#JJ One Shot

[featherandferns]

sugar (fic)

ex!jj maybank x ex!fem!reader | set in season 4 without the Blackbeard mystery! (non-canon) | inspiration

content warnings: mentions of/references to sex (m and f receiving; MDNI); drug use; unfaithful relationships

word count: 18k.

blurb: JJ comes back into your life - older, richer and different again from before. Can the past stay the past, and the two of you be friends, or is there too much history there to let it all lie?

Cinnamon Buns

“Where would you like these?” Someone calls out to you. You turn and take in the tray of mouth-wateringly delicious looking cinnamon buns that a volunteer holds. Smiling, you point to a far table on the grassy field. 

“Anywhere over there is good! Those look amazing, thank you so much!” 

You turn back to the task at hand: organising cans of tinned, chopped tomatoes. To your left is a stack of bags of rice and to your right, bags of pasta. It’s quick work as you separate them by flavour: garlic and herb; chilli; regular…In the background you overhear chatter of fellow volunteers. Where should I put this? Who had the plastic bags? This was your happy place. 

‘The Stirring Spoon’ is what you had called it. It was your passion project born out of daydreams. A collaborative, community effort, providing food to anybody and everybody, free of charge. It wasn’t a traditional food drive. Instead, it was like a potluck dinner that you hosted every Wednesday in the late afternoon, running into the evening. People brought whatever dish they had prepared, or any ingredients that they had going spare which you and a handful of other volunteers whipped up into mains and desserts. Tomato soup and lentil curry and meatball subs and rainbow brownies and chocolate chip cookies. You’d even managed to rope a few local establishments into it. Any leftover bakes that they had when the workday was over, or things that were just a smidge out of date by a day or two, you took and offered out. Today? Cinnamon buns that were baked yesterday at a humble cafe in the town centre, just shy of Figure Eight. Food health and safety laws were strict but you could stretch them for The Stirring Spoon. After all, you weren’t technically selling a product so no harm done. People were clued in about the supposed “risk”. 

You lift up a can of tomatoes and study the ‘best by’ date on the metal lid. A month in the safe zone. Perfect. As your mind flicks through recipes of what you could cook up, a voice stood out amongst the chatter nearby. It was like a siren’s call; distinct and damning. You could pick it out even when deaf. 

“I gotta delivery here for y’all.”

“What’s in it?”

“Fresh sorta stuff. ‘Tatoes and that kinda thing.”

“Over there, I’d say.”

As the footsteps approach you can feel your heartbeat quicken. It taps nervously in your ribcage like you’re sixteen all over again. Your focus remains on the task at hand until a slight shadow casts over you, and you know you can’t stall any longer.  Your hands freeze over a can of tomatoes. Looking up, standing in front of you, clear as daylight and bright as dawn, is JJ Maybank. He’s dressed in his usual attire of a worn-down t-shirt and shorts; his fingers and wrists decorated with metal rings and beaded bracelets. If you squinted, it’d be like no time had passed at all. He doesn’t look all that different from the last time you saw him and yet, he’s entirely changed. In his hands is a large cardboard crate of various fresh produce. You smile. 

“JJ.”

It comes out in a breath as though you’re seeing something supernatural before you. In a way, you are. How long has it been now? Two years? Nearly three?

His own surprise mirrors yours on his face. But JJ was always better at hiding his emotions, once he had a chance to catch them. It was like a teasing glimpse before he closed the curtains. His recovery is quick as a smile starts to show, and he says your name like he’s practised it everyday. 

“Hey.”

“What’re you doing here?” you ask.

“Brought some deliveries,” JJ says, hitching the box. “Kiara mentioned something ‘bout a community kitchen drive y’all do and we thought we could contribute and stuff.”

“Well, that’s nice of y’all. Thank you,” you reply. 

You shuffle some stuff out of the way on the pop-up table in front of you to make space for JJ’s box. It’s hard not to watch his arms as he lowers it down, the way the biceps flex and tense beneath the skin. It’s hard not to think of other times his arms have looked that way, wrapped around your body, tugging you closer. You blink the memories away. 

JJ’s hands slot into his short pockets. He rocks on his feet. “Looks like it’s a pretty popular thing, huh?v This food drive, I mean.”

You glance around at the bustling volunteers. Smiling, you say, “Yeah, I guess it caught on pretty quick. Could say the same about y’alls tackle-and-bait shop you got going. It’s the talk of the town ‘round here.”

JJ grins with visible pride and it isn’t until you see it that you realise how much you missed his smile. You wonder if he’s surveying your face and body the way you are his, as if looking for some inconsistency or change since the last time you saw him. 

“Yeah, it’s coming together pretty nice. Helps having a bunch of us working on it, though.”

“I bet,” you say. You’d heard the chatter on the island about the Pogue’s latest venture. The sneers of the kooks and the curiosity of the locals. Their bets and wagers on whether the business would sink or float. You’d wanted to wander down and check it out for yourself but you always chickened out. Truth was, you’d been avoiding JJ Maybank like the flu, and now here he was in front of you, putting all your quarantining to shame. Your eyes flit down at the crate and you gently rifle through the food for a distraction. Tomatoes and potatoes and bunches of fresh berries and fruit. 

“I, uh, don’t know if there’s much in there that y’all need but–”

“No, no, this is great,” you assure him, smiling. “It’s really generous of y’all. Every contribution is appreciated.”

“Happy to help. To be honest, it’s Kie and Sarah you should be thanking.”

“Yeah, I didn’t peg you as the gardening type,” you tease. 

“Well, only for the stuff that matters,” JJ grins with a wink. You consciously try to fight away the warmth running to your cheeks. Damn it, you weren’t sixteen anymore. “So…how have you been, then? Since we last…y’know–”

“Baby!”

It’s a reflex reaction to turn at the sound of Mark’s call. He comes bounding over with a wide grin. His shirt sleeves are rolled up to the elbows and flour is dusted on his khakis. It’s a reflex to close your eyes when he dips his head to plant a kiss to your lips, too. You rub them together after as you prepare yourself for what might be the most awkward interaction you’ll ever go through. 

“JJ,” you say, turning to the blonde haired boy. “This is Mark. Mark, this is JJ. We used to…uh…Well, we used to hang out.”

“JJ - pleasure,” Mark says sincerely. He sticks out his hand and for a painful moment you genuinely worry that JJ might never take it. But he does, shaking it. 

“Likewise,” he says. 

You feel Mark’s spare arm slide around your back, his palm placing itself respectfully on your side. That was Mark: respectful. Righteous but not in an arrogant way. He was kind and caring without judgement, like the sort of Christian boy your nana would want you to bring home. The sort of guy who would bring your mother flowers and play golf with your father on the weekends. The kind of face you’d see flash on the television during the six o’clock news as the reporter relays a daring and heroic tale of saving orphaned kittens from a burning tree. 

“This is the guy that’s started the tackle-and-bait shop. Y’know, the one with the surf store and stuff,” you say to Mark. Realisation dawns upon Mark and he wags his finger at JJ. 

“Wait, wait, JJ as in JJ Maybank? One of the gang who found El Dorado?” 

You roll your eyes at the pure awe in his voice. JJ chuckles somewhat nervously and nods as he says, “yeah, uh, that JJ, I guess.”

“Holy shit! Baby, why didn’t you say!? Oh man, I read all about that. It sounded freaking incredible! I have so much to ask you, I mean-”

You place a hand to his chest and laugh, slightly embarrassed by his fangirling. “Baby, baby! Cool it a second, yeah?”

Laughing, you glance at JJ. And you catch it. That emotion he lets slip just before correcting himself. His eyes dart to yours in a second but they were looking elsewhere before. They were looking at your hand on Mark’s stomach. 

“Nah man, it’s cool. You guys should stop by sometime and I can tell you all about it. The other Pogues too, yeah,” JJ cordially replies. 

“Oh sick, man. That’d be great,” Mark beams. You smile at JJ and nod. 

“I’d love to see what you guys have done to the place,” you tell him. JJ smiles but it falters, like a flickering lightbulb that’s fighting to stay on. An awkward quiet passes and you clear your throat and glance around at the voluntary effort. “Well, I should probably get back to work.”

“No, yeah, course. I ought’a get back to the shop,” JJ replies. 

“Thanks for the stuff though. We really appreciate it.”

“You brought this?” Mark wonders, picking a strawberry out of the crate. He pops it in his mouth and hums happily. “Damn, those are some fresh strawberries.”

“Yeah, man. All from our local garden we got going.”

“This place sounds like the dream,” Mark tells you. You smile up at him. He takes the crate in his broad hands and lifts it easily into the air. Being sandwiched between two toned-up guys had you feeling as brittle as candyfloss. “I’ll take this over to Nancy. Nice meeting you, JJ.”

“Yeah, you too, man.”

You watch him wander off a moment before turning back to JJ. He offers you another smile. “I’ll come check out the shop soon,” you promise. 

JJ points at you, playfully warning, “you better!” before walking away. You watch him with every step he takes and the moment he’s out of sight your head drops. You let out a breath that you didn’t know you’d been holding. Your entire body feels as though it’s vibrating; your heart running laps in your ribcage. And the funniest part of all is the strange thought that races around your mind, he’s real. It had been so long since you’d seen JJ, let alone heard from him, that it felt like a daydream. The memories were so hazy now that they’d been painted over in sepia and you wondered if you’d imagined the whole thing. But no, here he was, knowing you and recognising you, and talking to you. The two of you back in Kildare, seemingly for good. 

“Baby! Can you give us a hand?”

The call drags you out of your thoughts. Your eyes fall onto your boyfriend. He stands a good head taller than most people. He’s almost lanky in build but not ungainly; broad shouldered and slim nosed. His eyes are those of an otter: nearly black with how brown they are; beady and shining, even from over here. There’s a smattering of freckles over his cheeks which is adorably boyish in contrast to his stubble on the jawline. He’s smiling at you in a way that all girls want to be smiled at. Unashamed in his admiration for you. It grounds you from the dizzying interaction with JJ and you walk over to him, ready to help out in any way you can. 

The rest of The Stirring Spoon passes without a hitch or unexpected visitor from the past. It’s as popular as always, with locals and tourists stopping by. The lentil and tomato soup that you whipped up disappears within the first half hour, alongside the nearly stale but still delicious cheese bread. Mark stands by your side the whole time, smiling as he serves. He whispers little jokes in your ear that have you giggling in the quiet periods of the food drive. Then came the evening rush, with people stopping by after work. The culmination of it all meant JJ was pushed out of your thoughts and back into the long-term store, where he’d been haunting before. That is, until you’re tidying up. 

“That JJ guy seemed nice,” Mark says from the table to your right. You look up from the plastic snack-bags you’re tidying away. “You said you guys used to hang?”

“When we were sixteen,” you reply. 

“How come you stopped hanging out?” he wonders. 

You look down at the bags and obsess over the colours of the labels as you debate how best to word your reply. What do you divulge to him? There’s an index of memories labelled JJ and you know not all need to see the light of day, let alone enter the mind of your boyfriend in scarring reenactments. 

“We just grew apart. He was going through some stuff, I think, and then he got really into that whole treasure hunting thing,” you tell him. It was true enough to not be a lie. Mark hums in thought. 

“That’s a shame.”

You quirk a brow, amused. “Why? Cause I could have cashed in on the gold too?”

Mark shrugs and you laugh. “What!? I’m just saying, some people are worth staying friends with!”

But that was the thing. You and JJ weren’t just friends. Shaking your head, you close the cardboard box of repacked snack-bags and carry it over to the table where he’s working. You held him wrap individual muffins in napkins before placing them in a large tupperware box. 

“Hey, y’know what’d be nice?” Mark says. 

“What?”

“If we took them over some leftovers. I mean, we made most of this stuff with the ingredients they gave us anyway. And there’s still some of those cinnamon buns going spare.”

You take pause and look up at him. He’s obliviously working away, head tucked down to look at the muffins. There’s an easy smile that’s permanently etched into his face, as if he came out the womb cheesing away. That wasn’t why you fell for him though. No, it was his kindness. His offhand generosity that came so naturally to him it was almost offensive. Pressing up onto your toes, you cup his jaw and press a kiss to his cheek. He chuckles quietly. 

“You’re wonderful,” you hum happily. “I think that’s a great idea.” 

“You go wrap up some cinnamon buns then. I’ll pack up some of these muffins for them.”

You do as he asks and soon enough, there’s a box of miscellaneous leftovers from your food drive. Mark drives. The sky is a delicate colour of amber and pink warning of soon nightfall. Colours like that always make you feel relaxed. It helps ease the nervousness of seeing JJ again. You weren’t sure why it was making you so antsy. It wasn’t as if you and JJ parted ways on bad terms. You suppose it’s just a bitter-sweet memory. All memories of JJ came with that sour coating now, like sherbet lemons on your tongue. You wonder if you’d feel the same way if Mark weren’t around. 

But he is, and you’re glad he is. 

Looking over to him, you reach out your hand to capture his, resting on his thigh. He glances over at you and smiles. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just happy, s’all.”

“That’s good,” he says, looking back to the road. Like something from a music video, he raises your interlocked hands to his lips and presses a kiss to the back of your hand. “Means I’m doing something right, if you’re happy.”

It’s impossible not to do a double-take as you pull up to what was formally the Maybank property. It’s as if new life has been breathed into it. More than just a lick of paint, there’s two brand new buildings alongside a pretty sturdy looking pier and dock. There’s a handmade charm to everything that makes it all the more enticing and impressive. Mark seems to think so too because he whistles as the two of you pull up the driveway. You look to your left and see the Twinkie. A relic from your past, of memories half-naked, rolling around the back with JJ, sharing a blunt in a post-orgasmic haze. Your thoughts shut off with the engine. 

Mark takes the lead, his hand in yours, and carries the box of leftovers up to the house. You both wander up the porch and Mark knocks twice on the door. Your eyes look at everything, taking it in, admiring every detail, until someone opens the door. It’s Kiara. 

“Hey. Can I help you?” she asks your monolith of a boyfriend. You poke your head from around his body. 

“Hey Kie.”

“Oh my Gosh! Girl, where have you been?” Kie beams. The two of you embrace, laughing and smiling. “Wait - did you get the stuff I sent JJ over with?”

“Yeah, we did,” you say. “Thank you so much.”

“We actually brought this as a thanks,” Mark adds, offering out the tub. She eyes him almost with suspicion. 

“Sorry, I forgot to say - Kie, this is Mark. My boyfriend,” you explain. Kie’s eyebrows shoot up with that final word but she recovers quick. 

“Nice to meet you, Mark,” she says. She takes the box and glances through the plastic. 

“Just some leftovers we thought you might like. Muffins and cinnamon buns and things like that.”

“Thanks guys, you didn’t have to. We’re happy to contribute,” Kiara tells you. “In fact, me and Sarah were talking about maybe making it a regular thing. Like every Wednesday we bring some stuff from the garden, or fish that we’ve caught?”

“Oh my God, yeah, that’d be amazing,” you nod enthusiastically. “We can definitely figure out a system.”

“Perfect. I’ll put these inside. You guys want a drink or anything? I can show you around,” Kiara offers, opening the door wider in invitation. 

You glance over her shoulder into the room and then around the porch, behind you out to the water. You’re not sure why you were expecting JJ to just appear out of thin air in front of you. 

“JJ’s out on the dock, if you want to catch up,” Kiara posits, as if hearing your thoughts. You look at her and hold her gaze, and - unable to read what her expression means - nod. 

“I think I’ll go say hi. We didn’t get a chance to properly catch up,” you reply. You glance up at Mark. “You want to come with?”

“It’s alright. I’ll stay here and get the tour,” he tells you with a wink. You smile, press a kiss to his lips, and wander off with a wave to Kie, towards the dock. 

Feet thudding on the slabs of wood, the structure creaks as you walk to the shop. An American flag waves in the breeze. You run a hand along the thick rope bannister and glance down into the growth of plants and water weeds underfoot. I can’t believe they built all of this, you can’t help but think as you walk up to the wooden-slatted tackle-and-bait shop. As you walk into the store under the wooden ‘WELCOME’ sign, reggae music blesses your ears alongside the smell of incense. It’s jam-packed with miscellaneous water accessories: fishing gear, surfing gear, refreshments, you name it. There’s nobody behind the counter. You glance around and squint, catching onto a spot red through the window. JJ lies outside atop of a vintage cooler, feet crossed one over the other, arms tucked under his head. You can’t help but smile. Walking outside, you lean against the doorframe and fold your arms over your chest. 

“Well, as far as customer service goes, this is pretty crappy.”

He snaps up to sit like he has the joints of a ken doll. You laugh as he blinks his eyes awake, laying them on you. 

“Oh shit,” he says, clearing his throat, running a hand through his hair. “When’d you get here?”

“A few minutes ago. You looked pretty comfy there,” you say, amused. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a good nap spot,” JJ chuckles nervously, glancing down at where he just lay his head. He straightens his t-shirt and then looks back at you. His brows furrow. “Wait, what’re you doing here?”

“Came by to see the new place,” you reply, gesturing around you. “You offered.”

“Didn’t think you’d be in such a hurry.”

“No time like the present and all that.”

You’re acutely aware of how you’re avoiding mentioning Mark and how he’s currently being led around JJ’s former house and yard under Kie’s tow. 

“This is a pretty sick set-up,” you praise. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty good, huh?” JJ grins, getting to his feet. “Here, you want a beer? We’re technically closed for business anyway.”

Laughing, you shrug. “Sure. Why not.” 

Cracking open the cooler, he reaches in and retrieves two ice-cold cans. One is tossed to you and you catch it, and a feeling of deja vu rings through you. JJ, younger, just as handsome, throwing you a can of beer at a kegger. He leans against the cooler and you against a wooden pillar. Cracking cans and the fizz of beer, and you take a refreshing sip. A comfortable quiet comes and the two of you catch one anothers eyes. You smile. 

“I don’t think I said earlier, but it’s really nice to see you again,” you tell JJ. 

He smiles, small and reserved. “Thanks. It’s nice seeing you too. Even if it is with Joe America over there.”

“Joe America?” you snort. “Come on, he isn’t that bad.”

“No, no, he seems…uh, he seems nice.”

“He is nice.”

“I believe it.”

“Well…good.”

That marked the end of that conversation. You take a sip of your beer and sigh, looking out to the view of sunset over the marshland. 

“I wish you could’ve seen it,” JJ suddenly says. You look over to him with a frown, confused. “El Dorado, I mean. South America. It was beautiful. Like actually fucking stunning out there.”

“Really?” you say, smiling. 

“Hell yeah,” he grins. “Like there was colours out there that I didn’t even think existed without, like, LSD, man.”

You laugh and he does too and you’re glad whatever awkwardness that just came passed quick like a seastorm. 

“I still haven’t gone farther than Charleston, so I guess I’ll have to live vicariously,” you lightheartedly remark. 

“Yeah, well, turns out there’s a pretty big world out there,” JJ grins. 

“Glad one of us got to see it,” you hum. 

“Nah, you’ll see it too. All of it. Even Paris.”

The city’s name hangs heavy in the air. It was more than just a throwaway comment. It was a secret message, as if JJ was speaking in code. I remember it. I didn’t forget. You wash down the adrenaline with another sip of beer. 

“But no place like home, huh?” JJ says, clearing his throat. 

“Probably helps now that John B ain’t a fugitive anymore,” you muse. JJ laughs, nodding. 

“Yeah, yeah, no, for sure.”

“Well, I’m glad you found your happiness, JJ,” you say, smiling at him. “I’m glad you found yourself out.”

“Ain’t we all?”

The two of you watch one another for a moment. His resting smile lingers on the edges of his thin lips. His round, soft cheeks that add to a boyishness about him that his jawline doesn’t allow. You always liked JJ’s hair though. A mop of blonde planted atop of his head with sun-bleached highlights and deep-sea lowlights. But he’s taking you in too. You can’t take the weight of his stare after a while. Taking a deep breath, pushing away from the beam, you ditch your half-drunk beer atop of the cooler. 

“Well, I better get going.”

“You sure? I mean, we can hang out a bit longer, if you like?”

You smile politely and shake your head. “I’m not the one driving, so…”

JJ looks over your shoulder and spots Mark. “Ah. Didn’t know Dollar Store Chris Evans was here, my bad.”

“JJ! Don’t be mean!”

“I ain’t being mean! If anything, that’s a compliment,” JJ defends. You roll your eyes. “Look, I’ll see you around though. It’d suck to go back to being strangers again when we’re both in the same place for a change.”

Despite the innocence of the offer, something in your gut tells you that you shouldn’t agree. You should set a boundary there, draw a line, and leave it in the past. So, really, you have nobody to blame but yourself for saying “I’d like that” with a smile in farewell, before walking back across the dock to your boyfriend. 

Salted Chips

JJ had always been in your life. However, in the past, he was more of a background character, like an NPC in a videogame that creators constantly add in like an Easter Egg. The kind of character you’re curious about, in terms of their past and their present, their wants and their fears, but the kind you never have the privy to get close to in that way. He’d be at parties, at the surf break, at the shops or at school, but he wasn’t in your life. Until he was. 

Fate came in the form of a seating plan for history class. 

You and JJ were classmates. Table buddies. At first, the conversation was nonexistent. Sometimes JJ wouldn’t show up to class at all, either bunking off or playing truant in the bathrooms to light up a joint. But sometimes he’d come to class, usually escorted by Pope, and you’d share an uncomfortable silence as you worked through the hour. But then came an assignment that needed to be done out of class, and numbers were exchanged and words were shared outside of ‘what did he say’ and ‘what’s the homework’ and ‘what answer did you get for five?’. At your prompting to start on the project, JJ offered up the Chateau to work at, John B’s house that was a renovated fishing shack on the marsh. 

To stimulate inspiration for the poster the two of you had to create - outlining the history of the American Civil War - JJ had offered up beers and a blunt, and you were glad to take him up on the offer. If you’re going to be doing schoolwork at the weekend, you might as well get something out of it other than mind numbing boredness. It seems you saying yes to JJ’s “gifts” put you in his good books. It’s as if you could see the moment his opinion of you changed. From there, it was as if the two of you had always known the other. Conversation came easy, banter even more so. Time spent together stretched outside of the classroom and instead into lunch breaks and evenings and weekends. He’d seek you out at keggers and hang with you at the beach. Somewhere in the roots of you friendship grew an attraction from the fondness. You noticed it in his lingering glances, his drifting gaze from your eyes to your mouth to your body. Later, you heard it in his words, finding innuendos in smalltalk, catching compliments like falling stars. Eventually, both slightly intoxicated, it came to a head, about three months into this natural-forming friendship. 

“Yo!”

You turn around, beer in hand, startled by the interruption. It’s JJ. He’s wearing a cap, squishing down his beautiful locks of blonde; the muted green pairs well with his t-shirt. His combat boots sink into the ground, damp from the rainfall earlier in the day. Everything smells piney and fresh. You lift a finger to your lips to coax him to be quiet. His brows quirk up, a bemused smile gracing his gorgeous face. God really does have favourites, it seems. 

“You good?”

“Sh! You’ll scare them,” you whisper. At his cocking head, confused, you fervently gesture for him to come over. He does. His presence by your side is almost overwhelming. The buzz from the liquor makes it difficult to keep your itching hands to yourself and your inhibitions at bay. “You see them?”

“See what?”

“The birds.”

“What?”

“Look, here,” you mumble. You lean close to him so you can point clearly with your finger, just along his line of vision. A whiff of JJ’s scent dusts your nose. He’s warm like he creates heat. Through the canopy of leaves, you can make out a single branch of a tree. In the nook, against the trunk, is a nest, and inside is a bunch of baby birds, cawing out for their mother, hungry, blind. You’d left them some salted chips on the floor, crumbled and scattered, in case the mother wanted to steal some to take up and gift. She probably wouldn’t, but something about their cries made you feel the need to do something, and it wasn’t as if you could offer up your beer. 

“Woah.”

“You see ‘em?”

“Yeah,” JJ breathes. “That’s sick, how did you see them?”

“I heard them first,” you tell him, keeping your voice low so as to not frighten them. “Needed some air.”

“The smoke from the campfire botherin’ you?”

“I swear to God, it targets me,” you sincerely reply, making JJ laugh. You finally retract your finger (still sticky from the Smores made earlier) and turn, looking up at him. He looks down at you. Some strands of hair stick out from under his cap, pressing against his forehead. His brows are almost permanently slanted, eyes bright in the dusk of the evening. His shark tooth necklace sits against his chest. JJ’s lips quirk at your staring. “It’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

“You’re so pretty,” you say, shaking your head, smiling. The alcohol has given you too much confidence, it seems. Loose lips. His eyes widen in momentary surprise but he catches it, covers it well. Then, comes his mask of confidence. He gives you a cocky smile. 

“You’re not too bad yourself,” he suavely replies. 

“Nah, I mean it. You’re really something, Maybank,” you smile, doubling-down. In for a penny and all that.  

His smugness fades into something more real. He doesn’t seem to know how to take compliments like that. Then, strangely, something like panic tugs his brows together. “I’m not very good at this sorta thing.”

Your frown of confusion seems to spur him on. 

“Being honest. Real. I’m…I’m pretty fucked up, y’know?”

“The best people are,” you murmur, meaning every word. 

“Nah, I mean it, though. I’m not…I don’t wanna hurt you.” JJ says it so quietly, so sincerely, that you get the sense that he’s never said it before. Maybe only thought it on dark nights, when you’re so alone with your thoughts it’s maddening. Smiling, shaking your head, you lift a hand to his cheek. Your heart hiccups at how he relaxes into your touch. 

“I don’t think you have to worry ‘bout that,” you whisper. 

You’re not sure who moves first, whether it’s him or you, but you end up a hair-width apart at the lips. His breath is hot as it fans onto your lips. Risk comes like a lightning rod and you take it, pushing onto your toes, connecting your lips with his. His hand finds yours and squeezes. That small gesture, as innocent as it is, tells you that you’re crossing this boundary together, from friends into something more. 

Pistachio Pastries 

The smell of coffee rouses you from sleep. You hum sleepily into your pillow, nuzzling in the scent of your boyfriend: peppermint and sage. A heavy palm gently pets your hair. 

“Wake up, sleepy,” Mark murmurs. 

You grumble in protest and he chuckles. The bed dips and the duvet lifts as he climbs back into the cocoon of warmth. Rolling over, you tuck yourself against him. He always slept in pyjamas. It was adorable. Nothing cheesy: just a simple shirt and flannel bottoms. His arm hooks around your waist and holds you against him. You swear to God, you could hide here forever. Mark was safety and security. Mark was the netting beneath a trapeze artist. Mark was the emergency brake in a racing car. 

“Wednesday again,” he says, stroking the skin of your back. “Kiara messaged the Instagram page today. Said one of them will drop off an order around one-ish.”

“Sweet.”

