#Its unreal how long ago this was

[leafyduckwebs]

just realized i was demi ace and not 100% ace because of my friend and idk how to feel about that

[siribaes]

WHO’S BETTER THAN ME?

RIO x blackfem!reader (oc - Angel)

“After their breakup a decade ago, Rio reunites with high school sweetheart making up for lost time—”

PARING: Exes to Lovers / Past High School Sweethearts

SUGGESTED TUNES 💿: Tu Principe by Daddy Yankee, What You Want by Ma$e & Total, Throwback by Usher & Jadakiss, Thugman by Tweet & Missy Elliott, Only U by Ashanti

CONTENTS: 18+ MDNI, SMUT, or*l (fem receiving), f*ngering, praise k*nk, slight possessive k*nk, Rio being a bedroom bully lol, some light use of Spanish, makeup s*x, cursing, etc. (UNEDITED/ NOT PROOF READ) / GIF CREDIT: @blackisblackisblack

AUTHOR’S NOTE: this was supposed to be a drabble but turned into a full-blown fic, but anyway LOL. so i did a lil AU for rio, essentially he pulled a griselda blanco moved operations to Long Beach (Rio is so west coast coded to me) but yeah, the backstory of these two is that they were childhood friends turned high school sweethearts (class of 2005 in my AU lore of these two, hints at the music choices, etc.) before they went separate ways yada yada, the oc’s face claim is danielle brooks 💖 as always enjoy y'all

Makeup sex shouldn’t be this good. Like this was too good, like ultimate dream-fantasy level type of makeup sex. It felt unreal, except this was very real. Very, very, real.

Angel never imagined that her night would've ended up like this, in the arms of her high school sweet-heart, or rather sitting on top of a very expensive, entry way console, as her high school-sweetheart-turned-ex, used his nimble hands to fondle at her luscious curves, and pillowy-soft lips to suck on the sensitive part of her neck. From how hard Rio sucked and kissed on her neck it was surely going to leave a hickey, which might've been on purpose on Rio's part.

Since they were young, Rio always had a slight possessiveness towards Angel, nothing that was too domineering or chauvinistic, but still a possessiveness that was rooted in a love and a true appreciation of her. This of course was expressed in a way that only a sixteen-year-old Rio could, buying Angel's favorite snacks for school, littering her neck with hickeys during make-out sessions, and even saving what little he had to buy a gold necklace with an angel shaped pendant. It was the subtle ways Rio showed how he felt. That in addition to the verbal ways, in true young-Rio, braggadocious fashion. Even then Angel knew, deep, deep, down, that there would be no one who could measure up, or as Rio so accurately foretold the night of their break-up, "Who else is like me, hm? Who's better than me?"

Angel of course buried that fact deep into her subconscious, well, not deep enough, because in each of her relationships since, it managed to rear its ugly head every single time. Most recently, with her ex-fiancé, Nathan. Nathan was great at first, good conversation, amazing dates, lavish gifts, he treated her like princess. But slowly, over time, Nathan stopped trying, it especially became bad after their engagement. They rarely talked, unless it was about work, or wedding plans, he neglected her, especially in the bedroom. Angel soon realized that despite Nathan's neglectfulness, she made no effort to confront him about it. She didn't care, not a single bit. In the end, Angel had to accept that her heart belonged to someone else. That Rio was the only man for her.

Which brings her too tonight, Angel's high school class's reunion. It was a big one, celebrating 20 years, and Angel thought it would be the perfect remedy to cheer her up. She could let loose, reunite with some old classmates, and celebrate with her friends she's had since then. Something that could put her mind at ease, pull her focus away from the abysmal ending to her engagement.

She was having a good time, truly, cutting up on the dance floor to a killer set of music from 04' and 05', with her besties, Clarissa, Benny, Keke, and Dre. Angel was having the time of her life, dancing to Lose My Breath by Destiny's Child, when her friends froze, their eyes all staring at the bar of the ballroom. Clarissa leaned and whispered.

"Rio's, here."

Angel's mind and heart went to full overdrive, as memories of their relationship flooded her mind. Apparently, while Angel and her friends were having the time of their lives, Rio showed up and instantly became the talk of the town. He had a few breezy conversations with old classmates, charming them of course, and when asked about what does for a living, he smoothly responded that he was an entrepreneur, that he's always been good with numbers. Which wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't the truth either. Of course, none of their classmates were aware of Rio's true dealings, only Angel and her close circle were privy to that info.

Despite the nerves that bubbled in her stomach, Angel, knew that she had to face Rio at some point. She marched over and sat at the bar next to him. After some awkward pretense, more on Angel's part than Rio's, and shot of whiskey later, they talked. The conversation flowed and soon before they knew, it was like old times. They caught up and laughed about old memories. More and more Angel felt her heart swell in her chest, her latent feelings for Rio were bubbling to surface. But Rio surprised her, after sharing a couple dances to slow jams, a proposition slipped freely from his lips.

"Come home with me?"

From a safe distance, her friends watched the exchange, seeing the chemistry they still had after all this time, and despite some reservations, they encouraged to follow her heart, or as Keke put it, her pussy. When they were parting ways, Clarissa hugged her tight and encouraged her, whispering in her ear, "Just go with him, girl. Have some fun, we both now you deserve it after the shit you've been through."

So, here she was, whimpering and writhing underneath Rio's touch, while simultaneously admiring the backyard view. An ink-colored sky served as a gorgeous back drop, for the glowy lit infinity pool, in the distance was twinkling lights from buildings near the coastal beach. It was truly a sight to see. Angel snapped back to reality when she felt a firm hand, cradle her chin.

"Where'd you go?" Rio asked. His Coca-Cola colored eyes stared back at her. His head tipped to side, long eye lashes fluttering against the tops of cheeks as he blinked.

His gaze was heavy was lust, completely unrelenting. Its intensity caused Angel to squirm in her seated position. A warmth bloomed underneath her skin as she rubbed at the part of her neck Rio just was. It was still wet from his kisses.

"N-nowhere, baby," Angel stammered.

Slowly, Rio lips curled into a half smile.

"Good," Rio nodded his head as his gaze traveled down to Angel's chest, zeroing in on the exposed skin the peeked through her top, "now take this shit off. I wanna see them titties, Nena."

Completely under his spell, Angel quickly took of her top, leaving her in a lacy, cerulean colored bra, her mini skirt, and a pair of thoroughly soaked panties. Immediately Rio, hand's palmed at Angel's breasts, rubbing and squeezing them. A soft moan escaped her lips, as Rio's lips latched onto one of nipples.

"Yes, baby," Angel sighed, her hands cradled Rio's head close to her. His tongue alternated between soft flicks and harsh sucks at her left nipple. He released her nipple with a pop and went to the right nipple, repeating the same thing, "Fuck, baby, just like that. Shit!"

Angel could feel the wetness pool inside of her panties, as her clit began to throb. She needed Rio, real bad.

"Damn," Rio breathed out. He pulled away from Angel's chest, while his large hands rubbed at her ample thighs. His lips curled into a wicked smile as he admired his handywork. Angel's boobs glistened with sweat, as her hardened nipples stood at full attention, with spit dripping from them, "I missed them titties, girl. Fuck, I need to that pussy too. Lift up for me."

Angel obliged. Rio supported her with one hand, while with the other, slipping off her mini skirt and panties. He tossed the skirt to the floor, while he pocketed her panties. A storm swirled in his eyes, a thick haze of lust, as he admired Angel's, wet, glistening, pussy.

"I dunno if I can wait, mama," Rio rasped. He brought a finger to Angel's core, swiping at her wetness, and brought it back to his lips, sucking on it, "You taste good, mama. All this shit for me?"

Angel nodded. "Yes, it's all for you baby,"

Wordlessly, Rio plunged his fingers inside of Angel, who let out a yelp in response. He quickly fell back into old habits, fucking Angel with his fingers, just the way she liked it.

"Yeaaahhh, just like that," Rio rasped, he bent down and licked at her lips, "Be a good girl and fuck my fingers back," Angel whined loudly, following his instructions, lifting her hips slight and fucked his thick, fingers.

"Fuck! I'm close baby!"

"I gotchu, mama. Fuck, I feel you on my fingers. You gonna let me take care of you, huh? I'll give you anything you want mama, fuck, you being so good for me. Cum for me, darlin',"

And she did. Angel's eyes squeezed shut as she gushed over his fingers. A string of curses and pleases slipped from Angel's lips as Rio continued to fuck her through her orgasm. She could feel the cum slipping down her thighs.

"Mi alma, you look so good cummin' for me," Rio praised her. He captured her lips and kissed her sweetly. His tongue swirled around in her mouth as mimicking the move with his fingers. Angel pulled away from him, mewling.

"Riooooo, fuck, slow down baby,"

Rio landed a firm smack on Angel's ass. He cradled Angel's chin bringing her eyes towards him. His eyes hardened a bit, still holding its lustful haze, now a bit possessiveness broke through. Rio crooked his fingers, slowing down his pace just a tad, but driving into Angel's pussy much harsher and deeper.

"Fuck, I say about that shit," He growled.

"Shit! Baby, I-I'm s-sorry," Angel whimpered. Her mind flickered back to them making out in the car, he only to wanted to her his name, his real one, "Christopher, 's too much,"

A look of pure satisfaction bloomed across Rio's face. Got her.

"Just one more, mama. Be a good girl for me," Rio sunk down to knees, he slowly placed small kisses at Angel's inner thighs. He worshiped the plushness of her thighs, while Angel writhed and whined. He inched closer, spreading Angel's thighs further apart. He admired how she dripped around his fingers. "Fuck, mama I want you to cum on my tongue, 'k?"

Rio kept his eyes on Angel as he licked at her entrance, swirling his tongue around his fingers, continuing on until he reached her clit. Rio pressed a soft kiss to Angel's clit.

"Christopher!" Angel shouted.

Rio worked in tandem, his long fingers plunged in and out of Angel's, while his tongue swirled around her clit, flicking at the sensitive bud. Angel's hands rubbed at the soft hair of Rio's buzzcut, while the familiar thrumming of her orgasm quickly approached.

"Christopher, fuck, I'm soooo close,"

Rio pulled back, "Say it again,"

"Christopher,”

“Again,”

“Christopher, Christopher, Christopherrrrr, keep fuckin’ me, I’m so close,”

Rio grinned as he returned to her pussy. He latched onto her clit, sucking so harshly, Angel for sure believe that it was going to be bruised. His fingers fucked her even faster, as she clenched around them, as Rio French-kissed her pussy. He was completely relentless, wanting to see her cum, again, again, and again. With one last, harsh suck at her clit, Angel, exploded. She screamed in pleasure as she rode out her orgasm. Rio rose up, slowly pumping his fingers, before pulling out.

"Did so good for me," He mumbled against her cheek, holding her close as Angel rode out the aftershocks.

“I love you so much, baby,” Angel whispered in his ear.

Rio captured her lips again, kissing Angel. He licked at her mouth, allowing Angel to taste herself. Rio arms snaked around Angel's torso, and with ease, managed to throw her over his shoulder. Angel giggled and kicked her feet and Rio moved to the stairs.

"Baby! What are you doing?"

"It's time for the real show to start, Nena," Rio teased, he playfully smacked her ass, "You ready for me?"

"Always."

[sundaycentric]

JING YUAN AND NEUV!!!!!

(I too am down horrendous for them)

(seperate) neuvillette & jing yuan x reader

content ★ headcanons, NOT PROOF READ!!, sfw, fluff

note ★ SO REAL!! i love them both sm its unreal.. anyways im just going to do some basic headcanons and drabbles bc im abt to go to a dance and i need something quick to post.. other requesters i am working on your stuff!!

NEUVILLETTE ★

He has no idea what it's like to be in a relationship. He has no experience whatsoever, besides for the in occasional movies Lady Furina will force him to watch with her.

Neuvillette isn't that dumb to take the movies as reality, though. So, he ends up just being a mess.

Before you start dating, Neuvillette will try to his best to hide his feelings. He often times pushes you away, but the sky darkens not soon after. He feels torn.

Neuvillette doesn't even understand his own emotions. He can barely process what he feels, let alone name it. He's confused and worried. He thinks it's love, but what if he isn't? He's never felt love to know what it's like.

It'd take some time for him to start working through his feelings. However, he still keeps his distance. He tries not to make it obvious he is avoiding you, but someone sees through him easily.

It doesn't take long for Lady Furina to find out what's happening, especially considering how observant she is to drama. She'll pester Neuvillette about it a bit, laughing at his reactions. Neuvillette tries to appear indifferent, but the sky's definitely different from what it was before.

For all her teasing, Lady Furina does genuinely care about Neuvillette (and you). She will offer some advice to Neuvillette, even though her experience in romance is just as limited as his. At least Lady Furina can work out her emotions, though.

Gradually, Neuvillette accepts your presence and allows him to take pleasure in it. A month ago, he was doing everything to stay out of your way, but now is he practically near you every time he can be.

He tries not to talk to you too much, though. He gets flustered. Although you might not be able to see it on his face, you might notice the sky becoming brighter—way brighter than normal when you talk to him.

He will never confess first. Well, unless he felt like he had to to avoid loosing you. Other that that scenario, though, he will keep quiet until you say something

Once you do say something and confess your feelings to him, Neuvillette will be so happy. His face might be a little smile, but there is no rain for entire week and lot's of people are getting sunburnt..

He will try his best to keep you happy. Neuvillette is very big on communication since he doesn't always understand what you feel. He does try though.

Neuvillette still doesn't talk much about himself. Instead, he prefers to listen to you. Even the small, mundane things you did during your day put a smile on his face.

Overall, he is very kind and considerate. Maybe even too much. He's scared of hurting you or pushing you away because of how he is. That hasn't happened yet, though. :)

JING YUAN ★

He definitely knows what he is doing. He's had some experience in the past, both watching and doing. Although, it is different when it comes to you.

Jing Yuan took interest in you. He was curious. Why? He doesn't know himself. He just likes you presence. You remind him of his finches, maybe even lion sometimes.

He learns as much as he can about you without being seen as creepy. He'll pay attention attention to you at events or when he is in public. When he catches you staring at him, he feels warm.

Eventually, he begins to come up to you. Jing Yuan prefers to take things slow, and really wants to come up with some sort of strategy to win your heart. It's a bit hard, though. He doesn't want to manipulate you, you aren't his enemy.

Jing Yuan tries to keep things in his control, both so he can spend as much time with you possible and just because he likes it. He will pay for your lunches, buy you things you like, pay for your trips. Jing Yuan has enough money, and he is willing to spend it all if you ask for it.

He'll slowly try to become closer with you. He doesn't want to push you away. After all, Jing Yuan has all the time in the world to wait for you. He only hopes you'll actually go to him.

Jing Yuan seems more unfocused at work now. He is usually not paying attention anyways (as he is sleeping), but it's becoming a bit worse now. Lady Fu catches on quick and reprimands him.

Jing Yuan, in his tired state, tries to excuse himself before Lady Fu gets angrier. He ends up slipping and saying your name. The two of them stare at each other before Fu Xuan starts scolding him again.

Fu Xuan is mad at Jing Yuan, yes, but she cannot deny that she cares about Jing Yuan. So, she might peek into the future to see if the two of you are together. She refuses to tell Jing Yuan what she sees, but she smiles as soon as he leaves.

Jing Yuan may be first to confess. He is fine with either. In the case that he confesses, he'll laugh at the way your face lights up. If you confess first, he'll find it funny how you seem a bit unsure of yourself.

He will reassure you with a kiss on the cheek before telling you that he loves you. Jing Yuan will hug you tightly while he sleeps and take care of anything you need.

He is like a teddy bear. :)

He is attentive, and he always knows what you're feeling. He might tease you sometimes, but he is ultimately very sweet and protective over you.

Yanqing definitely looks up to you as another parental figure. Good luck with that.

Overall, very nice to sleep on. He'll take care of everything he can for you and treat you like a precious gem.

[kvtie444]

⋆‧₊˚ TEACHERS PET .6

summary: Reader has a new teacher and finds herself falling for him blahblahblah teachers pet by melanie vibes xoxo this ones a rollercoasterrrrr

・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

I found myself in a state of stress, perched on the edge of tears, surrounded by the chaos of my bedroom. Tonight was the much-anticipated date with Matt, and the looming question of what to wear weighed heavily on my mind. After researching the place, a boujee sushi spot with a dress code, I finally settled on a white mini dress. Its front cutout detail with a small drawstring and long mesh sleeves seemed to strike the perfect balance. Slipping into my heels, I took a deep breath before facing the mirror.

In an effort to maintain a low profile, Matt had booked an Uber for me, a wise move to avoid being seen by fellow students. As the Uber arrived, I got in, offering a smile to the driver. With every passing moment, my heartbeat intensified, reaching a crescendo as we pulled up to the restaurant. Stepping out, my heels clacked against the floor as I looked up to see Matt by the lobby. He sported a black knit jumper and black bottoms, a silver chain peeking out beneath. He looked unreal.

Our eyes locked, and a smirk formed on his lips as he walked toward me. "Shit," he chuckled to himself, enveloping me in a tight hug, gently swaying me. "What?" I laughed against his chest, pulling away to look at him. His hands rested on my waist, mine around his shoulders, keeping us close. "You're so fucking beautiful," his gaze seemingly mesmerised by my presence. I smiled, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. "All you, handsome," I whispered, leaning up to press a soft kiss to his lips. Pulling away, I noticed a smudge of my lipstick on him, wiping it with my thumb and letting it linger on his bottom lip for a moment. His hands moved lower to my hips.

"Come on," I said, playfully smacking his cheek and taking his hand. He led me to our table, pulling out my chair. Sitting down, I couldn't help but admire the beautiful restaurant. I heard him breathe out a laugh, and I turned my gaze back to him, puzzled. "What are you thinking about?" he asked, looking into my eyes. Those moments never failed to give me butterflies. I bit my cheek before speaking up, "I've just never been to a restaurant this nice, or a date for that matter, in fact," I admitted. He cocked his head slightly, surprised. "No guys have tried taking you out?" he asked. I shook my head, "All college boys think a date is sitting in their car listening to shitty trap music." He laughed, and I couldn't help but feel a bit like melting into a puddle at the sound.

The waiter came by, and we ordered our sushi platters and he brought our drinks. "When was your last date, then?" Matt asked me, sipping his drink. I screwed my face, smiling slightly, almost cringing, "Over a year ago. I've never really been in an actual committed relationship at all," I confessed, biting my lip in embarrassment. He gave me a half-smile, silently circling the rim of his glass with his pointer finger - odd. "You?" I asked. He looked up at me, licked his lips, and sighed. "I was engaged three years ago, found out she was cheating on me with her boss, saw some other people, and my last date was probably around four months ago," he revealed. oh. My jaw almost dropped, a wave of sadness washing over me. I had been tutored by him just four months ago, and he was engaged? Was he fully over her, or was I just a rebound?

"Y/n?"

I blinked and looked back up to Matt. Forcing a smile, I tried to brush off the awkwardness. "How was your day?" I changed the topic. "Good, now what's wrong?" he replied sternly. I sighed, not wanting to appear insecure in front of him. I didn't want him to see me as some immature girl, like his student. Taking a deep breath, I asked, "Where do you see this going? Us?" I looked anywhere but his eyes. A warm hand placed itself on top of mine, and I looked at Matt. "Y/n, I really like you. When you ghosted me, it drove me crazy. I mean, shit, you still drive me crazy. Like that dress, your voice, your perfume, fuck, just you in general. And I don't want other people looking at my girl the same way," he confessed. A warm smile crept onto my face, and I almost felt like crying - that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me.

