#Joshua x Reader | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thestraybunny · 2 days ago

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I (do)n't need you Pt. 1

Pairing: Joshua Hongx AFAB!Reader WC: 8.7k Genre: Non-Idol AU, Exes to lovers Rating: M (18+, MDNI) Warnings: Angst, Eventual Smut, Drinking, Shit Communication, Fluff

Summary: Inspired by 2 minus 1 by Vernon and Joshua. It's been seven months since you and Joshua broke up, and you are still convincing yourselves that you don't need each other.

A/N: This is the first installment of my Seventeen K-Series, and my first fic where SVT is the main focus. This has also been posted on AO3. Hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think. Part two posted.

Th3.Litt1e.D0e made a new post.

Even though Joshua rolled his eyes when he looked down at his phone, no longer paying attention to the pretty little thing in front of him, he still opened the Instagram feed to see what you posted. Maybe this time, since there was a potential hook up in front of him, when he looked at your post it won’t mean anything. Maybe this time, he won’t want you like he used to.

Fat chance at that when he saw the photo of you with a new kitten, and a guy he had never seen before. While your focus was on the small black kitten in your arms while the guy was looking at you like you hung the moon. He used to looked at you like that at one point.

You really moved on already. He hated that this caused not only an uncomfortable burn in his chest, but his brain going to wondering what you were doing now. Probably with that guy.

“You in there?” The squeaky voice of the girl he had started to ignore for your post brought him back to reality and away from thoughts of you. She was a pretty one too. Silky long black hair that fell over her shoulders, soft make-up and without the harsh liner that you used to sport, and she was in a dress that made her look even more stunning. Her painted lips were pulled into a frown and Joshua had to move his phone from her view when she went to look at his screen.

“Yeah, fine. Just a text, but it’s not important right now. You are.” He was quick to lie, slipping his phone into his pocket as a flirtatious smirk graced his lips. Leaning back against the bar on his elbow, he turns his attention to the woman in front of him. With every intentions on taking her home with him.

To show he’s fine without you. And he doesn’t need you.

Th3.Litt1e.D0e added to their story.

Joshua was quick to flip his phone, now with the screen facing down, so Vernon could not see the notification. It took everything in him to not open it right then to look. Likely another photo of you and that guy. Or another annoying photo of the black kitten you named Felix. A kitten this guy likely got you, and Joshua knew you were flaunting it to show him you were okay without him, just like how he is okay without you.

He was okay without you. He didn’t need to throw himself into his music, work, or going out every weekend to find someone to get over you with. You didn’t take up his every waking thought anymore.

He also was terrible about lying to himself and those around him.

“Dude, just unfollow her and block her. She ain’t worth it.” Vernon spoke up and the older man had to look at his younger friend in surprise. He thought he turned his phone quick enough so he couldn’t see, but Vernon was quicker to notice. “She’s moved on and is with someone new. You’re just torturing yourself at this point.”

“I’m not torturing myself,” Joshua muttered, not making any motion to do what Vernon had suggested. Instead he just turned his attention to the guitar that was in his lap. “I told you, I am over her, but we agreed to stay friends. I mean, we were best friends before this.”

“That’s just something we say to make the breakup not hurt as much, but in reality, you just make it harder to move on. Besides when was the last time she messaged you or even liked one of your posts? Seems to me that you were the only one who is ‘staying friends’.” The younger man took a drink of his Americano before turning his attention to the pen and paper in front of him. “Or at least channel this into song writing, because we got to get this done. Hyung will have our heads if we don’t finish this. He wants to get this to the artists asap.”

Joshua bit his tongue from snapping at the younger man, but he knew Vernon was right. He only was making this harder, while you did the right thing by breaking contact. Instead of the talk helping, Joshua didn’t take the advice to unfollow and block you. No, instead, it made him wonder if you unfollowed him and really was doing the smart thing, which is move on.

But Joshua was still convinced that he didn’t feel anything for you. He didn’t need you, he didn’t need to think about you. He even ignored the ding that came through, knowing it was you making another post.

**eight months ago **

“Joshua, stop! I’m gonna pee myself!” you squealed as his hands tickled your sides, your hands playfully swatting him away. Your laughter mixed with his like music to his ears, the way the soft notes of your laugh were a melody of happiness. Happiness he brings out of you, and happiness that you brought out of him.

“Say you surrender.” He laughs, finding that one spot that made you near jump off the couch by surprise, but he was able to wrap his arms around your waist to pull you closer. You didn’t have to say it though as he stops tickling you to just look at you, his eyes not leaving your face as your arms snaked around his neck.

“I surrender…” You whisper still, and his lips pressed against yours in a soft kiss. He relished in the way you felt against him, before pulling away to look you deep in your eyes.

“I love you…” Joshua answered in a whisper, before his lips pressed against yours again; taking in the smell of your sweet perfume. Hoping that moments like this start overtaking the bad.

You hated yourself for thinking about him while Minjun was right across from you, talking animatedly about his day with his fingers lightly tracing circles into your palm. It tickled and you wanted to pull your hand away, but you had to stop yourself. Instead, you leaned your chin on the palm of your hand as you tried to keep up with his stories, none of which are registering since your thoughts were not on the sweet man before you.

No, they were on Hong Jisoo… Joshua. Wondering what he was doing, if he was okay, and if he found someone else. The last thought broke your already broken heart more, but you were a hypocrite if you wanted anything other than him to be happy with someone else. Especially when you were sitting across Minjun, someone you recently started seeing regularly. Your first attempt at a relationship after the breakup.

“What you think?” Minjun asks and you looked at him with confusion. Missing that whatever he was talking about included you, or he was trying to include you.

“Think about what?” You had to ask, feeling a little foolish that you didn’t listen to what he was saying, switching the hand he was tracing to hold his. You give him a sweet smile as you forced yourself to pay attention. “Sorry, baby, what were you saying.”

“You and your flighty mind.” Minjun teased, and you caught the way the smile was tight, telling you he was annoyed but was trying to not show it. Your mind was always somewhere else, well on someone else, and he’s dubbed it as you having a ‘flighty mind’. It was more backhanded than anything, but you chose to ignore it. “Would you like to go with me Saturday night for Seongjun-ah’s birthday? Meet my friends?”

“Oh,” You couldn’t keep the hesitation in your voice obvious, straightening your back as you looked at him. You two been seeing each other for the last two months, and he has already met your friends, but there was something about meeting his friends that made it more serious. Except, that’s the whole point in dating him, because you were serious about him. Meeting each other’s friends, and possibly family eventually, came with it. Forcing a huge smile on your face and was happy that he didn’t hear how forced your excitement was, “Of course, I would love to! I can’t wait to meet your friends. So, what time Saturday night?”

“Dinner is at eight, but we are all meeting for drinks at seven.” Minjun’s smile changed to one to match his own excitement and pulls your hand up to kiss the palm. Something that Joshua used to do. With the way he held your hand up, you had a perfect view of your smart watch, and the screen lit up. Showing a notification you should turn off.

Shu_acoustic made a post.

You weren’t supposed to still need him. You weren’t supposed to miss him. But you did.

**Seven months ago**

“What the fuck Josh?!” You yell, trying not to cry as another fight broke out between the two of you. This time it was over you breaking plans for work, a job with a debuting K-pop group that will keep you working for the next few months. Another makeup artists had to drop out due to a family emergency and would not be back for a while, so you jumped at this opportunity. “You said yourself that I shouldn’t decline these opportunities when they come to me. It’s been really hard for me to find work lately.”

“You’ve bailed on me several times over the last few weeks, and it’s always conveniently happening when we have plans.” Joshua shot back, his brows furrowed, and his lips turned downward into a frown. His hands were clenched at his sides before pushing one through his dark hair. “You spend more time at work or with Kami, and Ruby more than your own fucking boyfriend.”

“Rich for you to say. What about all those times when you’re stuck at the studio and don’t come home until late? Or when you choose to go hang out with your friends, or go get drunk with them instead of spending time with me?” Tears were now starting to fall as you felt your chest hurt and it only intensifies when he speaks again.

“Oh, so I can’t have friends now?” What the fuck?

“Of course, you can have fucking friends! You brought up my friends so why can’t I bring up yours?” You knew you shouldn’t be stooping to his level, but you were, and he looks away. “You are such a fucking hypocrite bringing up my friends like that when you chose yours over me constantly. There are nights I am home fucking alone while you are out with them. And not once do I hear from you either unless I literally spam text you, or one of the guys asking if you’re okay.”

“That’s not tru—”

“Twelves times out of thirteen, I get a message back from one of the guys and not you. I already know they don’t fucking like me anymore, thinking I am some clingy bitch who has to know your location at all times.” It has been a known secret for quite some time that his friends no longer liked you, you could tell by the way they would respond to your text or even talk to you when you were around them; especially Jeonghan, Joshua’s best friend. You didn’t know what you did, but it was right when you and Joshua started having problems. Where neither of you could go more than a day without arguing, and those days started to outweigh the good. “It’s like you don’t even like me anymore either…”

“Feelings fucking mutual.” His words sharp, and with that he took off out of your apartment and left you crying on the couch.

Hours later, you became a single woman when you thought he was calling to talk things out. Instead, he said that both of you being together wasn’t working and that you were better off as friends. You could only agree before ending the phone call… so he could go out with his friends while you cried yourself asleep.

Shu_acoustic added to their story.

Normally, you could avoid looking at his story, but something compelled you to open it this time. Figured instead of just ignoring the notification, you would just look since you are a masochist.

Your heart sinks.

It’s a photo of him from the previous night, surrounded by his large group of friends and his arm around a woman. He is laughing at something she said and their faces close together. They looked happy.

She was absolutely beautiful, petite, short brown hair, and looked like she could be a model even though she was wearing jeans and his hoodie. His hoodie.

You felt like your chest was going to cave in, and your throat restricted any of your breathing. Tears were hot in your eyes, and you had to chastise yourself for even looking in the first place. Closing out of his story before the next photo popped up, all you wanted was to throw up and scream how you’re such a hypocrite.

You posted Minjun several times over the last two months, and Joshua never unfollowed you after the breakup, so he had to of seen your posts with the other man. Did it bother him seeing Minjun in your photos? Then again, he was the one who broke up with you, so it was very likely he wasn’t. He didn’t actually care.

So, you shouldn’t either.

It shouldn’t have bothered you either when the moment you closed his story you were hit with a new post on his Instagram. It was the same setting as the story, this time they both were sitting back and his arm still over her shoulder, heads tilted together with a smile. It was one of several, but you didn’t look further.

The caption was simple. ‘Hoshi vomited in the bushes’. Normally this would make you snort and roll your eyes, but your eyes were on the comments. Two of them. One from Jeonghan and the other from an account that was tagged in the post.

Haniy00_n: ‘Oh, you are making it official official.’

You did cry when you read the comment from the tagged account. Not wanting to believe what you were reading.

Mix3djellyjam: ‘Right? Only took him nine months to come to his senses.’

You broke up seven months prior. And the fighting got worse around that time, as did Joshua spending less time with you. It all made sense.

You never hit the unfollow and block button faster. Scolding yourself for breaking down over him, especially when you had a new boyfriend, but you felt your heart break all over again.

“Why did you post that comment?” Joshua asked Jeonghan annoyed, looking down at his phone before back to his best friend. Yoon Jeonghan continued to scroll through his socials, and didn’t even look toward Joshua. “You are encouraging her, and I made it clear, I wasn’t wanting anything serious.”

“You don’t post the girl you’re fucking if not one of two things. One,” Jeonghan still didn’t look in Joshua’s direction, just lifted up a finger, “You are serious, and you are making your claim, or two,” He puts up two fingers as he finally looks toward him. “You are trying to show someone that her flaunting her new victim all over her socials isn’t bothering you cause you moved on.”

“You can stop being a dick about her now. And don’t call him a victim. He’s her boyfriend.”

“Same thing.” Jeonghan waved him off. “The point is, you wouldn’t have posted Yoojin if it wasn’t one of those two things. Or even both.”

“That’s not why I posted her.”

“Then why did you Josh?”

“Because…” Joshua couldn’t continue because he didn’t have an answer. Maybe a part of him wanted you to see it, to show you that he was doing okay, but that wasn’t the full reason he posted. Yoojin was not anyone special, just a friend who kept him company instead of random girls every week, so he wasn’t posting to make anything official.

“Because what?” Jeonghan leaned toward Joshua, waiting for a response but when he didn’t receive on he only tutted and sat back. “I’m waiting.”

“I don’t know…” Joshua muttered as he looked down his hand that was holding his phone, not noticing the notification that came in after Jeonghan’s, and this earned another tut. “Maybe a part of me wanted her to see it, maybe a part of me wanted her to know that I am okay too, but I know that I didn’t make anything official. Yoojin is a friend, and I was posting photos with friends.”

“You don’t post those kind of photos of just a friend.” Jeonghan answered, and he snorted when he saw Yoojin’s response. “Nine months huh?”

“What the fuck are you talking about nine months?” Joshua asked, looking at him confused.

“Only took him nine months to come to his senses.” Jeonghan read out loud and Joshua’s eyes widened as his jaw dropped. He opened his phone quickly to pull up the post. His best friend continued to laugh, and Joshua shook his head. “Didn’t you guys break up like seven months ago? If Yoojin was the real reason you wanted to break up with her then it took you a while to finally get to it. I take it you didn’t want her as a rebound?

Joshua only muttered that Jeonghan was an asshole and was quick to delete the entire post; every part of him hoped you didn’t see it. You hadn’t posted anything that day, so he wasn’t sure if you’ve even been on, but very much hoped. It was a mistake to post anything, and he could only hope that you didn’t see it. He didn’t know why he cared so much. You had moved on and was posting your boyfriend for the world to see, he shouldn’t care if you saw it, he shouldn’t be racked with guilt for posting something that was supposed to be fun pictures from a night out.

But he was. He regretted posting anything with Yoojin as he texted her telling her that he couldn’t see her if she was going to start problems with you and going to lie about how long they had been talking. He didn’t even give her a chance to respond and blocked her on everything.

It was too late though. You clearly seen the post, with your account no longer in his following list. Nor would it come up if he tried to search for you. You had blocked him.

Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe this is what he needed to show himself that he didn’t need you.

**six months ago**

You decided it was best to stop responding to his texts and keep a distance. They weren’t a lot of them, just a check in every few days, but after a month you couldn’t take it anymore. You were tired of acting like you were okay and not hurting. You hated lying to him even after he broke your heart, and here you were lying through your teeth with every response.

You played it off as a natural thing, you were busy with work, and after a week, his texts stop coming too.

When Minjun’s friend’s birthday came up, you played the part for Minjun, the smitten girlfriend that he couldn’t stop gushing over. You smiled and laughed at his and his friends jokes and did you best to look at him like he hung the moon. Maybe if you made it believable for everyone else, you can make it believable for yourself.

It didn’t work for you, but it seemed to have worked on everyone else. No one could tell you were hurting inside, no one could tell you didn’t want to be there, and more so they couldn’t tell that your thoughts were still filled with Joshua. You kept telling yourself you don’t need him, and that he was happy now with someone else.

And at least Minjun’s friends liked you.

After dinner, the group all decided on going to a bar or club to continue the night, but you were quick to decline. Not sure if you will be able to keep up the act if you started to drink more. Plus, the bar they would go to was where Joshua and his friends always went to on weekends, or whenever they could.

“I’ll go with you.” Minjun offered, holding onto your hand but you shook your head to decline.

“You go have fun with your friends. We aren’t far from my place anyways, so I can walk.” You tell him, giving him a quick peck on his lips. Funny how you told him to go do one of the things that you’ve fought with Joshua over, one of the things that led to your breakup. The difference is that you knew what you had with Minjun was not what you had with Joshua.

“Are you su…”

“Go. I’m getting a small headache anyways, and a walk will help clear my head.” You cut him off before pushing him in the direction of his friends, you give him a reassuring smile and give him a wave. “Text me later so I know you got home okay.”

“Sure thing, sweetie.” Then he was off with his friends, leaving you to watch him leave. A relief rushing over you because you can let down some of the guard, the smile falling from your face. Your jaw and cheeks hurt from forcing the smile, but it was a relief to no longer have to any longer.

The weather was starting to cool down, and this particular night there was a breeze to help keep you centered as you walked. It also helped keep your mind clear and any thoughts of Joshua started to slip away, giving you the briefest moment of freedom. Your heart still ached but for once your mind felt free.

If only you were so lucky it would stay that way.

You didn’t see him when you walked past, you were looking to the ground as you counted the cracks in the sidewalk. There was not many, these streets were well taken care of, so you ended up creating ones with your imagination. You may not have seen him, but he saw you.

So, when you heard your name being called, your heart stopped as did your whole body. You hadn’t heard that voice in so long, avoiding any videos where he was talking in them, and hid away all the videos with him in it. You sure as hell haven’t heard your name come from him in so long. It was clear as day, and right behind you.

You didn’t need to turn around. You didn’t need him.

But you did.

He wasn’t interested in going out that night, in the first time in months, he didn’t want to go out with his friends to take things off his mind. His heart wasn’t into it, he just wanted to vegetate on the couch and watch something. Aimlessly check his Instagram to see if you unblocked him, or even see if you responded to a message to talk. One that remained undelivered.

You didn’t want him to contact you, and he was going to have to respect that, but it doesn’t stop him from checking. Even though it was Jeonghan’s birthday, his best friend had given him the free pass to not go out. He was witnessed to how bad he had reacted over the whole post situation, making sure it was known that he thought Joshua was overreacting over this while thing.

It was Seokmin who had convinced him to go out, whining that he needed his hyung with him to take care of Soonyoung when he got too wasted. Joshua told him just ask Mingyu or Seungkwan, but the younger man was able to convince him. Mostly with the promise of buying him most of his drinks that night as well as his ride home.

He left his place late, after finally pulling himself together to get ready. He did only the minimal amount of effort too, his hair falling down in a messy style. When it came to clothes, he threw on a pair of brown sweats, a plain white t-shirt, and a tanned cardigan. He was planning to throw Soonyoung into a taxi the moment he could to send him home and go home to do what he wanted to do. Sulk.

When you walked past him, he thought he was seeing things, stopping in his tracks. Your head was down but he knew it was you. How could he not? You had a pull to him that he couldn’t get free of, and he was losing his mind more that he no longer had that one link to you. A small part of him told him to just keep walking, and that you blocked him for a reason, that he needed to respect your boundaries. But this might be his only chance to set things right.

Your name left his lips before he could stop himself, and the way you froze told him that you weren’t expecting to run into him. It was like time stopped, both of you standing not saying a word and for a moment Joshua was sure you were going to run from him. Instead, after what felt like the longest minute of his life, you turned to face him.

It was like someone doused him with cold water while simultaneously sending cannons of butterflies through his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to pull you into a hug after not seeing you for so long, but he wasn’t stupid enough to miss that you looked like you wanted to cry and wanted to get as far away from him as possible. But he had to try.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you out.” He spoke and all you did was stare at him. You were still as beautiful as ever, but your hair was in a new style and there was sadness to your eyes. When you didn’t answer, he continued. “It’s…It’s nice to see you.”

You still didn’t answer, but you also didn’t walk away.

“Are you walking home?” You nod, and he tried to offer a sincere smile, not wanting to hide his eagerness to maybe get a moment with you. “How about I walk you? Or maybe we can get some coffee? I really would like to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“It’s been a while, and I think you may have misunderstood some things. I want to clear the air.” He answers nervously, his mouth feeling dry as he waited for your response. All you could do was stand there though, the only thing you saying was when you asked why. “It’s about that girl in the photos.”

“It doesn’t matter, Joshua,” You tell him flatly, but he knew you were lying. Your face may remain stoic, but your eyes gave away everything. Like they normally did. “There is nothing to talk about. You’re just mad cause she gave you away.”

“I didn’t even know she was interested in me until a few weeks ago. I don’t know why she even said that to begin with. I promise you.” Joshua just blurted out, moving closer to you so that the conversation could not include everyone walking by. You just stood there staring at him like you didn’t believe a thing he said. “She had nothing to do with our breakup. So, please, can we talk?”

“Was that what you wanted to tell me?” You ask.

“Well, yeah, but…”

“Goodbye Joshua.” You turn to walk away, and he suddenly felt desperate to not let you go, his hand reaching for your wrist to stop you.

He shouldn’t be doing this, he should just let you go. It was over, and he needed to leave it well enough alone. He didn’t need you to not walk away.

**Two years ago**

“Move over,” You smacked his knee so he can give you room on the couch, and he almost looked offended. Then Joshua slapped his knee to indicate that it was your seat.

“You can sit right here,” He joked, not even trying to hide his obvious interest in you, and it was obvious you felt the same, but neither of you really made any moves toward each other besides harmless flirting.

“Move Josh,” You tell him again, feeling your skin hot from his flirting. He sighed and acted like he was going to move but instead he grabbed your wrist to pull you into his lap. Not thinking through how hard you’d drop down, letting out a small groan before recuperating to snake his arm around your waist. Keeping you there. “You idiot! Are you okay?”

“Maybe should have adjusted myself before doing this, but I’m okay,” He answers honestly, and you rolled your eyes. “See comfortable.”

You stopped wiggling for a moment when you realized how close you two were, your eyes dropping down to his soft plump lips briefly. Flicking your eyes back up to his, you had a look that hoped he didn’t notice the way you were looking at him. But he had.

The two of you had been friends since you moved to Seoul, meeting each other through Jeonghan (of all people) after joining the same music company they both worked for. You as a makeup artist for idols and the two men were songwriters and guide singers. He was someone you could speak English with, even though you were fluent in Korean, and a foreigner like you.

You both bonded over love of music, anime, movies, and so much more. Quickly becoming close, with him always seeking you out when he could, but you found yourself doing the same. It wasn’t long until you both were spending time with each other outside of work, and he quickly became your best friend. You let your guards down with each other, telling each other secrets that no one else knew, and you never felt closer to anyone the way you did with him.

At first it was obvious to everyone but you that your friendship was something more, and it took the help of his friends, Mingyu and Wonwoo, for Joshua to realize he liked you more than a friend. It was you who took longer, even though you actually knew from the moment you met him that you liked him. You just didn’t want to ruin one of the few friendships you had in a foreign country.

“Can I kiss you?” You didn’t recognize this voice of his, breathless and husky, his own eyes watching you with intent. Your hands moved over his shoulders to snake around his neck. He was closer now, if either of you leaned in, you would be kissing. “Please.”

“If you do, I don’t think I will be able to stop,” You whisper back, and you could feel a smile spread across those beautiful lips. “I won’t ever want to stop.”

“Then let’s never stop.” It was enough for you to be the one to kiss him. And you were right.

You didn’t ever want to stop.

You didn’t know why you didn’t rip your hand away and told him to leave you alone, but you didn’t. Instead you stared down at the way his hand clasped so easily around your wrist, holding onto you like if he let go, you would disappear on him again. Feeling the desperation in his stare beat at you, you couldn’t look up, you were scared that you would break completely if you do.

“Please,” He said your name again, but nothing further than that, anything else he had to say lost in his throat. Joshua wasn’t wanting to let you walk away.

“I have a boyfriend…” The words leaving your lips didn’t feel right, it felt wrong, but it was true. Minjun was your boyfriend, you been dating him seriously enough for him to have that title. So, why did saying it to Joshua feel like acid on your tongue? Sounding more of a lie then the truth.

“Just let me walk you home.” This time you looked at him, those eyes you would stare at for hours filled with the same desperation in his hold on your wrist. You shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have said yes either.

But you did.

And now you were walking beside him in silence, your arms wrapped around your waist, and he didn’t reach for you again. Respecting your space, but you could tell he wanted to say something, but every time you see him open his mouth from the corner of your eyes, he would close it a second later. There was a time that neither of you had to hold back with your words, talking freely about anything and everything, but here you were both not saying a word.

“Thank you,” It was you who spoke, causing him to look at you in surprise. It took you by surprise as well, stopping to look at him. “Thank you for walking me home, you obviously didn’t have to, but it’s appreciated none the less.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, I offered anyways. Plus, it’s been a while.” Joshua gave you a smile that still melted your heart and nearly brought tears to your eyes. You watched the way his eyes crinkled and squinted as the smile spread, the one that you missed being directed toward you. One that you used to get before you broke up.

You shouldn’t miss that smile anymore. But you did.

“I didn’t break up with you for anyone. I want to tell you that again, there wasn’t anyone else.” He continued to speak, and there was a tight ache in your chest when he says that. You weren’t sure if you were relieved to hear this, or if this just made it worse. “Yoojin was just an acquaintance that Seungkwan was trying to get at but got bored with. I never showed any interest in her until recently, and even then it wasn’t anything.”

“Why are you needing to justify?” You ask, and he looks at you wide eye and jaw slacked. Not expecting the question. “It’s been seven months. What does it matter now?”

“Because I know it bothered you,” With this statement, you had to look away, neither of you realized you had stopped walking again until then. “You blocked me after it was posted.”

“How did you know I saw her comment? Maybe I just forgot to do it before?” This made him laugh.

“You’re just made because she gave you away.” He repeated and you could only pull a face, you forgot you said that.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Josh. We both moved on.” You lied through your teeth, “Thank you for clearing things up, it was not needed but thank you. It’s good to know you aren’t a cheater. I’ll finish the way home by myself.” You didn’t know why you said the next thing, especially when hurt flashed across his eyes. “I would say it was nice to see you, but it wasn’t. Goodbye once more, Joshua.”

You were quick to turn and walk away.

“You can’t lie to me.” He said suddenly and you stopped again. “You always been terrible at lying to me, and it seems like it hasn’t changed.”

“Yeah, well, you always been good at lying to me.” You retort, knowing it wasn’t the least bit true, and before he could say anything more, you took off down the street to your apartment. Ignoring the feeling in your chest.

You’re over him. You’re doing good without him.

You’re the liar.

Th3.Litt1e.D0e started following you.

Joshua nearly dropped his phone when those words appeared, sitting up from his couch as he swiped on the notification to go to Instagram. He had to see if he saw that right, and that his drunk eyes were not playing tricks on him.

He ended up going and meeting the guys at the bar after you stormed off, just like he promised Seokmin, but there was a cloud over his mood nearly the entire time. Especially when he saw the guy in your photos on the other side with a group of his friends, all laughing and drinking heavily. It made him have a harder time concentrating on the conversations in front of him, and he even ended up being scolded by both Seungcheol and Mingyu for staring off into space.

Only he wasn’t, he was watching your boyfriend, watching as his eyes roamed over the girls that past like they were pieces of meat. He wanted to go up and say something but didn’t no matter how much it bothered him. He had to be reminded what you had said and that made him stop. That and Jihoon would not let him. The younger man was the only one who remained empathetic over everything but had to remind him that it wasn’t his business.

He was the only one Joshua told about running into you, and the shorter man listened carefully.

“She’s not your problem anymore,” He was reminded, “I know it’s fucked up sounding, but she’s not. That’s not your business. He’s also just looking, it’s not like he has his tongue down some other girl’s throat. Let it go, Hyung.”

Joshua left not long after that, not bothering to listen to the whines of the other’s. He was drunk, frustrated, and that ache in his chest was worse then it had been in months. It was like he broke his own heart over again.

He kept telling himself that he should have just kept walking, that he shouldn’t have stopped when he saw you. He should have let you walk away. He should just move on.

And he sure had hell shouldn’t get hope from just a stupid notification.

But he did.

**Nine months ago**

“It’s her again. Joshua will you fucking answer your girlfriend?” Seongcheol sighed, checking his phone., “Tell her you’ll call her in the morning or something.”

“She knows where I am at. She knows who I am with. I don’t get why she is even texting any of you.” Joshua sighed as Seongcheol went to answer you, and he could see the annoyance playing on the eldest of the groups face. Joshua didn’t care though, he just turned his attention back to Jeonghan, ignoring his phone for the fifth time. “I told her she doesn’t need to be messaging you guys.”

“If she has work and she’s waiting up for you, then I don’t blame her for checking in. Especially when you’re ignoring her.” Jeonghan pointed out before tossing another piece of BBQ into his mouth. “It is three in the morning, and she’s probably waiting up. Didn’t you say that you were going to her place after this?”

“Not if she keeps messaging you guys. She knows I’ll be there when I’ll be there.” Joshua shrugged, popping some meat in his mouth too as Seongcheol tossed a few more pieces of meat onto the grill between the three men. “It’s not like I don’t have the code to get in or anything. She doesn’t need to be waiting up.”

“You’re a dick.” Seongcheol told him as he sends his response to you. “What happened? We used to have to pry the phone from you or even get you to stay out longer with us. You used to want to rush home to her. Now, you just stay out until you can’t anymore.”

It wasn’t that he wanted to stay away from you, he wanted to so badly to go home to you. The fighting had gotten worse over the last few months, everything you both did upset the other, and it was hard for him to be around you. There was a time when you would be able to work out any argument, talk things through and be okay after. Now, all they did was turn into screaming matches until you have to get away from each other.

Sometimes he would leave and stay out so long that you would be blowing up his phone with worry, and it only would cause another fight. He didn’t know what to say to make things better when all he wanted to do was pull you into his arms. Hold you as he begged for forgiveness. That he never wants to lose you, and he hates fighting with you. He wanted to keep making you happy and wanted to stop hurting you with needless fighting. You don’t deserve how he’s been treating you.

You didn’t need to be treated like this. You needed to be treated like you deserved, not like this. And he was failing at it.

Lee Jihoon Calling.

That was not a name you were expecting to see when your phone lit up. You only kept a few numbers when Joshua broke up with you, Jihoon’s being one of the since you had worked with him on his solo music concept and had been on decent/professional terms. You’ve had to work with him once after the breakup and he was kind enough not to bring up Joshua or anything to do with him. It was never his business to begin with.

So him calling at nearly eleven at night was something that you weren’t expecting.

“Hello?” You answer, not even thinking that it could have been Joshua calling you with Jihoon’s phone.

“This is as strange for me as it is for you.” He says right off the bat, not even bothering with hello’s, and took the words right out of your mouth.

“I would say yes. Is there a reason you are calling?” You were confused by his call, but he hadn’t brought Joshua up before, so maybe there was another reason for him to be calling.

“I don’t have long. The guys think I am making a call to my girl and will come searching for me.” He started and you took a seat at your small kitchen table, “This isn’t my business, and if anyone asks, I am going to deny I ever called you, and this was a misdial, but Josh-Hyung left not too long ago.”

“He’s not coming over here is he?” You ask, with a hitch in your words, looking toward your front door. Not sure if you were hoping it was true or not.

“Nah, he went home. Good thing, he might’ve done something stupid right now.” There was a dry chuckle, one that had no humor to it. It sounded more like he was having to keep from getting mad. “I know he wasn’t the best of boyfriends toward the end but damn your taste has sure gone to shit.”

“I would expect a call like this from Jeonghan, or one of the other guys. Didn’t think you would be one to want to call to be a dick.” You couldn’t believe your ears and was starting to get offended by his comment; a fresh set of tears threatening to fall. “I knew the others didn’t like me, but I didn’t think you were one of them. It’s been seven months, why can’t it be left well enough alone?”

“Hey, none of us didn’t like you, we just didn’t like seeing our friend hurting. None of us are assholes enough to openly fuck with you or not like you. You didn’t give us a reason to.” Jihoon didn’t waver in his voice, staying calm despite your own tone changing.

“Then why are you calling me about my taste in men?”

“Because the guy you’re dating is a pretty damn good actor. Hyung may have gone out a lot, but never once did he ever look toward another girl when with you. Nor would he allow any of us to say what his friends were saying about you, nor did he ever agree or egg us on. Hell, he still won’t allow anyone to say anything negative about you.” Jihoon was not someone who got into other people’s business, and there was only two occurrences that you heard of him stepping in and you were never told what they were about. “Hyung isn’t the confrontational type, you know this, and he would not be able to be held back if he was here.”

“What was said?” You could tell he was hesitant to say anything. “You called me for a reason, so tell me.”

“I called you because I am tired of seeing Hyung be a shell of himself. He won’t admit he needs you still, and you are with some asshole who will let his friends call you an emotionalist fake.” He then told you what was said. They saw through the façade you tried to play off, that it was noticeable. They made cracks that the real you was likely as interesting as a wet blanket, that he was doing charity by giving you a chance, and that you’re as desperate as you are clueless. That he will have an easier time cheating on you then his last girlfriend. Jihoon didn’t sound too happy about what was said, and sounded bothered by them. “Hell, I almost had half a mind to say something, because I know perfectly well that none of that is true.”

“How do you know?”

“I may not know you very well, but I know enough. You were the best damn thing to happen to Hyung, and he wouldn’t still be heartbroken and regretting breaking up with you if you were. He wouldn’t be lying to himself and everyone around you if he wasn’t needing you like he does.” There was something to the younger man’s tone that dug into your chest.

Jihoon was not the type to lie, he was not the type to cause problems for the sake of being an asshole. Jihoon didn’t give away his friend’s business, even if you were part of that business, for the sake of gossip or drama. Jihoon was not the type to meddle into others’ relationships, nor does he try to fix one that was broken.

Joshua still needed you. You tried to tell yourself that you didn’t need him, but you did.

**Seven months ago**

Joshua regretted it the moment he hung up with you, and wanted to call you back to tell you he didn’t mean it. But he couldn’t. The damage was done. You were no longer his and he was at fault for it. He didn’t think it was going to hurt as much as it did.

“This hasn’t been working for a while, we fight more days then we don’t.” The words were like acid when they left his lips, not believing for a single moment that you guys weren’t working out. He could fix this if he tried hard enough, but instead he was the giving up. “I think we should breakup.”

“Oh.” You didn’t fight his words, you didn’t argue with him. Instead you sounded…broken, and Joshua knew he was making a mistake, but the words were already said and damage irreversible.

“I’d like to stay friends.” He couldn’t stop himself from digging the knife in deeper, looking down at Mingyu and Wonwoo’s coffee table, adjusting the phone from one ear to the other. He had four sets of eyes on him, and it was making him wish he could just get off the phone to jump out the window. “Despite us not working out as a couple, I still want you in my life.”

He could only hope that she didn’t hear the collective groan that rippled through the living room, fingers pushing nervously though his hair.

“I completely understand, and yeah, we can totally still be friends.” There was a crack in your voice but disguised it as a cough. “If that’s what you want.”

“Yeah…” He said, wanting to world to suck him up and a tear escaped down his face. “It is.”

It wasn’t what he wanted. It was the exact opposite of what he really wanted. He wanted this to work. He didn’t want anything else. You were it for him.

After your phone call with Jihoon, you could only sit there in your kitchen as you stared at the clock above your refrigerator. The call ended at exactly eleven o'five pm, and when you finally came back to reality from your thoughts, it was well after midnight. Blinking a few times, you found that your lashes were wet as were your cheeks, and your mouth felt dry.

Before you could really even process your next actions, you already had sent out a text to Minjun breaking up with him, letting him know that this wet blanket had friends who saved her from his bullshit. You then blocked him while unblocking Joshua at the same time, even though you should’ve leave him where he was. You did the same with Instagram and going to his page.

Then you hit the follow button. Letting him know he wasn’t blocked anymore.

You couldn’t keep pretending anymore. There was no pretending anymore.

Shu_acoustic started following you.

Shu_acoustic: Hey.

He didn’t even bother caring how eager he was, following you back or sending you a message. He didn’t care the reason you unblocked him. Just that you did, and that you answered back.

Th3.Litt1e.D0e: Hey Shu_acoustic: You unblocked me. Did you get home safe? Th3.Litt1e.D0e: Yeah I did. Th3.Litt1e.D0e: Are you home? Shu_acoustic: Yeah. I wasn’t having a good time, and Seokmin has ten others to help him with Soonyoung.

Joshua, without thinking, flipped to your Instagram page, to see that you had posted a few photos of your cat, but that was not what caught his eyes. It was that all photos with your new boyfriend were gone. He had to rub his eyes to make sure he had seen it right.

Where the hell did they go?? What happened in the few hour span from you walking away from him to this?

Th3.Litt1e.D0e: It’s Jeonghan’s birthday is it not? You always have a good time with him. Shu_acoustic: Not always. And it wasn’t him. Just had too much on my mind to enjoy myself. Shu_acoustic: Rather be home then bring down the mood. Th3.Litt1e.D0e: That sucks. I’m sorry. Shu_acoustic: What happened to the pictures with your boyfriend? Th3.Litt1e.D0e: I broke up with him.

He didn’t expect that response and wondered what happened. You never deleted the photos with him after you broke up. Even after blocking him.

Th3.Litt1e.D0e: I was wasting my time, and so was he. Th3.Litt1e.D0e: That and it turns out he’s a pretty damn good actor. Shu_acoustic: I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay?

You didn’t respond, and Joshua did his best not to keep looking at his phone. Hoping that you would respond, but with what time it was, he was sure you must have fallen asleep. Instead of sitting around on his couch, he got up and started to get ready for bed. Washing his face, brushing his teeth, and changing from the clothes he was wearing to a pair of grey sweatpants and a black vest top.

Quickly flipping off his ceiling light, made his way over to his bed and plugged his phone into the charger on the nightstand. Dropping down onto the soft mattress, Joshua ran his hand over his face with a sigh, starting to feel tired. His head barely hit the pillow when he got another message.

Th3.Litt1e.D0e: You up?

Of course, he was up.

Shu_acoustic: Yeah, getting ready for bed. What’s up? Th3.Litt1e.D0e: Did you really want this? Did you really want to break up?

No, he didn’t. He thought he did before he actually did it, but he didn’t want this. He wanted to work through this. He knew you both could. He needed both to.

Shu_acoustic: I wish every day to take it back and have another chance. Shu_acoustic: Why? Th3.Litt1e.D0e: Is it to late to come over?

His heart was pounding in his ears as he sat up, reading your Instagram message over and over.

Shu_acoustic: It’s never too late for you to come over. Shu_acoustic: Honestly, I need you to come over.

He did. He couldn’t keep saying he didn’t need you. He needed you more than anything.

PT 2 and 3 are written and already posted on AO3. They will be posted here in the next day or two. Please let me know what you think, and I guess if you wanna be on a tag list. I am still figuring this all out again.

#joshua x reader #thestraybunnyfics #svt fanfic #joshua fic #hong jisoo x reader #joshua hong x reader #seventeen x reader

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dungeefox · 2 days ago

Text

Love's Encore — H.J.S

Love has a profound impact on a person. It can either shatter you or transform you into something even more beautiful. I made the mistake of falling in love; I fell for Hong Joshua.

pairing: joshua x oc

genre: ANGST, fluff

wc: 12k+

warnings: toxic/abusive boyfriend (NOT JOSHUA), implied sex (no actual smut)

a/n: comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated 🥹💖

Love has a profound impact on a person. It can either shatter you or transform you into something even more beautiful. I made the mistake of falling in love; I fell for Hong Joshua.

With him, there was never a dull moment. Being by his side made the world seem vibrant and alive. He had this remarkable talent for making even the simplest things stand out.

Perhaps it was his smile, his laughter, or maybe it was the way he helped me embrace joy in the present moment.

Now, I find myself hopelessly gazing at the ghost of my lover. All the features that captivated me are gone. His face is now expressionless and dull, devoid of that cherished smile I held close to my heart. He feels empty, and in turn, so do I. Our room, once warm and brimming with passion, has turned cold and lifeless.

Joshua leans against the bedroom doorframe, his arms crossed as if to shield himself from the moment. Meanwhile, I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to say what I already know is coming.

I feel exposed and weak, like a prey that has received its final blow, barely clinging to life. I silently plead for him to break the suffocating silence.

Love often makes you oblivious. It blinds you to your past self. But I loved myself with him—didn’t he love himself with me too?

I was naive; I should have seen that Joshua wanted to end things. I should have noticed his increasing silence. The laughter had faded, and the jokes were gone. His love for playful pranks disappeared, along with the texts I secretly adored throughout the day and the spontaneous gifts or flowers.

He became like static, a shadow of his former affectionate self. How did I miss that he hadn’t touched me in ages? My rose-colored glasses led me to attribute his behavior to work stress, and I didn’t even think to ask.

Finally, he gathered the courage to speak. The intake of his breath sliced through the heavy tension in the room. My heart thundered, pounding against my ribs so fiercely that I feared they might crack.

“Let’s break up.”

There it was—a love that had once been so innocent, now turned sour and cynical.

𓂃۶ৎ

That night, I went to bed without shedding a tear. I had anticipated being on my knees, pleading for him to stay, expecting to sacrifice my dignity for another chance. But instead, I found myself calm, allowing him to walk away. As the door clicked shut, I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the emptiness within me envelop me.

