#Judy Astley

[azazel-dreams]

It Must Have Been The Mistletoe

Rating: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤

[shewantedtobeasecretgirl]

10. Bathroom wall (Part Three) a.k.a. a queen bee, Prince in the shower and a backup Casanova

In the previous parts: The bunch spends a free evening in a bar, where local girls are trying to get closer to the band members. Dave suggests Jeff that he should make Judy jealous but she’s too busy with being outraged about a girl named Claudia dancing with Stone. Finally, Claudia backs down; after a fight with Stone, Judy reveals to Karrie, that her made-up stories about Stone had to do something with her reaction. In the meantime, Mike is feeling sick and refuses Karrie’s advice to take his health issues more seriously. She also shows him pictures of Effie but Mike’s evening ends with a surprising twist. Judy tries to calm down with the help a relaxing shower but she gets unexpected company in the common bathroom… 

@shadowsonoureyes I think I almost completed your drabble challenge 😉

“I got a lion in my pocket and baby he's ready to roar…”

God, I wish this was only a nightmare and I woke up suddenly realizing nothing of this madness has happened actually, maybe I could even laugh at the whole setting. But now, laughing is the last thing I feel like doing, I’ve been standing here since who knows when, I’m freezing, I wanna finish my shower, I wanna dry myself, I wanna get out of here… this with the lots of “wannas” sounds like some random lyrics of The Ramones… But as things stand at the moment, I’ll grow old and die here because this skinny hippo has been splashing beyond the wall for at least fifteen minutes, performing the longest and most inconsistent mix of Prince songs ever, deliberately altering the lyrics, changing the range of lines or even skipping some of them whereas repeating other ones infinitely like a broken record player.

“You got the horn so why don't you blow it…”

Actually, I’ve even started playing with the idea of turning the water on again, maybe this capybara enjoys listening to his own voice enough not even to hear it. But no, that’d be too risky. But I could definitely get rid of the shower gel bottle to be able to rub along my body against cold, I’ve been squeezing that little plastic flask at full strength since he entered here, as if it could help me become invisible. I slowly stoop to place it on the ground in the corner feeling like a compromised spy who’s ordered to put her weapon down without making any suspicious or ambiguous move; but due to the slippery surface under my soles I lose my balance and as I catch towards the wall to prevent myself from falling I drop it… and it lands with a loud crash in the metal shower tray. Fuuuuck… I freeze immediately and perk up my ears holding my breath trying to figure out if he heard it too… of course he heard it, it was as ear-splitting as a rocket launch but maybe he was too distracted and…

“Is somewhere there? Who’s that?”

He heard it…

“Who’s that? Scully? Is that you? Don’t be so shy, we’ve known each other for ages, I’ll even wash your back if you need help…”

Okay, Judy, you can’t hide any longer, you have to find out something, anything… what if I just ran out with a battle cry and grabbed my towel and… okay, maybe something more discreet would be more adequate.

“Scully? I’m coming over…”

“NO!!!” I scream.” It’s not Scully… it’s me… Judy…” I manage to reveal my identity only for the third attempt since my voice won’t obey and insists on sounding comically high-pitched. “And thanks but I’d skip the offer, I can reach my back.” Jesus, I don’t know why I’m babbling this, it’s like…

“Oh… I didn’t know it was you. Actually, I thought I was alone, you were so silent… I couldn’t even hear the water running at you…”

“Because… because… it wasn’t running since… it’s a part of my shower routine, I begin it with hot water then I turn it off and stand a few minutes until I start feeling I’m freezing, this method works wonders on the blood circulation…” I basically yell the end of my bullshit excuse since I turned the water on in the meantime to finally put an end to this awkward situation. Unfortunately, when I turn it off, I can hear he’s still humming, seriously, how much time does he need to dry his balls?

“Anyway… you were right.” he speaks up out of the blue.

I was right? Meaning what? You’re a pervert? You’re a bitch who would bang everything that moves?

“The acoustics in this room are truly excellent.”

You don’t say…

‘I’m flattered by the fact that once in a blue moon you are willing to agree with me. And, uhm, I’m ready with my shower and as you’ve probably already noticed, my towel is hanging on the wall on the other side so… so I’d feel honored if you left…”

“If I left?”

Yes, I mean get the fuck out you pig, you heard it well.

“Why would I leave? I want to enjoy these fascinating circumstances a little bit longer…“

I should have known this wouldn’t be easy, this must be like a dream come true for him: holding me hostage, taking advantage of my miserable situation…

“But seriously, just listen: I really get a dirty mind whenever you're around… Awesome!”

I roll my eyes so hard that I can see my own frontal lobe… Being forced to listen to Stone’s falsetto serenade while being butt naked, fuck, I didn't know what I was missing in my life until now.

“What do you want? Should I sing a fuckin’ duet with you for my freedom?”

“That’s not a bad idea, actually… what about Together Forever by Rick Astley?” I hear him snapping with his fingers and giggling at his brilliant idea.

“Well, the performance of Under Pressure would sound more honest from my mouth right now…”

“You’re just so negative, nothing can please you today seemingly. But as a sign of my generosity, I’m ready to give you that towel.”

How can a voice be so irritating? This nasal tone with the mannered Northwestern accent makes sound everything what he says extremely annoying, I could punch him even for citing the headlines of a newspaper.

“Ha-ha, very funny, Gossard. But let’s skip your cheap tricks and move your aaa…self out of here.”

“Cheap tricks? I don’t think there’d be anything interesting to see here, plus, you’re forgetting about a very important factor: I’m out here wearing a towel whereas you are in there wearing nothing so it is me who makes the rules. But, again, I’m a genuine guy so I give your towel to you, all you have to do is to ask me.” the pain in the ass goes on with his rant.

“Okay. GIVE ME THAT FUCKIN’ TOWEL!” I scream angrily stomping of helplessness.

“Why do you have to be so rude? You’re hurting my sensitive soul all the time; if you want me to cooperate, you have to be kind and ask me nicely.”

Once I get out of here, I’m going to fuckin’ kill you, I swear, I’m going to kill you ten times, I’m going to kill your reincarnated bodies too even if you will be reborn as a cute kitten or a baby giraffe…

“GIVE ME THAT FUCKIN’ TOWEL! Please?” I yell again and append a fake, cheesy appeal to my words.

“You see? It sounds immediately completely different.” he snickers satisfied.

“Okay, but we have to clear the logistics first. I think the least awkward way would be you standing facing the door, handing the towel backwards to me and I would reach out for it and…”

“Do you really think I wanna peep?” he asks with amused smugness in his voice.

I do? I don’t? Shit, there’s no right answer to this question, I mean, I’m not interested in him at all, I don’t care what he might think about my look, my body, I don’t even know whether he would think anything at all or he’d just act neutrally like I wasn’t a woman or human at all but fuck, I’m a human, I’m a woman, I could be the possible subject of a guy’s interest too and when I mean “a guy” I don’t think necessarily about him although he’s a guy too…

“I don’t give shit about what you want, what I want is to minimize the level of my retinal damage by not seeing your face, so please do me a favor, turn away from me and give me that goddamn towel.”

By the time I’ve finished the sentence, a pale body with something bright blue at waist-level appears on my horizon with funny side-sliding steps. He’s standing with his back to me, as far as I can judge it even without my glasses, my assumption is only based on the dark trail of his hair on his back. Or he’s an aberrant psychopath who covered his face with his hair to deceive me. He pulls my towel off the wall… okay, that means he’s truly facing the opposite wall unless his shoulders are especially flexible… damn, he reaches it backwards to me lifting his arm to the same height… I’m still not sure about his exact posture…

I slowly walk to the edge of the shower tray, hesitating for a few seconds which one of my body parts I should keep covered before reaching out for it. With a deep sigh, I opt for my breasts and try to grab my towel but there’s still almost a one-yard distance between our hands.

“Stone… you’re too far… could you come closer?” I moan in agony.

“Interesting… until now, you wanted me to go away and now you’re asking me the opposite. Or you’re just trying to trick me into touching you and then get me arrested for sexual assault… no, Camden, I don’t buy it. Anyway, walking backwards is dangerous, what if stumble and fall and break my neck? It’d be safer if you came out of your hiding place, you can’t spend the rest of your life there when I’m gone, I don’t care…”

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this but I obviously have no choice… I approach him with sneaking steps while terrible thoughts are chasing each other in my mind… What if he can rotate his head 180 degrees like owls? What if he’s got extraordinary eyes like chameleons and due to his particularly developed peripheral vision he can see basically everything around him?

As I finally touch the terry cloth fabric, I immediately tear the towel out of his hand and wrap it around myself. His arm swings automatically back to his body as if it was pulled by a spring and while I pull back into my shelter to dry all my body parts, he keeps standing at attention on the same spot.

“Ahem… I’m ready so… you can go…” I make an attempt to get rid of him.

“You’re not a quick learner… and you’re pretty ungrateful… I haven’t heard the magic word yet.”

I can’t believe this. And I can be grateful to him for not humiliating me even more…

“Thanks…” I mumble.

“I didn’t understand it… it’s strange, the acoustics in that corner must be different, it absorbs sound waves…”

“Thank you, Stone Almighty Gossard, nothing could express my eternal gratitude, you’re my savior, I’d be nothing without you, from now on, I’m your slave!!!” I shout paying special attention to my articulation.

“Could you hear the echoes too? Much better.” he clicks with his tongue satisfied and disappears from my sight with the same hilarious moves he made earlier. “Good night, Judith, and if you happen to have erotic dreams this night, please keep them for yourself, I’d feel embarrassed if you told me about it…” he adds and as I open my mouth for some snarky retort, I hear the door slamming.

Finally. This… prick is just unbelievable, after his performance at the bar he thinks he did me a favor by not behaving a like a perv? And erotic dreams? Come on, I’d rather puked myself to death of his sight.

I have to use the awkward choreography I invented earlier to get back to my stuff I left on the chair, although I myself don’t really understand either, why, I’m alone after all... As I lean down for my glasses, my fingers reach out for… nothing. They’re gone! I grope the whole chair along… still nothing! I put down the shower gel bottle and try to crouch down to check the floor under the chair, which is not easy to do at all without exposing my intimate body parts. I keep adjusting the towel with my left hand while I try to scan trough every inch of this goddamn place with the other one and I’m about to drop the freakin’ towel when I hear a weird noise from behind my back. Snorts… silent snorts… like someone was suppressing laughter… oh shit. That moron, that son of a bitch… he’s Satan, I told it.

I straighten up as fast as I can, I can only hope he didn’t see my backside or my nipples or… why can’t I die here and now without more suffering?

As far as I can see him without my spectacles, he’s leaning against the sink and checking me out with folded arms.

“Taking away my glasses? That’s the most creative idea you could find out? Seriously, where are we, in third grade maybe?” I attack him but in the meantime I realize I should calm down, seeing me being upset is probably his favorite entertainment. “Okay, Gossard, go ahead. I don’t know why you crafted this vicious plan with trapping me here, taking away my glasses, stalking me… let’s get over with it, whatever you want…” I shrug resigned.

“Firstly, I didn’t know you were here, I just came in since I have the right to have a shower too. Secondly, I have nothing to say to you, it is you who should talk.”

“Me? Do you think I want to have a chit-chat with you here and now? Are you completely nuts? Just give back my glasses and get out of here!”

“Well, that has a price.” he answers irritatingly slowly, I can hear clearly he’s grinning.