"And I want this to be exclusive. I mean, obviously, we can't be super public about it, but I want it to just be me and you, no one else," he continued. My jaw slightly dropped, "Matt." I tilted my head at him as he licked his lips, waiting for a reply. His fingers were drumming against the table, a small tapping noise barely audible. "Of course," I smiled, putting my hand over his and squeezing. He smiled back toothily, bringing my hand up to his lips and peppering kisses all over.

"Tell me about your day," he mumbled against my knuckles. "Long, was stressed out picking an outfit," I replied. "Mm," he hummed against my skin, pressing another kiss.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

After concluding our dinner, where Matt made a persistent attempt at capturing candid photos of me, we engaged in a light-hearted argument over who's paying - me begging to at least split it - before he paid for the meal and left a tip. Exiting the restaurant, we strolled towards the car, where Matt turned me around, facing him, and pinned my back against the car door. His smile radiated down at me as he leaned in, and despite my best effort to lean back impossibly, a smile adorned my face.

"Matt, I just had raw fish, I stink," I laughed. Unfazed, he chuckled, "I don't care," before leaning down and pressing a kiss to my lips. His hand remained on my waist as he opened the car door for me, guiding me inside before joining himself. The engine purred to life, and I swiftly turned on the sound system, syncing it with whatever song was playing on Matt's playlist. "Back to yours?" I asked, looking over at him. He hummed in agreement as he started to drive, the quiet hum of a guitar playing in the background, marking the beginning of our journey.

As we sped down the highway, feeling too warm, I decided to open the windows. Matt looked over, smiling at me, my hair now dancing in the wind. Suddenly, a familiar strum played, and I couldn't believe it. Matt listened to Cigarettes After Sex. Grinning widely, I spoke up, "I love this song," to which he replied, "Yeah?" I nodded and began singing the lyrics, Matt glancing over with an almost literal sparkle in his eyes, pupils dilated, joining in the song almost imperceptibly.

Leaning in, I grabbed the side of his head, singing, "Think I like you best when you're just with me and no one else," and pressed a kiss to his cheek before pulling away, laughing. "You remind me of this song, you know," Matt spoke up, and I turned back to look at him. "You look like a Cigarettes After Sex song" he continued as we slowed down, stopping at a red light.

It took all my willpower not to confess my feelings right then and there. I couldn't let my emotions run wild; I was falling too fast. I smiled as the red light turned green, and we started moving again, the enchanting night unfolding before us.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

2 months later 

"Morning," Matt greets in his morning voice, planting a soft kiss at the base of my neck. I turn to face him, running my fingers over his tattoos. "Morning," I whisper back, and he leans down to kiss me gently, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're so beautiful, angel," he murmurs, his blue eyes locking onto mine. I chuckle, but my mood shifts as I remember I have a sociology lecture day. I groan, running my hands over my face, and Matt pulls my wrists away, concern all over his face. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Sociology lecture today," I groan, and his concern transforms into a smirk. "I think you should be excited to see your teacher; he's kinda hot," he teases. I giggle, responding, "Hmm, I don't know; he kinda stinks." Matt smirks, leaning in. Unable to contain my giggles, I feel a rush of excitement as he tightly grabs my waist, initiating a quick succession of kisses – lips, nose, jaw, down to my neck. Leaning back up, he looks at me - he looks so beautiful. "I love you." I blurt out. Fuck.

There's a pause, my stomach dropping, but then Matt breaks into a smile. "I love you, Y/N," he replies, kissing me again. Every kiss makes me feel like putty at his touch. He trails kisses down my neck, nibbling and sucking lightly, eliciting a small moan from me. "You like that, princess?" he coos.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Heading to my lecture, I had just hurriedly returned home to freshen up, eager to encounter Matt once more at college. While strolling through the park, my phone vibrated, and I paused to check the email from the school.

Dear: Y/n L/n

We would like to speak to you during your sociology lesson today in class 1W 3.30 to discuss this further.

Thank you.

Bit of a late notice. 

Entering the classroom, I open the door and am surprised to find Matt, the head lady from before, and about six other people – presumably the school board – gathered around. With only one empty seat, I take it, with Matt to my left. Sighing, I anticipate this is about my tardiness to lectures, not wanting to endure their lectures on therapist recommendations and resources.

One of the women speaks up, "Y/n L/n, Matthew Sturniolo, it’s come to our attention that an affair has been going on between you, a professor, and his student." My stomach drops. How do they know? I'm rendered speechless, physically. I glance over at Matt; his expression is impassive, as if he saw this coming. What the fuck? I attempt to speak, "Wha-" but get cut off. "We were doing our camera checks, it’s routine. We found footage of you two… intimate," she explains. When did we ever engage in such on-campus escapades? Shit.

"Would you like it to be a one-time thing?"

"No."

That was all Matt needed to hear before he pulled me into a passionate kiss. I stumbled back slightly as he walked with me, pushing me up to sit on a desk. 

Tears stream down my cheeks as I recall that encounter, silently blaming myself. "Matthew, unfortunately, your role here will be terminated immediately," she continues. Matt simply nods in silence. "No, you can’t just fire him; it was me," I speak up, my voice croaky. "As for you, you will face the school board on the 25th, where we will take this further and decide your future at this school." My heart shatters, and I can't help but let out a sob, the only sound breaking the silence in the room.

"Y/n, were you coerced into any of these acts?" one of the others asks. "No, I wasn't fucking coerced," I spit. "Don't blame him; it was all me," I continue, my voice breaking as I stand up from my chair, the legs scratching against the floor. "I’ll have all my stuff ready to leave by tonight," Matt says blankly. I furrow my brows. "Miss L/n, I understand you’re distraught right now, but please just-" the lady continues, but all sound goes blurry.

I walk out of the room. Feeling sick, I step outside for fresh air, breathing becoming harder as I clutch my chest. I'm on the brink of a panic attack, my sobs now uncontrollable. I hear a door open next to me; it's Matt. He walks straight past me and to the car park. I follow him, "Matt, please, talk to me," I choke out. He ignores me, "Matt, please, I'm begging you," I continue. Ignored. "You told me you fucking loved me this morning!" I yell, drawing attention from others. He turns around to look at me, now right outside his car. "Y/n, don't," he mutters. "I don't care, Matt. What the fuck, I mean, are you seriously gonna just ghost me?" I cry out. There’s a brief pause. "We’re done," he spits at me, turning and getting in his car. I watch him start his engine, uncontrollably sobbing. He doesn’t even look back at me; he just drives away.

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tag list !!

@iloveneilperry @bernardenjoyer @daddyslilchickenfingers @mbbsgf @sturnvilmed @s1urnioloslvr @mattsbratt @mangoposts @christinarowie332 @recklesssturniolo @bluesturniolo333 @flowerxbunnie @kenzieiskoolaid @pepsiskiess @poopydroopt @byechristopher @solarsturniolo @m6ttsturniolo @lustfulslxt @stardustmf444 @thankyounextt @glossyfx @bellasturniolo @justurniolos @cl0esblogg @strumbolisworld @strniolosworld @chrisloyalgf @aliyahsbody @spideylovin @justangelheree @sturnioloenthusiast @nickmillersn1gf @soursturniolo@bernardenjoyer@stuniolobbg @luv4kozume

[lbxbx]

Cockpit 12 | knj

Pair: Namjoon x reader

Summary: Namjoon goes through a rough time while getting a divorce, meeting you at the club two weeks in a row when attraction becomes unreal.

Rating: +18 mature content, Smut, divorce, fatherhood, major toxic behavior, fluff.

taglist: @wecanpretendit | @whoisbts | @yoonjinsrkive | @my-current-mood-is | @joonzseoulmate | @parkinglot-nights | @missbangtangirl | @m00njinnie | @mantaecrolss | @busanbby-jjk | @bangtanxmegan | @nochelunaxx | @certified-lana-del-rey-lover

a/n: This is a subtle ending and tbh was a little hard for to actually mold up, there can't be a happy ending 100% and ya'll know that. i strongly believe that there are many drabbles that might come up that may show you different scenarios for this fic and possibly another end. Ily guys and i love cockpit that introduced me to so many of you guys <3 ps i hope i didn't disappoint with this update because i think i slightly did.

Previous | End.

It’s a cold cloudy day as the winter has already made its way finally, It was your favorite season throughout the entire year, and it’s usually the season you and your friends decide on doing outdoor activities, and of course it’s the holiday season where you actually how so many days off. You just got off your morning shift and picked up Hoseok from his office, his car is in maintenance and you need to get groceries for the week, so you offered to drive him and in return he’ll help you with groceries.

The windows are open in the car, he’s on his phone scrolling and you’re tapping on the steering wheel with your leg on the gas pedal, singing along whole heartedly to the song you started in your car.

I fantasize about it all the time, if you were mine.

I’d give this pussy to you, nine to five, five to nine.

Trying to behave but I’m feeling some type of way.

Even dancing to it, with one hand on the steering wheel now, Hoseok first seems unbothered, he’s used to you being like this, he’s too focused on his phone. But then it hits him and he stares at you suspiciously, and of course you’re too occupied on the song, but then he shuts off the stereo which leaves you singing awkwardly with your not so acceptable voice.

“Why would you do that?” You whine, you can’t look at him your eyes are on the road, but you feel his eyes on the side of you face. “What’s the matter?”

“With what?” You try to take a quick glance at him when he’s smirking. “How are things with Namjoon?”

“Oh, I kind of.. met his ex wife when I was staying there a while ago.”

“How did it go?”

You look her in the eye with your chest heaving dramatically.

This was something you were anticipating long time ago, you wanted her to know everything. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Namjoon never felt this strong before, having you stand up for him even when he could stand up for himself the whole time. But still having you in front of her scratched an itch for him and he himself wanted this to happen too, he wanted her to see what he has in hand, and that even when she was after his money, he was after his freedom. She still didn’t get what she wanted but he did.

Everything is happening right in front of her own eyes, she clearly sees that her ex husband was actually cheating on her with someone.

Not anyone.

The doctor that she saw a couple of times one of them Namjoon was actually with her. She’s the woman that treated her own son long time ago, the woman who actually had the same perfume on that she smelled on her husband’s clothes so many times.

Gosh this was months ago, she feels betrayed more than she already is when she recalls that you pretended to help her with the fake medical report, you were actually defending him? This has to be serious between you and Namjoon then. Have you two been together for that long for you to actually help him?

She recalls the nights he stayed out, he must’ve been with you, the nights he went back home smelling like you, there were too many of them. It did make sense to her now.

And you finally get the chance to look her in the eye without having to hide and beat around the bush, the greediness inside you is increasing and you feel so desperate to show her that you stole her man.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, your arms crossed to your chest while you eye her from head to toe, she glances at Namjoon and looks back at you before laughing. “Oh so it was you.”

You mirror her laugh and nod your head. “It has been me all along.”

She takes a step closer to you and actually takes a sniff, before looking at Namjoon. “No one, and I mean no one, can stand tolerating you like I did, Namjoon.”

Of course you weren’t going to believe anything she’s saying.

“And you’ll realize the mistake you’re making, perhaps not now, but you will eventually.” She takes another step towards you.

Even when you’re fuming and you genuinely hate the woman, you masked it so well as you chuckle and click your tongue, shaking your head left and right. “Is that what being broke and pathetic feels like? I feel so bad for you.”

“I will give him to you, I just hope you like leftovers.” The answer was on the tip of her tongue. “Who knows, you might end up like me.”

“Oh honey trust me, you and I are not alike.” You eye her again from head to toe, a visible cringe on your face when you look into her face. “You and I are totally different, and I think you know that very well.”

Her face changes and she clears her throat, she even looks back at Namjoon behind you, hoping that he’ll say something and tame you, or do anything to just silence you, but it’s the exact opposite. He wraps an arm around you and walks into the bedroom before turning his head towards her. “Take your trash and leave, and next time if you want anything send someone else. This house isn’t yours to barge in.” And he slams the bedroom door shut and locks it with the key

Your eyes meet for a second before you pull him in for a kiss, your lips pressed against his and your arms wrapped around him. You tried to convince yourself that nothing is different but it actually is.

He tastes sweeter in your mouth and it feels so fucking good to have him for yourself. For the first time ever when you’re in bed with him you feel like that and it feels good. Your friends were right, it was totally worth the suffer.

“That’s all.” You finally park your car near the grocery shop, Hoseok takes a long breath and exhales. “Y/N, this shouldn’t have happened.”

“I don’t know what got into me, I just wanted her to know that he’s way better off without her.” You seriously have no idea where this toxic behavior is coming from, and what’s weirder is that you don’t regret thinking this way.

“Did he do anything?” Hoseok asks as you two get out of the car, he grabs a cart and starts pushing it inside, you’re a little distracted first when you see the advertisements for the products and the discounts around the place for the holiday season that’s coming up, the sound of background music mixed with kids running around, you’ve always enjoyed running errands and now you enjoy it more when you get to spend quality time with your best friend.

“Nope, it’s like he wanted this to happen too.” You grab the flyer. “Oh look, there’s a discount on short ribs.”

“You don’t eat short ribs.” He stops pushing the cart. “But you do, I’ll cook them for you.” You walk towards that aisle to put the short ribs into your cart.

“Someone is in a great mood today.” He chuckles and looks around the aisle for other kinds of meets. “Actually yeah, I’m supposed to meet his parents tonight for dinner.”

“Wow he must be pretty serious about you.” You hear a smirk on his face and when you look at him you find him in fact smirking. “Did you think he wasn’t?”

“No not at all.” He puts pork belly into the cart and continues pushing it. “I just didn’t see it happening so quickly.”

“Gosh, you have no idea how nervous I am about this.” Your hand sits onto your stomach. “I’ve been having nightmares.”

“Hey, you’re an incredible woman who usually leaves a great first impression—“ He doesn’t sound half convincing which makes you push him subtly. “Stop lying.”

“Okay, you don’t usually leave good first impressions, but hey does it matter?” He’s right.

Nothing’s going to change whether they like you or not, you and Namjoon want each other and that’s what matters. “Yeah, it doesn’t. But hey I still need to be careful.”

“Did you ask him about his folks?” He pushes the cart towards the produce aisle. “Yeah, multiple times, he said they were nice, but still they’re his parents, he can’t just tell me that they’re awful, right?”

“True.” You look around for grapes since it’s the season. “I wish I can cancel the whole thing, I’m not really good with strangers.”

“They’re not strangers they’re your in-laws.” He teases you which again makes you hit his shoulder. “Shut up.

“You know what, fuck it, just go, what’s the worst that could happen?” He says it so carelessly which makes you think you’re exaggerating, but you really weren’t.

You were standing in front of your full body mirror that holds so many memories for you now, zipping up your short burgundy dress. Honestly it was an entire debate for you whether you should choose this color or not, but the dress fitted you like a glove, respectful, yet revealing on some places and really flattering.

You grab your high heels and take a seat onto your bed to put them on. You needed the high heels because the man you’re going out with is tall and big, you need some height yourself.

You cannot deny your stomach was pinching you the entire time, you totally forgot that this moment had to come sometime you never even thought of it. Tonight was exceptionally cold but you were sweating. You weren’t anticipating this night what so ever.

Your door knocks a couple of times when you still had one of your heels on, so you get up on your feet and walk crookedly to your door to open it with the other pair of heels in your hand. “Hey big boy.” Your smile lingers on your face when you see him standing by your door wearing a casual suit, his long hair pushed back and smelling like a mix of his cologne and cigarettes, the smell you grew to love and find really warm.

“Look at you.” He takes a step inside your house and prints a soft kiss on your cheek. “You look incredible.”

“This is the dress I told you I was worried about.” You giggle and close the door. You were texting him the entire afternoon asking him what you should wear and he agreed with you on that burgundy dress.

He grabs your hand and twirls you once, his eyes scanning on your entire body and ass. “Baby you would look sexy in a potato sack.”

“Stop.” You hit his chest and let go of his hand. “Take a seat I’ll be ready in no time.” You point towards the living room with the hand that’s holding the shoe. He laughs and grabs the shoe away from you. “Let me help you with that.”

You both head to the living room and take a seat onto your couch, you put your leg up onto his lap and he helps you putting on your heels. “So..” You start talking, clearing your throat before you finish. “Any instructions? Should I be careful with anything?”

He rolls his eyes and looks at you. “Y/N, you don’t have to worry, they’re nice people I promise you’ll love them.”

“I’m not really good when it comes to meeting new people.” Your hand lands onto your stomach. “I wish I can back out.”

“Hey, they’re the ones who asked to see you in person, plus, I know they’ll like you too.” He shrugs, too occupied trying to figure out the straps on your heels. “You already met Jay and it wasn’t that bad, meeting my parents can’t be that bad too.”

He told his parents frankly that he was seeing someone, and they were really welcoming the idea generally, the entire story now makes sense to them and they can finally understand what their son went through and why he needs to be with you. Namjoon was absolutely glad that his parents were supporting his choices.

They’re flying over from Ilsan just to have dinner with you two, and you didn’t mind the idea generally and they must be really nice people, but you were simply not ready.

“Am I doing this right?” He asks, finally done with your heels, you nod your head and get up on your feet to tuck your dress down. “Thank you. What do you think?”

“Absolutely beautiful.” He flashes you a toothy smile, his dimple that makes your heart skip a beat digging onto his cheek. “Thank you, let’s get going.” You turn off the lights and make your way out with him to head towards the place he had reservations in.

The entire ride there your head was storming with every possible scenario, and no matter how hard Namjoon tried distracting you on your way there or comforting you, still, you just simply can’t relax.

You tried distracting yourself and actually googling topics the bring up during the dinner, but it wasn’t helping, your head was all over the place.

To them you’re probably the home wrecker that thanks to her their grandson will have to grow up with his parents separated. You’re the woman who accepted to be with a married man, which now you think was a little selfish, but you’ve grown to like the man.

The day you went back home with him after he got his divorce was when you actually felt your entire relationship with him suddenly grew tighter and stronger, you wanted to face his ex wife long time ago and what happened that night scratched an itch for you.

You snap out of your thoughts when he makes the last turn and parks his car in front of the restaurant, you take one last breath and unbuckle your seatbelt, you remember what Hob said and you hardly convinced yourself that no matter how tonight ends, nothing is going to change the fact that you want him and he wants you too.

He can’t help but to notice your legs shaking anxiously before you leave the car which immediately make him caress your knee and up your thigh. “Are you going to be okay?”

“It’s too late to ask that” You bite at him which makes him chuckle at you.

He feels a little guilty on the inside now, he would’ve never forced you on anything if he knew you’d be this anxious about meeting them. Even though he’s sure that there’s nothing to worry about, his parents are really nice. And to answer his question, You nod your head and he presses softly onto your knee. He’s here for you.

Your hand is locked in his, and the gentle squeeze of reassurance of his hand surrounds yours when you walk inside, slowly making your way to the reserved table that his parents are already seated on, a little younger than you thought they would be, and his mother who’s already in heels tip toes to wrap her arms around her son, pulling him in closer and kissing his cheek. “Gosh, I miss you so much.” She squeals.

“You must be Y/N.” His father stretches his hand out to shake yours, you force out a nervous smile and shake back his hand. “Mr. Kim, I’ve heard so much about you.” Well, you practically didn’t, but you were trying your best to break the ice.

“We’ve heard so much about you too.” He smiles back at you, at least his was genuine unlike yours. The dimples on his face were the ones that Namjoon and his son got. You shake his mother’s hand after she finally let go of her son, “Mrs. Kim, it’s good to see you.” And your eyes almost pop out of their sockets when she pulls you in for a hug and a little kiss on the cheek. You could swear you heard Namjoon giggling behind you.

