#Its growing up a girl and society saying that. Plus dating guys who only care about using me and tryna fuck.. probably more things too

[justonefeather]

I just want the energy to work out more often. Like i wake up exhausted. Every damn day. But i wanna get back to it. I feel like..... successful when I can hit a minute plank, or when my thighs burn the next day. It's like i won. i rotate my shit but most days are leg days bc my only good physical feature is my ass (not that it's amazing a++ wow! But I'd give it like a 7/10 yk??) And i need to make sure it stays aiight otherwise I'm undesirable and have no worth! :D

[nagipops]

hii I love your blogs sooo much you're really talented (I just needed to say it sorry) so straight to the point, I already made 2 requests to you and I really enjoyed your writing so I would like to make another again. As I'm clueless about what to request I'll just ask for random hcs for konoha 11, idk if it's too much but if so then you can do with Neji (I love him so much), Kakashi and Naruto. Thank you in advance and sorry anything ^^

RANDOM KONOHA 11 HEADCANONS!

FEATURING: naruto, sakura, shikamaru, ino, choji, neji, rock lee, tenten, kiba, hinata, and shino

WARNINGS: mentions alcohol, drugs, food, bugs, and the tiniest nsfw mention if you get the joke. hehe

A/N: AHHHH ANONN this seriously made my day, im so so glad you enjoy my work!! 💖

NARUTO

you know how we all have “the chair”, where we throw all of our dirty clothes onto?

yeah, imagine that, but from the seat to the fricking ceiling

its just a GINORMOUS MOUND of clothes, you wonder how he even goes through that many clothes so quickly???

definitely shoves it under his bed whenever guests come over (somehow)

holds chopsticks really weirdly. but it works.

asked tenten to put his hair into space buns to mimic his sexy jutsu and went around flirting with the village

jiraiya was so proud of him T-T

comes up with the WORST pickup lines

they’re so bad, its almost charming. almost

has gone AWOL multiple times, disappearing from everywhere, just everywhere

it scared you a little, so you searched the entire village for him

you finally found him sitting on the ledge of a cliff, gazing out at the vast sea

concerned and panicked, you cried out to ask him what was wrong

he turned to you with a crestfallen, devastated look on his face and said,

“i bought shrimp ramen instead of chicken ramen.”

you’ve never searched for him after his disappearance ever again.

SAKURA

100% makes origami shurikens and chucks them at you

they are deathly precise and deathly sharp. seriously, how are these not illegal weapons yet???

writes threatening motivational notes to herself on the mirror

“u got this!” “make sure to smack naruto today!” “ino sucks!”

her backpack would always be way too high up on her back. idk why but. it would

does her hair all nice and pretty before she goes out but once she arrives to her destination SHE KEEP. TAKING. IT OUT. and redoing it over and over and over again

like it’s impossible to make eye contact with her because she’s holding a bobby pin between her teeth while braiding her hair

her guilty pleasure would be hostess treats

ding dongs are her favorite. don’t ask me how i know, i just know.

eats the yellow starbursts just to spite naruto and all her haters

loves small lap dogs, she think’s they’re so cute and cuddly

but she especially loves chihuahuas

they’re so feisty and naruto HATES them, so of course she had to go and get one for herself

dresses the poor dog up in little bonnets and jackets and ties its tiny fuzzy hairs into pigtails

she and the chihuahua are not that much unlike <3

SHIKAMARU

this man is a god at shogi but he absolutely SUCKSSSS at cup pong.

is this an ick? idk. but he is absolute trash at this game.

it gets even worse when he’s got a couple drinks in him

tries to calculate the velocity and acceleration and angle and shit but his shot is always a good two feet off BYE 😭

just mutters an “aw, shit” before awaiting his turn again

hates checkers, loves chess

“checkers is for WUSSIES” - shikamaru nara

i said this in another post, but he is Very Good at whistling

like that’s his hidden talent

can copy any tune with the perfect pitch and rhythm

speaking of, he can do really cool tricks with his tongue

like making a four leaf clover, touching the bridge of his nose with it, flipping it upside down, you name it

he has slanted, scrawled handwriting, to the point where it’s almost illegible

wbk he cheats in school SO OFTEN. but he never gets caught. he’s not stupid, he just couldn’t care less about his classes.

thinks weed and e-cigs are stupid, cigarettes are where it’s at

you just can’t replicate the feeling of taking a drag from a cig after a long, tiring day

plus he looks hella cool while doing it B)

INO

teaches the boyz™️ how to braid their hair

like they all gather in a circle around this feisty fashionista and fail attempt to braid their hair

sakura was just fuming in the sidelines

“OI, INO-PIG, THAT’S A DUTCH BRAID, NOT A FRENCH BRAID!!”

yeah, ino 🙄

the only one that can actually do it is neji because a) this man is talented af and b) he’s got the long hairrr

ino probably envies his thick, sleek hair because hE’S a bOy

also asks everyone for their blood type and zodiac signs and tells them if they’re compatible with her or not

and definitely judges you for your sign 😣

“oh, you’re a gemini? hmm, what a shame...”

makes bouquets for her favorite people and kin assigns everyone a flower

only assigns the pretty nice ones to the people she likes (sorry sakura, you’re out of luck)

one of her favorite hobbies is crafting! she’s really good with details and small things so she loves making those miniature dollhouses and stuff

also really good at watercoloring. especially painting flowers and landscapes

also i feel like she would be really good at playing any instrument because of her skilled hands

can play a badass flute solo. period.

CHOJI

would honestly rather die than get anywhere NEAR an asparagus

he just thinks they’re so gross and bitter and NOT SALTY

he always eats his yakiniku a little bit undercooked because he’s way too impatient to wait for it to cook fully. who do you think he is??

whenever he cloud gazes with shikamaru, when asked what he thinks a cloud looks like, he just says some sort of food

“oi, choji, what does that one look like to you?”

“a... yakiniku grill... with... pineapple rings on it! ooh, and a wagyu steak right there!”

he thinks pringles are an abomination to society. where’s the crisp? where’s the grease? where’s the saltiness?!!!

asks ino to teach him how to do his hair all fancy and the two of them devote an entire day learning different hairstyles

it’s his new favorite thing to do now :D

he really likes crayons!!!!

like he’ll write with them, draw with them, color with them, do everything with them

he’s even tried to eat them. he said they tasted good.

definitely had the 128 crayon pack WITH THE BUILT-IN SHARPENER, and everyone thought he was the coolest kid in town

he ate it UP, he even scored some bbq dates with the ladies

i also feel like he loves basketball, and he has a MEAN slam dunk

like his vertical isn’t that high, but the man can REACH

he loves when people laugh at him when he challenges them to a 1v1 and then proceeds to absolutely destroy them <3

NEJI

he seems like a cucumber kind of guy.

just cucumber

like i feel like he puts it in everything; soba, salads, sandwiches, his face, yeah

it’s mellow and cool, just like him!

speaking of, i feel like he lives for spa days and facials

it just lets him be alone in his little cucumber scented world for an hour or two and he gets damn clear skin from it as well

seriously he has PERFECT skin. flawless. not a single blemish. his cheeks feel like baby butts they’re so smooth.

i feel like he’d be a god at solving rubik’s cubes, don’t ask me why

like if anyone scrambled theirs on accident they would just take it to neji and he’d solve it in the blink of an eye

CAT PERSON!!! loves the little meow meows

who are we kidding, neji basically is a cat; agile, aloof, does silly things without trying to, very cute

he just feels akin to the little fuzzballs and he thinks petting cats are extremely therapeutic. good for the soul

he is a golf man. he would take his juniors golfing and everyone thinks he’s uncool. cmon neji let them go to the skate park at least T-T

also very good at karaoke, definitely surprised everyone once he got a few drinks in him since he started serenading you

LIGHTWEIGHT!!! do not get more than one shot of alcohol in him. he will go berserk.

i also feel like he’d really love photography; not taking pictures of people, but of nature

he loves taking a quiet stroll through a pretty forest and snapping pictures of all the unique flora and fauna

it’s so serene ︶ ‿ ︶

ROCK LEE

100% milly rocks everywhere

gai got in on it too once he asked what lee was doing

“is that what all the youthful cool kids do these days!”

they also dab together. a lot

DO NOT BE SEEN WITH THESE TWO!!! you are not associated with them.

definitely is the one breakdancing in the middle of the dance circle at a high school party

he’s mad skilled at it too

headspins and windmills galore

challenged naruto to a dance-off and completely OBLITERATED him

lee then asked if naruto wanted a rematch, this time with one hand tied behind lee’s back

naruto obliged, and he STILL lost

RIP naruto and his fangirls, they all scrambled to lee afterwards T-T

i feel like his favorite subject is science

not the boring physics equations and laws and theories but the fun EXPERIMENTS

definitely has singed all of his hair off one time and he went to gai blubbering to help him grow back his precious hair

but he loves experimenting with different combinations and chemicals to get different reactions each time

created a potent love potion and carried it around with him all day one day

and it was actually working

girls were flocking to him left and right, staring at his lips and his face

he was so abashed at the sudden attention

heck, it even worked on sakura

“oi, lee-san!”

“hehe, yes, sakura-san?”

her eyes shifted downwards to his lips and his heart thumped harder

“hey... lee-san?”

“what is it?”

“you have something on your lip. we’ve been trying to tell you all day but you just winked and blew kisses at us.”

legend has it lee has still not recovered to this day.

TENTEN

has THE prettiest handwriting. and she can write SUPER fast

it’s like a superpower

like she transcribed five pages of a report in less than two minutes with perfect handwriting

naruto is so jealous.

she is also super good at origami! those diligent, accurate hands aren’t just for throwing things

taught sakura how to make shurikens but does NOT endorse any violent uses of them

she can replicate all of her weapons with paper and they can actually function, it’s so cool

made paper kunai knives one day and the wholeee village wanted to get their hands on them

i feel like she’d listen to mitski. idk i just get those vibes

LOVES BIG DOGS!! especially fluffy wuffy samoyeds

like man’s best friend?? no, GIRL’S BEST FRIEND!!

hugs and cuddles and squishes all the big dogs

she thinks small dogs are spawns of satan

sakura and her have definitely quarreled over this

but at the end of the day, all dogs are adorable fur babies, so she lets it slide :,)

KIBA

kiba always looks SO GOOD in photos you take of him, candid or not

like you could just whip out a camera and snap a photo of him at any given moment and he would look perfect

you framed a picture of him yelling at akamaru for peeing inside the house

it’s pure artwork

i feel like he tries to swagger around with his hands shoved in his pockets but it fails MISERABLY and the girls are wondering if he broke his leg or something 😭

kiba just walk normally. for the love of god please just walk normally.

he tries to slump back in his chair really low but one time he slouched way too low so he slipped off of his chair and onto the ground LMFAOOOO

he just wallowed there... in shame...

also.. he LOVES when the girls put makeup on him!!

he tries to act like he hates it. but it secretly gives him so much confidence

not to mention the girls hyping him up are a huge ego boost

okay the inside of his jacket hood is the warmest. thing. EVER!!!

seriously, no wonder this dude is so happy-go-lucky all the time, he’s living in literal heaven 24/7

it’s like you’re sleeping on a cloud inside a warm, cozy bed during a cold winter morning

10/10 would recommend letting him give you his sweatshirt when you’re chillin with a hair tie ❤️

HINATA

always smells like lavender soap. always

also has the cutest pencil pouches with little puppy faces and kawaii things

oH and she has those mini yoobi highlighters, she thinks they’re so cute (and functional!)

everyone flocks to her to try them out and marvel at the cute tiny highlighters

and they try to steal them from her but she doesn’t even stop them because she’s too timid to 😭

naruto goes BALLISTIC over them

she lets him have all of them <3

tennis girl!!! tennis girl.

all of her opponents always underestimate her because she’s so timid and shy and quiet

but she has a KILLER serve

and then she takes her opponents to the slaughterhouse with a complete shutout ;)

she’s really athletic believe it or not, she can beat most of the boys in a mile run and she has incredible endurance

i feel like she really loves velvet scrunchies

she just thinks they’re so pretty and they keep her hair soft so they’re cute and functional

also takes the PRETTIEST notes!!

color codes, dividers, headers, you name it, it’s all super readable too its insane

everyone asks her for her notes, not to study but just to appreciate the pure artwork that it is ^w^

SHINO

shino is SO easy to prank

“how do you catch an eyemaster?” *cue naruto and kiba snickering*

“eyemaster bait. that is because—”

even when everyone’s laughing their asses off, he still continues to explain his answer since he does NOT GET THE JOKE

tried his hand at writing haikus

here’s his best one so far:

“Bugs are amazing. That is because they are bugs. Bugs are very nice.” - Shino Aburame

VERY proud of it, since it took him weeks to perfect

praise it, pls

had one of those ant farms and bug-catching kits as a kid

and he would fill the kit TO THE BRIM. LIKE IT WAS HEAVY BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY BUGS.

he loves the little chitters of the different bugs

he had jars of different bugs all lined up on a wall shelf in his room

collects silkworms off of trees and sticks them into his pockets (no i definitely did not do this as a kid...)