An alarm blares from Mark’s phone and he cusses, breaking apart from you to retrieve it and turn it off. You take the opportunity to sit up and grab your coffee. The steam tickles your nose as you blow on it. Routine. Mornings spent in the mini home Mark had made in his parents backyard, in their old shed. He brought you coffee in the morning and you brought him tea before bed. You’d be asleep by ten and awake by eight. Your shifts at the smoothie shop typically followed a Monday through Friday routine, with the exception of midweek, with Wednesdays reserved for The Stirring Spoon. Weekends passed in a blink. Then, you reset to continue with the same thing again. 

But that’s okay. Routine is okay. It’s reliable. Monotonous in a way that assures certainty. Besides, you liked your job, and your coffee, and your Stirring Spoon. But maybe it might be nice to stray from it all, just for a change. 

You carefully place your coffee back on the side table and look over to Mark. He’s scrolling on his phone, lips set in a line, brows tugged together in vague concentration. A thrill runs through your body at the thought, as you press several kisses to the skin of his neck. You feel him breath beneath you. Then a kiss comes to your forehead, quick like a grandparent to their least favourite grandchild. 

“Baby,” you hum, lifting a hand to rub your finger along his jawline. 

“Mhm?”

“Do you have any, like…things you wanna try.”

He takes a moment to think, looking up from his phone. A smile comes to his face and he looks down at you, and your body burns with anticipation. “Surfing. Was never that good at it but I’d like to try it again, y’know?”

It fizzles away like water atop of a dying flame. “Oh. Yeah, no, yeah…that’s…you should do that.”

He frowns. “You okay?”

“Well, I just meant more…in the bedroom. Like anything, I don’t know…” Your face burns like you’re a nun stumbling across a Playboy magazine. “Kinky?”

“Kinky?”

“Not like oh my God, kinky. Just…I don’t know…”

He quirks a brow, smiling at you in a teasing sort of way. “You got some kink you’re not telling me about?”

“Maybe,” you tell him, hoping it comes out seductive. 

“I don’t know,” Mark sighs, resting his head back against the wall. You watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows and you lick over your lips. He grins, like something dawned upon him, and he dips his head suddenly to press his lips to yours. “Wanna know what I’ve always wanted to try?”

“Mhm,” you say, lifting your hands to cup his face and keep him near. Yes, your body practically cries. Tell me, tell me, tell me. 

“Well,” he stalls, kissing you again. You chase his lips, shortening in breath. “I’ve always wanted–” another kiss “-to try-” another kiss “-doing it in the shower.”

It’s hard not to deflate completely with disappointment. 

Wow, yeah Mark. Kinky. 

But when you open your eyes, you come face to face with a nervous, sweet, caring Mark. A Mark who always makes sure you feel good and safe. A Mark who would never walk past an elderly man struggling to cross the road. A Mark who would donate a twenty dollar bill he found on the roadside. And you can see it in his eyes, this burning passion, this shock at his own words, because for him, that was like confessing to watching gangbang porn in a Church. So, you plaster on a smile, feigning excitement. “No, yeah. That’d be fun. We should totally do that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you grin, kissing him again. He sighs, pushing back against you. Your body sparks up again. The feel of his hands on your sides is like static energy. “We should try it now.”

“Now?”

“Mhm,” you nod eagerly, kissing at his lips desperately. “Good way to start the morning, huh?”

“Maybe,” he says. He pulls away slightly, guilty as he adds, “but it’s been a while since I cleaned the bathroom. And I promised my mom I’d help her out today, and I gotta be good to go in like ten minutes so…”

“Oh.”

He kisses you fleetingly on the lips and then tosses the bedsheets off his lap. You watch him get up. “But maybe soon? Like Friday?”

Routine with scheduled sex. 

“Okay,” you say through a false smile. You sink against your pillow and watch him put on his slippers. The moment his back turns, you drop the expression. You’re so disappointed there doesn’t feel much point in trying to get off by yourself now, either. You don’t seem to fix your frown quick enough before he turns back around. 

“Oh, hey, baby, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Mark frowns. He lowers down so his eyes are level with yours. You pout like a child as you look at him. He pushes some hair off your face. “I swear, if I weren’t about to go help my mom, I’d be all over you right now.”

“Mhm.” Maybe you are being a bit selfish. He’s helping his mother for God’s sake! Smiling, properly this time, you jokingly warn, “I’m gonna hold you to that, Mark.”

“You better,” he winks. He kisses you before leaving the room, into the bathroom. Sighing, you roll on your back and blink up at the ceiling. You practise your mantra - Mark is good. Mark is good for me. Mark is good. Mark is good for me - and you get up to start your day. 

The Stirring Spoon is a good distraction from your whining libido. It’s hard to think about fucking when you’re comparing shapes of pasta. And yet, you still find a way. Because as you stack packets of spaghetti, you try and recall the last time you and Mark had really good sex. Not sex where it’s soft and nice and satisfying. Sex when you feel like you might cry or scream, just to cope with the pleasure pulsing through your body. Sex when you’re actually scared that you might have a heart attack from how fast your heart’s beating. Was it ever like that with Mark? Was it ever like that with anybody else?

Yes. 

“Hey.”

The very boy who just popped into your mind like a vision stands before you, crate in hand, smile on face, as if you manifested him. 

“JJ.”

“You good? You were looking at that spag pretty hard,” he asks, amused. 

“No, yeah, I’m good,” you say. You drop the pasta like it’s incriminating to what you were thinking about. Don’t tell JJ about the hot sex I was thinking about with him, pasta, please. “What’re you doing here?”

“Delivery from Kildare County Kitchen,” he says, dropping the crate down onto an empty spot on the table. “Some of Cleo’s less deadly version of her gumbo; a few sandwiches that Sarah whipped up; and some fish me and John B caught the other day.”

“Damn, that’s quite the haul,” you say, glancing into the crate and surveying its contents. “Thanks, JayJ.”

As you retrieve the items and lay them out carefully and neatly on the table, JJ shoves his hands in his short pockets and looks around the yard. “So. Loverboy here?”

“He’s busy today, helping his mom.”

“Ah. You short of a helping hand today, then?”

“Why? You want to help?” you say, half-joking. But JJ shrugs. 

“I’m not doing much. Why not?”

“Don’t the others need you back at the shop?”

“There’s five of them, I think they’ll manage,” JJ replies sardonically. He claps and rubs his hands together. “Where do I start?”

“Um…” You stand upright and scan the area, checking what looks the most chaotic. As if on cue, the local bakery van pulls up. “Oh, sweet. Delivery. You can help me unload and log inventory.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The two of you walk over to the van, side by side, hands kept politely to yourselves. Small talk sits on your tongue but doesn’t make it into the world. 

“Morning Mr Parker,” you call. 

“Morning, darlin’,” he croons in his southern accent. “You too, Maybank.”

“Good to see you, sir,” JJ nods. 

“What you got for me today?” 

“Some good stuff, I’m not going to lie to y’all,” he grins over his shoulder before opening the doors to the back of the van. Mr Parker pulls out a tray of sealed baked goods. JJ steps in and takes it, and as he holds it you crack open the lid to peer in. 

“Pastries?”

“Pistachio pastries,” Mr Parker says proudly. His takes off his cap and brushes a hand through his short grey hair. “My wife got a bit carried away. People in this town don’t have that fancy of taste buds.”

“Maybe not on the Cut,” JJ mumbles, making you smile. 

“Well, be that as it may, glad I can contribute something to your little venture,” Mr Parker tells you. He squeezes your shoulder sweetly. “Y’all doing a good thing, with this here Stirring Spoon.”

“Thank you,” you say, overwhelmed by the simple praise. “Well, we appreciate any contribution, especially pistachio flavoured ones.”

With that, the three of you get to work carrying the four trays of baked goods to a spare table. Bidding Mr Parker farewell, you and JJ take pause against the table. 

“I think I’ve earnt a break.”

“You’ve been here less than an hour.”

“Time flies by when you’re having fun, and all that,” he says passingly as he cracks open one of the bakery tubs. He grabs one of the pastries and tosses it into his mouth. His eyes widen as he chews. “Holy shit. These are so good.”

“JJ, you’re not supposed to eat the–”

“--try one.” A pastry is shoved into your mouth. You glare at him but bite, and holy shit this is really good. It must read on your face cause JJ grins. “Yeah, right? So good.”

“Oh my God,” you mumble. The two of you smile at one another like you’re stealing cookies from a jar. 

“You remember that time we got high and raided Pope’s dad’s fridge?”

You laugh and nearly choke on the flaky pastry. “Oh my God, I totally forgot about that.”

“You were like a fucking racoon,” JJ sniggers. 

“You were the one that got me high in the first place.”

“I didn’t fucking drug you! You wanted to try it!”

“Yeah, I did,” you grumble, unwilling to accept responsibility for completely draining the Heyward fridge. 

“You’re cute when you’re high.”

You glance up at him. His smile is coy, like he knows he shouldn’t have said that. Because he shouldn’t. Rolling your eyes, you play it off as best you can. “Cute whilst I’m stuffing my face with questionable cheese?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles, shrugging. “You’re cute all the time though, so guess it’s not very hard for you to be even cuter high.”

“JJ, stop it.” Your tone is gentle but firm. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, I’m aware,” JJ says. “Captain Vanilla.”

You hate how he isn’t completely wrong. “That’s not his name.”

“It’s just too easy,” he shrugs, playful as always. “The guy is a walking textbooked ‘good guy’.”

“What’s so wrong with that?” you mumble, picking out another pastry and studying the way it’s rolled. 

“Nothing, I guess. Just find it funny.”

“Funny how?”

“That you’d go from me to him.”

You glance up from the pastry to meet his gaze. “We never officially dated, JJ.”

“Same difference,” he shrugs. “But hey - you know you. You know what you want.”

“Exactly…” 

You do know you, don’t you? It sounds like such a crazy thing to question. But the older you get, the more you think you don’t know a thing about yourself. What’s your favourite colour? What’s your favourite animal? What do you want out of your future? What do you want out of a relationship? Journeying back to the morning, your mind replays the scenes like a horror movie. The worries of when the last time you felt passion in the bedroom feeds into worries of when the last time was that you felt passion, period. Oh no: it feels like an existential crisis might be coming on, about thirty years too early.

“Hey.” You snap out of your spiral. JJ forces a smile. “Just wanna know that you’re still living, not just secure. Y’know. As a friend.” 

Funnily enough, that does little to cheer you up. 

Croissants

JJ’s skin is warm against your cheek. Your face rests on his bicep, using it as a makeshift pillow, as you lay skin-to-skin, body-to-body. One of your legs is hooked over his, and his palm rubs large, mindless patterns against the sweat-sticky skin. The room is bathed in moonlight, the curtains drawn closed, and you can hear the sounds of the marsh from outside the Maybank residency. You wonder if JJ might have fallen asleep. His chest is rising and falling rhythmically and you can’t see his face from here, to tell if his eyes are open or shut. But then he sighs and you smile against his arm. 

“Tell me about your family,” you request in the quiet of the room. 

“What about them?”

“Anything, really. Like about your mom and dad; if you have any siblings,” you murmur. 

“Not much to tell,” JJ replies in a hum. 

“Still. Tell me anyway.”

“Tell me about yours,” JJ deflects. You crack a smile. 

“Alright,” you relent. “I live with my mom and my dad. She’s a waitress and he’s a mechanic.”

“You got any brothers or sisters?” he asks, his thumb massaging your upper leg. 

“I did,” you say, your voice turning softer. “An older sister.”

“What happened?”

Your lips press together. An image flashes into your mind like a jumpscare, of a coffin dressed in white daisies and lilies. Swallowing thickly, you close your eyes and will the memory away. It’s then that you decide to confide in JJ. 

“Do you know who Andy Warhol is?”

“I recognise the name,” he replies after a moment, not questioning why the sudden change in topic. 

“He was an artist. Painted a lot of pop-arty things.”

“Is that the freakshow who painted those boring-ass soup cans?” JJ wonders. You laugh quietly. 

“I wouldn’t describe him like that but yeah, that’s the guy.”

“What about him?” JJ asks. 

“He was in love with this man, way back when. He kept a diary and this man he was in love with died, and Andy was heartbroken. But he ain’t like to say that somebody had died. Instead, he used to write that ‘they went away’, like on a trip or somethin’,” you tell him. Your voice trails off towards the end, fearing JJ might laugh at you as you go on to say, “I don’t know. I think I’d like to say that about my sister.”

JJ shifts underneath you until the two of you are lying side by side, now able to see one another’s faces through the muggy darkness of the room. His eyes glow in the non-existent light, shining and present, gazing into yours. 

“Where’d she go, then? On this trip of hers,” he coaxes. Your lips part in surprise, and for some reason, you want to cry for his small act of kindness. Then, you smile, small and sombre. 

“To Paris, in France,” you whisper. 

“She go to the Eiffel Tower?”

“Every day. She eats dinner there at night and watches it twinkle. For breakfast, she buys a croissant and sits by the Seine,” you murmur. Tears wet your eyes as you picture your lost sister, venturing the streets with the wind in her hair, kissing her plump cheeks. Your voice is thick when you continue, “it’s her dream to see all the stuff in the Louvre. She goes every week and keeps a note of where she’s been and where she wants to go.”

“Like the Catacombs?”

You laugh and sniffle. “Nah. They’re too creepy for her.”

“Damn straight,” JJ mumbles. “They scare the crap outta me.”

As a tear lets slip, trickling down your cheek, JJ reaches out his thumb and wipes it away. His hand lingers on your face and you feel yourself lean into his hold. It’s like he’s holding you up. He’s holding you together. You open your eyes into his. There’s a smile on his face, different to the others. More reserved, less obvious, so different to the JJ you’d known and heard of before. You’re terrified of losing it entirely or saying something especially stupid, and so instead you mouth two words: ‘thank you’. 

When he kisses you, it’s different too. There’s something about it, like a taste that wasn’t there before, and it lingers in your mind and mouth. It only grows as JJ deepens the kiss. Your hand traces his jawline and your fingers loop through the locks of his hair, and you tug him closer with a breath. The dance of your lips and tongues and teeth is growing more and more familiar by the day and it terrifies you how easy it has been to become accustomed to it. How easy it has been to become accustomed to JJ. Hands on your hips, JJ lifts you atop of him with a grunt, him rolling onto his back. You shrug the comforter off your back and straddle him. Your hands cradle his face, palms cupping his cheeks. You kiss him like he’s the antidote to all your ailments. Your mouth chases him in the teasing of his lips, breaking apart just to reel you back in. JJ’s teeth nip at your lower lip and pull, just so, just enough to have you whining and sighing like some lovesick fool. Maybe you are. 

“JJ,” you mewl, rocking back against him. He groans as you begin to torture his jawline and neck. Groans louder when you suckle on the tender skin by his ear, painting hickeys like a beautiful landscape. His fingers dig into the flesh of your hips deep enough to leave delicious bruises. You feel him growing hard beneath you as you grind against him like some animal in heat. 

“Fuck, you’re so…Fuck…” 

Your lips continue their descent down his body. Kisses are peppered along his windpipe, bridging over his Adam’s apple, and you can feel every breath, every stutter, every sigh. Down his chest, bare and broad, and down his stomach. His hands are now free from your hips and instead they tether into your hair, combing through the strands. You look up at him from between his legs - he’s made space for you - and can make out his lazy smile through your hooded gaze. JJ’s looking down at you too. His eyes glow. 

You ghost a kiss over his boxers and he inhales a long, deep breath, his head tilting back into the pillows, eyes undoubtedly slipping shut. Lips upturning with a smile, your fingers tuck into the band of his boxers, and you pull them down his legs tantalisingly slow. Somewhere in the shadows of the room you hear him mumbling, ‘please.’ Taking him in hand, revelling in his short gasp, you guide him to your mouth. The smell, the feel - it all consumes you as you go down on him. The brush of bristly hair scratching against your nose, flooding your senses. JJ’s hand comes to the back of your head quick, as if guiding your pleasure, wordless praising your ways. Until it’s not wordless. 

“Fuck, that’s it…Taking me so fucking good, huh? Look so pretty like this…”

You hum around his length and he stammers out a moan. Your eyes flick up to take in the sight of his exposed neck, head thrown back, mouth hanging open as he lets noises slip through, shameless and sinful. And you love it, the way you can bring him to the brink, the way you can manipulate his satisfaction like moulding something out of clay. A finger here, a stroke there. The tip hits the back of your throat uncomfortably. You pull away with a damning pop and a trail of saliva connects the two of you. Resting your head against the apex of his thigh, you jack him off with your hand, almost mesmerised by the way he pulses in your hold. Maybe it’s the sounds he makes. JJ Maybank walks like he’s a God; it’s a power trip to have him weak at your hold. 

“Please, please, fuck…Jus’want your mouth, baby, please,” he begs through gritted teeth. His hand gently yet firmly pushes at your head, trying to guide you back to him, and you feel a giggle bubble up through your throat. It feels unnatural, this version of you. Sexy, seductive, sly. 

“You want my mouth?” you tease, pressing a kiss to his throbbing dick. 

“Fuck - yes, yes, please,” he groans. You glance up at him and meet JJ’s gaze. His hair, damp with sweat, hangs over his forehead, dangling over his eyes. A sadistic smile is on your face as you pull away, easing your hand off him too. His brows furrow. It’s like something snaps inside of him - some restraint he was holding breaking like the overstretching of elastic. His hands are on your in a second, gripping and grabbing at your body like you weigh no less than feathers, and you gasp as he tosses you onto your back. He’s on top of you, ravishing your throat and collarbone so mercilessly, you’re gaping at the ceiling, eyes wide. 

“Think that’s funny, huh? Wanna see how much you like it?”

You stammer something out; you don’t even know yourself if it’s a yes or no. All you know is you want him - you need him - on you, in you. Anything. JJ doesn’t make you wait. His hands pull your panties away swiftly. A finger slips all too easily through your slit and you gasp, eyes rolling shut. His laugh is deep, crooning, cruel in your ear. 

“So fucking wet for me, hm? Such a fucking slut. Wanna see how it feels?”

“P-please.”

The stretch of your walls isn’t unpleasant as he eases a finger in. You let out a wanton moan. It pumps leisurely inside, the foreign metal of his ring overwhelming, and the brush of the tip of his thumb against your clit has you panting from the pleasure. 

“Yeah, you like that, huh?”

“Fuck…”

“Yeah,” he chuckles. Then the torture begins, of the instant movement of his finger, in and out, in and out, before easing away so suddenly it’s like he was never there. After that, the faintest of pressure on the exposed skin at his mercy. His damp finger trailing the inside of your thigh. He repeats this cycle until you’re almost in tears. Your hands clutch the bedsheets in fists, feet writhing uselessly at the head of the bed, kicking at the flimsy pillows. You know he’s gloating from the power he holds. Something tells you he doesn’t get this much control in most aspects of his life. Something tells you he gets off this just as much as you. “You wanna come? Do you?”

“Fuck! Please, please, JJ, please. I’ll do anything, please, please,” you blubber. You don’t care how embarrassing it sounds; how much it pleases him. All you care about is feeling that hot, blinding, pulsing pleasure consuming your every nerve, every bone, every fibre of your being. His breath is hot against your collarbone. JJ kisses the lobe of your ear in such a tender way you wouldn’t be able to fathom the magic he works with his hands below the belt. And as you finally break, tumbling over the edge, letting out a fucked-out sob when you do, you can make out JJ’s low voice, his Southern accent thick like molasses. 

“That’s it, baby. Make a mess on my fingers.”

Smores 

Despite telling Mark where you’re going, it still feels like sneaking around behind his back as you walk up to the Pogue’s house. But this isn’t anything nefarious. This is just you breaking routine. This is you catching up with old friends, current friends, and having fun. Sharing some drinks, smoking a joint or two, sitting around a campfire. Good, old fashioned fun just like when you were sixteen. 

Yep. That’s all. 

“Hey yo! There she is!” JJ hollers the moment you come into view. 

“Hey!” you smile, waving. In your other hand is a bag filled with a six pack of beer, a packet of graham crackers, some chocolate and a bag of marshmallows. You ditch it by the cooler to hug everyone hello. JJ’s last. His arms wrap around you like tree vines, secure and strong, and it’s familiar in a way that has you lingering. Mark. You break apart and take a seat on the opposite side of the campfire to him. 

“What’s in the bag, mystery girl?” the girl you now know as Cleo asks. 

“Some refreshments,” you say, lifting up the six pack. That earns a few whoops and hollers of approval from the already tipsy group. “And some snacks.”

“Smores?” Sarah gasps. She takes the bag of marshmallows from you. 

“Just like old times,” you say. Your eyes catch JJ’s. He’s watching you. 

“Let’s light these bad boys up,” John B announces. The gang is vocal in their approval. Sticks and twigs are gathered for skewers. Marshmallows dangle over the open flames that lick into the dusky air. A marshmallow shoves at yours and you glower at JJ. 

“Leave my marshmallow alone.”

“Hey, this is America. I got rights, y’know?”

“Says who?”

“The constitution,” he retorts, grinning. You roll your eyes, trying and failing to bite back your smile. 

“Y’all better stop it,” Cleo says in her thick Jamaican accent. “I ain’t wanting any marshmallows going to waste.”

“You heard her,” you playfully quip at the blonde haired boy. He rolls his eyes at you. He’s smiling. The amber of the fire paints his face like an oil artwork. What must it be like to grow up that beautiful? 

No, no, stop it. Stop it! God, what is wrong with you? This is just because you and Mark have been a bit distant lately. Yes, that’s all. You’re getting stuck on nostalgia. It’s a mind’s trick. It didn’t work before with JJ so who’s to say it will again. The two of you are friends - he’s been a good friend - and you don’t need to go muddying the waters. You punish yourself by staring into the flames and trying to make images of Mark’s face in the fire. 

The night spurs on with drinks that wash down the sickly sweet snacks. You listen to the tales of El Dorado and laugh at the reminiscences of youthful madness when you were all in high school. It isn’t until you’re back in the bubble of the Pogues that you realise how much you missed it. It’s like rediscovering your favourite movie from childhood. It brings a certain comfort that few things can match. They ask about The Stirring Spoon and you recount the tale of how you came about with the idea, of how you got it off the ground. Nobody asks about Mark and you’re ashamed that you don’t feel the urge to bring him up, either. 

You go for another swig of your beer to find it empty. The cooler by John B is empty too, upon investigating. You drop the lid. 

“You guys got any more beers?”

“Probably some down at the fish and tackle shop,” Kiara tells you. 

“Thanks,” you say, starting towards the dock. The further you walk, the more the vivacious chatter turns into a humming like the crying cicadas and croaking frogs and cooing owls. The water laps at the wooden pillars and you smile, letting your eyes slip shut for a moment as you walk. Nature is so wonderfully peaceful. The cooler is full of bait and chum, but there’s a small section for the beers. You retrieve one and drop the lid to find JJ standing in your peripheral. 

“Holy shit!”

“Sorry!”

“What the fuck, man?” you laugh. 

“Just wanted a refill too,” he says, shooting you a squiffy smile. His hair is dishevelled. He seems to wear caps less now, you note. You’re happy about that. In your tipsy state you can admit your attraction with less shame. You chalk it up to appreciating beauty the way one can appreciate a perfect sunset or timeless painting. To stop your staring, you open the cooler and hand him a can. “Thanks.”

“Hey, cheers,” you say, holding your drink out. He clinks his against yours. “To old friends.”

The two of you take a drink. Neither of you go to move back to the other Pogues (who are seemingly in some weird charades battle that is far from quiet). JJ gestures over your shoulder. “You seen the boat yet?”

“The H.M.S?” 

“Nah, the new one,” JJ answers. 

When he walks past you, you catch a whiff of his smell and it reminds you of home. You turn and follow him. He steps up onto the large boat. It’s painted bright green and in yellow paint, the name reads The Snapper. JJ offers you a hand and you take it, letting him help you up onto the boat. You feel your phone vibrate in the pocket of your shorts but you’re in no mood to check it. 

“Pretty sweet, huh?”

“So sweet,” you agree, looking around. JJ wanders over to the main console and flicks on an overhead light. He glows beneath it. When he takes a seat on the bench, you do the same, sitting opposite. Sighing, you lean your head back against the brutal plastic. “This is the life.”

“Yeah? You miss the marsh?”

“I miss it all,” you quietly confess. 

You can hear the rustle of clothes and the flick-flick of a lighter. The smell of cannabis drifts into the air. “Here.”

Opening your eyes, you lift your head to find a joint extended out to you. Smiling, you take it with thanks and have a hit, then a second, then a third. You haven’t smoked in what feels like forever. Mark doesn’t like the smell; says it makes him feel sick. You wonder why you stopped indulging in something you enjoyed just because of that, even on your own time. 

“Thanks,” you say, passing the joint back. You ditch your beer can to the side. One poison at a time would be best in these sticky situations, you reckon. 

“What’d you mean, ‘you miss it all’?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh. You gaze off into the distance; it’s hard to make out much definition in the dark, save for some lights of houses in the far distances and the silhouette of plants and trees. “I feel like my life is so…‘same’ now.”

“Same is good.”

“Sometimes,” you say. “But I keep thinking about what you said to me, the other day. About being secure but still living. What if…What if I’m not living?”

“Well–”

“--I mean, look at you guys! You went to El Dorado! You found El Dorado, and the Royal Merchant, and the Royal Merchant’s treasure, and the Cross of Santo Domingo. What did I find? A mouldy tomato in a box of potatoes.”

JJ cracks up and you roll your eyes. “It’s not funny,” you mutter, smiling nonetheless. You take the joint back and have another drag. Relief fills your system. The muscles in your face loosen along with your mouth. “It’s pathetic. I’m nearly twenty-one and I’ve been as far as Charleston and have about a handful of exciting memories to my name.”

“Woah, come on now,” JJ chuckles, taking the blunt back. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit hard on yourself? You heard what Mr Parker said: that Stirring Spoon thing is awesome, and that was all you. You’re feeding the community, bringing people together. That’s way cooler than some shiny fucking  stones.”

“Meh,” you shrug. “Guess I’m just jealous of you.”

“Ha! Yeah, don’t be,” JJ sarcastically berates. A shadow comes to his face. Foot in the mouth syndrome curses you.

“Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You’re good. I sometimes forget how bad it was too, with how things are now,” JJ admits. He smiles at you and takes another hit. “But I guess I didn’t fully let you in then, huh?”

“You think?” you jest. He laughs, thankfully, and you inhale the sweet scent of the herb. “Guess I just get stuck on the good memories from before. Like all the days skipping school to surf. And how the summers felt like they could go on forever. Or that time we broke into City Hall, or pranked Topper’s house.”

“Damn, I guess we did get up to a lot of shit, huh?”

“Damn straight,” you grin. Following the dance, you take the joint back. 

“Well, I can think of some other memories, too,” JJ says. His grin is telling, tongue poking through his teeth. You bite back your smile. 

“Don’t,” you warn. 

“What?” he chuckles. 

