#Josh Klinghofer fanfic

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 39: Crystal

This chapter has a  Josh POV!

Thank you all for reading the fic! ♥♥♥

Reach chapter 38

Even though Richard had many liabilities with the release of his band’s album, he managed to get some free time, and together with Mark and Stephanie decided to join Anastasia on the first Chicago date when Dead Curse had to return to The Getaway Tour. Anastasia had been so distracted with Richard that she completely forgot to text Josh after the Glastonbury concert and even during the days that followed.

Before heading to Chicago, everyone had a stop in New York where they spent a couple of days off. One of those nights, Richard and Anastasia had their first official date. They went to an amazing sushi restaurant in Soho and she was so impressed about how easy it was to be around him. He was such an easy going guy, he could turn any topic into a deep conversation and she loved that, also his looks were so attractive to her: that brown hair all sleek to the back, his black jeans and black shoes, the way he rolled up his sleeves… He had this sharp style, proper of a big rock band leader, which he was. She liked everything about him, especially the fact he was completely single and he didn’t seem like having too many issues.

After the dinner they walked to a bar where an underground band was performing. Richard loved to discover new bands and that was one of An’s passions too. They had a lot in common when it came to tastes. She was so happy and relaxed and above all, she was calm. She could be herself around Richard and she didn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or afraid of a girlfriend popping up once in a while.

That was a great night. When she went back to Mark’s apartment (where she was staying while in New York), she checked her phone and messages from Josh appeared on the screen.

Josh: Is everything ok? Haven’t heard from you in a couple of days – She completely forgot.

An: Yes! I’m sorry! Wanna facetime?

Josh: Sure!

She changed into her sleeping clothes, got in bed and called him immediately.

-          Hi – He said on the screen. He was laying on his hotel bed, ready for sleep with his messy hair that made Anastasia smile.

-          Oh Josh! I'm still overwhelmed by Glasto. I’m so sorry for not texting you – He smiled.

-          Don’t worry. I knew you were alive because of Eric – He laughed.

-          Eric was giving you notifications about me? How sweet.

-          Well, we were talking about how amazing Glastonbury was…

-          Oh my God Josh! It was!

-          You looked amazing and everyone sounded so on point.

-          There were no mistakes! It was a perfect show! There were moments when the crowd was singing so oloud that I couldn’t even hear myself – Josh smiled once again.

-          You and Mandy showed that chemistry you two have, Anthony and Flea smiled so much at that. Nobody had a bad thing to say when we watched you on the screens and, believe me, that is a very hard group of people to please.

-          Really? Everyone liked it?

-          We had such a great time watching you guys. It was some kind of a small break we all needed.

-          I’m so glad to hear that. Did you see how my boots shined?

-          Yes – Josh laughed hard – I saw your boots – Anastasia smiled - You look gorgeous – He said.

-          That’s because I still have my makeup on. I just got home like a half hour ago.

-          You were out?

-          Yes, I went to have dinner with Richard – Josh changed his face to a more serious expression.

-          The guy from the band you made that video with?

-          Yes – Anastasia kept talking without realizing the effect her words were having on Josh – He went to Glasto to join us!

-          How cool – Josh said without moving a muscle on his face.

-          Yeah. He is really nice. He is coming with us to the first Chicago date also, tomorrow – Now Josh’s face showed anger and Anastasia saw it – Is there something wrong?

-          No – Josh said showing that definitely something was wrong.  

-          Josh…- Anastasia said rolling her eyes – I think I’m gonna call it a night and I’ll see you tomorrow.

-          Sure – Josh said – Have a good night – and he hung up.

 He acts like such a teenager sometimes, Anastasia thought.

                                                  … Josh POV …

Josh couldn’t sleep that night just imaging Anastasia and Richard having a date. This was what he feared since day one: seeing her with another man. It was his fault, he knew it but he wasn’t mentally prepared yet to be in a fully committed relationship with Anastasia. He didn’t feel self-confident enough to keep a girl like her. Now anxiety was attacking again and the only image on his mind was Richard and Anastasia, together.

