#JOKING!! joking of course. but like literally what logical explanation could be there for Tails to be suddenly all ready

[prowerprojects]

The first two predated Origins, the first was before we got a trailer. Each Tailstube has some type of topic/theme that co-sides it. First one was a general overview of the world as well as introducing Sonic and Tails, next was Eggman{who didn't have a model at the time, Orbot [and Cubot somewhat] did though}. Next, was Knuckles and Angel Island's history, then Amy along with discussing dimensions [and Metal Sonic briefly], now we're talking about the past with the whole group.)

Hmm, the next will probably have the Eggman model this time. (And I'm sure other characters will follow suit if they do what they did with Orbot) The question is, what topic would the two discuss? Maybe past inventions or technology in general?

Yeah, I mean, the Knuckles one predated Frontiers by a couple of months too I believe. And Superstars hasn't come out yet either. They do both. Promote the next thing that is coming out and discuss some specific concept.

Idk. I don't wanna see Tails and Eggman chatting like friends 😬. Honestly "two smart characters respect each other because everyone else is below their intellectual level" is such an overused trope and I don't care for it just being thrown in there with no regards for the actual characterization. Eggman used to have Tails's respect until Tails got older and got fucking tired of dealing with his shit. Why would he suddenly gain it back? Tails respects his friends and doesn't think they're below him. Everyone has their own strengths. What's more important is that their hearts are in the right place.

I guess Eggman does enjoy lecturing Tails to once again remind everyone who's the smartest guy around here lol.

Sorry for going on a rant completely unpromted. Don't imagine the Big Egg is getting invited to the stream anytime soon. (At least I hope so) (Orbot is another thing entirely) He might try to hijack it again though.

The most likely thing I could see Eggman and Tails discussing together is Gerald's work (Though I'd rather we had Rouge or Shadow for this conversation tbh) TailsTube doesn't introduce new concepts, it just elaborates on what already exists. They already went over the badniks, maybe talk about some specific ones? Or maybe like. Tails could talk about the various vehicles he designed and Eggman pops up like "Bah! As if this is anything worth talking about? Watch this". And pulls up like the pictures of the entire Egg Fleet or something. Or maybe they could compare notes on the Ancients? (Or talk about various old gods since Eggman likes to summon them so much haha)

[bonniebelleklyde]

Mistletoe

Word Count: 2871

Pairing: Loceit (romantic)

Warnings: Mild cursing, kissing

Summary: Janus finds himself the victim of a cruel prank involving Logan and a  baffling amount of mistletoe. Janus is completely unbothered. No, really, he is.

When you’re done here, check out sequel Things Unsaid and Prequels A Storm to Weather and The Small Hours.

The first time it had happened had been an unfortunate accident. Logan had been leaning casually against the doorframe that opened the living room up into the hallway, engaged in a conversation with Roman that must have been exasperating judging by the long-suffering huff of his breath and the roll of his eyes. Upon closer inspection, however, it was clear that the exasperation was mostly feigned—the lopsided curve of the logical side’s lips betrayed his fond amusement at whatever asinine argument Roman must have been making. All of this was readily apparent to Janus at a mere glance in Logan’s direction. Janus was, after all, keenly observant and had his gaze landed on Roman instead of Logan, he would have gleaned just as much information about the prince. Obviously.

None of that, however, was what stopped Janus dead in his tracks as he made his way down the hallway. No, what ground his mind and body both to a full stop was the small sprig of green and red hanging from the top of the doorway, just to the left of Logan’s head. Later, Janus would wrack his brain for some good reason that the sight of mistletoe arrested him so thoroughly, but for now he did the only thing he seemed capable of doing—he just…stared. His eyes locked onto the tiny plant as if it were the most fascinating thing that Janus had ever seen…or maybe as if it were something horrific that he couldn’t peel his eyes from. His feet moved without direction of any kind from his mind, as if the damn mistletoe had some sort of magnetic pull on him. He took one step toward the doorway and then another, knowing full well he’d had no intention of going to into the living room when he’d started down this hallway. In fact, he’d never be able to recall where he wanted to go in the first place.

He had no idea how much time had elapsed before Roman noticed his presence or his staring, but Janus’s eyes were finally torn from the mistletoe at the sound of a low chuckle, and he looked in the creative side’s direction to see a slow grin spreading over the other’s face. Roman’s eyes flicked from Janus to the mistletoe hanging over Logan’s head—Janus didn’t dare let his gaze fall to Logan for fear of what expression he might have been sporting—and took a step closer to the doorway.

Oh god, Janus’s useless, horrified mind provided. Suddenly, the deceitful side was absolutely certain of two things: first, that he was about to watch Roman step into the offending doorway and kiss Logan under that godforsaken mistletoe, and second, that he would rather tear off a limb than bear witness to that for one second. Upon reflection after the incident had passed, Janus would become certain of a third fact—that he’d never in his life looked more ridiculous than he did then, sprinting down the hallway to avoid two idiots and a stupid plant.

The second time it happened was all Roman’s doing. In hindsight, Janus really should have known that Roman was up to something when the other had called him into his room from down the hall, asking him to assist with some vaguely mysterious “problem.” Janus was deceit for crying out loud. He should have known.

“Wait, don’t come in yet—just stand right there by the door,” Roman said in a rush, his voice all giddy excitement.

Janus stopped short, confused, and looked passed Roman to see an equally perplexed Logan sitting on the creative side’s bed. Since when were these two attached at the hip? If there was some sort of happy announcement forthcoming, Janus suspected he might literally be sick. Because Janus simply had neither time nor the patience to hear about the romantic exploits of the other sides. And for no other reason. Clearly.

“Roman, whatever this is, I really don’t—” Janus started to drawl, affecting a bored, disinterested tone, when he cut himself off in his own surprise and confusion as Logan was shoved unceremoniously to stand directly in front of him.

Janus blinked hard, attempting to discern exactly what was happening here and coming to no conclusions whatsoever because he was struck by the much more important realization that he’d never been close enough to Logan to get a good look at the logical side’s eyes behind his glasses. They were rich and dark and surprisingly soft, and Janus was vaguely aware that his own lips had parted slightly of their own accord, his mouth gone completely dry in a matter of seconds. He was…ill. There could be no other explanation for his dry mouth and his complete inability to think straight.

He was torn from his reverie by the sound of Roman clearing his throat. Janus glared daggers at the prince standing behind Logan. The prince who was now jerking his head upward in an obnoxiously exaggerated motion, his eyes moving pointedly from Janus’s face to a spot above his head. Reluctantly, Janus followed Roman’s gaze upward and cursed under his breath when the sight above him finally shed clarity on this ridiculous situation. Mistletoe. Of course.