“Don’t! That’s dangerous territory,” you tell him. You point your joint at him. “That’s no man’s land.”

“Oh man!” JJ groans, tossing his head back. “Why’d you have to call it that!? You know that’s like calling a moth to a fire or whatever!”

“What?” you giggle, eyeing him. 

“Telling a guy not to do something is the exact thing to do to get a guy to want to do something,” JJ argues nonsensically. You laugh, shaking your head at him. He holds your gaze and you feel your smile settle into your skin like footprints into damp sand. “They were pretty good memories, huh?”

“Yeah,” you quietly say. “They were pretty good.”

“Remember that time we did it on the beach.”

“Stop it,” you say, but there’s little conviction in your words. You can’t take his eyes anymore, the blue dragging you under like currents in a riptide. You look down at the joint and fixate on the way the embers burn at the paper. 

“Or that time–”

“JJ, I mean it,” you say, your tone losing its humour now. You shoot him a look that you hope will put a pin in it. “We should talk about something else.”

“Alright, alright,” JJ surrenders, holding his hands up and all. He relaxes back against the plastic seat of the boat and you do the same. Your legs outstretch so you can rest your feet on the spot beside him. The two of you catch each other’s gaze and look away, chuckling bashfully like preteens. You take another hit of the joint and watch the smoke fizzle away into the night. “How’d you meet Mark, then?”

You glance at JJ. “A few months back. He’d just moved to Kildare and came by to The Stirring Spoon to help out, and we sort of hit it off.”

“He seems like a nice guy.”

“He is,” you smile. But it fades. The weed tickles at your emotions, pulling the wires as if to wreak havoc. JJ seems to take advantage. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you lie. You take another hit and shake your head, plastering on a smile. “It’s nothing.”

Sighing, JJ folds his arms comfortably over his chest. “Y’know, just cause I know what you look like naked don’t mean we can’t be friends now.”

Barking out a laugh, you shake your head. “There was definitely a better way you could have put that.”

“Probably,” he shrugs, grinning, “but it’s true, ain’t it? We can be friends.”

“Of course we can. We are,” you emphasise. 

“So…That means that if you wanna vent about Mr Loverboy to me, you can,” JJ offers. 

Laughing, you rock your head back and gaze up at the sky. The stars are out. They shimmer white and crystal in the abyss of the night. “That’d be too weird, I think, but I’ll keep it in mind, thanks.”

“I just got one question. Just one.”

“Go on,” you reluctantly reply. 

“Does he say ‘thank you’ after the two of you fuck?”

You burst into fits of laughter. It’s so sudden that it has you doubling over. Tears slip from your eyes and you wipe them away, looking at a grinning JJ. God, you missed him and his twisted sense of humour. 

“He just looks like the kinda guy who would!”

“Oh my God, no!” you laugh, shaking your head. Catching your breath, you manage out, “no, he doesn’t say ‘thank you’.”

“Is he the sub then? Cause there is no way that guy is laying his hands on you without written permission.”

“JJ stop! I’m gonna pee myself!” you cackle, kicking your feet. JJ starts laughing too. You open your eyes and make out his face in the lowlight of the pier’s lamp. Wheezing, you catch your breath and calm yourself. “This is exactly what I was talking about.”

“I can give the guy pointers if he needs them,” JJ jokes. Your eyes nearly fall out of their sockets just at the idea though and you point at him in another warning. 

“Don’t you dare!” you say, trying not to crack up again. “‘Sides, he doesn’t need pointers.”

“Everybody needs pointers,” JJ says with a roll of his eyes. “John B gave me one of the best pointers.”

“I find that impossible to believe,” you snort. 

“He did! It was a tip for kissing. Works like a fucking charm too, I’m telling ya.”

“Mhm, I’ll bet,” you sarcastically return. You glance at the joint to check if it needs tapping off, take another drag, and then look up to find JJ watching you. He hasn’t changed enough for you to forget what that expression means. 

“You want me to show you?”

“Show me? How?” you say with furrowed brows. Something in the air shifts with your question. An unspoken thing, an unseeable thing, but something nonetheless. A nervous tickle comes to your throat. 

JJ doesn’t reply but he slowly leans over the seat towards you. Your breath catches in your lungs the moment he enters your bubble, breaking some unspoken barrier, and your smile fades away like day into night. You feel as though you’re stuck in place, plastered to the seat, and you’re ashamed to admit that you don’t hate that you are. You’re ashamed that you’re not pushing him away, telling him to buzz off, laughing at his idiocy. You’re ashamed that you’re curious as to what he’s going to do next. 

JJ’s close enough now that you can smell him. His cologne mixed with something sweet but tangy, like seasalt and citrus. Something masculine underneath, that has a primal instinct inside of you wanting to claw its way out. Your fingers grip the edge of the seat instead. Your eyes stare into his. You study the laps of green and grey in the sea of blue, mesmerised in the way the night sky reflects in the iris. His gaze darts down to your lips and you have no idea how this happened and how you got here, and everything is blurry but so, so clear from the cannabis as he leans forward, and you can’t move but you should move and you want to move but you don’t, you never want to move again, as his lips brush against yours just so, just enough for you to know that they have, that he has, that he’s real, but that he hasn’t, and that you can take it all back, and that it doesn’t count and it shouldn’t and you shouldn’t but–

Your hand clutches his jaw and you pull him in. His lips crash against yours in a breath. You kiss him like you won’t ever kiss him again. He sighs against you in the hurried mesh of mouths, groaning as your tongue brushes against his, tasting him for the first time in years. It’s like finding a childhood toy and it smells like nostalgia. It’s like eating a baked good and it tastes like a specific holiday. It’s like smoking your first joint and it feels like floating. 

Until you’re not. 

Your body falls back down to earth with a thud. You shove JJ away as if he’s flammable and you’re the deadly spark. Your mouth hangs open in shock, your eyes filling with horror, and the worst feeling you’ve maybe ever felt overcomes you so suddenly, you worry you might be sick. 

Guilt. 

“Oh my God,” you whisper. You lift a hand to your lips and your fingers brush against the damp of his spit that lingers, and it confirms that it was all real. “Oh my God.”

JJ’s lips move to try and formulate words but nothing happens. He looks just as stunned as you do. His eyes are wide, lips swollen, cheeks pink. Those three words bang about your brain as you take in the sight of him. It’s not at all unfamiliar. 

Hot ash from your joint drops onto your thigh and you cuss, brushing it off. You toss the joint into the sea behind you as if it’s the culprit, the plotter, behind all of this. Then you’re on your feet and rambling out excuses. 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I think it was - it was definitely the weed. I really should go, it’s so late. I’m so sorry. Oh my God, I have no idea-”

It’s as you’re about to step off the boat and onto the wooden pier that JJ’s hand locks around your wrist. It freezes you in place once more and you want to climb out of your body and scream at yourself. Instead, you look down at him. 

“You can stay, y’know,” JJ whispers. There’s a pleading in his eyes, a tenderness that you haven’t known before in him, and you finally know how Eve must have felt with that damn serpent in Eden. Temptation at its finest, dressed up in blonde, unruly hair and dreamy eyes and sculpted muscles and a graphic tee. 

Mark. 

You shake your head and snatch your hand free. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here.”

And no matter how vehemently you tell yourself that you mean it as you hurry away from the pier and from the house, you know you don’t. 

Cheap White Wine 

The tart tanginess of the wine is sharp on your tongue as you take another swig. It’s late, or perhaps early, and the Chateau is illuminated by amber and orange from lamps. It’s raining outside as hurricane season rattles on, but you and the Pogues could care less. When you have wine, you really have everything you need. 

“Come on, come on!” Kiara laughs, egging on you to loop your arm in hers. The two of you line dance together to an old noughties CD in the player. You swing one another around in a tipsy haze to the upbeat tempo. Pope and John B heckle and holler from the pull-out sofa, toasting their beer cans up in approval. You’re happy here, like this, in your bubble. As the song comes to a close on a major chord, you and Kiara giggle and take joking bows to your audience. You frown when you look around the room, not finding JJ anywhere. 

“He’s on the porch,” Pope says, seemingly catching on. 

“Thanks,” you smile, a little embarrassed that you’re that easy to read. Taking the wine, you venture out the door, closing it behind you as another song starts up. Kie’s cheer and begging for John B to dance is muted through the shutters and windows. 

JJ sits on the sofa, a joint lit up, legs outstretched on the coffee table. He glances up at the sound of someone coming out and smiles at the sight of you. 

“Hey. Can I join?” you wonder. 

“Course,” he hums, shuffling a cushion in invitation beside him. You sit and lean against him, hitching your feet up onto the table beside his. He knocks one of his shoes against yours teasingly and you smile. Through the netting of the porch, you can make out the lashing of rain in the yard. It’s pitter-pattering is soothing like a nursery rhyme. You sigh and let your eyes slip shut. “Having fun?”

“Always,” you mumble, making him laugh. “You got any dreams?”

“Like sexy ones?”

“No,” you giggle, elbowing him, making him let out a few laughs too. “Like actual dreams. Ambitions. A wish.”

JJ takes a pause for thought. You have a swig of your wine as you wait, revelling in the sound of his heartbeat through his shirt, steady and constant. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Your heart sinks with disappointment. This wasn’t the first time this has happened. It felt as though every time JJ came close to pulling back the curtain and letting you see a glimpse, he caught eye of something that scared him and he slipped it shut again. He told you what he wanted to tell you and kept the rest close to heart. You weren’t going to pry his cards from his body to see them, but it would be nice if he showed you them once in a while. It felt like the more time you spent with him, the less you knew. You could guess things from small clues as if playing a boardgame. He hardly went home, never mentioned his mother, and his father came into conversation with a shadow. He spoke lowly of himself, presumed the worst before others could, and it saddened you how clearly he believed everything he said. JJ couldn’t see himself the way you did. 

“I do,” you whisper, hoping it might entice him to share. 

“Oh yeah? What’s your dream?”

“I want to start a kitchen.”

“Huh?”

“Like a community kitchen thing. Not a bakery or a restaurant, just a place for all kinds of food, for all kinds of people, y’know? A good thing, like that. My sister used to help out at a soup kitchen and…I don’t know. I always liked that.”

JJ squeezes your thigh in acknowledgment. “Sounds fuckin’ amazing.”

“Thanks.”

In the Chateau, John B and Kiara laugh and Pope speaks loudly over them, something teasing, and you smile. The smell of weed fills the air before you and blends in with the notes of your wine and the telling scent of JJ. You wonder if the smell of you affects him in the same way; if the flavours of your perfume haunt him when he can’t sleep the way his cologne does for you. Suddenly, somewhere in the serenity of the moment comes a calamitous realisation, like a rumble thunder breaking the rain. 

You were falling in love with JJ Maybank. 

Biscuits  

Food poisoning. That’s what you’d told Mark. The heavy sickness that had sat in the bottom of your stomach like a boulder since last night lingered still. You hoped it was a hangover, but that passed with an advil. You knew what this was. 

You only escaped the guilt in your sleep. The moment you returned home, you climbed under the sheets of your bed like a child hiding from the bogeyman. Sleep was the only reprieve, though it didn’t come easy, and the second you came to in the morning, the first thought in your head was the look on JJ’s face just before his lips touched yours. 

Fuck. 

Your phone pings with another message that is no doubt from Mark and you can’t bring yourself to look at it. It doesn’t help that there’s a framed picture of the two of you staring at you from the bedside. It was his gift to you for your one month anniversary, because of course Mark cares about one month anniversaries. You hadn’t gotten him anything; you had to make up some lie that it was late in the mail, and then run to the shops that night. Just further proof that you don’t deserve him. 

Hello, hell? I’d like to reserve my spot in advance. Queen sized bed please, for me and my whorish ways. Much love. 

When the phone begins to ring you groan aloud and send it straight to voicemail. You bury your head beneath the pillow and close your eyes, but the memories haunt you like flashbacks. JJ’s eyes. JJ’s lips. The way he tasted, the way he bit your lower lip just so, in that way that only he knows, in the way that he always knew drives you crazy–

“Stop it!”

Hello, hell? Quick update: I think I might be going insane, too. Just thought I should preface you. 

Somewhere in your self-loathing, you manage to drift off into another restless sleep. It’s broken by a tapping on your door. Groaning, you force yourself out of the safety of your bed and wander to your door, expecting to find your mom. Instead, your head tips back to see the face of your boyfriend. 

“Hey,” he says. His voice is thick with concern, brows knitted with worry. “How you feeling?”

“Like shit.” Thankfully, you didn’t have to lie with that one. “What’re you doing here?”

“I needed to check on you,” he replies. He steps into your room and you make space, sitting on your bed. He closes the door behind him. “I tried calling but you didn’t answer.”

“Yeah, sorry, uh…I was just feeling really frail, y’know?”

“Oh, baby,” Mark sighs. He sits beside you on the bed and places his large palm on your forehead. His brown curly hair sits in perfect ringlets atop of his head. One dangles over his forehead, out of formation, and it reminds you of JJ. Just how you went from me to him, JJ had said. Were they that different, after all? “You got a temperature?”

“I don’t think so,” you say. You gently push his hand off your face. “I think I just need to sleep.”

“Well, I’m here to take care of you.”

“Really?” You hope the dread in your voice isn’t obvious. 

“Course. You’d do the same for me,” he smiles. He lifts a bag you didn’t even notice he was carrying and shows you each item. “Mama’s homemade biscuits. She’s real worried about you, y’know?”

“I’m fine,” you insist, “just a bit sick. I think the worst of it has passed.”

“That’s good, then. I’ll make you a hot drink, yeah? We can watch a movie or something. You get cosy,” Mark tells you. You nod and try your best to smile. Mark leans forward and presses a fleeting kiss on your lips, and the sickness comes back tenfold. You want to cry the second he’s out of your room. 

Mark is good. Mark is good for you. But what if you’re not good for Mark? 

Chocolate Chip Cookies

“I don’t understand.”

You sigh, rubbing tiredly at your forehead. Bile lingers in the back of your throat but you swallow it down, alongside the feeling of self-reproach. This was it: the conversation you’d been dreading. The conversation that needed to happen. You’d rehearsed your words in the mirror like practising lines for a play. Journals and diaries filled with debate, as to whether you stay or bolt. But now was as good a time as any, and you knew in your mind what the right thing to do was. You can’t risk getting in the car accident if you step out of the vehicle. 

“Did I do something?” JJ then asks, his voice weak, naked. You meet his gaze and shake your head firmly. 

“No,” you breathe, “no, you ain’t do nothing, JJ.”

“Then I don’t get it,” he repeats, stronger this time. Frustrated. You knew none of this would be easy. 

“Look,” you cut yourself off with a sigh. You shuffle your crossed legs, sitting on JJ’s bed in the Chateau in a way that you never have before, as if you’ve never stepped foot inside his life. “My parents are heading to Charleston for a couple months anyway, to stay with my grandmother and help look after her, and…well, maybe it’s for the better, that we have this distance sooner rather than later.”

“Distance?”

“You’ve been removed, JJ,” you mumble, hoping not to sound accusatory. “And that’s okay, I know you’re busy. I mean, you told me from the start that you don’t do the whole relationship-thing. But I don’t think I can stay, not right now.”

“Okay, is this some kinda joke?” JJ snaps. He gets to his feet and paces a few steps in the small throughway of his bedroom. Taking off his hat, JJ rakes his fingers through his hair. He looks at you, eyes fiery, expression hard as if to shield from the hurt that you don’t mean to cause. “What the fuck are you even talking about? I thought we were fine.”

“We are fine,” you insist. Sighing, you try and find the best way to explain yourself without giving it all away. “Look, I ain’t meaning that you’re a bad guy or that you’re damaged or anything like that. I don’t think that, not at all. But…How can I explain this?”

JJ takes a moment or two to calm himself as you hang your head and clench your eyes, searching for the perfect turn of phrase to make your thought process make sense. You find it. Lift your head, soften your gaze at the hurt on his face, and try your best to smile through the sorrow. This wasn’t easy for you either. 

“You know when you see a tornado?”

He stares at you for a short while before nodding, urging you to continue. 

“Things that like…They’re always so pretty for afar. So mesmerising, how nature can create something like that. Stunning, really. Epic. But then, you get too close, and you get sucked in. And it’s just chaos and there’s no way out of it without being broken.”

JJ nods again, pursing his lips. 

“I think that’s what might happen here,” you whisper. “If I stick around.”

“I don’t get it. You’re saying I’m gonna break you?”

“No, I’m saying…I’m saying you’re not in a spot right now to give me what I need. That ain’t your fault, JJ, but I can’t let myself stay knowing that I’m gonna have my heartbroken. I wish I could - I wish I could just wing-it like that - but I can’t.”

There’s a pregnant pause that JJ drags out, staring at you as if trying to see into your head, searching for some lie. Sighing, he must come up empty, as he takes the spot beside you on the bed again. You test the waters, leaning against his chest, feeling the warmth radiate through his t-shirt. One of his hands lifts and strokes your hair, smoothing it down. 

“I really do care ‘bout you, y’know? Like, that ain’t fake,” JJ admits in a hushed tone. 

“I know, JJ,” you reply, just as soundless. “I just think you gotta figure yourself out before you can…”

“...love you?” JJ hesitantly whispers, after you lose nerve. Your eyes squeeze shut. 

“Mhm.”

“You can’t love me ‘til then, either?”

Laughing sadly, you shake your head against him. He really couldn’t tell how much you’d fallen for him already, could he? “I don’t think you gotta worry ‘bout that ever, JJ.”

A soft kiss is planted on your forehead. “So…Just gotta do some soul searchin’, huh?”

“Somethin’ like that,” you hum. “But hey, I tell you what.”

You break apart from the comfort of his hold, tilting your head so you can look up, into his eyes. The pain in JJ’s gaze tears you like wrapping paper, and it’s worse to know it’s your fault, but you know that it’s the only way to save you both from further pain. It isn’t the right time, and that’s a shame, and it isn’t fair, since you’ve memorised the outline of him and drawn him into all your plans and daydreams. But you can hear it when you talk and feel it when you sleep together, this detachment, this removal of himself, that can’t come until he’s healed in a way that he’s far away from now. There’s something pulling him away from you, an adventure of sorts, and you don’t want to keep him from it. You want JJ to love you but you want him to choose you, too. And until then, you don’t have it in yourself to sit around on the sidelines, waiting for your heart to be broken. It’s like sitting a toddler in front of a plate of chocolate chip cookies but demanding them not to touch; the temptation might just kill you. 

“What?” JJ gently prompts, bringing you back from your thoughts. 

Your smile is sick with inner lamentation. “If you do figure yourself out, after some soul searchin’ and all that, then chances are I’ll still be here. So, I guess, if you ever feel like fallin’ then lemme know. You can catch me on the way down.”

JJ’s smile is beautiful, even when his eyes are wet with unshed tears. You lean up and press a fleeting kiss to his lips, but you don’t let yourself linger. If you do, you’re afraid you’ll never leave. You murmur some sort of goodbye, making an excuse that you should get going, and JJ doesn’t argue. He watches you as you stand, waves farewell with two-fingers as you leave, and you walk home with your heart halfway broken but more whole than it might’ve been if you stayed and tried to make this impossible thing work. JJ wasn’t ready to fall in love, not yet, but you already had. 

Ham and Cheese Sandwiches  

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I promise,” you reply to Mark, smiling reassuringly. You wonder if it looks like a grimace. It feels like one. Even touching him makes you want to cry, as you brush your hand atop of his on the table. Your feigned food poisoning was two days ago now but Mark was still worried for your health, likely because you were still acting so withdrawn and drained. It’s hard to sleep when you’re consumed by guilt and confusion. “Why don’t you see if Nancy needs a hand in the kitchen, yeah? I can work on the inventory out here.”

“You sure? I don’t mind helping.”

“I’m sure,” you nod. “I can come get you if I need anything.”

“You better,” he grins. He dips his head and kisses you and it takes everything inside of you not to pull away like a flinch. It’s not him. It’s you. You feel like you’re poison. Like JJ’s kiss has infected you and you can’t get Mark sick too. His brown curls bounce as he walks back to the building. You busy your mind with counting tins of soup. The Stirring Spoon had never had so many posters, so many new recipes, with how much you’d been trying to keep yourself busy. You picked up extra shifts at the Smoothie Shop to avoid Mark during the daytime, and you submerged yourself in your voluntary-planning work and ‘early nights’ to avoid him during the night. It wasn’t fair to him but you didn't know what else to do. 

Well, that’s a lie. You know exactly what you should do, but denial is so much easier. 

Ducking down, you grab another box of leftover soup from a local supermarket. They’d recently changed providers and all the old stuff had to go. You were thinking of making toasted sandwiches with soup. Grunting, you lift the box onto the table. The sun beats down on you as if the universe is punishing you. Good, it’s the least I deserve. 

You can spot him anywhere, even blind. He’s in the far corner carrying a smaller box than usual, compared to his crate. A sudden wave of panic comes over you and you speed walk over to him. He frowns as you approach. 

“You good? Hey!” 

You grab his arm and drag him out of sight from the field, behind an overgrown bush. “W hat are you doing here?” you hiss. 

“Bringing sandwiches?” he replies, as if it should be obvious. “Are you okay?”

“JJ, you can’t be here,” you snap. “Mark is literally in the other building!”

“So?” 

“So? Do you…Do you not remember what happened the other night?” you ask, calming down slightly. 

JJ sighs and puts the box down on the floor. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he shrugs. “Look, clearly you spun out. I ain’t gonna mention it if you don’t want me to.”

“Wait…Really?”

“Jesus Christ, I ain’t a homewrecker,” JJ chuckles, trying to lighten the mood. You want to crack a smile but you think your face might be permanently stitched in perpetual concern forever. His laughter dies. “Listen, I think you got some stuff to figure out, a’right?”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t get offended! I’m jus’ saying…” JJ cuts himself of with a sigh and brushes a hand through his hair. He pinches the bridge of his nose. You missed all his little ticks and quirks. “Look, don’t kill me for sayin’ this, I’m just tryin’ to be honest. I don’t think Mark’s the right guy for you.”

“I-”

“I’m sorry, a’right? I don’t think you want to admit it either but…I think you gotta be honest. You don’t love him, okay? And that’s a’right, I’m not saying he’s a bad guy. I just think you need to make a choice.”

“What does that mean? A choice?” you quietly ask, terrified for his answer. 

His smile is sad as JJ shrugs. “I was an idiot to lose you once, I ain’t gonna lose you again - not if I can help it. If Mark’s who you want - if Mark makes you feel like you’re living - then I’ll never bring it up again. Hell, I’ll stay away from you forever, if you want. Least, I’ll try to. I don’t know if I can be held accountable for when I’m drunk but- look, now I’m getting side tracked. The point is:”, JJ speaks with his hands,  “if Mark isn’t the one for you…I’m here to catch you, y’know?”

You blink at JJ and blink away the tears. You’re not sure if you can form words right now, not even sure what words they would be, so you try your best to nod. JJ tries another smile. 

“There’s some sandwiches from Kie and Sarah for today. I hope it all goes okay. Just…lemme know. Or don’t, y’know? Either way,” he trails off with a shrug. You feel cemented into the dirt as JJ backs away. Then he’s gone. Your eyes slip shut. Some weird hybrid of JJ and Mark’s faces fill your thoughts. 

‘If you ever feel like fallin’ then let me know. You can catch me on the way down.’ 

‘I’m here to catch you.’ 

You need to figure this out and fast. It wasn’t fair to anybody, not even yourself. Dragging things out doesn’t make it any easier, it only delays the inevitable, like tediously inching a bandaid off the skin. Sometimes you just have to rip. You just have to prepare for the aftermath.

How ironic, how when you were sixteen it was you waiting for JJ to figure himself out, and now it’s your turn. It’s a shame you were never all that much of a fan of irony. 

Cinnamon Buns 

Baking is therapeutic. The precision of weighing out the ingredients; the cathartic relief from beating together butter and sugar until fluffy like clouds; the tapping and cracking of eggs; the rhythmic folding of flour; the soon-to-arrive reward for your labour. You like baking when life gets stressful. Few things are so systematic, so simple, so quick to resolve, as baking. Life is more complicated than that. 

Mark and JJ. Two sides of different coins. Neither good, nor bad. Human, just like you. 

As you prepare the batter for cinnamon buns, you try to make sense of everything. Figure yourself out, as JJ had put it. 

Mark was designed to be easy to fall in love with. It was as if the universe had a recipe for him, everything the girls crave, the people fawn over in romance novels, the parents pray for in their child’s partner. Responsible; caring; thoughtful; kind; secure; safe. Mark was good. There was no other way to put it. Hell, you met him at a voluntary community kitchen. He gave you stability like a white picket fence. Perfect and practised, like he’d been waiting for that his whole life. But you found yourself restless in the fairytale. Found yourself itching for change, for chaos, for clutter. He was sentimental in a way you weren’t. That wasn’t to say you were heartless - the two of you just loved differently. 

JJ Maybank? He wasn’t designed for it in the same way, but it was impossible to not fall in love with him. You knew it from the moment your paths crossed, back when you were sixteen and the two of you tumbled through two months together. That’s why you left in the first place. To save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak that it would bring, because sixteen-year-old JJ was in no place to commit to anybody. You assumed that with time your feelings would fade away and when you met Mark, you believed they had. You liked Mark - that wasn’t false - and you had feelings for Mark. But the love you had for JJ didn’t vanish. Like energy, it could only be transferred. It went into the back of your mind as if in hibernation but the moment JJ waltzed back into your world, it was awake. It was impossible to ignore. 

Mark was the netting beneath a trapeze artist, but JJ was the acrobat. Mark was the emergency brake in a racing car, but JJ was the driver. But JJ was safety too. He made you feel safe, but he also made you feel alive. 

And you wanted to feel alive. 

Mark was routine. He was predictable. You could see the next five, ten, twenty years of your life laid out nice and neat with Mark. But did you want that? Did you want to give up the adventure? The chaos? The things you missed so desperately. 

As you drizzle the topping on top of the cinnamon buns, you summarise your scrambled thoughts into one neat realisation: you wouldn’t have kissed JJ if you truly wanted Mark. 

Your heart feels like it’s in your throat as you walk to Mark’s house. The buns sit neat in the tupperware and you’re careful not to shake them. His door looks like a tombstone as you knock on it. There’s a noise from inside and the door opens. Mark smiles down at you. He’s dressed in a baby-blue waffle sweater and it’s so undeniably, so wonderfully him. 

“Hey!” he grins. 

“Can I come in?” you ask. It sounds ridiculous asking that when you used to sleep in this house almost daily. 

“Course,” Mark replies. He opens the door further and you slip inside. It shuts behind you. You place the tupperware on the countertop, taking too much time in letting go. “You alright?”

“Mhm. I just…I think we should talk about some stuff,” you say, feeling your voice losing power. 

“Alright. Come, sit,” he urges. You do as he asks and take the spot on the bed beside him, leaving a gap. “What’s up?”