HELP I FEEL LIKE he would record a timelapse of his ant farm growing and upload it to youtube with a movie maker title screen that says

“my ants”

if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3

[nanatsumu]

HIGH SCHOOL!SUKUNA x F!READER

thinking about bad boy itadori sukuna who all the kids at school try to steer clear from because they know he’s bad news and if you get involved with him then you’re bound to be tied with bad luck for as long as he lives. well, that is everyone except for the president of the student council who so happens to be his childhood best friend turned lover.

this is mostly written for my own self indulgence and to project my fantasies of having a boyfriend onto sukuna but feel free to treat this as any other headcanon! ps i am pretty sure canon sukuna would kill a baby at any given situation, but this is going to be a revamped version of sukuna written by yours truly ;) and its a high school au so sukuna won’t be a complete menace to society and will actually have a heart heh

also i didn’t realize how long this was going to be??? this is kind of all over place too because i just wanted to throw all of my thoughts onto this post so there might be some plot holes in this LOL

i feel like sukuna would be the type of bad boy who isn’t necessarily a bad boy but everyone at school just paints him as some kind of delinquent because of all the tattoos and piercings he has.

he actually shows up to school more often than you think he would (but that’s only because you’re in most of his classes so long story short: you’re his only motivation for attending class)

“forgets” to bring his work books to class more than usual (in reality he does this on purpose so he has an excuse to be near you) so he requests to sit next to you the entire class period so he can share with you for the meantime but whenever the teachers not looking he’ll go back to admiring your face.

his older twin brother, itadori yuji, is very fond of you since you three grew up together and you both had your chances of being a victim to his antics!

exhibit a: in middle school when you and yuji were watching tv together, the show you two were watching would keep switching to some wrestling match broadcasting on a sports channel and no matter how many times you turned the tv on and off, it just would not stop. but it wasn’t until you heard snickering from the kitchen that you realized sukuna had a spare remote and was the mastermind behind the whole thing.

exhibit b: sukuna and yuji’s mom was the owner of a bakery so every now and then she would have either one of the twins come deliver freshly baked pastries to your household! oh how wrong was she to trust her youngest. sukuna was now a freshman in high school, and by now you would’ve thought that sukuna would have grown out of his childish phase, but WRONG! sukuna was still a menace in your life even past childhood. so when you bit into one of the macaroons, instead of being hit with the overwhelming taste of [favorite flavor], all you could feel was the burning sensation of wasabi kicking into your tastebuds.

yeah after the whole wasabi macaroon freak accident, you stopped accepting everything sukuna offered to you and opted to only eating pastries out of the boxes that yuji delivered to you. (sukuna eventually caught onto this and was just TEENSY bit upset but he would rather down a whole tube of wasabi than to tell you upfront)

now, how did you two even end up dating??? oh boy now that is a story

you see, yours and sukuna’s dynamic growing up was similar to that of tom and jerry’s— you being jerry and sukuna being 10x worse than tom of course

but it wasn’t until a confession after school behind the cherry blossom tree that was known for bringing good luck to successful confessions that sukuna finally realized that maybe he really did like you just a little lot bit

sukuna overheard the boy who was planning on confessing to you talking to his friend group about how “sweet and caring” you are (although sukuna could argue otherwise, you were a little brat. *LIKE HELLO?!&:&:& YOU WEREN’T THE ONE WHO ATE A MACAROON FILLED WASABI**) and obviously his ears perked up at the mention of your name. he grew up with you after all so naturally he would be interested in a conversation that revolved around you.

but then the boys started going on about how “you looked like an easy catch” and how “your body was bangin’!” yeah no, that’s where he drew the line. sure sukuna was an ass and talked shit about you most of the time (in his defense it wasn’t like he was doing it behind your back) but if he ever caught someone else talking about you like that then he would be sure to give them a hard time.

he hid behind one of the bushes near the cherry blossom tree while the boy was professing his love for you. funnily enough, for a moment sukuna forgot why he was originally there because he was too busy trying to stifle a laugh as he watched the boy stumble over his words.

“okay shows over” sukuna thought as the confession was reaching its conclusion, but just as he was about to step in and give the poor boy a piece of his mind, he stopped in his tracks when he heard you roaring with laughter.

“did you really think that i wouldn’t hear about what you and your friends said about me earlier? you’re really pathetic if you think any girl would be easy enough to fall to her knees for you because news flash! you’re a disgusting pig and you deserve to rot in hell for speaking about a girl’s worth like that.”

“it’s kind of sad too, i thought you were a nice boy and i probably would have given you a chance but it seems like you’re even worse than scum! damn it, to think there was somebody out there who’s even worse than sukuna.”

of course sukuna was not pleased to hear that last bit, but he did have a proud grin forming on his face as he watched the boy run away, flustered from your rejection and the embarrassment he was put through.

“sukuna i know you’re hiding behind the bush.”

“huh? i came here way before you got here, there’s no way you could have seen me.” he said as he stood up to his full height.

“well, your laughter isn’t exactly the quietest, plus i can spot that hair of yours from a mile away.”

lets just say, sukuna was glad you didn’t ask him what he was doing there because he wasn’t sure if he could spare the embarrassment of telling you that he was planning on ruining the confession.

after that whole fiasco happened, sukuna started to feel(!&:&::&) things

like he started to notice how you styled your hair differently one day and how you switched to a new perfume that smelled like spearmint (was that weird? for sukuna probably not. he just excuses it as being highly observant)

you weren’t dumb either, you had a feeling sukuna was there that day of the confession because he too had overheard the conversation between the boy and his friends as well (you knew he was prideful and if you brought it up then he probably would’ve denied it)

so from there on out it was just mutual pining at the point except... well.... not really??

i feel like it was just an unspoken agreement between you two that you guys were “together” but not “together together” because he started to treat you differently than he would before. like for example, he’d carry your bag for you whenever you guys would walk home (yuji was confused by this at first because if anything, it would have made more sense to see sukuna make you carry HIS bag, but he eventually caught on to sukuna’s feelings for you because they were twin brothers after all), he started walking you to class more often even though his class was all the way on the other side of the school (you asked him why but he just shrugged and said he was just “killing time” so that he wouldn’t have to go to class and then you ended up scolding him), and there was also that one time you miraculously found a $20 bill in your backpack after mentioning to sukuna that there was this cute top you saw at the mall the other day but didn’t have enough money at the time to purchase it (you asked him about this but he said it was probably yuji, but you didn’t want to pry any further since you wanted to cherish the fact that sukuna cared that much)

but eventually you got sick of this whole push and pull game that you physically had to tug the collar of his school uniform and pull him in for a kiss (he was visibly shocked at this because he never would’ve imagined you as the assertive type. not that he was complaining though)

“oya? didn’t think you liked me this much kitten.” he said laughing while you rolled your eyes.

“as if, i got tired of you being a wuss so one of us had to wear the pants in the relationship.” you snorted, causing him to irk.

to be honest, your relationship with him is smooth sailing because you both were pretty chill people and you didn’t have to worry about him sneaking behind your back to see other girls because 1. literally all the girls at school are terrified of him and 2. he knew what you were capable of doing to him if you were to ever catch him cheating on you so he wants to stay on your good side

jealous and possessive don’t exist in his dictionary because he is the epitome of those two words. remember what i said about how your relationship is smooth sailing? i kinda lied.

he’s easily jealous like for example: when you were in english class and the teacher had you guys jot down some notes, you realized you forgot to ask for your pencil back when you lent it to your friend last period.

so you asked sukuna to borrow a pencil but instead of giving you a pencil, he called you an idiot for being so forgetful.

this makes you mad so you turn to your male classmate since he was sitting on your opposite side and ask him for a pencil instead.

sukuna was practically fuming the entire class period and once the day ended and you two were back at your place, he made sure to mark you real good. (oh he also went out to buy a pack of mechanical pencils to sneak into your backpack so that next time you forget your pencils, you’ll have 10 extra pencils sitting in your backpack as backup)

he’s not a big fan of pda in public, but on the chances he will show some of it, the most he will do is wrap an arm around your shoulder or waist whenever some dude is trying to hit on you.

BUT IN PRIVATE? better buckle up because your in for a ride wink wink

really likes putting hickeys on you to a fault! but will never put any visible ones on your neck because he doesn’t want your parents to view him as some kind of animal (but he has nothing to worry about because your parents really like him and are grateful for the fact that he’s very loyal to you, and you guys grew up together so it’s only natural that your parents are accepting of him since they already know he has a good heart underneath that tough facade of his)

oh, and yuji starts learning how to knock whenever you come over (or shuts himself in his room for the meantime if he thinks it’s unsafe to step out of his room) because chances are, you’re probably making out with sukuna in his room or smth.

now onto the spicy stuff

when you and sukuna first started dating, the first thing you told him was that you weren’t ready to have sex yet because you were nervous and sukuna understood and told you that he was willing to wait for whenever you were ready.

but when you were ready though, it was kind of spontaneous and you weren’t even wearing a matching pair of bra and underwear that day

you two were chilling in your room watching some stupid (according to sukuna) animal documentary when suddenly you felt his hand on your thigh

dating sukuna and all, it was normal for him to have his hands on some part of your body (whether it be your thigh or your waist) while you two were in bed.

but you were feeling a bit bolder HORNEE than usual so you began to leave a hot trail of kisses starting from his jaw all the way down to his neck.

sukuna obviously got the memo but before those kisses could escalate into something more daring, he asked you once more if you were completely sure you wanted to do it and once you gave him the green light, he was quick to tug his shirt over his head and pounce on you.

he started getting really into it though and accidentally bit your thigh which made you loose your high and scold him for it, but he let out a hearty laugh and muttered a quick apology before getting back into business

sike i lied, remember what i said about it being spontaneous? yeah, you technically didn’t loose your virginity to him that day because after he finished prepping you, you both came to a realization that you didn’t have a condom.

oh well, there’s always next time!

i think sukuna is a sucker for pet names: his favorite thing to call you is either kitten or princess and that’s it LOL he finds calling you baby or babe is a bit too cheesy for him

but he likes it when you call him baby or babe ;)

date nights consist of either staying in and cuddling in his room, going out for a walk at night (but very very late though. there’s still lamp posts that guide your way through the streets but it gives you the heebie jeebies to be out walking outside so late. sukuna always reminds you that nothing bad will happen as long as he’s right by your side), or just spending time with you and your families.

but if you’re really down to do it, he’ll probably initiate a make out session that’ll lead to y’all fucking one way or another (he only ever does it if he is 100% sure that you’re feeling it because he knows you get easily embarrassed if he asks you straight up)

(this part is mainly written for me because i love the idea of sukuna being over at family functions, but it can be applied as part of the general hc heh) if you took him to any of your family functions as your plus one for the first time, all the aunts and uncles would be a bit wary of him at first due to all of the tattoos and piercings he has (sukuna swears he has never felt so self conscious before) but after they strike up a conversation with him and find out that he’s actually a good guy who knows what he wants to do in the future and is very loyal to you, they start to like him more.

your little cousins adore him and love it when he comes over because sukuna is a very tall high schooler which makes him the perfect candidate as a monkey bar

so when you noticed that all the little ones started to climb on his body and mess around with his hair, you were quick to react because you knew your boyfriend was easily irritable which prompted you to think he hated kids

but there was nothing to worry about because when you saw him playing around with them and even crack a smile, you felt your heart grow fuzzy at the sight and you knew right then and there that you wanted to stick by sukuna’s side for the rest of your life

and in the unfortunate circumstances that sukuna is too busy to make it to one of your functions, the first thing everyone asks is “where’s your boyfriend?” or “where’s ‘kuna? i wanna play with him!”

so you have to facetime him and let him know that everyone is wondering where he is (your phone is dead by the end of the night because after the adults get their turn at saying hi to your boyfriend, the kids snatch your phone and end up talking to him for the rest of the night)

but in conclusion, everyone is waiting for the day he gets on one knee to propose to you and your parents are itching to get to get call sukuna their son-in-law :))

also don’t forget that your parents want two grandchildren: one boy and one girl!

[seqka711]

Ranking the six main boy/girl ships in Yu-Gi-Oh from best to worst!

Not all main girl ships are created equally, I'm afraid. Let's take a look at each ship and see what's up! (Except Sevens because as I mentioned in a previous post, I am way too far behind to comment on anything in that show.)

First up is Anzu and Yugi! And YES I do ship them! However, I don't ship Atem and Anzu. Anzu was friends with Yugi, and started to see him in a different light when Atem started showing up. However, those changing feelings also started to influence her feelings about Yugi as well. We saw that in Duelist Kingdom. Then in season 2 when she realizes they're two separate people, she gets really confused! Anzu doesn't know how to feel anymore! Then Atem and Yugi are both playing wingman for each other, so that's not helping matters. I don't really ship Atem and Anzu because Atem just doesn't seem super interested in their date. I know he had other things on his mind, but if they wanted me to ship it, now was the time to show off some chemistry and they didn't.

We saw in GX that Yugi grows up to look just like Atem and he also grows more confident over the course of the series. After the end of Duel Monsters, I think they're both too hurt by Atem's passing to be digging on each other. But, distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I feel like she's gonna come back from the states and have some heart-pounding feelings when she sees him again. And Yugi's feelings didn't change, they were just put on the back burner. So hopefully when they meet back up, sparks are gonna fly! At least, I hope so. <3

~

Next up is Asuka and Judai! When I watched their first duel, I was 100% on board with this ship. They were cute, they had great banter, it was a fair fight. I loved it! But over the course of the series, I started losing interest in their relationship, fast. By the end of season 2 I was pretty convinced they had abandoned Asuka x Judai for Asuka x Manjoume, and honestly, I was 100% on board with that, I love a good romcom couple and those two have dysfunctional romcom energy. Plus they had evil power couple vibes when they were running the Society of Light together, so I thought for sure they were gonna have Manjoume and Asuka be better friends post possession.

Then season 3 came a long and I was like "woah, they DID do that on purpose! I was right!" when we saw the Judai x Johan x Yubel love triangle they spent the entire season on. Asuka and Manjoume were of course relegated to background characters, as was everyone who wasn't a transfer student. And then the series ended with a pretty definitive Judai x Yubel ending and I was like "cool I like it".

But then season 4 made me question everything by making it clear that Asuka was still crushing on Judai?!?! Uhhh.... what? You haven't mentioned this crush in OVER TWO YEARS ASUKA. You've both changed so much! I thought the whole point was "she had a fleeting crush on him in year 1, but people change and so do our feelings"! I thought they had her fall out of love with him on purpose!! You're telling me the writers just wanted us to ASSUME she was still in love with him this whole time?!