Like a child, Janus closed his eyes to avoid reality. Logan was anything but stupid, and he must have noticed that thrice damned mistletoe by now. Janus was totally unwilling to look Logan in the (deep, liquid, lovely) eye and see any of the myriad unpleasant emotions that must be there. Discomfort. Disgust. Horror. Pity. No, Janus refused to see any of it, refused to acknowledge that this cruel joke was being played on him. For a second time, he turned tail and ran without a word. Roman was yelling something from behind him, but Janus was too busy wiping at his face to pay attention to what it was. His eyes were watering because he must have some sort of allergy to mistletoe—it was the only plausible explanation.

The third time, Patton had somehow become involved. The moral side had cajoled Janus into helping him in the kitchen, and as Janus focused on his attempt to avoid burning the contents of the pan he’d been placed in charge of, Patton waved at something—or as it turned out, someone—behind them.

“Oh hi, Logan! Lucky you’re here; we need a third man over here. Could you grab the salt for me? It’s in that cabinet next to Janus.”

“Luck was in no way involved in my presence here, Patton,” Logan replied as he approached the relevant cabinet. His tone was equal parts exasperated and confused, and Janus hadn’t the slightest clue why it made him smile to himself, why such a mundane statement from Logan seemed to cause something to constrict in his chest. “You did, after all, provide an exact time at which my help would be urgently required in the kitchen.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Patton said, his voice overly chipper even for him. “Well, now that you’re here, why don’t you just add that salt to Janus’s pan there?”

“I hardly see why you needed a third person for this,” Logan remarked, but he didn’t sound particularly bothered despite his words.

Janus watched out of the corner of his eye as Logan moved to do what he was told, reaching over Janus’s arm to sprinkle salt into the pan. And Janus was imagining things when it looked as if Logan paused for no reason when he’d finished, and imagining again when he felt the brush of an arm gently over his. He was certainly imagining things when he snuck a peek at Logan’s face and saw a slight flush in the other’s cheeks. Janus…simply had a vivid imagination.

As Logan’s arm finally moved away, Patton’s hand suddenly shot out, causing Janus to jump violently backward. And sure enough, there was that fucking mistletoe again, dangling over Logan’s head from Patton’s hand. Subtle.

At this point, the mere sight of mistletoe must have triggered Janus’s flight response, as he had sunk out before he could so much as blink. He spent the rest of the day locked in his room. Because he was tired. What did he have to avoid anyway? No, he’d just had a trying day of…sautéing vegetables.

The fourth time, Janus had woken far earlier than he normally did and decided to fix himself a proper breakfast. In the kitchen, he found Logan looking absolutely nothing like himself.

The logical side was, for lack of a better term, a mess. He was on his feet but slouched over the counter as if without its support he would sink to the floor. He dawned a royal blue pajama set that looked like silk and was certainly something Janus had never seen the other wear before. Several buttons of his top were undone, and his glasses were nowhere to be seen. He was looking down at what was likely his fourth cup of coffee, so Janus couldn’t quite see his eyes, but they must have been tired because Janus could make out the bags under Logan’s eyes that, today, rivaled even Virgil’s. When Logan finally registered that someone had entered the room and met Janus’s expression with tired and inexplicably sad eyes, Janus had to make a concerted effort to restrain himself from the sudden impulse to round the counter that stood between them and wrap this man in his arms. To stroke Logan’s bedraggled hair and hum soft melodies in his ear until the stubborn man could be coaxed back to bed.

The deceitful side cleared his throat violently to dispel that dangerous train of thought, a sound that caused Logan to wince as if Janus had shouted at him.

“Are you going to run away from me again?” Logan asked in a tone that sounded like loss, like tragic defeat.

Janus blanched. Was Logan’s current state somehow Janus’s fault?

“No,” he answered in a tentative voice, just above a whisper. “And I don’t…I haven’t been running away from you,” he added weakly.

Logan chucked at that, the sound carrying no humor in it.

“I am many things, Janus, but I think we can both agree that an idiot is not one of them,” he said, and Janus would pay any price if someone would tell him why in the world Logan sounded like he was on the verge of tears. “Roman and Patton have conspired to play a cruel trick on you, it seems. I did attempt to talk them out of it, once I realized what it was they were trying to do.”

Janus wanted very badly to lie. To pretend he didn’t know exactly what Logan was talking about. Like he was blissfully unaware of the goddamned mistletoe and just how unfair this prank was to both of them. Somehow, his normally silver tongue had turned to lead, and he struggled to find any words at all, let alone a lie.

“I’m sorry,” was all he managed to choke out, distressed as he was by the redness of Logan’s dark eyes.

“Don’t,” Logan returned, and it sounded like plea. “Apparently, it is I who should be making apologies.”

There was a bitterness to Logan’s last statement that Janus couldn’t understand.

“What do you have to apologize for?”

Logan blinked and a single tear escaped its duct to roll slowly down the logical side’s face. Janus watched it in horror. He opened his mouth to speak again, to say something, anything to fix this, but Logan cut him off.

“I don’t know,” he exclaimed. “I’ve recounted every moment of the past week in painstaking detail and I cannot come up with what it is I could have done.”

“You haven’t—” Janus rushed to interject, but Logan soldiered on.

“I understand that the nonsense with the mistletoe has distressed you. I understand that you find the act that Roman and Patton have attempted to set in motion with it is unpleasant to you. I understand that my feelings for you have always been unrequited—”

“Your feelings for—?”

“But what I cannot understand is what I have done to convince you so thoroughly that I would ever force you. That you had to physically run away from me to prevent…how exactly did you arrive at the conclusion that I would ever kiss you without your consent?”

In that moment, the slightest push would have knocked Janus to the ground. Since none came, he simply stared, frozen, mouth hanging open and he struggled to process all that Logan had just said. Logan stared right back at him with wet but determined eyes, evidently awaiting Janus’s answer. Regrettably, Janus’s bewildered mind had none to offer.

“Your feelings for me?” he tried again, a slight quiver in his voice betraying his fear.

Logan tucked his head downward at that, and Janus’s heart clenched painfully at the realization that he probably did so to conceal more tears. It was several moments before the logical side had composed himself enough to look up once more, his face confirming Janus’s suspicions.

“Must we talk about that part of it?”

Logan asked the question as if these feelings Logan apparently had were obvious, that there had been some sort of unspoken understanding between the two of them. But Janus continued to stare dumbly back at Logan. Perhaps it was cruel, to push further now. But Janus was selfish, and Janus was afraid—he was not going to subject himself to rejection. He couldn’t; it would defy the very fabric of who he was. He had to be sure.

“Yes,” came his answer on a disbelieving breath.

Logan nodded as though in defeat. He took a long, shaking breath before delivering his answer.

“Though I have been aware of the…unusual affect you have on me for quite some time now, it was only recently that Roman assisted me in coming to terms with the fact that the feelings I have for you have a name. That name being, as I am sure has been obvious to the rest of you, love.”

Love. Janus’s brain halted on the word and he was sure that Logan was still speaking, but the deceitful side’s mind had short circuited. His feet moved of their own accord, and before Janus could register what was happening, he had rounded the edge of the counter and was now standing directly in front of Logan, his hand resting on Logan’s hip.