You fumble your fingers together and stare intensely at your hands, racking your mind for the words, for where to start. You’d practised this so many times in the mirror. Childish. 

“I did something and I need to tell you, because you’ve always been so good to me, and so honest with me, and it isn’t fair to hoodwink you.”

“Okay,” Mark faintly replies. 

You take a steady breath in. Mark is good. He deserves the truth. “I went to see JJ last week, and one thing led to another, and we kissed.”

For a moment, there’s nothing. Just the sounds of the air conditioning unit humming as white noise. Then, 

“Oh.”

You clench your eyes shut before looking up at him. He’s detached in his expression. Your eyes fill with tears. “I’m so sorry, Mark,” you whisper, scared your voice will break if you talk any louder. He meets your gaze. “You don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. You’re such a good, genuine person. I just…I don’t know why, but I just…I can’t love you.”

Mark swallows thickly. The tears are warm and sticky on your cheeks. It’s so selfish to cry when you’re the one who threw the punches. You hang your head with shame and watch the teardrops land on your restless hands.

“I swear I didn’t plan it. I didn’t even know I still had feelings for JJ until…Well, until then.”

“I did.”

Your head snaps up. He’s staring at you, but he doesn’t look angry. No. There’s a shadow of a smile on his lips. A sad smile, no doubt, but a smile nonetheless. 

“You did?”

“The minute you saw him, that Wednesday at the start of the month. I saw it on your face, clear as day. You never used to look at me like that.”

“Mark–”

“--That’s okay,” he nods. He’s crying too, now, and you’re not sure what to think, what to do. But Mark does. Of course, he does. His hands reach out to hold yours, warm in his clutch, and you blubber like a petulant child. “You’re not a bad person, Y/N. I could tell something was bothering you this past week.”

“I just didn’t know how to tell you, and I didn’t even know what it meant. But I have to be honest for the both of us, and I don’t…I don’t think I’m the girl you’re looking for, Mark,” you say through your tears. 

Mark smiles solemnly and nods once. The squeeze of your hands tells you everything. I know. I agree. It’s okay. 

“Do you hate me?” you ask in a moment of pure patheticness. Mark laughs and shakes his head. 

“You’re too pretty to hate.”

“Ugh! You can’t say things like that!” you whine, throwing your head back. He laughs again, soggy with his sorrow, and he shrugs. 

“Just got to keep my good-guy rep up.”

Laughing, you shake your head at him and smile. The two of you share a breath and he nods. A conclusion. His smile dwindles. 

“I’m gonna need time, though…Before we can be friends, maybe. Just to…You know…”

“Of course,” you whisper. “I understand. Whatever you want, whatever you need. It’s all on your terms, I promise.”

Mark nods. Thanks you. It is so fucking bizarre to have the man you cheated on thank you but here we are. Life is full of strangeness. 

“Can I give you a hug?” you wonder. Chuckling, he nods, and you waste no time in throwing your arms around his shoulders. Mark holds you in the embrace and the two of you savour the feeling of one another for one last time. Against his shoulder, you murmur, “I’m going to miss you, Mark.”

“I’m going to miss you too,” he tells you into your collarbone. “JJ’s a lucky guy. But make sure to tell him I know where he lives if he hurts you.”

You tearfully giggle against him. “I’ll pass on the message.”

Bacon Sandwiches

It’s warm today; bright and brilliant. The critters are happy, chirping in the trees, croaking in the overgrowth by the water of the marsh that lines the Pogue’s house. Your footsteps feel heavy as you walk up the driveway, anticipating weighing you down. You lift a hand to shield your eyes from the sunlight and make out JJ. He’s at the entrance to the shop, stood a few rungs up a free-standing ladder. He’s trying to staple something to the walls - a banner of some kind - and you make your way over. 

“Need a hand?”

He jumps and you cringe. Oops. JJ looks down at you and his lips quirk at the corners. The muscle tee he wears is grey and hangs loose on his well-kept frame. He’s armed with a staple gun. “Yo. What’re you doing here?”

“Want a hand?” you repeat, nodding up at the banner, not quite ready to confess. JJ shrugs and nods. 

“Sure. Thanks.” 

You glance around and find something that looks sturdy enough to stand on. Dragging it over, you boost yourself up and hold out your hand to take the other side of the banner. Holding it up against the wall, JJ leans forward and steadies himself with an elbow on the wooden panelling. 

“We’re selling bacon sandwiches on weekends now, so thought we oughta advertise it, y’know? So, anyway, what’re you–” a grunt and a click of the staple gun, “-doing here?”

You step down from your boost and JJ takes your place. You don’t speak, stalling time, as JJ secures the banner. Sighing, taking it in, nodding with contentment, JJ jumps down and ditches the gun. The he stands with his hands on his hips and looks at you, shrugging again. 

“I, uh…I needed to talk you,” you say, clearing your throat. 

“A’right. What about?”

“Just like…” You rock your head back, take a breath, and steel yourself. Somewhere in that split second, you find a new mantra. JJ is good. JJ is good for me. I’m good for JJ. We’re good for each other. Smiling, you look at him again. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” he mumbles. 

There’s a playfulness, a teasing, as you shrug. “That you’ll catch me.”

You can see the words as they process through his head. See the moment he tracks the meaning, parses it altogether. A smile, beautiful and brimming, greets you, and then JJ crosses the gap between you in two large strides. He wraps his arms around you and lifts you up in an embrace. He swings you around for good measure and you laugh, looping your arms around his shoulders, holding him close, smiling against him. This is good. 

“You mean it?”

“I mean it,” you whisper in reply. He carefully reunites you with the ground. You smile up at JJ, gazing into his blue eyes, bathing in their depths. Your hand strokes along his jaw, slides down his front until it rests just above his heart. “It was always you, JJ.”

“You think…You think you can love me now?” he nervously asks. 

You shake your head with a silent laugh. It feels like breathing, like you’re finally free, as you admit, “I’ve always loved you.”

It comes and goes like a comet; the flash of shock in his eyes; the glow of his smile; the burning passion of his lips on yours. And as you kiss JJ, without guilt, without fear, you finally feel at home. When you break apart, short of air, JJ rests his forehead against yours. His thumb smooths along the soft line of your jaw and you smile. He takes a small breathe, shaky, unsure, but JJ's words are sure like bedrock.

"I love you too."

[lmaowhatt]

"can we please go?" - jj m.

summary: jj, ever the hormonal young adult, cant wait long enough for the two of you to get home from a party at the boneyard.

set: a short time after the pogues return from south america, probably between the 18 month time jump of s3 and s4. however, for my sanity, and some of yours, s4 doesnt exist.

pairing: jj maybank x pogue!reader

warnings: jj begging(?), horny/clingy jj, foreshadowing to sex.

if theres any others feel free to comment them!

the party at the boneyard, which now seemed like an annual occurrence had been in full swing for a couple of hours. the sun had fallen well below the horizon, the moonlight providing just enough light for the inexperienced —now drunk— tourons and some tipsy locals to move around without bumping into one another.

the seven pogues had split up somewhat early into the party. jj was currently hanging around some of his surfer friends, laughing and joking about . pope and cleo relished in their time where the other pogues were distracted to walk along the shore together.

kiara was sat on a log, talking to a random touron girl who you and sarah had both urged her to go talk to, teasing her about always sulking at home, being the last single one of the group. after some reluctance and continuous badgering from you, she agreed.

john b had distanced himself slightly, still rightfully sulking over his fathers passing during their return from south america. sarah had regularly gone to check on him, making sure he was okay before going back to where you stood, continuing the previously halted conversation.

jj glanced around the party, moving to fix the clasp of the flimsy shark tooth necklace that has somehow survived through everything the young adult had been through during the past two-ish years as his eyes landed on you. the boy bit the inside of his cheek as he shamelessly let his eyes wander down your body.

a pink spaghetti strapped top, the hem of which stopped right above your diaphragm, overlayed with a white knitted halter top. a blue ankle length skirt hung low on your waist with a small silver belt serving as a contrast to your gold dangly earrings, a mix of dainty silver and gold necklaces of different lengths hanging around your neck.

jj bit the inside of his cheek, watching your boobs bounce slighty as you laugh along to a joke sarah said, taking a sip of the beer in your grasp. he cleared his throat as he looked down at his feet, dragging a hand through this messy blonde locks, before placing his signature red cap backwards on his head.

"yo jj," one of his friends, james, slapped the back of his shoulder to grab his attention. "you good?" the boy asked, furrowing his eyebrows as jj looked up from the ground. jj cleared his throat once more, trying to will away the waver he knew would be there as soon as he spoke.

"yeah, uhm. im good man." the blonde nodded, dapping james up and waving a lazy hand to the others near him, "im gonna go, hit me up this weekend." jj spoke, fixing his shorts and rolling his shoulders back, weaving through the crowd as he made his way towards you.

you stumbled forward slightly as jj wrapped his arms around your shoulders, cradling his head down and placing a soft kiss on your cheek. "hi mama," he mumbled below your ear, raising his eyebrows at sarah as a form of greeting.

you placed a hand on his forearm, holding it as you rolled your eyes playfully at sarah. "hi baby. you okay?" you asked, smiling at sarah as she excused herself to 'find john b.' you sighed, leaning back ever so slightly as jj began peppering soft kisses onto your neck and along your collarbone.

"can we go home?" he muttered in between kisses. you laughed softly, turning to face him as his lips detached from your soft skin. jjs eyes naturally wandered to your chest, which was more accentuated as it pressed against his.

you snapped your fingers near his face, "eyes up here, maybank." you smiled as his eyes eventually flickered up to yours, his arms loosely wrapping around your waist. he let out a soft whine, "please baby? this.." he huffed out a heavy breath, forcing his eyes to stay locked on yours. "this outfit.. definitely one of your best. can we please go?" he asked with pleading eyes.

you tilted your head with a smirk playing at your lips, "but the party only started a while ago, you dont have friends to catch up with?" you asked, wrapping your arms around his neck and watching as he bit the inside of his cheek softly in thought.

he eventually shook his head. the boy didnt have a valid reason whatsoever, he just wanted to spend some 'quality time' with you, away from the others of course. "they can wait. this cant baby." he said, motioning towards them, then towards you and him with his finger.

you sighed as you looked around at the party. sure, you were having fun after going through weeks, if not months of hell with the entire el dorado situation, and the entire 'being hunted for weeks' situation.

you looked back at jj, whos eyes hadn't moved from your features. with a soft sigh, you silently agreed, taking a hold of his hand and leading him to the twinkie which was parked on the side of the street. jj moved to wrap his arms around your shoulders as you walked the both of you to the twinkie. "i love you much, yknow that?" he whispered into your ear.

just as you went to talk, he interrupted once more. "not for this. trust me, its a perk alright, but i love you for you." he kissed your neck softly. "i love you for how you treat me," he sucked lightly. "i love you for how you treat our friends like family." he swiped his tongue over the small bruise.

"i just love you."

a/n: this is my first ever fic on tumblr so pls be nice. or dont 😭

[rafesfavgirl]

her lips on your neck — j. maybank

meant to have this up last night, but i got fucked up lolz

❝ since you admitted it, i keep picturing her lips on your neck, i can't unsee it ❞

pairing: cheater!jj x fem!reader

context: late at night, you get back to the obx from a week-long trip to new york with your parents and decide to surprise your boyfriend and best friends.

words: 1.4k+

warnings: cheating (i don't condone it!!), might break you, no happy ending, ANGST ANGST ANGST

"what the fuck are we suppose to tell y/n?" you hear pope mention your name, as he sat with john b in the enclosed back porch of the chateau and immediately stop yourself from joining them, curious as to what else they had to say.

"dude, i don't know," john b shrugged at him, the expression on his face looking as if he was torn between some hard decision.

what could they possibly be talking about?

"i mean, it's not like they meant for it to happen, right?" john b continued, sounding like he was trying to convince himself of something.

"do you really think she'll see it that way?" pope asks him. "jj just slept with kie."

john b winces at pope's words like they were too hard for him to hear and your heart drops to the pit of your stomach, your eyes becoming blurry with tears as anger starts coursing through your veins.

"we gotta tell her," pope adds.

they didn't even hear that you'd entered the porch, now only standing a few feet away from them.

"you just did." the sound of your voice causes them to snap their heads towards you, both of them now completely at a loss for words. "is jj here?" you speak slowly to stop your voice from shaking.

when neither of them reply and just exchange glances, you repeat yourself. "where's. jj."

"y/n…" john b starts to stand from his seat, but you don't let him finish or get any closer, before you're barging into the chateau.

you feel your body shake as jj comes out of one of the rooms chuckling and pulling his muscle tank down.

"you didn't," you shake your head as he looks at you.

"y/n…"

when kiara comes out of the same room and steps up behind him, you get your answer.

"you did," you say, your eyes shifting from kie to jj.

"babe, i-" jj begins, taking a step towards you.

"no," you immediately cut him off and hold a hand out in front of you to stop him from getting any closer. “we’re done.”

that was two weeks ago. you hadn’t seen jj, or your friends since then, actively trying to avoid them as much as possible. that didn’t stop them from texting though.

john b and pope have checked in every now and then to make sure you’re doing okay, while kie and jj blow your phone up 24/7 with empty apologies.

j<3: i’m outside. please let me explain.

you stare at the text on your phone for a second and hop to your feet to peek out the window, where surely enough, you saw jj perched against his bike on the curb of your front lawn, waiting.

letting out a deep sigh and against your better judgment, you walk towards the front door and open it, only to find that he had walked up your front porch and was about to knock.

“hey…” his voice is small, and his baby blue eyes light up at the sight of you, making your heart ache.

by the prominent eye bags under them, you could tell he hadn’t gotten much sleep either. but wasn’t that how it should have been? he was the one who cheated on you.

you don’t say a word and just turn to walk further into your living room, jj following after you and shutting the door.

“i know you don’t owe me anything,” he continues, as you turn to look at him again, your arms crossed across your chest.

“you’re right, i don’t,” you say, trying to be cold.

it was hard, though. there was a piece of your heart that still yearned for him. a piece that you had a feeling would love him forever. no matter how badly he’s just screwed you over.

“why’d you do it?” you ask.

“i don’t know,” he shrugs. “i don’t know why i did it. we were drinking… and talking… you weren’t here, and i- i guess we just…”

“what?” you feel your hand start to shake as he tried to come up with an excuse. “got caught up in the moment?”

“y- yeah…” he glances down, and you scoff.

“god, i am such an idiot!” you run your hands through your hair and take a seat on the armchair behind you.

“y/n that’s not…” he slowly approaches you while you shake your head at him.

“i should’ve known,” you say. “it was her before me.”

jj shakes his head as he closes the distance between the two of you and crouches down in front of you, a hand landing on your knee. “baby, that’s not true.”

you glance at his hand on your knee before looking at him again. “but it is.”

“look, i fucked up, okay?” he said, his tone desperate now. “i know that. but please… please believe me when i tell you that it was a mistake. and it’s never going to happen again.”

“how can i believe that?” you ask, tears threatening to brim along your lower lashes. 

“just trust me,” he tells you.

a bitter scoff falls from your lips as you stand up and cross the room, half angry and half confused, not knowing what to think or believe.

“i did trust you, j!” you say, turning to look at him again with tears in your eyes as he gets up from his crouching position and faces you. “and you screwed me over anyway.”

“y/n…” he walks towards you, and you feel your weight shift to one foot, your body feeling a little limp. 

there was a part of you that still loved him—feelings don’t disappear just like that—but you knew you deserved better. that there was someone out there who wouldn’t even think about doing what he did.

"i love you…" he brings a hand up to caress your cheek and push your hair back, your first instinct causing you to lean into his touch, a sad smile pulling at the corner of your lips as you lock your eyes with his. "pretty girl." he closes the distance between you two, his forehead resting against yours, a tear trailing down your cheek as you closed your eyes. "i am so so so sorry. i promise— i promise, i won't ever hurt you again."

you wanted nothing more than to believe him. to forgive him. to forget. but you knew, deep down, that wasn't possible.

you shake you hear against his, sniffling. "j, i can't…"

"no, no, no," he replied. "you can. you— you have to, i can't-" he tilts his chin upwards to kiss you, and though you want desperately to let him, you push him away.

"no, jj!" you shout. "you— you can't just kiss me and think it's all gonna go away!"

"okay, okay, i'm not," he backs off a little, and then takes your hands in his, baby blues pleading. "but you need to forgive me. i could never live with myself if you didn't. i— i can't go on without you… without…" he brings your hands together and clasps his hands around them as he brings them up to his lips to kiss them softly. "your touch…" he moves a hand towards your cheek again, caressing it just like last time. "your smile…" he trails it across your collar bone and down your arm to place it on your chest. "your love… god, y/n i’ve never been loved by anyone like you."

his face falls limp against you and he drops to his knees, arms immediately locking around your hips as he rests the side of his head against you.

"please… please forgive me," his voice sounds desperate now, breaking your heart even more.

"i— i can't…" you wrap your hands around his arms and try to pull him off you, but it doesn't work—he just clutches onto you tighter. "you're just not the same person to me anymore…" you shake your head. "the jj i fell for would've never ever done anything to hurt me, but now…" you bring your hands up to your head, trying to keep it together. "god! every time i look at you… all i see is her and what you did… i— i just keep picturing you guys together and-"

"and we can fix that," jj pulls away and gets back on his feet to look at you. "i mean, it's gon' take time, but eventually… you— you can forget it, right?"

there was a hopeful look in his eyes, but you knew that wasn't enough to fix things.

you shake your head and sigh, the hope in his eyes immediately diminishing. "no, i don't think i can."

"but that— that would mean that this…" his voice cracks, his mind clearly in disarray as he motions a hand between you two. "no. this can't be over."

your watery eyes lock with his, which were now red from holding back tears. "then why is it?"

if you happen to also be a rafe girl, consider this part 2 & part 3.

reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33

click here to be added to my tag list!!

[littlelamy]

s1jj x kook!reader ; the one where you take care of his wounds

"hey, hey, easy there," jj murmurs, his voice low and rough as he gently swats your hand away from his battered face. a sharp hiss escapes his lips as you carefully dab the alcohol-soaked pad over one of his cuts.

"sorry, baby," you pout, leaning in to peck his chapped lips. "next time you need rescuing, i’ll handle it—not your dad," you assure him. jj’s gaze softens, a proud smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"look at my little kook princess," he says, his hands cupping your cheeks, his thumbs brushing your flushed skin. "ready to fight for daddy, huh?" he chuckles, the nickname making your cheeks burn hotter.

"i’m serious, jay," you whisper, grabbing his hands and holding them tight. "you can stay here with me until we head back to the cut," you offer, your voice trembling with emotion. jj smiles, but there’s a sadness behind it.

"or," you add, your voice dropping to a teasing whisper, "you can sleep in bed with me, like you did before this whole royal merchant chase." jj’s hands slide down your sides, gripping your waist possessively, his touch sending shivers down your spine.

"princess," he murmurs, his grip tightening just enough to make your heart race. "the royal merchant is the only way i can give you the life you deserve." his hands move lower, massaging your waist, his touch firm but tender. "i want to travel with you, show you the best beaches, islands, waves…i want to give it all to you."

tears blur your vision as his words sink in, the depth of his love overwhelming you. "we’ll get the gold," you whisper, pressing kisses to his face, careful to avoid his wounds. "and then you can take me anywhere, jj."

"anywhere you want, princess," he promises, sealing his vow with a slow, passioniate kiss that leaves you breathless.

"til death do us part," you murmur against his lips, the world fading away as you lose yourself in his embrace.

"til death do us part, baby," he echoes, pulling you closer, his kiss deepening with every passing second.

[strangelysamantha]

Hii, I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if you could write a smut with JJ where he is dating John B’s sister and she is innocent and clueless in front of her brother because for him she is his precious sweet angel but in the bedroom since she’s with Jj she’s confident and maybe one day they think they’re alone and they are not alone :))

I hope you understand, English is not my first language

brothers best friend ✧

jj maybank x fem!reader.

warnings: 18+. overprotective brother, swearing, an argument, foreplay, p in v, smut. use of nickname baby and good girl.

summary: being john bs sister made it difficult for you to find a boyfriend, especially when the guy you want is his best friend. however, what john b doesn't know, can't hurt him. until one day, jj thinks the two of you are alone, but john b comes back early.

a/n: so happy to be here. like if you enjoy. masterlist is pinned on my profile.

———————————————————————

john b was really protective of you. you couldn't fault him for it, he was your older brother. he was just looking out for you, and he wouldn't let you settle for less. so, despite how much you adored jj, you had to keep it under wraps in fear that john b wouldn't approve. it began when john b started inviting jj over. you'd be making food in the kitchen, seeing you brother and his best friend hanging out. you immediately noticed how attractive jj actually was. he was so laid back and casual. his hair fluffy and wild. you accidentally made eye contact a few times, getting caught staring.

you'd hide your grin, glancing away quickly. you walk up to the two of them, "hi guys." john b chuckled, "this is my little sis." you look at jj, smiling. "hey." jj smiles brightly at you, his eyes raking over your frame. your heart races, nerves overwhelming you. "what are you guys up too?" you ask. jj looks over, and john b answers. "we are waiting for pope and kiara." you give a puzzled look, and john b notices. "were going to a party later." your eyes light up and he can immediately read you. "can i go? please!" he groans, "no, you cant." you frown, looking at jj. he looks a little disappointed too, but he hides it before john b can notice. "why not?" he shrugs, "i don't want to babysit you the whole time." you roll your eyes, "you choose to babysit me, i'm old enough to take care of myself." he laughs, "maybe next time." you shake your head slightly, understanding. "okay."

the rest of the group arrives, and they leave just as quickly, causing you to be alone at the house. you question if you want to invite someone over, but with the uncertainty of when they would be back, you decide against it. especially because you don't want jj to get the wrong idea. you wait in your room, searching for entertainment to pass time.

after a while, jj started to hang out regularly. it started to feel weird when jj wasn't around. you wanted to tease him, leaving your room with short pajama shorts and a tank top. you'd smile at him, greeting him gently. you grab a cup of water, before walking back to your room. this was a regular occurrence. you wanted to be able to see jj, but always needed a reason in case john b questioned you. "hey sis?" before you could reach your room, john b calls out to you. you turn around joining them in the living room again. "yes?" he points to the kitchen, "can you get us some chips?" you nod, "which bag?" you head to the kitchen, "any, we don't mind." you reach for one of the bags, bringing it back to the boys. "thank you, you're so sweet." jj comments. your heart flutters but you don't let it show.

john b opens the bag of chips, "appreciate you, sis." you stealthily steal a few chips from the bag. "this is payment." the three of you break into laughter. "now leave us be." he jokingly remarks. "like i'd want to hang out with you losers." their mouth opens wide, shocked. "it would be a privilege to be able to hang with us." you shrug, "i know! but you never invite me." they smile at you, "soon." you grin, quickly leaving the room. john b always said soon, but he never actually invited you out with his other friends.

john b was oblivious to your connection to jj. he figured you'd know better. and if you didn't, he at least trusted that jj would. the two of you however, had a growing need for each other. jj wanted to respect john b's rule, but the urge he had to corrupt you was incessant. anytime he saw you, he considered just pulling you in the other room to see if you felt the same way as him.

he makes the mistake of leaving you two alone. "i'll be back i'm going to run to sarah's house to pick something up." jj wanted to seem like a good friend, and despite how badly he wanted to stay at the house, he still felt obligated to ask. "want me to come with you?" john b shook his head, "no, sarah and i haven't seen each other in a while. i think she would rather i come alone." jj nods, "no problem." john b quickly leaves the house, leaving the two of you alone.

now, you knew jj wouldn't make the first move, he couldn't do that to his best friend. that's why you made it easier, and made the first move yourself. jj was on his phone, sitting on the couch. you waited for the twinkie to speed off before daring to join him. you sit by him, smiling. "hi jj." he looks over, his heart beating fast. "hey, whatcha up too?" he locks eyes with you. you lean forward, "im bored." he tilts his head to the side, curious. "what can i do for you?" you smirk at the perfect set up. "i need help in my room, can you help me?" he's happy to help you, "of course." you nod, leading him to your room. you shut the door behind him, locking it. he notices, and a smirk lifts to his lips.

"what are we really doing in your room?" you sit on the edge of the bed. "i just think you are really hot jj." he is stunned by your words, he always heard from john b that you were innocent, now he was more intrigued than before. "oh yeah?" he sits on the bed with you. "how fucked up is it, that i want to fuck my best friend's little sister?" you bite your lip, "how fucked up is it, that i want to fuck my brother's best friend?" he looks at you for a second, trying to resist. "depends on who you ask." you smirk, "what if i asked you?" he looks away, his mind racing. he thought about this moment a million times, but now that he was here doing it, he became nervous. you lean forward, pressing your lips against his. you get onto his lap. "this is our only chance, are you going to fuck me or not?" you started to grind against his bulge. "i know you get turned on by me." he looks up at you, his mouth slightly open. "ive had so many thoughts about fucking you." his words only encourage you more. "show me jj. what do you think about?" you get off of his lap, "do you imagine me stripping for you? piece by piece...?" you slowly take your shirt off, throwing it to the floor. you unclasp your bra, "did you ever think about my tits? what they'd look like?" you walk closer to him. you grab his hand, leading him to your chest. "touch me jj, i need it." his hands play with your tits. "fuck baby." he leans forward kissing you needily.

you back away, slowly taking your shorts off, leaving you in a pretty thong. "i think about you at night." you slide jjs shirt off. he groans as you feel his abs. "fuck your sexier than i thought you'd be," you press kisses against his abdomen. "can you please fuck me, jj?" you beg him, he melts under your touch. "lay back on the bed." he slides off his pants and underwear. he rubs your clit through your thong. "you're so fucking hot." he watches your face contort, pleasure and need overwhelming you. "im gonna make you feel so good." he slides your thong off; he spreads your legs open. "it might hurt at first, okay?" you nod, "i need you jj, please." he used one hand to guide himself in you, the other hand grabbing your hip.

jj was huge, and he stretched you out. you crumble beneath him. "shit you feel so good." you scratch at his back, his pace speeding up. "do you know how long i've wanted to pound your sweet pussy?" he groaned, his words only working you up more. "how long, j?" both of his hands are gripping your hips as he desperately ruts against your tight hole. "the first time i saw you, those looks you gave me." you moan out, his pace rough and hard. he used one of his hands to rub your clit, "i could have fucked you then and there." you stare directly in his eyes, "i wish you would have." your words fuel him more. he pulls out. he lifts your legs up, using one hand to hold them up. he slides himself inside you again, the new angle adding more pleasure. "gonna need you to cum for me, we don't have a lot of time." you nod, "don't stop. please. i need to cum." he uses all the energy he can to get you to your climax, "c'mon baby, be a good girl and cum for me."

his words and the pleasure from how deeply he was fucking you, led you to the edge. you moan loudly, "fuck jj." your legs shake slightly, jj pulls out jerking his cock. you readjust, allowing him to cum over your boobs. "give me your cum jj, please." he throws his head back, thick ropes of cum shoot out, covering your chest. "fuck, that's the hardest i've came in a while." you smirk, proud you were able to help him do that. you were so caught up in the moment, you hadn't realized john b was back home.

you quickly clean your chest up, the two of you scrambling to get dressed. john b is banging on your bedroom door, the doorknob jingling repeatedly. "let me in the fucking room! im not kidding!" you two were now decent, and you unlock the door, letting john b in. "what the fuck is going on here?" you frown, "he was helping me with that shelf." you point to the opened box on the floor, a set up you had planned in case something like this happened. john b shook his head, not sure what to believe. "did you guys fuck?" jj speaks up first, "absolutely not man. i wouldn't do that to your little sis. that's gross." his words sting, but you try not to take offense. john b stares in silence. "i'll believe you for now, but next time don't lock the fucking door. you guys stress me out." you frown. "sorry john b, we weren't trying to stress you out. i asked him for help, and out of habit i locked my door." he nods. "alright finish that shelf, but me and jj have shit to do tonight."

with that, john b walks away. you sigh with relief. you look at jj, and he looks pale. you lean down, grabbing the instructions. you hand them to him, "here." he sits down on the floor. "thanks." you listen to see where john b was, and he was in his room with sarah. you whisper. "thank you jj," he grins, "no, i should be thanking you." you awkwardly laugh, "that could have been bad," jj smirked, "we'll just need to find a way for more alone time." you grin, relishing in the fact that jj wanted to do it again. "would you want to do that again?" he asked, not wanting to jump to conclusions. "yes please." your confirmation gave him confidence. he helped you build the shelf, assembling it, and drilling it into the wall.

john b had stolen jj away for the rest of the night, and while you did feel lonely, you were excited that you finally were able to make a move with jj, and that he reciprocated it.

