#JUST how badly akito is handling the situation

[kotaromita]

i can tell s-something bad definitely happened but...i feel like there isn't much i can do. i want to help—i hate not being able to help, but, i...i'm not really sure if it's my place to right now. i hate to see toya and akito so stressed, though...

[ramblingsekai]

Omg guys I just watched the new Puchiseka with VBS and I’m laughing. VBS episodes have been my favorites so far and the 25ji one. I’m just gonna babble about it for a little bit.

Ofc with a title of “The Rumored Pancake” it would start out with Akito and Toya. And lo and behold, the new hot pancake shop is Weekend Garage. So I’m not sure if the Puchiseka universe is canon or not (esp after the last fiasco), but I like to think this one gives us some insight on Weekend Garage and the characters so I’ll consider it canon.  So the first thing I noticed is that after Ken injures himself, An is left in charge of the cafe which is kinda weird since An is a kid. But this means that Ken doesn’t have any other people working at Weekend Garage besides An and that Ken is the one who probably runs the kitchen between the two. Another thing, Ken knows how to make pancakes (and I think there are card stories where he makes them for Akito), teaches An how to make pancakes, and then An uploads pictures of said pancakes.

Now the ideas I get from this is that Ken, while he does know how to make good pancakes, chooses not to put them on his usual menu and just makes them specifically for Akito since Akito likes them. Bc before this episode, it looks like no one ever went to WG to eat pancakes. Also, An I guess is really good at making pancakes since she’s able to make enough of them at a pace to keep up with a full cafe and An made them look good enough/taste good enough to have people keep coming, bc it’s not like the teenage girls are there for anything else (at first). Also, I guess either An or WG is super popular on social media (since it would either be Twitter or Instagram where she uploaded the pictures to) bc WG got super packed within the day since Ken has been gone. It wouldn’t surprise me if An is actually super popular at both Kamiyama and then Miya after she meets Kohane and shows up there, so I guess An has a ton of followers. Either that or An tagged Weekend Garage and pancakes and the algorithm was on her side that day.

Anyways back to the episode. So ofc Akito and Toya help out. But based on the situation at hand, we can guess that Ken just had extra work uniforms lying around since Kohane, Akito, and Toya were able to get some pretty fast. It also looks like different versions of the same uniform since An/Kohane have a sweater wrapped around their shoulders while Toya/Akito have little bow ties on their version. Kohane seems to be doing pretty alright serving tables (I mean she’s overwhelmed but that’s bc it’s a full house). Akito and Toya also seem to be doing pretty well serving tables as well. Akito doesn’t surprise me since he does have a job at a clothing store, but I’ll admit Toya is pretty adaptable since he’s doing well working the tables. An must have also taught Kohane how to make the special pancakes since Kohane goes help An in the kitchen after Toya and Akito arrive.

LoL and when Ken goes to check on his cafe, it’s become a hit with teenage girls bc of pancakes and the ‘hot’ waiters. You gotta wonder how long WG stayed like that before it went back to being its normal self. Based on how it was presented, it looks like Ken just rolled his ankle, but we don’t also don’t know how badly he did. He is using a crutch towards the end of the episode, but Ken is also probably getting old. So a rolled ankle can take at minimum 2 weeks and at maximum like 12 weeks. I’m going to assume Ken’s injury is on the more minor side and say like 2-3 weeks before he’s back. Even if Ken stayed behind the counter and helped out just in the kitchen, he’d still be standing for a long time which could aggravate his injury.

Now, I have no idea if VBS would be able to handle running WG for like 2 weeks by themselves. So I’m going to HC that VBS calls their friends to see if they can help. Kohane might ask Shiho and Minori if they could help out. Idk if Shiho would, but I could see Minori helping out since she is a waitress in another cafe so she does have experience. Idk if the rest of MMJ would help, but I can see the rest of MMJ just checking out the cafe. Maybe Haruka shows up as moral support for An. And Airi does love sweets so she might be interested in going to eat pancakes. Shizuku would maybe just tag along. It’d be funny if Ena hears about this hip new shop selling pancakes and drags 25ji to go there with her. She’s in line with them and hears girls gossiping about ‘hot’ waiters and then her and 25ji get in and it’s Ena’s freaking brother and his friend. Ena would probably be disgusted at seeing girls fawning over Akito’s good boy facade and Toya’s cool appearance, but she would also definitely tease him about it later. Mizuki just doesn’t hold back and starts teasing as soon as Akito sits them down at a table. Akito is dying inside bc now Ena and her friends know about Weekend Garage and that it’s popular all of a sudden bc of the pancakes (it wasn’t just the pancakes but i don’t think he knows that). Kanade probably comments that the coffee is good and she wouldn’t mind coming by again for some more of it and Mafuyu is probably neutral on the matter. I don’t really see Leo/need or WxS popping by to visit, but I think it’d be cute if MMJ and 25ji stopped by and watch VBS handle the cafe.

