#John could feel the portal when he showed up and tried to nope it out of amity

[the-legal-shipper]

Prev tags^

#dc × dp #dp × dc #dp dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #dp × dc crossover #danny fenton #danny phantom #justice league #giw #listen i just really don't like the Fenton parents in cannon #Batman definitely knows Danny is phantom

#Superman and wonderwoman have not pieces it together #John was forced to come #he didn't want to show up #the ghost give him a hard time about his soul #danny is confused #one second he's dealing with the Giw #the next there being arrested #he's not complaining about that #but he really doesn't want to be adopted # John could feel the portal when he showed up and tried to nope it out of amity #Danny is avoiding the man with a splintered soul #he doesn't know why but he has bad vibes #jazz is happy to assist and gives all her notes to wonderwoman #jazz documented all the ghost and why they do what they do #she is also conflictied about there parents. she knew they were bad #but did they deserve prison #Danny says no.

Dc x dp idea 17

When the GIW try and get the anti ecto acts passed the justice league is on top of it. They argue that it would go against the meta human acts.

Giw are claiming that since there dead they no longer are human and they are non sentient to get it through. This leads to an investigation on the ghost to prove otherwise.

John, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman are all off to go investigate amity. They are going to prove they aren’t non sentient and shouldn’t be excluded from protections.

The four did not expect the chaos that is amity. daily ghost attacks, a child hero, the GIW already shooting first even before the bill is pass and then the Fenton parents. Mad scientist bent on dissection.

John is fed up at the residents of the infinite realm. They just keep going invisible or flying off whenever one of them attempt to talk to them.

The only one that is remotely of use is phantom. But Anytime he sits still long enough to talk the GIW of the Fenton parents are actively trying to shoot and capture him.

Now Batman is handling the investigation on the Fenton parents. His suspicions are child neglect and/or abuse. Danny grades slipped hard is constantly away from home the few time he was at home the weapons in the house attacked him.

The turning point is not necessarily hood but does prove they have sentient thought. It’s skulker hunting down Danny not phantom. Skulker likes to make Danny’s life hard and said he was hunting the ghost hunters youngest child.

It proves they have enough sense to target ppl based on others actions. Plus a few others examples such as lunch lady being upset about her lunch menu being changed. As well a 100 page essay Jazz Fenton handed Wonder Woman.

This all ends with the anti ecto laws not passing, Danny and jazz being removed from there parents care, the turning off of the portal and the Fenton parents in jail.

[shirtlesssammy]

5x22: Swan Song

In light of recent news, we thought we’d finally tackle what might have been the end (until someone went and made a demon deal, giving us 10 more years of our beloved show!) It’s weird watching this and seeing what a bummer this all would have been if it had ended like this. Sure, it was epic, but I guess I’m a sucker for a happy ending when it’s about characters I’ve come to love more than my own family. I’m also going to point to this Twitter thread about good and bad show endings. Swan Song wouldn’t have been bad had we only had TFW for five years, but we’ve watched them grow over 15 years now, and I want to see them get some peace. (Thanks to all the meta writers for throwing out the much needed hope!)

The Road So Far:

Carry on my wayward son...

Now:

We open with Chuck Shurley narrating the origin story of the most important object in pretty much the entire universe. And I’m literally two minutes into rewatching this episode and already crying. He’s tells us about it’s original owner, Sal Moriarty. (Oh, Eric Kripke, of course it was.)

And how, after he died, it ended up in the hands of John Winchester, after some persuasion by his time traveling son.

Fade to Sam and Dean in Bobby’s salvage yard, drinking beer from the little green cooler. Dean tells Sam that he’s “in” on having Sam say yes to the devil.

Dean acknowledges that Sam can make his own choices. “Watching out for you? That’s kinda been my job, you know? More than that, it’s kinda who I am.” Seeing this image Dean has of himself shift to NOT be this is really great. Dean asks if this is really what Sam wants. Sam is more resigned than enthusiastic to the plan, obv.

Cut to Team Free Will collecting demon blood like they’re stocking up for the apocalypse (err..). Dean confers with Bobby about Lucifer’s location and they determine it is Detroit.

Once on the road, Dean can’t help but notice what a cute, slumbering angel he has in the backseat. Sam logically points out that angels don’t sleep. They talk about their plan, the odds of it working, and the reality that Sam won’t be coming back from the cage. Sam makes Dean promise that he won’t try and get him back. Dean balks at the idea. Sam makes him promise that he’ll find Lisa and live “some normal, apple pie life.”

Once in Detroit, the group finds many demons out and about. Sam and Bobby have a moment. Then Sam asks Cas to “take care of these guys” for him. Cas tells Sam that it isn’t possible. Sam asks him to humor him. Cas catches on just a little too late that he’s supposed to lie. Oh Cas, you beautiful, literal goob.

Sam then gets to the business of downing four gallons of demon blood. With that done, Sam and Dean turn themselves in to the demons, who bring them to Lucifer.

Chuck continues his monologue on the Impala. He mentions the unimportant features, and then mentions the important features: Sam’s green army man, Dean’s legos, Sam and Dean’s initials. The devil doesn’t know or care about their car.

The devil wants to know what Sam and Dean are up to.

Sam says he’s ready to say “yes.” The devil reveals that he knows they have the rings that will reopen the Cage. Fuuuuuck. Sam tries bluffing, but the jig is up. Dean’s look of anguish is devastating. Lucifer likes his odds on the battle that will happen in Sam’s head. He agrees. Before Dean can do anything more than say “No”, Sam says “Yes.”

A bright light flashes and Dean finds Sam knocked out on the floor. He throws the rings on the wall and gets to opening the door to Hell. Sammy awakens and Dean helps him towards the portal. Only, PSYCH! It’s actually Lucifer. Sam didn’t stand a chance against him. He closes the portal and takes the rings.  

Once away from Dean, Lucifer has a moment with Sam, where Sam makes it very clear that he’s not done fighting.

Lucifer appeals to Sam’s worst feelings about himself, but says he wants Sam to be happy. Sam doesn’t want anything from Lucifer. Lucifer then points out the group of demons behind him. They’re all people Sam knew in his life --they were all watching Sam for Azazel.

Dean, Bobby, and Cas are watching the fallout to Sam saying yes.

Shallow Sidenote:

(Those curls!)

Cas suggests they “imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and just wait for the inevitable blast wave.” GRIM, DUDE --but he ain’t wrong. Cas doesn’t think there’s any way they can stop Lucifer and Michael meeting. Dean is not giving up (and he’s desperate guys -his insult at Cas was way harsh). Bobby’s even resigned to the reality of the situation.

We cut back to the room full of demons, but they’re all dead this time. Lucifer smugly looks at Sam in the mirror. “We having fun yet?” Ugh, Lucifer, you’re the worst.

Chuck’s narration cuts in like a road narrative, all misty colored and gentle. “They could go anywhere and do anything. They drove one thousand miles for an Ozzy show, two days for a Jayhawks game. And when it was clear, they'd park her in the middle of nowhere, sit on the hood, and watch the stars for hours without saying a word.” This beautiful interlude dissipates with a phone call and Chuck picks up, expecting Mistress Magda. (Eyebrow waggle.) LOL, nope! It’s Dean.

“You got a real virgin / hooker thing going on, don’t you?” Dean observes. Excuse me while I laugh forever over this line, with the confirmed Chuck-is-God context. Dean wants to know where the fight will happen. It’ll be at Stull Cemetery at high noon, just outside of Lawrence. Chuck doesn’t have any more useful information than that…but it’s a place to start.

Bobby and Cas try to prevent Dean from heading to Lawrence to intervene in the upcoming archangel showdown but their arguments are weak sauce compared to Dean’s need to save Sam. He heads off alone to Stull.

The cemetery is wispy with mist and bedraggled with age. Michael (wearing Adam) flaps in to greet Lucifer. (Side note: Saying that Michael is “wearing Adam” sounds like Adam is a fashion designer. In this epic showdown, Michael has been dressed by the FABULOUS Adam!) 

Both brothers seem regretful, but ultimately resolved. Lucifer questions why they’re fighting if neither of them wants to do it. Michael trots out the old “duty” argument. Lucifer offers an alternative: “We’re going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard.” Hey, guys. It’s a really good point. It’s also an intentional mirror of Dean, Sam, and John that I refuse to stop getting emotional about.

Michael’s tempted for a moment. Damn serpent!! “I’m a good son,” Michael decides. “You haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself.” This is also an excellent fucking point, man. The rumble’s still on.

Speaking of rumbling, Dean approaches in Baby with Def Leppard cranked up loud. FUCK YEAH. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?” To quote Tess McGreer’s Twitter feed: MY SON!

Michael’s not into the whole threesome battle, and heads threateningly towards Dean when the camera cuts suddenly to Castiel and Bobby who have just flapped in. “Hey, assbutt!” Castiel shouts before lobbing a holy oil molotov cocktail at Michael. Bless.

Michael poofs away. “You got your five minutes,” Cas says to Dean just before Lucifer explodes him. NOOOOOOO

Lucifer’s pretty crabby by this point, so when Dean tries to verbally reach Sam again, he hurls Dean into Baby. Bobby shoots futilely at Lucifer before Lucifer snaps his neck. NOOOOOOO

“Sammy, are you in there?” Dean asks desperately. PROTECT.

