#Jizzie Trolls AU

[zumpietoo]

I mean, I guess? But that’s a total copout and you should still be pissed----but I see we’re now at “ninety billion AUs, jizzy will say “hi” in one of them, so I’m good!

I think the anon is concern trolling kettle-bullshitchip, but I also don’t disagree.....

Trying to be soooo brave.....again, when they return to the present Barfie’s possibly engaged, at a minimum about to fuck and “try a real relationship” (after Slizzy spent all day begging Douchie to bend her over)...

Do you mean jizzy for this? Cuz I don’t think you’ll even get that....

Jabi endgame/BAV triangle. 

MARk MAH WORDSSSS...

[zumpietoo]

Oh Izzy---this is hilarious, you’re so furious at having been proven wrong again....TBH, since Jug does remember, moar likely we get him seeking to solve the mystery of how they’re there to get back to Tabs, because he DOES love her and yes, they’re endgame!

Barfie? Not so sure.....but you’re also correct in that we’ll see a big time BAV triangle, since that’s what RAS has always wanted.....that said, we’ll see how long it even actually lasts. However, no, Izzy, you little dullard, the writers do NOT “purposefully want to piss off Jizzy and VD fans”.....you aren’t remotely important enough for that...

Also sounds like you should go take a xanac or try some deep breathing.....and def stop watching.

And it doesn’t remotely matter who is or isn’t “popular”, but Jabi have been tracking really well in polls lately----and, once again, you noobie socks are all that’s left of Jizzy fandumb, now.....those of us who are sane (and lean Jug) started shipping Jabi way long ago....

Not as wrong as yourself, Snorty.....

Eeewwww....and why??? Dude, they fucking hate each other, Jug remembers and those memories including loving Tabitha. Again, it’s gross how none of you can accept that Jug loves a black lady. 

Alex isn’t remotely “friends” with them, dumbass.....buuuuttt....RAS did make it clear Jabi will continue....somehow...

Again, Snorty.....you are the LAST person who should EVERRRRR point fingers at people being wrong. OR about peeps being “fed” information. I’m betting you were on Amy’s creeper Zoom call..

No, actually it’s really fuckin’ easy if you watch without delusional shipper goggles. And type with both hands....

No, you wanted your shipmates to give you some fanfic....

How DARE Jug continue to be in love with Tabs!!?? If only he’d forget everything, then we’d have our fanfic! 

I thought “aus don’t count”, tho???

Also why TF are you “mad”? Because you didn’t get your way? I’d think you’d be used to that by now....

There’s nothing to “trust”----it’s their show, you watch. You have zero control here and are irrelevant and meaningless. Dude, it’s called they’re “telling the story they choose to”......and I say this as somebody who thinks the entire teens in 50s twist is beyond moronic. 

And why should or would they “be interested in doing your fandumb a solid”? Honestly, are you 8 years old and still believe in Santa? Dude....I really, really, REALLY do not get this delusional self importance you have. 

YOU ARE NOTHING.

They DGAF.....it’s their last season. They, again, can do what they want. Nobody GAF about you or your gripes, either. SUCK IT.

Ummm....Barfie Evan IS a writer on the show....so while he’s an idiot and a hack, he also, again, knows way moar than you do.....not sure why this is a shocker to you. What you took as fact/mistakes/lies were him trolling your dumb asses....

Why TF would they “resent” you? Dude, you hold no power....and yeah, they haven’t given you “what you want” for two seasons, now....for a variety of reasons. You need to SUCK IT.

Oh good lord....you have no one “on your side” because there’s nothing to spoil, moron....however, what happened to all your “scuttlebutt”???? Shouldn’t I be sobbing about Jabi right now???

It’s a TEE VEE show, calm TF down....

No, kettlebullshit

Dude, you were nowhere back in the day.....your noobie sock ass is further full of shit. 

Ummm...it’s all pretend iknowuraracist, RAS was mentioning her to confirm Erinn isn’t fired, like you and Racist Prime were insisting....

Dude, noooo....Jabi’s endgame....fail. Also, Alex didn’t say that. And what happened to “he’s always wrong”?