So yeah, eventually Ken can at least stand again and the shop goes back to be a musician hangout spot, but I wonder if Ken just keeps the pancakes on the menu since she were selling so well.

I thought this was a really cute episode and it was fun seeing Ken in chibi form. I guess this goes towards the Ken count. Meh I don’t mind. Anyways, what are your thoughts? Thanks for reading!

[papers4me]

fellow fruba friend here! What are your expectations on what each of the four main characters will achieve or gain at the end?

hi fellow furuba friend! by the main four, I suppose you mean yuki, kyo , tohru & shigure! All the traumatized characters in furuba deserve all the best & everything good given to them. They are all genuinely broken souls & I love them all. However, not everybody will actually be given everything for realistic reasons.

(1)-I’ll start with the easiest: Yuki. Yuki’s wish was stated so early in SE01, ep12 & ever since things have been moving so straight forward towards his goal: discovering his own self, finding friends who accept him w/o a mask & finding love. As Se02 is heavily focused on him, he got all that & more. it is very clear that the writer has decided that Yuki is the character that will get everything:

He opened his lid, faced akito & his fears & started laughing more.

He is shedding his mask & the prince persona.

He realized his familial feelings to tohru.

He accepts & supports tohru/kyo as couple & doesn’t feel envy/sadness.

He faced his mother calmly & decided his future. Altho he doesn’t need her any more, it is clear that he is civil with her & doesn’t blame her. She thinks of him as a tool that helps her glows & I’m sure she views his success as part of her & in the future, she’ll proudly say that’s my son if he was brought as a topic in any social gathering. My point is, given yuki’s stance to forgive the past, he won’t cut ties with her.

He completely forgiven his brother & is proud of him publicly.

He got a friend who is a mix of the two person yuki envies the most : kyo & aya. Also, kakeru is very designed to fit yuki in every way, so even if yuki never got anymore friends, kakeru is the one for life.

Altho yuki’s story could still be good without romantic love in canon as it can be hinted as sth he’ll get once he’s in college, he is getting a romantic love now with someone who doesn’t pity him nor admires him, sees the real him. Someone whom yuki can be a “tohru” to her & “support” her & be a “kyo” to her in the same way he’s been observing kyo & envying him for being the only one to see the real tohru. Yuki will be the only one to see the real machi.

What more can I say...What more can the writer give yuki.. I’ve been thinking hard... but I duno...perhaps sth to do with kyo & their views of each other.

I’ll leave number #10 open cuz I’m sure there’s more the writer will give him..but I duno regarding which character...um... shigure? The writer has been impersonating yuki so much in Se02 & giving us direct lessons thro his voice as much as I wish she tones it down as this disrupts the flow of a story, making yuki speaks on behalf of other characters whose voice has been blocked, it also doesn’t trust the viewers/readers to “learn the lesson” without directly given to them. So I’m positive 100% there will be more yuki telling us learned lessons us especially after critical moments similar to some of SE02 big eps.

(2)-Kyo: Kyo is always given one ep of inner thoughts per season. However, each ep is big & so influential for both his character development & the story’s plot as a whole. His thoughts were essentially blocked at first for mystery reasons due to his involvement with kyoko but ever since Se02, ep9 it was exposed that he knows her, it’s now blocked for building the “climax” reasons. However, the writer is skilled in writing kyo as a character that is easily read, someone who doesn’t know how to act, so you can decipher his feelings from his actions. I don’t mind him not giving inner thoughts if his actions can replace that & communicate his feelingsto the viewers  which is so well-done with kyo but badly done with tohru,(but more on tohru later). what I expect for kyo... it is hard to say!!! It depends on how the writer will solve kyoko’s damned “ I won’t forgive you” words!!! Cuz i see this as one of the most difficult plot twists & obstacles. Kyo’s issues are different from yuki. It isn’t abt self discovery, warmth, or finding friendship or love. It is abt having a right to live, guilt & believing that he isn’t harmful, kyo knows that there are few ppl who loves him but to him these few ppl are the most important ppl in the world, he doesn’t want to hurt them. His life experiences has taught him that his loved ones always end up dying in his place. he carries immense guilt & self-loath. So what to expect... i duno.. Moreover, kyo being the opposite of yuki, so I don’t think he’ll be given everything even if he, just like yuki, deserves everything good. There are things in kyo’s life that cannot be fixed.

Kyo will for sure open his lid, but it will be ugly cuz he’ll have to confess abt his mom’s suicide & him witnessing/being involved in kyoko’s death. He’ll have to tell tohru kyoko’s devastating words & her last painful moments. I duno what to expect beside pain!!!!

“forgiveness/ or lack of ” is kyo’s theme!! will tohru forgive him?? I duno! I find it hard to believe tohru-my-mom-is-my-idol” will do that unless sth changes. But It really doesn’t matter if tohru does or doesn’t, cuz kyo himself will NEVER forgive himself!! There’s comfort in being punished. ppl with genuine hearts & conscious, don’t like escaping punishment for their wrong deeds. If kyo believes truly that he’s at fault somehow, he’ll want to be punished.  

