#JKR’s rich enough as is and I don’t think she’s going to benefit from the like 2 bucks of royalties

[garchompsteak]

Yeah no. Posts on Reddit and YouTube are explaining this far better than I can, but basically, my stance on this is: (see tags)

stop making excuses for playing hogwarts legacy.

“the people who worked on the game need to be supported tho 🥺”

the people who worked on the game already got their cut and went home. your money is just going towards jkr and the corporation

“but harry potter was my childhood 🥺”

same. but this isn’t revisiting old media. this is an entirely new product. and you’re allowed to grow out of things and move on when the dead horse gets beaten and your media literacy skills improve.

“but i pirated it 🥺”

playing the game cannot be moralized through piracy because giving money to jk rowling is not the only issue here. the game is violently antisemitic. playing it cannot be evened out through piracy, charity donations, etc. the world doesn’t work like that.

“can’t you just let me have fun? 🥺”

if playing a game made by a racist, transphobic, antisemitic, fatphobic bigot (and a team including at least one alt-right influencer) where the entire plot is to defeat the jews goblins because of white wizard supremacy is fun to you then i think you might need to seriously consider why.

if you are playing hogwarts legacy and/or supporting it online you are choosing to value a video game over the lives of jewish and trans people. you are allying yourself against jewish and trans people. if people hate you for choosing a video game over human lives you have no grounds to be upset.

sometimes doing good things and being an ally is difficult. sometimes it means not doing something that you wanted to do. it’s sucks but that’s life. get over it and shut up.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

I had a friend create a 10-category, 50-question Harry Potter trivia quiz for my 30th birthday. I have a Ravenclaw tattoo that takes up most of my right forearm. I’ve helped orchestrate an HP-themed baby shower. I’ve held multiple HP movie marathons. And when we were first dating and Wife told me she’d never read the books, I legitimately cried and then blocked it from my memory. When she told me for the second time, months later, I cried again. 

One could say I’m a fan of the wizarding world. 

So here we are, at the second entry in the second wizarding franchise, and the only question really worth answering is, is this a world that’s still worth visiting? Well...

Imagine someone you love - it could be anyone, but as an example I’ll use your best friend. Imagine your BEST friend, whom you’ve shared so much with, whom you’ve gone through ups and downs with. That one. Now imagine that every few months, your best friend’s mom sends you a text, or calls you, or puts up a billboard in your town that seems to be actively trying to get you to hate your best friend. Things like “She kicks puppies” or “One time, she made fun of a homeless man until he cried” or “She told me she wants to set fire to a hospital.” Like, real fucked up stuff. Would you maintain a relationship with that friend? With them both? Or would you cut ties completely and just hold onto the memories of the friendship you used to have?

I’m genuinely asking, because J.K. Rowling seems hellbent on shitting all over the things I love in some twisted effort to make me utterly baffled and repulsed by the world she has created. I never thought I’d say this, but Johnny Depp is the least of this movie’s problems, so welcome to Whose Crime Is It Anyway? where the timelines are made up and the plot points don't matter.

A spoilery summary! Our favorite Hufflepuff Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is asked by Hot Dumbledore (Jude Law) to go to Paris and find Credence (Ezra Miller). You remember Credence, the sweet emo boy from the first movie whose death functioned as the climax of the film? JK JK death is meaningless and impermanent here! It’s the roaring 20s, everyone’s drunk. Newt needs to find him because Grindelwald (Johnny Depp, doing his best impression of day-old potato salad) is also looking for him. Credence is the subject of a prophecy that everyone’s familiar with but the audience, you see, and he’s currently trapped in a Parisian street circus with a woman/snake named Nagini (Claudia Kim, and yes, THAT Nagini). Jacob and Queenie (Dan Fogler and Alison Sudol) also show up again, because they were in the first movie too so they have to be here for this. Jacob’s memory has been restored because...~handwavey reasons~ and Queenie decides to join The Mayonnaise Man’s cause as a wizard Nazi because...she wants to marry a Muggle. Somehow I think she didn’t read the whole orientation flyer. Leta Lestrange (Zoe Kravitz) is engaged to Newt’s brother, Theseus (Callum Turner) but is mostly hanging around to look sad and reveal that Credence couldn’t be her long-lost brother because she killed her long-lost brother by switching him with another baby on a ship right before it sank at sea. And she’s right, Credence isn’t her brother - he’s gone over to the dark side, where the vaguely human amalgamation of cauliflower rice tells him he’s the long-lost brother of Albus Dumbledore! Because why the fuck not, nothing else in this goddamn thing makes any sense anyway.