“Please, just Soohyun.” She shrugs it off. “Take a seat.”

Namjoon’s behavior doesn’t get unnoticed by his parents of course, he’s whipped and they can easily admit that. He’s been married for three years and never has he ever pulled a chair for his wife for her to sit, the way he looked at you was totally different than the way he looked at his wife. He pulls you a chair to sit and helps you take off the little cardigan you put on, before getting you seated and pulling the chair next to you.

Of course they’re across the table from you two, but Namjoon’s hands were in yours the entire time, intertwined under the table, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand and gently caressing your fingers. It was so hard for you to focus when his parents were trying to get to know you more.

“So what do you do?” His father takes a sip of his wine, you straighten your back on your chair and tell him about your job briefly, which he and his wife admire. “Do you love your job?”

“Of course I do, I enjoy it so much.” You nod. “It gets tiring sometimes and my schedule is all over the place, but I love it.”

His mother’s eyes were on her son the entire time, a grin lingering on her face when she sees her son ready to devour you. His glances towards you were warm and loving, he even looks proud of you when you talk about how you have medical students being trained under you. “That’s incredible.” His father speaks, “My friend teaches at your hospital, I’m pretty sure you know him.” And he mentions his friend who actually taught you too, which makes you bond with his father in a snap of a finger.

“And when did you and Joonie meet? His schedule is all over the place too.” Soohyun leans her elbows on the table. “You must’ve met him back when he was still married.”

She clearly didn’t mean no harm, but you find it hard to swallow even though it’s true, and since your hand that’s holding onto Namjoon’s is sitting onto his leg, you can feel him nudge his mother with his leg which makes you force a laugh, “Yes, we met around six months ago.”

“Actually I came onto her.” Namjoon looks at you, his eyes traveling down to your lips and his hands gripping tighter to yours. “And I was unfair to her when I didn’t let her know about my situation.”

“Are you happy?” His mother asks, one hand on her chest and the other reaching to grab Namjoon’s. He smiles and nods his head. “I am. I really am.” Which makes her heart full, she’s really proud of her son that he managed to not only go through this on his own, yet he got back on his feet really fast and is currently happy being with someone else.

At this point you’re totally numb, you could easily fold at what he’s saying but you’re still stiff in your seat. The things you do for this man.

His mother again bonds with you in seconds when she brings up Namjoon’s embarrassing childhood which makes you laugh your heart out, she can easily tell that you’re nervous which makes her a little glad that you actually care what they think of you, which by the way they adore you.

The conversation was about to go downhill a couple of times when his mom mentioning that it’s so hard to raise your first child, she clearly said that you’ll understand what she’s talking about when you and Namjoon have kids. Namjoon was sulking in his seat totally embarrassed and you trying to avoid the topic with dumb ways.

-

“It was really nice to see you.” You shake their hands one last time before hugging your cardigan tighter around your chest, it was just starting to rain and the weather is starting to get really windy during the night time. “You two should totally come over to Ilsan this upcoming weekend, we have to show you around the town.” His father suggests, his relationship with Namjoon’s ex partner was really shallow and they barely spoke, he was generally excited to have you over and show you around their town after you two had mentioned something about the bike path around the lake park.

“Do you wanna go?” Namjoon puts one hand in his pocket and wraps the other one around you, you nod your head aggressively. “Absolutely, I would love to.”

“We’ll see you next weekend.” They finally bid their goodbyes and head back to their rented car, and you and Namjoon hit the road back to his place.  “So how was it?” He barely glances towards you when he’s driving. You lean your head back and sigh. “I need to lay down.”

Your social battery was running low, you spent the entire evening in an uncomfortable dress while having to keep talking, and sometimes even forcing out a laugh or anything. You couldn’t wait to go back home because you have a shift to cover the next morning. “I can’t think with this dress on, and I need to take my heels off like right now.”

“My place or yours?” He asks, and you answer right away. “Mine, I have to work tomorrow.”

As you two get into your place, you rush to take your heels off and run over to your bedroom, you plop down onto your bed face first and hug onto your pillows. “It feels good to be home.”

He laughs when he makes his way towards your bed and plop down on his back right next to you. “Are you okay?”

You nod and turn to face him. “Yeah, it was okay. Although I think we should’ve took things a tad slower.”

“Slower?” He sits on his elbows, his face tilted towards you, and you continue. “To them I’m still a stranger who’s going out with their son, and they probably think I was the reason you really got the divorce.”

“But you were.” He shrugs. Your eyes meet and right when you’re about to ask him to elaborate he continues. “Y/N, when I met you I realized that my life would be a waste of time if it wasn’t with you.”

“You’re overreacting.” You roll your eyes. “You got that from meeting me when I was drunk in a bar? Come on Joon.”

He nudges you with his elbow and chuckles. “I did. I went back home that night thinking about you. Maybe it was physical to begin with and maybe it was a little selfish to not let you know that I was involved in a relationship, deep down I missed the feeling of being loved and touched by someone who actually craves me and wants me for me. And you gave me everything I needed which made me hold on to you.”

You giggle and nudge him back. “It was a little selfish, but we need to stop bringing this up, it’s the past now.”

“You’re right. But you’re more than that to me, you’re incredibly beautiful and really smart, and not to sound so desperate but I want to be around you the entire time.” He whispers.

“I did get the divorce because I wanted you instead.” He inches closer to print the softest kiss to your forehead, you can’t remember if you were ever kissed there but it feels different on so many levels. It’s nothing like the kiss on the lips that you’re used to, and it’s totally different from the kisses and pecks you get on your cheeks from people around you.

It feels warmer and a lot more.. Loving.

Your eyes meets his, it feels like it’s your first time seeing this side from him and it probably is. He even smiles which makes you totally lost in his features, your stomach suddenly pinches you and is this what actual butterflies feel like?

Your face heats up and you clear your throat, your gaze never leaving his, he tucks your hair behind your ear and inches closer to press his lips against yours softly, printing the softest most loving kiss you’ve ever felt.

Forget the butterflies, is this what actual feelings feel like? It suddenly hits you, you’re not unsure anymore. You know exactly what you want with him.

“I really wanted this to be special, but I can’t hold it back any longer.” He covers his face and throws his head back onto your bed, laughing and curling in his spot. “Just say it Namjoon.” You laugh and hit his chest.

“I want you to be my girlfriend.” He finally gathers up enough courage to spit it out, which makes you laugh your heart out. “This is not middle school Joon. You’re thirty and I’m like twenty something.”

“Come on, just say yes.” He bites on his bottom lip, you decide on teasing him so you lean your chin onto your palm and hum. “Give me some time to think.” Of course you were going to say yes, but you enjoyed seeing him like this. “Make me say yes.”

He grabs your head closer to press his lips against yours, adrenaline rushes through both your bodies and you climb on top of him, leaning your body against his, his hands grab onto your hips before he fully wraps his arms around your waist to hug you towards him, his lips melting with yours into a deep kiss, his teeth grazing over your lower lip to bite into it softly and tugging it. “Alright.” You lean your forehead against his with your eyes half open.

His hands caress your cheeks and he pulls you in for a quick peck. “Is that a yes?” A grin fighting the urge to appear on his lips, you nod your head and nuzzle your nose against his. “Yes.”

-

“Oh, rest in peace to the Namjoon that escorted me to my seat.” You raise an eyebrow at him while taking a sip of your coffee. “Typical male behavior, you’re always too nice in the beginning—“

“I would kiss you to shut you up really, but I’m working.” He interrupts you.

It’s the weekend already and you two are finally flying to Ilsan to stay at his parents, he kept insisting that he wants to be alone and away and even tried to convince you to forget about Ilsan and fly to Jeju or something but of course you had to say no, you promised his parents after all. Although you felt bad for the man who’s been working nonstop this week, so this is like a little vacation for you two.

Of course he’s flying the plane and he gifted you your tickets, and of course you would agree, because come on.

Who wouldn’t fly for free?

You two are sitting near the gate and the cabin crew started boarding, and when he stands up and collects his phone and coffee you rolled your eyes, he once escorted you to your seat and now he’s going ahead of you.

“Even if you weren’t working, I wasn’t going to allow you to kiss me.” You shrug your shoulders carelessly, taking another sip of your coffee which makes him roll his eyes. “You’re so dramatic, come here.” He leans one of his palms against the coffee table and bends down to cup your cheek and kiss you on the lips. “I’ll see you on board baby, okay?”

“Fine.” The little smirk you were trying to hide finally shows on your face when your lip curves up a little.

Namjoon boards the plane, and not too long after you get on board and you finally get seated, you buckle up, put your important documents back in your bag and look through the window, the cabin crew serves you champagne which you are more than glad to have, you needed something to relax you since you were already nervous at the fact of having to not only meet his parents again, this time you’re staying with them for the whole weekend.

You took the champagne because you wouldn’t mind some pampering after all.

Namjoon makes his way out from the cockpit and makes small talk with the flight attendants, and damn it  you wish he didn’t look that good when he’s talking to other women.

You curse on the inside at the birth control you’re on because it makes you very hormonal, not in an emotional way, but in a physical way, your body is on fire the whole time. So when you see him in his uniform, his shirt so tight around his arm and his chest, his fingers go through his dark long hair before he looks around trying to locate you, and when your eyes meets he flashes you a smile that melts your heart in a second.

He makes his way towards you and leans down and puts his hands on your legs. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hey captain.” You play with the badges on his shoulder and lean forward. “You look like a snack.”

“A snack?” He teases and his eyes land on your lips, you nod and continue. “And I would love a snack right now.”

“Careful what you wish for baby.” He whispers and visibly swallows. “Just give me a sign and I will fuck you right here, and they can hear, or watch I don’t care.”

“Oh so it’s okay to fuck me on the plane, but it’s not okay to kiss me in the airport?” You scoff. “Captain, we’re ready for the takeoff announcement.” The flight attendant nudges his shoulder from behind and cuts through the sexual tension that was increasing by the second between the two of you, he stands up in front of you and your eyes level with his covered boner.

You could swear if passengers took their time and squint really hard they would notice.

He puts his hands in his pockets to loosen the tightness, and he can clearly see your eyes locked onto his erection. “It’s all for you.”

“Mister Kim?” The flight attendant calls for him again and he turns to walk to the front of the plane.

He grabs the speaker phone and turns to face the passengers.

“Good evening passengers, this is your captain Kim Namjoon speaking.” And fuck you can’t control yourself anymore.

“First I’d like to welcome you on Korean airlines flight number KA87 heading to Ilsan, we are currently third in line for takeoff.” He looks at his watch. “We are expected to be in the air in approximately eleven minutes, we’ll be up to a cruising altitude of 35 thousand feet, flight time will be one hour, if the seat belt sign is turned please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened.”

He looks at you in the eyes with one of his eyebrows shooting up. “In about ten minutes after departure the cabin crew will be coming around to offer you a light snack and a beverage, until then, sit back, relax and enjoy your flight, thank you.”

He closes the speaker phone and gives you one last look before he turns and heads back inside the cockpit.

You feel extremely impatient and you cannot wait for the second you land there, you have to let it out of your system and you don’t a single damn about his parents at this moment.

Almost 20 minutes into the flight, you’re leaning your head back and looking through the window, a second away from closing your eyes and taking a nap before you hear one of the flight attendants come out from the cockpit, you can’t take your eyes off of her especially when she’s walking towards you.

“Ma’am?” She leans forward to whisper. “We have the lavatory ready for you if you want to.”

You stare at her totally clueless of what she’s talking about, you even look behind you to make sure that she’s talking to you. “Huh?”

She turns her head to look towards the cockpit and you follow her eyesight, and you can see Namjoon waiting near the door with his hands in his pockets, eyes locked onto you.

He’s been waiting for this moment since forever. All his colleagues experienced the mile high club, and back when he was with his ex wife, they suggested that Namjoon should bring her along so he can have that experience too, but of course, they were never there together, they never even had a spark.

And finally, today Namjoon asked the cabin crew to empty out the lavatory throughout the entire flight so he can fulfill one of his long awaited wishes.

You and Namjoon had never done things publicly and you find it a little risky, the plane was too small and you’re not sure if you can control yourself.

You unbuckle your belt and watch Namjoon go inside the bathroom, you nod your head thank you to the flight attendant and follow Namjoon in there, your stomach drops at the excitement and thrill of this idea.

You lock the door behind you and look up at him. “Namjoon we can’t do anything here.”

He rolls his eyes and leans his arm on the door behind you to corner you in the little tiny lavatory that barely leaves you space to get away. “It won’t take ten minutes, come on.” He buries his face in the crook of your neck and inhales your scent before peppering you with little wet kisses on your skin that’s slowly heating up.

“Out of all places you want to have sex here?” Your eyes feel heavy when he sends goosebumps all over your body with his hot breath, he even whispers. “I’ve been wanting to do this to you for so long.” An audible smirk in his voice. “I want you to cum and I need to watch you trying to stay quiet.”

“They’ll hear us.” You hardly make the effort to push him because you want it too. And the thrill of being heard or caught makes your heart skip a beat and your thighs are already pressed together.

He prints one last kiss onto your jaw and leans his forehead against yours, his fingers wrapping around your neck not too tight. “You know, I kind of want them to hear us, or probably see you with my cum all over that beautiful face of yours.”

Your breath hitches when he tightens the grip around your neck and presses his body against yours, you can feel every inch of him against you including his angry cock that’s buried into his tight pant and begging to be let out.

He steals one kiss from your lips and goes down on his knees, lifting your shirt up to kiss your belly button and move further down to unzip your pants and pull them down with your panties to your ankles. His smirk doesn’t wash away when he sees how wet you already are when he barely touched you, and even when you two have been together for a while now this still boosts up his ego. “Look at you.”

“Shut up.” You whine and lean your head back against the door, your stomach dropping in anticipation at the thought of him touching you, at the thought of his mouth coming in contact to your wet folds.

His gaze meets yours for a split second, you feel your heart racing and you immediately look away, your face and body heating up, you’re slowly getting impatient, and he knows exactly how to tease you. Your body flinches and you immediately grab onto his hair when his plump lips finally landing onto your cunt, his tongue collecting the wetness that already escaped you and finally landing onto your clit before pulling back. He catches the string of your wetness that’s still attached to his lips with his finger and sucks on it. “Mmm.”

A rush of adrenaline combs your entire body that makes you grab tighter onto his hair and pull him towards you, of course he saw it coming and he’s been wanting to lick you clean, both his hands hug your thighs and he dives in, sucking onto your little throbbing bean and flicking his tongue against it, the taste of you sits on his mouth and you taste like absolute candy to him.

“Oh my god.” You find it hard to keep quiet when you feel your body slowly being drugged with pleasure, the man knows what to do with his hands and he slowly teases your entrance and pushes his middle and ring finger inside your clenching vagina making you gasp. He gets up onto his feet to whisper. “Fuck, I knew I’d enjoy watching you suffer to stay quiet.”

His cock is already bulging through his pants when he speaks, you move your knee up to rub it against his clothed boner, he bites onto his bottom lip as his hands work to his neck as he removes his neck tie quickly and grabs your hands together tying them up tightly, he grabs you by your shoulder and pushes you down on the bathroom floor, your head pressed against the door as he unzips his pants and takes out his dick to stroke it a couple of times before pointing it to your lips. “Open.”

You look him up in the eyes and bite onto your lips, he wraps his fingers around your neck and bends down to whisper while biting on his own teeth. “I said open.” And you obey immediately, opening your mouth and he doesn’t hesitate once before spitting on his palm and stroking his cock and shoving it into your mouth, tugging tightly on your hair and fucking your face.

You choke on him with your spit drooling down your chin and top, the tip of his cock repeatedly rubbing down your tonsils, subtle gags escape your mouth while you dig your nails into his thighs trying to slow him down but it was kind of useless. He throws his head back and his jaw falls down when he feels your throat tightening around every curve of his cock.

Your thighs are pressed against each other at the thrill of the situation, your body is acting up on it and you’re even turned on more at the thought of being caught or heard in the bathroom. Although Namjoon on the other side doesn’t care at all, he is willing to pound into you and he won’t care if you were caught or heard. His uncontrollable thrusts down your throat finally halt down when you push him strong enough to catch a breath, you look up at him and wipe your mouth with the back of your tied up hands while you’re panting. “Are you okay princess?” He leans forward towards you while he grazes his thumb on your bottom lip and jaw. Your innocent nods with your doe eyes locked onto his drives him insane. He’s even more impatient to fuck you senseless right now.

He helps you rise up on your feet and presses you against the door again to kiss you harder than before, you grab onto his cock to palm it slowly, you pull back from the kiss and bury your face in the crook of his neck to inhale his scent and kiss him, licking your way up to his ear. “Where do you want me to cum?” He barely speaks when he’s already out of breath.

You look into his eyes worried and confused for a second, he chuckles and turns you to face the lavatory door and whispers into your ear. “After I fuck you of course.” His hands already working to pull down your jeans and panties to your ankles, the view of your wet folds right in front of him makes him go feral and as much as he wants to eat you out again right now but he can’t leave the cockpit empty for too long.

“I can’t let you cum on my face when we’re less than an hour away from meeting your parents.” You look at him over your shoulder, he delivers a loud spank onto your ass and grabs his cock to rub your folds with the tip, smearing your wetness all over your pussy that’s already clenching and asking for attention. “Mmm.” Escapes your lips that you’re biting on when he presses against your entrance.

“Although it’s quite tempting to cum on that beautiful face of yours.” He pushes the tip of his cock into you making you hold your breath and clench onto your fists, the stretch is incredible and it’s already making you see stars. “I think it’s picture worthy.” He smirks and pulls out of you before spitting onto his fingers and rubbing your entrance and pushing back again slowly, this time pushing further inside you and the angle is driving you insane.

“Holy fuck.” You can’t seem to swallow your whimpers, he bites onto your earlobe before whispering. “That little slutty cunt of yours takes me so well baby, doesn’t it?”

“Mhm.” You agree right away and your eyes shut tight when he pushes his cock balls deep into you forcing a breath out of your lungs. His pulsating cock inside you feels so good when it hits all the right spots, and he doesn’t waste the chance to make you feel so good with his fingers when he uses two fingers to rub your clit slowly, your hips grind down on him and he takes at a sign to go when he feels your wet cunt relax around him.

 As he finally prepares to pound into you, he wraps one arm around your waist to pin you against him, and the other hand moves to your neck, his fingers wrapping around it and adding the perfect amount of pressure to make it feel better.

Slowly he starts moving his hips up against yours, the friction inside you is incredible and with each thrust the tip hits your spot making the pressure inside your stomach increase and you feel your body tensing. You cover your own mouth with your hand because you’re only seconds away from screaming out his name when he starts slamming inside you.

You look at him over your shoulder to meet his gaze, his eyes are lost between yours and the view of his cock disappearing in and out of you. And in his head he’s totally glad that condoms are officially off the table and no longer an option.

He feels your cunt relax around him before clenching again, he knows your body so well and he’s totally aware that you came surprisingly fast. Your eyes shut and your body shudders in front of him, your legs barely holding the weight of your body and you feel them shaking even.

Your chest rises to catch a breath and only one little whimper makes it out of your lips, your entire back relaxes and you grind your hips against his through your orgasm and he makes sure to pound into you faster through it too. You didn’t know it was physically possible but you feel yourself chasing after another orgasm even when you’re already over stimulated.

Right outside the door you’re leaned against is the flight attendant guarding the door, and she can clearly hear the sounds of your body meeting his which makes her rummage through the glasses to make any sort of noise for the passengers not to hear.

