#Its suh a good book like its hard to get into but then it just suddenly ends and im like wait what the fuck u gave me hope and
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rocarecs · 2 years ago
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There was no way you could get along with John Jun Suh. Never in your wildest dreams.
famous last words if I say so myself
OKAY BUT EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IM CRYINF LIKE THIS IS NOT SAD WHY AM I TEARING UP SHSKSHSDJDBDK LIKEEE I got moved with thw last jobnny paragraph go get the girl boy
Wow, I really missed ur writing ugh you just make my heart go ‼️‼️ bc I loveeee how you build things up like the book metaphor?? Like the chapter and pages and plot UGHHHh thats so GOOD LIKE That's INSANE LIKE ITS SO CHEESY BUT SO ADORABLE AND ACCURATE FOR THESE DORKS ‼️‼️‼️😭
And LIKE THE END??? where we see how johnny experienced the first love kinda thing AND UGH HES JIST SMITTEN I KNEW IT DHSVSJDB. I'm a suckered for enemies to lovers AND EVEN MORE SO ACADEMIC RIVALS TO LOVRS that shit goes HARD
Also this, I simply am a suckered for the realization moments
Those things shouldn’t have affected you in the way that they did, making your heart rumble in your chest like an earthquake shaking your entire world. But as much as you wanted to deny it,  Johnny tugged on your heart strings. Unknowingly, his actions made you revisit the chapter of your story that focused on love. Little by little, they added words to pages left untouched for many years, bringing the paper to life. And you weren’t sure of where this plot point was taking you next.
And also this in the beginning, this clearly sound like bestie was IN LOVE like who pays so much attention to someone you dislike HUHHH??? She's in denialand
You hated him because it seemed as if he was blessed with everything in life—intelligence, a light and friendly attitude despite his dark attire, physical features that rivaled ones belonging to the gods. Thick hair that looked good in any color. Eyes that shined behind the glare of his rounded specks. Proportions that made both men and women alike swoon. A voice filled with a variety of colors. Johnny was almost perfect without even trying and you despised him for it. 
Anyways it's okay if u never do finish it lol this is great as it is, in my brain they go a few weeks with even more slow burn until one of them finally breaks and confronts them when the 3 months are up, they have a date and realize they are meant to be and I get a happy ending<3!!!
SHELVED AWAY | JH.S
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SYNOPSIS. You and Johnny have been academic rivals since the day you first met. Top Two on the Dean’s List for your university’s English Department, it was hard to tell who claimed the number one spot on the list. You always butted heads, whether it was over who led the discussion in a course lecture, who got a higher grade on a paper, or who helped more customers at the bookshop you both worked at. When a bet to see who could sign up more customers for their shop’s loyalty program came to life, the both of you would stop at nothing to win this little game even if it meant getting closer to the other.
PAIRING. coworker!Johnny Suh x (f) reader GENRE. college!au, bookshop!au, enemies-to-lovers!au, academic rivals!au, suggestive, humor, fluff (?) WORD COUNT. 4.6k+ WARNINGS. characters are like cat-and-dog, make-out scene, profanity, name-calling (lmao), they bicker a lot
DISCLAIMER. This is work of fiction. I do not own the people/characters and concepts I have written about. You cannot translate or copy my work.
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There were many things you loved about your university. 
You loved how the campus was swarmed with trees, each building surrounded by a lush and vibrant green in the spring and summer months and warm brown shades during the cold of autumn and winter. You loved the sense of community your school upheld, always hosting events that were opened to anyone and everyone in the immediate area. The way it made you feel at home when you were miles away. The friends you made in your major and the small department you belonged to. 
You adored it all. 
Seguir leyendo
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lavendersuh · 3 years ago
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*TEASER* “define like”
johnny x female reader | gossip girl au 
projected word count: ~10k
projected release date: feb 2022
tropes/genre: angst, smut, enemies to friends to lovers, lil bit of taeyong x reader at beginning
note: hi friends! i’ve had this idea for a fic based on elements of gossip girl for a while. its basically chuck x blair turned johnny x reader haha but i tried hard to give it a life of its own and be more influenced by the story than a retelling of it. it took a while to craft the plot and twists and i’m having so much fun writing it. i’m hoping to finish it in the next few weeks!
lmk if you want to be put on a taglist, or if you want another teaser or something ;) i’m so excited to share this fic!
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spotted: y/n l/n taking her first steps back into the upper east side since her disappearing act nearly a year ago. did england treat her well? i hope london offered her growth, because lord knows she will need it if she’s going to survive her senior year. college applications, ap courses, and parent expectations. at least she has a boyfriend to come back to… right? welcome back, y/n. xoxo, gossip girl
To say all eyes were on you would be an understatement. Stepping out of your town car in brand new designer clothes yet to be released was enough to turn heads in front of the most prestigious private school on the Upper East Side, but with your reputation? Everyone and their driver was taking a glance at you. 
You reveled in the attention, though. Maybe a few years ago you would have ducked your head and been dropped off at the back door to the school, but not anymore. Your year abroad in London had been just what you needed to get your edge back. As you ascended the steps to your prestigious boarding school entrance, you fought back the triumphant smirk that you felt. You would show all of them, Gossip Girl included.
The anonymous blogging site that fed off tips and rumors had been a driving factor in your decision to leave the Upper East Side for a year. If you had seen one more blast mixing rumors with truth about yourself… yeah, it was a good thing you had left.
“Damn, y/n, where you been?”
You turned around to see Johnny Suh, something of a king around the school grounds, and around the city, staring down at you. He leaned leisurely against the lockers, his height imposing as he smirked. He was well known due to his father being one of the richest men in New York, but he was even more well known for this reputation of not only drowning in money, but also booze and women. 
You rolled your eyes as you placed your books into your new locker, “I was in London; don’t you know anything? Or were you not sober enough to comprehend anything in the past 10 months?” 
He put his hand over his chest in a mock hurt manner, “Ah, I forgot how harsh you could be, your words pierce my heart. I woulda thought since Mari and me are related now, that you might find a way to be kind to me.” his teasing tone turned mischievous, “Well, maybe not, depending on how you and Mari are doing at the moment.”
You glared at him, muttering out “You’re insufferable,” as you slammed your locker shut and walked through the busy hallways to your first class.
What had started as a tolerable, possibly good day was made shitty by Johnny Suh and his stupid words. Why did he have to bring up your best friend and the fact that you hadn’t spoken in the entire time you were gone from New York? Your insides filled with frustration over the fact that your worst fight to date happened just a week before you left for London.
It didn’t matter now, you reminded yourself. You were back in the city, back to figure everything out. You would get your life back together into working order in no time. It would be just like before you left, but better. You would make up with Mari, you would get Taeyong back by your side, and you were strong enough now to block out Gossip Girl’s vicious attacks. 
It would be just fine.
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meltwonu · 4 years ago
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43. “If i have to stop what i’m doing, you wont be able to walk for the next week.”
54. “We have to be quiet.”
notes; camboy!minghao, cam!couple, dom!minghao, cockwarming, dirty talk, hair pulling, degradation, minghao reading but make it sexy LMAO 🥴 I rewrote a bit of this bc I watched his vlive from, what, a night or two ago?? and I was like HMMMM YES,,, lol but also me on my bullshit with writing minghao as an ever-so-patient dom 😗💕 I can’t help it... and its not even like softdom hao its still ‘ill make u cum so hard u black out’ dom hao just brooding and quiet djkfhskfh ANyway, as always thank you for requesting! Enjoy! 💕 
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Minghao smirks, eyes focused on the words laid out in the book in front of him when you let out a small whimper.
“Ah, ah, ah, what did I tell you about being quiet, baby?”
You bite your bottom lip, hands balled up into fists against your bare chest as you sit in his lap.
“S-sorry…”
He chuckles lightly, flipping the page to the next poem before he places a hand on your bare thigh.
“We have to be quiet, remember? We promised the audience an ASMR show where you were quiet for once and everyone is commenting on how you still can’t keep your voice down, baby~”
You sniffle before pouting at the camera - glassy eyes silently begging and hoping they knew what you wanted.
“...suh--sorry… just, ah, w-wanna cum…”
“Mm, I know. You’re been getting tighter and tighter around my cock with each page I turn. Getting antsy now, huh?” He whispers, barely audible to the mic.
You nod against his shoulder before bringing a shaky hand down to the one he has on your thigh.
“Can y-you, mmh, please let m-me cum once…?” You bring his hand between your legs, letting his fingertips graze against your sensitive clit. “I, ah, p-promise I’ll be g-good…”
Minghao glances at the computer screen, smiling at the comments that flood the screen mirroring his exact thoughts.
‘Lolol she always says that and then gets so loud anyway’
‘Aww but she’s so cute screaming out his name when he fucks her good…’
‘This is probably the longest she’s cockwarmed him and didn’t just cum though.’
“Our viewers know you so well, baby…” He puts the book face-down on your other thigh before the pads of his fingers are rubbing soft circles on your clit - working your body as you mewl and whine in his lap.
“I’ll let you cum once but if I have to stop what I'm doing, you won't be able to walk for the next week. Am I understood?”
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And true to his word Minghao lets you cum once - not even letting you come down from your high before he’s picking the book back up with sticky fingers and reading the poem on the next page.
Your body slumps against his chest, trembling thighs spread wide as your quiet sighs accompany Minghao’s gentle reading.
“Ngh...”
Your couple’s channel wasn’t always like this, to be fair. It was quite the opposite, usually - your loud, broken cries filling up a majority of the audio as Minghao fucked you on camera.
And the pile of handwritten noise complaints sitting on your dining table was a daily reminder.
But somewhere in the comments of a previous show someone had suggested the idea of you cockwarming while Minghao tried to keep you quiet and unfortunately for you, he seemed to take to the idea a little too much.
“Oh? You’re so quiet all of a sudden, baby… Finally learning your lesson, hmm?” He shifts slightly underneath you as you moan softly.
“Just t-thinking about how, ngh, b-big you feel inside me… Fuh--feels like your cock got b-bigger… It’s stretching m-me out so, ah, m-much...”
Laughing under his breath, he turns the page once more as he kisses your naked shoulder. “Mm, I think your pretty ‘lil cunt is just sucking my cock in deeper and making you think that way, baby~”
Minghao shifts even more; the head of his cock snug against your g-spot as garbled whines and moans start to spill from your lips unabashedly.
“Tsk, getting loud again?”
“C-can’t help it…” You whine back.
This was already longer than you usually lasted.
Minghao sighs, shutting the book and placing it to the side as he readjusts his silk robe.  
Because while you sat in his lap completely stripped bare, he still had all of his clothes on - silk pajama pants only tugged down far down enough for him to pull his cock out for you to sit on it.
“You always can’t help it, baby~ What am I gonna do with you.”
You feel him start to push your upper body away from himself and it takes a bit of maneuvering before you’re on your hands and knees instead - lips agape at the way Minghao managed to reposition you without pulling out of you.
“Now you’re gonna be good and hold still while I fuck your ‘lil hole. ‘Cause now it’s time for me to cum, okay?”
Nodding feverishly, you dig your fingertips into the bed sheets as he shrugs off his robe.
Your head is downcast, eyes focused on the sheets underneath you for all of a millisecond before Minghao’s fingertips are threading through your hair and forcing your head up as you whimper.
“You lasted longer than I expected but you still couldn’t keep your voice down,” He draws his hips back only to thrust into you harshly, “Now you’re gonna let the viewers see your filthy expressions while I use your tight ‘lil cunt as my cocksleeve.”
Your moans only get louder with each snap of his hips and with his fingers still locked tight in your hair you can’t help but work your hips back and clench around his cock in hopes of one more orgasm too.
“Fuh--fuck, Minghao…! God, you fuck me s-so, mmh, good! So b-big! FIlls me, ah, up so---so much!”
He grins from behind you, already anticipating another noise complaint to add to the stack on the dining table.
“I thought you’d be out of energy after cumming once but look at you, fucking yourself on my cock so you can get another high, huh?”
You grin drunkenly at the camera, still blinking red to let you know you’re still on air - licking your lips at the comments that flood in about your arousing expressions.
‘fuck, just look at her, so cockdrunk...’
‘Shit, I’m gonna cum just looking at her face...’
“You like getting loud because you like letting our neighbors know who fucks you this good, right?” 
Nodding shakily, your eyes start to roll to the back of your head when Minghao’s pace doubles and the head of his cock slams into your g-spot relentlessly.
“M--Minghao... Minghao! There, a-ah, more, h-harder!!”
He growls from behind you, grip in your hair tightening as the sound of skin slapping only gets louder with your high pitched screams. 
“I’m gonna cum, f-fuck, give the camera a good look at your face when I fill you up, baby~”
You focus your bleary eyes onto the lens; moans and broken cries of his name spilling freely from your lips as your body jerks back and forth with the harshness of his thrusts. 
“Oh g-god, Minghao!”
His cock throbs inside your pussy - cum filling you up to the brim as he rides out his high. 
“Mmnh, he’s--he’s cumming so m-much inside my p-pussy...” 
Minghao doesn’t stop his motions; hips slamming into you as he fucks his cum deeper into you. 
“Such a good ‘lil cocksleeve taking all my cum too~” 
His cock glides into you easier with the sticky substance and you find yourself unable to warn Minghao when your second orgasm hits you out of nowhere - body going rigid as he smirks. 
“Didn’t even have to touch your ‘lil clit to get you to cum, hmm?” 
Your cries only get louder and louder and the ringing in your ears drowns out anything Minghao says after; too lost in the pleasure to recognize anything other than his cock still thrusting into your fluttering walls. 
“Mm, I bet her face looks so pretty right now, huh?” 
Drool drips from the corner of your open mouth - soft stuttered breaths escaping you as you try to regulate your trembling body.
Minghao opens his mouth to speak when he hears a faint knocking at the front door; eyes glancing over to the closed bedroom door for a second before the grip in your hair is loosening and you feel his warm chest against your back when he leans over your tired body. Cock still snug between your warm, wet walls as you mewl. 
“Oops. I think you all know what that sound was, huh?” Chuckling, he reaches a free hand around, gently wrapping it around the column of your throat to keep your head upright as he stares into the camera.
“We’ll have to end the show here~ Hope you all enjoyed watching 8′s Room~ See you next time~”
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nuoyipeach · 3 years ago
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Wake Up With You Everyday
Johnny Suh X Park Sooyoung
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warnings: mentions of abortion, angst, mature content (no smut tho), a lot of rollercoaster rides heh
a/n: this is longer than my usual fics, so buckle up & I hope you like it! really challenged myself for this one♡
One "one night stand" became another, then another, and another. They didn't plan for it to become a weekly thing, but that's what it became the past four months. And with each night, they unconsciously unravelled more things about each other, but never let it affect their daily lives.
He was a typical chairman's son, the only grandchild of the founder, lined to take over after his father's retirement. The good thing was how lenient his family was with restrictions, so he pretty much lived his life however he wanted outside work. Though this current setting was not one they'd ever think he would have gotten himself into.
She was working a front desk job at, surprise surprise, his family's rival company, though her position wasn't a big deal to him. Being the only daughter of a struggling mother, she had to work extra hard, earning for both herself and her mother to get by while the elder lady ran a small eatery in their neighbourhood.
One thing's for sure, despite not ever bringing up this arrangement during their days, neither could help wonder how this would end.
Though Sooyoung soon found an answer.
He waited almost half the night at their usual spot at the bar in the hotel, where they first met during an function between several businesses and she was simply attending with her co-worker. Seeing the time, Johnny felt frustrated and left in a haste to go home. He couldn't even get too mad about not getting a heads-up.
They didn't even share contact information.
It was just an unconscious agenda for both.
As he drove home, he wondered about all the possibilities that could have happened to her.
Maybe an accident? Maybe she moved? Maybe she found someone to settle down with...
And for once he couldn't stop thinking about her the whole week, until the next time of their supposed meet-up. But again he was left alone in the bar. And as much as he didn't want to, genuine worry filled him up.
As Monday came, and as much as he knew this would draw him questions from his parents if he was spotted, Johnny walked into the company she worked at, and just as he hoped found her at front desk. Her eyes remained focused on the computer as she walked closer, noticing her state.
Looks like she's fine...
"Good day, how may I-" she cut herself off as she looked up, her words caught in her throat. She knew revealing their work information would lead to unwanted meets outside Saturday nights, and she was definitely not glad about it. She stood up, trying to seem casual as she neared him to whisper.
"What are you doing here? Because I sure as hell know it's not for work."
Johnny scoffed, smirking sarcastically. "Turns out I'm a man of good will, and as much as I hate to admit it, not seeing you two weeks in a row got me worried."
Her eyes drooped down to her desk, and he didn't miss her hand slipping what seemed like a thin booklet under some papers. "Just leave. Pretend all that never happened, it was unnecessary."
Clenching his jaw, Johnny went out. But not before sending a quick message.
Being rich had its advantages, especially when coming to spy on someone.
It took another two weeks, until the guard notified him on Sooyoung's arrival to the hospital, and Johnny didn't waste a second as he left for the place right away. Following his guard's direction, she'd be on the fourth floor, and his eyes shook as he noticed which one it was labelled as in the elevator.
Gynaecology
His hands already felt sweaty in just the few seconds it took to reach the floor, and he headed in with long strides in a hurry to find her. He could only hope it's not what he thinks it is. But seeing her seated on one side, holding a pink book in her hands, he knew his inhibitions was telling him the truth.
"What's the meaning of this?" Sooyoung jumped up from her seat hearing the sudden question. Holding a hand to her chest, she quickly hid the book behind her seeing who it was, but he didn't let it go this time as he snatched it from her and hastily opened it, looking back at her as she now stood up. "Tell me, is this what I think it is?" he asked holding the book up.
Looking down, she nodded half-heartedly. "I'm... it's yours." she managed to speak, and he noticed tears welling in her eyes. Feeling a hint of guilt for seeming mad, he sighed and held her arms, sitting her back down as he took seat next to her. He placed the book on her lap and, as much as he fought the urge, held her hand in both of his, massaging it for some form of comfort.
"Ms Park Sooyoung." they looked up as the nurse called. "Come in now please."
The two looked at each other, until he spoke. "I'm coming with you." Sooyoung knew she couldn't deny him, and simply went in with him following behind.
"Hello Ms Park. Is this your husband?" the doctor asked noticing Johnny as he closed the door. Sooyoung stared at him, before turning to the doctor.
"He's the father."
Much to her relief the doctor didn't ask anything further about them, simply nodding and typing in her computer. Johnny sat next to her, looking around the room at the many posters of pregnancy, child-birth, what new mothers should and shouldn't do.
"OK, by my estimation you're six weeks in, and so far you've been showing normal symptoms as you've stated here. So let's take a quick scan to check on the baby."
The mention of the word baby suddenly made Johnny feel some way he didn't know how to explain, and he watched as the nurse helped Sooyoung prepare for the ultrasound scan. Despite all those nights, he suddenly felt shy when she lifted her shirt to expose her tummy.
"Would the father like to see? You can sit next to her here." the nurse pointed to the chair by Sooyoung's head, and he unconsciously obliged as he changed seats, looking up at the screen hanging from the ceiling. He stared blankly, until something flashed and a black and white image appeared.
"So far so good." the doctor spoke as the the whites moved around on the screen. "Here, the fetus." she pointed towards a small white shape. It was just a white blob in a black surface, yet Johnny felt something weird again. He looked at Sooyoung, unable to read her expression.
She didn't know how to feel. She knew for sure she had no ability to have a baby in her life yet, and she knew if Johnny found out she'd have to consider many other options than her first few; abortion, or adoption.
The rest of the check-up went by quickly as she got next month's appointment settled, and the two headed down to the parking lot, Sooyoung about to walk away before Johnny grabbed her arm. "I'll drop you." he tugged her along to his car, opening the passenger door for her. She knew she didn't have much of an option so followed along, and they were on the road in no time.
It took some time for either to speak up, Johnny breaking the silence first. "Inform me on all your check-ups. I want to come."
Sooyoung looked out the window, sighing. "Don't force it, I don't even know what to do about this myself, I don't want to push you for it."
"What do you mean you don't know what to do?" he said quite firmly. "What else do you have in mind?"
"You know I don't have the privilege or ability to have a baby around..." she drifted off, unable to continue as he spoke up again.
"So? I'm here now, I'll help." he said, seemingly madder than before. "I'm not gonna let you raise our child yourself and struggle with it, I'll help you through. If only you told me before, you wouldn't have had to consider whatever other options you thought of. But I'm here now, I'll help you."
Emotions filled her up as tears started dropping on her lap, finally picking up the courage for her to ask. "What even are we?" she sniffled before continuing. "We are strangers who meet up just for... intimacy. We're not even friends nor acquaintances, we're far from co-workers. What's there between us that makes you think it's going to be that easy for you to help me with this? I can't ask you for help whenever and wherever I need. You're going to move on some day, you know that. You're going to have a life of your own outside our arrangements, and when that happens I'll either have to handle it myself, or lose it to you..." she couldn't hold back as she started to cry softly, looking away from him.
Johnny kept quiet and drove on, until he stopped at the side of a quiet road and turned to her completely. "I'll have you know I have no other life right now except for work and family, which for me coincide. We may be nothing now, but I don't plan on being so from here on. We'll work on our relationship, however it may be. And I won't let future events halt me from supporting you anyhow, and I'll give you the full right to sue me if I do." he reached forward and turned her head to him holding her jaw softly. "I'm not a bad person, and I know neither are you. We'll get through this, I promise."
The way he held her face, it was so much gentler, so much nicer than all those nights he held her face. She picked up the courage to look directly at him, and even his eyes were softer, something she had never witnessed before. With his thumb caressing her cheek wiping off the tear streak, she simply stared at him in silence as he did so back.
Was this how he really is? she wondered, finally deciding she might as well give in, it was clear she had no other option anyways.
"My mother..." she whispered. Johnny let go and proceeded to continue their drive, pointing the GPS to her.
"Put in your address, let's go see her now."
They reached soon, Sooyoung walking in slowly with Johnny right behind her. Her mother was in the kitchen, smiling as she heard the front door open as she came out to greet her daughter, but stopped seeing the man behind her and their not so happy faces.
"Mum, there's something I need to tell you. Maybe you should si-"
"What is it?" her mother cut her off, her tone strict. Johnny stood aside, not wanting to butt in just yet and waited for Sooyoung to speak again.
"This is Johnny. I'm... I'm pregnant, with his child." she saw her mother take deep breaths, and as much as she hated to continue she had to come clean. "We're not a couple, or friends, it's... It's complicated. But he-"
She was cut off again, this time by a slap on her cheek. Johnny quickly walked up, but stopped seeing her hand up telling him not to interfere.
"How dare you..." her mother spoke, voice shaking in anger. "I've tried so hard to raise you well, I gave you everything to make sure you didn't suffer like I did. Ever since your father left, I did everything I could to make sure you didn't make the same mistakes I did! And this is what you do? Get pregnant by someone you don't even know?!"
This time Johnny stepped in, blocking as she raised her hand again but stopped. "Please don't. I know how upset you must be, but I won't leave her I promise. I told her I'll help her with everything with the baby, before and after its born."
"You absolutely will," her mother spat, seemingly hesitation her next words, "because she's no longer welcomed in my house."
With that she walked away fast upstairs, and Johnny could hear her soft crying. He turned back to Sooyoung who had been gripping his suit tight from behind, now hiding her face in it as she cried as well. He pulled her off and turned around holding her hands.
"I'm sorry..."
"Shut up!" she screamed pushing his hands off, then started to hit his chest. "Shut up and leave please! I had nothing but my mother! Now she's leaving me too! I can't have this!"
Johnny held her arms again and pulled her closer as she struggled, suddenly hugging her tight to himself as she cried more. He could feel her still hitting him, but he didn't care and slowly she weakened the more she cried.
"I'm sorry. I'll fix it, I promise. Just for now, come with me." he pulls away and cups her face. "I promised to take care of you, and I will."
The ride to his house was filled with thick tension and silence, Sooyoung staring out the window while Johnny simply drove, not bothered to speak knowing anything might tick her off. As they reached, she finally came out of her daze noticing the car slowed down, and looked up seeing his house. She was surprised, but at the same time not considering who he was and all, and just waited until he parked in front of the garage.
He stepped out first, went over to her side and helped her out. Why, they don't know. He just felt the need to be courteous, and she just accepted. But the more steps she took closer to the door, the more her tears started building up even more. Everything that happened until now was suddenly sinking in, and she couldn't help but cry again before the door even opened.
Johnny held her shoulders, pulling her sideways to himself in a hug. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you however you want it." He rested his head on hers, his hand running up and down her arm. "Don't push yourself. It's not your fault."
They headed in and he sat her on the couch, still hugging her to his chest as she let out more tears. He felt bad, and he knew he had to make things right between her and her mother. Hearing the elder woman's words earlier, he knew cutting each other off was a terrible event in their lives. And despite wanting to know, he decided against asking about her father.
After a while Sooyoung calmed down, weak from all the crying, and Johnny lifted her face to see. "Why don't you go nap? I'll make us something to eat." he stood up and helped her as well, directing her to his bedroom. "Stay here for now, I'll get the help to clean out and prepare the guest room for you."
Before he could leave she suddenly grabbed his hand, and he turned to see her pleading eyes. "Are you sure about this... It's not to late to-" he covered her mouth with his finger, his eyes staring at her with a strict look.
"Don't bring up abortion Sooyoung. I know it's your choice, but I also know you don't want it either because you wouldn't have gone for a second check-up after finding out the first time, and book another appointment." he dropped his hands and held both hers reassuringly. "You're indecisive enough to wait for a follow-up, it means you don't want an abortion, you're just scared of what's to come, but we both know you will regret it. I'll be by your side a hundred percent, trust me, I won't let you go through this alone."
>>>
It took her a while but slowly Sooyoung opened up and got used to her current life and situation. Everyday Johnny would drop her off at her work and pick her up, and even had a set maid just for her at all times. He'd check up on her health twice a day and always attend to her needs.
Even when it came to her odd cravings that started at three months, he'd simply give in to her then look away.
"Just kimchi with cheese? Won't she upset her stomach like this?" he asked softly to the maid who simply smiled and shrugged.
"That's what madam wanted, I wouldn't question it directly if I were you." she chuckled softly before going back to work. Johnny knew what she meant, and he definitely didn't want to try. He simply shook his head and went on with his day.
For Sooyoung things were going well. She was still sad about not having her mother by her, but she knew that was a lost cause already, and by any luck only would she be able to get her to talk to her again.
As she sat around one day simply going through her work schedule, Johnny suddenly bursted into the office room she was in. It was his own but he offered her to come in and work whenever she wanted. He came up and sat next to her, holding her hand.
"My parents came." he said softly, his expression wary. "I haven't told them about us yet, so this will be their first time."
Sooyoung wanted to get mad, but within the past few weeks she stayed, she's seen how busy his and his family's life was, and realised he was dead serious when he said his life was just work and family. Still, it would've felt nice for him to prioritise their situation. It was kind of family too.
Or does he not consider it that way...
She shook her head ridding off of the thought and nodded at him, signing she'll follow him however he introduces her. He smiled and got up, bending down to help her as well. It was normal for them now, Johnny was always extra careful if her movements. It made her heart flutter each time. Sure it was the bare minimum, but that's for a husband.
And they're far from any relationship of that sort.
He took her down and stopped when they reached the dining area by the stairs, signalling her to wait until he called her out then left for the living room.
Seeing their son come in, the elderly couple smiled. "What took you so long? Are you hiding something?" his father joked. Though noticing his sullen look, they went quiet. "Are you?"
Johnny cleared his throat, not taking seat. "There's someone I need you to meet. We, um... she's pregnant, with my baby." he turned behind towards the dining room. "Sooyoung." he called out softly.
Sooyoung hid her shaking hands under her long sleeves as she walked up next to him, bowing to greet his parents. Johnny took her hand and forced her to sit down, again not wanting her to tire herself as he always does.
"So..." they looked at his mother who spoke. "Are you two a couple? Since when?"
This was the question he dreaded, but he knew how to answer. "Not exactly mum. We were just... I'd rather not say. We met often but we weren't exactly close. This was an accident."
He could see the disappointment in his parents eyes. Yes they never limited his lifestyle, but even he knew this was one they never would have supported. And frankly he never thought it would happen to himself either.
After the short silence he continued. "She's already three months in. Her mother didn't accept, so I brought her to live with me. I'll take full responsibility for her and our baby." he looked at her, noticing her eyes staring down at her hands. "I won't let her struggle through this alone."
He looked back at his parents, who remained quiet as the situation still took time to sink in. Getting nervous, Johnny decided to finally sit down next to Sooyoung, when he noticed her shaking hands. He held one hand over her clasped ones, using his eyes to reassure her he's by her no matter what.
He heard his father clear his throat and looked at his parents again as the elder man began to speak. "Well, and I speak for both of us, we can't say we're not extremely disappointed in your actions Youngho. We've given you freedom yes, but I hoped you'd turn out a better man with how we raised you. You weren't even a couple to begin with, I don't know what to think of that. But there's nothing to do anymore. Though I'm not proud of your actions, I am proud you've stepped up and taken responsibility and care of this young lady."
Johnny sighed in relief, when his mother suddenly came and sat on Sooyoung's other side, taking her hands in her own. "I'm sorry for what happened between you and your mother. If you ever need to, call me and I'll do my best to help you. I'm not going to blame either of you for whatever happened considering you're both grown adults and it's both your responsibility, but I do feel guilty about your mother's decision, so I want to help fill in that hole however I can." she suddenly pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her shoulders.
Johnny smiled at his mother in gratitude, thankful both his parents took it easily. But he knew it's only because they're privileged, and he only hoped Sooyoung didn't feel like she was being pitied on. They were genuinely good people, but many seen to overlook that as showing off because they have the money to do whatever they want.
After a quick lunch together, they sat in the living room again as his mother wanted to hear full details on their future. Sooyoung didn't have much of an idea of what would happen, up until now Johnny made most of the decisions.
"Well, I was thinking that she'd live with me even after the baby's born. And maybe at five or six months she could start maternity leave, until the baby's a year old."
Sooyoung's eyes widened at this, turning towards him sharply. "What?" she asked a little aggressively. "You can't make me leave work like that!"
Johnny was taken aback by her sudden outburst. "It's maternity leave, not quitting. I don't want you to get worn out working at the same time as raising the baby, you deserve to rest, so just the first year."
She looked at him in anger and stood up hastily, almost loosing balance. "I'm not rich like you! How will I survive if I don't earn? Why does everything have to go by your rules? Just because I live here? Why are you so self centered!" she stormed off to her room, and the three didn't miss the tears coming out if her.
Johnny sat in shock, he wanted to think this was one of her mood swings, but it was too much. His attention was brought back by his mother sitting next to him, holding his shoulder.
"Have you been making decisions for her this whole time?" her question made him think and answer quick.
"Kind of? She lets me tell her which is the best and then we go with that."
He elder lady shook her head. "Youngho, you may be the father, you may be the one giving her support, and you may be the one with options, but this is her life. Her life, her body, her baby. You should have let her decide a few things at least. You know she's not like you, like us. She wouldn't have had the opportunity to even keep the baby if it weren't for you, would she? She's already been cut off from her mother, the more you control things regarding her now the more she'll feel like it's charity towards her."
Johnny's eyes widen. He didn't think of it that way, he never did. He always thought his actions were perceived as affectionate, but he forgot to factor in her life before this.
"But that's not how I wanted it to be..." he spoke looking down. "I was just doing all that because I feel guilty for somehow ruining her life. She's had it hard enough as it was, I didn't want her to stress over anything, I just wanted to make it all easy for her..."
His mother sighed and held his hand in both hers, urging him to look at her. "You two need to work on communication. Living together isn't enough if you can't come to terms with each other's life and background. You need to let her think through things from her perspective, with or without your help. And you need to let her know that whatever you are doing isn't charity, but out of care for her."
His father sat and watched everything, finally speaking up once his wife was done. "I'm not proud of your actions, but I am proud of how you're thinking Youngho. You have no idea how many men in your position would've paid to keep this quite, or even get rid of the baby. I'm proud to call you my son, but you need to let her know your true intentions. Like your mother said, communication is key. You may not be a couple, but with a baby together you'll still need the attributes of one."
Johnny thought about everything his parents said, even after they left. He sat on his bed planning out how he'd bring this up to Sooyoung, following his mother's instructions to be gentle with her. Not only is she pregnant, but she's in a bad position in life with her own mother, and that, he now realised, was probably hurting her every minute.
After a while he went downstairs again to see the maid clear away the table, packing away Sooyoung's food. "Did she not eat?" he asked, to which she sighed and shook her head. "Plate it then leave, I'll take it up to her." The maid followed and replated her food, just some porridge with sweet potato on the side. Johnny also took some strawberries for dessert, figuring she might crave some. He took the tray up to her room, pushing the door open as it already slightly was. Peeking in he saw her laying facing the other way, figuring she was awake by how her fingers were gripping the blanket.
He walked in quietly and placed the plate on the table before going over to her side. "Sooyoung..." he called her softly to not startle her, and notice her shift a little, hiding her face away in the pillow. Sighing he kneeled in front of her, hand combing through her hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise you felt controlled by me. I wasn't meaning for it to seem like that, I just didn't want you to feel stressed over small decisions and tire yourself."
She made a small noise, refusing to look up. "Please, don't be like this. I want you to know that all that I'm doing, it's because I care about you. Remember when you didn't appear for two weeks? I went to find you despite our agreement. It's weird, but I really do care about you, and especially now I feel like it's my fault. I just want to do everything to make up to you for what happened with your mum."
He sat down crossed legged, hand holding hers now as his thumb stroked the back of her palm. He noticed her turning her face slowly towards him, eyes slightly red but a soft look in them. He smiled in an attempt to comfort her, quickly getting up to help as she turned around to sit up, and sat next to her.
Sooyoung stared down at her belly thinking about all he said, then looked up at him. She could tell he was telling the truth, the sincerity in his eyes was strong. She didn't know what came over her, maybe it was the need for some closure, but she suddenly leaned into him. He was obviously confused as he shifted a little, but was quick to compose himself and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. After she got a bit more comfortable, he even rested his head on top of hers.
It felt nice. His mother was right, communication was what they needed, and some closure.
"Will you sleep with me tonight, please?" he looked at her as she stared with pleading eyes. "Back home, my mum and I shared a bed, because we didn't have enough space, but I loved it. I don't like being alone on a big bed..."
He understood her and nodded. "Let me go change." he stood up and passed her the tray of food, "Eat up, I'll come right away."
And he did. And despite making it clear they will do no cuddling, Johnny smiled when he woke up to her body clinging his own. He didn't tell her of course, not even the days after as it became a regular thing. Sooyoung would end up calling him over, and he'd give in. Sometimes they'd talk, just like his mother said, he wanted to make sure communication was there.
After the first two weeks, Johnny suggested she'd just move into his bedroom. It was much bigger, and he'd be able to tend to all her needs especially now as she approached her fifth month. They also came to an agreement about her working, deciding together she'd only take maternal leave starting from birth.
There was one thing Johnny noticed growing, other than her belly, and that was his feelings. He hated to admit it, but he could feel some sort of affection growing in him for Sooyoung. He tried to convince himself it was just because of the baby, but at times he'd be staring at her as she spoke, and he'd completely forget their situation.
He can't take the initiative, not yet at least. And if he did he knew she'd wouldn't think of it the same way he did, there was a slim chance she'd think otherwise.
At six months Johnny was almost always stuck by her side. He was always worried about her when she was at work, and didn't miss a single time to make sure she had lunch properly and took her vitamins.
His parents visited every two weeks, his mother giving Sooyoung as much advice and support as she could. She knew she couldn't replace her mother, but she could at least fill in the position. And Sooyoung didn't shy away from always opening up to her.
"So, how have your moods been?" his mother asked. The women sat in the dining room with some tea while the men in the living room talking about work. "Johnny tells me you've been extra clingy nowadays." she chuckled saying, to which Sooyoung could only blush.
She smiled back before answering. "I'm just glad I haven't thrown any tantrums, I was afraid I'd do that and then he'd... you know, get sick of me." she said a little quietly. The elder lady shook her head, holding the younger's hand.
"I know my son, and he'd never do that. Besides, he hasn't told you, but he liked the occasional hugs you've been giving him." she smiled teasingly. Sooyoung looked away shyly playing with her fingers. "Genuinely speaking, I've never seen him be so loving and caring with someone before this way. I know you didn't have this in mind, but have you ever considered-"
"Please," Sooyoung stopped the elder lady, "don't tell me. I know what you mean, but I don't want anything to start between us just because of a baby. We were never acquainted before this, I don't want to start a relationship with the idea that it's the only solution to our situation. What if at some point we don't want it anymore? I don't want to put our baby through that..."
Johnny's mother sighed, holding back her hand with a soft smile. "And what if it goes well? What if this baby was much needed for both of you to find a good life? Hearing how it all happened, I'm sure even your mother realised how reckless you two have been as adults. What if this baby came along to help set you on the right path?"
She's right. Sooyoung hated how mothers were almost always right.
She continued to speak. "I've seen the way you two are with each other, there's no hiding anything from me there. I am his mother, and I was also once a woman your age. The only thing barricading you is the guilty feeling, something you should get rid off before the baby comes out because that will hurt it the most."
She didn't spare Johnny from the same talk. As they were about to leave, she pulled him outside with them. "I know how you see her, more than what she is right now. You need to be open about it, or you'll just end up hurting yourselves and your baby."
He sat at the counter/bar in his kitchen, swirling a glass of whiskey thinking about what his mother said. She was right, but now it laid on him to prove it. Sighing he took another sip, when a shadow caught his attention. He looked at her face, not her bump, her eyes. Another confirmation his mother was right.
He wasn't in love with her because she was carrying his baby. He was in love with her.
Sooyoung walked in wearing her knee length nightgown, ready to sleep but instead came downstairs seeing Johnny hadn't come up yet. Her eyes took notice of the whiskey bottle and empty used glass in his hand, her body suddenly becoming wary of even her breathing.
But unlike her thoughts, Johnny smiled and put out his hand, calling her closer. She put her hand in his, and he gently pulled her to himself until there was barely any space between them. He let go of her hand and instead held her by the waist, his other one cupping her cheek, thanking the alcohol in him for giving him the courage to lean against her tummy.
Sooyoung froze at his sudden need for closure. Both his hands now hugged her torso as he pressed his forehead against her belly, where the baby seemed to move. It tickled her heart, however, and she couldn't stop her hand from threading through his hair, the other holding his shoulder.
Johnny suddenly groaned. "My mum talked to me, and I'm guessing you too." he suddenly said softly, looking up at her. "Whatever she said about me, she's right. But I need to know how you feel..." his hands now held both her, suddenly pressing kisses on her fingers. "Whatever you choose, I'm just happy my child will have you as a mother."
Sooyoung watched as he played with her fingers, thoughts running through her head. Truth is she never considered it an option to ever have a romantic relationship with him. She figured they'd have a child, raise it together for a few years, then she'd have to move out and they'd co-parent. She never thought Johnny would fall for her, or that she'd end up attached to him.
She pulled her hands away from his, cupping his face and turned him to look at her. "I'm willing to try..." her voice shook as she spoke. Johnny smiled and almost hugged her but she stopped him to continue. "But, if it's just because of the baby, we stop."
He knew what she meant, and he was now more determined than ever to prove to her his love was beyond the baby. He smiled nodding, his fingers playing with the hem of her nightgown. "May I?" he asked, and she nodded knowing what he meant. He pushed it up until her bulging tummy was exposed, holding it to feel where the baby was the laying a light kiss where he found it.
And he made sure to whisper so low that Sooyoung couldn't hear. "I promise you baby, I will show your mother love like she's never had before."
>>>
A week later, Sooyoung found herself in his arms the moment she woke up like it had been since that night. He was hugging her from behind, one arm under her head and another holding her body to his own. She played with the fingers of his free hand, contemplating if she should leave his embrace or not.
It just felt so nice to be hugged this way. She could feel he suddenly shifted and moved even closer to her, is face nuzzling into her hair. He must've been waking up slowly as she soon felt a soft kiss on her temple.
"Good morning." he said sweetly despite his groggy morning voice. "What time do you go today?"
She pursed her lips, bringing his hand closer to her still playing with it. "Nine. I want to leave early, but I don't know if they'll let me..."
"Didn't you send in a letter for maternal leave?" he asked raising on his elbow to see her face over.
She turned towards him. "Not yet, that's for when the baby's born remember. Right now I work the same." she noticed his disapproving look, shaking his head before laying back down to cuddle her.
"Send in an application for lenient work times. I guess you don't know this, but you are supposed to be allowed that when you're pregnant. You don't have to ask every time if you can leave early. They can easily find someone to take over for your place."
He immediately realised how the last part sounded, but before he could explain himself Sooyoung had already turned around to face him completely.
"Johnny I can't lose this job, I told you. I don't have a career or set income. I-"
"I know I know." he cut her off cupping her cheek, and suddenly kissed it taking her by surprise. "I meant that for the sake of your health right now, it's OK for you to take half days, because by right they will fill in your position with someone if they're really in need of it. They shouldn't have to make you keep working full time in this situation."
She pursed her lips and looked away, when he suddenly pressed his forehead against her temple. "I'm sorry I sounded like I was putting you down. Just know, whatever I say or do, is nothing like that. I'm just worried for you, I care about you."
Sooyoung forgave him, but agreed with what he said. She immediately messaged her manager for it, and started to get ready while waiting for a response. By the time she finished breakfast, she got a reply, and Johnny was beyond mad at the response.
Your job is sitting at the desk all day, short hours aren't required for an employee of your status.
"Johnny calm down, I'll... I'll talk to them again." Sooyoung softly called out to him as he drove her to work. She could see his anger by the way he gripped the steering wheel and tried to reach out and hold his hand, but he was reluctant. As they reached her work, he turned to her with a stern look.
"If that man doesn't listen to you by lunch time, I'll come make you quit myself. And don't lie to me, I'll know immediately."
She nodded, gulping in fear. This was the first time she's seen him this way, and she knew for sure she didn't want to ever anger him again.
But to no avail, her boss still didn't agree, and said he'd rather fire her than let her even go on maternity leave later. And just as he said, Johnny found out as he came in during lunchtime to check, and made her resign on the spot.
"I do not appreciate your manager treating my fiancé this way." he said strictly, the employment officer obviously scared. "If she can't have lenient working hours or even a maternity leave as a pregnant woman, I'd rather she not work in such a joke of a company that doesn't know how to respect their employees."
He took Sooyoung back to his company as lunch hours ended, and brought her up to his office. "Sit here, I'll just get some work done in the meantime." he guided her to the couch before going to his desk to start paperwork.
And it just hit Sooyoung she was now unemployed. She got up and sat in front of Johnny this time, gaining his attention. "You just made me quit. How will I earn money to live?"