I would also like to point out I left out at least 40 more characters, many of whom seem to be important but are never named or introduced in any way.

SEVERAL thoughts:

Visually, this world is stunning. The set designers have done an incredible job showcasing new magical settings in rich, vivid detail. The Parisian street circus and the French Ministry of Magic building were particular favorites of mine.

Likewise, the 1927-era costumes are drop-dead gorgeous. This franchise should really be called Fantastic Coats and Where to Find Them.

50 galleons seems so steep. I wonder what the wizarding inflation rate is.

Snakes can fit through bars of cages...

Performances - Redmayne is sweet, but virtually shoved out of the way in his own franchise; Kravitz is cold and removed - is that acting choice secret pain or constipation? Hard to say; Fogler is underutilized, especially after being the emotional MVP of the first film; Sudol is fractured and manic, completely devoid of her earnest warmth from before; Miller barely gets 3 lines, and mostly looks like he’s about to cry; Law is fine as hell and kindly and wise and doesn’t give off weird “I’m going to use children as sacrificial lambs without telling them or anyone else about it” vibes, so that’s already a big step up from the Dumbledore we get in the books; and then there’s Johnny. Johnny “lightly braised tofu” Depp is giving one of his most understated performances in years, to the point that he’s almost...boring? Most genocidal fuckheads are at least compelling speakers, but this dehydrated turnip just sort of glides about, while his followers do dastardly things for him. He doesn’t even kill his own toddlers, he outsources it to his followers. Does nobody believe in honest, hard work anymore? 

Basically all of the details - the set dressing, the costumes, the overall aesthetics and feel of the film - are beautifully realized. However, the foundation is made of smoke and sand and the distant sound of JKR’s maniacal laughter.

Cast and endorse an accused abuser who is teetering on the brink of public collapse? Check. Include outdated Orientalism cliches by casting an East Asian woman as mysterious, dangerous, and literally snake-like? Check. How about a white imperialist Imperius-ing Leta Lestrange's (black African) mother and literally forcing her into sex slavery with no follow-up or reflection on the part of the film or its characters? Check. It’s like some sort of perverse bingo game she’s playing to try to alienate everyone who might have seen themselves in the Harry Potter universe as belonging, because they understood what it was like to be an outsider, to be abused, to be shunned and made fun of and ostracized. Cause fuck all those people, amirite?

And that’s just the offensive choices from a purely political standpoint. How about the offensive choices regarding more trivial matters like linear time and space - like Dumbledore teaching Transfiguration, not DAtDA. Or like Professor MacGonagall being born in 1935, yet somehow teaching at Hogwarts in 1927. People apparating inside Hogwarts. Complete reversals of characters’ personalities and motivations. Characters being introduced and never seen again (where did Bunty go?? Did she die???) Characters NOT being introduced and never seen again (what up Jessica Williams, super psyched that you’re here, sure would be neat if I knew who the fuck you were playing or why that person was important!) If the references are meant for fans’ benefit, it fucking BACKFIRED, because most HP fans I know aren’t looking for a convoluted soap opera where babies are switched, people have secret brothers, everyone's amnesia gets reversed, and people come back from the dead.

Now that I think about it, the practice of confronting a boggart is super problematic. Like people have traumas. It's not all spiders and snakes, Dumbledore! God, Hogwarts pedagogy is shit.

I’m still not convinced that Jude Law’s tasty Daddy Dumbledore could possibly still be in love with this tuna salad sandwich from a vending machine at the DMV. That flashback in the Mirror of Erised is supposed to be full of longing but all I could think was, “is this how straight people think gay sex works?” Would have loved to hear that day in the writer’s room. “Maybe we could have them kiss?” “Too gay. What if they exchange blood vows and hold hands to form a magical amulet?” “Nailed it.” *everyone high fives and chugs a Red Bull* 

There’s just...so much. So much that I wish were different. I don’t quite know how it’s possible for a film to explain both too much and not enough, but here we are. The Crimes of Grindlewald isn’t just a title, it’s a prophecy of what audiences are forced to endure here - it’s not just separating art from artist, it’s not just cultural exploitation and othering, it’s not just queer erasure, it’s not just overplotted and underwhelming narrative, it’s not just cheap shocks and winking references. The rap sheet just keeps getting longer and longer, and I have to wonder when, if ever, Rowling will atone for these crimes.