Kyo has stated that “ I won’t take anything away from you anymore” thinking abt tohru. He has given up on her cuz he believes he took her mom from her. His thought process is very realistic & his actions are very logical & matches his trauma, so I don’t know where this will lead to.. I know the writer won’t be cruel with him more than his story already is, but it is so complicated!!!! He can’t accept tohru’s love!! she shouldn’t!!

Unlike yuki’s mother, kyo’s father refuses anything regarding kyo & doesn’t even consider him human. He pushes forward for his imprisonment. I don’t see the writer giving kyo’s father the tiny redemption moment she gave yuki’s mom. Nothing will make kyo’s dad be proud of kyo as he considers kyo to be the cause of all his misfortune. Kyo’s dad is the person kyo shouldn’t & mustn't become. However, kyo got another father who truly loves him & is already proud of him. I love that the writer didn’t cut off kyo’s attachment to his bio dad simply caz he got shisho. Kyo’s dad is a huge reason of why kyo is traumatized. it is not the curse itself. it is the toxic broken home. Every toxic thought in kyo’s mind is imprinted there since early age intentionally by his dad & unintentionally by his mom. So how do I expect kyo will overcome his mom’s gohst & his dad’s demon? I duno too! T_T. ..XD.

his mom & kyoko are dead. If kyo believes he’s the reason...how he’ll ask forgiveness?? I love the theme of dealing with broken things that can’t be fixed. The writer will forever be one of my best authors if she convinced me that she can handle such tough theme.

I feel like I’m repeating I duno a lot, but yeah kyo’s story could go so many directions!!!! but I have trust that wherever it goes, it will be as satisfying as yuki’s. The writer has chosen to put kyo’s behind for epic climatic showdown, it will be thrilling, painful, dramatic & so satisfying. kyo will not be furuba’s tragic ending, the writer showed she prefers ’s optimistic & positive paths despite the trauma. Besides, kyo is tied to tohru, no way such kind soul will be crushed twice by losing her mom & her first love.

(3)-Tohru: The female protagonist with everything individual & personal abt her pushed until Se03 with the most minor foreshadowing & the most trivial symbolism. lol..She doesn’t have eps of inner thoughts abt her own issues like yuki & she doesn’t have big influential eps abt her like kyo... what did she have so I can predict: (a) the nightmare which tells us tohru is still grieving her mom’s loss & (b) the little flashbacks where it shows sth bad traumatized her when she was a baby & it involves her mom locking her? or sth. (c) tohru telling rin that she has things she can’t give up. I don’t have predictions for tohru. I have wishes. I want her to want things for herself. screw the curse, the sohma’s issues, the mom-tohru, the savior-tohru, the supporting-tohru. All that is typical tropes done many times already. Give me a unique female protag who can be kind, but is hurt by her own kindness, someone so altruistic & realizes that I can choose my self first!!! it is okay to be first for once!! Give me someone who even after showing the world I’m okay & optimistic is NOT okay & optimistic but is actually scared & lonely despite all the love surrounding her by the ppl she “saved”. a female protag pursuing her OWN happiness shrewdly but kindly in the most epic combination! This is the tohru I want. how she’ll decide to forgive kyo? I duno. I’ll cheer if she did & I’ll cheer if she didn’t. both situations suit tohru’s mindset.

(4)-Shigure:big giant I duno...lol.. I need to understand this dude first!! He’s the most intriguing. 

[tohruhondaismydaughter]

I've just discovered there's people who hate Kakeru. Not dislike or don't get the hype about him but genuinely seem to hate him. Now obviously personal preferences are a thing but I seriously don't get where this hate could be coming from because with

1. Akito- phyically assaults people (including kids), held a teenager hostage for daiting & trying to take a box of her's that Akito already knew was empty & also stabbed someone after they tried to help her & left them to potentially die

2. Shigure- regularly makes perverted "jokes" about people who are underage (including the 16 year old girl who lives with him & cleans/cooks for him + he's family) & admits to manipulating everyone around him for he's own selfish goal regardless of how it could hurt others & that he dosn't really care about being kind even to the people he supposedly loves + he likes messing with people he knows are already terribly anxious & he also won in the end while never having to actually sacrifice anything important to him or really learn anything of value

3. Ayame- abounded he's brother to abuse till he was almost 30 & says various inappropriate things in front of & towards High Schoolers

4. Kagura- pretended to love someone 3 years younger then her who she saw as beneath her in a violent (though it was obviously in out-dated slap stick) way until she was like 18 & then slaps Tohru so hard she becomes uncounsious

5. Kureno- enabler of Akito despite no longer being supernaturally bound to her & knowingly fell for a High Schooler

6. Hatori- enabler of Akito & erasers people's memories when told to regardless of how he knows it'll hurt others

7. Katsuya- knowingly married (& later impregnated) isolated & homeless 15 year old Kyoko when he was in he's 20's after meeting her as a teacher in her middle school