Johnny put his pen down and clasped his fingers together, looking around the room a bit before turning back to her. "I'm in need of an assistant. My previous one resigned couple weeks ago because she was getting married. You can work for me."
She stood speechless, wondering if this was a good idea or not. She would be making more than last time, but she didn't want to be at an advantage with their relationship. And the fear that if it goes downhill for that, she might loose her job.
Pursing her lips, she figured out an answer. "If I take it, I want you to treat me like every other employee here. Personal feelings cannot get in the way."
Johnny nodded, knowing she would have thought about all that, and gave his reply. "Unless it concerns your health, I won't do anything such. You'll be treated like everyone else here, but as of now you'll have half-days. Company policy, if you're pregnant you don't have to be here full time, but will be paid the same." he reached down to a drawer and pulled out a file. "In case you don't believe me, you can check it here. You'll start tomorrow, for now sit there and rest." he pointed towards the couches again.
Sooyoung took the file and complied, spending the next hour going through the company policies. They seemed so lenient and fair compared to her previous one, and knowing the Seo family personally, she knew why as well.
Johnny continued his work, paying no heed to Sooyoung until his clock buzzed after a couple of hours, signing it was closing time for the building. He cleared away his things and finally looked towards the couches, a smile creeping into his lips when he saw she had fallen asleep. He went to her and crouched down next to her face, caressing her face with the his knuckles gently as he simply observed her.
Unable to hold back, he kissed her forehead gently, causing her to stir in her sleep and eventually wake up. They shared eye contact, no words spoken, just their eyes locked in trance. He got closer again, but this time his lips found hers in a soft kiss, relief washing over him when he felt her respond.
Slowly he lifted her up to sit, still kissing, then to stand, his arms secured around her waist while hers locked around his neck. They tried to get closer, but her belly took up much of the space between them, so he lowered his head to keep her from tiptoeing.
They became unaware of their surroundings, heads clouded as their kisses became passionate, and Sooyoung was suddenly taken back to those nights at the hotel. When she was a single woman with no responsibilities of who she was with, no regards to her own feelings much less who she was sleeping with (as she remembered Johnny wasn't her first), and no thoughts about her future.
Now it was as if everything was set in place, only backwards. Instead of finding love, getting married, having kids, her life went the other way around. The sudden reminder of that caused her to pull out of the kiss, staring intently at Johnny who's eyes had a soft look back at her.
What if she did stay with him? It wouldn't be so bad. He was the father of her child, and she knew how it felt growing up without one present. He promised he won't leave them, but she didn't want him to just be present in the baby's life. She wanted him to stay by them every passing minute, she wanted him to be there when the child is asleep, when they wake up, for their first steps and words, for everything. She's had her fair share of men, and not one she could recall came close to how he treated her, it was promising enough to know how great of a father he'd be, and a husband.
His mother was right, life found a way to give two careless adults an anchor to hold them from anymore heart breaks. A baby, a miracle.
"Why are you crying love?"
Love? She didn't realise tears were pooling in her eyes, and the moment he called her that they fell. Johnny brought one hand to her cheek and wiped it off, his eyes filled with worry.
"What's wrong?"
She couldn't answer, instead threw herself into his chest, taking shaky breaths as she cried quietly into his shirt. He didn't know what happened, if he did something wrong, and just hugged her, making silent white noises to calm her. It took a good few minutes before she heaved a breath trying to stop her crying, and pulled out looking at him with a weak smile.
"Can you... Can you do one thing for me... before the baby is born?" she asked staggering, to which he nodded immediately. She pursed her lips, hesitant of her request, but she had to get it out and try to come to a fixed point with her life. "Can we... get married?"
Johnny froze, eyes quivering as he simply stared at her in shock. "Marry? Already?" she nodded. Seeing his response, she looked down, embarrassed by what she said.
She knew she needed to explain, and looked back at him. "Your mum, she was right. What if everything that happened until now was a sign for us to get on with our lives the right way? What if the reason we kept going back to that hotel each time was to be with each other? Not just in bed, but because there was a connection? What if our baby is the message we needed to stop and realise it all?"
She stopped, and they stood in silence staring at each other for longer, until Johnny held her arms and pulled her close kissing her again. This time it was quick, and he pulled away with a smile, his one hand intertwining fingers with hers.
"Whatever you want. You're the mother of my child, you deserve a ring on your finger, a beautiful wedding, a white dress flowing to the ground. Tell me how you want it, and I'll make it happen."
They sat in the car going home. It was quiet but comforting. Johnny's hand held hers resting on her thigh, bringing it to his lips every now and then for a kiss. Sooyoung simply smiled looking down at her belly as she felt the baby move. She remembered her next appointment and looked towards him.
"Should we ask for the gender next week?" she asked gaining his attention. "If it doesn't bother you, I'd like to start baby shopping..."
He smiled and looked at her briefly before focusing back on the road. "Why would it bother me? If you'd like to know then let's find out. We can turn the guestroom next to my- our bedroom into the baby's room from now on."
She felt happy hearing him call his bedroom now theirs. "OK, but..." she bit he bottom lip, "can the baby stay with us? I don't like having a separate room until they're older."
Johnny understood her concern, and figured it would be easier for them to manage in the same room anyways. "Sure, we can get a baby bed attached to your side." he suggested. All this talk about the baby just made both of their hearts flutter, and for once Sooyoung was excited for the next day, and the day after.
She was excited to wake up in his arms everyday.
>>>
Johnny didn't forget Sooyoung's mother. She wanted a small wedding, just them, his parents, grandparents and some close friends, and her childhood best friends. What she didn't know was how Johnny sent an invitation to her mother as well, along with a handwritten letter from him.
Dear mother-in-law, I know you hate to see or hear from me, but I'm doing this for your daughter's sake. Sooyoung misses you, everyday she regrets not having you next to her as our baby grows. I know you were disappointed in her after all that had happened in your past, and I know I wouldn't understand, but I won't stop asking for your forgiveness, as well as your permission to marry your daughter. She's already decided, but I want to have your blessings too, and I know it would mean the world to her if you attend. And if not, don't worry. She doesn't know about me writing to you. I just want to try and ask you to take her back in your life, I don't want you to miss out the birth and experience of your first grandchild.
To his luck, a little bit at least, she did attend. Except Johnny only found out after seeing the letter she left at the gifts table. She didn't come to greet them, avoiding being noticed by anyone, and he figured she left immediately after they were officiated.
He read the whole letter, his focus falling on one main part of it.
You have my blessings. Make her happy. I don't know if I can come around any time soon, but you're correct. I don't want to miss my only daughter's first baby.
He smiled, and showed it to Sooyoung after explaining his part in it. They were back home in bed, and he quickly hugged her noticing tears coming out of her eyes already. She turned and hugged him back, thanking him continuously.
"All for you my love. You didn't deserve what happened."
And like her mother said, she did turn up for the baby's birth, and Sooyoung didn't know if she was crying from the labour pain or from the fact that her mother was now next to her, holding her hand and giving her comforting words.
"I'm sorry mum." she said through her pain, her other hand held by Johnny.
The elder lady shook her head, and kissed her daughter's forehead. "I forgive you. You've managed to find what we've been missing all this time, that's all I ever wanted for you."
In the labour room, Johnny allowed her to squeeze his hand however much she needed, even figuring he'd end up with a small fracture in his knuckles. But that wasn't important as he spoke calming words into her ear, watching her push out their baby with all energy she had left.
"Here comes your baby boy." the doctor announced holding out the newborn as Sooyoung let out a deep breath of relief. The nurse helped wrap up the baby before facing him towards the couple. "Say hi to mummy and daddy."
Sooyoung was far too tired, but smiled as a tear of joy left her eye watching Johnny's hands carefully take the baby, cradling him softly while almost in tears himself.
"Hi Haneul. Seo Haneul, our son. Our blessing in disguise..." he whispered softly, then pressed his nose on his forehead gently. "You're here, with mummy and daddy."
>>>
Sooyoung was happy, more than she had ever been. She had her old life back, except with many things getting better. With her new job she helped her mother make a bigger living out of her restaurant, even being able to hire staff this time. Little Haneul was already turning two, and she had every small detail of his life recorded.
The best part was that she woke up in the arms of her loving husband every day. Even on nights where he'd come home late, Johnny's first instinct was to strip off his clothes and just get under the covers, pull his wife to his chest and fall deep asleep.
On this night Sooyoung woke up two in the morning realising her husband was missing, and got worried he hadn't come home from another late office stay. She got up and put on a robe and was about to go downstairs, when she heard soft voices coming from Haneul's room. He had just started sleeping on his own, sometimes coming into their room, but she didn't mind.
She walked closer to the room and listened, peeking through the slightly open door.
"Then I saw mummy, she was so beautiful. Like a princess." she heard her son giggle at her husband's words. "I went to her, and asked her to dance with me."
"Like Cinderella!" Haneul squealed, to which she heard Johnny giggle this time.
"Yes, like Cinderella..." he yawned before continuing. "Then I lost her, so I went back to find her. And I did. But I only met her every funday then loose her, and then..." he went quite, not only putting Haneul into anticipation, but Sooyoung who stood outside the door smiling. (funday = Haneul's word for weekend)
"What daddy!?!"
"Then an angel brought you to us, as a gift so we would love each other more and more, and always be together. After that, daddy never never lost mummy again, thanks to you baby."
Haneul cheered clapping his hands, before yawning himself and cuddled into his dad's chest. "I love mummy daddy." he mumbled drifting off to sleep. Sooyoung finally pushed the door open and tiptoed in, getting Johnny's attention as they smiled at each other. She sat next to them and kissed her son's forehead.
"We love you too baby. Goodnight." she whispered, sniffing him affectionately before getting up. Johnny followed behind as he tucked him in, then turned towards his wife and hugged her, resting his head on hers.
"I came up and heard him sniffling, came in and found him awake. He wasn't scared, seems like he still needs to be cuddled to sleep." he chuckled softly. Sooyoung chuckled as well before noticing he was slowly letting go of his weight on her, and quickly pushed away and grabbed his arms.
"Time to tuck you in too." she smiled and tugged him to their bedroom, helping him change and get into bed. She took off her robe and got in next to him, immediately engulfed into his hold. "Sleep, you'll wake up late otherwise." she said softly, treading her fingers through his hair.
Johnny groaned and cuddled her more, kissing her forehead. "Doesn't matter as long as I wake up with you." he sleepily dragged, to which Sooyoung replied with a kiss.
"Everyday."
>>>
please please PLEASE tell me how this was! I really put a lot into writing it huhuh I'd love to hear some feedback!♡
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notnctu · 4 years ago
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sugar | s.j ❀
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━ listen to: sugar by brockhampton 
❀ johnny suh x fem!reader ❀ genre - smut, angst, fluff? ❀ details - fwb!au, kinda unrequited love? who knows lol, sweet love makin ❀ word count - 2k ❀ synopsis - he’s always a call away, ready to love you when you think no one else will. and this will be the one time you ask him to spend the night because johnny suh is the only sweetener you need in your bitterness. 
❀ a/n: hello its author doie❀! its based off of the song sugar which is one of my favs ever so i hope u enjoy this smut, rlly this was just me avoiding explicit words lol ps i have never laughed harder in my life when @legendnct​​ (ily hannah) asked me if i was J O R N Y when i told her i was writing this at 4am 
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The honey dripping, rush of candy goodness, and sugar high of a man --- Johnny Suh. He’s like walking on sunshine, no other cares in the world can harm him, and with a bright happiness that promises anything worth fighting for.
He stands six feet tall of sunflowers that turn up to the clear blue skies and soak up the positive energy needed for growth. Johnny Suh, the man that has sugar addicts craving for a slice of his attention; Johnny Suh is the epitome of goodness and virtue.
And the puzzling, estranged question of why you are his subject of sweetness is beyond any galaxy and he’d never tell a soul his reason behind his many dazed gazes, or if they even had much meaning to them. Johnny Suh is the one boy that wears his heart on his sleeve, but holds your’s at his fingertips.
There have been many countless encounters of long and, some unfortunately short, nights of sleeping with bodies that only add to the list of people you’ve kissed. But to have consistency in that aspect? Quite hesitant, to say the least.
While you are able to tolerate a random one night stand with no necessary remembrance of the individual’s name, to give your vulnerability and consistent attention to one person is asking for too much. A flawed characteristic of yours is falling in love too easily.
The hookups are meaningless, quick fucks to fill the evening and rid the irritable desire of lust. The muscles involved exclude the heart because there is no opportunity to fall for someone if you are only going to part ways right afterwards.
Yet, the one remarkable night with Johnny turned into several nights which led into your current relationship with the glowing sun. The one thing you had wished to steer away from --- a friend with benefits.
There was no metaphorical gun to your head, you weren’t forced to sign a contract, there were no ridiculously restrictive rules. No boundaries to hold you back.
When there is no fencing around the edge of a cliff, is that grounds for people to free fall? Regardless, your lack of self control and demising loneliness had you jumping and falling into Johnny’s comfort. The golden boy is someone hard to come by, and you’re not foolish enough to turn down this once in a lifetime chance to be intimately acquainted.
But as you continued to see him, there was an unconscious decision to stop your other random flings. It felt like you already had someone to fulfill the ache, someone to spend your nights with. If you needed him, he’d be there. So, unknowingly by choice, you made yourself exclusive to him, even though Johnny did not decide to do the same.
That shouldn’t bother you, right? But it does. The worst part is that it’s no one’s fault but your own. Johnny’s harmless actions affect you because your feelings allow them to. As much as you ignore the fact you two are nothing more than friends with benefits, the annoying drumming of your foolish heart reminds you of your denial.
While you’ve always had a bitter palette, the dash of sweetener never hurt anyone. He never hurts anyone, with his best efforts. And the intent should have been made clear, that your nightly hookups are an unhealthy coping mechanism. Too much sugar has your glucose levels derailing and seeking out the one person that lights up your endorphins.
The love for Johnny stems from his warmhearted character. His bubbly, goodwill nature that has him overextending himself for people who take him for granted. An extroverted, head-turning personality that you can’t despise and look away, instead are easily attracted to.
Johnny is kind, he’s thoughtful, yet entirely complex as a human being with a fair share of cloudy days. He is simply someone you want to get to know because he makes the atmosphere a safe space and he reads like an open hardback book.
Everyone has a small crush on him, it would be a complete tyranny of your feelings to deny it. Some infatuations are bigger than others and you’ll shamefully admit that you fit under this group of individuals.
On another lonely night, you wonder if he’d be at your will and call, if he would drop the world to come make you feel better. One moment, you are staring at his contact name and imaging the deep voice answering with his signature greeting. The next, you’re actually hearing his voice on the other end of the receiver and panic settles as it’s too late to cancel the call.
“Hey baby, what’s up?” The nickname sends a crown of hearts swirling around your temples. However, he sounds rushed, like he had been in the middle of a strenuous activity.
A nervousness has stammered words falling from your lips, and you’re too incoherent for even your own mind to understand. Johnny chuckles lovingly, and the slight rustling that distorts the background has you imagining that the phone is pressed between his cheek and shoulder. “Collect your thoughts, babe. I’m ready whenever you are.”
A heavy notable sigh erupts into Johnny’s ear, but he doesn’t pull away from the device. He’s all ears, attentive and patiently waiting for you to speak, despite having company on his bed.
“I need you. Can you come over?” If only pride wasn’t so hard to swallow, the question would have flowed much smoother. As if your heart grew hands, it chokes your throat from the inside and you’re preparing yourself for the rejection.
Truthfully, he isn’t obligated to come and there have been rare nights where he declines your offer. But your hope holds onto the slipping strands and the tension of your nerves have fists forming and eyes squeeze shut.
Johnny takes a fast peek at the girl already in his sheets, mindlessly and effortlessly scrolling through her social media. There is a hint of sadness in your voice that he can’t let go and while that’s usually not entirely uncommon, he can tell it took a lot for you to call tonight. So, he finds himself pulling up his sweats and a clean shirt over his head.
“Be there before you know it.” And the clench in your throat relaxes, along with the other parts that had your nails digging moon crescents into your palm and wrinkles forming at your tight creases.
And with a sweet goodbye, he hangs up the call and politely offers to take the girl home as he makes his way over to your place. And you’re dosing yourself in puffs of fruity scents and cleaning up the runny mascara around your under eyes.
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With no words exchanged, Johnny knows every way to heal you and dawn a warmth that coats your darkest corners. All you have to do is open the door and let him in. His strength has you lifted from the ground, lips hungry to devour your softness.
A few fumble steps, he reaches your room at ease and gently lays you on your neatly made sheets. Johnny is consistent, no missed beats when it comes to loving you, and without a fail, he always takes a moment to himself to step back and admire your beauty. And your priceless shyness is also an added delight to the scene.
Each article of clothing is discarded and left at different areas of your small room, kisses lining your worst parts to you, but the best parts to him. When you can’t love parts of yourself, Johnny loves them for you and makes you whole.
“Were you in the middle of something?” It did not become aware to you of the possibility that you had interrupted something else, or someone else. And even if Johnny did choose to see you over spending time with them, you have the decent courtesy to make sure he is okay with his decision.
“Nothing important.” You’ll never be able to read him or notice any lies he tells. His smile is enough reassurance, and your question is quickly forgotten when his fingers dive into your wet flower. He uses his thumb to soothe circles around your growing bud, making your whole lower half blossom with trembling ecstasy.
His lips leave soft reminders to love your thighs, your legs, to not overlook their importance: they carry your graciousness into new ventures. Then, he pushes them wide open as he bends your left knee and your right dangles over his sturdy shoulder. The tight grip on your hip is bound to leave marks the next morning, along with the dark love bites he leaves across your canvas.
But his thoughts are focused on the meal ahead, your sugary juices coat the plush of his tongue. He remembers exactly how you like it, where melodic sounds hit the silence in gasps or groans. He suckles, he licks, he kisses your bead in a speed that has his brown locks tangled in between your fingers.
He drinks up more than your wetness, but also the pure image of your fucked out expression and the twists of your reacting body. He wants to surpass your limits, max you out until there isn’t a hint of melancholy in your tone anymore. To remember, to remind, to recall your happiness through heightened pleasure.
At the announcement of your high, he enters your spasming hole with rubber already on and groans at your walls squeezing around him, which halts him in place. However, the dragged movement of his length hits your sweet spot, your orgasm prolongs into a rapturous euphoria and you’re no longer in control of your body.
Johnny’s toned arms hold you close to him. The chemistry in your gazes has your heart pounding faster than his hips. As ruthless as each thrust is and each push moves you an inch upward on the bed, Johnny’s eyes are still kind and loving.
His fluttering kisses are delicate and nurturing. The marks resemble a healing touch that will settle you enough for the next day. For the night, he rids any angst that corrupts your mood by loving you when you think no one else will.
Together, your bodies fall into one another with a bite of elation as he finishes into the protection and your walls hug around him for the last time tonight. Even when your bodies disconnect, the feeling of fullness lingers and you wish to keep this for as long as you can. No more emptiness, not right now.
Perhaps it's the daze of your orgasm, but your hand reaches for his wrist to stop him from making his exit so soon. Selfishly, carelessly, honestly, this will be the one time you ask for him to spend the night. You can’t stand seeing him go, not at this instant. You refuse to spend one more night alone when your heart longs for him to be by your side when you fall asleep.
While the big heart of his beats speechlessly at your request, he lays down to draw you into his toned chest and pampers your forehead with honeyed pecks. Like many times before, no words need to be exchanged for him to know the remedy to your somber.
Possibly, the scene with Johnny caressing your chin and tracing your smile lines is all too perfect for your imperfect reality. And him whispering and wishing a happier narrative for you is more than what you had asked for. Nonetheless, he’s very good at it, mentally noting the fact that he’s probably done the same to other hookups or broken friends.
While you can get used to this form of aftercare, the guards you put up tell you that this is a one time thing. So, you’ll take and indulge all of Johnny’s affection and false love for the next few hours you had left of the night.
Nevertheless, even sweetness can be an overpowering flavor when consumed in tremendous amounts. And you wonder when you’d grow sick of his candied sugar or if you’d just forfeit your health to keep indulging more into your addiction. A sickly saccharine question of your own will be the pit of your downfall: do you love me?
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arietaurumini · 4 years ago
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Camera → Johnny Suh
anonymous asked: Hi can I request number #1 & #44 for Johnny from NCT please? Have a good day! 
Prompts:
1. “I get lost in your eyes, so be sure to map out your eyes.” “That’s sweet, what did you break?”
44. “Come on, I will give you a piggyback ride.”
Requested.
Word Count: 790
Warnings: None.
Genre: Fluff, Crack.
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College exams were about to start, and you were stressed because you wanted to get high grades, your parents were breathing down your neck and made you feel pressured, they told you how you should study hard because they didn’t want you to be made fun of in family gatherings. You wanted to curse your family for giving you nerd cousins, they all liked studying so much. And the fact that your boyfriend, Johnny was messing around while you were studying wasn’t helping at all. He was almost in same situation as you were, but he didn’t care if he failed, but you didn’t want that for him. You wanted him to at least pass them.
“Johnny, please, sit down and study with me, if you don’t want to then let me study in peace.” You said running a hand through your hair, he smiled innocently at you.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about baby,” He said as he kissed your cheek. You huffed and turned around and flipped through your biology book.
You ignored Johnny and he wasn’t having it, he wanted you to loosen up a little, you’ve been studying hard for the past week, and you didn’t take a break, he was worried for you and your health. But you loved to stress yourself even if he tried to help you.
“Y/N.. Do you love me?” Johnny asked casually as he plopped down on the bed, not moving your eyes away from the book you answered,
“Not now, Johnny.”
“Baby, tell me you love me!” Johnny whined childishly and you rolled your eyes.
“You know what? Get out, out!” You kicked him out of his own room and he rolled his eyes.
He could’ve just studied with you, but he liked to play hard to get, he decided that he wanted to go out. He put on his coat and grabbed his keys, but a crash sounded through the dorm.
Johnny looked at sudden noise, and gasped. He just broke Taeyong’s camera. He quickly grabbed the camera and examined it, he tried to make it work again but it was in vain. He put it back in its place and took off his coat, deciding that was enough playing around and he should study with you.
He walked back to his room, and grabbed a book sitting in front of you and flipped through the pages. His mind began to drift to what Taeyong is going to do once he sees his precious camera broken.
Johnny then broke the silence between the two of you by saying,
“I get lost in your eyes, so be sure to map out your eyes.”
“That’s sweet, what did you break?”
You answered not taking your eyes off of the book, Johnny blinked at your response.
“How.. How did you know?!” Johnny asked, panicking. “The breaking noise was kind of loud, now. What happened?” You asked.
Johnny took a deep breath and answered slowly, “I broke Taeyong’s camera.”
You dropped your pen and looked up at him your eyes wide with fear. He is going to hell for what he did, Taeyong will make sure of that, no one touches his camera and gets away with it, let alone break it.
“Please tell me you’re joking..” You whispered and he shook his head you sighed loudly, “If only you just stayed here and studied this wouldn’t have happened you idiot!” You hissed.
Johnny grabbed your hands staring at you with his puppy dog eyes, “Help me.” He whispered. You stood up grabbing your coat and said.
“You owe me so much for this, dipshit.”
***
You walked in the streets with Johnny hand in hand, with the new camera you bought for Taeyong, it was the same as his broken one. You were beginning to feel tired, and Johnny noticed how you began to walk slow and tiredly.
You haven’t slept well for the last four days, and you really craved to sleep for almost the entire week, but you know you couldn’t do that with the exams coming up.
“Come on, I will give you a piggyback ride.”
Johnny said and you smiled up at him and got on his back, wrapping your arms around his neck, and lied your head on his shoulder closing your eyes. When you arrived at the dorm, you saw Taeyong sitting with Yuta as they both watched the TV. You quickly hid the camera in your jacket as Johnny walked to his room quickly and you both replaced the new camera with the old one so Taeyong wouldn’t notice.
You both sat down again and returned to studying, but you were cut off by the loud voice of Taeyong screaming.
“Johnny Suh! You are dead!”
- Written by Luna ☾  Hope you liked it. x
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sly-merlin · 4 years ago
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killing me- 9
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pairing : law student!reader + yuta
genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au , smut
warnings of this chapter : smut, drinking ,mention of weapons
words :: 7k
summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  
or              
                    “  curiousity got the cat hitched”
taglist :: (not tagging the old ones because they have read it already bt if u want , lemme know! )  @yiyi4657​ @sorrywonwoo​ @sillywinnergladiator​​ @suhweo​​ @exfolitae​ @minejungwoo​ @leesalts​  @mal-nakamoto23​ @ro2424​
@kafenetwork​​​​ @neowritingsnet​​​​
K.M masterlist
K.M 8  next
note:: unedited! i’m a bit busy so i’ll try to edit it before sleep!
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“yuta.”
“bake up.”
Yuta groaned at the foreign force shaking him repeatedly. He moved, crashing his face further into the sheets, swatting the alien hands away from himself.
“wake up you horse!” this time yuta heard the gurgling voice a bit more clearly. Someone was trying to disturb his sleep. Staying on his stomach and titling his half body to face the uninvited guest, he made out a face that matched johnnys. His face fell flat on the mattress again until he realised what or whom he has seen! He jolted upright, squatting, to face johnny.
“what are you doing here.” He mumbled with eyes still closed, stretching his arms on the sheets.
“it’s 1p.m!why you still sleeping dude?” johnny’s exasperated voice sounded too loud to yuta’s morning self. Or afternoon!
“It’s m-” a long yawn stretched his mouth into an oval shape, that he didn’t mind covering “its my house. I’ll do whatever I want but what are you even doing here?” he completed quietly.
“why are you still sleeping. You weren’t even drunk. Get up and tell me where is y/n!”
“so you are not here for me!” yuta pouted at johnny before throwing himself on the bed again, covering himself with sheets.
“what the fuck yuta! You are not a baby and tell me where is she? Did you even drive her back?” johnny asked sternly, removing his layer of protection.
“the only thing I can assure is that I wanna sleep more. And about your big fat crush! She certainly came back with me but she was crying so I won’t be surprised if she left already.” As soon as yuta’s almost inaudible words reached johnny’s ears, he jogged outside the room, checking the lock of your room. He sighed in relief at the secured lock. You didn’t leave and he was glad.
Johnny noticed your movements when you signed those papers. He was cursing at himself for not interfering but not like it’d have made any difference! The best he could do was to make sure you were fine at the end. Regardless of the fact that your phone was switched off, he was trying it continuously since yesterday night. Countless phone calls and messages but all were futile. His anger on taeyong was just fuelling by your ignorance.
Annoyingly, he fisted his hair before going for yuta’s room again.
“is she in university right now?” he asked yuta, who was looking like a dead body with an open mouth.
“bloody hell nakamoto! Wake up!” he shouted at him, this time the sheets were tossed on the floor.
“johnny babes, just track her. Don’t shout at me. I didn’t do anything this time.”
“you seriously ate your ethics yuta. I’m not needed there so I’m staying until she’s back.” Johnny declared, making his way outside on the couches.
“not needed my ass john suh. Ate my ethics! Says the one who’s seducing his own sister-in-law.” He only muttered before drifting back into paradise.
johnny just sat there in front of the t.v, mindlessly waiting for you, unknown guilt corroding his mind and heart.
***************
Doyeon and mingi’s whispering felt like a hammer to your head. The incessant pounding was the result of some expensive alcohol and the stupid tears. If exams were not approaching in two weeks, you’d have stayed longer to sulk but their future was as important as yours and only one more week was left so you just sucked it up. Now you were eating the lunch brought by mingi while testing them for exam.
“civil laws suck.” Mingi exclaimed, hitting doyeon on the arm.
“no! your brain sucks.” Doyeon reiterated, poking his head with her pencil.
“wtf doyie! My brain is totally packed up to the brim. if you love it so much, then tell me the answer of question 6!” a smug smile made its way to mingi’s lips.
“what’s wrong with no.6 mingi?” you questioned, perplexed as there was no difficulty in the paper yet he was still looking here and there.
“umm. Non bis in idem! It’s not given anywhere. Right?” he hesitantly asked for he knew he was wrong, somewhere.
“what was the paper you wrote last time?” you tried not to unleash your anger on them, so you kept your voice as low as possible.
“double jeopardy!”
“and?”
“and?”
“what the heck mingi! Didn’t you mention the legal maxim of dj?”
“maybe not!”
“what kind of law student forgets about legal maxims duffus! Non bis in idem means double jeopardy.” You reprimanded him tiredly, not in the mood to put up much fight with him.
“sorry” he said, head hung low.
“don’t be mingi. I won’t gain anything from this. you need to study for yourself. now complete this before I give you a subjective test. Double prep is always good. Hurry up!”
A collective musical groan leaves them both, as they tend to their paper again, you drowning yourself in your own books.
*******************
Johnny and yuta were engrossed in a football match when you entered the hallway. Upon noticing you, johnny sighed in disbelief, before making his way to you.
“why is your phone switched off?” he fumed at you, hands on his waist as you poured water for yourself.
“It wasn’t charged so I left it here.” he knew he wasn’t doing his utmost in containing his irritation and your casual tone just took him off guard.
“you jus- you should have charged it dammit. I was fucking worried that something happened to you and what kind of girl travels without a phone these days!” his hand ruined his already messy hair as he ranted, the reason of which was beyond your understanding.
“it’s not that big of an issue besides I’m not clearly out of reach right!” you scoffed at him, pointing to your arm where the bracelet was hidden, under the sleeves. You didn’t mean to sound rude at his concern but his position was no better .You had every right to be querulous!
“i-you don’t understand. i just wanted a reply from you. it’s the least I deserve! Or don’t i?” his voice went down as his face lost the previous stern expression.
“I saw my phone only this morning and I was getting late so didn’t bother!” you shrugged your shoulders at him, making your way for the room.
“where are you going?” his voice rose a bit as he held onto your arm.
“in my room!” you replied, matter of factly.
“yeah! I thought you were going to greet your dear husband!” he joked, tilting his head towards the couches where yuta sat previously but he was not there anymore.
“I don’t wanna talk johnny!” you said curtly, jerking your hand away. But he was quicker as he pulled you into him, backing you into a counter.
“just leav-
“no tell me what’s the matter with you. what have I even done?” his voice was barely above a whisper, meant only to be heard by you. the rise and fall in his speech was already shaking your resolution.
“nothing! just turned a normal student into a deadly underground member. But it’s nothing big so yeah!” you replied, mock evident in your words. As you tried to leave again, his hands caught your waist as he picked you up, stationing you on the counter. He secured you against his body, restricting your movements. His hard orbs found yours as he hands tightened around your waist, making you gulp in the process. You stared back with same intensity, as if reading his next step. He lowered his front, demanding eyes never leaving yours,
“this is the first and last time I’ll be explaining myself. I don’t know a shit about why he did that. But those papers won’t be used against you. I won’t let that happen. Ever. I promise that with my life. Just have some faith in me” He whispered. Besides it being the precise validation you sought, suspicion couldn’t be helped!
“and why would you do that. Do you also have some hidden agen-
his lips felt soft as they collided with yours with urgent need to shut you up. You froze, so did he. The only movement in your control was of your hands that were tightly gripped to the counter. The silence in the air being tense, his lips stayed still and contrary to yours, his eyes were completely shut. Johnny’s light breaths fanned your upper lip as his chest heaved up and down. Neither of you made any effort to further it nor any to pull apart. Few more seconds passed and he finally detached himself, the bodies still connected. Your lashes fluttered as he palmed your left cheek, speaking in a low husky whisper.
“I promise. Just believe me and when I say taeyong won’t hurt you, I mean it. With all my heart. Can you trust me on this please?”
He was insisting yet pleading and you merely nodded, lowering your head. His delicate fingers brushed the line formed between your brows, smiling softly.
“you have nothing to worry about. with unparalleled record that we have! You ain’t getting rid of me anytime soon. Yeah?”
His breathy laugh tingled your insides and something like awe transformed his face as he felt the warmness of your cheeks under his hand.
“by any chance, are you flustered?” your face went blank at his shameless comment when he was the very reason for your current state.
“n-no!” you pushed him hard while standing straight. He staggered a bit, giggling uncontrollably at you.
“lying suits you y/n. just like your soulmate jaehyun.” You scrunched your nose at the mention.
“don’t talk about him! He’s so annoying, i’m gonna hang him upside down someday o-or turn him into a stew!”
“and feed him to yuta!” he completed. You gawked at him for a moment before joining him in his laughing session.
“there is food?” yuta entered the kitchen, dimming the commotion.
“not for you!” you snarked.
“we have food y/n?” it was johnny this time. you had almost forgot about the sandwiches that were now probably rotting in your bag. As realisation dawned, you hurriedly retrieved your bag from counter, opening the plastics from the sandwiches with a last hope to save them.
“do you know that you don’t have to be ramsey to stuff cucumber and tomatoes in a bread?” johnny shifted, taking the packages to heat them up.
“I was out of bread. So I just took the easy route.”
“lame excuse! Work better!”
“not everyone got time john!”
You strolled for your room, passing yuta in the way, totally missing the frown and cute smile on yuta and johnny respectively. Though yuta’s internals were screaming at him to open his shitty mouth, his main focus was on his empty stomach that was growling like never before.
“pass me one john!” he whisper yelled to johnny, purposely stretching the last word to satisfy himself.
“no! it’s her lunch or snack or whatever it is.” He warned, hiding the oven with his front.
“oh so you have turned a part time servant for her!” he spewed, crossing his arms against his chest.
“no dude. She’s actual-
he was about to tell yuta but he halted his train of words for he was not in the place to tell any of your secrets to anyone , especially yuta.
“she’s what? Your girlfriend?”
“I swear I’m gonna fry you someday!”
“whatever. Now give me a sandwich before she comes out. Hurry up!” yuta looked over johnny’s shoulders to count the stacked portion in the device.
“one, two-
“three. They are just three yuta! Fuck off.” Johnny knew throwing abuses wouldn’t work but hitting him with his shoulder wasn’t either! He glanced at yuta and he seriously looked miserable. Hungry miserable!
“come on-
“are you done john?” your voice echoed from the hall as you approached wearing your famous tank top and cotton shorts. Yuta cursed under his breath, opening the fridge to get himself something.
“here” johnny handed you the plate. He hit yuta’s arm to grab his attention who was practically trying to sit in the fridge.
“renjun and jaemin are cooking their special ramyeon. We’ll eat there, come on!”
“huh!” he excitedly passed johnny to pick his things up.
With yuta out of sight, his focus shifted again on you. “don’t you get sick after eating takeouts?”
“yup I do! My gut is not the healthiest one in the world. But I’ve fewer options and I do check their health certificates so no need to worry.” Your humorous reply didn’t get more than a shit face from him. He leaned again causing you to take a step backwards.
“your hair!” He pointed and you rolled your eyes like you’d see what was happening up there.
“what my hair?”
“umm. Nothing kiddo!” he said before ruffling your hair.
“aah. I’m not a kid johnny!” you shouted at him though he was just standing by your shoulder.
“oh yes you are!” he pouted dramatically and ran but not forgetting to throw a flying kiss your way. “charge your phone, I’ll call again.”
“eww!” you snapped your head to catch yuta standing behind, making faces at johnny who was standing at the front of hallway.
“oh come on you shit.”
At johnny’s comment , yuta just followed and you totally missed the way he scoffed at both of you.
****************
You were truly jumbled by johnny’s actions, innocent yet calculated. You had maintained your calm but he was aware that you were not blind towards his growing attraction. why didn’t you push him away! What was he aiming at? Questions, questions! From the very first day, all you have are questions with no concrete answers.
But Johnny was not the sole occupier of your worries, taeyong held a significant part of it. If what johnny said was true, if his intentions were not so malafide then he’d easily have skipped it. Despite johnny’s assurance, you couldn’t afford trusting him anymore. Not like you could protect yourself from losing anything but your walls would always be enclosed for him.
Your wandering mind was pulled back into reality by a message from your classmate. The date of thesis topic submission was moved to an earlier one, a week earlier to be specific. In reality, you were all starting it a few months earlier just so the pressure could be minimised but it instead felt like a strategy for your doom. You all were supposed to submit the topic and a little introduction even before the qualification exam! And obviously you were behind the so called ahead-of-time schedule. You could have wrote a ph.d worthy book on mafia and their ploys but sadly criminal law was not the option available for it. So that’s how you ended up in the small balcony, sitting on the cold floor, enjoying the evening cool breeze. Search results on both naver and google had varied from “50 best topics of dissertation in international law” to “how to know what is my area of interest?” but every try had gone to a blank page.
************
By late evening, you got bored of sitting in the balcony and room, so you decided to study with a change of setting and the only place available apart from your room was the hall. After computing various possibilities, you dragged the single seater towards the hall windows and angling the book on the window still, a much comfy makeshift study space was ready. With the newfound determination to complete the task at hand, your eyes browsed every means of information to stumble upon anything you missed earlier, ignoring the blue skies switching to the darker ones.
***********
Yuta noticed the way he was experiencing more fatigue as the days passed by. He never trained this much until he was suspended. He looked forward for it to end so he could feel the same thrill again but two weeks wouldn’t just pass in a blink! He claimed the basement as his new home trying to ignore the activities transpiring upstairs. The desire to stay with his dear roommate jungwoo was irrepressible but his ego didn’t allow him to give in so easily. He wanted to show his anger to taeyong and that was the only reason he found himself coming back to the new home more often.
He languidly passed the kitchen to use the washroom. Only when he was about to enter his room, he noticed the lightening in the kitchen and living room. He groaned at the thought of your imprudent habit of multiplying the electricity bill which eventually he had to pay! Or maybe you were just trying to instigate him! When he was about to put out the lights, he spotted the sofa and a pair of legs perched on the widow still. He took light steps to reach your sleeping figure and suddenly he felt his annoyance melting into astonishment. Your face was covered with the open, visibly heavy hardcover book whilst your half body was on the seat and half in the air with feet placed on the window still for balance that was clearly very very comfortable place for napping at midnight. unconsciously, his hand extended for the book and as he picked it up, you stirred. Panic took over him as he lost the hold leading the book to fell on your face instead. He ducked, cupping his mouth with both hands to stifle the laugh that was about to escape. Luckily you were dead to the world. Hearing no movement, he crawled for the room , getting up only when he was at a safe distance. Without wasting another moment, he did what he was there for in the first place and went to sleep, with a thumping heart that was probably due to the initial dread he felt or that’s what he thought!
**********
The bus stop being far away, you began the long trudge for neos’ house. Taeil had requested your presence two days ago , but being too busy with studying on the first few days of the week ,it was delayed. You’d have never accepted the offer if it was taeyong but taeil suggested you to take your time even though what he wanted to ask or said was important. His readiness to prioritise your convenience warmed you and it were the emotions of the moment that you agreed to him. And now the heat was burning your exposed legs and you were cursing his sweet tongue.
You knocked on the opened door to announce your arrival despite the fact that the main door had automatically detected you to lead you in. you stood there like a statue, moving your neck like an owl, waiting for an invitation but nothing. you banged it again only to hear someone’s cursing from inside.
“who the fuck knocks when it’s op-
A screeched scream met your ears as a man came into your sight. He abruptly started bowing, apologising profusely.
“I’m so sorry noona. I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry. This won’t happen again. I-
“hey, it’s totally fine. I didn’t even hear you in the first place.” You lied, saving him the mortification.
“can I come in?”
“this is your own place. You don’t need to ask or knock noona!” you entered as he gestured you to sit.
“can you call tae-
But before you could say it, he ran inside. You didn’t know or remembered his name but his face looked familiar. Maybe he was sicheng or hyuck or someone else cause you were sure you had met hyuck before!
“I was making coffee for taeil hyung. But he’s late so it’s yours now!” he exclaimed with his eye smile. it was cute and friendly.
“what was your name again?” you asked smiling back at him, noticing the little red on his neck.
“jeno.” He immediately settled on a seat, his focus fixed on you. “I’m making snacks. Do you wanna join?”
You chuckled at his innocent suggestion, “If you meant joining for eating, then I’m all in but if you want my help in actual process, then you’d die hungry today!”
“I’m aware of that but you are never late to learn anything right!”
“wow. Your enthusiasm is admirable but I don’t wanna burn your kitchen.” Your eyes were blessed with another series of his eye smile. it was contagious.
“you are here!” you saw taeil sprinting towards you.
“I’m sorry. I got caught up in the office.” His words came out breathy as he was still panting from the jog.
“no worries but I don’t have much time. I have to study for exams.”
“yes, studying is important.” He nodded before requesting jeno to get him the coffee and water, to which the boy grumpily complied.
“why the fuck is air con off! I’m gonna roast!” He whined and got up again to close the front door.
“now. I’ve two things to tell you or rather order you. you wanna eat first orr-
“no I’m fine really. Just tell me what taeyong ordered this time!” you had no doubt that it was taeyong’s doing.
“forget about that shit. Here, veto power is mine. JENO, STOP MELTING THE ICE AND GIVE ME SOME WATER!” he screamed at jeno who came out hurriedly with both water and coffee.
Jeno took a seat beside taeil but his one glare made him go back. Sighing in relief after quenching his thirst, he continued in a polite voice. “yuta told me about the card. Why didn’t you take it?”
“because I don’t want his money. I’m good with what I have. Besides every transaction related to him would lead me in trouble so why take the risk!” you sounded harsher than you intended but it wasn’t in your control anymore. Mention yuta and you’ll obviously bite!
“the account is already open. Yuta’s gonna transfer same amount of money every month so why don’t spend his money or better, give him a heart attack by paying everything with the card. He’s gonna pay and I promise, he has no say in this so he won’t even scold you!” he sounded quite cheerful which clearly indicated that none of them understood your language.
“no thanks taeil. staying away from his shadow is much safer.”
“shadow runs with the man y/n.”
“the man himself avoids me like a plague so it’s a win win here.”
“what you see is present. Nobody can ever escape a tomorrow! You are evading it today, but one day you’ll eventually face it.”
“I don’t speak quotes!”
“simple! You both collide only to cause harm to each other. For how long do you think this can work. You’ll get tired and I suppose he’d too. when you’ll stop to rest, you’d find him there but at that time you won’t have enough energy to fight off anymore. Placebo is deadly y/n!”
You absorbed his vague statement full of philosophy but your mind couldn’t harmonise with what he meant!
“honestly, I stopped hearing the moment you mentioned yuta so can we continue!”
“yeah sure. Take the card, keep it for emergencies and I’m not taking no anymore. You aren’t hearing me so I’m doing the same. and secondly, can you defend yourself?”
“defend from who exactly?”
“drunken bastards, thieves, goons or whoever comes at you with a knife!” you were puzzled at the sudden mention.
“my personality repels violence and I’ve two strong best friends.” You declared the obvious. The only drunkards you met were outside the clubs and you never went alone so the thought never crossed your mind.
“first is a lie and second is insignificant here. I need you to learn some basics so you won’t need anyone else or just to hold until help comes.”