I honestly love the whole "had a crush on him, now that I know him better, he's an amazing friend but I don't like him that way anymore" dynamic and they RUINED IT so bad. And for what? To say "well they fought the whole time, but now look! They can tag duel together!" Well, jokes on them, because a few episodes later Judai and Johan will show off some of the tightest teamwork in the show and I'll have to throw Asuka x Judai in the trash. </3`

~

Yusei x Aki!!!!!! AHHHHHH I LOVE THEM. Their first duel is very romantic in my opinion. Yusei lives to help people, and it's actually a flaw of his that he'll help people no matter the cost. Usually that's sort of a "who cares" flaw in a protagonist, but for Yusei, it adds a lot of depth to his character. The reason he helps people even at the cost of himself is because he feels enormously guilty due to his parents' involvement in Zero Reverse, and he feels like he owes the world (but especially Satellite) everything. Yusei tried to go to jail in Kiryu's stead, but failed, and I think that only compounded his guilt even more.

Then, when Yusei sees the chance to help Aki, he does it. He's scared of her, but he rallies his courage to face her so that he can help her. And it's only natural that Aki would fall hopelessly in love with him after he continually put himself at risk over and over again JUST to help her. I love the episode where she rescues him from being kidnapped and then accompanies him on a riding duel. I think it hits me harder because it reminds me of how much I want to drive a motorcycle but can't because of reasons I won't go into. But part of her desire to learn to riding duel is because she wants to feel the same things Yusei feels. And that's so cute!

Unfortunately, I do have a certain headcanon that gets in the way of my shipping desires. I won't get into the whole headcanon, but I think Yusei might have ended up time travelling back in time to fix Zero Reverse and prevent Zone's future. And Aki wouldn't have come with him because we see her in the flashforward. Yusei is still giving her strength though. And I like to think that maybe a much older Yusei was able to help a much younger Aki control her powers and not enter a cult in the new timeline. And if my headcanon isn't true, then GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES GUYS. <3

~

On the one hand, I love Kotori x Yuma. They’re so adorable! Not only is Kotori surprisingly self-aware of her crush (usually the YGO girls love to deny it) but Yuma clearly treats her differently from the rest of his friends, even though he doesn’t know why (yet). Kotori’s confession at the end of the show is SO CUTE AND ADORABLE and Yuma accepts and I love it!

But… I can’t love it as much as I WANT to love it. Kotori’s character, especially in Zexal II is kind of boring. I liked her a lot in Zexal I actually. I thought it was fine to have a character not duel as long as she was doing something else. In season 1 she occasionally gets shit done. Or she’s there for comic relief like when she’s riding the duel coaster. Or arguing with Orbital 7. It wasn’t much, but it was something. In season 2, she’s a total non-entity. I thought the duel where she gets possessed was very funny, but I almost wish that her getting possessed by a Barian was played for drama rather than laughs.

I think what could have been cool is either a) after she can hear Astral, her and Astral team up for a duel or b) when watching Yuma she started to memorize his strategies. Or both. Or neither, just get this girl something to do BESIDES watch Yuma! In the end, my love for how adorable these two are is always somewhat soured by Kotori’s squandered potential. <3

~

Speaking of squandered potential, Yuzu and Yuya are next on the list. I love these two A TON! I’ll be perfectly honest and admit my biases here, I am NOT the biggest fan of Arc-V. The show had a lot of problems, and I’m harsher on it than most.

But one thing I really did like about the beginning of the show was Yuzu! She was independent, driven and her dueling was getting better as the show progressed. Just like Kotori, she became a non-entity in the latter seasons. However, I ship Yuya x Yuzu more than I ship Yuma x Kotori because Yuya was always keeping Yuzu in mind during the latter seasons. So it still felt like the ship was in focus, whereas with Kotori x Yuma, the ship kind of disappeared since more important things were going on. For Yuya, nothing was more important than getting Yuzu back, so really I had no choice BUT to ship it. How could I not? It was so sweet! She was his whole world! I wish we got more scenes with the two of them together though. Them never tag dueling is a crime against humanity. Also its total BS that only Yuya and Yuzu got to come back, but whatever, I guess. I was happy that the two of them reunited and even HAPPIER that the show was finally over. <3

~

Last and basically least, Yusaku x Aoi. Or Playmaker x Blue Maiden. I’ll be honest, I don’t ship this at all. The show doesn’t go through any effort to get us invested in their so-called “relationship” and if I had watched this show on its own, unaware of the series’ tropes, I wouldn’t have assumed they were a “ship” at all. With Judai x Asuka, I actually liked the fake out (at least until S4 when I wondered whether or not the fake out was actually on purpose or if the writers are just morons) but with Yusaku x Aoi I get frustrated because it wouldn’t have been that hard to GIVE them some chemistry. They’re both interesting characters, and I think Aoi and Yusaku could have had an interesting dynamic if Aoi had learned Playmaker’s identity a lot sooner.

What I think the show should have done was have Aoi discover Playmaker and Soulburner’s identity at the same time they discovered each other. Then have Aqua come into the fold a lot earlier. Trios are popular in fiction for a reason, and I think Yusaku, Takeru and Aoi would have been an excellent trio. Specifically, with both Yusaku and Aoi being so reserved, their relationship would be very understated. But that’s not a bad thing. It just means that the writers would have to put more focus on the little things. Like, maybe after a while of being friends, Yusaku sits next to her in class. That would be a small thing for other people, but for those two, that’s huge! I could also see there being a fun episode where Ai tries to trick them into going on a date but fails spectacularly. The two of them end up spending time together to foil the plan. That could be really cute! LITERALLY ANYTHING is better than NOTHING.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t ship this because the writers thought they could get me to ship it just by having boy meets girl and then having them shake hands over a hundred episodes later. And no. I refuse. I need a LITTLE more than that, please and thank you. </3

~

That was a very long post! All in all, 4/6 ain’t bad at all! Or maybe it’s more like a 3.5 since I only gave Kotori and Yuma a small heart? It doesn’t really matter, I’m a multishipper. At my heart and soul, I’ll ship anything. Like I said I don’t ship Judai and Asuka, but I totally have shippy fanart of them on my phone, lol. It’s more like… which of these ships would I defend in court and which ships do I only like because I’m trash that’ll ship anything?

Oh, I guess I did title this as a ranking... Well, I'm sure you can figure out my most and least favourites by how much I used caps lock, so it should be fine.

Give me ANY Yu-Gi-Oh ship (straight, gay or in between) and I’ll dissect it like I did these six.

[nomunamuinmybrain]

Bitter 6

Finally! It took me so long to get it together and finish this chapter. A lot has happened in my life since I last posted but most importantly I graduated from university. Now that I have all the time in the world I want to give all my attention to writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope you are all safe and healthy given the situation with the pandemic.

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Summary: Sometimes our thoughts get the best of us. Sometimes depression gets the best of all of us. Too oblivious to realize that we are surrounded with love. This is a story about learning to receive love, learning that you deserve love. A fun group of friends and their lives as they gradually change and grow. Sometimes bitter other times sweet much like chocolate such is life.

FLUFF WITH A SPRINKLE (or so) of smut/Slow pace

words: 1.7k

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Chapter 6

A knot forming in my belly, the sensation stretching to my heated mound forcing my thighs to rub in frustration. My hand slithers from my aching breasts to my slit, I can’t believe how wet I got just thinking about him. Next thing I know, the other side of the bed sinks under his weight as he makes his way over me. I am not sure how he got here but I don’t care. I can feel his scent, heavy and sweet, making me dizzy. His hands take over from mine, teasing and touching me. I want him to taste me everywhere. Devour every inch of my being with his sinful mouth, marking me as his. It’s as if he is in my head, knowing my every thought, every desire. My hands pinned above me held by his hand.

No longer thinking reasons to resist this, I completely surrender to his touch. My back arches wanting even more, he is everywhere, I breathe him in and in my utterly intoxicated state that’s when I hear it, beeping loud in my ears, my alarm clock. I knew this seemed too good to be a fragment of reality. Grunting noises escape me while I roll around trying to mute the source. The boys must have gotten up earlier or maybe they left the room right after I fell asleep, making sure I get some rest since they know how stressed I was about this whole coffee meet cute and that’s when I felt it. A strange flutter in my lower belly, a tingling but it was nothing of anxiety, it was pure excitement. I jump off the bed to get ready and after a much appreciated pep talk from the guys I was already out the door and on my way to the coffee shop. Namjoon was sweet enough to text me good morning and ask for my order beforehand. We lock eyes as I am crossing the street and I am positive his smile is outshining the sun, thankfully I did not faint in the middle of the street. Deep breath.

“Here you go. Iced latte, medium, double shot espresso with soy milk and one pump of caramel.”

“Sorry for making you memorize the whole thing. I’m a bit particular with what I like. Especially coffee.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. Besides, I’m no better. Iced Americano, blonde roast, extra ice, extra shot with foam.”

“Are we sure the barista didn’t spit in these cause I think I would if I had to make this order.” My silly remark made him laugh and the flutter in my belly grew stronger.

We started walking, heading towards the park. Conversation with him was smooth, effortless, he seemed to be as invested as I was which was refreshing cause for once I felt like I wasn’t blabbering someone to boredom and every time I took my turn to say anything he would look at me. He gingerly brushed his fingers against mine, weaving them with mine, brushing his thumb softly. I guess for the first time I felt interesting to someone other than Hoseok and Tae. There was nothing we didn’t touch on, from family stuff to career and childhood and lost dreams, there wasn’t a topic off the table. When we got to the unavoidable point of discussing relationships and experiences of that kind I tensed up a bit and unfortunately he picked up on that.

“It’s okay if this is too much for you, we don’t have to…”

“No, it’s fine. It’s better to be upfront with things like this.”

“I agree. Took me a while to come to terms with confronting people and situations.”

“Well, I’m in the same boat you know. I don’t have much experience with dating and I’ve never even been in a relationship. My insecurities plus my anxiety and depression haven’t, how should I put this, they didn’t leave any space for that stuff. Working on my relationship with myself and my mental health seemed more important. Also I never wanted to burden anyone with my issues, it wouldn’t be fair. Society has us believing that through another person we can finally feel whole but, well, it’s nothing but a sugar coated pill. Building a strong and healthy relationship with yourself is a blessing on the long run. To the eyes of others it might seem like I’m behind on that stuff but it doesn’t faze me as much anymore.”

“For the record you are not behind on anything, that’s bullshit. You made your wellbeing a priority and that is admirable to say the least. My last relationship has left me with so much trauma it left me frozen, unable to put myself out there to meet someone else. I wouldn’t even have approached you if it wasn’t for my friends pushing me, I feared that I was damaged goods, sort to say.”

I halt my step, turned to look at him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re not. I hope you know that you’re not.”

“I know. Now, I know.” His hand cupped my check and I could feel the redness spread as I leaned into his caress. “I hope you know that too.” he continued.

He leaned in, his breath fanning warmth against me, he looked in my eyes, my lips and then back into my eyes, longingly. His plump lips parted letting out a sigh. “I- I really want to kiss you.”

I drew in a sharp breath and answered in a small voice. “Me too.”

His kiss was deep, intoxicating and somewhat controlled cause let’s face it we we’re in the middle of a park. A satisfying grunt escaped me and he did something that I can only describe as a low growl, it was sexy and I could feel the tingling intensify. With both hands on my face, his thumbs tracing patterns on my cheeks, he withdrew his plush lips to lovingly nudge my nose with his.

“I’m so glad we can be together in this moment. Wait, no, that sounds weird. What I meant, what I’m trying to say…”

I take the lead to put him out of his misery. He looked adorable fumbling for the right words.

“Namjoon relax. I know what you mean. I feel the same way.”

The rest of the walk we joked around and I honestly haven’t let go with another person so soon, he has a way, a warmth that just makes me feel comfortable and most definitely desired and appreciated. Before we parted we set another date for Sunday at the movies and for the first time in forever I felt excited for something. Once we got to my building we kissed one more time and even though I told him to go he waited to see me go up which I wouldn’t have done given the situation I had to witness. The door was open and the apartment was full of people. Squeezing my way in I browse for Hobi and once I spot him in the kitchen I make my way to him and grab him from the arm.

“What’s all this?!”

“We are pregaming before we get to Jungkookie’s party. It’s a last minute situation and I offered to help. You do remember we have Jungkook’s thing today, right?”

“It’s 15:46! And yes, I do remember. Isn’t it a little early for pregaming anyway?”

“Um, not when you have a bunch of art hippies. It’s called a brunch pregame or something like that, who cares. Pancake?” he stuffed it in my mouth before I had a chance to answer. Tae jumped and hugged me from behind, most definitely tipsy, playing with my curls.

“How was coffee with dream man Kim Namjoon?” he asked

“She’ll tell us later when we are not in a sea of strangers.”

“In a word, perfect. I’ll head to my room and get ready.”

In the sanctuary of my room I drop my phone on the desk and head to the shower. A much needed scorching hot shower later and with the date replaying in my head, I sit on my desk to do my makeup. It’s already 19:40 by the time I’m finished and the noise has died down assumingly because everyone has left. I wasn’t all that excited about being among people tonight but I would never skip any of Jungkook and Andy’s parties. I think it’s a new sold out show that we’re celebrating but who cares really it’s just going to end up crazy. Jungkook notoriety for making each meetup an unforgettable event is unbeatable. After last time’s paint war debacle I opted for jeans to be as comfortable as possible.

Half an hour later we’re already parked outside of Jungkook’s house and then Hobi locks us in. Tae was the first one to give him the stank eye and question the sanity of his action.

“What the hell?”

“Tae, I am not gonna make the party if y/n over here doesn’t give us the details of this mornings event. I might actually eat my own hand.”