Josh hadn’t met Richard yet but he googled him. Now he knew how Richard looked like, like the perfect example of a good-looking front man. “Such a cliché”, Josh thought. The guy had a child and was recently divorced. Josh just didn’t see Anastasia getting into such situation, but he was sure that Richard could offer Anastasia something he couldn’t at the moment: stability. Although he started to wonder if Richard was using Anastasia as a rebound.

Anastasia was sure a great looking woman, she was so attractive physically and maybe Richard was only seeing that. Richard don’t know her like he do, he thought.

Josh spent the entire night having a conversation with himself, until the sunlight began coming through the hotel curtains. It was time to face that day, he was going to see An again, he was going to meet Richard and he had never felt so excited and terrified at the same time before.

Josh decided to stay in bed until it was time to leave for the venue. He didn’t receive a text from Anastasia letting him know she arrived in Chicago so he wasn’t sure if she was in town yet. To be honest, he didn’t want to know. He had a show to play that night and he needed to stay focused, so went on his laptop and logged on to Facebook, something he didn’t do often. As soon as his newsfeed appeared on the screen, Josh regretted it. There was a bunch of posts from Anastasia from London and New York, there were a bunch of photos where she appeared next to Richard. Anger started taking over Josh’s body. Suddenly, there popped a video of An and Richard on a plane singing along to the song ‘Crystal’ by New Order, which made Josh remember the conversation An had with him about The Killers and New Order and all those fake bands names… and there was the anger again. An captioned the video with the phrase “Yeah, we love this song”. ‘We’? Josh thought. They’re already a ‘we’? he said to himself.

Josh actually liked that song, so he listened back to it to remember it. Some of the lyrics hit him, so, in that moment, he decided it would be the song he’d cover that night. Maybe it would be a childish move but he wanted to do it, and the song didn’t belong to Richard so, he thought it was safe.

He put his notebook aside and rested his head on the pillow looking to the ceiling. He was just hoping for An to come back from London so he could have her in his arms again and now that wasn’t going to be possible. She looked so amazing on that Glastonbury show, so sure of herself... that confidence gave her such a sensual aura and he just wanted to have her back in his bed, but no. All because of this Richard guy.

It was time for the venue, so Josh got up, had a quick shower, got dressed and walked downstairs to hop on the van that was going to take them there. He walked straight to the stage to do some soundchecks, without making eye contact with anyone, just his guitar tech. After a good forty minutes of trying some pedals, Josh walked to his dressing room but the Universe got in the way and he ran into Mark, Anastasia and… Richard, looking like a GQ Magazine cover, smiling at her and talking to Mark as if they’d known each other for years. Josh tried to avoid them, but Anastasia saw him and called his name. That damn voice that he adored.

-          Josh – He hated his name but when she pronounced it sounded like angels calling him.

-          Hey! – He turned around and hugged her tight.

-          Meet Richard – She had to do it.

-          Nice to meet you, man – “Man”, who talked like that nowadays?

-          Same – Was all he managed to say.

-          I’m excited to see you guys play. Last time I saw the Chilis, John was still in the band! – Richard, Anastasia and Mark laughed but Josh only gave them half a smile.

-          Hope you don’t get disappointed – Josh said and saw Anastasia’s face turning serious – I would like to stay and chat but I’m really tired and I’m going to my dressing room to have some rest – He walked away without saying goodbye and he could feel Anastasia’s eyes on the back of his neck.

Josh was so angry and deep inside of him he knew all of this was his fault. He went into his dressing room, grabbed a guitar and started to play it, that always calmed his mind but a few minutes later the door opened and Anastasia entered closing it behind her, she was about to rant, he saw the fire in her eyes.

-          Why did you act that rude back there? – She asked him.

-          Rude? – He said knowing that was going to make her furious. He loved to see her angry.

-          Are you testing me? – She asked back – You were so dry and stiff.

-          Sorry. I’m not having a good day – Josh answered.

-          Sorry to hear that – She said.

-          Are you dating that guy? – Anastasia stood still and he knew she was trying to find the right sentence to say.