Oh they’ll all be back in OG Plaiderdale, with Jabi together....

I'm going negative again, sorry, so please don't read if you don't want to see negative ramblings

RAS said that next season we will see "first kisses", etc. in high school - so why again? We saw first kisses for Varchie and Bughead - why do I feel like we're going to see Barchie and Jabitha first kisses this time since it's a supposedly "clean slate"? He also said the couples will be changed up - why do I feel like that will mean just the B/V/A triangle and Jabitha in high school, since Jughead remembers things from before the comet, and he was with Tabitha before?

Alex (from RD After Dark) says he thinks next season will be like a purgatory, where "soulmates" will find each other and help each other recover their memories from Riverdale. BA and JT "soulmates", right, Alex, since you're a BA? RAS said they were going to "get Tabitha in there somewhere somehow" in this high school-based season. They've basically erased Bughead and have shit on Varchie (mostly Veronica) in Season 6, so I'm sure BA and JT, regardless of the stupid triangle, will be "endgames" in Season 7, too, even though they were already gifted "endgames" at the end of Season 6. Also, they're not popular couples, regardless of what RAS and the other writers/directors say. They have driven down the ratings, as we have seen. But they want to purposely piss Varchie and Bughead fans off. The disdain the writers have for the fandoms that helped bulid this show is EPIC.

Sorry to be negative and sarcastic, but I'm having these thoughts and I need to rant and vent. And I'm making myself sick in the process. lol

[fantasykiri5]

[WIP] hold on I’m cooking

[zumpietoo]

Ooopssiess!!! Again (I’m legit sitting her smiling at work, BTW)

Why TF would he lie about that, you fucking moron? And noooopeee. In fact, the interview details that, too...

Because he’s a dumbass with loose lips and moar focused on how he’ll feed his crack habit? Wants to go feed the crack habit rn?

Yeah, they’ll tease your ass....they won’t give you anything...

So, again, legit happy if you get them in the last 3 seconds? You’re a cheap date....and, how would you get it at the “beginning of the show” (you mean season) if they aren’t ending on that note? Good lord you’re a dullard

You were always “saved” from watching, idiot

What happened to “the beats are ours/resetting ninety catrillion AUs thru the mines, Scratchy????

OML....you said the literal opposite just this AM, you liar and no, all of you have been insisting you’re getting yours (speaking of, I mustttt troll Racist today!)

Anddd it doesn’t matter, morons

Nope....but Snorty, here, is legit moar honest than Liar Locky...

No, Locky, they didn’t. That remains your fanfic. And a big fat lie. You’re doing a LOT of that today, aren’t you?

this dullard’s actually ded on....just as RAS was unnerved about Jizzy cuz he’d legit JUST FINISHED talking Cole down from filing multiple lawsuits five seconds earlier....

And then she shits on that....there are no parallel universes. DROP IT and SUCK IT

[zumpietoo]

Moar Stoopidss

Umm....dudes, everybody knows this is you sending this to yourselves. It’s legit the ONLY action you even see these days...and yeah, the anon IS Liar of Slizzy’s, cuz she probably started this stupid....

TBF....

A) they did have (tho it was a prelude is sex that was apparently so gross they split soon afterwards----and first had to try sad role playing, just so Douchie could get an anything in his teeny peen) a porch kiss...

B) coveted cuz VD had one....

C) Why if you’re trolling yourselves aren’t you focused on the rain kiss they’re always wanting to copycat?

Ooohh...berrypee iz back! Ummm.....Slizzy doesn’t HAVE a front porch, are you sure you watch the show? 

The rest of her blather? IDK even what she’s saying.....

I think Izzy means when there were a bunch of funkos in the production office, haphazardly thrown there? Or does Izzy legit think this constitutes seekrit messages just to her?

TBF, considering Jizzystans celebrated the one year anniversary of Jabi declaring their AU love as for Jizzy, cuz “it was a gift from Slizzy”.....I could easily believe they WOULD think that....