I propped myself up, feeling sore and weighed down. I opened the curtains to let the sunlight in, welcoming its warmth on my skin. My hand brushed against the empty sheets as I clutched the fabric tightly.

Was my body shutting down? I think I might be in shock.

I feel numb. Life continues to move forward. I’m still breathing, and despite my heart aching, it still beats. My life didn’t end last night simply because I was left behind. I can only wonder what he might be thinking. I should despise him, yet all I can ask is whether he is happy. He probably doesn’t care about my feelings right now; he might even be content.

I let myself sink back onto the mattress, my hair fanned out across the silk pillows. So many memories were created in this bed. I can recall everything, including the moment we first met. That's the nature of break-ups; it feels as if there’s a rewind button that allows you to revisit and analyze where things went wrong. I close my eyes and let the memories wash over me, each one vivid and clear.

𓂃۶ৎ

We met during twilight. It was springtime, the weather just right—not too hot and not too cold. The atmosphere was perfect. Seoul buzzed with both tourists and locals. After studying for what felt like ages, I craved some fresh air. So, I chose to visit my favorite bookstore to grab a newly released title that had just hit the shelves.

As I stepped into the store, the delightful aroma of books and coffee enveloped me. Each visit brought a sense of calm; this place was my sanctuary.

“You’re looking good,” the clerk, Jun, told me. “Did you do something different with your hair?” He asks, raising a brow.

Shaking my head, I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I haven’t. But, thank you for the compliment, Jun.” Adding to the comedic effect, I winked at him. He chuckled.

Then, like a light bulb lit up over his head, he lifts a finger and beckons for me to come over. When I walk too slowly, he hurries me to move faster. “You see over there?” He points to the far shelf in the right corner of the store. I hum. “We just got the newest copy from your favourite author. It’s the only one, though, so I’d hurry before anyone else takes it.”

A radiant smile spread across my face. I was so thrilled that I instinctively pulled Jun into a quick hug before darting over to the shelf. Fortunately, the area was empty, which was great news because it seemed like this book was destined to be mine.

Little did I realize how mistaken I was.

My hand reached out for the book, and I had a solid grip on it. However, I soon discovered that someone else was holding on as well. We both tugged at the same moment, but I was determined and refused to release my hold. Clearly, I had gotten to it first, so this other person needed to let go.

I sigh in exasperation. “Excuse me?” I hear a voice call. A male, and to be honest, he had quite a lovely voice. We stop our little game of tug-of-war.

“Yes?” The mystery person laughs in a low, breathy tone. “If you let the book go, I swear I won’t run away or anything. I want to make a deal.”

I found it peculiar that someone would be eager to negotiate over a book; it didn't seem that significant. Yet, for some reason, I went along with it. As I made my way to one end of the aisle, I noticed the footsteps of this stranger following me. I have a tendency to keep my gaze fixed on my feet while walking.

When I finally looked up, I was taken aback by the sight of a striking stranger. He was impeccably dressed, sporting a cream-colored long coat, chocolate brown trousers, and a baby blue turtleneck. His ashy brown hair was quite charming, and he wore the most adorable round glasses.

Snapping me from my slight trance, he asks, “This is the book you wanted, right?” I nodded dumbly. I felt like I couldn’t properly formulate any words right now, so I didn’t want to look like an idiot and stutter in front of him.

The male smiles and scrunches his nose. About that deal, how about you read it first,” He takes my hand with his free one and places the book in it. “But, when you’re done reading it, you call me so we can exchange. Deal?”

I tilt my head to the side. “Wouldn’t there be another copy by the time I’m done, though?”

He bobs his shoulders. “It’s a limited edition.”

“Oh.” I blush in embarrassment. I thought he was actually trying to make a pass at me. Not that I’d complain, he’s very handsome. I nod and stick out my hand. “Give me your phone so I can give you my number.”

We exchange devices, writing each other’s contacts down.

Joshua. That’s his name. It’s a nice one.

“Well...” I pause, reading his name again. “Joshua. I’ll read this and you’ll be getting a call from me in about two days.” I do an ‘OK’ motion with my fingers. Without saying anything else to him, I turned on my heel, and I was about to pay for the book. That was until I was stopped in my tracks when Joshua called for my name unsurely.

“Do you want a coffee?” Joshua asks, his thumb jutting towards the café in the back. “If you’re paying for our book, I feel like I should get you something.”

Our book.

I hesitantly bit my lip as I glanced at the clock; it was 6:14 p.m., and I knew I should head back home. I still had more studying to tackle and a paper to begin. On top of that, who knows if my roommate might come searching for me?

My lips twist to the side, and I can tell by the look on Joshua’s face that he’s waiting for my answer. Whatever.

“Sure,” I shrug. It wouldn’t kill anyone. I’ll only be away for a few hours. I smile, and the man in front of me mirrors my expression. “I really like iced matcha,” I add.

He raised an eyebrow. “Iced matcha? Hmm, I would have thought someone like you would prefer something as cute as a strawberry Frappuccino.”

“Oh really?” I retorted, folding my arms across my chest. “What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re cute.”

I blinked, quickly turning my face away to hide the blush creeping onto my cheeks. “W-well, perhaps you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.” Ugh. I can’t believe I stuttered.

Joshua cocks his head to the empty chairs and tables. “Then we should find us a spot where we can get to know each other more.”

Quite flushed and embarrassed, I walked past him and chose a table where we could see a view of everything outside. From this spot, you could see the people travel back and forth like clockwork. Small children, couples, old people, young people. Any and everybody was in my view, and I seemed to like it more than any landscape.

“What’s on your mind?” Joshua sets my drink in front of me. “You have this certain look on your face,” he observes, analyzing my face further.

I shake my head. “Just enjoying the view outside.”

Joshua leans to catch a glimpse of the crowd beyond the glass. He scrunches his face. “But all you can really see is just people....” he points out, as if it’s obvious. It makes sense that he would say that, most people prefer a clear view of skyscrapers without any distractions.

“I appreciate the variety of people outside. That’s all,” I reply, wrapping my lips around my straw to take a sip of the sweet, cold drink. Joshua rests his chin in the palm of his hand, watching me intently. I swallow and ask, “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” he replies, a grin spreading across his lips. “You’re just very...interesting.”

I clear my throat, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the attention. He must think I’m strange. “In what way?”

Taking a long sip from his drink, he says, “I admire the way you think.” My cheeks flush, and I quickly change the topic to avoid further embarrassment. “How old are you?”

With a playful smirk, Joshua leans in closer. “How old do I look?”

I furrow my brows, honestly assessing him. He doesn’t seem much older than me, but his attire suggests otherwise. “Twenty-five?” I guess.

The guy bursts into laughter, quite loud. “You’re too kind. I’m actually twenty-seven.” Shit. He’s significantly older than I am, so there's no chance he would take me seriously. “And you?”

“Twenty-two,” I reply softly, my focus shifting as I chew on my straw. My gaze drifts to Joshua when I realize he hasn’t responded. I was right.

What catches me off guard is the gentle smile that appears on his face. “I don’t see anything wrong with that. For me, age doesn't matter.” Suddenly, he waves his hands and adds quickly, “I mean that in the least creepy way possible.”

I laugh lightly. “No need to worry. I thought you might treat me differently once you learned my age.”

“I’m having too much fun to feel any differently.”

A flutter of butterflies fills my stomach. His relaxed compliments are making the atmosphere feel more charged than it actually is. “Do you have the time, love?” Joshua asks, prompting me to check my phone. It’s exactly 7 PM, and I share this with him. It's surprising how quickly those forty-five minutes have passed.

It happened without either of us truly realizing it. Still, I enjoyed how effortlessly our conversation flowed. I’d hate to resort to clichés and claim it’s love at first sight, but this is certainly the first time I’ve found myself attracted to someone right from our initial meeting.

“You don’t mind that I keep you for a bit longer?’ I shake my head, and with a breezy smile, I tell him, “I’ve got no other plans, so I don’t see why not.”

𓂃۶ৎ

That was one of the most memorable first dates I’ve ever experienced. I’m not even sure we can truly label it as our first date, but it marked the start of something special between us. We spent the entire night until closing time getting to know each other. Reflecting on it now, I realize what drew me to him so quickly was his playful flirtation. I hadn’t even considered asking him out; my plan was to text him after finishing my novel, and then we would go our separate ways. However, Joshua took the initiative, and from that night forward, we frequently texted and called each other.

During those late-night conversations, I found myself grinning like a fool, sharing thoughts on whatever popped into our heads. Joshua had a way of making reality feel like a dream, and that was his greatest charm.

—

The second official meeting between us occurred during my roommate Soonyoung's birthday party. A few boys he collaborated with on a project were invited, along with some additional friends. I believe I had crossed paths with a few of them on campus once or twice. Since it was a small gathering, decorating our apartment was quite manageable. Drinks were set out in charming little cups, and food was displayed on the counter.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, startling Soonyoung, who was in the bathroom. “Could you get that?” he called, still busy getting ready. He frowned when I laughed at his appearance, but instead of reprimanding me, he simply grumbled.

“Just go get the damn door.” With a string of curse words muttered under his breath, the knocks continued. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” I flung the door open, and a line of boys entered, greeting me as they stepped into our cozy home. However, the last boy who walked in was someone I recognized all too well.

At first, I didn’t recognize him, but as I took a closer look, I realized it was Joshua. “Didn’t your mother teach you that staring is impolite, love?” he teased, winking at me, making my breath hitch. “Good thing I don’t mind.” He extended his hand for me to take, which I did with a hint of hesitation. Pulling me deeper into the house, he kicked the door shut with his heel. “Let’s go.”

Joshua looked completely different from the last time I saw him. He was no longer the slender young man I had met at the bookstore; instead, he exuded a more alluring vibe. His hair was tousled and stylishly messy. He donned an orange plaid checkered flannel shirt, which reflected his warm personality, along with some denim boyfriend jeans.

To top it off, he wore a beaded necklace. Meanwhile, I had just thrown on whatever I could find in my closet.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” Joshua whispers in my ear as he leans over to grab drinks for us both.

I was taken aback. Can this guy really read minds? “Here,” he says, handing me a red solo cup while he swiftly downs his drink. Soonyoung prides himself on being a bit of a mixologist, so I have no clue what he’s brewed up in this batch of liquor he prepared for our guests. I can only imagine he went all out since it’s his birthday celebration.

As Joshua gulped down the drink, his face contorted in disgust, and he even shouted at the unpleasant flavor. It was quite entertaining, and I couldn’t help but laugh at his animated reaction. He tilted his chin toward me, likely curious about why I hadn’t taken a sip yet.

“I’m not really into drinking; I’m perfectly fine with a soda.” I chuckle nervously, setting the drink down. Joshua gazes at me with an unreadable expression, and I suddenly feel a pang of guilt. He must think I’m lame. “S-sorry.”

He exhales softly, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Just wait here for a sec, okay?” Before I can respond, Joshua disappears through the door. He’s gone for about five minutes, and I’m left wondering where he went. When he returns, he’s holding a can of coke and turns the can toward me.

“You said you prefer a soda, right?”

“I would have settled for water; you didn’t need to do that.” I reach into my pocket for my wallet. “Let me pay you back.”

When I offer him some cash, he silently declines and pushes the fizzy drink into my hands. “Thanks,” I murmur quietly.

I expect Joshua to join his friends, but he merely purses his lips and furrows his brow.

“What’s wrong? You must think I’m pretty lame, huh?”

He furrows his brows even more. “Because you don’t want to drink?” When I look away without answering, he realizes he’s gotten his response.

Joshua chuckles. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he says lightly. “You know what you like and don’t like. I think it’s really cool that you’re not giving in to the pressure of what everyone else is doing.”

My cheeks flush at his words. “You should tell that to the other friends I have in uni.” I laugh, trying to ease the awkwardness I’ve created.

Joshua rolls his eyes, grabbing an empty cup and the coke from me. He pours the drink into the cup and returns it once it’s filled. “You don’t have to listen to them. After all, you’re your own person, princess.” I look at Joshua with newfound admiration. He’s as intelligent as he is fun-loving, and I find myself envious. I’ve always wanted to be that adventurous, but I’ve always been more of a bookworm who prefers staying in.

“So what if you like soda instead of vodka? That’s just who you are. Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, make you feel uncool because of trends.” I lick my lips and nod in agreement.

“Hyung!” A guy named Chan calls from across the room, arms wrapped around a girl named Jiah (I think that’s her name; we only met briefly).

Chan waves Joshua over to the group of friends he arrived with. “Come on, you’ve been over there all night!”

Joshua squints at him but doesn’t respond. He turns to me, an apologetic look on his face. “It’s okay,” I urge him playfully. “Go join your friends.” There’s a hint of a smile on his lips, but what surprises me is what he does next.

Before he leaves, he presses a quick kiss to my forehead. I might be reading too much into it, but the fluttering sensation in my stomach doesn’t fade. Soon, most of the partygoers are swaying from the alcohol and laughing loudly at things that probably aren’t that funny.

About four more people join us; they’re classmates of Soonyoung’s with whom he’s become close. Soonyoung and I are in the same university, but we’re actually two years apart in age. Even though he’s my senior, I see him more like a brother.

With music playing and people dancing, Mingyu and a girl named Harin are partners, looking amusing with their dancing. Joshua has everyone laughing with his ridiculous moves.

While I do what I usually do, I stay back and watch everyone enjoy themselves. It’s not that I don’t want to join in; I just prefer observing. I guess I’m a bit of a wallflower.

“You’re not much of a party person, are you?” Joshua sits down next to me on another bar stool.

I shrug. “It’s nice to get out sometimes. I just struggle with interacting.” I mentally chastise myself; I probably sound so dull right now. “I-I mean, I’m having a good time. I’m just really awkward, as you can tell.”

Joshua doesn’t seem put off by my words; in fact, he looks like he’s trying to suppress a laugh. “You’re so cute.”

I groan and look him up and down. “You’re way cuter.”

In that moment, a newfound bravery changes everything. It feels like I’ve let Joshua into my little bubble. He raises an eyebrow and leans closer. “I can show you just how cute you are, but I’ll save that for later.”

I release a shaky breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I want to ask what he means, but I think I get it. Joshua leans back slightly, resting his elbow on the bar and taking his gaze off me. “How was the book? Have you finished it?” he asks, shifting the subject.

“Mhmm,” I hum. “I have it in my room.” I clear my throat, squeezing my eyes shut as I prepare to say something bold. “Y-you can come have it once the party is over.”

“I’d love to.” He replies. Most guys would have other intentions if invited into my room, but Joshua seems different. “I think everyone’s ready to head out anyway.”

He’s right. Only a few of us remain, and Soonyoung is passed out drunk on the couch.

“Let me help Soonyoung to bed, and then we can go.” Joshua nods, and I hurry to help my friend up. He whines at the disturbance and rolls his head onto my shoulder.

I do my best to place him on his bed. “Where are you going?” he mumbles sleepily, eyes still closed.

“To bed. Sleep well and happy birthday, love you lots, tiger.” I whisper, setting a tablet of Advil and a glass of water on his bedside table. Soonyoung chuckles softly, getting comfortable as he burrows deeper under his blankets. “Love you too, kid,” he slurs before drifting back to sleep.

I exit his room quietly, finding Joshua already holding his keys and coat. “Ready, babe?”

I sigh. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

We step quietly into my room. I switch on the bedside lamp and cringe at the clothes strewn across the floor and bed. I wish I had cleaned up more. Who could blame me? I never expected a hot guy to be standing in my space.

“Sorry about the mess.” I open my nightstand drawer to fetch the book. “Here, it’s really good. You have to tell me your thoughts on it.” Joshua examines the book and nods in approval. After that, I walk him back to the front door to say goodbye.

There’s a pause filled with a tension I can only describe as pressure. We simply stare at each other, waiting—waiting for what exactly?

“Goodnight, Joshua,” I whisper.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he replies. The low, raspy tone of his voice makes me bite my bottom lip. At that moment, his gaze flickers from my lips to my eyes.

Joshua doesn’t leave; instead, he closes the distance between us, reducing the space until there’s barely any left. I swallow, bracing myself for what’s about to unfold.

“Tell me to stop,” Joshua pleads, but I can hear in his voice that he hopes I won’t.

With only a few centimetres separating our lips, I say, “I don’t want you to.” Joshua cradles my cheek gently as he leans in to kiss me.

𓂃۶ৎ

That was my very first kiss.

Joshua was the one who played a significant role in many of my first experiences. While it may seem silly to wear one of his shirts right now, it feels surprisingly comforting.

As I brush my teeth to prepare for the day, I absentmindedly play with the silver number four on my necklace. For the first time since Joshua left, a single tear escapes, quickly followed by many others, leaving me in a state of hysteria. I rinse my mouth and take a seat on the closed toilet, allowing myself to weep.

This feels great; I really needed this release. I had to let out everything I was holding in. My throat was on fire, and I was aware that my eyes would be swollen, but it didn’t matter to me.

I fisted the trinket, wanting to keep it close. It would probably cause so much more pain than what I’m already in, but if it meant that I would remember him, then it’s worth it.

𓂃۶ৎ

“And for you, sweetheart, here’s a little gift from me.” Joshua stands behind me, adorned in the present he chose for me. It was a beautiful, shimmering gold necklace, 4 inches long, featuring a delicate heart charm.

“Do you like it?” He gently kisses my cheek, a sweet gesture that warms my heart.

“I love it so much, Joshua, thank you.” He smiles that pretty smile I had grown to like more through the months we’ve spent together, dare I say love. Joshua nestles his nose into my neck, inhaling my perfume and nipping the skin.

“I received it since our meeting in April, the fourth month.” I turn to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck as he pulls me closer by holding my lower back. Standing on my toes, I steal a kiss from him. Joshua had chosen to go all out for my birthday. I had mentioned that I didn’t want much; we had just returned from a lavish dinner that he had treated me to.

“I…” I hold back, fearing that if I utter those words, he might run away.

“Go ahead, say it, baby.” He encourages, giving me a gentle squeeze. “Please.” I was diving deep into my feelings. Although he hadn't formally asked me to be his girlfriend yet, it didn't seem important at the moment. “I love you.”

“I love you too and you drive me so fucking crazy.” His breaths are blowing on my lips. I don’t wait to connect our lips. Joshua holds my thighs and I jump, my legs tangling fervently around his waist. In a moment my back makes contact with the bed. He’s hovering over me, the both of us emitting noises I’ve never heard before. I push his lips apart using this access to slip my tongue into his mouth. My tongue brushes the roof of his mouth earning a moan from him.

I whine when Joshua pulls away. Both of us are panting, and our pupils dilated. “Will you..” Joshua’s chest is heaving, and I can feel his breath hitting my neck. “be my girlfriend?”

I cradle the sides of his face and kiss the apple of his cheek, his nose, then finally plant a kiss to his swollen lips once more. “You didn't even have to ask.”

𓂃۶ৎ

Not only did I become his girlfriend that night two years ago, but I also gave myself to him completely. It was everything I had dreamed of and more. He was affectionate and truly exceptional. Joshua made love to me with the utmost tenderness.

As I gazed into the mirror, a hiccup escaped my lips. At that moment, my phone buzzed; it was a text from my ex.

6:08PM | Josh: I’ll be over tomorrow to get my things

I respond swiftly with a simple, “Okay,” and close the message, unable to tolerate his emotionless reply even in text form.

Biting my thumb, I scroll through my contacts until I find Soonyoung’s number. I call him, and by the third ring, he answers.

“Hello?”

“Soonyoung…” My voice clearly reveals that I've been crying, and he can tell I'm not fooling anyone.

“Hey, hey kid, what’s wrong?” he asks, his tone filled with genuine concern.

Like a dam that breaks, so do my whimpers. I compose myself enough to tell him. “Joshua broke up with me last night,” I take in a huge breath, “C-can you come over please?”

All he does is sigh. “That asshole. I’m coming, don’t do anything crazy.”

It wasn't long before he arrived at my house. His frantic knocking suggested he was quite worried. I shuffled my way to the front door, dragging my feet. As soon as I opened it, Soonyoung enveloped me in a warm embrace. He guided me to the couch and gently squeezed my shoulders before rushing off to my kitchen.

A moment later, Soonyoung returned with two beers in hand, placing one in front of me while cracking open the other for himself.

“So,” He pauses to take a sip. “When do you want me to kill him?” As the older one between us, Soonyoung has looked after me like an older brother or father figure. His protective nature brings the faintest smile to my face. However, I quickly recall the reason for his presence, and tears begin to well up once more.

I shake my head, allowing my tears to fall onto my palm. I shrug and say, “He left me.” There isn’t much more to add.

It’s quite straightforward: Joshua left me.

“That’s it?!” Soonyoung exclaims, his eyes wide and his face contorted in disbelief. I nod, watching as his expression softens, likely realizing that it’s better not to raise his voice right now. He seems more upset than I am, and I can understand why; I would feel the same if I were in his position.

With a sigh, my friend rubs his temples. “What exactly did he say? Were you two arguing for a while?”

I find myself pondering that question too. I’m unsure why Joshua abruptly wanted to break up. To me, everything seemed fine; I loved him, and I believed he loved me in return. Clearly, I was mistaken.

“He just said we should break up,” I reply, my throat feeling scratchy and dry like sandpaper. Taking a deep breath, I rest my forehead in my hands. “And I just let him go.” I exhale, feeling my throat tighten. “We weren’t fighting; everything was fine between us. Or so I thought.”

“Jesus...” Soonyoung mutters in horror, opening his arms for me. He rubs my back and lets me sob on his shoulder, not caring that I was wetting his blouse. His cheek is on top of my head as he whispers that everything will be okay, and that he was stupid for letting someone like me go. “Oh kid,” he calls for me gently, pulling away and wiping the tears from my cheeks.

I sniffle. “I’m so stupid, right?”

The look in his eyes is something like pity or maybe it was sympathy. “No, no, I know you loved him,” he starts, and hearing him say that makes my heart clench. I did love him, and I still do love him.

“And I know that you shared a lot of things with him.” It was true, aside from being my boyfriend, Joshua was my best friend. “You didn’t let him go, so don’t blame yourself. It was him. He’s stupid. He didn’t have the balls to look back and see what he’s leaving behind.”

“I guess.” My tone was dry and monotonous.

Soonyoung takes me back into his arms like a father would, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

I made a mistake. While I may not have died last night, two years of my life certainly did. And that part of me simply walked out the door.

𓂃۶ৎ

I rarely run, but right now, it feels necessary. I need to clear my mind. Being surrounded by pictures and memories is driving me crazy, and I have to escape it. My phone buzzes, but I choose to ignore it and start my run.

The weather outside reflects my mood perfectly. It’s dark, overcast, and there’s even a light drizzle. Yet, it feels invigorating, and despite my sweat causing my clothes to cling to me, I don’t mind. With each step I take, I release all my pent-up frustrations.

My boyfriend left me without any explanation, like a ghost that simply vanished. I think I’ve entered the anger phase of grief.

Was I not enough for him? Did I fail to make him happy? What did I do wrong?

I can’t run any longer; my lungs feel as if they’re burning, and this path is unfamiliar to me. I gasp for breath, the cold air mixing with my body’s heat. As I pause, emotions I had suppressed—fear, pain, and anger—rise to the surface. I release it all with a piercing scream, crouching down on my knees and wailing uncontrollably.

Did I care about the curious glances from other runners? Not at all. All I wanted was to return to my apartment and collapse into sleep. Rather than running home, I chose to walk, taking my time.

However, when I finally stepped into my apartment, I was met with the last thing I expected.

“I-I thought you were coming tomorrow?” The fear in my voice was unmistakable. My heart raced, feeling as if it might explode from pounding so fiercely. As I gazed at the back of my boyfriend—now my ex—I swallowed hard and fought to blink away the pounding headache that was creeping in.

He was holding something but placed it down and turned to face me. It's hard to believe that just a day apart has left us feeling like complete strangers. Building relationships takes years, yet it only takes a moment to shatter one.

I study him closely. He looks fine; there are no dark circles under his eyes, and he doesn’t appear to have been crying—he seems entirely normal. In fact, he looks annoyed to find himself in the same space as me. I had no clue he would be here, so his anger seems unwarranted.

“I texted you.” He gestures toward my bag as he speaks. For a brief moment, I relish the sound of his voice; it's still sweet like honey, yet now it feels cold and devoid of emotion. It's a bittersweet experience, but at least it's him. Joshua clears his throat and rolls his eyes. “Did you hear me?”

I must’ve been staring off into space. I shake my head. “Sorry. W-what did you say?”

This time, he lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through his hair. “You know what?” Joshua says with a sense of defeat, lowering his hands to his sides. “I’ll just come back tomorrow.” He grabs the box containing a few shirts and pictures, brushing past me. I refuse to let him slip away again.

I grasp his arm, halting his departure. I’m taken aback that he doesn’t shake me off.

“P-please don’t go,” I beg, our backs turned to each other. A heavy silence hangs in the air.

“Please, don’t leave me, Joshua.” I bite the inside of my cheek, struggling against the stinging sensation that wells up behind my eyes. I’m not sure what I truly anticipated, but I never imagined I would hear Joshua say something so cold as, “Let me go.”

His words carried a double meaning. It was a plea to release him physically and to finally let go of him. Both were unbearable for me, yet I did it for his sake.

Gradually, I loosened my grip, and in an instant, he was gone.

𓂃۶ৎ

Time indeed has a way of healing. A year and a half after my well-known breakup with Joshua, I pushed myself to move forward. Deep down, I didn’t want to accept it, but it was clear that Joshua no longer cared for me, and it was time to stop wasting my energy on him. While I don’t harbor the same level of hatred as Soonyoung does, I can’t deny that I still have some lingering affection for him.

I was quite young when I first met Joshua, which is why that initial heartbreak was so difficult. Now that I have matured, I’ve encountered better men, including my current boyfriend. Many women are drawn to him, and I completely understand why. He’s attractive, tall, and strong—truly the ideal partner.

“Hajoon,” I called out to my boyfriend while swirling my coffee with the mixer. The guy across from me, absorbed in his phone, replied with a grunt. I tossed the stirrer aside and let out a sigh.

“You said we could go to dinner tonight.”

In terms of looks, my boyfriend is perfect, but personality-wise, he tends to be a bit lazy. Despite his flaws, he treats me well, and I appreciate him for that.

He shrugged. “Yeah, but you need to cover the bill this time.”

I let out a groan. “I covered the bill last time...and the times before that.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Hajoon scoffed, stashing his phone away and sitting up straight. “I’ll take care of it next time. So, are we going or not?” he challenged.

Not wanting to escalate the situation, I took a sip of my coffee and replied, “It’s okay, we can do something else tomorrow or maybe this weekend. I’m swamped with work, and Soonyoung wants to hang out.” I flashed him my best smile, but it only earned me another eye roll.

Just as the tension between us grew, Hajoon’s phone rang, and he quickly answered it.

“Yes, hyung?” I want to avoid giving the impression that I'm eavesdropping, so I keep myself occupied by scrolling through social media. Nothing really grabs my attention until I come across a photo of an old high school friend, posing under my ex's arm.

So, he has moved on as well?

I shouldn't feel hurt by this, but it brings a bittersweet smile to my face. This girl has had a crush on Joshua ever since I introduced them.

𓂃۶ৎ

“Come on, Aerin, you know I don't do that.” I emphasize once again that Aerin wants me to go clubbing, which is far from my scene—I really don’t enjoy it at all.

She whines, pulling at my arm. “Don’t be such a downer!” She playfully swats my arm. “You’re killing the vibe! We’re twenty-two; we’re meant to have a good time!” I choose to ignore her, adjusting my bag higher on my shoulder and picking up my pace.

"We should go on a double date! I can invite this Vernon, and you can bring your boyfriend!" I might have been reading too much into it, but it seemed like she was more thrilled about the idea of me bringing Joshua along.

That makes sense; he's quite popular and well-liked. However, I can't help but feel that Aerin might have a bit of a crush on him. Scrunching my nose in thought, I let out a sigh and reluctantly pulled out my phone to text Joshua. "Alright," I mutter. It took him less than two minutes to respond, and to my dismay, he said yes.

Aerin waits anxiously, especially when she notices my gloomy expression. “He said he’d love to come."

“Yes!” She leaps in excitement, earning a puzzled glance from me. She then jumps onto my back, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “This is going to be so much fun! Go home and change into something pretty! I’ll see you later; I need to get ready!”

I realize it’s too late to back out with an excuse about feeling unwell, but Aerin wouldn’t hear of it. I followed her advice and headed home, where Joshua also arrived to help me choose the best outfits.

It’s on the third outfit that Joshua smirks, turning my cheeks into a flaming red, and takes my hips, pinning them against his.

“This looks perfect,” He pressed a hot kiss to the sweet spot under my ear. It makes my knees buckle, and I lean onto him for support. Joshua blows cool air onto the spot, holding me steady. “My girl is the prettiest girl on earth.” He states proudly.

Feeling troubled in different ways, I sulk. My boyfriend raises an eyebrow and asks, "What’s bothering you?" I find myself overanalyzing the situation, wondering if Aerin really has feelings for this Vernon guy and is simply thrilled for me. After all, she has always encouraged me to date. Still, I can’t shake off how at ease she seems around him.

I shake my head and reply, “Don’t worry about it.” I brush it off.

He pats my bum, glaring at me for an answer. I try to stare back with the same intensity as him, but I cower and confess.

“I think Aerin has a crush on you,” I whisper, fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt.

To my surprise, he bursts into a hearty laugh that sends my heart racing. “Doll, you can’t be serious?”

When he notices my pout and sees that I'm not joking, his laughter gradually diminishes. He nudges me playfully, saying, “Baby, there’s just no way.”

“Feelings aren’t something people can control, Joshua,” I sigh. “She’s beautiful, and who knows what could happen if she decides to flirt with you? You’re mine, and she should keep her distance.”

“Oh, baby,” he says, lifting my chin and gently caressing my lower back while chuckling. “I only have eyes for you, and yes, I’m yours. Besides, Vernon, you, and probably Soonyoung would never let me get away if I make a move on her or anyone else in that matter.”

He’s right. Soonyoung would probably rip him limb from limb. He also knows how much Vernon likes Aerin. Joshua and I both agree that they’d make a pretty cute couple. “You’re such a handsome guy, I can’t help but feel afraid.” I admit, burying my face into his hard chest.

The beat of his heart comforts me, and I feel calm listening to it. “I thought I made it very clear that my girl is the prettiest in the world, did I not?”

“What if I’m not your girl anymore?” I cock my head to the side, waiting for his answer.

With a lopsided boyish grin, he answers, “You’ll always be my girl. I’d stay single forever even if for some reason we aren’t together.” He kisses my forehead, “But, that’ll never happen, you’re too perfect.”

Joshua nibbles at my jawline. I rub his chest, mostly for him to stop, but also enjoying the feeling he gives me. So, really, I don’t want him to stop.

“Joshua,” I breathe. “We’ll never leave if you don’t stop.” Joshua meets my eyes with a lustful gaze, which makes my heart rev in my chest. I gulp, knowing what this look means. He doesn’t say anything but kisses me, hugging me flush against his body. These weren’t the normal kisses. These were hot and heavy, passionate and wanting. The moment my boyfriend threw me on the bed and climbed over me, I was done for.

Neither Joshua nor I went to the club that night or saw Aerin, but instead stayed with each other, not getting any sleep until the early morning hours.

𓂃۶ৎ

“What are you smiling at?” Hajoon inquires, sipping from his straw. “I noticed you were a bit lost in thought after ending your call.”

I must have drifted off into old memories. One thing is certain: Joshua was deceitful, and Aerin had achieved her goal. I shrug my shoulders, saying, “Just reminiscing.”

My phone buzzes twice, revealing a text from Soonyoung, asking for assistance with settling into his new home. “Hajoon, I need to head out,” I say as I tuck my phone away.

“I’ll catch you at the apartment. Are you sure you’ll be okay leaving?” He glances back at his phone, seeming indifferent.

“Yeah,” I reassure him. I rise from my seat and plant a quick kiss on his soft lips to say goodbye.

Although Hajoon and I don’t live together, I spend most of my time at his place. Soonyoung and I need to sort out a few things before I can head to Hajoon’s apartment and spend the rest of the weekend resting. As I drive, my bluetooth notifies me that my mother is calling.

“Hi, Mom.” I greet when I press the button on my steering wheel.

Her voice comes softly when she asks, “Are you driving?”

I hum. “I am,” I pause for a moment, concentrating on switching lanes. “How’ve you been?”

“I’m okay, I sure would like to see my daughter every once in a while, though." She scolds. Even though I can’t see her, I can almost feel her stare. “But,” She sighs, chuckling a bit. “It’s good to hear from you. How have you been?”

I breathe deeply. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

I rub my temples when I come to a stop light. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

For the most part, I’m okay. Soonyoung and I began working together on designing web pages together and it’s been going well, I love my job. I’m in a stable relationship, I think. What’s there that isn’t fine?

“Just a little stressed, something came up at work.”

There is silence on the other line. “That’s it?”

My mother was always stubborn when it came to issues I may have. In a way, it reminded me of someone I used to know, I chuckle. “I swear I’m okay, Mom.”

She mutters, “Just be strong, everything happens for a reason.” I’ve pulled up to Soonyoung’s driveway and for a moment, I just sit there, letting my mother’s words replay. I worked hard to move along, to forget Joshua, but I can’t forget my first love.

Especially when he left me without a reason. If everything happens for a reason, why couldn’t I get one?

“Mom, I need go, I’ll visit you soon. Okay?”

“Alright, I love you honey.”

We bid our final farewells before hanging up. I slung my purse over my shoulder and walked straight to Soonyoung’s door, knocking a bit loudly due to how noisy it is inside. A boy I recognize as Seokmin, opens the door with a friendly smile. I return one back, or at least I try to.

“Hi. Is Soonyoung home?” Seokmin’s face flashes in surprise and he puts his palm to his forehead.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you?” He wonders. I raise my eyebrow, waiting for him to go on. Whatever Soonyoung was trying to tell me, I was surely not informed. “He said to hold off on whatever it was you two were supposed to do.”

I nod, trying to hide the irritated expression on my face. I think Seokmin could tell how annoyed I am due to the way I clenched my fist. I love Soonyoung like a brother, but that boy is so unorganized.

“Tell him to call me when he’s ready.” Seokmin smiles uneasily, but agrees with my request. “I’ll make sure to. Drive safely!”

I text Hajoon to tell him that I’ll be at the apartment waiting for him, and much to my luck, traffic isn’t bad at all. I type in the passcode and walk in, taking off my shoes and hanging my purse on the coat rack. I pad my way into the kitchen, only to be surprised when I see dishes in the sink.

That’s odd, this morning the sink was totally clear, and Hajoon has been with me all day. I shouldn’t work myself up, it’s probably nothing, I must’ve left those in there by accident. There isn’t anything for me to really do, so I decide to start cleaning up the mess Hajoon or I must’ve left behind before we left for work earlier today.

There’s a blanket on the couch, one that I know for sure Hajoon doesn’t use, and the smell coming off of it doesn’t smell anything like a woman’s perfume.

“Wait a minute,” I bite on my thumb, Hajoon has a roommate that recently moved in! I was close to going crazy. I fold the blanket, but I can’t shake the familiar scent. It doesn’t smell like Hajoon, it smells like....Never mind.

Once I've finished tidying up, I slip into Hajoon's room, getting cozy in his bed and wrapping myself in his comforters. Even after starting my new relationship with Hajoon, I often feel alone.

With Joshua, I was always in his presence, even if it was just for a quick nap. He was there for me. Hajoon, however, isn't the type to openly express his feelings or be overly affectionate. I appreciate a certain level of clinginess and the reassurance of knowing how someone feels about me. I can’t say Joshua was always transparent with his emotions; he had a talent for concealing things right up until the very end. I let out a frustrated sigh, rolling over and tangling my hair in the pillows.

Why am I thinking about him now? I'm at my boyfriend's house; I should be focused on him, not my ex... the one I'm still struggling to move on from. I suppose it’s true what they say: you never truly get over your first love.

If only I were prepared for the genuine heartache that realization brings. I envy those who marry and start families with their first loves; it feels like a dream to me. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t imagined a long-term future with Joshua. I pictured countless experiences we could have shared that I can't envision with Hajoon.

“Hajoon?”

That voice. No, it can’t be.

I want to get up and see who it is, but my body feels heavy and unresponsive. “Hajoon?” The voice calls out again. I hear footsteps approaching the bedroom, my heart racing and my eyes squeezed shut. Hajoon’s roommate doesn’t enter the room, probably realizing he's not here.

I’m not sure why I feel so anxious; it’s not a crime for Hajoon to have a girl in his room, but the identity of that voice is what makes me uneasy.

Joshua can’t possibly be here; there’s no way that was him.

𓂃۶ৎ

“Babe?” A raspy voice calls out to me. I feel soft kisses being placed on my cheeks, slowly making their way down my neck. Struggling to open my eyes, I glance at the clock.

It’s 2 AM; I must have drifted off. Hajoon is straddling me, leaning down to kiss me more. I'm really not in the mood, and he knows it when I gently push him away.

He lets out an annoyed sigh, tossing himself to the side and wiping his face. I sit up and rub my eyes, slurring, “I’m going to get some water,” as I stand and shuffle toward the kitchen. I flinch at the sight of the lights already on and a figure standing at the opposite counter. Now fully awake, I can't see their face, but I know exactly who it is.

“J-Joshua?”

Upon hearing his name called, he turns around, momentarily looking stunned. However, just like the day he departed, his face soon becomes expressionless. The familiar wave of anxiety washes over me, and I momentarily forget the purpose of my visit. Should I go? Should I say something? What is the right move?

No, I occupy the same space as he does; I shouldn’t leave. I’m supposed to be over him—at least, that’s what I’m convincing myself of. The encounter feels like two strangers meeting for the first time, filled with awkwardness.

I grab the pitcher of water from the fridge and pour it, the sound of water splashing into the cup becoming the only noise between us. The aroma of the ramen he’s cooking fills the air, and I chuckle softly to myself; that was always one of his favorite late-night snacks.

He clears his throat. “So, you’re with Hajoon now?” he asks, turning off the stove and reaching for a pair of chopsticks from the drawer. I can sense his gaze on me. “Yeah,” I reply, taking a slow sip of my water and leaning against the counter. “And you’re with Aerin?”

He scoffs dismissively. “Not a chance.”

I frown; I saw that Instagram picture—what's the point of lying?

“But what about that Instagram picture?”

Joshua looks at me for a moment longer before bursting into laughter, as if I’ve just said something utterly absurd. “That? I was at her wedding. She married Vernon.”

“Oh.” I feel like an idiot. I totally misunderstood the situation.

He rolls his eyes and says, “I already told you I don’t like her.”

I had no idea he would choose to stay single after our breakup. He could have pursued anyone he wanted—someone much better than me, someone prettier, someone with a charisma that would have perfectly complemented his personality. So why had he remained alone all this time while seeming content? Why did I have to endure the pain and face the man who shattered my heart, who acted as if he hadn’t caused me so much grief?

Despite not receiving any answers about why he left, I finally have an opportunity to ask. At first, I remain silent, my lips feeling sealed shut. I struggle to find the courage to pose the question that has been haunting me. Taking a sharp breath, I grip the counter tightly to steady myself. This is my moment.

“W-why did you...” My throat tightens as I speak. Confrontation has never been my strong suit, and he knows it. “Why did you...leave?” I sound so weak and pitiful, and I despise that feeling. I hate being this vulnerable around him. I've moved on; I should be strong and furious. Why can’t I feel anger towards him?

“You never gave me any reason…”

Joshua pauses, looking as though he’s weighing whether to share his thoughts. As I observe him, I’m struck by how much he has changed. He smirks and steps closer.

He cocks his eyebrow, “You really want to know?” I remain silent, yet the expression in my eyes reveals my desperation and urgency. Leaning in closer to my ear, he whispers, “You were dragging me down.”

He has become so skilled at making me cry, which is quite ironic since he always said he couldn't stand to see me in tears. I feel my hand shaking and I ball them into fists. I clench my teeth up until the point where they feel like they’re going to crack. And suddenly, I let it all go. I blink slowly, accepting the fresh wounds he’s given me with grace.

For the first time since I’ve known Joshua, I put him at a loss of words.

“I hate you. I hate you so fucking much, Joshua.”

𓂃۶ৎ

I hurried to Soonyoung's place as soon as I got up. I dashed out of the apartment, giving my boyfriend a quick kiss and promising to call him later. I informed Soonyoung that I needed to see him urgently, and without hesitation, he invited me over.