“what the! Are you actually recruiting me or something? I don’t wanna be a party in your gang wars.” you announced, now clearly understanding what he meant in the first place.
“I’m not telling you to fight with us. You don’t have an ounce of brain do you? it’s for your own safety.”
“safety from what? I live in a rich and peaceful neighbourhood, my dear husband is a corporate of first class, I myself never even go for a simple stroll in a park then who would I even fight?”
“here ,we all are used to the danger that we face everyday. Each and every man you see here is able to dodge anything that comes their way but you.are.not. Just because they are acting like school kids with no care in life doesn’t mean they are any safer. Jeno was making coffee a few minutes ago but after dinner, he’d be going for protection fee collection with others. If shit goes down, you might not even see him again but we won’t let that happen in the first place. It’s not same with you though. god forbid if you attract the attention of wrong people for all the reasons you stated, then how are we going to help you. even if you press the bracelet , it’d take us some time to get there. till then what would you do? You can’t even probably run for more than a mile! can you?”
You just shook your head at him, too baffled to form any words.
“do you devote any time to exercise?”
“I walk enough I guess and some planks when my stomach is out too much.”
“you are no better than these boys seriously.” She rolled his eyes at your statement.
“but despite the exercise or whatever, my strength is nothing against jeno or johhny. I’ll never b-
“if you fail in strength , atleast you can be swift. Or better you can learn to handle a gun or a knife. When do you get free?”
So, that’s why he called you!
“I don’t have a minute to spare for the next 15 days. Prep and exams are more important for me.”
“no worries. We can start after that. But don’t remove the bracelet band under any condition. Some rival mafia has hired a contract killer for you. so run fast if you notice someone following you, press it and we’ll be there. till then just hang on.” Nervousness got hold of your senses as you heard his warning.
“you are fucking kidding right! was I being followe-
“yes, I’m kidding.” he chuckled dryly. “You should see your face. If it was outside the parameters of the room, you’d have passed out already. Panic only leads to death and I don’t want you to die. so do it just for my peace of mind.” You released the breath you were holding till now, feeling relaxed again.
You just nodded at his words. He sounded like some motivational speaker luring you into his lifetime guarantee program but you knew he was right somewhere. you couldn’t depend on the boys to save you from creeps for whole life.
he was good at reading minds, you thought but despite that you wanted to pour the coffee on his head for the heart attack he’d gave you a minute ago.
“it’s risk free and beneficial. What you say?”
“ok. but I don’t wanna spar with the 6 feet ones. I’ll rather learn from you.” it was your turn to cackle!
“we’ll see about that.” He rolled his eyes to the back at your obvious attempt of poking fun at his short stature
JENO, I DIDN’T ASK FOR A COLD COFFEE. MAKE ME A NEW ONE.”
********
Meeting with taeil had benefitted you in every way. The most useful presently was the topic of the thesis he randomly suggested you. “ effect and consequences of veto power in relation to international peace and human rights”.  even mr. kwang, your thesis mentor liked it as it was almost near original. Now you were just left with exams that were just a week away. Fortune was playing in your favour as yuta had been missing from past few days that saved you some extra energy and headaches that you got with his repulsive energy towards you. then there was your newfound love for the sofa that you had permanently dragged by the windows. It helped a lot in relaxing and studying and you ended up sleeping on it, nearly getting used to the cramped neck.
Unbeknownst to you, he did come back, daily. But you were just so occupied that you never noticed the slight shuffling in the midnight. it went on for days until you woke up with a blanket covering your bare legs, evidently not yours!
****************
How to start the finals? By getting wasted? No. certainly not. But birthdays are important, sometimes more than those stupid grades!
The venue for yeong’s b’day celebration was a night club, as expected from yugyeom! He need no reason to get drunk and when his s/o was herself cutting the chains, then it’s the finest deal one could get!
Loaded with university students, the party at the first floor was thundering. The hoots and roars of slightly drunk adults became deafening as soon as the cake was consumed.
“why your classmates are so fucking loud” you screamed in yeong’s ear. You both were seated at the corner on leather seats, drinking away the reality.
“with your dolphin voice, you are in no place to judge them bitch!”
“lets blame this on your drunkard mumbo jumbo!” she jumped in joy at your lame attempt, alcohol speaking out for you.
“btw where’s your boyfriend?” she questioned leaning into your ear.
“who?” you wondered who she was referring to.
“wonwoo! Who else dumbo. His whole army was invited by gyeom but I haven’t seen him yet!”
You just shrugged in response, not wanting to face him. The farther, the better. His possessiveness only elevated your fears. Now that you were bound on taeyong’s mercy, wonwoo would be calling for a danger by being with you, especially when you were incapable of returning his love.
But fate had some cruel plans stored for you. when you were ordering another drink, strong hands gripped your waist. Though beyond tipsy, the moment you touched the protective hold, you knew it was wonwoo. It was always him afterall.
“you could burn me while wearing white and I’d say thank you baby” He whispered, nibbling on your ear, shivers running down to your bare thighs at the sudden action. everyone knew how much you loved white and that’s why yeong had designed this short white satin dress which just screamed “you” and barely left anything to the imagination of the viewer. “and nothing turns me on more than your covered arms.” He continued as his fingers slowly traced the collarbones down to the cleavage, your drunken self melting into his chest. His hands worked swiftly and he guided you into a secluded part to drown the excessive noise. Your back hit a wall as his nose brushed against yours, his slender fingers siding your sling bag to hook at your hips. He bent into your lips, love filled kisses slowly smoothening into hungry ones. The taste he left on yours was of the infamous vodka that he sure had consumed in plenty of amount ,leading him to you. the pledge to keep yourself away from him broke down in figures as he rolled his hips into yours, lips syncing with the movements. His grip bruised your body, hunger lowering from lips to the bare neck. Throwing your head back, savouring his touch, you clutched his shoulders for some control. Scheduled moans became more filthy as his one hand gripped your thigh in a try to hike up your dress. He didn’t do much work as it was already climbing up your hips. A Single move and his fingers graced against your core, tingling sensation burning your whole body. The open mouthed kisses left marks on your cleavage and neck as he fingers fucked you mercilessly.
“I missed you so much baby.”  His wavering yet soft tone met your ears but everything seemed hazy as he drove in and out of you. you felt euphoria in your stomach hitting you once again as he rambled on. “ don’t ever leave me again. you are my only lu-luxury. Don’t you ever dare snatch away the only hope I have! I love you. i fucking love you!” his sped up his actions under the dress but before he could provide you the final pleasure, you came back to the reality he  had divorced you from. you didn’t love him and never would. To his disbelief, you separated yourself from his body, him staggering back with the push.
“wha-
“I don’t love you woo. This-
Your hands filled the space between you two.
“this was never about love. We need to stop. I don’t love you woo. And don’t expect anything better from me. We are over. This is over.”
Your drunken slurs made evident that though you were loaded, the senses were still intact somehow.
“no y/n. don’t do this to me. I’ll wait more if you want. A lifetime if you say. But don’t say you are done with us. I’d die without you.” his words rang like a bell as you attempted to corrected the panties and dress, waving slightly.
You jumped away from him as his words got registered in your head. Ignoring him completely, you turned to enter the blast again but his strong hold on your arm stopped you. you squirmed under him, requesting him to let you go but his confession never halted.
“let go of her wonwoo!” you circled to see jungkook standing there , anger clear in his eyes. “I am not gonna repeat.” Jungkook was indeed dangerous when he was boiling.
“why was he enough and NOT ME!” you shuddered at the raise in his voice as he jerked you away. Timely, jungkook caught you and instructed you to go inside to wait for him. And you complied but not completely.
you were hot, bothered, angry and helpless at the same time so you did what you felt like. It felt like eternity when jungkook found you gulping some shorts in the bar. His brain went haywire for he realised you would’ve reached your peak by now. He cautiously approached you, checking the level of warmness on your cheeks. You were gone and so was he.
“what did you do with woo?” you asked him in the delightfully lovable voice that he found nothing but scary. You acting cute meant it was end of the life for anyone who would witness it. He had tried to record you a few times before in the said condition but it never ended up well with the screen of his phone meeting your wrath everytime. He helplessly dragged you from the bar towards the parking area, ignoring your initial question and the urge to scold you for the whole ruckus with wonwoo.
“I’ll drop you home cutie” he exclaimed, checking the level.
“I’m no cutie! And what about minjunie. And I don’t wanna go with you. I wanna be alone.” He giggled as you pouted at him, a rare sight to behold.
“yeah yeah I know you wanna be alone and blah blah but its past 11 already -
“soooooo. The protocol shall be followed despite the severi-
“shut up! You are not in a class dude. N hurry up, I’ve to pick minjun’s drunk ass as well!”
The discontent in his tone was apparent while he showed you the way forward. continuously wrestling against his strong hands, he finally gave up when you almost tripped over nothing.  
“stop annoying me y/n!”
“am i?” you pouted at him. “I don’t wanna go with you. don’t you understand!” he rubbed his temples in desperation.
“fine I’ll call someone else. But you can’t go alone.” But as he was fishing out his phone, you were gone.
After five minutes he spotted you outside, waving for a taxi.
“why are you so difficult?” his words fell to deaf ears. Watching you continue your frolics, he thought about giving up as a scheme formed in his head. Stopping a taxi , he ushered you in the back seat, moving to talk to the driver instead.
“no you aren’t coming!” you cried, showing your head out of the window. He grabbed his hair in annoyance, narrowing his eyes at you, “I’m not coming with you my mother! Let me give the address to the driver or else you’ll end up nowhere.” He pleaded, clasping his hands, bowing at you.
You giggled pleasantly at his gesture, hands flailing at him. “I don’t live in campus. I’ll give you the address. Wait!” after searching for your phone, you showed him the address saved in the notes app. That indeed surprised him for he wasn’t aware that you changed but decided against asking you. if it was not your new address, it could be trusted enough to be safer as it was saved under “my home”. Commanding the driver with an extreme firmness, he went away. Even in the drunk state, you were sure to some extent that maybe car was not moving.
“let’s go uncle!”
“your friend told me to wait.” you threw your head back realising that kook was upto something. A loud horn heightened your senses as the car moved.
Asshole, you muttered, grasping that he was clearly following you.
***************
“bop bop!” an eternity has passed for you in a futile try of remembering the password. The digits were changing their positions, as you regarded them.
“bop bop!” you tried again, mumbling to yourself, not knowing that you were not even banging the door in the first place. Standing still in your intoxicated state, arms crossed, the daggers you were throwing at the door would give any passer by a food to laugh but unluckily, there was noone there.
Bobbing your head from side to side, you started walking down the corridor, coming back at the your own door every few minutes. Curiously you pressed random button near the keypad. It was a bell, that you didn’t noticed earlier.
“wh- noona! You are here!” it was jaemin. He hugged you tightly before letting you in.
“duh! I’m waiting from last ten years but you won’t open.” Another giggle let jaemin known that you were in inebriated state.
“you are drunk.” He whispered.
“shhhh” you said , throwing your heels.
With jelly legs, you wobbled to the kitchen, catching attention of each and every presence in the living room and there were many of them.
“oh hiya! Home tweet home.” You chanted, hands waving like the wipers of a car. Hyuck and mark greeted you while jaehyun just sat down again, shaking his head in disbelief. However yuta was stunned and hooked to his place. He saw you navigating to the fridge, dropping the bottle, picking it up again, gulping it down, jaemin snatching it from you, apparently for you own benefit.
Jaemin guided you for your room before you got distracted by yuta’s figure staring you down.
“moshi moshi. Don’t you have any Japanese to throw at me today.” Yuta heard jaemin and others snickering as you slurred, walking unsteadily to him. He simply rolled his eyes, waiting for you to complete your attack.
“oh hi hyuck. I heard you don’t change your underwear for years. Go and take a bath right now. Asap” the liquid jaehyun was drinking, came out as a spray from his nose at the insult. Everyone was laughing at your antics except yuta. He scanned you up and down, eyes fixating on the fresh hickies on your visible neck.
“and you moshi moshi. You a-act like an angry young man all the damn ti-time,” hiccups started in between, “ but answer me with your half braincell- what kind of criminal you are! Atleast hid your face while shooting people dude.”
Yuta’s jaw cletched at your use of words, tension rising in the room. His neutral face changed into an angry one as you went on and on, all while poking his chest with your forefinger. “and that knife of yours! What are you? a street goon who hires little kids to scan cctvs for the-
And your body lunged forward, head resting where your finger was, passed out. Yuta’s red eyes didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. Anger radiated his body as he removed hands from his pockets to push you off but mark scooped your sleeping figure in his arms, signalling jaemin to open the door. After finding the key in your purse, mark laid you on the bed, rolling you to the side as jaemin placed a pillow behind to save you from falling.
They arrived in the hall only to find yuta already waiting for them.
“what was the need to baby her? She’s an adult and got drunk at her own expense. Didn’-
“so what hyung? Why are you making it a big deal!” mark replied.
“she is the one who makes everything a big deal. Didn’t you just hear how she was just trash talking about you all! She never fucking leaves a chance to spit at my face that I am a criminal –
“that’s what we are! We are damn criminals and she doesn’t know anything about us”
“but she says it like we are not even humans-
“I don’t understand why are you always throwing her under the bus hyung! Drunk people speak shit and she was totally hammered. Just let it go! Your punishment is over after two days, don’t spoil your mood over something so silly.”
“you can’t ord-
“yes I can and will order you because I agree with her. You do own just a half braincell that is not letting you think properly. Now don’t you dare mention all this to her in the morning.” Several pairs of eyes wandered between yuta and mark as the air became more pressured.
“so you do admit she is in wrong here hmm”
“she was just acting with her pure conscious. She saw a man dying and went to police. Tae hyung just made sure that she isn’t leaving anytime soon. She is trapped with criminals. What else do you expect from her? I know exactly what you want.” Suddenly mark’s eyes softened as he went on.  “You are craving empathy hyung. This is what I have seen in your eyes from the first day. You want everyone to realise that you are also wounded. You don’t despise her in actual but just the sympathy that wasn’t given to you in the first place. Stop acting like a stone. While blaming her you shouldn’t be forgetting that it was supposed to be me. You filled my spot as the killer. It started with me-
“no ma-
“it all started coz I was dammit feeling too sleepy to finish that contract killer. It was supposed to be a sniper attack but you had to go instead-
“I forgot my cover mark. How are you the cause when the problem was my own stupidity in the first place!” yuta shouted, tense silence following. Mark smiled a bit at him before continuing.
“then why do you hate her so much. shouldn’t you be hating me for sending you there or yourself for being careless. We should be compromising, not her. Just stop fighting with running water.”
He quietly said before picking up his jacket, going out. Everyone took that as a cue for leaving as well. Nobody uttered anything. The house was empty but mark’s words echoed in the space for entirety of the night, squeezing yuta into the reality he wasn’t ready to face.
*************
Your head felt like it was carrying all the weight of the world. Light harmed your vision, footsteps made you dizzy as you treaded for the door. Kitchen was suddenly too far away, everything looking too large for the squinted eyes. Water and sugar! two things circled in your head like a mantra, only until you felt a sharp pain in your waist. You slightly cursed the counter for bumping into you and stepped further to get water. the water soothed only your throat, stomach still craved sugar so you placed the large bottle on the counter, returning to open the fridge.
Some shuffling around the corner woke up yuta, who was resting on the couch. It hasn’t been more than few hours that he finally let himself immersed into the dreamland. His night and half of the day was spent in unearthing the deep hole that mark had thrown him into. He got annoyed at himself for failing in reaching a conclusion that would led to mark being wrong and it was the result of this constant thought provoking activity that he was having a persistent headache. He grumbled at the stiff neck as he got up. 13:03. Another sound came from somewhere, stimulating his body to check. With droopy eyes, he noticed you. actually half of you as the other half was searching for gold in the fridge. The hiked up dress was enough to give a free show of your bare legs without any strain. The thought of you eating his food wiped up all the drowsiness, making him go to kitchen.
“its not your bedroom. Close it.” He criticised, yawns escaping simultaneously. You didn’t move for his voice didn’t reach you in the first place. He tsked at your lack of senses as he neared you. but as soon as your figure got larger, his body met the floor brutally, several groans of pain leaving him. You turned around at the noise to see yuta struggling as his knee hit the polished hardwood. His other hand went to the counter for some support but it slipped causing his elbow to hit the cabinet handle more violently. His shout of anguish striked through your sensitive ears, making you swear in irritation.
Your eyes slowly traced the liquid under his body to the top of the counter. the water bottle. It was tilted and empty by the time you noticed and the water was what made yuta slipped in first place.
“fuck it!” he growled, discomfort contorting his features.
Slowly he moved himself to the other side, bruised elbow secured in his hand, grunts exiting him. You knew you were fucked up as soon as his cold eyes fell upon you.
“I guess it’s my time to call taeyong.”
136 notes · View notes
biletdoux · 4 years ago
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x marks the spot | x.dj
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Member | xiaojun (nct) + gender neutral!reader Rating | g Genre + Tropes | childhood friends to lovers!au, idol!xiaojun, romance (fluff) Warning(s) | none, unless you consider badly written fluff something to be wary of lol Length | 5.1k+ Prompts | “Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you.” - Mariah Carey (All I Want for Christmas is You) + “I should be playin’ in the winter snow, I’ma be here under the mistletoe.” - Justin Bieber (Mistletoe) Playlist | All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey // Mistletoe - Justin Bieber  // My Everything - NCT U
Summary | You were five years old when you met your best friend.
(Or; the cycle of waiting and wanting between you and Xiaojun throughout the years.)
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Note: For the Walking in a Winter Wonderland Collab hosted by @suh-insane​ and @neocitybynight​! Merry Christmas and have a happy holiday season, everyone <333 let me know what you think!
yo,,, fluff is so hard to write, so mad respect to all the fluff writers out there. 
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“Hey—”
You were five years old and had a knack for stating the obvious.
“You’re not Chengxiao!” Your voice was loud and annoying, the shrill ring of it reverberated throughout the open roof. Your index finger, straight and stern, was aimed right at his face in accusation, as if it was a sin to not adhere to your expectations. “Chengxiao was supposed to be here, not you!”
The boy who was indeed not Chengxiao, as you so clearly pointed out, sniffled even louder as he clutched at his toy buccaneer sword. All around you, drying linens and laundry swayed gently in the summer breeze to the sound of his soft sniveling, before he broke out into an all out sob.
You were five years old and also insensitive in the way that five year olds were. 
“Uhm,” you faltered, your pointer finger recoiled back just ever so slightly as his cries continued. 
This was not supposed to happen. You were supposed to be playing hide-and-seek with your building friends and maybe grab a popsicle down the street later once you all tired out. You lost the rock-paper-scissors between everyone and had to be the first seeker. You counted all the way to 100 without even peeking once, even though you were tempted many times when you heard the occasional giggle and scattered footsteps.
Chunyang was always the easiest to find between the three of you. He was also five like you and he always hid on the sixth floor of your shared building, usually behind the large potted plants near the stairway. You actually found him behind the leaky plumbing pipes at the end of the hall, but he was still on the sixth floor nonetheless. 
Chengxiao was different. She was seven years old, two whole years older than you and Chunyang, and she was also much smarter than the two of you. It was always difficult to find Chengxiao because she was more tricky and clever than your one-track minded five year old brain. 
When you found Chunyang, the two of you agreed to split up and search for Chengxiao separately, the first one to find her gets the ultimate bragging rights for the rest of their life. When you shook on the deal, Chunyang immediately took off for the stairs, clumsily bounding down the steps with as much grace as a five year old could muster, which left you with only one option remaining; climbing the flight of stairs to the roof. 
The roof was large and vast, filled with a sea of linen and mismatched laundry drying in the wind. The sun was at its peak in the sky as you started your searching, scouring near and wide for Chengxiao. When you nearly lost hope, you noticed a pair of white sneakers belonging to a person hidden behind a billowing bed sheet. You rushed toward it with all your might, already tasting how a sweet a lifetime of bragging to Chunyang would taste on your lips, but as soon as you yanked back the cloth, your mouth immediately turned sour at the sight of a boy with brown hair and teary eyes. 
Your tone was harsher than you intended, so here you were stuck with a blubbering boy and your lifetime bragging rights out the window. 
“Hey,” you tried again. You were five years old and not very good at comforting people. “My mom says children who cry won’t get any candy until they stop.” 
Unsurprisingly, his cries did not cease and you were scandalized by it. The possibility of no candy left you in shock and awe, so why wasn’t he feeling the same as you?
“Who, hic, cares about candy, hic,” he started, every few words out of his mouth was staccatoed by an uncontrollable hiccup.  “If I can’t see, hic, my friends!” 
“Huh?” you tilted your head to the side. “Why can’t you see your friends anymore?” 
It took a few seconds of blubbered hiccups before the boy answered, “cause we moved far away from them!”
You absorbed his words in quiet consideration. How would candy taste if you had to move away from Chengxiao and Chunyang? Not very good, but… 
“Why don’t you make new friends?” 
“I don’t want new friends! I want, hic, to go back to my old home!” Indignant, he lashed back. “I want to go back, hic, and play pirates with my old friends.” 
“I’ll play pirates with you,” you offered. You didn’t think much about the rest of the words that escaped your mouth either. “I’ll be your friend. I want to be your friend.”
The boy was significantly calmer after shouting out his frustrations. He wiped at his tears and for the first time you had a good look at his brown eyes. You didn’t know it at the time, but the boy, like you, was also five years old, and five year olds calmed down as easily as they lost their temper.
“Do you mean that?” he asked, tone soft and quiet. “Would you really, hic, be my friend?” 
Your smile was brighter than the summer sun that day. “Yeah, of course!”
“Okay,” he agreed.
“Yeah, and I can also show you my friends right now too. We’re playing hide-and-seek.” You grabbed his free hand, the one not holding the toy sword, as you tugged him to get off the roof. He followed obediently without a word. 
“What’s your name, by the way?” You asked over your shoulders, your voice ringing through the roof.
“My name is Xiao Dejun.”
You were five years old when you met your best friend. 
--
The air was crisp with the sharp, but refreshing sting of sea salt as the waves crashed onto the side of your ship. You climbed out onto the main deck to check on the progress of the voyage. The waters were steady and your trusty sea vessel rocked to the rhythm of the ocean. There were no clouds in the sky this far out into the sea and the sunlight blinded your eyes, but you didn’t need to see it to know that the treasure was straight ahead. You took another deep breath to savor the thought of future riches before you turned around to go look for your first mate. 
You traveled the expanse of the main deck before reaching the weathered ratlines. The rope felt coarse to the touch as you climbed all the way up to the crow’s nest. Once you made it, there he was, standing and staring out to the wide ocean, probably lost in thought about gold and jewels. 
“First mate Xiaojun.” you called. 
He turned his head and smiled. “Hey, I was waiting for you.”
You fully climb into the crow’s nest and settle beside him. “We’re about to find the secret buried treasure.” 
“Yes, captain,” he nodded his head in agreement.
“What do you want to do with you half?”
“Hm…” Xiaojun was contemplative. “I’ll need to buy another sword. Mine is getting rusty. What about you?”
“I would like to—”
“Class! Recess is over.” Your teacher, Mrs. Huang, interrupted you before you could finish. “It’s time to head back now.” 
And suddenly your trusty sea vessel was no longer a ship, but actually a small corner of the large school playground. The tethered and hardened ratlines melted away to reveal the metal ladders of the play area and the crow’s nest was the slide tower. The sun, however, remained as bright as ever.
Your first mate looked at you and a mischievous glint crossed his eyes. “I’ll race you to the classroom!” He hollered as he threw himself down the slide and took off running as soon as his feet hit the ground. You were not far behind him as you shrieked for him to slow down. 
You were eight years old and you kept your promise to him about playing pirates. 
The two of you became the best of friends shortly after your encounter on the roof. You grew close to him exceptionally fast when you learned he and his family had moved to the same floor as you and your family. Chengxiao and Chunyang liked him well enough and your tight trio grew to accept a fourth corner. 
When school rolled around, you were delighted to find out he was also enrolled in the same school as you and even was in the same class. Since then, the two of you had been inseparable. 
He beat you to the classroom by a few steps and his smile was dazzling as he gloated to your face. You sneered back at him as you watched his fringe stick to his forehead from sweat. 
“I only lost cause you cheated.” 
“Yeah, yeah whatever.” 
You both sat down in your assigned classroom seating, with him exactly one seat behind you. Mrs. Huang announced it was independent study time, so everyone quietly pulled out their books.
When you pulled out yours, you realized you had broken your pencil and had nothing to write with. You pushed your chair back and leaned over on his desk. 
“Hey Xiaojun, can I borrow a pencil?”
He was still Dejun then, but he was always Xiaojun to you.
He looked annoyed, but went to rummage for his pencil pouch in his backpack anyway. “Don’t call me that unless we’re playing. How many times have I told you to call me Dejun? That’s my name so use it.” 
“But I don’t want to,” you huffed.
“And why is that?” Xiaojun found a suitable pencil and handed it over to you. 
“Because,” you took the writing utensil from his outstretched hand. “You’ll always be my first mate Xiaojun no matter what.” 
You returned back to your desk before you could notice the blush that colored his cheeks and you didn’t turn back to him again for the remainder of the independent study time. You didn’t realize it at the time, but Xiaojun never bothered to correct his name ever since. 
You were eight years old when you became someone special to Xiaojun. 
--
You felt hot and sticky.
Summers in Guangdong were hot and humid in ways that left you gasping for air as if you had been trudging through a thick wall of sludge. The heat was heavy and thick, reminiscent of an unpleasant weighted blanket that wrapped around you at all the wrong times and places. During the summer, the Guangdong sun was angry, and you felt as though its wrath was personal from how intensely the rays would beat down on your back as you hopped from one stall to another. Nonetheless, you were not deterred because you came here on a mission.
You were thirteen years old and wanted to do whatever it took to find your best friend the perfect birthday present. 
You prepared for August 9th tirelessly with impressive care and consideration. You had been casually asking questions and fishing for hints months before the fated date to figure out the most perfect and surefire gift for Xiaojun. When you realized he wanted a new controller for his PlayStation because the ‘X’ on his current one wasn’t working half the times, you knew you had to get him a new one. And so, you started to plan.
Step one was complete. You figured out what Xiaojun wanted, but now step two was in the way. How were you going to get it for him? You were thirteen years old and you had no money. You couldn’t ask your parents for money because then that would mean your parents actually got Xiaojun the present and not you, even though it was your idea. After thinking long and hard, you decided to carefully siphon a small portion of your lunch money each day until you had enough to purchase the controller. Even though the lunch money was from your parents, the money was given to you, so now it’s your money and not your parents’ anymore and you had to work hard to save it, so using this money to buy Xiaojun the gift will be really meaningful.
You were thirteen years old and your logic was a bit off, but your heart was in the right place. 
After months of saving, you finally had enough and couldn’t be happier. You had everything set and just needed to find the time to go out to the electronics store. You were so giddy that you nearly let the big surprise slip one day when you were over at his house. 
It was two days before his birthday and Xiaojun was just at your house yesterday, which meant that today, the two of you would go back to his. Xiaojun’s mother was already used to this and prepared pre-cut slices of fruit for the two of you before the front door even opened. The two of you bowed in thanks before greedily grabbing the plate of fruit before barreling to his room with a large slam of his bedroom door. 
You were laying on his bed munching on an apple slice in your hands and Xiaojun was at his desk on his rolling computer chair with an orange slice in his. Outside of his window, the hustle and bustle of a Guangdong afternoon can be heard, but the noise was far away for you and Xiaojun were in your own quiet little bubble. 
When he finished his orange slice, Xiaojun suddenly perked up. “Hey, you want to see something?” 
“Yeah, sure.” 
He stood up and walked over to his closet to grab a box. Inside, he pulled out two new PlayStation controllers, still in the factory wrapping and all, and your heart dropped. 
“My parents got this for my birthday. They gave it to me early cause I did really well on my exams and they knew my current controller sucks,” he explained. “Want to play that new game? It’ll be so nice to finally have a working ‘X’ button.” 
You felt nauseated and suddenly had to go. You were thirteen years old and you were a little dramatic. 
You never gave Xiaojun a proper explanation for leaving so suddenly that day, but you had bigger problems to deal with. What were you going to do now? Step one was now out the window, but at least you still had the money you saved up, so maybe you can still make this work. It would still be okay because you had one full day tomorrow to go out and shop for his gift. Except that when you returned home, your mom informed you that your extra tutoring classes would be doubled tomorrow because your teacher will be out of town and can’t teach for the next few days. Great.
So that’s how you found yourself here, at the local street market standing under the blazing sun in your tutoring school uniform. It was summer break and your parents signed you up for additional morning classes. By the time you were let off, you’d only have an hour to shop for a gift, until it was time to go to Xiaojun’s party. 
Originally, you thought one hour should be more than enough, but as you drifted from one stall to another, you realized no one had anything just right for Xiaojun and you already promised yourself you were going to get something perfect for him, and you didn't break your promises. By the time you found something perfect for him, you didn’t realize 55 minutes had passed. When you checked the time, your eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. You were definitely going to be late. You paid the stall lady and barely waited for change as you made a mad dash toward Xiaojun’s apartment.
When you arrived, Xiaojun’s mother greeted you warmly and let you in. “He was waiting for you. He refused to start without you.”
Xiaojun had a small party with only close friends and you were the last to arrive. You felt embarrassed initially, but that was soon forgotten when the party started. 
When it was time to open the presents, Xiaojun saved yours for last, in fact, he didn’t open it until all the guests left and it was only the two of you with his parents cleaning the aftermath of the party in the background. 
He carefully pulled apart the hastily wrapped box and you held your breath in anticipation. He held up the keychain in the air to show the leather strap next to a metal charm in the shape of a ship’s helm. Xiaojun said nothing for a whole minute and suddenly you started to doubt yourself. 
“Thank you,” he breathed. “I love it.” 
His smile made your breath hitch.
You were thirteen years old when your heart started to feel lopsided in ways it had never had before.
--
The paper sitting in front of you was due soon and yet it was still there on your desk, unfinished, as if it were mocking you. You felt annoyed, but you knew at the end of the day this was your fault and only you could fix this, but no matter how hard you grasped your pen, you could not urge words of ink to spill out and fill the page. You were not sure how long you stared at the page, but you knew you had to do something about it. 
You were seventeen years old and you were lost.
With an indignant huff, you grabbed the sheet of paper and marched all the way to Xiaojun’s apartment. Xiaojun’s parents were out, so it was Xiaojun himself who let you in. He was surprised to see you, but welcomed you warmly, glad to see you face.
“Hey,” he already started to make his way back to his room after shutting the front door, not even bothering to look back to see if you were going to follow because he knew you were. “What’s up?” 
Immediately after entering Xiaojun’s room, you plopped yourself face down onto his pillow while holding up the white sheet of paper in the air. “This is killing me,” you groaned.
Xiaojun chuckled before taking hold of the paper. His eyes widened when he read its content. “You haven’t filled it out yet?” 
This sheet of paper was going to determine your whole future. This sheet was going to be your priority list of which colleges you wanted to apply for and which major you were going to study, so your teacher could help narrow it down for you and give you some career counseling. 
“I don’t know what to put,” you whined. “Help me, Xiaojun.”
“Okay, okay, do you know what school or major you’re interested in?” 
“If I knew, I wouldn’t be here.” 
“Fair point. Uhm. What’s the best school you think you can get in?” 
“I don’t know, maybe some local university?” 
“Okay… and major?” 
“I don’t know, whatever department is easiest to get into I guess.” 
Xiaojun gave you a pointed look. “Come on, take this seriously.” 
You were seventeen years old and you were frustrated. 
“I don’t know, Xiaojun! I really don’t have any clue whatsoever and everyone around me is so disappointed because I have no direction, but trust me, I can guarantee you that I’m much more disappointed than everyone around me.” 
Xiaojun’s eyes softened and he moved to sit on his bed near your defeated figure. He rubbed your back gently and his tone was sincere. “I’m not disappointed in you. I could never be disappointed in you.”
You looked up at him before opening your arms wide open for a hug, which Xiaojun granted easily. The two of you laid there in easy comfort despite the impending unknown future that loomed overhead, casting a shadow of doubt in its wake. When you were with Xiaojun, none of that mattered. 
After a while, your head perked up from its place on top of Xiaojun’s arms as you looked at him. “Wait, what about you? Did you fill it out? What do you want to be?” 
Xiaojun laughed, “yeah, I did.” 
You waited expectantly, but he said nothing. You grew annoyed. “Well? What’d you put?”
Xiaojun looked at you. His eyes were soft and warm, but you could see some faint traces of hesitation, like a surface of still water had been disturbed. The pit of your stomach dropped and you felt your throat go dry with nervous tension.
“I want to be a singer.” 
You punched him lightly. “You scared me, cause you got all serious for a second.” You laughed out loud, as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. “You’re for sure going to be the best singer in all of China, no, the whole world! And I’m going to be there every step of the way to support you, Xiaojun.” 
“Okay,” he smiled softly, but his tone was almost bittersweet as though he was trying to pull back. “That’s good to hear.” 
“Why are you acting so weird? This is not like you at all.” 
He said nothing at first, but then his words hit you. All the weight off your shoulder earlier returned tenfold. “I was casted. I’m flying to South Korea next week.”
Your heart was pounding as you tried to make sense of the words that left his mouth. You remembered the first time he confided you in absolute confidence about his dreams and aspirations. You remembered countless hours he put into singing and you remembered how often he would stream videos of singers he admired. You remembered all of it.
“I’m,” you started. “I’m so happy for you, Xiaojun. This is it, this is the start of your dream. I couldn’t be more proud of you, Xiaojun, I mean it.” 
The sincerity in your tone had Xiaojun choking on his words and he didn’t know what to say. All that left his mouth was, “what do you want to be?” 
“Me?” Your chest felt heavy. “I think I just want to be happy.”
“Yeah,” he hummed. “I want you to be happy too.” 
A week later, you saw Xiaojun off at the airport. He exchanged tearful goodbyes with his parents and suddenly he was standing in front of you. His eyes looked at you expectantly, as if waiting for something that you were not sure you were able to procure for him. You gave him the biggest hug you were able to muster and hoped all the unsaid things could be transferred through touch. The two of you stayed in each other’s arms until his flight was called. With a final wave, he was off, and when he turned around to walk toward his terminal, you saw a keychain with a metal charm and an old worn down leather strap hanging from one of the zippers of his carry-ons.
You were seventeen years old when you felt your heart swell with undeniable pride, yet break simultaneously. 
--
You missed Xiaojun.
You were twenty-one years old when you came to terms with your feelings for your best friend. It was not an earth-shattering, cosmic-altering, reality-bending epiphany, but rather a quiet revelation followed by unspoken acceptance.
You were currently sitting in economy class on a flight en route to Seoul, South Korea. You had still kept in contact with him throughout the years he was out there pursuing his dreams. You decided to enroll in the local university and you picked a major on a whim. Despite the circumstances, you had really come to terms with it and grew to like it. You were now working hard at developing a solid career from it and you felt proud of yourself. 
When text messages and video calls became few and far between for you and Xiaojun due to busy schedules and time zone differences, you knew he was something more than just a friend. Your heart fluttered whenever you heard his specially assigned notification tone. You felt giddy each time before you opened his message and you read each text at least three times before sending a reply. When you don’t hear from him on days on end due to his busy schedule, time passed by at an unbearable pace. 
Xiaojun made his debut and you were one of the first to pre-order his albums. You constantly gushed and raved about his singing and his dancing. You stayed up countless nights to let Xiaojun vent and de-stress over video call despite having to sacrifice precious hours of sleep. True to your word, you were there with Xiaojun every step of the way while he achieved his dreams, but he was also there for you when you figured out your path. He was there to listen and offer advice as you considered one career path over the other and which internship to take. The two of you were there for each other. 
Due to the very nature of growing up and what that entailed, both of you were very busy and the timing was always slightly off. When you were free, he had to go on tour, but when he was free, you had to go out of town for your internship. As such, you were twenty-one years old and had not had a chance to see your best friend in person for nearly four years since he left for South Korea.
But this year, for the winter holidays, it was going to be different. You were going to make time to go see him no matter what. You were firm on the requested days off and you booked the flight weeks in advance. Xiaojun was kept in the loop of your meticulous holiday planning at all times to ensure that he could free up his schedules at just the right time to see you. 
The two of you never actually expressed your changing feelings for one another, but perhaps you didn’t need to. You had known each other practically your whole lives and what is a relationship if not the constant changing and finetuning of the little details? 
You weren’t blind to the consistent ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts you received from Xiaojun each day without fail, nor was he blind to your constant fretting if he had eaten yet and how he should always be taking care of himself. It was the little things that sung of true love. 
When the two of you had the chance to video call, his eyes would light up with a smile to match and you feel your soul ache in the most tender of ways. The two you lingered longer than necessary when it came to ‘goodbyes,’ but it was to be expected. 
You smiled to yourself thinking about him as you looked outside the plane window. Your flight was landing soon and you felt your anxiety gnaw at your joints while your hesitancy took a bite of your lungs. When you landed, you felt as though the ligaments in your body rusted over and each breath of air you took never seemed like enough to flow through your system. You took a few more deep breaths to center yourself before getting up to leave the plane. 
You managed to calm yourself down a substantial amount, but you felt it lurk back behind you as a sudden chill traveled up your spine during the taxi ride to Xiaojun’s dorm. It threatened to seize you by the throat, but then you realized, this was Xiaojun you were coming to see. 
The same Xiaojun who cried easily and had a pirate phase through most of his childhood. The same Xiaojun who took long bites in between food and would lose in arm wrestling matches. The same whose voice could reach unknown heights with a dedication and devotion to match. The same Xiaojun who was your best friend since childhood. The same Xiaojun whom you loved.
And with that, whatever haunted you dissipated and you found yourself at the steps of his dorm. You watched as your breath came out in chilly wisps as you knocked on the door. The sound of padded footsteps ambling along hardwood floors were heard and suddenly you were face to Xiaojun after a whole four years without him. 
The two of you took each other in. Video calling did not do Xiaojun justice. He really matured into his features over the years and you couldn’t help, but stare. 
Xiaojun broke the silence first. “Hey, you.” 
“Hey, you yourself,” you breathed.
“Come on, don’t just stand there,” Xiaojun ushered as he helped you grab your luggage. “It’s cold outside.” 
You followed him as he led you to his room. You looked around with curiosity as you passed by. The WayV dorm was cozy, but surprisingly empty, not that you minded. When you got to his door, Xiaojun saw the look on your face and knew exactly what you were thinking.
“Everyone’s out right now,” he explained. “I can formally introduce you to them when they get back.”
You nodded and watched as Xiaojun placed his hand on the door knob, before stopping in hesitation. He looked at you in earnest. “Promise me you won’t laugh, okay?” 
“Nothing can phase me, Xiaojun. I practically lived at your house and vice versa, or did a few years abroad make you forget that already?” You teased.
He gave you a look, but opened the door for you nonetheless. You expected a messy room with random socks strewn on the floor and the desk chair stacked high with a pile of clothes, but what greeted you nearly took your breath away.
The floor was spotless and fairy lights lined the walls and occasionally looped around the floor. There was a small Christmas tree in the corner dimpled with various ornaments of various sheen and sparkles. Xiaojun led you to the center of the room where the various colored fairy lights crossed one another’s path. A mistletoe tied on the fanlight hung overhead. 
“It’s beautiful,” you whispered.
Xiaojun smiled as he drew you in closer. “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I really wanted it to be something special. Merry Christmas.” 
You started to tear up as you moved to meet Xiaojun in the middle, “I love you, Xiaojun.” 
You were twenty-one years old when you kissed your best friend. His lips were soft and his tongue sweet. He tasted vaguely of vanilla lip balm and peppermint bark, he tasted like the love of your life. 
When you pull back from the kiss, the adoration in his eyes made you greedy for another, so you dove back in, but not before Xiaojun can let out a quick laugh and a reaffirmation. 
“I love you, too.” 
The two of you kissed and kissed again, under the mistletoe. 
You were twenty-one years old and you were happy.
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jungwooisms · 4 years ago
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pairing: tailor!jungwoo x female!bookbinder!reader   genre: fluff, angst, smut, period piece others: nakamoto yuta, suh johnny, moon taeil, park sooyoung, lee donghyuck (mentioned), kim doyoung (mentioned), lee ten (mentioned), lee taeyong (mentioned) warnings: cursing, sexual content (unprotected sex, oral f. & m. receiving), drinking, an overabundance of 60′s references, unrequited love word count: 20k
It's autumn in New York that brings the promise of new love Autumn in New York is often mingled with pain Dreamers with empty hands may sigh for exotic lands It's autumn in New York It's good to live it again
1963, Autumn. The small knife in hand cuts through the thin leather with relative ease, stopping at the point you’d marked with a small piece of chalk, you switch to cut the other end of the material. You eye the coffee sitting on the opposite end of your work bench, watching the steam rise from the cup that you’d barely taken a drink from. It was only nine in the morning and you hadn’t slept well the night before, had there not been any orders to fill you would have slept in a while longer. 
With the leather finally cut into its allotted pieces you go to move to the bound paper you were trying to cover before you hear someone walk in. The chimes above the door at the front of your shop sound off with a soft resonance, the same sound that had echoed the room for years. Footsteps treading carefully into the center of your shop, you can’t eye the stranger from your closed off workshop unless you open the heavy wooden door. 
A quiet “Hello?” rings out, they sound apprehensive and unfamiliar to you. There’s a tinged worry that treads on the lone word, leaving you all the more perplexed as you set down the leather and the semicircular knife onto your workshop table and head out into the main gallery of your shop. 
“Can I help you?” Question falling from your lips as soon as you begin to push open the oak door, finding a taller man looking down at one of the fabric laden books on one of the display tables. 
“Oh,” his attention turns to you from the book, to the doorway you’d entered from and then back to you.  The horn-rimmed glasses adorning his face slipping down the bridge of his nose. “I’m here to pick up an order for Moon Taeil.” His slender hand moves from its once stagnant position to push the glasses back up before moving to his right-side front pocket, “I can show you the receipt if you need it—”
“There’s no need,” you shake your head and raise your hand. Taeil had been a longtime customer of your family’s shop, you assume it’s mostly because of a mutual acquaintance with the Suh clan, but you would never be the one to edge into that conversation unprovoked. “I’ll go and grab your order,” a short smile and you’re turning on your heels and striding into your storeroom/workshop once more. 
When you walk back out a few moments later, the books wrapped in brown paper to protect their covers, the stranger is once again looking down at the assortment of books atop your display tables. 
“So,” you begin as you hold out the bound books to him, “are you new? I don’t think Taeil’s sent you before.”
He takes the books gingerly, his gaze returning to the soft leather-bound journal after he gives you a short nod in thanks. As if it took him a moment to process the question he blinks and turns back to you, “Sorry— My name’s Jungwoo Kim. I started working for Taeil last week.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” you nod, trying to register the face with the name as comprehensively as you could. “Tell him to give me a ring when he needs his next order, I know he goes through those fairly quickly.”