Which, in that case? Ummmm......why no pics and endless posts about it? I mean y’all spent months on “hey”, so I find it veryyy strange nothing’s popped up. Or is this “scuttlebutt”, now seekrit, too?

Ummm....Berrypee? I fucking hate Barfie, but noooo.....do you even watch the show? Did you ever?

This is Douchie’s yard, so probably not, but closer than Slizzy’s

And, again, there ARE other peeps living there....

[zumpietoo]

Okay....that isn’t, even remotely, “gaslighting” on any level, buuuuutt....

Ummm....again....

A) AU (which you insist “doesn’t count”----or at least not when it’s a ship you don’t like)

B) They didn’t save dick

C) Only Bunker Jughead

D) Slizzy was his second/last ditch choice

E) ONE version of Jughead maybeee?? And even then, nope. Cuz he really still wanted Tabs, himself...

F) It would be “plot contrivance”

You can have no hope for Jizzy, because your kween is a slutty psychopath and that’s why it was 90% (moar, really) of the season of them having no interaction. Same as always.....

And what “subtext”? Two, minor, AU instances placed there to troll y’all (at best) comprising 2 seconds of the season.....and even this ignores that Slizzy continued to be a fullbore cuntwipe to Jughead. Or that he’s now canonically in love with Tabitha?

And, again, VD sucks (but might be endgame) and you lose.....and I do love how you assume your entitled, didn’t even watch the live broadcast self is the only one they look to please....

@itwasredstring And Slizzy was a completely cuntwipe to Jughead, but agreeing with you...

Ewww.....and plan on being disappointed......I don’t want poor Jughead to ever touch any of those gross skanky turds

Oh thanks for repeating the stupid, cuz by “subtext” you clearly mean “shipper goggles while reading bad fanfic”. And how is Jughead “not himself”? He’s very much so.....tho, admittedly, his absolute BEST self....because Tabi brought that out in him.....her love transformed him from a self destructive, alcoholic, despairing, broken mess to a selfless, creative, strategic hero---and muuuuchhhh happier, moar resilient person....

And yeah, was Jug a better partner to Slizzy than Douchie? Obviously. It’s a given.....but she was a shitty one to him and Tabs is an amazing one....

While I agree Barfie sucks, they deserve each other and no idea how Jabi remotely “sucks”, nor why Jug needs to be single if you aren’t gonna get your dimwitted way.....

IDK if Barfie was always “planned”, it doesn’t matter because they suck and always have....moar like was always gonna be a BAV triangle.....which IS what we’re headed towards.....however, otherwise you’re correct and I just want Jug far away from both those assholes...

Errm....no, slizzypinto, Jizzy happened because SH had chemistry.....Barfie didn’t and Cole also helped challenge PP’s acting (something we also no longer see)----oml, you seriously think they started dating AFTER they filmed the season 1 finale. Good lord, you’re dumber every fucking day. 

A.....ummm....nooo, actually, the timelines corresponded identically. They filmed the cheating stuff right as they were splitting up, in fact. 

B) Additionally, SH were on/off a LOT moar than we realiced----which turns out to be why they frequently gave them separate story arcs throughout. 

I just love all these noobie socks popping up and pretending like they know moar....

Okay I finally caught up and finished riverdale and like….. there’s so much to say, but ultimately I’m just going to forever feel like the show is constantly gaslighting me about bughead.

Like they don’t interact for 90% of the season but also Betty and Jughead save the multiverse by making out. Barchie proposed to each other and Jabitha are in love but also bunker Jughead is so in love with Betty that he calls an alternate universe version of his ex girlfriend to save her at the cost of the two dimensions starting to collapse on each other.

Which is it riverdale? Can I have hope for bughead or not? It’s like all the subtext is telling me they’re destined for each other but the plot is telling me to move on

[zumpietoo]

Oh Racist....

Oh....where to begin????

Ummm..... “cake couples”????? And how, exactly, were they “erased”??? Plus I don’t think they’ve been fully “wrapped up”, particularly not Jabi because Jug, again, remembers AND Tabs will bein the 50s, starting with ep 1 AND none of them will remain there, forever, anyway.....