I knocked on the door a bit too eagerly, and as soon as he opened it, I rushed in and plopped down on the couch.

“What made you wake me up at 9 in the morning AND on a Saturday?” he asked, his eyes flashing with irritation. Mornings aren’t his strong suit, and if I don’t clarify quickly, I might get in trouble.

“I went to Hajoon’s place last night, and I woke up in the middle of the night. When I made my way to the kitchen, his new roommate was there—"

He yelps, his lips twitching in anger, “That’s what you wanted to tell me?!”

“I-it was Joshua. Joshua is his roommate.” I admit quietly.

His expression softened at that moment. He remained silent, so I continued. “I’m not sure what happened. One minute we were quiet, and the next, I blurted out why he ended things with me, and he…”

“He what?” He settled down beside me, gripping my knee tightly, unable to sit still due to the tension.

“Come on!” he urged, shaking me gently. I let out a sigh. “He told me I was holding him back. At first, I was furious, but then I felt calm. I told him I hated him and walked away.” I buried my face in my hands, feeling quite embarrassed as I reflected on it.

It was a complete lie; I don't actually hate him. I was simply reacting to my emotions in the heat of the moment.

When I said that, Joshua appeared genuinely shocked. I’m not sure what that means, but he seemed hurt.

Soonyoung shakes his head and says, "You deserve so much better than him."

He bites his lip and his knee is bouncing. He’s mad, very mad. “I didn’t think it was possible for me to want to kill him even more than I already wanted to before.’’

“I’ll be alright, tiger. Don’t go get him.” I assured him, smiling, hoping it would calm him down.

He turns to me with an unsure look on her face. “You sure? I know where to hide the body.”

I found myself laughing for the first time in ages. “I appreciate your loyalty, but this is a battle I need to fight on my own.” Soonyoung sighed and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“You’re incredibly strong. After everything he’s put you through, you’ve emerged even stronger.”

“I owe that to you. Without your support, I don’t know how I would have managed.” He waved his hand dismissively. Soonyoung isn’t one to accept compliments easily; he dislikes being praised. But I genuinely mean it—he’s been my best friend through this breakup.

It’s Saturday, and I know Soonyoung will want to return to bed, so I embrace him one last time and let him know I’m heading out.

He sees me to the door, and I drive back to Hajoon’s apartment. Unlocking the door, I notice food on the counter with a sticky note attached.

“You weren’t here, so I left this in case you didn’t eat while you were out.”

I can tell it’s not Hajoon’s handwriting, and I’m puzzled as to why Joshua would go through the trouble of cooking for me, especially after last night. I decide to ignore the food; I’m not very hungry.

It seems my boyfriend left shortly after I did because when I snuggle up in our bed, he’s not there. Unable to fall back asleep, I occupy myself by playing games on my phone and mindlessly scrolling through social media.

I have no plans for the day, and I’m uncertain about Hajoon’s whereabouts.

Nature calls, and it appears Joshua and I still share the habit of wanting the same things at the same time.

Our interaction was awkward. All I wanted was to use the bathroom. As I reached for the door, he did the same. His hand brushed against mine but withdrew almost immediately upon contact.

“Sorry,” I mutter, stepping aside for him to go first.

He gestures toward the bathroom, “You can go.” He avoids my gaze, scratching the back of his neck and sighing frequently.

I despise this. Why did we have to cross paths again? He has changed so much. Am I truly the reason for such a significant transformation in him?

I shake my head. “I’ll just wait.” I pivot and leave. Being near him still makes my heart race as it did when we were together.

This time, it’s painful; each breath I took felt effortless before, and I felt at ease. Nothing has shifted within me; I still feel as empty as he left me the first time. I know everything about him, yet I feel so far away, as if I’m viewing him through a glass window.

These brief encounters with Joshua are unavoidable, especially since I partially live with his roommate. If I’m not seeing him, reminders of him linger in my own apartment.

“Um...” Joshua knocks on the door awkwardly. It’s another day where Hajoon is off working and I’m alone. Well, not completely. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for Joshua to speak.

He clears his throat, “Do you want some food? I have leftovers from the other night in the fridge?” I stare at him, and stare, and stare some more until I fix my mouth to ask, “Why are you doing this Joshua?”

He frowns. “Doing what?”

I close my laptop, shifting on the bed where my legs are crossed, “This,” I point between us. “Being nice, why are you doing this?”

Joshua rolls his eyes and digs his hands in his pockets, “What? I can’t be decent to you?” He asks, his tone condescending.

“Oh I’m sorry.” I laugh, too sweetly. “I didn’t know you were so considerate. Let me know where that Joshua was when he left me.”

That’s what did it. Joshua was getting angry, he bit his lip and I could see his cheeks beginning to turn red. I couldn’t control myself, I felt like I had to get this all out. So I did.

“Where was that Joshua when I was alone and mending a broken heart, huh? Where was he? He wasn’t there! You weren’t there!” I hardly raise my voice and Joshua is shocked.

“Oh that’s right!” I angrily wipe tears from my cheeks. “He said I was holding him down!” I laugh hollowly, the ache in my chest constricting my breathing “He never loved me to begin with.”

“Don’t you dare say that.” Joshua snapped. His eyes were cold and glazed with vexation. So this is what it looks like to see Joshua at the end of his patience.

“I...I did everything to remember how I was before I met you. I was different, I spent all my time with you.” Hearing this makes my lip quiver. Joshua sounds so desperate, like he’s pleading for something.

If it’s my forgiveness, he can forget it.

“Being with you made me forget myself. But I loved you, so much to the point where that turned me into something I wasn’t.”

My lips twitched, but I can't bring myself to speak. I wanted to yell more, to ask if that was my fault, but now I was more exhausted than anything.

“You’re with another man anyway. Shouldn’t you have forgotten about me already?” Joshua breathes.

I get off my bed and walk towards Joshua slowly. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but my hand slaps him clean across his cheek. His head is turned from the impact and he hasn’t turned to face me yet.

Now I know what to say.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t throw you away, you were always better than me, you should know better than anyone else on how to do that.” I shove past him, making him lose his footing and stumble a bit.

“Even when he doesn’t treat you right?”

“What?”

He chuckles mockingly. “You’d rather be in a relationship where you’re unhappy than alone?”

I want to turn around and tell him off even more. What’s the point of it though?

“Hajoon doesn’t treat me right, but he’s never lied to me like you did. And he actually fucking communicates.” I take in a shaky breath. Joshua surely knows how to make me reach my breaking point.

“What happens between my boyfriend and I is between us. You already made your choice.”

𓂃۶ৎ

“Do you want to go out tonight?” I sigh. “I’m tired Hajoon... Can we watch a movie or something?”

Ever since that argument with Joshua, I’ve been drained. I haven’t been talking much to anyone lately and I know that I’m going to tell Soonyoung soon enough. I won’t be able to let Hajoon know, that would only cause more problems.

Hajoon clenches his jaw, running his hands through his hair and storms off the couch. I chase after him, stopping him before he opens the door to leave.

“Wait, Hajoon, let’s talk–” He shoves me off of him, a bit too forcefully. His expressions soften, but his frustration returns.

“I’m going out.” He puts it plainly.

I stomp my foot, grabbing his attention. Even though Hajoo is a lot taller than me, I didn’t feel intimidated. “Let’s talk about this, why are you running away?”

“Are you serious?” Hajoon narrows his eyes. “You’re a fucking bore! You never want to do anything! You don’t want to go clubbing, you don’t want to go out to eat! We haven’t had sex in weeks!”

“And I assume you’re going to do all of that once you step out that door?” I challenged, stepping closer to him. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but all of a sudden I’m keeping my ground.

As if to add fuel to the fire, Hajoon smiles sarcastically. “Yes.”

I scoff. “You’re an asshole.”

He roars angrily, a stinging pain coming across my face. “In my house, you speak to me with respect! Do you understand?” I’m too much in shock to answer and the side of my face feels like it’s burning.

The door slams and I flinch. I stand for a little longer, cradling my face. I slide down the wall weeping quietly to myself.

I must’ve sat there for thirty minutes wallowing like that before someone unlocked the door. I’m scared it would be Hajoon, but instead, it was Joshua.

“Hey. Hey, sweetheart, what happened?” He crouches in front of me, moving my hair from my face gently. I try to swat his hands away, but he holds my wrists, inspecting my face to see a bright red mark that would bruise for the next few days.

“Fuck.” Joshua curses the sudden force in his tone surprising me. He notices my reaction and lifts my arm over his shoulder.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.’ Joshua lifts me, balancing me by resting his hand against my stomach. “I’m going to kill that fucker, I swear.” He sits me on the bar stool and runs off to the room Hajoon and I shared. He comes back with my phone and shoes in hand. Joshua wears

My shoes for me and holds my phone, taking me out of the apartment and downstairs to the parking garage.

“I can buckle my seatbelt, Joshua.” I mutter, taking the strap away from him and clicking it in place. Joshua looks worried, his eyes are darting from my eyes to the mark on my cheek. “I’m really tired.”

“Right.” He says hastily, starting the car and driving off. The good thing is I don’t have to give him any directions, since he already knows the way. Once we’re at the complex, he helps me out of the car, but I insist that I can walk on my own.

It’s been a while since I’ve been to my own place, and it’s hard to think right now. Joshua moves me to the side and punches the code in. He remembers.

“I’ll call Soonyoung and leave–“

“Please don’t.” I hold onto his shoulder. The first time I asked him to do this, he told me to get off of him. Now, he’s letting me hug onto him and cry on his shoulder.

“Don’t go again, Joshua. Please? I don’t think I can take it, if you walk away from me again.”

It’s unfamiliar, him wrapping his arms tightly around my middle like this. He tries to hush me and calm me down, but even as we’re curled up together as I try to fall asleep, I just can’t come to stop crying. He presses his lips against my forehead and I rub my thumb on the apple of his cheek. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I know, baby, I know…” Joshua tucks the crown of my head under his chin. He uses his free hand to draw random shapes on my back. It calms me, every time I blink I feel it becoming harder to stay awake. “I’m here now, just rest okay?”

It’s almost too good to be true.

I want to ask if this is real, but that would ruin it. Even if I’m imagining this, at least he’s here with me again.

𓂃۶ৎ

I woke up by myself, feeling a wave of panic wash over me until I caught the sound of voices drifting from the kitchen.

“You don’t deserve her, Joshua.” I recognized Soonyoung's voice; that icy tone was meant solely for Joshua.

Joshua let out a sigh. “I’m aware of that, Soonyoung.”

“Then just leave.”

“She… she asked me to stay.”

A heavy silence followed.

“You’re an asshole, do you even realize how much damage you’ve caused her?” He scoffs. “She was so broken because of you, Joshua.”

“I know that, Soonyoung.”

“Did you even love her?”

At this point, I’ve slipped out of the room and into the hallway where they can't spot me. I realize it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but hearing the truth seems worth it.

“I loved her,” he exclaimed, his voice rising. Joshua then coughs and continues in a softer tone, “I still do.”

“Sure,” Soonyoung responds, clearly skeptical of Joshua’s declaration. Meanwhile, I stand there, eyes wide, focused on his back.

He still loves me?

“Is that the reason you ended things with her for no fucking reason?”

“I made a sacrifice; I was beginning to change so much. Change scares me... I felt lost and didn’t know how to handle it. I realize now it was foolish of me, but I realize now it was too late.”

“Sounds like you were saving your own ass.” Soonyoung sneers.

Before this turns into anything too ugly, I step out quietly, gathering both of their attention.

“Joshua,” I curl a hair behind my ear. “Can I talk to you?”

I gave a single nod to Soonyoung, signaling that I was alright.

He takes this as his cue to exit, but not without casting one last scowl at Joshua. Joshua trails behind me as we return to the room, where we sit facing each other on the bed.

This bed holds so much history between us.

“I'm sorry for hitting you the other day. That was… completely out of line,” I say softly. As I look at him now, I notice his hair is tousled and there are slight bags under his eyes. He appears anxious and troubled; this is a new side of Joshua that I’ve never encountered before.

He shakes his head, a gentle smile spreading across his face. “I deserved it. I’m sure you’ve wanted to do that for quite a while.”

There’s a moment of silence. Despite my own pain, I don’t want him to feel hurt too. While most women might seek revenge, I realize I’m still quite different from the others.

“I’m sorry for bringing you down.”

Another pause. We drink in each other’s appearance, reminding ourselves of one another.

“No, baby, please. Don’t say that. I was a coward. None of this was your fault. I...I can’t even begin to apologize to you for how much I’ve put you through.” He hangs his head, “I should’ve never left you like that. I should've come back.”

I gently run my fingers through his hair, recalling how this has always soothed him, and I can see it still does. He leans further into my touch, causing my heart to flutter.

“You came back, Josh,” I say softly.

He raises his head, and our eyes connect once more. A faint smile appears on his face, but he looks weary. “Can I—can I ask you something?”

I nod my head. “Anything.”

I should have realized by now that Joshua is constantly full of surprises. He follows his own path, disregarding rules and the expectations of others. I'm not accustomed to this, and I doubt I ever will be. This time, I think he truly caught me off guard when he asked, “Can we try again?”

𓂃۶ৎ

a/n: was supposed to be posted on Joshua's birthday, but i didn't finish on time hshshs

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ilovejungwonandhaechan · 3 days ago

Text

scented skies - hjs. ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

pairing: scentshop owner!joshua hong x reader

trope: friends-to-???

summary: getting the first smell of joshua's new scents comes with the best friend benefits, but getting a full line of scents dedicated to you? that was not exactly a part of the deal.

🎧 1979 by the smashing pumpkins

word count: 2,926

a/n: happy belated birthday joshua!! not proofread lol

fic under the cut!

The shop was quiet now, a soft hum of the world outside the only sound reaching your ears. The last of the daylight had long since faded, and the warm glow of the scattered lamps gave the room a peaceful, almost dreamlike atmosphere. Shadows flickered across the shelves lined with jars, their contents a rainbow of wax waiting to be transformed into unique candles. The gentle scent of melted wax lingered in the air, adding a cozy layer to the ambiance.

You and Joshua were the only ones left in the shop. The front door had been locked, the customers long gone, and the usual hustle and bustle of the shop had given way to an intimate calm. Joshua's workshop, the create-your-own-candle table, sat in the center of the room, surrounded by an array of fragrance oils, waxes, and little glass containers. The low hum of a fan in the corner was barely audible, but the delicate warmth it radiated added to the shop's welcoming vibe.

Joshua placed two boxes in front of you on the table, the cardboard a little worn from use, but inside, the promise of something new. A freshly brewed coffee, still warm from the café down the street, sat between you two. Its rich, earthy scent blended nicely with the soft perfume of the shop, and for a moment, you just let the quiet and the coziness of the scene settle around you.

"I’m glad you're here," Joshua said, his voice almost conspiratorial as he leaned forward, excitement dancing in his eyes. "I've been waiting to show you our new lines of scents."

The first box Joshua opened revealed small vials, their glass smooth and cool in the dim light. The labels were minimalistic, hand-written with care. You could see the weight of each scent as it was revealed—a promise of new memories to create, new moods to set.

He pulled out the first bottle and held it up, a glint of pride in his eyes. You reached out eagerly, your fingers brushing against the cool glass before uncapping the bottle. As soon as the scent hit you, it was as if you had stepped into a tropical garden at dawn—sharp, sweet pineapple mingled with the fresh, zesty bite of bergamot, and the earthy undertones of cedarwood brought you back to the deep, rich scent of an old forest after rain. It was fresh yet grounding, evoking a sense of summer mornings and long, lazy afternoons.

"That's the first one," Joshua said, his tone soft with an almost secretive air. "I don’t have a name for it yet, but I was thinking something tropical, maybe even a little nostalgic."

The second scent you tried was more delicate, a warm embrace in a bottle. Vanilla, sweet and smooth, curled gently around a subtle hint of coffee—like an espresso brewed fresh on a chilly morning. A touch of pear added a crisp, juicy sweetness, and together, they created a fragrance that felt like the perfect rendezvous in a small, hidden café, the kind with dim lights and rain softly tapping on the windows.

The third scent was a complete contrast—deep, rich, and bold. A blend of almond, rum, clove, and vanilla, it was something undeniably masculine, reminding you of leather-bound books and old whiskey glasses, a dark room lit only by the glow of a fireplace. It carried a weight to it, an air of mystery, like a story that had yet to unfold.

You leaned back in your chair, the soft creak of the wood beneath you grounding you in the moment. The room, now illuminated by scattered lamps, seemed almost enchanted. The faint scent of wax and the lingering perfume of the oils mixed in the air, creating a heady atmosphere that invited conversation.

"You know what’s funny?" you asked, breaking the quiet.

Joshua glanced up at you, raising an eyebrow. "Not particularly."

You giggled to yourself before speaking again. "This is exactly how I imagined Baekhyun’s new album to smell." The words slipped out easily, the connection between scent and music obvious to you now. You didn’t know why it hadn’t occurred to you before, but these fragrances had a way of capturing the essence of each track you'd been listening to.

Joshua's laughter echoed in the room, warm and rich, and for a moment, it felt like the entire world outside had fallen away.

"I’m being serious," you said, still grinning. "The first one is so obviously 'Pineapple Slice', the second one is so incredibly 'Rendez-Vous, and the last one is totally giving 'Truth Be Told.'"

Joshua let out a dramatic groan, but the smile tugging at his lips betrayed his amusement. "What, do you want me to name this new line of scents after your king Baekhyun?"

Your sarcastic laughter joined his. "Yes, Shua, I think that would be a great idea."

He shook his head, though his eyes twinkled with humor. "I will never take name suggestions from you. Ever."

The air between you both was filled with warmth and familiarity, the kind that only comes from years of friendship. The room, the scents, the soft glow of the lamps—everything seemed perfectly aligned, as though the universe had conspired to create this simple, yet unforgettable moment.

Joshua’s hands moved with a practiced fluidity as he pulled out the second box. It was a bit larger than the first, and as he placed it down in front of you, the lid came off with a soft scrape, revealing yet another set of bottles, each carefully sealed, their colors deep and inviting. The faintest glimmer of excitement flickered across his face as he began to unwrap the scents one by one.

The air in the room seemed to shift slightly, charged with anticipation, and you couldn’t help but lean forward, intrigued. The first bottle he lifted smelled almost cold, a crisp, fresh scent that immediately took you to the edge of a windy cliff, the sea below churning with frothy waves. You could almost feel the air stinging your cheeks. There was something sharp in the top notes—eucalyptus and mint—sharp and clean, like a sharp breath of air after a storm. Beneath it, a grounded base of moss and earth, almost like the feeling of standing in the middle of a clearing just after the rain, the grass still damp beneath your feet.

You closed your eyes, inhaling deeply. “If this was weather…” You trailed off, eyes still closed as the scent wrapped around you. “This would be a cold, windy morning, the kind where the sky is cloudy and heavy with the promise of rain but it never comes. The air is thick with anticipation, and you’re standing outside, waiting for the storm that never quite arrives.”

Joshua leaned in, watching you carefully, a little smile playing at the corner of his lips. “I knew you were going to say something like that,” he said with a laugh, shaking his head affectionately. “Always reading the sky, huh?”

You shrugged with a smile. “I can’t help it. The world smells like weather sometimes, and my brain just connects the dots. Anyway,” you said, reaching for the next bottle. The second scent was much softer, warmer, a delicate mix of amber, warm vanilla, and the faintest hint of lavender. It was the kind of scent that made you think of the slow, steady descent into dusk, when the world is soft and golden. It was a soft glow, the fading sunlight kissing the horizon, and everything in the world seemed to slow down.

“If this one were weather,” you mused with a dreamy look in your eyes, “it would be a late afternoon thunderstorm—one of those brief, violent storms that rolls through, but then the sky clears up again, and everything smells fresh and soaked. The air’s still warm, but there’s this crispness that follows after the rain.”

Joshua’s eyes softened as he watched you, a knowing glint in his gaze. “That’s exactly it. I knew you'd say something like that.” He pulled out the next bottle, this one a darker, more grounding scent. It smelled like deep woods and earth, with notes of sandalwood and leather, wrapped in the comforting warmth of a smoky fireplace. There was something ancient about it, something you could imagine walking into an old cabin in the middle of winter, where the air is dry, the fire crackling, and snow falls silently outside.

You sniffed it deeply, your mind already wandering, and then laughed softly. “This… this is definitely a winter night. The kind when it’s snowing heavily outside, and the world is quiet and still. There’s a clear sky, so you can see all the stars, but the cold just lingers in the air. It’s peaceful but heavy, the kind of night that makes you feel small but also strangely at peace.”

Joshua leaned back with a grin. “I thought you'd say something like that, too,” he said, his tone affectionate but laced with something else, something that made the air between you feel thicker. He began pulling out the labels for each scent, one by one, placing them in front of you as though he couldn’t wait to see your reaction. As he slid each label toward you, your heart skipped a beat.

Each label was adorned with a photograph of the sky—clouds, sunsets, stormy horizons, or a deep, endless night sky—each one a text message you’d sent him over the past few years. There was the picture of the sunset you had sent last summer, with the caption: “The sky's a canvas right now. I swear it looks like the colors are coming alive." Another label had a photo of a thunderstorm, the caption: “The world feels like it’s holding its breath right before the storm hits. Can you smell it?” And the last one was a quiet winter evening you’d shared with him years ago: “The air smells like snow tonight. So still, so clean.”

You froze, your breath catching in your chest. As you looked at the labels, the realization hit you like a wave crashing against a rock. It wasn’t just about the sky or the weather anymore—it was about the connection between you and Joshua, one that you hadn’t seen for what it truly was until now. You hadn’t noticed before, not with this kind of clarity.

He was looking at you now, his expression soft but laced with a hint of vulnerability, something he rarely let show. There was a depth to his gaze, an unspoken understanding in the way he watched you now. The corners of his lips curled up in a quiet smile, but there was something different in the way he held himself, something that felt as though the entire room had shifted.

For a moment, you were completely still, your heart thudding against your chest. His dedication—the care he had taken to incorporate your thoughts, your feelings, your interpretations of the world around you into something so tangible, so beautiful—felt like a promise.

The realization struck you harder than any scent, any image, any word. You’d been falling in love with him for years—since childhood, really—but now, with the pieces of his heart scattered before you, the truth was undeniable. You didn’t know when it had started, or if it had always been there, waiting for the right moment. But suddenly, everything about your relationship with Joshua felt different. He saw you with new eyes. And for the first time, you wondered if maybe he’d always seen you this way—if maybe, all along, he had been falling in love with you, too.

You looked up at him, feeling a pang in your chest. There was warmth in your face, but a strange ache at the back of your throat. “Shua…” you whispered, not quite knowing what to say, but feeling everything at once. You blinked, not trusting your words to come out right.

Joshua didn’t say anything at first, just gazed at you with an intensity that made your heart skip. Then, as if testing the waters, he spoke softly, a touch of humor in his voice but something deeper beneath it. “You know,” he said, his voice almost too quiet, “I’ve always thought the sky is just as beautiful as you say it is. But now… I think I understand it a little more.”

His words, though simple, made the air between you two feel electric, like everything had just changed. And for the first time, you weren’t sure whether to laugh, cry, or simply sit in the stillness of it all. But one thing was for sure: the landscape of your relationship had shifted forever.

The space between you felt different now, fuller, like an unspoken truth was hanging in the air, too delicate to name yet too real to ignore. And in that moment, the only thing that mattered was how everything—his words, his look, the way your heart seemed to flutter—felt like something new, something you'd both been dancing around for years without ever realizing it.

#joshua #joshua hong #seventeen #svt #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #joshua x reader #joshua hong x reader #joshua imagines #seventeen fic #joshua fic

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gyuwrites · 8 hours ago

Text

just in case my fics are hidden inside the algorithm

BAKED WITH CARE

staring...baker!joshua × gn!reader

genre...romance, comedy, holiday fiction, a little angst

warnings...mention of food? misunderstanding between families (your family)

synopsis...Returning home for the holidays, you reluctantly agree to join the town’s bake-off, despite your lack of baking skills. You met up with Joshua, a childhood friend who is now the owner of a local bakery. As you spend time together, you realise that this holiday season has more in store for you than just baking lessons and prizes.

rating...sfw

w.c...1.4k

note...Christmas ended but here i am, releasing a christmas fic. I may or may not have written this at midnight and even finished it but Enjoy y'all.

Nets... @k-films @kflixnet @kstrucknet

Please reblog as it helps a lot!

"yes, yes. I'll join the bake-off"

You could hear your friend squealing through the phone as you looked at the destination display on the train slowly reaching your designated station. You stood up, gripping your baggage tightly. You sighed, it's been quite a while since you've gone back to your hometown. After the day you had an awful fight with your mom, you left home without saying goodbye. You wondered how you were going to face her.

"Over here!!" You could see your friend wave happily at you, even before the train door slid open. You smiled, waving back at her as you walked out of the train.

"you have no idea how much you have missed after you left! Oh, we must catch up!" She jumped in excitement before hugging you tightly. You laughed, returning the hug as well. As you walked with her out of the station, her boyfriend was waiting outside for the two of you.

"Hello," you smiled politely at him, hopping into the car with your friend. "So! What are you going to bake for the town's bake-off?" your friend asked, clueless that you had zero ounce of baking skills. You laughed nervously, unsure what kind of desserts you could make with such clumsy hands. "I'll think about it afterward." As you looked out the car window, snow stretching endlessly across the landscape, you responded.

The car drove through the quiet, snow-covered streets, the soft hum of the engine and the occasional crunch of tires on snow filling the silence. You glanced at your phone, scrolling through Pinterest for last-minute dessert ideas, but everything seemed difficult to make.

"We're here!" Your friend chirped, breaking your train of thought as the car rolled to a stop in front of your home. You stepped out into the cold, your friend hopping out to grab your baggage for you. You turned around to face your mom who was standing at the doorway with a weak smile. You smiled back awkwardly, avoiding further eye contact with her.

"it's time you reconnect with your mom, it's been years. Forgive and forget, alright?" Your friend whispered in your ear before handing you the bags. You sighed, waving goodbye to your friend.

"Hi, Mom," you said softly. "come on in" your mom uttered, stepping aside to let you in. As you stepped inside the place you once used to call home, the warmth of familiarity immediately surrounded you.

"I...cleaned your room so you should settle in fine. I'll be in my room if you need me." Your mom spoke before leaving you alone. You watched her every move, unsure of what to do next. You sighed deeply, heading into your old room. Memories came flooding in as you walked in. The soft bed that creaked when you sat on it, the old drawer that would get stuck from time to time, and...the broken mirror that your mom accidentally broke during the fight you had with her years ago.

"You haven't changed a single thing, huh." You said with a weak smile. You left your baggage on the floor, leaving your room. You wandered around the house, scanning over familiar rooms filled with memories.

It wasn't long before you found yourself in the living room. Everything was still in place, nothing had changed at all. As you walked around, you noticed a picture sitting on the mantel, a thick layer of dust clung to the photo. You froze as you stared at the picture. It was your graduation day photo. You and Joshua, both dressed in black gowns and caps, smiling brightly. As you looked at the picture, a sudden thought rushed into your mind.

"oh my god, that's it!" You yelled, which made your mom come out of her room. "What? What happened?" She asked worriedly. "I'm gonna pay Joshua's bakery a visit. I'll talk to you later." Your mom raised an eyebrow but didn't question you.

"Alright, have fun."

The cold air brushed against your cheeks as you made your way to the bakery. The bakery was his family's pride, it was known for its warm, inviting atmosphere and delicious pastry. The smell of fresh bread and sweet desserts would always hit your nose each time you walked inside. It was the best bakery in town. You knew you could find Joshua there, it was his second home after all.

As you walked in, the small bell above the door jingled. You were greeted by the familiar, welcoming warmth of Joshua's bakery. There he stood, behind the counter, wearing the bakery's signature apron that was dusted with flour as he worked on a tray of freshly baked cookies.

He looked up from the counter, a surprised but warm smile spread across his face.

"you came back."

"only for the holidays, yeah. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"of course not. It's nice to see you!" Joshua stepped away from the counter, wiping his hand clean on his apron before approaching you. "What brings you here? Need a dessert for Christmas?" you glanced at the beautiful pastries displayed on the counter. "I need help with baking..."

Joshua crossed his arms, chuckling in disbelief. "You? Baking? Never thought I'd see the day." you rolled your eyes at his comment. "My friend begged me to join the town's bake-off but little did she know, I'm no baker." You sighed.

Joshua raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Well, this should be interesting," he said, a playful smirk tugging at his lips.

You shot him a look, feeling a mix of frustration and embarrassment. "I’m serious! I can barely bake a decent cookie without burning it."

"All alright, alright. We can start tomorrow but don't say I didn't warn you, my baking lessons come with a lot of sarcasm."

The next few days were filled with flour-dusted counters and playful banters. Besides you were trays of failed products you had made while Joshua made a ton of goods that were ready to set outside on the display. "right, now you're just showing off, aren't you." You scoffed, rolling your eyes playfully.

"Maybe," he said with a wink, making you laugh. As you continued to decorate one of the sugar cookies shaped like a Christmas tree, you glanced at Joshua to see what he was up to. The moment you lifted your eyes, you found him already staring back at you. His usual steady hands faltered, the green icing dripping onto the counter.

"what? Is there something on my face?" You asked, raising your eyebrow as you touched your face.

"no, no. There isn't, I'm...just glad you're back." He said softly, looking back at the sugar cookie. Your heart raced, you could feel it as if it was ready to jump out any moment. You managed to keep your voice steady before speaking.

"me too"

On the night of the bake-off, your gingerbread house that was crafted under Joshua's guidance did not win first place but it didn't matter to you. The two of you stood outside the hall, looking at the mesmerizing night sky. White puffs form each time we exhale or speak. "What a shame, your gingerbread house was great though!" Your friend chirped, trying to cheer you up but to be frank, you didn't need it. Winning didn't matter to you anyway. "It's alright, the price isn't everything," you reassured her, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Oh look! It's Shua! Hello!" You turned around to see Joshua walking towards you, a warm smile on his face. "I'll leave you two to it." Your friend giggled, giving you a thumbs-up before returning to the hall.

"Well, what are you up to after the holidays?" He asked, gently leaning on the railings as he looked at you. "I'm not sure, I will have to go back though. I've got work" you sighed deeply. Part of you didn't want to leave the town you grew up in, you only left because of an argument which you kind of regret doing.

"Well, before you leave. Might as well give you this." He uttered, handing you a box tied with a red ribbon. "What's this?", you asked, looking at him. "Open it," he said, looking unusually nervous as he bit his lips, avoiding eye contact with you.

You carefully unboxed the gift, revealing a sugar cookie, crafted to perfection in the shape of a heart. Written in icing were the words 'Merry Christmas'.

You looked at him, feeling your cheeks flushed. Even though it was subtle, you understood the meaning behind it.

"I'm not much for grand gestures," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "But if you're free tomorrow, maybe we could—"

"yes," you interrupted, standing on your tippy toes to peck his cheek.

"I'd love to"

#seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen #joshua x reader #gyutalks!#joshua imagines #hong jisoo

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pochaccoups · 3 months ago

Text

things you do that make svt bust quick (nsfw)

seungcheol —; tell him how good he’s doing

he’s a leo male… please stroke his ego.

tell him how you love his cock, how big he is, how it hits so deep inside you. tell him “right there,” and “keep going,” and to do it “just like that.”

stroke his possessive side too. tell him no one else can fuck you like he can, no one else can stretch you out so good, no one else can make you cum like he does. tell him that your pussy is made for him only.

be loud for him. god, he loves hearing you moan. say his name, beg for more, sob, whimper, gasp for him. don’t be shy about it. it’ll only be a matter of time before you butter him up enough to make him cum.

jeonghan —; beg

everyone knows yoon jeonghan likes having people at his mercy. he gets a little unhinged when he has power over someone—so imagine what he gets like when you’re writhing on his cock, gasping his name so sweetly, your eyes glimmering with tears as he fucks you hard.

“what is it, pretty?” he asks, and like the devil he is, he slows the movement of hips, pulling out of you until his tip barely kisses your also weeping hole. it’s torture for him too, to leave the hot, tight haven that is your cunt, but to him it’s worthwhile.

“wanna cum, hannie,” you whimper.

“hm… i don’t know if i should let you yet,” he says, dipping back inside just an inch. years of him being yours means you don’t miss the tiny strain in his voice that betrays his perfectly collected demeanour.

“please, hannie, please, please, please, let me cum. i’ve been so good,” you sob, squeezing your thighs where they rest on his hips.

you watch as a switch flips in his eyes within a millisecond. a grin lights up his face and he shudders, and he’s sliding back inside you, fucking in and out of you harder and faster than before. safe to say it doesn’t take long for either of you to cum after that.

joshua —; make eye contact

his pretty doe eyes make staring into them your favourite thing in the world, and if you asked him his favourite pastime, he’d tell you that it was gazing into your irises.

it’s also his biggest weakness. from the way you’ve got your mouth wrapped around his dick, throat gagging even though you’re only halfway down it, joshua feels his sanity slipping away. his fingers curl into the bedsheets below as he watches you work him, revels in the warmth of your tongue sliding up and down his shaft.

when your eyes flick up to meet his he doesn’t stand a chance. not with how glimmering they are, brimming softly with tears, yet swimming with adoration. with worship.

heat washes over his whole body, he’s gasping, and the salty warmth of his release pools on your tongue.

jun —; put his fingers in your mouth

when junhui gets inside you he has a one-track mind. he becomes rapt with pleasure, drunk from the warm squeeze of your pussy around him, focused on nothing but the sensation of you, the sight of you under him, the sound of you in his ears.

the effect you have on him is dangerous, because you’re equally obsessed with him as he is with you, and you’re not afraid to show him.

and you love his hands, he knows you do—knows how you love his slender fingers and their soft touches all over you, inside you. your brain is cloudy, fogged by lust when you take him by his wrist and bring his fingers to your mouth. your eyes sparkle as your lips wrap around his index finger, your soft tongue swirling around it.

jun’s mouth parts with awe, his eyes growing round. a second later, he stills inside you with a gasp of your name, like he’s praying to you, all the while you’re sucking on his finger like a devil.

hoshi —; scratch him

he’s a little bit of a freak, and a masochist too.

when he’s got you folded in half, hitting all the right spots inside you, you cling to him in every way you can—fingers grabbing at his biceps, his shoulders. one particular stroke of his hips has you squealing.

your nails sink into his skin, crying out his name as you rake them down the toned planes of his back. the second you do, soonyoung is grunting, hips stilling, cock twitching as a sticky warmth suddenly floods your cervix.

the worst part about it is how he always has the stupidest, most shit-eating smug grin on his face when he examines your damage in the bathroom after, and you know that if he could, he would post the selfies he takes in the mirror all over instagram. what’s even worse though? seeing your marks makes him hard again.

wonwoo —; cry

you’re such a sensitive little thing and wonwoo adores you. one orgasm on his fingers and you’re already overstimulated—“but baby, i haven’t even put my cock in you yet,” he’ll coo.

like it’s your fault you have a boyfriend with skilled fingers and a skilled tongue and who knows you inside and out like the back of his hand, who knows where to touch you and how hard and what pace makes you writhe the most.

by the time he does get inside you, you’re gasping and whining and clawing at him, tears springing to your eyes because he’s so big and so deep, but the stretch is so addictive that it’s dizzying. his voice is low and husky as he mutters to you a mixture of teases and praise, calls you his pretty girl and then laughs at sensitive you are, pretends he’s not on the verge of coming from the sound of your choked gasps.

your belly starts to pulse with that familiar heat and by then you’re keening for him, whimpering a mixture of his name and endless pleas as it starts to become too much. your sobs go straight to his cock, and it’s only a matter of time before he reaches his climax, and his gasps of pleasure harmonise with your own cries.

woozi —; pull his hair

he’s been growing his hair out. after all your begging, he finally listened. in a way, though, it’s backfired a little on you, because the longer it gets the more insane you become. and the thing is you never expected him to let it get to his shoulders—and still he doesn’t plan on cutting it. well, good. you would kill him if he did.

when his face is between your legs you’re nothing short of a feral animal—your hips bucking wild against his mouth, your legs trembling on his shoulders, your fingers, of course, grabbing fistfuls of his hair. he makes you whine when he pulls away from your needy, sticky cunt to tsk at you, tells you to cut it out and keep your hands to yourself. (it’s because he’s about to cream his pants).

when he bends you in half beneath him, ruts into you hard and fast and relentless, you need leverage. your hands land on the back of his neck, fingertips grazing at his roots, then one slam of his hips into yours has his cock bumping against the most sensitive spot inside you and your grasping at his hair and crying his name so desperately. no longer can he hold back, strained groans slipping past his lips as he lets go inside you.

dokyeom —; hold his hand

a sentimental sweetheart, seokmin is an utter romantic who thinks that being inside of you, whether in your mouth or your pussy, is intimacy in its purest form. now imagine showing him just how much more intimate things can get.

he’s losing his mind at the feeling of your tongue swirling around the head of his cock, the way you swallow his length down making him see stars. he can’t bare to look at you—he needs to focus on taking deep breaths so that he doesn’t cum straight down your throat. then he feels you grabbing at one of his hands, lacing your fingers together, and no amount of deep breathing can stop him from releasing.

and when he fucks you it’s no different—it’s him in near tears, whimpering your name between incoherent words over and over, and as soon as you take his hand in yours and your fingers wrap around his, there’s nothing else he can do but succumb to his own pleasure.

mingyu —; take control

he’s big and strong; strong enough to put you into whatever position he wants, to make you cum at his command, to do just as he pleases with you.

but that’s exactly why he likes it when you slap him around a little.

you can’t exactly bend him into doggy or use your weight to keep him pinned to the mattress, but you can sit yourself pretty on his cock and ride him teasingly slow. you can tell him he’s not allowed to touch you or you’ll stop moving. you can tell him to kiss you, to go slower, to go harder.

you can sit up and put a hand around his throat, still your hips, and tell him he can fuck you himself if he wants to cum. and he’ll do just that—and as soon as you utter the words, he’s gone, whining out curses as he fills you up in white, warm spurts.

minghao —; whisper in his ear

minghao often tells you how he adores your voice. when you talk to him he’s entranced, and he’s always been more of a listener than a talker, and it’s perfect because you always have so much to say, and minghao will listen to every last word of yours.

your voice—minghao’s kryptonite, his achilles’ heel, his undoing and, oh, the way you moan for him when he’s got you on his cock is enough to make his heart stop beating. the perverted part of him wishes he could record you, hide the file away on his phone and listen to you when he’s overseas and he can’t call you. maybe he’ll ask you about that, if he can find the courage.

the final blow is when you’re getting close. you lean in, right next to his ear, so close that your breath sends shivers along his skin. “please, hao, i’m so close,” you whisper, yet you still sound so desperate and depraved. “you are too, right? cum for me, please. i’ll cum for you too.”

so he does just that—minghao gives in and lets his orgasm wash over him, fingertips drawing circles on your clit until mere moments later he hears the sound of your own cresting pleasure and he feels himself getting hard again.

seungkwan —; wrap your legs around him

it’s a fact that seungkwan loves to be close to you. if he could, he would crawl inside of your skin and live in your heart. but since he can’t, constant physical touch is the next best thing.

he likes to think he has relatively good self-control…most of the time. like when he’s buried to the hilt inside you, he’s incredible at keeping in rhythm, fucking into you at the most perfect pace for both you and him, hitting the spot that makes your back arch off the bed.

somehow he never sees it coming—when your arms are snaked around his neck and you’re holding onto him for dear life as he takes you to heaven, and your legs wrap around his waist so that you can pull him in impossibly deep. then you bring his face to yours, and you have the most irresistible little pout on your face when you make your request. “cum inside me, seungkwannie?”

and it’s not like he has much choice with the way you’ve trapped him inside of you, but that’s the very reason why the next second he’s pumping you full, because when it’s you, how is he supposed to have any self-control?

vernon —; touch yourself

it’s not like vernon can last long in general. he thinks you’re the hottest thing alive and he’s so enamoured with you that it’s too much for him sometimes, but you best believe he’ll put his all into holding out just for you.

there are times, however, where he’s just a man. and what’s a man to do when he has a goddess riding his dick? when your tits look so pretty, bouncing in his face, when you have that fucked out look in your eyes, when you feel like heaven and hell all at once?

and what the fuck is a man to do when your hand drifts down between your legs, to your aching clit, and your fingers start to rub it in circles, or when your other hand grasps one of your tits and tugs at one of your own nipples? and your sweet pussy clenches around him so tight when you do, clamps down on him in an hot, wet embrace, so what else can he do but cum?

dino —; say ‘i love you’

another sweet, sentimental boy. lee chan is head over heels for you, enamoured, obsessed, smitten, infatuated with you… the list of things he is around you is endless.

it shows in the way he fucks you—always takes his time with you, never rushes taking you apart. every touch of his is intentional, meant to set you both ablaze. when he eats you out to prep you for his cock, he has to try not to cum in his pants from how pretty you are.

where he really doesn’t stand a chance however is when he’s bottomed out inside you, as close as he can possibly be with you—so close you’re practically one. the sweetest sounds fall from your lips, spurring on his expert thrusts.

his forehead is plastered to yours, the pair of you revelling in one another’s sweat and gasps for air. “i love you,” you confess gently, and chan falls over the edge of pleasure not a moment later.