“Okay, okay, but I’ll fast forward a bit because I don’t want to drag this on. I had a wonderful time with him, he is so sweet and considerate, we talked about everything and anything. Also, we kissed and I cannot wait to go on another date.”

Hobi and Tae couldn’t hide their happiness, so prominent in their expression. They both jumped me to give me the tightest hug possible.

“Baby girl we’re so happy for you.”

“Let’s break this up now and get going Jungkook is waving from the door.”

We get to the door, Jungkook waiting for us, arms open, cigar hanging from his mouth.

“You’re into smoking now?” Tae asked

Much to our surprise he bit down to reveal the molten caramel center. Of course its made of chocolate, he’s a candy nut. We’re all ushered inside, everyone’s scattered here and there in the large common area having conversation over the latest pieces acquired in his personal collection. Among new faces and a few familiar ones I spot a face my memory could never erase, he looks up at the same time, eyes locking with mine and shoots me a wink.

My old crush.

The ever so charming, Kim Seokjin.

[deliciouspeachpirate]

Affectionate Newsies Headcanons Part 4

A/N Hey guys! Sorry this took a bit! This is the last part I’m doing for now, but if you have someone you want to see that I didn’t do yet, please ask! I was having trouble writing Les’s part, but I ended up really enjoying it! I hope you guys like these as much as I do! I’m working on a Javid fic right now, but I would love to do any requests you guys have! (just no smut/x readers)

Katherine: Growing up in the high society of New York swells and with Pulitzer as her father, Katherine did not receive much affection growing up. You just didn't touch other people as a rule unless it was necessary/as a formality. The people she was most affectionate with before she met the newsies were Bill and Darcy, and even with them it was just a brief hug every now and then or hanging on their arm a little more than she would with someone else when they were walking somewhere. Needless to say, she was pretty surprised when several of the boys hugged her when she got them on the front page or when they won the strike. She didn't say anything about it, but for once she wasn't sure what to think. Yeah some of them had been flirting with her before, but surely not this many of them were, and besides it was pretty forward to just throw your arm around someone for no reason. 

The first time she went to the lodging house after the strike, she was Not Ready for the onslaught of hugs, pats of the back, and even some of the boys messing her hair up that she received. Pretty quickly she caught on that they weren't flirting with her (at least, not most of them), that was just how it worked with the newsies. Casual touch was a give in there, and she certainly wasn't opposed to it, just surprised. She got accustomed to the constant affection quickly, and really started to enjoy it when Specs threw an arm around her while they all chatted or JoJo running over to give her a hug when she stopped by the circulation desk on her way to work. She liked being a sort of favorite among the boys and having them fight over who got to sit by her, dance with her, walk her home, etc. None of them were used to having girls around, especially not one someone wasn't dating, so they really enjoyed having someone to be a sort of older sister or even mother to them. The first time Crutchie referred to her as their sister in front of her, she nearly cried. Since then, she tried even harder to be that for them. She showed up to the lodging house or Jacobi's almost every day after work, brought over food sometimes, refilled their first aid kit, and come Christmas all of the boys had new coats or mittens. She's always over when someone is sick or injured to help comfort them, bringing food and medicine,  or just watch over them while the others sell. She is very quick to cover someone's costs for a few days, even when they try to object. Katherine's love languages are giving gifts and physical affection, both of which appeared mostly when she started getting to know the newsies better. Katherine often gets some candy or a seltzer or some little treat for the boys when they have a bad day, or when she just wants them to know she's been thinking about them. It didn't take long for her to start initiating affection with them either. Long story short, Katherine absolutely loves her brothers and there is nothing in the world she wouldn't do for them.

Les: This boy is super sweet, but he likes to pretend to be a bad boy. He is really used to holding Davey's hand everywhere they go, so much so that it is second nature to him to grab someone's hand at least whenever he is crossing the street no matter who he is with. All the newsies think its super cute, and most just go along with it without mentioning anything. Some of them don't even bat an eye or realize its just out of habit. He often acts like he doesn't need/want Davey constantly keeping an eye on him and being worried and nagging about everything he does, but he actually gets really nervous if they are apart for long. Some of the things that ground him when he gets anxious are when Davey (and sometimes Jack) put their hand on his shoulder/head, or when they pull him to their side. Les will deny it to his dying day, but his first instinct when he is nervous is just to get as close to Davey as possible. Seeing as how the other newsies become like older brothers to him, a lot of those habits translate over, and the boys are very honored when they realize that Les trusts them the same way he does Davey. Even if it is to not the same level, Les still trusts them to protect him if need be and the weight of that is not lost on the boys. Les likes to sit on people's laps when they are at Jacobi's or hanging out in the common room of the lodging house. It always makes him feel taller and like he is more a part of the conversation. When he gets tired, he always leans his head on whoever is closest to him and his eyes droop as he goes nearly limp. He makes Davey give him a piggyback ride/carry him home nearly every day. Because he is the youngest in the family and people have always doted on him like he is an angel sent from heaven (which, lets face it, he is) he is not used to being the one to initiate affection. Never in his life has he had a time where he felt the need to because someone was always carrying him, holding his hand, etc and he never felt the need to ask. He isn't the one to open his arms for a hug, but if one of the other boys does it he will not hesitate to run to them with a giant grin on his face. He thinks the newsies that give the best hugs are Jack, JoJo, Crutchie, and Albert. He is old enough that he knows Albert doesn't just hug all the newsies so it makes him feel really special when Albert asks him for a hug when they meet at the circulation desk. He thinks JoJo's hugs are super great because he kneels down to his height, pulls Les flush against him and holds him tightly, plus he is really warm and that's awesome. Les was surprised when Crutchie hugged him after he got back from the refuge because he didn't realize how strong Crutchie actually was. Turns out that walking around and supporting your weight all day every day is an excellent work out. Jack's hugs are the very best out of all the newsies because not only are they strong like Crutchie's and warm like JoJo's but when Jack leans down he always picks Les all the way up and often spins him around too, which never fails to make Les laugh and Davey worry. The best hugs of all time however will always be Davey's. Les never feels safer than when Davey is hugging him, be it after a nightmare, when he is upset, or just for no reason. Its always familiar and safe and feels like home. When Les has a nightmare or is sick, all he wants is for someone (read Davey) to play with his hair and sing to him or tell him a story. Whenever Les feels like he isn't getting the attention  he wants, he typically goes to annoy Davey which almost always results in Davey tickling him to tears, not that Les cares though. He will sometimes try and annoy the other newsies into tickling him too. Les isn't the best at knowing how to show affection, again because he never had to initiate it, so the big thing he does when he likes/admires someone is follow them around wherever he can and try to imitate them. Let's just say Davey was VERY worried about what kinds of habits he could have picked up with the newsies. 

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Pan? Polysexual sounds better now

Back to guys, gay girls, nonbinaries, pan, bi, gender-fluid, and queer people.

I might have to take a recap on matches who are trans for right now,

I still have a lot to learn about what my true identity is for right now.

Because I really can't stick to just one label...

Aye, that's just me. And dating apps are starting to feel like a job, there's too many people matching with me and trying to remember names is getting a lot to handle when you're on 3 different apps and about 20 conversations going at the same time. And still 99 people waiting on you to swipe right on them, on each one. And plus I'm not as picky about looks as I was before, so I'm mostly reading just bios, analyzing photos to see what could be their interests in, and making sure I'm not being too passive on red flags when people talk to you.

I will admit, I still swipe right on them if they're trans and I'm attracted to them. I just know me, I'd rather date someone who was fully transitioned or somebody who is still on the nonbinary, before part. Only because I know me.

I had to watch someone I had already grown into getting to know and getting attached to, and then when I finally got comfortable with them for over a yr, they changed that drastically during those 3months we were separate and I had no idea about it.....I'm not sure if I could watch it happen before my eyes. Cause then I would have to miss the way they were before, because of my attraction to their naturally mixed feminine/masculine looking features and actions. So, ideally I wouldn't have changed anything about them.

I don't wanna grow attached to a voice or a face or a body that will no longer be there tomorrow. I know that person before is still in there, but it's different when you're romantically attracted to them, been intimate with them vs when you're just a friend. My experience shocked and scared my paranoia and fear of change. I remember crying when my dad started growing white and grey hairs in his beard. Cause I never want my dad to change, cause I've grown up with him being this strong man that always was there for me, held me, made me feel safe, calmed me down when I had my moments, and tucked me in when I wanted to feel comfortable. He showed me that he always loved me, always cared about me, and that he was never gonna leave me. As if he's never gonna die during my time on this earth. Seeing his greyishly, white hairs, I thought death and that my daddy will soon no longer be the fun, happy, strong dad that I've always been with as his princess. And that's kind of what vibe this particular person was to me, even though they weren't as smart, strong, or always there for me....cause most of the time my nights alone cause they couldn't or didn't know I needed them to be there fo r me like that to feel loved or just to feel wanted. Cause I couldn't speak up.

But now, that they has turned into a he. I feel like its brutally denying me to chance to not only say goodbye to them as they, but I would have to get reacquainted to HE, with a totally different name, maybe different personality, maybe different sexuality, and I won't know if I like the new evolved version of this person. The fear of the unknown is high for me. Especially when there's a 40% rate of fems that decided to change their sexual orientation after taking testosterone. I 'm possessive about my partners and I would hate to know that after seeing this person physically change and go through so much emotional/mental changes that one day they decide "Hey, I think I like men now, I wanna give this a shot. Could we make this work?"

I would tell Him, to go right ahead and go on a date with that coworker or guy on Tinder/Grinder. But I'm not gonna be here when you come home. Because to me that's some bullshit. And I've known this person well enough to know, that they don't mind using other people to meet their sexual needs that I can't possibly give them due to my actual gender and my body as such. I wouldn't want to share my partner, nor watch them get fucked by another man...because I'm not a man, im a woman...theres a huuuuuugggeeee difference.

And if it ever came to that point 3 yrs later and He became someone I didn't know anymore, because of the hormones changing how they feel as a man, dysphoria gone....I get it, you've hated yourself for years and now you're happy in the dream body you always asked for. But, I would be scared to lose you, to whoever else you decide to open up to in your selections. Cause you're that type to leave to please you and not make it work. I don't want somebody who changes their mind all the time about who they wanna be, who else do they wanna smash, and who else they can flirt with. That's cheater mentality.

And I'm sorry trans community that I'm basing my recent experience with someone as the example for the rest of you. Because I know there are some ftm's who've already changed and stayed with their partners. I just don't know if I could trust this process, knowing the effects, the research on whether or not they become completely detached to women or become bisexual... I can't.

And I'm thankful for the ftm's that have been posting youtube videos and tiktoks for viewers like me who are curious about the possible cons, and physical or emotional changes they've overcome. I was shocked the first time I ever watched a bandaged ftm, who finally unrevealed their scars from top surgery. I've always been preparing myself for this. Because I knew one day, that this cute, fluffy, soft skinned, white latino looking, but really just mixed mocha, nonbinary person was gonna be...changed over a year or so. I thought I could prepare for it, so that when it does happen it doesn't hurt as much to watch to them in pain if the bleeding from the scars are irritating them or if one day they're super cranky and obnoxious for what seems to be no reason. Or if one day they end up feeling they dont need anybody like Zanthos, with the 4 avenger rings lol.

But I'm too damn fucking sensitive. I was born this way. I've always prepared myself with the worst and the best information, that way when it does happen, the tidal wave of emotions from the reaction, doesn't end up torching my soul or blowing me out the water. Cause I am gay. I adore women, men, and when I met this person I loved them as an in-betweener as nonbinary. They are so brutally harsh, twisted, manipulative, jealous, and possesive. But I've always liked that they had these emotions inside of them that they hold back because they don't wanna seem so soft, always hiding this feminine quality about them because ideally, they're pretty looking, gorgeous eyes that can turn black cold like obsidian, and those fucking cheeks and cat nose. I've only seen the slight hips, but I didn't mind it. And they've always hid their body away even when we would try to have sex. I knew the dysphoria was there, cause again I prepared myself to be patient and kind.

So, I'm glad they're turning a new leaf to make themselves feel more confident about being recognized in society as a full, grown ass man. I'm pretty sure HE, is gonna get cocky af, cause that's just the way he was when they were they.

I know it's selfish of me to say, but I'm afraid of what will happen down the line years later. But that's just me being afraid. If He ends up not liking me anymore, I know it won't be the end of the world and I walked away at the right time when I did. Because this person is currently separated from me, and I'm still insecure about that part too. Not knowing how they are during this transition for what may become years or not...I hope HE is doing okay and not piercing everyone with their new, world domination, ego.

I just don't wanna imagine them get fucked by a guy....sorry that's just me. And will their buttery ass kisses, still be as sweet anymore?

Will I be ok with HE having chest hair?

Will I love the sound of their new voice or will I just hate it, while still missing the old, brodie, sexy, slightly feminine voice?

Especially when they used to go all soft and cuddly on me over the phone, it was soooo cuteeee. I miss our phone and text conversations.

Will they grow into another relationship with somebody else because they started to become unattached and unattracted to my body, my tits, my hips, my vagina even....just because they completely changed their identity?

And I still a woman? I've only thought about wearing a binder a couple of times, and yes, I do watch ftm and trans porn because I did like the fantasy of being intimate with someone who had a bigger clit size or just having a big clit of my own that felt like a dick.

I'm willing to admit that. Because let's be honest, boys get away with so much more shit as a male, compared to us females.

I wish I could grow a dick overnight and nobody not know I'm still a chick! Lol, but I still don't like the all over hair body growth and I still want my vagina back. Like a rental suit with an actual dick and no tits. Those are the onllyyyyyyyyy things I've thought about, but would never admit out loud. Only because I still like my body and my gender identity as is. I feel like the blue girl from X-Men could get away with it, cause she can be anybody she wants to and go back to being herself at the end of the day. And still camouflage behind walls. Lucky chick. Especially if she could teleport, oh he'll yeah.