And what “serious OG ship crumbs”? When, closer to midseason, Jug was deeply distressed and uncomfortable by his memories of PP (with Toxic as the musical overlay, no less) and relieved to hear from Tabitha? And Slizzy fully DGAF that she was using him/potentially hurting him and the two didn’t speak again for the rest of the season? (oh and the attempt to troll Jizzy even resulted in having to resurrect the split screen for filming, because PP went psycho again).....

Or that Vale, “if it’s an AU it doesn’t count” Bunker Jughead, lonely and depressed, warned Barfie to GTFO? And Vale Ethel in a jealous rage (after Bunker Jug had made it apparent what he really wanted was Dale Tabi) went nutso, cuz still obsessed and jelly? And neither Dale Jug nor Dale Tabs batted an eyelash? 

That Afterlife Jug thought only of his eternity with Tabs.....but didn’t want to upset her?

That Jabi spent their seeming last day on earth seeing a beautiful future and neither wanting anything or anyone but that?

Again, Barfie? Yeah.....no shortage indication they won’t be endgame....and, even still, canon has THEM currently engaged.....

Meanwhile....”mathematical proof”, huh???? Too bad you don’t have common sense of knowledge of how shit works, Racist....plus, OG, actual BH fans won’t be back and, again, NONE of us ever want Slizzy anywhere NEAR Jug....she’s a cuntwipe asshole and completely unworthy of him. 

Plus, again, it’s the last season, they DGAF.....they’ll do whatever TF they want....

God you’re so fucking stupid. 

Plus, OFC....what happened to the “scuttlebutt”????

[fantasykiri5]

Bounty hunter Scott would be a psychedelic pop troll, based off of THIS concept on twitter, and would potentially have Owen as a teammate.

Not sure who’s fill Crimp’s role in that option, or if I’d even assign anybody to it. In the first option Impluse would be the closest to playing Crimp, but would still be an active member of the band, not an assistant.

[fantasykiri5]

If you do end up choosing a funk troll representative then I nominate Scott or bigb

Scott because the bright rainbow colors of chromia and the rainbow pride flag 

Bigb because the trippy imagery would be a reference to the trippy cobble rooms

As much as these are both fun ideas, I actually already have plans for both BigB and Scott!

BigB is part of the Snack Pack, aka Lizzie’s (Poppy’s) main friend group! He lives in pop village and is one of the first trolls yoinked by chef Joe Hills. (Funny enough, I initially was planning on the snack pack being mostly fairy fort folks before you suggested Ren and Martyn lead the rock trolls! It’s one of the reasons I have Cleo playing Creek.)

And Scott’s not even a troll! He’s a rageon. He, Gem, and Impluse play V+V’s roles!

(It is a fun idea though, taking into account all the colors. I’ve already got the Ocean Queen as a separate character from regular Lizzie playing her mother, so maybe Chromia!scott could work as a phsycidelic troll… maybe a bounty hunter… oooh I actually really like that I might go back to Roseblings as V+V so I can have bounty hunter Scott lol… maybe I’ll make a poll)

[fantasykiri5]

 I would say that tangtek would be the best choice for the techno trolls but since tango’s decided then Maybe impulse as the techno troll king for the same reason his red stone technology skills and that one time he used a voice changer to make his voice higher 

the classical troll’s ruler could maybe be pearl or Mumbo because pearl has a very soft voice that makes me think of a lullaby and mumbo is the poshest troll who dresses fancy and sounds so very British

oooh techno impulse is interesting, that could be cool… I was thinking he’d be a bit more rock what with playing the drums and his shtick in secret life but techno is very interesting… hm…

Also mumbo is DEFINITELY classical you are so right about that. He’d prolly end up the ruler, yeah, simply because he’s the only one I’ve got so far? But he definitely is a classical troll at the very least

[fantasykiri5]

I love the idea of country troll raised by pop trolls jimmy being captured by rock trolls and bonding with rock troll who secretly loves pop martyn over there shared experiences and feelings 

During the song I imagine them teaching each other about the genres 

Martyn teaching jimmy hand horns and jimmy being impressed by martyn shredding on his guitar 

Jimmy teaching martyn pop dance moves and martyn laughing as jimmy fails only to fail himself shortly after 

Jimmy who has only seen a glimpse of country trolls but saw some line dancing and Martyn who is a natural while jimmy is somehow even worse at country dancing than he is at pop dancing 

Ouugh yeah… the sillies

[fantasykiri5]

First design of the trolls AU! It’s Mr. Goodtimes himself, Scar!!!