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eomayas · 7 months ago

Text

distracted • hjs

pairing: husband&dad!joshua, wife&mom!reader, established relationship

genre: smut 18+ MINORS DNI!!!!!!!!! fluff, parent au, non-idol au

synopsis: reader is literally just feral for joshua

warnings: pwp, p in v, oral (m receiving), riding, praise, dirty talk, soft!dom!josh, breeding, josh calls reader a ‘slut’ (lovingly) once, reader & josh are parents, reader losing her mind over josh mainly. JOSHUA ARMS. unedited ;)))

a/n: i’ve experienced extreme joshua brainrot lately then did an extreme deep dive of jarms (joshua arms) until 2 in the morning. i am unwell and need him like a fish needs water

joshua pushes the shopping cart that holds groceries, and your daughter in the front of the basket, down the aisle. you trail a step or two behind them, mind a bit foggy and… distracted. you don’t know what it is, he’s just wearing a plain, white tshirt and blue jeans—he’s worn it before—and you’re running errands together like you always do. but today is different, and you can’t seem to comprehend a single thing going on around you, or really look at your husband without feeling mild insanity.

first, you’d wandered into the store in a daze, forgetting that joshua was grabbing the shopping cart with your daughter, after having sat in the front seat watching him drive for twenty minutes. his hand sat steady at ten and two, ever the safe driver when your daughter was present, though at stop lights he would sometimes grab your hand or settle his palm on your leg. you felt lost since the morning, woke up with your mind cloudy and your brain foggy just at the mere sight of him.

then, you couldn’t remember a single thing on your grocery list. in your clouded state, you must’ve forgotten the list in the kitchen; it wasn’t a big deal, except for the fact that you literally couldn’t think about a single thing that you needed to buy, and you are usually the one leading the pack around the store. so the three of you have been wandering around the grocery store for longer than you want to be, circling back to the same aisles you’ve already been on because you can’t remember what it is you need to buy.

now you’re back in the dairy aisle, unsure of why you’re back because youve already grabbed milk and cream cheese, so you’re just standing in front of the cold, double doors without a single thought in your head. “yogurt, maybe?” joshua tries, pausing his conversation with your child to help you out. you blink once, twice before mumbling out a ‘right’ and pulling the doors open and grabbing a container.

“mommy, that’s not the right one!” your daughter whines when you drop it in the basket. she’s frowning at you, eyebrows crinkled the same way joshua’s do. god. you make the mistake of looking up at him, and your entire body flushes you meet his gaze. his eyes are soft but questioning, asking if you if you’re alright without actually saying it. no, i’m not, you think to yourself, discreetly sweeping your hand up your neck to check your pulse. it’s fast, and you’re definitely still alive.

joshua watches you with mild concern; he’s noticed your strange, avoidant behavior since this morning when he got back from the gym. you had looked almost surprised when he walked into your bedroom, like you weren’t expecting him back. your eyes widened, and your lips parted like you were going to say something but nothing came out. he beat you to words, anyway, giving you a soft ‘good morning’ that made you blush—he’d ignored it because you seemed… off—and kissed you on the lips. he thought he really smelled with the way you rushed your lips off of his and rolled out of bed, nearly tripping over your own feet. joshua grabbed you so you wouldn’t fall, and he felt you tense in his hold, a frown etching on his features. he brushed it off and asked if you wanted to shower with him, expecting a ‘yes’ from the look that flashed through your eyes, but you instead mumbled something about having to make breakfast before hurrying out of the bedroom all together. you basically avoided him all day since then, never really looking at him or talking to him directly—none of which you do on a constant basis.

the yogurt was, in fact, incorrect down to the brand and flavor. “i’m sorry, baby,” you say to your daughter, running a hand over her hair before grabbing the yogurt to swap it out for the correct one, this time taking a few seconds to scan everything in the fridge. you appreciate the cold air from the refrigerator, as it cools you down from the rush of heat you feel along your face and neck. you take a breath and tell yourself to get a fucking grip before dropping the correct item into the cart.

“daddy, can i get ice cream?” your daughter asks joshua as you start ambling through the grocery store. you cut your eyes at your daughter for not asking you, but you know it’s because joshua never says no to her.

“of course, princess,” and you watch with pure adoration as he places a kiss on her forehead and she just giggles, scrunching her shoulders up to her ears. joshua is a good husband, but he’s an even better father, and you love watching him interact with your daughter. they have a special connection that you love to witness, a secret language just between the two of them. it’s moment like this where you want another kid—or maybe it’s part of the hazy mess you’re in because of his sheer existence.

you follow behind joshua towards the ice cream aisle. the shirt he wears is tight on him, straining against his biceps and shoulders. you can make out his back muscles depending on how the light hits the fabric, and you feel even crazier than before. his muscles have been the source of your you distracted state today. joshua has always been muscular, and he’s always worked out, but something about him recently has flipped a switch in your brain that has made you feel absolutely feral every time you catch a mere glimpse of his arms—which is quite literally every day. this morning it was too overwhelming, him coming home and shedding his jacket to reveal himself in a simple black tank top that looked a size too small, and gray sweats that made you feel like you needed to go to confessional.

another rush of cold air pulls you out of your lustful daze and you stand at the back of the shopping cart as joshua shuffles through the cartons of ice cream, asking your daughter her input. you try to keep your eyes focused on your daughter, anything else, but cant help when they drift over to your husband, his arms flexing each time he grabs a pint and displays it to your daughter. joshua casts a glance at you, a smile that says can you believe this? when you daughter shakes her head for the fourth time, despite not asking to look for herself. you blush under his gaze, heat spreading down your neck and chest before settling in your stomach.

"i thought you liked the oreo one?" you say to your daughter, voice slightly hoarse. you smooth a hand over her hair to give yourself something to do, hands a little clammy from all of your nerves working overtime.

"i do..." she trails off, turning to look at you with a tiny pout on her lips.

"tell daddy before he freezes," you say, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. just the mere reference to joshua feels heavy in your mouth, makes your stomach flutter for reasons you can't really explain.

joshua places the pint of oreo ice cream into the cart, circling around to the front and playfully ticking your daughter under her chin. she giggles loudly and you smile as you watch her become a spitting image of her father. arms cage you between the carts handlebar and a firm chest, and suddenly your eyes are no longer on your kid but on the strong, veiny forearms that belong to your husband. “excuse me,” he murmurs, a teasing lilt to his voice like he knows that you’re losing your mind at the simple sight of him.

wordlessly, you gently grab his right arm to remove yourself from his entrapment. “hey,” joshua says softly, reaching out for your wrist as you move swiftly to get away from him. turning, goosebumps arise on your skin, and you tell yourself that it’s because his hands are ice cold. “you okay, honey?” your stomach flips and you press your lips into a small smile, nodding.

joshua stares at you for a beat before leaning down a few inches, silently begging for a kiss. you nearly combust at the thought, not trustworthy of yourself to behave normally in public. but his eyes are fond, and you love him so much and want him so bad that you raise up on your toes and brace yourself on his shoulders before delivering a soft, quick peck to his lips. you’re proud of yourself for holding back, but joshua isn’t satisfied because he stays leaned over in the spot you kissed him in for a few seconds after the fact that you’ve pulled away. if you were at home, he’d yank you back to him but because you’re in public he files that grievance away and straightens up.

“i want a kiss,” your daughter pouts, cutely crossing her arms over her chest. since she doesn’t specify from whom, both of you lean in and press kisses to her cheeks. her giggle ripples through you, filling your stomach with butterflies and your chest with a type of love reserved only for her. you’re momentarily pulled away from your joshua shaped daze, until his hand is settling on your lower back. it chilling, his touch, and it’s not because his hands are ice cold from standing in the grocery store freezer for two minutes.

a shiver runs up your spine and you slip out of his grasp, not paying attention to where or what you’re walking into until joshua is pulling you back into him, his hand splayed across your stomach and your back colliding with his chest. “babe, watch out,” a woman pushing a cart stops short, a look of remorse on her face.

“oh my god, did i hit you?” she asks, and you figure you must look injured or something, because she looks genuinely concerned for your wellbeing. the flush on your face is not due to the fact that you were almost ran over, but because joshua hasn’t moved his hand from your stomach and hasn’t put any distance between your back and his front. he stays pressed against you, holding you firmly in front of him, his hold tightening ever so slightly.

“n-no, i’m alright,” you manage, lips tingling. “i swear.” you add when her eyebrows don’t drop from her hairline. at that, she seems to believe you enough snd offers you a smile and a curt nod before hurrying down the aisle.

“are you alright, honey? you’re trembling,” joshua says, his deep voice like melted wax running down your back. you make the mistake of looking up and over your shoulder at him, his palm pressing into your lower belly.

he peers down at you with soft eyes, ready to question you again until your tongue darts out to wet your lips before you tuck your bottom lip under your top one and nod. he knows the look in your eyes all too well—hunger, but not for food—and heat pools in his chest. joshua is much better at hiding his desire for you, especially in public and in front of your child, and he’s able to keep his expression the same, pretending he never saw that look in your eye. “i’m fine,” you’re shuffling away from him again, this time checking to make sure you’re not seconds away from being ran over with a shopping cart.

somehow, you three mange to finish your shopping trip without anymore mishaps. it requires circling back to the same aisles more than once because neither you nor josh can remember what you wanted to buy, but at least you can say you’re done. joshua loads the groceries into the trunk while you buckle your daughter into the backseat. she yawns, stretching her little arms up and out. “sleepy?” you ask her, a small smile on your face.

“no,” she says, vehemently shaking her head. you chuckle hum a sound of disbelief before dropping a kiss on her forehead and going to the front seat. the trunk closes and you suck in a breath as you watch him in the rearview mirror. he brushes his hand through his hair, and even through the mirror and the tint of the trunk window, you can make out his bicep muscle flexing with the motion.

it’s nearly pathetic how horny you feel just looking at him—like an overgrown teenager who just got into their first relationship. except you’re an adult, married to this man, and this behavior is no longer considered ‘cute’.

joshua gets into the front seat and smiles at you, leaning over the console to give you a kiss. his hand rests on the side of your neck, and you wonder if he’s trying to check your pulse, to mess with you. you keep your hands to yourself, because if you touch him, you might never stop.

pulling back from your mouth, he looks into your eyes before flicking them back down to your lips. joshua starts to lean in but seems to remember you’re not alone, and sits back in his seat, his hand lingering on your neck for a moment before he starts the car and asks your daughter if she’s ready to go.

the car ride is quiet, save for your daughters yawns and insistence that she is not tired. she makes most of the noise, talking about random things that you and joshua entertain with ease. he watches her in the review mirror with real, unconditional love in his eyes. it does nothing to help your situation, and just makes you want to give him another baby.

when you arrive back at your house, you quickly get out of the car, grateful to get out of the stuffy, suffocating feeling of being in the front seat. you walk around the back and help your daughter out, ready to carry her inside until she exclaims, “i want to help!”

you ser her down on the ground and she runs over to joshua. you watch him give her two of the lighter bags of groceries, and raises her arms to show you, a big smile on her face. you smile back and press in the garage code and tell her to go inside of the house, seemingly leaving you and joshua alone. you sidle up next to him, and joshua lightly bumps his hip into yours. “hmm?” you question without looking up from the numerous bags in the back of the car.

“why are you avoiding me?” he asks, and the directness makes your hands clam up.

“i’m not avoiding you,” you say, taking a few grocery bags and backing up from him.

“you quite literally are.”

you stare up at him, his eyebrows knitted together in slight irritation. “i still love you, if that’s what you’re asking,” you clarify. his features soften and his shoulders relax a bit. those shoulders. your eyes drifts down his figure, lingering on his flexed forearms, veins bulging out from the tension of carrying the grocery bags.

joshua watches you obviously ogle and check him out, his entire figure relaxing at his realization. “oh, i get it now,” he teases, a slow smirk sliding across his lips.

“get what?” you play dumb, taking a tentative step backwards before turning around and trying to keep your walk casual as you walk through the garage. it’s so obvious you’re trying to keep space between the two of you, putting anything in the way to keep you off of him.

“that you wan-“ joshua cuts himself off because you push open the door that leads you into the house. he clears his throat and closes the garage door before following behind you into the kitchen. your daughter is standing on her tippy toes trying to reach a cupboard that’s way to high for her, concentration etched on her face. “need help, bub?” he asks, setting his bags down on the counter.

“i can’t reach,” she whines, yawning immediately after. joshua lifts her up into his arms and opens the cupboard for her abd allows her to put the item away. “i’m tired, daddy.” she rests her head on his shoulder, tiny arms encircling around his neck.

you watch them and you feel your heart grow three times in size, like the grinch. joshua coos at her and pats her head before agreeing to put her down for a nap. you busy yourself with unloading the groceries, stomach flipping at the thought of having at least an hour alone with your husband. you can’t believe how depraved you feel.

joshua comes back downstairs a few minutes later, right when you’re putting the last thing into the fridge. “you finished?” he asks. you nod, heart hammering in your chest as he walks over to you. his hands drop onto your hips, pulling you flush against him. you keep your eyes straight ahead, leveled wirh his chest, and joshua dips his head down to meet your eyes. “see: you’re avoiding me.”

hear creeps up your neck and you shake your head. “i’m not.”

“don’t try to gaslight me,” he teases, making you roll your eyes and finally look up at him. “there she is.” he murmurs, leaning down a few centimeters to connect your lips. your hands flatten against his chest, and he walks your backwards into one of the kitchen counters. joshua leans over you, trying to press you flat against the surface despite the lack of space.

“shua,” you breathe once you pull away when he unbuttons your jeans.

“what, you’ve got somewhere better to be?” he asks, arching one of his eyebrows.

“i… i have to do laundry…” you say halfheartedly. joshua laughs at this, dropping his forehead against yours. “i’m serious!” you say, but you’re smiling too. “i want to go back to avoiding you.”

joshua pulls back to look down at you, making a face that says for what? “i thought you wanted me to fuck you?”

“yeah, i’m afraid nothing will keep me off of you if we start,” you say honestly. joshua blushes deeply, a boyish grin on his face. “i want you so bad—i think i might be ovulating? i don’t know. i just want you so. bad.” you punctuate the last part with the press of your knuckles into his chest.

“you’re ovulating?” it’s like bells went off in his head.

“maybe, i don’t know. i don’t keep track of that shit. i just need an explanation for how i feel,” you say, hands sliding along his chest absentmindedly.

joshua raises both of his eyebrows at you, fake shock on his face. “maybe because you have a super hot and sexy husband who is also a really good father? just a hunch.”

“no, i don’t think that’s it,” he rolls his eyes at you and you giggle, balling his shirt up into your fists and pulling him down to you. joshua grips onto the counter to steady himself, his hold tight enough to turn his knuckles white. he presses his pelvis into yours, his his erection pressing against your leg.

joshua wraps an arm around you and splays his hand across the small of your back. he presses you down onto the counter and you grip his shoulders tightly, craning your mouth away from his to breathe out, “not here.” he pulls you up from the counter and looks down at you, his chest moving up and down quickly. you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he thinks about a place to fuck you that won’t bring attention to the two of you. “laund-ah!” he swoops you up into his arms easily, already carrying you in the direction of your laundry room before you can even get the entire word out.

you wrap your legs around his waist as you buzz with need and anticipation. you let yourself revel at being carried by him after lusting over his arms all day. he carries you like you’re weightless, with his his hands resting under your ass for support. “god,” you whisper to yourself, pressing a kiss into his neck.

“i love you,” he rasps as he enters the laundry room. he shuts and locks the door behind him before dropping you onto the washing machine. his hands are flying to undo the buttons of your blouse and you pull him closer using your ankles that are still wrapped around him.

“love you more,” you murmur, helping him with removing your top. “your turn.” your urge, pulling the hem of his shirt.

“sure you can handle it?” he teases. you flush and lightly push at his abdomen. “don’t wanna make you pass out or anything.” he smirks at you, loving to watch you squirm.

“i can handle it,” you say, feeling so embarrassed to even be in this position. luckily, joshua is sweet to you above all and draws you in for a kiss. you skate your hands up underneath his shirt, nails lightly scratching against his torso. “take it off.” you mumble against his lips, hands pushing up the material of his shirt. you feel like you could rip him out of the fabric.

joshua pulls back and makes an entire show of getting undressed. he runs a hand through his hair and purposefully flexes his bicep as he does so. if this was any other time, you’d roll your eyes and call him annoying. but today, all you can do is watch and try not to drool.

he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it into an empty laundry basket nearby. you waste no time leaning forward and pulling him into a kiss, threading your fingers through his hair. you move to kiss his jaw and then his neck, your hands sliding down his body. you kiss across his chest, going lower until the position becomes uncomfortable. lightly shoving him, you hop off of the washing machine and drop to your knees in front of him.

joshua watches you with dark eyes, holding onto the edge of the machine. you fumble with his belt, hands shaking with anticipation of finally having him, and he makes no effort to help you out. your hands work too fast, and you mess up when you try to pull the buckle open for the second time. “i’ve got all day,” he say smugly. you ignore him, and finally pull his belt free. you work his pants down to his ankles, leaving. him in just his briefs. you let out a breath and look up at him with pure lust. “as pretty as you look right now, you’d look much better with my cock in your mouth.”

quickly, you pull his underwear down and let them pool together with his pants, hands flying to grab ahold of his member. you pump him a few times, flicking your eyes to look up at him. joshua gives you a slight nod, signaling you to start sucking, and you eagerly oblige. sticking your tongue out, you lick up the precum that dribbles out of the tip before you wrap your lips around the head and push him into your mouth, cheeks hollowing as you go. a groan escapes joshua’s mouth and he gathers your hair into a makeshift ponytail.

you drag him into your mouth inch by inch, your eyes never once leaving his. his chest heaves up and down, moving faster and faster the closer you get to taking him all the way. tears prick in your eyes when he hits the back of your throat, but you keep going until your nose nearly presses into his hips. “shit,” he whispers, leaning more of his weight into the washing machine.

you bob your head up and down, pulling back and stroking what doesn’t fit. you swirl your tongue around the tip, cheeks hollowing to create more suction when you suck on the tip. joshua moans lowly above you and tells you how good you’re doing. his eyes flutter shut, squeezed shut in pleasure and his chin drops down to his mouth. you want his eyes on you, want him to watch you as you make him feel good, so you purposefully scrape your teach against his dick to get his attention.

his eyes fly open as he jerks back from you, glaring at you when you smile around him. “brat,” he spits and tightens his grip on your hair. you sigh through your nose and press your thighs together, cunt throbbing with need. you keep bobbing your head, speeding up slightly and taking more of him into your mouth. when joshua presses your head down, you relax your throat and let him take control, hands moving to hold onto his thighs. “good girl.” he grunts, holding your head down on his dick for a few seconds until you gag, and then he pulls you off of him.

he does this a few more times, his cock twitching against your tongue. tears gather in your eyes but you power through, determined to make him cum. he pulls you down onto him, cursing each time he hits the back of your throat. “fuck, you take me so well. i’m c-close,” tears slip down your cheeks and mix in with the spit and cum. your face is a mess, but neither of you care.

joshua fucks his cock into your mouth, holding your head steady in his hands. you dig your nails his thighs to combat the ache in your jaw. he thrusts into your mouth until he can’t take the feeling of your warm mouth around him anymore, his cum shooting into the back of your throat. you keep your mouth open to catch all of his seed, some of it gathering around the corner of your lips. “s-swallow,” he demands when he pulls his cock away from your mouth.

you obediently swallow, and he whines in the back of his throat. “goddamn, i love you,” he holds his hands out to you and helps you up onto his feet. he wipes the corners of you lips with his thumb and shoves it into your mouth, lips parting when you suck on his thumb like you just did his cock. “youre such a slut.” he murmurs, a loving gaze in his eyes.

a trail of saliva connects your lips to his thumb when you pull it out of your mouth. “promise?” you ask.

joshua smiles and pulls you into a kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth. his hands make use of unbuttoning your jeans and shoving his hands down your pants. your panties are damp, and he’s a bit shocked and honored that you’re this wet for him. “i need you,” you whine, peppering kisses down his neck. you don’t even want his fingers, just want him inside of you.

“i know,” he rasps, slipping a finger between your folds. you shudder when he touches you, his finger playing with your arousal and brushing over your clit, just to make you jump. you clench around nothing, and it’s nearly painful how turned on you are.

“joshua!” you whine, nipping at his neck. his hand immediately grabs onto your hair and yanks, a hiss emitting from your lips followed by a smirk.

“needy brat,” he grumbles, walking the two of you over to the work bench in the room. he drops onto it and spreads his legs invitingly. you quickly step out of your jeans and underwear, his eyes roaming over your body. “you’re a beautiful, y/n.”joshua says sincerely; at the end of the day, he is simply a lover boy.

you smile at him and quickly drop yourself onto his lap, straddling him and wrapping your arms around his neck. you reach between the two of you and position yourself over his cock. his hands grip onto your hips tightly and guide you down onto him, bottom lip drawing in between his teeth.

“ah-fuck!” you cry when you sink onto the tip, the initial stretch rippling through you.

“you’ve got it, baby,” he encourages, thumbs rubbing sift circles into your hips. you bite down on your bottom lip, hands gripping tightly onto his shoulders as you sink lower and lower onto him. “goddamn, girl.” he grunts, hips bucking when you clench around him.

when you manage to take all of him, you sit still and catch your breath, head resting on his shoulder. joshua unhooks your bra and you lean back to slide it off your arms. “you okay?” he asks, hands groping your chest.

“uh huh,” you rasp, taking it as a sign to start fuckign him, licking your lips and raising your hips before dropping onto his lap. “fuck, shua.” whimpers leave you lips as you fuck yourself onto him, using his shoulders as leverage to move yourself up and down. joshua relaxes into the wall, his grip on your hips loosening as you gain momentum and find a rhythm.

“you’re so tight,” he groans, one of his thumbs finding your clit and rubbing slow circles around the sensitive nub. “been thinking about fucking you all day.” joshua sighs and rubs your clit quicker, eyes peering up to watch your facial expressions. “you need me as bad as i needed you?” he mumbles, voice low and husky.

“more,” you pant, still bouncing up and down on him. your cunt clamps around him like it’s trying to keep him there. “shuaaa!” you whine, thighs burning. you sit on his lap, rolling your hips into his.

he chuckles breathlessly, rolling his other thumb over one of your nipples. “yeah? tell me,” he grins at you devilishly, this side of him only coming out in your intimate moments.

“so bad,” you cry, grinding down onto his lap. “w-wanna give you a-another baby.” you squeeze around him involuntarily, a knot forming in your stomach. joshua twitches inside of you at the mention of having another child.

“yeah? want me to fill you up?” you whimper and nod, legs starting to shake. “want me to fuck you full of my cum until you’re pregnant again?” he lets go of you breast to place both hands underneath your ass. he lifts you up and drops you down, a show of his strength as he fucks you up an down onto him.

joshua grumbles filthy things into your ear; tells you that he’s gonna fuck you until you can’t walk, that he’s gonna stuff you full, that’s he’s going to give you another baby tonight. “f-fuck! i-im gonna cum,” you cry, throwing your head back in pleasure. he bucks his hips up into you, hitting that spongy spot inside of you repeatedly.

spots blur your vision and your cunt spasms around him as you reach your climax. it hits you like a thousand bricks, and you’re shaking in his arm and crying out his name. you expect him to stop, but he keeps thrusting up into you, drawing out your orgasm further. you can hardly think through the waves of pleasure, which is why you hardly register that he’s lifted you up until you’re placed on a cold surface.

joshua drags you to the edge of the washing machine and slams his cock into you, nearly knocking the wind out of you. “o-oh my god,” you gasp, tears brimming in your eyes for the second time tonight. “you feel so good!”

he drives his hips into you brutally, his fingers digging into the fat of your thighs. “f-fuck, i’m not gonna last,” he groans, dropping his head into your neck. he kisses your skin and lightly bites, though not hard enough to leave marks. you cling to him, arms secured around his shoulders like you may fall if you dont hold on.

his thrusts get sloppier by the second, indicative of his nearing climax. “i love you,” you breathe, nails clawing at his back. he grunts, whining out curses as he cums inside of you, his dick twitching between your walls. he stills, fingers applying bruising pressure to your hips.

after a few moments, he lifts his head from your shoulder and looks at you, a tender smile on his face. he presses his lips to your gently, sighing against you as he goes soft. “shit,” he pants, followed by a light chuckle.

you can’t help but giggle back, running a hand through his hair. he doesn’t want to pull out, not yet at least, wanting to make sure his cum stays inside of you as long as possible. he lets go of your thighs and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you into his chest. you kiss the column of his throat, right on his adam’s apple and rubs soft circles into your back.

“we should clean up,” he murmurs, starting to draw back from you. you make a sound of disagreement and squeeze around him on purpose. “b-brat.” he stammers, curling away from you.

he pulls out of you with a lewd squelch, both of you turning light shades of pink at the noise. he helps you off of the washer and you lean against it. he finds a random towel and comes back to wipe between your legs before cleaning himself off and tossing it in the same basket he threw his shirt in. “i guess i could start a load,” you say, looking at all of the discarded clothes, making joshua laugh.

he helps you gather them up and drop them into the washer. you add in the detergent and slam the top closed. except, when you go to start the washer, joshua places a hand on your back and presses you flat against the washer and slots his knee between your legs to spread them open. you don’t get a chance to prepare yourself because he’s pushing into you again, a strong arm wrapping around your middle to hold you steady as he fucks into you from behind, determined to get you pregnant tonight.

#svt smut #svt imagines #seventeen x reader #svt x you #svt x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen smut #joshua x reader #joshua fluff #joshua smut #hong jisoo #hong jisoo x reader #hong jisoo smut #hong jisoo fluff #svt fluff #seventeen fluff #svt scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios

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the-boy-meets-evil · 8 months ago

Text

not according to plan | hjs

summary: your ex-fiance is getting married and everyone you know is going to be there. when he calls to ask if you're coming, you accidentally mention a boyfriend. which would be fine, if you weren't very single. thankfully your best friend comes through with the perfect solution when he sets you up with a friend of his. what could possibly go wrong?

pairing: joshua x f.reader genre: fake dating, strangers to friends to ?? | fluff, slight angst, smut rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~22.1k notes/warnings: johnny suh as the ex-fiancee (sorry, he's not great in this), other idols born in '95 used as background characters, mentions of past cheating, food & alcohol, lots of "dates", reader is referenced as coming from a rich family, mention of being an escort (minus the sex?) smut warnings: making out, multiple smut scenes (kind of, it could be a continuation), multiple orgasms, teasing, they're both v obsessed with each other's bodies, protected sex, fingering, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), scratching/marking, squirting, overstimulation, use of lube, i think that's it (but let me know if it's not)

author's note: this fic is dedicated to the lovely @shuadotcom, i'm so sorry it took me literal months to finish fake dating!joshua but here we are anyway. i'm not sure how this one got so away from me either lmao. banner credit to the beautiful @wongyuseokie who (again) did this very last minute. thank you to @wonwussy & @kwanisms for the mid-fic beta. thank you to @wooahaeproductions, @horanghater, @cheolism, & @hannieween for listening to me talk about this and helping with things like petnames & dates.

taglist at the end (& join my permanent taglist here)

“It’s fine, it’s been years and I’m over it. Plus, I’ve been seeing someone anyway and he’s great. So I wasn’t ignoring your invite,” you say without a second thought.

It’s just a stream of consciousness. The lie comes flying out of your mouth faster than your brain can process it. That’s exactly what it is, too. A lie. You’re not seeing anyone and haven’t been in a serious relationship since the person on the other end of the call broke your heart.

“Oh, wow, sorry, I didn’t mean to…well, I didn’t know. My mom didn’t say anything when she said she had spoken to your mom about whether or not you were coming to the wedding,” Johnny says with a little bit of ramble.

“You know how my mom can be, I haven’t had the chance to tell her yet,” you deflect.

“I’m happy for you, then,” Johnny says.

“Thanks, I’m happy for you, too,” you force out. Somehow, it doesn’t sound like the lie you know that it is.

“So, it’s not weird, then? I mean our moms are best friends, so the rest of your family is all going to be there. A lot of your friends will be there. I know you haven’t RSVP’d yet, but…” Johnny starts.

“Nope! Not weird at all,” you utter, hoping that your voice sounds even. “It’d be weirder if I wasn’t there, right?”

“Probably, yeah,” Johnny says. “That’s great, though. Do you want me to mark you down as a yes? I can even add a plus-one, if you want to bring your partner.”

“That’s so thoughtful, but I wouldn’t want to put you out. I know how expensive weddings can be,” you say and try to sound sincere.

“No, it’s no issue, actually. We have a few extra seats that we left just in case we forgot someone or didn’t know about someone’s partner,” Johnny presses. “So we’ll see you both there?”

“Yeah, you will,” you hurry out. This conversation needs to be over.

It’s only an hour after hanging up with your ex-fiancee that your mom calls to tell you she can’t believe she had to hear it from Mrs. Suh that you’re dating someone. Which includes a whole lot of deflecting and promises about when she can meet this mystery man. Another twenty minutes after you hang up with your mom, you get a pointed text from your younger sister. The two of you haven’t ever been all that close, so she shouldn’t be surprised that you haven’t mentioned him. She made her side pretty clear when she maintained her friendship with Johnny’s new fiancée. That new fiancee, a close friend of your sisters, also just so happened to be the girl he cheated on you with. So, she can hardly expect to have a close sister bond. Yet, she seems oddly suspicious that she didn’t know you were seeing someone seriously.

Your quiet Saturday afternoon turns into a full blown headache all thanks to one call from the asshole that you really thought you left in the past. Of course, now is the perfect time for him to pop back up. Now, when you’re even between any sort of casual sex. Now, when you don’t even have someone that you can call up to pretend to date you. This is going to be one of the worst calls that you have to make when you have to admit you made it all up, that you will absolutely not be showing your face at the wedding, and you will also be changing your name before moving away.

For now, you do the only thing that you can think of doing. You call the only person that can give you any perspective on this whole fucking disaster.

“Well hello,” your best friend answers.

“Jeonghan, I fucked up,” you say without preamble.

“This is gonna be good,” he responds.

“I just got off the phone with my mom,” you begin.

“What did she want?” he asks, knowing that it won’t be anything good.

“Well, you know, to talk about this new boyfriend of mine,” you continue.

“You haven’t dated anyone in forever,” Jeonghan chuckles.

“Thank you for that,” you snark. “And then, of course, I get a text from my perfect sister wondering why she’s also just hearing about this boyfriend of mine.”

“Why do your sister and your mom think you’re dating someone?” Jeonghan asks.

“Oh, well, you know. Johnny called today,” you offer.

“Fuck that guy,” Jeonghan interjects.

“He wanted to know why I hadn’t responded to his wedding invite and assumed it was awkward because I was single, so I told him I was seeing someone,” you finally finish.

“For fuck’s sake,” Jeonghan says into the silence and you can imagine his face.

“Right? My life is a fucking mess and now Johnny thinks that I’m bringing my boyfriend,” you groan.

“I’ll start planning the story for why you suddenly left town,” Jeonghan says.

“For real, my life is over,” you whine.

“What are you gonna do?” Jeonghan asks softly.

This is really why you called him. Jeonghan is a shithead, sometimes, and he can be a bit of a chaos demon. He also can be a bit of a schemer, especially when it comes to winning a game. But, he’s unfailingly kind and caring to the people he holds dear. He absolutely hates getting into any kind of real conflict with his friends. There’s that whole side to him that honestly wouldn’t hurt a fly and always has a way to comfort. That’s the side that you get now.

“I don’t know,” you answer, voice just as quiet. “I’m just…I don’t want to let him win, you know?”

And Jeonghan does know. You’ve been friends since before you started dating Johnny. Even though he never liked him, Jeonghan supported you in your relationship. When Johnny proposed, he called your other friends and set up the best engagement party anyone could ask for. From the outside, nobody would ever know that he hated your partner. Honestly, he’s the best friend anyone in the world could ask for.

Before he got around to setting up the bridal shower, which he’d been quietly planning for months, your whole world turned upside down. Johnny cheated, had been cheating awhile, actually, and Jeonghan was there to pick up the pieces. Somehow, he was the only one that seemed to make it better, probably because he didn’t want to act like things were okay when they weren’t. It was easy to cry in front of him, easy to be vulnerable, easy to just let the process play out so you could heal. Even though he never liked Johnny, he also didn’t say he told you so. This had never been something that crossed his mind.

“Okay, you’re gonna hate it, but I have an idea,” Jeonghan says.

“Those are never comforting words coming from you,” slips out of your mouth.

“Usually I’d yell at you, but…” he trails off.

“I swear, if you’re about to say that we pretend to be dating like some romcom, I will hang up the phone,” you warn.

“First of all, that’s rude, I’m a great boyfriend,” Jeonghan says.

“I never said you weren’t, Hannie, you know I think you’re gorgeous,” you sigh.

“That’s true, I am,” Jeonghan says through a laugh.

“But, I also know you remember what an unmitigated disaster it was when we fucked,” you point out, earning an even louder laugh.

“Wow, and here I thought that it was actually great sex,” he says.

“I’m not gonna keep stroking your ego, I already admitted you were gorgeous. I don’t need to praise the sex, too,” you declare.

“Stroking my…come on, you’re making it too easy,” Jeonghan points out.

“Funny, because I remember you being the easy one that night,” you say, finally managing to get a shot in.

“I hate you,” Jeonghan snorts.

“I know,” you answer. “Didn’t you say that you had an idea?”

Jeonghan clears his throat. “Right, yeah. Well, I know this guy and maybe he can help you out.”

“What is he, an escort?” you snort out.

“Do you want my help or not?” Jeonghan asks.

“Yoon Jeonghan, are you about to set me up with an escort?” you challenge.

“No, of course not, just trust me,” he says.

Just trust me might be the three most terrifying words that could come out of Jeonghan’s mouth, especially when you’re not usually on the receiving end of his schemes. It’s not like you have much choice, though. The wedding is in six weeks and you have to find a solution, fast. So, what choice do you have other than trusting your best friend? How could this go wrong?

You still think this is a terrible idea, yet agree to meet Jeonghan’s friend, Joshua, anyway. Apparently, he’s somewhat new to the area, doesn’t know many people, and is incredibly easy to be around. There’s no mention of why Jeonghan thinks he might be willing to pretend to be your boyfriend. A part of you wonders if your friend even told him, but he’s not that cruel. So, whatever the case, Joshua must at least have some idea of what he’s walking into.

Several days pass between the nightmare of a call from Johnny and you actually meeting Joshua, which only adds to your anxiety about whether or not this is going to work. Johnny is asking for a name for the seating chart and for dinner selections. Your mom wants to know when they’ll be able to meet this new boyfriend before the wedding (because “meeting him for the first time at a wedding is gauche” and we wouldn’t want that). Your sister is convinced that he doesn’t actually exist since you haven’t posted him on social media. That you can at least answer to say that not everyone posts their entire life online like she does. It doesn’t seem to allay her suspicions, though.

Then, there’s the fact that you’re actually meeting Joshua for the first time at dinner. All you wanted was to go for coffee, yet he insisted. You couldn’t exactly press the point. Not when you’re planning to ask this stranger to pretend to date you just so that you can avoid the embarrassment at your ex’s wedding. On top of that, because Jeonghan really is a demon at his core, you don’t know what Joshua looks like. Don’t know who to look for. Which leads to you doing the only sensible thing and showing up 5 minutes late for dinner, hoping that he’ll already be at the table when you get there.

It works.

When you give the reservation name at the host stand, you’re immediately led back to a table. Without even thinking about it, you smooth your hands down the front of your dress, looking for a small amount of comfort in this situation. It’s not even that you struggle around new people, this is just…well, it’s a lot. It’s out of anyone’s comfort zone. Whatever you’re expecting, it’s not the man sitting at the table the host leads you to. He nearly stops you in your tracks.

His black hair is perfectly styled down to the pieces on one side that come down over his forehead. The black dress shirt he wears is open at least one button too many, but he makes the exposed chest look work in a way models would envy. Even though his pants are black as well, he makes it look classic and effortless, rather than too dark. That’s all without even acknowledging the soft smile on his face. This man would break a thousand hearts without even saying a damn word. While you’re appreciating him, you miss the way his eyes rake over you appreciatively. Miss the way his eyes trace your curves and the way the dress clings to you.

In one fluid motion, he’s standing up to greet you, a gentle kiss placed on your cheek. Is it weird if your knees are a little weak? Well, even if it is, there’s nothing you can do. You’re completely captivated.

“You must be Joshua,” you say. Brilliant, you think. That’s obvious.

“It’s nice to meet you. Jeonghan had nothing but good things to say,” he answers with another smile as he pulls your seat out for you.

“I feel like he hardly told me about you,” you respond. Joshua raises a perfect eyebrow at that.

“Then why did you agree to go out with me?” Joshua asks.

“Go out with…is this a date?” The question comes tumbling out.

Joshua’s eyes widen in genuine confusion. “Is it not?”

“What, exactly, did Jeonghan say to you?”

A lot and nothing at all, it turns out. Joshua tells you about how he’s somewhat new to the area, which you knew. About how he met Jeonghan through work, kind of. They work in the same building doing very different things and happened to run into each other getting coffee a handful of times before Jeonghan introduced himself. The two had hung out several times, something Jeonghan had not really mentioned, and gotten to know each other over drinks more than once. The very first time, Jeonghan had mentioned you and Joshua admits immediately being intrigued without pressing for more information.

In any case, Jeonghan talked about you pretty freely, a fact that’s hardly surprising. Before Joshua texted you, Jeonghan had mentioned, in what Joshua calls an offhand way, that you were sick of dating the same people. According to Joshua, through Jeonghan, you were looking to possibly be set up. (Read: Jeonghan thinks he’s crafty and isn’t going to come out and tell this man what you’re really looking for. Typical Jeonghan, honestly. You know that “offhand comment” was anything but. And you had the audacity to think Jeonghan would have to tell Joshua what he’s getting into. Rookie move.)

Now you’re in a bit of an awkward situation because this man is honestly gorgeous, one of the prettiest humans you’ve ever met. And, already, he seems like he might be sweet with a pretty good sense of humor. It’s just…well, you’re absolutely not looking for a relationship and this is the last person you want to get involved in your mess. Thankfully, you get a moment to catch your breath when someone comes by to take a drink order and suggest an appetizer. It’s just enough time for you to talk yourself into telling Joshua the real story.

To his credit, he only looks mildly surprised as you outline your whole situation, inform him that yes, Jeonghan does know all of this, and clarify why you didn’t actually realize it was a date. It’s hard to miss the way his eyes seem to sparkle a bit when you also admit that he’s absolutely stunning in a way that hurts your feelings. Easier to miss is the way his face barely falls when you say that you’re not actually looking for something right now. Interesting.

“So that’s the whole thing and now that I’ve embarrassed myself in front of you, I’m sure you’ll understand if we never see each other after tonight,” you finish.

“How am I supposed to go to a wedding as your boyfriend in a matter of weeks if we don’t see each other after tonight?” Joshua wonders.

“I…what?” you sputter out.

“Well, sure, we need to work out a few details, but I’m game,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“I’m sorry, I think I’m just really confused?” You don’t even have food yet and this is already the most interesting date you’ve been on, possibly ever.

“I, uh, may have left a part of my past out when I was sharing what Jeonghan knew about me,” Joshua says. “And honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t catch it or that he did this. I’d be mad if I wasn’t so impressed by how crafty it was.”

“I’m going to need you to connect some dots for me,” you admit. “Oh and also never tell Jeonghan you appreciate him being crafty. His ego is too big as it is.”

