po's fingers tingled with the need to reach out and touch. He could still feel the warmth of Jun's skin under them, could still remember the flush of it as Po had brushed Jun's hair away from his forehead. Jun had swallowed then too, his eyes blown wide and dark. In that moment, just for a moment, Po had been sure his feelings weren't one sided, but then Jun had left.

“If you like me, why did you push me away?" Po pressed. "I don’t understand.”

Jun clenched his jaw, avoiding Po's eyes again, and leaned forward to poke Po's cheek in that patronizing way he knew Po hated. "Don’t hurt your pretty brain about it," he said. "Just forget it ever happened.”

His words were cold, calculated, and Po was having none of it. Before Jun could hide his hand back into his pocket, Po grabbed his wrist.

“I never took you for a coward,” he said, his voice laced with a hint of disappointment.

Jun's eyes flashed with something akin to anger, and when he smirked, his smile had a cruel tint to it. “I just know when to cut my losses and you’re not a good investment.”

Po’s chest ached at his words, even though he knew Jun was just trying to hurt him, to create distance between them. His grip on Jun's wrist tightened. “So my feelings don’t matter at all?”

Jun yanked his wrist out of Po's hold. “What feelings?" he spit out. "You’re just confused because you broke up with Thame and we’ve spent a lot of time working together.”

"Ai'Jun!" Po snapped.

Po had always considered himself a patient person, someone calm and levelheaded, but somehow Jun had always been able to make his temper flare up. He took a deep breath, reining his emotions in. Whatever narrative Jun had crafted in his head, Po knew he had to make Jun understand it was wrong.

“Thame and I broke up two years ago," he explained. "Whatever was between us it’s been over for a long while.”

Jun scoffed. "Oh, please," he said. "If you two want to fool yourselves, be my guest, but I’m not an idiot.”

He just sounded so sure, so absolute, like he knew Po better than Po knew himself. Po could feel the blood rushing to his head, and before he could realize what he was doing he was towering over Jun, crowding him against the wall.

"You're not an idiot, no," Po hissed, "more like an arrogant asshole." Jun glared at him, but Po didn't allow him to talk, jabbing Jun's chest with a finger. "Who are you to tell other people how they feel?" Another jab. "To believe you know better than everyone and decide what’s best for all of us? We're not mindless pawns you can move however you like."

The accusation finally made Jun's carefully constructed mask crack. Jun's face twisted into something ugly, and he slammed both of his hands against Po's chest.

Po felt his breath leaving his lungs as he was sent staggering back, almost slipping on the wet concrete.

"No one seemed to complain about it when they got what they wanted, though," Jun shouted, his words echoing in the night. "Do you think Thame and I would still be friends if I didn’t pretend not to like you all those years ago? Do you think Pepper would have been able to leave us if I didn’t push for MARS to disband? None of that was what I wanted, but I did what had to be done."

Jun took a shaky breath, squeezing his eyes shut. His chest was heaving, and the hand he ran through his hair was trembling visibly. When he opened his eyes again, there was a strange resignation in them, like he was simply tired of fighting.

"And now you’re standing there and telling me that, what? You like me?" Jun asked. "Let’s pretend that’s true. You’re not so stupid as not to know that Thame is still in love with you."

Before he could catch himself, Po winched, and that was the wrong thing to do. Jun's smile was weary, and profoundly sad.

"You and I," Jun said, "that’s something none of us will be able to come back from. Sooner or later, we’re both going to regret it."

Po stared at him, his initial anger replaced by a sudden understanding.

"You are scared," Po said in disbelief.

Jun frowned. "Out of everything I said, that's what you get? You’re really hopeless."

Po stepped closer, invading Jun's personal space once again. "You're scared you will be just a chapter in someone else's story. You're scared you won't be, and that this might hurt your friend irrevocably." He reached out, gently cupping Jun’s face in his hands. "I understand why you took a step back all those years ago. I won't lie and say I would have picked you then. But that was then, and this is now."

He looked deep into Jun's eyes, his own filled with sincerity. "Thame knows he and I can only be friends now, and I need you to trust that he loves you enough to give you this chance, just like you gave it to him in the past. I need you to trust that I love you and that I want you and that I'm choosing you above anyone else. I can't go back in time and make you my first choice, but you're the choice I want to keep making every day from now on."

The words hung in the air, heavy with promise. Jun's eyes were searching Po's face, and Po allowed him to take his time. Po had said his piece, now all he could do was hope that Jun would find in him nothing but an unwavering honesty, and a deep and abiding affection to mirror Jun's own.

A lone dog barked somewhere in the distance. A startled shout echoed down the empty street. Jun grabbed the lapels of Po's shirt and pulled him in.

Po stumbled forward as Jun's mouth crashed against his, and his arms had to fly out and circle Jun's back to keep both of them upright. Jun's lips were relentless, chasing Po's without leaving him room for breath, as if he feared Po might disappear if Jun let him go for even a second. Po tried to match Jun's rhythm and felt dizzy with it, with the gnawing hunger that was being poured on him after years of desperate longing and unspoken desire. Without breaking the kiss, Po blindly moved them a couple of step back, until Jun hit the wall behind him with a huff of surprise. Po took the chance to catch his breath and find his bearing, then he wrapped one of his arms around Jun's waist and buried his other hand into Jun's hair, tilting his head just so. He licked into Jun's mouth, then quickly pulled back, teased him with short quick kisses until Jun dug his fingers into his shoulders and caught Po's lower lip between his teeth, biting down.

Po yelped, startling back and glaring at Jun. "Was this necessary?"

"You started it," Jun said with a satisfied smirk.