Logan stopped speaking abruptly—may have even stopped breathing from the sound of it—and blinked heavily, eyes fixed on the spot where Janus’s hand had fallen. He opened his mouth several times and closed it again without speaking. He furrowed his brows as if recalculating a difficult equation to see where he’d gone wrong with it the first time. His brows were still furrowed when he met Janus’s eyes once more.

“Roman…told me it was obvious, that I loved you. You…you knew how I felt.” Logan’s last statement came out like a question.

Janus shook his head in slow motion, still struggling to believe the turn this conversation had taken. Logan’s eyes widened.

“You didn’t…you didn’t know…”

“It would appear,” Janus said softly, bringing a reverent hand to rest against Logan’s cheek and reveling in how easily the logical side leaned into his touch, “that you vastly overestimated my intelligence, dearheart.”

Logan’s breath hitched at the term of endearment, and the logical side moved closer to Janus as if pulled by magnetism, his shaking hand rising to rest against Janus’s chest.

“Why did you run away?” Logan asked as Janus’s thumb moved to brush a stray tear from the other’s face.

“Because I was afraid,” Janus answered, for once completely honest.

“You’re…afraid of me?”

Janus chuckled, the sound soft and fond and full of affection.

“Dearheart, you are terrifying. Now kiss me.”

Logan needed no further prompting. In an instant the logical side had closed the short distance between them, placing his free hand at the back of Janus’s head, and suddenly nothing registered in Janus’s mind apart from the feeling of Logan’s lips on his. They tasted like black coffee, and Janus had always hated coffee but all at once nothing had ever tasted so sweet. Janus moved the hand he’d placed on Logan’s hip to wrap it tightly around the logical side’s waist and pull him closer. The kiss was sweet and soft and gentle, and Janus couldn’t help but smile against Logan’s lips. There was a breathy sound of contentment that could have come from either of them—Janus hadn’t the slightest clue. Janus kissed Logan a second, third, fourth time, unwilling to come up for air as if the moment they parted, Logan would vanish.

The sound of Logan’s quiet laughter gave him pause. He pulled back just far enough to look the other in the eye, and saw that, at some point, Logan’s eyes must have turned skyward, as he was now chuckling at the ceiling. Janus followed Logan’s gaze upward and nearly doubled over in laughter at the small sprig of green and red taped to the ceiling above them.

“Goddamned mistletoe,” he muttered before leaning in for yet another kiss.

The stupid plant had its merits after all.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Mixed Signals

Summary: Blaine Anderson is the new transfer at McKinley High. He quickly becomes fast friends with Kurt Hummel—Glee Club diva, straight A student, Cheerio extraordinaire. He plans to win his heart, but there’s just one problem: he can’t make heads or tails of Kurt’s personality, as it seems to change every hour or so...

A/N: So uh, I don’t really know what this is I haven’t written anything in literal years and I just popped this trash baby out so... yeah enjoy

* Blaine follows his new show choir director into the choir room, which he notes is significantly less grandeur than the one at Dalton, but he digressed. McKinley was supposed to be a new start and although leaving Dalton isn’t something he was ever too keen about, he knows he has to try and find the silver lining of it all, at least for his parents’ sakes.

Said silver lining presents itself in the form of a pale skinned, blue eyed boy wearing a cheerleading uniform who caught Blaine’s eye as he took center stage of the room to introduce himself. “Hello everyone,” he waves to the eclectic group of students with one hand and keeps the other safely in his pocket. “I’m Blaine Anderson. I just transferred here from Dalton Academy.”

It seems he has unnamed male Cheerio’s attention, he can practically feel the boy’s gaze quickly traveling up and down his entire body, as if assessing him. “Let’s all give Blaine a warm welcome,” says the teacher—Mr. Shue, he remembered. He gestures to the chairs in front of them as the thirteen other members applauded. “Take a seat wherever you’d like.” It doesn’t m take long for him to make his way towards the empty seat next to Cheerio boy and claim it. It also doesn’t take long for the rest of the New Directions to exchange a multitude of glances that range from surprised to suggestive to sly.

The boy offers Blaine a hand and an almost bashful smile. “My name’s Kurt,” he introduced himself. “Kurt Hummel.” After fifty minutes of solos, rehearsing, and casual chatter, Blaine is definitely intrigued by Kurt, to say the least. He learns that Kurt and Finn are step brothers after the latter had come up to him and asked what they were having for dinner. “Oh, you two are dating?” Blaine had asked, not so smoothly and unable to keep his interest discreet despite his best efforts. This caused the tallest of them all to laugh heartily, throwing his head back. “No, we’re brothers. Kurt’s dad married my mom. I used to be kind of a dick, but our brotherhood kind of changed that. Did you know that grilled cheesus never said anything about gay people—“ Finn goes on for several more minutes about all he’s learned about gay rights in support of his brother, and Kurt watches and listens with equal parts pride and amusement. Not everything he says is entirely accurate, but neither Kurt nor Blaine have the heart to tell him that. Instead, they just exchange bemused glances every time it happens and let the leader of the New Directions continue on, blissfully ignorant. The bell finally dismisses them, and before Blaine leaves, his new friend is practically bouncing over to him. Blaine notes the hopeful look on his face as he gnawed on his bottom lip nervously. “I know this might be a little forward, but,” he reaches out and pulled his arm towards him, rucking up Blaine’s sleeve. He tries to stay calm as he watches the purple pen move furiously, scrawling out seven digits on Blaine’s forearm. “We should hang out.” He can’t keep the smile off his face. “We should.” * The next time Blaine sees Kurt, he’s changed out of his Cheerio’s uniform and opted for a subdued gray tee shirt paired with a blue hoodie. He can’t say he’s not surprised at the disconnect between Kurt’s effervescent personality and muted fashion sense, but he’s excited to share calculus with him nonetheless. He throws his hand up in a friendly wave towards the boy and is slightly confused when he receives nothing more but an angrily puzzled glare in return. Offset, but not entirely discouraged, he sits right behind him. The lesson continues and Blaine is taking immaculate and thorough notes about the square root of negative integers when Kurt bursts out in disbelief. “Woah, woah, there are imaginary numbers now?” He scoffs, and Blaine is startled at how much lower his voice is. “Are there unicorns in the next lesson?” “Mr. Hummel,” the teacher scolds, folding his arms. “Are we going to need another chat with principal Figgins?” “No but we might need one with the people in charge of educating the nation’s youth.” He mutters. Blaine is absolutely floored at the jarring contrast between the Kurt he met two periods ago and the one sitting in front of him right now. Still, he doesn’t want his new friend to get into trouble, so he places a gentle hand on his shoulder, earning a flinch from the other boy. He whips around to face Blaine. “What?” He hisses. “Nothing, I just... don’t want you to get into trouble.” He admits.