And Namjoon couldn’t give a single care whether people heard or even saw, his fogged up brain can’t comprehend anything but the fact that he’s fucking the woman he’s head over heels for raw which drives him feral and he even pounds harder inside you that you lose your gate and you can’t stand on your feet anymore.

He turns you to face him and lifts you up against the door to wrap your legs around him, and in less than a second he slams harder than before inside you. And you’re fucked already. Your hair is frizzy and your face is flushed red and sweaty, your heart is racing when you feel your next orgasm, and this time you feel it building in your shoulders and your lower back, it feels fucking insane that your tears roll down your cheeks, you cry out his name over and over with each bounce on him. It’s heavier than an orgasm and you know it, he knows it too.. “I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum for me baby, good girl.” He delivers a loud spank to your ass cheek that you instantly feel it heating up, and you can’t see it but it totally left a print there.

He grabs onto you tighter and seconds after fucking your breaths out of you, you’re squirting on him hard enough to push his cock out of you and he’s so aroused by what he’s seeing. You cry his name out again with your hand reaching down to your pussy to rub it while you’re squirting, his motion halting and slowly coming to an end when he feels your body calming down slowly.

He presses his forehead against yours and devours into your lips, you’re barely keeping  up with him when you’re trying to catch a breath, he puts you down onto your feet and turns you again to face the door, he needs to cum on the view of your ass spread onto his cock all fucked up by his dick, your squirt soaked him so wet. He reaches his hand for his cock and starts stroking it with his other hand onto your ass, his grip tightens around the head and he jerks himself off to the view of your swollen pink pussy. “Shit—“ He starts releasing his seed onto your ass and cunt, his body tenses with each release before finally relaxing and shooting the last drop near your entrance.

You reach your hand down to rub your clit with that drop, smearing it all over your pussy before putting your fingers into your mouth to taste him, your gaze meets his over your shoulder and you laughs lazily before reaching your hand down to his cock stroking it slowly, “Your pull out game is excellent.”

“I was forced out.” He mirrors your laugh and spanks your ass again making you giggle, you take a step forward and walk towards the mirror, turning to see your ass. “Great art work too.”

“Next time I’ll do the same art work on your face.” He shrugs. “No excuses then, I’m taking pictures of it.” He grabs the toilet paper and rips some.

“Then do it.” You look at him, blinking your eyes a couple of times and he laughs, thinking that you might be joking but you’re not, and he realizes that when you don’t laugh. “You’re kidding.”

And to prove that you’re not, you see his phone in his pocket so you pick it out and slide to the left to open the camera app and hand it to him. “I think this is picture worthy too. Unless you think otherwise.”

It takes him a couple of seconds to take the phone from your hand and get ready to take the shot. “Turn around.” And you don’t think twice, turning around and leaning forward a little to reveal the art work.

He proceeds to take the picture of your lovely ass painted with his cum, the head of his dick positioned against your butt cheek which makes the photos eve spicier. He doesn’t get enough as he kneels down and snaps a couple more pictures, examining them and snapping a couple more again, before getting up and handing you the phone, and if he had the time he would’ve licked you clean and made you cum one more time.

You grab his phone and scroll through the pictures before looking up at him. “Joonie do you think they heard us?”

He grabs the scrunched up toilet paper and runs it under warm water before cleaning you up. “I think so, yeah. So what? Who cares if they heard or not.”

“Oh my god. Of course you don’t care you’re going back to the cockpit but I have to get back to my seat.” You put your pants on. “Can I stay here for the rest of the flight?”

He chuckles before pressing one last kiss onto your lips. “I’ll walk out first if it makes you feel better.” He puts his boxers back on and zips his pants. “I’ll see you later.”

-

The sun was setting near the lake, you and his father rented a couple bikes and drove around the lake while chatting and even racing. Your stomach was starting to hurt from all the laughing and goofing around, the man was incredible and really sweet to you and he was enjoying the bike ride  more than you are. He does activities like that with his daughter but if felt really warm to the heart to be able to do this kind of activities with someone new.

Namjoon was watching you from afar with his mother, both carrying their hot drinks and walking around the lake, it was cold enough to put on heavy jackets and scarves, smokes of condensation rising up from their mouths as they speak. “Your father is having way more fun than I thought.”

Namjoon laughs and bobs his head. “Y/N is  a really nice person and it’s so easy being around her, it just feels normal.”

“Yeah, this afternoon your  father kept blabbering about her nonstop, she’s like a friend he never had.” She crosses her arms and sits on the nearest bench. “He loves her.”

“And you?”

“She makes my son happy, of course I love her.” She leans her head onto his shoulder. “And you?”

“Yes.” He very clearly answers, not beating around the bush. “I’m in love with her.”

He doesn’t even think before speaking as words just flow out of his mouth. “And I don’t think I’ve loved anyone this way before, I haven’t been completely honest with anyone about this yet, but I can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her.”

“Joonie, honey you need to take things slower.” She worriedly speaks, her hand landing on his knee for reassurance. “I want you to choose her when you’re really sure that she’s the one.”

“I know she’s the one.” He wraps his arm around her shoulder and exhales, a large cloud escaping his mouth. “Do you think she feels the same way?”

“Otherwise she wouldn’t have agreed to spend the weekend with your old parents, and trust me she would’ve backed out on hanging out with your father.” Namjoon and his mother both look up at you and his father laughing your hearts out at how you almost fell into the lake after your last race.

“You’re  right.” He bites onto his lip when he sees you putting the bike down and sitting onto the floor near the lake, totally pooped out and exhausted. “I need to rest.” You even cough and put your hand on your stomach. You needed to catch a breath.

“Look at your father.” His mother laughs when she sees her husband put his bike down and land onto the floor next to you. “I’ve been trying to convince him for ages to come here and ride our bikes but it takes your girlfriend one dinner.”

“Should I be worried? Is he going to try and steal her away from me?” Namjoon jokes and rubs her shoulder. “Mom are you jealous?”

“Of course I’m not.” She straightens her back and takes a look at her husband who quickly rises on his feet when you do, you make your way towards a bunch of children skateboarding and ask to join them even when you never did it before. “Okay maybe I am, but just a little.” And Namjoon laughs at his mother while he’s anxiously looking at you worried you’d hurt yourself.

The moment he realized how he actually felt towards you, there’s this instinct that built inside him and he feels the need to protect you at all costs, and he needs to keep you safe, he wouldn’t want you to be hurt or upset. It may be a father instinct but not in a creepy way or anything because he feels the same way towards Jay. He’s always on standby when you’re away from him, ready to help you and pick you up if you fall.

“Is your father actually going to ride the skateboard? … Oh no he is.”

You’re holding his father’s hands while he’s trying to balance on the skateboard, and you’re laughing your heart out at him when he’s stiff and trying his best not to fall, and he’s bickering at you and biting onto his own teeth trying to hold a laugh.

Not only Namjoon and his mother are watching you.

There’s another set of eyes staring at you from far way wondering what you and Namjoon did to actually deserve being happy, because this person simply thinks you don’t.

She thinks that all the misery she’s currently going through is all because of him, she wasted her life being with him and she wasn’t even half happy, she never wanted him nor loved him.

Back when he tutored her when they were in high school she never thought of him more than a friend  or even a classmate, her parents never forced her neither, they simply manipulated her and made her think that he’s going to be her partner for the rest of her life.

They dated not because they wanted to, they simply dated because they were around each other the entire time, and if she recalls correctly, she never told him that she loved him because she never did, and she didn’t hate him neither back then.

Her entire life growing up was a literal struggle when her parents kept comparing her to him. Namjoon is better at this, Namjoon got a higher grade, Namjoon is smarter, Namjoon this Namjoon that.

Okay scratch the fact that she didn’t hate him, she does, and more than ever.

She hates the way he always looked at her, she hates the way he talks and even the voice tone he argued with, she couldn’t stand his touch, the way his hand felt on her skin was unbearable.

The nights she cried herself to sleep were countless, she thinks he doesn’t deserve this happy ending and he simply just can’t have it.

What made things even worse was in fact Jay, she can’t stand the man and now she has a piece of him lying around her and actually calling her mom, and by then she knowss she reached rock bottom.

And to be fair she wasn’t quite disappointed when she found out that he’s seeing someone, she thought it could be her only way out and it actually was. But Namjoon does not deserve to be this happy.

Seeing you with his family around the lake scratched something inside her and made her insist on fucking up your lives even more. She needs to take her revenge even when she can easily admit that it was equally her fault and he feels the same way towards her.

And what better way is there to hurt Namjoon than to hurt the person he loves the most?

Namjoon gets up on his feet quickly and rushes towards you when you fall to the floor while you were trying to balance on the skateboard. Your ankle hurts and you scraped your knee until it was actually bleeding. “It’s okay, you’re okay, right?” He gets down onto his knees to help you, you gasp when his hand hovers above your knee barely touching it. “It hurts.”

“You should’ve thought about this earlier when you decided getting on the skateboard.” Namjoon carries you up and puts you down on the nearest bench before looking around trying to figure out  a way to help you. “We’ll return the bikes, you can take her home.” His father suggests before Soohyun hits his shoulder. “You’re equally guilty.”

The man argues with his wife and Namjoon rolls his eyes. “I’ll take Y/N home.” And he proceeds to carry you up again and walk towards his car that wasn’t parked very far away before he takes you home.

“I’m sorry I probably ruined the night.” You land on his bed before he kneels down to wipe the blood on your knees with an alcohol swab. “Of course you didn’t, don’t say that, you were having fun.”

“I saw you talking to your mom.” You clench your fists into the bed sheets when the alcohol starts burning your wound, “I’m almost done. Yeah we were chatting.”

“Mhm.” You nod, then the room turns quiet for nearly a minute, you look at his lips twitching as if there’s something to say and he’s been hiding something. Before he finally speaks. “I’m in love with you Y/N.”

Your heart races because you didn’t see that coming, you knew it already but it felt different to actually hear it.

Your gaze shifts to his  eyes as he reciprocates, he clears his throat and exhales. “I’ve been wanting to tell you a couple nights before I got the divorce, I just didn’t want to scare you or something.. Which seems.. That you are.. right now?”

“N-no. I’m not scared, there’s nothing to be scared about.” You shrug nonchalantly, trying hard to keep a straight face, “I just… Didn’t see it coming like right now.”

“Right now?” He asks.

“I figured I’d be dressed up when you actually  say it, but right now I smell like blood and actually need a shower.”

He tilts his face as his eyes are still locked onto yours, before he leans in and presses the softest kiss to your cheek. “I don’t care.”

You find it very hard to say it back even when you feel the same way, it’s just that you never did this before, you never told anyone that you were in love with them too. “Okay.”

Honestly no answer was better than this answer. That was so stupid.

“Okay?” He laughs, this could usually set any guy off and it could easily mean that you don’t love him back. But Namjoon knows  you very well like the back of his hand and he knows you feel the same way. And he feels so relieved that he finally said it to you.

“Okay.” You giggle. He cups your cheek and kisses your cheek once more before saying. “Okay.” And nodding his head.

No matter how hard his ex wife tried to hurt you, Namjoon was always one step ahead of her, he’s been living with that woman for three years he knows how she thinks.

Her thought process was impaired and she was blinded by hate, he knew she’s onto something but he can’t tell you, and he’ll try his best to handle everything without you knowing and having to be worried or scared.

He was always there for you and he can’t let you get hurt.

[leviscolwill]

drive me crazy ! (smau)

pairing: bsf!mason mount x reader (+ minimal jadon sancho x reader)

summary: you and mason are just friends, he's just not into sharing you with his teammates ! (face claim: jorja douglas)

note: forgive me for this contains profanities and suggestiveness 😞✋

now playing drive ME crazy ! by lil yachty...

yn.jpg

liked by sanchooo10, masonmount and 4,814 others

yn.jgp searching 'how to start a conversation' on a website

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user92 fittest girl around

masonmount your antisocial ass should've done that a long time ago

yn.jpg i don't need to start any conversation when you're being sociable enough for the two of us 😇

sanchooo10 idk it seems you can hold a conversation pretty well to me

yn.jpg it's all chatgpt's work

sanchooo10 that's what i thought

masonmount

what's going on ?

yn.jpg

wdym

masonmount

jadon ?

really ?

yn.jpg

what you asking for tho 🤨🤨

there's nothing going onnnn

yet 🤭

masonmount

shut up.

you said you'd never date a footballer

or am i the only one getting this treatment 😞

yn.jpg

stop spreading misinformation ‼️

i'm not dating him

masonmount

if you wanted to fuck a footballer you should've just asked me smh

yn.jpg

are you saying i'm ran through sir ?

bold coming from you

he's the one who dmed me anyways 🙄

and you wouldn't have given me his number

gatekeeper

masonmount

yeah ur right

yn.jpg

liked by masonmount, benchilwell and 17,201 others

yn.jpg passenger princessed [tagged: sanchooo10]

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masonmount you really ditched me for this guy ? [this comment has been deleted by its author]

sanchooo10 ur unreal

sanchooo10 u can be my passenger princess anytime you want 🫶

masonmount i'm still her favourite driver bro 😹😹 [this comment has been deleted by its author]

masonmount beautiful ❤️

yn.jpg thank you my masey mase 🫶🫶

masonmount

liked by reecejames, judebellingham and 1,013,816 others

masonmount καλωσήρθατε (welcome)

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madders okay slim shady

yn.jpg do blondes really have more fun ?

masonmount not when you're here

yn.jpg stop lying you're so happy i came here

masonmount you what here 😧

yn.jpg who dyed your hair ?? she did such a good job 😻

masonmount idk but she kept hitting on me i think i'm gna block her

yn.jpg and i think you're delusional

yn.jpg

liked by pasabist, wolfiecindy and 34,197 others

yn.jpg been a hot minute

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sanchooo10 very hot indeed

yn.jpg thank uuu

masonmount more delusional than me [this comment has been deleted by its author]

masonmount i am no better than a man 😞

yn.jpg idk how to tell u this...

masonmount i look so good on this pic

yn.jpg i should have thrown you off the ship when i had the opportunity 😪

masonmount

liked by ur.bsf, declanrice and 1,498,627 others

masonmount my girl my girl my girl

view all comments

declanrice finally

judebellingham finally

benchilwell finally

ur.bsf finally

ur.bsf took you long enough 🙄

masonmount took ME long enough ?????

yn.jpg i thought i was gna get my driver's license before it happened ngl

masonmount @yn.jpg AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT HUH ?

yn.jpg always keep your football playing best friends close 🤩🤞

masonmount acting like you didn't reject me a hundred times over 10 years

yn.jpg i'm not sure that's something u wanna say on beyonce's internet bae

yn.jpg oh how much i love you

masonmount idk i thought you liked a certain someone more than me tho

yn.jpg that's cause jealousy looks good on you 🤭

[kuromiisanton]

Confession in winter

genre. fluff

warnings. Kissing. Humor in a way(???). mentioning of being punched/punching

paring. boyfriend!anton x girlfriend!fem!reader 

a/n: I found this prompt from a post I had seen by @me-writes-prompts and thought it would be cute and funny to write about. (post linked on the word prompt)

The flurries of white drifting onto the streets below your apartment had called for a night in with your boyfriend. You were laying on the couch watching a new drama you had been obsessed with recently when Anton had walked out from the bedroom. He had arrived back from practice not too long ago where he was rushing to shower and change clothes to relax next to you for the evening. 

Anton quietly sits at the end of the sofa where your legs couldn't reach and glanced out the window. The snow was getting harsher and quickly started to stick to the ground. “It looks like you had arrived right on time” You speak into the quiet and warm atmosphere. He looks towards you and smiles with a gentle nod. Anton had never been a big talker since you met, he had started to get more comfortable the more you hung around one another. Yet, he still has those moments where he doesn’t talk a whole lot, but throughout your relationship you’ve realized his actions speak louder than some of his words.

Not too long after you both focus on the show, watching the couple on screen realizing they were in love with one another but not knowing how to approach it. You hadn’t realized it until you had made eye contact but you had been staring at Anton for a while now. Letting your eyes take in his soft and angelic facial features. 

He starts to speak in the quiet, comforting way he does, “why are you looking at me that way?” It had taken you a moment to realize what exactly he had asked when you replied in a similar tone. “What way?”  There was a moment of silence before a small smile found its way to his face before speaking again and looking down towards his lap… “Like you want to punch me kind of way.” You couldn’t help the loud laugh you had let out at his real and honest response.

“Why would I ever look at you that way?!” you stated in between breaths of laughter. The way he was looking at you now made your breath get taken away from you. It was the look of honesty and truth, the look of someone who wants you to know their every emotion in that moment.

“Sometimes I can’t help but think you’re too unreal for me and that this is all a joke… sometimes I think that I will wake up from this dream. And I guess I had always imagined it happening from you punching me awake.” He said into the winter air. The look in his eyes showing that he was being honest in this confession, it made you feel something deep within your chest. You couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but you knew it was strong.  You were quick to make yourself comfortable in his lap, gently grabbing ahold on his face to get him to look you in the eyes. “If this is a dream, I hope neither of us wake up from it.” You whispered. The smile you received from your words made that feeling come back. You slowly press your lips to his in a featherly light kiss. And in that moment you realize what the feeling was… similarity, admiration, and love.

a/n: It's short but I had the idea after reading the prompt and it's really snowy where I live so yeah. Also, it's a little something until I am able to finish the mingyu story lol.

©kuromiisanton, all rights reserved. 

[spacebarbarianweird]

Hello Dear! I usually just read and fangirl on your HCs and series hihi but I was just gonna try if you can do a one shot of this prompt "One night, he tells you that these last six months of happy memories are the counterweight to two hundred years of misery" I CRIEEED TT^TT when I got it on the epilogue and I just wanna get some fluff and angst around 👉👈 G/N Tav would be nice 🙏

I already did this with my OC Tav Tiriel in the fic The Rogue and the Barbarian but I will gladly write something else based on this prompt!

Aftershocks

Synopsis: One night, he tells you that these last six months of happy memories are the counterweight to two hundred years of misery.

Tags: fluff

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons

Astarion is in the dungeons.

It’s dark and damp, and he notices the chains nailed to the wall. 

His body is sore as if he was beaten. He sits up and grabs a fistful of his own hair causing himself pain.

Of course, it was all a dream. The freedom, those four months of having the tadpole enabling him to walk in the sunlight. The six months after, in the shadows, but free. 

You were a dream, too. It never happened. He is his master’s kennels, beaten and tortured and soon he will have to go on a hunt to bring another unfortunate soul to its demise.

Astarion rarely dreams but his elven mind is so broken he has acquired the ability to see surrealistic and very real things during his sleep. It’s even worse than remembering horrors because imagination knows no limits.

His skin will be flayed again and again. He will undress in front of strangers and will do things he doesn’t want to. 

The tears burn his skin as the dark waters drown his mind in misery.

“Astarion! Are you alright?”

The voice is so unreal Astarion can’t believe he hears it.

You approach and kneel beside him. Then, you carefully take his hands from his face to make eye contact. “A nightmare?”

Astarion stares at you as if he was unable to believe you are real.

But you are.

It wasn't a dream. He really did walk in the sun for four months. He killed his master. He set himself free. And all those six months he walked on the roads of the Sword Coast, hand in hand with you.

Astarion digs his nails into his scalp as the feelings overwhelm him. He doesn’t know how to deal with it. Sorrow, anger. How did they dare to take his life from him? How did they dare to make him a slave, to lock him in the kennels? Why? Why did it happen to him? What did he do to deserve it?