“The first time Jeonghan and I hung out, we went out for drinks, got a little wasted, and I told him about how I got through my university studies without any debts,” Joshua says, pausing long enough for someone to set the appetizer down. “He’s observant, Jeonghan, I’ll give him that. He noticed I had designer clothes, shoes, that kind of thing. And he noticed I didn’t pay attention to the prices of the drinks. So I made a vague comment about being lucky to have found a way through my studies without taking out loans.”

“I’m sure he asked you about that, he loves it when he thinks there’s a scheme,” you note with a smile.

“You’re right about that,” Joshua agrees. “So I, well I told him. When I was in school, I met this woman out one night and she paid me to go to events with her. She wanted, and these were her words, ‘someone young and hot’ with her. And the next four years, that’s what I did. I let people pay for me to go to events with them. Never more than that. I was clear that I wasn’t selling sex or anything, just company.”

You lean back in your seat with an appraising look. “An entrepreneur from the beginning.”

“Hey, no judgment,” Joshua says. All you can do is smile.

“I’m not judging, that was really smart and you’re obviously attractive enough for it,” you acknowledge.

“Thank you,” Joshua says. It doesn’t have the air of cockiness Jeonghan’s answer would. He actually seems sincere in accepting the compliment.

“But, I’m still not going to pay you to pretend to be my boyfriend,” you say, even if it’s a bit reluctant.

“I wasn’t asking you to,” Joshua shrugs. “You don’t have to pay me.”

“Why would you offer to pretend to do something like this? You don’t even know me,” you point out.

“No, I don’t. But, you seem like a good person. And I like Jeonghan, he’s nice…” Joshua says, stopping when you try to cover a scoff.

“Nice?” you question when you’re caught.

“Wrong word choice,” Joshua dismisses. “He seems like the kind of person that’s a loyal friend, like he would go into battle to protect you. Like someone you can actually trust.”

“He is all of those things, yeah,” you admit.

“And if those things are true, then him holding you out as his best friend means you’re probably all of those things too,” Joshua reasons.

“I try to be,” you agree.

“Plus, Jeonghan did mention you had seriously dated someone that was pretty rich, so I figure it’s probably the guy getting married and it’ll be a nice wedding,” Joshua says with a smile. The joke is obvious by the look in his eyes.

“It’s interesting that he mentioned Johnny, that’s my ex, being rich,” you idly comment.

“Is he not?” Joshua wonders.

“Jeonghan is a lot of things, but he’d never lie to his friends,” you answer first. “So, yeah, he is. Well, his family is at least. His mom and mine run a lot of events together, like galas and shit. That’s how we all know each other.”

“Are you rich, too?” Joshua wonders. There’s that little twinkle of something in his eyes again, but there’s also sincerity.

“I’m still not paying you,” you retort.

“Fine,” Joshua agrees.

You roll your eyes. “Okay, so what’s the plan?”

There’s a weird world’s colliding feeling to having both Jeonghan and Joshua in your apartment. But, Jeonghan doesn’t like to be left out of things. Once you told him that you and Joshua both knew about his scheming, he offered to help in any way he could. Which is likely just so he’s included. You’ll take what you can get. Now, it means that he and Joshua are sitting on your couch, scrolling through pictures on Joshua’s phone to decide what to include in an instagram post. That’s the first step you and Joshua agreed on. If you’re going to sell this whole fake relationship, then your sister actually is right. There has to be some sort of proof of it online. Which also means that your post has to talk about how you’ve been keeping it quiet and just enjoying getting to know each other without any pressure. Jeonghan takes credit for that, even if you got there on your own.

“I think I like this one,” Jeonghan says and turns the phone around to show you.

“Why that one?” you ask.

“Why not? Don’t you like it?” Joshua worries.

“I don’t know, I feel like my hand is doing something weird,” you point out.

“You look great,” Joshua assures you.

“Oh, ew, you’re not really dating,” Jeonghan complains.

“You do know you’re going to have to stop saying that, right?” you ask.

“Maybe I didn’t know either,” Jeonghan shrugs.

“No, I’m with her, you’re her best friend and you definitely would’ve known,” Joshua agrees.

“Why are you on her side already?” Jeonghan whines.

“Because she’s cool and she’s not the one who knew what I did in college and set me up,” Joshua says with a laugh.

This is how it’s been going for the last hour. You’re not really much for putting a lot of effort into your posts, so this all feels like too much. But, you know that it’s important for it to feel real and it’s important to get it right. You’re honestly pretty happy to just let the guys take the lead and go with the flow of it all. There are going to be plenty of opportunities for you to take the lead. You’re going to take your breaks where you can.

(That had also meant not putting up too much of a fight when Jeonghan told you to bring multiple outfits with you. Or when you had to change your hairstyle and makeup between the photos so it looked like they hadn’t all been taken the same day. Honestly, this was so much easier for Joshua. Then again, he’s the one doing you a favor. So maybe you can let him have it.)

After you finally get your couple pictures posted, and get a flurry of messages ranging from surprise to congratulations, you move onto preparing Joshua to meet your parents, your sister, and her husband. Jeonghan is actually a lot of help with that because he’s been around them a lot. Well, he’s helpful after he tries to scare Joshua about how intimidating it’s going to be only to give up when Joshua is unbothered. He’s so calm about everything that it’s actually kind of nice to be around. And he has no problem firing back at Jeonghan, which is really fun to watch.

You go through what your parents are like, what they do both for work and as hobbies. Joshua perks up at the mention of your dad loving music and sometimes spending his weekends just exploring new venues. It seems like there might be more to that, though you don’t press when he waves it off. It’s different when you talk about your sister, two years younger and already married. Not that you’re dying to be married or even care that she got married before you. That’s always seemed like a weird societal expectation, anyway. What does it matter when anyone gets married? If it’s their right person, then it makes sense. You being upset over your failed engagement really doesn’t have anything to do with your sister’s marriage, despite her instance it does.

It becomes obvious that you’re losing Jeonghan’s attention when you turn down his request to start playing games or watch a movie. It’s not that you don’t want to do those things, it’s just that you have a lot to cover in far less time than you realized. Sure, the wedding is still weeks away. What’s not weeks away is your first dinner with your family. That’s going to be around the corner. The least you could do, you figured, was plan a time before posting pictures on instagram. So, Jeonghan asks if it’s okay to leave and you almost sigh in relief. This will be easier without an extra person.

“Not to pry, but what’s the deal with you and Jeonghan?” Joshua asks when you settle back on the couch with a glass of wine.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“I don’t know, I feel like I was picking up on something,” Joshua shrugs.

“We’re really just friends,” you assure him.

“Sometimes those are the best…” Joshua starts.

“Don’t,” you cut off. He worries for a second before he realizes you’re smiling. “We did try. Not so much a try, I guess, but we slept together maybe 6 months after Johnny and I broke it off and it just wasn’t it.”

“You and him slept together?” Joshua questions.

“Is that weird for you?” you ask.

“No, it’s just interesting that you’re still so close,” Joshua observes.

“I guess,” you say with a shrug. “He’s great, obviously attractive, but we just, I don’t know. I didn’t feel anything. Neither did he. So, staying friends seemed like the right choice.”

“Interesting,” is all Joshua says. “Have you dated anyone seriously since Johnny?”

“Not that seriously, no,” you admit. “I’ve gone on dates with different people and some of them stuck around for a bit, but nothing serious.”

“Not finding the right people?” Joshua presses.

“I just haven’t found anyone that made me feel like Johnny did at the beginning or even like I did when he proposed,” you say.

“I can understand that, even if I don’t really get it. You’re gorgeous, anyone would be lucky,” he says smoothly. You cover a blush with a slight eye roll.

“I guess that’s why most of my close friends will also believe that I kept a new relationship on the low. They saw me post-Johnny and have seen me try to date,” you share.

“Yeah that’s good for us, at least,” Joshua agrees.

“What about you, though? When was your last relationship?” you ask.

“Ah, well it’s been a little over a year,” Joshua says.

“Bad ending?” you wonder. You’re not sure why you press him on it.

“It wasn’t great,” Joshua says with a chuckle. “She, uh, well she decided that she just really would rather be with one of my friends than with me.”

“I’m so sorry you went through that,” you say, suddenly sorry.

“No, no, it’s fine,” he says. “She didn’t actually cheat on me, but she had started getting close to him and sharing everything with him.”

“Arguably worse, in my opinion. Emotional cheating is still a thing,” you say, trying to offer comfort.

“Thank you,” Joshua says. His eyes are soft and full of care. “And, like you, I have dated since then, just nothing worth talking about.”

It’s an easy transition from that into talking about your backgrounds. Like speed dating, except somehow more intense. You learn Joshua’s birthday, his parents names, that he’s an only child, and where he grew up. Nothing is too small and you joke about taking notes before you actually go to get a notebook. Joshua tells you his favorite color and his favorite food, tells you about his favorite memories, favorite places where he grew up, and favorite places he’s found since moving here. There’s a way that his face lights up when he talks about his friends that’s drawing you in. You tell him the same. That all feels a little surface level, which you point out. If this is going to work, it has to be deeper, more serious.

That’s when something seems to almost break down. Joshua suggests that you tell each other the deep stuff, the things that you don’t always admit to someone you’re dating. Or, maybe you admit it and don’t get into the reasons why. When Joshua goes first and admits that he’s happiest when he’s playing his guitar, even if nobody else is listening, his whole face changes. It’s like a completely different version of him. He’s got an open face as it is, that hasn’t changed, but you realize maybe he’s a little guarded behind the smile as well. Maybe there really is more depth than he wants anyone to realize. Maybe this is going to be more interesting than you thought.

“Can I hear you play?” you ask. His face is adorable with his eyes full of surprise.

“You want to hear me play?” There’s an emotion you can’t place when he looks at you.

“I love music, too, Joshua,” you say softly. “I’d love to see what you’re passionate about.”

“Oh, well, I usually play at this acoustic night on Thursdays at a coffee shop downtown,” Joshua tells you.

“You do? That’s so cute!” you say before second guessing it. He looks away like he’s a little embarrassed and you worry for a split second.

“I’d love it if you came by,” he says.

“It’s a shame that we can’t say that’s where we met,” you admit.

“Wait, that would be a good idea, actually,” Joshua says and you smile.

“It would be, but I also know events like that. It’s always a similar crowd so I’m sure someone will know that I’ve never been,” you reason.

“Fair point,” Joshua concedes.

“Why don’t we just say we met on a dating app?” you suggest and Joshua pulls up his face. “Okay, I know apps are lame and honestly, I don’t use them much. But, think about it. That’s the perfect reason why we didn’t bring it up until now, we didn’t want to answer the ‘where did you meet’ question by saying an app.”

“Okay, yeah, I do actually like that because it’s easy and it doesn’t feel like a wild story,” Joshua says.

“What about your parents?” you ask. “Do we need to make plans to meet them if you’re also posting about me?”

“We can figure that out, but they live pretty far away so it would probably just be over FaceTime or something,” he says.

“I also understand if you don’t want to do that because we’re just pretending,” you suggest.

“No, it’d be cool to have you meet them. Even if the relationship isn’t real, I’d like to be friends for real, so that’s not a total lie,” Joshua reasons.

“I’d like to be friends too,” you agree. “How long have you been living here, now?”

“Oh, um, like 8 months?” Joshua says like a question.

“I was figuring like a month or two with the way Jeonghan talks about you,” you laugh.

“You’ve been friends with him for years, you’re not actually surprised,” Joshua points out.

“Okay so now I guess we have to figure out when we started dating,” you comment.

“And everything else, but we can do it,” Joshua says.

You’re a little nervous sitting on your couch waiting for Joshua to show up. Even though you offered to pick him up for dinner with your family tonight, he insisted on being the one to drive. Of course he’s right on time, which you’re already realizing is a trait of his. He’s even a gentleman when he opens the door for you, just like he pulled the chair out the first time you met for the date-not-date. As you put your seatbelt on, you notice that there are a few things in the backseat.

“What’s all that?” you ask as he slides into the driver’s seat.

“Flowers for your mom, a bottle of scotch for your dad, and a cheese board for your sister because you said they just moved and she likes to host,” Joshua lists off as if it’s nothing.

“You did not have to get things for all of them,” you point out.

“Of course I did, but I also wanted to. I’m trying to make a good impression,” he says, making your heart a little light.

“That’s so kind,” you whisper out.

“Oh, I thought of something else,” Joshua shifts. You’re worried you made him uncomfortable until he speaks again. “Are you a pet name person in relationships?”

That makes you snort, something that would embarrass you in any other situation. It’s not the first time he’s heard it, though. “That depends on what you want to call me.”

“That’s a dangerous way to say that,” Joshua answers. His eyes are still on the road, yet you don’t miss the way he reacts.

“I don’t like overly cutesy names,” you say to diffuse a little bit of the moment. “Like, I don’t know, if you want to call me sugarplum or honeybunch or something like that, please don’t.”

“You’re just giving me ideas to take away my fun,” he pouts.

“Well, what were you thinking of calling me? Or are you even a pet name person?” you ask.

“I do like them,” Joshua says. “I’m not sure that I have a go-to or anything. For you, I might say angel or possibly darling.”

“I think I prefer angel, if I’m allowed to pick,” you say after a moment.

“Of course,” Joshua replies. Studying his face, you’re looking for a hint of mocking or insincerity, but there’s nothing to find. This is just him.

“Do you want me to use a pet name for you?” you wonder.

“I’d happily take one, no pressure, though,” he says.

“I’ll have to think about it,” you tell him. “Something generic like babe doesn’t feel right.”

“Are you saying I’m special?” Now you can hear the light teasing in his voice.

“I take it back, any more compliments are going to go to your head,” you huff out.

As you get closer to your parents’ house, you start to bounce your knee with an excess of nervous energy. It’s not until Joshua reaches a hand out to take one of yours that you’re even sure you’re doing it. There’s something calming about it, though. Nothing about him reaching out feels like he’s trying to stop you, just show that you’re not alone in this. Which is more than welcome. The last person you brought to meet your parents was Johnny. Given how that ended and why Joshua is around in the first place, it’s not exactly the most comforting thought.

Once you pull up to their house, you take a deep breath. It’s only to settle your rising nerves, but it also serves to give Joshua enough time to come and open your door. Even though you’ve told him that he doesn’t need to be this sweet, he insists. Without saying a word, he holds out a hand to help you out of the car. Instead of dropping your hand once you’re out, he uses it to pull you into him and wraps his arms around you. There’s this immediate sense of comfort, like you have actually been dating for months. You inhale his cologne without meaning to, something warm and woodsy.

“It’s going to be fine, parents love me,” he assures you when you pull away.

“I don’t doubt that,” you say, releasing the breath you were holding and your tension with it.

“So come on, my little granola wrapper, let’s go,” Joshua says as he lets you go to get the gifts out of his backseat.

It takes you a full few seconds to register what came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry, what did you just call me?”

“Is that not the one?” he asks, eyes alight with some kind of mischief.

“I’m not going to encourage this,” you huff.

“Whatever you say, jellybean,” he throws out casually.

The second you step into the house, you see exactly what Joshua means. Your mother is fawning over him in a matter of seconds, your father is making plans to show him his records, your sister’s husband is asking when they can go out for drinks, and your sister even holds back the snark. All during the course of the pre-dinner drinks and largely, you think, due to the gifts that Joshua brought. He had a reason for the meaning behind the type of flowers for your mother, a favorite musician who swore by the scotch for your dad, and even bought the cheese board from a small business that customized things.

Dinner comes along and you still feel like you’ve barely said anything with Joshua masterfully steering the conversation. He even makes it sound good that you met on an app, with his improvised story of wanting to meet people in a new city. According to him, he wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you and was done for the second he saw you sitting at dinner. It’s something real, that you met him for dinner the first time at a fancy downtown restaurant. And you realize you never actually asked what his impression was that first night. More than once, you catch yourself watching his profile as he talks to one of your family members. Everything about him is at ease and you wonder if it really is all fake. Not that you think anything about him is disingenuous, he’s just really good at making people like him.

The only hiccup doesn’t come until your mother is pulling out dessert. According to your sister, she’s got an excellent pie in the refrigerator that you simply have to try. You’re about to say something when Joshua beats you to it.

“I don’t think my little sugarplum likes fruit pies, but it sounds amazing and I’d love a piece,” Joshua interjects smoothly.

Your sister nearly spits out her drink, whether it’s at the nickname or him speaking up for you, you’re not sure. In any other situation, you would scold him for the name, but you’re a little stunned he remembers you don’t like pie. It came up once in a rapid fire of likes and dislikes.

“You’re right, she doesn’t,” your sister agrees. “I’d almost forgotten.”

(That’s when you’re sure it was another of your sister’s tests. Trying to catch you in some kind of lie about your relationship. But, it doesn’t work and you feel a little victorious for that.)

The doorbell rings through the house and you look to your mother, silently asking if she’s expecting someone. It’s unusual for them to have company calling this late on a Friday night. It’s usually reserved for dinners with friends or family or galas. Unsurprisingly, your mother doesn’t seem to know who it could be, but disappears to answer the door all the same. When a voice drifts through from the hallway, you freeze on the spot.

“I really just came by to drop that off for my mom, I didn’t realize it was so late. I’d hate to intrude on dessert,” the guest says.

“Nonsense, you’re not interrupting,” your mother insists.

“I saw an unfamiliar car, so I figured you might have guests,” he says as they come through the doorway into the living area.

Your heart stutters a little in your chest, feels heavier for seeing him. Somehow he looks taller and broader than the last time you saw him. He’s wearing his hair shorter and he looks more mature, somehow, like he’s seen so much more of the world than when you were together. Which is probably true, if you think about it. It’s been a couple years and that means he’s had more time working with his father.

“That would be my car,” Joshua says, getting to his feet immediately and extending his hand. “I’m Joshua.”

“Johnny,” he answers and shakes Joshua’s hand. Yet, his face looks a little tense and his eyes mostly stay on you.

“It’s just family,” your mother shares, though Johnny can obviously see that himself, “since our darling daughter finally brought Joshua around to meet us.”

“I’m glad she did, dinner was wonderful and the company was even better,” Joshua says with a smile at your mother. She nearly blushes at his compliment.

“Oh, hush,” your mother says with a wave of her hand. “I was just getting some pie if you’d like to stay for a piece, Johnny. Although, I’d hate to keep you from home.”

Joshua sits back down next to you, a little closer than is strictly necessary, and puts his arm along the back of the couch behind you. You feel safe pressed up against his side like that. Johnny clears his throat when he looks away from the pair of you. “Gabby has been out of town all week, actually, so I’m going back to an empty home anyway. I’d love to stay for a piece of your famous cherry pie.”

“Great!” your mother says and disappears off into the kitchen.

“What’s got Gabby away?” your sister asks.

“Just a conference,” Johnny answers. “There was a final banquet tonight and she’ll be home tomorrow.”

“She’s busy, away this week, bachelorette next weekend,” she says offhand.

“Keeping tabs on when everything is?” you ask of your sister. She looks at you like you’re crazy and Johnny looks awkward.

“No, I was invited to it,” your sister answers evenly.

Before you can even answer, Joshua is speaking up. Probably sensing your discomfort. After all, you hadn’t gotten to tell him that Johnny’s fiance is friends with your younger sister. They had gone to school together and been close. Stealing her sister’s fiancée doesn’t seem to have impacted the friendship.

“You must be excited with the big day getting so close,” Joshua says. He moves his arm from behind you so that he can take your hand on your thigh. It makes you look down at your hands before glancing at him, only to find his gaze on you already. It also means you miss the way Johnny follows the movement.

“Uh, yeah, I mean, I’m definitely excited. It’s just been a lot of planning,” Johnny says.

“I bet,” Joshua says. “Thank you so much for inviting me, I know how stressful changes can be.”

“It’s no problem, I’m happy you’ll both be there,” Johnny says.

With almost a practiced subtlety, Joshua squeezes your hand. There’s so much in that one movement. A reassurance, a reminder to breathe, a reminder that he’s there, a promise that everything is going to be okay. Your heart hurts seeing Johnny sitting in the living room so casually as if nothing happened, but it doesn’t hurt as much as you expected. Maybe that has something to do with this impossibly kind, completely idiotic person next to you. You also can’t help the way your gaze lands on him. Just in profile, at first, before he senses your look and turns to you with a dazzling smile. It’s like there’s nobody else in the world but the two of you.

The conversation shifts slightly when your mother comes back in with a tray full of pie slices and your father comes back with whatever record he was looking for to show Joshua. Just like that, you survive your first in-person interaction with Johnny. Actually come out of it feeling like you might be able to handle this. The smile you send Joshua while he’s eating his pie is so fond that you’re not even sure who you are.

“I can’t believe you didn’t call me last night,” Jeonghan says in lieu of a hello.

“Hello to you too, I’m good, thanks for asking,” you retort.

“Greetings are for people who remember their best friends, not for people who send a single sentence recap after bringing their fake boyfriend home to meet the family,” Jeonghan states immediately.

“That’s a very long rule,” you note.

“Deserved, though,” Jeonghan says.

“I was tired, Han, it was a long night,” you explain.

“A long night where your ex showed up,” he reminds you.

“That actually wasn’t so bad,” you admit. “Joshua made it feel pretty easy.”

“Oh did he now?”

You don’t have to be in the same room as Jeonghan to hear the expression on his face when he says that. “It was just easy, Jeonghan, nothing more than that.”

“What did your parents think?” he asks, switching gears.

“They loved him, like actually loved him. My mom was enamored and kept calling him handsome. My dad was talking about music with him and making plans to go check out some acoustic music venue. Even the ice queen couldn’t find anything to fault him for,” you share.

“She’s less of an ice queen and more of a mean girl and a bitch,” Jeonghan adds.

“You said it,” you mumble.

“I mean, come on, who thinks it’s okay for their friend to sleep with their sister’s fiancé? And then stays friends with the girl?” Jeonghan gets really defensive with this. He would ride for you to the ends of the world, which you do love. Just not today.

“I don’t wanna relive that whole thing, it’s done and over. Nothing to do now,” you say, weariness seeping into your voice.

“Would you want to do anything about it?” Jeonghan asks.

“What do you mean?” You answer the question with a question.

“Like would you want to go back to when you were with Johnny?” Jeonghan asks.

You think about it for half a second. “No.”

“That was fast,” Jeonghan comments.

“What’s there to go back to? He made his choice and I’m fine, honestly. It was weird seeing him and hearing him talk about his wedding, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought,” you say.

“Is that because of your Prince Charming?” Your best friend, always doing the most, puts this question into a sing-song voice.

“He’s not a Prince Charming. You’re so annoying,” you scoff.

“I don’t know, he sure seems to be saving you,” Jeonghan presses.

“I can’t with…” you start, trailing off at the knock on your door.

“Who’s there?” Jeonghan asks.

“No clue,” you answer, getting off your couch to go see.

“I bet it’s Prince Charming,” Jeonghan laughs out.

“Would you fuck…” you begin as you open the door to find the very subject of your conversation on the other side, “off.”

“I’m right aren’t I?” Jeonghan is nearly shrieking with glee.

“Sorry, gotta go,” you say.

“Oh no, no, no,” Jeonghan tries.

You’re stepping aside to let Joshua into your apartment. “I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch.”

“Let me know if I need to add one more to the reservation,” Jeonghan says.

“Goodbye,” you say with an eye roll Jeonghan can’t see, but will surely hear. You hang up as soon as he also says goodbye.

“Jeonghan?” Joshua guesses.

“Unfortunately,” you confirm.

“I hope I wasn’t interrupting,” Joshua says. It’s nothing like when someone says it out of forced courtesy. He actually seems like he’s making sure he’s not intruding.

“No, not at all, I just wasn’t expecting you,” you admit.

“Sometimes that’s the best time to come over,” Joshua says with a shrug.

“Does that mean you have a plan?” you wonder.

“Yup,” Joshua says.

“Gonna tell me what it is?” you ask.

“Nope,” he says with a concerning smile, popping the end of nope. “Go put on something comfortable but with layers. And we’re not going hiking or anything like that.”

An hour later, you’re pulling off the road in an area you’ve never been to, even with as long as you’ve lived here. The views are instantly enough to take your breath away. You can see the whole city below you, all the bustle of traffic and skyscrapers. Somewhere, you know there are people rushing to and fro, too busy to stop and appreciate what’s around them. Straight ahead, you can see the way the low clouds glide around, splitting around the very tops of the buildings. It’s beautiful and it also makes you realize just how small you are.

While you’ve been appreciating the views in front of you, Joshua has been gathering his supplies from the trunk. By the time you turn around, he’s laying a blanket and basket down on the ground in front of the car.

“Is this…did you set up a picnic?” you ask.

“I wanted to show you this place and figured some food might be nice,” he says with an easy smile.

“That’s so sweet,” you say earnestly.

You settle on the blanket next to him and look through the food he’s pulling out. There are some of your favorite things and some things you’re not even sure you’ve seen before. Somehow, though, you feel like they might become some of your new favorites. He even brought plates and he sets about putting one together for you to pick at.

Joshua tells you about how this is his favorite place and he found it completely by accident. He loves being down in the city and around all the people, but there’s something nice about seeing things from this perspective too. It’s like he can just disconnect for a while. Turn off his phone. Read or listen to music. Just be totally alone. It’s how he works through a problem or gets the perspective he needs.

“I can’t believe you’re sharing it with me,” you admit and his eyes light up with his smile.

“I just thought, after last night, you might appreciate having a place to get away from it all,” Joshua says.

You want to say something, anything, really, to acknowledge what Joshua just said. Try to say something. Your throat doesn’t want to cooperate, it seems. Your brain, either. In fact, all you can manage to do is turn away to hide the tears. Joshua is observant, though. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls you into his chest and runs his hand along your back. He quietly soothes you as you cry out a lot of emotions you didn’t even realize you were experiencing.

And something about him comforting you, this near stranger who doesn’t actually owe you anything, sets you off more. In the early days of your relationship with Johnny, you know it was good. It must have been. Surely, it was more than a relationship between two people who had known each other for years with families that were intertwined. You don’t remember it anymore. Don’t remember him ever holding you like this without even knowing what was wrong. Don’t remember him taking you on a date like this just because he thought you would enjoy it. Since you haven’t seriously dated anyone since the break-up, he also feels like your only frame of reference. That makes you sad for an entirely different reason. Who loses it over someone just being a little kind?

“I’m so sorry,” you finally say when you manage to pull yourself together.

“For what?” he asks.

“For just crying like that and being such a mess,” you say.

Joshua shakes his head. Moves his hand up to your face and waits for confirmation that it’s okay. When you nod, he gently wipes the tears from under your eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for. What you’re going through with your ex, most of us could never even imagine that kind of pain.”

“But still, you barely know me and here you are trying to be kind and all I can do is cry,” you say.

“First of all, I think last night and the food I put together show I’ve actually learned a lot about you in a short time,” he says and you have to laugh at that. He’s right. “Second, I’m just happy you feel safe enough with me to cry. It’s not healthy to hold all that in. You’re not in this alone.”

That brings you up short more than anything. He’s right, again (an annoying habit, if you’re being honest). You don’t feel any hesitation around him. Nothing to stop you from crying if you feel like crying. That’s unusual, to say the least. Normally, you’ll do anything to avoid anyone seeing you emotional. But, this man you just met is different. He’s safe. You’re not sure how or why, but you know you can trust him.

“Are you free tomorrow for brunch?” you ask. Joshua gives you a quizzical look for a moment at the sudden topic change.

“Yeah, why?” he asks.

“I just need to send one quick text and then I want to do what you said you normally do here. Disconnect from the world and just appreciate the afternoon,” you say and find yourself smiling along with his smile. He really is so beautiful.

You: add one to the reservation for brunch tomorrow and i’ll call you tonight when i’m home

You switch your phone into Do Not Disturb before the response comes and turn all your attention back to Joshua.

Over the next couple weeks, Joshua slips seamlessly into your life and your existing friendships. Some of them, like those closest to you that come along to the Sunday brunches, know the whole story. It’s not like they would believe you had kept a relationship secret for that long, anyway. And it’s good to have a few extra sets of eyes and ears helping to sell the story. Other friends get the same story that your family and Johnny got. It’s not that you don’t trust them, you do. It’s more important to keep the circle of people who know the real story as small as possible, though, so that it actually succeeds. All your friends adore him from the second they meet him. The only surprise is how well Jeonghan seems to be adjusting to sharing your time. He wants to give you a hard time, yet he doesn’t.

You meet all Joshua’s friends and coworkers, too. It feels way easier than it should the first time you join him and his coworkers after work for drinks. They spend most of the time giving Joshua a hard time that he’s kept you to himself for so long. It’s easy to fall into step and you find that you do know him a lot better than you think. So, it’s just as easy for you to jump in when they’re giving him a hard time. He pretends to be annoyed, but you can tell by the way he smiles that he likes it. It’s one of those genuine smiles that makes his eyes bigger and brighter. Everything just feels…easy. Like this whole thing wasn’t actually a bad idea after all.

Your favorite part might be the first time you got with him to an Open Mic Night and get to see him play. He’s got that easy kind of confidence on the guitar. Like he knows he’s talented, but not in a cocky way. It’s his singing that catches you off guard. His voice moves over the notes with an ease that makes you wonder why this isn’t something he’s doing for a living. He’s got this way of pulling you into songs that you don’t even know. And he’s so kind with the people that show up just to see him play. They all seem just as happy to meet you and know that he’s happy.

There’s only been one part that’s been difficult. Not difficult, exactly, but not as comfortable as some of the other things. While you and Joshua talked through anything and everything to prepare to start a fake relationship, you covered comfort levels with physical affection. You both say you’re comfortable with physical touch, though he seems to seek it out more than you do. That includes at least some level of PDA as a couple. You’ve never really been one to just randomly make out with a partner in public, but you’ve never been shy about expressing affection either. It was fine, when it was all theoretical.

In actual practice, it’s been a little more difficult. The first time Joshua had pressed a kiss to the side of your head while you were out with people that didn’t know it was fake caught you off guard. It shouldn’t have, he asked before doing it and you confirmed it was fine. What you hadn’t been entirely prepared for was how it would feel when he did it. Or how it would feel that he was so casual about it, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like it wasn’t making you rethink everything in your life.

Tonight, you’re hanging out with friends at Hyejin’s house. You and her have been friends since before you even started school. So, she knows what’s really going on with Joshua. Your other friends there, though, are mostly not in on it. Which is fine. You’re shockingly comfortable with the song and dance.

It’s not actually fine.

It starts the same as any other time you’ve been out somewhere with him. You’re sitting close together on the couch, thighs pressed together, with his arm behind you along the back of the couch. Periodically, his fingers play with the sleeve of your shirt. It’s an absentminded habit and you’re used to it. He’s usually keeping some sort of contact with you in a very subtle way. You learned right away that he did like physical touch, but it was rarely something obvious. One drink in and his affection got a little more obvious. Arm wrapped firmly around you. More kisses pressed to the side of your head.

Two drinks in and it changes again. He removes his arm from around you in favor of holding your hand. Playing with your fingers while he’s having other conversations, like he doesn’t even realize. Hand squeezing your thigh. Or tracing patterns into the material of your pants. Head dropping down on your shoulder when he’s not talking to someone else. And it’s definitely not fine. You’re nursing your drink, but even if you weren’t, his constant presence would sober you. Since you’ve just finally finished your first, you think maybe a second is a good idea.

It’s not. Joshua gets another drink, his third, and you decline. Instead, you stick with the water you’ve been drinking since you couldn’t even finish your second. You want to be able to respond, whatever happens. Respond to whatever new form of affection unlocks with this next drink.

“I hope you stick around, you’re my favorite of the partners that we’ve met,” Mimi announces to Joshua when he plops back down next to you.

You’re glad that you hadn’t taken a sip because it would’ve come out immediately. Mimi has been a friend for a long time as well, and you love her, but she doesn’t know the truth.

“Don’t I know it,” Joshua agrees, earning a lot of laughter.

“Have you met Johnny yet? I know you’re going to the wedding,” Taehyung wonders.

“Yeah Johnny showed up magically the night I brought him by to meet my parents, sister, and brother-in-law,” you say, regaining some composure.

“I think you traded up,” Joshua says, eyes laser focused on you.

You’re not so lucky this time and you just took a sip. You nearly choke. “Do you?”

“Definitely,” Joshua insists.

“I agree,” Jimin says and Mimi elbows him in the side. “What?”

“You’re going to the wedding,” she says.

“So? He’s a fucking tool,” Jimin shrugs off.

“Are you all going, then?” Joshua asks.

“A good portion of us, yeah,” Hyejin says. “Family connections, you know?”

“I wasn’t invited,” Mimi pouts.

“Want to come?” Taehyung asks and Mimi laughs.

“Tae, my love, you can’t just invite people,” Mimi says and shakes her head.

“I have a plus-one,” Taehyung says with a shrug. “I think we all knew I wouldn’t make it to the wedding in my relationship. But, Johnny still thinks I’m bringing someone.”

“Damn, okay. I’m in,” Mimi says.

“I’m not going either, my family ties weren’t enough to get an invite,” Jeonghan says without any sorrow in his eyes.

“That’s because of what you said to him after the break up,” Hyejin interrupts with a laugh.

“I don’t remember saying anything that bad,” Jeonghan shrugs, and examines his finger nails to show how little he cares.

“Remind me to show you what he said some time, it was fucking gold,” Hyejin says to Joshua.

“Do you have it saved?” you ask.

“I should have it framed, honestly,” Hyejin says. “Get you a best friend like Jeonghan, for real, for real.”

“Hey, that’s my best friend, get your own,” you joke.

“That’s a shame you won’t be there though, Han, I could’ve used the familiar face,” Joshua says.

“Like you’re going to be paying attention to anyone but your date,” Hyejin teases.

“Can you blame me? I still can’t believe how lucky I got,” Joshua says without any hint that he’s pretending. It makes your heart skip a couple beats as you try to catch your breath.

“Ugh, I’m so single,” Mimi whines.

“Maybe not after the wedding,” Hyejin teases.

The conversations devolve from there into separate, smaller chats. Joshua is back to tracing patterns into your leg. Without warning, he pops his head up and places a quick peck on your lips before dropping his head onto your shoulder again. He’s so nonchalant about it that you’re not really sure it even happened. You’ve kissed a couple times like that, quick pecks in public. But, it’s always been when you’ve talked about it. It isn’t until you look up to meet Jeonghan’s eyes that you know it all really happened.

Joshua, unaware that he’s just turned your world a little upside down, moves his head to look at you again. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

It’s barely a whisper and you know he’s not drunk. He’s not sober either, though. And you’ve had drinks around each other before. He’s just never been quite so glued to your side or free with the compliments. You’re also not usually so singularly focused on him. A fact that doesn’t go entirely unnoticed.

“Thank you,” you whisper back.

“I’m kinda hungry,” he continues in a bit of a whine.

“Well you were the one who thought skipping dinner was smart,” you tease him.

“But my little honeybunch,” he teases back. You snort and miss the way several of your friends watch the interaction because they know how you are about weird pet names.

“Try again, sweetheart,” you answer.

“Sweetheart, I like the way that sounds,” he says, distracted.

“Just a little longer and we can leave and get something to eat,” you say and he sighs.

“Fine,” he concedes and kisses your cheek, just barely a whisper away from the corner of your mouth.

About half an hour later, you say your goodbyes. Despite your suggestions, Joshua continued drinking instead of switching to water. It’s as fine as it can be, though. He’s just an affectionate drinker. He wraps an arm around you, slipping a hand into your back pocket so that he can whisper thanks again. You do your best to shrug it off and let him drape his arms around your shoulder instead.

The car ride is quiet, initially. You pick a playlist that he made for you after you first met. Something he seems to enjoy. You’re nearly back at his place when he says that he doesn’t have anything to eat. But, luckily, there’s a place around the corner that he loves that’s still open. He manages to place an order on the app, gets something for you as well, and pays before getting there. All you have to do is walk in.

“I hope you’ll come in and eat with me,” he says when you get back into the car.

You’re not really sure how to tell him that you don’t want to. Not because you don’t want to spend time with him. Or that you don’t appreciate him ordering something he knows you’ll like. No, it’s so much deeper than that. It’s that you don’t know if your heart can handle it. You’ve got a couple more weeks of this and your heart is taking a beating. All of this is fake. It’ll be over after the wedding. But, the compliments don’t feel fake. The kisses don’t feel fake. The affection doesn’t feel fake. Your heart racing is real, oh so real. You don’t need anyone to tell you that you’re in way too deep.

None of that comes out, though.

“Sure, sweetheart,” you say and hold your breath for a second. You hadn’t meant to say that when it was just you.

Joshua smiles over at you. “Really do like that.”

Does he know what he’s doing to you? Can he hear your heart hammering in your chest? Can he hear your breath catch? Does he know how insanely beautiful he is? Or that he’s all the more beautiful because he’s so unfailingly kind?

Probably not, because he gets distracted and starts singing along as the song changes. It’s welcome, but also a little devastating. His voice cuts through you in a way you’re still very unprepared to handle.

After another few minutes, you’re at Joshua’s place. He springs back into action and tries to open your door for you, even though you’re the driver. He settles for taking hold of your hand as he walks to his door, only reluctantly dropping it when he gets to the door.

His apartment is familiar to you, it has to be for this to be believable. So, he sets the food out and you grab plates. You grab a couple waters from the fridge while he takes the food over to the couch, bypassing the table. You sit next to him, leaving enough space between you that you’re not touching. Hoping he doesn’t think anything of it.

It’s useless, apparently, because he slides over to press into your side.

What’s worse (not that you thought that was possible) is that he picks things off of your plate and gives you food off his plate. Tries to feed it to you, actually, and pouts when you don’t let him. It takes everything in you not to beg him to be gentle on your heart. He doesn’t even seem to realize what he’s doing to you as he smiles and jokes. Doesn’t seem to think twice about playing with your hands or his hand on your leg or any of the things he usually does when you have an audience. There’s nobody here to see and he’s not usually this touchy when you’re alone. Maybe it’s the drinks.

“I like your friends a lot, you know,” he says out of nowhere.

“They like you, too,” you assure him.

“What about you?” he asks.

“I’d assume they like me as well,” you laugh out.

“No, I meant me. Do you like me?” he asks, eyes big and vulnerable.

Please, Joshua, I’m begging you. Be gentle with me, you think so loud you’re worried he might hear.

“I’m actually a little sick of you,” you joke.

“But, but,” he begins and dramatically throws himself in your lap.

“You’re the worst,” you say without any bite. Your hands find their way into his hair, softly running through the strands.

“That feels nice,” he says softly. “Can I just stay like this? I’m tired.”

“Of course,” you whisper.

“You’ll stay with me?” he asks, sounding like he’s about to drift off.

You’re sure he won’t remember any of this. Not because he’s drunk, but he’s on the edges of sleep. So, you answer in a whisper. “Always.”

Maybe he’s not the one that needs to be careful with your heart. Maybe it’s you that needs to be careful. You know that you could walk away. That you could just remind him that this is all fake and there’s nobody around to see now. That’s not what you do. So, maybe you’re just as much to blame.

Sunday Joshua: thanks for taking care of me last night Joshua: idk why the drinks hit me so hard Joshua: when did you leave? Monday Joshua: is everything okay? Did i say something stupid? Tuesday Joshua: i don’t wanna sound clingy but are we still getting together at your place after work?

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know that you need to respond. You know that what you’re doing isn’t fair to anyone. It’s not like Joshua can somehow read your mind to realize you’re spiraling. It just feels a little paralyzing. This is a weird limbo of knowing you might be in over your head, but still believing this is all fake.

Jeonghan: hey dummy i know you’re ignoring joshua so i’m coming over tonight Jeonghan: i told him you’ve been busy at work and i haven’t heard from you either but we have some talking to do

Leave it to Jeonghan. You had almost forgotten, with how well you’ve gotten to know Joshua, that it was Jeonghan who introduced you in the first place. Of course he would text your best friend when he couldn’t get a hold of you. Does that make you feel better? Not really, you think, because it feels like a real relationship in a way. Oh well, you can talk about it with Jeonghan. If he shows up, that is.

And he does, less than an hour later.

“I’m here,” he announces when he comes in the door.

“Thanks for knocking and giving me the chance to pretend I’m not here,” you call back.

“Your car is outside and you have your location turned on,” Jeonghan says.

“Right,” you answer as he comes through the hall holding a bag from your favorite take out place.

“At least I come bearing gifts,” he says.

“You’re an angel, do you know that?” you ask and reach for the bag.

Jeonghan snorts. “I’m gonna remind you of that the next time you call me a demon.”

“Well, Lucifer was a fallen angel,” you reason with a shrug.

“I hate you,” he says.

“I know,” you answer.