He looks at Blaine like he’s never seen him before this moment, absolutely bewildered. “Thanks,” he says, not an ounce of actual gratitude in his voice. “But I can handle myself just fine.” And he turns back around to face the board. Blaine sits there, stirring in his confusion. He hadn’t know Kurt could be so... abrasive. At least, not based on his interactions with him earlier that day. He brushes it off with a shake of his head. Maybe he was just having a bad day. He’s sure it’s a one time thing. * It’s not a one time thing. Blaine slowly realizes over the course of more than a few days, that it’s an actually very regular occurrence. And normally, this would be the sort of thing that makes Blaine run for the hills, but the fifty-percent of the time Kurt is being his normal optimistic self (he quickly thinks, what if he just assumes that’s Kurt’s default personality because it’s the first one he met, but he pushes the thought aside) he is really into him. He hasn’t been this into a guy since... well, ever. He’s seen Kurt stand up to several jerks with comebacks that had the power behind them to instantly disintegrate anyone who dared to try and shoot any homophobia in his direction. He isn’t used to this kind of bravery, mostly because it wasn’t needed at Dalton, but here it definitely is, and Blaine admires courage like that. Kurt was there when he had first gotten slushied, willing and more than prepared with all the needed grooming supplies to help get the sticky sweet ice out of Blaine’s unfortunate hair. They had even sung a few—admittedly flirty—duets for their glee club assignments. That was the Kurt he liked. But he’s also seen Kurt crumple up the cute note he’d left for him on his desk and immediately toss it into the wastebasket. He’s seen him mock fellow Cheerios when he’s not in uniform with “Two, four, six, eight! Heard you like to fornicate!” and a sarcastic grin. But what he can’t fathom is how Kurt from glee club, who never fails to ask “Mr. Shue, may I?” ever so politely, and Kurt from history, who refers to Bill Clinton as “came-a-lot”, are the same person. He’s made serval mental notes to help him unravel the enigma that was Kurt Hummel, dividing the two versions of him into “Glee Kurt” and “Calculus Kurt”. Glee Kurt likes to talk, likes to learn everything he can about Blaine. So he tells him everything from piano lessons at age four, to his annoying older brother Cooper. He also likes little intimate touches—a hand on the thigh after a good joke, the grazing of each other’s hands, leaning into each other’s shoulders. Blaine never complains about this, if anything, he encourages it by reciprocating every sign of interest Kurt shows, especially since they’re gone just as easily as they come. Calculus Kurt speaks in a lower register than Glee Kurt, and after trying to reach for his hand during the few minutes before class and earning an outraged swat in return, Blaine’s learned to practically avoid any contact with him at all during that class, whether it be verbal or physical. He only steps in when he thinks Kurt’s snide remarks might get him into too much trouble. It’s confusing, to say the least, but Blaine Anderson is not a quitter. * “God my brother is driving me crazy,” Kurt moans as Blaine walks him down the hallway. Blaine chuckles, unable to imagine what Finn could have possibly done this time. “Was his late-night Call Of Duty tournament keeping you up too late?” Kurt looks puzzled. “He doesn’t play Call Of Duty,” he replies. Blaine’s forehead creases in confusion because he’s sure he’s heard Finn boast about his marathons on that video game on more than one occasion. “No, his laptop died and he refused to give me back mine so he could work on his journalism project.“ Blaine had no idea that Finn was so passionate about writing, but he supposes Kurt knows his own brother better than he does. * It takes a few weeks, but Blaine finally figures it out. It’s the Cheerios uniform.

He’s been sheltered by all those years at Dalton, so when he came to McKinley he didn’t understand right away, but now he does. Status is everything to the kids at this school and if you’re wearing a Letterman jacket or a Cheerios uniform, nobody’s going to screw with you.

But if you’re not... well, Blaine is certain that Kurt’s built up walls of his own to protect himself from the idiots like Azimio and Langanthal when he doesn’t have the Cheerios uniform to do it for him.

It’s the only logical explanation.

At least it is until he walks into the choir room and Kurt is wearing black jeans with a bright yellow raincoat.

“Wow,” Blaine greets him, mostly out of surprise from how different this outfit is from Kurt’s normal wardrobe. “Do you like it?” Kurt takes his usual seat next to Blaine.