It's gonna take me awhile to get over this, so please be patient with me. As I'm trying not to cry as I watch my ftm porn get fucked by a guy. Cause I used to be heavy into it, now I feel wrong for watching it and then I'm reminded "40% chance, you're watching it" 😞🤮😫

[svgurl410]

fic: memories of old, promises anew (rory/jess)

Fandom: Gilmore Girls Pairing/Characters: Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano, Lorelai Gilmore, Luke Danes Rating: G Word Count: 3,211 Summary: prompt: questions, Jess is ready to propose to Rory. Before he can ask her, he has to talk to a few important people first. And then the one that matters most.

AO3 link 

The ring felt like it was burning a hole in Jess’s pocket, and honestly, at any other moment, he would’ve been nervous about keeping it on his person, in the fear of accidental discovery. But the one person he was afraid of finding it was safely in New York for an interview, and wouldn’t be back until late that evening.

So that left Jess watching her daughter, someone he had thought of as ‘his’ for longer than he would admit out loud, and considering that she referred to him as “Dada” (and no, he didn’t cry when she first called him that, he just got a little teary eyed, thank you very much), she clearly didn’t mind. But Leia was napping and that left him with an even more terrifying prospect than proposing to the love of his life: talking to her mother.

As he slowly approached the couch in the living room of the home that Rory grown up, he had to take a few calming breaths. Lorelai was engrossed in the TV show she was watching, and didn’t even notice him until he was right next to her. She gave him a nod of acknowledgement, before returning to her show.

Sure, they had come a long way since they had met, and she had been more than cordial towards him for years, always fine with him taking up their couch when he visited, and as far as he knew, didn’t even voice any objections when Rory and he started dating again. However, standing in front of her now, he felt like he was seventeen again and not knowing how to talk to her. He knew he had to try though, and Luke was at the diner, so this may be his only opportunity to get to talk to her alone for a while.

“Lorelai,” he said, gaining her attention once more. “Do you have a moment?”

“I have many moments,” she said immediately. “Are you looking for a happy one? A sad moment? More serious?” He stared at her pointedly and she just grinned. “Have a seat, oh broody one. I thought we lost monosyllable man years ago. Nice to see him again.”

He shrugged and sat down on the chair. “I actually had something I wanted to ask you.”

“A full sentence! New Jess has returned,” Lorelai proclaimed gleefully, only pausing to switch off the TV. “What’s up?"

Not sure how to word it, he pulled the ring box out of his pocket and placed it on the table, flipping the cover open to reveal its contents. Of course he should’ve known better, because Lorelai’s eyes widened, immediately glinting with wicked glee, as she put her hand dramatically on her heart.

“Why, Jess, this is just inappropriate,” she began, and he was briefly confused, before she went on full speed ahead. “I’m a married woman, to your uncle no less, and you are dating my daughter! As irresistible as I am, I am not Stacy’s mom or Mrs. Robinson, so you will have to just accept the rejection for what it is. And your proposal skills need work.”

Jess barely refrained from groaning and just raised an eyebrow, causing Lorelai to pout at his lack of reaction.

“When you do that, you remind me way too much of Luke,” she pointed out. “It’s creepy.”

“Well, now you know how we feel with you and Rory,” Jess pointed out, causing her to chuckle.

Growing serious, she added, “It is a pretty ring.”

Jess nodded, picking it up and twirling it in his hand. The white gold ring had a modest diamond in the shape of a circle surrounded by tiny sapphires on each side. He hoped Rory would like it, as he had seen her admiring something similar just a few months prior. “So what do you think?”

“Going to have to use a few more words there,” Lorelai suggested.

“Of me proposing to Rory,” Jess asked. “I guess I’m asking for your permission.”

Lorelai nodded slowly. “I see, so you decided to throw a twist on the old patriarchal tradition of asking the father?”

“Yeah, well, I know the whole thing is outdated, but hey, I figured it’s also a way to give you a head’s up,” Jess explained.

“Why?” Lorelai wanted to know.

“Why what?” Jess asked.

“Why are you asking?” Lorelai clarified. “Rory and you are both adults, and if there wasn’t enough proof, there was a small child sleeping one room away as a reminder. So why do you need my permission?”

“Because it’s you,” Jess said, shifting. “And Rory will always care most about what you think. Plus, I know we don’t have the greatest history. I … well, I wasn’t always the easiest to get along with, and you haven’t said anything about Rory and me now, but-”

“You were also a teenager,” Lorelai interrupted. “I could’ve cut you a little slack.”

“I could’ve been less of a jerk and earned it,” Jess offered.

“You just reminded me so much of …” She trailed off and Jess was a little worried where she was going to go with it.

“Of Rory’s dad?” he asked, trying not to wince.

“Of me actually,” she admitted, letting out a weak laugh, surprising Jess into silence. “You had this ‘do what you want’ attitude, and refused to fit in, even when it would’ve been easier. Except it wasn’t Hartford society, and I guess I believed if you didn’t love Stars Hollow, there was something wrong with you.”

“It certainly is a place that grows on you,” Jess acknowledged.

“And if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with Rory, who knows how I would’ve turned out?” Lorelai said.

“Rory was lucky to have you,” Jess said frankly.

A look of sympathy crossed her features. “Yeah, I was lucky to have her. And that is probably another reason I could’ve been easier you on you.”

“Luke told you stuff?” Jess asked, unable to hide his reaction this time. He didn’t want anyone’s pity.

“Hinted over the years,” Lorelai answered. “And well, I do know Liz.”

“She’s better now,” Jess sighed. He had been worried for years, especially about Doula, but it seemed that as weird as TJ was, he was a good guy, and she had actually settled down in to whatever her version of normal was. And it hurt at first, but most of what he felt these days was relief.

“Yes, she is,” Lorelai agreed. “And you grew up. I have to admit, when Rory told me that you suggested that book to her, I wasn’t thrilled about you two interacting.”

“Oh.” That stung a little, especially since it wasn’t that long ago, and he thought she had been okay with him by that point.

“But,” she said hurriedly. “Clearly, you knew what she needed, and with the way you’ve stayed and how you are with Leia, it’s hard for me to say that you’re not exactly what she needs. And clearly what she wants. So if you need my permission, you have it.”

“Really?” Jess hadn’t known what to expect, but it seemed as if it shouldn’t have been that easy. “I do love her, both of them, and I promise I will always be there for them, and never leave.”

“Jess, I saw you spend thirty minutes putting Leia’s hair into buns so she could be Princess Leia for Halloween,” Lorelai reminded him, her expression amused. “You don’t have to prove anything to me. I can see it.”

He nodded, grateful. “Thank you, Lorelai.”

“Thank you, Jess,” Lorelai countered. “You make Rory very happy, and even Luke is thrilled that you’re around so much. Though seriously, more words when you actually propose okay? You can’t just shove the ring at her.”

And all Jess could do was laugh in response.

In comparison, telling Luke was fairly easy. He was helping him clean up the diner and just brought it up casually, as he wiped down a counter.

“So I’m going to propose to Rory,” he remarked casually, causing Luke to freeze.

“Really?” Luke asked.

“Yeah,” Jess confirmed.

“Huh,” was the response he got.

“Yeah,” Jess repeated. “So what do you think?”

A shrug and Luke told him, “Well, you’re not a prince in line for the throne, but I guess you’ll do.”

“What?” Had his uncle lost his mind?

“Never mind,” Luke said, waving a hand. “You happy?”

Jess nodded. “Very.”

“She seems happy too,” Luke remarked, words that warmed Jess to the core. That sort of affirmation from one of the people who loved Rory the most, especially since it was the person he admired the most, was special. “Good for you two.”

“Well, as long as she says yes,” Jess said, only half joking.

“She’ll say yes,” Luke said confidently.

“Thanks, Luke,” Jess replied.

“Any time, Jess,” Luke told him, as they exchanged smiles and got back to work.

And it was just that easy, as it had been for years with Luke.

With both the blessings that he needed, he only needed to get the one yes that mattered most. So on a bright sunny weekend morning, once Lorelai and Luke agreed to watch Leia, Jess packed a picnic basket full of Rory’s favorite foods and convinced her to go out with him for the afternoon. As much as he would’ve loved to bring Leia along, he didn’t want to bring in added pressure in the case that Rory did decide she wasn’t ready/didn’t want to get married after all.

“So where are we heading?” Rory asked, as they took a walk toward Jess’s chosen destination.

“That would be a surprise,” Jess told her, carrying the picnic basket in one hand, the other entwined with Rory’s. “So you’re just going to have to be patient.”

“There’s food involved,” Rory pouted. “How can I be patient?” She nudged him playfully. “Speaking of which, do I have to bid on that basket?”

“I will let you off the hook this time,” Jess teased. “But I have to say that my food would be much more valuable and edible than whatever I paid for that nonsense you tricked me into eating.”

“Clearly the payment was for the pleasure of my company so the food is irrelevant,” Rory retorted.

“Well, in that case, I clearly didn’t pay enough,” Jess said, grinning.

Her smile widened. “You’re such a sap.”

“Don’t spread it around,” Jess warned. “I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Oh, please, whatever reputation you think you had, you lost ages ago,” Rory scoffed. “Basically everyone in this town has seen you push Leia around in her stroller so you can say goodbye to that bad boy image. Unless it’s Taylor, I guess, who is probably the only one that doesn’t seem to believe that you are no longer seventeen and stealing garden gnomes.”

“Well as long as Taylor doesn’t like me, I’m still doing something right,” Jess remarked, with an easy smirk.

Rory was about to comment, but then she realized that they had arrived at their destination, and her eyes lit up. Much like the rest of town, the pier overlooking the lake was exactly the same as it had been all those years ago.

“Keeping with the theme, are we?” she asked, visibly pleased.

“Yeah, I figured why break tradition now,” Jess offered, placing the picnic basket in the middle. Pulling out a checkered blanket, he set up their picnic and gestured for her to take a seat, which she did, and he took the one opposite of her.

“This looks great,” Rory said admiringly. “I think if your basket was up for bidding, I would have some stiff competition.”

“Clearly my basket is for your eyes only,” Jess told her.

“Dirty,” she teased.

“Oh geez, now you sound like Lorelai,” Jess snarked.

“And you just sounded like Luke,” Rory shot back, causing him to chuckle and shake his head.

“Now that’s terrifying,” Jess said. “I didn’t think the becoming like your parent/parent figure thing happened this early.”

“Well, once you have kids, you are officially in danger,” Rory pointed out. “Though really, the food looks great. You could’ve made a killing a week from now.” Her eyes narrowed. “Wait, was it a coincidence that you chose this date or-?”

“Or?” Jess urged.

“Did the bid a basket happened today all those years ago?” Rory asked, amazed. “No way.”

“Like I said, why break tradition now?” Jess offered. He had a vague idea about the exact date, but one in depth search into the Stars Hollow Gazette archives gave him the answer he was looking for.

“Jess.” Rory softened. “Why?”

“Because,” he explained, “It was one of the first moments.”

“First moments?” she repeated.

“Yeah, that I realized that this, that you were more than just the only person I could stand in town, more than just a girl I had a crush on,” Jess confessed. “Just … more. I don’t know if it was love yet, but it was something more than I had ever felt with anyone else before.”

“Jess,” she tried again.

“And I know I was kind of an ass, and you had someone,” Jess said. “But I couldn’t help it. You were the only one that saw me.”

“Well, it’s not like I did much protesting,” Rory reminded him. “I liked being around you. I always felt most like myself with you. I still do.”

“I think that goes both ways,” Jess said, heart skipping a beat, as she closed the distance between them and kissed him. That part never got old.

“So now we can eat?” she asked, once they had parted.

“I know better than to keep a Gilmore away from food,” he said, mock seriously, as he unpacked the plates and food, dividing it easily.

“Always knew you were a smart man, Jess Mariano,” she proclaimed, as they delved into their food. “And a good cook. I am definitely keeping you around.”

“Well, I don’t have any plans to go anywhere,” Jess promised her, bringing another smile to her face.

“Good,” she said, a touch of smugness in her tone.

As they continued to eat, they made light conversation, Rory eagerly bringing up a new band she had learned about via Lane and Jess was able to tell her about the latest book he had been reading the night before. Squeezing in date nights with a kid around and both of them pursuing their careers was hard, so it was a pleasant change. The ring in his pocket was always at the back of his mind, but he was trying to do his best to enjoy the moment.

As silence fell between them, Rory glanced around sand said, “Man, this place really feels the same. Though I have to say, I’m glad the evil swan is long gone. Mom says she hasn’t seen it in years.”

“Evil swan?” he echoed, trying not to cringe.

“Yeah, we even had a name for it,” she said thoughtfully. She must’ve seen something in his face, because her eyes immediately widened. “Did you see it too?”

“I don’t know if I saw the one you’re talking about,” he admitted, “But I certainly met an evil swan. Do you remember my black eye-?”

“Yes,” she said, recognition dawning on her face. “Are you telling me?”

“I got beaked,” Jess said, old humiliation over the incident coming up to the surface.

“No way!” she exclaimed. “Jess, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was embarrassed,” Jess told her. “I only told Luke.”

“Aww, Jess,” she said, eyes shining with mirth.

“It’s okay, you can laugh,” Jess assured her. “I know it’s ridiculous.”

“I wish you had told me,” she replied, a small giggle escaping.

“Yeah, well, I could’ve said a lot of things I didn’t,” Jess said, as they continued to eat. “Words weren’t always my thing. Probably isn’t completely now.”

“Hey, no self-hating,” she said, poking at his chest. “I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I was just making a comment.”

“I know you weren’t,” Jess said. “I can’t help it sometimes.”

“We both made mistakes, but we’re here now, and that’s all that matters,” Rory stated firmly. “So deal with it.”

“Worse things in life to have deal with,” Jess insisted. “I love you.”