8. Ren- everything about her

9. Kyo's sperm donor- everything about him

10. Momiji's parents- how they handled the situation

11. Machi's mum- raised her daughter like a robot, replaced her, insulted her entire personality, acussed her of attempted murder with bassically zero evidence, kicked her out of her home, cut her off from her sibling & only ocasnially calls to insult her leading to her developing a rather unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with her damaged mental health

12. Machi & Kakeru's dad- cheated on his wife, made he's kids fight over thier inheritance before getting another child & then treating the first two like they no longer exsisted

13. Kakeru's mum- took years to realise that she shouldn't use her child to get money/power from an affair

14. Haru- got a little too insistent about phyical affection from someone who he knows is super emotinally scarred (I still love him though just don't think certain scenes with Rin were handeld as delicately as they probably should have been) & can get rather harsh to random people when he goes dark (the worse case of this being when he grabbed Tohru's arm)

15. Rin's parents- belong in hell

16. The Sohma maids (especially the old one)- are part of the reason Akito became as messed up as she did + just straight up seem to not view kids or the zodiac as human beings with thier own feelings or rights

17. Uo's mum- straight up abounded her young daughter after getting into a new relationship

18. Yuki & Ayame's mum- narsastic, dismissive, controlling, litrually sold one of her kids to thier abuser in exchange for wealth/status, never apologised or even acknowledged what she had done

19. Akira- pursued a relationship pretty much out of pure lonleyness, went along with the suppression of Akito's biological gender, didn't do enough to protect Akito from he's wife's abuse (though in he's defense he was incredible sickly), last few things he told he's child before dying was that he was glad he had her as proof of he's relationship with Ren (AKA the person that had made it clear to Akito that she hated her guts) & that she was special due to being god & her bond with the zodiac was her birth right & would always be there (leading Akito to obviously feeling possessive & intilted over the zodiac & base her entire identity on her position as their god)

20. Kyoko- neglected infant Tohru for months due to her depression after Katuya's death & was even planning on killing herself to be with him again before finally coming to her senses (I love her & I tottally get why she did what she did but if it weren't for gramps little Tohru would have been in one hell of bad situation)

21. The Yuki Fan Club- just thier entire attitude towards Yuki & any girl that interacts with him (I get that it's obviously a delibretly over the top anime gag but irl the way they behave would be seriously disturbing & I'm pretty sure might even be illegal now what with all the photos taken of Yuki without he's knowledge)

22. The former school president- he's creepy fravriotisim towards Yuki (& later he's son) & he's flat out harrasing of anyone wearing the school uniform in a none tradishinal way or anyone with an unusual hair colour (despite him bassically admitting that the school officials had already said that Momiji, Haru & Kyo's appearances were ok)

23. Kimi- I like her & she's obviously iconic but honestly the way she treats Machi kind of borders on bullying sometimes for me

24. Hiro- he's a child & I like him but when we first met him you can't deny he was being a grade A shit to Tohru, Kisa & everyone else (& he fucks up again with Tohru during the beach arc)

25. Rin- love her so much but the first time she met Tohru she did try to kick her in the head while in her horse form which you know isn't great & she was rather antagonistic towards Yuki for no real vaild reason

26. Kyo- using Yuki as a scape goat he's entire life even when he knew none of the terrible things that had happened to him were actually he's fault, hurting Tohru in he's true form (I get that he wasn't in he's right mind & was suffering greatly but it still wasn't good) & rejecting Tohru after everything they had been through in the way that he did (again he wasn't in he's right mind & was suffering greatly but it's still an incredibly low blow & I think he knew that as he tragically wanted to hurt her, similar to what he did in the true form scene, badly enough that she would finally choose to give up on him)

27. The entire zodiac (outside of Kagura & maybe Momiji)- it is revealed that the zodiac are supernaturally inclined to look down on the cat & that they know about Kyo's tragic fate yet do not plan on trying to stop it from happening as he's suffering is thier one true reprieve in the curse as no matter what happens to them they will never be as "low down" as the cat yet once the curse finally breaks for everybody almost nobody even thinks to apologises to Kyo for how he was made to be an outsider since birth

28. Naohito- decides to hate Yuki out of jelousy because he has feelings for Motoko (who clearly has feelings for Yuki) despite Yuki showing no romantic feelings for Motoko & barley sharing any kind of connection with her at all which is obviously not fair as just because you happen to be liked by someone who is liked by someone else dosn't mean you should have to except being seen as a bad person (especially as in Yuki's case he never tried to encourage Motoko's obsession with him & in fact barley notices her exsistance as they aren't in any of the same social circles & she follows the ridiculous club rule of not speaking to him without another fan club member present)

29. Yuki- rather judgmental over how others choose to present themselves in regards to gender norms

30. Momiji- I love him but he did try to take advange of Tohru not knowing how old he really was to bath with her & did actually mange to use this fact to sleep along side her one night before she found out how old he actually was (now obviously Momiji is a wonderfully kind person & clearly would never actually do anything to hurt Tohru but let's be real if someone did that to you irl you'd be pretty creeped out & understandably have a hard time trusting them again)