“I-I think it’s great,” Blaine stammers, hating how hard it is to make heads or tails of the boy sitting next to him. “It’s just so different from your usual get up.” “I know.” Kurt chortles. “Sue had them sent out for dry cleaning, so we get to freestyle dress today.” So, Blaine supposes, it’s not the Cheerios uniform. * Blaine sighs as he walks into calculus. This is a bad idea. He knows it’s a really bad idea because Kurt is always in a bad mood for this class, but he doesn’t care. He’s hoping that if he can get Kurt to act like his normal self now, he can do it indefinitely and he won’t have to worry about it anymore. He takes a steadying breath and walks right up to him. “I usually know to wait until you’re out of this class, but I can’t take it anymore. Will you go to dinner with me?” Kurt looks up at him like he’s the dumbest creature on earth. It stings. “Sorry,” Kurt spits without an ounce of remorse in his voice. “I’m not gay, but if I were, I don’t think you’d be my type.” Blaine feels like he’s been punched in the gut. His hurt quickly morphs into anger and he retorts back, “You know, I get that you’re capricious, but I never took you for a coward,” before pushing past him and taking a seat in the very back of the class. He doesn’t see confounded look on the other boy’s face and doesn’t hear him whisper, “What the fuck,” to himself. * The situation gets a hundred times more confusing when Kurt comes up to him in the hallway a few days later. “Hey!” He calls out to Blaine. Blaine tenses. He so does not want to have this conversation right now, and certainly not in the middle of the hallway. He keeps walking, keeps avoiding Kurt. “I am talking to you!” Kurt finally catches up with him and grabs him by the shoulder to force Blaine to face him. “You’ve been avoiding me for days and I want to know why!” Blaine is dumbfounded. “Look, Kurt,” he scoffs. “If I had known you were still in the closet, I would’ve probably backed off. But you came onto me! I get not being ready to come out, but I really like you and I don’t know how much longer–hmph!” Before he knows what’s happening, Kurt is pulling on the front of Blaine’s jacket, bringing their faces together. And it’s... nice. It’s really nice. The pressure of Kurt’s mouth against his own is warm and even, and for a moment Blaine forgets all the crazy that seems to revolve around Kurt Hummel because all he can think about is the world of possibilities this kiss is opening up. Kurt pulls away, leaving him in a daze. “Would someone who’s in the closet do that?” “I guess not.” Blaine responds airily, head still spinning. * When Blaine sees Kurt at the end of that day, shoving some books into his locker, he can’t keep his stupid grin off his face. Blaine comes up behind him and grabs his waist playfully, spinning his around. “I’ve been wanting to do this all day.” He says before pulling them together. If he’s being honest... it’s not very good. He can feel Kurt grimace and tense up by the time their lips meet, and he’s about to pull away and ask what’s wrong before Kurt beats him to the punch. He shoves Blaine’s chest, splitting them asunder. “What the fuck was that?” Blaine can see that Kurt is absolutely seething. “I just thought- after earlier today—” “In case I haven’t been very clear before, I’m gonna be completely transparent now,” he fumes. “I never want to see your face again. Stay the hell away from me!” Blaine watches in a melting pot of emotions as Kurt turns around and all but sprints away from him. What the hell was that all about? * Blaine knocks on the Hudson-Hummel household door vigorously. He knows Kurt told him to stay the hell away from him, but his stubborn frustration tells him they are going to talk about this god dammit. The door opens and Finn can barely get out a friendly greeting before Blaine busts pats him. “Where’s your brother?” He demands. “Uh, which one?” “Don’t play dumb, Finn!” The taller boy only looks at him expectantly. “Kurt!” Finn sees the look in Blaine’s eyes and knows he’s searching for some kind of answer, probably one he can’t give him. “Uh, Kurt!” He calls. “Your boyfriend’s here and he looks kinda pissed off.” Kurt comes down the stairs, face lighting up when he sees Blaine. “Hey—“ he starts, but Blaine wastes no time getting to the point. “Are we gonna talk about that kiss or not?” “What?” “I should go.” Finn points out uncomfortably. “I thought it was nice, right?” “It-it was not nice.” Blaine exhales. “You said you didn’t want to see me again.” “Am I missing something here?” “I have no idea why I’m still here.” “I’m getting a lot of mixed signals from you, Kurt!” Blaine finally explodes. “In glee club all you want to do is flirt and hold hands and banter which I am all for, believe me! But then in calculus you seem like you want nothing to do with me!” “Calculus?” Kurt’s face twists up in a lack of understanding. “We don’t have that class together. I don’t even take calculus, I’m in statistics—“ And then it hits him. He doesn’t take calculus, but there’s one person he knows who does. “CARSON!” Kurt screeches so loudly that even Blaine, seething just a moment ago, is startled. Blaine hears another set of footsteps rush down the stairs accompanied by a familiar voice. “I swear to god if you called me down here while I’m in the middle of editing my college entrance essay to tell me how unflattering my wardrobe is again I’m gonna—“ The boy stops dead in his tracks when he sees Blaine, and Blaine blanches. “Oh, my god.” He mumbles. Standing in front of him is an exact replica of Kurt, wearing the same blue jacket he’d always donned in calculus. He looks at Kurt, then back at—Carson. It all makes so much sense. Kurt didn’t have a dual personality, Blaine was just an idiot. Twins. Fucking twins. “Oh, my god,” Carson says, turning to Finn and Kurt. “It’s that weirdo I was telling you about!” “Wait, this is the creepy guy who has a crush on you?” Kurt asks in bewilderment. “I thought you were just expressing your closeted homophobia a la Finn circa sophomore year?” “Oh,” Finn rolls his eyes. “You just have to bring that up again.” “You know I’m not homophobic,” Carson retorts, ignoring his stepbrother. “This is that guy that gave me that note, asked me out, then kissed me without warning!” “You kissed Carson?” Kurt and Finn ask in unison. “I thought he was you!” Blaine defends himself. “For a month?” Carson asks, unconvinced. He scoffs. “Convenient.” “Don’t flatter yourself,” Kurt growls back at him. “Dude,” Finn interjects, voice beginning to bubble up with laughter. “They look nothing alike.” “Finn, they are literally identical twins!” “What, did you just think Kurt was really fickle?” Carson asks incredulously. Blaine opens his mouth to respond but snaps it shut immediately because even though he now realizes how utterly absurd that sounds, it’s exactly what he thought. “Oh, my god.” Finn, Kurt, and Carson all chorus in realization. The horror of the situation dawns on Blaine and a white-hot embarrassment starts burning in the pit of his stomach. “I have to go.” He says, eyes wide as he turns to leave. Kurt grabs his hand. “What? You don’t have to leave,” he explains. Blaine shakes his head incredulously. “You’re not done with me? After all that?” “Of course not!” He laughs as if it’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard. “Do I think you can be a little ridiculously oblivious? Of course. But I really like you, Blaine. Besides, this will make a great story one day.” From behind them, Carson rolls his eyes. “Can I fucking go now?” Kurt shoots his brother a glare then immediately turns his attention back to Blaine. “But if you ever kiss my brother again, we’re through.” Blaine lets his head fall forward and huffs out a laugh. “Deal.” 

[dnavenom-blog]