“Is this a blackmail?” I scream outraged.

“Why do you have to use always such tough words? It’s a… mutually beneficial offer. You want your glasses whereas you also owe me an apology and I’m ready to accept it.” he explains with fake generosity.

“I’m not gonna beg you, you idiot.” I hiss between my teeth and grab towards his hands but I’m not fast enough to catch him off guard. He raises his arm high before I could get my property back and smiles down at me with a smug expression.

Does he want me to bounce like a puppy? Well, I won’t. Actually, the only possible weapon that comes to mind is as childish as his stupid little trick but the end justifies the means… But I have to be quick since my one hand is busy with keeping the towel around my body and I don’t want to grope him for too long time either. But he didn’t leave me any other choice, unfortunately.

“Fine, Stoney…” I pretend giving in. “You’re right. So listen to me carefully because you’re not going to hear this from me too often…”

“I’m all ears.” he spreads out his free arm.

Piece of cake.

“Sooo…” I approach him cautiously “Stoney, I just want to say… TICKLE ATTACK!!!” I yell and poke my fingers between his ribs.

The effect is beyond expression. He immediately doubles over letting out a wide range of animal sounds and it only takes a few seconds to tear out my spectacles of his hand maintaining the offensive with my other hand.

“Ha, victory!”I yell chuckling at his convulsion but as I hear a weird noise over his whining, I immediately stiffen. “What was that?”

“What’s… what?” he asks still groaning.

“Didn’t you hear that? I think someone slammed the door…” I stutter as I place my glasses on my nose. “And that means someone had opened it before… and maybe saw us…”

“Bullshit. And even if it happened as you think, all that could be seen was you committing sexual harassment on me so…” he smirks sassily leaning back against the sink.

What an obnoxious asshole. And he’s also wearing flip-flops, which I’ve always hated on men, seriously, I could slap him with them…

“Sexual harassment? I would rather jump on a male tapir than engaging into an erotic intermezzo with you!” I tuck my hair nervously behind my ear.

“You and a tapir? I wish I could see the offsprings…” he keeps grinning and flips his wet hair back… actually, it’s surprising, usually, he’s not a big hair washer. A tiny waterdrop is swinging on the end of one of the dark strands that are wavier than usual, this must be their natural state… then the drop slowly falls on his shoulder and follows the line of his collarbone, changing direction at his neck only to gain momentum and now it’s pulling a trail along his flat stomach and…

“Ahem…” he clears his throat “shall we go? Or do you want to examine my naked body for a while?”

“Let’s go” I start like I was waking up from a dream and I can feel my cheeks are burning for some mysterious reasons. “But you go first, I don’t want to make myself ridiculous in front of more people tonight.”

“Okay, okay…” he walks out with lazy reluctance. “All clear!” he shouts and I put my head out of the door to check he’s not trying to trick me again. How can he walk so leisurely, isn’t he bothered by the fact he’s almost naked? And why did he wrap that towel so tightly around his waist that it shows every curve of his…body parts…?

“Do you want to spend the night in there?” he suddenly turns back and I can only hope I managed to look away fast enough.

“No… no…I’m coming…” I mutter and follow him in duck walk, squeezing my toiletry bag.

He stops at his door and leans with one shoulder against the door jamb, of course he wouldn’t miss out my clumsy performance.

“Wow, gracious. You were born to the catwalk.” he giggles.

“Shut up or I scratch your eyes out!”

“Okay-okay but I hope we can agree that we’re even.” he waves an imaginary white flag.

“We are. And I say now good night before you happened to die under unclear circumstances.”

“Good night, Miss Hundred Pounds of Concentrated aggression.”

His audacious grin mellows into a boyish smile and I don’t know if I am only hallucinating or for a fragment of a second, he scans me from head to toe…

He pushes himself away from the wall and disappears in the dark room, leaving me frozen in the hallway. I stumble back to my room and I plop down on my bed. But what was that stare? He was probably just mocking me as usual, he’s surrounded by beautiful girls and he must find my dwarf body structure ridiculous. But he said we’re even… I stare at the toiletry bag on my lap, although I didn’t turn on the light, its pattern is clearly visible in the street lights filtering through the torn curtain. Musical notes, treble keys… wait. He claimed he didn’t know it was me in the shower. But who else in the bunch would have a bag with these motifs? He knew it was me. He knew it and he still came in. He wanted to humiliate me, it wasn’t just an embarrassing coincidence. Stone Gossard, we’re everything but even.

***

„These piggies are so cute.”

“Yes, they are totally adorable.” Layne agrees observing them with a tender smile. “Look at their mom, how patiently she’s bearing as they’re pestering her… geez, some of these little fuckers are pretty aggressive… look at that one!”

He points at a spotted piglet which is the greediest in the bunch; I don’t know much about domestic animals, I can only guess he’s a tiny boar. He’s tossing away all his siblings to get free access to his mther’s teats and even after he gets one of them, he keeps her poking with his power outlet-shaped nose. Well, moms are the most patient creatures on earth, I’m sure I’ve caused a lot of trouble to mine too…

“I wonder if we can stroke them, their hair seems to be so fluffy…”

“A bit later, now it’s mealtime. Their mother is very protective of them, she would bite your fingers off… I think she’s going to pass out in a few minutes, you can try to grab one of them while they’ll be playing around her.” the farmer-looking guy answers. He can’t be much older than us but he speaks in a slow, prudent manner, which makes him sound like a grandfather. He must be an employee of this place… whatever this place is…

“Effie would love them.” Layne remarks, still fascinated by the nursing process.

Effie? Layne knows Effie? Interesting.

“Is she here too?” I stutter confused.

“Of course, dude, you bought her here, remember?” Layne glances at me and raises one eyebrow.

“Really? And where is she know?” I scratch my chin still not understanding how she got in the picture.

“She stayed in the house. She was interested in the greenhouse and the gardener happened to be there, you couldn’t drag her away from the orchids. Seriously, Mike, are you stoned our what? You should take more care of your girlfriend if you want to take this thing between you seriously.”

Girlfriend? Effie is my girlfriend? Okay, that sounds strange too not that I want to complain…

“And… what’s that house you mentioned?”

“Shit… I’m not gonna help you out with weed ever again, this stuff has obviously terrible side effects on you, you’re like a drunk goldfish. Hey, Jer, tell to this asshole where we are!” he shouts at his approaching bandmate.

“Estamos a la hacienda Cantrell, hombre! This my ranch! And in a few hours, we’ll be eating the best food you’ve ever tried, Consuela is the most badass cook in the entire world! But we have the whole afternoon, I want to show you my new golf course, we could even play, I have tons of golf clubs, I can lend you one of them…”

Wait, something’s wrong here. I know they have their share of success because of this Seattle madness too, not that they don’t deserve it, they are a fuckin’ amazing band but I never knew Jerry had a ranch, I mean, it must have cost a buttload of money and however much I like him, I must admit he’s not that type who prefers savings to poker, dope and strippers.

“How… how long have you owned this… this huge farm?” I wave around clumsily trying not to sound too stupid.

“For like… ages…? Hahaha, man, I know my beautiful maids drive every man crazy, that was my point when casting them and choosing their uniform. But you can’t complain either, I checked the little blondie out, nice catch! That cola bottle-shaped body, damn…” the skirt-chaser underlines his words by drawing the mentioned contour in the air flashing a filthy grin. I don’t like this tone, I don’t like the idea of Jerry talking about Effie or looking at her, fuck, I don’t even like the idea of any member of Alice In Chains staying in the same state as her for more than three seconds.

“But first, we have to choose the dinner. Which one do you want?” the guitarist nods towards the pigpen and knowing his dirty humor, I’m not sure whether he refers to any food-related or he’s called hookers or what?

“How… how do you mean?”

“Mike, this is definitely not your day, just pick one!” Layne giggles glancing amused at his bandmate.

“But… what?” I still don’t get where this whole thing is going.

“Geez man, okay, I”ll do it for you. Come on, little dudes, it won’t hurt, I promise you!” Jerry leans over the fence and grabs two piglets by the skin around their neck.

“No, no, are you trying to say we’re gonna eat them? No, never, this is the cruelest thing I’ve ever heard, you can’t…” I protest shocked but the asshole doesn’t give a shit about me and carries the two victims under his arms to the pickup standing close to us. He ignores the desperate squeals of the poor little things: he throws them in the truck bed and climbs after them.

“Jerry, where are you going? You can’t… stop, don’t do that, man!” I yell almost crying but he just keeps laughing with that typical, pedophile Santa Claus laughter of him.

“What do you think, for what purpose do I breed them? They are cute and all but just think about a crispy, red, roasted pig spinning on a skewer over the fire… yummy… Consuela has a secret recipe, it’s delicious. I takes hours to prepare it, though, but I think I can keep myself busy until then, you know, that blondie is waiting only for me…” he winks and I catch to my stomach. Effie… Jerry… no, that can’t happen, I think I’m going to vomit, Jesus, this is terrible…

He pats the side of the truck bed twice, signaling to the driver that he can start the engine.

“Yes dude, until the pork gets ready, I’m gonna bang Effie… bang Effie… bang Effie… bang Effie…”

His words get mixed with the squealing of the piglets and the roar of the engine and the terrible sounds keep echoing in my head distorted by the Doppler-effect until the car disappears on the horizon.

“Bang Effie… bang Effie… bang Effie…”

…

I wake up with a start. My heart is beating so fast that it almost rips my chest, the blanket is soaking wet of my sweat, even my hair is stuck to my head and neck. This was the worst nightmare I’ve had in the past years… wait… if it was a dream, why can I still hear the snorts?

I slowly turn my head in the direction of the sound and suddenly, everything falls into place. The girl with whom I spent last night is snoring next to me… Her red lipstick and black eyeshadow is smeared all over her face making her look like a slutty panda bear and the little stream of drool in the corner of her mouth makes it even worse. Thus passes worldly glory… not that I have any right to criticize her look, I must look like crap too and honestly, I also feel like that. My head is about to explode, my intestines are burning… but I can only blame myself and that bottle of pure vodka we consumed last night together. At least the sex was satisfactory... yes, satisfactory is the best term, not more, not less. The beginning was creepy, though, with those weird outbursts of her about her nonsense prohibitions… I mean, who the hell wants to do stuff like that? Poor girl, she must have had hard sexual experiences. But that cowboy roleplay could have been even good with the hat and slight bondage elements and all… but her exaggerated behavior kept it in conditional. After all, we both got what we wanted and I don’t have to feel guilty. I didn’t force her, she offered, I just played along… it was basically her who fucked me. I don’t know if it had anything to do with me being the guitarist of Pearl Jam but even if it has, come on, is that really such a terrible crime if the “also ran” member of the band takes advantage of his situation once in a blue moon? The girls are never cueing in front of my hotel door, I deserve to have blast when a rare occasion occurs for some mysterious reason. And I don’t owe anyone any explanation, the guys and Eric are not my chaperones, I’m a single guy with needs and I can’t live in a fantasy world for good, pathetically sobbing after someone I haven’t even met yet, right?

Hydration. That’s the first thing I need right now. The only problem is that she’s sleeping with her limbs spread in four different direction and her left arm happens to rest on my chest. Shit, I wish I had left after we finished it as I always do after one-night stands, it spares both the girl and me awkward morning scenes, these things are not about romance, anyway. But this time the sex was intense and the booze was kick-ass so we both must have passed out after getting on top.