[cntrlnoah]

Beer Baby!

Summary: In which JJ’s shy girlfriend makes a beer poster for him of his favorite brand

Pairing: JJ x fem!reader

Warnings: alcohol mentions(duh), JJ being a flirty menace getting reader all shy and stuff, tiny mentions of insecurities, sex joke at the end, mentions of jerking off, slightly suggestive

A/N: My first fic(yippie!) I hope you like it. Also idk what JJ’s favorite beer brand would be but I’m going with Budweiser 😭😭😭

As you walk towards your boyfriend with the poster tube in hand, your heart begins to beat faster.

All thought begin to rush in your mind as you hope this doesn’t ruin your boyfriend’s favorite beer with this.

“Hey JJ” you said as your boyfriend snakes his arms around your waist to position you on his lap.

“What you got there pretty lady?”he says pointing to the poster tube.

“It’s for you…I hope you like it” you say as you hand him the cardboard roll as you watch his every move. As he pops out the poster and unravel it, every nerve in your body is on high alert. You wait to see his reaction.

“Shit! Baby this is sick!” he yells soaking in every inch of you on the poster basically ogling over the fact that his shy girl made this for him. “Damn that’s you? Baby I’m surprised.” he exclaims. You’re just relieved that he liked it that much.

The poster is of you on the beach in a little black bikini that leaves very little for his imagination with his favorite brand of beer, Budweiser, logo slapped on it and a can of beer in your left hand.

“It was kinda out of my comfort zone” you confessed “Sarah and Kie had to help me out.” “I asked Kie what brand of beer was your favorite. Sarah had to talk me through it. She told me that if I did it, she would make one for John B…” you explain.

JJ only looked up at you and smirked as his hand roamed up and down the small you your back, “I guess me and him are two lucky guys.”

“I think I’m starting to like this side of you princess” he says while booping your nose “It’s hella sexy.”

When he said those words, your cheeks begin to flush. “What’s the matter sweet cheeks? Don’t tell me you’re flustered now. I mean after this? You have nothing to hide from me. Literally” he says while smirk.

“JJ stop” as you lightly smack his shoulder.

“What baby it’s true. Probably gonna jerk off to this at least once a week” he says laughing and smirking but not before you smack him on the arms for saying that but you know JJ, he doesn’t mind.

[obxsummer]

Oooo what about a blurb/fic od the 18 months where the reader is finally getting her chance to recover from the events at the Cameron’s house/with singh/everything lol and it’s just night after night nightmares. Screaming everyone awake and such?? Can you elaborate

love love love this thank u for the request!!

also requested: I have a routledge reader idea, you mentioned nightmares she had during the 18 months, maybe John B being the one to save her from them. Basically rocking her as she screamed bloody murder. Sometimes not even nightmares just night terrors she couldn’t escape. Maybe him forcing her into going to see a therapist but it just makes her worse until the therapist suggest a family meeting and more and more of the ab*se and torture comes out she experienced

series masterlist

- -

The nightmares had been going on since you escaped the Cameron household with JJ almost three (?) years ago now. (bro can this show give a better timeline a girl is struggling)

There was no surprise you were haunted by the near-death experiences and trauma you had been through with your friends and by yourself. Whether it was Rafe, losing John B, or watching your friends disappear from your eyes, sleeping wasn’t easy and it wasn’t kind to your mind.

Obviously, the events at El Dorado, watching your father die in front of you, and watching people get shot, were hard to wrap your head around. It was like the sight was burned in your eyes and every time you tried to rest, your body couldn’t forget. 

The hospital had recommended therapy after stitching up the bullet wound from South America, and although you considered it heavily at the time, you didn’t fully commit. You’d gone to a few welcome sessions, and one individual before the cost aspect came in, and that’s where you were no longer interestd.

JJ caught you first, which made sense. The bags under your eyes were dark and you were a shell of a human at that point. JJ hadn’t realized you were slipping out of bed at night to stare at the stars, falling victim to the voices and images in your head. It was one off night where he’d been rattled by the thunder and lightning of a storm and he realized you were curled up in the hammock out on the covered balcony. Figuring you were enjoying the storm, he moved to join you, but the tears and soft sobs told him so much more.

John B witnessed the worst one.  The group was pulling an all-nighter on the shop prep before opening day and you’d dipped to take a quick nap before rejoining. John B had never had his heart drop so violently when he heard your scream. It was so deep and terrifying that he was sprinting up the stairs by two each to get to you as fast as possible, fearing the worst. 

He had never seen you in such a state, like sleep paralysis had taken over and left you silent. John B didn’t hesitate to wrap you into his hold, pulling you into a sitting position and lovingly crushing you between his arms. Seconds felt like hours before you relaxed in his embrace and the first sob left your lips. 

John B didn’t know what to do, but he was there, and that’s what mattered. 

He let it go for a few weeks, checking in with JJ when you weren’t looking to see if anything got better. When it didn’t, he practically carried your ass to therapy, claiming the gold had a loose enough budget to accommodate a few sessions. You felt guilty about the whole thing between cost and timing of someone taking you, but John B and JJ reassured you multiple times not to.

“You deserve to take up space in this family,” John B had told you when you refused to get out of the van at the third session, claiming there were more important things that needed to happen. “I know you don’t agree with me, and you probably never will, but you deserve to heal from this, too.”

And then came the arguments that you could push through, that everyone in the group likely needed therapy anyway. John B didn’t let that one last long, arguing that nobody else was waking up with screams besides you and occasionally, JJ. 

You were stubborn, and after everything, you didn’t want to let your walls down to strangers. Then, you’d found a friend (term used very lightly).

Sofia was volunteering at the sessions, but given the fact that both of you were Pogues, you’d at least clicked somewhat after talking. Neither of you talked outside of the 30–60-minute sessions, but you were grateful for the familiar face when you walked in the room. Little did you realize how much that would come to bite you in the ass.

You learned how to talk yourself out of an anxiety attack, and to acknowledge you needed to cope with this stuff on an individual basis. As much as you loved your friends, you couldn’t rely on them to fix this for you. 

The last individual session had been a shit show. The recommendation that John B come sit in with you was not a welcomed one, and although you loved your brother so much, it was hard to be emotionally vulnerable while working on building independence. 

John B had his guesses of what happened when you were with the Camerons, and then again when Singh had taken you off the beach. And while he didn’t want to pry, there were millions of questions he’d had about everything that happened. The way you shut down in the hall at Tannyhill, the screaming, the shying away from someone’s touch. 

You’d taken a lot of shit from your dad over the years, but John B’s never seen you so small and scared in your life. 

While the session was pretty much useless, and almost broke into an argument when they tried to manipulate you into answering things you didn’t want to discuss, you were done. You told John B to never bring you back again, so he didn’t.

He wanted to fix all of it, to fill the promises he’d given you over the years and be the older brother you’d deserved for so long. You were both teenagers at the end of the day, but God, you could barely act like one with everything you’d gone through.

One day, you’d spill everything to your brother...come clean about the scars, visible and hidden, that would forever stain your skin and soul. And he would listen, cry, and be there for it all… because that’s what big brothers do.

That’s what John B had promised. And he was done breaking promises.

[rayaswrittings]

One night, Every feeling

JJ Maybank x Fem!Cameron!Reader

Synopsis: On your birthday, surrounded by the Pogues’ love and chaos, the night takes an unexpected turn for you and JJ. After months of denying your feelings, an evening of dancing, teasing, and vulnerability becomes the tipping point. Caught in the haze of emotion and reckless abandon, you act on what you’ve always felt but were too afraid to admit. A night meant for celebration becomes the one where everything changes—one night filled with every unspoken feeling finally laid bare.

Warning(s): 18+ only! Minors DNI, Mature themes, Language, the whole nine. Also very long! Apologies for mistakes :/

The warm glow of string lights wrapped around Poguelandia, casting golden hues over the small haven as laughter and music echoed from inside. Tonight wasn’t about running from trouble or chasing treasure—it was your birthday, and for once, everything else could wait.

Pope stood in the middle of the Kildare island co, tying the finishing touches on a banner that read Happy Birthday, Trouble. The letters were uneven and slightly crooked, but he stepped back with a satisfied nod. “Perfect.”

“Perfectly lopsided,” Cleo teased from where she was setting up the speaker.

“Hey, it’s got character,” Pope defended, shooting her a mock glare.

“Yeah, yeah, good effort,” Kie chimed in, carrying a tray of mismatched cups to the table. “At least you’re trying.”

Meanwhile, Sarah was kneeling on a chair, carefully balancing as she added an oversized sparkler candle to the homemade cake. “This is gonna look amazing,” she declared.

“Or set the place on fire,” John B muttered, earning himself a swat on the arm.

“Relax,” Sarah said, grinning. “We’ve survived worse.”

JJ, leaning lazily against the doorway with a beer in hand, watched the commotion with a smirk. “You guys are really pulling out all the stops, huh?”

“You say that like you didn’t spend an hour arguing with Pope about the playlist,” Kie shot back, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey, music’s important,” JJ said, feigning offense. He held up his beer in a mock toast. “You’re welcome for the vibe, by the way.”

“Sure, JJ. Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Cleo said with a laugh, cranking up the music.

As the first notes of a familiar song filled the air, you stepped into the room, taking it all in—the decorations, the cake Cleo and Kie had made you, the way everyone was buzzing with energy.

“There she is!” Sarah cheered, hopping off the chair and rushing over to grab your arm. “Birthday girl, looking beautiful as ever!”

You laughed, letting her pull you further inside. “You guys didn’t have to do all this.”

“Of course we did,” Kie said, grinning. “It’s your day.”

“Yeah,” JJ added, his smirk widening. “And you only turn, what, thirty?”

“Ha-ha,” you deadpanned, shooting him a glare.

“Alright, alright, everyone shut up!” Sarah’s voice rose above the chatter, her hands cupped around her mouth. “It’s toast time!”

You groaned, sinking onto the couch. “Oh, God, no speeches.”

“Too late!” Sarah said, laughing as she grabbed a cup and raised it high.

“To my amazing, stubborn, sometimes infuriating sister, who somehow manages to keep us all in one piece while also causing at least half of the chaos we deal with,” Sarah began, her voice full of warmth and humor.

Everyone laughed, JJ the loudest. “She’s not wrong!”

Sarah rolled her eyes but smiled. “Shut up, JJ. Anyway, we love you, and we’re so glad you’re stuck with us. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” the group echoed, lifting their drinks before clinking cups and taking long sips.

JJ, still leaning against the doorway, tilted his cup toward you with a smirk. “To the only person who can give me a run for my money when it comes to trouble. I’m proud.”

“High praise coming from you, Maybank,” you teased, raising your drink.

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he replied, his tone playful but his gaze lingering just a second longer than necessary.

The music shifted to a faster beat, and Sarah grabbed your hand, pulling you to your feet. “Nope, you’re not sitting this one out. Dance!”

Cleo was already swaying her hips to the rhythm, motioning for Kie to join her. “Come on, girl, birthday rule: you have to dance to at least three songs. Minimum.”

You laughed, letting them drag you to the middle of the room. As the music blared from the speaker, you lost yourself in the beat, spinning and laughing with your friends. Sarah twirled you around dramatically, while Cleo hyped you up with exaggerated cheers.

JJ watched from the edge of the room, a soft smile tugging at his lips as you danced. Pope nudged him. “You’re staring, man.”

“Shut up,” JJ muttered, taking another swig of his beer.

The music thumped through Poguelandia, and Cleo spun you around with a mischievous laugh. “Birthday girl’s got moves!”

Kie cheered, clapping along to the beat. “Yeahhh, I see you!”

Sarah leaned into John B on the couch, smirking as she watched the three of you take over the space near the speaker. “This is the most energy I’ve seen her have all day,” she joked, sipping from her cup.

“Alcohol does wonders,” John B teased back, earning a playful nudge from Sarah.

Meanwhile, JJ still leaned against the table, beer in hand, watching the scene unfold. His eyes lingered on you a beat too long, the way your hips swayed to the music and your head tipped back in laughter.

“Bro, you’re still staring?,” Pope said from beside him, smirking.

JJ didn’t even flinch. “Yeah? And?”

Pope raised his brows. “And maybe you should do something about it instead of looking like your about to combust”

JJ rolled his eyes and drained the rest of his beer. “Combust, my ass. I’m just appreciating the show.”

“Uh-huh,” Pope said, unconvinced. “What’s your excuse gonna be when I go out there and steal her for a dance?” He jokes, obviously knowing he would only ever choose Cleo.

JJ snorted. “Not happening, dude.”

Pope smirked. “Then prove it.”

JJ set his empty bottle on the table with a dramatic thud. “Fine. Watch and learn, Pope.”

Without hesitation, JJ sauntered toward the makeshift dance floor, his cocky grin in full effect. You caught sight of him as he approached, and the mischievous glint in his eyes made your heart skip.

“Finally decided to join the fun?” you teased as he stepped in front of you.

“Had to make sure you weren’t stealing the spotlight without me,” JJ shot back, his grin widening.

“Oh, I’m carrying this whole thing,” you joked, twirling in place. “Think you can keep up?”

“Please.” JJ grabbed your hand and spun you again, pulling you closer in one smooth motion. “I am the fun.”

The group cheered from the sidelines, John B letting out a loud whistle. “Yeah, J!”

Kie laughed, clapping. “Told you he’d cave eventually!”

Cleo leaned toward Pope, smirking. “That boy’s whipped.”

JJ ignored them all, his attention completely on you. The two of you fell into a rhythm effortlessly, his movements loose and confident as he guided you through the music.

“You’re not half bad,” you said, breathless from laughing and dancing.

JJ arched a brow. “Not half bad? Babe, I’m stealing the show.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Okay, keep telling yourself that.”

JJ twirled you again, catching you by the waist as you stumbled slightly. His grip lingered, and for a second, the teasing grin on his face softened.

“You’re killing it, though,” he said, his voice lower now, just loud enough for you to hear over the music.

The sudden sincerity in his tone caught you off guard, your breath hitching as his hands steadied you. But before the moment could stretch too long, he stepped back, smirking again. “But don’t let it go to your head.”

You rolled your eyes, but your heart raced as you grabbed his hands and pulled him back toward you. “I don’t think you’re allowed to leave the dance floor yet.”

JJ laughed, spinning you one last time as the song ended. “Alright, birthday girl. What’s next? Shots or another dance?”

Before you could answer, Cleo stepped in, dragging you away playfully. “She’s mine now, Maybank. Go take five.”

JJ threw up his hands in mock defeat. “Fine, but don’t wear her out before the next song!”

As he retreated to grab another drink, he glanced back at you over his shoulder, his smirk lingering. Pope shook his head as JJ rejoined him. “You’re so obvious, man.”

JJ grinned, unbothered. “And you’re jealous you don’t have moves like me.”

Pope laughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

But JJ wasn’t paying attention. His eyes drifted back to you, still dancing in the middle of the room, and for the first time all night, he let himself wonder if you had any idea what you were doing to him.

"You're gonna wear her out," Sarah teased from the couch, leaning into John B's shoulder.

"She's got this," Cleo said confidently, spinning you around.

JJ leaned back in his chair, watching as you danced with the girls. He tried to play it cool, his arms crossed over his chest, but the way his gaze lingered on you didn't go unnoticed.

"Sooo… are you just gonna sit there all night and stare?" Pope asked, nudging him.

JJ shrugged, not taking his eyes off the scene in front of him. "Someone's gotta make sure nobody gets too wild."

"Uh-huh," Pope said, clearly not buying it.

The song shifted again, this time to a bass-heavy beat that had Kie and Cleo moving with even more energy. You caught J's eye for a moment, your lips curving into a small smile, and his breath hitched before he quickly looked away, pretending to focus on his drink.

“I can’t watch this shit anymore, bro” Pope muttered under his breath, laughing to himself.

The game of Kings was in full swing after awhile, the table cluttered with empty bottles, cans, and half-finished cups that had somehow become part of the challenge. The air was thick with laughter, loud music, and the intoxicating scent of booze, and the more the night wore on, the more everyone seemed to loosen up.

JJ was sprawled across the floor, his legs tangled in a chair, and his voice already slurring as he cheered for whatever ridiculous thing someone had just done. “Yo, Pope! Keep that up and I’m gonna have to start calling you lazy!’”

Pope, already red-faced from a few too many rounds, laughed back, holding his drink up like a trophy. “Don’t start, Maybank! I’ll show you lazy!”

Meanwhile, Cleo was trying to maintain some semblance of composure, but it was clear the alcohol was doing its work. She’d attempted to take a shot when it was her turn, but it ended up splashing more on her than in her mouth. “Fuck, man! That’s a waste of good Vodka!” she laughed, wiping her chin.

You were sitting cross-legged on the floor, your laughter spilling freely with each passing round. JJ’s usual poker face had been replaced by a slightly tipsy, carefree version of himself, and he was absolutely loving it. You could feel the energy between you both shift as the alcohol mixed with the playful tension that had been simmering for days.

“Alright, alright,” Kie said, looking at the cards in her hand with a drunken frown. “I got a two. JJ, you know what that means, right?”

JJ raised his eyebrows, leaning forward with a wicked grin. “Oh, I know exactly what it means. You’re gonna do somethin’ crazy, aren’t you?”

You chuckled as Kie downed her drink in one go. “Your turn now!” she exclaimed, handing the bottle off to JJ with a sly grin.

As the night dragged on, the drinking games only seemed to get more ridiculous. There were shots, dares, and more rounds of Kings than anyone could count. But somehow, in the chaos, you and JJ became the focal point of the night. The two of you kept locking eyes across the room, the teasing glances and flirty remarks becoming a more regular occurrence.

JJ knocked back another drink, his eyes narrowing playfully as he leaned into you. “I think you’re tryin’ to make me jealous with how good you look tonight. Keep it up and you might get yourself in trouble,” he muttered, leaning so close his breath brushed your ear.

You felt the heat of his words, too drunk to care that the whole group could probably hear him. You looked at him with a drunken, teasing smile. “Oh yeah? You think I’m trying to make you jealous? Maybe I just wanna see you do something about it,” you shot back, not missing a beat.

JJ’s eyes widened, but then he laughed, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “Whoa, now, you’re not gonna get me to fall for that one. I know better.” He took another swig of his drink, leaning back with his arms crossed as if trying to play it cool—but the smile on his face betrayed him.

You scooted a little closer, the alcohol making you bold in ways you never usually were. “You sure? ‘Cause I don’t know if I’m buying it,” you purred, your voice low enough that only he could hear. The entire group was wrapped up in their own chaos, too drunk to notice anything between you and JJ.

Cleo, Kie and Pope were arguing over who could take the next shot the fastest, and John B and Sarah were wrapped up in their own world, holding hands while they giggled over something. The night had turned into one big blur, everyone losing themselves in the party.

But JJ, with his wild eyes, was only focused on you. “You better watch out, you’re gonna have me all over you, and I won’t let you live it down,” he teased, his voice low and confident—yet there was a slight slur to it.

You could feel the air between you both thicken as your proximity grew, and without thinking, you leaned in close enough to feel the warmth of his skin. “I can’t wait,” you whispered, your breath mingling with his.

JJ’s heart raced, and for a moment, he was frozen—his lips slightly parted, his breath shallow. He was too drunk to keep up the bravado. “You’re gonna be the death of me, Kook princess” he muttered with a half-laugh, before taking a long drink from his cup to steady himself.

A round of cheers erupted from the group as they realized it was JJ’s turn again. The game had gone on to become truth or dare, but mostly it was just dares flying around like crazy. Some kissed, some took shots they definitely had to pray on before taking, But he barely heard any of it. His focus was still locked on you.

“Okay, we’ve got a dare for you, JJ,” Pope suddenly interrupted, clearly not noticing the tension brewing between the two of you.

JJ snapped his head toward Pope, visibly trying to pull himself back together. “What’s the dare?”

Pope grinned mischievously. “Alright, I dare you to kiss her. Just a quick one, you know, to keep the night going.”

The entire group erupted in hoots of laughter and cheers, but you and JJ were suddenly hyper-aware of the quiet that had fallen around you two. The dare hung in the air like an undeniable challenge, and for a moment, neither of you moved.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, and JJ was staring at you, not backing away but not advancing either. The alcohol had loosened your usual restraint, and now it felt like the entire room was holding its breath.

“You sure about that, Pope?” JJ finally said, his voice low, his usual cocky grin replaced with something a little more vulnerable. He was trying to keep it casual, but his voice wavered slightly.

Pope’s grin only widened. “Come on, man. If you don’t do it, kie will.”

Kie and you laughed—The challenge was clear, and suddenly, everything felt too real. The room, the music, the group—everything seemed to disappear as JJ’s face was inches from yours.

You tried to keep your expression neutral, but the flush creeping up your neck and the way your stomach twisted gave you away. JJ turned his gaze back to you, his usual confidence faltering for a split second.

“Alright, alright,” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck as he stepped closer to you. His grin returned, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Rules are rules, I guess.”

Your heart hammered in your chest as he stopped just in front of you, the world fading out once more. His hands hovered awkwardly at his sides for a moment before one settled lightly on your arm, grounding you.

“You okay with this?” he asked softly, his tone so uncharacteristically gentle that it made your chest tighten.

You nodded, trying to act like your heart wasn’t about to leap out of your chest. “It’s just a dare, right?”

JJ’s lips twitched into a lopsided smirk, though there was a nervous edge to it. "Just a dare," he echoed, though the way his voice dipped made it sound like he was convincing himself.

As he leaned in, the room seemed to hold its collective breath. You could feel the heat of his body as he got closer, his other hand reaching up to gently cup the side of your face. The touch was warm, grounding, but it only made your heart pound harder.

When his lips finally met yours, the teasing atmosphere in the room evaporated entirely. It was meant to be quick, simple, but the moment JJ kissed you, the world narrowed to just the two of you. His lips were soft but firm, his hand tightening slightly on your arm as he lingered, longer than necessary for a dare.

A muffled cheer erupted from somewhere in the background, but neither of you pulled away. The kiss deepened, slow and magnetic, like neither of you could stop. JJ’s free hand brushed against your waist, almost instinctively, and the heat of it made your stomach twist in ways you couldn’t explain.

When you finally broke apart, both of you were breathless. The room burst into shouts and laughter, but you and JJ stayed frozen for a beat too long, staring at each other. His lips were slightly parted, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes searched yours, as though trying to decipher what just happened.

Your chest tightened, your lips still tingling as you tried to collect yourself. JJ took a shaky breath and stepped back, his hand dropping from your arm and face. He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze for a moment before glancing back at you.

“Happy now, Pope?” JJ’s voice cracked slightly, and he covered it by grabbing his beer and chugging half of it.

“Oh, we’re thrilled,” Pope replied smugly, raising his drink.

“You two sure took your time with that one,” Kie teased, raising an eyebrow at you both.

“Yeah, definitely longer than the ‘quick one’ we had in mind,” Cleo added with a knowing smirk.

Your face burned, and you quickly grabbed your drink, hoping no one could see how shaken you felt. Across the table, JJ was no better, his ears red as he avoided looking directly at anyone. But every so often, your eyes met, and the tension between you sparked all over again.

“You gonna survive over there, JJ?” John B teased, tossing a bottle cap in his direction.

JJ rolled his eyes, though his smirk had returned, even if it was faint. “I—“

“Okay! Next dare,” Kie announced, clearly trying to keep the game going and cutting JJ off—to which he was very thankful for.

The game carried on, the laughter and teasing filling the space again. But for the rest of the night, you couldn’t stop glancing at JJ—and every time you did, you caught him looking back, his expression unreadable but heavy with something unspoken.

The night was far from over.

——-

The group had shifted to the couch area, most of them completely drunk and sprawled out, as the music continued to pulse in the background. The playful tension from the dare hung between you and JJ like an electric current, the air thick with unspoken words.

You and JJ hadn’t spoken much since the kiss, both of you trying to act as if it hadn’t just happened. But the way your eyes met every now and then, and the way your body seemed to gravitate towards him without thought, was enough to make everyone else notice.

John B, already tipsy and leaning into Sarah, was the first to break the silence. “Okay, okay, we need to start another round of something. Before I close my eyes and never open them” He looked between everyone, his eyes narrowing as he spotted the two of you. “But someone better keep an eye on JJ and the birthday girl. Looks like they’re gonna start their own game soon.” He winked, half-joking, but it didn’t land as lightly as he probably intended.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the blush creeping up your neck. “Shut up, John B,” you mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in your seat, pretending to find something interesting about your drink.

JJ, sitting across from you, caught the blush and grinned. “What, you embarrassed now?” His voice was light, teasing, but the heat in his gaze betrayed his casual tone. He knew exactly what was going on.

“No,” you shot back quickly, rolling your eyes dramatically. “Not embarrassed. Just… I don’t know, maybe your just a bad kisser.” You swirled the drink in your hand, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Yeah, maybe… but you know,” JJ started, leaning in closer, his voice low, “Your body says otherwise” He smirked, and there was something in his voice that was far too confident, even for him. “If you want another try, all you have to do is ask”

The words hit like a shot of tequila, and you felt the heat rising in your chest once again. For a moment, you just stared at him, your pulse quickening. “What makes you think I want that?” You were drunk enough to be bold, but the teasing in your tone didn’t match the rapid beat of your heart.