“I will,” Jungwoo smiles, “Before I go do you think I could buy this?” His head nods down to the leather-bound journal he’d been eyeing earlier, “It’s absolutely gorgeous.”
A small smile gracing your lips, “Of course, it’s unlined though. Is that alright?”
“It’s perfect, thank you,” he says as you pick up the book as his hands were already burdened with his boss’ order. “How much do I owe you?”
“No charge,” you shake your head, fingers tightening along the spine. It’s smooth but the ridges of the leather run coarse under your touch, “Think of it as a congratulatory gift for getting a job under Moon. I know he has a reputation for being a bit of a—”
“Hard-ass?” Jungwoo muses, eyes widening as he realizes how he’s just insulted his boss. “And really, I can pay for that, I’m sure it must’ve taken you a while to make it.” 
“I’m not sure if that’s the exact term I was looking for, but it does fit,” you laugh, raising the book up. “Don’t worry about it, do you want me to wrap it?” 
“If you could,” he offers a smile as you move to the roll of brown paper atop the register table. 
It only takes a minute for you to cover it, you’d done hundreds, if not thousands, of wrappings for novels and books. Once you finish tying the twine bow atop the journal, you gently stack it on the books Jungwoo holds. 
“I hope to see you here again, Mr. Kim. That is, if Taeil doesn’t scare you off.”
“He’s like a weird mix of my dad and what I’d expect Hardy Amies to be,” you weren’t sure exactly who Amies is or what Jungwoo’s father was like, but you did know Taeil. Oddities and all. “And don’t worry, I have a stronger resolve than most,” he shoots you a wink before spinning on his heels and heading towards the door. He calls out a, “Thanks again for the book,” before shoving the door open with his hip and losing himself in the crowd of the street outside.
1963, Winter There was nothing quite like the holiday season in New York. Shops elevated the grandeur of their storefronts to catch the eye of window shoppers. Your own shop had seen an influx of patrons, as was typically the case around this time of year. But the demands were great, your hands had the slew of papercuts and hastily put on bandages to show it. Not that you minded it all too much, it was great revenue and it had paid for the camel hair coat you donned this evening. 
The city was abuzz with life and festivities along almost every street, and while the excitement from Hanukkah and Christmas had died down over the last few weeks, most now looked towards the reining in of a New Year as December thirty first arrived. 
“We’re going to be late,” Yuta’s arm slides under yours, the crux of his arm locking into yours as his pace quickens along the dimly lit street. The sound of his derbies clicking against the pavement reverberating around the nearly empty row of houses. 
“It’s ten and we’re going to a New Year’s Eve party, I doubt we’ll be late, Yuta.” You let out a scoff, fumbling with your bag for a moment, not sure what you were searching for in the first place. The streetlamp’s orangey glow not aiding you in deciphering the numbers etched into the doorways of the homes. 
“Says the person who took five years to pick out a jacket, I’m surprised we got out of your apartment before my hair turned gray— Wait a minute,” his fingers of his free hand trailing up to the dyed platinum locks on his head as he turns back to shoot you a glare, “It did.”
“You’re such a drama queen,” eyes rolling, you nudge him with your shoulder “It’s not my fault your stylist bleached you instead of dyeing you.”
“I feel like an idiot, they can’t even see me to fix it for another week.” He groans as the pair of you make your way to a brownstone tucked away neatly into one of the city’s streets. It would be innocuous from the others aligning the strip had you not been able to hear the gentle buzz of chatter and the occasional laugh drift out from the screened door. 
“Did Suh invite the whole block?” Yuta murmurs as he lets go of your arm so that he can jump up the short handful of stairs to the front door two by two. 
“It would explain how dead the rest of the street seems,” Musing, you follow him, more carefully as you’d always seemed prone to falling up stairs. The voices grow in volume and now you can even hear the scratchy sound of some music floating from the door. There’s no one at the door to greet you when you walk in, just an array of faces that you seem to recognize while others are brand new acquaintances, Yuta and you drop off your coats in a nearby closet and shuffle your way inside in search for the nearest drink station.
“I’d say his house is beautiful, but I can barely see anything. How does he know this many people,” Yuta questions as he slides out of the way of someone’s elbow almost hitting him in the stomach, “All I want is to get slightly drunk tonight but I bet the alcohol’s already gone.” 
“It’s the Suh household you know that’s not going to happen,” a snicker leaves you before you feel a gentle tapping on your shoulder. Stopping in your tracks you’re fully ready to meet Johnathan Suh’s smirk and subsequent banter, but it takes you a minute to realize that it wasn’t your childhood friend that had garnered your attention at all; instead, it was a somewhat less familiar face.
“Fancy seeing you here.” Jungwoo’s cheeks are slightly flushed with a smile, the contents of his champagne glass half-empty as he poses the question, “Can I get you a drink?”
“Oh, sure.” You return his smile, nodding your head as he begins to walk off, only stopped by someone calling out to him.
“I didn’t know Pincushion would be here,” Yuta’s voice draws nearer behind you, it seems like he realized you weren’t trailing after him anymore. You feel his hand land on your shoulder as he continues to talk to Jungwoo, “How are you?”
“I’m good, thanks.” He taps his shoe on the floor, only stepping forward a little bit to let someone pass by behind him.
“Pincushion?” You question, looking from Yuta to Jungwoo with a quizzical look on your brow.
“That thing he wears around his wrist every time he comes in?” Yuta shrugs, “I couldn’t remember his name the first time I saw him, but I could remember that. Hence: Pincushion.” 
“Is that what it’s called?” You recall the ball of velvety looking green fabric you’d seen on Jungwoo’s wrist the last handful of times he’d come to pick up the tailor shop’s orders. 
“Yeah my grandma used to have one and I stole the needles from it to use as swords for my toys when I was a kid,” his shoulders shrug as he looks past Jungwoo and spots something beyond him. “I see one of those guys with a tray of drinks, I’ll get back to you in a bit.” And with that he’s off, sliding around you and Jungwoo to brush his way through the crowd in a frantic sprint to grab himself a glass.
“Does he know that there’s an open bar in the other room?” Jungwoo asks aloud as he watches your friend disappear into the crowd.
“Not yet but give him twenty minutes and I’m sure he’ll be all over it.” Yuta wasn’t one to drink heavily often, it was more of a holiday thing where he only did it if he knew he wasn’t going into work for the next few days. Needless to say, that Christmas and New Years are binge drinking galore for him. 
“So, book binding? How’d you get into that line of work?” You’d been so concentrated on looking for your friend’s brightly colored hair that you almost didn’t hear Jungwoo when he asked. 
“Family business, dad’s too sick to come in.” Your eyes flickering over to him, a small shrug of your shoulders.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” his brow contorts into worry for a moment, as if he’d offended you somehow. 
“Don’t be, if anything I think he’s playing it up a bit just so mom has to be around more often,” You smile, it was really only minor back issues but the doctor had prescribed bed rest and your father had been milking it for months now. 
“Smart man,” a short laugh into his drink before he takes a sip from his glass. “So, how do you know John?”
“Old family friend, plus he’s as rich as all get out so it’s nice to see what it’s like.” You note, looking up to the chandelier overhead. If it were anything but Tiffany you’d be surprised. “What about you?”
“You didn’t hear this from me but Taeil might be secretly dating one of his sisters and she invited the whole shop just as an excuse to see him.” The two of you lock eyes, a playful smirk on his lips dancing in the warm glow of the room. “I’m not complaining.”
“I don’t doubt it,” chuckling for a moment, you then look up as if you’ve realized something. “I should probably go and greet the host; can you imagine how rude of a guest I’d be if I didn’t?”
A ceding nod as he steps away from you, gesturing with his glass towards a side room off the main hall, “I think I saw him in there a few minutes ago.”
“Thanks, Jungwoo,” you move to pass him, heading towards the doorway before you stop for a moment, your head tilting in question, “Want to meet back up later?”
“I’d love that,” a gentle thud in your chest as you nod at him, beginning to move again and question the feeling that had plagued you enough to ask him that. 
You don’t find Johnny in that room, or the next, or even upstairs in his own bedroom. You do, however, find him on the second-floor fire escape, the butts of several cigarettes at his feet and a glass of whiskey in his hand. It’s cold, had you known this would be where you’d speak you would’ve brought your coat with you.
“Johnathan Suh,” You begin, crouching down to duck through the open window, catching him as he’s begun to lean against the brick exterior of his home, “Hiding away from your party again?”
“The guest of the hour,” A grin as you walk towards him, “How are you? I haven’t seen you at all in the past few months.”
“I’m good, good… It’s been so hectic with the seasonal shopping and all, who knew journals were a hot commodity for gift-giving?” You sigh, elbows resting against the cold fence of the escape. The time between now and the last you’d seen him had been great, but it had always been far and few in between when it came to his jet setting tendencies. 
“Sounds hellish for sure,” Musing, he takes a sip from his glass, the scent of whisky hitting your nose as it nears. His other hand rests atop the rusted metal of the fire escape, impatiently tapping as he looks out into the backyard of his home.
“And what about you, Mr. Start-Up? Tear down any more conglomerates recently?” You query, noticing that he was on one of his inward treks again. Something must’ve come up with his family.  
A snicker, as he offers out his glass to you, noticing that your hands were painfully empty, “No, but we’re working on a pretty big acquisition right now. It’s all mind games and if I didn’t make a shitload of money I’d be out of this business.” 
“Lucky you though, you’re able to retire at thirty-five if you really wanted to,” musing as you swirl around the contents of the glass, the ice inside clinking around. 
He laughs, the cold air mixing with his breath in plumes of white that spiral into the nighttime. You push yourself from the wall, bringing the glass to your lips and downing the rest of the contents as quickly as you can, “This isn’t the time to be hard on yourself, John. I think the countdown’s about to start,” a look at the small wristwatch on your wrist, the time indicating that you had about five minutes until the new year began.
“Shit,” the word elongated exasperatedly as he leans over to catch a glance at the clock face, “Let’s get back out there.”
The two of you amble inside, your cheeks cold with the winter air and hands a little stiff from holding the glass for too long. You set it down on one of the various demilunes scattered around the hall as you make your way back into Johnny’s living room. He’s lost along the way, pulled into a group of businessmen to talk or fawning girls to cajole with, you’re not sure which at this point. All you’re trying to do is find someone you know. 
You can try to push through the crowds to find John, but at this point it’d be like trying to part the Red Sea with your own two hands and it was infeasible to say the least. Or you could head to one of the drink stations around the house in hopes to find Yuta, but he was as elusive as a snake and it’d be a miracle if you could find him before the clock struck midnight.
“Sixty!” A choir of voices ring out from a nearby room, you think you can hear John’s voice rising above them all, but it might also be your ears playing tricks on you.
“Are they really counting down the entire minute?” The voice next to you startling you so much that you jump, turning, you see Kim Jungwoo looking off in the direction of the countdown. His brow furrowing in confusion, “I at least thought it’d be the last ten seconds or something.”
“Jesus Jungwoo,” hand over your heart as you try and catch your breath, “You almost scared me to death.”
A laugh, “Sorry about that, I’m a little light on my feet.”
It also didn’t help that you could barely hear with the throng of people surrounding you. The gaiety electrifies the room, as it does the entire world when on the eve of a brand-new start. 
“Did you want me to help you find one of your friends? I’m sure they couldn’t have gone too far,” his height somewhat advantageous to him as he scans the crowd, not seeing you shake your head as the countdown reaches thirty.
“I think I’m fine just staying with you,” you don’t notice the way he tenses ever so slightly at your words, a more rouge tint to his cheeks as he looks back to you with a sheepish smile.
“Are you sure?” Eyes widening as your gazes’ lock and you feel the familiar warmth creeping up the back of your neck.
“If that’s okay with you?” You question, the countdown hitting fifteen.
“That’s great— fine, it’s— yeah,” he trips and stumbles over his words, trying to find solid ground somewhere on the confab plain. It’s at that moment the countdown comes to ten, and the pair of you join in for the last seconds of 1963.
Five, four, three, two — 
“Happy New Year!” 
The clock had struck midnight and he was the closest one to you, you can’t remember if it was you or him that pulled the other closer to share a kiss. The kiss was chaste, but it resounded around your ribcage like the booming of the fireworks being shot off a distant skyscraper. A smile on your lips as you mouth back your own, “Happy New Year!” Despite it being innocent in nature, you know with the way the feeling buzzes on your lips you yearn for something more.
1964, Early Spring. The two of you’d spent time together since that evening, outside of that transactional relationship formed in the commerce of you selling your journals and him picking them up for Taeil whenever he could. It was outside of that realm, more personal as the days, weeks and months had transgressed. 
By some miraculous circumstance, and no less of your incessant mentioning, you and Jungwoo had been seeing each other on a regular basis 
“Taeil?” The door of the tailor shop opens with nothing short of a struggle. The heavy oak pressing back against your foot as you pry it open, your hands too full to push it. 
“Need some help?” A voice behind you, startling you so much that you almost drop the large stack of books in your hand. You look over your shoulder to see Jungwoo standing behind you, his head tilted as if to question how you’d made it this far on your own.
“Thanks,” allowing him to brush past you, he steps into the shop and holds the door open wider as you enter. “Where is everyone?” Noticing that the usual handful of other tailors didn’t seem to be aimlessly roaming the store waiting for a customer to arrive.
“Busy,” He notes, motioning for you to hand him the plethora of journals. Obliging willingly, you hand them off and stretch your arms, surely the strain from the hardbacks would pull your finger muscles. “There’s been an emergency tailoring session, some big shot’s in town and needs alterations done for some party they’re throwing tomorrow night.”
“Explains why no one came to pick up the order today,” you muse, “Shouldn’t you be helping with that?”
“I will be in about an hour,” he sighs as if he’s already imagining the work that he’ll need to put in this evening. “But someone had to watch over the shop today.” 
“Do you want company while you wait?”
You’re not sure how you’d gotten roped into staying with Jungwoo until well after the sun had set and the last customer had come in for the day. The lights of the shop are off, save for the small lamp that sits above Jungwoo’s workstation. He sits at his little desk in the back corner of the shop as he sews and hems away. His eyes scan the notes the patron had given when they’d dropped off the clothes, you had to squint to try and read the messy scrawl etched onto the parchment. You sit some desks away, flipping through some editorial detailing the up and coming designers of the fashion world but nothing was particularly catching your eye.
“Three alterations in one night, Taeil’s really trying to work us to the bone,” Jungwoo sighs exasperatedly, his hands falling atop his desk, a needle held between his right index and thumb while his other hand holds the garment he’d been attending to.
“Doesn’t it take a week to do something for just one piece?” You ask, not too versed on the schematics of it all, just acutely aware of when your father had needed suits adjusted as he aged.
“Normally,” he glances over to you, a hazy impatience settling behind his brow as he thinks to the two other pieces he was set to mend. “But it’s nine-thirty now and the guy wants them done by noon tomorrow,” Jungwoo almost barks out a laugh at the absurdity of it all, “I didn’t even get the roughest pieces, Doyoung’ll be up all night and finish five minutes beforehand if he’s lucky.”
“What are they making him do?” Magazine set aside as you stand to stretch, your legs numb with the fuzziness of pinched nerves.
“Some simple inseam stuff like I’m doing, but also taking in a few jacket sleeves and fixing shoulder divots,” He says as if you know what he’s talking about, upon seeing the puzzled expression that paints itself on your face he explains a little more, “It’s nearly impossible to do with the amount of time we’ve been given.”
“Why’d Taeil accept this job then?” Pins and needles poking through your skin as you walk over to him to take a look at what he was working on.
“Because the client’s paying us a fortune,” setting the needle down he pulls a pin from the cushion around his wrist to situate it into an odd angle in the fabric in front of him, “I might actually be able to take you on a real date if I finish this in time.”
“I’ve kind of liked the ice cream socials,” you shrug your shoulders, as he turns to look at you, “And all of the gritty little dives, it’s more memorable that way. Plus, it makes me a cheap date.”
A small ‘tch’ leaving him as he turns back to his work, “You deserve more than that.”
“As long as you’re there I’ll be fine,” you lean down to press a kiss on his cheek, “Now I’ll stop distracting you, I’ll make dinner or lunch or something because I know you’ll be dead on your feet tomorrow.”
“Try and get to bed early,” he says as you go to grab your things from where you’d left them up front, “I know you like to overwork yourself too.”
1964, Summer When you’d been invited to Jungwoo’s small apartment, you’d expected a small dinner and then maybe you’d go and watch television or explore the city afterwards. What you hadn’t expected was to see dark plumes of smoke emitting from under the doorway. You don’t knock, instead you barge into the apartment to find Jungwoo unlatching his windows and opening them to let the smoke escape, the source of the plumes coming from his small kitchen. 
“What happened?” You call out as he turns to you, your hand rising to your face as if it could vanquish the putrid smell. 
“I cooked,” the last window opens with a struggle, Jungwoo’s arms ache with how much force he had to exert when opening it. He shuffles over to you, seeing that you’d walked into the kitchen to find the source of it all.
“You… cooked....” A charred, black entity sits in a pan that Jungwoo had presumably pulled from the oven minutes prior. “Jungwoo what is that?”
“A loaf!” An almost excited tone cutting through your confusion as you turn and tilt your head at him.
“A… loaf of?”
“Meat!” At least he’s trying to sound cheerful, but that was his disposition most of the time. His hand guides your gaze over to a handwritten recipe atop the counter, he must’ve gotten it from some program. “I followed Julia Child’s recipe.” 
“I’m not trying to be mean but that looks like a brick.” Gaze flickering back to the meat-brick. 
“Yeah,” a sigh as he picks up a nearby spatula, grazing it atop the burnt meat, it scrapes atop it rather than giving way at all, “It’s about as hard as one too.”
The utter exasperation breaking through in his voice cause enough for you to laugh, the absurdity of it all pricking tears into the corners of your eyes. “We can try and salvage it,” you offer once you calm yourself down enough, the occasional chuckle flitting like a bird around your ribcage.
“Let’s just go to Le Pavilion or something, there’s also a new movie out too, we can try and catch it if we eat fast enough.”
And you do. For some reason Jungwoo orders the most expensive dish on the menu and doesn’t even like it, offering it to you instead with an abysmal pout that almost has you reeling in the small interior of the restaurant. The atmosphere is warm and jovial, met by the sinking sun as the two of you exit the venue, hands interlocked with a faint tightness as if you never wanted to be without him in your grasp again. Jungwoo and you then walk to a theater some blocks away, hands still held and a bubbling silence between you.
The film that Jungwoo had mentioned earlier had been Mary Poppins, some Disney flick starring Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke; you’re sure you’d heard Andrews somewhere before, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. 
“I didn’t realize they could combine live action and cartoons like that,” Jungwoo’s voice full of childlike wonder as the pair of you exit the cinema. The smell of popcorn wafts out of the theater’s doors and the bright bulbs of the marquee overhead creates a strange glow contrasted to the nighttime sky. 
“I didn’t either,” you note as a few kids brush past you and begin to race down the street, their voices carrying off into the night. It brings a small smile to your lips as you watch them gallivant around, not a care in the world as they continue to chase one another.
“Do you want me to walk with you back to your place?” Jungwoo offers, extending his hand out to you. You don’t answer aloud, instead just take his hand into yours and begin to walk the steadily emptying streets.
“Have you always lived in the city, Jungwoo?” It takes a moment for you to speak again, instead of just admiring the way that the lights glint off of passing windows and the rumblings of the cars that pass to your left drown out in the other amblings of the city.
“No, my family actually lives up north a little way away.” He hums to himself as he thinks, “I thought I’d always be stuck up there too, but I got the offer from Taeil and moved here as fast as I could. Although I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it at times.”
“I see,” you mutter, not knowing the feeling of leaving your home. It was a foreign concept to say the least, for almost the entirety of your life you’d know you were going to take over your father’s shop one day, and you’d been complacent in the matter. You’d had your hobbies that you dabbled in, but this was a nostalgic comfort that would and had transitioned into your livelihood that would take you no where else other than the little shop you call your own. “Would you want to move back?”
“Maybe when I’m older, sure. But I want to see the world first,” he nods his head, a twitch in his hand as he holds yours, “there’s so much I haven’t done or seen.”
It was a reckless ambition, but Jungwoo lived in that fantasy of the unknown, he had for all of his life. That was what he knew and all he abided by. You’d be fooling yourself if you didn’t worry for him at times, but he’d made it so far and you were curious to see where he was going. There was a creative longing, a desire to make, within him that no one else you’d come across had.
“I love you.” The words aren’t romantic when they fall from your mouth, when they’re swept up in the humidity of the summer air and ring around both his and your ears. This was more of a reckoning, a realization of the culmination of your growing feelings towards him since you’d met him almost a year ago now. A weight you hadn’t realized was there lifting from your chest, a songbird free from a gilded cage.
Jungwoo pauses, his feet stopping on the concrete as you continue to walk, only pulled back when you meet resistance. So, you stop yourself, turning back to look at him, a little ‘o’ on his lips and a confused look gracing his features. Had you said it too early? Or did he not reciprocate your feelings?
“You beat me to it,” a small pout emerging onto his lower lip, “I love you too.”
1964, Autumn “I can’t imagine those are comfortable.” You’re sure the clacking of your shoes could be hear miles away, with the obnoxious way they hit the sidewalk. They were pinching your toes too, and you might as well have put a band-aid on the backs of your heels because they were definitely going to be blistered tomorrow morning.
“They most certainly aren’t, but they are cute.” You note, standing on your toes so you can click the red slippers together three times at the heel. “
Jungwoo stands at the bottom of the stairs that lead up to your apartment, offering out his hand for you to grasp when you carefully make your way down the steps. As opposed to the cool air that had begun to settle into the city, his hand offers warmth against your bare skin as his fingers intertwine with yours.
“Which way to Yuta’s?” He questions, looking over your costume for the evening.
“He lives over in Flatiron, kind of near the shop so it won’t be too far of a walk.” You notice him looking at the checkered dress and bright shoes. “Was Dorthey not a good idea, Mr. Holmes?” Noting his outfit of choice, the pipe held in his free hand, the detective cap as well as the cape to match.
“I think you look cute,” Looking away from you and towards the street you’d begun to walk down.
Yuta’s apartment was small, it being so led to more intimate parties than one would find at John Suh’s home, in a way you appreciated it a little more. Bigger parties with unfamiliar faces made you feel as if you had to act less like yourself and more robotic in your interactions.
“I’ll let you in if you promise not to chuck my house to Oz,” Yuta asks as he joking cracks open his front door as the two of you stand in front of it, “And Pincushion here doesn’t try and solve a murder or two.”
“Hmm I guess that’s doable, right?” You play along, turning to Jungwoo to confirm.
“It might take some restraint but I’m sure I can manage.” Hand under his chin as if he’s deep in thought.
“I’ll take what I can get,” Yuta sighs and swings the door open, “Drinks in the kitchen, I think Hyuck’s trying to do a comedy-musical routine in the living room. I’d steer clear because he’s trying out ‘audience participation’ tonight.”
“Thanks for the heads up,” You laugh as you walk inside, the warmth of the room exacerbated by the sheer number of people crammed into the tiny space.
“I do kind of want to check out Hyuck’s thing,” You mention to Jungwoo after you find a space where the two of you can stand unimpeded.
“I don’t know if I can stomach that quite yet, want me to grab you a drink in the meantime?” Jungwoo asks, looking towards the kitchen and the few people filtering in and out of it.
“That’d be great,” a smile and then Jungwoo’s off to struggle his way through the packed room.
Lip bitten you try and look through the crowd, but the drawls of laughter tell you almost exactly where Donghyuck’s giving his tri-annual standup show. It’s shoulder to shoulder and you can barely hear him over the other going-ons of the party but from what you can ascertain it’s pretty funny.
“Happy Halloween!” A hand on your side as they call out, you turn, and it takes you a moment to recognize the face under the Gomez Addam’s mustache and wig.
“John!” A smile as you move to hug him for a moment, pulling away with your hands resting on his forearms, “I thought you were overseas?”
“I was supposed to be, a nasty storm delayed us by a few days over in Spain so I’m not leaving until Wednesday.” He says, looking over your outfit. “Didn’t you wear this like two Halloweens ago?”
“What no one knows won’t hurt them,” a playful nudge on his shoulder, “And if I were to remember, this wig looks very Elvis of you.”
“You might be able to remember correctly,” The black strands of hair that were pulled back still reminiscent of the shape they once held. “Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you alone?” John smiles, a nervous tinge to his voice as he continues, “It’s a little loud in here and I can’t really hear.”
“Oh, yeah,” brow furrowing at the attitude shift, “But first I should tell— Jungwoo!” The confused expression on John’s face somewhat laughable as you wave your boyfriend over, spotting him exiting the kitchen with two drinks in hand.
“There you are,” Jungwoo says as he walks over, placing a kiss on your cheek as he hands you a glass. You’re not too sure what the contents are, but it’s warm and smells spiced and oddly autumnal. “Hey John,” he greets with a small nod of his head as you take a small sip from your glass.
“Hey Jungwoo,” a return of the nod, “I should probably let the two of you go, I just remembered I have some calls I need to make.”
“What did you want to talk about?”  You ask as John begins to turn on his heels. It freezes him, he looks back to you before offering you a warm smile once again.
“It’s nothing important, I’ll catch up with you some other time, yeah?”
The party goes one without much note after, the most affable thing being that routine that Donghyuck had been preparing.  At one point you and Jungwoo had slipped out citing an acute tiredness as an excuse to just walk the city some more. By this time of night, the kids that had gone out in search for candy were slowly waning, now only the belligerently drunk wandered the streets in search of the home they probably lived in.
“You have to admit that the joke about Red Skelton was pretty funny though,” insisting that Donghyuck wasn’t the worst comedian you had ever seen. Sure, his act could be cleaned up a little but there was definitely potential.
“What was it— I know a guy who bought a $99 color TV set. Now every Tuesday night he watches Green Skelton?” Chuckling as he recalls the joke, Jungwoo shakes his head “That was pretty good.”
“That’s the one, he’s no Jerry Lewis but he’s trying his best,” you laugh as you arrive to the entrance of your apartment, “Did you want to come in?”
“I’d love to,” he says, and your heart skips several beats, “but I’ve got a client coming in early tomorrow.” And then your heart drops, “I’ll come by tomorrow after I’m done?”
“Alright,” you nod and you say your good nights, he places a kiss on your cheek before turning on his heels and walking into the darkness of night. 
You fumble with your hands, trying to unlatch the small picnic basket that had acted as your purse for the evening, in search of your keys. 
“Actually, do you have room for one more?” You’d been too distracted trying to get your keys that you hadn’t heard or seen Jungwoo come back to your stoop. 
“I thought you said you had work tomorrow,” a wayward glance to him.
“I do, but it’s dark and I’m kind of afraid to walk home alone, I mean what if a ghost or vampire gets me? I’m too pretty to die right now,” he states, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waits for you to invite him in. 
“A big baby, more like it,” you scoff, once again turning to look at your door and stating, “If you are coming inside, can you lend me my own spare? I think I dropped my keys at Yuta’s.”
“Yeah I think I’ve got it on my ring,” he rummages around his pocks for a moment until you hear the familiar jingle of his keys. There are only four that adorn the metal hoop; his apartment’s, his mailbox’s, Taeil’s shop’s, and the most recent addition: yours. 
“Roommate not home?” He questions as the two of you make your way inside, kicking off your shoes as you beeline to your kitchen.
“At some B. Altman holiday extravaganza with her beau,” pulling two glasses from a cabinet and grabbing a nearby bottle from the small section of your kitchen dedicated to alcohol, “Nightcap?”
“A small one,” Jungwoo nods as you come into the room, he’s standing over your record player, turning it on and beginning to play whatever was on the platter. You set the glasses down onto the coffee table and pry the cork out of the bottle, pouring two small glasses as he falls into the sofa beside you.
“I hope Delamain’ll do?” You set down the bottle and pass a glass to Jungwoo, only settling down on the couch once your own glass is in hand.
“It’s perfectly fine,” he sips at his glass, setting it down on the settee as he muses some more, “What record is this?”
“Ella Fitzgerald, mom gave it to me for my birthday last year, it’s one of her favorites.” Sipping from your own glass steadily turns into you just downing the liquid in one go. The glass hits the end table with a clink when you set it down, Jungwoo’s free hand resting on your thigh as he listens to the music wafting through the air.
“It’s lovely,” he sighs out as you rest your head on his shoulder, the scent of his Pour Monsieur cologne invading your senses as you settle. The meticulous grazing of his fingers over your thigh cause for you to sigh, wanting to sink further into him.
“Can you kiss me?” The words fall breathlessly from your lips, as his fingers trace the hem of your dress. And he does, turning his head to crash against you with such voraciousness that your teeth click against each other before he steadies and falls into motion with you. The pair of you stay like that for a moment, before you felt his hand slip under your leg, urging you to sit atop him. 
You straddle his waist, feeling a hardness beginning to strain against his trousers as you grind down onto his lap. He lets out a moan, probably the sweetest thing you’d ever heard, his eyelids fluttering as you do it again. A smirk graces your lips, your hands trailing from his chest to the button on the front of his pants, the fabric coarse under your touch as you move to unfasten it. Before you could, you feel a pair of warm hands atop yours, you looked up to see a wide-eyed Jungwoo. 
“I didn’t think I’d be doing this today, so my underwear isn’t exactly mood appropriate—” He says all too quickly for you to comprehend fully, “Just don’t judge me too hard.”
“They can’t be— Is that Mickey Mouse?” You catch the name on the waistband of his underwear, hesitating on releasing any more of the animated character for your eyes to see. 
“And I think you’ve just killed the mood,” he groans, his head falling onto the back pillow as his hands fall atop the couch cushions. 
“No, I didn’t,” you lean down for a kiss, rolling your hips over him, feeling that he was almost fully erect. His hands fly back to your sides, guiding you along as he lifts his pelvis to meet yours. “I think they’re cute but maybe leave them home next time.”
“Next time?” He mused, looking up at you through clouded eyes, a joking tinge added to his voice “What makes you think there’s going to be a next time?”
“Call it foresight,” shoulders shrugging as you look down at him, your head tilted ever so slightly “and you don’t seem like the hit it and quit it type, baby.” He’d slept over at your apartment before, maybe you’d had a few drunken makeout sessions but nothing ever this sobering, this far. In hindsight maybe you should’ve been nervous, let the butterflies in your stomach take over and calm you down. You’re not sure why you’d taken such a confident route with him, it just seems like he needed it. 
“Baby,” the word fell out as a whisper as you saw the faint pinkness of his cheeks in the glow that emanates from the lamp to his right, “Can you spare me any further embarrassment and just take them off already?”
“It doesn’t feel like you’ve got anything to be embarrassed about,” your hand brushing his away from the front of his pants, you sit up on your knees, “Mind kicking them off for me?”
He readily complies as you tried to maneuver without inhibiting him, you noticed him watching you, a hunger in his gaze that sent shivers down your spine. 
“Fuck— is someone else here?” You listen to the familiar sound of your front door unlocking; it doesn’t open but you can hear loud footfalls and an even louder voice talking outside of the door. 
“Sooyoung?” You call out after you were sure the voices had stopped, walking to the kitchen when you hear roommate’s keys hitting the kitchen counter “I thought you were staying at your boyfriend’s?”
“The asshole broke up with me because he wanted to be Holly Golightly. Him! He might have the astoundingly good looks for it but I think I’m a little prettier, don’t you think?,” The door of the fridge slamming shut, a rustle around the utensil drawer as she looks for a spoon. She did look stunning as the Hepburn character; you have to admit. “They’re re-airing that episode of Perry Mason if you wanted to watch it.”
“Jungwoo’s actually over so I think I’m just going to call it a night,” You say, leaning against the doorframe, watching her begin to dig into a tub of ice cream. “I’ll be sure to rant about your ex with you tomorrow.”
“You’d really do that?” A sigh as she shoves the spook into her mouth, “I’ll try not to wake you guys up when I get up for work tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Sooyoung,” a smile before you slip away and head back into the living room. “Alright Woo, it’s time for bed.”
“Alright,” Jungwoo pushes himself off of the couch, shouting out a ‘Goodnight Sooyoung!’ before ducking into your room. With his long strides he walks to your bed and subsequently falls into it as you turn to close the door behind the two of you.
“Don’t you want to change, Dr. Holmes?” You note his still costumed self as you look at his sprawling figure on the bed, “I think I’ve got your bed clothes from the last time you were here… Not sure if I cleaned them though.”
He huffs, “Forget it, I’m going to sleep.” He crawls to his side, blanketing himself with your duvet as you go into your bathroom to remove your makeup and change. 
You can hear him softly snoring as you exit the restroom, your face still a little damp and the scent of your cleanser tingling your nose. Sooyoung’s turned off the music in the living room, the garbled sounds of the small black and white tv quietly floating in under your door. It takes a moment, but you climb into bed next to Jungwoo, pulling the duvet up to your chin before you shut your eyes and fall into a dreamless slumber.
It isn’t sunny out when you wake up, you don’t want to look at your clock for fear that your alarm was about to go off and you’d miss the opportunity to sleep in a few minutes more. An arm draped over you, even in sleep Jungwoo was a cuddler. Normally you weren’t opposed unless it was the summertime and it was unbearably hot outside. 
“You know,” you hear him mumble tiredly, as if he senses that you’ve woken up too, “I always thought your apartment would be much more… bookier.” With the way his voice rasps with fatigue you’re not sure if he’s fully awake or half asleep. 
“What were you expecting? Books wall to wall?” eyes still closed as you pull your duvet closer to you, feeling his arm tense around your waist. 
“Kind of, something akin to a fairytale library,” his breath hot on your back, the hairs on the back of your neck raising at the sensation. “Like uhm— some Grimm story… Oh,” voice perking, “Can we go for that Halloween next year? You didn’t even tell me what you were going as until I saw you tonight.”
“You want to have a couple’s costume?”
“Yeah,” breathing slowing as if he’s falling back asleep agin,”Maybe Lucy and Ricardo, that’d be fun.”
The next time you wake up, the sun’s blaring into your eyes with an intensity you had never asked for.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” Jungwoo’s mumbling and shuffling around your room, sunlight was pouring in from your windows and he looked heavenly even in his manic state.
“What’s wrong?” Stifling a yawn behind your hand as you watch him frantically feel his pockets.
“It’s nine-thirty, We— I overslept,” another string of curses escaping him as he looks around your room, “Do you have a phone I can use?”
“It’s on the dresser.” You point lazily to the red rotary.
You hear the dial tone ring a few times before someone on the other end picks up, “Doyoung can you put my client on the line?” A pause, “Yes I know I’m late.” Another pause before Jungwoo speaks again, “Hello Mr. Smith? Yes, this is Jungwoo Kim I’m running a little late for our appointment, I’m stuck in traffic and if you could give me another— Huh? Oh, yes, of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Are you in trouble?”
“Only minorly,” he frowns, “You wouldn’t happen to have a suit perfectly tailored for me to wear, would you?”
“Can’t say that I do, why don’t you just go in what you’re wearing?”
“I am not going dressed up as Sherlock Holmes for this client, I have some pride you know.” 
“You’re literally wearing Mickey Mouse underwear,” you snort, “it doesn’t look that bad anyway, just don’t wear the hat and lose the pipe. Maybe the cloak too but it’s kind of sexy.” 
“Don’t try to tempt me,” he groans, buttoning and zipping his pants, “I’m late enough as is.” 
“I’d offer you an iron if Sooyoung hadn’t broken mine, that shirt looks super wrinkly now that I see it in the sunlight,” you note, he still looked nice though. He would probably look nice in anything he wore.
“Ugh, really?” Hands running over the wrinkled fabric he sighs to himself, “I’d say I’ve looked worse, but I normally have myself together.” 
“Good luck. I, for one, am going back to sleep.” You sigh and fall back into your blankets, not wanting to leave the sanctuary of warmth quite yet.
“Now who’s the baby?” He scoffs and you hear him tread to the side of the bed, a kiss planted on your forehead as you crinkle your nose up at him. “I’ll call you later today?”
“I’ll talk to you then.”
1964, Late Autumn. The rain began only a few minutes into your trek to the cafe, your umbrella weeping with the droplets as they roll off its surface as you trudge down the street. There’s a rumble in the distance but you’re not sure if it’s the local train station or thunder somewhere off beyond the city. Your other hand in your pocket, running your finger along the ridges of your shop’s key. While you know you’d locked it, you can’t help but have the underlying fear that you’d left the door wide open so that anyone could just walk in. Although you’re not quite sure what they’d take, a few blank notebooks don’t seem like it’d do too well in any sort of underground market. 
By the time you pull yourself from your thoughts you’re standing in front of a small cafe that felt more like a second home to you than your own apartment did at this point. The door swings open, you stand in the entranceway so that you can close your umbrella and leave it in the small stand upfront before you head fully inside. It smells like autumn, or at least the coffee’d variant of it. Pumpkin, nutmeg, and a few other scents you can’t quite pinpoint wafting through the air as you walk up to the counter to place your order. You pick out a few pastries as well and ask that they’re brought out when your coffee is ready. A hand to remove the paper-wrapped book under your arm so you can reach for your wallet, realizing then that the water had soaked into the leather. The wrapping paper now a little damp from where it’d brushed against your coat, you pick it back up as well as grab the receipt from the barista before scouring the cafe for what you’d come here to do in the first place.
Jungwoo’s dozing off when you find him in the back corner of the coffee shop. His jacket slung on the chair beside him, a scarf thrown haphazardly atop it as he leans with his head tilting backwards, pretty much dead to the world. Had the two of you not been frequent customers you’re sure that he would’ve been kicked out by now. But there he was, black turtleneck, tailored pants, and the cartoon bandages he loves so much wrapped tightly around his fingertips.
He doesn’t wake up when you accidentally scrape your chair on the ground when you pull it back to sit across from him nor does he wake when you drop the paper-bound book atop the table with a loud thud. Jungwoo does, however, wake when you brush your hand gently atop his, nearly falling out of his chair as his eyes open wider than you’d ever seen someone’s do. 
“That wasn’t funny,” he frowns as you snicker, glancing over to the counter trying to act as if he’s regained his composure, “did you already order?”
“For me? Yes,” you place your bag in the chair adjacent to you, shrug off your raincoat and hang it on the back of your chair. “For you, what is it that you get? Flat white, two sugars, low fat milk?”
“That’s it,” he hums, leaning his head back once more. It must’ve been another sleepless night for him.
“You should be thankful I’ve got an exceptional memory,” you frown as he can’t see you, he overworks himself too much and if you ever try to bring it up he brushes it off with a wave and an excuse of ‘I’m just doing what I love’. 
“You know,” he begins, leaning his head back up, opening his eyes to look at you. There was something shining behind them that you’d only seen on a handful of occasions; he has an idea and he’s not sure that you’ll like it, “I was wondering if you’d model a dress for me? Not for a fashion show or anything. I just think it’d look good on you.”
His gaze breaks from yours to look at the aisle behind you, you turn and see the barista coming with your drinks and assortment of baked goods. After a few repetitious ‘thank you’s she leaves and the pair of you are left alone once more. 
“Are you flirting with me?” An eyebrow piqued as you look at him. He’d asked you to do some of the strangest things before, going from the mundane ‘I think we need to get annual tickets to the opera just in case I forget your birthday and it’ll be a birthday present’ to ‘I swear to god if we don’t rescue this cat right now I’m never calling you again’. But it was two am and a shitfaced Jungwoo had thought that a raccoon was a cat as it rummaged through the garbage. That had also been the night where he’d serenaded you with his own rendition of Blossom Dearies ‘Dance Only With Me’ and Sinatra’s ‘I’m a Fool to Want You’; he’d broken down crying at the latter and you’d forced him to go to bed early. He only went on the condition that you’d hug him as he slept. It was certainly an interesting way to spend your first date together. 
“Do you want me to be? I’d say it’s fairly doable,” He winks as he drinks from his mug, blowing on its contents beforehand to cool the brew. 
A laugh, the brown paper under your fingertips wrinkling as you strain your fingers and push it towards him. It slides across the wood with relative ease, you finger partially tearing the paper where it had been dampened by the rain. 
“I brought you your book.”
“Unlined and all?” He asks as he sets down his cup, shifting himself forward to get a better look.
“Unlined, flexible binding, the works.” 
“You’re a lifesaver,” he sighs, taking the still wrapped book into his grasp. 
“I know,” you smile, watching as his fingers toy with the twine that kept it together. 
“Hello? Paging Ms. Bookbinder, you there?” Jungwoo’s hand waves in front of your face, suddenly you’re back in reality and trying to remember the conversation. You didn’t realize you’d zoned out that hard.
“Yes Mr. Reichelt?” You question, looking down as his finger’s unlace the twine you’d wrapped around the paper packaging. 
“Don’t call me that I am much cooler than Franz Reichelt, and less dead, for that matter.”
“Can you say that after you drink your coffee?” You poke jokingly while he eyes his mug with a wary glance.
“Anyway, were you even listening to me?” He leans towards you, elbows resting on the tabletop and a slight curvature to his smile that looked far too playful for the current moment. It stilled your heart for a second before you shake your head at him. 
“Not really, no.” You confess, sipping from your cup, “What is it?”
“I was asking if you would let me make a dress for you. I’ve had this idea in my mind for weeks and I finally got this mulberry silk imported from Lyon and it’s too good not to use immediately.”
“I don’t even need a dress like that, Jungwoo.” You frown, picking at one of the pastries in front of you, pinching off a piece before stuffing it into your mouth. “I’m not exactly the type that goes to parties where I’d need a silk dress.” You think that the last party you’d attended you’d worn a sweater and a dress from your roommate’s closet, nothing remotely close to what he was proposing. 
“You don’t even know what it looks like,” he pouts, “All I need are your measurements, you won’t even have to see the thing if you don’t want to.” 
A sigh, “Fine. When do you want me to drop by?”
“Does Tuesday around ten work for you?”
“I should be able to get Yuta to look over the shop while I’m gone.”
1964, Winter. The ringing of your shop’s bells draws you to the front room, your hands wrought with binding glue, you try to rub them on the apron you wear to rid yourself of the sensation. Before you can ask what the customer needs you stop in your tracks, head tilting to the side, “Isn’t it your day off?”
“It is,” Jungwoo’s voice is cheery as he walks in further, looking at the array of newly bound books sitting out on display.
“What are you doing here?”
“I can’t want to see you?” You fluster at the words, hard to hide the small smile that forms on your lips.
“I mean, you can, it's just that I’m working.” You motion to the store, to the few customers browsing the items.
“You’ve spent however many nights watching me hem skirts and taper jackets; I think it’s time I return the favor.” A nod of his head as he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “What can I do to help?”