I try to slide out of the bed basically in horizontal position placing the pillow on the same spot where my upper body used to be hoping she’s sleeping deeply enough not to notice the change. I freeze when she lets out a few louder snorts after my maneuver but after a few satisfied smacks, she calms down and keeps snoring. I tiptoe around the bed to collect my clothes and I found all of them except my boxers… fuck, she must be lying on them. After a few seconds of hesitation I get dressed without them, they’re clean since I didn’t have any “accident” yesterday so trying to get them back is not worth risking.

I silently walk out in the kitchen and immediately spot a few bottles of mineral water on the counter… but taking one of them would be stealing, right? But if I turned the water on, she might wake up… I open all of the cupboards until I find a larger glass and turn the water tap cautiously until a thin spout starts running from the pipe. It takes a while until I fill the glass with this method but I gulp the content of it with one breathe in a blink of an eye.

My rumbling stomach directs me to the fridge, even if I don’t want to take anything, I can check its content, right? The cool breeze feels unbelievably good as I lean into it… let me see… further bottles of water, some milk, a piece of moldy cheese which probably isn’t supposed to be moldy, expired yogurt and a bunch of bananas. Shit, banana is my favorite fruit, the best resource of potassium and I’m dying to eat one. But I decided not to steal anything… but come on, it’s only a banana.

As I’m about to leave the crime scene, I notice a notepad and a pencil on the table. Maybe… maybe leaving a note would be a polite way of giving an explanation for what I did, right? Yeah, that’s it! Okay… “Dear…” Fuck, what was her name? Clarissa… Claudette… CLAUDIA! “Dear Claudia,” Shit, this is going to be harder than I thought… should I thank her for the sex? “thanks for the evening. I didn’t want to wake you up so…” so I ran away like a coward “I decided to say bye in this note. I was really hungry so I served myself with a banana.” and last night I served you my banana, Jesus, I’m a gross pig. “Sorry for doing it without asking, as an apology, I drew you another one.” I try to sketch the schematic picture of a banana but it looks like a nonfigurative or even phallic symbol from any possible angle. Shit, I can’t leave it like this. Luckily, the pencil has a quality eraser on the top so I can make the terrible scribble disappear and correct the message. “I drew you the only thing I can draw:” I close my eyes to recall the logo I’ve copied everywhere more times than anything else… “KISS” at least I can still do it… I go over the message again, I think it’ll do the trick. “I wish you the best, Mike”. I stop in the kitchen door on my way out. Even a KISS logo can’t undo a theft. I should offer her some compensation… I walk back and grab the pencil again. “Ps. Next time we come to Charlotte, I’ll invite you for a coffee.” But what if we bump into each other anywhere else? “Of course I also invite you in case we encounter anywhere else.” Okay, ‘Cready, you don’t have to write an epistle, you don’t have to surpass Tatiana, just leave finally before she wakes up. But what if… what if she doesn’t like coffee? Now that I glance around, I can see no coffee machine here… “Ps2. In case you don’t like coffee, my offer applies to tea or soda too, of course.”

Okay, enough, she won’t even notice, who the hell takes inventory about bananas? I shake my head, take a deep breath and sneak out of the apartment.

***

Coffee. The first thing that comes to mind in the morning. I know I drink way too much coffee but caffeine addiction is sort of an inevitable outcome if you’re a rock musician at nights and an espresso guy at daytime. Of course the receptionist or janitor or whoever confirmed my initial aiming: this shitty motel doesn’t sell any food or drinks apart from the broken vending machine in the corner of the lobby. He also said I can take all of its content if I manage to fix it. No, thanks, the late seventies-looking chips bags with their probably fossilized content aren’t particularly tempting.

I’m heading to the bistro on the other side of the street, it’s probably not much better than that place but a coffee without hair in it and a decent breakfast would already satisfy my needs. On entering I must admit, the smells are better than expected and as soon as I take place in a booth, a polite waitress appears at the table handing me a menu and producing a cup out of the blue. She immediately fills it with the hot beverage I was longing for. A cigarette would feel good with it too but there’s no one around I could grub from…

I’ve taken only a few sips of my precious drink when I see a familiar hat appearing at the entrance and in a few seconds, its owner plops down opposite me, munching a banana.

“The prodigal son has returned, huh?” I remark with a wide grin.

“I know you missed me, just admit it.” he answers with a deadpan. “God, I’m starving…” he grabs the menu and begins to study it.

“A coffee, sir?” the waitress emerges again and spills coffee in his cup too without waiting for the answer. “What can I get for you?” she inquires helpfully as she pulls a small notebook with a pen out of the pocket of her apron.

“One Aspirin and a bullet in my head, please.” Mike groans with a dark face.

“Excuse me sir?”

“Give us a few more minutes, please.” I try to send a “don’t ask” signal with my eyes and it seems to work because she leaves with a confused nod.

“The last time I saw you, you felt sick. But somehow you must have resurrected like a phoenix from its ashes since you were out all night… so… go ahead.” I lean back but my bandmate is avoiding my gaze, turning his head around like he was distracted by the interesting furniture of the diner.

“Look, it’s Judy over there!” he shouts pointing at the counter.

“Mike… no… please…” I groan in pain but it’s too late.

“Hey Jude!” he shouts and waves frantically.

Great… I bury my face into my palms.

Unfortunately, Mike comes to the brilliant idea of stretching his leg along the seat he’s sitting on while she’s approaching us; so by the time she gets to our booth, her only option is sitting down next to me. Which she isn’t willing to do, she’s just sending reproving looks at me until I realize the reason of her reluctance is my right arm on the backrest. When I remove it, she slides in the booth as far from me as possible, she’s probably sitting with half butt on the air.

“Hi Judy.” Mike greets her pulling his small metal flask out of the inner pocket of his jacket.

“It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.” she tries to tear it out of his hand without even greeting us.

“Easy Jude, it’s empty, okay? It’s just a bad habit that I keep checking it.”

“Anyway, I doubt he would begin the day with spirits, seeing he was drinking the whole night…”

“What?” she screams outraged.

“Jesus, are you blind? He’s, like, the quintessence of hangover, circles under the eyes, grey face, he looks like a dirty dish cloth…”

“Jesus, guys, do you really have to talk so loud??? Anyway, thanks Stone, you know how to compliment…” Mike moans rubbing his forehead with his hand.

“I’m just telling the truth. Come on, tell us how did you get so fucked up… or… no… I don’t want to know the details.”

“You probably think I got wasted with a few local dudes I don’t even know and I fell asleep in the corner and when I woke up, I realized someone had drawn a dick on my cheek.”

“You left out the pissing-and-puking part but yeah, sort of. Ouch!” I whine when she tosses me with a strict face at full strength in the shoulder. “What’s wrong with you, do you think he’s a saint or what?” I complain.

“Don’t even listen to him, unlike him, I’m interested in the details. So tell me… were there pubic hair on the dick too?” she leans closer confidentially, flashing a cheeky smile and however much annoying I find her, I can’t help snorting.

“Jesus, six of one, half a dozen of the other.” Mike rolls his eyes. “Anywayyy… I wasn’t with some unknown dudes… but I wasn’t alone either…” he shrugs with a mysterious smile.

“Okay, you’re getting a vasectomy. That’s final. I don’t want you to get sued by teen moms from every single town we stop in.” I shake my head.

“Not that I’m the Casanova of the band, are we going to talk about the favors you’ve done to Seattle’s female population too? Do you begrudge me it or what?”

“I’ve had a long string of girlfriends, so what?”

“What?” our band parrot squeaks in again.

“A long string? There’s a herd of them!” Mike goes on.

“Just stop!” she screams and we both fall silent, surprised by her sudden outburst. “I’m new here. Explain.” she adds in a mellower voice.

“Judith, maybe you should improve your “reading between the lines” skills. My colleague is trying to say that he spent the night with a female acquaintance, I guess we can call her like that with some euphemism. And I recommended some fertility restrictions regarding Mike’s wasted adventures are like the cliché bad examples in sexual education videos.”

“As if you…” my bandmate is about to reply but he gets interrupted by the returning lovely waitress, and honestly, I don’t mind, somehow I don’t want him to reveal my dating history before the girl who never misses any occasion to point out my flaws.

“Did you manage to choose in the meantime?” she inquires.

“I’d like to have… scrambled eggs with ham and a sesame seed bun, fresh orange juice, pancakes with maple syrup, a peanut butter sandwich and chocolate chips with vanilla ice.” Mike reads enthusiastically.

“A sunny-side up with bacon and a cherry pie á la RR.” my neighbor lists.

“A vegetarian cheese plate and I’d like to try that deliciously sounding pie too.” I smile at the waitress.

“It’s even better than you think, Sir.” she winks back at me and as I watch her collecting the menus, I can see Camden’s disgusted face from the corner of my eye.

“Sooo… a Twin Peaks fan, huh?” I nudge her. “From now on, I’m gonna call you Nadine, it suits you in every sense.”

“Nice try, Bob… Anyway, Mike, if this is your hangover appetite, what is your normal state like? I got nausea even of listening to you…”

“I burned a lot of calories last night so…” he grins proudly, making me cackle up.

“Here we are, I want details!” I imitate a drum snare with my palms on the table.

“Jesus, guys, are you really going to disc…” Miss Prudery clucks in but luckily, my bandmate ignores her whining.

“It was… wild.” he smirks firmly.

“Wilder than that escort girl in L.A.?” I giggle since this is one of my favorite stories with which I tease Mike from time to time and it’s also a great topic to outrage this first communicant next to me.

“What? Mike? You’ve paid for sex???” Bingo.

“How many times I have to tell that…” Mike pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers with a nervous gasp. “Judy, it wasn’t the way you think… when I was living in L.A. with the Friel brothers, I met a nice waitress at a concert venue… we sort of hooked up, she’d visit me at the record store I’d work at… she was busted all the time so I’d lend her my spare money, I mean what I didn’t spend on booking gigs for us… and Chris Friel tried to warn me gently that every time I’d give her money, we’d sex afterwards… and once we ended up in a strip club after a gig and I found out she was a stripper, she worked there, I mean, she was dropping her clothes right in front of me… and she wasn’t only stripping. So I realized that what I thought to be a friends with benefits situation was actually a prostitute-client relationship, she was just too good-hearted to enlighten me. Stone, are you happy now???”

“Awww, Mike, this is so sad… but it’s also somehow so sweet… I hope you got a discount at least. But what’s with that girl from last night? What’s her name?”

“Someone has suddenly become curious, interesting…” I throw in.

“Errrr… her name was…”

“Jesus, Camden, you know nothing about one-night-stands, don’t you?” I ask to buy Mike some time but to be honest, I don’t know what to think seeing the industrial amount of condoms I found in her toiletry bag last night. Either is she a wild cat and a really god actress at the same time or this tour is like a project for her to get rid of her virginity. Ten times at least. And Jeff Ament has the honor to assist. Jesus.

“Why, I only asked…”

“He doesn’t know shit about her, let alone her name.”

“You banged…” she yells but realizing everyone looks at us, she suddenly takes the volume back “You had sex with her and you didn’t even ask her name?” she whispers between her teeth.

“Why? Names are overrated. Anyway, she introduced herself, I just… can’t remember her name anymore. And she didn’t even care about my name either.”