Not my usual thing but I had to say this! SPOILERS!!!! When you invest millions of dollars to create the most expensive dragon ball movie in history. When you hype the public for a whole year. It is only to be expected that the new movie will have a plot to equal the amount of hard work that went into the visual side of the project. Because as we all know, good graphics without the backbone of a good plot is useless, is just random pictures.  1. LORE:  The replacement of old Saiyan history with the one from the more recent dragon ball minus. Which is essentially a blatant copy of Superman’s sending to Earth. There is no human alive on this planet, that will see the scene of the parents, sending a spacepod to Earth to save their baby and not think – Superman. Copying such a famous character is always bad. Specially when your story is much better. Saiyans were always an expansive, agresive, warrior race. Proud to be one of the strongest in the universe. In the movie they are portrait as more western, human society.  This change in saiyan lore, discredits a big part or Dragon ball. I can not accept this. So this was really bad for me.  2.VEGETA AND RADITZ: I can’t think of a more anticlimactic scene than this one. Facing the destruction of their home world, families, everything they possessed. Vegeta especially facing the destruction of his people that he is now so proud of, the destruction of his father who’s name he ware. How can he say “I guess I’ll never be king now.” Like it’s nothing and keep eating his bone.  This scene was so absurd, it’s beyond reason. It’s against everything Vegeta is. I can only believe this was a form of Japanesse attempt to look a bit like Marvel. Adding humor on all the wrong places.  3.POWERSCALING: I know what you will say. After 3 years of dragon ball super, are we still talking about powerscaling? Well I have to mention this, it’s beyond stupid. How come Vegeta Red is weaker or equal to Goku base? What happened? 4. BROLY:  Old Broly character was an exceptionally gifted saiyan child, with a gentle heart, same as the new one and here the similarities end. Some people find more depth in NEW Broly, I find the OLD one much more developed, behind the shell of a brute.  OLD BROLY:  CHILDHOOD - THE TRAUMA: The OLD Broly was inflicted with a mortal wound and left to die, along with his father. Not many people have such violent experiences, but the ones that do are usually marked for life by it. No matter how young you are. This experience as shown in the movie breaks the mental shell of Broly and his power takes control for the first time.  TEENAGE YEARS: In the next scenes we see his father trying to take him in his teenage years, trying to stop him from expressing his violent self. As we all know most teenagers are like that, full of aggression and disregard for the old. But there is one very important aspect of Broly’s story here. He is so strong, that there is nothing that can impose moral values on him. If you don’t fear anyone, if you are inherently aggressive, why would you adhere to their advise and guidance? (Ex. Genghis Khan.) You take what you want and destroy the ones that oppose you. Sometimes in the most brutal way possible.  ADULT BROLY: Mind control is really the only way to stop this force. You have no chance by doing it physically, so the only option is altering the mental state of this person. Whether with some special waves or something else. This is the logical way to go. The device was made by an unknown alien race. FIGHT: The first transformation of OLD Broly was one of the best super saiyan transformations of all time. On par with Goku’s first. You really could feel how the mind control lost his power little by little. It almost worked, but than the power just flowed out. Broly was unchained and there was no turning back. That was a real “Oh sh*t” moment for me. Vegeta’s reaction was telling enough. Broly go on rampaging everything as uncontrolled power often does. He rips apart our fighters. And when he feels the thrill of battle to an enormous high, he does what a true saiyan would do, he improves even more. The line “power overflowing” is a testimony of that. He is truly unstoppable. The animation is great also you can feel how desperate the fight is when he takes that Kamehameha with his face and there is nothing more, that Goku can do.  DEATH OF PARAGAS: Unlike the new movie, here this death has a deeper meaning. Broly was already unchained from the mind control device, there was only one thing still connecting him to that scared, placid boy from the past. His father (and Kakarot ofc) When OLD Broly killed his father with his own hands, it was him breaking the last chains. Only Kakarot was left now for him to be completely free from the past. And he sets of doing just that. Unchaining himself from everything! DIALOG: While the dialog here was typical for dragon ball. There was less yelling. And Broly even manages to say a few words. This shows that is not a berserk killer. He knows what he is doing. “He is the devil” That’s enough to distinguish him from the HULK or GOHAN. This is how a raised in a harsh environment, crazed with power, uneducated person would go about the world. Taking what he wants and destroying everything else.  NEW BROLY:  CHILDHOOD -TARZAN. The first part of the NEW Broly story was a rip off Tarzan. The boy was sent to hostile environment, where he lived like a savage. He made friends with the animals there, that tried to eat him, but also trained him in the process. His father than came and killed his friend in a way to harden him even further. NEW Broly’s mentality and emotions are stale. Even after the death of his best friend, he does not confront his father. Totally unlike a representative of the saiyan warrior race, who live his whole life in the harshest environment.  ADULT YEARS - GOHAN: If when you watched the movie you had this feeling that you’ve already watched this, don’t get alarmed. You are right. Gentle heart, befriending huge animals, loving nature, reluctant to fight, but when he gets angry his strength becomes unmatched? Sounds familiar. Yea it is a description of Gohan. Toriyama tried to copy his own character here. But we are all fans and most of still haven`t forgiven him for what he did to Gohan. This is the last drop. Trying to replace him with New Broly.  THE COLTROL DEVICE: Unlike OLD Broly, the new version is not mind control with a device from an unknown alien race. He is controlled by a taser scrapped and developed by Paragas himself. This taser is so powerful that is able to completely render Broly powerless. While this happens you would guess, that Broly would get mad to be zapped with electricity and probably get angry. He doesn't! He goes back to his corner and does what his father (the slave owner) tells him. This of course is beyond absurd. There in not a person alive that wont get angry or mad when zapped with taser. With Broly that should be a lot more dangerous since once unleashed his anger fuels itself. Well no…he tucks his tail and goes to lick his wounds.  THE FIGHT: NEW BROLY gets angry the minute he sees Vegeta and is willing to attack at once. Many people complained about OLD Broly attacking Goku for a stupid reason. Well NEW Broly attacked Vegeta for absolute no reason. He never saw him, he never knew king Vegeta even. What provoked that anger? We will never know. From here on the fight goes as we already saw in the trailers, almost everything was spoiled before that, so you know what happens.  DEATH OF PARAGAS: This was the moment that in the old movie symbolized something meaningful. In the NEW BROLY it was a joke. And that is literally. Frieza decided to kill Paragas, like he did with Krillin, back in Z and make it look like it’s Goku’s fault, with the most absurd line ever. Without much thinking Broly goes in his final form continues beathing up Goku. The viewer is not given any moment to process what’s happening. Expirience Broly’s pain. NO. This supposedly climactic moment lasts for 4-5 seconds and the fighting continues. The only thing I can say here is rushed. So much that it’s bad fo the movie instead of good.  DIALOG: Not existent is the best word. For about 40mins. There was only meaningless fighting. Amazing animation true, but meaningless. The people that complained about Broly’s “Kakaroto” line will have a lot of fun here. It’s Tarzan again: AAA, UUU, OOO, Argh and so on. The script writter had an especially hard day when he decided these lines.  DESIGN: He had darker skin unlike all other saiyans. This made no sence, since Paragas was also exposed to the same environment and he was not affected. The only explanation I find is…Tarzan again. Broly had huge scars, which is strange because he was probably a million times stronger than any creature out there, including his father, even in his child state. So I really don’t see any reason for him to be scarred.   OLD Broly is a plausable character, he has depth that most people decide not to look for. He is the reprentation of a powerfull person unrestrained by morality and law. We see this everyday with rich kids, that try to take evething they want, disregarding society’s norms, because they had power over their peers all their lives. He is not the HULK, he is not Gohan, nor Tarzan. He is himself and a much worthier and wellthought version than the new one.  NEW Broly on the other hand shows how bad a character can be, when you have so many people trying to improve it. When you try to please the audience with fan service. He is a patchwork of traits taken from already famous characters, that don’t make sense when they are put together. A person like him does not exist in the real world and would never develop like this given his suroundings. Gohan made sense because Goku was strong enough to impose morality on him, teach him right and wrong. Broly had nothing like that. His father was always weaker than him. There is no reason why Broly would develop the way he did in the 2018 movie version.  I can continue for ages probably, cause the significance of this movie for the whole Dragon ball community is immense. This seems to be the best TOEI and Toriyama can achieve. I hoped for more…This is my parting from any hope that dragon ball will regain it’s consistency and raw beauty, which it had back in the day. If this multi-million budget was unable to produce a quality product then I guess nothing will. If I can summarize the 2018 movie Broly, it would be: “A failed attempt to copy.”  A failed attempt to copy Superman. A failed attempt to copy Hulk. A failed attempt to copy Gohan. A failed attempt to copy Tarzan. A failed attempt to copy Marvel. Something DC’s Justice League did too, so I can forgive that. 

[fairytail-whathesays]

This started out as a whole post about how Mashima’s manga is extremely myopic and self-centered when it comes to presentations of family and friendship and nakama. I was going to pull out a bunch of examples, starting with Cobra and including Sting, Natsu vs. Sting and Rogue, and Juvia. But the Cobra part got way too long, so....enjoy this Cobra post detailing how Cobra exemplifies those values a lot better than Fairy Tail and no one seems to notice.

Ahem.