“What the hell’s pincushion doing here?” Before you’re able to open your mouthm Yuta’s come out of the back room with a stack of books in his grasp, “I thought you’d be holed up in your shop by now.”
“It’s my day off.”
“And you’re spending it… here…” The thud of books landing on a nearby table as the skepticism in Yuta’s voice rises.
“Yep.”
“He must really like you,” Yuta scoffs, going to grab a different selection of books off of another shelf. He turns to you and asks, “Can you grab me the leather samples from the back? I think Maisel’s coming in today and you know how he gets.”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” You shake your head and head to the back room to search for the swatches.
While he waits, Jungwoo notices a small web lingering in the intersection of two walls, the sunlight glinting off its strands having been what alerted him to his presence in the first place. At first, he thinks to sweep it away with a broom he knows is hidden away somewhere in your storeroom. You weren’t the biggest fan of bugs or arachnids; he was surprised you hadn’t rid your shop of it by now. But he can't find it within himself to brush the web asunder. It had worked hard to build and craft its home; he knew firsthand how difficult creating something from nothing was. 
“Her name is Jorōgumo.” Yuta had walked up behind Jungwoo with little announcement. The younger jumps, turning his head to look at the other. “I offered to kill her… him...? For her but she said it was eating the bugs and to let it be.”
Jungwoo eyes the fat-bodied spider, “Why is it named that?”
“It’s a fairytale from Japan, there’s a spider that looks like a woman. It entices men to follow her and then eats them while they’re distracted,” Yuta explains, the sound of the storeroom opening behind him.
“Are you bullying Arachne again?” You frown, handing the swatches to Yuta and looking up to the small web in the corner.
“I am not bullying Jorōgumo.”
“If I’m keeping a spider in my shop, I am not naming it after a monster.”
“And a heretic is better?” Yuta scoffs, tapping Jungwoo on the shoulder, “What do you think, Pincushion?”
“I’m just wondering why both the myths have to be women,” he shrugs his shoulders and looks to you, “Do you think you’d be free this evening so I can take your measurements? I finally have some free time to start working on that dress.”
“I think so,” a nod as you look to Yuta, “Mind looking after the shop for a bit?”
1965, Early Spring “Didn’t you already measure me?” Jungwoo’s hands hold a rolling measuring tape as he holds it up to your forearm as you ask.
“Yeah, but I want to make sure this is perfect.” Tape lowered; he writes down the number into one of the journals he’d brought with him to your apartment. Trailing away from that your eyes look to the bouquet he brought when he’d come over.
“What’s the deal?” Brow furrowing at the pink, red and white blooms, “You never give me flowers.”
“It’s a special occasion,” Beaming, he’s as bright as the sun. A jilted visage against the cool tones of your apartment’s interior. He looks up to you with a vividness in his eyes, “Your boyfriend’s going to Paris.”
“What do you mean Paris?” A hitch in your voice as you ask, a strange and warped confusion overcoming you.
“Taeil got me an apprenticeship with one of his friends, he’s going to be in town in a few weeks to talk about it with me and I want to show off the dress there.” He’s speaking at a mile a minute, a clear excitement as he beams.
“Don’t fall for some mysterious Parisian woman while you’re there,” You poke, still unsure about how you even feel about this.
“I doubt I’ll have time to even wander the city. With all of the workshops and sessions we’ll have. It’s going to be the opportunity of a life— ow—” he says as you gently hit his shoulder. “I won’t fall for some other girl, I promise,” He laughs and continues to take your measurements.
1965, Late Spring “Did you have a good time tonight?” The lock clicking into place as he asks, your footsteps falling on the floor as you make your way to his workbench in the center of what would’ve been his living room had he not made it into a makeshift workshop. 
You note the tools, the fabrics and array of swatches that litter his home, the pincushion he wears on his wrist as he works settled onto the tabletop. It’s as if the apartment is a representation of him, messy in ambition but persevering through the struggles as he tries to find the limelight of his own. A smile forming as he walks over to you.
“I had a wonderful time, thank you for inviting me.”
It had been a small gathering at the tailor shop, a small dinner with Taeil, Jungwoo, Taeil’s friend and Jungwoo’s future mentor Ten, and yourself. The entirety of the night you’d felt a knot forming in your stomach, the anxiety of Jungwoo’s future endeavors weighing heavily on your shoulders. You want to be happy for him but the closer it gets to Jungwoo’s departure for Paris leaves you feeling more and more despair at the event of it all.
“Thank you for coming,” Jungwoo’s hands find your sides as you lean your backside against the rough wooden edge of the table. “You made it all the more bearable,” smiling softly in the dim lighting of the apartment, he leans forward and places a soft kiss on your lips. The wine from earlier lingers on his breath, you're sure it does the same to yours, the darkness of the red already making you warm and your body feeling weightless, almost as if you were floating in a pool of water. 
You part, staring into each other’s eyes, a silent conversation before he’s leaning in again to find your lips. His kiss seems as if it seeks to steal the breath from your lungs. To devour you entirely until all you can think of is his closeness, the softness of his lips atop yours, of just him. The woolen fabric of his overcoat is rough under your fingertips as you move your hands from the workshop table to his shoulders, gently pulling at the cloth to urge him to discard the garment. His hands leave your sides momentarily as he shrugs the jacket off, the fabric falling and pooling on the floor at his feet. A metallic clang echoing around the space as he leans forward to lock his lips with yours.
“Jungwoo,” you breathe, soft pants escaping the both of you as you turn your head from him, your eyes trailing to the sewing scissors that had clattered onto the floor. Another rustling of fabric and you realize he’s discarded his suit jacket as well.
“Let it be,” a hand under your chin, guiding you back to the comfort of his lips. He presses himself into your touch, the way your fingers dance along the smooth cotton of his starched shirt, fiddle with the buttons and run your fingertips atop the small engravings adorning them. 
“Are we really going to do this in your workspace?” You look up to his darkened gaze, your voice caught in your throat as his own fingers move to toy with the neckline of your dress. Gentle, electric touches that have you reeling.
“Does that bother you?” His lips leave yours once more as he places soft, yearning kisses to your cheek, trailing down your jaw and then to your neck. He raises a hand to pull away the neckline of the dress to allow him better access to the apogee of nerves nestled at the point where your shoulder and neck meet. Teeth biting ever so gently that you would have mistaken it as a light graze had you not felt the sharp pinch. It pulls an almost whining sound from your vocal cords, causing your head to tilt to allow him more space to roam. 
Lips curling into a smile as he pulls away, his hand sliding from the table to your arm, then raising and gently pulling at your hair, “You didn’t answer me.” 
“God, fuck, no it doesn’t bother me,” you trap his lips in yours, tilting your head up so the orange glow of the street lamps outside shine into your eyes before you shut them, finding yourself lost in the entity of your lover. The slowest ministrations of your hips trying to roll against his, to seek out friction and closeness and the yearning of him to once again be a part of you, “Jungwoo.” Your tone is darker, needier, wanting as he presses his clothed self flush against you. 
A huff of air escaping you as he once again pulls his lips away from you, and then the gentle rolling of his hips against yours ceases as well. Eyes opening to find him looking over you, not scrutinizing, it seems as if he was rather admiring the picture that sat before him.
Head tilting, the presence of desire absent for a moment as he muses, “I think it looks amazing.” He hums as he lowers himself to his knees, somehow the softness of his voice makes you want to comply with every word uttered, “Can you sit on the table for me?”
Hands brushing against tulle and satin and a plethora of other fabrics you could care less about at this moment in time as you find your hold on the table as you move to sit atop its surface, your heeled shoes clattering to the floor as you do so. Jungwoo’s fingers caress your calves as he leans himself closer to your core, his warm breath making your mind conjure some of the most unspeakable thoughts. 
“I’ll have to let the designer know he did an amazing job,” you smile, involuntarily shivering as he slides his hands upwards, the hem of your dress inching towards your stomach the further he ascends. 
His face merely inches from your heat now, your hips squirming at the proximity. “I think he’d be appreciative of the feedback,” Jungwoo smiles, his face now obscured from vision due to the collection of fabric, you have half a mind to tear it off of you, not that you ever realistically would. It was far too precious. 
The rip of fabric, the coolness of the air hitting your now exposed sex, you whine in protest as he begins to slide the now torn fabric of your underwear away from you. 
“I’ll get you some more,” his right hand hovers over you, he uses his middle finger to swipe up the length of your slit, causing you to draw in a sharp breath. 
“Are you a lingerie atelier now— Fuck,” you begin to joke before he begins to tease your entrance with the tip of his finger. Your own hand moving to your breast, trying to fondle the mound through several layers of fabric. He slips the rest of his finger inside of you and with a moan you roll your hips to try and meet him halfway. 
It’s not until he eases in another finger and begins to languidly move them in and out of you as well as latch his lips to your clit that your vocalizations rise in volume. The digits curl inside of you, his tongue swirls around the sensitive bundle of nerves and your head finds itself lost in the euphoria of the moment, your hand falling away from your breast to find itself running through Jungwoo’s locks. He hums against you as your fingers tighten their hold, nearly sending you over the edge.
“Are you close?” You look to him, lips coated with the sheen of you, a tinge to his voice that straddles between curiosity and a carnal question. 
Hand moving from his hair to his cheek you can only nod, trying to roll your hips to the increasing speed of his fingers inside of you. His eyes watching you as you do finally reach your climax, chortled breaths escaping you as well as a slew of incoherent words and his name. Jungwoo can feel the way your walls spasm around his fingers and sighs to himself as he pulls them from you, wishing that it had been more than just his digits that had made you cum.
You sit up, a little dazed and a lot more aroused than you were when you’d first stepped into the apartment. Jungwoo rises to greet you, your lips clash together and you can taste yourself on his tongue as you vie for dominance. 
“Switch with me?” You ask, parting for air, voice whispering as your hands move to once again toy with the hem of his collared shirt.
And he does, backing away from you enough so you can land your feet on the floor and trade places with him. Your turn to take control for a moment, you feel the hardness of his cock through his pants as you tentatively palm it, trying to elicit some sort of sound from him. 
“Come on, Woo, I know you’ve got it in you,” you tease, running your hand up and down the etching of his member, slowly and meticulously trying to draw him out of his shell. 
“Have what—” he cuts himself off as you run your fingers over his cockhead, a low groan as if he hadn’t wanted you to hear it. 
“Have that,” you lean forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. The taste of salt greeting you, the sheen of sweat on his face glittering in the lights dimly illuminating his apartment. You fall to your knees, sending shivers down your spine as the cool air that balloons the skirt of your dress as your knees hit the floor with a dull thud. Hands sliding up his thighs, you move to his belt to hastily unfasten it.
It falls away, as do his pants and underwear, you were going to mention the lack of cartoon characters adorning it, but you were too preoccupied taking him into your mouth to comment. 
Tongue running over the slit on his head, it draws the sweetest sounds from him, saccharine-like honey that drips from his moans and rings around your ears. His hand running through his hair, his other gripping the table as he tries to stop himself from bucking into your mouth as you take him further. 
Your knees ache from the rough floor, the pain not deterrent enough for you to forget about the wetness between your legs. Fidgeting as your head bobs up and down on his length, you don’t think he takes notice. Yet Jungwoo was more perceptive than he let on at times, considering his hand now rests upon your hollowing cheek. 
“Get up,” Jungwoo urges, his voice hoarse as he tries to gently nudge you away from his cock. “I want to cum inside of you.” When you do let him leave your mouth, a thin line of spittle trailing from his head to your lips you hear him sigh out again. It was so easy to get a reaction out of him, he almost feels like putty in the palm of your hand. 
The indents from the wood settle into the flesh of your thighs as he helps you stand and lightly pushes you back onto the table. His belt clattering onto the floor as he fully kicks off his pants, his shoes, and briefs. 
You wonder at this point if you should take off the dress, but as your hand begins to reach for the zipper, he stops you, “No, keep it on.”
He kisses you again, taking his hands to gently pry your legs open so he can align himself with your core. Lips parting, you feel his cockhead brush up against your entrance before he pushes himself into you, his hands moving to trail up the sides of your legs. Slowly, feeling every inch enveloping him as his fingers tighten their hold on the skin of your hips. 
“Fuck,” he moans, fully sheathing himself inside of you. His brown eyes meeting yours, tongue darting out to wetten his lips, “Do you need a minute?”
When you shake your head no you fully expect him to start fucking into you with reckless abandon as he did most nights you stayed together. But he doesn’t, instead he starts to roll his hips into you, not trying to fuck the life out of you, rather trying to gauge how and what made you feel good.
“Woo,” you mutter with half-lidded eyes, hands trailing up his arms and to his shoulders, your nails digging into the now exposed skin. It was sure to leave marks, but only small crescent moons that would fade away come morning. 
It’s whispered ‘I love you’s’ that fall from his lips as your forearms wrap around his neck to pull you up
 and draw him in closer, a thrumming in your chest each time he says it. And you repeat it back to the best of your ability, to find a constancy in him that hadn’t ever made itself presentable to you in a lover or significant other before. 
For a moment you’re able to lose yourself in him, to forget that he’d be leaving you soon and your heart along with it. You’re enveloped in the presence of him and you wouldn’t have it any other way, you wouldn't let it be any other way. 
Jungwoo’s thrusts become more sporadic as he reaches his end, one of his hands leaving your side and moving to your clit to try and bring you over with him one more time. You’re sensitive and strung out on him, legs tensing as they try to close, stopping around his waist as you press your forehead to his shoulder. 
He cums with little warning, other than his hand moving from your clit and back to your side as he stills himself within you. The sweat collected on both of your bows intermingling when he presses his forehead against yours. His breathing slows as he regains his composer, kissing you as he slides himself out of you. When he pulls away to slide on his briefs you land your feet on the ground with shaky legs, holding the edge to balance yourself.
Jungwoo turns back to you and almost has to stifle a short laugh, your face contorting to the feel of his essence leaving you, it was strange but not overtly bad. Just not something you were fully accustomed to.
“Let’s wash up, hm?” Hand taking yours, he leads you to his small bedroom, only stopping midway inso he can help you out of your clothes. He unzips the dress, the cool air of his apartment fully encasing you as he pulls the fabric off your shoulders. You feel his lips press a soft kiss onto the nape of your neck and he catches the scent of the perfume you’d applied earlier in the evening. The dress falls, pooling at your feet and you step from its depths and onto the hardwood floor. Before you’re able to reach for the dress, Jungwoo’s swept it up, already moving to hang it in his closet. 
The two of you shower together, reminiscing on a handful of occasions with him that you’d fully devoted to memory but also of the future as well. Jungwoo was excited to leave, every mention of it fractalizing your heart just a little bit more, not that you’d let him know, you just put on a smile and tell him how happy you are for him.
You borrow a shirt from him to wear to bed, exiting the bathroom while he brushes his teeth and combs his hair. While he does, you wander his room, looking at the shelves that adorn the space. Most books atop them are about tailoring or sewing, things that wouldn’t typically draw your attention. You then spot a few that are familiar, the bindings nostalgic under your fingertips as you trace them, no names or words that addressed their titles.
“I never realized I made you so many,” You muse, looking at Jungwoo who’s just exited the bathroom.
“I have been your loyal customer for a while now, you know.” He notes, falling into his bed and collecting the blankets, he pats the mattress beside him to beckon you closer. 
You fall back into the bed beside him after you saunter over, encased in the blankets for a moment by the duvet he tosses atop you before you look to him, “I don’t want you to go.” It’s a simple statement that carries all too much weight for those six words alone, they lie heavily in your chest, saying them aloud does nothing to stop that. 
“I know, I know,” There’s a hurt in his voice as he knows just how difficult it’ll be to part from you. “We’ve still got almost two months left before I go though, let’s try to make the most of it, okay?”
1965, Summer It had only been a month since Jungwoo landed in Paris. His French is awful, and he only knows how to call things pretty, cute or something lewder thanks to the teachings of his fellow apprentices. There are bags under his eyes from another sleepless night, a cigarette hanging from his lips (a terrible habit he’s picked up as of late), and the mute sounds of some song playing out of the bar he’d just crawled out of. It’s probably Bridget Bardot but he can’t tell from his position, not that he can understand anyway, he’s barely been able to comprehend his own thoughts.
His fingers ache, only nude bandages that are a little too pink wrapped around them because he can’t find the cartoon ones that you’d given him tucked away in his things. His eyes feel strained, tired, and pulsing from overanalyzing stitching and searching cloth for tears, pulls or other impurities. Montmartre was beautiful, not that he was able to see if often as he was constantly working. And if he wasn’t working, he was probably trying to catch up on lost rest.
This was his dream, a part of it though, the other half had you somewhere tucked away in the echelons of his fantasy life. Although he was doing what he wanted, what he loved, there was something about you being in absentia that had him feeling empty. He’d written countless letters but only signed and sent a handful, worried of saying too much and worried of saying too little. To you and his father, his father that had sent him on this path at a young age. ‘Make something of yourself,’ he’d said when Jungwoo was seven, ‘you’re too ambitious not to.’
If he could laugh at him now, he would. But his father was an ocean away, retreated somewhere in the depths of Jungwoo’s childhood that he’d rather leave behind. 
Yet you on the other hand, he’d written you what felt like every day and struggled with each composition. Jungwoo had never missed someone’s voice as much as yours, the gentle feel of your hand intertwined with his or even the sounds of your footsteps trailing through your shop. He’s supposed to be happy, why isn’t he happy?
The cigarette burns, the acrid smoke filtering into his lungs as he inhales, a plume of what’s left leaving him when he huffs out, the cigarette dropped onto the ground, smoldering away. Hand flitting through his knotted locks, the dampness of sweat clinging to the pads of his fingertips as he brushes over his brow. 
Most people had dropped everything to work under Ten, a certified maestro of their craft. And Jungwoo had dropped everything, not begrudgingly at first, but as the dog days of the beginning of summer and the end of spring drew near there was a rising anxiety within his chest. If you had asked him not to leave as he was standing at the terminal’s gates, he probably wouldn’t have gone at all. 
He’s been giving up more and more lately; sleep, adequate meals, a solitary living space. Jungwoo’s worried when this serpent of work will seek out to devour you away too. It’s not that he wants to let you go, but if he’s to make something of himself he might have to, as cruel and malicious it may seem. In that you waiting for him was burdensome, not to him but to yourself. While he’s off gallivanting in an ancient city you’re in your shop, was he just supposed to expect you to idly sit by and wait for him? He’s not sadistic enough to tether you down to the unknown.  
1965, Late Autumn. You’d come home that morning with a new record tucked under your arm, the words ‘Rubber Soul’ peeking overtop the paper sheath that the store had given you as you set it down on your countertop after discarding your shoes and jacket by the door. You hum to yourself, shedding your bag, reaching for the new record, and bringing it over to your player, Sooyoung’s worn copy of one of Billie Holiday’s albums resting on the platter. With gentle hands you remove it from the spindle, tucking it away in its cover before releasing Rubber Soul from its own and setting it onto the player. System turned on, you place the needle on the record and adjust the volume so the first few riffs of ‘Drive My Car’ begin playing through the speakers. 
Nodding your head to the rhythm, you set down the cover and make your way to the kitchen, noticing the small pile of postcards and letters you’d received from Jungwoo over the last few months. He’d been so busy he hadn’t really had the time to call or write a lot for that matter. But it wasn’t like calling was free, especially an international connection. With each new card that he sent to you, there seemed to be less that he wrote of and more empty space adorning it. 
“Hey,” You hear Sooyoung say as she exits her room, her purse in hand as she heads to the hall tree to grab a coat, “I’ve gotta head in, someone completely ruined the display for the winter collection.”
“I thought you were in charge of that?” A tilt of your head as she passes by. Sooyoung’s one of the floor managers of the flagship B. Altman some blocks away, and that left her unnecessarily stressed by the minute details of the store. 
“I am, but I let one of the new girls try and set it up,” a frown as she opens the door, “That’s what I get for trying to take on a protegee. I’ll be back around dinnertime, okay?” 
“I’ll see you then,” waving her off with a hand as the door slams shut, the sound of your friend’s key locking the door before the apartment falls into silence once more, the only sound coming from the next song on the vinyl. 
Stifling a yawn with your hand you head to the living room, plopping down onto the sofa as you reach for a magazine atop the table. It was one of your roommate’s detailing a plethora of fashion information, this seemed something like Jungwoo could take to more so than yourself. Before you’re able to get lost in the pit of missing him again the phone on the table next to the sofa begins to ring. 
“Hello?” Magazine tossed aside, you reach for the phone, pulling it to your ear as you lay reclined on the couch. Fully expecting a family member or one of Sooyoung’s friends over the line you sound a little more crass than normal.
“Whoa,” a familiar, achingly distant voice calls out, “Did I do something wrong?” 
“Jungwoo?” Eyes widening, your grip on the phone tightening before your brow furrows and you sit up, “Where are you?”
“I’m actually in a phone booth outside of Ten’s shop right now,” A short laugh, there’s something quiet about it, “I feel like I’m in some sort of film.”
“It sure sounds like you are,” distancing yourself from the line for a moment as the connection pops and crackles. Ear returning to the phone you feel your heart swell as you lean against your wall, “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” He sounds apprehensive, as if there’s something ruminating behind his lips, but he was too afraid to say it. “I’m sorry for not calling sooner, it’s just been extremely busy here.”
Twirling the phone cord absentmindedly with your finger you shake your head, not that he could see you, “It’s alright.” The disquiet in his voice putting you on edge, “What’s wrong?” 
“I’ve been thinking,” He’s holding his breath, and you don’t realize that you are too.
“Of?”
“Ending this.” There’s a pause, a bated breath, and a clearing of his throat before he begins to speak again. It sounds robotic, rehearsed, even. “I don’t want to leave you waiting for me when I don’t even know when I’ll be back.”
“If you don’t think I’d wait for you you’re ridiculous,” A confused tone to your voice, you blink several times as if that were the cure-all to comprehend what he was suggesting. “Is there someone else?”
“God, no, of course not. It’s just—” A break in the facade for a moment before it turns static again, “You deserve constancy. I don’t want you waiting around for me when you could be happier somewhere else with someone else who’s actually there for you.” 
“Are you serious?” With the thought of him being an ocean away you could barely go as kicking and screaming as you wanted to, but you can’t. It’s hard to collect your thoughts with so many jumbling around your head. 
“I’ll get Taeil or someone to stop by and get my things,” voice muffled, there a small banging coming from the other end, as if someone’s hitting the outside of the phonebooth that Jungwoo was situated in. 
“No,” you frown, a heavy feeling settling into your stomach. “I’ll drop the dress and your things off at the shop.”
“Keep the dress, it was a gift,” his voice insists, sounding defeated and tired. 
“I don’t want it, I want you, Jungwoo.”
He would rather watch the stars flicker and die from their sepulchered facades in the expanse above, watch the oceans shrivel and continents shrink, than be the source of your privation. It’s as if he can hear your heart break over the line. It isn’t loud, it isn’t ear shattering— it’s a hairline fracture that webs out and settles into every fiber of your being. He knows it because it’s the same thing he’s afflicted upon himself. 
“I’m sorry, I love you but there’s no feasible way that I can—” he pauses, and you hear a voice tinned by the crackling line. It’s French, sounds angry and causes Jungwoo to speak into the phone once more, “I— I have to go. I’ll call you back later so we can talk about this, okay?”
“Okay,” the word is lifeless as it leaves your mouth, you hang up and pull the phone away from your ear as if you could still hear his voice after you’d killed the call. 
You are a bag of bones, skin, and whatever else deigned itself rotted enough to crawl its way inside of you and flourish. Amber leaves looking more titian as you leave your apartment, a muted tone as you walk the streets and to your shop. The lights inside aren’t as bright as they once were, sounds far too muffled by the blood rushing to your ears as Yuta asks you what’s wrong.  
1966, Winter “Try this one,” The bartender standing in front of you sets down another glass. He’d been talking to you on and off the whole night trying to get your opinions on different drinks he’d been concocting to try and get put on the menu.
“What is it?” Amber liquid swirled around what looked like a dried slice of orange. The whiff of something floral and reminiscent of anise hits your nose, causing your face to scrunch. “That’s not straight absinthe and cognac, is it?”
“Cognac Tesseron, Peychaud’s Bitters, simple syrup, and just the smallest taste of absinthe,” Carefully crafted and delicately handled you pick up the glass and observe it some more. “I’m thinking about calling it the Forget Me Not, but we’ll see what management thinks of that name.” Voice tinged with that oddly specific Brooklyn accent he turns to his other clientele, leaving you with the newest cocktail. Lips carefully pressed to the glass you drink, mulling over the flavors as you do so. After thinking about it you set the glass down, lips pursed together, it wasn’t a bad taste you just wished there were sweeter notes to it.
Alone. You sat alone in the dimly lit bar that denoted itself as La Fête. Why, you weren’t sure, but the cacophony of spirits mixed into the glass between your fingers was the only thing that had made you feel well the entire evening. Some comedian stands on the stage a few meters away, giving off a routine that wasn’t hitting as well as it should be. There’s muffled laughs and chortles from the audience in front of him, yet you’d barely heard a word he said.
“Mind if I join you?” A voice rings out to your right; you’re unable to see who it is until they take a seat next to you.
“Mr. Suh,” Eyebrows raised as Johnny turns to face you, “What brings you here?” You hadn’t seen him in a month or so, not after that had happened.
“Yuta told me I could probably find you here, and Sooyoung also told me about trying to cheer you up since the gifts she got you weren’t working,” A smirk playfully bouncing on his lips. “You look awful.” Hands folding atop each other as he adjusts himself in the seat.
“What makes you say that?” Scoffing as you bring your glass to your lips, taking a sip of your drink before setting it back down.
“Yuta did say you were going through something heavy.” His tone lowers, becoming more sympathetic and less lighthearted than it’d been a moment before.
The gentle ambiance of the bar around you, as well as the slew of alcohol in your drink, mellows your inhibitions and voice. It was the calmest you’d felt the entire night. “I just needed a break from all of this,” hand motioning towards your head. 
“I can understand that” Pausing for a moment he opens a nearby menu, perusing the selections. “I just came from a conference in D.C., aren’t you going to ask why?”
“Hmm, why?” You pose, head tilting as you turn to look at him.
“We’re acquiring some major stock in Marriott,” “Forcing a bunch of bigwigs to give up their assets is an adrenaline rush I won’t get anywhere else but there.”
“Sounds… fun?”
“In reality it’s just a bunch of stuffy old men with their own hands up their asses, “Although I guess I have to get used to it; I’ll be one of those men someday.”
“Johnathan Suh you will never be like any of those men,” sigh losing itself in your glass as you bring it back to your lips.
“I appreciate the sentiment,” as he closes his menu, he calls the bartender over, ordering some drink that sounded all too extravagant for your taste.
The pair of you sit in silence for a few moments, your glass now set atop the marble bar as your eyes wander around the warm, eclectic interior. “Are you merging them with that Canadian group? I can’t remember their name.” Snapping your fingers together as you try and recall. You look back to Johnny, who was beginning to take a drink of another one of the bartender’s creations.
The glass now moved away, and he frowns into the back of his hand; you wonder if it’s due to the alcohol. Head shaking in the negative he answers, “I actually left that partnership a year or so ago, decided I didn’t want any of ‘Daddy’s Help’ and tried my own hand at it.” Leaning back, he adjusts the lapels of his suit jacket, “And I’ve been doing a pretty good job if I do say so myself.” His confidence was a manic beast at times, but it never failed to make you roll your eyes. “What about you? Gonna commercialize your shop anytime soon?”
“As if,” You snort and look towards the darkened windows of the venue, “I’m perfectly fine in my shop,” Elbow resting on the counter, you lay your cheek atop your hand as your hair falls around your face, looking up at Johnny as your cheeks warm with embarrassment, “It’s all I can manage.”
Johnny laughs, it’s hearty and you feel your pulse rise along with the heat in your cheeks, “Don’t sell yourself short.” Shoulder shrugging, he returns to his drink, finishing it quickly while you sit up, rubbing your cheek.
“We’ll see when I get there,” smirk showing itself again as his fingers trace circles on the light marble of the bar. “Oh, weird, crazy question really,” His hand moves to his jacket, fumbling around one of the inside pockets for a moment as he searches for something. 
“Want to go to a wedding with me?” A piece of elegantly cut cardstock tossed down onto the bar, you don’t recognize the names scrawled onto the front of it in some pretentious calligraphy.
“Aren’t you dating that girl?” Fingers pulling the card closer, trying to recall the name, “Yoona or something? Why don’t you take her?”
Johnny almost chokes on his water as you speak, hitting his hand against his chest to get some air. “God no,” He coughed, setting his water glass down. “Yoona’s just a family friend, more like my big sister than anything else. If anything, my sister will get married before me.”
You nod your head in understanding, “Ah, is she still dating Taeil?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t trust them to tell me if it was raining outside or not,” he muses. Suddenly his demeanor turns mischievous, you’re not sure how to properly describe it as he leans in towards you, the smirk back with a vengeance. “But why were you interested in who I’m dating? Are you curious?”
It takes most of your willpower to lean back away from him and roll your eyes as you scoff out, “As if.” He only increasingly gets closer before you put a hand on his shoulder and playfully push him back.
“And what about you?” Does he seem nervous? You hear a genuine interest in his voice, but you aren’t sure if you’re exaggerating it due to the miasma of spirits clouding your senses. “Has any prince charming come up and swept you off your feet yet?”
“Does it look like it?” Eyebrow raised, you motion to yourself, “Yuta told you why I’m here, didn’t he?” Frown settling onto your lips you finish your drink, setting it down back onto the bar with an audible clink. 
“He may have mentioned it in passing,” John mutters, finger rubbing along the rim of his glass.
“I haven’t spoken to him in weeks, months even and he has the audacity to send in an order?” You try your best to sound indignant, but the truth was that it’d felt like a stab to your heart to see the hastily signed ‘Jungwoo Kim’ adorning the invoice. Your heart had almost stopped then, you’d thought that you and he were, at that point, separate entities once more. “He made it blatantly clear he wants nothing to do with me anymore, he can go woo as many Parisians as he’d like, I’m over it.” Not yet, you weren’t. But maybe repeating it enough would make it a reality.
“You know what I think?” John asks, finishing the rest of his drink as you look to your empty glass.
“I’m not drunk enough?”
“I think you’re plenty gone. But I don’t think you’ve ever let anything destroy you this much, or if you have, I'm a terrible friend for not realizing it. And with that being said, I will personally take up the reins to try and get you out of this slump,”
“Any other thoughts, O wise and wonderful mood maker?” 
“Yeah, this comedian’s garbage. I’ll take you to a Lenny Bruce set one day and you’ll laugh your ass off.”
“I appreciate it,” a snicker leaves you. “Anyway,” your eyes move to your watch, checking the time, “I should probably head back to my place, it’s getting late and I’ve got an early morning tomorrow.” You rummage around your bag for a crumpled mess of bills that you toss onto the counter in front of you.
You stand and begin moving towards the exit when John speaks up, “Want me to walk with you?”
“If you want to,” pausing, you turn back to him and offer a smirk of your own, “it’s not too far away.” The two of you walk in silence through the winding interior of the bar as you make your way to the front entrance, you see through the large wooden doors that it is pitch black outside, thankfully the streetlights adorning the sidewalks keep things fairly visible. When the doors open and the two of you step outside you can’t help but let out a “Shit, it got cold.” 
“Here,” John shrugs off his already unbuttoned suit jacket and hands it to you, you can see the thin dress shirt he’s wearing, and you wonder how he’s not shivering himself. “Did you leave your jacket inside?” He asks as you drape the soft fabric over your shoulders.
“At the shop,” Standing outside, your toes on the edge of the sidewalk, your head cranes, trying to remember which way you’d walked here. “It’s…” you look to the signs at the end of the street, “that way,” hand motioning towards your abode once you recognize the names. “It’s about a fifteen-minute walk, I can always call a cab or something, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
“It’s alright,” His shoulders shrug as the two of you begin walking, “It’ll help the alcohol get out of your system.” Had he seen you stumbling on your feet on your way out? If he did, he doesn’t say as the two of you walk the uneven streets, pushing through masses of tourists and civilians parading around the city. It’s not long until the crowds wear thin, leaving you, John, and the occasional pedestrian roaming the streets. “I’ve always loved this city,” John muses as the two of you stroll through one of the many parks dotting the town.
Nodding, “It’s lively for sure.” Your hands move to close his jacket tighter around your bare shoulders, “I don’t think I could imagine leaving it.”
“Maybe for a summer home though?” John laughs, moving his hands to his pockets. “I remember how you’d stay inside whenever it snowed or went below thirty when we were kids.”
Biting the inside of your cheek, “I wouldn’t say it’s that much of a problem anymore, I’m just a big fan of the sun in all its glory, not when it’s obscured behind a wall of cl—” Perhaps you would’ve finished that sentence had the heel of your, admittedly too high-heeled shoe not gotten caught between one of the junctures of the sidewalk, causing you to fall forward. You feel a pair of hands on you, one wrapped around your waist and one on your shoulder, as the ground rapidly rises to meet you.
Eyes closed you hear, “Are you alright?” as you’re hoisted back up onto your feet, never feeling the impact of the ground. 
“I’m fine.” Once his hands had left you, you raise your hands to your cheeks, feeling the rushing blood warm your palms, “I guess I’m a little tipsier than I thought.”
John looks at you for a moment, and then down to your feet, “I think you broke a heel.” Finger raised; you follow it downwards to look at the heel almost completely detached from the sole. “Here,” voice quickening as if to distract you from it, he takes your arm and puts it over his shoulder so you can lean some of your weight onto him, “wouldn’t want you to fall over again.” After offering him a quick smile and a small ‘thanks’ of gratitude you begin to walk again.
After a minute or so of walking, the pair of you take a turn onto one of the main drags of the city, the cool air soaking into you. “Do you mind if we stop for a second?” You ask, thinking you may have twisted your ankle when you tripped.
“Of course,” the two of you make your way to a bench along the sidewalk, you sit while John stands next to you. It’s a moment of quiet before he speaks up again, “Are you feeling alright?”
You can only shake your head in the negative, for fear that you may explode should you open your mouth.
“What’s wrong?” He questions, sitting down next to you, his hand falling atop yours in an act of subtle comfort.
Everything. Your throat becomes dry as you lean forward and embrace him, unable to vocalize the horrid deluge of hopelessness and heartbreak washing over you. 
You had seen the shop where Jungwoo was apprenticing when you’d gone into Taeil’s one morning, it had been featured in some editorial that he subscribed to. Seeing that it was a beautiful boutique and was quite revered among local and international audiences hadn’t dampened the blow at all. Jungwoo hadn’t been lying when he said it was the opportunity of a lifetime.
It still hurt. You’d been selfish in trying to make things work, too absorbed in it you hadn’t felt him slipping away until it was too late. Yuta had sat you down one day and told you to shape up. Jungwoo wasn’t coming back and the sooner you realized it the sooner you’d get over him. You don’t remember how long you cried into his shoulder for. For the eidolon of him was beginning to fade now, the lingering remnants of it still striking you to the core whenever you catch a glimpse of it.
“I just want to go home,” you try your best to sound strong, hating that the veneer you usually kept was able to slip so easily. Pulling away from the other you move to stand, kicking off your shoes and moving to hold them before you begin to walk.
“Aren’t your feet going to get cold? It’s nearly the middle of winter,” John calls out after you as he catches up, unsure of how to go about comforting you.
“I’ll be fine,” your toes cold on the concrete, “It’s only a few blocks away.”
It’s silence once more as the pair of you two amble to your apartment, the windows dark when you approach, Sooyoung must be out again. A sigh leaving you, alone again.
“Thanks for walking with me, Johnny.” You stop, turning to your accompaniment and smiling softly at him.
“Johnny?” His brow raises at that, “Are you sure you’re not still drunk? I don’t think you’ve called me that since we were twelve.”
“Yeah, I know. But I mean it, thank you.” Your other friends had tried to console you but Johnny’s attempt had been the most successful so far that had gotten you to even budge ever so slightly from the slump you’d found yourself in.
1967, Summer. The sparkler hisses as Johnny hands it to you, the bright end flickering with every centimeter the flame engulfs. A smile on your lips as you look to him, an equally bemused smile gracing his face as he steps away and begins handing out sparklers to a few other guests. After the host finishes handing out the sticks a large chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’ begins to ring out, directed at Taeyong Lee. 
You didn’t really know the guy, but Johnny said he was hosting a birthday bash at a lake house up in the Catskills this weekend and it was a good excuse to get away from the city for a bit. It was a work friend of his, not sure from which endeavor but you aren’t complaining. Work at the shop had been far too busy to manage with just Yuta and you, you’d been looking at several applicants, but you had a difficult time sifting through the resumes. This was a much needed, and much deserved, break away from it all. 
Before the sparkler has a chance to burn down to your fingertips you blow it out and set it onto one of the porcelain plates atop the table in front of you. A small crowd had gathered to sing and with the rapidly setting sun it was difficult to see familiar faces among the crowd.
“Looking for someone?” A pair of hands placed on your hips as the question sounds out, the familiarity of it making you smile a little brighter.
“Just you,” You turn, looking at Johnny.
“Oh?” He questions, leaning in for a brief kiss before pulling away, “You’ve got that look on your face.”
“What look?”
“The one that means you’re thinking of something,” A sparkle in his eye, the light from the nearby dock casting a green glow onto the lawn.
“Just work things,” you admit, “Even if I’m miles away from the shop it’s still on my mind.”
“Work’s a sickness, isn’t it?” He mutters, “Well, they’ve already started to start cut the cake, want to head in and grab a slice?”
“Sure,” you say his hands leave your sides, taking one of your hands in his and heading through the lawn and into the brightly lit interior of the home.
“Taeil said he’d be arriving a little later, my sister’s ready to blow a gasket but, when isn’t she?” Johnny laughs as you make your way to a nearby table, grabbing a plate with a precut slice of cake on it before turning back to him.
“Is this from the same bakery who did my cake last year?” You ask with nearly a mouthful of cake.
“I told you I made that cake,” he says jokingly, grabbing his own slice, “And if it were, would you say yea or nay for them making the wedding cake?”
“Yea. Definitely, this is by far the best buttercream I’ve ever had,” you nod, “Although I do need a drink.”
“Amaretto sour?” Questioning as he sets down his plate, ready to go off and mix your drink himself.
“You know I can’t,” a frown settling on your lips as you take another bite, “Just water.”
“I’ll be back in a sec,” Johnny says and heads to the bar in the next room over.
You move out of the way of the other partygoers looking for food and make your way to a window that looks out at the road in front of the house. As you watch, you see the bright headlights of a car pulling into the drive, trying to careen past the other vehicles lined up there. It must be Taeil.
It’d been a while since you’d last seen him, having to mail his orders to him now that you’d moved shop locations. So, you head to the front door, anxious to see an old friend. The door opens with a swing of grandeur, Taeil Moon stepping inside with a clear look of panic on his face.
Taeil spots you as he enters, rushing over to you, “She’s not angry, is she?”
“Your wife?” You question, putting a finger under your chin in thought, “She’s only told half of the people here how upset she is, so I think you still have time to save yourself.”
“I’d better get in there then,” he sighs, almost brushing past you before he stops, “I should also tell you that—”
You don’t hear what he says, though. Because you hadn’t realized that there was someone standing behind him until they step through the dark entranceway and into the bright lights of the foyer. For a moment it feels like time’s stopped, the plate in your hand straining from the pressure your fingers now exert on it as you lock eyes with someone you hadn’t ever expected to see again.
It’s you who breaks away first, mumbling about needing to find Johnny while it feels as if your heart seizes in upon itself in your chest. Before you’re able to rejoin the party, you feel a hand gently grasp your arm, “Can we talk?” The question is quiet, almost lost in the atmosphere of the celebration as Jungwoo asks.
A strangled gulp as you nod, setting the plate down on a small mail-table before you brush past him exit out of the front door. He follows you wordlessly, from the gravel path that wraps around the house and to the backyard that overlooks the lake. You keep walking, wading through grass that comes up to your knees until you’re standing on the wooden dock, the gentle sloshing of water hitting the posts giving you something else to focus on.
Face green in the light of the dock light overhead, it beams around the soft fog rising from the water as you hope it would swallow you up instead of you having this conversation with Jungwoo. 
“You never returned my calls,” he says, standing several feet away. His tone isn’t accusatory, it sounds hurt.
“I kept forgetting.” Liar. Nails digging into your palms as your hands clench with an anxiety that hadn’t riddled you for two years. “And you only called four times.”
“Five.”
“Four.” Resolution in your voice as you try and stand as firmly as you can. The shoes you were wearing were pinching your heels and you want nothing more than to kick them off into the water. You turn to look at him, trying to stay as calm. “Would you have picked up even if I did call back?” A tangling in your stomach as you recall having Sooyoung answer the phone for the next handful of weeks after the two of you had parted, each time he’d called Sooyoung would say you weren’t home.
He hesitates, at least his body does, the words, “Of course I would have,” escaping him before he could prep himself with a more eloquent response. 
“You seem to be doing well,” It’s silent until you break it, noting the suit he was wearing was from a higher end retailer.
“So, do you,” a break in his voice as he notices the crack in your demeanor, “I didn’t see you at Taeil’s wedding, I thought he would have invited you.”
“My mother got sick, so I missed it,” you recall having to forgo the event last year. Did that mean Jungwoo had been back that soon?
“You still have the dress.” There had been a melancholy deep set into your bones that had lasted for what seemed like lifetimes, now resurfacing more and more the longer you look at him. You’d forgotten about what you were wearing, the same dress that the tailor had labored unknown hours over and that had been the figurative wedge between you and him. Maybe this was some deity’s cruel sense of irony. “I still think it’s one of the best I’ve ever made,” 
“It’s a little tighter now but it’s still one of my favorites,” you can’t lie. Be it from the laborious love that was sewn into every stich or the bygone memories associated with it, it was and still is one of the best pieces you own.
“I really was an idiot for letting you go, wasn’t I?” Hands shoved into pockets, he’s not sure what to do with himself.
“You did what you had to.” Brow hardening, a remembrance of the last time you’d spoken.
“Don’t say it like that,” a soft plea, he’d never meant to hurt you.
“Then how should I say it?” A bitterness you thought forgotten riddled within every word you pose. 
“You know I tried to visit your shop when I first came back,” Deterrent of the conversation, he looks across the water to the distant shore. “But it was empty, some guy passing by had said you packed up months earlier and just left.”
“There was a water main break, ruined most of our inventory and we had to rebuild from scratch in a new place.” You still remember the dread you’d felt that morning, walking in to find everything in shambles.
“With John’s help?”
“Johnny helped.”
“Congratulations on your engagement, by the way,” eyes flickering to the ring on your finger, the light of the dock glinting of the main stone. “He’s a lucky man.”
Jungwoo sounds bitter, you can understand why but you can’t understand one thing. “Why did you come? I’m sure that Taeil said that I was going to be here.”