“He’s gonna feel the snap of your bones,” Lucifer promises Dean. He’s gonna kill Dean slow. I’d chortle over the classic villain “kill you slow” trope except that Lucifer is beating Dean bloody and it’s really, really not funny.

“It’s okay. I’m here,” a very battered Dean tells Sam, leaving me to stare into space thinking about how he must have said this on quiet nights, comforting young Sam over nightmares or monster-under-the-bed scares.

Lucifer draws his fist back to deliver a killing blow as Dean slumps in his hold. His eye catches on a little army man stuck in the ashtray and we get a montage of Dean and Sam moments set to the soundtrack of howling wind. Sam’s fist uncurls.

And that’s it. Sam takes control. “I’ve got him,” Sam tells Dean. He hauls the rings out of his pocket and tosses them to the ground, chanting the incantation to open the cage. Dean sprawls on the ground, leaning against the car, bloodied and broken. Sam panics at the threshold to the cage when Michael!Adam appears. 

Sam takes one more look at Dean before he opens his arms wide, ready to plunge into the cage. As Michael tries to haul him back, Sam pulls him in as well.

With a blast, the cage closes and Dean is left alone in the quiet, wind-swept cemetery.

He looks up a while later to find Castiel standing behind him, whole and unblemished. “You’re alive?” Dean asks.

“I’m better than that,” Cas says and…okay. He heals Dean with a touch, then brings Bobby back to life. Good job, Cas bby!

“Endings are hard,” Chuck says, and the scene switches to his office once again. “Endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.”

We switch back to Dean and Cas in the Impala. Cas is headed back to Heaven to try to bring order upstairs. He’s ready to continue his heavenly mission, but Dean’s pissed off. “Where’s my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole.”

“You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

Cas flaps out. “You really suck at goodbyes, you know that?” Always, Dean. Always.

Dean says a temporary farewell to Bobby, then shows up at Lisa’s house, CLEARLY TRAUMATIZED. What a non-booty booty call. Lisa reads the room and pulls him in for a comforting hug. (Stay tuned for my 8,000 word essay on why Lisa is the best.) 

“Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point? No doubt endings are hard. But then again nothing ever really ends, does it?” Chuck vanishes, which is apparently his equivalent of dropping the mic.

Then, the show proceeds to not end, in the best way. Dean is still lost at Lisa’s, putting on a “normal” front. And outside, Sam appears under a flickering street light. To be continued…for ten more seasons. <3

Quoting is Hard:

This 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car – no, the most important object – in pretty much the whole universe.

As far as foreboding goes, it's a little light in the loafers.

Ain’t he a little angel?

I told you. This would always happen in Detroit.

MFEO. Literally.

I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and just wait for the inevitable blast wave.

Cas, are you God?

Every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 9 Review: Walk and Talk

(Old Blog Repost)

Sorry that this is going up later than normal guys. Had to clean all day and I can barely feel any part of my body. But like Hell am I NOT talking about this episode cause… gosh I need to talk about this episode. So I’m not even going to bother with an intro, lets just get right into it!

Overview

Carolina and Wash have arrived at… I guess some studio. Yeah, Dylan sent them to Jax so I guess they’re in Vancouver since Jax mentioned having a soundstage there. Also turns out Private George is still around and he escorts them to Jax, who is causing the producer Kohan (which may be a reference to Koen Wooten, RT’s 3D producer) to have a nervous breakdown. Jax proceeds to give the Freelancers a look around the soundstage which is a replica of the Blues and Reds underwater base. Speaking of which, whatever happened to that base? We never saw it blow up or anything, so is it under UNSC investigation and Jax can’t use it because of that?

The tour eventually leads to Jax showing the Freelancers… the room where they got armor locked. Yeah, because showing people where they got tortured is a great idea. Wash however doesn’t quite recall it. We do find out that he’s aware that parts of his memory are fuzzy, at least the memories involving Season 15. But he starts to recall the armor lock and Locus rescuing him and Carolina, so he thinks that this could be good for his memory! Haha, sure buddy… yeah I get the feeling that something’s gonna go wrong eventually.

Anyways, I guess Dylan told Jax that the Freelancers were coming, but not why as he asks why they’re there. Carolina explains about needing to find the Reds and Blues… and as it turns out Sarg and Simmons are still with Jax! In fact, Sarge is in the room! Yeah it looks like Jax decided to throw Sarge a bone and let him be a walk-on by playing one of the frozen Freelancers. Which seeing Sarge in a different armor is… weird, but at least it’s still red! Carolina thinks that this means that everything about time travel was wrong and she can be relieved, but haha nope! Sarge confirms that Simmons currently has the time gun and they did indeed go through time! But they weren’t lost guys! They only had to ask for directions once or twice! Just to make that clear!

Speaking of lost in time, we cut back to Grif who is currently heading for England along with Huggins, who is just singing to herself. Grif gets annoyed and tries to make a new rule for her to not do that, making Huggins gripe that he acts like Atlus. Essentially realizing that he can’t keep up his own ‘no talking’ taboo, he asks if Atlus was who attacked them in Episode 2. Silly, she told you her name… though I guess watching the innocent pizza shop get blown up would make him forget. That was Kalirama, who we learn is Atlus’ wife and is scary. I cans ee that union working out great! Huggins then reminds Grif that he didn’t want to know about the God stuff, which he clarifies that he doesn’t…

And cut to that night where he’s asking about what the Gods are. Yep, I knew he wouldn’t last. Huggins says they’re God-Gods, which Grif pretty much represents most people I’ve seen and calls it bullshit. While Huggins can’t speak for humans, she explains that her own kind were given religion, language, etc when the Cosmic Powers came to be and assumes that it worked that they likely did the same for humanity. Something that Grif doesn’t buy whatsoever, saying that he made him. I guess that means Grif at some point decided that the reason why we’re here isn’t due to some kind of cosmic coincidence. Well he has had 16 seasons to think about it. Anyways, Hugigns tries to argue this which causes her to go into a Southern accent. This actually makes Grif laugh, although he does try to cover it up.

So yeah, we get more Grif and Huggins bonding and I’ll go more in depth over their interactions in the review portion, but I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! So we get some talk about stuff like Die Hard and destiny (who is someone Hugigns actually knows) before the two finally make it to the English Channel. Grif claims he can’t swim and I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or not, but apparently his armor can… let him just walk across the bottom of the sea. Ugh… is that a thing in actual Halo? Also I’m pretty sure that he’d still have to swim to the bottom to walk across it, so yeah he was 100% being sarcastic and probably just didn’t want to put in the effort of swimming for it. Anyways as they continue on, Huggins tries to get Grif to have an epiphany on the whole ‘complain about adventure every time it happens’ thing by convincing him that it’s better to focus on resolving it as fast as possible. Aka, actually work to resolve his problems instead of using pre-emptive laziness and whining over it. Grif doesn’t seem to like that idea… but he’s having a bit of a gas problem so…  we’ll see if he takes the advice when out of the water.

Back in present day, Sarge and Jax have taken Carolina and Wash to Simmons, who shows them the time gun. Carolina is very skeptical about this, but Simmons remembers that he proved it before. What do I mean? Well he opens up a portal and it shows past!Simmons from a few weeks ago. Yeah, current!Simmons knew that he talked to his past self because… well he met his future self in the past. Past!Simmons is with past!Sarge in Troy where they are trying to recruit Achilles for their makeshift Red Army. Currently past!Sarge is trying to poses as Zeus, which goes about as well as you’d expect. Current!Sarge explains that ultimately the recruitment failed, so he just stabbed Achilles in the foot. Advice Past!Sarge takes, does so, and the portal closes. So we can blame Sarge for Achilles dying? GDI SARGE!

So to say that Wash and Carolina have a hard time accepting this would be putting it lightly. But Jax certainly believes their case! So yeah the John he hired was John Wayne, his new AD is George Washington, and Alexander the Great… yeah he’s died since Episode 5. RIP. Turns out his immune system couldn’t handle the modern common cold. So this leads us to why Carolina and Wash are there, Dylan said that Jax was an expert on the subject. Simmons tries to warn them against going into it since if you recall, last we saw Simmons he called bullshit to it all since it went beyond science. I guess he decided to avoid religion though. However Jax explains that while regular science may not be able to explain it, science fiction can.

So there have been a lot of questions about how time travel works in this series, so Jax explains paradoxes to us. In most films that deal with this kind of topic, we normally get one of three different forms of a paradox. Those forms are:

A Closed Loop: In this paradox, everything that one does is essentially pre-determined. For example, when Sarge went to Broken Ridge and caused his men’s deaths that he time traveled to prevent. Or when in the past, Tucker shooting Flowers and cockblocking himself. These are examples of events that they’ve seen/remembered in the past, but it was caused by their future selves so it is the most logical theory. There is a downside though, but we will go into that later.

Multiverse/Alternate Reality: In this paradox, any change you make does change things. But what it actually does is create a different universe. So your timeline still exists, but you also created a new one. Jax deems that this theory means that you are essentially ignoring the paradox to being with, so he deems this one unlikely.