Her whole demeanor seemed to brighten. “I love you too.”

He would never get tired of hearing it, of saying it. And he couldn’t imagine ever not feeling it. That’s when he knew. He had been trying to figure out the right moment, but he couldn’t imagine a more right one than the one they were sharing.

“Especially,” Rory added, peaking into the basket, “Since you seem to have brought pie. Is that chocolate cream? Because you are outdoing yourself-”

“Marry me,” he blurted out.

“What?” she asked, mouth dropping, hands falling to her side.

In a swift motion, he took her hands, and pulled them both to their feet. She allowed him to guide her a few steps away, and he fell to one knee in front of her. Her blue eyes were watching him in awe. So Jess took a deep breath, one hand going into his pocket of his jeans, to reconfirm the ring was there. Pulling it out, he opened the box and took out the ring, offering it to her. Her eyes didn’t leave his face.

“Marry me,” he repeated. “I love you, I’ve always loved you. I am not sure if I ever really stopped and I don’t think I would ever want to now. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and from the moment I saw you, I knew we were meant to be together. There’s nothing more I want to do than make you happy for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” Rory exclaimed, grinning. He had noticed Rory had already nodding halfway through his speech, but he wanted to say what was in his heart.

“You want to think it over a moment?” Jess teased.

“Hand over that ring, Mariano,” Rory demanded, mock glaring. Jess slid it onto the ring finger of her left hand, before standing up once more.

“Not even married yet, and already bossing me around,” he joked, wrapping his arms around he waist.

“Yeah, well, no take backs now,” she warned, her arms settling around the back of his neck. “There may have been no vows yet, but there’s only one way you’re getting out of this.”

“Somehow I’ll survive,” he drawled, as their lips met in a kiss. She said yes. Somehow, that part hadn’t really settled in his brain until that moment. And he couldn’t stop smiling.

“Keeping me happy for the rest of our lives,” Rory murmured, one they separated. “Pretty big promise there.”

“One I plan to keep,” Jess said seriously.

“Does that include endless supplies of coffee and pie?” Rory suggested.

“Even that,” Jess agreed. “Luke may have a few objections, but we’ll figure it out.”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Rory made sure to say.

“I’ll put it my vows,” Jess promised, leaning forward once more.

“Deal,” she agreed, as they kissed again.

And it was a promise that he intended to keep. Now and always.

[brightershadows]

Euphorically Honest-- Euphoria, Teenagers, and the Realities in Hardship

OVERVIEW

Euphoria is brutally honest about the hardships of life. Focusing on the stories of a group of teenagers in modern-day California, it navigates through issues of drug addiction, sexuality, masculinity and femininity, violence, and depression. It can be tragic and liberating. But it is honest. Created by Sam Levinson, a screenwriter for Assassination Nation and The Wizard of Lies,  the story reflects on his own experience with drug addiction as a teenager, as well as having a loose basis in an Israeli show of the same name (Stack, 2019). The story follows a group of young people of varying genders, ethnicities, classes, and sexualities, including the drug-addicted narrator Rue, new-to-the-suburbs Jules, Cassie, beautiful but easily manipulated, her kind and easy-going sister Lexi, Kat, who embraces her body type as she gains confidence through sex, Nate, a manipulative and dominating male with control issues, and his girlfriend, Maddy, who battles her self-identity and her reliance on Nate (Levinson, 2019). Euphoria can be seen as overly graphic, or critiqued as too sexual, but its mature nature allows it to unearth the ugly truths about life, living, and loving, and the beauty behind the hardships too. 

EPISODE TWO REVIEW

In “Stuntin Like My Daddy,” Nate discovers his father’s sex tape collection at a very young age, videos of his father having sex with several people. This is where Nate’s disdain male sexual anatomy stems from. Nate quickly becomes infatuated with Maddy. Whether disturbing or romantic, he fantasizes about hurting or killing the person who dares harms her. A series of flashbacks from Rue’s summer shows her consuming various drugs and getting high, fighting with her mom, waking up in the hospital, and singing in the car with her mom and sister, highlighting what she has gone through as well as her relationship with her family. On several occasions, Rue relapses. Reluctantly and unable to say no, she takes a dose of fentanyl. Unaware of the consequences, Jules is called to take care of Rue. Their friendship further develops. Kat learns that an explicit video of her has been posted to a porn website. When the video’s view count continues to grow, Kat is intrigued and signs for a web cam streaming account. Obsessed with Maddy, Nate begins stalking Tyler, Maddy’s most recent hookup. Maddy, still wanting to get back together with Nate, tells him that she was blacked out and did not mean to do what she did. This causes Nate to believe that Tyler had raped Maddy. Furious, Nate breaks into Tyler’s apartment and beats him half to death. At the end of the episode, we learn that the guy Jules has been texting is named Tyler but it actually turns out to be Nate.

Nate Jacobs is the typical football jock, yet he exhibits anger, aggression, and sociopathic behavior. Rue Bennett struggles with her own psyche as she suffers from ADHD, bipolar, general anxiety, BPD (borderline personality disorder), and drug addiction. Jules Vaughan is unapologetically herself, although she seems to seek attention, approval, and sexual relationships from men who are undeserving of her. Maddy Perez is the popular cheerleader who knows she is attractive and she goes after what she wants. She stands up to everybody else except Nate. Kat Hernandez may seem like a side character, the fat best friend, at first, but she finds her confidence grows as an individual. Fez/Fezco is Rue’s main drug dealer. Although he supplies her, he also cares for Rue and does want her to get mixed up with a worst crowd.

Although there are people of color in the show, there could always be more representation of race. Rue and her sister, Gia, are mixed, with a Black mom and a white dad. Maddy is Latina as both of her parents are Latino. Kat Hernandez is also of Latin descent but we do not see much of her parents or family. Every other (main) character in this episode is white, this includes Nate, Jules, and Tyler. This show, and episode, is not particularly making any waves or strides with their representation of race. And with the representation of race that they do have, there is no portrayal of racial identity, culture, or heritage. Jules definitely stands out as she is a transgender woman. She is currently taking hormones and her father and closest friends accept her for who she is. Jules goes on to have sexual encounters with older men as well budding romances with boys her age. Nate is a stark contrast to Jules, with him being set in his heteronormative, gender binary ways. Most, if not all of the characters identify with the gender that they present. The males, Nate and Fez identity as male. The females, Rue, Kat, Jules, and Maddy identify as female. The main characters mainly fall into one of the two binary genders. All of the romantic or sexual relationship aspects in episode 2 revolve around a male and a female, such as Nate and Maddy, or Maddy and Tyler, or even Jules and her mysterious texter (a man). To my knowledge, there is no presence of a non-binary or agender character. Jules, a transgender woman, challenges Nate’s notion of the strict gender binary system.

Euphoria definitely relies on stereotypes because the writers of this show intend on having the characters break said stereotypes. Kat is initially insecure and self-conscious. After she has sex for the first time and the video of the act gets leaked, she redefines herself. Her sexuality blossoms throughout this show as she also begins to have casual sex which normalizing women having and enjoying sex. Kat becomes comfortable with herself by wearing clothes that are considered more edgy, outfits that she would have never worn before. Kat’s character breaks the sexuality stereotype because the media hardly ever sees a plus-sized woman be expressed in a sexually positive light, even though it may not have started out that way. Nate’s character is embodiment of the toxic, cis-gendered white masculinity. He describes the perfect girl as dressing more feminine, acting like a “proper lady,” and overall more “girly” as opposed to “tomboy.” Because he is so uncomfortable with the male sexual anatomy, and even disturbed by how comfortable others are, he may have some issues regarding internal homophobia. Nate does not really defy this stereotype, his character is the epitome of this stereotype. Maddy, a cisgender, heterosexual female, understands the delicate nature of the gender constructed society. She has prioritized Nate and his needs sexually by watching porn in order to mimic what the porn actress does so that she can please Nate. Her sexuality is rarely mentioned, it only rises in conjunction with other boys. Jules’ character as a transgender person challenges the conventional gender roles and constructs. Jules is very comfortable with herself and her sexuality and is proud of who she is.The concept of a non-binary gender system perplexes many people. With the current administration, transgender rights are not protected. In fact, transgender people are continued to be discriminated against. The Trump administration has played a major role in “withdrawing regulatory protections for transgender children in schools, fought recognition of transgender people under federal employment laws, banned transgender people from serving in the military, rolled back protections for transgender people in prisons, and threatened to cut off funding to schools that let transgender girls participate in sports” (Thoreson). Although Jules is able to be who she want to be and live the life that she wants, this may not be the case for many transgender people in the real world outside of the show.

Today people are often quick to criminalize or shun drug users and addicts. They are quick to judge and want the most severe punishment to be given. But medical professionals know that addiction is a very serious disease, one that requires “treatment, compassion, and support” (Siegel). Euphoria attempts to destigmatize and humanize addiction. The legal system should not be punishing people who have abused drugs by putting them into a jail cell where they are isolated from society, instead these people need real help through rehab and various treatments. Due to the fact that Rue had several relapses once she completed her rehab program, one may say that these programs do not work; however there is no singular timeline to get better. It may take weeks, months, or years, and the journey is difficult. But society cannot give up. Social and political reforms concerning drug use/abuse and addiction is very much needed. 

EPISODE THREE REVIEW

In ' Made You Look,' Nate meets Jules on a gay dating app disguised as Shyguy118. Although Nate doesn't identify as gay, Jules reveals being transexual and quickly falls in love with Shyguy118, oblivious to his true identity as a classmate at the same school. Maddy becomes skeptical of Nate and searches through his phone and, in shock, learns of Nate's involvement with a gay dating app and nude sending with Jules. Jules's heightened obsession over the mysterious Shyguy118 leads Jules to agree to meet Nate for the first time in person near a lake at night. While all of this unfolds, Rue, who is Jules's supportive best friend, at first, entertains Jules's fantasies by helping Jules send pornographic images to Nate. However, tension arises when Rue exposes her worries for her best friend and undeniable attraction for her as more than just friends. Unfortunately, Jules did not reciprocate the kiss they shared. This sent Rue spiraling into a frenzy and falling back into the addictive habit of taking pills and getting high, undoing Rue's 60-day clean streak. Embarrassed, Rue runs straight back to Fezco, her drug dealer, in hopes to illegally obtain more drugs to numb the humiliation she felt. Fortunately, Fezco doesn't give in to Rue and shuts the door on her, leaving Rue to look toward Ali, an omniscient man she met at a therapy gathering for drug users to seek guidance.

Kat, a Tumblr fanfiction queen, masks herself while exploring her curiosity for explicit content and webcam streaming. She exposes herself to lingerie and twerking on her account; she agrees to perform a private camera meet with a man who falls in love with Kat's powerful and sexual dominatrix persona. Originally insecure with her weight, Kat eventually learns to embrace her curves and dives into a new and unusual world of femdom. This episode also introduces Cassie. She displays as a bold, open-minded party girl that isn't phased by frat party endeavors. McKay, Cassie's crush, invites her to his frat-hazing event, and they both fall deeply in love with each other, foreshadowing potential problems to come from concupiscence for one another.

This episode involves various races but is primarily white-dominant. Cassie is blonde and white, represented as audacious and open-minded. Maddy is a cis-gender Latina and, in this episode, victimized by Nate, a white playboy who cheats on Maddy. Rue and her sister are a mix from a black mom and a white dad. Despite various races represented, this episode minimally illustrates heritage background and racial and cultural distinctiveness. There are very minimal cultural representations and race diversity besides the racially represented individuals such as Rue, Maddy, Kat, Ali, and Fezco. Although the film is predominantly white race influenced, there is still a general race narration awareness displayed in the show.  

Sexuality representation is a flourishing topic within each episode in Euphoria. Arguably one of the most influential characters in this episode, Rue, a lesbian half black teenager, finds herself falling in love with her openly transgender best friend. This tricky love triangle is demonstrated between Rue caring for Jules while she cares for Nate. Jules is head over heels for her classmate, Nate, who hasn't announced is gay but is chatting with Jules on a gay dating site. Moreover, Nate's girlfriend in this episode, Maddy, is only now beginning to question if Nate is straight like he demands he is.This episode centers around redirecting the audience's view of how a character's sexuality is initially perceived to how each character's sexuality is either nonchanging or questioned and altered due to more self-awareness. For example, Jules, from the beginning, identified as transgender and unchanging while Rue begins to question her sexuality and feelings for her friend after kissing her. Male, female, and non-binary characters speak and act quite differently in Euphoria. Male actors such as Nate, Ali, and Fezco are very much dominant and slightly manipulative in this episode. Nate is a controlling and manipulative character fueled by curiosity and confusion. Ali is a mysterious, omniscient figure who sees past Rue's addiction. Lastly, Fezco shuts Rue out when she almost dies from the drugs he gave her. The females include Maddy, Rue, Jules, Kat, and Cassie. Non-binary characters were not present in this episode; however, Nate being on a gay dating site and taking an interest in Jules knowing her being transgender urges the question of what Nate's sexuality may be. 

Cassie, in this episode, played an essential role in breaking gender profiling stereotypes. When Cassie was at the weekend frat-hazing party with McKay, she stood up to the guys at the party and took a shot of water with a live goldfish in it without hesitation, while McKay was hesitant and wanted to reject the challenge. Cassie taking that shot was significant because she didn't abide by her gender role limitations. Instead, she proved that she could equally compete alongside the frat boys at the party.

Illegal drug use for underage teenagers is very much a political issue. The creator of Euphoria, Sam Levinson, opens up about his struggles with addiction growing up. He talks about how his personal history of drug use as a teenager animated Rue's similar struggles in Euphoria. It's essential to recognize that Rue was not using drugs because of peer pressure but because she was struggling with "obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit disorder (ADD), general anxiety disorder, and even bipolar disorder" (Health, 2020). Many teens go undiagnosed with disorders like these and spend their teenage years fighting addiction and going to rehab centers, sometimes more than once in hopes of ending the addiction. There are other situations where undiagnosed individuals who don't fall victim to drug addiction still live a life of struggle with their mental illness. Euphoria sheds light on addiction and mental health and de-stigmatizes mental illness, a topic that should be further normalized and empathized with. 