“Judith, I understand this is new to you, you probably insist on swapping business cards before petting and ask the guy even to show his ID before the penetration but in most cases, these things are going in a simpler way…” I use the occasion to torture her a bit and she starts reddening so much that I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

“Hey Stoney, don’t mock her! Jude, there’s nothing wrong with being cautious. I mean, the social security number can even be useful in case your partner suffers a sex injury.” he tries to help her out clumsily and glances at me for reassurance.

“Yeah, let alone the blood type in case he needs a transfusion after the experience.” I scoff.

“Could we go back to Mike’s experience?” she squints towards me with popped eyes making a nervous gesture. “I hope you had protection…”

“Jesus, of course, she was prepared…”

“She??? Mike, how can you be so irresponsible, it’s always the guy’s task, I would never ever… go out with a guy who expects me to provide him with condoms, Jesus…”

Ha. The little liar…

“Are we seriously analyzing these details? I mean, how was the chick?” I exclaim, earning one more toss arriving from my right side.

“She was… nice. I mean, she had that crazy vibe… It was weird, everything was okay until we left to her place, we drank, we played pool, she started flirting, I reciprocated it and so on… At one point, she threw herself on me, by the time I realized what’s happening, she was basically already licking my tonsils… not that I minded. So she dragged me to her place.”

“That doesn’t sound that bad…” I grin.

“Something tells me there was a “but” in the story…” the queen of condoms reacts ignoring my remark.

“Well yeah… she disappeared in the kitchen to bring more booze, so I turned on the TV, I thought some decent erotic channel wouldn’t hurt in the process but I stopped at a documentary, it was filmed in Kenya, I think, with beautiful shots and interesting narrations… she came back at the part on mating lions, she asked me if liked it, I found her question odd but I answered “of course” and she got completely hysterical.”

“How… how do you mean?” she asks fidgeting anxiously with her coffee mug.

“She… she freaked out saying she couldn’t believe I’m into that too. It so strange, out of context, I guess it was probably some dark secret with his ex, so I didn’t ask.”

What a coincidence!

“Interesting, the same…” I reply but a nervous little hand beats me in the thigh under the table. What the hell is she doing?

“Go… go on Mike, and what happened after that?” she inquires with a forced smile.

“I managed to calm her down, switched to Playboy channel, and you know… we begin to get  into the thing on the couch… but my stomach started rumbling, I was starving since I hadn’t eaten the whole day. So I asked her if I could grab some food before we… you know… and she almost begin to cry, explaining she never mixes food into sex, it was so incoherent, I couldn’t even understand what’s happening…” he recalls causing me a lightbulb moment.

“Jesus Mike, I know why she acted like that…” I exclaim chuckling since it I know this is more than a simple coincidence, his story has too much in common with my conversation with Claudia. Actually, now that it’s not about me, it actually sounds funny. Hilariously funny, I can’t stop shaking of repressed laughter… But those restless fingers pinch me in the thigh this time and when I turn right to challenge her, all I can see are two, huge, warm, brown eyes, begging me concerned… and suddenly I realize what they are trying to say.

“And why?” Mike asks back. Okay, I have to find out something, and I have to do it fast, think…

“Because… because… she chickened out!”

“Yes, that must have been the reason.” she agrees as quickly as possible. Okay, crisis averted.

“She didn’t.” Mike smirks. “She finally allowed me to grab some snacks and then… mature content.” he illustrates with fitting hand moves the events. “Okay, she turned out to be into rodeo roleplay, which was new to me but… after all, it was fun.” he shrugs not too convincingly.

“Was she wearing boots with spurs?”

“Damn, Camden, you always grasp the most important details…”

“She wasn’t… but she had a hat made bondage stuff to me but it was fine.”

Our meals arrive in the meantime but somehow the consumption of my vegan cheese plate seems to be incompatible with the picture of the naked Mike tied to a bed and ridden by Claudia only wearing a cowboy hat.

“A lot of people are into it but of course, there are different levels.” our troublemaker plays the expert with her mouth full.

“It was the enjoyable level bondage. Anyway, she had one more outburst, when we were finished.” he tells stuffing a considerable pile of scrambled egg into his mouth. “After the action, she went out to the bathroom but she threatened to slit my throat if I’d follow her. Like, why would I do that?”

I snort but I manage to fake a cough fast enough not to be noticed by Mike and abused by the travel-size Terminator.

“I don’t know, shower sex?” she shrugs casually munching too. Like she knows.

“Yeah, but that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Whatever. Anyway, guys, how was your night?”

“Terrible.”

“Awful.” we answer at once.

“Why, was it because of the motel or…?”

“I had nightmares… I mean, during that one single hour I slept. I didn’t really dare fall asleep because of the cockroaches… and I kept dreaming about them.” she begins to play with the food pushing it around on the plate.

“Stone, you had nightmares too?”

“Oh, no… although I had every reason to do so. I don’t know, the bed was uncomfortable.”

There’s an awkward silence. Mike devotes all his attention to his food and honestly, probably neither of us minds that he stops asking about last night. Anyway, as for the Claudia thing, she was right. He was proud of his conquest, facing him with the fact he was only a backup target would have totally ruined his confidence. I have to warn Scully too, he’s such a gossip. And Ed would certainly disapprove it but come on, Mike just wants to enjoy being the member of a rock band. He doesn’t fuck girls in every bush we pass by, I don’t think he should be executed for it. Jeff isn’t better either, drooling over you colleague, how immature and irresponsible…

“Hi Jeff!”

Speak of the devil. Anyway, why is she so suddenly so enthusiastic of seeing him?

“Hi guys. Wow, that looks good.” our bassist leans over to check my plate while Mike pulls his leg back to leave him space. Of course he couldn’t do that a few minutes earlier, so typical.

“If you ask me, it tastes better without Mike’s bizarre sex adventures but it’s a matter of taste.”

“Bizarre sex adventures? Something tells me I have to catch up.” he laughs. “How are you, Judy? You disappeared tomorrow so early.”

“Thanks, I’m fine, I was just…tired. Look, Jeff, I was thinking… if you wanna hang out today before the show? I mean, you said you’d show me a few chords and…”

I can’t believe my ears. What made her change her mind? If Dave’s jealousy trick worked out, I have to re-evaluate my knowledge about dating.

“Sure.” Jeff’s face lights up. “Anytime.”

“Aaaanytime, Juuudy…” I mock. ”Just don’t forget to put some money in his G-string.” I add mumbling.

“Jesus, Stone, you’re gross!” Mike drops his fork annoyed.

“I’m the gross? Remember, Mike…” I’m ready to remind him of his various drunk performances but as the debate is about to get heated, Eric shows up in the diner followed by Ed and Beth.

“Guys, we have a problem…”

[rathertoofondofbooks]

WWW Wednesday is a meme hosted by Sam at Taking on a World of Words. It’s open for anyone to join in and is a great way to share what you’ve been reading! All you have to do is answer three questions and share a link to your blog in the comments section of Sam’s blog.

The three Ws are:

What are you currently reading?

What did you recently finish reading?

What do you think you’ll read next?

A similar meme is run by Lipsyy Lost and Found where bloggers share This Week in Books #TWiB.

  What I’m reading now: 

Daisy’s Christmas Gift Shop by Hannah Pearl

I bought this on kindle and then I spotted I could also get the audio book from Audible for £2.99 so I have both versions and am switching between the two. I’m enjoying this book but so far there’s no Christmas so I’m hoping there is some festive stuff soon.

Finding Christmas by Karen Schaler

This book is FULL of Christmas and I am loving it! It’s exactly what I want in a festive book and it’s really making me feel Christmassy.

Last Christmas by Emma Thompson & Greg Wise

I’m really enjoying dipping in and out of this book and reading about how other people spend Christmas. It’s making me think, and it’s also making me feel nostalgic. It’s a great collection so far.

Three Hours by Rosamund Lupton

This book got put to one side last week but I picked it back up yesterday and am gripped so I expect to finish this one very soon.

  What I recently finished reading:

It Must Have Been the Mistletoe by Judy Astley

I’ve had this book on my TBR ever since it was first published so I’m glad to have finally got to it. I enjoyed this one, it’s set at Christmas which I appreciated and has family dramas galore. It didn’t make me feel quite as festive as I’d hoped but I did really enjoy it.

A Wedding in December by Sarah Morgan

I borrowed the audiobook of this from BorrowBox and really enjoyed listening to it. It was my first Sarah Morgan book but it definitely won’t be the last!

Love, Secret Santa by S. A. Domingo

This is a really sweet YA book set in the run-up to Christmas. I found this cute and it made me remember what it was like to be a teenager.

Pushing Her Luck by B. R. Maycock

I read this book over the weekend and it was exactly what I needed. I got swept up in Holly’s life and it was fab escapism. I reviewed this yesterday so you can find my full thoughts here.

When Stars Will Shine by Emma Mitchell

This is a brilliant collection of short stories by different authors and I loved it. I’ll be reviewing it tomorrow for the blog tour so please look out for my post then.

Coming Home for Christmas by Jenny Hale

I’ve read and enjoyed a couple of this author’s previous Christmas novels Christmas Wishes and Mistletoe Kisses, and It Started With Christmas so I was looking forward to this one. I enjoyed it but it wasn’t as Christmassy and romantic as I’d hoped it would be.

Christmas Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella

I am so happy that I picked up this audio book as it’s a return to form for the Shopaholic series and I loved this. It was so fun and festive and Becky is as hilarious as ever! I recommend it!

  What I plan on reading next:

Let It Snow by John Green, Lauren Myracle & Maureen Johnson

I’ve had this book on my TBR for a couple of years and am determined to get to it this week so that I can watch the new Netflix film of it!

The Christmasaurus and the Winter Witch by Tom Fletcher

I read and loved The Christmasaurus last year so I couldn’t resist buying the sequel this year and I can’t wait to read it!

What have you been reading this week? I’d love to hear. And if you take part in WWW Wednesdays or This Week in Books please feel free to leave your link below and I’ll make sure to visit and comment on your post. 🙂

WWW Wednesdays (11 Dec 2019)! What are you reading this week? WWW Wednesday is a meme hosted by Sam at Taking on a World of Words. It’s open for anyone to join in and is a great way to share what you’ve been reading!

[jethropaull]

Random Twin Peaks Thoughts

- Doing a re-read of My Life, My Tapes, it becomes really apparent just how much ANGER Dale is holding back and repressing. Like, he has a lot of issues with his dad under the surface - @renmorris has already covered the idea that his FBI therapist is a tulpa of himself, given that the things Dale tells the therapist sound suspiciously like things about himself, but there’s also just the kind of...almost dispassionate tone Coop takes towards his dad at points? Thinkin’ about how he doesn’t really seem to be too upset about Papa Coop’s failed second marriage and general romantic attempts. Resentment at his father for moving past his mother? Or sublimated anger for his father emotionally abandoning him for years after her death? There’s something to be said for the fact that Cooper’s desperation for a real father figure led him to Windom Earle, and he was so starved for any kind of that attention that he was oblivious to much of Windom’s manipulation until it was too late. Does that feed into his emotions towards his father, that if he HAD been there for Coop then, then Coop wouldn’t have fallen for Windom’s charms? I’m not entirely sure on this, but it’s A Thing in my thoughts this read through.