31. Yuki & Ayame's father- has always been complety missing from he's kids lives (& even seemingly he's wive's) despite being mentioned to be still alive & well enough to work

32. Uo's dad- getting dumped for someone else must suck especially when your left with a young child & I know he did eventually clean up he's act but there's no changing the fact that he's years as an alcholic messed up Uo really bad & could have led to her death if Kyoko hadn't stepped in

33. Kazuma- I know he had good intentions & I love him but there's no denying that he did ignore Kyo's right to free will when he removed he's bracelet & though the plan ended up making he's life better if it had gone wrong in any way then Kyo had pretty much admitted (at least to himself) in S2E9 that he would have probably killed himself that night which would have clearly destroyed Tohru

34. Kyo's mum - she was obviously treated terribly by her husband & I do feel sorry for her but her way of dealing with the situation really damaged Kyo

Your really telling me that the character you have the most issues with is a boy who said a few horrible things to the MC when he was 15 in service of someone he loved who was in pain, got told by said loved one that what he'd said was wrong, felt bad about it, befriended a lonley teen that was close to the MC, quickly grew to genuinely care about them & made them come out of thier shell, wanted to help he's half sister but knew he wasn't really the right person for the job, realised that he's new friend was, encouraged the friend & he's sister's growing connection, learned how good of a person the MC has been to he's new friend, admits to he's friend that he'd been horrible to the MC in the past but just dosn't know how to go about rectifying it (especially as she dosn't seem to remember him), introduces he's friend to he's GF (further expanding the friend's positive social circle), finally bumps into MC alone & is shocked to find out that she dose now in fact remember him & even appoliges to him + thanks him for bringing her friend out of thier shell before he comes to he's senses & assures her that she has nothing to apologise for & then visits her in the hospital when she gets injured & even goes shopping for a gift to give her beforehand (even if he dosn't end up getting her something that actually fits her personality because well duh he dosn't really know anything about her).

Out of every questionably moral thing in the series this is really the hill you wanna die on?

I just honestly can't understand it. Sure he's not perfect but then no one in the series is. That's kind of the entire point of the story, that anyone can do things that hurt people but that it's what you choose to do going forward (even if it takes you a long time) that's important & Kakeru, eventually, chose to try to do the right thing. He tried to understand Yuki even though the guy didn't seem to like him at all, he chose to check up on Machi even though she seemingly hadn't made any sign of wanting to deepen thier sibling bond, he chose to finally talk to Tohru instead of continuing the ruse that he'd never spoken to her before, he chose to come clean about what happened to Yuki despite the potential of ending their friendship (& you can't tell me once he'd realised how much Yuki cared for Tohru the very real possibility that Yuki might hate him if he found out what he'd said to her wouldn't worry him at all) & he chose to visit Tohru in the hospital instead of just wishing Yuki luck or hoping Kormaki would go so he could avoid feeling uncomfortable.

You don't have to love him or even like him but I really don't think he deserves this amount of hate (especially incomparsion to some of the other characters I've listed).

[mistergrass]

Your fic is what's getting me through this quarantine nonsense, the charachter dynamics slay me because they make me weak and sentimental. With that out of the way, please give me any and all thoughts you have about Yuki coming to Shigure for romantic advice, I'm in love with the way you write them and I wanna know what Shigure thinks of Kyo and how he relates to Yuki. I hope you're safe and happy!

I am so glad that finally the length for pursuit can help for something. That something being quarantine. 

Anon, listen. I really really REALLY tried to make this as succinct, but it turns out that was not possible. So, have this meta instead. 

Because these are my genuine thoughts on what I believe their canon relationship is like, I kept most of my Pursuit mentions towards the end. 

Anyway, here are my thoughts on Shigure and Yuki’s relationship: 

I think we can learn a lot about Shigure from the two people in his life that he’s closest to. It really shows the kind of person that he truly respects. With Hatori, he’s very dutiful to the curse. He does what he’s told and what he needs to do in a responsible way, without ever complaining or blaming others. He wears his curse in a very dignified way—both respecting it, and not learning to resent the zodiac, the world, or others when terrible things happen. He’s a kind, reliable person who carries the burdens in his life singlehandedly, and doesn’t ever let it sour him. 

Ayame, on the other hand, is far removed from the curse. Ayame moves out of the estate, opens up his own business, goes about on a mission to better himself and fix his relationship with his brother. And throughout all of it, he doesn’t ever see the curse as something that could hold him back. He doesn’t blame the curse or others for the hardships in his life—he instead gains a singular vision on what is possible for him to accomplish and goes about doing it without any fuss. 