Jeonghan busies himself with taking out the food and making sure you have napkins. Tells you what he wants to drink when you get up to go into the kitchen. Calls for you to grab some utensils as well. By the time you sit back down with him, he’s flipping through a streaming service trying to find something to watch. It’s not at all what you’re expecting and you just let it happen. The two of you have been friends long enough to know you should just let things play out.

With some mindless show on in the background, Jeonghan talks about work and your friends and everything else that’s been going on the past few days. Like it’s been weeks since you last saw him. Mostly, he talks about how Taehyung has been blowing up his phone asking for advice about Mimi, which is actually news to you. Sure, you saw him ask her if she wanted to go with him to the wedding. What you had not expected was for him to actually be interested. Which he is, if his messages to Jeonghan are anything to go by. It’s been everything from advice about talking to her to what kinds of things she might like as a surprise. They would probably be cute, you think.

“Yeah, well, sometimes feelings catch us off guard,” Jeonghan says when you admit your surprise.

Damn. Did you really walk right into that?

“True,” you admit, knowing that’s the best answer you can give.

“Talk to me,” Jeonghan urges.

“About what?” you ask to buy more time.

“Joshua,” he says.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you state. That makes him fix you with a look.

“Clearly there is or you wouldn’t be ignoring him,” he says.

“We’re not really dating so I don’t owe him constant updates. I’m not ignoring him. I just have other shit to do,” you say without looking at him.

“Would you like to be?” he asks. That does make you turn to him.

“Like to be what?” you ask, though you think you know.

“Really dating him,” Jeonghan says.

It’s a crossroads kind of moment. You could say that you don’t want that. That would be a lie, though, and Jeonghan doesn’t like it when you lie. Can always tell the second you say something that’s not true. The truth is that you’ve spent nearly every moment since that stupid night at Hyejin’s place thinking about what you actually feel for your fake boyfriend.

“I don’t…know,” you say slowly and earn a smile because it’s not a lie.

“I was there the other night too, I saw the way it all played out,” he says.

“I mean, does it matter? This is all fake and soon, it’ll be over,” you say.

“Of course it matters and it’ll be over soon? Please,” Jeonghan scoffs. “I know he’s told you that he wants to keep you in his life after Johnny’s wedding. So, what? You’re just gonna be like okay, that was fun, let’s never talk again?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” you say quietly.

He rolls his eyes. “Try again, buttercup.”

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me like that, he’s just nice,” you say, avoidant as ever.

“He looks at you like he’d give you the moon if you asked for it,” Jeonghan snorts out.

“He’s just nice, Han,” you disagree.

“Maybe,” your closest friend concedes, a rare move for him. It feels weird all the same. “Whatever it is, text him back. He misses you and I don’t want to hear anymore about how he’s worrying he upset you.”

“He’s been worrying that he upset me?” you ask. Your heart constricts at that.

“Yeah, for some reason he actually likes your company,” he says. “Can’t relate.”

You smack Jeonghan on the arm. “Says the man who shows up at my place unannounced when I ignore him for a day.”

“No, I was just bored,” he argued. “And you’re way too stubborn to sort out your shit on your own.”

“I’m not stubborn, but fine, I’ll text him,” you relent.

“Now,” he says.

“What?”

“Text him now so that I know you actually did it.”

You roll your eyes at him, but pull your phone out anyway. Angling it away from Jeonghan so that he can’t see your screen. He’s such a nosy brat sometimes.

You: hey, i’m sorry. It’s been really busy and i had a lot on my mind You: wanna do something tomorrow?

The response comes right away and you ignore the smug look on Jeonghan’s face as you quickly make plans. If Jeonghan was anyone else, he would probably just let you be since he ultimately got what he wanted. But, he’s not anyone else. And he’s as caring to his friends as he is calculating when he wants something. So, he’s not doing it to be cruel, not at all. He just wants you to consider what you’re actually feeling.

You’ll never tell Jeonghan how much you appreciate him talking everything through with you. Never tell him how good it feels to get all the thoughts out of your head. To his credit, he’s not smug and he doesn’t tell you that he’s been right about your feelings all along. He just listens, supports you when you need it, and encourages you to keep thinking through everything that’s going on.

As a make-up for slightly ignoring Joshua (over your own internal freak out), you take him to dinner at your favorite restaurant. It’s this tiny little hole-in-the-wall that people seem to walk past. The kind of place where you couldn’t overspend even if you tried because the couple that owned it just wanted to share good food. The kind of place where they know everyone by name. It makes you feel instantly at ease.

Joshua doesn’t say it, but he also kind of can’t believe you wanted to show him some place that meant so much to you. All he could do was watch, with so much fondness, as you spoke to the couple about everything under the sun. Watch as you turned slightly red when they scolded you for taking so long to bring Joshua by. Smile as you promised the both of you would be back. Despite trying to pay, you beat him to it. Even leaving a massive tip because you insisted the couple had undercharged you. They made a big show of not wanting to take the tip and you only reminded them the cash would stay sitting on the counter. You weren’t taking it back either.

You don’t really think about it when you take a picture of you and Joshua to upload on Instagram. At least, you try not to. Later, when you’re home and winding down for the night, you pull the picture back up. It’s amazing just how happy both of you look. You don’t need to read the comments to know that you’ve never looked so happy in your life. Every part of you wants to pull back again. It’s overwhelming. But, Jeonghan’s voice plays in your head and instead you push past. Make more plans that could break your heart. You have to just trust that he won’t.

It isn’t until the weekend that you’re able to see him again because your schedules didn’t quite match up. That doesn’t stop him from calling you at night, though. Insisting that he wants to know how your day was, even if you can only spare a few minutes for a call. (Which never ends up being the case. You fall asleep on the phone with him twice. His voice is just so soothing when it’s all deep and soft.)

Again, Joshua tells you the date is a surprise. He can be a little bit of a demon, when it suits him. Sure, he likes to pretend he’s not. That he’s above the chaos. Then, he does something like this and he can’t really escape it. But, he’s so sure he knows what you like that he’s positive you’ll enjoy the date. You remember how that chat had gone, too. You were ready to go to sleep, but unable to say goodnight.

(“I have our next date planned,” Joshua says, voice soft to match the calm of the night.

“What is it?” you wonder.

“A surprise,” he answers.

“What if I don’t like it?” you ask back.

“You will,” he assures you.

“You sure seem to think you know me,” you joke.

“Yeah, I do. Don’t worry, you’ll like this too,” he says.

There was no point in denying it. That confidence sent a bit of a shiver through you.)

It turns out that the date is at a winery where you’re painting with wine. You have to ask him to say it again because you’ve only ever heard of wine and paint classes. Painting with wine is entirely new to you. It sounds fun, though, and you know how crafty Joshua can be, have seen all the projects around his apartment. So, even though you’re definitely not that artistic, you’re excited to see this as well.

Admittedly, by the end of the session, your painting isn’t bad. It was a bit weird to use wine in that way, but they let you drink as well. Which makes it a lot easier to just go along with the idea of painting. Joshua’s painting, on the other hand, is beautiful. Not for the first time, you think his talents might be wasted at an office job. You’ve seen the bracelets he makes and now you’ve seen him paint. You’ve heard him sing and play the guitar. He’s impossibly artistic in a way that should make you jealous. Instead, it just makes you more endeared to him.

You snap a picture of him and his art when he’s not looking and upload it before he can even realize it. It’s only when a notification goes off on his phone that he realizes. He doesn’t even say anything, just gets a sparkle in his eyes that makes you weary immediately. He’s busy tapping away on his own phone before a notification sounds on yours. Maybe you weren’t the only one to steal a candid shot if the picture of you laughing with a glass of wine in one hand and a paintbrush in the other is anything to go by. It’s the caption that really ruins you, though. Just a simple “think I’m addicted to her light”. It’s so simple and also so much sweeter than yours. You fight through the urge to run away.

Which lasts until you get home from dinner. It was the perfect date, truly. Joshua always seems to know exactly how to plan out a day so everything works. After sipping wine and painting, he took you to one of his favorite restaurants. Nothing too pretentious, just kind of unassuming. The kind of place where you get good food and even better conversation. It’s (mostly) easy to keep your mind off the way your heart keeps racing.

When you’re back home, you’re not so lucky.

Back home, alone in your apartment, there aren’t any distractions. Nothing to stop your mind from all the ways that it can sabotage your own happiness. Nothing to stop you from thinking about how nobody, not even Johnny, has ever planned out such thoughtful dates for you. Nobody has ever taken the time to really know you like Joshua. Even if you won’t admit it, he knows you better than anyone you’ve ever dated. Which is terrifying, since this is all fake. And he hasn’t even known you that long.

So, you do the rational thing and you pull back again. Answer his texts so that he doesn’t send Jeonghan over to figure out what’s wrong, but don’t make solid plans. Talk a lot about a work project that you really need to get done ahead of schedule so that you’re not stressing leading up to the wedding. And you throw in some easy suggestions in the meantime so that it still seems like you’re making an effort.

Lunch on a work day so that it has a set ending time. Which still tugs at your heartstrings a bit because he takes a longer lunch just to meet you closer to where you work.

An event where your parents purchased a table for charity because he’s in high demand with your family around. And he can’t be as affectionate.

His Open Mic Nights, but with the excuse that you can’t stay too late because of your project and he should stick around with his friends. You’ll get home safely.

Small little things that keep you around him and keep up your conversations while still giving you time to breathe. You’re sure that you’re pulling it all off. And then, the wedding is around the corner. The finish line is in sight.

You: I’m not going to the wedding You: you don’t have to come pick me up Joshua: what are you talking about? You: i’m not going Joshua: but it’s literally in a few hours? You: yeah and i don’t wanna go, so you’re off the hook You: thanks for everything, but you don’t have to pretend anymore

Even if you know you’re being a little petulant, you don’t really care. This whole thing was supposed to be about protecting your heart. Protecting your pride. Not showing up to your cheating ex-fiance's wedding alone and looking like some kind of loser. It was not supposed to be about your heart getting clobbered anyway. So, you’re doing the only logical thing you can think of. Ignoring your problems. Avoiding both the wedding and Joshua. What you’re not prepared for, though you should be, is the knock that comes at your door half an hour later.

Joshua is on the other side of the door and your heart actually stops. He’s got his tux on and his hair styled back off his face. His eyes are soft as they take you in, noting that you have your hair and make up done. Though, you’re still in your sweats. You got at least that far before you decided this was a stupid fucking decision.

“Can I come in?” he asks when you don’t say anything.

“Sure,” you say and step aside.

“You look like you’re getting ready,” he comments once he’s inside.

“I was, until I texted you,” you answer. “Speaking of, why are you here?”

“Because we had plans,” he says.

“Yeah to go see my ex-fiance marry the girl he cheated on me with. Oh, and for you to pretend to be my boyfriend so I didn’t look pathetic,” you say with a huff.

“You’re not pathetic. He’s an asshole,” Joshua says. He doesn’t swear often, so it catches you a little off guard.

“Well, whatever, you don’t have to go. So, I’m not really sure why you’re here,” you say.

“You’re being so cold. What’s going on?” Joshua asks and reaches out to you. Instead, you duck away from his touch.

“Nothing is going on. It was stupid to care what Johnny thought or to try and save face somehow,” you say.

“It’s not stupid. He hurt you and you didn’t deserve that,” Joshua urges.

“You really don’t know me that well. Maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was awful to him and he had no choice,” you say.

“We both know that’s not true,” he says.

“Do we?” you challenge.

“Yes, we do,” he presses. “There is nothing you could do that justifies cheating instead of just breaking it off. But, I also know you didn’t do anything wrong. Jeonghan and I talked about it.”

“You spoke to Jeonghan about my relationship behind my back?” you question.

“What is going on? We’ve been hanging out for weeks and getting to know each other. I just wanted to know more about someone I was going to be helping. And I like knowing you,” Joshua says and you have to look away. You don’t need the reminder of how much time you’ve spent with him.

“Yeah, sorry about all that time we wasted. I’ll pay you back for the tux or anything else you had to buy to pretend to date me,” you say and he looks genuinely confused.

“I don’t…want you to pay me back for anything. It wasn’t a waste of time. I did this because I wanted to,” he says.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to pretend anymore because I’m not going to the stupid fucking wedding. It was a really bad idea in the first place,” you say.

Joshua clenches his jaw and looks away. Like maybe he’s frustrated. “What is going on? Do you still have feelings for him?”

“For who? Johnny?” you ask, so insanely caught off guard that you forget you’re mad.

“Yes,” Joshua says tightly.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you bark out.

“Well? You’re being really weird and now you don’t want to go to a wedding that we’ve been planning on,” he starts.

“Yeah, which should make you happy, since you don’t have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore,” you say.

“Because you’re still in love with Johnny,” Joshua finishes like he hadn’t even heard you.

“Oh my god,” you nearly scream. “I’m not fucking in love with Johnny. This isn’t about him.”

“So, you don’t want to go to the wedding and it has nothing to do with him? That doesn’t make any sense,” he says.

“No, I don’t want to keep doing this,” you say, gesturing between the two of you. “I don’t want to keep pretending to date you when I -”

You clamp your mouth shut. Unable to believe that you almost blurted out how you feel.

“When you what?” he challenges. “What? Is it that bad being around me? Is that it? Are you just sick of me? Ready to toss me aside?”

You laugh bitterly, not even able to appreciate the irony in the situation. “No, Joshua, I don’t want to toss you aside.”

“Then, what? What am I supposed to think when you’ve been pushing me away for the last couple weeks? And I have to act like I haven’t noticed all the ways you’ve kept me at arm’s length since we went to the winery. Why did you just decide, literally today, that you don’t want to go to the wedding after all?” he asks, rambling. He’s pacing in front of you. “Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me?”

“Because I don’t want to get hurt!” you blurt out. “Because I don’t want to go to my fucking scumbag of an ex’s wedding where everyone is going to be giving me these looks of pity or focusing on my relationship with him when all I want is this.”

“This? What?” he asks, coming to a stop.

“This, Joshua, you and me. Having this just all be pretend is breaking my heart. I can’t keep doing it. It was supposed to keep me from getting my heart broken. It sucks and I hate it and I just wish it wasn’t pretend. I don’t want to go to the wedding and have you be so sweet and kind and caring when I’m going to know it has an expiration date. That it’s all just been for show,” you admit. You turn away, clutching your arms around your center because you’re so tired. And so exposed. So vulnerable. It’s awful.

The tears won’t stop, so you don’t notice how Joshua has closed the space between you until he wraps his arms around you from behind. Pulls you back against his chest and presses a kiss into your hair.

“So, let’s stop saying it’s pretend,” he whispers.

“What?” you whisper back.

He turns you in his arms so that you’re facing him and gently brushes away the tears. “Let’s stop saying it’s fake. It doesn’t feel fake, does it?”

“No,” is all you can manage.

“So, it’s not fake and we’re not pretending,” he says.

“But,” you start to protest.

“I knew I was in trouble, really deep trouble, as soon as we left your parents’ house. I was just waiting for you to catch up,” he says as he gently runs a thumb across your cheek to wipe away a tear . Your eyes go wide.

“That was barely a week in,” you say and he just shrugs. “And I’d dumped all my bullshit on you.”

“I think that’s actually what made me like you so much,” he says. “It was supposed to be fake and we were trying to get to know each other well enough to pull it off. But, instead, I just realized you were actually perfect.”

“Perfect? I was broken,” you joke and he shakes his head.

“No, you’ve been hurt. Who hasn’t? You’re also strong, kind, funny, a fiercely loyal friend, and one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, inside and out,” he says.

“That’s so, you’re so sweet,” you say and try to hide your face. He doesn’t let you. “You like me?”

“I’ve liked you the whole time. I did think it was a date, after all,” he says. “And do you think I’m that affectionate with everyone?”

“We were pretending,” you argue.

“I wasn’t,” he argues back.

“Our closest friends thought you were,” you disagree.

“And was anyone else there in my apartment when I was still being affectionate?” he asks.

“Well, no, but…” you start.

“I heard you say always,” he tells you.

“You did?” you ask, sure that it’s been your secret this whole time.

“We don’t have to go to the wedding. But, if it’s just because you don’t want this to be over with me, then it’s not going to be over. I’m yours for as long as you want me,” he says so earnestly it nearly makes you blush.

“Careful, you might get sick of me,” you joke.

He puts a finger under your chin so he can look you in the eyes. “I’ll say it again. I’m yours as long as you want me. I won’t get sick of you.”

“I…” you start and don’t know where to go. So you do the only thing you can think of and kiss him. It’s clear he’s a little caught off guard, but he recovers quickly. His arms wrap around you to hold you tight against him. It’s the first time you’ve really kissed him and you’re so screwed because he really is perfect at this too.

“So, do I get you for the rest of today?” he asks.

You take in his tuxedo again, for real this time. Appreciating how well it’s tailored and how amazing he looks. With a sigh, you say, “you know, it’s a shame to waste such a nice tux.”

“Are you…I thought we weren’t going,” he stutters.

“I’m probably gonna have to fix my makeup in the car, but why not? I want to show off my super hot and very real boyfriend,” you say and watch him choke on air.

“You can’t just say…” he starts.

“Damn, sick of me already?” you tease.

“You know I’m not,” he answers and moves to follow you.

“No, no. You don’t get to see me changing. I’ll be back out in a second,” you say.

You’re in the middle of shimmying into your dress when you realize that you do still have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out. This whole situation has been unusual, though, so it probably makes sense that there isn’t a template. Once you have your shoes on, you walk back into the living room, prepared to say something, only to find Joshua speechless.

“You look…” he starts.

“You’ve seen the dress already,” you say and smile.

“Not on you. Not in person. You look amazing,” he says and crosses to pull you into his arms. “Are you sure we have to go?”

“Yes,” you say and swat him. “But, I do know we have a lot to talk about.”

“I’m not in a rush,” he says and allows you to step away.

“We might need to be in a bit of a rush,” you say, checking the time and gathering all your things.

“Let’s go, then,” Joshua says and offers his arm.

The wedding passes in kind of a blur. In truth, you barely even register Johnny or what he’s doing beyond the actual ceremony. The reception is so massive that it’s easiest just to focus on the people around you. Especially when you’re at a table with your friends. Thankfully, you’re not at a table with your parents or your sister. It does mean, though, that you’re sitting next to Hyejin, who has definitely realized that something shifted between you and Joshua. So, she’s trying to sneak in a question any time she can. Which is hard, given that Joshua is more attached to you than ever. And Hyejin doesn’t want to draw unnecessary attention to you. All you manage to let her know is that it’s real now and that you’ll fill her in after the wedding. (You’re also thankful that people seem to be cooing over Taehyung and Mimi since they’re the shiny new topic.)

It’s also nice to have Joshua there because he’s a built in way to excuse yourself from any conversation that you don’t want to be part of. It’s easy to just say you’re going to go back to the table. Or, in the case of a good song coming on, he’ll be quick to drag you to the dance floor and away from whatever conversation you’re stuck in. He’s a good dancer, too. You don’t miss the way Hyejin catches your eye when the first slow song comes on and he pulls you close to him. But, that’s a conversation for another day. All you wanted was to appreciate the way his hand felt on your lower back or your hand felt in his.

When it was finally time to leave, Joshua led you out of the event, arm around you to guide you. Neither of you were drunk, but you had still hired someone to take you to and from the wedding anyway. A gift from your parents to appreciate you “doing the right thing” and coming to the wedding. For the sake of the families. It made you roll your eyes at the time, yet you’re thankful now. It would be far better than having to take an Uber or trying to get a room at the hotel (and risking seeing everyone else staying there the next morning). The ride home also gave you the chance to talk. Really talk. Neither of you cared much that someone else was driving (and he had the partition up, anyway), as you talked about your feelings honestly for the first time.

As it turned out, you had a lot to say. Both of you. You hadn’t been nearly as good at hiding your feelings from Joshua as you had been at hiding them from yourself. He had hoped you were going to admit them to him after that night at his apartment. Instead, you avoided him. Yes, he knew that you had been avoiding him. You also weren’t very good at picking up on the signs he dropped about his feelings for you. He admitted that he could have just said something, but he was trying to be subtle so he didn’t scare you off. Trying to let his actions speak through more affection. You admit you were scared to think it was anything more than it actually was. Scared of your feelings. Scared of getting hurt again. Joshua completely understands that and admits that he’s a little scared, too, because you’re definitely more important to him than he was anticipating. He’s also confident that you can work through it together. It gives you a feeling of hope. Makes everything about you feel lighter. You see that relief reflected in Joshua’s eyes when they scan yours.

The car pulls to a stop and he gets out first. He holds his hand out to help you out of the car. You’re not really sure what comes over you.

“Come up with me,” you ask, but it’s more of a statement.

He hesitates, conflicted. “I don’t know if I should.”

“Why?” you ask, clearly confused.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave,” he answers and you smile.

“Then stay,” you shrug, “at least for breakfast.”

Without waiting for him to respond, you turn and head for the front door of the building. It means you miss the way he freezes in place, but you can guess at that by how long it takes before he catches up to you. He’s unusually quiet and still beside you as you go up the elevator and then behind you as you unlock the door.

“I’m gonna go change,” you announce after you drop your keys by the door. You look back at Joshua, appreciating him in the tuxedo one last time. “I’ve got some clothes in the spare room that should fit. They’re Jeonghan’s ”

You take the opportunity to breathe for a second, to let it settle in that you asked Joshua to come in with you and stay the night. Then, you set about changing out of your dress. Carefully clean your face free of the make-up. Brush through your hair and twist it back off of your face. Once you’re in comfy clothes and bare faced, you head back out into the living room. It’s odd that you don’t even feel self-conscious about Joshua seeing you like this, you’re instantly comfortable.

Joshua’s back is to you in the kitchen. When he turns around, you see that he’s put together a little platter of snacks. You also were right, the t-shirt and shorts he picked out seem to fit him well. Jeonghan is a little slighter than Joshua, but he wears most of his clothes on the baggier side.

“Thanks for the clothes,” he says when you both meet on the couch. “I was worried when you said you had spare clothes they were gonna be from an ex or Johnny or something.”

Your laugh is sudden and clearly catches Joshua off guard. “I wouldn’t have kept any of Johnny’s clothes. I gave them all to charity.”

“I’m sure he was thrilled with that,” Joshua laughs.

“They made a killing reselling them,” you laugh in response. “Wanna watch something?”

“Sure, you pick,” he says.

You start clicking through your saved list to find something that the two of you can watch. Once you settle on something, Joshua motions you over. Even if you want to pretend you’re considering it, you can’t. Every part of you wants to be close to him. When you slide over, he pulls you in tighter to his body and you fit like you always belonged there with him.

If you thought he was physically affectionate when he was pretending, it’s nothing compared to now that he knows you’re both in this. He has one hand running along your arm or the other along your thigh. Sometimes he reaches out to take one of your hands. Other times he presses kisses into your hair. It’s pretty clear right away that he’s not paying much attention to the show.

If you’re being honest, you’re not really either.

Everything is distracting. The way his fingers on the bare skin of your arm raises goosebumps. The way his kiss in your hair makes your eyes close in appreciation. The way he squeezes your thigh and short circuits your brain.

You can’t help it. You turn your head so that you can look at him. He caresses your cheek, so gentle. Runs his thumb across your lip. You’re holding your breath, just waiting to see what he’s going to do. When you feel like you’re going to go a little bit insane, his hand moves to the back of your neck and pulls you in. It’s exactly like the first kiss before the wedding. At least, at first. It’s gentle, but full of so much desire. It’s also slow, like there’s no rush to any of it.

The position is really uncomfortable, though. You shift your legs so they’re draped over one of Joshua’s. He doesn’t miss a beat. It just allows him to pull you closer. There’s something incredibly intimate in kissing him like this. There’s this weird contrast of desire and comfort. It’s heated, but also a little lazy. Like you have all the time in the world. Which you do, you think, now that you’re being honest about your feelings. When Joshua pulls back from the kiss, you chase his lips for a second before realizing that he’s pulled away. The way he looks at you nearly melts you into the couch.

“I don’t want to assume where this is headed, but maybe we should take it to the bedroom?” he asks. It’s cute, the way he’s a little shy. Like you didn’t invite him in to spend the night. Yeah, you’re in way over your head. At least it seems like he might be too.

You pull your legs back so that you can stand up. His eyes track your movements as you reach your hand back to him. He accepts it without a word and lets you lead him to the bedroom. Even if he’s seen your bedroom before, this feels different. You’re waiting for him to look around, but his eyes are glued on you. Joshua even waits for you to lead him all the way to the bed, so you direct him to sit on the edge.

Once Joshua is seated, you step between his legs and tilt your head down to kiss him. He wraps his arms around you so that he can pull you against him. There’s barely any space between you. It sends a little bit of a shiver as his hands run up your back and back down. The touch is gentle and caring. Like he’s trying to put everything he feels into it. Something about it just makes you feel so insanely safe.

He’s the one to break the kiss again, but this time it’s to move back onto the bed and grab your hand to pull you along with him. It’s easy to just follow suit and get comfortable laying next to him, bodies facing each other. The kissing picks up when your lips meet again. Joshua kisses you breathless with a passion you’re eager to explore. One of his hands rests on your hip, casually sliding beneath your shirt and caressing up your side. You press your body further into his and capture his moan with a kiss. It feels like you’re a bit drunk off each other.

When Joshua’s hand moves back down, you take the chance to throw your leg over his hip, allowing you to press further into him and feel how this is turning him on. Part of you knows that he’s still waiting for you to set the pace. Or that he wants things to be a little slower. So, you help him out and roll the two of you over so that you’re straddled on top of him. Putting his hands on your hips, you lean over to kiss him again. In this position, you can also grind into his lap. You delight in how he’s already getting hard beneath you, enjoy the way his hands grip the soft flesh of your hips.

He pulls back and looks at you with blown pupils. “Baby, please don’t tease me.”

“No silly pet name?” you tease him.

“Not when you’re getting me this turned on like a horny teenager,” he whines.

“You mean like this?” you ask, injecting as much innocence as you can when you slowly drag your clothed pussy across his dick again.

Joshua throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut, and grips you tighter. “Yes.”

“So you don’t like it?” you ask, grinding a little more.

“Fuck,” he hisses out. And somehow that’s the thing that almost breaks you. Why is that one swear so hot on his lips?

Without saying anything, you sit up a little bit, still making sure you’re straddling Joshua, so that you can pull his shirt off him. Your eyes go wide because you’ve never seen him shirtless. You’ve seen him in well fitted suits or shirts, but this is entirely different. His chest looks like it was sculpted by an artist. All your attention is on your fingers running along his chest and you don’t see the way it makes him a little shy.

His hands reach for your own shirt, playing with the hem like he’s asking permission. So, you move his hands aside and pull it over your head, leaving your skin bare as well. You watch him drink you in, feeling almost empowered by the desire you see in his eyes. He pulls you back towards him so that he can get one of your breasts into his mouth. The way he teases your nipple with his tongue has you clenching around nothing. You can feel how wet it’s making you and try your best not to squirm when he moves from one breast to the other.

“I need you,” you utter.

“I need you, too,” he says against your skin. His hips buck up into you almost involuntarily.

You slide off of him and pull your shorts down and he gasps that you don’t have any underwear on. It isn’t like you were expecting anything, you just wanted to be prepared. While he’s still a little drunk on the sight of you fully naked, you help him discard the rest of his clothing. The sight of his cock springing free, precum leaking out, has you wanting to get your mouth on him.

But, you’re realizing, what you really want is to feel him inside you. After so much tension and wondering, you just want to have this moment together. You want to be as close as two people can possibly get. You want all the intimacy and to be able to see his face. It’s this thought that pushes you back to the bed to lay with him.

Joshua repositions and runs a hand down your body. Lets his fingers run along your thighs and tease their way up to gather some of your wetness. Your eyes close as he runs a finger up your slit. It’s such a little amount of contact and it makes you moan anyway.

“Damn, are you this wet just for me?” he asks and presses a kiss into the first bit of your skin he can reach.

“I want to feel you,” you admit. Joshua makes you press a finger into your pussy, but you stop him. Confusion takes over his features.

“I thought…do you not want this?” he asks.

“I do, but I want…I want all of you,” you admit. “I want to feel you deep inside of me. I want to be completely ruined by you. I want to come together.”

“Shit,” he hisses, hand stilling against your body. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” you ask.

“I want to taste you soon,” he says, pressing a kiss into your shoulder.

The thought of him between your legs makes you shiver. It’s almost enough to forget that you want this first time to be together. “Deal.”

“Do you have condoms? I wasn’t exactly expecting…” he says, trailing off.

“That drawer,” you say and point.

He rolls himself off of the bed to open the drawer. You’re not sure why you expect his hands to be a little unsteady when he rips open the wrapper and rolls it onto himself, but he’s so calm. Maybe it’s just you that’s a little nervous. At least, that’s what you think until you catch the look on his face. It has to be the same as yours, naked want mixed with a little bit of uncertainty. Everything else has been so easy with you, what if this is where it goes wrong?

“Just lay back,” he urges you, voice calming any lingering nerves. His voice drops to a whisper, like the next statement is just for him. “You’re so beautiful, every single inch of you.”

It makes your heart constrict in a way that you’re not really prepared for. It would be nice if your feelings could stop flooding in all at once like a dam breaking. It’s overwhelming. You do as he says, though, and lean back against the pillow. Joshua gently spreads your legs apart and takes another moment to appreciate you. He can’t seem to help himself from running a finger along your entrance.

Even though he would fully be within his rights to tease you, he doesn’t. He lines himself up at your entrance and looks to you for final confirmation. All you can manage is a nod. You know he wants to hear you, but you can’t bring yourself to form the words. So, he accepts the nods and slowly presses into you.

“Fuck,” you hiss as you adjust to him.

“Are you okay?” he worries.

“Feels good,” you say with a slight whine. “It’s just been a bit.”

He presses the rest of the way into you and then stills so you can get used to him. It’s really overwhelming. Not just because you’re finally feeling him inside of you. More so because he’s looking at you with more adoration than you’ve ever felt in your life. Like this is it for him. Like you’re it for him. It’s too early to be thinking of love, but you really don’t know if anyone has ever loved you so completely. You think he’s probably it for you too.

Once he finally starts to move, you know it’s going to be over entirely too fast. He starts with slow thrusts, testing what you want. You dig your fingers into his arms as a way to ground yourself. To anchor yourself to him and in the moment. When he picks up the pace, your mind goes entirely blank. It’s just the right speed. While you love the hard and fast fucking, there’s something so much more intimate about this kind of in between speed.

“God you feel so good,” he whines as he snaps into you again. “So tight and perfect.”

“You’re so - oh my god,” you moan out, unable to finish the sentence as he hits you just right.

Joshua moves one of your legs so that it’s over his shoulder and presses further into you, hitting deeper than you were prepared for.

“Fuck, Joshua, holy shit,” you scream out.

“Love the sound of my name on your lips,” he manages as his thrusts pick up pace.

You want to respond that you love saying it, want to say anything, but the thrusts are entirely too much. As if it wasn’t already too much, Joshua adjusts again so that he can press his thumb against your clit. He rubs circles in time with his thrusts and you think that you might see stars. You throw your head back, eyes pressed shut.

“Look at me, baby. I wanna see you when you come,” he urges, his own voice sounding ragged.

Despite wanting to focus on the pressure building between you, you do as he asks. Your eyes meet his and it’s that look that makes that coil snap. You’re coming hard and digging your fingers into whatever you can find to release some of the tension in your body. This might be the best orgasm you’ve had.

When you come back to this plane, Joshua has stilled inside of you. One of his hands gently caresses your face as he mumbles quiet praises. It’s so impossibly tender.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, you can move,” you assure him.

“Thank fuck,” he mumbles.

His pace now picks up to something fast and hard with one of his large hands anchoring your thigh to his body. Your hands grip any part of his body that they can reach and you relish the way he hisses when your nails drag patterns down his skin. Marking him so that he belongs to you. Just as you belong so completely to him.

It seems impossible but you can feel the tension building low in your stomach again. His thrusts are so hard that you feel like his cock might split you open and something about it just works for you. You hadn’t thought anything about him would translate to this kind of hard and fast sex, but it’s somehow better than you could have imagined. With him so focused on chasing his own high, you rub circles on your clit to bring yourself over the edge again. You tumble over the edge for a second time just as Joshua’s thrusts get erratic. You do your best to take over the rhythm before slowing down.

Joshua collapses on top of you, cock still buried in your pussy, and sighs. His weight on top of you feels like the best security you’ve ever had. Your hands find their way into his hair, gently stroking and scratching his scalp. As he comes back around, he presses his head further into your hand.

“Hey,” you say when he looks up at you.

“You’re perfect,” he responds and you can’t keep the smile off your face.

“You were pretty perfect yourself,” you say.

“Am I too heavy, I could…” he starts and you pull him tighter against you.

“Don’t you dare,” you warn.

He doesn’t say anything, just nuzzles his face into your neck. But, you know that you can’t stay like this forever. So you don’t protest when he gently pulls himself up and gets out of the bed. You’re right behind him, leading him into the bathroom so that you can get both of you cleaned up.

After getting cleaned up, dressed, and doing your respective night time routines, you and Joshua are settled back into your bed (on top of a fresh set of sheets). Although you’ve never been much for falling asleep cuddling, you can’t imagine leaving any space between you and him. When he wraps himself around you, all you can do is smile and settle deeper into his perfect chest. Honestly, every inch of this man is perfect and you’d be annoyed if you weren’t so helplessly attached to him.

And it’s the best sleep you’ve gotten in a long time. You wake up with his chest pressed into your back and his arm still wrapped around you. It sounds like he’s still asleep based on his breathing and so you’re just considering slipping out of the bed. He moves in his sleep and pulls you tighter against him, making you feel that he’s semi-hard again. You press back against him, almost testing if he’s really asleep.

He’s not.

Joshua’s hand, already against the skin of your stomach and underneath your shirt, moves further up to your breast. His hand squeezes your breast and then he brushes his thumb over your nipple. Your body responds to his touch embarrassingly fast, which only seems to spur him on. He’s got your nipple between his fingers before you press back into him again, wiggling your ass against his dick without pretending you’re doing otherwise.

“Good morning beautiful,” Joshua says in a raspy voice into your ear.

The warmth of his breath along with the pressure of him rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger has you suppressing a moan. In the quiet of the morning, he hears it anyway. He removes his hand from your breast and you want to pout at the loss of contact. That is, until his hand works down between your legs, roughly grabbing hold of your pussy through your shorts. He runs his middle finger through your folds, likely feeling the way your shorts are getting soaked through already.

“Feels like someone might have woken up ready,” he says into your ear, voice sinfully low. His finger is still slowly teasing you through the damn material of your shorts. Somehow that makes it feel hotter.

“I wonder why,” you retort, undermined by the way you squirm under his touch.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks and stops his movements.

Your hand immediately moves to his. To guide him back to your cunt. “Please don’t. Want to see what those hands can do.”

His mouth is still by your ear, so you hear the dark chuckle and feel the air tickle you. He moves your hand aside along with your shorts as he slips his hand inside the fabric. His middle finger resumes the previous pattern almost lazily. You’re about to ask him to stop teasing you when he presses a finger inside you suddenly.

“Fuck,” you nearly scream.

“Is someone a little sensitive?” he teases. He’s a fucking demon and you would gladly sell your soul so he didn’t stop.

The way he pumps his finger inside of you is entirely too slow. But, when you try to meet his rhythm, he stops. Just when you think you might actually die, he inserts a second finger. It makes your back arch, pressing your ass further against his now very hard cock. He hisses and pulls his fingers out from you. As you’re turning over to adjust your position, you see him insert his fingers into his mouth. Holy shit. He really is the hottest man you’ve ever met.

Instead of letting you carry on in any way, he pushes himself up and repositions. You’re not really sure what he’s doing until he reaches for your shorts to pull them off. His focus is on you, silently asking for permission again. All you can do is nod.

“Told you that I wanted to taste you,” he reminds you once your shorts are off.

“Are you sure…” you start to ask before he cuts you off.

His head snaps up so he can meet your eyes. “I’ve been waiting to taste you for weeks.”

That shuts you up pretty effectively. What can you really say in response to that? Anything you might have said dies in your throat as he licks a messy stripe up your folds. He quickly settles, using one hand to keep you spread open for him, and licks into you. It’s all you can do to keep your eyes on him as his head bobs between your legs. You thread your fingers through his hair to keep him in place even though you know he’s not going anywhere. (And okay, maybe it’s more to ground yourself to him than anything else.)

It shouldn’t be surprising that his attentiveness translates this well, but it is a little surprising how well he seems to know your body. The way he knows just when to switch from licking into your cunt to flicking his tongue over your clit. The way he knows when he needs to add a finger and then a second. The way he can tell everything your body needs before you even realize it.

By the time he pulls himself up your body, he’s got you nearly panting from the build up. The kiss he presses to your lips is sloppy and a little desperate. Like you’re both totally fucked out. His fingers inside you keep a relentless pace as he hooks them, hitting that perfect spot.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you yell out, breaking the kiss. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire in an entirely different way from the night before.

There’s nothing in the world but Joshua and the way he coaxes everything out of you. The way he has you squirting on his fingers. You’re not even sure if the praise coming out of your mouth makes any sense and you’re definitely not sure what he says in return. It’s all you can do just to appreciate the moment.

You think that you’re going to get the chance to get your mouth around his cock now that he’s given you another mind blowing orgasm. But, by the time you get your breathing under control, you see that he’s rolling a condom from your drawer onto himself. He pulls you to the edge of the bed so that your legs are hanging off. It’s instantly stronger than you’re expecting from him and pulls a gasp from you.

Without even thinking, your legs fall open. Joshua seems to have found a bottle of lube, too, and spreads it over his cock. When he lines himself up at your entrance, you expect him to ease in like the night before. He doesn’t. He snaps his full length inside of you in one motion and you’re so overstimulated, but it feels so good.

“Fuck me, Joshua, oh my fucking god,” you say and clench down around his dick.

“Shit, that feels so good,” he hisses.

“You feel so good,” you moan.

“You have no idea,” he answers and starts thrusting.

It’s a complete haze from the moment you hear his skin slap against your own. Every coherent thought leaves your head. There is nothing in the world but you and him and the way you make each other feel. He leans over your body, crowds your space. Steals sloppy, desperate kisses. Praises you constantly and in broken sentences. It’s all you can do just to hold on, so sore and so unable to stop.

Your hands grip into the sheets around you that are completely rumpled. You try everything to keep your eyes on Joshua’s face. Memorize the way he looks when he’s concentrating. Appreciate how totally gone he is because you’re sure it’s the same look you have. Delight in the way his eyes get even wider when you clench your pussy around him.

It feels a little like he’s using your body to chase his own high, except there’s total comfort in that. All you want is for him to feel as good as you do. All you want is for him to get that release, especially since you haven’t been able to get your mouth on his cock yet.

“Harder Joshua, please. I know you’re close,” you beg and he obliges immediately.

Even though you’re trying to meet the rhythm, you can’t. It’s too erratic and too unpredictable. So you pull him down to you again and kiss him. Slip your tongue inside his mouth and let the kisses get as sloppy as they need to. You feel how close he is and only kiss him harder. He breaks the kiss for the last few thrusts, groaning as he comes. You’re right there with him.

(Later, he tells you that he’s never seen anyone hotter than you when you come. It would make you embarrassed in any other situation. But, you realize that you’ve never been with anyone that’s come close to him, so maybe it’s okay to accept his praise. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe this is the person that you’ve been waiting for.)

Now, you really do have to get up and clean up. As tempting as Joshua’s offer to shower together is, you don’t want it to turn into shower sex because that’s just not sexy (or practical). Neither one of you can seem to guarantee keeping their hands off the other. Instead, you tell him that he can use the shower in your guest room. It’s fully stocked and there are still more spare clothes in there. He insists that he should get some laundry going because you must be running out of clean sheets and you definitely made a mess.

With Joshua cleaning up some around the house, you’re the first out of the shower and dressed. Pleasantly sore in the kind of way you really enjoy. You’re sitting on the couch and scrolling through your phone, trying to decide if you want to order food or just cook what you already have. Before you can make a decision, there’s a knock at the door. It’s impossible to guess who it could be. Even Jeonghan wouldn’t bother you like this. Although he’s been texting asking for an update after you told him you finally got your shit together, he wouldn’t show up like this.

When you open the door, you’d give anything for it to just be Jeonghan. Instead, you see a face that you’ve been seeing entirely too much lately.

“What are you doing here, Johnny?” you ask with a heavy sigh.

“I need to talk to you,” he says.