- I was initially kind of uncertain about the idea of BOB being “created” by a nuclear test, since it felt a bit, for lack of a better word “Cheesy-era Godzilla-ey” in some ways. Now, though, that The Return has settled in and I’ve been able to process it that much more, it really, truly does fit as the moment the Lodge spirits were unleashed upon the world. From there, of course, since the Lodge moves in alien time compared to us, they’ve always been here throughout history, as detailed in TSHOTP. And, it ties in nicely with the Palmer’s being the “Nuclear Family” of Twin Peaks (not technically as they only have one kid, but the iconography is all there - the Haywards are actually the more traditional model of the Nuclear Family, and even they are prone to deconstruction) and the repeated themes of environmental destruction and disturbance, as well as war crimes and atrocites committed by America, further dovetailing with the series deconstruction of the evil that hides behind the image of “traditional”, peaceful American life. That the intimate, domestic violence behind closed doors and under the eyes of the community spills over and proliferates under our society to the point that people like Leo and Leland and Jacques ascend to positions of power, power enough to vent their violence and abuse on whole countries, populations, races, etc. It only makes sense in The Return that Mr. C is a criminal overlord with a network spanning the globe - BOB, the manifestation of abuse and evil that resides inside Cooper’s doppelganger, is, as Albert puts it “the evil that men do”, and that kind of evil isn’t hidden away in one place. Evil isn’t unique to Twin Peaks, or America. Evil is universal, worldwide, and that reflects in JUDY, the nebulous evil force that can’t be directly confronted or meaningfully attacked, precisely because of how universal and spread out she is. The evil that men do can’t ever be fully scrubbed away - but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying, again and again. Reaching for Laura’s hand, hoping to stop at least one act of evil, to save one life. Fighting even in the face of an eternal enemy, because even if they can’t be defeated, they can be beaten back.

- God, I’m running out of steam, shit man, that last take was a lotta ramblin’. UHhhh... Bobby Briggs totally Rickrolled James at some point because according to the Access Guide, the Double R jukebox has that Rick Astley single. DEEP LORE, MAN.

[realitv]

A   PLAYLIST   DESCRIBING   MY   MUSE .

TAGGED BY : my beautiful wife @hebelieves TAGGING :  steal it cowards im fucking LAZY

PERSONAL  ANTHEM :      we want your soul: adam freeland. GUILTY  PLEASURE :     never gonna give you up: rick astley. SINGS  WHILE  DRUNK :   radio ga ga : queen. FAVORITE  LOVE  SONG :    put your head on my shoulder: paul anka. SINGS  TO  LOVED  ONES :    who: judy garland. SONG  THEY FIGHT  TO :     life on mars: david bowie. LULLABY :   moon river: audrey hepburn. ALWAYS  STUCK  IN  THEIR  HEAD :     plastic love: mariya takeuchi. SINGS  IN  THE  SHOWER :     hips don’t lie: shakira SINGS  TO  ANNOY  PEOPLE :    satisfaction: benassi SONG  THAT  MAKES  THEM  EMO :   total eclipse of the heart: bonnie tyler SONG  THAT  MAKES  OTHERS  THINK  OF  THEM :   the cult of personality: living colour

[rocksbackpages]

New for RBP subscribers this week

“We said we wanted to be pop stars and everybody went, ‘Oh, that’s so ironic and cool and kitsch’. When we said, ‘We’re actually going to be pop stars’, they all went, ‘SELL OUT!’”

— Kenickie's Lauren Laverne (1996)

PLUS pieces on...

• Ken Dodd (1965) • Ian McLagan (1966) • Bo Diddley/Ben E. King (1967) • NoCal Folk-Rock Fest (1968) • Cold Blood (1969) • Supertramp (1970) • Alice Cooper live in NYC (1971) • The Zombies (1972) • Valerie Simpson (1973) • Bobby "Blue" Bland (1974) • Soft Machine in Paris (1975) • Al Jarreau (1976) • Jermaine Jackson (1977) • Wings (1978) • Linda Ronstadt @ Forum (1979) • Specials/Selecter (1980) • Dollar's Paris Collection (1981) • The Jam (1982) • Thompson Twins live (1983) • Music journalism (1984) • Helen & the Horns (1985) • Ziggy Marley (1986) • Jesus & Mary Chain live (1987) • New Age spinoff labels (1988) • Swans' Burning World (1989) • Robert Cray (1990) • Kirsty MacColl live (1991) • Metallica's Lars (1992) • New Order's Republic (1993) • David McAlmont (1994) • Shed Seven @ Astoria (1995) • M People's Fresco (1997) • The Divine Comedy (1998) • Spearhead @ Jazz Café (1999) • Sonny Barger (2000) • Resolution @ Ally Pally (2001) • Judy Henske (2002) • Alison Krauss (2003) • Elvis on the Hayride (2004) • Moby @ the Garage (2005) • Slaughter & the Dogs (2006) • Enter Shikari's Skies (2007) • Chemicals' Brotherhood (2008) • Richard Hawley's Gutter (2009) • Sandy Denny (2010) • John Maus' Censors (2011) • Fontella Bass R.I.P. (2012) • Four Tet @ Heaven (2013) • The Isleys' 10 best (2014) • Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat (2015) • Rick Astley (2016) • Morrissey's Low… (2017) • Tori Amos (2018) • Kano @ Brighton Dome (2019)

• Subscribe and become an RBP member

• click here for University and other group subscriptions

[randobambo]

Tagged by @renamon

(answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to get to know better.)

relationship: Engaged to 7 different fictional characters :^P

favorite color: Probably Burgundy or anything close to it

pets: none atm

wake up to: 3 different alarms on my phone, each one progressively louder (Brodyquest, the Avicii/Rick Astley Rick-Roll mashup, then Overtime by Cash Cash) 

cats or dogs: BOTH

coke or pepsi: Water because I need to cut down on the pop :P

day or night: Night

text or call: Depends on the person/situation

lipstick or chapstick: Chapstick

city or country: City I guess (there isn’t much ‘country’ over here, mostly water)

last book i read: The Art of Equestria  

last song i listened to: Fat-Bottomed Girls by Queen B) 

top three tv shows: For currently-running shows, I’d say Samurai Jack, Star Vs, and MLP:FiM

top three characters: Judy Hopps, Sylvia the Zbornak, and any one of the Mane Six (except maybe RD)

top three ships: I don’t do ships much but let’s say Nick/Judy, Pinkie Pie/Cheese Sandwich, and Edd/Eddy

Tagging: @cbthemanesix @n64by44 @jwblogofrandomness @frankitown @thehipstermcgee360 @mulp--plum @@thatsinside @honeyeyedfawn @crackiepipe The contract has been sealed!

[ralph-n-fiennes]

Open letter to Theresa May

Dear Prime Minister,

The government's decision to close the "Dubs" lifeline for vulnerable refugee children is truly shameful. The idea that as a country we will slam the door shut after just 350 children have reached safety is completely unacceptable. Lord Dubs was himself a child saved by Sir Nicholas Winton who rescued 669 children virtually single-handed. It is embarrassing that the Prime Minister's entire government will not even manage to match the example set by her former constituent all those years ago, let alone the efforts of the Kindertransport movement of which he was a part which saved 10,000 children from the Nazis. It is clear from the work of charities like Citizens UK's Safe Passage project and Help Refugees with unaccompanied child refugees across Greece, Italy and France that where these safe and legal routes are blocked, children are left with a terrible choice between train tracks on the one hand and people traffickers on the other. The government's threadbare consultation with councils is now nine months out of date. The country we know and love is bigger than this. Communities and councils across the country stand ready to do more. The government must agree to extend the programme and re-consult with councils immediately.

Yours truly,

Akram Khan Alex Jennings Alice Temperley Amanda Craig Amanda Jennings Andrew O'Hagan Anish Kapoor, Sir Anna Maxwell Martin Anne Fine Anoushka Shankar Anthony McGowan Antonia Honeywell Antony Gormley Arlene Phillips Beeban Kidron Bella Freud Ben Drew aka Plan B Ben Whishaw Benedict Cumberbatch Betsy Tobin Bill Nighy Bill Paterson Billy Bragg Blake Morrison Candy Gourlay Carey Mulligan Carol Drinkwater Caroline Flack Charlotte Gainsbourg Charlotte Mendelson Chris Cleave Christina Koning Clare Morpurgo Coldplay Daniel Hahn David Hare David Heyman David Lan David Nicholls Dawn O'Porter Douglas Booth Ed Simons Ed Skrein Edgar Wright Edna O'Brien Elif Shafak Emilia Fox Emily Eavis Emma Freud Evie Wyld Fiona Dunbar Frances Thomas Francesca Simon Frank Cottrell Boyce Gary Lineker Gok Wan Hannah Beckerman Harriet Lane Harriet Walter Helen Dunmore Helena Kennedy QC Henry Goodman Henry Porter Hot Chip Hugh Brody Ian Rickson Imogen Stubbs Jack Harries James McConnachie Jamie Byng Jamie Cullum Jane Casey Jane Harris Jane Johnson Jane Wickenden Jason Flemyng Jason Isaacs Jemma Redgrave Jeremy Hardy Jessica Fellowes Jessie Burton Jessie Ware Joanna Briscoe Joanna Trollope Joanne Harris Joe Wright Joely Richardson John McCarthy John Wilson Jojo Moyes Jon Courtenay Grimwood Jon McGregor Jonny Lee Miller Jude Law Judy Astley Julia Williams Julie Bertagna Juliet Stevenson Kate Mosse Kate Pullinger Katharine Quarmby Katharine Rundell Katherine Langrish Keira Knightley Keren David Kit Berry Lauren St John Lee Hall Lesley Manville Lia Williams Lily Allen Lily Cole Linda Grant Lisa Appignanesi Liz Fremantle Lu Hersey Lucy Coats Lucy Daniel Raby Lucy Popescu Lynda Edward Maggie O'Farrell Mark Rylance Mary Hoffman Mary Kay Wilmers Matt Smith Meg Rosoff Meredith Miller Michael Morpurgo Michael Winterbottom Mick Moon Miranda Gold Miranda Richardson Nadifa Mohamed Nell Leyshon Nicci Gerrard Nick Dewey Nicky Matthews Browne Nicole Farhi Nina Killham Noel Fielding Noma Dumezweni Paloma Faith Patricia Ferguson Patrick Gale Paul Dowswell Pauline Chandler Penny Dolan Peter Bently Peter Bunzl Philip Pullman Philippa Stjernsward Pippa Harris Ralph Fiennes Rebecca Abrams Rhiannon Lassiter Rhys Ifans Richard Davenport-Hines Rick Smith Riz Ahmed Roger Allam Rogers of Riverside Rose Boyt Rowan Coleman Rowan Williams Ruby Wax Ruth Negga Ruth Rogers Sabrina Guinness Salley Vickers Sam Baker Sam Frears Samira Osman Sandi Toksvig Sarah Dunant Sarah Waters Sonia Friedman Sophie Dahl Stephen Daldry Stephen Frears Stephen Poliakoff Steven Knight Tammy Cohen Terence Blacker Terry Stiastny Tess Morris Tim Piggott-Smith Tom Odell Tom Rowlands Tom Stoppard Tracey Seaward Tracy Chevalier Ursula Owen Vanessa Harbour Vicken Parsons Vicky McClure Zoe Wanamaker

[softlabirint-ru]

100 Hits The Ultimate Love (2018) Mp3

http://www.softlabirint.ru/music/popdance/28176-100-hits-the-ultimate-love-2018-mp3.html