The reason why I think Shigure really didn’t like Yuki when he first moved into his house, is because Shigure really believed that Yuki was someone who wasn’t doing anything about his situation. He has an example in two of his closest friends on how to handle navigating “life with a curse”. And because of Shigure’s own situation (of not seeming to mind being cursed in the first place), it’s easy for him to see Yuki as an entitled, weak child. Yuki really forces Shigure to see a new side of the story, and to watch a new form of growth and healing. Yuki IS taking matters into his own hands, he just has to do it slowly because he’s still dealing with being badly emotionally hurt. That’s not something Shigure is going to notice until he spends time with him, which he does—a lot. 

They lived together for almost four months just the two of them before the manga takes place. 

And I really do think Shigure got an upfront look at Yuki’s healing process, too. 

I know I’ve said this before, but I think there’s evidence in that in the first time we see Yuki and Shigure really interact. While Tohru is sleeping, Yuki is telling Shigure this whole long story about how he hated living in the estate and wanting to run away. He tells him some personal things, like how he never thought he would be brave enough or resilient enough to do what Tohru did. And he’s saying all of this VERY casually. Yuki trusts Shigure with some of his deepest thoughts (that he had put a lid on for most of the series), but clearly doesn’t trust Shigure’s motivations or intentions. That is a really fascinating dynamic to me. 

Yuki kind of needs some readjusting back into the world after his childhood, and he gets that through a lot of people in his life throughout the manga. But I think sometimes his connection with Shigure is really overlooked in how it played a part of Yuki’s journey. While Yuki recalls hating/fearing the apathy that people had for him (which is represented by Shigure in the manga) it’s, unfortunately, what he’s used to.

I think because Yuki has grown up learning that what he thinks and feels doesn’t matter, Shigure ultimately ends up providing him with a sort of comfort. If he’s not cared about, he can’t be a burden. The words that are SO HEAVY to himself, won’t drag this other person down. And, for the first time, expressing himself won’t come with any consequences (such as anger or condescension from either Akito or his mother—or, even worse, result in memories being erased from people he cares about).

Which really makes me think that Shigure’s indifference towards Yuki was one of the first things Yuki was able to “conquer” from his past, whether he realized it or not. He turned this thing that he feared, and used it as a way to help himself grow. As if to say “just because I don’t matter to you, doesn’t mean that I’m not allowed to process the things I need to process.” It’s still not an entirely healthy dynamic, and Yuki still takes awhile to learn that he’s allowed to “burden” people with his feelings. But it’s a HUGE step to take. 

That was what I tried to focus on in the intermission with Shigure—Yuki just taking those first steps to say out loud the things that he was never allowed to before. I think that must have happened. Otherwise, we wouldn’t see him being so casual with his thoughts with Shigure so early on in canon, while he toils over how to express himself to others in his life. 

It results in a dynamic like this: Yuki believes Shigure is truly indifferent to him, and becomes someone he can talk to when he’s plagued with some of the worst of his thoughts. The ones that no one else is allowed to know yet, or the ones that might burden the people around him. Inevitably, that does lead to Yuki learning to trust him. Meanwhile, Shigure listens to him and sees how Yuki is growing and improving himself—and bit by bit comes to like and respect him more and more.

In regards to applying this in pursuit, Yuki’s feelings for Kyo very much fall under the category of needing to be expressed, but still being too warped to talk about it with anyone else. (And once he does start talking about his feelings with people who actively show they care about him, that’s when his feelings for Kyo start becoming less toxic and more vulnerable and pure-hearted). 

In regards to how Shigure feels towards Kyo, I don’t think he has the same resentment he had towards Yuki. Mainly because there’s no denying how horrific the cat’s fate is—and even Shigure would realize the anguish that comes with that. But I do think that he finds Kyo to be a bit immature, lol. I think he just has a particular bond with Yuki, so he’s definitely rooting for him a little bit as time goes on—which takes form in a lot of different ways. But I also think that Yuki really played a hand in softening Shigure’s heart. By the time Tohru and Kyo are moved in, I think he allows himself to feel genuine affection for them. And I think part of that has to come from Yuki forcing Shigure to change his perspective on those who have been hurt by the curse (when previously the only person he’d really offered sympathy to was Hatori). 

So, in the end, when he’s faced with Kyo poised to run away, it’s an instinct almost as strong in the curse to make sure Kyo is safe. Because for one, he truly cares about Kyo. And for two, I don’t think he’d ever be able to do that to Yuki.

[ko-fanatic]

Sickly: Close Your Eyes (part one)

Rating: Teen and up

Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club

Trigger Warnings: Anorexia, Severe emaciation, Illness, Denial, Pica(?)

Summary: Because these things come to a head, eventually. You can only hurt yourself for so long before something breaks - but a phoenix rises from the ashes... Right?

Sequel series to Pretty

It was lonely, creeping around the house at this hour. It wasn’t as if the Ootori estate was usually bustling with energy, of course, but with the staff all home and asleep in their beds, it almost seemed abandoned. Everything was too quiet, but whenever a floorboard creaked or the cupboards fell back into place with a louder thump than anticipated, those small sounds were almost comically exaggerated.