[morathicain]

ThamePo - fix it

Watched episode 9 and needed to do at least a TINY fix it for ThamePO (before I'll go back to my JunPo universe XD). This was written in a rush but I hope you have fun, please enjoy (and feel free to rb if you like it) :

Fix it

“They said what?”

Thame looked like a schoolboy who’d just been scolded, but Po couldn’t hold back the laughter that was shaking his chest.

“They said it’s slang for …”

The embarrassment took over again and Thame stopped, which made Po only lean in close, mean grin on his lips.

“Sex? They thought it was slang for sex?”

Thame, who had just been stopped from undressing after he’d barged into the apartment to jump at Po, grumbled, and let his head sink into his hands.

Ruffling his boyfriend’s hair, Po sank back against the sofa, still laughing at least a little. He couldn’t suppress it all, although he tried.

“Listen”, Po finally said, taking Thame’s hand and forcing him to look up, “Sometimes words can have double meaning and sometimes one interpretation isn’t the only one and we have to make sure, okay?”

Thame, whose neck was probably on fire, nodded in tiny and Po did feel the slowly awakening urge to kiss his boyfriend.

“We have held hands once, Thame”, Po said instead, knowing very well how important this conversation was, “I did mean an actual movie when I proposed it. If you want to talk about our next steps in our relationship though … we can absolutely do that.”

Now his own face was on fire but Po pushed through it, knowing this had to be done. Even if he’d rather have everyone be a mind reader, a lot of things were better when they talked about it, as he’d learned with Earn.

Another tiny nod and Po felt that familiar nervousness rise, paired with a new kind of giddiness he had missed with Earn for quite a while. He didn’t know where to put his hands but Thame’s fingers felt like a safe space and so he took them into his. He looked down and then back up to meet Thame’s eyes.

“I want to kiss you”, the words rushed out, almost paired with Po’s heart that was already up in his throat, “I would like to properly kiss you first. Without any sex yet. Is that okay?”

The night before, when he’d thought Thame might want more and Thame had left instead, Po had kept sitting on the sofa for quite a while actually, head in his hands.

Thame possibly wanting more had come as a shock actually. Not because he didn’t believe Thame could have physical desires but because Po hadn’t allowed himself to have any so far. A relationship with Thame was, after all, a mad dream. A short misunderstanding from the universe, a miscalculation that would be corrected soon.

And so, Po had stored each and every hint of desire or future plans into the darkest corner of his mind, telling himself to only enjoy what he was granted. To be thankful for what he was given.

Therefore, he had never expected anything real to happen. He’d not expected the jealousy, and he hadn’t thought about the hand holding, surprised by each of those instances.

Watching Thame buy condoms, or what he’d thought to be condoms, had done something to him. It had set free a fear, both old and new, and a prickle of desire, too.

Was this something he was supposed to simply take and enjoy, too? Something that would only serve as a memory afterwards? One he would never be allowed to share?

And before, while they had still watched, the idea of Thame wanting more had been running through his mind, freezing him to the spot, even when Thame had taken his hand, even when he’d leaned over to almost kiss him.

Earn would have said to pull himself together. But Earn had also made it impossible for Po to understand when he wanted to be touched or not. So far that the safest choice of action had been, in the end, to wait it out. To simply sit and wait till Earn felt the need to show any physical affection, giving him the impression that when he finally did, Po had to be grateful for it. That there was no way he could refuse.

All of that had been going through Po’s mind until he’d been ready to explode into a thousand torn pieces.

In the end, there had only been left one thought: Maybe someday.

Maybe someday, Po wanted to have sex with Thame, but not today.

Maybe someday, Po would be ready for another step, but not today.

And he’d stayed frozen, searching within what he actually wanted. What he would be okay with. But he hadn’t come up with an answer, not until the sudden urge to kiss his boyfriend had punched him with the force of a truck in the middle of their talk.

But all his thinking had made him calm at least. All those memories had made him remember, that he had the power over it. Whether to ask Thame for a kiss or to refuse it, it was his own decision and no one else’s.

That revelation had for sure helped to stop Thame in his advances the next night.

And Thame then stumbling over an explanation, telling him what his band members had said, had kicked the nervousness out of his system. At least for a second, a moment, some much needed relief.

There was a lot to work through and with those busy schedules, it wouldn’t be an easy task for either of them.

Thame, fingers fiddling with Po’s hands, nodded a third time after Po’s request to kiss.

“I’d like to”, he confessed and Po breathed a breath of relief, “If you’re okay with it?”

A sudden surge of bravery rose through Po, making him want to reach out, to hold tenderly, to show what was on his mind. Whether this was only a mistake or a soon to be memory.

“There’s a lot to talk about”, he said, allowing himself to see Thame in a new light, a close one, a real one, “But first I’d like to kiss you.”

And Thame, who had dared to take Po’s hand and who had almost dared to kiss him once and then went overboard the next time, waited patiently but impatiently, as Po brought his hand up to cup Thame’s cheek. And he leaned in, suddenly hyper aware of the control he had, the step he took.

And he kissed Thame, a feather-like kiss to the nose first, then to the lips a peck, before leaning back.

Yes, he decided, staring at his boyfriend and partner of the moment, of right now. His eyes were half lidded still, strands of hair falling into his face, his lips slightly parted.

Yes, he decided, he wanted to do that again.

And he pulled Thame in by the neck, met hungry lips with his own, enjoying what he’d denied himself even to dream about.

Yes, he said and thought and wished.

Whatever the future might bring, he wouldn’t simply accept it anymore, he’d learn to form it, too.

The stairs were high and the steps impossible to count, but he’d keep trying, he’d keep saying yes.

And Thame felt just so wonderful underneath his touch.

Po smiled into the kiss.

This was truly something he could grow used to.

At least for a little while.

The End