Now, I adored Cobra during the Nirvana arc. He was easily the most anti-villainous of the villains--sure, he was loyal to Brain, was trying to bring about the end of peace in Fiore, and was a smartass who liked to play around with his opponents and taunt them before he killed them. But he was also laid back, easygoing, could laugh at a joke in the middle of a fight, and didn’t tend to attack unless he was ordered. Alongside Angel, while he is a massive dick, it is also immediately apparent from introduction that Cobra is not a monster and has others that he values--Angel has Gemini, Cobra has Cubellios. 

But what really seals the deal for me, and makes me think that whatever his goals, Cobra is a decent dude--not just and lawful, but moral--is the end of his fight with Natsu. After he gets back up, ears sore from Natsu’s roar, he holds Natsu down and prepares to kill him, claiming it to be “for the honor of the Six Demons!” Cobra has pride in being a member of his guild and isn’t about to let this loudmouth dragonslayer tarnish it. And a second later, Brain shoots him in the back/shoulder, taking him out for good.  And Cobra’s reaction breaks my heart. 

“Brain? ....Why? Are you mad?”

He cannot understand why Brain just did that (and, taking logic into account, neither can I, but roll with me here for a sec). Not ‘angry’ mad. He literally thinks Brain must have gone insane to have done what he just did. He never for a second suspected Brain might attack him. Which is saying a lot for Brain, considering Cobra can hear thoughts.

See, his hearing wasn’t gone. He can still hear people’s minds, as evidenced a second later when Brain blatantly and gloatingly thinks about how useless Cobra is and how he should be gotten rid of. The only explanation is that Brain is capable of hiding his thoughts from Cobra--and did so for a long time, otherwise this wouldn’t exactly have come as a shock to Cobra.

Cobra’s last words before he releases his prayer (probably out of spite, if it were me) is to cry and call Brain a traitor. Clearly, this was the last thing he expected. A reminder: this arc was coming straight off the heels of the Fantasia arc, where Laxus went borderline nuts and pretty much turned on everyone around him. We just saw what is ostensibly one of the good guys do what Brain is doing now (putting down someone close to him for being weak) and Cobra’s reaction is just as emotional as the ones we saw at Fantasia. His ass just got betrayed and it hurt.

And, when he comes back for the Key of the Starry Skies arc, it’s apparent he’s undergone the rare negative character development. That is to say, he developed into a more dangerous, more emotional, and overall negative person--not that his character arc suffered.

His snake--friend, closest friend, pet, someone that’s never even thought about hurting him and is with him by choice, not by alliance--is gone. And while he retains a camaraderie with people like Angel, Midnight, and Racer, you can tell all of his enthusiasm is gone. His voice is so dead, so dry, so monotone.

Which....actually really saddens me. Cobra went from the person who was probably the most easily applicable to turn face to the one person short of Midnight who was furthest from it. That hurts. But it also shows how fucked up a person can get when you destroy their bond with you and take away the things that are important to them.

You fucked up a perfectly good character, Brain. Look at him. He’s got anxiety.

Of course, it’s he’s not too far gone. Kinana does come back to him, although I wish she hadn’t. He comes quietly, does his thing at the Dragon King Festival, and slyly makes sure Doranbolt will have to come back for more without messing with his memories.

And then it all comes crashing down. Cobra secures the Seis’ freedoms, gets his revenge on Brain, and then...Jellal.

Look, I will begrudgingly put aside for now the fact that Jellal cannot possibly be strong enough to take on the Seis single-handedly. Right now we’re focusing on character, and how exactly do you think Cobra felt when this went down? Jellal just took Cobra’s ideals and spat on them. Their freedom is a lie. Their idea of family is wrong. Jellal will show you true nakama and freedom--by beating your ass to a pulp. The freedom and companionship the Seis forged together while they were free from Jellal’s reign of terror has to be corrected.

Now, not only is Jellal their former slavemaster and the guy who terrorized their childhoods, but I will remind everyone of just what kind of “family” Crime Sorciere comprised of aside from him: a woman who coldly murdered a little girl’s parents, then raised that little girl as her mother in their place. Crime Sorciere’s family is sick. But at least Ultear gave an impression of actual repentence. I still wonder what Cobra thought of her--no doubt he could hear what was happening when he was temporarily freed for the Dragon King Festival. I also have to wonder what Cobra was thinking given that Meredy did nothing to support her former allies and instead just screamed “Jellaaaaal!” nonstop while he worked his pimp hand. No support at all.

And this pisses me off more than it would had I not already gone into just how Cobra felt about being part of the Oracion Seis. Because there is no more Oracion Seis anymore. No one calls them that--it’s Crime Sorciere now, and don’t you forget it. They have true nakama now, bitches.

[trentteti]

The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette, Episode 6

Rachel Lindsay is a practicing attorney who once took the LSAT. And you, dear reader, are an aspiring attorney who will soon take the LSAT. Rachel Lindsay is also an aspiring married person, serving as the Bachelorette on this season of The Bachelorette, the love story these depraved times deserve. And you, dear reader, may also be an aspiring married person? Either way, you definitely have at least a few things in common with Rachel. So every Tuesday, we’re going to be tracking Rachel’s romantic journey on The Bachelorette, and see what we can learn about love, loss, and the LSAT. Welcome back to the Logical Rose-ning Section.

Last time: We had a fourteen-hour Bachelorette marathon that ended with Rachel in a Michael Myers mask and eliminating huge swaths of also-rans like Jack Stone, Anthony, and Josiah. They were also in Scandinavia, so they did classic Nordic activities like repelling, competitive handballing, and playing Vikings. We were left with the final six—Bryan, Peter (heretofore referred to as Piggo, due to a striking resemblance to a young Viggo Mortensen), Dean, Eric, Matt, and Adam. Four of these guys have been given an emotional arc and back story and evidence of a romantic connection with Rachel this season. The other two have dressed up like a penguin one time and brought a creepy depression era-looking doll, and haven’t done much since. Wonder which of the four Rachel will choose for hometowns next week!

Open to: sweeping vistas of the Alps, quaint towns, dairy farms, churches, financial sectors used by the wealthy to shelter assets, and a not very subtle foreshadowing to what these guys are thinking about now that they’re on the precipice of fantasy suites.

That’s right. We’re in Geneva, Switzerland. Land of watches, fondue, and international diplomacy, the last of which is oddly unremarked upon on this network television show about a woman who dates thirty men simultaneously.

One-on-One with Bryan

Big stakes this week, as Rachel wonders which guy should take her home next week for hometown dates. So Rachel enters their hotel room in virginal white to remind these guys that’s it’s not fantasy suite time yet. She announces that this week we’re getting three one-on-one dates, and then a group date with the three remaining dudes. Obviously, Rachel will use two of these one-on-one dates to see if she has any chemistry with Adam and Matt, two dudes who are inexplicably here and haven’t had any meaningful time alone with Rachel. Or so thought Adam and Matt! Instead, Bryan gets the tête-à-tête in Geneva. There’s no date card, so we’re robbed of any sweet Switzerland-related wordplay, but we can imagine what it would have said:

“In Geneva, your love is anything but Conventional—Rachel XOXO”

“I’m not feeling very neutral ‘bout you—Rachel XOXO”

“Let’s learn the fondues and fon-don’ts of wartime protocol by studying Article II of the Conventions—Rachel XOXO.”