The hum of the refrigerator as he opened it was something close to hypnotising, especially with what lay within, backlit in the dark room. Food. So much food he couldn’t eat. He could just look a while, think of it all gliding along his tongue and down his throat. That had no calories, daydreaming. He knew what it all tasted like, so why put that trash in his lovely, empty stomach when he could picture it still so vividly.

He could feel his stomach rumble, inaudible yet demanding. More demanding than it should be after months of this; it should’ve learned by now that pleading wouldn’t make him break. At least, not anymore. When he first started, he’d fast for a few meals, and then the hunger would become to much and he’d stuff his face with whatever he could get his hands on. Sometimes he threw up after, back to the start but feeling less rotten than the times he didn’t.

He could choose to have a celery stick or two. Six calories a piece, mostly water. Some lauded it as negative calories, promising that it took more calories to chew and digest than it actually provided, but it was complete bullshit – unfortunately. Besides, if he started actually eating with such forbidden fruit right next to him, he’d just keep going and going until he couldn’t stop. Not just celery, either; sashimi, smoked salmon, cream cheese, the left-over sticky rice from dinner – the portion meant for him.

He could chew ice. That was zero calories, and cold water helps stimulate metabolism, and his had gotten unbearably slow. While his weight loss didn’t quite plateaux, it was a lot slower than usual, and he was almost constantly constipated. His guts were hard beneath his fingertips, swollen and irritated behind the pudge that dared to stay on his frame, not to mention the cramps. He’d stopped attempting to fill himself up with those cotton balls for the passed few days, which was probably one of the reasons why he actually felt his hunger so soon, but he needed to give his digestive tract a rest. He didn’t want to fuck himself up anymore and have to explain it to his father.

Still, despite his thoughts of celery and ice, his eyes strayed to the other foods in the fridge. Those chocolate donuts were beckoning his fingertips, making his mouth water, despite his dislike of sweets. It was sugars and fats, the things he was actively starving himself of, so of course his body betrayed him by wanting it so badly. Simple biology. If you get a random craving, it tends to be because it contains something your diet has been lacking – hence his own draw to basically everything he could see.

But, while he was fine, he felt no desire to meet those needs. He was beyond that, and it gave him such a high he had no need to sneak one of Akito’s brownies he brought back from some university party or other. All he had to do was hop on the scale and see if he lost any more weight.

That could be risky to his mood, however. Like playing Russian Roulette with cocaine. If he lost a suitable amount, he’d be on cloud nine for the rest of the day, head up in the gold and pink hued clouds, but if he hadn’t… Well, that sent him crashing back down to earth. Because that meant he wasn’t good enough, and an Ootori couldn’t be anything less than the best, and Kyoya was so, so good at starving.

The best anorexic is a dead one, some awful part of his mind whispered, rotting away until you’re barely bone – that’s skinny.

He shook the thought away, noticing the tremor wracking his shoulders. Whether that was because of the thought or the chill, he wasn’t sure, but it really was cold. The open refrigerator certainly wasn’t helping that, but he was used to it; he was always cold these days, and he felt giddy at the thought of what that meant. While he was sure he was fine, this meant progress. He’d soon be at his UGW, slow metabolism and constipation or not, and it would feel so good to be so tiny. Only a hundred pounds.

He already had an extremely low BMI, but in this game the difference between 14 and 16 was so wide and he needed more. He didn’t know if it was possible to go so low because of his height, but if anyone could, he was sure it was him. He was already so close to those thinspo boys.

He didn’t startle when he heard the door open. The sock-clad footfalls were quiet yet not silent in the stillness of the house and, in his mind, he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He just wanted to stare a little longer, think about those éclairs and the pastries and –

---

Yoshio was surprised to see someone in the kitchen at this late hour, very dim light visible under the heavy, oak door. Even Yuuichi was in bed at this point, and he himself had been asleep for a few hours before he woke up needing a drink. Still, it certainly wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that someone in the house was in a similar situation, but something frozen coiled in his stomach. An instinctual worry. He didn’t realise why, writing it off as ridiculous, until he opened the door.

Kyoya was just… standing at the fridge, staring inside, almost unblinking. The light illuminated his high, all-too-prominent cheekbones, the jut of his eye socket, how his collarbones stuck out and the ribs that emerged from sallow skin. He looked so sick. His hair, once glossy and thick, was dry and falling out in clumps. His rounded, chubby cheeks were long gone, replaced by sunken skin, and the spark in his eyes went out like an ember on cold slate.

He approached slowly, not knowing if Kyoya realised he was in the room, before placing his hand on the boy’s bony back. Prominent spine and yet more ribs, not to mention his scapula. It was like Kyoya was a reanimated corpse, slowly decomposing in front of them all, but between his long hours and mountains of paperwork, he… just didn’t realise how dire this all was. His youngest looked dead.

“Midnight snack?” He inquired. He meant to sound casual, but his voice came out so soft that he almost didn’t recognise it. Like, if he even thought about talking at his normal volume, it’d shatter Kyoya into pieces, “There’s some tasty things in there – it must be hard to decide.”