Исполнитель: VA Название: 100 Hits The Ultimate Love Год выхода: 2018 Жанр: Pop, Soul, RnB Количество треков: 100 Качество: mp3 | 320 kbps Время звучания: 05:45:03 Размер: 797 MB TrackList: CD 1 01. The Commodores - Three Times A Lady 02. Diana Ross & Marvin Gaye - You Are Everything 03. The Stylistics - You Make Me Feel Brand New 04. Barry White - Just The Way You Are 05. Rita Coolidge - We're All Alone 06. Joan Armatrading - Love And Affection 07. Dorothy Moore - Misty Blue 08. Michael Jackson - Got To Be There 09. Gladys Knight & The Pips - Help Me Make It Through The Night 10. Blue Mink - Stay With Me 11. Ken Boothe - Everything I Own 12. Marcia Griffiths - First Time I Ever Saw Your Face 13. Ken Boothe - Crying Over You 14. David Parton - Isn't She Lovely 15. The Real Thing - You To Me Are Everything 16. David Soul - Don't Give Up On Us 17. Darts - It's Raining 18. Gilbert O'Sullivan - No Matter How Hard I Try 19. Jim Croce - I'll Have To Say I Love You In A Song 20. Nazareth - Love Hurts CD 2 01. Daniel Bedingfield - Never Gonna Leave Your Side 02. Katie Melua - The Closest Thing To Crazy 03. Ronan Keating - She Believes In Me 04. Gabrielle - Rise 05. Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love To You 06. Lighthouse Family - Ocean Drive 07. Des'ree - Feel So High 08. Omar - There's Nothing Like This 09. Kylie Minogue & Keith Washington - If You Were With Me Now 10. Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around 11. Vanessa Williams - Save The Best For Last 12. Mica Paris & Will Downing - Where Is The Love 13. Boris Gardiner - I Want To Wake Up With You 14. Maria McKee - Show Me Heaven 15. Angry Anderson - Suddenly 16. Boyzone - I Love The Way You Love Me 17. The Mint Julips - Only Love Can Break Your Heart 18. Kylie Minogue & Jason Donovan - Especially For You 19. Chris De Burgh - Lady In Red CD 3 01. Phyllis Nelson - Move Closer 02. Peaches & Herb - Reunited 03. Jeffrey Osborne - On The Wings Of Love 04. Kool & The Gang - Cherish 05. Jimmy Ruffin - What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted 06. Fern Kinney - Together We Are Beautiful 07. Princess - Say I'm Your Number One 08. Boris Gardiner - You Are Everything to Me 09. Madness - It Must Be Love 10. Art Of Noise - Moments In Love 11. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - The Power Of Love 12. The Style Council - You're The Best Thing 13. Rick Astley - When I Fall In Love 14. Alison Moyet - That Ole Devil Called Love 15. Captain And Tennille - Do That To Me One More Time 16. The Korgis - Everybody's Got To Learn Sometime 17. Snowy White - Bird Of Paradise 18. Judie Tzuke - Stay With Me Til Dawn 19. Dan Hill - Sometimes When We Touch CD 4 01. The Jackson 5 - I'll Be There 02. Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - You're All I Need To Get By 03. The Temptations - Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) 04. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - I Second That Emotion 05. The Stylistics - I'm Stone In Love With You 06. Sweet Sensation - Sad Sweet Dreamer 07. The Moments - Jack In The Box 08. Susan Cadogan - Hurt So Good 09. Ace - How Long 10. Dobie Gray - Loving Arms 11. David Soul - Let's Have A Quiet Night In 12. Bonnie Tyler - It's A Heartache 13. Gallagher And Lyle - I Wanna Stay With You 14. Pickettywitch - That Same Old Feeling 15. Tom Jones - Without Love 16. The Foundations - Baby Now That I've Found You 17. Gladys Knight & The Pips - Take Me In Your Arms And Love Me 18. The Mamas And Papas - Dedicated To The One I love 19. Engelbert Humperdinck - The Last Waltz 20. Dusty Springfield - You Don't Have To Say You Love Me CD 5 01. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - The Tracks Of My Tears 02. Marvin Gaye - Too Busy Thinking About My Baby 03. Mary Wells - My Guy 04. The Temptations - My Girl 05. The Supremes - Stop! In The Name Of Love 06. Jr. Walker & The All Stars - How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You) 07. The Isley Brothers - I Guess I'll Always Love You 08. Chris Montez - The More I See You 09. Petula Clark - I Couldn't Live Without Your Love 10. Jackie Trent - Where Are You Now, My Love 11. The Righteous Brothers - Unchained Melody 12. The Troggs - With A Girl Like You 13. The Mindbenders - A Groovy Kind Of Love 14. The Merseybeats - I Think Of You 15. The Everly Brothers - All I Have To Do Is Dream 16. Andy Williams - The Hawaiian Wedding Song 17. Buddy Holly - True Love Ways 18. Billy Fury - I'd Never Find Another You 19. Brian Hyland - Sealed With A Kiss 20. Dixie Cups - Chapel of Love 21. Jerry Butler & The Impressions - For Your Precious Love 22. The Everly Brothers - Devoted to You DOWNLOAD LINKS: 100 Hits The Ultimate Love (2018) Mp3

http://www.softlabirint.ru/music/popdance/28176-100-hits-the-ultimate-love-2018-mp3.html

[azazel-dreams]

A Merry Mistletoe Wedding by Judy Astley

Rating: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤

[artwordbw]

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scholasticinc -- This week we’re celebrating more than the holidays...because we’ve got some really exciting new releases! 🎉🎉 Swipe through to see all the great books out this week and wish them a happy #bookbirthay! 🎈🎂 Which ones have you on your way to the bookstore right now? 🤔 📚 Picture Books & Young Readers 📚 Be Brave Little Penguin by Giles Andreae and illustrated by Guy Parker-Rees; If You Were My Bunny by Kate McMullan; It’s Spring! by Samantha Berger and Pamela Chanko, illustrated by Melissa Sweet; Meet the Class (The Magic School Bus Rides Again) by Samantha Brooke; The Magical Tale of Ben and Holly by Neville Astley 📚 Board Books and Early Learners 📚 My Easter Egg by Megan E. Bryant; There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Chick! by Lucille Colandro; You’re My Little Chickadee by Sandra Magsamen; Trace, Lift, and Learn ABC; Easter Surprise (Peppa Pig) 📚 Branches Books 📚 Fire! Fire! (Hilde Cracks the Case #3) by Hilde Lysiak; Sink or Swim (The Magic School Bus Rides Again) by Judy Katschke; Monster Power (The Magic School Bus Rides Again) by Judy Katschke; Battle of the Boss-Monsters (The Notebook of Doom #13) by Troy Cummings 📚 Middle Grade 📚 The Bad Guys in Intergalactic Gas by Aaron Blabey; Dog Man and Cat Kid: From the Creator of Captain Underpants by Dav Pilkey; Captain Underpants and the Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman: Color Edition by Dav Pilkey; Detention of Doom by Derek Fridolfs; Keep Calm and Sparkle On! by Sarah Aronson; Night of the Living Things by Jim Benton; Cyber Thief Showdown by Geronimo Stilton; The Risky Rescue by Eric Luper 📚 American Girl 📚 Natalia Takes the Lead by Clare Hutton; The Titanic by Emma Carlson Berne; The Underground Railroad by Bonnie Bader; Luciana by Erin Teagan; Luciana Braving the Deep by Erin Teagan 📚 Spanish Books 📚 George Se Resfria (Peppa Pig) by Eone; Por Que Yo Soy Yo? By Paige Britt, Sean Qualls, and Selina Alko; Hombre Perro Se Desata by Dav Pilkey; El Príncipe Hombre Mosca by Tedd Arnold; Gracias, Sr. Panda by Steve Anthony; Eva y la nueva lechuza: Un libro de la serie Branches by Rebecca Elliott

[jenmedsbookreviews]

Today it’s my great pleasure to welcome author Jane Cable to the blog to help me spread a little more book love. Before we take a look at Jane’s choices, here’s a little more about the woman herself.

About Jane

Jane Cable is a writer of romantic suspense novels. Her first, The Cheesemaker’s House, was a finalist in The Alan Titchmarsh Show’s People’s Novelist Competition and won Words for the Wounded’s Independent Novel of the Year Award. Her latest book, Another You, is published by Endeavour Press and tells the story of how chance encounters around the 60th anniversary of D-Day help downtrodden Marie to rebuild her self confidence and to find new love.

You can follow Jane on her website, Twitter, Amazon and Facebook

…

Another You

Sometimes the hardest person to save is yourself…

Marie Johnson is trapped by her job as a chef in a Dorset pub and by her increasingly poisonous marriage to its landlord.

Worn down by his string of affairs she has no self-confidence, no self-respect and the only thing that keeps her going is watching her son, Jude, turn into a talented artist.

But the 60th anniversary of a D-Day exercise triggers chance meetings which prove unlikely catalysts for change.

First there’s Corbin, the American soldier who she runs into as she’s walking on the cliffs. He is charming and has a quaintness about him, calling her an ‘English rose’.

Then there’s George the war veteran, who comes to dine at the pub, and his son Mark. George fascinates Marie with his first-hand accounts of the war, whilst Mark proves helpful in making sense of the pub’s financial situation.

And there’s Paxton. Another American soldier with an uncanny resemblance to Corbin. Young, fit and very attractive, Marie finds him hard to resist. But little does she know Paxton is also battling some inner demons.

As the heat of the summer intensifies, so do the issues in Marie’s life. Why is Corbin so elusive? Why is the pub struggling to make ends meet? Why has Jude suddenly become so withdrawn and unhappy? Can she help Paxton open up and begin to deal with his pain? Or will she be shackled to the pub and her increasingly spiteful husband forever?

But as events unfold, Marie finally realises that she is not trapped, but stuck, and that it is down to her to get her life moving again. 

Perfectly blending the complexities of twenty-first century life with the dramatic history of World War Two, Another You is a charming tale that will warm your heart. 

Amazon UK | Amazon US

You can read Mandie’s review of Another You here on the blog tomorrow.

Childhood Sweetheart Favourite book from childhood

Terribly politically incorrect now, but it was a tiny illustrated book called Little Black Sambo which told the story of a small boy who was terrorised by a tiger but out-witted it by getting it to chase its tail around a tree until it turned into butter. I was so disappointed I couldn’t find the book when I was clearing my mother’s house after she died.

First love The first book you fell in love with

Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women. I actually wanted to be Jo. It must have been the start of my desire to be a writer.

Biggest book crush The book character you’re totally in love with

I found this question really hard because I mainly seem to fall for settings or atmospheres. Plus the answer I’ve come up with might be cheating because it’s Wilfred Owen – but Owen as depicted in Pat Barker’s Regeneration trilogy, in particular the final book, The Ghost Road. I’ve never read a biography of Owen in case it rips away my fantasy of the tragic hero whose death in November 1918 seemed to sum up the wasteful loss of life.

Weirdest book crush Well… duh

Fiver in Watership Down. A psychic rabbit? Well you did ask…

Hardest break up The book you didn’t want to end

R F Delderfield’s Horseman Riding By trilogy. Thank goodness there were three of them.

The one that got away The book in your TBR or wish list that you regret not having started yet.