Anyway, Bryan and Rachel’s date is brought to us by Bentley, as the luxury sedan gets shot like we’re watching an actual car commercial and not just overt product placement.

Advertisement in chintzy reality shows seems like it would be beneath a high-end brand like Bentley, but I think mentions of the vehicle have dropped off precipitously since its zenith in late 90s rap, so it’s got to make up market share somehow.

Bryan and Rachel drive their rented Bentley straight to a watch store, where we enter another commercial, this time for the luxury watch brand Breitling, whose models start around $4500. How much disposable income do these companies think the average Bachelorette viewer has?

Rachel balls out the lot and buys his and hers matching watches, and then makes out with Bryan in the showroom. They then get chartered on a private boat across Lake Geneva, while drinking champagne. Not even Gucci Mane at his peak could have thought of a more extravagant ode to conspicuous consumption than what we just witnessed. Also, more foreshadowing:

In the rest of the date, Rachel tries to get past Bryan’s smooth talking ways and develop a deeper connection with him. In an empty but extravagant concert hall, she asks questions about his family upbringing. In just two conversational steps, Bryan is able to shift that serious conversation into a flirty discussion of the school girl uniform Rachel wore in high school. Also, I learned that Bryan—who doesn’t have a wrinkle on his face or a gray hair on head—is somehow the oldest guy left at 37 years of age.

Meanwhile, Adam, back at their Swiss hotel, is in a tailspin, who says, “How is she going to pick Bryan again? I don’t know why she would want to pick a guy like that. It doesn’t make sense to me.” Well, Adam, Bryan is 37-going-on-23 and a sweet talk Jedi. Adam, on the other hand, looks like a crane operator.

Byran, unsurprisingly, gets the date rose and is the first guy guaranteed a spot for hometown week. Then a string quartet emerges in the balconies to play for Rach and Bryan. Was the string quartet lying in wait up there the entire time? Did they hear Rachel and Bryan’s intimate conversations? Did they at least have snacks?

One-on-One with Dean

Bryan got a ride in a Bentley, a watch worth a chiropractor’s monthly salary, and private concert on his date. What does Dean get for his one-on-one? He gets to go to church, where the mass will be held in a language he does not understand. Tough break, kid.

At least Dean—who, never forget, made the instantly regrettable statement that he’s ready to “go black” and “not go back” by dating Rachel—shows admirable restraint by not calling Rachel his “hot chocolate Swiss Miss” at any point during the date.

During the entire date, Rachel tries to get past Dean’s giggly façade and learn more about the 26 year old she’s considering marrying. When she prompts Dean to get real, he asks her questions like “Do you believe in the tooth fairy?” and “What’s your favorite dinosaur?” She scoffs at this, but I mean, this is salient information. What if she, an adult woman with a law degree, did believe in the tooth fairy? That a magical sprite delivers U.S. currency to kids who lose their teeth? What if her favorite dinosaur was a stegosaurus? A dinosaur that had such a low brain-to-body mass ratio (it weighed two metric tons, but had the same size brain as a house cat) that people used to think it had a second brain in its stomach to control its tail. If your girl’s favorite dinosaur has a literal butt brain, that’s a deal breaker, my mans.

Dean finally accedes to Rachel’s demand that he gets real with her, and he admits that he’s nervous about Rachel meeting his family, considering his strained relationship with his father. Rachel tells him that she is not a monster, and won’t judge him based on his family, and gives him the date rose. Dean accepts her offer, potential trash dinosaur opinions notwithstanding.

One-on-One with Piggo

Rachel and Piggo take a helicopter to the Swiss Alps, where they go dog sledding. Piggo mentions how he feels a little insecure about Rachel dating a bunch of other men while he develops a connection with her. But what about Cooper, Rachel’s dog? Ever since Rachel’s been on this show, she’s been palling around with other dogs like those at the dog festival she and Piggo went to in Palm Springs and now with these fit, athletic, suave, European dogs? Rachel has some explaining to do.

If Rachel’s dates with Bryan and Dean were all about trying to pry and find something real beneath their facades, her date with Piggo is all about taking him at face value. Which is understandable—I mean, look at this face:

He gives some weird explanation of the last girl he dated, where he said their break up didn’t involve “any harm done” but then proceeds to describe leaving her and seeing her cry and acknowledging that he “abandoned” and “truly hurt her.” Piggo, that doesn’t make a damn lick of sense. We know Rachel, from her dealings with DeMario and Lee, is whip smart and a beast on cross-examination. She just takes Piggo at his word. She’s clearly smitten. You heard it hear first: Piggo’s got this in the bag.

Piggo gets the date rose, and will be our third hometown host.

Group Date

We’re left with the afterthoughts for the end of the episode. Eric, Matt, and Adam compete for the remaining rose. For this group date, this foursome will get to do the best thing you can do in Switzerland: go to France. “Switzerland: It’s next to France.” Brought to you by the Tourism Board of Switzerland.

On the date, Adam talks about how the date card discussed Rachel’s “difficult” decision ahead of her. Adam takes issue with the word difficult, noting that he doesn’t believe that anything is “difficult”—that some things may be “challenging,” sure, but that nothing is “difficult.” Well, Adam, when you look up “difficult”: in the thesaurus, the fourth word that follows is literally “challenging.” Those words mean the same thing dude. And nothing is “difficult”? That’s insane bruh. Running a mile in 4 minutes. That’s difficult. Eating 37 chicken wings. That’s difficult. Scoring above a 170 on the LSAT while drunk on expired Four Loko. That’s difficult. Getting past this group date. That’s gonna be difficult for you fam.

Eric has a much more realistic take on life, acknowledging that Rachel’s process here is hard; but also that life is hard, but worth it.

Rachel cuts Matt first. When cutting Matt, Rachel is in tears, noting that Matt was the contestant that reminded her most of herself. The producers must have left evidence of this connection on the cutting room floor. During this, Matt actually comes across as a chill, mature guy, and now I feel bad for making jokes at his expense over the course of this blog.

We then get the face-off between Eric and Adam. These gladiators are brought to the battle pit where they will face off in figurative fisticuffs.

Look, some stuff happens. Things are said, concerns are raised, kisses given, doubts addressed. We know where this is going though right? Eric gets the date rose, and we finally have what has felt for the last few weeks like our inevitable final four.

Getting through these last few episodes has been a little tough, but I am going to Swiss this show when it’s gone.

The Logical Rose-ning Section: Your Recap of The Bachelorette, Episode 6 was originally published on LSAT Blog