Flexible Timeline: This is when you make a change in time that affects your existence or something else important that can change time. But instead of everything changing, there is a buffer period that gives you time to fix everything. The problem however is that there is no explication for how this buffer period exists, so Jax also deems it unlikely.

Therefore, we are left with a closed loop. As I said, everything you do is what you were meant to do and history plays out as it is meant to. But as Jax explains, this comes with some free will issues. You see, since everything that is meant to happen happens, it means that you can’t actually control it. Lets use Church’s efforts in Season 3 as an example. Yeah I know it’s not 100% clear if he DID time travel, but it’s the best we got. Church tried to prevent things, like Flowers dying or getting himself killed by Sheila. But his efforts ultimately led to those things happening. He caused Flowers to have an aspirin overdose and die and his efforts with Sheila caused him to get blown up to begin with. Despite Church having tried to stop those things, he instead caused them. He had no free will over his efforts as they were already pre-determined. Kind of like if it was pre-ordained by the Gods. HMM…

Since most everyone is very skeptical about this, Jax decides to run a test. He asks Sarge to decide whether he’s going to use the time gun to appear inside a closet int he meeting room when the meeting is over. Of course Sarge says he will, which he’s not supposed to do but moving on! So lets just say that Sarge decides not to use the gun when the meeting ends to appear in the closet. They are going to open the door right now. If they open it and find future!Sarge behind it, it means that free will doesn’t exist as it goes against what Sarge has intended. If the closet is empty, it’s because Sarge didn’t go back as he himself decided and therefore free will is fine. I… probably am understanding this wrong, so take that explanation with a grain of salt.

Now the question is, who is going to open the door. Everyone opts out except Simmons, who decides fuck with it and to go for it. He hesitates at first, but eventually he opens it. And what do they find behind it? Why none other than Caoose and Lopez of course! FINALLY!!!

Review

DEAR GOD WHERE DO I BEGIN?!

Okay since time travel stuff is going to give me a headache, lets do Grif and Huggins first. And as I said above, I LOVE IT! So first we do get a little exposition from these scenes. For example, Huggins explaining that the Gods to her kind are God-Gods, but Grif believing that they’re alien somethings isn’t exactly said to be wrong. It’s not much, but it does help leave open to what the Cosmic Powers really are and we can assume that Huggins’ species of light beings are probably aliens that look like… well, lens flares. Going off Huggins dialogue despite being a rookie on the field, she’s been around beings like Atlus for awhile and even has family members. So likely Huggins’ kind are just devout followers of the Cosmic Powers who work for them on tasks like spying and being messengers, but aren’t God-like themselves.

These scenes were just… so frekain’ good. Like you can tell that at first, Grif is trying to not warm up to Huggins or get into any of the Gods stuff as he said he wouldn’t. But as last season demonstrated, he really can’t handle having no kind of one-on-one intention and starts to warm up to the little lens flare. He even tries to sell to her that Die Hard was his life story (side note: seriously Geoff, what was that voice when quoting the one line? WHAT WAS THAT VOICE YOU DORK?!) cause Grif is a dork. It was sweet of Huggins to go along with it and find it funny until getting excited and quoting lines herself. Like it was funny and cute and I freakin’ LOVED it. Like when Grif starts to laugh at Huggins’ southern accent before trying to stop himself was just… OMG Grif you softie.

It was also nice to have Grif let out about how he feels about the frequent getting dragged into adventures stuff. We all know that he’s stick of it and he’s gone into it before, like to Dylan last season and to a lesser degree Simmons when explaining his plan of pre-emptive laziness. But he’s never actually had someone try to work with him to get him through it, like Huggins did here. Like Huggins is just so positive but insightful and seems like the kind of positive reinforcement that Grif currently needs. And her advice isn’t wrong either. Shit happens and trying to avoid it or complain about it isn’t going to make it go away. You have to work through it, no matter how much you don’t want to. That’s life: frustrating but ultimately you take what it throws at you. It seems that this is the lesson that Grif is going to have to learn, and maybe now he’ll start to. I mean him taking the trek to England on foot and so far taking it incredibly well with no complaints so far is a good sign.

Alright, back to the present day stuff. So we do see that Wash on some level knows that he has memory issues. If I were to guess, he knows that his memory of the Blues and Reds stuff is fuzzy, but not everything else. He pretty much thinks that it’s not as big of an issue than it really is and that he’s closer to being better than he is. Speaking from experience here, that’s pretty normal honestly. Still, eh does seem to be doing okay and takes the time travel stuff exactly as I expected him to: complete and utterly exasperated like Carolina is. It was also nice to see Jax, Sarge, and Simmons be relived that he’s okay, even if he got annoyed with them asking about if his neck was okay. Past!Simmons being outright ecstatic to see him up and okay made me smile.

So this is the first time in four episodes that we’ve seen Sarge and Simmons again. They seem to be doing well. Sarge got a walk-on role that he seems satisfied with and while Simmons has still given up on trying to figure out how time travel works, he doesn’t seem to find science bullshit anymore. Heck, eh seems a lot more relaxed in this episode. Of course, going back to the whole ‘corruption’ thing, I don’t know if they’re still at risk or not since by now they’ve been back in the present for a few weeks. And then Caboose and Lopez are FINALLY back after six straight episodes of being missing, but who knows that the Hell they’ve been up to… but I’m calling it now, they’re why pizza doesn’t exist. I am calling it right now because it would explain why we haven’t seen them this long! But yeah Caboose seems normal, but we’ll have to wait and see.

So now lets talk time travel. Dear God… so it’s good that Joe seemed to realize that people were going to be confused and decided to explain paradoxes. I figured that it was the closed loop type, but I know a lot were confused. But now we have the question of free will in play. As I hinted u above, trying to figure this out is going to give me a headache. Plus even if not this season, we’ll likely go down the ‘you don’t pre-detemrine our fates, we do!’ type thing later n this arc. Which I’m fine with, it just always hurts to think about is all. Still yeah, we finally talk about the time travel stuff and it really helped give some distinction on what we’re dealing with exactly. But going of the whole ‘pre-ordienced by God’ part… I think that Chrovous planned on this. Remember the move it goes on, the more the chains weaken and he gets free as the others become shisno.

So we are now going into Episode 10, aka the Big Twist Episode. Maybe Joe will go against that, but still… so one of two things are likely gonna happen. We’re either going to stick with present day, find out what Caboose and Lopez have been up to, and it ends with some kind of major shake-up happening. Or we’re going to sick to the Sixth Century, Grif and Huggins make it to England, and shit breaks loose. Or even a combo of the two. Either way, if Joe sticks to the ‘Episode 10 = Big Twist’ trend, then next week is going to be insane. And with how this one went, it is very possible for something to happen. So now, we wait.

Final Thoughts

This season continues to be great. We got a lot of humor, some good exposition, Grif and Huggins bonding was fantastic, and FINALLY everyone is back in the plot. Something tells me that things are going to be kicking into overdrive soon, and I cannot be both more excited and more terrified for what awaits us. But this episode was absolutely great and the more light-hearted feel was very much needed after last week. Very much enjoyed it!

[hopoo]

DEADBOLT Q&A

I tried to answer every question as honestly as I could, so I hope this is a good read. If your question isn’t there, it’s either identical to another one asked or joined together with another question. Cheers!

Q: In total, how much time does the campaign of Deadbolt span? It’s hard to tell, what with it being infinite nighttime and all.

A: I would imagine a month-ish. It is implied that the Candles are doing some sort of investigative work between missions, which would surely take some time. Q: Did you have any major inspirations for the visual design of DEADBOLT? A: John Wick is obviously the biggest one! Q: What would hopoo do if someone made a game completely based and inspired from Deadbolt and its… Concept? (with permission and not) A: There’s no way DEADBOLT is that unique in settings or thematics – ultimately, you know what’s right and what’s wrong when you’re inspired by a work, and so will everyone else! If you feel obligated to ask for permission, maybe you’re not exploring enough original ideas? Q: When will we get modding? if so could we get a simplified modding kit? Any plans for updating dedbort, even just the map editor? Feature for adding custom sprites, rotation tool, copypasta tool, just to name a few… A: So the thing with that is that the map editor is only half the equation – while the map editor may be writing stuff to files, it also has to be interpreted on the end by the DEADBOLT game itself. Therefore, adding features that aren’t supported in engine simply won’t work – it won’t know what youre talking about. While rotation is supported in the engine, it doesn’t know how to read that from the files, etc. I also am trying to avoid any legacy issues where old maps are required for old versions of DEADBOLT, or vice versa. Q: When is deadbolt 2 coming with werewolves and mummies A: Werewolves aren’t undead you dingus. But mummies could be cool.

Q: Will the stuff that came with the release of Deadbolt on Play Station, will be added on PC? A: Nope, that was sorta our deal-sweetener for getting on the Sony consoles. Q: Will we ever see expansion levels for Deadbolt or would we get Deadbolt 2 instead? A: DEADBOLT 2 maybe sometime

Q: Does Ibzan is gay? A: I haven’t really thought of the sexual orientation of any of the characters, and I definitely don’t want to pull a JK Rowling and retroactively assign them. So in terms of canon, that just hasn’t been explored.