Oh dear – my TBR is far too long so there’s plenty of choice. I think the one that’s lingered longest for no particular reason is Elaine Everest’s The Woolworth Girls. I downloaded it as soon as it came out and I still really, really want to read it!

Secret love Guilty Reading pleasure

I don’t think I’ve ever felt I had to keep loving a book a secret, but I have had a huge crush on K M Peyton’s Flambards books since I was a teenager and I probably should have grown out of it by now.

Love one, love them all Favourite series or genre

A few years ago I became absolutely hooked on Mark Hebden’s Inspector Pel series. I borrowed Pel and the Picture of Innocence from the library to read on holiday in France (where the books are set) and loved every last one of them, even though I probably read them in the wrong order. The characterisation is fantastic and the mysteries suitably hard to guess. Even after reading an awful lot of them.

Your latest squeeze Favourite read of the last 12 months

Barbara Copperthwaite’s debut novel Invisible. I was completely gripped and continually chilled by this brilliantly drawn story. No wonder she’s since signed a major deal with Bookouture.

Blind date for a friend If you were to set a friend up with a blind date (book) which one would it be?

It would depend on whether they were looking for a lifelong commitment or a bit of fun. For the former I would say Claire Dyer’s The Perfect Affair, a simply beautiful book about two relationships, one in the 1950s and the other today. For a bit of fun anything by Judy Astley – perfect chicklit for grown ups. Unchained Melanie is probably my favourite.

Greatest love of all Favourite book of all time.

Rosamunde Pilcher’s The Shellseekers – absolutely no question. The characters are so beautifully drawn across the generations. I could read it over and over again.

…

Thank you Jane. Some fab choices in there. I love Little Women too and get what you mean about wanting to be Jo. She was such a strong character. And I love your weird book crush pick. Who doesn’t love rabbits? Although Watership Down always makes me cry…

What about those picks then guys? Any of them sound like your kind of read? Any other books you think that Jane should be checking out?

Join me next week when I have Helena Fairfax and Jack Steele joining me to spread a little more #booklove.

Have a brilliant weekend everyone.

JL

#BookLove: Jane Cable @JaneCable Today it's my great pleasure to welcome author Jane Cable to the blog to help me spread a little more book love.

[blog-jadeartist-blog]

History of puppets and paper dolls

V&A History of Puppetry in Britain Red Devil Glove Puppet, Walter Wilkinson. Museum no. S.261-1998 There are four main types of puppet used around the world: glove or hand puppets, rod puppets, marionettes (operated from above by strings or rods), and shadow puppets. There are also other special types of puppet, including jigging puppets and water puppets. In Britain we have evidence of puppet performance dating back over 600 years. Puppetry before 1500 Nobody knows when the first puppet shows were performed in Britain although the Romans probably had puppets, since they were known in Italy. Minstrels in France performed puppet shows as early as the 13th century and would have entertained with them when they came to England. The word 'puppet' was common in 14th-century England and Chaucer used the word twice. The 'Romance of Alexander' is a 14th-century manuscript illustrated with pictures of glove puppet shows in booths like those used for Punch and Judy today. Although written in Flemish, the manuscript may have been made by English scribes and artists and represents English puppet shows. Glove puppets are very portable which is why they were popular in medieval times and were used by travelling minstrels and other entertainers. These shows were probably based on Bible stories and Greek and Roman legends. Monks and priests also used puppets and automated figures to tell Bible stories in church and to spread Christianity. From 1500 to 1700 Travelling puppeteers in Elizabethan England performed in wealthy households. In 1561 the Duchess of Suffolk recorded paying 'two men who played upon the puppets'. Shakespeare referred to puppets and troupes of Italian puppeteers travelled around Britain in the 17th century, playing at fairs and markets, probably using marionettes. The earliest recorded puppet plays in London took place in about 1600 at Bartholomew Fair, Smithfield, Holborn Bridge, Fleet Bridge and Bankside, but puppeteers made their living by performing all over the country. Bible stories such as Jonah and the Whale still featured in puppet shows and records show that one in Coventry in 1599 featured the devil. Medieval clergy used animated figures and puppets to help preach Christianity, and a devil puppet would have been a leading player in these, his evil-doings creating vivid and imaginative lessons. According to a 17th-century poem by Samuel Butler, fireworks were used with puppet plays involving the devil - a theatrical (if not downright dangerous) way to show the perils of hellfire: 'Nor devil in the puppet-play be allowed To roar and spit fire, but to fright the crowd'. Puppeteers also performed versions of popular stage plays, historical stories and contemporary events and figures such as Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot. Glove puppets were probably the most common type of puppet in Elizabethan England but shadow puppets were also known. Theatres were closed during the mid 17th century, when stage plays were forbidden. Puppet plays, however, were still tolerated, so from 1642 until 1660 puppet theatre flourished - mostly with glove puppets. When Charles II returned to England, entertainers from the continent came too, including puppeteers. They brought a string puppet character based on the Italian Commedia dell’arte figure Pulchinello. In England he was called Punchinello and eventually Punch. Mr Punch was first recorded in England in 1662 by the famous diarist Samuel Pepys when he saw him as a marionette, operated in Covent Garden by the Italian puppet showman Signor Bologna. Pulchinella, as he was then called, was presented within a tent rather than in the type of booth we know today with the audience standing outside. Pepys brought his wife to see the show two weeks later and that October the same show was performed at Whitehall for the King. Pepys recorded seeing other Italian puppet showmen in England and in 1672 the King ordered that a puppet showman should be allowed to perform at Charing Cross. Meanwhile, strolling puppeteers continued to play in portable booths around the country, with shows based on Bible stories and legends. Puppeteers were particularly active in 17th-century Norwich, a tradition that continues today. The Devil has a long history in puppet shows. Records show that the Devil featured in a show at Coventry in 1599, and has also appeared with Mr Punch for a long time. An account of the 1699 May Fair records 'a Puppet Show, where a senseless dialogue between Pulchinello and the Devil was conveyed to the ears of the listening rabble through a tin squeaker'. This puppet was made by the puppeteer Walter Wilkinson who did much to restore the reputation of glove puppets in the first half of the 20th century. From 1700 to 1800 Puppet theatre in 18th-century London became fashionable adult entertainment. After 1710, when Martin Powell's puppets from Dublin opened at a theatre in St Martin's Lane, other marionette theatres were soon established. Powell's theatre had footlights, backcloths and scenery. He performed in a tavern in Covent Garden and in towns outside London including Bath, Bristol and Oxford. His marionettes lampooned famous people and satirised current theatrical fashions, such as Italian opera. Other 18th-century London puppet theatres included Punch’s Theatre in James Street and the Patagonian Theatre in Exeter Change. In 1770 a company of fantoccini, or Italian marionettes, introduced a new wave of continental puppet theatre to London. Italian companies performed comic opera, plays in the style of the commedia dell’arte featuring Harlequin and Columbine, and 'magical' transformations of scenery. By 1777 there were four puppet companies in the West End as well as an oriental-style shadow theatre show called 'Ombres Chinoises' (or 'Chinese Shadows'). The famous impresario Philip Astley managed one of these for a while and included shadow theatre in an entertainment he put on in Piccadilly. By the end of the century puppet shows at large fairs (many of which featured the marionette version of Mr Punch) almost died out because they were too expensive to operate. Instead, the glove puppet version of Punch and Judy began to be a familiar sight in portable booths on the streets of London. Punch's head, Richard Codman Snr, early 19th century. Museum no. S.420-2001 This carved wooden head of Mr. Punch was made in the early 19th century for a member of the Codman family, Punch and Judy men for four generations. In 1946 it was presented by Richard Codman Senior to another well-respected Punch Professor, Percy Press I. Mr Punch has had his cone-shaped hat for a long time. A 17th-century ballad referred to Mr Punch's conical hat, his amorous character, and to a character who: 'kissed like Punchinello or a sucking pig.' Punch has also had his characteristically squeaky voice for hundreds of years, directions for a 17th-century play note that a character should 'speak in Punchinello's voice'. An account of a performance by Punch and the Devil in 1699 noted that their dialogue was: 'conveyed to the ears of the listening rabble through a tin squeaker, which was thought by some of 'em as a great piece of conjuration as was ever performed by Dr. Faustus'. This is a reference to the Italian 'pivetta' which Punchmen today call a 'swazzle'. Mother Shipton's head, Clowes Excelsior Troupe, 19th century, Museum No. S.421-2001 This is the carved wooden head of a marionette of Mother Shipton, owned in the 20th century by the puppeteer Clunn Lewis and in the 19th century by the Clowes Excelsior troupe. Mother Shipton featured as a character in 18th-century plays, and in 1712 the puppeteer Martin Powell advertised the play 'Mother Shipton and the Downfall of Cardinal Wolsey'. The same play was mentioned by an American journalist in 1728, writing about the English puppet theatre. From early Tudor times, Mother Shipton was considered a prophetess, both in her local Yorkshire and around the country. Her many prophesies are said to have included the death of Wolsey, the Civil Wars and the Great Fire of London. She appears in illustrations as an ugly old lady with a hooked nose and an upturned chin. Pepys referred to Mother Shipton, and she appeared as a character in 17th-century plays and pantomime as well as in the puppet theatre where she was usually a trick puppet who smoked a pipe. From 1800 to 1900 During the first half of the 19th century, when Mr. Punch disappeared from the fairs, Punch and Judy shows flourished on the streets, some featuring Toby played by a real dog. One-man booth shows were much cheaper to operate than large fairground shows and, after dark, the Punch men turned their hands to shadow or ‘galanty’ shows. Marionette theatres opened in London from time to time, and although there was nothing like the influx of foreign companies of the late 18th century, a French marionette troupe was very well received at the Argyll Rooms in Regent Street in 1828. One reviewer noted with astonishment that, in their play 'Arlequin par Magie', the wooden Harlequin lit two candles and drank a bottle of wine. By the 1850s, Punch and Judy shows were less popular, but their fortunes revived towards the end of the century because of the increasing leisure that people were enjoying once Bank Holidays were introduced. Punch and Judy found audiences at parties and social events as well as on the streets and at the seaside, either on the beach or the newly fashionable seaside piers. Painting detail showing Punch and Judy, England, about 1810. Museum no. S.823-1991 In 1852 Signor Brigaldi's Italian marionettes were a great success when they appeared at an exhibition hall in London - which was renamed The Royal Marionette Theatre. They played in Manchester and Liverpool before returning to London and establishing themselves in a specially-built marionette theatre in Cremorne Gardens. By the 1860s, however, the days of the permanent marionette show were past and travelling marionette shows became popular instead, performed by family troupes including the Tiller-Clowes and Barnard family troupes. This oil painting shows a Punch and Judy show taking place on the street in the early 19th century. Although a child is being encouraged to look at the show, Punch and Judy was not intended as children's entertainment then. There is a jester figure performing outside the booth, and he would have played some instrument to alert people that the show was about to take place. At this date Punch's wife may still have been called Joan. Her name seems to have changed at about the time that Punch himself changed from marionette (or string puppet) to glove puppet. The last recorded use of the name Joan and the first of Judy appears in 1818, and although she was still the same person, her character changed. In the 18th century she was a shrewish woman who struck the first blow when Mr Punch asked her for a kiss, but she later became the victim of Mr Punch's aggression without provocation. Poster for De Randall's Marionettes, late 19th century. Museum no. S.4077-1995 This poster depicts many of the marionettes which featured in De-Randel's show including a drunken stilt-walking clown, a policeman, Pantaloon, a skeleton and a minstrel. These were popular figures in all the Victorian and Edwardian marionette troupes, such as those owned by Richard Barnard and the Tiller family. De-Randel bought his marionettes from James Holden, part of a family of well-known marionettists. James Holden's grandfather, John Holden senior, began a show in the mid 19th century. The marionettes must have been sold to De-Randel with lots of copies of this expensive poster, and because he didn't want to waste it he blocked out the references to the original show in gold and overprinted in black. Under the words 'Refined' and 'Clever' are photographs of Thomas Holden and his brother James Holden who went into partnership together in 1877. The name Thomas Holden can be seen under the word 'Marionettes' and on the pole on which the white-faced clown is balancing. Punch & Judy on the beach at Llandudno, R. Barnes, 1887. Museum no. S.29-2008 Punch and Judy found a ready audience in Victorian seaside resorts which became immensely popular after the introduction of the railways and later excursion trains. Llandudno, in North Wales, the largest resort in Wales, boasted splendid hotels in the 19th century, newly-built to cater for prosperous visitors. This image from 1886 may depict Professor Herbert Codman's Punch and Judy booth, with the sweep of North Parade and Llandudno Bay behind. The Codman family continued as Punch and Judy showmen, in Liverpool in the winter, and Llandudno and Colwyn Bay in the summer, for over a century. This drawing, reproduced in The Graphic, is as good as a photograph in its attention to detail. We see the bathing machines on the beach and the mixed audience reaction to the show. Some people are fascinated by it whilst others, who have seen it all before, are finding more amusement in their own conversation, or are even dozing. Punch and Judy shows continued to be a feature of 20th-century seaside entertainment, except during wartime when many coastal towns were prohibited areas. Read more about the history of Punch and Judy From 1900 to 1950 Puppetry in Britain declined in the early 20th century with audiences drawn to other forms of entertainment, including music hall, variety and cinema. Punch and Judy were still at the seaside, and marionettes on the music hall and variety stages, but the outbreak of World War I meant that large travelling marionette shows disbanded. They could not operate without the men who went to fight. Flyer advertising 'The Peep Show', Walter Wilkinson, early 20th century Flyer advertising 'The Peep Show', Walter Wilkinson, early 20th century During this time glove puppeteer Walter Wilkinson was reviving the art of glove puppet theatre which had flourished in medieval times to show the dramatic possibilities of glove puppetry beyond Punch and Judy. He toured his 'Peep Show' throughout Britain and America in the 1920s and 1930s, setting up show wherever he could find an audience. He carved his puppets' heads and hands, dressed them, and wrote several books about his trips telling how he packed his booth, puppets and equipment onto a cart which he pushed around the country during the summer. Walter Wilkinson was still performing in the 1950s when his repertoire included 'Thersytes', a 16th-century morality play, 'Cassius and Brutus', and the quarrel scene from Shakespeare's 'Julius Caesar' which he described as 'Shakespeare specially disarranged'. The wider fortunes of puppetry, however, did not begin to revive until 1923 with the publication of a book called 'Everybody's Theatre' by H.W. Whanslaw, which led two years later to the foundation of The British Puppet and Model Theatre Guild. At first a society of keen amateurs, it soon generated expert professional puppeteers including William Simmonds, Walter Wilkinson and his brother Gair Wilkinson, Waldo and Muriel Lanchester, and John Bickerdike. The Lanchesters opened the 50-seat Lanchester Marionette Theatre in Malvern in 1936 and toured for the Entertainments National Service Association (ENSA) in England during World War II. The London Marionette Theatre, Keystone View, mid 20th century Waldo Lanchester (left) and Harry Whanslaw (right), seen here at the London Marionette Theatre, played a large part in the regeneration of puppetry in Britain after the war. When The British Puppet and Model Theatre Guild was founded in 1925, Lanchester and Whanslaw were amateur puppeteers experimenting with puppets and controls. After a demonstration of their work at a Guild meeting in 1926 and their first performance as the Whanslaw-Lanchester Marionettes a year later, they founded the London Marionette Theatre in Stamford Brook, in a studio above Waldo Lanchester's workshop. Jan Bussell joined the troupe, and together they evolved aspects of marionettes such as the vertical control and new types of joints and methods of balancing. The London Marionette Theatre was the first to broadcast puppets on television, making nine broadcasts from the Baird Studios in 1933, when all the scenery had to be black and white. By the late 1940s there were several professional puppet companies in Britain and after the war marionette cabaret became popular, with performers operating for the first time in full view of the audience, providing entertainment for Working Men’s Clubs and night clubs. As television sets became more affordable, this increasingly popular form of home entertainment began to bring puppets to a very wide audience indeed. From 1950 to 2000 British children’s television in the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s made stars of some puppets, from the marionettes 'Muffin the Mule', 'Andy Pandy', 'Bill and Ben', 'Lady Penelope', 'Parker', 'Troy Tempest' and 'Captain Scarlet' to the glove puppets 'Sooty and Sweep' and 'Basil Brush' as well as the American sock puppet 'Lamb Chop' (who was still operated by hand). The Pipkins’ 'Hartley Hare' was a rod puppet and Jim Henson created many different types of puppets for 'Sesame Street' and 'The Muppets' which British audiences loved. Britain’s first purpose-built puppet theatre, The Harlequin Theatre, was opened by Eric Bramall at Rhos-on-Sea, North Wales in 1958, followed by John Wright’s Little Angel Theatre in Islington in 1961, Ray and Joan DaSilva’s Norwich Puppet Theatre in 1980, Gren and Juliet Middleton’s Puppet Theatre Barge on the Regent's Canal in 1982, and The Biggar Puppet Theatre, opened near Edinburgh by The Purves Puppets in 1986. Artist and Illustrator Mary Shillabeer created various full-scale marionette shows in the 1970s and 1980s, some of which appeared during the Edinburgh Festival, including 'Peter and the Wolf', 'Boite a Jou-Jou' (The Toy Box) and 'Babar the Elephant'. Annette Mills with Muffin the Mule, Gerald Morice Collection, 1950s Annette Mills with Muffin the Mule, Gerald Morice Collection, 1950s 'Spitting Image' puppets, created for television in the 1980s by Peter Fluck and Roger Law, renewed the 18th-century tradition of satirical puppetry at a time when many innovative British touring puppet companies were established, and theatre companies such as Forkbeard Fantasy began using large scale puppetry in their work. Muffin the Mule, the first marionette to become a television star, is seen here with his presenter Annette Mills. Muffin was carved in 1934 by Fred Tickner, a famous maker of Punch and Judy puppets, for Ann Hogarth and her husband Jan Bussell, who formed The Hogarth Puppets in 1932. For their show they wanted a comic-looking mule with a big head who could kick his back legs at a marionette clown. When television started again after the war in 1946, Annette Mills - sister of the actor John Mills - asked the Hogarths if they would make some puppets to go with her songs for the programme 'For the Children'. The Hogarths suggested she used some of their puppets instead, so she wrote new songs to go with the puppets she chose - the mule and clown - which she called Muffin and Crumpet. Muffin was later joined by other marionettes including Mr Peregrine Esquire, Louise the Lamb and Oswald the Ostrich. The act consisted of Annette Mills talking to Muffin and singing songs at the grand piano while he and his friends clattered around on its lid. His operator, Ann Hogarth, also stood there, hidden by a partition. Into the 21st century A few dedicated puppet theatres survive in Britain, often in the face of financial indifference from local authorities, but puppetry in 21st-century Britain is also finding new audiences with companies and productions incorporating puppetry into their work. 'The Lion King' continues to delight audiences on the London stage, with shadow puppetry and large body puppets developed by Julie Taymor, exploring techniques thousands of years old. Puppetry is increasingly appreciated as a tool in education and in work with the disabled, and PuppeteersUK, the recent amalgamation under one banner of all the organisations in Britain working in puppetry, should assure the future of the art in the country as an exciting form of theatre. Mr Punch is still celebrated annually in Covent Garden and can be found all over the country flouting political correctness and entertaining audiences just as he has done for over 300 years. This is an image of Anthony, a life-size marionette with flailing limbs, a manic expression and rolling eyes. He was one of the star patients in Dr. Smallman's Nursing Home in 'Hypochondria', the 1987 production by the touring experimental theatre company Forkbeard Fantasy. Made by Penny Saunders, he was the doctor's model patient in every sense of the word, consisting of so much spare-part surgery it was unclear how alive he really was. From the 1960s onwards, British theatre experienced an explosion of new kinds of performance - street theatre, carnival, visual theatre and live art, which challenged traditional ideas about theatre. Besides traditional actors, these performances sometimes used large-scale animated constructions - part puppet, part human. Forkbeard Fantasy have been touring experimental performances since the 1970s, combining film and theatre, and featuring strange and wonderful inventions, several using traditional techniques of puppetry to create bizarre mechanical characters like Anthony.