[captainpikeachu]

my crimes of grindelwald review

so some time back, people were asking me about my feels regarding this movie, i didn’t put out a review then because i was still thinking things through and rewatching the movie and re-reading the screenplay

but now that it’s been some time since the movie opened, i feel like i’m at a good place to be sure of my feelings about the film

to put it simply:

am i going to watch it a million times and scream about my feels? YES.

do i think that it is a good film? NO.

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the good:

the visuals of course are amazing, these FB films have a sense of confidence in its visual flair and that’s not shocking given that most of the people working on these films have been doing films in this world for like over a decade

the performances are great, whenever the cast is allowed to have their little interactions, they nail it and make the most of what they are given

the beasts are frankly the best parts of anything, they’re cute and adorable and amazing and i wish this whole film series actually was focused on the beasts

Newt and Theseus’ relationship thankfully was not one of jerky older brother bullying younger brother, no, Theseus is actually a great and caring older brother and their hugs are everything

Jacob is a joy to watch always

Newt and Tina's salamander eyes moment LOL

Jude Law is a great young Dumbledore

the bad:

this screenplay of JKR’s unfortunately exposes the weakness of her ability as a screenwriter, it is not focused, and three million things are happening at the same time as we jump from location to location to location - this all works well in novel format, as we are able to more space to explore more things, but in a script, it doesn’t work, there is no space - this in turn ends up with backstories that could be useful but is never explained, things that would actually flesh out character reasons and actions that are left on the cutting room floor

as I said once to a friend of mine about this movie, it’s like JKR made this huge great amazingly rich feast with so many delicious dishes but every time you take a bite or two from a dish, it’s then snatched away from you - so you get a tiny taste of everything but never the actual rich meal - and yes, I am fully aware that COG is only part two of a story, but the lack of focus and some very thin characters makes the film on its own, just not well done - a part two in a series should also be a complete story on its own

for example, while I am grateful that there wasn’t much Leta/Theseus/Newt drama, JKR not focusing on any of that just then makes me wonder what is even the point of saying Leta is engaged to Theseus? We get the tiniest glimpse of Leta and Theseus as a couple and then she just dies in this film - this was what I mean when I say thin characters or the feeling of a meal being snatched away - we are never explained how Theseus and Leta met, why did they choose to get married, or does Theseus know that Newt had feelings for Leta? A backstory of Leta and Theseus’ relationship would have done wonders to elevate both Theseus and Leta as supporting characters. This film focuses on Leta and Newt having a bond, even going back as showing their years at Hogwarts together, and that’s all great and all, but then why did Leta chose to marry Theseus? This movie is trying to tell me they have a great bond, yet Leta wants to marry Newt’s brother? Why? But that’s the issue, Theseus and Leta’s relationship is just there and never explained. So then what is the point of all this supposed love triangle if it is left up so ambiguous with one side of the relationship just never explained or shown? The fact that they fridged Leta in the end....*shakes head*

another example is Nagini and Credence - Credence’s whole plot in the movie is just leave the circus, find information about his family, go to the tombs, and then join Grindelwald, and Nagini is literally just a tag along with no discerning plot of her own - it’s like they just tagged her in because Credence couldn’t very well be moody and talk to himself so he needed a person to do exposition to - we are not shown how Credence came back, we are not shown how he and Nagini met and why did they become friends enough to escape together - we are simply just told that they know each other and just accept it - but then, Credence pretty much just dumps her for Grindelwald and leaves, again a female character is all but given nothing to do

and then there’s the Queenie and Jacob thing - *sighs* - I adored that relationship in the first film but Queenie’s actions in this film crosses a line that I honestly don’t know if there is redemption for - while everyone might shrug off the love potion thing because “well Jacob loves her” - but let’s think about how that scene would look if a man put a love potion on a woman to keep her wanting to marry him, no, we wouldn’t think very kindly on that, so the fact that it’s a woman doing it to a man shouldn’t make it any less a disgusting act, and saying that Queenie did it for love really doesn’t make it any better, it in fact paints her character as a selfish and manipulative person who doesn’t care about people’s consent, that she just does whatever she wants or thinks is best for her - case in point, she literally joins a man whom 9 months ago SENTENCED HER SISTER TO DEATH AND ALMOST KILLED HER - maybe this is just me, but if someone did that to my only family, I would never listen to anything that someone had to say - and the implications of a Jewish woman siding with Wizard Hitler? Yeah....no thanks....