“I don’t know.” The answer is simple, but there’s a heaviness to it that you can feel. “I’m supposed to be flying out to Milan tomorrow. I guess I just wanted to see you again.”
“Did you expect me to fall into your arms, Jungwoo? To take you back?” Lip bitten, you’re sure you were going to draw blood if you kept at it any longer.
“Maybe I did when I came back last year, when I’d tried to see you.” He frowns, “I think now I want to make sure you’re happy.”
Happy. It feels as if that word dances off of the water behind you, across the sound and into the forest. Were you? The encroaching despair that had taken aim and marked you when Jungwoo had left was gone, a memory overwritten by the years that had followed, by the people who had followed. The shedding of yourself that came when he left took a while but without a doubt you can truly say this is the most complacent you’ve ever been.
The door to the lake house opens some ways behind Jungwoo, the lights from inside spreading across the lawn in an obscene spotlight on the two of you. A silhouette stands in the doorway, it’s easy to tell who the figure is as he leans against the door frame. You smile as you look at the outline of Johnny, heart swelling as it once had for the other man in front of you.
“Yeah, Jungwoo, I’m happy.”
318 notes · View notes
papergirllife · 4 years ago
Text
Chapter 2
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Synopsis:
You don’t know what it’s like to be free, to make your own choices, and live your own life. For your whole life, your parents have been treating you like a puppet on strings, controlling your life to every single detail, as well as ignoring the fact that you have feelings. Other times, when you disobey their wishes, or speak up about your own opinions, they bash you down with words, in other words, psychological abuse, has led you down the long winded road of depression and anxiety. What happens when you meet a man who’s willing to be your guide out of this terrible downpour? Would you give a shot at happily ever after?
Warnings:
big age gap (kinda?)
issues on anxiety
issues on depression (mild)
issues on parental abuse
smut (maybe)
Tag List: @etherealtyjaem​ ,  @caratzennie  , @johnnysuhnflower  , @euphoricchannie  ,  @yeollieseo  ,  @jjhmk  , @sherzess
(lmk if you wanna be on the list) (and sorry for reposting, it just won’t show on the tags)
The new house you’ve just moved in was small, you were perfectly fine with the size, you always stayed in your room anyways, the sizes elsewhere doesn’t really matter. It wouldn’t have been an issue if they weren’t making a fuss outside. They were yet again arguing about the company’s debts and complaining about the recent stock market turn outs. Your parents sold the old house in order to pay off some of the company loans, moving into a decent condominium in the older township.
Why are they so obnoxiously loud? Why can’t they talk like normal civilised people? They had an awful habit of shouting from one room to another, even if it’s about 3 feet apart, the study to the kitchen like it was just steps away.
You placed your pillow on top of your ear as the other was covered with the other one you’re sleeping on, you woke up from nightmares just this morning and needed a nap, but from the looks of things, you weren’t getting one anytime soon.
You reluctantly got up from your bed and told them to lower down their voices, but they just ignored you, as they always did. After the third time of fruitless attempt, you’ve given up hope on resting, but your body wasn’t happy with what was happening, the voices in your head hammering in your head, blaming you for what happened as you felt your heartbeat quicken, your breathing staggered. You could feel your whole body tense up as tears started to cloud your vision.
You inhaled deep breaths as you tried to push the anxiety attack away, humming a song, fiddling with a pen, but nothing you read on the internet helped. You hugged your knees towards your chest as you sat on the corner of your room, trying to muffle your choked sobs. A sentence you kept repeating in your head like a mantra,
‘make it stop.’
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It’s currently 10 a.m. and your parents are rushing you to hurry up with your morning routine as they have an important meeting with some potential investor, they’re taking you along because they need an errand girl to buy them coffee and in case of any other task that is deemed much too troublesome for them like filing away documents or printing out contracts.
You woke up at the crack of dawn to get ready, so to say that you were tired after yesterday’s ordeal was an understatement. As your father told you to double check the files needed in the bag, you found out you left one up stairs, your palms sweaty as you informed them of your mishap.
“How can you be so dumb?! This is why you’re such a failure of a person! I told you to prepare everything last night! Were you day dreaming again?!” your father bellowed from the driver’s seat, his angry eyes filled with rage whenever his gaze darted to your sight through the rearview mirror, putting your lives at risk on a busy road.
You bite back retorts, head hung low through out the quick detour back, exiting the car alone to go back up and retrieve the file you left behind.
Not a day goes by where they don’t criticise you for something you did, whether an accident or not. You can feel your anxiety levels going up again as your heartbeat picks up speed, a wave of sadness coming over you. You quickly recalled a familiar song to block out their hurtful words ringing in your head.
“Useless piece of shit,” your father mumbled as he drove, throwing a clothe he uses to clean his car on your face, the rough material stinging you.
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As you dug through your pockets for loose change in your jacket, your fingers found a card instead, it was Mr Suh’s card.
I can take you away from all this chaos raging among your family, if you can call it a family that is. I’ll be seeing you soon, Y/N.
‘What does he mean?’ you wondered.
“Miss, you’re holding up the queue. Do you have 50 cents or not?” the cashier at your local starbucks snaps at you, yanking you away from your own thoughts.
“Sorry, I don’t,” you apologised.
You looked around you to see the long line behind you and the usual full house condition of the cafe, sighing at what you call a norm of your life now, being an errand girl for your parents, and not even a little bit of acknowledgement of your existence nor feelings.
‘Can Mr Suh really make all this stop?’ you asked yourself.
Now you think you’re ridiculous for thinking a man of such wealth and power would be interested in a girl with such a puny presence among a crowd and not even a valued family member in your family’s eyes. He’s going to get bored of a girl like you someday, how long would he stay interested? A week? A month? A year? You doubt you’ll even last a night.
You begrudgingly took the bagged coffee from the counter and quickly walked back to your parent’s office block, head hung low as you thought about your parents’ attitude if this investor ends up leaving them empty handed, shivering at the thought of being their ‘mental stress ball’.
“I’m sorry, but the debts your company is in isn’t something we’d want to have on our company’s reputation if we invested. Thank you for having us,” the man in the middle, presumably the boss said, a bored look on his face.
Just like that the investors stood up and walked out the glass door of the office. Once they were out, your parents let out a frustrated groan. You quickly hurried to close up the office as they always told you to after a meeting on weekends without workers in the office.
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A month later
The company is now under leased after being certified bankruptcy. Your parents’ savings are running low, so they told you to get a part time job at a local western grocer that rich people of Seoul go to for groceries that could most probably buy you a meal at your nearby convenience store, at the winery section, where you are now giving out samples to the customers.
It wasn’t an easy job, the customers here have high standards, whatever you’re giving out as samples are always deemed lacked elegance compared to the ones that they usually have, yet they always come back for more samples the next time they come to pick up groceries, and if they’re in a good mood, they might actually buy something. People who act rich but actually aren’t as wealthy as what they boast always ticks you off, they remind you of your own family.
On Friday nights, when the alcohol section always closes earlier are the times when you’ll head to the bookstore in the same mall you were working at to read, you knew that’s a really rude thing to do, but you can’t afford buying books anymore. So you read a few chapters every night, and slightly more on Friday nights, you never told your parents about the different working hours on this particular day of the week, you don’t want to go back earlier just to see their scowling faces as they hunch over different sorts of bills and statements.
You finally found a way to cope with your anxiety levels and depression by working out early in the morning, you read from the newspapers at the worker’s lounge in the grocer that it helps, and so you gave it a try, little did you know that you would enjoy it and the feeling of staying fit boosted your confidence. But on days when you felt tired and didn’t achieve the results you were aiming at, your mind reminds you of the times when your parents called you ugly, it was started when they found out you were dating, on those days, a shut of your eyes and you’ll remember the scene of them hitting you unfolding once again, if you focused hard enough you could still feel the sting on your face.
You pushed those thoughts away as you quickly packed up for the night, as you were preparing to leave, a man came in your section, requesting to buy a bottle of wine. You were going to say that the winery section is closed, but as you turned around, the words got stuck in your throat.
It was Mr Suh, dressed in his usual working attire. Even after sitting in the office for a whole day, he still looks breathtaking, his clothes held no crease.
“Y/N,” Mr Suh said your name, the corners of his lips tugging up in a smile.
He remembers you? After so long?
“Mr Suh. H-how can I help you?” you asked, eyes darting around hoping that there aren’t any more customers, worried that they’ll realise that you were letting Mr Suh in despite the closing time.
You weren’t as anxious as talking to strangers before, but Mr Suh was no stranger to you, not really anyways, and he always had an aura that made you shy away from his presence.
“I’m looking for a bottle of Pinot Noir by Emos,” Mr Suh told you.
You took tiny but hurried steps towards a counter where the grocer kept its more expensive bottles, typed in the password and handed it to him. You silently went to the counter, typing in the bottle’s code to ring up the register.
Mr Suh handed you 200 dollars, for a bottle that only costed 85. When you opened your mouth to tell him about the error, he stopped you.
“That’s tip for bothering you after working hours, keep it,” he said. 
You tried to disagree, but he refused, saying that it is what he should do. Mr Suh bid you goodbye, before he leaves your sight, he looks back at you with an odd glint in his eyes, one that you fail to read once again.
“I’ll see you soon, Y/N.”
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The wine was supposed to be for his conquest tonight, yet when he walked through that hotel door, he knew he wasn’t going to enjoy tonight at all. Maybe the girl isn’t pretty enough? No, she was his usual take on girls he brings to bed, but something was very much off.
Johnny didn’t usually mind a bit of harmless flirting over wine before sex, he did have a tiring day at work, usually this process would calm him down a bit before getting down to business. However, he found the flirting part rather boring and very much tedious today, the girl’s flirty remarks seemed it was droning on to no end. So he sped things up, the wine long forgotten as their limbs tangle up with the sheets.
There was something nagging him behind his head, he couldn’t place a finger on it, until when he closed his eyes, instead of seeing the girl beneath him, he saw you, your tiny body beneath his as your beautiful glossy eyes look into his, the size difference between the two of you significant in his head. That was the image that kept him going, the usual him would open his eyes wide and take in the figure beneath him, but today he kept his eyes closed as he places his head on her shoulder, that action might seem affectionate, but this was just an excuse for Johnny to let his imagination run wild without being questioned.
Johnny left after washing up in the bathroom, leaving just after one round isn’t his style at all, usually Johnny could go up to four or five if he enjoyed the first round, Johnny lets out a big sigh as he gets back into the car, he should’ve asked you to dinner instead of wasting time fucking a girl just to have him imagine her being you in order to finish up.
Johnny puts his car on drive as he swiftly leaves the parking lot, hoping a night’s sleep would clear his thoughts of you. But as Johnny’s head hits his soft pillow, he could only ask himself.
‘What are you doing to me, Y/N?’
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When you woke up the next day after a long night of reading through your business course books, trying to take in whatever you can before they realise that you don’t really know what you’re reading at all.
You walked out to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast, but before you got there, you heard voices.
“We can’t send her college, we don’t have any money left,” you heard your father’s voice say.
“But it’s her future, you’re going to put that after the company?” your mother’s voice questions.
“It’s not like she’s smart enough for it anyways. I walk by her room while she studies, and it seems like she’s just staring at an empty void, we can’t place our future in her hands, we’ll starve!” your father argues back.
What your father said had stung your heart, but after a minute or so after taking it in, it wasn’t the first time they had said such hurtful words about you. You dragged your feet back to bed, no longer having the appetite for breakfast.
You went out for a run when you felt your heartbeat quicken up as your mind floods back all the bad memories that were brought forth because of the conversation you overheard between your parents, trying your best to avoid a full on anxiety attack.
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Johnny loves weekends, it was the only time he could invest himself into working out instead of the short two hours he does before work, the gym is the place where he built up his high self esteem, and it’s the reason other than his good looks of course, that brings all the girls into his sight.
Yet he didn’t feel like he achieved as much in the gym after last night’s events. Yes, he did give in his full attention in all the exercises. He purposely slept early so he could feel energized today. Yet he didn’t have the desire to show off his body through a one night stand. The party that he said he would go seemed troublesome instead of his usual excitement of knowing he wasn’t going to bed alone. He took out his phone to text his friend that he was going to sit this one out, making up an excuse about not feeling well.
Johnny was laying around watching television as he scrolled through the latest news of the stock market, feeling a sense of pride as he sees his company’s stock rising after he had taken over from his father.
The familiar chime of his grandfather clock in the corner alerts Johnny of the time, 7 chimes means 7pm. Something suddenly clicks in his head, the sign that states the operating hours for the winery in the mall, you were going to go off work in thirty minutes.
Johnny quickly changes into jeans and a black knitted sweater that hugs his physique perfectly, styling his hair a bit before heading out his door, a smile unconsciously gracing his pretty lips.
When Johnny got to the winery section, he was disappointed to see that you had left, only left with a promoter of some beer, he tried his luck with the staff, hoping to know your whereabouts.
“It’s a Saturday today, so I think she’s off to buy a cup of instant noodles for dinner, she’ll either be at the cashier counters now, or eating at the food court.”
Johnny thanks the promoter as he rushes to the counters, he wouldn’t have spotted you if he didn’t recognise the baby blue checkered scrunchie popping up from the crowd that you wore the last time to match your uniform.
Johnny makes his way in between the masses of people, making some people frown in disbelief as his large figure makes them move away. Johnny plucked the cup of instant noodles out of your hand when he got there, making you jump in fright from the sudden intrusion of your wandering thoughts.
“Mr Suh?” you addressed him when you looked up to see who had took away your favourite brand of cup noodles.
“You’re not eating that tonight, come with me,” Johnny said, his voice more cheerful than the previous times you had seen him, but why?
Johnny takes your hands in his, a smirk making way on his face as he feels your small shaky hands in his large ones, he didn’t mind one bit, instead he likes how shy you are around him. Johnny places the cup of instant noodles on some nearby shelf before dragging you out of the grocer.
When he was out, he stopped in his tracks, turning around to look at you, trying to look into your eyes that were darting away from his. He finds it endearing, how you’re always so nervous whenever you’re with him, it was something very much new to him.
Johnny suggests a few high class restaurants for dinner, rattling off big names in hopes to impress you.
“I-i was only planning to have a cup of instant noodles, Mr Suh. Anything’s fine to me,” you said after many times of trying to tell him that he didn’t need to take you out for dinner.
“But I want you to choose. Go ahead, anywhere you want,” Johnny said and waits, curious of what you’ll pick.
You rocked on you heels and bit your lip in thought as you wrecked your head for ideas to get yourself out of this situation, but you couldn’t help but feel the desire to grab dinner with him instead of eating cup noodles at the food court alone again, and the fact that his hand was still held onto yours made you feel a sense of serenity and had a need to stay with him.
“Do you have somewhere which makes you feel like a child again when you eat their food?”
Johnny was taken back by such a request. Was it touching? He hasn’t felt that from anyone else other than his family and a handful of close friends, certainly not a lady other than his mom. Was it different? Yes. But was it bad? Certainly not, instead he feels a tug in his heart. The girls he met only made requests, instead of asking for his opinion, because they know he could afford anything they requested for, but then there’s you, breaking all of those other girls’ standards. You were also the first one who made him speechless, even if it was just a mere seconds.
“I know a place.”
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You genuinely didn’t know why you had made such a sentimental suggestion, you just thought that food from a restaurant that reminds him of home would mean that it was affordable, but other than that reason, it was because if you were to have dinner with a man whom you only had met a handful of times, you might as well get to know him better by knowing little things about him.
You weren’t dumb, you remember what he had said about being interested in you, and that having dinner with him was a risk to your own safety as well. Yet you couldn’t stray away from his dashing smile and the way his eyes shine so brightly when he sees you.
You were slowly falling down the rabbit hole.
The interior of his car had several alterations made to suite his liking, it was interesting, compared to the people who just bought cars based on their ranking and wealth just for bragging rights in an afternoon tea. His car even smelt nice, like the Jo Malone cologne you’ve taken a whiff from the sample sticks given out, you wonder if that’s what he usually wears to work.
You couldn’t help but steal peeks at Mr Suh when he drives, the way he’s so concentrated and how he could casually drive with only one hand on the wheel made you swoon slightly in the passenger seat as his rnb music plays on the radio. You shouldn’t be thinking about Mr Suh this way regardless that he’s interested in you, especially given that the two of you have quite a large age gap, as well as the fact that you weren’t allowed to date until after college. If your parents found out about you going out with Mr Suh, they’re going to skin you alive. That thought made you shiver as you suddenly realise that you can’t be seen with a man out in public, if any of your relatives find out, they’ll definitely snitch on you.
You lowered yourself in the seat as you hope that you won’t run into any of your family members when you reach wherever Mr Suh’s taking you. The drive was quiet, only the radio playing softly in the background, making you feel relaxed. Suddenly, Johnny stopped at the traffic lights, taking a long look at you from his seat.
“Why did you suggest eating somewhere which reminds me of my childhood?” Johnny asked, his eyes full of seriousness.
“I-i just wanted to get to know you better, is that not the right way to make friends?” you answered, glad that you’ve pondered this question yourself.
“It’s not the usual way, but I like how you think, Y/N,” Johnny said before he averts his attention back on the road when the lights turned green.
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Johnny could sense something was off with you from the way you looked around anxiously from your seat when the both of you reached your destination, the way your brows furrowed and the way your jittery fingers mindlessly move about. It wasn’t a shady part of town, although the two of you were at the slightly older establishments of Seoul.
“Are you alright? Why are you suddenly so nervous?” Johnny asked, worry written on his face.
You looked down on your fingers that were splayed across your lap, twitching the hem of your skirt to try and calm your nerves with no avail, but you had to say something, Mr Suh, as you’ve grown to realise is a man who’s persistent and straight forward.
“I’m worried that we’ll bump into anyone I know. I’m...I’m not supposed to be  seeing anyone or going out with people without permission,” you told him, embarrassed at the fact that you were still very much on a leash despite being an adult.
Johnny feels a sense of guilt settling down his stomach as he sees your eyes avoiding him, if he could take a guess, you must feel embarrassed right now, to have a family like that, maybe that’s why you distant yourself from people around you, they must’ve judged you based on your parents’ decisions towards your life.
Johnny reached towards the spare sweater he kept in his gym bag and handed it to you.
“Here, this has a hoodie. I don’t think anyone would be able to recognise you with it on,” Johnny said in a gentle tone, not even a hint of judgement in his voice.
You obliged and slipped the sweater on, as well as the hoodie onto your head. The sight of your small figure drowning in Johnny’s hoodie made him smile, he never thought his clothes would look so cute on you.
“Come on, it’s peak hour and I’m starving,” Johnny said with a smile that seems to always lift your mood.
You nodded mindlessly, eyes gazed into his warm honey filled eyes and soft smile. When Johnny’s trance broke on you, you quickly reached for the car door, only to see Johnny opening it for you.
‘Must be nice to have long legs to walk that fast,’ you thought to yourself.
But when he held his hand out to help you out of the car, that’s when your head went haywire and could only feel your cheeks burning up from the gentlemanly gesture that you hadn’t expected.
You hope your hand wasn’t shaking as obviously as it felt, or that would’ve been very embarrassing, you thank the skies for the chilly weather, or your hands would’ve started getting clammy from what a nervous wreck you’ve become.
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The cold was getting to you as the both of you were waiting in line for a table and Johnny could tell from the way you subtly rubbed your neck, hands lingering there to leave some warmth as the wind blows by. Without thinking, he grabs the drawstrings of his hoodie and secures it surrounding your face like a cute chipmunk.
“There, all better.”
He could tell how nervous his bold action made you feel from the way you stuttered out a thank you, the two words almost lost in the wind from how soft it sounded.
Johnny didn’t know why, but the way you’ll get all flustered from his actions warms his chest like a cup of hot coco in the winter snow.
Not long after, the two of you had gotten a tiny table for two. It was cramped, but Johnny didn’t mind, as long as it’s this restaurant, and as a plus, he could see your face from a closer perspective. He was secretly admiring the shape of your cute little nose while he pretended to look through the menu that he knew like the back of his palm.
“What’s your favourite on the menu? I don’t know what to try first, all the pictures look so nice,” you said as your eyes was open wide with interest, taking in the photos of the food on the colourful menu.
Johnny was taken aback on how you had asked for his opinion instead of the demands of carvier and champagne that he used to hear all the time. He must’ve had a weird look on his face, because the silence made you furrow your brows.
“I’m sorry, that must’ve sounded weird and came off as boring, but I really don’t know what to get, so I thought you should suggest me something since you seem to come here often. Sorry, I ramble a lot when I’m nervous, I’m not a very sociable person, so the things I say might come off as odd...
“No, Y/N, listen, it’s fine. I like it when you talk, and it’s cute that you ramble. And no, I don’t find you odd or boring. I was just surprised you’d ask for my opinion, not many people do that unless it’s about business. I’m glad that you value my opinion, even if it’s just dinner,” Johnny explained, he wanted to listen to your voice longer, but the thought of anything making you uncomfortable surprisingly annoyed Johnny.
It was the first time someone had not found you awkward when you started rambling, you didn’t do it on purpose, it was just that the lack of human interaction made you socially anxious about talking to people and when you want to express something. Johnny is truly an eye opener for you.
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Johnny might have ordered a little bit too much for the two of you, but he could always take away and leave it for Mark when he drops by tomorrow. Although Johnny had came here many times, mostly on his own or with Mark, he couldn’t deny the satisfaction and happiness that filled his heart as you tried all the dishes with the most wholesome expressions on your face.
You weren’t Johnny’s workers or business partners, you didn’t need to appease him and give him positive reactions, because with you, he wasn’t Neo Enterprise’s CEO, he was just Johnny and it doesn’t bother him one bit.
The two of you talked about the most random things, from Johnny’s business partners Taeyong and Doyoung fighting in his office, to the time you pranked your co worker by mixing some heavy alcohol into his coffee.
“He couldn’t tell?” Johnny asked, curious because he was a coffee addict himself.
“He thought it was just part of the flavour, it was one of those seasonal starbucks drinks that he bought,” you explained.
Johnny paid for dinner before you could protest and refused to take your money when you had offered to pay him back your share.
You trudged beside Johnny silently when he said that he was going to take you home, you haven’t had such a nice time since forever, and you didn’t want this beautiful moment to come to an end.
You had a sad smile on your face as you watched Johnny drive, it was a peaceful scenery to take in, his face calm as he steered comfortably, the radio once again playing softly in the background.
When you had reached your house, you didn’t really know how to react, other than looking at him silently as he does the same as well.
“Thank you for tonight Johnny, I haven’t had this much fun in a long time,” you said genuinely, grateful that someone as interesting as Johnny would even bother giving you the time of the day.
You figured that this was the polite thing to say, but you inwardly cursed at yourself for sounding like a robot. You shouldn’t be reacting this way, especially due to the fact that he’s so much more older than you are, maybe not too old, 5 to 6 years maybe? Is that considered a big age gap?
“I had a great time with you too, Y/N. Thank you for having dinner with me,” Johnny said, usually he spoke this sentence like a little white lie to whoever he had to meet for business sake, but to you? It was nothing but the truth.
Johnny continued holding his stare even after what he said, the sincerity in his eyes evident as a soft smile graces his lips.
“You should head up now, Y/N. It’s already 9 p.m., if you stay any longer they’ll be suspicious,” Johnny reminded you.
“Yeah, okay,” you replied, immediately feeling down once more.
Even after you agreed to go up, your legs weren’t willing to move, you were going to miss him, so you asked him one last question before you willed yourself to open the car door, you were going to sound desperate, but in that moment, you didn’t have a care in the world.
“Will I ever see you again?”
Happiness fills your heart as you heard the question that comes after.
“Are you working tomorrow?”
109 notes · View notes
sparklingchan · 4 years ago
Text
Sun and Stars | Johnny Suh (NCT 127)
Pairing : Reader (fem.) X Johnny
Word count : 10k+
Warnings: A few cuss words here and there , gets a little suggestive towards the end. Not proof read sorry 
Genre : Fluff,angst,romance , friends to lovers au ,college au.
Description: Johnny has no idea that you are head over heels for him - you intend to keep it that way.
A/N: I’ve been working on this fic for around a week now and I am sooo happy to finally be able to publish it (Johnny in a college au  makes me feel a type of way ngl) This is the first time I’ve ever written a fic with more than 3k words so I’m not sure how its turned out so anyone who reads the entire thing,know that i am so,so grateful to you .
Also shoutout to my best friend @chogiwow​ for helping me out with writing and desrcibing and everything else. LY <3
Enjoy!
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Johnny Suh has a habit of biting his nails when he is nervous, you have noticed , his eyes focused on whatever is directly in front of him and his leg fidgeting up and down continuously.
You have seen him look nervous on many occasions before - like the day of exams, sneaking alcohol to on campus events , group discussions with professors - but nothing will ever top the way he looks right now ; like he's standing on the edge of a bridge, ready to bungee jump.
"I told Professor Yun to give us at least a month and a half to organize everything properly but that man just plain refuses to listen to me because I bunked his class once !" Mark Lee has a big mouth ,that's public knowledge, but when he continues to pace inside the empty auditorium, you find yourself getting irritated at his non- stop comments .
"Has anyone else tried to talk to Yun about the extension of the date ? Someone who doesn't bunk his classes? " Lia asks, her arms crossed in front of her chest. You have seen your roommate look serious before but right now she looks almost as if she's about to go on a killing spree.
"Didn't y/n go to him yesterday? I remember seeing her near the staff room with him. " Johnny points out and suddenly all eyes are on you.
Your cheeks flush at the mention of your name from his mouth. //
The tense atmosphere in the auditorium was already making you uncomfortable enough but now , with the unwanted spotlight on you , you feel as if your body has been squeezed into a car's trunk.
"Umm.." you stutter,playing with hem of your oversized Linkin Park t-shirt, "yes. I did talk to him but he said no to me too. He didn't even let me explain our situation."
Mark groans loudly, his head between his hands. "We are so doomed. The authorities are going to remove me from the position of the president of the student body! I can feel it coming."
"I don't know about anyone else but I enjoy my position as the vice president of the student body council. And I am not going to give it up because you shitheads were too lazy to get things done quickly." Ryujin says , her eyes flaming with fury.
She's been running after all the student body members to start working on the upcoming inter college sport events for a whole week now . It's not her fault that the other members are starting to realize the urgency of the situation just two weeks prior to the event.( including the president, Mark Lee). She has the right to be angry.
"Okay ,everyone calm down. " You say, reluctantly,not wanting to be the centre of attention. You lick your dry lips before beginning to speak again, "We've wasted enough time worrying and talking okay? Let's go over the list of duties assigned and we can resume working again. "
"We just have two weeks, y/n. There's still so much left to do. We've barely started yet. " Ryujin whines, placing her head on Jungwoo's shoulder as he tries to shake her off.
"I know but if we work hard for say even ten days,we can get things done. We can stay back after college gets over and work and then rest on weekends. Exams are not arriving anytime soon either. "
"I agree with y/n. The event is next to next Monday so if we do overtime then we can still pull it off,despite everything." Johnny agrees , looking over at you with a charming smile. But instead of returning the smile, you look away ,cheeks tinted red.
Have you always been this nervous around him or does it have something to do with the sudden glow up he has had over the summer break? You don't know.
"Fine. Okay." Mark speaks out, "Jungwoo, can you go over the duties once again? And if possible take a picture of it and send it on our group chat. "
Nodding to Mark, Jungwoo takes out a sheet of paper from his pocket and starts reading it out. "So um... Mark and I are working on sending out invitations and collecting names of participants on the day of the event. Ryujin and Yuna are leading the decorating team. Lia,Taeyong and Johnny are working on the food stalls area and the packaging of free snacks for the participants. Jaehyun , Haechan and Doyoung are on the sound team for the DJ show after the events are over and lastly,Yeji, Chaeryong, y/n ,Yuta and Taeil are participating in the events so they will be busy with practice but we do expect them to manage the things overall and help us after class. "
Jungwoo looks out of breath after speaking for so long ,his chest heaving with each breath and his shoulders slumped.
"Okay, guys that will be all. Remember to do your jobs in your free periods and stay back after college." Ryujin says, clasping her hands together to symbolize the dismissal of today's student body meeting( more like a group stress out session).
You pick up your books and swing your bag across your shoulders while Ryujin pokes Jungwoo's cheeks with the sole purpose of annoying him but he flicks her fingers right away.
As you reach the exit of the auditorium, laughing at the bickering duo beside you and your hands reaching out to open the door , you see Johnny jogging up to you hastily and pushing the door open before you could.
"Ladies first." he says as he gestures for you to walk out , a sweet smile plastered on his lips.
Your heart hammers against your chest.
"Thank you." You murmur , avoiding his gaze as you walk out of the comfortable, air conditioned auditorium and into the scorching hot campus of your college.
You've always been this nervous around him, you realize, ever since you guys met in the first year of college - despite being a part of the same friend circle.
And how could you not? There are no books, no tutorials, no classes to teach you how to behave in front of your crush.
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The student apartments are a good thirty minutes away from the college campus, and with the increasing velocity of Lia's car, your desire to flop down on your soft, cozy bed increases too.
"Yo ,anyone up for a girls night out tomorrow night? " Ryujin asks from the passenger's seat,not looking up from her phone. You see her fingers scrolling through the various new resto bars in town.
"Count me in. I am bored of eating Yeji's horrible food. " Chaeryong replies ,earning a punch from Yeji.
"If you're so good at cooking ,why don't you get your ass out of bed and cook?" Yeji spits back,rolling her eyes.
You laugh at your flatmates' childish tactics.
"Anyway, I'm in too." Yeji sighs, resting her head on your shoulder,sleepily.
"Yeah, me too!" Yuna chimes in.
"What about you ,Lia?" Ryujin asks her friend in the driver's seat.
Lia narrows her eyes at the road in front of her ,but you know for sure her mind is going over the pros and cons of going out tomorrow night. You've been her roommate for three years now ; you know her basically like the back of your own hand.
"I guess so,yeah." Lia says , changing the gear and turning over the corner into your appartment street.
"Okay ,that makes five out of six. Y/n?" Ryujin looks back at you , her pleading eyes drilling into yours.
As much as you want to relax and go out tomorrow night ,you have a busy schedule. Swimming practice for the sport events in the morning ,classes throughout the day, helping out with the organization and a study date with Yuta late at night. You are packed tomorrow.
That and you didn't want to get drunk on a week day.
"I'm sorry guys,I don't think I'll make it. I promised Yuta I'd study with him. " you say . Your flatmates groan out loud,throwing you dirty looks for ditching them for a stupid study date.
"Why does Yuta want to study with you anyway ? Your majors are like poles apart." Yuna mumbles.
Frankly, you didn't know why he wanted to study with you either. You were a computer science engineering student and his major was performing arts. But it's been a tradition between you two for quite a while now. Maybe you've gotten used to comfortable silence with him when you study , like music playing in background, not loud enough to distract you but loud enough to help you focus.
"Maybe it's not a study date with Yuta after all. Maybe it's just an excuse to see his roommate,right ,y/n?" Yeji teases ,nudging your ribs with her elbows.
You blush for the nth time today. "No. I'm going to have a normal study session with my best friend. Can y'all please not make everything about Johnny?" You huff.
You regret telling them about your fat ass crush on Johnny that one eventful night when you had so much alcohol that you couldn't even recognize your friends' faces as they carried you home. You should have just had apple juice or something.
Thankfully before the conversation could go on further , Lia pulls over in front of your apartment and you sigh in relief. "Yayy Home!" Ryujin chimes with fake enthusiasm as everyone gets down from the car.
Your shared bedroom with Lia is a little smaller than the bedroom that Yeji, Ryujin and Chaeryong share but you've never had a problem with that. It's cute and warm and it reminds you of your room in your parents' house .
"I'll shower first." Lia declares as she grabs her towel and walks straight into the bathroom. You sigh,too tired to compete with her for a bath. You drop on your bed, nuzzling your face into the soft pillow ,feet dangling by the edge of your bed.
And by the time Yeji walks into your room to ask what you want for dinner, you are already passed out ,with the image of Johnny's breathtakingly gorgeous grin on your mind.
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Have you ever watched those cheesy rom com movies where the male lead lives in a dorm with five other boys and their rooms are so clean you wouldn't find a single piece of clothing out of place?
Well, reality is a bit different from that.
You stand in front of Yuta's apartment door which he shares with Johnny , Mark, Taeyong and Taeil , after your flatmates drop you off and make their way for their night out . You shiver as the cool night air kisses your bare arms and you can only hope someone let's you into the apartment before you freeze to death.
"Oh,hey y/n! " Taeil opens door with a welcoming smile , gesturing you to walk inside.
"Hi, Taeil. Took you guys long enough. " you say shivering , narrowing your eyes at the boy in front of you.
The smell of burnt pancakes hits your nose the moment Taeil locks the door behind you and your gaze immediately shifts to the kitchen where Mark and Taeyong are trying to desperately save some burnt pancakes.
"Well can you blame me? " Taeil shrugs , eyeing the two boys .
"Figured. " You say as you make your way towards Yuta 's bedroom . You hear Mark and Taeyong yell a few ' Hi's ' and 'wassup's ' in your direction and you reply to them without looking back at their sorry faces.
Yuta's ( and Johnny's) room is like a second home for you. You don't often hang out here but there's a homely feeling in the warm colored curtains and the smell of Johnny's favorite perfume and Yuta's anime posters.
"Wrong room. Johnny is in the other room." Yuta comments when you enter the room and you throw your notes at him,earning a fake groan in response.
You sit on the edge of his chair , putting out your books and notes on his study table, while he sits in a far corner of his bed , his study material spread out in front of him.
Studying with Yuta is always turns out to be productive for you. You both rarely talk while studying , your minds completley immersed in the hastily written notes and the only sound in the room being the scratching of pens against paper.
Maybe this was one of the many reasons why you preferred to study with him in his room (and totally not beacuse of Johnny who you are yet to meet).
After two and a half hours of being knee deep into your books ,you finally slam the books shut and stretch your limbs,relief flushing over you after looking at the many topics you covered tonight. You mentally pat yourself in the back.
"You done?" Yuta asks when he sees you scrolling through your phone, humming a song you'd heard on radio the other night.
You nod,not looking up at him.
He's about to add something when you hear the sound of shuffling feet outside the door , followed by a series of soft knocks. There is only one man in this apartment who could knock on a door as tenderly as that.
"What do you want ,dickwad?" Yuta yells as he falls onto his pillows. You glare at him. He's taking away your chances of seeing Johnny tonight. "Y/n is busy!"
Johnny peeks in through the door , his jet black hair messy and damp as if he'd just walked out of a shower. He wears a grey hoodie and a pair of black sweatpants yet he manages to look like he'd walked straight out of a sportswear advertisement. God really has his favorites, doesn't he?
"Hey, y/n. " he says ,completely ignoring Yuta's less than appropriate remarks. You feel a warm feeling spread in your entire body , adrenaline coursing through your veins. He sends a soft smile in your direction , his eyes turning into crescent moons ,and it is enough to make you feel weak in the knees.
"Hi, Johnny. " you manage to reply and smile back , unlike most days.
Johnny's heart leaps at your response ,not expecting you to be any different from other days when you would reply his enthusiastic greetings with a cold shoulder. Guess today is his lucky day.
"I didn't mean to disturb you guys ,sorry. I just wanted to know if you'd like to have dinner with us. We're getting Sushi. " he asks ,rubbing the back of his neck.
Your eyes fall on the sunflower tattoo on his forearm and you have this sudden urge to wrap your arms around his slim waist and bury your face in his chest.
"Yes,sure,I guess. " you say with a slight chuckle.
"Aren't you gonna ask me,too ,Johnny?" Yuta chimes in ,pouting and batting his eyes at him. Johnny rolls his eyes.
"Shut the fuck up ,Nakamoto. " he huffs.
Johnny looks over at you again and in a tone very different from the one he just used on Yuta, he asks, "Are you okay with sushi? We can order something else if you want."
"Oh,I love sushi! Don't worry about it. "
Lies. You hate sushi more than anything else in the entire universe.
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The sushi is a lot more digestible today than those million times when Jaehyun and Yuta took you out to eat (forcefully) sushi.
It still doesn't suit your taste buds but you could eat it without wanting to throw up,thanks to the company you have .
You and Johnny sit face to face on the dining table while Yuta sits beside Johnny and Taeil ,Mark and Taeyong are in front of the television, watching a game of football.
"Hmm..this is really so good." Yuta exclaims as he takes the last piece and stuffs it inside his mouth . Fat ass.
"I know right. How are you liking it, y/n?" Johnny asks , his eyes shifting to you. You feel as if you're melting under his gaze. As if his eyes were the sun and you were ice.
"It's good. Really good. " you reply with a chuckle, forcing the last piece down your throat with a sip of water.
An achievement.
You hear Yuta's phone go off ,vibrating in his pockets along with that annoying ringtone of his.
"Yeah,what?" He speaks into the phone. You figure out it's one of his classmates by the careless tone of his voice.
"What the fuck? Are you serious?" Yuta screams , his voice now laced with urgency. His eyes widen, "We have a class test tomorrow? How did I not know about this?"
You look over at your panic stricken best friend and so does Johnny . Your gazes meet and the two of you burst into giggles.
Yuta rolls his eyes at the both of you but doesn't say anything. He gets up from his seat ,his phone still attached to his ear.
"Johnny,my dude,please walk my best friend home. I can't trust the others. Please. " Yuta says to Johnny and disappears off to his room , and you know for sure that he's going to cram his notes till the next morning.
Yuta's words lingers in the air between you and Johnny and you find a sudden interest in the hem of the table cloth in front of you. You rub the cloth between your thumb and forefinger ,the muslin cloth's soft texture distracting you from Johnny's intimidating gaze.
"So,um..when would you like to go back home?" He asks , not being able to muster up the courage to look into your eyes.
You chuckle- you didn't mean to but the bubbling laughter erupted from your throat and reached your lips before you could even stop it.
"Why? Do you want me out of your abode so bad? " you tease.
You never tease Johnny. You never even joke around with him. You don't smile at him ,you don't chuckle at him. Yet here we are.
You were being very brave today and you hated to admit it , but you liked it.
Johnny's eyes widen at your unexpected response as you once again surprise him by not giving him a cold, careless response. His heart does a backflip.
You have your lips curved up in a smile and your eyes focused on him.
This feels like a dream, to both of you.
"No, no ,of course not. You can stay for as long as you like." He replies nervously.
You shake your head with a soft giggle, " Thank you for the offer but it's very late now. All of us have a busy day tomorrow so we should get going now. "
The night air is cooler now than it had been when you arrived at the boys apartment and you regret not wearing warmer clothes.
Johnny walks along with you on the sidewalk, his eyes drifting to look over you once in a while. He carries your bag in his because he insisted that a lady shouldn't have to carry so many things when he's right there.
"Why do you never talk to me unless I talk to you first? " Johnny asks in a small voice after a few minutes of leaving their apartment.
Your body stiffens at the question, your mind desperately trying to come up with a proper reply. You want to answer him , with all honesty , that you can't do many things that you want to because of your never ending fears. You want to go bungee jumping but you're afraid of heights , you want to talk to him first but you're afraid he won't share the same enthusiasm as you.
You were afraid of attachments and afraid of the unknown, both of which were complete opposites of the other.
"That's not true." You reply,trying to laugh it off.
He looks at you with sorrowful eyes, not quite returning your laugh. You feel your heart clench.
"Have I done anything to offend you ,y/n? If yes ,then please let me know because I really care about you and I would hate to disappoint you. " he says.
The streets are quite and calm and for a moment, it is only you and Johnny in this vast universe - his beautiful black eyes and your warm cheeks , his tousled hair and your nervous hands.
"No ,you haven't disappointed me. It's just...that we're in a big friend circle and it's not possible to ,you know ,be close with everyone. "
That is a pathetic excuse, y/n, you tell yourself.
His lips curve up in a small smile now, the worried wrinkles from the corner of his eyes disappearing.
"We can be, y /n. Of course we can. Shall we start from now on then?" He replies , enthusiastically, thrusting his hand in your direction.
Your heart thumps at a speed faster than the speed of light as you decide whether or not to shake his perfectly shaped, veiny,soft hand.
You're afraid of attachments.
But you're also madly in love with Johnny Suh.
You take his hand.
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It is late in the evening at your college and you know for sure that you'll be bashed the moment you step into the auditorium .
After classes got over ,you had promised Lia that you'd help with the food stalls allotation and decoration but you ended up staying back with your swim team ,discussing strategies for the final competition day , hence causing your delay.
You look over at Johnny who stands outside the auditorium door , helping the decorating team with some posters and flyers.
"Mark is mad." he says when he sees you rushing towards the door, struggling with all the books and posters and ribbons in your hands.
You sigh, " I know, goddamn it."
He opens the door without saying anything and walks behind you into the auditorium, much to your surprise.
You see Mark standing by the stage , letting out frustrated noises and pointing at random decorations which didn't need fixing but according to him they did. Oh , boy,was he mad.
"Mark, " you jog towards him, trying to get a proper hold of things you are carrying before you find a table to dump them on.
"Gosh,y/n! You are an hour and a half late! We have so much to do and only ten days are left!" He yells at you,pointing at his wrist watch.
You squeeze your eyes shut to lessen the impact of his annoyingly loud voice.
"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I was with the team and well..we lost track of time. I'm so sorry again ,okay? I'll get to work right now. " you say,standing in front of the angry,tiny man in front of you.
You arch your back, trying to hold on to the things in your arms without letting anything fall onto the ground. You had one too many things to carry and sadly only two hands.
"I'll get that for you." You feel two hands grab your things from behind,the arms going over your shoulders and taking the chart papers and ribbons from your hold.
And you don't even have to look back to know that it is Johnny. You have him memorised by heart - from the color of his eyes to the softness of his fingertips, from his soothing, honey like voice to his smell. He's like a book you've read a fair amount of times yet ,you never seem to get tired of it.
"Thank you. " you manage to reply through the loud sound of your heartbeat and gushing of blood in your ears.
You almost miss the warmth of his body when he walks away to put your things on the table .
You know what , " Mark starts. He looks like he's about to throw up. On you. "Just get back to work. Ew. Fuck. Y'all really getting handsy in front of my innocent eyes."
You look at him with wide eyes. "Hey, we were not - "
And if Ryujin had not interrupted you at that moment, you'd have beaten the hell out Mark Lee ; not because he had accused you of doing something you didn't do but because he had triggered a part of your imagination you didn't even know you had.
It is on the same night that Yeji makes you sit on the auditorium floor and color the huge college logo they had been outlining since the morning , while half of the squad goes out to buy some cheap dinner and cold drinks and the other half is working outside the auditorium.
"I can't believe you are leaving me alone in this huge auditorium. " you mutter when Yeji jogs towards the door to join the others. So much for being friends since childhood.
"We'll be back in fifteen to twenty minutes, y/n. " she replies. " or do you want me to call Johnny to keep you company in this huge ,empty auditorium?"