[vanessasbuecherecke-blog]

Weihnachten at Vanessas Bücherecke - Schuld war nur der Mistelzweig von Judy Asley und Mince Pies

Weihnachten at Vanessas Bücherecke – Schuld war nur der Mistelzweig von Judy Asley und Mince Pies

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[diariesofabookworm-blog]

Judy Astley ~ 17.08.2011

Turns out this whole moving thing has left me horribly unco-ordinated when it comes to keeping up a blog, so I'm going to try and keep it up in an awkward, disjointed fashion. Sorry guys.

Right. My recent foray into the wide world of literature has lead me to re-read Unchained Melanie, a book by Judy Astley. Way off the radar of my usual reads, I've actually read this about six times now. It's quite an upper-middle class read; think Gilmore Girls with a little less teenage angst. We follow main character Melanie, a freelance author, through her settling into a not-so-routine after her divorce and child going to university. Add on a couple of bonkers friends, strange neighbours and the token disapproving parents and you've got yourselves a giggle. It's a very easy book, with a lot of emotion and enough detail that full imaginative immersion is pretty simple. As I said, it's not my usual taste but it's very uplifting, silly and a bit saucy. Definitely a womans read. I'd suggest it to anyone coming out of the good side of a break-up or simply looking for something that isn't too intellectually challenging.

After finishing the re-read I thought to myself, "Surely this warrants getting a hold of some of her other works?" which led me to discover my new favourite bookshop. Having recently moved just under 100 miles away from home I'm only really now finding my way around the goods and bads of town. There's a lovely little place called City Books just up the road from the flat, with ridiculously helpful, friendly staff. So I asked about Astley's backlist and after having a shufty through I asked Inge (the lady with whom I share a name spelling/pronounciation issue) to order me a lucky dip of sorts. Literally a day later I picked up Just for the Summer and Pleasant Vices. Now that's good service.

I finished reading Pleasant Vices a couple of days ago. It's another treasure; Re-occuring cat, mad old neighbour with token poodle, equally mad best friend. This time it follows the husband and kids almost as equal to the lead character, Jennifer, without taking the light off the fact that the story is her plight, her ridiculous family situation. I like that about Astley; her writing style is well grounded with little similarities (in those two novels at least) popping up, with not-so-cliched family-life tales. This story is actually quite bizzare in places...where Unchained Melanie was fairly sensible and believable, there are plot twists in Pleasant Vices that left me opened mouthed (literally, I got some weird looks from the other half). But that's what makes it a definite candidate for a re-read in the future.

Any input? Drop me a message! As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.