Also I didn’t include it in the drawing but his wheelchair has multiple different modes for things like climbing and dancing and shit!! Because I could only assume it’d be tricky to do boyband dances not just with the lack of use of the legs, but because the hands would be busy operating the wheelchair itself. Therefor, some of the ways he can free up his hands or cross otherwise difficult terrain are listed below!

In total, all the different configurations it has are:

Four total legs (two on each side) for things like dancing and other flat terrain while the hands are busy, or for semi-flat or bumpy terrain (for going off-road!)

eight total legs (four on each side, like a spider) for climbing! Trolls regularly disregard gravity and that shouldn’t be confined to abeled trolls! Let the man hang out on the ceiling!

and last but not least, not technically the wheelchair itself, but the driver’s seat in jellie is retractable (or rather, there can be a drivers seat for other drivers lol) so he can just roll his chair right into place to drive! There are smaller attachments for pressing pedals :)

He also has a folding bow! Sometimes he uses it like JD’s grapple in the movies, sometimes he just uses it like a regular bow.

and you know I HAD to reference the pose from this fuckass render. I think I’m gonna base them all off their stupid looking renders, it’ll be great.

[fantasykiri5]

When jimmy hears Lizzie and Joel talking he does the same cooper did when he heard poppy and branch talking and goes to find the scroll then starts on his journey

Just like cooper he ends up in a desert but unlike cooper He does not get beamed up to a space ship he does however stumble across the other country trolls 

Jimmy doesn’t quite fit in but unlike other trolls he’s very flexible with his musical style so he try’s to combine the two styles so he sings his heart out Then he immediately gets thrown in prison luckily or unluckily the rock trolls show up and he ends up in a different prison 

When in rock troll prison awaiting being turned into a zombie he befriends the rock kings second in command martyn because jimmy over hears Martyn humming a distinctly not rock song 

The two bond over there shared experience of being out of place because they try to mix there favorite genres together only to end up ridiculed and teased for it

Jimmy is a country troll that was raised by pop trolls and Martyn is a rock troll who was sent to deliver the pop troll’s the warning letter and instantly fell for the pop troll music 

And because I love property police/big dog At some point The two sing a duet with Each other Life is a Highway by Rascal Flatts martyn plays a guitar and has a solo while jimmy does the soulful yet up beat vocals and then at the end they start harmonizing

OH my god that’s actually kinda perfect. You are giving me so many ideas dude you have no CLUE

[fantasykiri5]

Headcanon about trolls Jimmy who has a British accent but when he sings he inexplicably gains a country accent and everyone makes fun of him for it but he can’t stop because it’s magical music genetics 

LMAO OKAY YOUVE SOLD ME ON COUNTRY TROLL JIM THIS IS SO CANON NOW

[fantasykiri5]

What if Cleo was viva The personality doesn’t fit but it doesn’t have to fit exactly I thought about the relationships 

Who would Lizzie be close with but then separated from

Cleo 

Who would etho be working closely with as partners

 Cleo 

Cleo would make a great queen of the putt putt trolls she is very distrustful of outsiders and protective of the trolls under her 

Ooooh honestly that could work really interestingly… I’m kinda attached to her as Creek because of the last life parallels because they’d betray the pop trolls like they burned the fairy fort, but I DID originally have Etho in Clay’s role, so… hm, maybe. Maybe!

[fantasykiri5]

how about ren as peppy or barbs dad

only martyn is barb so instead of being being a dad he’s a friend

or maybe ren is the rock troll representative and Martyn is his right Hand man

OH WAIT THATS ACTUALLY SICK THAT SECOND ONES SO CANON NOW