“Why?” you ask.

“Come on, don’t be like that,” he pleads.

“Johnny, it’s the day after your wedding. What the fuck are you doing on my doorstep?” you ask, arms crossed.

“Are you really going to make me do this in the hallway?” he asks.

“I don’t see any reason to invite you inside,” you retort.

“It’s about your, uh, boyfriend,” Johnny says a little awkwardly.

“Joshua?” you ask because that actually piques your interest a bit.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

“No. What about Joshua?” you ask.

“This is really awkward. It would be better if we were sitting down…” Johnny starts.

“My little honeybun, is everything okay?” Joshua asks from inside the apartment. He must be out of the shower.

“Babe, we talked about the pet names,” you remind him as he joins you at the door.

“Oh, uh, I wasn’t expecting him to be here,” Johnny says.

“I’m her boyfriend, so I know why I’m here. What are you doing here?” Joshua says without hiding any disdain. "Are you really her boyfriend, though?" Johnny challenges. You stiffen almost imperceptibly, but Joshua must notice it because he wraps an arm around you protectively. "Of course I am. Why are you here?"

“I needed to talk to her,” Johnny says stiffly.

“About you, apparently,” you say with your eyes on Joshua.

“Right, so can you give us a minute?” Johnny asks with his eyes on Joshua.

“No, he can’t. If you have something to say, just say it. Then you can leave us alone,” you say.

“Fine, if you really want it to be like this, fine,” Johnny says. “I knew he looked familiar when I saw him at your parents’ house with you. It just took me a while. I ran into him at a couple of functions back when I was in college and traveling all around for my dad.”

“Okay? And? I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why I care,” you say even though you know where he’s going.

“He was always with older women,” Johnny presses.

“Can you just make your point so we can get back to our day?” Joshua asks.

“Fine,” Johnny says, irritated. “The whispers were that women paid him to come to the events with them. That he was selling himself to them.”

You actually snort at the phrasing. It takes you several seconds to compose yourself. You wonder what the point of Johnny doing this and if it’s his way of trying to keep you on the hook. Then you realize that you don’t really care what he does. For the first time in forever, you’re genuinely happy.

“I’m glad you think this is funny,” Johnny says.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I know how Joshua helped pay for his education. And like why am I going to give him a hard time over seizing an opportunity? There’s nothing wrong with profiting off of someone wanting his company platonically,” you say.

“You’re assuming he wasn’t also sleeping with them,” Johnny says, a little stubborn.

“No, I’m not assuming. I know he wasn’t because we’ve talked about this. He told me all about it without even being prompted. And unlike certain people in my life, I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. I know I can actually trust him,” you say. “It was also years before we met. We’ve all got history.”

“Nice dig,” he says.

“It’s not a dig, Johnny. Not everything is a slight,” you say with a sigh. “Where does Gabby think you are?”

“What?” Johnny asks.

“Your wife,” you clarify. “Where does she think you are?”

“Oh, well, that’s not important. I just said I had some errands to take care of,” Johnny says and you roll your eyes.

“We’re done, Johnny,” you say.

“Wait,” he says as you’re moving to shut the door. “I know I fucked up, but…”

“There’s no buts. Not anymore,” you say. “Maybe there was a point where I’d want to hear the buts and the apologies and all that. I’m happy now, though, and you can’t even tell your wife that you came to see your ex-fiancee the day after your wedding.”

“It’s not like…” he starts and you start to close the door at the same time.

“It’s exactly like that. Goodbye, Johnny,” you say.

The second you close the door, you feel a giant weight lifted off you. You just feel tired. It’s obvious that there aren’t any feelings there anymore, so him pretending he cares as a pretense to see you just feels irritating.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asks, eyes raking over you.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you say.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Yeah, really. I think I knew when I saw him at my parents’ house that time you came over for dinner that I was completely over it,” you say. “I’m sorry he tried to bring something like that up or make it a big deal.”

“I don’t care. It’s like you said, I did it and I’m not ashamed of that,” he says. “But, uh, I really wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” you ask.

“For defending me and for saying you trust me,” he says. It makes you a little shy for a second, so you look down.

“Oh, well, it’s not a big deal,” you say.

Joshua closes the space and tilts your chin up to look at him. “It’s a huge deal to me. I know we started pretending, but trusting me means the absolute world.”

“You make it easy,” you admit.

That seems to render him a little speechless as well because all he does is pull you into him in the tightest hug he’s ever given you. Your body fits into his like a puzzle piece. Which sounds sappy, even if in your head, and you don’t actually care. It’s the safest and the happiest you’ve ever felt.

“What?” he asks when you pull away.

“Nothing, I just think this is going to work,” you say.

Joshua smiles at you, that genuine smile he saves for when he’s at his happiest. “Yeah, I think so too.”

i hope you enjoyed this fic! let me know your thoughts 💕

tag list: @aaniag, @gyuminusone, @crepecakeu, @tinyelfperson, @dokyeomkyeom, @amoryeonjun, @miriamxsworld, @hongrizoon, @klecksstorys, @sunflowergyeomie, @straykidswhoo789, @holistic, @vanishingboots, @babybae-shisui, @matchahyuck, @sonybear40, @kimseokgen, @hyneyedfiz, @miujunhui, @graybaeismytae, @hyucksrealm, @livixxn, @sharonxdevi, @coupsystar8, @sana-is-ms-rmty, @pyeonghongrie-main, @naajaeminsgf, @beomesbabe, @magicshop913, @deletingthekisses, @lissiesykes (strikethrough means i couldn't tag, check your settings!)

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blue-jisungs · 5 months ago

Text

[ 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 ] kiss attack

# author’s note … i dunno pookies just a random thought inspired by the first pic ^^

# summary … surprising them with kisses OR pepper kisssonf their faces (out of the blue, mostly hehe)

# warnings ... some members might be suggestive if u squint, some r longer than others, not proofread (bare w me bc i wrote this in a car during multiple ocasions in my notes app w/o autocorrect so ! :D i know u love me guys heheheh)

┆彡 SEUNGCHEOL [ 승철 ]

coming home late from yet another photo shoot, cheol desired nothing more than a warm bed and falling asleep with you in his arms. he tries to be as quiet as possible when entering your shared home, aware that you’re probably asleep. and his leader instincts are correct, the place drowning in midnight darkness. taking his shoes off, slipping into fresh pajamas, slowly but surely dipping into the mattress… and home, he’s finally home. your sleeping silhouette is drawn next to him, only slightly lit up by the moonlight peeking through the window. just when he sneaks his arms around you and closes his eyes, ready to drift asleep, your body moves suddenly and there’s a quick but deep peck landing on his lips. then, as if nothing happened, you roll on the other side and curl into him. seungcheol feels his heart grow and fill with warmth as he falls asleep with a smile blooming on his lips and pink dusted on his cheeks.

┆彡 WONWOO [ 원우 ]

"hey, wonu?" you ask and peek your head through the door, only to notice him being busy with a video game.

"give me a sec!" your boyfriend hums and the only thing you can see are the flashing lights and images on his screen "is it important?"

"no, not really" you answer and walk up to him, noticing that he has one of his headphones off his ear to hear you. a habit he developed ever since you moved in "i mean, depends how you look at it"

wonwoo turns around to check up on you and then you attack. cupping his face quickly and planting a sweet kiss on his plush lips.

"bye!" you giggle and run away, leaving him frozen in place. he’s too stunned to speak and too flustered to move, heart beating like crazy and stomach filling with butterflies.

"hey, dude, come on! we’re losing because of you!" someone whines in the voice chat and wonwoo takes a glance at the door, where you were moments ago. with a whipped grin plastered on his lips he shakes his head and returns to the pleasantly interrupted game.

┆彡 MINGYU [ 민규 ]

mingyu was cooking dinner peacefully, focused on his task. mingyu’s engagement in the kitchen was no joke, multitasking and executing the recipe on spot. which is why he didn’t hear nor see you entering his work space. better yet, he didn’t acknowledge your waltzing in and wrapping your hands around his waist. only when you gave him it a little squeeze. your man turned around, shocked pout on his face. to be fair, you didn’t want to disturb him. but pouty mingyu was just too adorable not to kiss - so you did, gently but quickly; his lips tasting like the vegetables he was cooking (and snacking on).

"what was that for…?" he hummed and wanted to kiss you properly but you leaned away, resting your cheek against his broad shoulders.

"nothing" you mumbled incoherently and he came back to cooking, not noticing he just added too much salt.

┆彡 VERNON [ 버논 ]

you would think vernon is asleep at the first glance. laying in bed, one hand on his stomach and the other under his head. his eyes were closed and face was resting, chest rising up and down slowly. but occasionally he’d reach and scratch his nose. he was listening to a podcast with his headphones in. and something just possessed you, it was like you had to cover his cute face with kisses or you’d - not to be dramatic - explode. you climbed on top of him, cupping his face slowly. vernon didn’t even budge. then you started gently pepper-kissing his face, planting kisses on the most random places. your plush lips tickled him a bit but he didn’t really mind; just when you were done but still holding his face, he peeked an eye open.

"everything okay?" vernon asked. you just nodded and placed one more kiss on top of his nose, then left to continue with your day.

┆彡 SOONYOUNG [ 순영 ]

"yah, kwon soonyoung!" your yell echoed through the practice room, causing all the members to halt. the said criminal turned with his eyes widened in pure terror. his mind raced with thoughts: did he forget something? did he do something? or didn’t do? recalling events from this morning, he failed to notice when you stormed right at him.

"i’m sorry i’m sorry im sorry–" he started whining, eyes scanning your face in search of bad signs but he saw a flash of mischievous smirk on your lips.

"you forgot this" you hummed and pecked his lips quickly with a loud 'mwah!' and ran away, giggling.

"that woman is crazy. she’s making me crazy. actually, we’re both maniacs" soonyoung murmured, touching his lips. his friends shared a laugh, looking at his whipped state.

┆彡 JUNHUI [ 文俊辉 ]

"hey, sleepyhead, wake up!" you whine as you tug jun’s shirt for the millionth time in the span of three minutes. your boyfriend decided to take a nap before you leave to the planned date but apparently he wasn’t keen on waking up. "jun!"

he mumbles something you can’t quite decipher and turns to his back, soft snores escaping his parted lips.

"fine" you sigh and straddle him, pepper-kissing his face. with each kiss landing on his features, you feel his smile grow. once you brush just against the corner of his lips, his smile is way too wide to pretend he’s still sleeping.

"you did that on purp–" you start but aren’t meant to finish because junhui’s large hands grab your face and pull you in a real, deep and passionate kiss.

well, you take that as a yes.

┆彡 MINGHAO [ 徐明浩 ]

whenever minghao was meditating, you avoided to disturb him. not to lose balance and be able to focus… you closed the door and waited until he was done. but today you just couldn’t bare a second without him, your heart longing to be in his presence (even though you live together). hao had his eyes closed, focused on his breathing. but he did hear the soft click of door opening and then the sound of your food paddling against the floor. you tried to keep your volume down, certain that he did not hear you. before he could expose you, there was a series of kisses attacking his face. the feeling of your lips against his skin was pleasant but made him lose focus completely. before he could realize, you were already running off, giggling. minghao opened his eyes and looked around, shocked, and with the tips of his ears painted with red shade.

┆彡 CHAN [ 찬 ]

chan was sitting on the sofa, brows slightly furrowed and concentration all over his face. his slim fingers were typing at the speed of light, discussing something with his members. normally you’d think it’s something important but to be honest, you knew them too well. they were simply arguing what to eat for lunch tomorrow.

you were watching him, smiling subconsciously; he still made your stomach swirl with butterflies as if you were a teenage girl with her doorway crush.

and the feeling was just too strong to resist, you just had to kiss him.

so you got up and stood in front of him, not aware of your presence yet.

with a quick lean, you pressed a tender, loving kiss onto his plush lips. chan froze, fingers halting mid-air. he kissed you back and leaned away with a puzzled look.

"what was that for…?" he whispered, blinking slowly.

"nothing. you’re just cute" you answered with a shrug and sat down next to him, opening instagram. chan, a little flustered, reassumed the lunch dispute

┆彡 JEONGHAN [ 정한 ]

"you’re cheating!" jeonghan whines, a pout forming on his lips. you sigh, shaking your head with the cards in your hands.

"just because my cards are good doesn’t mean i’m chaeating… unlike you, sneaky fox" you snickered and put another card on top of his. maybe you should’ve known that playing uno with him won’t end well but in the end, jeonghan is passionate about winning in every game.

"that’s literally not possible, how come you have three cards left and i have like… thirteen?!" jeonghan puffs his cheeks and places a green one card "i hate this–"

you lean over the stack of cards and shut him up with a slightly aggressive kiss, nibbling on his bottom lip with a smug smirk.

you can hear him sigh softly and kiss you back. before he can realize, you put down your three colored ones and lean away, patting your things.

"uno… and, well, also no uno since i won" you smirked and jeonghan was left speechless, mouth open wide. whether you cheated or not during the game, it was an impressive win.

"no… but… that’s, that’s– that was cheating!" he whines again but this time only to make you laugh again.

┆彡 JOSHUA [ 조슈아 ]

joshua was still half asleep when he was brushing his teeth, his hair sticking in every direction possible and eyes half closed… struggling to keep his head stable.

you just looked at him through the mirror, smiling at your boyfriend’s drowsy state.

"do we have to get up so early…" he mumbled, barely audible due to the foam in his mouth.

"you booked the flight so early, not me" you chuckled and finished applying cream onto your face. you had to leave soon if you wanted to be at the airport early.

joshua answered something incoherent and spat out the toothpaste, washing his mouth with water.

he blinked slowly and caught your gaze in the mirror.

you just smiled and turned around, cupping his face. then you started peppering his face with gentle kisses everywhere: cheeks, forehead, nose, eyelids. and finally, his peppermint tasting lips.

"awake yet, sleepyhead?" you titled your head with a gentle smile and joshua nodded, a lazy smirk on his lips "good. i’ll make us breakfast then"

and when you left the bathroom, he realized he’d really feeling more awake.

┆彡 JIHOON [ 지훈 ]

jihoon had his headphones on so he wasn’t able to hear you but he did certainly see you. a small smile painted on his lips as he was observing you pacing around the gym. while he was busy curling his arms, you were bored out of your mind and there was nothing to aggravate your boredom. it’s not like you didn’t like accompanying him to the gym and watching him work out; no, quite the contrary. it’s just that he was in his space and there was nothing interesting to do besides watching him. you peeked at him in the mirror and caught his eye on you. then, your gaze slid to his arms.

"hey, my eyes are up here"

your gaze snapped back to him and his cocky smile. heat rose to your cheeks upon being caught. you had to shut him up.

"i know you’re bored but–" jihoon started, probably to tease you, but was interrupted by your lips meeting his. he almost dropped the dumbbell he was holding but came back to reality once he couldn’t feel the plush of your lips no longer. "what was that…?"

"go back to working out, smartass" you snickered and watched him be the flustered one now.

┆彡 SEOKMIN [ 석민 ]

"and then chan came out, fully dressed as pi cheolin! i swear, the sound of carats’ laughter made my day" dokyeom rambled. even though your back was facing him, you could still feel the gentle shake of the mattress due to his dynamic gesturing

"and i couldn’t help but laugh too! our chan is just so talented, maybe he should start an acting career! because i swear, it’s like… chan is gone and pi ch–"

as much as you loved dokyeom’s voice, whether talking, singing or laughing, you just wanted to doze off after an exhausting day. but he just wouldn’t stop talking.

"–possessed him! i swear i think my ribs got fractured after laughing so hard, he was just so into it–"

seokmin suddenly felt your lips crushing on his. the taste of your toothpaste exploded on his tongue, freezing on spot due to the passion of your kiss. it felt like eternity but in a good way; he kissed you back until he couldn’t breathe anymore. you noticed that and pulled away, this time facing him and burying your face into his side.

"i love you, kyeom, but for the love of mine please go to sleep" you murmured softly and he fell silent. not only because you told him to, also because his huge grin prevented him from further talking.

┆彡 SEUNGKWAN [ 승관 ]

"what a beautiful view…" seungkwan let out a deep sigh, looking amazed at the panoramic in front of him. you were holding his hand and admiring it too.

it was a random tuesday afternoon and you decided to go on a hike on a nearby hill. and even though it was exhausting, it was worth it. pallets of greens and yellows sprung in front of your eyes, blurring with the cloudless, blue sky.

"this one is more beautiful tho" you hummed suddenly. seungkwan turned around to see what did you mean but you just pecked his lips and squeezed his hand with a cheeky smile.

"that was so cheesy…" he rolled his eyes and while you turned again to adore the nature, his eyes stayed glued to your face with amused smile.

masterlist <3

taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,,

@weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @laylasbunbunny,, @mon2sunjinsuver ,,

@eternalgyu ,, @rubywonu ,, @mine-gyu ,, @nonononranghaee ,, @haecien

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gotta-winwin · 1 month ago

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OT13 Reaction -- the aha moment

or...how they realize they're in love with you

seungcheol doesn't get that aha moment, falling in love isn't something that happens within seconds for him. it's like he's slowly drifting into love, not even realizing you've become the focal point of his entire existence. when it finally hits him, it's a quiet, simple moment. he's watching you make him breakfast in the morning, admiring you quietly from the kitchen counter. he zones out for a moment, blinking suddenly and realizing damn. that's my woman. and he knows he's ruined for life.

it's kind of silly, how jeonghan realizes he's in love with you. he's just returned home from a busy day at work, entering the house to find it empty. searching the place top to bottom, he's about to call you when - BOO - you jump out from one of the closets and scares the soul out of him. he's clutching his chest, watching as you collapse onto the ground in a fit of giggles. he can't help but laugh along, realizing through the chaos that he's found his soulmate, and he'd be damned not to admit he's in love with you.

joshua's a simple man by nature. he's easily happy in life, only needing his members, his job, his lifestyle, and of course, you. it doesn't take long into your relationship before he realizes he's in love, as the two of you take a stroll along the Han River after a long day. he's watching the setting sun reflect against your figure, taking his phone out to snap a few pictures. it's when he notices his camera roll is full of pictures of you does he think well, that's it. i'm in love.

upon meeting his family, jun notices how much work you've put into it. you're doing your best to speak his town's dialect, communicating with his parents in a language that made them most comfortable. his heart swells when he sees you amidst his childhood home, trading stories and eating with the people who raised him. it's when he notes that you look so perfect here that he realizes you just fit. he's in love.

as if everything else is with soonyoung, his aha moment is full of fireworks and pizzazz. having just finished the most record breaking performance of his life, he finds himself with one thought only: i want to go home. usually, it's because he's tired. but now, ever since you stumbled into his life, he finds himself wanting, needing, to go home so he can hold you and recite everything that happened today. he's practically thrumming with energy to rush home, and everyone around him sees what is so painfully obvious. he's so in love.

wonwoo's always credited himself to be a loner. not a lot of people can fit with his quiet personality, so when you offer the idea of "parallel play" he's a little confused. his heart warms when you explain that you don't mind doing separate things as long as you're in the same area, understanding that he needs more time to himself than others might. it's when you tell him you love him enough to compromise does he think im so in love with this girl right now.

woozi's used to writing songs dedicated to his fans and members. he sits down for another writing session, brainstorming ideas and the thought of you pops into his mind. he shrugs, thinking it might be nice to mix it up a bit, sitting down to write something about you. it's when he reads his own words back does he realize he's irrevocably screwed and so in love with you. thought about settling down, buying her a house and saying screw the music. yeah, he's in love.

having always been a realist, minghao doesn't necessary believe in true love, or love at first sight. he understands there's going to be someone out there for him, but he's skeptical that that someone is going to be perfect. all his beliefs go out the window the moment he sees you - it's like you're surrounded by a golden glow - and he realizes maybe love at first sight can be real.

seokmin loves and gives as easy as breathing. he's always been a generous guy, and it's when you sit him down and kindly remind him to leave some for himself does he stare at you and realize ok i've found the one. you've become that steadiness in his life that used to be just his members, and you love and give to him like it's as simple as breathing too.

having always been the resident cook, mingyu's eyeing your food creation like it's some kind of poison or drug. he had insisted you didn't need to cook for him, he's always been the cook and doesn't mind it, but you were stubborn and he relented. it's when the first bite blows him away does he realize he kinda misses having someone cook for him too. if you're this good at cooking i might just have to marry you, he says, ignoring how you blush, going back for another bite.

seungkwan's always been the entertainer. he doesn't mind it, he enjoys the fact it's his job to make everyone laugh. but when times get tough and he's in no mood to be the entertainer, you're right there to support him. it's when he gets home to you after a particularly rough day and you welcome him in with open arms, murmuring how he's done well and doesn't need to do more. it's when he realizes he can just be seungkwan - not seungkwan the entertainer, but just seungkwan - and he loves you for that.

vernon never really thought about finding the one. he always just assumed that they would find him. and that's exactly what happens, when you bump into each other at the movie theatre - both there alone just cause. it's when you're enthusiastically going band for band with vernon about movies that he's forced with the realization that shit. maybe i have found the one.

chan's always known he was in love with you. he doesn't like to admit it cause he thinks it makes him sound sappy, but he truly never questioned his love for you. it was a simple thing in his mind - this person makes me so fucking happy - i must be in love. and how could it not be simple for him? he's staring at you quipping about some joke to his friends and he's thinking i love you. he's watching you just wake up from a nap and he's thinking i love you. he sees a text from you on his phone mid-dance practice. i love you. he's always been in love with you because he loves everything to do with you.

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fruithoughts · 2 months ago

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PRINCESS TREATMENT

‎‎‎‎ㅤㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤh. joshua x fem!reader ⪩⪨

01.ㅤۗㅤ𝙼ember . ⎯⎯⎯ joshua.

02.ㅤۗㅤ𝙲𝚆 . ⎯⎯⎯ multiple pet names, possessive thoughts, mentions of blowjobs(m.) and sex, just a very gentle guy who loves his girl more than anything.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua whose instagram is filled to the brim with pictures of his beautiful girl, sometimes he forgets to tag you but it’s okay because it takes no sherlock holmes to figure out your username since he only follows your account and a naruto fanpage.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who wants you to meet his parents in less than a month into the relationship, it’s extremely important to him to make it as clear as possible that he is serious about you, leaves no room for overthinking at all, always a step ahead of you in the “would you still love me if i was a worm?” department, the best boy indeed.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who would rather take a bullet than let you pay for literally anything, because how dare you even suggest paying for your own things? as if you don’t know the only reason he works so hard it’s exactly so he can pamper you endlessly? the absolute nerve of you, better get on your knees and start apologizing.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who is the sassiest and most dramatic guy you’ve ever been with, but can not for the life of him handle the thought of you doing any work at all, in every aspect, which, ironically, sometimes makes you work even harder to get what you want.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who makes it the world’s most difficult challenge to accept receiving head from you for the first time, he enjoys being the one doing all of the work to make you feel good, he just couldn’t see how blowing him off would please you at all so he kept denying(while completely ignoring the tent forming rapidly in his grey sweatpants) until you begged too sweetly, so softly, looking at him with so much adoration and love, like you wanted nothing more than to please him, he could have finished right there but instead he shook his head and sat down in the bed, ready to give his princess anything she could ever want, just like he promised he would! even if what she wanted was to kneel in front of him and try to fit his thick cock into her little mouth for a while.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who uses every opportunity that stumbles across his way to show off his huge arms, it’s a win-win scenario, he gets to feel all hot and manly and you get to hold onto your boyfriend’s strong biceps everywhere you go and get carried on bride style after a night out that, honestly, didn’t even leave you that drunk, but since he offered to carry you, who would ever say no?

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who adores your nails and is always super excited to see the results of your nail appointments, asks for pictures during the whole process, sends you food when it’s taking too long, and finally when the nails are done, he’s there to pick you up in his shiny car, more than ready to do the last step of your nail day, which is putting them to the test, the scratch test.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who just can’t help but adore when you leave him all marked up, he loves it, and how can you blame him? was he supposed to be normal about having proof straight on his body of just how good he made you feel last night? how could you even consider he'd do such a thing? this man is not normal about you in general.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who knows your entire wardrobe like the back of his hand, half of it because he bought it, the other half because of how often he’s watching you, definitely a “i look at you more often than you think” kinda guy. he’s very proud of just how well he knows his baby.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who remembers all of your food preferences and orders, knows all of your allergies, all of your icks and all of your friend’s gossips because he’s just so well behaved! he won't tell anyone, he never would! he's your joshy! you can trust him to keep all of your secrets, forever.

⪩⪨ boyfriend!joshua who’s very open about the fact that he wants to marry you, live the rest of your lives together, maybe with a kid if you’re into that, maybe just dogs if that’s better for you, he got his own wishes when it comes to creating a family, but at the end of the day; this man has one priority, and she has a name. whatever is best for you, it’s the best for him.

⪩⪨ husband!joshua who no matter how long it has passed since you got married, has not lost even a little bit of his obsession with you. his precious flower, his cute little thing, his darling, his sweet girl, that’s all you’ll ever be to him, all his to love and protect, forever.

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen smut #seventeen imagines #seventeen imagine #seventeen scenarios #joshua x reader #joshua hong x reader #joshua smut #hong joshua smut #joshua fluff #seventeen drabbles #seventeen reactions #hong joshua x reader

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hoshifighting · 2 months ago

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the ''ick's'' seventeen would give

seungcheol: would act tough in front of his friends, and with you would be talking like; pweaseee/otay/i wuv u so much 🥺 like—shutthefuckup

jeonghan: stole your lip gloss. yep, dead serious. you look over, and he’s pulling out your cherry gloss, pouting at himself in his phone camera to check it. then he has the audacity to judge you if it’s not his color. like, “babe, don’t you think this is a bit bright?”

joshua: man has this cringe little habit of saying “no cap” at the worst times, and he’s always wrong. burnt his toast? “no cap, that was the toaster’s fault.” got pulled over? “no cap, that cop’s jealous of my car.” you’re in a horror movie, and this dude would whisper, “no cap, i think we should split up.”

junhui: starts telling a hilarious story about his day but accidentally mixes it up with a story he already told you last week. he’s all “wait, have i told you this before?”

hoshi: eats with so much sound. slurping, groaning, making it a whole event. like, eating ramen? nah, he’s performing ramen, making eye contact, giving each bite a sound effect. and it’s so bad you’re rethinking why you even suggested dinner. you can hear every noodle hitting his mouth. done.

woozi: texts you “wyd” every fifteen minutes. like you’re just supposed to be sitting around waiting for his updates on what you’re doing, right? he’s the kind of guy who’ll FaceTime you just to check if you’re having too much fun without him. and the way he says “wyd?” – every. time.

wonwoo: he’s got a pet name for his gaming console. this boy will sit there, caressing his controller and calling it “baby” while yelling at his avatar. it’s all fun and games until he actually ignores you mid-sentence to mutter sweet nothings to his PS5.

minghao: changes his accent mid-sentence to be "fancy." like, you’re talking normal, but suddenly he’s doing his best British impression for no damn reason. “oh, quite right, love, terribly splendid.” and it’s out of nowhere, totally unprompted, with a smirk like he just did something magical. you’re cringing so hard you’re practically folding into yourself.

mingyu: he’ll be all smooth one minute, but then he gets real comfortable and lets out the loudest, most unholy fart you’ve ever heard, like it was a fart held since WW2.

seokmin: pulls out a super old toy he’s kept since childhood and starts playing with it, getting all emotional about “the good ol’ days.” like, bro, you’re a grown-ass man, and you’re here with a plastic dinosaur, talking about how it “used to roar.”

seungkwan: catches a whiff of something weird in the room and just straight-up sniffs his armpits. he does it casually, like it’s no big deal, then he looks at you dead seriously.

vernon: goes way too hard on his “cool guy” vibes. constantly pulling his hat down low, trying to act all mysterious, but he’s accidentally walked into the wrong bathroom twice just trying to “look chill” or, walking in the room with his backpack wide open (we have proofs). he does this squinting thing like he’s in a music video, but it’s just… nope.

chan: calls himself “alpha.” no, seriously, he’ll be like, “as the alpha, i need to handle this.” and he’s referring to something like taking out the trash. leaving you jaw dropped, wondering why he’s talking like a lost wolf.

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thestraybunny · 21 hours ago

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I (do)n't need you Pt. 2

Pairing: Non-Idol Joshua Hong x Afab!Reader WC: 12.7k Genre: Non-Idol AU, Exes to Lovers Rated: M (18+, MDNI) Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Smoking, Drinking, mentions of sex

Summary: With you and Minjun now broken up, and Joshua telling you he needs you over, is this a sign that the home that was once you and Joshua can be repaired?

A/N: So these fics are already written, which is why I put them out fast. Part 3 will not be posted until this weekend. I am still working on the 3rd installment of the Seventeen K-Series, which will be Wonwoo. Thank you for welcoming me so warmly. I do hope you enjoy Pt. 2

If you haven't read Part 1.

Eight-Fifteen AM.

Those red numbers on Joshua’s nightstand clock glared mockingly back at you, being the latest thing that your attention landed on. Silently begging for sleep to take over. It had been a struggle, since every time you did manage to fall asleep, it was only for a few minutes at a time before finding a new object to stare at. Very much aware of him holding you.

With the feeling of his soft breath against the back of your neck, his arm wrapped around your waist as if it’s an anchor, sleeping soundly. Something you should be doing too, knowing that if you could relax enough, it would easily be the best sleep you’ve had in months. Except your racing thoughts and body buzzing wasn’t going to let you.

No matter how relaxed you tried to get, nothing was helping, nor was the cast of warm morning light through the curtains. Lighting the small bedroom with soft rays of the morning sun.

Well, there was one thing that would help, but you weren’t sure if you were ready for that. You missed that with him, and you knew that if you woke him up, Joshua would happily indulge you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. At least not yet.

Being in Joshua’s arms again was such a surreal feeling, like you were coming home again after months away. Familiar, comforting, a sense of belonging, but at the same time it was all different. But instead of subtle changes, there was noticeable ones. The feeling of his arms around you, the light brushing of his lips against your skin as he slept was familiar and something you had missed so much and were home. Telling you coming over was at least the right choice.

But it was all still different. The breakup, the months apart, and the fighting before that had created cracks and holes in the walls of that home. Windows blown out and boarded up, and it was going to take more than slapping a fresh coat of paint to fix everything. It was going to take time to patch things up between the two of you, to accept the differences to feel comfortable again in that home.

If you could fix it.

**Six Hours ago**

You weren’t even sure what even possessed you to rush over to Joshua’s the way you did, rushing over like the pain you had felt for the last seven months didn’t matter, but you did. You didn’t even change out of your dark purple pajama bottoms and teal sleep shirt either, just rushed out. It was a miracle that you remembered to grab your phone, keys, and even your shoes. It was like you blacked out, only coming to when you were standing at his apartment door; not even sure how you even got there.

You had stood there for what felt like one of the longest minutes of your life, your hand raised up in a fist to knock. An internal battle raging inside. A logical part of you telling you to turn around, to let go and let your heart heal; it was over, and you needed to keep trying to move on. But then there was the rest of you, your heart included, was screaming to knock. That you were there cause you still loved him and that your heart belonged only to Joshua.

Even still you stood there frozen.

When you did finally knock, it was with a held breath, with the door opening moments later, and you were met with a surprised Joshua. Standing there in grey sweatpants and black vest top, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open at the sight of you. Not expecting you to actually show up at his door after that message, but you stood there mirroring his expression. Your own eyes wide, and your heart in your throat.

Constricting anything you wanted to say to him while you stood there, unable to look away from each other. After what felt like eternity, it was Joshua who spoke first.

“Hey.”

For a moment, Joshua really thought he was having such a vivid dream about you that he could smell the sweet vanilla scent of your bodywash. He thought the dream was so vivid that he could feel the warmth of your body against his, with your skin barely touching his lips. Making it so easy for him to place featherlike kisses over it like he used to when sleeping like this. It was a dream he never wanted to wake up from, to stay in a deep sleep if that meant you were in his arms, until reality started to hit as sleep left.

His eyes fluttered open to be met with the familiar color of your hair and the soft skin of your neck. His arms were really around your waist, gripping at your sleep shirt with his fists, keeping your back flushed against him. One of your own hands was resting on his, while your other was tucked under the pillow you were using.

He didn’t move for a moment, in fear that this was a trick and that he was in another dream only to wake up alone. Like he had for months, and telling himself that he didn’t miss this feeling, growing tired of lying to himself. He didn’t want this to be a trick, and he was stuck in another dream, only to be woken to the reality that didn’t include you.

If this dream wasn’t real, it would break him from how real it felt.

When you let out a soft sigh, it had snapped Joshua out of his inner battle. Fuck, he wasn’t dreaming. You weren’t a figment of his heartbroken mind. You were actually there. You were real.

Slowly, he lifts his head up to get a better look at you, watching as your eyes close and he knew right away that you hadn’t been sleeping. The soft sigh being the first telltale sign, since it was normally reserved when you were restless, unable to clear your mind of thoughts so you could comfortably sleep.

He could feel your body relaxing in his arms, but he also knew you were having trouble staying that way. Was it him? Was he holding you too tight and you weren’t able to get too comfortable? He was holding onto like you were going to disappear if he let go, so it might not be helping. Could it be because he was touching you at all?

Nothing more happened except for a few lingering kisses, Joshua didn’t want to push you further than that without you giving him a clear sign. Even if all he wanted to do was to strip you naked to show you how much he truly missed you. To praise every inch of your body, seeing that if what he remembers you like still rung true. He wanted whisper all the sweet words into your ear that he couldn’t for months.

Except he didn’t. Instead, he made sure to show you by the way he kissed you, keeping the desperation at bay, and the way he spoke with you. You didn’t push to talk or for more, so he didn’t either, both of you content with just being close again. Very little words being exchanged, not wanting to spoil the moment that cocooned you.

Maybe you were feeling different in the morning light after the high and adrenaline dissipated from sleep. Maybe he started talking in his sleep and said something that made you change your mind. Helping you realize that this was a mistake after all, or you truly was moving on while he stayed in limbo. Struggling between needing you here and letting go.

To him, having you here with him felt right, more than right, and that he was so stupid for letting you go. That he should have never let you go. To him, having you here was giving his heart hope for another chance. But who’s to say that you felt the same after all this? You being here had to be a sign.

He was reluctant to loosen his hold on you, letting go of your shirt, to give you more space when what he wanted to do was snuggle more into you. Considering getting up and making some coffee, think about the things he wanted to say to you. Figure out all the ways he could ask for forgiveness and get another chance to make things right. Hell, he was willing to bow down to you and beg you if that’s what it took. He might still do that anyways.

Your hand grabbed his when he went to roll away, causing him to freeze.

“Where are you going?” You asked, your eyes still closed.

“Just to the kitchen, Darling.” He answered softly, watching you roll over in his arms to wrap your own around his waist. Your face now nuzzling into his chest and taking a deep breath in like you were taking in his clean scent. “I didn’t want to keep you from being able to sleep, so I was going to get up and let you.”

“No. Don’t go…” You whine, your voice mixed with exhaustion and need, and Joshua could feel the corners of his mouth twitch upwards. In this position, your body started to relax completely, and sleep took over (what he didn’t know was for what felt like the hundredth time that night).

Pressing his lips against the top of your head, it was Joshua’s turn to watch the clock on his nightstand.

Ten o’three AM.

It was the smell of coffee and cooking food that caused you to stir, waking up to find yourself alone in Joshua’s bed. The bedroom door was open, giving you perfect view of his kitchen from the bed, and where he was moving around to make breakfast. Singing softly to himself, one of his go to songs, with his hair a mess from sleep and still in his pajamas. Looking like he hadn’t gotten much earlier than you.

Rubbing the remaining bits of sleep from your eyes, the events of the night before replayed in your head. From telling Minjun to have fun with his friends all the way to waking up single and in your ex-boyfriend’s bed. How a chance run in with Joshua lead to a call from Jihoon, of all people, and setting in motion the events that happened over a few hours. It was crazy how easily you believed the producer too, not even giving Minjun a chance to defend himself or even possibly gaslight you. Or it was just your excuse of an out and you didn’t realize it.

You didn’t even let yourself get hurt by him, yet here you were in the bed of the man who broke your heart. So willing to rush back into his arms after that same phone call from Jihoon, and not even think twice about it. Possibly making a huge mistake. You weren’t sure if you owed him a thank you or a punch to the gut or both. Only way to know was to leave the bedroom and talk to Joshua.

Sitting up, the sheets fell to your waist, but you didn’t need to look down to see that you were still in your pajamas. Joshua didn’t try to push further then kissing you or lightly touches to your arm and face, seeming to pick up your hesitation to jumping into that. Leaving you feel grateful and reminded of the kind and considerate man you fell in love with. The real Joshua, not the man who broke your heart months ago.

If you wanted to, he would have given it to you without hesitation, knowing he was ready to please you in ways that made your body warm at the thought. There was too much uncertainty though, the cracks and holes in the walls needed more attention than your need to have sex.

Your eyes stayed trained on him as he moved around, disappearing briefly out of view only to appear with two plates. He catches your gaze when he looks toward the bedroom, a smile spreading across his face that turned his eyes into little crescents. The same smile that you used to be greeted with every morning you stayed over.

It filled you with warmth while tugging at your chest, but you smiled back, nevertheless. Joshua didn’t wait for you to get up and come out, instead started walking toward the bedroom and you.

“Good morning. Hope you’re hungry.” He spoke for the first time when he went to sit at the edge of the bed next to you. His eyes asking if he could kiss you like he used to, testing the waters with his eyes and not his words.

You weren’t sure what you were doing, but neither was he. It reminded you that you were in the same boat, not sure what was okay to do and what wasn’t. Hours earlier, all you both wanted was to just lay in each other’s embraces, too exhausted to talk seriously nor wanting to ruin the comfort of the moment with bringing up the past just yet.

But that past brought unspoken boundaries that were once not there, and neither of you knew how or if you should cross them. You were more hesitant about it then he was, even if he was testing the waters with looks rather than his words. It motivated you to also dip your toe in.

When you dropped your eyes down from his to his lips then back, Joshua took this as you giving him the okay. As he starts to lean in, you spoke up, “I have morning breath though.”

“Has that ever stopped us before?” He asked, smirking because you knew he was right. There were once mornings when you both would stay in bed, unable to detach your lips from each other from the moment you woke. Not giving a single shit about morning breath or brushing your teeth. When you shook your head, he then asked another question. The question he was asking with his eyes. “Could I kiss you good morning, please?”

You ignored the parts that were telling you not to, that you were building yourself up for disappointment, leaning forward with the intention of a quick peck. Just to feel his lips again, maybe start to make up all the lost good morning kisses, to pull you both out of limbo. That peck quickly turned into his tongue gently dancing with yours, with one of his hands grasping at your jaw gently. Using his hold to pull you closer to him, so you were now sitting on your knees on the bed, and your own hands resting on his covered thighs.

One thing about Joshua is that he loves to kiss, and if you let him, he would kiss you for hours on end. Only breaking away to take a breath or your lips were raw. So, it took you off guard when it was him who broke away first, pressing his forehead against yours. His eyes closed as he steadied his breathing, it didn’t sound like the way he would when controlling his arousal, it was one that was trying to control his emotions.

Then he pulls away, shaking the hair that was falling into his face away as he smiles at you. One that barely met his glossy eyes, missing this as much as you and haunted with the knowledge that you were not there in his bed as his girlfriend and that you were still exes. You weren’t the only one to see the cracks and holes in the home that was you and him. Even the foundation was unstable and shaky. It was overwhelming for him as much as it was for you.

Of course, you wondered why this wasn’t easier? Why couldn’t you just fall back into that happy world that you both made together? Like nothing ever happened between you with all your problems melting away.

That was a scenario for a perfect world, and this was nowhere near a perfect world. You weren’t delusional enough to think that it was going to be that easy. No matter how much you wanted it to be.

“Come on, let’s eat.” His voice was soft as he stood, offering you his hand to help you off the bed. On you took with no hesitation. Just because its not going to be easy, doesn’t mean you aren’t willing to try.

“Okay.”

**A year ago**

You rolled over and reached out for Joshua, only to find his side of the bed empty and he was already up before you. The entire apartment smelled like food and coffee, and you watched the way he moved around the kitchen from where you laid. Making breakfast, despite it being your turn to make it.

Joshua loved to sleep in on his days off, which is why you originally agreed to switch off, so he could sleep in, but he would still get up to do it when you stayed at his. He even did it when he stayed over at your place as well, causing you to get up much earlier then you wanted to beat him to it. Even if it was your day off too.