But there are other feelings. Happiness, hope, joy. 

He is free, after all. He had the gift of sunwalking for four months. He met you and he isn’t alone anymore. Your warmth soothes him and so does your blood. You are everything and more. Something he almost lost because of his blindness and inability to trust.

Your tender hands are stroking his back. 

“I am a mess, ain’t I?” he cracks a smile.

“We all are sometimes,” you tug Astarion closer and cradle him in your arms.

He lies like that, his head pressed against your chest as you play with his curls and lull him like a child.

Now he remembers. 

These dungeons are part of a long-abandoned castle. It was just safe to stay there without worrying about the sun. They just happen to be similar to the kennels Astarion used to belong to.

A mere year ago he was a slave. He would never believe it was possible to acquire all those things.

Freedom. A person to love. The whole world.

You are here to kiss away his tears and nightmares. He can drink as much blood as he needs, feeding on animals and his occasional enemies. You share your blood, too, and it helps with anxieties. When you sleep together you cuddle under a thick blanket skin to skin, and Astarion feels safe and protected.

Loved.

Fingers caress his left cheek.

“Oh, I’ve just noticed,” you giggle.

“What is it, my love?”

“You don’t have dark circles under your eyes anymore. And they aren’t that puffy! You used to look like a person who didn't sleep well.”

“I-I didn’t know you looked like that”

“You did look rather sickly when we met. Still beautiful, though, don’t worry.”

Astarion finally manages to relax. Gods, he thinks he's a wordsmith! He can't formulate a simple sentence that he's been wanting to say to you for a week.

“Love”

“Hm, what is it?”

“These last six months of happy memories are the counterweight to two hundred years of misery”

You smile and he can’t take his eyes off your face.

“I love you, Astarion,” you tug him closer. “You are the best thing that could have happened to me.”

--

Tag list

@tugoslovenka @marcynomercy @wintersire @vixstarria @not-so-lost-after-all @ashiro20 @theearthsfinalconfession @herstxrgirl @starlight-ipomoea @micropoe10 @astarion-imagine-archive @veillsar @elora-the-slutty-songstress @fayeriess @lumienyx @tallymonster @caitlincat-95 @tragedybunny @valeprati @lynnlovesthestars @marina-and-the-memes @waking-electric @ayselluna @connorsui @asterordinary @darkarchangel96 @locallegume

[funky-fox-fics]

Jellie gasps awake, trembling slightly, eyes wide. The world is bright. The world was--so dark a moment ago, dark and gold and gone, and now--now it's here again. She flattens her fur.

Stars dance at her paws.

She gets to her feet slowly, swaying slightly, and takes a moment to recuperate. Around her is pollen and stardust, intermingling like brothers. A butterfly lands on her nose, its wings glittering orange. No, she doesn't need to breathe, she realizes, not anymore.

Her first step is tentative, and then the next is confident, and then she walks through this wonderland. The grass is a healthy green below her paws. The sky is bright but filled with stars, and purples--pinks--blues bleed into the horizon before her. She bats at a bug, and it buzzes off.

She's walking for a long time, never tiring, and her mind wanders to her owner--Scar. He was--she loved him, is the thing. She loves him, and now he's--no, she's gone. Not him. Never him. A wail rises from her throat, mourning and hollow, and it tears through the pleasantness of the deserted meadow and takes it over.

She's never going to see him again.

Never.

Jellie crouches low to the ground, and begins to howl her woes into the damp soil, when she hears pawsteps.

She freezes, and turns around.

Three cats - a ginger tabby, a pure white, and a brown tabby with a white chest - stand before her, expressions sympathetic.

"Who are you?" she asks, voice breaking.

"I'm Jake," the ginger meows. "These are Tiger--" he flicks his tail to the brown, "and Angel." He flicks his tail to the white. "You're dead."

"I can tell," she snarls. "I'm never going to see Scar again!"

"That was your owner, yes?" Angel asks, tilting his head.

"Yes."

"Then come with me." Angel whisks his tail. "I watch over my owner too, many a day--you'll be able to see them again too."

Despite her better judgement, she follows them. It seems barely a minute before the grass gives way to translucent mist, which gives way to wind. She can feel the chill of it, hear its whistle below her.

"Look down," Tiger says, dipping his head. "You know where you died; that's how we'll find him."

Jellie flicks her gaze down to her paws, then to the wind. The wind parts, and then she's staring at Scar's room--at her corpse--at her corpse, at her corpse, at her corpse--at Scar. At wonderful, joyful Scar.

Without thinking, she reaches a paw out to him, and suddenly she's down on earth with him, floating just above his head, combing her paw through his hair.

She yanks back, and then she's back in the stars, Tiger staring at her expectantly. "Go on," he meows, tilting his head. "Come back when you're ready."

"What if I'm never ready?"

"You will be." Jake pads forward and noses her shoulder. "Go on down there, and give him a proper send-off. Let him know you're still here."

She nods, brisk and sharp, and goes back down with an outstretched paw.

Scar shivers at her touch--he's still here with his brother, and the nurse. She talks, and Scar occasionally interjects something in a wobbly voice, and Scar's brother is quiet.

She circles her own body, and it's so limp and lifeless that it makes her shudder. She doesn't know how to possess herself, though she wishes she did.

After a few moments of that, she turns back to Scar. Something flutters in her chest--a heartbeat, almost--and for a half-second she and Scar lock eyes and she breathes and she is almost corporeal, almost, almost, and she begins to purr, a rich and deep thing that comes like an engine's hum.

And the moment passes, and Scar's gaze wavers, and he begins to sob, loud and genuine (like he always is). Jellie's purr turns to a caterwaul, and she knows no one can hear it, it's not of the same fullness as her purr, too unreal, too high.

She swims through the air and lands on his lap. She rubs up against him and nearly falls through, but she jerks back with a startled mew. She tentatively leans into his chest, and when she thinks his chest is an obstacle it becomes one, and she mourns in a long meeeeow to the world while Scar leans into her ghostly pelt unknowingly.

She wants to become real again, if only to lick a tear from his chin and taste its salty sweetness.

A flutter in her chest--

She reaches up and licks his chin, and while she's still invisible, Scar cracks open an eye to look at her. His breath is short and quick.

I love you so much, Jellie thinks, turning back into starlight. I hope you never forget me. Please don't ever forget me. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Reluctantly, she lets go of mortality, and joins death in its eternal harmony.

RIP Jellie. You will be missed.

[chrollohearttags]

swisher sweet • connie springer

cw: throat training, back shots, very vocal (and aggressive) Connie 🥴, spit play, cumshot, vibrator use

📝: it’s been a minute but plug Connie is living in my frontal lobe right now. I also wanted to say thank you guys sm for 2K! That’s so unreal and I’m grateful

"Mmmphm! Mmphmph!"

the muffled sounds of gulping and moaning resonated throughout the room.

a haze of white smoke hovering throughout the air, speakers softly thumping with music, dim lights illuminating the room, and of course....

"Yeah, eat that dick up, baby..get that shit wet fa' me.."

the deep voice of your plug turned partner, Connie, coaching you through sucking him off while he exhaled clouds of smoke.

not that you needed any guidance but since getting with him, it didn't take long to learn how dominant he was..

since the two of you hooked up on a random night, some months ago in the backseat of his car, things had quickly escalated.

he made good on his promise to ensure that you never had to pay a single cent for his weed again, but he also began doting on you in other ways..paying for your hair and nails, books for class, taking you shopping and even when it was safe to do so, on dates sometimes.

most of all, he just enjoyed your presence.

but sometimes it wasn't possible for him to be around! You knew this about him and his lifestyle long before any type of relationship yet it didn't make it easier.

you'd become flustered and irritated that he had forgotten all about you or even found somebody else.

and admittedly, you had been giving him grief about it. Pouting and being a brat because truthfully, you just wanted all of his attention.

so on nights like this one..when he brought you back to one of his hideouts;

told all of his boys don't come back until he said so and proved to you just how much you had been on his mind!

currently, Connie was seated on the futon, muscular, tattooed legs sprawled to each side and wearing nothing but gym shorts that you had ruffled to his ankles.

one hand holding a lit blunt, pierced between his fingertips..occasionally bringing it to his lips.

the other? Resting atop your head, gently using it to bob your head back and forth.

several strings of saliva dribbling down your chin and chest, jaw slack and throat sore from the constant pounding of his cock.

slathering him up in your spit before he sandwiched your head once more, doubling down on bobbing it back and forth..

causing your mouth to erupt with gagging noises.

"You doing so good, mama..fuck, yesss."

he'd moan out, head rolling back on his shoulders as (y/n) swallowed it in its entirety.

suddenly, you felt your head frozen in place for a few seconds, forced to breathe solely from your nose whilst he held it there until you began to gag.

"..letting me fuck that pretty 'lil face. You know nobody can't do that shit like you, baby..ain't got no reason to trip, for real.."

his voice and tone getting you even more aroused as he cooed sweet nothings to you in his own manner.

but he wasn't wrong.

there wasn't one girl alive that could take your spot so you had no reason to be jealous or insecure about anything.

besides, he was too busy 'working', trying to run up the bag, only to come back and blow it on you.

yet, here you were getting upset with him..knowing damn well what he was into and it'd be like this if you wanted this to work.

"..this dick all for you, anytime you want it. 'Just gotta say that shit and I'm here."

finally, he'd pull your head back up, allowing you to catch your breath for a moment before proceeding to use your esophagus as a sleeve yet again.

this time, speeding up until you felt him throbbing.

he was grunting so loud, his moans so sexy and encouraging.

you were still whimpering; lips wrapped around the base of his dick and sweat pooling around your forehead and under eye.

makeup smeared from the slimy mess on your features..

but he loved very bit of it and soon, you'd find yourself as the object of his affection and his pure filthy desires.

finally hoisting your head up, Connie withdrew his soaked appendage from between your plump lips and rubbed his thumb across them.

"..but since you wanna act up and get mad, imma have to handle that."

with your tongue slithering out, he'd grip your throat and pull you closer before taking one more drag of his blunt.

your eyes fluttering and a wide grin on your face, glaring up at him.

you were looking a little delirious and dizzy after having your head jarred around like that, as well as your mouth.

but that was still just as slick as ever, of course!

playfully pouting and fluttering your eyes, in hopes that it would settle him but it was too late..

"I was just playing thoughhh."

to which he'd just blow that cloud of smoke into your open mouth and chuckle, grasping the back of your neck gently and pulling you up.

"Man, whatever. Better be lucky I love you. Lay your pretty ass on that bed..on your stomach too."

with that, you walked over to the mattress, sprawling out with an arch in your back.

(Y/N) got on all fours as you crawled in and positioned yourself ass up with your face down into the mattress, only lifted by your folded arms.

you were only in a tiny tank top and thong panties, which he was quick to pull aside once he straddled behind you.

from this angle, he could see the thin string swallowed up by the fatness of your pussy.

reaching between your legs to rub your clit and play in the folds.

"Yeah..imma definitely have to wear this shit out. So fucking wet..I just know she missed me."

"Yes, daddy..need all that dick in it tonight."

subtly making your cheeks clap as he massaged and spanked them.

"Then I won't keep you waiting for it, mama."

removing his shorts and hoisting his black wife beater above his head, Connie wasted no time giving you what you wanted.

bunching the material up in his palm, forming a fist, he'd ease the tip up against your slit, just barely prodding your hole before you'd shudder.

and once you did, he'd land a heavy handed slap on your ass and make you yelp.

"Spread that shit open..hurry up."

it pleased him to see the nails he paid for on display like this.

placing each hand on either side and splaying open your entrance for him. And it needed no prep because you were soaking..

so much so, it was already leaking on your thighs; he couldn't wait to feel it dripping down his dick.

grasping your waist, he'd pull you back against his pelvis, slowly easing himself in until he heard you cry out.

"F-fuck.."

"I'm almost in...let me have it, baby."

which only pushed him to go deeper until he was hitting your hilt and making your arch further.

from there, he'd place his hand on the small of your back; the cold metal of his gold AP scaling your skin. But seconds later, you'd feel something else:

that first thrust! Gliding all the way in, only to pull out before repeating that yet again for a few times. The warmth making him want to stay in it forever..

back and forth, Connie pushed until he was able to finally gain a rhythm, despite the grip you had on him.

for now, he'd only feed you slow strokes for his own pacing and your punishment.

he needed make sure that you were satisfied enough for tonight and when he wasn't there. A couple more quick pushes had you trickling down his shaft.

especially since he had decided to slide his thumb into your ass, massaging the puckering hole to intensify the pleasure.

and he wasn't shy about letting you know how amazing it felt!

with your head to the pillow, you'd continue moaning and begging for more as well.

"Ooh...that dick feels so good. So fucking big."

"I know..and this pussy 'so creamy, baby..you nutting on me already.."

the frothy white substance making a mess everywhere.

drawing out his words in a whiny breath that made you clamp down yet again. But this was merely a taste of what was to come.

soon enough, you'd find yourself clawing at the sheets as he finally began to speed up.

as you expected, he wasn't taking it easy; putting his all into pounding your little cunt. Even if it meant it had you crawling away from him!

every time he'd strike your hilt, you'd release a high pitched cry before going in the opposite direction;

fingernails clawing into the sheets and your teeth sinking into the pillow, but he was only getting started and you weren't going anywhere.

"Babyyyy! Fuck.."

"Nah, you was doing all that begging and arguing for this dick earlier, don't run from it..take that shit."

chuckling as he slapped your ass yet again.

and just to make certain he had complete reign, Connie hoisted one leg up, placing a foot on the bed and hovered over you.

meanwhile, he was getting deeper, prompting his balls to collide with your aching clit. You were going to pay for all that attitude by letting him fuck it out of you.

and so far, it was working!

(Y/N) was yelling, struggling to keep your composure as he reached and swelled in the pit of your stomach.

heavy ass cheeks ricocheting off of his abs and pelvic bone, making him want to feed you more of that length.

"Yeah, you gon' come for me? Give me what I want? You 'gone make a mess on this fucking dick?"

questioning with the sweetest tone as he raised your head to glare into his eyes. Yours were rolling back, making his tap your cheek to bring you back.

"Answer when I talk to you. Speak up."

"Yes daddy, I'mma come so fucking hard!"

crying, damn near sobbing from his brutal stroking. But you better had made good on that promise because he wasn't letting up until he felt it showering him and the sheets.

luckily for him, his wish would come true shortly as he gave a couple more and suddenly:

"Oh my God! Fuck!.."

the only thing he heard before the sounds of flowing water and you became his own personal faucet...letting those juices flow.

"Mmm! There you go, mama. Squirt for me..oh shittt!"

tossing his head back in pure bliss at the wonderful sensation. Sometimes he loved inviting you over just so you could fuck up his sheets.

but that wasn't enough, he needed to break you before you left.

so despite the fact that he had just fucked you into orgasmic oblivion, he still hadn't reached his own because he had been restraining himself.

so mid climax, he'd push his way back in until he could fit, because naturally, you had tightened up...

regardless, that didn't deter him from fucking the hell out of you!

and those rough, unrhythmic strokes became harder until you felt those fingernails kneading into the curve of your hips.

his breathing became labored, heavy heaving and faster movements until you felt him freeze in place and suddenly, your womb became filled with his cum.

veins protruding from his forehead and his clutch growing tighter.

"Agghhh! Take it..take that nut, baby! Yes.."

grunting so loudly as those warm droplets spilled into you.

for a moment, Connie found himself collapsed over your back; his gold chain brushing against your shoulder blades whilst he tilted your head towards him.

"C'mere, lemme kiss you.."

intertwining your tongues together in a moment of softness and heated passion. He truly couldn't get enough, hence why y'all were about to go for round two!

finally withdrawing, he'd grip the base of his cock, gently stroking the throbbing member as he prompted you to flip over.

once you did so, he'd quickly hoist your legs up before pinning them back behind your head.

having you folded from this angle left you completely exposed and he could even see remnants of his own nut, spilling from inside of you.

he knew it was a dangerous game but he couldn't help himself when it felt so warm and velvety.

"Stay like that, I gotta grab 'sum.."

announcing suddenly before walking over towards the dresser, retrieving something..

you'd watch him take another hit of the blunt he had been nursing earlier before opening the first drawer and pulling something out.

a medium sized, white device that began buzzing the closer he got..

"Hell yeah..this shit 'bout to feel so good."

seeing the excitement on his face as he neared the bed once more and placed his open palm on the backs of your thigh.

the whirring vibrator only inches from your protruding little bud as he began to reenter that messy heat.

your sex; a mixture of your arousal and his own but there more to come.

his tip was a bit brighter than the rest of his slightly tanned hued length, sensitive from prodding your g-spot.

tapping it against the plumpness of your pussy lips, smacking noises arose as he stirred up that wetness even more.

while maintaining your position, (y/n) glared up at him and made those needy pleas for him to be one with you again.

"Connie, babyyy, please..."

"Please what? Tell me..I know that mouth works. Talk."

just torturing you with that vibrator hovering over you as well as only teasing you with that head against your entrance.

"Please..I need you to fuck me.."

"You gone' act right if I do? You better not run from it again.."

with the way he was stroking in your shit, it was kind of inevitable but if it got you wanted, you'd give him your word.

"I promise I won't.." whimpering helplessly.

he didn't believe a word you said but it was going to amuse him to watch you struggle so he proceeded to glide in, placing that device to your little bud simultaneously.

initially, he was the one taken aback and had to regain his stance.

pressing his weight into the mattress, Connie crumpled your tank top into the same hand as the vibrator, tugging it down to expose your breasts.

admittedly, he loved fucking you in missionary because you looked so pretty.

finding his pace once more, he'd start gliding in and out..letting your flesh wrap around his shaft.

the deep thrusts growing more frequent as he found your spot once more. It was a feeling he'd never grow tired of.

"Eyes on me, mama. I wanna see those faces while I stroke this pussy.."

commanding you to keep your head fixated straight so that you could watch his every movement.

eventually, those strokes grew much quicker and soon, your bodies were bouncing in unison. Sounds of squelching along with buzzing filled the atmosphere.

between the constant stimulation of the zapping and penetration, you were losing your mind!

making your features contort in response.

it was pretty pointless trying to keep your gaze on him because he had your eyes rolling backwards and legs trembling like crazy.

the first few inches could be felt resting at the lower section of your stomach, even causing a slight bulge in the skin.

burrowed over you like he had hit a second wind. Your freshly done toes curling up near his chest.

the deep penetration prompting you to squirt intermittently as well.

you'd make an attempt to push him back, tapping his abs; begging for him to feel merciful and slow down but that was pretty futile..

"Okaaay! Daddy, I'm sorry!—fuck.."

"Nah, shut that shit up..you wasn't sorry when you had your lil' attitude so take it."

it was obvious that he had no empathy for your tearful pleas and whining because you brought this upon yourself.

the bed began to rock, headboard slamming against the wall with all of his force. His demeanor shifting to one of a more aggressive one so you knew he had to be close.

"And move your hand, I'm not playing with you!...."

a clear indication not to test his patience anymore. By the time he finished, you'd have no doubt where his heart and body belonged.

huffing and breathing heavily, Connie burrowed his face into the crook of your neck, moaning into your ear so helplessly and vulnerably.

and you'd return them.

"You want me to come for you, baby? You want the rest of this nut?"

"Yes, baby! Give it to me.."

that toy was still spinning around your flesh and you had squeezed so tightly that he had to stop before he filled you up yet again..

unable to keep hold to it, he'd toss the vibrator aside and pull out just in time.

grasping your hair, he'd tug you to the floor in front of the bed, positioning you in a squat underneath him.