Tina is another character whom suffers in this film’s problem with treatment of its female characters, she is literally given no plot of her own, again, like Nagini, it’s like she’s just tagged onto Newt’s story, and while they have a cute adorable moment that I love, she is not given a center stage spotlight to shine

and here leads to the other issue - there are way too many characters in this movie that JKR does not how to juggle and balance in a screenplay - it’d be one thing if this was a novel, but in a three act screenplay, she ends up having to sacrifice so many characters’ depth - this movie feels like three different movies are happening at the same time but each other is given little focus - this problem wasn’t a prevalent issue in the first FB movie because we had the core four characters that our story focused and followed - but in COG, that’s not the case anymore, we are no longer following the core four, it’s more like core 10 but they’re all over the place in their own little movies - the only time this movie had a focus was the last 30 min with everyone going to the tombs for the rally, the plot meanders until we reach that point

and then I have to touch upon the issues of canon - now this doesn’t make or break a movie, I’m not so attached to canon that a whole movie is ruined, but this break in canon does present a problem - is JKR just retconning her own stories now? I like to give her the benefit of the doubt, but certain decisions in her storytelling lately have made me iffy on that - the whole Aurelius Dumbledore thing doesn’t really matter to me, I think that one can be explained away eventually and I’m sure JKR has an explanation so I can wait on that, my only problem with the reveal is how it was presented, out of the blue with no set up - this wasn’t a little clues laid down and AHA! moment, but it literally comes out of nowhere as a shock moment only because there is no canonical ground laid for it - we never see Grindelwald even bringing anything up about something like that even in the first FB film, in fact, Grindelwald spent most of that movie convinced that Credence was just a squib. It’s a big twist sure, but a twist that nobody could have predicted because no one knowing canon would have even thought about that? And then there’s the whole McGonagall thing, my brain hurts thinking about it and the only explanation is that time turners are involved, as much as I hate bringing up time travel again in HP, it’s the only explanation. I want to think that JKR isn’t that bad at keeping track of her own canon. Like I said, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

other things:

Grindelwald still looks like a bleached pineapple

#JusticeForAntonio and for the family and that baby Grindelwald also murdered

#WhereIsTheRealPercivalGraves - seriously, HOW IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS OR GIVING ME ANY ANSWERS? IS HE ALIVE? IS HE ON VACATION? IS HE HIDING IN A CIRCUS WITH A FLYING ELEPHANT CALLED DUMBO?????

that opening escape thing was great to watch but logistically makes no sense, what was the point of going back to get Abernathy when you could just escape already.........unless Grindelwald just did it to be extra, which I guess he would

Yusuf and Leta and the whole thing with their mother...eh...I think people more of an expert in the problematic racial tropes have spoke better on this issue than i ever could

i really wished they just stuck to a series about beasts instead of dragging in the Grindelwald and Dumbledore drama/war - why not just let that be its own series where then you get a good focus

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look, fact is, you give me a wizarding world movie, i’m gonna watch it and be happy and watch it a million more times because I love this world so much, i have all the books, the merch, been to the wizarding world like more than a few dozen times, this world is life

but as someone who has a degree in screenwriting...this script was just...not good at all, and it further shows that JKR is a great novelist but not necessarily a great screenwriter - I can only hope that maybe she will get another screenwriter to help her with the focus, maybe get Steve Kloves back since they have worked together - it’s great in a novel to have so many characters in a story, but there is a reason on screen even in the HP movies, they chose to move and combine certain characters into one because you didn’t want so many characters to eat up the screentime and focus - this is JKR’s main problem right now, and the fact that her female characters in this film were not treated well

i hope that the next few films improve, but either way i’m still gonna watch them of course