-          Is there some kind of permission I need from you or something for that? – An acted so arrogant sometimes, always finding the words to make Josh lose his mind. Pushing his buttons.

-          I asked you a simple question. Are you or are you not dating that guy? – He said again, he was still angry. She smiled with sarcasm. The atmosphere was tense.

-          I went on a date with him but I don’t think you can say we are ‘dating’ – She paused – Yet – She finished.

-          So, do you want to? – He asked.

-          To be honest with you, yes – He hated when she was that honest. He would rather hear her say no and lie to him.

-          What about me? – He saw her opening her eyes big.

-          What about you? – She said – What about you? – She repeated – What about me when you decided to go after Lauren?

-          Oh, the Lauren thing again? – He wasn’t measuring the words that were coming out from his mouth and he was sure she wasn’t either.

-          You have some serious balls to say that – Anastasia put her hands on her waist just as she always did when she was angry – Don’t you think I deserve someone who just wants only me?

-          How do you know he wants only you? – Josh asked putting the guitar aside.

-          He is not treating me like a side chick, for a start – Anastasia’s face was pure anger at this point and even like that she looked beautiful.

-          He is a musician in a big band, he doesn’t want only you.

-          Yeah. I guess you are the perfect specimen to say that – He was feeling the rage on his veins.

-          He just got divorced, you are just a rebound – He didn’t think about any of those words, they just came out. She stood silent and he could see her big turquoise eyes getting watery.

-          Fuck you, Josh! – She screamed and ran out of the room.

The room became a little bit darker when An left, because, even angry, she had the power to light up any space she stepped into. It was like she was a rainbow but Josh was colorblind. He looked at the floor, trying to understand his own attitude. He acted so impulsively, he was doing that a lot lately. Damage was done.

He didn’t come out to see Dead Curse play, but from his room he could hear the music and the people cheering. He just wanted to avoid watching him seeing her on stage, admiring her, screaming for her, just the way he himself had done so many times around the world during the last year. In some way, it felt like Richard was a usurper, taking his place in her life but at that moment, Josh couldn’t see that it was his own fault. He left her alone, he allowed Richard to enter her life. He was blind with rage and jealousy.

Josh went back to the safe place he knew: Lauren. He tried to stop thinking about Anastasia and hearing her singing like angels from the stage wasn’t helping, so he went out and called Lauren on the phone. She was in some kind of party because he could hear the music and the fuss through the phone. They didn’t speak much, she told him she missed him, he told her the same, it wasn’t a lie, and then she hung up leaving him on the line.

He couldn’t deny that this Lauren thing was growing; she treated him well and was always so happy in his company; that gave him joy. Again, he could control her, something that the so-sure-of-herself Anastasia never allowed. He went back inside when Dead Curse finished their set, so he got ready to take the stage.

The first show in Chicago was horrible. Josh missed all the lines and kept messing up the notes, Anthony and Flea kept looking at him angry. He was a mess, but now it was time to play his solo and he made sure Anastasia and Richard were at a side of the stage, this was for them.

By the time he pronounced the first line of the song, the whole crowd at the United Center went wild.

 We're like crystal

We break easy

I'm a poor man

If you leave me

People started to sing along with Josh.

 I don't know what to say

You don't care anyway

I'm a man in a rage

With a girl I betrayed

Here comes love

It's like honey

You can't buy it with money

You shook me to the core

You shook me to the core

Josh managed to look at Anastasia and she was there, standing still with her big turquoise eyes going even bigger, not moving. He had an effect on her and that was what he was looking for. He didn’t see her the rest of the show, she must have ran away, just like she always did. They were so alike.

The next morning Richard was gone, but Josh didn’t make an effort in speaking to Anastasia and she didn’t come near him. She only approached him the following Sunday, when they were taking a flight back to Los Angeles.

-          I’m sick of your innuendos with your covers. So, please stop it – She said to him when she went by his seat and then walked away.

During those weeks off in California, Josh decided he was going to focus on playing music, but he also invited Lauren to spend some time with him. He hoped that it would help him forget about Anastasia for a while, but deep inside he knew it was going to be impossible.