"Stick that tongue out..look up at me."

(Y/N) bent down and put your tongue on display; his grasp remaining on your hair as he tugged you closer.

that's when he'd start stroking his shaft, jerking himself off into your open mouth. Along with that white, warm seed spilling out, as did his loud grunts and curse words.

"Fuck! Fuckkkkk..."

from your closed eyes, lips, breasts and entire face became splattered with that sticky cream; contrasting with your beautiful brown complexion.

he had managed to empty himself all over your features and you were grinning from ear to ear, proudly wearing it and tasting the sweet remnants.

clutching your chin, Connie tilted your head up, observing his work.

"Look at that pretty ass smile..you still mad at me?"

shaking your head no, that seemed to be an acceptable answer to him.

"That's all I want. I love you and you better not forgot that shit again.." bending down to trap you in another warm kiss.

"I love you too.." letting him know that you'd never give him a hard time again.

he definitely wasn't something you wanted to quit anytime soon.

[astraystayyh]

here is the essay that no one asked for because long for you is my fav hyunjin song and one of my all time favorite songs (it spoke to the yearner in me)

first the hauntingly beautiful melody 😭 as soon as i heard the whistles in the beginning i thought of the melancholic chirping of birds that feels like they’re calling out to someone who is far out of their reach, and it just sets the tone for this excruciating nostalgia throughout the song, for a time that has passed that we cannot go back to again.

at the beginning i thought this was about longing for a loved one but when hyunjin said that it’s about ‘missing your past that has lost its shine, and therefore longing for everything from back then’ the song just got more devastating for me, because (imo) this song is about longing for a past version of yourself that you lost and that you had to relinquish and that you never wished to part from, and hyunjin weaved this yearning for someone who technically doesn’t exist anymore so so well :,)

When was the last time we walked side by side

to me this could be about this kind of dichotomy that you feel within yourself when you can no longer recognize who you are and when you kind of lose sense of what you love and who you wish to be. And you no longer feel as if your past selves and your present ones are in harmony, walking side by side, but rather that your present self tries to go backwards to reach for your past self when the only possible trajectory for it is to go forward

In the faded photo, I come across a smile. Spread across a youthful face, overlapped with the seasons.

again with the longing for your past self, clinging to photos that have faded with how much time has passed and yet you still wish for the smile you had, long ago, to come once again. i relate to this so much because there was a time where i looked back to my old photos and i just missed how smiling came so easily to me back then instead of feeling like a chore. a smile that once withstood the changing seasons, but that is now a simple memory

The night’s so cold that it’s almost unreal. I wake up in another silence, and I close my eyes

hyunjin and the loneliness that only manifests at night :(( just like in cover me he manages to perfectly convey the cold and daunting feelings that come with being lonely,, also the act of waking up and closing your eyes right after, as if you wish to wake up in any reality but your own

The white flower we planted together has bloomed. I do not dare pick it. Now it withers away

OHHH this one had a little (huge) kick to it, this verse is just so poetic and so full of emotions im unwell :(( white often symbolizes purity and beginnings and its referencing to a time where your existence wasn’t tainted by anything, to the very beginnings when everything was well, back when you had enough will and happiness to care for something, to plant a flower. and now that flower has bloomed, but you do not dare to pick it because it is the last string tying you back to that time you longed for, so you leave it there, afraid that once you’d touch it then you’d soil it with everything that makes up your current self. but by doing so, the flower withers away, and i feel as if this last line plants a seed of hope, of light in a very melancholic song. that by longing for the past and forgetting the present all you do is harm the flower, harm yourself. that you shouldn’t forget your present self while reminiscing the one that faded away

So I long for you. And I long for you. And I'll long for you. So I can keep loving you. So I could be loving you. And morе.

THIS PARTTTTT!!!! this is The Part that gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes,,, hyunjin’s vocals throughout the song were so mellow, so soft, so tender to hear, yet so melancholic at the same time. but this part. THIS PART. this feels like floating atop the pool on a warm summer afternoon and you are hit by this wave of nostalgia for a moment that has yet to pass, because you know that you will miss this instant right here, and that you might comeback to this exact same pool next summer, and the one after it, but things would have inadvertently changed AND IT’S SOOOO 💔💔💔 especially the part where the music quiets down and all you can hear is his voice and then THE VIOLIN PICKS UP and it feels as if he’s tugging with my heartstrings and he’s harmonizing with himself and it’s all so HEART WRENCHING in the most beautiful way, like this is the embodiment of yearning.

i got carried away but as for the lyrics this part also makes me wanna cry and weep because it’s so full of hope?? of moving forth?? instead of longing for who you were and letting it hinder you, you long for who you were and behold it as a compass to love your present self, because past or future you are you, and if you loved who you were at one point of time, if you were at peace with who you once were then you can and you will love who you are now too. and i’m so 💔💔💔 also him harmonizing with himself ties it all together like the only person you got is yourself and it reminds me of THE PAINTING 😭😭😭😭😭😭

yes this isn’t over yet. the painting. The Painting. THE PAINTING. hyunjin hugging himself, burying his face in the crook of his neck i am too sensitive for this. i am no art expert but i am always at awe of the way hyunjin plays with colors and lighting and shadows, even if you aren’t well versed in paintings you can still feel the emotions hyunjin wants to portray and it’s all so.. special to me. all his works deserve to be hung in an art exposition

also i feel like this cover painting is the continuation of the one he shared some time ago, they look very alike and the color scheme resembles one another

i just love how hyunjin writes and produces and draws the covers of his songs like 🥹 i’d never tire of saying that he is the embodiment of art

[comradekatara]

with another atla revival on its way (I hate Netflix) I’m starting to see “shipping wars” again and I’m hating/fighting for my life with all these z*tara shippers. I guess, for me, people who ship them together fundamentally don’t understand or even like Katara and yet they will hail themselves as the only people who get her (in what universe…) and claim that Zuko would have treated her infinitely better than Aang (I can’t with people). I’ve had a look on your page and FAQ and I think we share the same thoughts on the ship with the whole coloniser x colonised aspect (this is not to say I don’t like Zuko, but still). I guess what I’m asking is do you think these people get her as a character? ALSO finding out that the comic book writer shipped them and broke up Mai and Zuko made me feel some type of way.

i like how you said “on its way” only 22 hours ago (as of 2/29) despite the fact that natla fully came out a week ago. that said, i still haven’t seen it, so in my mind it also doesn’t exist (at least until i do actually watch it tomorrow). also, for what it’s worth, i do think that breaking up zuko and mai is the right call, it’s just that the execution was fucking awful, because gene yang cannot write for shit and doesn’t understand these characters. but it’s also really funny that he apparently ships zvtara (like, that tracks) but also their only prominent one-on-one interaction in the comics is when he physically restrains her…. lol. lmfao even.

as for the way zvtara shippers talk about katara and aang it truly is bonkers insane the lengths they’ll go and the reaches they’ll make to justify why their personal preference is, in fact, morally correct. i mean, intellectually correct is one thing, because i believe in making a persuasive argument and citing your sources, but morally correct??? they’ll act like aang is some awful toxic misogynist (yes, i know) and that zuko is in fact a paragon of support and respect for women. when we’ve all seen firsthand how he behaves as mai’s boyfriend (sidenote: the fact that they’ll claim that MAI is the one who is “abusive” to ZUKO is crazy. people hate women so fucking much it’s unreal).

in terms of how they discuss katara, it’s not so much the fact that the ship is literally colonizer/colonized (although it is), but the way that shippers deliberately play into these colonial biases and dynamics when portraying them. i actually think had zvtara shippers not been egregiously racist about it for so long, i wouldn’t really mind the ship itself. like, they are very obvious narrative foils who parallel each other in many ways and their arcs are inextricably bound up in each other and incredibly meaningful to both of them. i can understand why people read katara touching his scar in the catacombs or zuko jumping in front of lightning to save her as romantic. not my personal cup of tea, but like. it’s not NOT there. i don’t even object to people calling them soulmates tbh, because like. yeah. they are???

however. the complete lack of understanding as to what colonialism is or how it functions (ive literally seen ppl say that zuko isn’t a colonizer bc he never personally occupies territory, as if he didn’t BURN DOWN SUKI’S VILLAGE, and that the swt was colonized by the fn because they don’t explicitly occupy land like they do in the ek) really pervades the (romantic) interpretation of this dynamic as i’ve observed it over the years. a lot of katara in fire nation reds, as “fire lady,” abandoning her culture for zuko’s sake (despite this apparently being egregiously problematic when katara does this for aang’s sake). one time i came across a literal pocahontas au?!?!?? like. it’s SO dire.

and beyond the very obvious racism, the way they paint shipping zvtara as feminist and progressive is insane because, as you say, they do hate katara. i don’t know how to explain to these people that sanding down all her flaws and turning her into this angelic maternal endless well of compassion and emotional labor means you don’t actually like her character as it is presented in canon. acting as if katara lacks flaws (she is, in fact, deeply flawed) or so much more mature than the rest of her friends and must suffer that burden every day (hint: she’s not and she doesn’t) until the noble zuko comes along and is so gracious towards her and her alone (he’s literally the most immature of the lot, screams and whines at her, and at everyone) is just. a really impressive amount of editorializing. and they turn aang and sokka into these whiny, idiotic babies to justify that decision, as if aang and sokka are not highly intelligent, wise, capable, and responsible in their own right.

katara and zuko are in fact flawed in similar ways. they’re both impulsive, self-righteous, stubborn, myopic, callous, and filled with an unquenchable, blinding rage. it’s clear that when they are aligned in that rage, their dysfunction feeds into each other and they block the rest of the world out to satisfy their impulses. katara is able to pull back at the last moment in “the southern raiders” in a beautiful culmination of her internal character arc, but the entire build-up to this moment sort of showcases the ways in which they might not be great for each other as a couple. but people will do some incredible mental gymnastics to explain why they are nonetheless always right about everything, and why aang and sokka are always wrong and don’t understand katara at all. also, fwiw, reducing “the southern raiders” to who is right vs who is wrong when it’s actually about how various characters approach and process their grief in a deliberately subjective way is just. god. exhausting. i’m exhausted.

the thing about atla is that it is a well-written show, especially as far as its main characters are concerned. katara is so dear and special to me specifically because she is allowed to be so flawed and three dimensional and realistically human. and ignoring zuko’s myriad flaws means ignoring the depth that apparently makes him the most interesting character to 90% of atla fans. there really isn’t a need to editorialize and reduce canon to fit a neat little narrative, when the narrative that already exists is just. already really solid. and the thing is, i don’t even think you should have to change canon all that much to justify this ship, because it’s one of the central dynamics of the entire show. and yet, people still do. they really do. so i think that’s telling, don’t you?

[cyanogoth]

A nonexistent human being. Or is he? (character analysis of Johan Liebert)

A few months ago I’ve read a book which was recommended by one of the Monster’s fans, - “The Divided Self” by Ronald David Laing. He suggested Laing’s work to everyone who’s confused about Johan’s mindset and motivations, just as I’m sure a lot of us were… It was a GREAT recommendation, so insightful that I wanted to share my thoughts and the interpretation I developed.

Any blockquote in this post is from “The Divided Self”, there will be too many to sign each of them, so just keep that in mind :)

It’s going to be a painfully long read, but hopefully a rewarding one too.

PART 1: DEFINITION OF ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY, TRUE AND FALSE SELF

Firstly we need to get familiar with a few concepts from Laing’s work which will be important for understanding the rest of the essay. His book describes schizoids and schizophrenics, exploring the mechanisms behind their illness. But it is important to understand that he, although a psychiatrist, acknowledged mental illness primarily as an existential/philosophical problem rather than a purely medical one. He saw more value in understanding the patient's experience of the world rather than endlessly examining and manipulating their body. 

The first term we will need is ontological insecurity. Let's compare how Laing describes someone who is confident in his own reality - and someone who is not.

The individual, then, may experience his own being as real, alive, whole; as differentiated from the rest of the world in ordinary circumstances so clearly that his identity and autonomy are never in question; as a continuum in time; as having an inner consistency, substantiality, genuineness, and worth; as spatially coextensive with the body; and, usually, as having begun in or around birth and liable to extinction with death. He thus has a firm core of ontological security.

<...>

The individual in the ordinary circumstances of living may feel more unreal than real; in a literal sense, more dead than alive; precariously differentiated from the rest of the world, so that his identity and autonomy are always in question. <… > He may feel more insubstantial than substantial, and unable to assume that the stuff he is made of is genuine, good, valuable. And he may feel his self as partially divorced from his body.

If a position of primary ontological security has been reached, the ordinary circumstances of life do not afford a perpetual threat to one's own existence. If such a basis for living has not been reached, the ordinary circumstances of everyday life constitute a continual and deadly threat.

For an individual who’s unsure of his own existence, life becomes a constant struggle to preserve his self. All efforts are made to avoid engulfment, implosion, petrification. Fear of being absorbed is essentially fear of being understood, caught up, seen, loved, "grasped".

To be understood correctly is to be engulfed, to be enclosed, swallowed up, drowned, eaten up, smothered, stifled in or by another person's supposed all-embracing comprehension. It is lonely and painful to be always misunderstood, but there is at least from this point of view a measure of safety in isolation.

The way to deal with this fear is to take one’s true self out of the real world, completely out of reach of other people. A true self withdraws into the depths of the inner world, its connection with an individual’s body is interrupted. That which interacts with the "outside" world and controls actions, movements, words, facial expressions is the false self. A carefully falsified image designed to deflect the gaze of others.

…[he] never allows himself to 'be himself in the presence of anyone else. He avoids social anxiety by never really being with others. He never quite says what he means or means what he says. The part he plays is always not quite himself. He takes care to laugh when he thinks a joke is not funny, and look bored when he is amused. <…> No one, therefore, really knows him, or understands him. He can be himself in safety only in isolation, albeit with a sense of emptiness and unreality. With others, he plays an elaborate game of pretense and equivocation. His social self is felt to be false and futile. - Laing describing his patient

However, another fear, of petrification, or objectification, clashes with the previous one. Fear of being absorbed makes one flee from the gaze of others, but by hiding from it, an individual ceases to be perceived by anyone, which once again puts their substantiality into question. An individual is very much afraid of being perceived by others as an object, as something inanimate, as a machine, as an “it” without subjectivity. It’s as if any potential observer is Medusa, who can instantly turn an individual to stone with a mere gaze. This fear pushes a person to "existential suicide" - he pretends to be "dead", giving up his own autonomy before someone else can deaden him and treat him as an inanimate object. Also, as a way of protecting himself, an individual might turn everyone around him into stone too - because a phantom, hallucination, or an object couldn’t harm him, only real human beings are capable of such.

Fear of implosion is the same as fear of absorbing the real experience of life. An individual is empty, he is a vacuum - but this vacuum he begins to think of as himself. Any substantial relationship with the world and people threatens to "tear" him, so he avoids it, too.

Now let’s clarify what is false self, how it relates to the true one and the world.

If the individual delegates all transactions between himself and the other to a system within his being which is not 'him', then the world is experienced as unreal, and all that belongs to this system is felt to be false, futile, and meaningless.

Here’s an illustration from “The Divided Self” to better visualize what is meant here.

The reality of the world and of the self are mutually potentiated by the direct relationship between self and other. In Figure 2, there is a vicious circle.

the person who does not act in reality and only acts in phantasy becomes himself unreal.

The true self resides in an imaginary, devoid world of phantoms. It becomes unembodied, not represented in the real world. The real world, in return, loses its vitality in the eyes of a schizoid, viewed now as filled with objects.

The false self is a mask, a performance, an imaginary identity with little or nothing to do with the true self of the individual. Laing describes cases in which the false self starts to emerge in childhood and such children are described by their parents as remarkably obedient, compliant, undemanding. They conform perfectly to the expectations of the family and the environment. They begin to mockingly imitate what is desired of them. This is not necessarily an absurdly "good" image; it can also be absurdly evil, if that is what the world wishes the individual to be.

The point of having a false self is to not let any part of the true one slip to the real world, where an individual has no power over what will be done to it. To give something about him away is to rely on others mercy, and it’s a risk a schizoid can't afford.

in reality, in 'the objective element', nothing of 'him' shall exist, and no footprints or fingerprints of the 'self shall have been left.

Now to the interesting part - how all of that correlates to Johan.

PART 2: ROOTS OF JOHAN’S ONTOLOGICAL INSECURITY

Firstly, of course, dressing up as a sister. He probably could sense already that it’s done for a reason, not for the fun of it. The family led “a quiet life”, which is probably difficult to do with two kids. So, my suggestion: the twins grew up with the feeling that they have to hide from some sort of danger and avoid attention. But, Anna didn’t have to hide her real appearance, unlike Johan, for whom pretending to be someone else became an important part of remaining safe.

Did he conceal as someone else, or was he only an imposter for the real human that for sure is present in the world?

Because everyone, besides mother and sister, only knew the sister, the girl, the daughter. She was definitely real. Was he really ever there?

Even the mother couldn’t tell them apart. He became an illusory twin.

The moment their mother hesitated could only solidify Johan’s intrusive thoughts. She had someone in mind, could it be that she hesitated because at that exact moment couldn’t tell where the kid she’d given up?

Did he only stand a chance to live, physically and existentially, only if he concealed as someone else? Because if people could see him for what he truly was, he would not be saved.

My guess is that Johan's perception of himself was so distorted that he no longer thought of himself as the real thing; that the true self worth protecting wasn’t inside of him, it was his sister, and he was fake in his entirety. He was a mere pretender who had to ward off danger from the true self. Johan's saying "I am you, and you are me" and referring to Anna as "my other self" indirectly confirms my assumption - he began to see himself and his sister as an integrated system, where he is nothing more than a facade and his sister is the living, real, substantial, human one.

The mother's hesitance in choosing between the two children added fuel to Johan's already flimsy sense of his own substantiality. What if she was not choosing between the twins, but simply could not at that moment figure out which one was which? Keeping a particular child in mind, she just couldn't tell who was really the kid she was thinking of and who was posing as such? Where is the real child and where is the false one?

The feeling of insecurity, the loneliness, the pain of their mother's abandonment, the sympathy for this sister, and the enormous guilt that the real one of them two had fallen into clutches of monsters. The twins' whole life consisted of constant attempts of intruders to destroy their lives and identities.

The days after Anna’s return prior to being found on Czech-German border mark Johan’s existential death.

Something in him collapsed in that interval of time. When his mother was choosing between them, he was still a normal child (or, at least, nothing described in manga showed us his abnormality) - afraid of being abandoned by his mother, of being handed over to be torn apart by sinister strangers whose intentions were unknown, but from whom he’d been running for as long as he could remember. All these feelings died in him. When and how exactly, we don't know, but a completely different Johan crosses the Czech-German border - detached, horrifyingly tranquil, indifferent to death. In a sense, he no longer has anything to fear, the short chain of events has been so devastating that he unknowingly committed existential suicide. Even if it’s death that’s awaiting them, no one will be able to put their hands on them, no one will be able to twist their souls and minds.

Laing’s patients often described their inner world as a wasteland, devoid of any sign of life. There are quotes from his book in which Laing talks about his patient and cites his words:

The self becomes desiccated and dead. In his dream world James experienced himself as even more alone in a desolate world than in his waking existence, for example:

“.. . I was standing in the middle of a barren landscape. It was absolutely flat. There was no life in sight. The grass was hardly growing. My feet were stuck in mud… ”

“. .. . I was in a lonely place of rocks and sand. I had fled there from something; now I was trying to get back to somewhere but didn't know which way to go… “

Reminds us of something, doesn’t it?