Q: Would you prefer deadbolt 2 to be in 3d and 2d? Would you do a sequel? A: DEADBOLT is probably the narrowest design space I’ve worked with – there’s no dodging, insta death, insta travel attacks. By the end I felt very stretched out in terms of enemy design, and for that alone I’d think 3D. But hey, I may also just hate 3D by the end of RoR2 so who knows :^). I’d love to do a sequel one day, most likely from the perspective of Ibzan. But who knows! Q: Did Ibzan want to kill the Fire, or just try to reconcile with it? A: He just wanted to talk – but who knows what would’ve happened after the Fireplace rejected him? Q: Would you be interested in going back to the world of deadbolt sometime in the future? I remember hearing somewhere a 3D concept would be interesting to work on. A: I wish I was talented or driven enough to write comics for it – I think DEADBOLT is more about the stories of individuals, compared to RoR who is a story of the universe. I wrote the Cassette Tapes to reflect that. Q: Looking back, is there anything you’d change about Deadbolt? A: Hmmm… I just wish I somehow could expand more on the lore and gangs, and what their goals were. Gameplay-wise, it was a tad too short. I liked doing a few standard stages, and then a mix-up stage (sniper, trap, boss, etc) – maybe we could’ve fit in a few more rotations. Q: What’s your favourite loadout? A: Death/Taxes and Flashbang, like a scrub. Q: Would you ever be interested in restarting the asset suggestion thread A: I consider DEADBOLT to be done – as a 2 (now 3!) man team, we financially can’t do the games-as-a-service thing like most big companies can for smaller games like DEADBOLT. I also intended DEADBOLT to be a one-and-done thing as a contrast for Risk of Rain, which we updated for years after release.

=CONTROVERSIAL OPINION ALERT= I personally also think that EVERY game getting a bunch of DLCS and updates and patches for a long time is, in a way, exhausting as a player. I think it makes it hard to feel satisfied when you finished a game and it’s over and you feel completed in the journey, knowing it’s not ~technically~ over until the devs stop patching. I think it’s great for some games (mostly multiplayer-based ones), but some games you just gotta let… finish, on a good note. Semi-open ended endings are always unsatisfying, in my opinion, and so recently it just feels like you don’t ever complete a game. …On the flip side, we are planning on doing lots of post-launch support for RoR2 because it’s actually inline with our design goals, so don’t fret! Q: Will bugs like Scythe not having a cover sprite or some enemies not having a falling sprite (which causes the game to crash) be fixed? A: Which enemies have been missing a falling sprite? They should be resorting to idle, not crashing. Bosses? Q: Just wanted to say, you guys are my favorite games studio, hands down. Now for the question: Now that the Reaper has completed his task and is allowed to rest, what’s next? Is the Fireplace going to keep him resting for a while? Does our MC have another task to accomplish? A: The Fireplace has never let a reaper “rest” before - the reason he is allowed to rest is because Ibzan never got to, and the Fireplace is trying something different with you. This is unexplored territory for the both of them – presumably he just pets his cat and gets bored before getting back to work. Q: What happens to everyone else in the afterlife? A: People who aren’t in the Place? Who knows, and who cares about boring happy afterlife 😊 Q: I had a question about the lore. There’s mentions of places outside the city, across the river Styx. What are they and what are they like? A: The Styx connects the other realms together, including (presumably) wherever the demons came from. This is explored lightly in one of the demon cassette tapes. Q: Will you ever expand more on the world of deadbolt or are you 100% done with it at this point? A: Nope definitely not done, really wanna explore more one day Q: What’s your office address? For post and stuff, maybe I want to send you a box full of A4 sheets of paper with a thousand hoopters on each. A: Maybe this is the paranoia in me but I’m not comfortable posting my address online – you can just tweet it at me a thousand times instead Q: Did Ibzan think the flames would give warmth to the Dredged or was he just lying to them and using them for his own gain? A: He was lying to himself, but he did truly believe that this was going to work, because this (at the time, anyways) seemed like the only way out. Metaphor woawoawo Q: Could you add some sorta DEADBOLT reference into RoR2?  Will the Reaper be playable in Risk of Rain 2 as a bonus? A: Definitely references happening in some form, but playable might be stretchin’ it a bit, especially since it’d be taking up the slot of some more in-universe secret character. Q: How excited are for RoR2? A: Honestly very nervous for the reception, with very big shoes to fill as a sequel for RoR. I just hope people like it, and that we don’t get burnt on 3D because there’s so many possibilities in the future for our games in 3D. Q: How are the Demons born? We know they’re made in birthing chambers, but then is it just like humans or is there anything specific needed for a demon to be born f.e. skeletons>suicide, zombies>overdose, etc. A: Demons aren’t undead and don’t naturally exist in the Place, which is why they have to be smuggled over – they exist in whatever version of hell is in the DEADBOLT universe, and are natural denizens of the underworld. Q: was izban hot before he died? A: The hottest Q: do all the nightclubs canonically have chris c. as the dj A: Yes Q: I love Deadbolt very dearly and i’ve listened to its soundtrack (particularly “Now I Am Become Death”) more times than i can remember. What’s your favourite tune from Deadbolt ? A: Defunktorum or The Proverbial Dust Biters Q: In the Hardmode Cassette Tape it talked about a Reaper that wasn`t the current Reaper that we play as in the Game. Was this Reaper Izban? Since in the tape, he talked about the fireplace as his friend and that could be why he wanted to go back to the fireplace through the portal at the end of the game, to revisit his friend. A: Yes yes and yes. This was most heavily implied in Ibzan’s “home”, which parallel yours. Q: Will RoR2 still have opportunities to create silly messy builds like covering the screen in missiles or releasing an endless stream of Thqwibs? If so, how are you working to mitigate the performance impact of those crazy builds? A: Yep! Currently we have a system that detects the average particle count in a scene and slowly adds a chance non-important effects (like hitsparks or impacts) don’t ever spawn. This will at some point also involve turning off expensive effects and reducing particle LODs. Q: I really love the attention to detail to the characters, environment, aesthetics and gameplay mechanics. Its themes on the criminal underworld and the supernatural give a unique identity in a high-octane/stealth pixel action game I have not seen before. Additionally what prompted or inspired you to make DEADBOLT in the first place? A: DEADBOLT in its entirety was supposed to be not-Risk of Rain. It’s a gorey, violent, moody singleplayer puzzle-stealth game. We were just burnt out from the Risk of Rain experience, and we also wanted to flex our design muscles a bit and show that hey, we’re not just a one-trick pony of gamedevelopment :^) Q: I just played through this game on PS4/Vita over the weekend. Huge fan of Risk of Rain. Even bought it through Limited Run Games. So I had to pick up Deadbolt (Didn’t previously know you had made it either.) and I love it. Its a super solid experience. I’m not sure I have any questions about it. I guess I was curious if co-op multiplayer was ever considered in development? Keep up the great work. Can’t wait to see what you guys make next. A: Nope, because of the reasons above – we wanted a single player game, since RoR was a multiplayer one. Q: First of all, congratulations!! I really loved the game since came out, I bought it for my birthday, since risk of rain made me fell in love with all the pixel art in it, deadbolt didn’t disappointed me!! Everything in it I love it! Thanks for the game!! Now the question You already answered about how the skeletons or vampires came to be in that Place, how the vampires are killed by their lovers, but, how a reaper, becomes to be a reaper? I mean a candle said “I’ve never been so close to one” A: Originally, the reapers were actually supposed to be from suicides – if I remember right, the reaper when going down the stairs to the docks still has the hole in the back of his head in his sprite. Currently, it’s not explored how a reaper is made – I think a bit of mystery is always needed in making a believable universe J Q: Lorewise how many reapers are there total? Why are they incredibly fragile compared to the undead? What makes the reapers not undead? A: IIRC there were 4 fireplaces in the final stage, which was supposed to represent the way the fireplace was communicating to all reapers in the field. Q: Do you like turtles? How about corgis? A: Yes, and yes (although there’s way too many in Seattle now). Q: Did you have any idea Chris would break out a whole band’s worth of musicians for the soundtrack? His work was superb and the OST remains my absolute favorite to this day. A: DEADBOLT OST was actually done with many people – it must be in the credits somewhere! If I remember right, there is at least a drummer and a musician.

Thanks for all the questions, and happy hunting :)

hopoo

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Safe and Sound

Characters: Dean x Pregnant!Reader, Sam, Castiel (mentioned), Lucifer (mentioned), Mary, John, Chuck, Amara, Jody, Alex (mentioned), Claire (mentioned), Donna (mentioned)

Word Count: 2,243

Warnings: spoilers for season 12 in here so please, read with caution. Some angst, some fluff, I love Jody Mills, maybe that’s it? 

Request: Chuck and Amara come back after Season 12 to bring Mary and John back since Cas needs helps with the child since the baby won’t leave the house he was born in. So, Mary and John, along with Sam and Dean go to help them out but since the reader is pregnant, Dean doesn’t want her coming. So, she leaves to go to her hometown before Dean gets back and he comes back earlier than planned and he freaks out.

Author’s Note: I just put up my 800 Follower Challenge so you can take a look at that and participate! I really have high hopes for this one!