Pulling your attention from him, you twist your body in the sheets to stretch, your body remembering the night before by how sore your muscles felt. In your stretch, you reached for the pillow he would use to nuzzle your face into it. Laying your head on this pillow instead of yours, your eyes traveled back to the man moving around in the kitchen.

His dark hair tousled from sleep, and the only thing he was wearing was a pair of pale pink pajama bottoms. Giving you perfect view of his toned body and even glimpses of the marks your nails had left on his back when turning away. Choosing to hum the melody of a song that he was working on with Hansol, instead of outright singing it.

After laying there for a few minutes longer, admiring your boyfriend as he cooked, you finally got out of bed. You didn’t bother looking for the pajamas you had originally gone to bed with the night before, those thrown in different parts of his room and out of sight, just grabbing a new pair from your drawer. Choosing a pair of silk shorts and matching shirt to put on before making your way out of the room to his kitchen.

The moment Joshua laid eyes on you, a wide smile spread across his face, abandoning the eggs he was cooking to greet you. His hands grasping your hips, pulling you to him before moving them to your ass.

“Good morning, Darling.” He made sure to say before pressing his lips against yours, and naturally you melt into him. With your arms around his neck, you two quickly lost yourselves in each other and your make out.

“Good morning to you too, baby,” You smile as you break away briefly, playfully bumping his nose with your own before he kissed you again. Both of you losing yourselves in each other’s mouth and touch until the smell of something burning met your nostrils and you pull completely back. “The eggs.”

“Oh shit!” Joshua twisted around to rush to the stove, and you could only stand there laughing. He made quick work to dispose of the burnt food, only to stand there watching you laugh at him. His own smile and laughter bubbling over.

The last time breakfast was this quiet, it had been the weekend before Joshua had broken up with you. You had gotten into another fight over broken plans once more, this time you had gotten tickets to see an artist that you both were into. He had even agreed and seemed excited to go, giving you hope that maybe a night like that will help turn things around, only for him to bail at the last minute saying he couldn’t go.

Claiming he had to work late with Jihoon and Hansol, but really he stayed home to get drunk with Seungcheol and Jeonghan. The only reason that you had even found out was because Joshua started to talk about something that happened that night with his two best friends. Catching him in the lie when you went to question it more, and it led to a large fight. One that resulted with you sleeping alone in his room while he took the couch. He had stopped you from leaving, not wanting you to leave since it was so late, but he didn’t want to be around you.

To this day, you wondered if he heard you crying yourself to sleep behind the closed door, hurt and wondering what you did to make him treat you this way. Trying to figure out what went so wrong with the two of you, and what happened to the man you fell in love with. Not the stranger sleeping on the couch. It only made for an awkward silence at breakfast the next day, the once delicious meal now flavorless and lacking warmth.

The last meal.

But this breakfast was nothing like that. The difference between the two breakfasts was the atmosphere. You weren’t mad at each other, nor was silence uncomfortable and awkward like it was that morning. The feelings were different, the awkwardness, it was because neither of you knew where to start the conversation. How to even start it.

Joshua was just as lost as you were when it came to this, not sure how to bring up the elephant in the room. Both of you sitting next to each other at the kitchen island, eating breakfast that was full of flavor and warmth this time, the only sound was your utensils hitting the plate.

“Do you really regret this?” It was you to break the silence, pushing around the last pieces of your hashbrowns on your plate, looking toward him. Joshua was in midchew when you asked this, stopping at the sudden question, then proceeded to set his own utensils down while finishing his bite. “Do you really regret breaking up with me?”

“From the moment the words left my mouth.” He answered honestly, and you searched his face, but mostly his eyes. There was pain, regret, but there was still so much love in there for you and you knew he was telling the truth. “I wanted to call you back, I should have called you back. I really don’t know why I didn’t.”

“You gave up on us though.” You tried to hide the crack in your voice, your thoughts going back to the months of wondering what made him give up on the two of you.

“I am not trying to start a fight here, but you gave up on us too.” Joshua retorted, and you had to swallow back the offense that was bubbling when he was telling the truth. You didn’t asked questions, you didn’t fight him, and you try to convince him that you could make it work, but instead you took the breakup lying down. “You didn’t try to fight for us either. You just accepted it.”

“You’re right. I didn’t fight it.” You answer in a small voice, not bothering to try and refute something that was true. You essentially gave up on both of you as well, snuffing out the fight that you had in yourself. He wanted to break up, he didn’t want to make things work, and you accepted his decision. “But, even if I did, would it have made a difference?”

Joshua didn’t respond at first, just looking down at what was left of his food, lost in thought. You were right that it wouldn’t’ve made a difference at the time, but maybe it would have motivated him to call you back the moment he hung up. Or it would have just made everything so much worse, causing the broken home to crumble into ruins.

“For what it’s worth, I really am sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t the boyfriend I should have been and that you deserved at the end. For just giving up. Instead of trying to find the root of the problem, or make a better effort on my end, I searched for reasons to avoid you. In fear that the moment we saw each other, we would just fight. Instead of working things out, remembering just how much you really mean to me, how much us being together means to me, I just gave up. I hated it, the fighting and the fact that my lack of effort caused me to lose you.” Joshua finally spoke after a painful minute of silence, reaching for your hand to lace his fingers with yours. Your gaze dropped to your intertwined hands.

“I know I don’t deserve another chance, but I hope you showing up means that you are willing to give me one anyways.” He finishes with a soft squeeze to your hand, and the softest of smiles.

It was your time to sit in silence, your gaze steadily staying on your interlocked hands. He was right, you showing up like you had did give that impression. And maybe you did. You didn’t deny missing him, didn’t deny that being here with him was resonating those strong feelings still within you. Everything was looking over both of you, and he was more than willing to take that chance again, but how willing were you? Giving him that chance to break your heart all over again.

Or you breaking his heart this time.

“You can’t take all the burden, and I won’t let you either. I wasn’t the best of girlfriends either. I started fights with you over trivial things, I prioritized things over you too just to avoid fighting, which only led to more fighting. I should have done more myself, so you can’t take all the burden,” You finally tell him, not looking up just yet. “I also just broke up with my boyfriend.”

“I understand.” The way he said this, it made you scared to look at him. Not wanting to see the rejection playing across his beautiful dark round eyes.

“I broke up with my boyfriend, and instead of crying over it with a bottle of wine, I ran to you…” You still wouldn’t look at him, watching his thumb stroke your knuckles. Not letting go of your hand.

“I am not really sure where you are going with this,” He lets out a nervous chuckle as your name fell from his lips, and you chance a glance toward him. You could see his eyes shining now with a mixture of confusion, sadness, and hope.

“I honestly don’t know either.” You answer him honestly, with your own low chuckle. “I don’t know if I am ready for this, or even should be jumping back into this with you. I don’t even know what completely possessed me to rush over here like I did, especially when I was able to walk away from you before this. Walking away though, it only fueled the lie that I was better off without you. That I will be a better person from all this. But I also don’t want to lie to myself anymore, and I know I will regret walking away more than trying again.”

“Hey, wanna know something?” Joshua didn’t miss that you wouldn’t let go of his hand either, instead tightening your hold on it. “I don’t know either, but I miss you that is for sure, and I have no intentions of messing this up again.”

“I miss you too, more than you ever know, but we don’t even know if this is still anything, Joshua.” You tell him, but there was now determination in his eyes. It made every part of you vibrate, while your heart pounded against your chest at the sight of this. He was serious, but you still had your concerns. “We didn’t make it work once. Who’s to say that we will this time?”this

“We don’t know, but that’s the whole part about trying again. I experienced losing you once though, and if you give me the chance,” You aren’t sure if it was you leaning toward him, if it was him leaning in, or if you both were as he says this. His other hand pushing back a piece of hair that was of place, his nose lightly brushing against yours as he continues to speak. “I don’t plan on making the same mistake twice.”

The kiss shared after this declaration backs up that he means every single word, as did the feeling you still felt. Even with all the doubt and uncertainty the hung in the air, one thing was for sure, those feeling never left. Yours were still very much present as was his. They never tried to go away or lessen with time.

It was clear the moment you saw him again the previous night, when you walked into his apartment again, when he kissed you timidly for the first time in months, and it was still very present now. Every part of you responded so well and naturally with him, yearning for him. It caused you to be the one who deepens the kiss, and Joshua was more than happy to oblige.

A part of you wanted to just pull him over to his couch, a place you spent many nights tangled up on to watch movies or other activities when the movie got boring. Or even back to his bedroom, strip each other of your clothes and make love again. You didn’t want to care that may contradict what you were trying to do, rush back into anything that intimate with him, but his words fueled that side. If he wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice, neither will you.

Then the kiss ended, and Joshua couldn’t stop from smiling.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” He suddenly asks, releasing the gentle hold he had on you, sitting back as you blinked at him. “You aren’t ready to get back officially yet, and that’s fine. But that doesn't mean that I can’t court you, spoil you, or take you on dates. Do it until there is no doubt in either of our minds that this will work out.”

“Okay,” You answer, and that smile only widens before he plants another kiss against your lips. Unable to contain his excitement, but you pulled from the kiss, “I have to work tonight. The group I work with have a performance. I need to be there by four today, but after tonight, they are taking a brief break to focus on recording their new album. I will be free until either the company assigns me to another group, or the girls do their comeback.”

After the words left your lips, you had a sickening feeling at the pit of your stomach. This has been one of the many problems the two of you had. Work. When you weren’t working with a group, you would either be assigned to fill in for other makeup artists or other staff members. There was stints where your schedules would be filled with comeback stages, tours, performances, or any other activities that you were needed for, but then there was stints where you would even be lucky to be called in at all.

Groups and Soloists maybe always debuting, but there was just as many disbanding all the time. Work may seem plentiful, and it could be, but it was not steady unless you found yourself with a successful group. Joshua worked nearly exclusively for Jihoon as a songwriter/musician along with Hansol, and with Jihoon’s success, he had a steady and consistent schedule. He normally was home by a decent hour unless they were on a crunch to get songs written and worked out for artists.

Your jobs were different, even if they were at the same company. Which was never an issue until toward the end of the relationship, turning it into a weapon to avoid each other or an excuse to fight. You both were guilty of this, and a part of you wondered if that was enough to make you both backtrack. There was still so much doubt and insecurities heavy on your mind, but he made you feel like there was a glimmer of hope for your relationship. Something that you hadn’t felt in such a long time.

You must have been wearing the concern all over your face, because Joshua could only chuckle before pecking your lips with a quick kiss.

“How about tomorrow night, then? Go to dinner with me? Let me treat you,” He asks when sitting back, turning his attention to his coffee. There was not a single shred of annoyance or hints that he was going to change his mind. “We both were stupid for getting upset over things like work, and our schedules is something that we can’t avoid. We made it work once, and we will make it work again.”

“Tomorrow night then.” You not in agreement, both agreeing to the date and that you were also going to work on this too.

“The hell do you mean that you are taking her out on a date tomorrow night?” Jeonghan asked trying to hold back his annoyance as he sat in the same place you were sitting at that morning. Instead of food Joshua cooked and coffee it was several bottles of beer and soju with boxes of take-out spread in front of the two. “Last I knew, she had you blocked and was with that guy she was flaunting all over her socials.”

What originally was going to be a night in for Joshua to relax and actually process the last twenty-four hours turned in an impromptu hangout session with his best friend. The moment the other man walked into the apartment, he was able to pick up the change in his mood. Appearing to be in a lot better one then he had been when leaving the bar the previous night. Hell even in months in fact. Lighter. Happier. It didn’t mask that there was still a heaviness to him, but the change was quite noticeable.

It took Jeonghan a minute to coax out what Joshua was so happy about, and his reaction was one that the younger of the two had expected. Jeonghan never had qualms with you before, after all he was the first person you became friends with when you started at the company. He would find you annoying at times, even though he was just equally annoying, but he had always liked you well enough. But another thing about Jeonghan, is that he hated seeing his best friends or anyone close to him hurting, and while he was the first to call Joshua out on his bullshit after the breakup, you still became public enemy number one in his eyes.

Even if it was Joshua who had initiated the breakup, he hated how much it effected his friend and how much it actually did hurt him. He watched it chip away at him for months before, and well after. He would often catch him looking at what you would post to your story, your page, or even photos he had saved on his phone from your relationship. Jeonghan would listen to him lie to everyone that he was over you, that he wasn’t regretting his choice, and that he wasn’t bothered that you cut off contact with him.

Even though he couldn’t fault you for cutting him off, he still carried a mindset that made it easy for him to see posting Minjun was a way to flaunt him in front of Joshua. He didn’t think to consider what you were going through, trying to live like it wasn’t painful because that didn’t matter to him. His best friend was hurting, and you were the root cause of it.

“She broke up with him last night, but didn’t tell me what happened. Just that she was wasting her time and so was he. Something had changed her mind from when I ran into her to her unblocking and following me again on Instagram, but she won’t tell me what it was.” Joshua sighed, taking a drink of his beer while the other man just stared at him. “She ended up staying over.”

“She stayed over? I get you have history, but she sure jumped into your bed pretty fast after breaking up with that guy.” Jeonghan mused as he took in what was being told. Joshua gave him a look, knowing he was judging you and jumping to conclusions. “Can’t say that’s a good look on her. Makes me wonder…”

“Okay, stop. We didn’t have sex first of all, we fell asleep together.” Joshua didn’t hide the annoyance in his calm tone, shaking his head. “And you can stop hating her, you know. We both messed up by not working on problems that were fixable, and I broke up with her. You seriously can’t just hate her for this.”

“Bold of you to assume that I haven’t been calling you plenty of names in my head, or even telling you off. Quit trying to take all the heat off of her, you selfless bastard.” Jeonghan didn’t miss a beat, looking forward as he takes a generous swig of his beer. Making a satisfied groan as he sat the cold bottle down, “Fuck that hits the spot,” His attention then is back on Joshua, calmer with a soft sigh, “I don’t hate her by the way. I never hated her. I don’t think I have the capacity to hate her, it’s not like she killed your cat or anything like that, but I am well within my rights to not like her. She was barely a friend when you decided you wanted to get with her. I empathize with her as much as I empathize with you, but you are one of my best friends. You come before a barely there friendship. Of course you don’t come before my rock and…”

Joshua had started chuckling until he heard the beginning syllables of a name but stopped when Jeonghan froze. The younger of the two just watched as his best friend was quick to turn his attention away from him to grab his beer, trying to cover things up with a cough.

“Even if she wasn’t the one who ended things, she still played a part. She still hurt you enough to make you even want to do that.” The older of the two cuts him off before Joshua could say anything, before waving his hand in the air dismissively, “You want to get back with her, then do what makes you happy, but don’t expect me to pick up the pieces if you break up again. Just expect a huge ‘I told you so’ and a punch to the gut for putting us through that again.”

Joshua just let out a laugh at his friends baseless threat, knowing full well he would be there for him, watching as he opens the phone and started typing rapidly on it. This was going to be the closest he was going to get as a blessing from his best friend, who gave him a half smirk. With the way he had his phone angled, Joshua couldn’t see who he was messaging, just that his fingers were typing furiously.

“Who are you texting?” Joshua didn’t even need to ask, his phone going off indicating he had gotten a message in the group chat that was designated for their large but close circle of friends.

“The rest of the guys.” Jeonghan tossed his phone onto the island to focus on the rest of his meal. Joshua gave him a dirty look, “What? You didn’t tell me not to tell anyone. Besides, you hardly check the chat anyways, so you’ll miss most of us talking shit. Not about her, but you.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“I’m an angel.”

**Three years ago**

“Josh, I want you to meet someone,” Jeonghan clapped his hand onto Joshua’s shoulder, jolting him out of his daydream. He didn’t hear what was said, since his headphones were on, but when he twisted around he was met with a smiling Jeonghan and one of the most beautiful women he had ever laid eyes on. You.

“Sorry, what?” He asked, and this earned an eye roll from his best friend and colleague before he plops down while you took a timid seat next to Jeonghan. Joshua’s eyes didn’t leave you, though he answered the other man before addressing you, “Oh, hello there.”

“You should always know when I am around, one headphone out. I don’t like repeating myself.” Jeonghan chided as he draped his messenger bag over his seat. He grabbed one of Joshua’s kimbap pieces and popped it into his mouth. “I want to introduce you to someone.”

Jeonghan proceeded to introduce you as a new makeup artist to the company, letting Joshua know which group you were assigned to. You give him a small smile as you nod your hello’s and all he could do was stare at you.

“She just moved here from, where you from again?” Jeonghan turned his attention to you for an answer, a smile starting to crept over Joshua’s face. You tell both men, the both of you unable to tear your eyes away from each other, “Yeah, there. You guys can talk in English and shit.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Joshua.” It didn’t go unnoticed that Jeonghan didn’t actually introduce him, just you, but that didn’t bother him because he got to speak to you. Reaching out his hand, you took it to shake, and he liked how soft yours felt. Or how delicate they felt between his own.

He might be in trouble.

“Nice to meet you, Joshua.” His name fell off your tongue like it was a prayer that was coming true.

Oh god, he definitely might be in trouble.

“Wait, wait. Let me get this right,” Kami spoke as she took a deep inhale of the cigarette she was smoking, while you leaned back against the wall. You and her had just finished getting the girls ready for their stage when the taller woman declared she needed a smoke. You had to accompany her, which made it clear that it was just an excuse to corner you. Catching your different mood. “You broke up with Minjun last night, a guy you seemed to really like, just because Jihoon called you to tell you he was a creep, and instead of hearing him out… you went and spent the night with Joshua?”

When you had walked into the waiting room that was designated to get the idols ready, Kami had zeroed in on you. Besides Joshua and Jeonghan, Kami had been one of your first friends when moving there, and through her you met Ruby. The older woman was in charge of the outfits and dressing the idols, while you did their makeup, and the two of you were quick to become best friends.

After three years of knowing each other, Kami liked to believe that she knew you well enough to sniff out changes in your attitude, mood, and sometimes even diet. It was sometimes scary how she just knew.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“I need to have a talk with that short bowl of rice.” Kami muttered, and you only laughed as she took another drag.

“He’s going to deny it, he told me he was,” You pointed out, and the other woman dropped down in what looked like a tiny little ball. Her long black hair in a messy bun on top of her head, and her dark painted cat eyes staring at you with intensity.

“And you actually believe him when he said that Minjun and his friends were saying all that about you? That this wasn’t Joshua using him to get you back.”

“First, I think we both know Jihoon well enough to know that he doesn’t meddle in drama or even the affairs of others. You can’t force that man to do anything he doesn’t want to, especially a ploy like this. And Joshua wouldn’t do something like that either.” You tell her, looking forward with a sigh. “To be honest, I don’t know if Jihoon was telling the truth. I think I honestly was just using it as an excuse to break up with Minjun, because when I sent that break up text and blocked him... there was a sense of relief wash over me. Guess I didn’t like him as much as I thought.”

“And your first thought when experiencing that is to run right back to Joshua? Your fucking ex-boyfriend, and not just let your hoe flag fly high instead?” Kami asked, dropping the finished cigarette onto the ground to snuff out before picking it up to throw away. You couldn’t stop the small smile that was gracing your lips, thinking about Joshua.

There was still so much that needed to be fixed, but the pain was not as strong when thinking about it. It was so much lighter, slowly being replaced with bits of hope and excitement. When you left his apartment not long after breakfast, Joshua had kissed you so sweetly that you almost started thinking about excuses to get out of work just to stay around him. Spend time the day wrapped up on his couch or bed.

“It wasn’t like that was my whole mission all along.” You tell her, standing when you saw her grabbing her cigarette from the ground.

“Was the sex as good as it used to be?” Kami asked and you twisted your head to look at your friend in surprise. Which honestly you shouldn’t have been, since it was Kami, and she had a dirtier mind the Joshua and his large friend group combined.

“We didn’t have sex.” You tell her, and it was her turn to look at you with a mixture of surprise and doubt. She didn’t believe you. “We didn’t, Kami.”

“You’ve got to be lying. There is no way.”

“Would I really lie about that?” Kami gave you a pointed look and you let out a small laugh, “Yeah, yeah, don’t answer that. But I promise you, we didn’t.”

“You went to his apartment at like three in the morning, and you expect me to believe that you didn’t have sex with him? You have lost your mind.”

“I swear on Felix that I didn’t sleep with him,” At the mention of your kitten, Kami easily relented, but you could tell she was apprehensive, “I won’t lie, the thought crossed my mind, several times, and I am very sure he also thought about it, but neither of us went for it. We don’t even know if we are going to get back together, or if this is going to work. We’re testing the waters.”

Kami opened the large door that lead to the backstage area of the studio, and together you went back inside. Stopping by the restroom so she could wash her hands and touch up her perfume.

“We’re going on a date tomorrow night.” You confess your arms crossed before smacking at Kami when she suddenly flicked water into your face.

“Sounds to me like you’re getting back together.”

“It’s a date, not a marriage proposal.”

“You don’t know that.” Kami then stopped before you both left the bathroom. She grabbed your hands with now her dried one and gave you serious look. “I will stop with opinions for now, because you already know how I feel about that stupid ass Deer head. I will say this though, if he hurts you again, me and Ruby will make sure this time that he wishes he never came to South Korea in the first place.”

You went to go to ask her to not call him that but is stopped when she gives you a tight hug. One that you returned.

“Just be careful, okay? I’m too pretty for prison.”

You were exhausted when Kami dropped you off at your place at the end of work, choosing not to go out with her to meet Ruby for BBQ and drinks. You hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the previous night, and curling up in bed with your cat was the best idea to you. Even considered muting your phone for the night, and even well into the next day, except you needed it to communicate with Joshua over your plans.

Climbing up the steps to your apartment, you stopped at the sight of a small bouquet of flowers leaning against your door. Violets, Snapdragons, and Aster in pinks and purples, your favorite colors, with a small note in the middle. They were all beautiful and pet friendly since you had Felix. Making your way to the door, you picked up the bouquet and took a deep inhale of the different floral scents.

You entered the code on your keyboard to go into the apartment, trying to remember if you had a vase that would fit them since Kami currently has your large one. The small space was dimly lit and heavy with shadows of the furniture, so you made sure to flick the light on before moving further into the apartment. Felix was a black kitten and easily blended into the shadows, even with his reflective collar, so you had to be careful sometimes walking through your apartment. The last thing you wanted was to accidentally stop on him or kick him across the floor.

Luckily he was sleeping on one of the cat trees you had gotten him, not even fazed that you were now home. His little ears twitching from whatever he was dreaming about.

Kicking your sneakers off, you made your way into the small kitchen to find a vase that would fit the flowers. Pulling the note off in the process to read over as you did. Who it was from and the words on the paper made your heart flutter, even when you didn’t want to.

I was going to get you roses, but I remembered you had a cat now. So I got something that isn’t toxic to him, but still tells you how beautiful you are. I can’t wait for tomorrow night. -Shua

You didn’t want to smile like you were too or feel the way your skin warms across your cheeks, but you were rereading the note over and over. It wasn’t surprising that he was already doing what he swore he would do, it was Joshua after all. Getting the flowers into the vase, you moved over to your bag to grab your phone. Snapping a quick photo of the beautiful flowers, you sent it in the group chat with you, Kami, and Ruby. Kami had already been texting Ruby before you even got out of the car, and didn’t even hide that she was telling her.

You: img_052615.jpg You: These were waiting for me when I got home. You: And I don’t think I need to say who they are from. Kami can’t keep a secret worth her life.

You didn’t wait for a response before switching your phone to send a quick message to Joshua but stopping when you felt a brush of fur against your leg. Looking down you were met with a pair of beautiful yellow eyes and a small squeak of a meow. Felix had woken up and decided to notice you were home, so of course he was bothering you for dinner.

“Hello to you too, Feeler.” You coo out one of your many nicknames for the growing kitten, sending off the photo and a thank you to Joshua. Setting your phone down, you ignored the texts that were coming through to give your pet attention, “Let’s get you fed, and box cleaned before bed. How about that?”

You know you probably sounded crazy talking to you cat like they can respond, but you didn’t care because yours did with another small meow. The smile you were already wearing only got wider, turning your focus on getting him fed and litter box cleaned. Once done, you took the trash out before you finally started to get ready for bed. It wasn’t until after you showered and drying your hair that you even looked at your phone. With a few text messages waiting for you.

Ruby: Aww that’s sweet of him. Kami: Please gag me. Kami: Suck up.

You roll your eyes and chose to ignore the group chat, rethinking of talking to them about you and Joshua. To Kami, at least. Neither of them wanted to hear the sweet things Joshua was doing after hearing for months differently and helping wipe your tears. They had worked hard to keep you cheered up and helped you not think about him through the hardest times during the breakup, and you became that friend to them. The one that let the ex they never got over back in, proving their efforts were in vain because there was another chance.

Even if you weren’t even sure if there was anything to give another chance for with Joshua, you didn’t want to him walk out of your life again. Your home may burn down in flames, left back in ruins, or fixed enough to be amicable. After all you were friends before any relationship flourished, and even if it didn’t work out, you did want to salvage what you could of that.

The next message was actually from Joshua.

Shua: You’re welcome Darling. I’m glad you liked them. >< Shua: How was work?

You start to type up a response but stopped to stare at the words. The doubt and worry starting to bubble inside, making sure that you knew that it was still there and very much present. It made you feel a little guilty for feeling a bit excited to hear from him, but you didn’t set your phone down to forgo responding like you normally would. Deciding that you weren’t going to let those feelings get in the way anymore. It was just a question.

You: Long, but the girls killed is on stage. Per usual. Berry was actually pleasant to work with today. You: Kami wanted me to go out with her and Ruby, but I am exhausted. You: How was your day? Do anything fun? Or a whole lot of nothing?

After sending the response, you had tossed the phone onto your bed since you were only in a towel. In the time you got dressed, your phone had gone off a few times. A few from Joshua and your sister, and then one from the group chat with the girls. Your sisters texts were just checking on times to come visit, openly admitting that visiting you is a way to get away from your family and out of your home country for a week or so. Apparently your mother was pestering her to meet with one of her friend’s sons, and your sister was needing to make an escape.

Your family was great, but only in small doses. They were pretty traditional and could be overbearing to the ones who were not in the family. So you couldn’t fault your sister for wanting to get away.

The group chat was a video of your two best friends taking a shot together, before Kami flipped the camera off before ending it to send. Since she was the one who sent it, she captioned it.

Kami: We miss you, bitch. You’re coming out next time.

You roll your eyes, and Felix jumped onto the bed, meowing frantically for your attention. Slipping into bed, you barely get yourself under the covers before the kitten was on top of you, not even giving you a second to adjust comfortably in bed. Instead he just meows again and start headbutting your hand. Which moves to scratch the top of his head as you other maneuvers holding your phone to read the last set of messages.

Shua: I take it they know? Or no? I know I can’t be Kami’s favorite person. She still death glares me when she catches sight of me at work. Scares me a little. Shua: My day was uneventful, just laid around and then Jeonghan showed up with takeout and beer.

You move your hand away from the kitten to respond, only earning another set of meows from him and his paw reaching out to grab it. This makes you laugh, poking his nose gently with your finger.

“Let me answer and my hand is all yours, bubby.” You tell him, but still earned another round of protests. You try to respond as quick as you could since you were a slave to this animal, “You’re spoiled you know that.”

You: Laying around all day sounds so nice. Ngl, I am looking forward to a few lazy days until I got work again. You: They also know, that’s all I will say in that matter. But I don’t even need to ask. I already know Jeonghan knows.

You return your hand to pet the impatient animal, watching as the bubbles pop up and then disappear. Then they popped up again, before disappearing for good this time. With a tired sigh, you switched out of his messages to doom scroll. Not expecting a response.

Then a call came in.

Shua is calling.

“Hello?” You answer, your voice soft with exhaustion and surprise, and this earned an equally tired chuckle from him.

“Too tired to type, too much to type and I rather hear your voice then read your text.” His own voice raspy, reflecting his words, but you could hear the smile playing on his lips. His next words came out clearer, and nervous. “Oh, shit, I didn’t even think to ask if it’s okay to call you. I’m sorry, I can let you go if you want me to and call you in the morning.”

“You know I wouldn’t have answered if I didn’t think it was okay. I know how you are with texting, and you know how I am with phone calls, but since you’re trying to text me more, I should try to talk on the phone more,” You tell him, and this earns another chuckle from him. He hated texting, and sometimes he would go days or weeks, once a few months, without responding to texts. He preferred talking in person or on the phone while you didn’t hate talking on the phone, but you didn’t like it and preferred to text instead. You used to have a compromise that was uprooted during the breakup, but maybe you’ll be able to find it again. Or an even better compromise.

“So, you are looking forward to some lazy days, huh?” He asked, picking up the little flirtatious tone in his voice. It made your cheeks warm, and your bottom lip find its way between your teeth.

“Yeah, I am. I love the girls, but it’s nice to take a break from Berry for a bit. I can do without her bad attitude or moods sometimes,” You answer honestly, and Joshua only hummed. It wasn’t a secret that visual of the group you were assigned to wasn’t very easy to get along with, especially with her stylists, so it wasn’t like you were talking shit.

You adored the girls from Magnetic, not hesitating to provide praise about any of the five, but with every job there is challenges. And Yu ‘Berry’ Bitna was yours, but you felt that Joshua wouldn’t say anything anyways.

“Maybe, if you would like… we can be lazy together a few of those days?” He asks, and you let out a laugh at the offer. It did sound nice to spend those lazy days cuddled up to someone than doing it alone. Yes, you had Felix or could invite one of your friends over to hang out, but there was something about the offer that you liked.

“Maybe, let’s get through tomorrow night first.” You tell him, and the sigh that left him wasn’t one of frustration or anything, it was heavy with sleep and for a moment you heard his breathing start to slow. “If you’re tired, get some sleep.”

“Does seven work?” He asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Does seven work for tomorrow night? I forgot to confirm a time earlier.” He repeats, making his question clearer.

You were silent for a moment, looking down toward the kitten that had fallen asleep on you, watching the way his little chest would rise and fall. It didn’t even occur to you that you didn’t agree on a time, so of course that needed to be figured out. This somehow made you smile even more.

“Seven works perfect.” You finally response, your own voice suddenly soft. Not wanting to disturb the kitten sleeping on you. “Now get some sleep.”

“I am. But hey.” Your name came out so softly that you almost didn’t hear it.

“Yes, Joshua?”

“I love you.” The words rang in your ears, your whole body frozen, clear as day even with how tired he was. “I just wanted to say it… you don’t have to say it back if you aren’t ready. Just know I do, have not, and will not stop. Goodnight, Darling.”

“Goodnight, Shua.”

**Two and a half years ago**

“Hey, are we still on for tomorrow night?” Joshua stopped from walking away and turned back to face you. You check your phone to make sure you had enough time to get back to work. The girl group you were assigned to was filming a survival show and you were in charge of the girls makeup.

“Oh, yeah. Kami cornered me this morning to make sure I was. We are all supposed to meet at seven, right?” You asked and he only gave you a look. Not even half of the group that was going would be there at seven, but later, and you knew it. “I won’t be able to stay out late because we film at a different location tomorrow. Girls are filming a pre-debut music video, and we have to be there at what feels like the ass crack of dawn.”

“I wasn’t planning to stay late either, so I’ll probably dip when you do. I can be your escort home.” He answers and you made a show of rolling your eyes. “What?”

“Please, you really think Jeonghan, Mingyu, or any of them will let you leave early? The need someone to pin Soonyoung or Seungkwan with. And you live the closest to Seungkwan.” You tease. “I got to get back, but I’ll see you later alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you later.” Joshua nodded, and you reached out to give his arm a squeeze before hurrying back toward the practice room that filming was being done. You could feel his eyes on you while you walked away, and you had to bite your bottom lip to stop the shy grin grace your face. Not wanting Kami to see it and tease you.

You had been right about the next night. While the two of you had originally planned to leave together, you were the only one who managed to slip away unnoticed. Jeonghan had made sure to keep Joshua from leaving, causing you to go home alone. The next day you had found that it was Joshua who got extremely drunk and needed to be taken care of. Much to your amusement.

Even though you teased him through text, you still had food and different things delivered to him to nurse his hangover, before taking him dinner once you were finished with work. By then, he was already feeling better but played it up to keep you hanging out longer that night. All under the guise of ‘taking care of him’. You would have stayed regardless since you found yourselves binging on a show you found, but he wanted an excuse for you to play with his hair and massage his scalp.

Except you didn’t leave after the show finished, instead you had fallen asleep together on the couch. Waking up the next morning cuddled up in each other’s arms. It led to an awkward few days after, but you finally started to accept that something was there. Something he had already accepted the night before while Wonwoo and Mingyu took care of him.

Ridiculous. This was absolutely fucking ridiculous.

There was clothes thrown all over your room, as well as a few on the ground right outside your bedroom door, and two outfits laid out before you to choose. Standing there, you stared down at the two possible choices, with one arm wrapped around you and the other in front of your face with your thumb’s nail between your teeth.

One was a black skirt with a tanned oversized turtleneck sweater, soft to the touch, with the neckline thick and loose around your neck. The other was similar sweater, cream instead of tanned, but in place of the skirt was a pair of black skinny jeans with a few rips at the knees. Paired with some of your favorite boots.

Joshua just told you to dress casual, that the plans wasn’t calling for anything fancy, so formal wear was not a requirement. You couldn’t understand why it was hard for you to pick an outfit out, but here you were staring helplessly at them both. Looking over each one, you lost count of the minutes spend internally battling with yourself. All you wanted was to look good, and it only made you more nervous about your choices.

Six-Thirteen PM.

The time mocked you when checking it, another sigh falling from your lips. You already had your hair and make-up done, styling your hair down to fall in loose waves around your face, with your eyes winged out with your favorite liner and lips painted in a soft nude color. You thought doing this will make it easier to choose, but that didn’t actually happen.

You fucking hated clothes and felt life would be so much better without them. Why did you have so many to begin with?

Then Felix jumped onto the bed, choosing to lay on the black jeans, and you were quick to pick him up. With a soft coo to your voice, one that was reserved for your pet, you spoke, “Thank you for choosing, and I will trust your judgement, but let’s not lay on them.”

You had already thrown on a grey strapped top to wear under the sweater before slipping on the outfit, then fixed your hair when it got tousled in the process. With a quick check in the mirror, you jutted your tongue out to wet your painted lips as a satisfied smile graced them. This was an excellent choice, and you made sure to give the cat extra head scratches and a can of wet food as a treat.

Six Forty-nine PM.

There was a knock at the door while you were trying to gather up all the clothes that was thrown around, shoving the still hung up ones back into the closet and the rest in the hamper instead of taking the time to rehang or fold them.

“Shit,” You muttered, trying to close the overly filled hamper and gave up, at least your floor was picked up. Making your way toward the door, you stop to check yourself in the wall mirror before finally turning to open it. You went to playful scold him for being early, but your words were caught in your throat at the sight of him.

Joshua stood there, with a small bouquet of Snapdragons in his hand, looking nervously down at his phone. Your contact had been open in his phone like he was about to call you, and you didn’t miss that the photo was one of you both when you first got together. He had on a pair of dark blue jeans, a black leather jacket on with a matching t-shirt on underneath. His dark hair looked freshly cut and slicked back, giving you perfect view of his handsome face.

Even though you weren’t in anything special, just the jeans and sweater, Joshua’s eyes widened when he looked up. There was shine to them as he looked you over, taking in the way your hair and make-up was done right down to the outfit Felix had chosen for you. The gaze was intense, but so full of admiration and longing, with his hand moving to reach out to pull you to him. Making sure your lips were well kissed and needing to be touched up before leaving.

But he didn’t do that, those kisses from the previous morning were just memories then, instead he just stared at you as a grin graced his features. A wide one that made his eyes squint, but they never left you.

“You look beautiful.” He breathed out, locking his phone to slip into his pocket. You could feel your already warming skin grow hotter.

“Please, it’s not like you haven’t seen me in something like this before.” You shoot back, and he lets out of a small chuckle as he shakes his head.

“And I can see you in something like that a million times over and I will still think you look beautiful.” He points out, and you move to let him. You still needed to do a few things before you could leave.

“Come in, I am almost ready, but I don’t want to chance Felix running out.” Even with the hesitance playing on Joshua’s face, he didn’t stall to take a step through the doorway; not wanting the kitten to get out either. You watch as his eyes flickered over the small apartment at all the changes that have happened since the last time he was there. The day you broke up in fact.

The changes to you weren’t noticeable, but that’s because you had grown use to it all while Joshua still had the memory of that day. Photos and mementos from times together were no longer on display, they hadn’t been for months, but different things that meant something to you. Bits of furniture were either removed or moved to fit the cat trees, and a few cat beds for the cat. Cat toys strewn across the floor courtesy of Felix.

Even though there was still the same, like where you kept your dishes, where you kept your toothbrush, and where you leave your shoes, there was enough changes that it was a different world to him. He was going to have to relearn it all and get used to the way these things are now. As well as get used to the extra presence in the apartment.

Felix was on the back of the couch, his golden eyes wide staring at Joshua as his attention landed on the kitten. The two held each other’s gaze, close to a staring contest, before Joshua took a step forward. Felix almost looked like he was ready to run, the kittens eyes fixed on him.

“He’s going to bolt anyways, no matter how slow you go.” You let him know, and sure enough, the kitten was hidden under the dark grey couch. You bumped his shoulder sympathetically as you walked by him. “Don’t take it personally. He still does it to me from time to time. He’ll warm up to you soon. Let me grab my bag from my room.”

“So, there is a new restaurant that opened up a few blocks from here. Seokmin and Seungkwan swear by it, and even Jihoon thought it was pretty decent. Figured we can check it out, maybe catch a movie or take a walk after?” Joshua voice followed you to your room, though when you walked out, he was crouched to see if he could get Felix to come to him. “What you think?”

“I think, you’re not going to get anywhere with him tonight. I heard about that place, the Pretty U right?” Joshua nods at your question, “Kami and Ruby both went last week, and really liked it. They were talking about taking me some time, but if I can piss Kami off by going with you instead then I am definitely down.” You answer, making your way to the pile of shoes to throw on. A pair of ankle boots, with barely any wedge compared to one of the more heeled ones. The height difference would be obvious, with you being over 20 centimeters (8 inches) shorter, but that part didn’t matter to you. Because why would it?

And you knew he didn’t care either, in fact you remembered he liked that you were much shorter than him. Though it was mostly to mess with you by resting his elbows on your head or make some kind of short joke. Sometimes it would earn a playful smack from you as his laughter would ring out, pulling you closer when you tried to move away. His eyes would shine and be full of mischief.

Knowing him, something like that will bound to happen that night at some point, and you actually find yourself hoping he would. Let you both slip back into that playful part of your relationship.

“I don’t know about the movie. You know I have a habit of falling asleep in those theaters, they make it way to comfortable. Remember the last time you took me to one? You had to…” You stopped when bringing up this particular steamy memory, with your face growing hot and heat started to radiate down your body. Mixture of embarrassment and arousal. It didn’t help that you could see a smirk on him, remembering this particular memory.

The smirk only got bigger when he caught your eyes dropping down to his hand. The very hand that kept you awake in a dark corner of the theater. You don’t even remember the movie, just his hand and the way he would silence you with his mouth.

You knew the words were on the tip of his tongue too, a tease more than an actual suggestion, but he held back. Truthfully, it was tempting. The ease of the way you used to talk with each other was still there, but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t a little rocky, with you both treading with caution. You hated that you were back to a stage where you would need to be careful with your words, and so would he. No matter how easy it was to slip in, there was still a period of adjustment.

But in order to fix a broken home, to smooth out the roads that lead to it, and make the foundation stronger than ever, you need this. While time didn’t do anything with the way your heart or body called for him, it still changed you as people and you had to learn those new sides. You weren’t just fixing and continuing a broken relationship, you are also creating a new one to blend in with the past you shared together.

Because of this, it made both of you unsure of the physical side, the more intimate side. You shared those kisses again months apart and you fell asleep in his arms as well. That was different than the act that was vividly playing over in your head. One that was actively playing in his head too.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to. You were scared to give him that side of you again so easily. Like you’re so easily giving him that second chance, even if you weren’t at the same time. Giving him your time again is one thing, but to give him all of you again so quick? Fuck, you did, but you also wanted to be sure.

“Let’s focus on dinner first then and go from there.” He brings you out of your thoughts by saying this, holding his hand out for you to take instead. And you took it without hesitation. “The night is ours.”

Hope you all enjoyed!

#Joshua x reader #thestraybunnyfics #svt fanfic #joshua hong fic #joshua hong x reader #hong jisoo x reader #joshua hong smut

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