And it’s a precise reflection of Johan's world, the real Johan, where his self ended up imprisoned. However, he was a little luckier than the other schizoids - there was room for one more person in his world.

Mentally, Johan never made it out of that wasteland, only his body was saved. He calls this landscape a scenery of the Doomsday, not only because his body was close to death in that very space, but because it so strongly resembled Johan's inner landscape. It was the last place his soul has seen.

PART 3: KINDERHEIM 511 AND THE LIEBERTS

One’s true self, residing in a world of phantoms, ceases to engage with the real world through the individual's body. What is this body occupied with meanwhile?

Instead of being the core of his true self, the body is felt as the core of a false self, which a detached, disembodied, 'inner', 'true' self looks on at with tenderness, amusement, or hatred as the case may be. <…> The unembodied self, as onlooker at all the body does, engages in nothing directly.

This offers an answer as to why Kinderheim didn’t have the same destructive impact on Johan as it had on other children. His true self was already out of reach, it couldn’t be obtained no matter what they did to him externally.

They could get nothing from him. "They could only beat me up but they could not do me any real harm." That is, any damage to his body could not really hurt him.

In a sad way, the experiments on Johan's psyche were not successful, for he himself, quite unknowingly, subjected himself to all the horrors to which the Kinderheim warders were about to subject him.

You cannot kill what is dead, drain what’s empty, objectify what’s inanimate. That's why they didn't make it.

But Johan, of course, is the result they strived for but couldn’t achieve: a human so terrified and defenseless that is pushed to abandon his sensitivity in order to survive.

Thus, to forgo one's autonomy becomes the means of secretly safeguarding it; to play possum, to feign death, becomes a means of preserving one's aliveness. To turn oneself into a stone becomes a way of not being turned into a stone by someone else.

It seems to me that Johan was ready to settle down and stop running after escaping Kinderheim 511. But he left the orphanage with a critically dangerous revelation - sometimes it’s either you, or everyone else; his actions clearly show that he won’t hesitate to obliterate everything and everyone if it ensures safety. I just don’t think he expected to find himself in a similar position so soon, when he was adopted by Lieberts.

The thing about him is that he played along, he became what the world wanted him to become, yet it wasn’t enough to finally be left alone. The man they ran away from showed up at their doorstep and Johan lost his temper. Nothing helped the twins to escape monsters - living under different names, with different caregivers, in different places, together, separated- NOTHING was ever enough.

Maybe it was around the time his plan to be the last one standing was formed. Wiping out every sparkle of life from the world was the last attempt to gain safety.

Johan doesn’t care much about dying because his existential death has already happened, he already feels a lot more dead and frozen than alive. He already convinced himself that there’s nothing true about him, and out of two of them his sister is the true self. It doesn’t matter if he dies, he was never there from the start. But even after the gunshot he hopes to live through his sister.

Everything that comes after that wretched rainy night is an attempt to secure himself and his sister from the world that was on their tail for as long as they lived. He is ready to be separated from her and let her live under a different name if that’s how the monster finally loses track of her; he’s ready to enter the underworld, to take control of the German economy, to kill people.

It seems to me, because of the confinement of his true self in the realm of insubstantiality, he became unable to perceive people from the real world as alive and autonomous, that’s the sad reason why he could kill so easily. What he saw around were ghosts, objects that were mimicking human beings, not actual humans.

But there were exceptions.

Only Anna and Tenma are shown together with Johan in the wasteland of his inner world, where his true self dwells - them being there with him is a way of telling us, readers, that only these two truly know Johan. And therefore, only they can be spared.

I just want to emphasize: for Johan, “destroying the world” and “be the last one standing” wasn’t something he did for fun, or just because he could. It’s the last endeavor of a tortured child convinced in hostility of all living things to find peace.

PART 4: THE TALE OF THE NAMELESS MONSTER

The self is, however, charged with hatred in its envy of the rich, vivid, abundant life which is always elsewhere; always there, never here. The self, as we said, is empty and dry. One might call it an oral self in so far as it is empty and longs to be and dreads being filled up. But its orality is such that it can never be satiated by any amount of drinking, feeding, eating, chewing, swallowing. It is unable to incorporate anything. It remains a bottomless pit; a gaping maw that can never be filled up.

In the tale of the nameless monster, Johan can be both the monster and the boy who has been possessed by a foreign entity. That depends on how you interpret it.

This tale could be an allegory for what is happening to the twins, which are represented as nameless monsters. Johan could not remain himself, all the time hiding under different "faces'', changing names and identities. However, he couldn’t stay in any of them for long. His nature was bursting out, destroying these masks and whatever and whoever was around in the process. Nina on the other hand, even knowing her past, accepted the truth. Accepted her mother's choice and hardships she had to endure. She no longer tries to appear to be someone else, having chosen to move on with her life.

A second interpretation: Johan-the-Prince and our Johan are both weakened boys on a brink of death. For each of them, letting the Monster in, something scary, unnatural to humans, was a way to survive. So our Johan suppressed his sensitivity and susceptibility by pretending to be a not-quite-human, until traces and even references to his humanity have all but disappeared.

I don't think the fairytale manipulated Johan as a child, messing up his consciousness. What’s truly sinister about this picture book is that it foretold his fate.

As an adult, he picks up this book and sees himself in both the monster, who could not bear the present self and took on another's form, and the boy, who in an attempt to survive has ceased to be human, has destroyed everything around him. All that remains is solitude.

Imageries of the prince and the monster merge into one, and in one thing they are similar - in a fear of losing their lives, they lied primarily to themselves, and that lie destroyed the being of each of them. Neither monster nor prince really saved what they were protecting so desperately.

In addition, the book itself was an object from Johan's distant childhood, now almost forgotten, and served also as a reminder of the times when he was an ordinary, normal child.

Johan was wearing masks all the time, but the greatest of all his deceptions was not to live under the names “Johan Liebert”, “Franz Heinau”, “Erich Springer”, or any other for that matter. The most atrocious lie was to wear a mask of the nameless monster, even convincing himrself that this is who he is, that the emptiness and void is all there is to him. Wearing the guise of the nameless monster for years he had almost lost every memory of being human, and the book in his hands was a painful, violent reminder of his cowardly self-deception, his abandoned humanity, his forgotten self.

PART 5: I AM NOT YOU, AND YOU ARE NOT ME

From the moment the book falls into his hands, Johan probably realizes that his worldview is very much distorted. One of his fundamental beliefs about himself has been undermined, so debunking the rest of his illusions becomes a priority.

He remembers orchestrating the massacre at Kinderheim, but his belief that he was always capable of such things is shaken. He suspects that in his lost memories he will find the answer to the question he didn’t even think of asking. If he wasn’t born a monster, how did he become one?

We are not allowed to listen to the entire contents of the tape from Kinderheim 511. Only his attachment to Anna becomes apparent from it; but maybe he proceeds to talk about the Red Rose Mansion next. During interrogation he could recall his sister's words, which he heard again and again after her return. Her story was told in the first person POV: “I saw <....> I heard <…> I was <...> I ran <...>”. On recording he could repeat verbatim the words of his sister, and then, as an adult listening to it, misunderstand the meaning of those words. After all, he heard himself saying “I was taken <...>, I saw people die <...> , I ran away…” And only on the basis of this would he latch on to the story about the Red Rose Mansion as an explanation for what he had become.

Johan then decides to destroy the place. Although he clearly doesn’t recognize it, it doesn’t ring the bell yet.

Johan at that moment still considers himself a single set of personalities with his sister, and believes that in his mother's eyes they looked the same.

I can only assume that he told Čapek that Nina would kill him because he mistakenly thought that Nina held the same opinion about their connection as he did. If he's willing to kill for her, she'll do the same. Of course, he was wrong: he saw himself as an extension, a shadow of his sister, taking her joy and pain as his own; Nina, as much as she loved her brother, did not see herself and him as one, and clearly drew boundaries between her being and Johan's.

The capacity to experience oneself as autonomous means that one has really come to realize that one is a separate person from everyone else. No matter how deeply I am committed in joy or suffering to someone else, he is not me, and I am not him.

The assumption of being taken away by Bonaparta and being cast aside by his mother was one of the last crutches guarding him from the horrifying truth - he was the one who turned himself into a monster.

He cries when he hears Nina's story. Realizing that they’re not one, and she has never perceived Johan in this way. She is not his true self, and he is not his sister's false self. He sees more and more clearly the outlines of the true self within him, and he does not like the picture emerging before him at all.

All the “saving” he was doing turned out to be a sham that didn’t bring any of the twins the expected result. He experienced the guilt of denying himself existence and grew so enraged that he decided to kill himself. He now saw his true self - destructive, without a good reason. And realized it had to be eradicated, along with the man, the Monster, who made him that way - Franz Bonaparta.

PART 6: RUHENHEIM

The final stage of Johan's collapse, the massacre at Ruhenheim.

When he gets to Bonaparta's old house and finds numerous sketches of him and his sister as children he understands that Bonaparta was not “a monster outside of him”.

He refers to him as such when meeting Čapek, implying that Franz is to blame for him becoming a murderer. Upon seeing these sketches he recognized that Bonaparta's intentions had changed greatly over the years, and both Anna and himself were able to escape their fate because of his suddenly awakened sympathy. Not that this excuses Bonaparta, he was the one who designed the experiment after all. But these sketches were a confirmation of his kind intentions towards the twins, whatever they may have been at the outset.

It turns out that when Bonaparta came to visit the Lieberts, he was no longer a threat to Johan and Anna. Johan now knew that the night he shot the Lieberts had indeed stumbled and made a fatal mistake which tore him apart from Anna and plunged him deeper into the abyss of despair.

The event that finally convinced him of the animosity of the world and the lack of a safe corner anywhere in it was a figment of his mind which was led by fear.

This discovery was the final straw for Johan. Any image he had of himself collapsed for good.

The ending of "Monster" is Johan's realization of the fact that he undoubtedly Is. He exists, he is real, and he is him. And he was among the people who denied him the right to live; he was incapable of standing up for himself and recognizing his right to life, as his sister managed to do. He was so eager to erase any traces of himself from the world that didn’t notice the huge trail of blood dragging behind him, that was solid evidence of his existence, the only thing he had left.

He didn’t need to do horrible things that only left him and Nina traumatised. That left him all alone, miserable, separated from her.

He tried so hard to evade the evil people that he killed his Self before anyone had a chance to lay a hand on it.

When he set out to be nothing, his guilt was not only that he had no right to do all the things that an ordinary person can do, but that he had not the courage to do these things over and against and despite his conscience which sought to tell him that everything he did or could do in this life among other people was wrong. His guilt was in endorsing by his own decision this feeling that he had no right to life, and in denying himself access to the possibilities of this life.

After everything he learned about his past, Johan can’t forgive himself. For throwing himself into oblivion, for locking himself in the darkness. For making himself a monster that he was not born to be, that he had a chance not to become.

He was just as capable and deserving of normal life and real, deep connection with others as any other human being. He just convinced himself that he wasn’t one, and nobody dared to contradict him.

There is a desire in him to preserve not only himself from being consumed, but also those he cares about from himself. He thinks of his love as disastrous - because of it, Anna lost her brother and adoptive parents. Tenma, who saved him, was forced to be on the run for several years after becoming a murder suspect.

If there is anything the schizoid individual is likely to believe in, it is his own destructiveness. He is unable to believe that he can fill his own emptiness without reducing what is there to nothing. He regards his own love and that of others as being as destructive as hatred. To be loved threatens his self; but his love is equally dangerous to anyone else. His isolation is not entirely for his own self's sake. It is also out of concern for others. <…>

…what the schizoid individual feels daily. He says, 'It would not be fair to anyone I might love, to love him.' <…> He descends into a vortex of non-being in order to avoid being, but also to preserve being from himself.

He wishes to die now more than ever - a real death, this time. Not just existential, but total. The true end, as he called it.

Appearing in front of Bonaparta and Tenma, he doesn't aim at Franz, because he no longer blames Bonaparta for what he has become.

Johan said the only thing everyone is equal in is death, and what was behind his words: he says to Tenma that not everyone is worthy of saving, of being loved and forgiven, and Tenma should've finally realized this after meeting him and really knowing him. Because he's a monster, and being cheerful, having hope and light in their life is something that others can have, but he can’t; he's completely out of this human world and the only thing he has in common with everyone else is that they are mortal and so is he.

But even in his death he is mistaken. Once again believing he has no right to exist, he hopes to laugh at the world one last time, and die at the hands of the man who once saved him. After all, he certainly wouldn't have done it, knowing what Johan would grow up to be.

Isn’t that right, Dr. Tenma?…

Nina forgave him and the man who saved his life long time ago doesn’t regret his choice anymore and commits to it. The only people dear to him have recognized his right to live, whatever he may be.

Alas, how this affected him, we don’t know, and all we’re left with is speculation.

As a sentimental person, I want to believe that it meant something to Johan.

But what I really don't doubt is that Johan by the end is a completely different character to the one he used to be. Broken, disarmed, miserable. But it’s finally truly him.

"I think I must have figured out how the show ended. The Magnificent Steiner, he probably, became human again."

PART 7: THE FINAL ESCAPE

A mother plays a huge role in the development of her children's ontological insecurity - sometimes by being outright dismissive, sometimes by simply enjoying the child's undemanding and calm nature.

Here's what you can read about the mother’s impact in “The Divided Self”, those are Laing's reflections and descriptions of several of his patients.

... we suggest that a necessary component in the development of the self is the experience of oneself as a person under the loving eye of the mother.

His own feeling about his birth was that neither his father nor his mother had wanted him and, indeed, that they had never forgiven him for being born. <…> He was treated as though he wasn't there.' For his part, not only did he feel awkward and obvious, he felt guilty simply at 'being in the world in the first place'. His mother had, it seems, eyes only for herself. She was blind to him. He was not seen.

She had a great deal to say about her mother. She was smothering her, she would not let her live, and she had never wanted her.

Johan’s mother's choice was the first one in the long list of his miseries, it also triggered his ontological insecurity. And how could it not arise when the mother herself abandoned one of her children?

However, Johan was unaware that his mother had thought up names for the two of them, even before he and Nina were born. It turns out that the arrival of the second child was not an unpleasant surprise to her, she was looking forward to having them both.

She had always acknowledged the existence of both her children, and in her eyes they certainly weren’t a one big entity divided by chance into two bodies, one of which was never meant to be there.

But Johan looks truly disturbed after listening to Tenma. And this new revelation could also be another beginning to despair.

There is a door that must not be opened. What lays behind it: a paradise, or another monster?

Tenma, by telling him that the mother had given names to both of them, might have brought Johan down to a new hell. Where the mother recognised the reality of both her children and yet seriously chose which of them to keep.

This sort of thing doesn’t happen in real life, but since it’s fiction we’re talking about, I think we should pay attention to the fact that Johan wakes up only after hearing Tenma’s words. There is a symbolic meaning of him being stuck between life and death for so long.

It’s like he was resisting to be alive again, refusing to stay awake, choosing to be in a coma rather than walk this Earth again. But yet he didn’t die - a part of Johan was holding onto life despite all the horrors it brought to him.

In his last waking moments, he was miserable after discovering all the truth about himself. He really wanted to die, he thought it was the only thing he was deserving of; but Tenma didn’t shot him, his sister forgave him - and it wasn’t the outcome he expected at all. It started an inner conflict he didn’t have the time to resolve.

Johan as well could see the memory of mother’s choice in a different light. By opening up to Tenma he admitted it as a serious enough cause for him to abandon his humanity, as he really was living in a world full of threats. Hiding and pretending came natural to a child that didn’t know any better. And his mother, however hurtful her choice was and how wrong was the very fact of it, loved both of her children, Johan knows that for sure now. Maybe, he could finally forgive himself for becoming a monster. There was no one left to blame for the way he had turned out, no one to take revenge on - even himself.

(I know it can be confusing, so I’ll clarify, just in case - by “forgiving himself” i don't mean he simply dismissed the damage he did to others. He could only forgive the one he, with his own hands, inflicted upon himself, finally realizing, he had no other choice in his circumstances.)

He had a chance to accept that he had the right to exist all along, from the very beginning.

Finally, I want to get into the last excerpt from Laing's book. These are his patient's words from their conversation.

I could only be good if you saw it in me. It was only when I looked at myself through your eyes that I could see anything good. Otherwise, I only saw myself as a starving, annoying brat whom everyone hated and I hated myself for being that way. I wanted to tear out my stomach for being so hungry. 

<…> Everyone should be able to look back in their memory and be sure he had a mother who loved him, all of him; even his piss and shit. He should be sure his mother loved him just for being himself; not for what he could do. Otherwise he feels he has no right to exist. He feels he should never have been born. No matter what happens to this person in life, no matter how much he gets hurt, he can always look back to this and feel that he is lovable. He can love himself and he cannot be broken. If he can't fall back on this, he can be broken. You can only be broken if you're already in pieces. As long as my baby-self has never been loved then I was in pieces. By loving me as a baby, you made me whole.

<…> It was terribly hard for me to stop being a schizophrenic. I knew I didn't want to be a Smith (patient’s family name), because then I was nothing but old Professor Smith's granddaughter. I couldn't be sure that I could feel as though I were your child, and I wasn't sure of myself. The only thing I was sure of was being a 'catatonic, paranoid and schizophrenic'. I had seen that written on my chart. That at least had substance and gave me an identity and personality. [What led you to change?] When I was sure that you would let me feel like your child and that you would care for me lovingly. If you could like the real me, then I could too. I could allow myself just to be me and didn't need a title.

I walked back to see the hospital recently, and for a moment I could lose myself in the feeling of the past. In there I could be left alone. The world was going by outside, but I had a whole world inside me. Nobody could get at it and disturb it. For a moment I felt a tremendous longing to be back. It has been so safe and quiet. But then I realized that I can have love and fun in the real world and I started to hate the hospital. I hated the four walls and the feeling of being locked in. I hated the memory of never being really satisfied by my fantasies.

The above passage resembles Johan in many ways: the hunger he felt for real life, the doubt of being loved by mother, the bond which he developed with Tenma…. The last has to be special for Johan: the doctor didn’t simply let him off the hook in the end, he actively chose to save his life.

And just as Laing's patient laments how difficult it was for her to give up the label of "crazy, schizophrenic” because it was the only description she felt could be applied to her, Johan couldn’t part with the mask of the nameless monster for the longest time. It was, after all, the only constant in his life. And now he knows that "nameless" part isn’t really true. Or maybe it doesn't matter anymore. He is just him.

It’s up for a debate whether Johan chose life or death in the end. There’s evidence for both and this ambiguity is sure intentional on the author’s part. 

I just want to believe it was a newfound hope that got Johan out of the hospital bed.

[violetteshoneybee]

CHERRY TREE

husband!remus x wife!reader ; fluff

In which remus and his wife are waking up beside each other in their newly bought house

0.8 k

The sheets moved swiftly around you, their soft fabric complimenting your gracious body. You were asleep with your hair spread across your face and falling in a cascade on your back and arms. You were feeling warm. Not the uncomfortable warm, though, the one you feel when waking up and tightening the blanket around you. You also felt safe. This was something you loved. An arm passed over your waist as a protection to keep you in bed and close and warm. You loved waking up and feeling the heaviness of your husband’s arm. Remus was always one to go to sleep late, the one not to sleep at all even. But since you two had settled in this cosy place, he was spending more and more time with you in bed. He would often fall asleep before you as you played with his hair and massaged his scalp. Remus felt home between your arms. He had hidden for so many years that being able to be himself and not be afraid of hurting someone was just heaven to him. You and Remus had found that old water mill house some months ago, and you two fell in love with its peaceful atmosphere. The house was in a quiet neighbourhood surrounded by a lovely little cottage with extensive gardens and vergés.