You roll your eyes at her,hoping she's joking about it. But apparently not because within two minutes , you see Johnny walking up towards you.
His presence as if automatically puts a smile on your face ,like flipping on a light switch. You usually tense up on seeing him but from the last few days, things have been different, better even.
"Woah,this looks so cool." He says as he sits across from you, a pen and notepad in his hands. He smiles at you with so much sincerity that it takes everything in you to not throw yourself at him and press a kiss to his dimples.
"I know. But I'm afraid my poor coloring skills are going to ruin it. " you comment. You dip the brush in your hands into the bowl of water sitting beside you.
"I'm sure it'll be good. It looks good already." He replies, his voice laced with fascination. You giggle at his words , as you stretch your hands and back, groaning from all the pent up tension in your joints. Something you wouldn't have dared to do in front of him a few weeks ago.
Johnny laughs. " I can help you if you want . You can rest till the others come back. " You don't even think twice before agreeing.
As long as he's near you , it doesn't matter.
He comes up to sit by your side ,grabbing the paint brush and starting to fill colors into the blank spaces. With his eyes focused on the picture , you sit back and take in the view in front of you. The long sleeves of his tshirt are rolled upto the elbow, exposing the veins on his forearm. There is dirt and dust on his pants from all the work he's been doing today and then your eyes fall on his face, absorbing the handsome features god had bestowed him with. You notice a few strands of longer hair falling over his forehead, covering his eyes as he struggles to remove them with his non dominant hand. And before you can stop yourself , your fingers find their way to his forehead, pushing his hair away softly.
"Thanks,y/n." He says with a shy smile, the undeniable shine in his eyes almost makes you see a ray of hope - that Johnny Suh might be harboring the same feelings for you that you do for him. Your heart swells with excitement.
And without even realizing it, you feel yourself find comfort in his warm presence.
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Your middle school maths teacher had once told you that time passes in the blink of an eye when there's an imminent danger at the end of the line and truly so ,the next few days fly pass by like wind and you soon find yourself running from place to place to make sure all finishing touches are done.
"Did you check out the pool areas and basketball bleachers? " Jaehyun asks, as you two make your way to the auditorium where Mark and Ryunin were to hold a last group meeting before tomorrow's big day. "Yeah. I did. Twice." You reply, stressing on the last word. Jaehyun heaves a tired sigh and you two turn a corner to walk toward the auditorium.
Your heart rate picks up when you see a familiar face standing in front of the door, leaning against a pillar. And you find your lips automatically stretching into a smile. "What is he doing outside ? Is the meeting over? " Jaehyun asks when he notices Johnny.
You shrug , "Don't know."
Oh,but you do know why he's outside ; this has now become an unsaid tradition between you two to wait for the other during group meetings. Johnny didn't acknowledge it,neither did you, but it was there, as distinct as Mark Lee's voice.
He sees you and his face breaks into a grin, his cheeks flushed and heart racing just like yours. And it makes the light at the end of the tunnel shine brighter.
"Is the meeting over yet?" Jaehyun asks Johnny, you following close behind.
"No,not even started." Johnny replies and then turns to you, his eyes burning into yours. " And Y/n and I have been instructed to buy tonight's dinner so we I'll borrow her for a while."
Your eyes widen at the new information but you see Jaehyun shrug and walk inside as if it weren't a big deal - but it was, you will be out alone with Johnny and it was making you feel sick , in a good way.
"Shall we get going?" He asks you ,cocking his eyebrows playfully.
You nod ,trying to hide your red cheeks. And he sees them.
You've been into his car only a a few times , most of which you don't remember because either you were too drunk or too sleepy to register what was happening around you. This is the first time you are actually inside his car,mind and body, sitting in the passenger's seat and taking in Johnny's smell that lingers in every corner of the car.
You notice how tidy the car looks,the clean seats and windows, no extra tissues lying here and there, no money receipts crushed into seat pockets, his car is everything Lia's isn't. The drive to the convenient store is short and silent - except for a few glances you both steal at each other without the other knowing.
"What should we get? Instant noodles or something else?" He asks you as you two look around the different aisles, walking close together that you didn't even realise your shoulder was pressed to his arm till he stopped abruptly in front of the fridge.
You clear your throat, "Let's get instant noodles. That's what they eat always anyway."
He nods and you grab enough instant noodles and drinks for your entire squad and soon find yourself back in the car with him.
You settle yourself into the seat as he climbs into the driver's seat,looking apparently angry, his eyebrows knitted and mouth turned into a frown.
"What's wrong? " you ask him ,concerned.
He looks over at you , with a small, guilty smile on his lips. He shakes his head , "Nothing. It's a ridiculous thought I had suddenly. "
"Come on ,tell me ." You whine , hitting his arm softly, "I'm sure its not a ridiculous thought. "
His smile widens but he doesn't answer ,instead he just leans toward you, Your faces just inches apart. If you were nervous before now you are completely sure you're about to lose your mind. You had imagined these scenarios in your head many times before ,but if truth be told, it feels way better in real life. The close proximity of your bodies , mixed breathings and his intense eyes staring at you like you're his favorite pizza, like you're a sunday morning after a very tiring week , like you're a beautiful flower in the middle of a field of weeds.
"W-what?" You stutter nervously. He chuckles , stretching his hand out to reach for the seatbelt and pull it across your body and then locks it tightly.
"It is a very , very ridiculous thought,y/n." he whispers. He is still leaning so close to you and you know for sure that if you weren't sitting already ,your knees would have given up below you.
"I'm sure it's not." You mumble but you're not sure if he hears you.
When you reach the auditorium, you find your friends sprawled on the floor, some playing with their phones and some having a mid college existential crisis.
"Guys,we're back. " Johnny announces enthusiastically as he runs towards the group, all of their faces lighting up when they see the food your hands.
But you feel far away from them, like you are there but your heart is not,like your heart has been left behind in Johnny's car,covered in his scent and his intoxicating gaze.
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"Y/n, why do you look like you've seen a ghost? " Lia points out that night , lying on her bed with her blanket wrapped around her body. You shrug and let out a fake ass shit giggle, "No, I'm just nervous...for tomorrow, you know."
"Don't be. I'm sure you'll do great and even if you don't, we have an after party to wash all your sorrows away. " she says with an excited smile.
"Oh wow,that's great. " you reply with another fake chuckle.
Oh wow, you'll have to be around Johnny the whole day tomorrow. You are not sure if you are ready to see him yet.
Lia narrows her eyes at you but let's it slip,and you're thankful for that ,for you wouldn't know what to tell her when she insists on knowing your thoughts.
Could anyone blame you though, you'd had an almost moment with your crush. How could anyone expect you to be okay right now?
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The weather prediction for today was sunny with a few clouds , but if only anyone could have prepared you for what you were going to see the moment you stepped into the college campus.
You'd felt jealous before , no lie there. You remember the time you saw Johnny hanging out with Yeri, one of your juniors, and laughing with her like there's no tomorrow and you had never wanted to annihilate a human so bad . You hate being jealous. You hate the burning of your heart in your chest ,the accumulation of sweat on your palms, the warm,angry breaths you push out from your nostrils.
"Who is that?" You sound like a bad , jealous female character from a drama when you ask that question but you cannot help yourself anymore. Not when you see a girl from another college running into your Johnny's arms ,giggling like a little girl .
"I-I honestly don't know. He never told us about any girl ." Taeyong says as he looks at your exasperated expression and then at Johnny's excited face. Taeyong is almost angry at Johnny for hurting his friend.
"Yea,he only ever talked about you ." Jaehyun adds from beside you.
But it didn't seem like that from where you stood. You see Johnny wrap his arm around the girl and crush her in his embrace, just how he'd crushed your heart into a million pieces. Something as fragile and previous as your heart and he decided to play with it? Why did he act all nice and sweet to you when he already had another woman in his life? Why did he give you hope only to leave you in the dark?
"Come on , y/n. Don't overthink about it. I'm sure she's just a friend." Taeyong says ,softly tugging at your arm to move you away from that scene.
Taeyong and Jaehyun, in reality, were shocked too. They had never heard Johnny talk about any girl in that way but you. They were sure one day or other,you'd end up together. They were as surprised (and disappointed) as you were.
"Has he ever told you that he liked me? Even once?" Your voice cracks as you feel your eyes fill with tears. "Maybe she's not just a friend. "
Jaehyun rubs your back comfortingly, worried about how he'll have to handle Yuta when he finds out Johnny broke his best friend's heart. Gosh,its going to be a world war.
"He has never openly said anything about liking you ,but he did talk about you a lot. Even until yesterday...we were sure he liked you,dude." Taeyong says .
You shake your head, "If he did like me ,he'd have told you guys. He doesn't and that's the end of it."
And although it shatters your ego , you look away from the pair and walk toward the swimming pool complex where your team awaits you.
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When you enter the pool area, Taeyong and Jaehyun immediately run toward the audience to be with the others.
And you find your gang-sans Johnny- waving at you from the audience as you walk up to the registration desk and put in your name.
Your heart feels so heavy ,like those dumbbells that Yuta uses ,but a thousand times more heavier. You have no desire or energy to swim anymore. You just want to lie in bed and cry your heart out.
But sadly you didn't have much of an option..
"Good luck, y/l/n. Go easy on the opponents." Your coach tells you with a chuckle. You force a smile as you nod. Talk about overestimating one's skills.
You enter the changing room and quickly strip off all your clothes ,leaving you in your tight Speedo swimsuit . You tie your hair in a ponytail and are about to head out when someone bumps into you ,quite roughly to be frank.
"Watch out ,girl,jeez. " you mutter to her,rubbing your sides.
The jealousy from a few minutes ago comes back but this time not in the form of drizzle, this time it's a whole storm.
It's the same girl from before, the one with Johnny.
"I'm so sorry. " the girl says ,looking back at you with an apologetic look.
She's pretty,you realize. Long black hair and a mole under her eye ,she looks like she could be a model in training somewhere. Long eyelashes , a slim waist and perfectly smooth looking skin ,she has everything you ever wanted ,including Johnny Suh. She's pretty ,prettier than you at least.
"What's your name?" You don't want to know that name ,yet those words spill out of your mouth.
"I'm Joy. From the performing arts college." She thrusts her hand towards you for a handshake. " and you?"
"I'm y/n. " you reply ,the frown on your lips never once leaving .
"You're swimming too ,right? It's going to be great!" She says.
"Yeah,its going to be really great. " you take her hand.
You can't have Johnny ,but at least you can have the trophy.
*
The four basic stroke races get over within the first one hour of the competition and needless to say ,by the time the relay race was announced , you had three gold medals already in your possession.
"Relax your body." Your coach tells your team of girls while you stand in line,ready for the relay race to begin. "Y/n, since you're going last , put in all your energy. We need to win this last round to get the grand trophy."
Directly in front of you, you see your two other teammates stand and stretch their arms by the pool’s edge , their faces bright with a hint of excitement and nervousness. Beside them ,you see Joy and her other pretty friend getting for the race too. With her tight red swimsuit and perfectly done forearm tattoo , she has everyone's attention on her. And you bet that everyone in the audience was rooting for her.
You nod at your coach's words while he turns around to speak with your partner as you once again look at your new mortal enemy, your teeth gritting unconsciously and your gaze turning more into a glare.
"Yayyy!!! Y/n,let's get it!" You hear your friends cheer from and you giggle for the first since this stupid day began. Mark ,Yuta and Taeyong are cheering for you on top of their lungs while the girls are holding posters with your name written on them . You wonder when they had the time to make them. And the rest of the guys are clapping their hands like there's no tomorrow.
Everyone except Johnny.
He sits in between Mark and Haechan, his eyes practically glued to your frame and your eyes meet his for an annoyingly long second, he smiles at you and mouths 'best of luck .'
You look away from him ,your body burning with rage. So now he's going to pretend to know you? Or maybe he wasn't waving at you at all,maybe he is just looking at Joy and your self absorbed mind assumed that he was looking at you? Possibilities are infinite but time is not; time is very precious.
"You guys have to win okay?" You hear the coach say one last time , before patting you on your heads and walking away.
Somewhere behind you ,you hear a stand by whistle go off and your team mates on the opposite side immediately walk up on the platform.
"On your marks."
Thump.
"Get , set."
Thump.
"Go!"
The race starts off pretty smoothly, your teammate cutting through the water as if this is everything she'd ever known ,her speed unmatched with anyone else's. And when she reaches your side,your partner immediately jumps off into the water , the steady speed still maintained.
The next few seconds pass fleet away in the blink of an eye and soon your turn comes up ,you realize, as you climb up to the platform ,bending over to take a diving position.
And when your body hits the water ,you feel all the anger ,rage, sadness, envy being channeled into strength and energy. Your body moves against the waves like that it what it was meant to be doing ; not running, not walking but swimming.
Your ears block out all noises around you,your mind focusing on nothing but the finish line.
And the very second your hand touches the wall on the opposite side , your body relaxes and your head pops out of the water like a cork. The audience erupts into claps and cheers and whistles and your name being repeated on everyone's tongue.
Panting and smiling and fist pumping together at the same time is tiring but you do it anyway.
After all,you'd just won your team the swimming trophy.
You feel a little light headed but it doesn't affect you at all ; you had proven yourself in front of your friends and teachers once again .
Johnny and His lovely Joy can go eat shit for all you care. ( you do care about Johnny , you're just being stupid rn)
"I'm so proud of you , baby !" Ryujin helps you up from the pool while the other girls engulf you in a hug ,not minding the fact that your entire body is dripping wet with the chlorinated pool water.
The guys arrive shortly after and Yuta presses a loving kiss on your head, "Congratulations, bitch."
But amongst the crowd of people surrounding you, the pats on your back and side hugs,the happy faces congratulating you, you feel almost empty. Like something was missing. Like the last piece of an almost completed puzzle .
Your eyes scan the people around you , looking for none other than Johnny and when you finally spot him, your heart breaks even more as if it already wasn't completely smashed into tiny pieces .
Joy has tears of failure running down her face and Johnny brushes them away with his thumbs, her head finding a comfortable place on his shoulders.
You'd always wondered what it must feel like to be in such an intimate situation with Johnny. You had wanted to experience it ,first hand , but by the looks of it, that might never happen.
Beacuse you winning the competition is not more important than Joy losing it.
Beacuse you are not more important than Joy.
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"What do you mean you don't want to go to the after party? " Yuta has been hanging out with Mark way too much, you think. His voice is almost,if not more, as loud and annoying as Mark's now.
"I don't feel very good. Can you please drop me home? Then you guys can go and have fun." You reply, not quite looking at your best friend. You're afraid he'd be able to read through you , just how he always does.
"This is not about you , is it? It's about Johnny. Taeyong and Jaehyun told me." There he goes.
"Think whatever you want. I just want to be alone for a while, please." You say.
He pauses the music playing in the car, tugging at the sleeve of your tshirt.
The image of Johnny and Joy flash in your mind ,still fresh even though it happened a almost five hours ago. You remember how tenderly Johnny had held her and how lovingly Joy had stared at him.
“I really thought he liked me ,you know. I don’t even blame him right now. I should have known better than to get attached,break my oath of forever maintaining distance from him. “ you speak in a hoarse voice, the lump in your throat growing painfully.
Yuta stares at you for a few seconds,then shakes his head with his eyes on the car dashboard, “Its not your fault either, y/n. All of us thought he liked you too.”
You see Yuta take out the keys from his pocket and the pretty,yellow flower keychain attached with it.Johnny had given him that on his last birthday,you recall.
Your eyes drift to various places in the car, from the blue heart sticker on the mirror, to the bills stacked into the pockets, the empty cold drink bottles and the smell of lavender spray in the air, everything reminds you of the man you were trying so hard not to think about.  
You start softly crying.
"Y/n, goddamnit, you won the completion! You are our swimming champion. And you helped us organize this event too. You're today's star. Would you really let that asshole ruin it?" Yuta demands,passing over a tissue to you.
The words ' that asshole ' stick with you , stinging your heart which was still in love with Johnny but you don’t say anything. Yuta was only trying to make you feel better.
Not earning a reply from you,he groans,"I don't care what you want ,y/n. We're going to the after party at Haechan's family farm house and staying there tonight. That's Final. " he declares , turning the key and you hear the car engine revving.
"I'll cry if I see him. " you pout,sniffing.
"Don't worry, if he makes you cry,I'll kill him.." Yuta replies as you drive off to Haechan's farm house.
The entire drive, your mind keeps playing the moments you were trying so hard to forget and you hated it. So,so much. You felt like a prisoner in your own mind.
Yesterday night , in the car,when Johnny leaned down towards you, you could have sworn that he was in love with you.
But now, not as much.
You wonder if Joy had felt special when he comforted her ,because you sure as hell would have. You would have held him like the earth was ending today and he was only thing that could keep you alive.
"We're here. " Yuta announces as you pull over in front of the huge mansion just a little away from your college campus.
You have been here many times before so the beauty of the house doesn't baffle you anymore but your eyes do go wide in realization of how rich Haechan's family really is. Every damn time.
As you step out of the car , your sneakers squeaking against the ground beneath you, you can already hear the loud music coming from the lawn and the smell of barbecued food and alcohol makes you almost want to enjoy the party.
"You're late,y/n!" A very drunk Doyoung walks towards you ,Taeil waddling behind him with two glasses of vodka shots in his hands.
"I know I'm sorry. I hope I didn't miss much." you say ,slightly embarrassed at the fact that you almost skipped the party.
They both hug you tightly as you wince from the strong smell of alcohol, "Congratulations ,sweetheart!" Taeil slurs while Doyoung sings, " we are the champion ~" on the top of his lungs.
"Gosh,yeah,thanks guys." you push their intoxicated bodies away with Yuta's help and make your way towards the lawn where your friends sit around a bonfire , dancing ,singing ,talking ,having the time of their lives. You find yourself smiling a little on seeing at their happy faces. Your eyes roam around the group until they find Johnny , eating roasted marshmallows from a small plate and your first instinct is almost to say ' hi ' but you remember Joy and how painfully sweet they were with each other and you revert your eyes from him the moment he looks in your direction. Your heart paces rapidly, yearning for his attention but you know you wouldn't get it ,no matter what, so you walk inside the house, into the kitchen to grab something for yourself.
"That piece of shit Yeji burnt the meat." Chaeryong complains to you as she volunteers to fill your plate with food. You wonder how many more such swimming competitions you'd have to win for your friends to be this generous with you everyday. "Thank god Taeil saved it before he got horribly drunk." , she adds.
You giggle a little.
All of a sudden, you feel a tap on your shoulder and when you turn around , you are filled with dread. But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t expect this.
" Hey,y/n. Congratulations on winning the trophy!" Johnny says with a bright smile.
As if you give two shits about it, you find yourself thinking for a split second. You look up at the tall man towering over you,smiling like he didn't butcher your heart earlier. He wears a warm grey hoodie with his favorite and probably only pair of blue jeans. His hair is slicked backwards ,exposing the forehead you'd often wait so eagerly to see. His signature cologne makes you feel weak , and if you weren't sober ,you knew things would have gone down pretty quick.
But you can't be rude to him - you could never be rude to him even if you wanted to.
"Thanks." You mutter in a small voice,taking the plate from Chaeryong.
Johnny furrows his eyebrows at your dull reaction and then eyes Chaeryong as if to ask what happened. She shrugs and awkwardly walks away from you two.
Brilliant. Now you have to face Johhny alone.
"Is something wrong,y/n?" He asks ,his concerned voice sending shivers down your body.
You shake your head, "No. Why do you ask?" You look around the place to look for your best friend. Where's he when you need him the most?
Johnny leans over closer to you. "You were ignoring me during the competition but I shrugged it off. And now you're acting like that again. " he says ,his breath fanning for against the side of your face, "I must have done something. "
You want to push him away but as shameless as it sounds , you were enjoying this attention he was giving you and even more than that, you were enjoying how physically close he was to you.
But it didn't mean you would forgive him. Or Joy for that matter.
"Why should you care," you chuckle sarcastically , "I'm not Joy. So don't bother."
Change of mind - maybe you could be rude to him if you tried really,really hard.
His face twists in further confusion.
" How do you know her? And why is she in this conversation again?" He asks,now softly pushing you against the kitchen counter , his hands on either side of you. He has you trapped ,literally.
You sigh, trying to hide the burning of your cheeks and the drying of your throat. You can't let your guard down. "I saw you...with her in the morning. Hugging, staring at each other like you saw the galaxy in each other's eyes. " you huff , your heart heavy from the pain that memory brings.
Johnny laughs , a deep, genuine laughter,erupting from his throat fills the kitchen. You feel like you were walking in the same tunnel again, Johnny waiting for you at the end with a source of light in his hands.
"Are you perhaps ," he leans in closer to your face, just like last night in the car ,"jealous?"
Of course you were jealous. You had always been jealous of anyone who was privileged enough to enjoy Johnny's extremely pleasant company ,especially in your absence.
" No. " Liar.
He presses his lips together in a line ,as if trying to suppress a smile.
"Then why are you turning red like a tomato?" He asks.
You turn your face away from him ,trying to move away from his grasp but he gently puts his index finger under your chin and makes you look at him.
"Y/n, Joy is my cousin." he says. Guilt punches you in the stomach like your stomach were a punching bag and the guilt was a boxer,strong and determined. You feel the blood pulsating in your ears ,in your throat ,in your temples. "I am not dating her or seeing her or whatever you think I'm doing with her. "
You look down at your feet but he makes you look at him again "I'm sorry." You mutter
"Do you remember last night I told you I had some useless thoughts?" He asks you ,his right hand now wrapping around your waist.
You nod your head ,the shame and guilt of falsely accusing him and Joy of something they never did not allowing you to look directly into his eyes.
"This is what I wanted to do. " he pulls your chin closer ,as you stand on your tip toes. Your faces were just so close ,you could feel his lips brush past yours, "May I?" He breathes.
You only find a small whisper to reply him with, "Yes. "
The feeling of his lips pressing against yours was something even your imagination couldn't have prepared you for. His soft, tender touch mixed with the urgency of the kiss made it feel even more surreal than it already was. Your noses glide against each other as he presses you closer and closer till there was no ' closer ' left. He held you firmly by the waist and your hands found their way around his neck as you depended the kiss,your tongues touching and breaths matching each other. You could feel the taste of the marshmallows from earlier and your stomach feels all giddy and excited.
And by the time you both pull away, you are panting, struggling to catch your breath as he supports your body against the counter.
"I like you ,y/n. I always have. I just didn't know how to approach you. " he says , brushing a few hair strands away from your forehead, "And I'm so sorry for making you upset today."
You giggle a little, confused whether to reply to his confession or accept his apology.
You decide to do both. " I like you ,too,Johnny Suh. So much. " you lean your forehead on his ," and it's fine. You didn't mean to make me feel bad ,I was being paranoid. I'm sorry too. "
Johnny pulls away to look at you ,his swollen lips curved into a heartwarming smile.
"I bet you looked cute while being jealous." He says , pecking your nose softly.
You don't reply ; instead you stare at his eyes, your heart pumping out these overwhelming emotions that you couldn't quite understand yet but liked it nevertheless. Your eyes shine like the sky on a cloudless night,making his knees feel like jelly and butterflies erupting in his stomach. At that moment , you realise that it was your eyes wherein he found his galaxy , his sun and stars - not Joy, not any other woman - it was always been you.
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smutbymia · 5 years ago
Text
teachers pet - johnny au
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WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT 18+ (no protection mentioned, sexual content) NO student x teacher relationship or sexual contact but potentially triggering themes surrounding a creepy teacher
Word Count: 
Themes: university au, student x student, friends to lovers, soft dom, spanking, exhibitionism
Pairing: Johnny Suh x Female Reader
PLOT: Y/N is absolutely intoxicating and everyone knows it. She garners the attention from boys and girls in school all the time but when her friend Johnny notices that she’s captured the attention of her professor as well, he decides its time to put all his cards on the table once and for all to win over his crush and put an end to the wandering eyes at their university.
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      You pushed your way through the doors of the campus café where you frequently stopped in between classes. The smell of fresh coffee beans and pastries filled the air, and as usual most students were hunched over their books or enthralled in some conversation with their friends as they occupied the tables and couches in the cozy space. You slowed your pace towards the line as you peered up at the menu, the clicking of your boots commanding the attention of the people seated at the nearby tables. Some just stared while others whispered quietly amongst themselves as they watched you. It wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary. You were the president of at least 3 clubs in school and were frequently a fixture on campus. You figured most people simply recognized you for being so involved. A group of girls’ chatter died down as you got closer to their table, and a flustered boy jumped up from his seat before making his way over to you. “Hey, Y/N... Do you need a seat? I was just about to leave,” he stuttered. You smiled at the boy before politely declining. “No I’m fine, thank you. I’m just making a quick stop before class but I appreciate the offer,” you said -- shooting him a sweet smile that made a blush creep up his cheeks, before he headed back to his table.
You approached the glass display to admire the baked goods. Most of the baristas were busy making cup after cup of coffee at an impressive speed -- dealing with the rush of students with ease and shortening the line. Just as your eyes landed on a beautifully decorated cookie made to look like a maple leaf, a head popped up from behind the display. “Hey Y/N,” they said in a lowered voice, “do you want your usual? I can get that to you in a minute so you don’t have to wait in line.” It was Rin, an upperclassmen who had worked at the cafe for 2 years now who was there almost every time you came in. Just as you opened your mouth to respond, two large hands popped up at either side of your head as they held two cups of coffee up from behind you. 
“She’s good,” murmured the boy whose voice you could recognize from a mile away. You titled your head up and met the gaze of your friend Johnny who was smiling down at you. Rin nodded quietly before heading back to work behind the counter, disappearing as quickly as he first appeared. 
“You’re a lifesaver, Johnny. What would I do without you?” you said as you took a sip of the vanilla Frappuccino he had gotten for you, moaning at the heavenly taste. He laughed before mumbling under his breath and gesturing towards the workers again, “You would probably be better off since you'd be getting lots of free coffee.” You rolled your eyes at his remark. “But it tastes so much better when you buy it for me,” you said sweetly as you pouted your lips and batted your eyelashes. Johnny rolled his eyes and smiled as he reached out to wipe a bit of coffee from the corner of your mouth before you both turned towards the entrance.
Eyes followed the pair of you the entire way out of the coffee shop. The chilly fall air felt nice against your skin and blew through the waves in your hair as you made your way through campus. 
“Its starting to get cold,” Johnny began, “I have no clue how you manage to still wear skirts like that without freezing your little legs off.” You wore a knit sweater and a pleated brown plaid skirt with a pair of booties that had a slight heel. 
You looked down at your legs which were in fact covered with goosebumps before walking a couple steps in front of Johnny, strutting dramatically. 
“Exactly. When winter comes, I’m going to have to cover these up so enjoy it while it lasts instead of complaining,” you said as you did a little spin. Your skirt lifted into the air, revealing a little more than expected as your hand reached down to flatten it out again -- narrowly avoiding a wardrobe malfunction. 
Johnny had reached his hand out towards your skirt as well, clearly predicting what would have happened if you hadn’t handled the situation yourself first. He exchanged a fiery glance with a group of boys who had witnessed the close call, and now were staring intently and chattering excitedly amongst their group -- unbeknownst to you. 
“I definitely wasn’t complaining but if you don’t at least start wearing a coat then you’ll freeze to death,” he said as he rolled his eyes, laughing quietly at your antic. He shrugged out of his peacoat and draped it over your shoulders as you continued your walk. The interaction summed up your friendship perfectly. For as long as you had known Johnny, you were the outgoing and reckless one while he was calm, cool, and collected in all situations. Johnny always knew exactly what to do, and what you needed before even you did. He looked out for you more than you looked out for yourself and you knew that he always had your best interest in mind. There wasn’t a single person in the world who you blindly trusted with your life but him. It was the perfect balance. 
The two of you continued your walk until you reached the business building where you both had your finance lecture. Students were trailing in an out of the building as you approached. One in particular stopped in his tracks as he got to the door, holding it open for you with a smile on his face as his cheeks blushed pink. You thanked him before heading in, and he followed directly behind you, cutting in between you and Johnny. 
As always, Johnny remained cool, calm, and collected. He was used to this more than you were. He knew you were oblivious to the way others treated you but he noticed it all. Every glance that trailed up and down every inch of your body, every whisper about how gorgeous you were, the stares of both jealousy and admiration from the other girls... he noticed it all. But of course, he couldn’t blame anyone. He understood what they all saw in you because he saw it too. He saw the way your smile lit up every room you were in, and how your eyes would crinkle shut if you laughed too hard. He saw how cute you looked whenever you got confused about something in class, squinting at the dry erase board and pouting your lips as you rolled your pencil between your fingers. He especially loved the way you looked after you had spent hours studying in the library because no matter what, you always came back out with a messy bun in your hair that certainly wasn’t there when you first went in and barely noticeable bags under your eyes -- so tired that you’d fall asleep in his car as he drove you home. 
“Hello... Johnny... Did you finish it or not?” you asked. “H-huh?” he responded. 
“The homework. I need help on the last question,” you stated. He had been too caught up in his own thoughts again. “Oh, that. Yeah,” he murmured under his breath before reaching into his bag to rummage around for his notebook. He didn’t know why it was so hard to keep you off of his mind these days. Well actually, of course he knew why but he had spent years keeping his emotions in check and wasn’t sure why he seemed to be losing control of them lately. His crush had always been there but it was getting almost unbearable as the days went on.
“Y/n, I can help you with that. I have it right here,” said Doyoung, a student from your class, as he butted right into your conversation. It especially made it harder for Johnny to process his feelings when seemingly everyone around him seemed to be throwing themselves at you. He wasn’t sure if it was better or much worse that you barely took note of it. You looked back at Johnny whose mind seemed to be wandering elsewhere again before he gave you a sheepish smile and tilted his head in the direction of Doyoung, silently telling you to accept the kind boy’s offer. You returned his smile before heading into the room, hoping that whatever was occupying your friends mind wasn’t taking too much of a toll on him. 
Johnny sat in his usual seat while you took the seat next to Doyoung right as he began his quick lesson on the final math question you struggled with. Other students poured into the lecture hall as it got closer and closer to the start time of the class. You glanced back at Johnny ever so often only to find him staring into space as he propped his elbow up on the table in front of him, resting his cheek against the palm of his hand. 
Johnny on the other hand had a lot on his mind. He couldn’t help but notice the way Doyoung inched closer to you as he went through the math problem. His eyes wandered away from the two of you as he peered around the room, looking for something to distract him. He watched as two girls huddled over their phones, scrolling through pictures of your instagram account talking about how rare some sweater you were wearing in your latest picture was and how they wished they could pull off that colour as well as you did. His eyes eventually landed on the professor who stood behind a podium at the front of the room. The man was smart and probably the most sought after finance professor in the entire university. Students fought to be in his class but he had an awful wandering eye. Johnny watched as the professor stared a little too long at each of the female students who walked through the door. Disgusting, he thought to himself. The professors eyes scanned the room before landing on you -- or more specifically your bare legs that you dangled out in front of you as you worked through the problem with Doyoung. Johnny could feel his cheeks heating up as he watched the professor scan the length of your body with his gaze, licking his lips. Johnny’s rage intensified as he heard the man call out your name. 
You raised your head away from the homework sheet that you and Doyoung were wrapping up on before heading over. Johnny’s eyes never left you for a second, and he sat up a bit straighter in his seat. He couldn’t quite make out what the professor was saying but he figured it had to be some bullshit as the man was basically undressing you with his eyes during the entire exchange. He watched as the professor slipped you a business card with a sinister smile on his face as you turned on your heels and headed back towards Doyoung. You gathered your things from the seat next to him and thanked him, before retreating to the familiar spot next to Johnny. The professor was still gazing at you from across the room. 
“What did he say to you?” asked Johnny as he stared ahead, sounding very unlike himself. His tone was firm, almost cold and emotionless. “Huh? Doyoung? Nothing.. he was just --” you began before being cut off. 
“Not him, the professor. What did he say to you?” Johnny asked again, this time more urgently and this time, as he looked right into your eyes, his gaze now darker. 
“Well...” you began, unsure of what had gotten into your friend, “he knows that i’m the president of events and planning and wanted to know if I could help him plan a finance networking event for seniors and alumni.” Johnny let out a deep sigh and didn’t say another word for the next half hour of class. You stole quick glances at him here and there but he carried the same expression on his face each time. He stared intently ahead at the professor, jaw clenched as he fidgeted with his pen despite not having taken a single note since the lecture had begun.
“J...” you whispered to him as the professor turned around to begin scribbling an equation on the white board. “Hmm?” responded Johnny, still staring ahead. “Why aren’t you taking notes?” you asked him. He glanced down at his paper before checking the time on his phone, as if he had just realized how out of it he had been.
“I - i can’t focus, I guess,” he murmured as he sighed again. An hour had passed and the professor momentarily stopped the lecture for a 15 minute break. Johnny decided right that second that 15 minutes was all he needed. At this point the frustration and angst were both eating him alive. It was now or never.
You were enthralled in a conversation with a boy next to you when you felt a hand grip your thigh under the table. Your cheeks flushed red trying to ignore the feeling that ran through your body before turning to Johnny — the owner of that hand.
“We need to talk... somewhere private,” he said in a hushed tone. You looked at him, concerned. Something seemed to seriously be bothering him these days. You nodded before excusing yourself from the conversation and getting up from your seat to leave the lecture hall.
Johnny’s piercing gaze remained on the professor who was once again watching you as the two of you walked out of the room. Fuck that guy, he thought. And any other guy who looked at you the way that creep did.
You walked Johnny down towards the private office you had due to your position as the President of events. Everyone else seemed to be in class so no other members were hanging around the area.
You opened your office door with your keys and locked it behind you before settling down on the small couch that was inside, gesturing for Johnny to sit down next to you. He ran his fingers through his hair before speaking.
“Before I say anything I just want to apologize for being so uptight lately. The thing is, I’ve tried to ignore this but it’s getting too hard these days,” he said.
You watched as he clenched his fists. “It kills me when they look at you like that...” he said. You were confused. You watched as his cheeks flushed pink.
“Johnny what are you talking about?” you asked as you reached out to touch his knee.
He turned to you to rest his hand on your face. “I’m talking about the fact that I’m in love with you and how much I hate it when guys, especially our creep of a professor, look at you the way they always do,” he said.
Your mouth fell open slightly, shocked at his revelation. Of course you had feelings for him. Who didn’t? Johnny may not have realized it but you weren’t the only person who got a lot of attention. You couldn’t go anywhere without overhearing girls talking about how handsome and tall and smart he was. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you a little jealous too but you never once thought he would see you that way or that he was experiencing similar feelings as you. You wanted to tell him these things but with his hand on your face and your hand on his knee, other thoughts began to run through your mind.
You looked up into his eyes as your breathing increased. Your faces were mere inches apart. “Then show them,” you said in a near whisper. Johnny’s eyes dropped to your lips momentarily as his tongue ran across his own. His eyes shot back up to your eyes when he processed what you said.
“Wait what? Y/n, what do you mean by that,” you asked as he traced small circles on your cheek with his thumb. You ran your hand higher up his leg and squeezed his thigh softly.
“If it bothers you so much then maybe you should show them. Show then how much you love me, Johnny. Show them that I’m yours,” you cooed. His eyes glazed over at your words as he leaned back onto the couch and shut his eyes, cursing under his breath.
“Fuck... I really wish you hadn’t just said that,” he proclaimed. Before you could ask him why he would say such a thing you were being yanked from your position on the couch and into his lap, as he gripped your face and pulled it to meet his own. He captured your lips in a kiss. Despite his initial roughness, the kiss started off soft. He dipped his tongue into your mouth to massage it against yours before trapping your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down softly on the soft flesh. You moaned quietly in response.
Johnny’s free hand made its way down your back before he reached under your skirt to grip your bare ass underneath the plaid fabric, massaging it with his hand before he pulled it away from your skin only to land it firmly back into place with a loud spank.
You jumped at the sensation letting out a gasp before moaning at the tingling feeling. Before the pain could set in, you were met with the comforting feeling of Johnny’s hand massaging your sensitive skin to ease the stinging. Wetness began to pool at your core as you moaned into his mouth as your kiss became increasingly desperate and sloppy due to your arousal.
You pulled away for a split second to say the word “Again,” as you looked into Johnny’s eyes. You could feel his erection grow underneath him. “Please, Johnny,” you said as you circled your hips into the tent that had formed in his pants, hissing at the friction against your clit. You yanked your sweater over your head and discarded in on the floor along with your bra before getting Johnny to do the same. Thank God you had locked that door.
He let out a soft groan before reaching his hand away from you to slap it against your skin once more. You let out a much louder moan this time, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of his large hands covering your skin. He became less gentle with each spank and by the fourth one you were shaking in his arms. “Is that what my baby girl likes?” he cooed as he reached down to draw circles on your clit through your panties.
You were already a mess. You rocked your hips against his hand as you felt the wetness between your legs increase. Johnny continued the assault on your clit as he trailed kisses down your jaw and over your neck, pausing to suckle at the skin in a discrete yet visible area — leaving his mark on you for everyone to see.
“Mine...” he whispered as he continued to kiss his way down your body, pausing to capture one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking desperately at the delicate flesh as he rolled the other between two of his fingers.
“Johnny...” you hissed as you threw your head back. You reached down to palm him through his pants as he moaned into your chest, mouth vibrating against your skin sending shockwaves through your body.
“We only have five minutes left baby,” he said as he drew your mouth in for another kiss.
You got up out of his lap, pulling him up from the couch before leading him over to the desk in the room.
Johnny followed obediently. You wanted to take control for a little. You leaned back against the desk as you unbuckled his pants and his erection sprang free. You pumped your hands against its length as he let out a breathy moan, resting his hands at either side of your body against the desk. His head dropped down lower as he focused on the pleasure and you took the opportunity to leave a mark of your own on his neck too as you sucked and licked at his soft skin.
You could feel him growing harder and harder in the palm of your hand as your fingers danced over the head of his cock, precum sticking to your fingers. “Y/n, that feels so good,” he struggled to say between gasps as he began to jerk himself into your fist. Just as he was about to reach his peak, you let go of him. He let out an irritated groan in response.
You pushed him back away from you slightly to give yourself room before turning around. You slipped your panties off before bending over the table and flipping your skirt up, spreading your legs wide enough to give Johnny a clear view of your dripping core. You looked over your shoulder innocently and Johnny stood there with his mouth agape, breathing heavily as he pumped his hands over himself.
“We’re running out of time and there’s no way I’m leaving this room without you fucking me over this desk,” you exclaimed. Johnny wasted no time. He groped your ass, spanking you again as he slipped two fingers into you, pumping them in and out as he spanked you a few more times. He knew how horny and desperate you were when he did that and he wanted you to be dripping wet.
He watched as your juices trailed down your leg before he inserted himself into you with a firm and quick thrust. You gasped at the feeling of his length filling you up so perfectly. You almost couldn’t handle all of him and he could tell. He thrusted in and out of you quickly, making sure to only give you as much as you could take. Your moans became increasingly louder as he reached around to cover your mouth.
“Be careful baby, are you forgetting where we are?” he began. “You don’t want everyone to hear how naughty of a girl their Vice President is, do you?” You moaned into his palm at the thought of people hearing the two of you fucking like this in the office. You wouldn’t mind all of those girls knowing that it was you who got to be bent over a desk for Johnny, taking his cock like a good girl. Maybe then they’d back off a little. “You like the sound of that don’t you? You may be a good girl but you are so bad for me, aren’t you? I love that,” he said between raspy moans. You were both so close and you could feel his thrusts become more frantic as his hips seemed to jerk forward involuntarily at times as he began to lose control. Your upper body was pressed against the cool wood beneath you as the warmth of Johnny’s body was pressed against your back. The desk shook with every thrust, the sound of it filling the room along with the slapping of your flesh against his.
You circled your ass back against him slowly, this time pushing yourself back onto him to make sure every inch of his length was inside of you. Johnny struggled to keep his voice down as he burried his head into your neck, feeling the warmth of your center completely engulf his cock. Your movements were slow and intimate and soon you felt him empty himself into you, as his cum filled you with warmth and you felt your orgasm spread through your body causing your insides to contract and your legs to shake. You were both gasping for air when he removed himself from you, using some tissues on the desk to clean you off as you both giddily got dressed.
Before stepping out of the room, you frantically fixed the collar of his shirt as he ran his fingers through your hair trying to tame it. You did the same to him between quick pecks here and there, totally intoxicated by him and incapable of keeping your hands off of him for too long. You knew it would look far too inappropriate if you went back into your lecture looking completely fucked out. The hickies you both donned were enough of hint at what you had gotten up to during the short break of your lecture.
You rushed back down the hall hand in hand, almost running as the two of you giggled. Students watched you and whispered to each other but neither of you cared. Soon you were back in the lecture hall and in your seats. You did get the odd glance here and there but everything seemed fine otherwise.
You sat a little closer to Johnny than you usually did, his hand was draped over the back of your chair as you both took notes and shared sweet glances throughout the rest of your lecture. Johnny watched you as you looked up at the white board confusingly knowing exactly what was going to come next.
Not even a few seconds later he watched as you shoved the end of your pen into your mouth and furrowed your brow. He chuckled softly to himself. Typical y/n, he thought. If only you knew how much of a tease you were when you did that. He leaned over to you before whispering in your ear “ If you don’t take that pen out of your mouth and stop working me up like this I might have to replace it with something else more enjoyable later on,” he said. You let out a soft gasp as your cheeks blushed pink and as your thighs clenched together on their own. The professor was silently watching over the class and Johnny couldn’t help but feel a little smug as he met his gaze across the room. He was almost certain he would be leaving you alone from now on.
Thank you for waiting so patiently for this. I really hope it meets your expectations. I’m officially on winter break and excited to be more active. Love you guys sm🖤 - mia... p.s let me know what you guys think. I love hearing your thoughts and overall reactions to my work. Or leave me a random ask, whatever you want!
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neoangelic · 5 years ago
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Can I request prompt number 99 with Johnny please?🥺
HARD TO STAY MAD || johnny suh
summary: As a couple who both works together as photographers, Johnny likes to push your buttons. This time you’ve had enough. 
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“I fell in love with you, not them.”
PAIRING: johnny x reader
WORDCOUNT: 1,112 words
TAGS: boyfriend!johnny | johntography | photographer!johnny | he’s hot when he’s angry | slight angst | fluff | photographer!reader | jealousy
hope its fluffier to know that the “you’re short” part happened to me irl (but w my mans who is not my mans qq, so no romantic connotation but still pretty heart fluttering)
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Johnny doesn’t pay attention when you’re struggling with the lighting. He’s too busy laughing with the beautiful model. 
People are always jealous that you two get to work together as a couple, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. For example, when Johnny gets the job offers as the photographer and you have to work as his assistant. Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem. But you haven’t been able to land any jobs recently and it’s been weighing down on your conscience. Johnny says it’s okay. You know it’s not. Another example—girls just can’t get enough of him. 