I have mixed feelings about this one so let me know what you think. I’m not sure how I feel about it. If you want to be tagged, leave an ask or message and I’ll add you! Same goes for my Series Rewrite! If you want to request a fic, please send them in! I love writing what you guys want!

Feedback is always appreciated

Tags at the bottom

“What are we going to do now?” You sighed, sitting with Sam and Dean. Lucifer and Mary were gone, in another dimension. You had no idea how to get them back or how to ever open that portal door again. You figured Lucifer’s baby had something to do with that.

Cas was taking care of him since the baby only really trusted Cas to be near him. You couldn’t blame the child; Castiel was an amazing care giver. He cared for Kelly and he would care for this Nephilim with his life.

Crowley was dead and as much as you hated demons, you thought Crowley was a friend to you. He just proved that even though you were a demon, you could still be human. All that was left was you, Sam, and Dean. You didn’t know what to do anymore.

“You’re not going to do anything. Sam and I will figure something out.” Dean said, looking at you.

“Excuse me?” You scoffed, crossing your arms.

“Y/N, need I remind you that you’re pregnant? With my child. To hell if you think I’m letting you leave this Bunker.” Dean said, shaking his head. Your hand immediately went to your swollen stomach. You were only 5 months pregnant but Dean was right. Going out there would risk not only your life but your baby boy.

“Right. So, what are you going to do?” You said, sighing. There was no use in arguing with Dean. When it came to you and his son, there was no wiggle room. He won’t let anything happen to you.

“That’s what we are trying to figure out.” Sam sighed, looking through a lore book.

“Sam, I don’t think these lore books would be much of help. As much I want to believe it, the Men of Letters probably didn’t have to deal with this kind of thing.” You said with a sigh.

“Maybe I can help.” Your eyes widened at the familiar voice. But that was impossible. She was gone. You turned around and saw Mary standing in the doorway with a small smile.

“Mom?” Dean and Sam both stood up and was weary about approaching her. How was she here right now?

“I’m right here. I’m really here.” She smiled, walking further into the room.

“How are you back?” You asked, touching her shoulder to make sure she wasn’t a ghost or something. Nope, she was really there but Dean and Sam weren’t stupid. They took out their silver knives, a demon blade, and holy water.

“That isn’t necessary.” You turned to the door and your eyes widened even more. You never met the man but you knew who he was because of Sam and Dean. What the hell was going on?

“John?” You looked at Dean and Sam who got tears at the sight of their parents in front of them after all these years.

“Hi, Y/N, you’re looking good. Hi Sam and Dean.” John smiled and walked to his shocked and frozen kids.

“How are you two here right now?” You asked, not knowing how to process this.

“We brought them back.” Your head whipped to the front door of the Bunker and saw not one but two people enter the place. You didn’t know how they found the place but I guess they could do whatever it is that they wanted.

“Okay, this is some crazy shit right now. I am so confused.” You said, taking a seat.

“Why did you bring them back? Not that I’m not thrilled but everything comes with a price.” Sam said, staring at the one and powerful one: God.

Well, Chuck is what he liked to go by. You remember meeting him when he was writing those Supernatural books. You may have kept a copy or two just because it was interesting to read about your boyfriend’s life before you met him and Sam.

“I had to come down and meet my grandson. Amara wanted to see her great nephew.” Chuck said, walking down the metal stairs with his sister right behind him.

“What happened with taking over the world? You expect us to believe that you both are good now? No offense, your majesty.” You said with a roll of your eyes.

“Y/N, I give you my word that I don’t want violence anymore. Time with my brother saw me of the damage I caused. Now we want to help. We want you guys to help the child. We brought Mary and John back because we know they are capable of helping with the child.” Amara said, standing up straighter.

“So, in other words, you’re leaving again.” You asked, putting a hand on your stomach. You knew that with them back, there would be conflict and you could only think about the safety of your baby. Amara nodded but she walked over to you and knelt.

“What are you doing?” You asked when she placed her hand on your stomach. She closed her eyes and muttered something in a language that you didn’t understand.

“She’s protecting your child.” Chuck said, crossing his arms. You looked at him and then at Dean who looked worried. He wanted to kill anyone who hurt you or his child but this was Amara. Chuck wouldn’t let him kill her and she is too powerful herself.

“There, it’s done.” Amara said, standing up.

“What did you do?” You asked, putting a hand on your stomach to feel your baby boy kicking where your hand was. Dean immediately went to your side and put his hand over yours.

“Your boy will always be protected. No harm shall ever come to him as long as he may live.” Amara said, walking back to her brother.

“Thank you.” You said, looking at Dean who stood up.

“So, are we going to help Cas or what?” Sam asked, grabbing his gun and putting it in his jeans.

“Yes, we should all go.” John said, stepping into the room. You couldn’t believe that John and Mary were with you now in the same room.

“Y/N, you stay here. We’ll keep you updated. We should be back before the weekend is up.” Dean said, walking to your side.

“Please be safe, Dean. I do not want this child growing up without a father,” You looked from Dean and to Sam. “Or an uncle. You understand?”

“Y/N, we will be perfectly safe.” Dean said, giving you a soft kiss before pulling away.

“I know but this is Lucifer’s child we’re talking about. We still don’t know so much.” You said with a sigh.

“Y/N, I will make sure my children are safe and that they will return home to you.” John said, ready to protect the family like he always strived to do.

“Thanks, John.” It felt weird speaking to your boyfriend’s father since the last you heard of him, he was dead. Dean and Sam got ready to go and you were alone before you knew it.

“Okay, I guess it’s just you and me.” You said to your son. You felt him kick and you smiled to yourself, wondering what you should do before they got back. You were too tired to clean, you weren’t hungry, you didn’t want to watch TV, you hated reading, and you didn’t own any speakers to listen to music.

“Wait, I have an idea. Baby boy, looks like we’re taking a road trip. We’ll be back before your father ever shows up. Lord only knows how he’ll react to us gone from the safest place on earth.” You said as you grabbed keys to one of the fancy cars in the Bunker’s garage.

You got in the right car, starting it and leaving the Bunker. It felt nice to be on your own since Dean or Sam was up your ass 24/7. It felt nice to breathe and it felt nice to not be stuck in the Bunker all the damn time. Fresh air was good for you and your son.

You didn’t have a name for him yet because you wanted to decide with Dean and you two just haven’t had time to sit down and think about it. Of course, that didn’t stop you from coming up with a few names. You loved the name Dylan or James. You thought about naming him after John but you didn’t like how he treated his boys.

After Mary died, there was a number of things that he could have done better than putting them into this life at such an early age. You thought of naming him after your father, Marcus, but you didn’t like that name as much as you tried to.

Whatever you named him, you wanted his middle name to be Dean since that man has sacrificed so much for you. You’ve been together with him for such a long time that you couldn’t ever see yourself with anyone else. You loved Dean and everything that he stood for. You knew from the moment you met him, he would make an amazing partner and an even better father.

You were so wrapped up in your head, you didn’t even notice that you made it to where you wanted to go. You were born in a small town called Sioux Falls. You knew Sheriff Jody Mills and that is actually how you met Dean. Sioux Falls was only 6 hours away from Lebanon so you didn’t think it would be a big deal to escape for a few days.

You actually met up with Jody and you were happy to see her and her two adopted daughters. You kept in touch with them over the years and became quite close with them. You decided to stay with them for the weekend, ready to go back before Dean ever got home. You made them promise not to tell Dean or Sam you were here with them.

Dean had too much to worry about and if you were going to be back before he would, there wouldn’t be any need for fuss. What Dean didn’t know wouldn’t kill him.

“Jody, you have to be there. I want Alex and Claire along too. You three are part of my family and I want you to be there. I am due in 3 or 4 months so that gives you plenty of time to plan for this.” You said, sitting on her couch while she drank a glass a wine. You had some soda and it was just you two since Claire and Alex were out.

“Okay, fine, I’ll make sure that I’ll be there.” You wanted her to be there for the birth of your son. She was more of a mother figure than Mary ever will be anyways. You considered Alex and Claire your little siblings and you wanted them there too.

“Oh, and I don’t have Donna’s number. I want her there too.” You said with a smile.

“You want the whole damn town there too?” Jody joked.

“I just want my family there and you guys are that.” You said, smiling. Suddenly, your phone started to ring and you looked at it, your eyes widening.

“Who is that?”

“Dean,” You answered the phone, trying to act innocent. “Hey baby.”

“Where the hell are you?” Dean didn’t sound too happy. He sounded pissed and worried.

“What do you mean? I’m at home. I never left.” You lied, looking at Jody who bit her lip.

“Bullshit. Sam and I are back home and you’re nowhere to be found. So, where the hell are you? Please tell me you’re safe.”

“Dean, I’m okay. I’m with Jody right now. I wanted to take a trip and I ended up at Sioux Falls where I was born. I thought you would be back later.” You sighed, setting your soda down.

“Thank God. Why didn’t you tell me you were heading out?” Dean said with a sigh. You heard Sam’s voice in the background but couldn’t make out what he was saying.

“Because you already have too much to worry about. I didn’t want to add to your plate. I didn’t see a point when I thought I would be home before you. Plus, Jody is such a badass that I feel completely safe with her. If there is a safer place than the Bunker, it would be her house.” You said, assuring your boyfriend that you were safe.