EPISODE SEVEN REVIEW

“The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed” tackles a lot of issues. In many ways, this episode is openly candid about the hardships of life and the modern influences of distraction and avoidance. The candor of this episode is heartbreaking, revelating, and so, so real. The episode before the season finale follows multiple characters, including Jules, a trans woman battling confusion about her relationship with her best friend and her changing life; Cassie, a beautiful blonde teenager facing an unplanned pregnancy; and Rue, a drug addicted teenager battling a major low in her depression (Levinson 2019). This episode follows many differing plots that do not intersect in its time; however, at the root of the 59 minutes is the juxtaposition of two teenagers, the structures of family, and the deconstruction of femininity. 

As a whole, this show is unapologetically divergent from the stereotypes of society. It does not hesitate to tackle hard issues, easily addresses controversial issues regarding race, sexuality, and gender, without negating their seriousness. It makes normal the darkness we all battle in our private lives, especially in this episode. In it, characters from all walks of life get a say in the plot. Not only is the narrator and main character a gay Black women in love with her best friend, we also follow the story of Jules, a trans women, and hear from Cassie, a straight cisgender blonde girl who falls victim to the confines of the patriarchy, allowing herself to be sexualized and invalidated as a possession by the men in her life (Johnson, 2014). My only criticisms regarding this episode’s diversity is that there is little male influence or perspective on the storyline, and further, that there is little diversity outside of “black and white.” That is to say, while there are many Black characters given voice to this episode (and, by default many white characters as well), there is little representation of other ethnicities. We do not hear, for example, from the perspective of an Asian-American. That, to some extent, is an area that can be improved as the show continues. 

Earlier I mentioned the juxtaposition at the core of this episode, and I want to dive a little deeper into that. Cassie and Rue are, in many regards, polar opposites. Rue is Black, gay, struggles with drug addiction and is a social outcast. Cassie, in comparison, is blonde and blue eyed, gorgeous, and popular. Rue is an older sister; Cassie is the younger in her family. But this juxtaposition highlights the conditions of the patriarchy that define familial dynamics, such as sisterhood and motherhood, both amplifying and deconstructing those norms. For example, at the end of the episode, Rue and Cassie both go to their moms, the caretakers, for help when they reach rock bottom. Those mothers show up, and they do their job: care. However, at the same time, these mothers have taken up the role of being the breadwinner for the family as well, defying the stereotype of reliance on the male for prosperity and survival. Rue’s mom, however, is portrayed as more successful and put-together than Cassie’s mother, whom we see to be an alcoholic and basically a hot mess. This is contrary to racial stereotypes that typically portray the black community as one falling apart and the white suburban mom as picture-perfect. The gender and racial norms that society and time have produced throughout our history in America are blurred as these two realities are expressed in this show (Scott, 1986).

This episode also attacks femininity. Speaking with her friends from the city, Jules, says, “In my head, it’s like if I can conquer men, I can conquer femininity” (Levinson, 2019). This conquering, or, as Jules later says, obliteration of femininity is addressed throughout the episode. Cassie, conforming to societal expectations, allows herself to be objectified and sexualized by all the men in her life, using that perception of beauty to define her over the course of her life. Rue, on the other hand, does not conform to femininity at all, as we see in the way she dresses, and even the persona of the masculine “detective” she took on in a manic state. These three approaches to femininity contrast each other, as each one represents a different sector of diversity: race, sexuality, and gender identity. 

Euphoria is inherently political. It brings to light the reasons why the personal is political, especially in the midst of an election cycle where the rights of those who don’t conform to societal norms are under threat. This show creates an avenue for those rights and the real people behind those laws to speak and tell their own stories. Not only that, it represents mental illness and drug abuse, revealing the realities of living with these issues and bringing to light the struggles of the individual and their community through addiction and mental health crises. The show helps create empathy; empathy creates connection.  And connection, more than anything else, is something we deeply need right now. 

CITATIONS

Euphoria creator Sam Levinson on his controversial show: 'I hope it opens up a dialogue' [Interview by T. Stack]. (2019, June 16). Entertainment Weekly. Retrieved 2020, from https://ew.com/tv/2019/06/16/euphoria-creator-sam-levinson/.

Health, A. (2020). How HBO’s ‘Euphoria’ Depicts Teenage Drug Addiction Accurately. Retrieved 14 November 2020, from https://amhealth.com/2019/09/25/how-hbos-euphoria-depicts-teenage-drug-addiction-accurately/

Johnson, A. G. (2020). Patriarchy, the System: An It, Not a He, a Them, or an Us. In 1046495481 799935172 G. Kirk & 1046495482 799935172 M. Okazawa-Rey (Authors), Gendered Lives: Intersectional Perspectives (Seventh ed., pp. 62-70). New York, New York: Oxford University Press. (The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy, (2014))

Levinson, S. (Writer). (2019). Euphoria [Television series]. HBO.

Levinson, S. (Writer). (2019, June 23). Stuntin’ Like My Daddy [Television series episode] In Euphoria. HBO.

Levinson, S. (Writer). (2019, July 28). The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed [Television series episode]. In Euphoria. HBO.

Scott, J. (1986). Gender: A Useful Category of Historical Analysis. The American Historical Review. doi:10.1086/ahr/91.5.1053

Siegel, Z. (2019, August 06). Euphoria Doesn't Have a Drug Problem. Retrieved November 12, 2020, from https://www.vulture.com/2019/08/euphoria-hbo-drug-addiction-overdose.html

[wendysandersons]

WENDY SANDERSON ( YARA SHAHIDI ) is a 16 year old JUNIOR student at Broadripple Academy. SHE is originally from JAMAICA PLAIN, MASSACHUSETTS but moved to Broadripple 1 YEAR ago. SHE is EXCITABLE and EMPATHETIC but can also be CLINGY and IMPATIENT.

1. Full Name?

Wendy Shohreh Sanderson

2. Preferred Names or Nicknames?

Wendy, Wends, Wendybird — she likes ‘em all!

3. What does their name mean? Does it have any significance in their family? Do they like their name?

Ripped straight from the internet: “‘Fwendy’ means, simply: friend. The second meaning of the name Wendy (“fair-skinned, blessed”) dates before Barrie and likely comes from a pet name for Gwendolyn. These elements come from the Gaelic words “gwyn” (holy, white) and “dolen” (ring).” When Wendy was born, her grandmother chose her name. As Peter Pan was one of the first books she read in English, she was attached to the name Wendy. Wendy as a character in the book was polite, well-mannered, and forgiving. This Wendy hits maybe one to two on a good day, so it works well enough. Wendy likes her name because her dad called her Wendybird growing up, whereas her sister Eleanor just got plain ol’ ‘Nell’. It made her feel special. Plus, while she doesn’t care much for Barrie or his story, she can relate to Peter Pan’s love of fun and youth. So, hey, no real complaints here!

4. Age and Date of Birth?

16 / June 21

5. Gender and Pronouns?

Cis Female, She/Her

6. Hometown?

Boston, Massachusetts — specifically in Jamaica Plain

7. Does your character fit into any well known archetypes or tropes?

Oh man, uhh. Sort of whatever Britney Murphy’s character in Uptown Girls was, in the “growing up is gross :(” sense. Daydreamer. Poetry lover. She has a head-in-the-clouds vibe. The chatterbox. Actually, with this talk of Peter Pan, uh, yeah. Bit of a Peter Pan!

8. How long have they been at Broadripple?

Wendy has been at Broadripple since the beginning of her sophomore year.

9. What led them to apply to Broadripple? Was it a decision made by them or by their parents/guardians or somewhere in between?

About two years ago, her family came into a solid chunk of change. Wendy’s mother Bahar is a nurse and caretaker. Over the past decade, she had been taking care of a wealthy elderly man in the Back Bay. When he passed, he unexpectedly left her some money in his will. Wendy’s parents almost immediately decided it would be invested in Wendy’s education. Her dad’s parents wanted her to receive a Catholic one, and her dad wanted Wendy to practice some independence, and so Broadripple came up in their research and she was off. Wendy’s hand in the decision-making process was decidedly minimal.

10. Whether they’ve been at Broadripple four days or four years, do they enjoy it? Do they like Broadripple?

Wendy enjoys Broadripple in that it’s fun to romanticize a bunch of old buildings. She enjoys creating narratives about and daydreaming of students of the past among the hallowed halls more than she does doing group projects. The school itself is too far-removed from society for her to find it particularly scintillating, but she’s making do! She’s a pretty positive person, though undoubtedly impatient. But she’ll admit it has its other draws. Their reputation is near-flawless—disregarding all that spooky shit, which she personally finds cool and intriguing, since the endless forest has some real The Witch vibes—and it bolsters a lot of interesting clubs and classes she can be a part of. The longer she attends, the more uncomfortable she is with the wealth of her peers, as well as impatient with those she deems rude and snobbish. She also has a habit of falling in love/developing crushes easily, often, and recklessly, and Broadripple certainly doesn’t have a shortage of attractive people. It’s a real gold mine, there.

11. What house are they in? Do they care very much about their house?

Wendy is in Keough. She likes the sense of belonging and the camaraderie, real or imagined.

12. Who do they share a dorm with, or are they on their own for the moment? What are they like to live with? Are they clean or messy? Early risers or night owls?

At the moment, Wendy is on her own! So that leaves her to be as messy as she wants — and she can be very messy. One side of her bed is for sleeping, the other is for trash, textbooks, homework, magazines, etc. If she had a roommate, I imagine she might drive them a little nuts with it. In general, I’d say she is more of an early riser. She’s someone who is somehow simultaneously lazy and restless, so she likes to get to bed early to veg out on her laptop with a bag of goldfish and then she’s up early to get her day started. 

13. How is your character’s dorm decorated? Is it bare or bursting at the seems with personality? Any particular sentimental items from home?

Wendy is a proponent of the opposite of minimalism, which is Clutterbitch. She has various knick knacks and pictures and posters, as well as plenty of bins and storage to keep all her products, books, snacks, etc. There is no surface left untouched, let’s say that, and most likely a string of fairy lights somewhere. She also has a couple half-dead plants by her window, a Lykke Li poster on her wall, and a collection of postcards from her sister who travels around the country with the nonprofit she works for.

14. What is their favourite subject at school? Do they even have a favourite? Why?

Wendy’s favorite subject is Literature Analysis. She enjoys it because it is something of a creative outlet; she firmly believes there’s a lot of leeway in how things can be interpreted and she enjoys interpreting things ad nauseam. She particularly likes when they cover poets, but none of that boring classical white guy stuff. She’s more of a Toni Morrison-Mary Oliver-Anne Sexton-Jeanette Winterson-Gwendolyn Brooks type.

15. Are they involved in any clubs? Which ones?

Wendy is a member of the Chamber Choir, Women of Broadripple, and Yearbook (writer).

16. How does your character feel about Broadripple’s Unofficial Clubs? Do they know about them? Are they a part of any of them?

BBC: Gag! Like, morally. But if anyone hot happened to pay attention to her and let her borrow a pen one day, then who knows skjdn.

Chastity Club: Old School(TM). Pass!

BAU: Sign her tf up! She’d definitely be a member.

17. Does your character participate in any sports? If so, what made them join the team?

Noooope.

18. What afternoon activities does your character do? Do they just do the one mandatory one or are they involved in multiple? Why?

Wendy is involved in two afternoon activities, because she likes having things to do that aren’t burdensome and people to talk to. She’s involved in photography (she’s not very good but she’s having fun and hey, isn’t that what matters?) and the seasonal musical production. She is always a member of the company, never a lead, and again: she’s here to have a blast! Maybe look a bit foolish now and again. It’s NBD.

19. Do they miss their home when they’re at Broadripple? Do they often go home for the weekends or do they only go home during holiday breaks?

Wendy misses home a lot. She misses the noise and bustle and even the grey griminess of Boston. She misses her neighborhood and her neighbors, including (but only a teeny tiny bit) the annoying college kids encroaching on in. She misses her grandma’s cooking and her dad’s booming laughter and the smell of her mom’s perfume. She’s a very sentimental, clingy person. It’s hard for her to be away from the people she loves. Every once in awhile she’ll take a Greyhound back home for the weekend.

20. Did your character know Izzy De Santis or Maggie Monroe?

She did not know either of them. Maggie was in her year and maybe they shared a few classes but they never really spoke (*wendy voice*: the vibes were off), but she is totally wigged out by their disappearances.

21. Has your character heard of Edith Lynch? Do they know the story?

Wendy has heard of Edith Lynch and she has heard the story. After her parents chose Broadripple, they came across it in their research and they had a little sit-down talk about it because they’re a bit dramatic as hell. It was mostly to keep Wendy from using it as a reason not to go and involved the refrain of “it was thirty years ago, you’re gonna be fine, go memorize the Commandments.”

22. How does your character feel about Nighmore? Have they noticed the recently closed shops yet?

Wendy thinks Nighmore is pretty boring, but she definitely knows the shops in and out in search of entertainment. So she’ll have noticed some are closed. Bit sus!

23. Have you made any aesthetic Pinterest boards/WeHeartIt collections for this character? Or playlists? Anything you would like to share!

THIS is Wendy’s pinterestboard. I hope to post a playlist of songs she listens to soon.

Let me know if you’d like to form a connection or plot. I’ll be throwing up a connections page ASAP.