“Okay, beautiful! That shot was great.” Johnny hits the shutter button one last time before he steps back. “Let’s take five—” he winks at her. Your grip on the hot light ‘slips’ and it swings its focus from the model to the photographer. 
“Oops,” you say, deadpan, when the model leaves. Johnny shields his eyes.
“What’s going on with you today?” He tears his eyes away and glares at the floor. “Are you trying to mess me up?”
You scoff, switching the light off. “Because I’m just that evil, right?”
“Are you trying to argue with me?” Johnny takes the camera off the tripod and aggressively clicks through the pictures he just took. The cut-off he was wearing gave you a clear view of his tense muscles. Oh. Maybe you pushed him a bit too far this time.
“I’m not trying, I am.” You walk up next to him and see what he’s looking at. Of course, nearly all of them are perfect. “It’s already unfair that you’re the better photographer—gotta rub it in by flirting with the subject too?”
He leaves the camera on a stool, turning to face you with a smoldering look. “I wasn’t flirting, baby.” Johnny cocks his perfectly shaped eyebrow. 
You’re taken aback by how attractive your boyfriend is when he’s mad. Then, he smiles as if that was what he was trying to do.
You comb your fingers through your hair, “look—you have to wrap up soon. There’s another appointment for you at 4:30, remember?” It wasn’t right for you to be annoyed at him.
Johnny doesn’t take his eyes off the screen, zooming in to the woman’s beautiful face. “Yeah, I know.”
“She’s pretty, right?”
“Yeah.” He says before turning his camera on you. Johnny fiddles with the settings for a bit. “But you’re prettier.” He snaps a photo.
You flush. “Don’t take pictures of me!” You’re glad that the rest of your crew are busy with their break.
“Why not?”
“And you don’t have to lie to me.” His words couldn’t be further from the truth. Johnny’s model this time was the ambassador for Dyor, after all. She was the prettiest model you’d ever seen. “She’s prettier. And good at modeling too. I should be grateful I’m surrounded by such talent.”
Johnny frowns, “you’re talented too.”
“Sure I am,” you mutter. “That’s why nobody books me—look, I’m gonna go call your next appointment and ask them when they’ll be ready.”
And you leave.
________________________________________________________________
The model is giving Johnny those goo-goo eyes again. The shoot ended. She should’ve left already. Instead, she’s flirting him up and it looks like she’s got him wrapped around her pretty, manicured finger. 
“These pictures look so amazing, Johnny.”
“All due to you—you’re really photogenic.”
“You wouldn’t be so bad as a model yourself. You should try it sometime.”
“Maybe I’ll give you a call?” They both laugh. “Sure, I’ll give it a go.”
“No, but you’re actually so talented. Why don’t you start working with A-listers?”
“You know what, I think you’re my favorite person that I’ve worked with yet.”
“Actually, Johnny, about that call…would you mind giving me your n—”
You clap your hands. “Sorry, miss but you’ve got to go. Mr. Suh, we’re packing up now—we have to get to the next location.” There’s an ugly feeling in the pit of your stomach as you see her put her hand on his shoulder.
She gives him a sultry smile, “I’ll see you, then?”
“Sure.” Johnny nods, stiffly. He’s fully aware that you’re livid. He makes it a point to pack up his things quickly after she leaves with her staff. You only call him Mr. Suh when he’s in trouble.
You start bringing down the lighting set up with a lot of frustration. It was too tall for you to pull down without having to break your fingers. The strobe is top-heavy and you’ve never extended it up this high before. You manage to retract one of the sections, but it slips from your fingers with a loud clang. You groan, having to drag over an apple crate to stand on for the next section.
As you reach out for the light, Johnny rushes over, “I can deal with that.”
“I’m not useless,” you huff. Although if you hadn’t kept the sandbags on the base, the strobe would have probably fallen over. “I can do it.”
“_____, look at me.”
“Had fun having that model all over you?” You cross your arms. “She’s the favorite person you’ve worked with? Not your girlfriend? Oh, right, I don’t work with you—hell, I basically work for you. Without me, you’d be shooting celebrities right now.”
Johnny steps onto the apple crate with you. Your heart skips a beat at the proximity. You move back, nearly tripping as you try to create some space on the tiny platform. He holds you by the small of your back and pulls you close to him. He laughs, looking down on you.
“Babe, you’re so short.” Johnny’s eyes are filled with love and affection. One would think he’s looking at a puppy. With one hand, he effectively retracts the rest of the strobe light. “Too bad your temper is, too.”
“Johnny—”
“I wouldn’t leave you for the world. Its always gonna be you and me. I don’t have time for celebrities or models.” He pulls you even closer and leans in for a kiss. “I fell in love with you, not them.”
You panic as he steps off the crate, feeling flustered by his PDA. Johnny is still taller than you. “Hey, you can’t just—”
“Kiss you? Yeah, I can. I’m your boyfriend.” He teases. “And wanna hear a secret?”
“What?” You hiss, trying to stay mad—and failing at it.
Johnny brings his mouth close to your ear. “I fell in love with your photography, too. That’s why I started shooting in the first place.”
You’re taken aback once again. “But we met after you started photography.”
“That’s what you think,” Johnny winks, putting a finger to his lips. “But that’s a secret for another day.”  
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lalaytight · 4 years ago
Text
NCT 127 + Sungtaro as Uni Students
-Information Prior to Reading-
Clearing - When applying to University after the official date of the A level results, national results, the clearing section opens which allows people who did not get the required grades or have changed their mind in term of courses, apply to university and get a spot.
Dissertation - he final project completed in the last year of University, is normally around one set topic and makes up a good chunk of the final grade awarded at the end of the course.
Pre's - Stands for Pre Drinks a social event where alcohol is consumed prior to going to the clubs.
Masters- A second degree normally 12-18 months long in addition to the bachelors degree when you first graduate. Normally more specific than the first degree.
Gap Year- A year taken between finishing up school and going off to university, normally spent either saving for university or more commonly travelling the world and 'finding' yourself in a third world country on a beaten path.
Pull/ going on the pull- The act of trying to get a date or take someone home with you whilst on a night out in the clubs/ pubs. Can be either successful or unsuccessful but is a great past time.
Tactical chunder-  The act of throwing up whilst drunk in order to sober yourself or remove some of the alcohol from your body. Is often done to make room for more alcohol.
Warnings: Alcohol consumption, Swearing, overall shenanigans, phallic imagery (?), Illegal substance usage
Moon Taeil
Taeil is studying a Chemisty Masters. He completed the undergrad and met a girl. The year below and didn't want to do long distance. So he signed up for a master's course so they could stay in the same area. And he has to admit it was definitely a good choice. Not only is he not having to worry about getting a job, loosing his missus to someone else or having to part from his mainly younger best friends.
He considers himself old now and therefore, isn't involved in any of the society's or sports clubs. He also can't be bothered, not between labs and reports he's got to write. He can barely make time to play fortnite yet alone serious sports. But he will sneak into any of the parties being hosted by the societies his friends are a part of. Will bring his own bottle of Gin and never take it home but its all about the atmosphere. And hanging out with his friends.
In class, Taeil works with the same lab partner for everything. He hasn't changed since September and has no intent to. He's not big on making more friends than necessary and he's got this tight bond with his current partner and therefore, doesn't bother looking for anyone else if they have to do group work. He's studious and his reports are always written well. There's also a little smiling moon placed in the top corner of any one he has to print out. It's completely against the guideline published but its so cute he gets away with it each time. Plus he's also a major teacher's pet and will stay late to help clean the lab after a session.
On a night out Taeil is plastered. He's drunk out of his mind but it's the way he likes to be. He's buying everyone drinks. His bank accounts hurts at the end of the night but he only sees it as a good night. He has no interest in pulling or trying to flirt with anyone he's a committed man. But he will attempt to help his other friends settle down. Therefore, he's everyone's wingman. A shit one but its the effort that counts. If he's lost he's by the bar ordering shots for someone he thinks is sobering up too fast.
John Suh / Johnny
What would the great Johnny Suh study at university. Well its nothing you expect it to be. He's studying building surveying. Yeah you heard that right. And he's so proud of it. The looks he gets when people ask him what he does and that's his answer. This big tall buff guy who kinda screams like he's studying something sporty. He's all about buildings. Wont even try to say he's doing archetecture. Rather he'll just bring out a folder of photos on his phone which are just him in his High Vis Jacket in a multitude of poses.
Johnny is the captain of the Rugby team, that's how he met and then adopted Jeno. He can be seen only on Wednesday at the student night wearing his rugby uniform, the university mascot drawn on his face and a bottle of beer in his hand. He starts the sing along of the rugby boys as they walk through campus. You'll know the one, where they talk or chant about their appendages. He cheers the loudest when one of the newer players join in
In class Johnny is that one guy that everyone loves. He's fun he's entertaining and he's just so nice. He's always there to help his other peeps when they're struggling responding to the questions in the course group chat on Facebook. He send's merry Christmas and happy holidays messages without fail. The cutest little messages and stuff and if you didn't expect this great six foot something guy behind the screen you'd be correct. He's so nice and polite and seemingly hard working that he can get away with anything. You wouldn't notice that he does fuck all in a group project. He's just so present you think he's contributed loads. Until you notice the only writing he has on the entire worksheet is his name.
Johnny is the ultimate party planner. He's always responsible for organising the house party or pre's and he gets absolutely everyone around. He know's Jeno and next thing you know the rest of the younger guys are round his house and Johnny's suddenly got like 7 20 something year old sons. He's bringing all the snacks and an endless supply of Magners. Anyone wants a drink, help yourself. On a night out he's the first to break off from the group. He's straight to the smoking area to light up his juul. He spends a little too long there cause he's too busy flirting but he leaves with their insta and then goes to try and bully Mark onto the dance floor. But when Mark protests and he's told to leave Taeyong's son alone, his best partner is crime Jaehyun is right by his side to go thot drop to the 90s club hits playing on the floor.
Lee Taeyong
Taeyong is another masters student. His first degree was in illustration and he hated it. Completely put him off art. He never wanted to draw for a living ever again. Never again. But he didn't know what to do with his degree. That was until he went to a careers event and there was an art therapist present, and he knew this was his calling. Or perhaps he was desperate and the way the man talked seemed to draw him in. Therefore, his masters is art therapy.
Taeyong used to be the president of the music society, and he could have stayed on another year when he started his masters. But he decided to take a step back and instead focus on his studies. Or at least pretend to. Now he just focuses on not killing his housemates and wondering why he stayed in a student house for another year. Not when he could have afforded a studio apartment.
Taeyong feels a new life for art by doing his masters course. He's slowly falling back in love with the thing his first degree ruined for him. And the therapy side is so interesting and new to him that he's constantly amazed. To the point where he goes and actually does the further reading. He might be the only one in the class to do so but that doesn't stop him. The lecturers love him because of his genuine interest in the subject and he always gets the opportunity for anything cool they put on. His interest though can be a little dangerous as he's constantly testing his new techniques out on his roommates and if he has to see one more dick drawn by Yuta one of them will not be attending lectures the next day.
Taeyong contrary to popular belief is not the mom friend on a night out. He is the next morning. But on the night out he's wild. A lightweight who sticks to drinking wine only, he likes to belief he's the light and life of the party. He isn't really but he is the one on the tables at the club throwing the best dance moves. Every time he hits the dance floor its like he starts a performance and you can't take your eyes away. Somehow he's still in control of his movement. It's a miracle but he does it somehow. And the next morning he refuses to admit he was once again performing at the club like he was on a stage in front of millions as he's forcing bread down the throats of every single housemate.
Nakamoto Yuta
Yuta doesn't seem to be a big reader when you look at him. You'd never think he'd spend most of his university time bent over a book reading it to be able to write the report about it. Probably because he doesn't but he's an English Literature student nevertheless.
Yuta belongs to the football, soccer, club and is the captain. He takes great pride in his team but will not hesitate to do a fun meaningless game often. In fact he was the one who suggested to Johnny that the football and the rugby team should play eachother at tennis of all sports to see who was the superior. Before a big match Yuta attempts to organise more practice, but its never okayed by the coach. He still goes to the pitch to wait and is disappointed every time when nobody turns up to his unofficial training session.
Yuta loves his English literature class. Mainly because they do deep dives into the book and he secretly does love reading he just doesn't like being told what books to read. He's passionate about Brontè and can tell you almost anything about the twilight universe. But he absolutely refuses to read the books for the assignments. Rather he'll scroll his way through a couple summaries, a wikipedia page and one of those websites that publish old essays instead. His grades are high and he's yet to be caught not having read really any of the books they've worked on. Rather he just flings around the terminology and hopes its actually being used. Yuta attends every lecture, not because he wants to learn. Rather because he loves going in to his class and talking to the rest of the students on his course. He's a part of a mainly female friendship group and he's not hesitant to tell them when they deserve better than the guy that's stringing them on. He's always there to remind them how they truly deserve to be treated and point out the red flags when the girls try to justify staying with them. He wouldn't ever date any of them, and he's sure many of them think he swings for the other team only. But like he's not going to protest. Unless they're being mistreated by their partners and they need to wake up. He also makes a small fortune selling his old notes to students in the year below, Jaemin has set up a monthly subscription pay to ensure he gets all the notes he can't be bothered to take.
At a party Yuta can be found drinking some sort of liquor and chatting to Doyoung in the corner. The pair are laughing like school girls and having the times of their lives. If you ever approach expect to be disgusted and possibly confused considering how much of a strong feminist he is. The pair can be found having the most controversial conversations possible. Yuta just wants to argue though and Doyoung presents a very good opportunity. When asked later he will never deny what you heard nor excuse his words, only gives a meek smile and then disappears. He's found in the grimiest bathroom normally and he's not alone. Let's leave that one up to the imagination. But he's the self proclaimed king of one night stands.
Kim Dongyoung / Doyoung
Doyoung was confused at first over what subject to take. He was torn between law and criminology. To the point where he had applied and had offers for both courses some of which being at the same university. However, when it came to results days he ended up on the criminology course. He's not pressed though.
Doyoung is not involved in any societies or sports. However, he is pretty involved in another aspect of the university community. He's very frequently involved in the university confessions page on Facebook. He's actually one of the admins. And he loves to approve and post the more controversial confessions. Especially the ones which are most likely to cause massive arguments between courses. He'll accept the confession post it and then just sit back and watch the chaos. He's Admin C.
Class wise Doyoung loves the argumentative side of the subject. Why wouldn't he be involved in the discussions and debates. It's his favourite part and he's always team captain. But when it's normal classwork he's just as involved. In his opinion if he's paying all this money for the course he's going to get as much out of it as possible. He'll do the snazzy presentation for your group project with the transitions background noises and memes. You get high scores because of this presentation. He's top of the class and has no intent of letting that position go to someone else.
On a night out he can be seen purposefully trying to stir the pot. He's a shit starter and proud and its even worse when drunk. You think someone is looking at you funny, he'll say they are and then go with you to confront them. He'll talk about something controversial and try to play devils advocate just to watch your reaction. He is also the one to have the evidence of what happened on his snapchat the next morning. A useful ally to have if you want those pictures deleted.
Jung Yoonoh/ Jaehyun
Big, tall, kinda scary looking Jaehyun is studying education. He's always wanted to be a dad, but his parents warned him of the problems of being a teenaged dad. And then again at having kids really young before you have the money needed to support them. So he had to suck up the desire to be a father until he found an happy alternative. Enter Jaehyun studying to be an Early years, ages 4-8, teacher. He can be the school father to these children and then hand them back to their parents in the afternoon.
Jaehyun used to be part of the football team until he realised he couldn't be bothered. He then tried to dabble in some of the societies but he couldn't find one he enjoyed. Rather he settled in becoming one of the campus crushes. Running a successful instagram account and taking a part in the social media take-over event the student union hosted.
Jaehyun loves his course only when he's out working on placement within the school setting. He hates the class work. But when he's in class that's where he shines, well most of the time. He loves the kids, and they love him. The bond he builds is so strong and it normally works very well in his favour the class listening to what he wants them to do and everything generally seems to go well for him. He's also a hit with the female teachers who are supervising him. To the point where he can get away with nearly anything. He'll never forget the one time he turned up after a heavy night out, hanging out of his boots, to the point he was throwing up in the students toilet and he's charm and good looks meant the female teacher he was working with let him off the hook. He swore never to drink again before going to work but he totally owed it to her for not reporting him to the university for being completely out of sorts to the point where he just put on a film all afternoon and snoozed on the desk.
When he's not got work the next morning Jaehyun is down for the longest night out he can muster. He will drag everyone to the one club that closes at 6am. By the end of the night there's only a few strong solider's left, namely Johnny, Yuta Jungwoo and himself, but he'd never stop. His wallet hurts after paying all the entry fees but it was completely worth it. His favourite student night is the naughties night that is hosted every term, he's screaming along to Beyonce and Fall out boy all night along. He's hit hard by the hangover the next morning but his cuddle buddy Taeyong is more than used to it by now and the pair sit watching reruns of Judge Judy and feeling sorry for themselves.
Dong Sicheng/ WinWin
Included in WayV link pending
Kim Jungwoo
Jungwoo might arguably be the smartest of the bunch and he won't let you forget when he's proudly stating he studies Engineering. He deserves to as well cause the course is hard. He's a mathematical genius and he's dream is to go on to study robotics afterwards.
Jungwoo is a proud member of the Harry Potter society. Well kinda, his housemates all know he's a part of the society and he's very active talking about it to them all. But he won't actively tell people he's apart of it outside his close friends. It's mainly because he's embarrassed that he's one of the younger members normally heavily surrounded by middle aged women. But he wouldn't leave, he's too deep in the fan fiction they're collectively writing. #JusticeforWolfStar.
Jungwoo is relatively quiet in class choosing to stick with his selected course mate group. He doesn't tend to speak to anyone outside his tutor group and instead focuses more on just trying to pass each assignment sent his way. He does try his hardest to stay on top of the work assigned for him, and tries to put his effort in. But as he gets closer and closer to the end of the course he cannot find it in himself to put as much effort in as he did in his second year, he was pissed or high for most of his first year to say he was putting his uttermost effort in. He is however, well known for bringing the best weed brownies to the tutor group parties. It's a secret recipe he refuses to tell anyone how he does it.
If you've lost Jungwoo on a night out he's 1000% in the smoking area. If he's not lit up he's sat there chatting people up left right and centre. It's his favourite socialisation point and he states he can always find the most interesting people in the smoking area. And normally get a couple of free cigarettes out of it. He's the first to ask if you've got a lighter he can use. He's a big fan of hitting the gay club at about 3am because their drinks are normally cheaper and it stays open the latest. Also because there's a chance he'll bump into a drag queen.
Mark Lee
Included in NCT Dream's version
Lee Donghyuck/ Haechan
Included in NCT Dream's version
Osaki Shotaro
Shotaro is another student studying theatre studies. At first he wanted to just study Dance but then decided he liked the idea of studying more of the entire theatre style. So he randomly applied for one theatre studies course. He was accepted and didn't look back.
Therefore, as part of the group studying theatre he has to take part in the productions the university put on. Well it's not a exact demand for the course but it's heavily implied. And Shotaro doesn't mind, especially when he successfully lands the role of Dance captain every single time. It's his favourite thing to go up to the cast announcement list and see his name next to dance captain. He also loves attending all the costume fittings ensuring to arrive as early as possible and drag it out for a little while longer. It's most likely because he's got a crush on one of the students working on the costumes, but he's way too shy to actually ask them out.
Shotaro can normally be found staying late in some of the practice rooms. Despite his dancing skills, being part of the theatre course means he has to be involved in the other sides and his confidence is lacking. Therefore, he is working his hardest until he feels like he's on par with some of the other students. He mainly gets help from Haechan who's taken a liking to the other boy and the pairs mutual love for Justin Bieber solidified their friendship.
Another lightweight, Shotaro is cautious of how much he has to drink at any point of the night. He likes to still be in control and therefore has never been black out drunk. But he has tried a little bit of everything. Plus Yuta has practically adopted him on nights out and therefore, if Shotaro is tempted for a drink he'll get one but never has to pay for it. And no Yuta doesn't pay for it either but they do con some unsuspecting person into paying for them both.
Jung Sungchan
Sungchan was another confused at first on which subject he wanted to study at university. He was torn between just Media and then the more specific Film Studies. Though after one very intense talk from a Film studies tutor at sixth form he did chose Film studies.
He's also involved in the school productions, he has the responsibility of filming the performances, well at least one or two of them, so that they can upload them to the theatre society's YouTube channel. He is also in charge of organising the lightening of the show when he's not working the camera. When he has to focus on the recording he just ends up praying the lightening works as he leaves it partially under the control of Jisung and knows if he dares has a go at the societies baby he's dead.
Sungchan is that one member of the class who seems to always have the best editing software on his laptop and the most intense amount of knowledge regarding it. When anyone asks he only states it because he didn't want to look like an idiot on his first couple days. The truth is that he runs a rather successful YouTube channel where he makes edits and crack videos. Sony after effects is his best friend.
On a night out Sungchan lets loose. He absolutely loves the feeling of alcohol in his system. He becomes clumsy and for his size it can cause many problems but he wouldn't have it any other way. He tends to have to be guided through a dance floor by someone else to avoid bumping into people and spilling his over priced double vodka and coke. He's desperate to head for food at about 2am and rushes to follow someone the instant they mention being hungry.
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affectionatehannibal · 5 years ago
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Bill Denbrough is a story-teller.
Need somebody to tell you what happened on last night’s showing of Saturday Night Live? Richie Tozier’ll do the job just fine, sure, but if you find him chances are good you’ll find Denbrough too, and he’ll make you feel as though you’re in the audience, staring right at the actors and actresses themselves. Didn’t feel like reading a book, but have to turn in an essay about it in an hour? Bill won’t write the essay for you, but he’ll tell the story as though he lived it himself and make it come alive clearer than any movie or SparkNotes article ever could. Words are both his home and weapon of choice- they are where he goes to rest and what he uses to look the world squarely in the eye, accept it for the shit-show it is, and continue on. It is because of all this, and because of their love and reverence for him, that Richie and Stan so easily believe his story about Georgie’s reappearance. And it is because of this that Bill manages to convince both of them to spend their Saturday locked inside the Derry City Library, scouring book after book for an explanation to their situation.
The table they’ve occupied for the better part of two hours now is completely filled with books. There are some on psychology and mental health, others on poltergeists and demons, ESP and clairvoyance, ley-lines, mediums, spirits, psychics, religions of all kinds, and all other things paranormal or strange. Every now and then, Stan looks up from his notes and glares at the mess before him, as though willing it to disappear. His side of the table is neatly arranged, with a hefty stack of books on his left and pages of notes on his right. Periodically, Richie stands up quietly and takes a stroll through the shelves, shaking excess energy out through his hands and making idle chatter with disgruntled library-goers who would much rather be left alone. His side of the table is busy but not particularly messy, with a few books open at once and a page filled with messy handwriting and scribbled doodles sitting off to the side. Every few minutes, Bill glances to his right to see how Georgie is fairing in their new surroundings and his stomach drops, like he’s seeing his dead brother’s figure for the first time. His side of the table is empty save for one book, opened to one of the earlier pages, his chair angled as far to the left as possible.
All three (living) boys jump as a large pile of books are dropped on the table. Mr. Cunningham, Derry’s only librarian, dusts his hands off and sighs. He stares daggers at the dozens of books already scattered across the table, imagining all the shelving he’ll be doing once the boys leave. Stan coughs to grab his attention and offers a slow, easy smile. “Thanks a lot, Mr. Cunningham. We really appreciate your help.”
Mr. Cunningham smiles back, previous displeasure forgotten. Bill and Richie share a glance, and Bill doesn’t try to hide his grin when Richie sticks a finger down his throat. If Bill’s talent is storying telling, Stan’s is kiss-assery. “My pleasure, Mr. Uris. Let me know if you need anything else,” he turns to Bill and Richie. Richie opens his mouth to say something, but Bill gives his foot a good warning kick before anything can come out. “You boys make sure to clean up after yourselves.”
Richie, lounging in the chair on Bill’s other side, pretends to shoot the librarian with double finger guns as he walks away. “God,” he groans. “Why do adults always look at you like they want you to suck their dicks?”
Stan smirks as he sorts through the new books, distributing an even amount to each of them. “Someone should warn them they’ll have to get in line.”
“Wowza wowza,” Richie grins. “Who gets to go first, me or Billy boy here?”
Stan absentmindedly flips through the pages of a book. “Who said you would be taking turns?”
Richie considers that for a moment. He leans forward in his seat, his eyes following Stan’s long, graceful fingers as they turn page after page. His face turns a splotchy, excited red, like he wishes Stan’s fingers were busy doing something else. He coughs. “Is it weird to get a hard-on in a library?”
Stanley doesn’t look up as he neatly writes something onto a sheet of paper. “No. I’m sure Mr. Cunningham will be very flattered to know you think so much of him.”
Bill clears his throat.
“Sorry,” Stan offers Bill a small, guilty smile. He shoots a glare in Richie’s direction. “Let’s get back to work.”
“Wuh-wuh-well,” Bill starts, looking down at the single book in front of him. He’d picked it from the pile on a whim, its plain, weathered cover certainly not making it the most interesting book of the bunch. Nonetheless, the first page had caught his attention and managed to hold it for a good two hours. He places it in the middle of the table, and Richie and Stan lean forward to get a better look at it. “I duh-duh-duh-oh-oh-n’t think w-w-we n-need to luh-luh-ook a-anymore.”
Stan raises an eyebrow. “This is a book about ghosts, Bill.”
“Har de har har,” Richie mimes a laugh, but his face is pale. “That’s real funny, Denbrough. You know, I’m pretty sure I saw the ghost of Stan’s virginity in the back of my mom’s Honda Accord. Should we be worrying about that, too, ‘cause I think the warranty is about to-”
“Wuh-wuh-why,” Bill interrupts.“d-did we even geh-geh-get b-books about th-th-this sah-sah-stuff if you guh-guys th-think it’s suh-suh-something eh-eh-else?”
Stan looks at Bill, eyes full of pity and exhaustion. “Come on. You can’t really think George-, a ghost is following you around.”
“Wuh-wuh-ood y-you rather him b-be here b-b-because of Pah-Pah-Pah-Pah-”
“Uh,” now it’s Richie’s turn to interrupt. “I’d like to take a minute to remind the audience that we killed that son of a bitch, like, a long time ago.
Stan slowly sits back in his seat, staring off into the distance, past Richie’s head. He shudders, like he sees something there that has no resemblance to the quiet rows of books that surround them. “We don’t know for sure he’s dead.”
Richie lets out a strangled laugh. His face is a sickly white, like he’s going to need to know the quickest way to the bathroom in a minute or two. “Do you remember what he looked like before he fell down that stinkin’ hole in the earth? If that motherfucker’s alive, I’m-”
“S-s-so you th-think it’s a guh-guh-ghost, t-too?”
Richie frowns. “Now, listen, I never said that.”
“Th-th-then wuh-wuh- what ?”
“I mean,” Richie shifts anxiously in his seat. He places two of his books in the middle of the table, on top of Bill’s and flips through them for a moment, looking for specific pages. “take a look at this. It could be somethin’ like high levels of mold in your house or, hell, I don’t know, stress-induced hallucinations or some shit. But it’s not ghosts and it’s not the fucking clown.”
“I’m nuh-nuh-nuh-not kuh-kuh-razy.”
“That’s not what he’s saying, Bill.” Stan takes one of Richie’s books, eyes scanning it hopefully.
“Of course not,” Richie worriedly runs a hand through his hair. It falls over his eyes and, for a moment, he looks just like he did five years ago. Scared and small and not at all ready to face the ugly truth that lives under Derry. He takes a deep, steadying breath, and the resemblance is gone.“I just- if it is a ghost, and I’m not saying I think it is, what next? We get a cool van and a talking dog, buy Bev a purple dress and call ourselves the Mystery Gang?”
Bill sits up straight in his chair and puts on the face he used to get them all to follow him into Neibolt all those years ago. “Wuh-wuh-we’re nah-nah-not t-telling th-the uh-uh-others about Juh-Juh-Georgie.”
Stan and Richie stare at Bill for a moment, eyes wide with shock (in Richie’s case) and frustration (in Stan’s). Stan closes his eyes and rubs his temples.
Richie’s shock quickly simmers into hurt and quiet indignation. Bill might be the leader of this operation, but they were a team of seven members, no matter what. “Now, wait just a minute-”
A small, quiet cough from the end of the table reminds the three of them that they are not alone. They aren’t in the clubhouse or the Barrens, or even crammed together, knees overlapping, on Bill’s bed. They’re just three boys with voices that are filled with too much fear and unspoken anger for a library, speaking too loudly about things better discussed in private.
They looked up to see a girl, about their age, glancing uncomfortably at each of their faces. For a moment, Bill thinks she stares right past him, right at Georgie, but then her eyes reach Stan’s and her face visibly brightens, like she’s found a lifeboat amongst a storm of angsty teenagers and sad, invisible, dead boys. “Stan! Sorry. For interrupting, I mean. I just, uh. Do you guys have,” she holds out a tiny slip of paper to Stan. “that?”
Stan takes a deep breath, pushing down the stress and worry their conversation had created enough to force his mouth into a tight smile. “I don’t think so,” he stands, eager to leave. “I can help you look for it though, if you want.”
Relief floods her face. “Would you really?”
“Of course,” Stan turns to face Richie and Bill. He opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again. He shoots them both a frustrated glare. “I’ll be back.”
Richie slumps in his chair and watches Stan and the girl walk away. He can tell by the tightness in Stan’s shoulders that he hasn’t forgotten what they’ve been talking about, but his face is light and he says something that makes the girl laugh. A few steps later they’re out of sight and Richie slumps even further down into his chair, so that Bill can only see the top of his head. “Who was that?”
Bill crosses his arms on the table and puts his head down on top of them. Georgie watches him do so. “S-s-some new guh-guh-irl in one of S-s-stan’s c-c-classes. Puh-puh-atty, I th-think.”
Richie glares moodily at his corner of the table. Fucking ghosts, messing everything up. Fucking clowns. Fucking Derry. He waits for his stomach to calm down before speaking again. “This fucking sucks, man.”
Bill glances at Georgie and fights the urge to cry. “T-t-tell muh-muh-me a-about it.”
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e-luxion · 6 years ago
Text
Why I think Johnny Suh’s Rising is...
Scorpio.
I don’t know why I had the need to make a whole damn post about it but I am cos I feel strongly about it, and I welcome people to come argue with me about this. ok that sounded semi-threatening, it wasn’t I promise. Please do interact and share your opinions, I love to hear them!! This is a completely useless post but here you go. Also, I didn’t go in too much depth in some placement and kind of kept things a bit superficial and did not talk about every single placement that he would have. 
First of all,
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the way he just looks makes me nervous. That’s all. 
Let’s look at the basics of having a Scorpio Ascendant:
The most prominent thing about Scorpio risings are their eyes. 
They are usually piercing, intense and it stands out. Another thing that is common with Scorpio Risings is having “bedroom eyes” and/or “tired looking eyes”* 
Sharp looking profile. I am not going to talk too much about actual physical appearance of risings cos I think it is more complicated than that, like there is a lot that goes into it. But i can make a post about it if requested ;)
Even if the person is outgoing, they are very observant and really good at “reading the room”, and just picking up emotions 
Scorpio Risings are the mfs who just stare at people, they make intense eye contact for like no reason (whether is conscious or unconscious it depends on the person but in Johnny’s case, he 100% does it on purpose, does no one else remember that time he said he makes direct eye contact with people on purpose to make them nervous/uncomfortable??? (that's peak Scorpio AC culture right there) 
Very strong-willed individuals who can overcome a lot of hardship
Values privacy a lot and absolute kings of keeping secrets 
Scorpio Risings also have a magic way of making everyone open up their secrets to them. You probably won’t even realise, they just have that vibe that makes you open up
s a r c a s t i c
it does not matter who you are, what you are, what you’re into. Everyone is attracted to Scorpio Risings and you want to f**k them. I don’t make the rules, we just have that power. You can hate them or love them but you cannot help but be attracted to them. 
also fun fact for y’all, most celebrities have fixed sign risings (Taurus, Scorpio, Leo and Aquarius)
*reminds me of this one thing I saw on twitter once about how he hated when people asked him if he was tired when he wasn’t because he has a natural “sleepy” look or something along those lines
Now onto the fun part, looking at how his chart would look like if he had a Scorpio AC and why it somehow makes sense:
Leo Midheaven: For those of you who might get Leo vibes from Johnny, this might be why. The Midheaven is your “public persona”, the person your co-workers see and strangers see in public/work settings, and well Johnny’s job is being an idol so that is why he might act more like his Midheaven at first glance, and with his Mars also being in Leo, I believe it only heightens this. So Leo Midheaven is a midheaven that you’ll often find amongst performers/entertainers/singers/actors because people with this placement tend to be insanely charismatic, charming, creative and natural leaders. They also come across super confident, in their place of work they are loud and full of pride, you’ll just notice them no matter what. Naturally, they have a talent to inspire others, and sort of have a regal quality to them. The only thing bigger than their ego is their heart (very kind people), but it is their ego that helps them get far ahead in life, they’re also very ambtious and because they are so ambitious, they only aim for the best of the best (i.e. being famous). Great at storytelling, presenting, acting and possess an insanely creative mind, at the end of the day they just want to be seen. Seriously, Leo MCs seem to be those people that were just born to shine, they stand out wherever they go. 
Sagittarius on the 2nd house cusp: Lucky with finances and doesn’t worry much about money or their belongs (not @ Johnny throwing his fucking iPhone like it costs $5), even if you grew up poor (which he obviously didn't, he is a middle-class suburb lil bitch and it shows) you don’t worry too much about money. For some people, it seems like you spend your money a bit recklessly and just buy shit, and like to spend your money on experiences and travelling. Fun fact, I also have this placement I can confirm all of these are FACTS and I- mmm i dont want to talk about my spending habits cos yikes :) 
Pisces on the 5th house cusp: Two words: hopeless romantics. To the point where it’s slightly unrealistic, but that’s a different story. They really want the whole fairytale, the glass slipper and the spotting someone in a crowd and falling madly in love kind of thing. But also they express their love in a selfless, unconditional way, these are the kinds of people who love blindly and accept all your flaws. Can be very sentimental.
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Cancer on the 9th house cusp: With this placement others have an affinity for you as an authority figure who has a strong nurturing or protective feel, very supporting and encouraging. It can be an indicator for moving away from the place where you grew up and finding comfort in foreign places. People with this placement also find it easier to adapt to different cultures. 
Virgo on the 11th house cusp: The helpful friend, looks out for everyone, they will always be there for you and great at giving advice. The type that remembers the little things, truly the parent friend cos they look out for you and the kind of person you usually love spending time with and make plans with. Actually only has a few *close* friends.
Sun in the 3rd: People with this placement are usually known for their intelligence and way with words. Sun in the 3rd house people hate to be bored and are always willing to try new things and experience new things (they also adapt very well to any situation), they’re also pretty light-hearted with a great sense of humor and can be mischievous. It also really balances the fixedness of his Aquarius sun. With the 3rd house of communication falling in the Sun, it gives the person a lot of confidence in their speech and pride in their communication skills. It is also said that people with this placement travel/move around a lot. Friendship, and again communication, is very important to them, they make friends easily and have a way of relating to others, also very open-minded. 
Moon in the 7th: This is definitely a people-oriented kind of placement, their emotional security is achieved through others, they have a strong need to be around people. (some astrologers also say that these people are the kind to always be in a relationship of some kind, it doesn’t necessarily mean an official “relationship” but A relationship, be it platonic, romantic/committed or literally just casual dating but they need to be with someone because they hate to be alone = feel unstable without someone) These are also the kind of people who fulfill their emotional needs per se through others, so by making others happy. 
Mercury in the 3rd: This is honestly such a perfect placement for Mercury, since it falls in its natural ruling house so the planet feels comfortable with this, especially being in an air sign (Aquarius). One of things that Johnny is known for is his “communication” skills, hence why he has a whole YT series: JCC or Johnny’s Communication Centre so this placement is the one that makes the most sense. Mercury in the 3rd house just boosts everything that Mercury represents, it might make someone have a short attention span or get bored easily but they pick up on things very easily, they are very good at multi-tasking and have a very active mind. They are usually the type that know a bit of everything, always have fun facts for you and can have a conversation in literally any topic with anyone, somehow know everyone and are friends with everyone, natural charmers. They LOVE to talk and talk a lot, they excel at any form of communication or writing, this reminds me of two things: (1) The translator at the Mexico concert said that Johnny asks a lot of questions, is very curious and excited to learn (spanish) and also talks A LOT. (2) I heard somewhere that Johnny was in a debating club in school. To sum up Mercury in the 3rd, are great at talking, communication comes easy to them and are huge social butterflies, a good sense of humour, very curious like a child and also like books. boom, jOhnny. 
Also to expand on this communication talk: He’d also have Capricorn in the 3rd house, which usually makes someone careful, these are the kind of people that think before they talk and unless they know what they are talking about, they shut tf up. Their voice can sound quite intimidating and authoritarian, but there is something comforting about it. Also tends to make someone very sarcastic, their humor is a bit dry, very dead-pan, the type to make jokes with a serious face and expect you to get it? Also tOO mANy dad jokes. 
Venus in the 2nd: Another Mr. Romantic placement that just fits Johnny way more than I want to admit. People with this placement are big old-timey romantic, they don’t fall in love easily but when they do they do fall hard and are completely head over heels, even if they don’t “fall in love easily” they secretly just want to be in love. They live for the pleasure, the romance and the beauty of it all. The type to send you a 100 roses with a card saying “to my one and only, from your one and only”, or buy you a huge teddy bear that smells like him, do the whole wine & dine you, picnic at a park and then take photos of you. It really isn’t about the huge romantic gestures, rather the small and cute ones, it’s about making memories and creating mementos, but also about the cheesy yet classy romance. They can also be super touchy, very physical. Another thing about them is that they really like to buy people stuff, and shower people with material things, it’s (one of) their love languages I guess. I can’t remember right but I am pretty sure I heard somewhere Johnny always buys members shit, like he just buys them stuff all the time. 
Mars in the 9th: I said I wasn’t going to talk too much about appearance here, but more energy/vibe instead but I can tell you this much, legend goes that people with Mars in the 9th either have a thing for thighs or have t h i c c thighs* or both so.... Very experimental people, lighthearted yet passionate, really turned on by languages and laughter/smiling. This is the kind of person that will debate anything to do with beliefs, and if you question their beliefs they’ll be like “:) :) :) ok cool ur opinion is valid, everyone has their own opinion :) :) :) except urs sucks :)” you know they secretly love intellectual fights, cos they’re opinionated as hell and have strong opinions, they’re super straight-forward and open-minded (regardless of the fact that they have very strong opinions) and are always willing to learn. Not the best at sugar coating things, kind of blunt whilst still remaining kind and humorous. But since his Mars is in Retrograde, the more aggressive sides of his mars will be very internalized. But their desire in life is to spread joy and laughter, they are very good at making others laugh and being playful.  Fun fact: people with this placement tend to move is a very bouncy kind of way, very clumsy. Another fun fact: I heard once that people with this placement may or may not have a teacher kink, and a sex abroad/while traveling kink, also having sex outside. 
*skip to 5:26
Jupiter in the 1st: First of all, I have seen a few Nctzen-astrologers type Johnny as a Sagittarius rising and this would be my explanation for that. Having Jupiter in the 1st will give you similar features and energy as a Sagittarius rising, people with this placement tend to have a larger than life presence, your presence is felt before you even walk into a room. Planets in the 1st house kind of go in pair with your rising (because well, it falls on that house duh) so it has a huge influence on how you carry yourself, how you present yourself at first sight, the kind of vibe that you give off and with Jupiter falling on your first house you just exude this optimism, enthusiasm and honestly? Just happiness and positivity. Also people with this placement tend to have big smiles and a large bone structure, Jupiter is the planet of expansion so it makes “bigger” everything that it touches so in the first house it will make your physical features “bigger”: big smiles, soft cheeks, thicc body, etc. This placement also makes people have a certain child-like quality, a permanent youthfulness because of the way they carry themselves (positive vibes y’all), they are also very driven and persistent people, with this fire inside that makes them succeed in anything they set their mind to, maybe it is because of this blind optimism that they eventually succeed. I don’t even have to go on about how this fits with Johnny because I think it speaks for itself. 
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Saturn in the 4th: out of the many things Saturn represents, your fears is one of them, in the fourth house there could be a fear of losing family, also fear of being unloved (even if you are a very loved person, it is always in the back of your mind), also a fear of not being safe, and not belonging. Belonging might be quite important to him and above all, with this placement: family is taken seriously. People with this aspect value family a lot, and feel responsible for their family. And I think anyone that stans NCT can agree that Johnny definitely seems to take family quite seriously. 
Pluto in the 1st: LMAO ok so Pluto in the 1st, is one of the most intimidating placement a person can have. Even if you are the biggest cinnamon bun in the planet, people will be intimidated by you and lowkey scared of you at first glance. You will just naturally give off major alpha intense vibes, no matter what you do. This truly contradicts his (possible/hypothetical) Jupiter in the 1st, I can see it creating this extreme duality (that is very Johnny ngl) of being this intimidating ass man but also being a ray of sunshine that literally oozes positivity. With Pluto in the 1st, you also tend to rub people... a special way. When you have this placement in your natal chart, people either hate you or love you, there is no in-between whatsoever, but regardless of that everyone wants to f*ck you and if they say they don’t, they are lying to themselves. People with this placement tend to be insanely magnetic and people tend to be attracted to them, if they are in a room, you’ll notice them for sure cos their aura is just so intense. QWLL SHAPED LIPS 
I’d like to add this here to back up my theory: How Yuta said Johnny was the scariest hyung, and they all fucking agreed and Ten SHOOK his hand like “finally someone said it, that bitch is terrifying” and then there was that time (I couldn’t find it sorry) where Doyoung said that they were all watching a horror movie and everyone kept chatting and Johnny was like all of you shut up and Doyoung said that in that moment Johnny was scarier/more intimidating than the horror movie. Also, I have this theory that idols show probably would show their rising signs more in airports, cos you know they are just walking, minding their business with their “external self” faces on so I can see how their AC would show more in those situations. And like have you seen Johnny walking around in airports? That tall bitch is intimidating as hell, he has that stare and bitch face down to a T and then I remember he has the personality of a teddy bear and I am like ???????? how 
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Note: for him to have these placements he’d have to be born at around 0:30 am. 
so HMU if you want me to do other members and I’ll do some research about it and do a post like that. I am not sure about some of the other members but I do feel strongly about Lucas, maybe Ten, maybe Taeyong (not too sure about him yet)
from your local hoe, Lulu xoxoxoxo
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