“Please, don’t do that again. I thought…” Dean said, his voice breaking up.

“Dean, I am perfectly safe. Okay? Let me finish my night with Jody and I’ll be back tomorrow morning. It was nice to catch up with her since I never leave the damn Bunker. I promise that tomorrow, I’ll be in one piece. Our son will be in one piece.”

“Okay but after this, I am not letting you out of my sight.” Dean half joked.

“Fine. I love you so much.” You said with a smile.

“Not as much as I love you.” Dean said. You knew he was smiling.

“And here you got me thinking you hated chick-flick moments.” You said, giggling softly.

“You know I’m a sucker for them.” Dean said lowly as if he didn’t want Sam to hear him.

“I know. I love you and I will see you tomorrow.” You hung up before he could say anything else. You turned back to Jody with a smile as you raised your glass to your lips.

“Now, where were we?”

Masterlist // Buy me a Coffee? // Series Rewrite Masterlist

Forever tags:

@maddieburcham1 @ginamsmith @mogaruke  @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes @whit85-blog @inlovewithbja @spn67-sister @kdfrqqg

Dean tags:

@akshi8278 @mega-mrs-dean-winchester @winchesterandpie

Other tags:

@jensen-jarpad @notnaturalanahi @deathtonormalcy56 @27bmm

[mel-esor-blog]

Assassin’s Creed: The Movie Thoughts

Hey everyone so last night I decided last-minute to go see the AC movie since my college was showing it for free. I suppose I consider myself a veteran of the games, playing since AC2, and did have mixed feelings about the movie at first. But eh, I wasn’t doing much that night and they had free popcorn, so why not? But oh boy... I almost regret that decision now.

I’ll have the conversation I had in Discord with my bff @buttercreambear under the Read more below but in short: oh man was it not good. By that, I mean it could have been handled alot better. This was almost like The Room bad.

Mel: wtf is this music Mel: ok i know it's modern day scene transition but- LOL BIKE FAIL Mel: Assassin's Creed brought to you by the music from The Hills Have Eyes probably

Les: mel i want you to know i saw "bike fail" and immediately imagined desmond getting the hidden blade getting stuck in his bike tire spokes Les: fucking templars, etc.

Mel: creepy 60s music on lo-fi radio with dead person...... classy Mel: who directed this some dude who does modern slasher film remakes

Les: i can only communicate in memes now im sorry everyone

Mel: lol is ok les Mel: ok the color scheme reminds me of like saving private Ryan with the sandlot or something

Les: is it like that generic dark gritty cyan or something Les: i dont think ive seen either of those Les: and its all desaturated n shit

Mel: gotta sepia tone everything to show everyone it's the past huuuuhhhhhhgghhh Mel: "here lemme force my religion down your throat you filthy Assassin" Mel: ok so when was Abstergo a county jail in the South Mel: no no wait they gonna "kill" this dude THEN ship his body overseas to the REAL Abstergo facility in Europe Mel: much cheaper than putting him in first class Mel: memory flashback Montage™ Mel: wow ok this lady is annoying already Mel: "you're here to help me? you just told me I died and nobody gives a shit" Mel: #wherethefuckisVidic Mel: Cal pls punch this lady Mel: "prepare the animus" hoooo shit Mel: oh wait Glados I thought this was Asscreed not Portal my bad goodnight everyone Mel: "we're gonna pump you with a bunch of drugs and hope your memories will get sent back via DNA instead of a DIGITAL SIMULATION have fun C:"

Les: remember when the glados voice was in pacific rim

Mel: they have an mri monitor but no scanner????? Mel: this whole machine makes no sense and is totally unnecessary

Les: "according to this, medical things are happening"

Mel: "let's make him try and synchronize in the MIDDLE OF A GIANT BATTLE this will totally be successful" Mel: good God give this poor man a proper tutorial Mel: no like in the games you always kinda got a tutorial stage that was easy at first Mel: OMFG THEY RIPPED OFF EZIO'S STORYLINE FUCK YOH

Les: what even is the story in this movie

Mel: les remember what happened to his dad and brothers

Les: yea

Mel: "stay with me Cal" Mel: uhhhh don't you WANT him to synchronize with his ancestor?? Mel: that's like Rebecca slapping Desmond every five minutes while he's in the animus Mel: oboy chase scene that's..... meh compared to the games Mel: classic "shit we’re nearing a random cliff" scene Mel: "You did well, Cal" Mel: uhh he just kinda... got tossed into this shit that was overwhelming Mel: who's this old bozo that looks like a chemistry professor in an old university Mel: "my daughter finds the cure for violence" Mel: ye it's called don't let humans exist buddy

Les: more violets, i say

Mel: #recallingpasteventsbydates Mel: because this is a movie about history facts Mel: I'm just waiting for a mameshiba to pop up dressed as George Washington to churn out facts about the American Revolution Mel: how to design a room: one wall with a door, shoes, and a bed. that it. Mel: how to bleeding effect: rly spoopy real-looking person in half-assed reaper shroud Mel: basically- OMG actually it looks just like the hallucinations from Scarlet's aftermath shit Mel: lady: I know everything about you and your ancestors more than you do Mel: that's totally not creepy Mel: lady: and how does that make you feel? Mel: ok when was this a piss-poor counseling session Mel: from a character that has about as much emotion as Edward Cullen's lunch

Les: would that be blood

Mel: ok i can't even remember her name anymore lmao Mel: main girl from twilight Mel: don't eat the chicken Cal it's poison

Les: i tried to remember that guy's actual name and my brain was like "james patterson.... pat robertson... ROBERT PATTINSON"

Mel: lmao Mel: #randomapple Mel: "what the fuck is going on?" my thoughts exactly Mel: #how many times am I gonna fukin hear the song Crazy Mel: the 20/30s one not the 80/90s one Mel: #fightingmyinnerdemonswhichisactuallymyancestor

Les: ~just assassin things~

Mel: omfg Mel: #singingthefuckingsongbecauseim""crazy"" Mel: producers totally know how mental illness is -_-

Les: is it this song [x]

Mel: wait what....

Les: i just googled "crazy song" and that was one of the results

Mel: o I can't listen to it cause phone Mel: no its the Patsy Cline one [x] Mel: "the last heathen in this Holy War" Mel: HEY U KEEP MY ANCESTORS OUTTA THIS YE FILTHY POPE Mel: #tap B to struggle free Mel: ok new drinking game: take a drink every time you see Ridiculously Unecessary Animus™ Mel: ok who the heck choreographed the free running cause it's definitely not the same dude who mocapped it for the games Mel: too much fancyness to it Mel: "lemme just spam this back jump over and over between two buildings instead of climbing straight up" Mel: the heck was that random one second first person shot of a drawn bow?? Mel: ok id be drunk rn with that one game scratch that...

Les: i looked this up and what the heck [x]

Mel: stop phasing back and forth between the simulation and present time omfg!!!

Les: how did they get that from the game thing which is like..... 90% chair

Mel: I can't imagine how confusing this is to people watching it the first time sheesh Mel: WHAT THE FUCK Mel: he's seizing Mel: good fuckin job guys Mel: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE SOMEONE WHO IS HAVING A SEIZURE WTF Mel: now he's in a Jesus Christ Dunk Tank??? Mel: oh well awesome he's got lower limb paralysis Mel: maybe we shouldn't have suspended him from this wacky portal robot with a metal belt and probably some kind of fucked up needle jabbing into his spine for all I know Mel: cause I didn't see any wires or nothing on his face so couldn't have gotten brain scans from that Mel: that is.... the dumbest looking wheelchair omg Mel: #randomtaichimovesaloneinroom Mel: literal words from Fake Vidic™ : You've been desynching in the Animus... we need you to not do that. Mel: A+ writing Mel: "Do you recognize this?" Mel: that's a fucking drawer slide with a steak knife soldiered to it Mel: Imdeepain would be ashamed [aka this brilliant person here] Mel: he just like... pushed a button on it and it slid out with this terrible scraping noise Mel: moving parts don't need lubricant or a smooth polished surface right? Mel: this the kind of jackass that would go in dry I bet

Les: hgdsdffdg

Mel: Also plot: still searching Mel: Also when the heck did the goddamn Apple represent "free will" instead of "essentially endless power and omniscience" Mel: or more or less "maybe the real free will was inside us all along and we never thought to look outside of our stupid religious pact for answers or truth" Mel: "Hey kids let me whip out Webster's dictionary and mansplain to an Assassin what an Assassin is because my script writer doesn't know how to fucking write lines" Mel: also: You've heard of Mute swans, now get ready for Mute eagle Mel: THAT'S LITERALLY AN ICONIC SOUND IN THE GAME C'MON Mel: #secretcompartmentwall Mel: there's like.... a severe lack of targets in this movie.... Mel: and main focus is literally: sultan, his son, and this Catholic pope dude person Mel: omfg pls be fake apple Mel: random sandstorm?? Mel: or was that legit him using the Apple wtf Mel: ok god who did the lighting the asshole who worked on SH Homecoming I can barely see shit what's going on half the time Mel: shit i dont Even think I've heard the main Assassin say much if anything let alone really see his face? so far