JJ’s smirk softened, his eyes flickering to your lips for the briefest moment before looking away. He leaned back in his seat, glancing at the group, and then back at you, his voice suddenly quieter. “I’m just saying, I wouldn’t mind,” he said, shrugging, like he was trying to act nonchalant. But there was something in the way he said it, the vulnerability in his voice, that made your breath hitch.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or the way he looked at you, but you were suddenly drawn to him in a way you hadn’t expected. The playful flirting had turned into something more, something deeper.

Before you could respond, Cleo stood up, raising her cup dramatically. “Okay, okay! Time for some more chaos! Who’s up for another round of… whatever we’re doing?”

The interruption snapped both of you back into the present, but the heat between you didn’t fade. The night was still young, and now, everyone was shouting for another round of drinks.

“Fine,” you muttered under your breath, standing up and turning to grab another drink. “But I’m keeping my distance from Maybank for the next round.”

JJ raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I bet you are,” he teased, but his smile faded as he noticed the slight shift in your attitude. The flirting had stopped, and there was something else there now, something neither of you were ready to deal with.

But before either of you could speak again, Pope and Cleo dragged everyone back into the living room, launching into another round of Kings, laughing and joking as they set everything up.

As the night wore on, the group’s energy shifted. People began winding down, some already half-asleep on the couches, others still caught up in the haze of drunken laughter. You and JJ remained in the same space but kept your distance, the unspoken tension between you both thickening with every passing second.

Eventually, the music died down, and the room grew quieter. John B and Sarah were wrapped up in each other, and Cleo had snuck off to sit by herself, letting the alcohol take its toll. Pope was sitting next to you, chatting about something, but your mind kept wandering back to JJ. You hadn’t realized how badly you’d wanted him until this moment—until that kiss and the lingering feeling it left in its wake.

“Hey,” Pope’s voice broke through your thoughts. “You good?”

You turned your head to look at him, trying to hide the conflicted look on your face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… a little too drunk,” you laughed, but there was an edge to your voice that betrayed you.

Pope raised an eyebrow. “If you say so. But just know, JJ’s been acting weird since the kiss. He’s too drunk to admit it—and I’m too drunk to go in depth about it, but he cares about you.”

You blinked, surprised by his honesty. “What are you talking about?” you said quickly, trying to sound casual, but your heart was racing.

Pope shrugged, his eyes softening. “I know JJ. He’s not good at talking about his feelings. Especially when it comes to you.”

Before you could respond, you caught JJ glancing at you from across the room. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes betrayed him. It was as if he was trying to keep his distance, but the pull between you both was undeniable.

He quickly turned his attention back to his drink, avoiding eye contact. You could feel the weight of his gaze even from across the room, and for a moment, you wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and pull him close. But you also knew that whatever was happening between you two—this unspoken tension, this flirtation—wasn’t something you were ready to figure out just yet.

The group around you began to fade into the background as you and JJ shared a moment of quiet understanding from across the room. No words were exchanged, but the silence spoke volumes. And just like that, you knew whatever was to come—it wasn’t going to feel good in the morning.

——

As the night stretched on, the weight of the alcohol settled in, and the chaotic energy of the group began to wane. The music faded out, and the laughter that had filled the room softened into sleepy chuckles and half-hearted conversations. The sounds of glasses clinking together became less frequent, replaced by tired yawns and people stretching, making their way to the camp fire outside and blankets that had been carelessly tossed around the circle.

You were sitting closer to the fire, taking in the warmth again your skin, your legs tucked under you as you quietly observed the others. John B and Sarah were curled up together, already half-asleep, with his arm slung around her shoulders. Pope and Cleo, though still conscious, were drifting into a peaceful silence, their eyes barely open as they snuggled into the cushions. Kie had already went inside a few minutes prior, complaining about how she had to be up early tomorrow morning. The only ones still wide-eyed were you and JJ, and despite the heaviness of the night, neither of you seemed ready to let it end just yet.

JJ, sitting across from you, had his elbow resting on his knee, his eyes trained on the fire in front of him. He seemed distant, but his occasional glances toward you didn’t go unnoticed. You caught his eyes again, and this time, instead of looking away, he let them linger.

You let out a quiet breath, unsure how to proceed. “We should probably help clean up,” you murmured, breaking the silence, your words a little slurred from the alcohol.

JJ chuckled softly, leaning back in his chair with a slight tilt of his head. “Eh, we’ll get to it tomorrow. It’s too late for that now. Let them sleep it off. We’ve earned a break.” His voice had a playful tone, but there was something in it, a flicker of something deeper, that caught your attention.

“Yeah, I guess,” you said quietly, nodding, though your eyes were still locked with his.

A few more moments of silence passed, the fire crackling softly, the only sound besides the occasional rustling of blankets as everyone else settled in for the night.

Suddenly, Cleo stood up, stretching and yawning loudly. “Alright, guys,” she said with a teasing grin. “I think it’s time for me to pass out. You know where to find the blankets.” She glanced at you and JJ. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, alright?”

“Trust me, Cleo, we’re just gonna… just chill out,” JJ said, flashing her a grin.

“You two are trouble, you don’t fool me” Cleo called over her shoulder, not looking back as she walked toward the makeshift sleeping area. Pope was already settling beside her, clearly exhausted from the night’s events.

With a small wave, Sarah and John B followed suit. “Goodnight, guys,” Sarah called, already half-asleep as she leaned into John B’s side, and they made their way to the back rooms of the house.

A quiet hush fell over the fire, and the last of the group had all but drifted into the house, leaving you and JJ alone, just the two of you still sitting in the dim glow of the firelight.

JJ was sitting on the edge of a chair, his elbows resting on his knees as he twirled an empty beer bottle in his hands. His hair was messy, falling into his eyes, and there was something about the way he looked at you now—unguarded, raw, like all the walls he’d built around himself had crumbled under the weight of the night.

You sat only a few feet away, mind swaying from the alcohol coursing through your veins, watching him with a mix of amusement and apprehension. He hadn’t said much since the others left, and for once, you didn’t feel the need to fill the silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable; it was charged.

“You know,” you finally broke the quiet, your voice softer than usual, “you have a really bad poker face”

JJ glanced up at you, his brows lifting in amusement. “Yeah?” he asked, leaning back in his chair. “And yours is any better, kook princess?”

You smirked at the nickname, taking a step closer. “You act like you don’t care about anything, but you do. A lot. You care about them”—you motioned toward the house—“you care about this place, and, whether you like it or not, you care about me.”

JJ’s smirk faltered for a fraction of a second, and you saw his jaw tighten as he glanced away, back at the bottle in his hands. “You’ve had too much to drink,” he muttered, his voice low.

“Maybe,” you admitted, taking another step closer. “But that doesn’t make it any less true.”

He laughed quietly, shaking his head. “You really don’t know when to quit, do you?”

“Nope,” you said with a small smile, crossing your arms over your chest. “Not when it comes to you.”

That made him look up, his blue eyes locking onto yours in a way that made your breath hitch. The firelight danced in his gaze, but it wasn’t the flames you were focused on—it was the way he was looking at you, like he was trying to decide whether to keep pushing you away or finally let you in.

He stood, starting to diminish the fire in the pit, and for a moment you wondered if you should tell him you didn’t want to go back in the house, the drunken words hanging off your tongue in the moment. JJ on the other hand, had already been walking up to you, dumping his drink with one hand and holding the other one out to you.

“Want some company tonight?” His words make your stomach twist. Of course you did—hell, you’ve been staring at him all night. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or maybe just your overthinking, but the way he looked at you… it made you think so many things. Things you shouldn’t think about with your best friend.

You take your lip between your teeth, trying to hide the blush from your cheeks as you take his soft hand, nodding when you look up at him. You followed him into the shop, stopping to lean against the counter when he let go to put away some of the drinks back in the tiny fridge you had inside. You watched him, so many thoughts running through your head. You knew you wanted JJ… but for some reason—tonight was the night you were finally sick of waiting.

You watch as his muscle flex when he pushes the fridge door shut, making sure its broken latch actually stays. His messy hair is longer than usual, in need of a haircut but it clearly didn’t bother you in this light. Your mind ran wild with thoughts of your nails running across his arms, fingers intertwining with his blond locks. Fucking hell, why did you have to drink so much?

“You alright over there? Don’t tell me your day dreaming about me” his comment tunes you back in, your eyes averting to his and you notice how close he is to you now. Your eyelids were heavy, but your eyes said everything they needed to. You looked at him with passion, a clear and desperate need for him to just grab you and kiss you.

JJ’s smirk faltered slightly when he caught the way you were looking at him. His playful confidence wavered, and for a moment, it seemed like neither of you knew who would make the first move. The tension crackled like the remnants of the fire outside-intense and impossible to ignore.

"What?" he asked, his voice lower now, a nervous edge creeping in.

You shook your head, swallowing hard as you straightened against the counter. "You're just... annoying," you said, trying to say literally anything and sound casual, but your voice betrayed you, soft and breathless.

"Annoying?" he repeated, leaning a hand against the counter beside you, his eyes narrowing. "Funny, 'cause you're the one staring like I'm a damn trophy."

"I wasn't staring," you muttered, cheeks burning.

JJ tilted his head, his lips twitching into a lopsided grin. "Oh, you weren't? Could've fooled me."

You opened your mouth to reply, but he was already moving closer, his chest brushing against yours as his hand came up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His touch was so light, so deliberate, that it sent a shiver through you.

"Careful," he murmured, his eyes dipping to your lips. "You're starting to look at me like you want something."

Your breath hitched as his words sank in, the weight of them making your head spin even more than the alcohol already had.

He was so close now, his scent-salt, weed, and a faint trace of cologne-making your heart race.

"And if I do?" you whispered, barely recognizing your own voice.

JJ's jaw tightened, his playful demeanor slipping as his fingers hovered just above your cheek. His gaze flicked between your eyes and lips, and you could see the internal battle raging inside him.

"Don't do that," he muttered, shaking his head slightly.

"Do what?"

"Say things like that," he said, his voice rough. "You're gonna make me do something stupid."

You leaned into his touch, your lips parting as your hand moved to rest against his chest. His heart was pounding under your palm, and it gave you the courage to press on.

"Maybe I want you to," you said softly, your voice daring.

JJ let out a low, humorless laugh, his forehead coming to rest against yours. "You have no idea what you're asking for," he said, his voice strained.

"Then show me," you challenged, your lips brushing against his just enough to make him suck in a sharp breath.

“Fuck it” He huffs, and it was safe to say you couldn’t imagine the extent of what would happen next.

His restraint shattered in an instant. One of his hands gripped the counter beside you, the other cupping your face as his lips crashed against yours. The kiss was fiery and desperate, his need for you pouring out in every movement. You gasped into his mouth, your fingers tangling in his hair as he pressed you back against the counter.

It was messy, intoxicating, and everything you'd imagined it would be. His hands roamed your sides, pulling you closer as if he couldn't stand even a breath of space between you.

"Fuck," he whispered against your lips, his voice thick with desire. "You're gonna kill me."

You pulled back just enough to look at him, your forehead still resting against his.

"Maybe that's the point," you said, a small, teasing smile curving your lips.

JJ let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head as he stared at you like you'd just turned his entire world upside down. His fingers brushed along your jawline, his gaze softening in a way that made your chest tighten.

"We’re so screwed," he murmured, leaning down to kiss you again, slower this time, more deliberate.

"Shut up and kiss me, Maybank," you teased, your smile breaking against his lips.

He didn't answer, but the way his hands tightened around you told you everything you needed to know. The tension that had been building between you all night finally melted away, leaving just the two of you and the undeniable pull that neither of you could fight any longer.

JJ’s kisses turned deeper, hungrier, as his hands tightened their hold on your hips, fingers digging into your skin like he was afraid you might slip away. He had you backed up against the counter, the edge pressing into your lower back, but the slight discomfort didn't matter. All you could feel was him—his warmth, his need, and the way he was finally letting himself give in.

Your fingers slipped beneath the hem of his shirt, brushing against his skin, and the sound he made against your lips sent a shiver down your spine. JJ broke the kiss, his lips moving to your jaw, then to your neck, leaving a trail of heat that made your head spin.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he murmured against your skin, his voice low and rough.

Your breath hitched, your hands roaming up his chest, feeling the hard planes of muscle beneath your fingertips. "Jayj…" you whisper, your voice soft but slightly shaking from the new sensation.

JJ pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, his pupils blown wide and his lips red and slightly swollen. "You're dangerous," he said, shaking his head with a crooked grin.

"Me? You're the one who can't keep his hands to himself," you teased, tugging at his shirt.

"Yeah, well, you make it impossible," he shot back, his grin softening into something more genuine.

He pulled you into another kiss, slower this time, but no less intense. His hands slid up your sides, his thumbs brushing the bare skin just beneath your shirt, sending a jolt of electricity through your body. You arched into him, your hands finding their way into his messy blond hair, pulling him even closer.

Somewhere in the haze of it all, JJ lifted you onto the counter, his hands gripping your thighs as he stepped between them.

The way he looked at you—like you were the only thing that mattered, made your chest tighten.

"JJ," you whispered, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.

His name coming from your lips had sounded like a prayer only he was meant to hear. It shifted every gear in his body when he heard it. That breathless, innocent tone of yours. "Fuck. Keep saying it” he mumbled against your skin, his voice thick with want, his forehead resting against yours.

You hesitated, your heart pounding in your chest.

“I want you, Jayj. You have me" you confessed, your voice barely audible.

JJ let out a soft laugh, his thumb brushing against your cheek. "That’s my girl" he said, his voice carrying an honesty that made your breath catch.

He kissed you again, and this time, it felt different. It wasn't just about the tension or the alcohol—it was about everything that had been building between you for so long.

"Tell me to stop," JJ murmured against your lips, his hands trembling slightly as they trailed up your thighs. "Tell me to stop before we change our friendship forever."

You shook your head, your hands cupping his face. "Don't stop," you whispered, your voice steady despite the emotions swirling inside you. “Please… don’t stop, J” With a final laugh, JJ pulled you closer, smashing his lips against your own once again. At this point, you wasted no time in letting your hands explore each others body. Your fingers felt his perfectly chiseled chest under his shirt as he left sensual kisses and bites against your neck, quiet breaths leaving your lips as you let your head fall back in pleasure.

He was the first to slip off your shirt, tossing it to a random side of the shop as he admired the sight in front of him. You were perfectly tanned, the curves of your breast inside your bra made it even harder for him to focus. You whine as he kisses your collar, growing more and more desperate by the minute.

He smirks against your skin, his hand slipping underneath your bra until it came undone. “Impatient girl—I’ll take care of you” you let it fall, not caring even a little bit that you were almost fully exposed to him now. The shop had thin walls and makeshift windows—someone could see you if they wanted to, but you didn’t care as long as JJ’s arms were wrapped around you.

You make brief eye contact with him before he moves down your chest, his large hands kneading your breasts while his lips move over them. You were on cloud 9—so drunk and so incredibly horny for the boy in front of you that you didn’t care if anyone heard.

“You are so goddamn beautiful, Y/N” he mumbles against your skin, a moan slipping from your lips as his fingers dug firmer into your skin. It was so rough, such hungry movements against each other. It was perfect.

“Fuck, Jayj…” your fingers comb through his hair, the nails on your other hand digging into the wood countertop under you. As much as JJ was enjoying watching you fall apart, he knew he couldn’t do anything with you on the counter like this. At least not what he wanted.

You felt his hands tug you toward him, so harsh he’d moved you swiftly. Your legs wrapped around his waist like an order, and it was—an unspoken one to you. Your arms lay around his neck as he carries you upstairs, lips on your the entire time and your surprised he didn’t fall.

He laid you back against the couch, the two of you barely fitting as he followed you down. The heat from his body radiated your own—making the moment all too real. “J… not fair” you hum, tugging at his shirt that was still fully on while you lay fully exposed from the waist up. He chuckles, leaning back and pulling it over his head, throwing it to the other side of the room.

"We’re playing a dangerous game, Y/N" He tells you with a sharp tone, moving to place his hands against the couch fabric, closing you between him.

You smirk, looking him up and down once before looking back to his face. "Isn’t that what we’re all about?"

The two of you laid there, staring at the other for what felt like forever until He finally gave in, cursing himself under his breath before he grabbed your neck to pull you into a rough kiss. Your body is flush against his as he completely explores your body with his hands. You could feel his growing erection, you could feel his hunger for your body like he felt yours.

"JJ" You mumble in a breathless moan. His lips remove from yours and move to your jaw, hungrily peppering wet kisses down it, all the way to your neck.

"You are so fucking hot, Jesus" He groans against your ear, placing soft kisses on your sensitive skin.

Your moans are what encourage him the most.

Hearing your sweet whimpers in his ear as he sucked on your neck felt like a dream. Believe god, he'd had that dream many, many times before.

"I've waited so long for this" Your breathless under him, gripping his hair between your small fingers. You could feel his cock pressing against you, begging for your tongue. It was big-he was so fucking big. It should've scared you but you were more intrigued, grinding your hips against his to gain some friction with the little time you had before he stopped your bratty movements.

"I know you have" He teases and you only roll your eyes, grabbing his hand that held you steady against him. You could feel his lips brushing your skin, he wanted to mark you, and you wanted him to. You wanted JJ Maybank to let everyone know you were his.

"Having an attitude isn’t that attractive on you, Maybank. I know you’ve wanted me like this ever since I joined the pogues" You hum, holding his head and slightly pushing it down so his lips reattached to your neck. "But that’s okay, I'll find someone else—someone who hasn't played with me for years"

A grunt escapes his mouth as if he had been fighting with the feeling, shaking his head between your neck before meeting your eyes again; your bratty, untamed eyes.

"You've waited so long I thought? So long your body even reacts when I look at you" He's so obviously joking and you love every second of it. Every word of degradation is like music to your ears, like a forbidden kink you didn't know you had. Only for JJ. "This is what you wanted, huh? All those looks you'd give me after l'd make out with random kooks—you were so jealous, Sweetheart"

Your ears are perking at his every word but your eyes were filled with annoyance.

JJ knew now so why would you hide it? Hide your jealousy? "Fuck, Y/N. I’m so drunk but I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you if I was sober either"

You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling you closer to his body then before with a smirk, shrugging your shoulders.

"That doesn't matter. You have me now" His eyes. Oh god, his eyes were so hungry. At first you didn't know what to think but it only took you a few seconds to realize once his large arms were wrapped around your thighs, pulling your body close to him.

His chin sat against your stomach, staring up at you like he had been waiting for you to say something.

But you didn't know what he was planning until his thumb was ghosting around your clothed clit, that same smirk pulling at his lips as he watched you.

He slips your shorts off with ease, along with your black lace underwear, tossing them both to the side.

"Fuck" You breath heavily, leaning your head back against the sheets, not even realizing the boy under you was now fully under you. "S-shit!" Your hand fell clasp over your mouth to silence your moan, eyes falling back on him under you. Except now, his face was pressed into your dripping wet cunt, and his fingers teased what his mouth didn't. "Fucking hell, J" You mumble under your unsteady breath, trying your hardest not to moan because he had just started and you didn't want to seem weak.

But holy shit, this boy knew how to use his tongue.

Your hand fell atop his head in hopes to gain some sort of stability but that quickly failed, given how badly he was attacking your clit. His mouth was warm against you and you already knew you'd come soon. It was like he knew your body inside and out.

"I know your not holding back on me, are you?" His words vibrate against your cunt making you jolt, thankful his arms held you down so you wouldn't squirm. JJ was in pure bliss under you, relishing in your sweet taste that so effortlessly painted his tongue. You were wet, your cunt was begging for more even if you were a crying mess above him, like it finally found what it had been longing for.

"Jayj…" He chuckles at your attempt at retaliation but still manages to one up you, slipping two of his fingers inside you. “J-JJ, let me-"

"No" He only uttered one word but it was enough to make you listen like a trained dog, allowing your legs to tremble against his face. You could've taken it had you been prepared, but it had been far too long before any guy had done this to you.

"You taste so fucking good, Y/N" His fingers curl against your spongy walls, pushing his tongue against your clit quickly as your moan's increased.

It was so clear you were already on edge, about to let go without it being over five minutes. You find your pride slipping from you in a matter of seconds, begging the man to let you come as your fingers tug his hair. You couldn't hold on, your legs were far too weak.

"Please, please-Jayj, please" His ears are perking as you moan his name, begging for him, moaning for him. Normally, he'd take his time with you but now?

He needed to release all that tension between the two of you from years ago, he knew he couldn't last much longer. He needed to be inside of you, and for that exact reason is why he only sped up under you.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Your mind tried to come up with some sort of reason as to how you got yourself here, How you got your best friend between your legs, and definitely how you were about to fully submit yourself to this boy while your true feelings for each other were unknown. He was thinking the same thing; how did he get so lucky to have you above him?

"That’s it, just let go for me, Pretty girl" In only seconds, you're coming undone above him, legs almost falling weak as they shook from your release, sending shivers throughout your entire body. JJ’s still torturing your body, pumping his fingers into you at a faster pace. It was clear, he was trying to kill you.

"J!" You cry, gripping his hair with a begging tone. You couldn't take it much longer. You had to push him away. Finally, after what felt like forever, he removed his tongue from you, letting his fingers slip from inside you. His strong arms are the only thing that held your legs still, and you could see your release painted on his chin once he looked up at you.

"Holy shit" You curse under your breath, chest heaving as he stood to his feet. You look at the boy above you, noticing once again how he towers over you. “Dick” you push him before laying back against the couch in a huff, your body still shuddering and your heart coming down from the high he had given you.

He bites his lip, admiring your perfect body that had been on almost full display for him. He leans down when you notice how hard he is, lifting your chin with the hand he hadn't used on you.

You watch through your eyelashes as he sucks his finger clean from your release, biting his lip with a silent chuckle at how lovingly you looked at him. You grab his hand, pulling it closer to you until his other finger was pressed against your lips-to which you copied his action from before, staring into his eyes as you did.

"That’s my girl" He knew you liked that. It was so obvious—the way your legs clench together at his praise. He pulls his hand away and moves it to your neck, pressing a soft but sloppy kiss to your lips. You could taste yourself from him, and God... it was so fucking hot.

Your hand feels his body effortlessly until you reach his aching print, a small smile pulling at your lips against him.

"Let me" You mumble breathlessly, placing your hand over his cock. You could feel how desperate he had been for you, how badly he wanted you in that moment. His hand wraps around your throat firmly, pulling your lips to crash back into his own. He was so rough and impatient—you loved it.

"No. I need you. Right now" His voice is deep and makes your skin shiver, the way his hands touch you so delicately but with control. It was slightly dark around you, only lit by the string lights strung high up around the outsides of the shop.

"You have me, Jayj. You’ve… you’ve always had me" Your words make his and your own stomach twist into knots, he almost felt bad. He waited so long to make the move, afraid he misread the signs, but he'd never admit that. You allow your hands to travel down his bare abs, feeling every chisel between the pads of your fingertips. When you reach his belt, you're quick to help him tug his pants off, watching him with the most admiration.

"I won’t be able to look at you with anyone else after we do this" He looks at you once more, both of your hands laid on the waistband of his underwear. You lay your free hand on the side of his neck and use the other to touch him lower. Right where he wanted you the entire time.

His breath shutters at your bare touch, something he's wanted for so long was finally right in front of him. You were all he wanted and he prayed you ensue him just as much.

"You mean… everything to me, Jayj" You tell him truthfully, watching his eyes soften just before you pulled his face down to kiss his lips. Except this kiss had much more

meaning-the kiss after you'd admit your feelings for one another.

He leans you down, closing you between his large body and his bed, your hand is still pressed into his print, but he's already slipping his underwear off by the time you can notice.

Fuck. He was going to ruin you.

Your hands cup his face when his tip presses against your entrance, slick coating it by the second. You wanted him for so long, you didn't care if it hurt at first.

You just wanted him.

From the moment he pushed inside of you, the only feeling you could endure was love. He was slow, gentle to help you get used to his size. The boy peppers kisses to your neck as he pushed further, comforting your slightly pained moans that slip from your lips without warning.

"Mmm" You let out a soft moan once his tip is past your entrance, the hard part was now over. You look at him with your lips parted, brushing your thumb over his bottom lip. He pushes your hair out of your face before kissing you, and you weren't prepared for when he pushed into you fully with one snap of his hips.

Your toes curled and your nails dug into his skin desperately, the feeling was almost indescribable. You just felt... full.

"Oh my god" You moan against his lips, throwing your head back as he strokes you slowly, massaging your thigh. You looked so perfect like this, so pretty in this light. Your body was almost bare for him, and your body was welcoming him with open arms—he couldn't get enough of you. "J... JJ" one of your hands release his shoulder to grip the sheet underneath you, teeth catching your bottom lip between them.

"Fuck, Y/N. I can’t…" He bites his lip, moving his head down to your neck, placing sloppy kisses against it. His hips find a steady pace at first and gradually work their way up, starting deep, then fast to your skin. "God, you feel so good" one of his hands travels up your body until it reaches the curve of your breasts, his large hands teasing your nipples.

"Such a tease, J…" Your breathless words are too late when he's already looking over your now fully bare body, completely discarding your words. Jesus, you were so perfect.

"You are so beautiful, Y/N" He presses a kiss to your lips before moving down your body, trailing his wet tongue down until he reached your nipple. He couldn't take his eyes off you, the curves of your body... you were practically made for him. A shuddered moan escapes your lips when he swirls his tongue around your hardened nipple, kneading the other with his free hand.

"Mmm!" Between the stokes of his hips and the sensations he brought to your skin, you couldn't hold much in. You were sure you were being too loud but the two of you didn't care. It was just you and him, nobody else.

His strong arms capture your thighs, pulling one of your legs to rest against his shoulder. "JJ! I can't... oh my gosh" Your little voice is projecting off the walls of the empty room but you don't care, only worried about the boy above you. Your head was still slightly spinning from the drinks you endured earlier that night and it only mixed with your horny mess of a body, begging Colby for more. "It's so good... fuck! You're so fucking good!"

"Look at you. Such a fucking mess under me. You needed me just as much as I needed you" He grabs the back of your head, pulling you up slightly so you were at an angle you couldn't look away from him.

His big eyes were burning holes into your own, hips rutting into you like he had something to prove.

Which he did.

"Gonna come..! J, I'm gonna come!" You’re a whining mess under him and he loves every second of it, pushing his hips into you faster then before.

Your small body was like a toy in his hand and you were at his every command, doing everything he said.