The forest on the other side of the little river was beautiful and perfect for Remus to spend his full moons. You felt reassured to know he wasn’t too far from you during this time of the month. Thanks to your good wedges, you could get some wolfsbane for him, and you knew that Remus would pass the long nights wandering in the forest. You imagined he would follow the fairies around and run after the little magical creature. Remus saw a future with you here, and you were forever grateful. It had been so hard to find an isolated place to protect your husband from the others. It felt unreal to establish somewhere like here. 

The feeling of the cover being torn away from you stopped your reasoning, and you turned around to look at your gorgeous husband rolled into the covers. 

‘I love you, Lupin. But you promised to share all your belongings, that includes the cover.’ You said, tickling his nose with your pinky as you watched him softly blink his eyes open. 

‘I don’t think it means all my belongings. I’m sure there’s some kind of exception for the sheets, cover and probably the food too.’ You chuckled at his comment and kissed him.’Good morning, dove.’

‘Good morning, darling.’ You smiled. ‘Did you sleep well?’ 

He nodded and stretched his arms over his head before wrapping you in them. 

‘I slept alright, and you? Are you hungry? We’ve got some fruits. The neighbours gave them.’ 

‘Slowly, Rem.’ You kissed his hand and gently put it in your hair.

‘One at a time?’

‘One at a time.’ 

Remus sighed and started petting your hair, wrapping his long, thin fingers around the strands. In this instant, he thought he would have been more than happy to die beside you and keep this as the last thing he would see in his life. You were his everything, after all. You had been there for him when he needed comfort back at school and would be with him when he grew old. And more than anything, you were with him right now, right at this instant. You were giving him this look full of love and caring, and he swore he had never seen a more beautiful thing in his life than your bright smile and tired eyes looking at him. He was eternally madly in love with you. Remus was sure of that because he knew that if you were an ocean, he would let himself drown. If you were a fire, he would eat himself burn, and before all this, if you were the earth, the dirt beneath the grass, he let his body crawl to you and rot. Remus would love you even if you killed him because you only mattered now. Remus never thought he would have the chance to be loved and love like this. Ever since Remus was a child, he saw how dangerous love could be for others, and he wanted nothing dangerous for his loved ones. But his soul deceived him the day he saw you under that cherry tree, in your little lime green dress with your hair tied with a ribbon. Remus knew he was doomed right at that moment. He knew he was your slave for eternity. 

‘… Rem? Are you listening?’ 

‘Sorry, darling. What did you say?’

‘You know, sometimes I really wish to know what’s going on in that head of yours.’ You scoffed and slowly made your way up. ‘I was saying we should slow down on heavy food. I think I took some weight.’ 

‘Oh, but my darling, I’m the happiest man alive if I can get more of you.’ 

source dividers: @cottage-writings

tag list : @masivechaos @padfootagain​

[hyunsvngs]

For Hyunjin’s birthday I wanted to take what I did for his insert of “Noona/oppa kinks” I did a while ago because why not?!

content warnings: bf!hyunjin, hyunjin posing on the chair @ Versace is his outfit in this!!, birthday sex, switch!hyunjin (kinda?), switch!reader (kinda?), you call each others perverts, doggystyle, hair pulling (fem rec), oppa & noona kink (!!!!), overstimulation (fem rec), brief ass play (fem rec), pull out method (DO NOT DO THIS!! please practice safe sex!!), lovey-dovey stuff (my attempt at it anyways), lil surprise for reader @ the end, there may be typos 🤷🏻‍♀️ , i’m dyslexic so 🤓☝🏻… i feel like im forgetting stuff.. hmm

———————————————————

“Did you enjoy your birthday dinner, baby?” You asked from the right of him, his right hand on your upper thigh. Down the street from the restaurant you both ate at, Hyunjin steers the car in the direction of your shared home. A small smirk finds its way onto his face and he gives you a quiet mhmm. Your eyes scan over his side profile and butterflies awake in your stomach, the ones that remind you of all of the small touches and loving stares he made toward you from across the restaurant booth. You feel him squeeze your thigh.

He looked (and still does) absolutely unreal tonight. Of course anyone with eyes can say that about him every day... but tonight. Detailed in intricate designs, his shirt sits tucked into his faux leather styled jeans, adorned with a belt with a flashy belt buckle. His right wrist wears a beautiful black watch, and the left wrist is complimented with two colorful bracelets. Hands decorated in gorgeous rings. Two necklaces; one chunky and one a little thinner, hangs from his neck. He definitely took a few minutes to style his hair- most of it pushed back with little product, allowing strands to fall forward onto his forehead. Your left hand falls to his, still placed on your upper thigh.

Hyunjin knows you’re staring, he knows you’re checking him out. If the roles were reversed and you were driving, he would totally do the same. You look ravishing, your makeup compliments your features- eyelashes fanning out with mascara on, blush, contour and highlight in their respective places, and lips bare with some peppermint chapstick. Hair left completely undone, just some styled curls smoothed out with hair oil. Wrists and neck also adorned with simple jewelry, and to pull it all together, a simple pair of black heels on your feet.

Throughout the night, Hyunjin’s eyes naturally drifted from your face to all the curves your body has to offer. The square-neck, flowy black dress does nothing to hide the tops of your breasts. He remembers you clearing your throat to grab his attention. He knows he looks good, but he knows you know you look good too. Everyone knows those two things can create some tension.

Conversing with your boyfriend of three years still makes time fly by, 45 minutes of driving quickly come to an end when he pulls into the garage. Your hand reaches for the car door handle and Hyunjin doesn’t approve. “Seriously? Can’t even wait a second…” He scoffs, and you quickly look to him on your left and find him out of the car already, beginning to hurdle the hood of the car. You gasp then a chuckle leaves your lips. He opens the car door for you and you roll your eyes.

“Don’t give me that look, you haven’t touched a door in how long? And it’s still a habit? C’mon sweetheart.” He shakes his head in disappointment. You move around him and begin your walk towards the door that leads into the laundry room. Hyunjin is quick to follow your footsteps to open the next door, smacking your ass as you enter the threshold. “Sexy ass woman.” He whistles and eyes you up and down.

You wait for him in the connecting kitchen, the countertop digging into your ass due to your added height. “What are you thinking about?” He asks as he rounds the corner of the laundry room. He unbuckles his belt with one hand, ready to get comfortable and spend the rest of his birthday in bed (of course in a way more than lying down).

His head is tilted slightly as he looks you over; pink muscle poking out from between his lips a bit. When you don’t answer as fast as he’d like, he cages you in with his arms by gripping the countertops. He hums questioningly. “Noona,” he purrs. Your eyes shoot to his instantly. “Did you hear me? What are you thinking about?”

While maintaining eye contact, your right index finger finds the belt loop closest to his zipper and tug him towards your body. “Why don’t I show you what I was thinking about instead?” You whisper, and his surprised face pairs wonderfully with the hard-on that’s poking your hip. His lips part with a gasp. “You’re a fucking pervert- already hard like some loser!” You laugh at him, and just as he was gonna lean in and kiss you, you’ve gone and pissed him off.

His hand flies to the back of your head and tugs harshly at the hair. “Me? The pervert? Says the woman who was eye-fucking me from across the table not even an hour ago!” He’s spitting back, lips so close to yours. Your hand found its way to his waist, pulling him even closer just to feel his body on yours. He wins.

“Mhm.. oppa, please.” You look up at him through your lashes and when his hand moves from your hair to sit at your throat, lips collide. His other hand comes to the side of your face to aide him in tilting your head to deepen the kiss. He’s waited all night for this, impure thoughts flooded his mind the second he saw the dress you were wearing for dinner. For him, this was building with every look, every smile, every touch that was yours given to him. He feels like he’s on fire and while you fuel him… at the end of the day, only you can put him out.

Hands begin wandering on both accounts, Hyunjin’s begin to trace your breasts over the dress and yours are gripping his arms and back. A moan slips out of his mouth when you take things further and tug at his bottom lip with your teeth. “Mhm, fuck” He gasps. You push him away, trying to keep yourself together- almost like a competition; who can keep their sanity the longest?

“Where-where to? Couch? The bed?” He’s mumbling, his hands are starting to unbutton his pants when you grab his thick chain and lead him to the bedroom. What have I gotten myself into, he thinks.

You open the door yourself, Hyunjin too busy looking at you like a lost puppy. He kicked the door closed after you let him go, he’s almost caught off guard with your assertiveness- he’s standing there like a virgin, too scared to move.

“Noona.. wow.” He’s flustered, his pants are just barely hanging on his hips, belt and zipper undone. His hands are fishing out the shirt that remained tucked throughout the recent events. He takes in a deep breath to pull himself together and steps to you. His hands reach for the bottom of your dress, tugs it over your head and your secrets are out. No underwear, no bra, nothing but bare inspiration for his hungry eyes and artsy mind. Your nipples pebble due to the air in the room and your cunt is getting wetter by the second under his gaze.

He scoffs. “Again, talk about a fucking pervert.”

Your hands are quick to shut him up; it’s your turn to tug and pull at the fabrics covering his build. Pants thrown to the side and shirt on the corner of the bed somewhere behind you. His boxers are being pulled at by you, and he’s panting. You stand up after helping him out of his underwear, a quick kiss is exchanged.

“How do you want me, loverboy?” You ask, fingertips rest on his stomach. His bottom lip is stuck between his teeth, and when he releases it, you notice how red it’s gotten. He’s so ready for you, cocks pulsing between his legs

“Doggy, noona. Please. Bend that ass over for me.” He whispers. His hands find your waist to turn you away from him and walk you to the foot of the bed. His right hand pushes at your upper back while his left hand finds itself at your hip and pulls them back. Your knees sit on the edge of the bed, pussy and asshole on display for him. In almost every moment you find yourself like this for him, you’re embarrassed- you’re so hot and bothered that you couldn’t care less this time.

“Oppa,” You start. You’re looking back at him over your shoulder. You snake a hand to your clit not just to tease yourself, but also him. He watches your fingers circle your bud from between your thighs, and he cant help but just watch as you smooth your slick over yourself.

“Fuuuck me, baby.” He’s stroking his cock, one, twice three times. “You drive me insane.” A slap lands on your ass.

“Oppa, come on-“

“Shhh. I’ll take care of you, noona.” His cock head is poking at your entrance, there’s so much wetness, and he feels hot all over. A moan is ripped from your throat when he begins to push in, your gummy walls giving in so easily. “Holy shit, noona! You’re so tight.. all for me, huh?” He says with a teasing tilt to his voice. You nod so eagerly.

The hands on your waist grip a bit harder, and his thrusts speed up. The squelching from your pussy is almost as loud as the moans and gasps coming from you both. Hyunjin slows the pace enough to run a hand from your waist up your back to between your shoulder blades and push down, forcing your elbows to buckle under you.

“Noona, arch your back more, theeeeere ya go… what a good noona.” When your chest makes home on the bedsheets, his front meets your back and his hand finds its way back to your waist. He begins a trail of soft kisses from your right shoulder the middle of your back. He raises his right leg to place his foot next to your knee on the bed, allowing him to reach further into you.

“Oh my god! Oppa, you’re so deep!” You gasp, your legs begin to shake from the pleasure. This new angle allows his tip to ram directly into that gummy spot, and he knows it too. It’s hard to miss when you’re gasping and moaning in quick increments, body shaking like it’s a newfound pleasure, and your hands have found themselves buried in the sheets.

“Right there? It’s there, huh?” Hyunjin’s becoming cocky, your body giving in to the pleasure he’s giving you. And he’s aware that soon, very soon, you’ll cum. “Give me your cum noona, play with your pretty little clit- oh shit, you’re squeezing me so hard!” He borderline growls at you.

Your fingers are making quick circles to work your climax out, eyes rolling to the back of your head. You’re barely conscious, too overwhelmed by the white building heat… and his spit-covered thumb coming to rest over your puckered asshole, massaging the muscle does you in.

“O-Oppa! Cum-I’m-Fuck!” Your body pulses, and Hyunjin is holding you like you may actually fall apart. He just about let himself go too, the way you look as you cum is so beautiful, surely another inspiration for his sketchbook.

“Damn noona.. that was a big one, huh?” He quips. Your hips are being held up my his strong arms, but his thrusts are still relentless. You’re moaning and twitching from overstimulation, but he knows you enjoy it more than you let on.

“Give me your cum, oppa! Please!” You moan into the sheets.

The closer he gets to cumming, the harsher his inhales get. His hands become twitchy; one second he’s got a handful of tit, the next he’s digging his fingering into your ass- nothing seems to keep them at bay while his body experiences one of the highest forms of pleasure. “Oh fuck- oh fuck!”

He pulls out and the first rope lands on the back of your thigh, the rest stretching out over your back. He strokes himself to ride out his high, afterwards looking over you. You’ve got a soft smile on your face, a nice flush to your skin, and hair in a tussled mess. You look beautiful, he thinks, no amount of artwork can equal the amount of the beauty of you.

“Feeling good, baby?” Hyunjin takes a step back. After you hum back to him, he makes his way to the linen closet in the master bathroom. He’s quick to grab two towels, one dry and one damp. When he walks back into the room, you’re already standing up.

“Here.” He hands you the damp one first, allowing you to wipe what you can reach while he grabs undergarments. He tosses your underwear onto the bed before quickly putting his boxers on. “You did so good baby.” He whispers as he takes the damp cloth from you, and cleaning off what was left. He tosses that one into the bathroom and reaches for the dry towel to wipe and dry you off further.

“I hope you had a great birthday, Jinnie.” You smile. He can hear the smile in your voice. You put on your panties and turn to him. “I love you so much.” You grab his face and plant a kiss on his lips. He can’t help but chuckle.

“I love you even more, sweetheart!” He tackles you into the bed where you cuddle and watch tv for the rest of the night. Though, not long after resuming a show you began the other day, he can hear and feel you lightly snoring from your place on his chest. He turns the tv off and rests on his phone for the meantime, until he hears you mumbling in your sleep. Only then, when it’s just him and his thoughts left to admire you at your most vulnerable state, does he remember something.

A sincere, gummy smile appears at the thought of a beautiful velvet box sitting at the back of the linen closet.

AHHHH tell me why hyunjin has been plaguing my mind lately!!! he’s such a loverboy. I hope you enjoyed this one!!! <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HYUNE! 💕

-✖️

A LATE BDAY DRABBLE FROM MISS X ANON FOR OUR LOVERBOY SO YAMMY

[ancientannoyance]

there’s a post floating around with the girl from the ring next to margo robbie from barbie that says ‘the alecto we thought we were getting vs the alecto we got’. when i sent it to my best friend (i infected her with the tlt brain rot a while ago) she had an epiphany that i haven’t seen any one else talking about yet.

In Harrow, we get multiple descriptions of who Harrow calls The Body, and they sound like the girl from the ring. What if when Harrow went into the tomb, Anastasia, who we now know was also locked inside, was the one who bound herself to Harrow all revenant like and haunted her for all that time?

haven’t done a reread since this started percolating in my brain so it’s more than possible there’s something in the books somewhere that unequivocally disproves this theory, but what do you think? Is Harrows haunting actually Anastasia?

Firstly, the below answer contains spoilers for Nona the Ninth, so please don't read on if you haven't read that yet!

Before I answer this, I should point out that, at a certain point in the fandom (circa early 2021, iirc) this theory by tumblr user ac-ld - which postulates that John switched the bodies of Alecto and Anastasia in the ninth tomb, and that The Body that Harrow sees is actually Anastasia and that Alecto is actually buried in the First House - was the most popular theory in the TLT fandom hands down. I think it still probably holds the crown of most popular TLT theory, despite being disproved as of Nona the Ninth's publication.

If you read the above theory I linked, I think that your friend is thinking along similar, but not exactly the same, lines? Sorry if I'm wrong and misunderstood!

Full disclosure, before Nona the Ninth came out, I really thought this theory - that The Body is actually Anastasia- had a high chance of being correct, but (in my personal opinion!) I think Nona the Ninth has pretty much cemented in my head that the Body was Alecto. My reasons are:

If we look at the descriptions of The Body, Harrow - and Gideon when she sees the Body too - literally describes The Body as perfect ("Each limb was a carved representation of a perfect limb, each bloodless foot the lifeless and high-arched simulacrum of the perfect foot", etc). It thematically makes sense for this to describe Alecto, an unreal being who was literally created to resemble a Barbie doll by John, than for it to describe Anastasia, who was a real human and therefore inherently flawed. Plus, Gideon's description of The Body ("with a face so beautiful it almost went out the other side and became repellent") specifically jives with how Augustine described Alecto looking inhuman, whereas if Anastasia was so unnaturally beautifully as to be repellent, I think Augustine would have mentioned it, since he specifically mentions at one point that Harrow is "Anastasia come again."

Gideon describes The Body as "a woman with my eyes, dimmed dark yellow in death", while Harrow's POV mentions of her hair that "that long hair hanging wetly over her shoulders, that resinous colour that in death might have been brown or might have been gold or might have been anything" and of her eyes "in your youth her eyes had often been black, like yours were, but that ever since you had writhed in Lyctoral agony her eyes had turned a yellow that made you dizzy to behold" and of her voice "the voice—low, husky, musical—or its dry and uncanny echo of other voices you had known: your mother’s, Crux’s". So The Body had a certain unnaturally beautiful look but it's hair colour was not pinned down, and when it came to eye colour and voice it seemed to take on characteristics of other humans whom... Harrow had known? Who had died for Harrow? Thematically, it just makes sense to me that Alecto - the soul of Earth, the font of all the humans that were later reborn in the Ninth House and other houses - would be able to embody all the souls that Harrow ... loved? mourned? Instinctively, it makes sense to me why Alecto can embody all these souls that ultimately once came from her, while Anastasia - who was ultimately just a human - can't. While I'm here, Anastasia was most likely black-eyed and black-haired, as that is described by Harrow to be the overwhelming Ninth House look.

On a meta level, if you read Tamsyn Muir's other works such as the Deepwater Bride and Floralinda, you'll see that there are certain narrative themes she visits over and over again, but also certain aesthetic things, and one of the aesthetic things she visits again and again is of a very unnaturally beautiful golden-haired girl who turns out to actually be a "monster" (neutral). So, after reading her other works, I'm convinced on a meta as well as a narrative/thematic level that The Body and Alecto are the same.

Even if all the above weren't true, I think Nona the Ninth pretty much confirmed beyond doubt that The Body is Alecto. In NTN, Harrow looks upon Alecto and calls her "corse of the Locked Tomb" (corse being an archaic word for corpse). We know that The Body is the same as the corpse in the tomb because that is confirmed in Harrow the Ninth (HTN Act One Ch. 3), so if we put that together with the above quote, then there is no doubt that "the corse of the Locked Tomb" = "The Body" = "Alecto". Harrow also says in Nona the Ninth, looking upon Alecto's face "I have loved thee all my life, with mine whole soul, and with mine whole strength." To me, it wouldn't make sense for Harrow to say this looking upon Alecto's face, if Anastasia was The Body?

Therefore, given all the reasons above, I think Nona the Ninth has pretty much proven that The Body that Harrow is haunted by is Alecto, who somehow takes on the characteristics of other people that Harrow loves/mourns.

That being said, all of the above is just my personal opinion and observation! I'm not saying I'm right, and I fully welcome everything I said above being proved wrong in Alecto the Ninth!