Les: very mysterio

Mel: intense to the death battle Mel: rly dark chase scene Mel: some fire and stuff.... is happening? Mel: LMFAO HE DID A "LEAP OF FAITH" AND FUCKING BROKE THEIR TRASHY-ASS ANIMUS

Les: lol

Mel: omfg the leap of faith though Mel: they fucking like had him do stupid stunts in the middle of it before landing in the water Mel: like the dive moves you can do when you put on the goggles Mel: yeah. that shit

Les: o god

Mel: #unecessary Mel: Also I just noticed why the fuck is Cal almost naked wtf Mel: I guess I won't deny eye candy but lol Mel: yeah he's like done no training or very little of it doing summersaults in the "animus" but now he's as ripped as John Cena Mel: random escape scene with smoke bombs pulled out of god knows where Mel: OH NOW I FINALLY GET TO SEE Mel: they did a slowmo camera rotation and I saw they had like a fuckin huge butterfly needle thing attached on the back of his neck Mel: ok where the heck is everyone getting these weapons from Mel: some dude just had a sword... Mel: this is not how maximum security facilities would be.... Mel: crossbow???? Mel: you're in present day in an expensive facility why would you need that Mel: I think they just.... left Cal alone to experience bleeding effect yet again while all shits breaking loose in the facility Mel: WHY DID THEY LEAVE HISTORICAL WEAPONS LAYING AROUND HERE ABSTERGO YOU IDIOTS Mel: actually at first they legit just strapped two replica hidden blades to Cal while putting him in the animus like "this totally won't be a bad idea at all nope" Mel: #GETTOTHECHOPPA Mel: yeah Cal you climb that hunk of shit they call an animus Mel: also: breaking all the glass because I can't get injured cause this is a movie and it's all just sugar candy Mel: Also now we're in Notre Dame? Mel: omfg the apple looks awful and tarnished like it was made by a human and not idk an ancient race that we can't even comprehend Mel: looks like a giant animal just accidentally ate it and shit it out right on this churches doorstep and then one of the priests took it and half-assed cleaned it off and thought "nice" and put it in a crappy treasure chest.... SOMEWHERE cause they didn't even fucking show where they pulled it out of Mel: annoying lady during a supposed to be emotional scene: You lied to me. ._. Mel: and now, Fake-ass Vidic gives a Ted Talk Mel: ok you're telling me this facility had a breakout and they didn't do shit about it Mel: "oh welp just better let em all go they got weapons now ooOOoOoohhhdh" Mel: Lady: I can't do this Mel: Cal: (fukin dressed as his ancestor now) Yes you can Mel: Shia LeBouf pops in unannounced: just DO IT!!!

Mel: WHY IS THE APPLE FUCKING TINY. AND GREEN???? Mel: oh no I bet that's just the neurotoxin Fake Vidic put in Mel: it's like... the size of a small apple or baseball?? not even [This is what the apple technically looked like in the movie, all I could get was the toy prop but it’s pretty close]

[HIDEOUS. Where did you pull this from? Silent Hill’s asshole???]

[Here’s what it’s supposed to look like, all nice and pristine and slightly alien-like. Also slightly larger than an adult Male’s hand, the one in the movie however was at least 2/3 maybe even half this size. Pathetic. Anyway, back to the original review.]

Mel: GOD he even held it in this fucking pretentious asshole way Mel: lemme just stick it in a wine glass and garnish it in gold flakes you pompous crusty old excuse for a real character Mel: random shadowy figures on the roof At Night™ with the camera doing a slow cinematic 360° panorama Mel: what.... Mel: that.... That's the end??? Mel: ??????

Les: so how was it

Mel: 2/10 would not recommend Mel: 7.8/10 too much sepia

[thegirlinthecloudedstars]

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

No, but usually when you have a crush on someone they seem to be more attractive than anyone else anyway.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

That is completely up to you! But I think they are if they are strong and healthy.

You see elderly couples still going strong since they were 16 or 18, and you see that clearly for them, the relationship is worth it.

If however you’re being pushed around, abused, controlled or not treated with any respect (even if you don’t think you deserve any respect) then that relationship is not worth it, even if you love that person, let them go. Nothing is worth being abused or controlled or pushed around for. Nothing.

3. Are you a virgin?

No.

4. Are you in a relationship?

I am!! Going strong after 1 year, 3 months, 3 weeks and two days! Not that I’m counting…

5. Are you in love?

Yes I very much am.

6. Are you single this year?

I definitely hope NOT!

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yes, I prefer to commit to only one person too.

8. Describe your crush:

Taller than me, broad but not too broad, curly hair, funny, caring, protective but not possessive (there is a difference), smart, video game/book/film lover.

9. Describe your perfect mate:

See the above!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. But I believe a crush can be formed at first sight, but not love. Love is too strong a word for just one look.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

That’s the plan! I hope.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I can forgive, but not reason. I will forgive but never forget. However, if a partner betrays me in any extreme way (cheating; attacking someone supposedly for me; has lied to me constantly), I will leave them. I have no time to be with someone who has betrayed me. Who knows if they will do it again. I’m not going to waste my love on someone who just plays with it.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Not jealous. I get wary, but that’s because I’ve been hurt in the past. I trust my boyfriend.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yes! My boyfriend!

15. Do you have any piercings?

One in each earlobe.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Not yet. Yet!

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Of course. I’m not embarrassed of my love. I’m not ashamed of it. I’ll show it off to the world!

18. Do you shave your neither regions?

Now that’s a private answer…

19. Do you shower every day?

Yes I do. I do my very best to stay hygienic.

20. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I would hope so!

21. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

No idea…

22. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of course! I hate cheating. There’s no excuse for anyone doing it, ever!

23. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No idea! Probably not as I’ll just be finishing university.

24. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Of course I bloody do!

25. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes they have, and 9/10 they have left me instead.

26. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I don’t think so… if I’m wrong, someone correct me, but I doubt it.

27. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes. It’s horrible. Don’t EVER do it. Think about the other person, for the love of god!

28. Have you ever cheated on someone?

God no!! Never!

29. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I have but it’s WAY too expensive… and that’s private.

30. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Too many times that it’s unhealthy.

31. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yes, me being the one showing love… but in that moment you just have to move on and understand that they’re not interested. It hurts less. Stop begging. You look desperate.

32. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes.

33. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Nope.

34. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

I’ve only kissed someone older than me, now that I think about it… not drastically, just by a couple of years.

35. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yes, and we tried it but it felt too incest-ee!

36. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes, and in a result it was not worth the amount of friends I lost because of that relationship.

37. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes, and again, it was not worth it.

38. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes!

39. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

*Cringes* Yes, but mainly about how much I miss them… I was an emotional 15/16 year old…

40. Have you had sex so far this year?

Yes.

41. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

A long time. Kissing for me isn’t about getting anywhere else.

42. How long was your longest relationship?

1 year, 3 months, 3 weeks and two days!!

43. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

3 boyfriends.

44. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

1, I think… and only once.

45. How many times did you have sex last year?

Do you think I count? I don’t know!!

46. How old are you?

18.

47. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“Then what are you doing with me, still? Go after them. Stop lying to me and go after the person you really like.”

48. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favourite thing about him/her?

They’re ability to make me feel safe and laugh, in any situation.

49. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I’d take the presents but then slam the door on his face.

50. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Not absolutely anything, but most things. I’d stay logical and reasonable.

51. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

They’re not worth the hurt. They never should have been.

52. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Don’t know. Don’t care.

53. Is there someone you will never forget?

Of course, there’s no denying it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t ignore them.

54. Share a relationship story.

My boyfriend and I met when going to the theatre to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory in London. We were on the same college trip but had never met.

Originally he had a seat away from me, but without my knowledge, had traded a ticket with one of his friends so he could sit right in front of me, so that he would have a reason to speak to me.

We had chatted briefly at the start of the show but when it started we had stopped, and at first I just thought “He’s cute and funny.” and thought a little crush was forming but just ignored it at first.

When the interval came up we both said at the same time; “Willy Wonka reminds me of the joker…” I was smitten. He knew the Joker; my all time favourite villain! He knew Batman. This attractive, funny, cute boy knew one of my all time favourite superheroes. We went on to discuss more interests and found out that they were pretty much all the same. He was me but male, with only slight alterations!

From then on we exchanged social medias and chatted for the rest of the day, even when he was in London with his friends and I was at home, we texted and video chatted constantly, even into the night. At college the next couple of days we met up in our breaks, even if it was only for fifteen minutes. By the next Sunday, we were boyfriend and girlfriend!

55. State 8 facts about your body:

I’m 5,5.

I have hip dimples.

I’m freckly.

I have muscly thighs from years of dance.

I’m a natural ginger.

My body is “cursed” with Fibromyaglia.

I have many other medical conditions.

I’m half-deaf and need hearing aids in both ears.

  56. Things you want to say to an ex:

I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t want anything else to do with them.

57. What are five ways to win your heart?

Be Ollie.

Have a passion for game/books/films/TV.

Take photos of us and treasure them.

Put up with all of my conditions with ease.

Treat me right.

58. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

59. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

Just over two years.

60. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

How they speak to people.

61. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Turn up on one of my crappy days with an overnight bag; set up a little sleepover cave in the front room, get up Portal 2 or Skyrim, have Netflix on a laptop, get popcorn and pizza ready, bring a Lush box for us to dive into together, bring Roses chocolates to share, stay up all night cuddling, playing video games, watching trashy shows and films and talking. *hint hint*

62. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Having sex… is there a hidden meaning I’m missing here?

63. What is your definition of cheating?

Making relationship-like movements on someone else other than your partner’s aka flirting and more, even by text. I’m looking at you John Watson!

64. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

That’s private.

65. What is your favourite roleplay?

Private!! Anyway, I don’t think I’ve done roleplay…

66. What is your idea of the perfect date?

A night in marathon-ing a film series or TV series in duvets and blankets.

A day out to the city taking cheesy Polaroid photos and creating an album for the day.

67. What is your sexual orientation?

Straighty McStraight straight.

68. What turns you off?

Ignorance. Poor hygiene. Abusive behaviour to anyone or anything. Saying things like sick, innit, bad tings… and so on. Anti-equality.

69. What turns you on?

Respect. Ability to have a laugh. Knowledge on the things I like. Patience with me, the same that I’ll have for you. Protectiveness. Care. Ability to hold a conversation. Same life views.

70. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I don’t think I’ve properly had one….

71. What words do you like to hear during sex?

That is strictly private.

72. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Anything that is thoughtful and personal to me is lovely.

73. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I don’t look for people who are superficial. They annoy me.

  74. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Just now.

Ollie’s on Skype…

  75. You’ll love me if:

You love talkative, huggy, kissy, caring, challenging, nerdy, straight-to-the-point, hard-working girls.

So let's talk about relationships and all the gory stuff that comes with it... 1. Are looks important in a relationship? No, but usually when you have a crush on someone they seem to be more attractive than anyone else anyway.

[thegirlinthecloudedstars]

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

No, but usually when you have a crush on someone they seem to be more attractive than anyone else anyway.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

That is completely up to you! But I think they are if they are strong and healthy.

You see elderly couples still going strong since they were 16 or 18, and you see that clearly for them, the relationship is worth it.

If however you’re being pushed around, abused, controlled or not treated with any respect (even if you don’t think you deserve any respect) then that relationship is not worth it, even if you love that person, let them go. Nothing is worth being abused or controlled or pushed around for. Nothing.

3. Are you a virgin?

No.

4. Are you in a relationship?

I am!! Going strong after 1 year, 3 months, 3 weeks and two days! Not that I’m counting…

5. Are you in love?

Yes I very much am.

6. Are you single this year?

I definitely hope NOT!

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yes, I prefer to commit to only one person too.

8. Describe your crush:

Taller than me, broad but not too broad, curly hair, funny, caring, protective but not possessive (there is a difference), smart, video game/book/film lover.

9. Describe your perfect mate:

See the above!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. But I believe a crush can be formed at first sight, but not love. Love is too strong a word for just one look.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

That’s the plan! I hope.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I can forgive, but not reason. I will forgive but never forget. However, if a partner betrays me in any extreme way (cheating; attacking someone supposedly for me; has lied to me constantly), I will leave them. I have no time to be with someone who has betrayed me. Who knows if they will do it again. I’m not going to waste my love on someone who just plays with it.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Not jealous. I get wary, but that’s because I’ve been hurt in the past. I trust my boyfriend.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yes! My boyfriend!

15. Do you have any piercings?

One in each earlobe.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Not yet. Yet!

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Of course. I’m not embarrassed of my love. I’m not ashamed of it. I’ll show it off to the world!

18. Do you shave your neither regions?

Now that’s a private answer…

19. Do you shower every day?

Yes I do. I do my very best to stay hygienic.

20. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I would hope so!

21. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

No idea…

22. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of course! I hate cheating. There’s no excuse for anyone doing it, ever!

23. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No idea! Probably not as I’ll just be finishing university.

24. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Of course I bloody do!

25. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes they have, and 9/10 they have left me instead.

26. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I don’t think so… if I’m wrong, someone correct me, but I doubt it.

27. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes. It’s horrible. Don’t EVER do it. Think about the other person, for the love of god!

28. Have you ever cheated on someone?

God no!! Never!

29. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I have but it’s WAY too expensive… and that’s private.

30. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Too many times that it’s unhealthy.

31. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yes, me being the one showing love… but in that moment you just have to move on and understand that they’re not interested. It hurts less. Stop begging. You look desperate.

32. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes.

33. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Nope.

34. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

I’ve only kissed someone older than me, now that I think about it… not drastically, just by a couple of years.

35. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yes, and we tried it but it felt too incest-ee!

36. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes, and in a result it was not worth the amount of friends I lost because of that relationship.

37. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes, and again, it was not worth it.

38. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes!

39. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

*Cringes* Yes, but mainly about how much I miss them… I was an emotional 15/16 year old…

40. Have you had sex so far this year?

Yes.

41. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

A long time. Kissing for me isn’t about getting anywhere else.

42. How long was your longest relationship?

1 year, 3 months, 3 weeks and two days!!

43. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

3 boyfriends.

44. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

1, I think… and only once.

45. How many times did you have sex last year?

Do you think I count? I don’t know!!

46. How old are you?

18.

47. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“Then what are you doing with me, still? Go after them. Stop lying to me and go after the person you really like.”

48. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favourite thing about him/her?

They’re ability to make me feel safe and laugh, in any situation.

49. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

I’d take the presents but then slam the door on his face.

50. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Not absolutely anything, but most things. I’d stay logical and reasonable.

51. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

They’re not worth the hurt. They never should have been.

52. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Don’t know. Don’t care.

53. Is there someone you will never forget?

Of course, there’s no denying it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t ignore them.

54. Share a relationship story.

My boyfriend and I met when going to the theatre to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory in London. We were on the same college trip but had never met.

Originally he had a seat away from me, but without my knowledge, had traded a ticket with one of his friends so he could sit right in front of me, so that he would have a reason to speak to me.

We had chatted briefly at the start of the show but when it started we had stopped, and at first I just thought “He’s cute and funny.” and thought a little crush was forming but just ignored it at first.

When the interval came up we both said at the same time; “Willy Wonka reminds me of the joker…” I was smitten. He knew the Joker; my all time favourite villain! He knew Batman. This attractive, funny, cute boy knew one of my all time favourite superheroes. We went on to discuss more interests and found out that they were pretty much all the same. He was me but male, with only slight alterations!

From then on we exchanged social medias and chatted for the rest of the day, even when he was in London with his friends and I was at home, we texted and video chatted constantly, even into the night. At college the next couple of days we met up in our breaks, even if it was only for fifteen minutes. By the next Sunday, we were boyfriend and girlfriend!

55. State 8 facts about your body:

I’m 5,5.

I have hip dimples.

I’m freckly.

I have muscly thighs from years of dance.

I’m a natural ginger.

My body is “cursed” with Fibromyaglia.

I have many other medical conditions.

I’m half-deaf and need hearing aids in both ears.

  56. Things you want to say to an ex:

I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t want anything else to do with them.

57. What are five ways to win your heart?

Be Ollie.

Have a passion for game/books/films/TV.

Take photos of us and treasure them.

Put up with all of my conditions with ease.

Treat me right.

58. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

59. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

Just over two years.

60. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

How they speak to people.

61. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Turn up on one of my crappy days with an overnight bag; set up a little sleepover cave in the front room, get up Portal 2 or Skyrim, have Netflix on a laptop, get popcorn and pizza ready, bring a Lush box for us to dive into together, bring Roses chocolates to share, stay up all night cuddling, playing video games, watching trashy shows and films and talking. *hint hint*

62. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Having sex… is there a hidden meaning I’m missing here?

63. What is your definition of cheating?

Making relationship-like movements on someone else other than your partner’s aka flirting and more, even by text. I’m looking at you John Watson!

64. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

That’s private.

65. What is your favourite roleplay?

Private!! Anyway, I don’t think I’ve done roleplay…

66. What is your idea of the perfect date?

A night in marathon-ing a film series or TV series in duvets and blankets.

A day out to the city taking cheesy Polaroid photos and creating an album for the day.

67. What is your sexual orientation?

Straighty McStraight straight.

68. What turns you off?

Ignorance. Poor hygiene. Abusive behaviour to anyone or anything. Saying things like sick, innit, bad tings… and so on. Anti-equality.

69. What turns you on?

Respect. Ability to have a laugh. Knowledge on the things I like. Patience with me, the same that I’ll have for you. Protectiveness. Care. Ability to hold a conversation. Same life views.

70. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I don’t think I’ve properly had one….

71. What words do you like to hear during sex?

That is strictly private.

72. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Anything that is thoughtful and personal to me is lovely.

73. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I don’t look for people who are superficial. They annoy me.

  74. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Just now.

Ollie’s on Skype…

  75. You’ll love me if:

You love talkative, huggy, kissy, caring, challenging, nerdy, straight-to-the-point, hard-working girls.

So let's talk about relationships and all the gory stuff that comes with it... 1. Are looks important in a relationship? No, but usually when you have a crush on someone they seem to be more attractive than anyone else anyway.