"Come for me. Want you to scream my name so all of those no good kooks hear how much of a slut you are for a ‘worthless’ pogue like me” You knew it was a bad idea but who were you to decline that request? You were already screaming as it was. "My dirty girl, Your so fucking hot like this”

"I'm coming! I'm-oh my god I-" Your voice is cut off by your loud moan, leg shuttering against his shoulder as you felt your release threatening to push over. His tip was kissing your cervix repeatedly, and you knew you couldn't last much longer. "J..!" You cry out, pressing your hand to his chest as if that was going to do anything. Your orgasm finally tipped, and you felt it hit you like a truck.

"That's it, Baby. That’s my fuckin’ girl" His thumb rubs circles against your clit as he ruts into your harder, watching your liquid spurt from between the two of you. "My god, Y/N. So fucking good for me"

"Jayj... please—Jesus—“

"Your body is calling mine for more. You want more" You grip his large arms until your knuckles turn white, scratching along his tanned skin. You curse at him, not wanting to hear his teasing any longer. "Fuck me? I'm only giving you what you want" You look at him with an angry look for a second before completely switching, a smirk pulling at your lips.

He pulls out of you all at once making you whine, not able to protest before he's already flipping you over onto your stomach and pushing your ass in the air.

You giggle, stretching your arms in front of you as you arch your back against him, begging him to forgive you. "I was only joking, Pretty boy" You hum, looking back at his face.

He doesn't say anything and grabs your hips roughly, pulling you back onto his length that so easily slipped inside of you. Your eyes roll back almost instantly as he bottoms you out, pushing his cock as deep as he could reach inside you. "This is what you wanted? Never knew you were such a brat" He growls against your ear, slamming himself into your harder than he had been before. You couldn't even think straight, you were already so fucked out you didn't even remember what it felt like to not be fucked.

"fuck! Right there! Please, J—Mmph!" Your begging voice is music to his ears, your hands reaching back to hold onto his warm body as he pushed himself against you. "You're so deep... so fucking good to me, J" He hums, leaning against your body so you were entirely pressing against him, his tongue running along your skin. Once again, you could feel his sloppy kisses against your shoulder and your neck.

"Nobody can have you like I can, Y/N. Your mine. You're all fucking mine, you hear me?" You cry out a yes, the sound of your skin slapping against each others being the only thing that could be heard. "That's it, just like that, my love" He praises against your ear, holding your hips to press into his.

"JJ, I'm gonna come ag... oh my god" You whine into your hand, feeling the pressure building up fast inside you. He's a grunting mess above you so you knew he was close as well, he was only holding out for you.

"Come with me. Please, don't hold out on me"

The snap of his hips slow down the closer he gets, and now your body is flush against his own, rocking back and forth to his pace with his face buried in your neck.

"That’s it—that’s my pretty girl. My fuckin’ girl, come for me and only me, yeah?" You moan at his words, throwing your head back against his chest as his fingers circle your sensitive clit. you couldn't hold it anymore, and neither could he. "I'm right behind you"

Drunk sex always felt way too good but usually it was faster and much sweatier, this felt far too different.

Even if your hips moved fast against his, it still felt like everything had been in slow motion. The way his hands held your delicate body in his embrace as he thrust his hips up to meet your own, how his lips parted in anticipation to kiss yours, JJ was so hungry for you—his body, was hungry for you.

"J... JJ!" His name rolls off your tongue in a beautiful moan. You can feel his slight hesitance but the eyes you give him are enough to tell him exactly what you wanted. You were on birth control—and you wanted all of him, just as you said.

"Fuck...!" He curses under his breath, your moans filling his ears as you clenched down onto him. He continues to coach you to it, and with one last snap of his hips and circle to your clit, you felt your body release it's everything onto his. He shushes your loud scream while silencing his own grunts, fingers digging into your hips to pull you close, painting your walls with his white, hot release.

For awhile, All that was heard was your heavy breathing and the sounds of the tv in the other room, and you soon found yourself collapsed on top of him against the couch. Your chests were heaving horribly, and the sweat that dripped from your foreheads were now everywhere. You look over at the boy next to you, only to find he had already been looking at you, both of you breathing heavy-lips parted.

It only took a second for one of you to start laughing, and JJ leaned over to kiss you again, this time staying there for the longest he could.

You hum as he pulls away just a tiny bit, still close to your face. Your eyes are shut, relishing in the feeling you had. How do you go on from this? Clearly you two loved each other, but you prayed it wouldn't be weird...

"Come here" He lays his arm out, pulling your body closer to his so you could lay your head against his chest. The room was hot, despite that fact it was basically without windows, and smelled of pure sex but neither of you complained. You were just happy.

"Jayj..." You mumble after awhile in silence, tracing lines on his chest for the 2nd time. He hums in response, the tips of his fingers brushing through your soft hair. You almost feel bad, as it you're about to ruin the amazing night you had —but you had to say it. "Where do we go from here..?"

Your voice is low and nervous, so focused on the negative that you couldn't even see the obvious answer. JJ made it clear what he wanted. He couldn't go back to normal with you—not after this night.

“Don’t worry about that right now, Alright? We’re both still drunk as shit, let’s enjoy the quiet night we have and face the music tomorrow, yeah?” He pushes strands of your hair from your face, and a slight tug at your heart subsides but you know it’s okay. You knew this could never be casual to either of you.

“Don’t keep me waiting, Captain Maybank” He chuckled, leaning his head down to press a kiss to your forehead. You smile, interlocking your fingers with his own against your shoulder. You couldn’t believe it—you were actually here with him.

After all this time.

“Only the best for my girl”

I literally haven’t written in so long. Sorry if this was rushed, the ORIGINAL VERSION was super long so I had to cut it down 🥲

[probably-writing-x]

Tread Lightly

Summary: It was never a good idea for two pogues to date, it was something you’d agreed on for years. But sometimes it was just impossible to avoid… especially when it came to you and JJ.

Warnings: Sexual references, cursing

Author’s Note: Just a little idea that came to me, I’ve been struggling to find inspiration to write the requests in my inbox so hopefully y’all can be patient with me <3 Thanks for the love as always xoxo

“Alright, you versus a bear, who’s winning?” You point towards John B, your beer almost spilling in your hand.

“Are you kidding? A literal bear? I wouldn’t stand a chance,” John B scoffs, reaching forward to take another drink from the cooler.

You were all dispersed around the grass outside of the Chalet - Pope and Kie sat on one of the tree stumps, John B on old garden chairs and JJ on the floor with his back against one of the trees.

“What kind of bear are we talking about?” Pope questions, “Because polar bear isn’t even worth talking about. Then again, I don’t think you’d win against any bear.”

“You guys have no faith in yourselves,” JJ pushes himself to stand up, “You just have to do that thing you know where you like…” He widens his stance and stretches his arms up high, beer still held in one of his hands, “And then you just sort of-“

“JJ you couldn’t beat a bear in a fight!” Kie interjects, “You would be dead in seconds.”

“You literally fell out of bed the other day because you thought you felt a fly in your ear!” You point out and all eyes look up to see you.

“When did that happen?” Pope half-laughs, his brows furrowing a little.

“The other day,” You clear your throat, trying to fight back the heat rising to your cheeks, “When we all stayed here. He jumped up and it woke me up, you know, because I was on the couch.”

They seem to believe you for long enough that the conversation diverts, but JJ’s eyes remain on you, a smirk tugging at his lips. You widen your eyes at him quickly but he just smiles at you more, shaking his head and taking a sip of his beer.

~~~

“Well look who can’t be trusted to keep a secret!”

The voice makes you jump back to reality - looking up from where you were sat perched on a wall waiting for that specific voice to arrive. It was the perfect spot, far enough away from the Chalet but close enough that it didn’t take long for you to meet. Today, you’d left first so now were sat waiting for JJ to meet you. When you look up, he is grinning at you, his hair messy over his head.

“I recovered it, actually,” You roll your eyes at him, “I can’t believe I said it, I wasn’t even thinking.”

JJ laughs and comes to stand in front of you, his hands resting on your legs, “I don’t think they suspected anything.”

You shake your head, looking down at him from your position on the wall.

“Ready to go home?” He smiles, stretching out his hands for you to take.

You hop down in front of him and he moves his hands to your waist to catch you, you just stumbling into his chest a little as he steadies you on your feet.

“Hi,” JJ smiles down at you.

“Hi.”

He laces his fingers with yours and the two of you walk down the lane towards your house, one only a short way away from John B’s house. But you’d take the longer way back so that nobody saw the two of you, obviously.

“How long do you think we can keep this up without them knowing?” JJ asks, glancing over his shoulder into the dark as he waits for you to open the door.

“I have no idea,” You shake your head, “But we have to at least try to.”

“Oh yeah this’ll just be boring when everybody knows about it,” JJ jokes, gripping your waist as the front door closes behind you.

He spins you around and you grip onto the front of his t-shirt, pulling him with you, “Boring huh?”

JJ laughs, stumbling to catch up with you as the pair of you tumble into the bedroom.

~~~

The following morning, you wake up to the sound of a phone buzzing repeatedly, stopping momentarily and then ringing again.

“JJ that’s your phone,” You grumble, nudging at his side as he was asleep beside you.

He groans and stretches beside you, his eyes still shut.

“JJ,” You push his arms off you, “Where the hell is your phone?”

He stretches his arms up and lifts the comforter off from both of you, looking underneath. When it’s not there, he stretches an arm over the side of the bed and pats around on the floor, finding his discarded shorts and pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“It’s Pope,” JJ grumbles, swiping to answer the call, “What do you want Pope?”

You can just about hear his words on the other end of the line as he raises his voice, “Where the hell are you? You said you’d help out with my Dad today! I’ve just come by your house and you’re not home.”

JJ looks at you and widens his eyes, mouthing a ‘shit’ before turning back to the phone, “Shit, sorry man, I completely forgot. I-“

He pauses and looks around the room as if an excuse is going to pop up out of nowhere.

“I hooked up with this girl last night who’s here on holiday,” He grimaces at the lie, “I just lost track of time and she’s still asleep and I can’t get out.”

“You’re an idiot,” Pope returns, lessening in his stress on the other end of the phone, “Just get here when you can, my Dad’s stressed as hell.”

“I got you, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” JJ nods, “I’ll leave now.”

“Oh, and Kie asked if you’d heard from (Y/N),” Pope cuts in quickly, “Apparently she’s texted her a bunch this morning but hasn’t heard anything.”

JJ looks at you and gestures towards your phone, “No, I haven’t spoken to her. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”

They hang up shortly after and you glance over the texts from Kie in your phone - one asking you to call her to give her an excuse to leave home, another saying the surf was good so the two of you should go out, another saying that she’d be worried if she didn’t hear from you by twelve because you’re always up early.

“God they don’t make it easy to avoid them,” JJ jokes, pushing his arm underneath you to pull you into him, “I’m sure they can wait five more minutes.”

“Five minutes? Pope sounded like he was about to blow a blood vessel if you kept him waiting any longer.”

JJ laughs and pulls you over so that you’re on top of him, dipping his head to kiss your neck, “He can wait fifteen, twenty, maybe thirty minutes…”

~~~

By the end of the day, the group of you are all on the boat out on the water. The sun’s setting, the water is flat, and it’s only you guys for as far as you can see. You and Kie are leaning against one side of the boat as she rolls a blunt up between her fingers, the boys sat opposite you.

“So JJ, tell us about this girl,” Pope encourages, nudging his friend in the side.

“Wh- what girl?” JJ clears his throat, shifting in his seat.

“The girl you were with this morning,” Pope frowns, “How did you even meet her? We were at John B’s until at least twelve.”

JJ shifts again, “Yeah, well, I just met her on my way home, we got talking, what else do you need to know?”

“There was someone on vacation in the cut?” John B scoffs, “Was she lost?”

“No-“ JJ flushes red, “No it was just-“

“Are you hiding something from us Jayj?” Kie raises her brows, sitting forward a little, “There’s something you’re not telling us. Who is this girl?”

He moves again in his seat and scratches the back of his neck, “Cut it out, you weirdos. I don’t have to tell you anything, so stop asking.”

The three of them all exchanges looks between each other and you but you just shrug your shoulders as if dismissing the topic. And, eventually, they dismiss it too, all looking at him a little more suspiciously than before. You drink a few more drink, pass around the blunt from Kie and try to convince Pope that one puff wouldn’t do anything to him. It’s still a warm evening when the sun has set and so you and Kie convince the boys to dive into the water with you.

You strip down to your bikini and catch eyes with JJ as he watches you, his gaze trailing up and down your body. He notices you looking at him and his cheeks go red, a smirk hovering over his lips. With that, you step onto the edge of the boat and dive over, your arms stretching in front of you to hit the water first, driving you underneath the surface. When you come up, Kie and John B have jumped in too, John B shaking the water from his hair so that it sprays in every direction.

“Come on guys, don’t be boring,” You encourage, paddling with your arms to push yourself back in the water, looking up and Pope and JJ on the deck.

JJ looks down at you and smirks, like he is watching the way you move, diving in close to you so that the water splashes in your direction. You drag your hands over your hair to pull it away from your face, stretching your neck up as you do.

“Holy shit (Y/N) what’s that?” Kie exclaims, grabbing your wrist before you can move it or cover anything.

Hers, and the boys’, eyes are all focused on the purple blotchy patch on your neck - a mark courtesy of JJ from the night before, or from this morning, you couldn’t remember which one.

“I did-“ You pause, “It’s nothing.”

“That’s not nothing, that’s a hickey!” Kie laughs, “Who are you not telling us about?”

“Nobody! Nothing!” You shake your head, pulling your hair back around to the front of your shoulders so that it covers the mark again, “You guys are way too nosey today.”

“Yeah at least someone agrees with me,” JJ scoffs, “Seriously guys, leave her alone.”

Pope looks and JJ and frowns, “Are you kidding? You’d normally be straight on this, why wouldn’t you want to know who this guy is?”

JJ shrugs, “Well, if you ask (Y/N) about her guy you’re going to want to know about my girl so it’s not worth it. Leave it out, virgins. Find your own people to be interested in.”

They make a few more comments about how you two were just as bad as each other, and Pope makes a joke about how it’s like their parents are both having affairs at the same time, and John B reminds them that JJ and you would likely be the most unconventional parents ever. But, thankfully, it relieves their attention away from you.

You all swim for a while as the sky darkens, illuminating with stars overhead as the sun disappears. Eventually, Pope, Kie and John B each end up back on the boat, all three of them laying down to stare up at the stars. Pope points out constellations and Kiara tells him when he’s wrong. JJ swims over to you from behind, where the two of you are close to the boat, and wraps his arms around you.

“JJ,” You hiss, glancing up to make sure you’re hidden under the stretch of the boat deck pointing out over the top of you.

“Shhhh,” He mumbles, his head dipping to your ear, breath fanning hot over your skin, “They’re not looking.”

JJ moves to your neck and shoulder and kisses the skin, and you find yourself leaning into his touch.

“I’ve missed you today,” His words are practically inaudible, so close to your skin that you’re certain he would mark them into you if he could.

You bring up a hand and run it through his hair, wet under your touch as you hum in agreement, “Tonight?”

“Tonight,” He smirks, kissing your skin once again before pulling away, “Alright, fuckers, I’m getting cold, let’s get going.”

Eventually, all of you end up back at Kie’s after she says that her parents are out. JJ makes a short attempt at coming up with an excuse but it is dismissed quickly when they say he never has other plans without them. So you and him reluctantly agree to go with the rest of the group, and now you’re all sat sprawled across the couches with a film on that you weren’t exactly paying attention to. JJ was sat next to you on the two-person couch as the other three were on the bigger couch adjacent. Kie reaches back and pulls a blanket from the back of the sofa, putting it over the three of them, and JJ takes it as opportunity to do the same, his hand resting on your thigh as soon as the blanket is over both of you. You look at him with raised eyebrows but he is yet to tear his eyes away from the screen, though a smirk now covers his lips. You place your hand over his but don’t make any effort to move it. He runs his thumb over the skin, like it felt so comfortable to have you under his touch.

The other three are completely oblivious, caught up in the film and their growing fatigue. You wonder now what they’d really think, if they saw you together, if they knew you were the ones occupying so much of each others’ time. If they knew how much of a secret this whole thing had been - would they laugh and tell you that it was stupid for you to ever hide it? But it wasn’t worth the risk, was it?

“Hey,” JJ squeezes your thigh lightly, “Should we get going?”

You nod tiredly and fight the urge to rest your head on his shoulder.

“I think we’re going to head home,” JJ comments to the other three, “Well, I’ll walk (Y/N) home and then I’ll go to mine, obviously.”

John B frowns at his friend, “I can walk (Y/N) home, she’s closer to my place anyway.”

“Nah, that’s okay, I like the walk,” JJ smiles, standing up and stretching his arms back, “It’s not far.”

The other three exchange glances between each other before Kie says, “Why are you being so weird recently?”

“Weird? We’re not being weird. You’re weird,” JJ shakes his head, stopping himself by chewing the inside of his cheek.

“Right… because that wasn’t weird,” Pope returns, looking at JJ as if some kind of alien was stood in front of him, “Seriously, man, are you ill or something?”

“We’re going now,” You encourage, “See you guys tomorrow.”

You know they’re talking about you as you go, questioning what the hell was going on. But you don’t care to think about it for too long. JJ’s hand finds yours as soon as you turn the corner out of Kie’s driveway and he squeezes some reassurance back to you - whether they knew or not, this wasn’t going anywhere.

~~~

The following morning, you and JJ wake up to no alarm, stay in bed until eleven, eventually bicker over who was going to make breakfast until you realise that you actually didn’t have any food in the house. He grumbles and groans before finally agreeing to go to the shop for you, telling you he’d go if you agreed to cook. You settle on the agreement and he tugs on his clothes to change, half of his belongings now migrating to your house since he spent so much time here.

“Alright I’ll be back in twenty minutes babe I-“ JJ’s voice cuts off instantly as he opens the front door.

He’s met with the sight of John B, Pope and Kiara all sat on your porch, looking up at him with the same ‘explain yourself’ expressions on their faces.

“Um, (Y/N)?” He calls back his hand settling on the door like he’s still deciding between stepping outside or just shutting the door and never coming out again.

“What did you forget your-“ You pause too as soon as you see them, your eyes glowing with the same panic that his did.

“Alright,” John B folds his arms over his chest, “I think you guys have some stuff you need to tell us, you know, just a few things.”

“Yeah, you know, it’s funny actually,” JJ lets out a half laugh and scratches the back of his neck, “So I walked (Y/N) home last night and then I went to go back to mine but I actually ended up staying, no reason really, well, there was obviously a reason, why wouldn’t there be a reason? And that reason was that-“

“Because we’ve been seeing each other,” You interject, releasing a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding.

He glances down at you like he’s misheard, incapable of hiding the smile that starts to grow on his features.

“You two have-“ Kie gestures between the two of you, “Are you serious?”

JJ looks at you again and grins, turning back to the group, “Yeah, um, for a couple months now.”

“Fucking hell,” John B laughs.

“So that’s why you’ve been so happy,” Pope hits JJ’s arm, “It’s because of (Y/N).”

JJ smiles and glances down at Pope, pressing his tongue to the inside of his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling so widely, “Yeah, yeah, it is.”

“You know you guys are stupid, right?” Kie stands up, “You could’ve told us!”

She hugs you tightly, whispering in your ear that she was happy for you before squeezing JJ’s shoulder.

“Yeah, seriously, you didn’t need to keep it a secret for months,” John B shakes his head, “We came up with much worse theories about what was going on.”

“I don’t think I want to know those theories,” You laugh and JJ reaches out an arm for you to tuck yourself into his side, his hand dropping to rest around your waist.

“Well, I’m glad that’s cleared up,” Pope smiles, “But, whilst we were eavesdropping, I heard something about breakfast?”

[featherandferns]

JJ x feminist reader when Kamala loses

bro don't even I can't fucking believe it. I'm so sorry american pals and gals, my heart actually bleeds for u (if you're a trump supporter respectfully depart from my blog, I hate him <3)

"No."

"What the fuck-"

"No, this can't be happening-"

"What the actual fuck-"

"No!"

It's like your body is possessed. You stand to your feet and stare at the television like you're watching a train wreck happen before your eyes. And you are. Because Kamala lost, and Trump won.

"And the forty-seventh president of the United States-" the stiff faced newsreader relays "-is Donald J. Trump."

"Fuck!" JJ shouts. He grabs for his beer bottle and lurches it towards the television. The glass shatters against the wall. You drop back down onto the sofa as if you're legs have lost all their strength. Your head falls into your hands and your eyes squeeze shut. It's like a nightmare. This can't be happening.

"This is fucking rigged! It's fucking rigged, I swear to God!" JJ is rambling, angry and heartbroken, almost as much as you. His arm flails out to the television as if personally condemning it for giving this news. "He's a fucking criminal! A fucking criminal and he gets voted in again!"

But it scares you. Scares you in a way that JJ doesn't understand, a way that he would never understand. He lost the power once before, let it slip through his fingers, and you have an awful feeling that he's not going to make that mistake again. Roe versus Wade flashes through your head. Every pregnancy scare you've ever shared with JJ now comes with that extra, looming concern that if you are, if it is real, then you don't have any choice. Well, you do - you have the choice to risk an infection or even death whilst taking autonomy over your body and life. But what next? What could Trump possibly know of what it is to be a woman in America? What was he going to take from the people next?

JJ's arms wrap around you and he tugs you into his side. He presses his face into your hair and plants a kiss to your cheek.

"I'm so sorry."

Tears well into your eyes. "I fucking hate him, JJ."

"I know-"

"No," you snap, "you don't know, JJ. You can hate him but not like I do. Not like we do. I mean, the stuff he's said about women. The stuff he's done-"

You lift your head and meet JJ's eyes. There's the anger there, the rage held back by his sympathy. His jaw is tight but his lips are downturned. He nods. Sighing, you rub at your eyes.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap at you."

"Nah, I get it. It's scary."

"It's fucking terrifying," you agree quietly.

JJ presses a kiss to your forehead and you let yourself melt into him. The two of you sit like that on the sofa for a long, long moment. The television rambles in the background, reciting which state voted which party, and you want to scream. It was so close that you could almost taste it. A female president. Wouldn't that have been incredible? A female's perspective. A female in power. A female for all the other little girls to look up to, to dream to be.

"Next time," JJ reassures, as if reading your thoughts like a teleprompter. "I promise it'll happen soon."

[lmaowhatt]

pogue beach night - jj m.

summary: the pogues have come back to obx as a form of unwinding after jjs near death experience in morocco, at the hands of his biological father, deciding that a beach day in their 'safe-haven' would be best.

set: i chat gpt'd the timelines and it says the start of s4 is based around early 2024, which doesnt make sense because s3 (after the 18 month time jump) for me ended around march 2023. so, we will act like sarah found out she was pregnant may 2023 and baby jj was born february 2024. since she is seven months, well pretend this is mid-september 2024.

one - two - three - four

psa: jarah had their baby and named her josephine joy. she is around 7 months.

pairing: jj maybank x pogue!reader

warnings: suggestive words/topics, talks of pregnancy, pregnancy trope, cursing.

if theres any others feel free to let me know!

the sun has only just began to set as the scenery changed from small rundown houses, trees on the edge of the streets of the cut to miles and miles of sand that never seemed to end, along with the sound of waves crashing against the shore as jj whooped from hit spot in the twinkie behind john b, who was in the drivers seat.

"i love this shit guys. its like christmas and sex rolled into one." the boy smiled giddily, everyone else in the twinkie twisting their faces with looks of disgust. "why those two things together, jj?" pope voiced, a grimace evident as jj turned in his seat to face him. "you dont want the deets, pope." he patted the boys shoulder in false sympathy, only causing pope to sit back in his seat with a quiet groan, shoving jjs hand off.

you let your mouth drop agape, slapping the boys chest with a small gasp once he sat back upright, "youre so disgusting." the boy only retaliated with a shit-eating grin on his face, "im still injured, y'know? you somehow wound me more, baby." he jokes. leaning down slightly to mutter in your ear, "plus, with all the 'disgusting' pleas i had you whimpering into my ear last night, i think we can both say youre equally as 'disgusting', hm?" you could only roll your eyes as jj brought his fingers into a quotation mark, a smirk playing on his face as a blush crept onto your cheeks, which only caused jj to smile triumphantly and sit back to look out the window.

john b could only groan quietly from the drivers seat, fake gagging as sarah stifled a laugh from next to him. the boy was never a good whisperer.

this was one of those very special days in the pogues lives where everything in the eight pogues lives was calm. the group was able to get their home and business back after finding a loophole in the paperwork that was filed when it was taken from them.

it was one of those rare days when everyone had a moment to themselves—either taking a break from the bait-and-tackle shop, calming baby josephine joy, or simply having nothing to do. it was a beach day, at least for the pogues it was. from your spot between jj's legs, you watched as kiara played with baby jj, the little girl's hands wrapped around kies thumbs. you watched as kies boyfriend, james, watched her and baby jj with a small smile.

you smiled, leaning back into jj’s stomach as you fiddled with his ring-clad hand, his other hand gently massaging the back of your head. "alright, guys," john b called to the group as he shifted the twinkie into park.

"we have arrived." he finished with a droopy smile and squinted eyes, causing kie to snort, "okay, batman." she joked, erupting small laughs from the rest of the group as they climbed out of the twinkie one by one.

when jj stepped out of the twinkie, he held a hand out for you, which you accepted gratefully with a small smile directed towards him. he helped everyone else out of the twinkie, or more so stood there holding the door until the last person, pope came out.

jj slapped the boy's butt with a flat palm as he shut the twinkie door. pope gasped, while cleo chuckled softly, careful not to give jj the satisfaction of knowing he’d made even the toughest of the group laugh with a very, very terrible joke.

when you and the girls looked away to help john b get the things off the roof of the twinkie, pope blew a fake kiss to jj, one which the blonde caught in his hands, holding it to his chest like a 1960's sitcom.

the two laughed almost immediately after, wrapping an arm around each others shoulders as they walked to where the rest of the group was now setting up chairs and towels not too far from the shore.

jjs eyes shifted to where you were with baby jj as pope left his side to go to where cleo was. he smiled as josephine rested on your hip and you pointed out different views in the distance and she babbled along. he approached your left side, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, running his fingers along josephines scalp.

you smiled up at him, leaning into his chest slightly, "y'know..." he trailed off as he looked down at you with the same affectionate smile. "maybe one day we could have one of these lil' munchkins." he finished as he took note of your immediate surprised smile. you truly didnt expected hed be one to commit to kids.

"uh, um. i mean like- obviously like- i mean later into our relationship, y'know? shit- sorry." he stammered as he removed his hand from your shoulder with a sheepish smile. you laughed, placing your non occupied hand on his shoulder, "baby, dont worry. i just didnt think youd be one to commit to a kid," you explained with a small smile, rubbing your thumb along his shoulder.

he shrugged, now a little more relieved, "i d'know mama, you're changing me," he bumped your shoulder with his playfully, earning a small laugh from you, only widening his smile. "well, im glad," you say before looking towards josie, who held a strand of your hair in her small hand. "id be up for one, later, y'know. plus, i think youd be a good dad." you turned back to jj with a smile.

his heart warmed at your small compliment. "really? y'think so?" you nodded at him, turning slightly to hand josephine off to sarah who had come over with her hands slightly outstretched. you closed your finger to your palm repeatedly as a small goodbye as she did the same. you smiled, turning back to jj, "yeah, i know.. uhm, what you went through," you nodded cautiously.