He sounded like a moron. But what do you say in this situation? He had no clue, and never had; not with Kyoka, and not with Kyoya. She’d fly off the handle at a moment’s notice, and he learned (eventually) how to handle it – but this was different. This was prolonged, silent, and had gone on far too long. Kyoya never made a scene, never said a word – he just wilted away in the little corner he allocated for himself.

“Just looking,” Kyoya murmured, eyelids drooping and making him look so incredibly exhausted. Those words only made the coil in his gut stiffen further, and his heart drop.

“Really? Well, you didn’t eat much dinner, so you must be very hungry by now,” He urged, trying not to sound panicked, “The rice was good, and you barely touched it. Perhaps you could finish it off…”

He reached over Kyoya’s shoulder, even if he had to stand on tiptoes to do so, retrieving the small container. It wasn’t as if it was a culinary masterpiece – it was just rice, even if it was seasoned well – but he could see Kyoya’s gaze following it. Hungry. Because, of course he was. All it really took was for him to snap off the container’s lid to entice the thin – much, much too thin – boy to take it in his own shaky hands. He almost cradled it to his chest, as if it were precious, and Yoshio finally found the will to move.

He stepped out from behind Kyoya; he’d much rather face him in this moment than stay staring at Kyoya’s skeletal back. He went around to the left, allowing the refrigerator to stay open, the dim light much better than the harsh ones overhead. He didn’t even need to get cutlery, Kyoya was just eating it with his fingers, breath hitching and sobs swallowed with the bites of rice, tears overflowing his eyes and falling over too-prominent cheekbones.

“There we go,” He breathed, voice dangerously close to a coo, hand automatically reaching up to wipe the tears away with the pad of his thumb. How long had it been since he did that? It always felt like Kyoya had grown up so fast – a baby resting in his arms one moment and a teenager the next. It wasn’t like the other boys, and felt even more jarring than Fuyumi’s own fast childhood. But, he supposed, that was his own fault; work and the divorce taking up so much time that he barely saw the baby of the family, and he supposed that somewhere along the line… it became a habit.

Was that what this was about? Something in him pondered. Was this his son trying to get the attention he always craved but was never given?

But now wasn’t the time for depressing musings. Part of him needed to know how far this had gone, how little Kyoya weighed, how sick he was. But Kyoya just looked so exhausted, dead on his feet and eating small pinch after small pinch of sticky rice, straight from the container. He was eating something, and therefore, it wound all be okay until the morning. For now, he just needed Kyoya to sleep and, perhaps, he wouldn’t be so sickly when morning came.

While Kyoya certainly didn’t finish the whole portion of rice, he was just happy he’d had something. In fact, if he had finished the whole thing, that could lead to more bad things than good. He didn’t want him in pain, after all – especially not from something like that.

“Let’s get you to bed, it looks like you could just curl up on the floor now,” He prompted, putting the leftovers back in the fridge and finally letting the door close. It was dark, but the moonlight was just bright enough to see the outlines of any potential hazard, and that was enough. The only response he got was a small nod, and he took his son’s hand and led him back to his room.

The movements were so familiar, but distant. He could remember doing this with Yuuichi – occasionally Akito and Fuyumi – but… not Kyoya. Because it never was. How had he overlooked him growing up for so long? Well, he was certainly feeling terrible for it now, watching the boy take slow, shuffling steps behind him.

Luckily, Kyoya's room wasn't too far away, but it still seemed to take whatever energy Kyoya had left. He just slumped on the edge of his bed, staring at nothing, hands cradling his stomach like he'd eaten a feast, looking completely uncomfortable. He was even shivering, despite the house actually being quite warm, but that was almost to be expected when someone had such little weight to them.

Still, despite the nurturing, paternal side of himself he was indulging in, Kyoya wasn't a child anymore. He didn't particularly like being coddled, after all, and he didn't want to increase his son's discomfort. It was enough that he'd eaten.

He was certainly surprised when, as he turned to leave after Kyoya managed to tuck himself in, he could feel a weak tug at the hem of his sleep shirt.

Kyoya was curled up so tightly that it almost seemed painful - back-breaking - and he was trembling beneath the plush, winter duvet. After what felt like an eternity, Kyoya's eyes glazed and almost teary, he spoke. "Father... I'm cold..."

After a second of debating what to do, thinking about the futility of more blankets when the boy couldn't even produce heat to trap, he gave him the softest smile he could muster. "Do you mind moving over, Kyoya?"

He was shot a confused glance, but Kyoya complied, and he slid under the covers himself. Holding his arms out to his little boy, he thought about how this would be, well, weird to Kyoya, but... While he couldn't call himself a good father, the least he could do was share some body heat.

It seemed like Kyoya couldn’t even contest – too cold and too tired – snuggling into his father’s arms and letting his eyes fall closed, the shaking subsiding as he fell asleep.

Yoshio closed his eyes also, and tried to tell himself that they’d tackle tomorrow when tomorrow came.