"and.. i know youll push to be the furthest from that," you finish as he smiles, genuinely. he felt a small tear threaten to fall from the corner of his eye, so, he quickly pulled you into a hug, hoping you didnt catch his teary eyes. you huffed a breath of air out slightly before wrapping your arms around his waist.

you felt him shake slightly so you pulled away, placing your hands on either side of his face guiding him to face you. you tilted your head to the side with a small pout, rubbing your thumb on his undereye with a small chuckle. "baby, dont cry. im sorry," you apologized, moving your gaze back to his eyes.

"shit, youre right. were at the fuckin' beach," he scoffed removing his face from your hands, trying to dismiss his own feelings. "hey, dont do that. c'mere." you tugged his hand slightly back towards you as he tried to walk away. "i didnt mean it like that, im sorry. i didnt mean to make you cry, baby. i just- i mean i know if we ever had a kid, youll be the greatest dad ever." you wiped another tear that had fallen, "i know all the shit youve been through, dont think you cant cry because of that, mkay?"

you smiled as he nodded, "yeah, okay." he tilted his head slightly, wiping his own eyes. "you okay now? im sorry for saying like you cant cr-" you continued until he shook his head, pulling you into another hug, placing a lingering kiss to your forehead. "thank you, mamas." he muttered into your hair as you hugged his upper torso. "'course my love." you smiled up at him as he pulled away. wrapping your arms around his neck, you placed a small kiss onto his lips.

"okay," you patted his chest. twice, glancing at the water, "go, have fun." you smiled at him before pointing a stern finger in his direction, "be careful with that cut, alright? its still healing." you raised his shirt slightly to look at the gash on his left abdomen. he chuckled, pulling his shirt back down, "hey, we cant do that here," he joked as you pushed his chest with your lips pulled into a line.

"im serious. just please be careful!" you called after him with a small smile on your face as he ran into the water where john b, pope and james were playing around with baby josephine. you ran a hand through your hair as you approached the girls, "you trust your husband and those idiots with her, sarah?" kie asked with a small laugh, earning laughs from the other girls. "not really, but i can tolerate him so, its fine. plus he knows how pissed i get even when he tosses her in the air, so.." she shrugged, sitting down on her towel.

you shook your head with a small laugh, "im happy you two finally got married- or were able to. youve been together since you two were like sixteen." you sat down on jjs lawn chair, towel placed over it. sarah furrowed her eyebrows in mock offense, "okay, well you and jj have been together almost three years, i dont see you two moving along," she states matter of factly, "we have not," you scoffed in return.

cleo raised her eyebrows, "yes you have, girl. right before we left to south america, remember?" she moved her head forwards slightly as if to get her point across further. you face slightly dropped, "shit, we have. i mean- after everything i kinda lost track of time." kie nodded in understanding, "girl, youll be okay. i forgot about me and james first anniversary because of everything thats happened," you, sarah and cleo laughed, "he forgot too so," the girl shrugged. "made me feel better," she added sheepishly as you and the other girls laughed once again.

the early afternoon soon turned into early to mid dusk, the sun had just set beyond the horizon, setting a yellow hue onto the beach as the boy started a fire, more so playing around than actually lighting said fire. "john b! please, be careful!" sarah called out to the man as he played around with josephine too close to the fire for the umpteenth time.

"jeez, that man is going to give me a heart attack," she muttered to the girls as they grabbed multiple of the things set down to move to where the guys where setting up. you laughed, "'bout time. hes been giving me an aneurysm since grade school." you and kie both laughed with a small high five, "jj, too. join the club girl." kie quipped as cleo nodded, "guess i got lucky," she shrugs, motioning to pope who was busy with james actually setting up the fire.

you narrowed your eyes at her as the four of you walked towards the guys and baby jj, "once these guys corrupt him, youll join the club too, girl. dont worry," you mocked her with a small kissy face, one to which she rolled her eyes to. "they already corrupted james. couldn't keep him innocent for even a year," kie fake wiped a tear from her eyes, the other girls laughing.

almost immediately, sarah handed john b the things in her hand and grabbed josephine from his shoulders, placing her on her hip and handing her a random toy she had in her diaper bag.

you handed jj the things in your hands too, more politely than sarah had. "can you set this up please, j?" you questioned, placing a small kiss on his lips. he smiled at the gesture, "yes ma'am," he saluted you, hitting himself in the face with the bag of food they brought. you laughed with a shake of your head, walking off to where sarah was sitting, the backseat entrance of the twinkie, door open.

you turned slightly to where baby josie was, sitting on the floor of the twinkie as she sat and played with random toys, "y'know.. jj said he wants to start trying for one," you told sarah, who was watching you and josie. "really? him?" she asked as she moved closer into the twinkie. you nodded in response with a small chuckle, "yeah, i was surprised too. but," you shrugged, "i dont know. i wouldnt be opposed to it,"

she pushed your shoulder playfully, "youd be a good mom, seriously. and i know for a fact hed be a good dad." she reassures, to which you nod your head, "yeah, i know." sarah furrows her eyebrows, "whats wrong?" she asked. you shook your head, "its nothing. i was just caught by surprise with it, y'know?"

the blonde in front of you smiled sympathetically, "i get it, honey. but at least you know he wants this. i was scared shitless when i found out about josie, didnt even wanna imagine john bs reaction." the woman began, mentioning the previous conversation the two of you had.

"but jj came to you, basically saying he was ready, i dont think you have to worry about that. but, he wont be pissed if youre not ready, he loves you." she placed a hand on your shoulder, tilting her head slightly. you nodded, moving your hands to pick josephine up, placing her on your lap as he placed her hands on both sides of your face.

you smiled, "one of these would be really cute," you looked at josies baby features, in awe. from her chubby thighs, to her small pigtails adorned with small white bows, you smiled. you heard a small crashing sound, looking up at jj, who was now lying flat on the sand as john b fake stabbed a stick into his chest, "god, would that baby be an idiot though," sarah laughed, which only caused a laugh to erupt from your throat as well. handing baby josie back to sarah, the both of you stood and approached the other six, all sat with their respective couple around the fire.

you approached jj as he sat down, sitting down next to him and placing your legs over his lap. you moved your head to rest on his chest, his arm going around your shoulders while he moved his other hand onto your thigh closest to him. "you okay?" he asked, looking down at you with a small smile. you nodded, "im okay, baby," you assured him.

he rubbed small circles on your thigh as the high energy settled. the boys were quietly conversing with each other, beers in hand as the girls pitched in every now and then, mostly enjoying the small moment of peace they had gotten after going through years of torment and bad news.

this was it.

the pogue life.

[rafesfavgirl]

treat you better — j. maybank

❝ tell me, why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying when you should be with me instead? i know i can treat you better ❞

pairing: best friend!jj x cheater!reader

context: once again, you went through your boyfriend's phone and found things you didn't wanna find. but for some reason, you can't seem to build up the courage to finally end things with him (he was your first love, after all). so, you turn to your best friend, jj, for advice and comfort.

words: 1.4k+

warnings: reader's in a toxic relationship, mild cheating (physical & emotional, but i don't condone it!!), a little angst, fluff

you sat at the edge of the pier at the chateau, your eyes focused on the way the moon reflected off the marsh. you had just snuck out of your boyfriend's house after he fell asleep and you looked through his phone.

adriana. kelly. paige. maya. lauryn. the number of girls' names you found in his insta dms and messages went on and on.

why did you put up with this? i mean, sure, he was your first… everything, but was he really worth it?

"y/n?" you hear a familiar voice call out your name and turn your head to find jj walking down the dock to join you. "what are you doing out here?"

"just needed some time to think," you said, looking back out towards the marsh.

jj lets out a sigh, already having an inkling of what must be bothering you, and takes a seat beside you. "let me guess… liam again?"

"i just don't understand why it can't just be me," you shrug, a thousand things running through your head. most of the time, liam told you the girls were just his "friends". but deep down, you always wondered whether or not he took it any further with any of them. and that thought, alone, made you sick to your stomach.

"i mean, am i doing something wrong?" you turn your head to look jj, only to find that he was already looking at you, a certain kind of sadness filling his baby blues. he hated that you even thought you were the one in the wrong.

"it's not you, y/n. whatever he's doing, it's on him," he tells you. "stop putting up with it."

"but i love him, j," you admit, your voice cracking a little. you knew that you shouldn't. he was a scum bag. nothing but a cheater. but he was also the guy who made you feel like the most special girl in the world. the one you'd completely laid yourself bare to. "what am i suppose to do about that?"

the defeated look in your eyes broke his heart. but instead of listing off different ways you could deal with liam, jj decides to be a friend, and opens his arms up to you, "come here."

for the first time all night, you let yourself break, and immediately fall into his arms.

"i just don't get it," you sobbed into jj's chest, as he ran a hand through your hair and rested his head on top of yours,

in an attempt to soothe you. "i've done everything, j." you continued. "everything he needs from me, i do. everything he wants me to be, i try to be. so why can't he just let the other girls go? why can't i just be the one?"

hearing you cry about this guy was not only breaking jj's heart, but also making his blood boil. liam didn't deserve you, he knew that much.

after a few minutes in silence of jj just running his hands through your hair and pepperring soft kisses on your head, you finally pull away from him, looking like a complete mess.

there were now black stains under your eyes from crying some of your mascara off, and pieces of your hair stuck to your tear-stained cheeks, as you sniffled.

"i'm sorry," you said, attempting to rub off the mascara stains also leftover on jj's shirt. "your shirt's all stained with tears and mascara now."

"i don't give a shit about my shirt, y/n," he tells you, bringing a hand up to tuck your messy hair behind your ear. "are you okay?"

you sighed, the tears threatening to well up in your eyes again. ugh. after hearing yourself going on about the way you've felt about liam treating you, you were beginning to wonder whether or not it was really love you were feeling for him or not.

but if it wasn't love, why did you still feel like crying?

"i don't even know anymore," you say honestly, shaking your head and running your fingers through your hair. "i mean, how do you even go about loving someone who's hurt you so much?"

"you don't," jj tells you.

"you don't think i love him?" i asked. i wasn't sure why i was asking jj, but i also knew that he knew me better than anyone. maybe even better than liam. so if there was anyone who could tell whether or not i was in love… it'd be him, right?

"i can't tell you how you feel, y/n," he says.

"i'm not asking you to," i reply. "i just wanna know what you think."

he sighs, and shifts his eyes between yours. he knew exactly what he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure it was his place to do so—more so, he wasn't sure you'd like his take.

"promise you won't get mad?"

you chuckle, feeling uneasy now. "why would i get mad?"

"i think you're scared," he says, causing you to furrow your brows.

you scoff, thinking he sounds ridiculous. "scared? why would i be scared?"

"because he's your first," he shrugs. "i mean, he was your first, right?"

"so? what does that have to do with anything?" you ask, knowing damn well the information was relevant.

"i know you, y/n," he says, locking his eyes with mine. "you're a hopeless romantic who has your head buried in those romance books all the time because that's what you want. you want your first to be the one. and you're a perfectionist. you can't stand the idea of putting your all into one person only for them to not be worth it… so all this time… that's what you've tried to do."

you stay quiet. jj was actually making sense.

"i'm not saying you didn't love him," he continues. "i think you really did, but the love you felt before isn't what you're feeling now. i think it's just indifference. you don't want to believe that you've actually lost feelings for someone you've fought so hard for, so you try to convince yourself those feelings are still there. because that way… at least you won't be the bad guy."

your mouth had fallen agape, as you realized that jj was right. "wow."

"but you're not the bad guy anyway," he assures you, placing a hand on top of yours. "you've done all you can. what he does isn't your fault. your only fault would be staying."

"but what if he's fucked me up so bad that i've become unlovable?" you ask, voicing your real fear. truth was, you weren't always the best girlfriend. since liam made you feel so insecure about his feelings towards you all the time, it made you act out in ways you never thought you would. you'd call him incessantly when he wouldn't answer. you'd demand he cut certain girls off. ask for his location at all times. he saw the absolute worst of you. and yet, he stayed. what if no one else did?

"is that really what you think?" jj asks.

"i wasn't always the perfect girlfriend, j," i admit, glancing down and fiddling with his fingers on top of mine. "i was insecure all the time. i constantly-"

"because he made you feel that way," jj cuts you off, and picks your head up with his hands to make you look at him. "don't you get it, y/n? whatever you did, it was because of him. anyone made to feel insecure would act out. that's not your fault. you're just…" his eyes shift between yours. "human."

"but what if-"

"but nothing," he shook his head. "you are the absolute perfect version of yourself, y/n. and liam's an idiot for not realizing that. it doesn't get better than you."

without even thinking and being overwhelmed by the sweetness of jj's words, you lean in to kiss him.

he doesn't even hesitate to kiss you back, his hands on your face immediately tangling into your hair. 

your hands make their way to back of his head, the kiss deepening as they do.

your tongues dance together in perfect harmony, until you abruptly pull away.

"wait, wait, wait," you say, and he looks at you, a mix of confusion and sadness at the lost of touch present on his face. "this feels wrong."

he glances down, "oh."

"no, not like that. i mean-" you take a deep breath to get your words together, while jj just looks at you. "the kiss was great. amazing, even. it's just… i'm still technically liam's girlfriend."

his eyes light up at the compliment about the kiss, before he chuckles, "shit."

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[littlelamy]

s1jj x kook!reader; the one where you go to midsommars

"hey there, sexy," jj's voice is a sultry whisper in your ear as he slips up behind you, his breath warm and teasing against your neck. his hands glide over your hips, pulling you closer until your back is flush against his chest.

you before you reply, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. "been looking for me?" he teases, his tone dripping with playful arrogance. he steps around to face you, his piercing blue eyes locking onto yours, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

jj straightens the lapels of his new suit—a sleek, dark ensemble that hugs his broad shoulders and tapered waist in all the right places. the suit, one you insisted on buying for him, was worth every penny. He knows it too, flexing just enough to make the fabric cling to the muscles beneath.

his smirk deepens as he runs a hand through his blonde hair, letting his gaze drop slowly down the length of your dress. the way his eyes darken as they trace over every curve of your body sends a jolt of heat straight to your core. "you look good enough to eat, baby," he murmurs, his voice laced with a desire that makes your skin tingle. his hand reaches out leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

jj leans in, his lips hovering just inches from yours. "what do you say we ditch this party and find somewhere more…private?" his voice is low, suggestive.

before you can respond, a familiar voice cuts through the charged moment. "jj, what the hell are you doing here?" rafe’s voice is sharp, dripping with disgust as he strides over, his eyes narrowing at the sight of you two together.

jj’s smirk doesn’t falter as he straightens up, turning slightly to face rafe without letting go of your waist. "just enjoying the party, man. isn’t that what we’re all here for?" his tone is casual, but there’s an edge to it.

rafe’s jaw tightens, his gaze flicking between you and jj. "you don’t belong here," he snaps, taking a step closer as if to assert his dominance. but jj just chuckles, a low, dangerous sound that sends a thrill through you.

"funny," jj replies, his voice cool and confident. "because I’m pretty sure she invited me." his fingers tighten slightly on your waist, a physical reminder of your connection, of the choice you made.

rafe’s eyes darken with jealousy, his hand clenching into a fist at his side. "watch yourself, jj," he warns, his voice low and threatening.

but jj just grins, leaning in close enough that only you can hear his next words. "let’s give them something to talk about, yeah?" his breath fans across your lips, and before you can respond, he closes the distance, capturing your mouth in a searing kiss that leaves no room for doubt about where his loyalties lie.

the kiss is intense, full of pent-up desire and raw emotion, and you can feel the way jj’s body presses against yours, the heat between you almost unbearable. when he finally pulls back, his eyes are dark with passion, a wicked grin on his lips as he glances over at rafe, whose expression is a mix of shock and fury.

"see you around, rafe," jj throws over his shoulder as he leads you away, his hand firmly gripping yours. the music and chatter of the midsummers' party fade into the background as you and JJ make your way through the crowd, heading toward the beach.

once you’re far enough from prying eyes, jj stops, turning to face you with that same cocky grin. "so, how about that private time?" he murmurs, his voice sending a shiver of anticipation down your spine. the night is warm, the sound of waves crashing in the distance, and you can’t help but smile as you lean in, ready to lose yourself in the thrill of being with jj.

[strangelysamantha]

jj x plus!reader story plz. jj always saying how much he loves your body, saying it’s something he can’t get enough of. he would always compliment you and stuff and then one day he random cheats on you with kie or a random tourist and since he’s so ashamed of himself and he’s a self destructer he starts to say nasty shit to you about your appearance and so you storm off upset and then you can chose the ending from there

lies, lies, and more lies ☆

jj maybank x plus!reader.

warnings: infidelity, jj being self-destructive, swearing, harsh speech, toxiccc, ect.

summary: after jj cheats on you, he can’t help but villainize himself by being rude to you and destroying any chance of redemption he had.

request? yes!

a/n: thank you for this request!! like and comment if you enjoyed! <3 my masterlist is pinned on my page!

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jj pulled you into a tight hug, his head in the crook of your neck. his lips hovered over your skin, softly pressing kisses on you. "you are so perfect, baby." you smile at his words, "i can't get enough of you, you don't understand." he pulled away, his eyes locked on yours. he slips his arms around your waist. you lean in, kissing him. "thank you, jj" you wrap your arms around his neck, holding him tightly. jj continued rambling, "i love your body so much, you are so sexy." he holds your hand, urging you to spin into a circle to show off your figure. he grabs your hips, pulling you close to him. his hands roam from your hips to your chest. "i just want you, in every way." he leads you to your bed, and you comfortably adjust. "jj you are so sweet to me." he smiles, his hand cups your cheek, and he gently pulls you closer to him. "do you blame me?" he lets out an airy laugh, "you're my girlfriend, anyone would kill to have you." you shake your head in denial, "no, it's true. i have to protect what is mine." you bite your lip, caught off guard at his confession. "i love you, jj." he smiles brightly. "i love you so much."

you sit up, climbing onto his lap. you wrap your arms around him, the tension rising. "jj, you are the sexiest man i have ever met." he chuckles, "thank you, but i'm the lucky one. look at you." you lay your head on his chest for a second, when his phone loudly rings. you glance over at his phone, but he quickly denies the call. "who is that?" you ask. nerves littered your stomach, and a feeling of unease washes over you. his previous demeanor quickly changing. "just john b, don't worry baby, its nothing." he flips his phone over, silencing it. you are puzzled, if it really was just john b, why was he suddenly defensive? despite him turning the phone off, it continued to buzz repeatedly.

"i think you should answer him, it might be important." he nods, grabbing his phone, he places a kiss on your head, and swiftly exits the room. you sit astonished alone on the bed. after a few minutes he comes back, "i told you it wasn't anything serious." you nod, "that's good, im glad." he joins you in the bed once again, cuddling you tightly. you melt into his touch, the earlier doubts immediately slipping your mind. you didn't want your insecurity to ruin a good relationship. jj loved you, and he treated you like a goddess. you decide to leave it be.

jj was comfortable in your arms, and after a few minutes of silence in the dimly lit room, he drifts to sleep. that uncertainty came back, and you knew you would regret not checking it. desperate for clarity, you carefully lean over, grabbing his phone. you unlock it, immediately checking the call logs. you frown at it, seeing an unnamed contact had blown his phone up. you click the number, going to the text thread. your heart sinks, it was kiara. she had sent him multiple topless pictures with a caption of, don't let her see these. you scroll up, seeing weeks of messages they had exchanged. more often than not, there was flirtatious banter. you look over, seeing jj peaceful in your arms. disgust takes over, and you have to resist waking him up.

you double check that is phone is on silent, then you screenshot the worst messages, and the photos. you send them to yourself, immediately deleting any evidence. you're looking at his gallery, seeing a graphic video of jj and kiara together. your breathing staggers, and you have to look away. you close out of all the apps, gently putting his phone back. you lay back in the bed, your eyes closed. your mind is wandering, and you realize jj still had a tight hold around your body. you slip out of the bed, heading downstairs. you enter the bathroom, closing the door, and locking it. you sink to the floor. you couldn't resist, you reread the messages, noticing that kiara made a comment about your weight, in which jj's only response was, at least she is good in bed.

all those things he said, the compliments, he meant none of it. the emotions overwhelm you; you turn your phone off. needing air, you step outside. the moon is high in the sky, and you find yourself sitting by the ocean. your legs dangle over the edge, just above the water. you realized it was getting pretty late, and the night air was crisp. with a slight chill, you head back inside. you find jj in the kitchen, he lights up when he notices you. "now where did you go?" he laughs, he grabs a blanket for you. he wraps it around you, feeling your hands. "you are so cold, baby." you frown, "i didn't realize it would be that cold." he nods, "well why'd you go out there anyway?" you shrug, "had too much energy to sleep, so i went for a walk." he smirks, "next time you have too much energy, just tell me." his eyes trace over your body, "i can help you with that." you laugh, but walk to the fridge to grab some water. he hugs you from behind, his hands grabbing your stomach. you slightly shiver at his touch, you shake your head, stepping forward so you escape his grasp. "i have to go to the bathroom." he nods, "okay, i'll be upstairs." you smile, he kisses your cheek before making his way to your room.

you stay in the kitchen for a few minutes, before going back to the bedroom. "hey so kiara called me while i was outside." his attention is fully on you now, "she wants me to spend the night." you walk to your dresser grabbing some clothes for the supposed sleepover. he scratches his neck, "did she say why?" you decide to continue lying, since that's what he's been doing to you for weeks. "i guess she had a bad hookup, and she wants to tell me about it. just a girls night type thing." you continue packing and his eyes watch you intensely. "i'm kind of surprised by that." he spits out firmly, you turn around. "why?" he looks around, "i don't know, it didn't seem like you two talked like that." you laugh harshly, "what do you mean jj? she's my best friend." his face drops. "i want to spend the night with you, can't you wait until tomorrow?" you sigh, "no, i spend the night with you all the time, kiara and i don't get to hang out a lot. i'm not cancelling." he looks down at his phone, and smiles. your heart burns at the sight.

"who are you really going to see?" he questions, standing up. "what do you mean?" he smirks, as if he's catching you. "you aren't seeing kiara, she just texted me." you fight back a smirk, "oh really?" he holds his phone up, and you grab it from him. you open her text; it's her asking if she could come over. he allows you to look, but then immediately regrets it. "what the fuck is this jj?" you show the photo of her, and he rips the phone from your hand. "that's old, its nothing." you place your hands on your hips. you pull out your phone and dial kiaras number. she answers, "hey kiara, what are you doing tonight?" she is silent for a moment, "i don't have any plans yet, what's up." you laugh, "oh, i guess jj never answered you." she quickly hung the phone up. you look back at jj, and his eyes are wide. "if it's not like that, let me see your phone." he looks down, "you won't like what you see."

"why would you do this to me?" your eyes are glassy, and a frown is hung on your lips. he shrugs, "i mean i like you, but kiara's just different." you nod, "she's skinner, and prettier, that's it right?" he shakes his head, "no, not at all." you stare at him, "so your comment, at least she's good in bed...? that had nothing to do with my looks?" his anger seeps out, and his voice rises. "you went through my phone? that's a huge invasion of privacy!" you roll your eyes, "you got caught cheating, can you be mature for once?" your words struck jj's nerve. "maybe i wouldn't have cheated on you if you would have actually showed me love." he crosses his arms, "you don't mean that."

he sighs, "it's not like we were actually serious, we started as a fling," his words are laced with venom, "i mean did you really think we could last? look at you, then look at me." tears stream down your face, his words harsh. "okay jj." your eyes are low to the ground. "im really sorry, i should have ended it before it got this far, but you were so happy from my attention, i didn't want to rip it away from you." he tries to step closer to you, but you instinctively back up. "don't." he looks away. "did you not love me?" he hesitates, "i did love you, but no one wanted us together." you finally lock eyes with him, "who said that? kiara?" he sheepishly nods, "yeah." you close your eyes, "what she has to say shouldn't matter to you. you were the one who had us become more than friends. this whole thing was a fucking lie."

"you know i don't settle down. especially with people who are like you." he isn't holding back, "im aware of how i look jj. you never said you had an issue with it. you complimented me all the time. you loved me once." he shrugs, sitting on the bed. "not anymore, i never want to fuck you ever again." you compose yourself, "if that's the case, then were done." he doesn't try and argue you about it. "okay. we can still be friends," you laugh, "no we can't, get out of my house." you throw his belongings in a little tub, shoving it in his arms. "i'm sorry." jj has soft eyes towards you, a pit of guilt was brewing. for some reason, actually being forced out of your house, hurt his feelings. "goodbye." he leaves the room, and you follow to lock the door behind him. you turn your porch light off, blocking jj's number.

[rafesbunny]

what would you guys like out next? 🎀

• rafe

• jj

•john b

is there anything specific? i’ve got lots of ideas jotted down but love to get more feedback 💓💓💓

[maybanksprincess]

trouble sleeping? // j.m

warnings: fluff, cuddling, kissing, pet names.

summary: jjs girlfriend is having trouble sleeping <3

small blurb for my baby @jjblunts requested by this ask, i hope you like it!

for a couple days now, you've been having sleeping problems. when you lay in bed, you toss and turn for hours until you fall asleep, waking up with a sore back and grouchy from the lack of sleep.

however, jj has been noticing the slight changes in appearance and mood from you. he's been noticing dark circles starting to form, and the way you've been super quiet all day, and drinking multiple cups of coffee to stay awake.

he didnt know what was going on, but he knew he wanted to help. so tonight, instead of laying on the couch, he comes in to sleep with you instead.

you had been laying on your back, desperately trying to get just an ounce of sleep, but there was no use. you let out a huff of frustration and turn onto your side, hugging the pillows close to you.

as your fighting to fall asleep, you hear the door creaking, meaning someone has entered the room. you open you eyes to see the blonde standing above you.

he reaches down to carress your cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb across it. "hey babydoll. you cant sleep?" he asks softly.

you smile softly up at him, a tired and weak smile on your face. "no..." you shake your head.

he sighs, sliding into bed next to you gently moving you over by your waist to make room for him. "why didn't you tell me baby? you know i would've came to sleep with you." he says, running his fingers through your hair gently.

you lean into his touch, resting your head on his pec. "i dunno, didn't wanna bother you..."

he chuckles softly "baby your never bothering me. jus' go to sleep, hm?" he says, and moves your hair away from your face to kiss your forehead.

within minutes, your softly snoring in his arms, your face buried in the crook of his neck.

he smiles, pressing his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. "sweet dreams, sweetheart." he says before falling asleep, holding your body against his protectively.