[joeltaylorredden]

I had died every day waiting for you and it scarred me, and you too from what you’ve told me. I’ve loved you for thousands of years and all along I believed I’d find you. The one, the TRUE one. You’re the one I was always searching for by not settling for anything less than love. Like shit, I didn’t know what love was at the time but I went through trial and error figuring out what it wasn’t. I spent countless months to years afraid of settling for anything less than pure magic in such slim hopes to one day find the one with the other half of my heart or die completely alone. I’ve believed there was that ONE in this world of 7 billion with the other half of my soul/heart since I first learned what “love” was and that’s my idea of a fairytale because what are the odds? I was going to find that one or die trying. Because that’s always been the driving force to get me to keep standing, because everything else in this life seems so empty if there’s no one there to speak your language, view the world through the same eyes. Find interests and passion in the perfectly right things. Someone that will never let you feel alone in this full but yet so empty planet. How did you manage to fill all the missing pieces in my heart from the moment I met you. It wasn’t simply hope because that isn’t promised and Personally it would be a disgrace to try to explain the way it felt to meet my 1 in 7 billion with emotions. Because it isn’t a fleeting feeling when you meet the one. It’s a feeling that will never leave. People talk about what’s inevitable but the only thing In this whole life I’ve been 100% sure of is the moment it turned from grey to color. I’ve done almost every drug out there but none could replace the feeling I feel in her presence when she would laugh behind that beautiful voice while saying something along the classy lines of “go fuck yourself” and close in on me reminding me with her brushing touch that comforted me in new weirdly odd fulfilling way like a small healthy meal that fills you up better than a heaping load of junk food can. I’ve never experienced physical comfort like that because I’ve always hated hugs since I can remember. With a look in her eyes that spoke to me in a language only I was built to decipher to read “you are home ” because I’ve come to learn that actions speak louder than words ever will. I can now start to understand looking back, she loved me way more than I realized. Because the whole time its all really up in the air we all know the best moments are the ones that are happening without knowing

Or putting a title on it, and when we met and starting talking a huge sign didn’t appear in the sky saying “YOU FOUND YOUR SOULMATE” that would of made it too easy and it just doesn’t work like that because it would mess up a huge section in the journey and steps of passion we experienced like a game of “poke the bear” okay alyvia did have some bear alpha energy but probably not the best simile but we can just say we’d both been in constant back to back to back “relationships” that were truly nothing ideal to the romance we have had imagined and dreamed of growing up watching lion king and Cinderella, where there’s no cheating, no lieing , no abuse just pure faith and trust and fun in the one who caught their eyes and it was truly a remarkable beautiful story.

Welllll I wanted that faith and trust love story shit since before I could even remember

I was I true romantic inspired by the one and only Taylor swift.

But through the years I just loved and loved and poured every ounce of my faith in a girl and in return I got zilch, given up on, bored of , felt as if I was some freak show for conveying real emotions feelings and care.

So I learned after the third strike out and crying my eyes TF out in my dads basement at 16 after visualizing a whole 30 year plan talking getting married and kids and the house with a girl that barely knows my last name…

Heartbreak hurts when it’s the first pretty girl that you thought was out of your league gives you a chance has a car and even gives you your 2nd kiss and totally just disappears when I thought we were gonna get engaged and be high school sweethearts. This generations majority became to shy away from the high school sweethearts thing so they could just have a free for all “having fun” to find their spouse in college so it’s “less work more fun”

As for me, I wanted my princess. The one that would commit & follow our dreams happily together no questions. It doesn’t have to be that hard right? Just find a pretty girl and be cool enough for her to want to stick around.

I tried that andd I found out I love wayyyy too hard . I would date girls that I didn’t think were all that great but I had hope, like no butterflies in any sense. No connection just a beginner at this “I’ll be your Prince Charming stuff” and I thought every guy just picked girls they saw potential in and they both just grew together from scratch as long as they both agree to commit and work on it it’s gonna go somewhere.

Welp I found out pretty fast i didn’t feel like Prince Charming regardless how hard we worked on the relationship like it was a boat we each took turns working on and both hopped in. anything deserving to be called Romantic was all just for the movies at this point in my life because I would Find myself either bored out of my mind with a girl that I didn’t vibe with In any category expect the fact She was a girl I was a boy. Gave up on the L train it became just a waste of time and was pretty draining.

And on the other side of things I go for a girls just for their looks because I didn’t really understand personality and morals back then so I’d get totally turned inside out by some girls who were totally lost for love because james kissed lainas best friend in 5th grade now she doesn’t trust fuckboys” and hooks up with any male or female that gives her attention that one night and THAT SHIT starts a domino effect of everyone wants to have fun but not get close to anyone so they’re heart won’t get broken, the first few hookups might get hooked but male or female will just move on within the hour or week with someone new because one “just wasn’t feeling it”

I saw this all play out before me before I had ever “Hooked up” (had sex) with a girl and I swore I wasn’t going to be like any of them because I’m a romantic and I’m gonna “fall in love” with the girl I first have sex with like how could I not. So skip the bs I date a girl she’s never had sex just like me. So she’s head over heels for me and I think she’s beautiful but she’s just different, like we gotta different vibe going on internally but since we’re both 8s and we could atleast look romantic together we’re just gonna look like hoes if we breakup and move on to someone else.

Also this is my first real intimate gf that’s on the same energy as me and attraction that I’m not scared of or bored she just looks good and we had an alright when we’d hangout, but my shitty ass friends at the time got it stuck in my brain I had to have sex soon with someone or I’ll be the “loser” so my eyes were on one prize and that’s where I lost my dignity I believe. We ended up getting closer and closer to booking up every time and then finally did, on the floor so my bed wouldn’t squeak with my stepmom upstairs and the door open. It was pathetic.

Felt good for a second but I was pictured it being so much better than, that…

So the people I was hanging out with at the time made fun of me for talking to that girl so what does any 17 year old do trying to have a reputation for a bunch of nobodys that think they can run other people’s lives morals and fantasies by embarrassment.

I break up with her. find a new girl bring her to a kick back and take her upstairs to this old

Guys water bed and have a 8 sec ride looking back it felt like 8 minutes 😂😂 but hell naw it was 8 pumps if that 😂 we go back downstairs and I expect to chill all night with this girl w her on me at the party like she was my date. But naw she hooked up w one person I came with in less than 30 seconds of me coming down stairs with her. That doesn’t feel good either…

Plus one more guy after him…

I had it, I was done feeling with my heart and thought it was time to just feel with my you know what, so since I left my morals on the floor in my basement I would wait for any people I would hangout with to bring a girl around and I’d swoop her up because it had been done to me.

I came to realize some shit doesn’t feel good regardless if there’s a reward with it.

Because now that I’m texting my homies date behind his back that made my conscience eat at me twice as hard and then I got my turn and fell for the girl who was obviously for everybody but i was new so I believed whatever her preying cute face would tell me and get me to do for her. Because this generations relationships became a scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours till we get bored type of deal and you dont want to be caught dead as a hopeless romantic in this fucked up society of hos and manhos or you’re gonna go under and never come back because drinking is a high school over the counter medication for depression or sadness, and if you were cool enough you’d do coke once or twice then three times and shit I’ll do four and five I already came this far anddddd then a gram a night then an ounce and then selling the cocaine and it’s a lot bigger deal than realized and jail happens. Then it’s a spiral of fucking bullshit.

From friends dying of overdoses to getting clamydia to being insecure about what the people at school heard about what happened over the weekend. The people who said They had you forget when your face down in the dirt and they talked you into doing drugs that would start a new chapter of my life

Called love isn’t real ,fuck bitches ,be broke and homeless with three new addictions and no sign or thought of a future because I just want to get fucked up to not feel sad anymore cause of that girl and my I thought all bestfriends/ brothers just did me sideways for the 20th time I was so obvious that some people really aren’t genuine and don’t even know what a real friend is because all they know is the next face is either a liability or an asset. I hate it. I can say I played a part in the dumb shit and wasn’t the true me and looking back now I was very lost and that’s why I decided to start keeping record of the ones who do the things that friends don’t do and mark em off the list regardless of who they were because I was so ready to live a real life with real friends because I’ve only been surrounded by traiters and I’m not buying it anymore, only very strong willed people can become something better then the way they were raised up and the morals that were put in place and I haven’t really met many at all so I just am gonna take the easy route this time and gonna stay away off in my own lane.

I shoulda done it way earlier, coulda learned from j cole 3 times and fuck the peace sign.

I just wanted some friends cause there was no family for me at home regardless of what I did.

Never good enough , got what a thought was a dream girlfriend who was my ride or die for 5 years but did things out of spite to me like hookup with my friends I called brothers literally. I don’t think I ever loved her truthfully she was just really pretty and chill kinda just rode with the good but didn’t have too much of a plan or dreams like I did and that is another sign I should of taken more serious, because one thing I’ve learned is no one ever grows from the way they came so don’t wait for someone to go back to the way they were because it’ll never happen everything In this world is either evolving up or there are things diminishing down if someone has changed the chances of fully restoring them after life experience it’s a absolute 0% unless you have a memory eraser device but even then if there’s a change there’s no way we can go to exactly exactly the way it was, even the world is evolving every moment, so if someone misses the “old you” that was a thought of you just a mere figment of their imagination. Its better if you move to bigger and better things and if you wish for them to be in your life don’t dwell on it too much because if they are good for you and that means they believe in the best you, they’ll take the step forward to initiate the relationship again, but if you’re doing great and they still can’t find the peace of mind to love you exactly for who you are it’s time you get what you’ve always deserved and put your focus forward or your blessing that is twice as worth the time than your backwards or you’re gonna lose them all going back down to who you evolved from!

I finally found closure when she reminded me of my dad. Not on my team and just a boring ass time anytime we’d be together she literally was just pretty and that’s all she was to me, she didn’t know how to entertain or have a relationship, there might of been some downs but if you love someone you adapt to whatever situation conflict and confession then I met this girl who interested me and I spent a lot of time with her but the fact she wasn’t willing to put her pride aside fucked with the relationship, I was used in ways by her and she was caught up in another guy when I confessed that I was really really into her but the sad thing is she just didn’t respect her self enough, and I was on and off with her for a while and she fucked with my heart because it was my first try at something real after a while of being scared of commitment and being totally played by the long term ex, then one night the newer girls friend maya decided to link me with her friend in Denver so we could go to her boyfriends work and we pulled up at her house in bfe Denver to me at the time

And it’s hard to remember all the full details of the night but I remember that I was single for once in my life like actually single and committed to being that

but then I met her…

right now because mine read those words only to her and it feels as if these eyes were made for the sole purpose of .

[amnachil]

The High School Game Part 12

Gregory DAY 93 Thursday

"Dude, I hope you're ready ? It seems like he have an appetite today."

He always have an appetite... The young lad nodded to Raphaël's interrogation. But I don't get the point of this. Why was he still obliged to bring Sam at Mcdo every day ? The fatty became pointless since several days now. Unfortunatly, Gregory could not disobey his captain's order yet. I'm still on phase Shirley. By the way, he felt satisfied about phase Jessy. Of course, Liam still dated her, and she had some friends who did not believe the rumours, but for the 11th grade flock, she was now known as the slut. And I'm the perv, but well... not for long. The advantage of being smarter than the average student was to know that with time, people forget almost everything. The dark-haired lad could still take the lead. He only needed to shurg Raphaël off.

"Thomas told me you've been busy training lately." announced the captain.

Gregory glanced at him, but did not replied. This talk is pointless. He stood up and mumbled :

"Tell to Sam I'll meet him at Mcdo. I have something to do before."

Then, he left the canteen. The more time passed, the more he understood Raphaël was like... well... Mister Perfect. He had the most handsome body ever. He was the head of the class, with a overall average at A+. He was team captain. He was popular, and feared by everyone, even the professors. Gregory’s envy had been growing for weeks now. I need to take his place. Thanks to Thomas's training, the lad was in a good shape now, but this was not enough. Every time the captain talked, people shivered with respect. Gregory wanted the same. That was why he decided to be heartless for phase Shirley. He went to Ms. Liliano's bakery, and entered. Inside, the shop was like a heaven of scent. Donuts, pie, bread, everything smelt its own perfume, awakening the taste buds. But I'm here for another kind of products. The lad went at the bottom, where a guy waited. It was a drug dealer Gregory had deal with for his plan.

"Did you have my order ?" asked this one.

"Did you have the sum ?"

The dark-haired lad took a wad of bills off his pocket. The guy gave him two flask, counted the money and left without anything more. Well... at least I have my drugs... With this mixture, Gregory would be albe to humiliate Shirley more than ever. He went to the checkout in order to leave when his stomach gurgled. Well... The canteen did not provide enough, as usual. The boy brought a bag of six donuts, smiling to Ms. Liliano.

"Your donuts are the best I ever ate."

"Thanks." she replied. "I know you're a good customer, and by your look, I guess you can eat a lot of them. Here, take this."

She offered him another bag of six. Hell, she already recognize a person deserving presents. He thanked her and left the bakery, devouring the addictive donuts.

Gregory met Sam at the Mcdo, already sat down at the table, a huge meal in front of him. So pathetic. The monthly check-up announced he had gained 9 kg over December, but the lad did not look worried about this. I lost a laptop because of him but well, he is so fat now. In truth, he was not overweight according to the nurse, but near to the border line. His whole body was not much different, except his belly. Depiste loose pants sized 36 (even 38 sometimes) and sweater, his tummy was plump, thick through the waist. When Sam pigged out, the round gut grew larger, rounder and pushed against his clothes. That's so ridiculous.

"Hey mate, I waited you." smiled Sam. "I ordered for you, here."

A sundae, a burger and some fries. Since last week, the brown lad often ordered for them both. At start, Gregory was a bit reluctant to eat more, but he soon discovered he had more room than expected. It probably was linked to his growing workout. And Mcdo food was rather delicious, after all. Gregory sat and smiled to Sam.

"Thanks buddy."

He took his burger, and bit into with hunger. They ate in silence, too busy devouring their meals to speak. Eventually, when the young lad finished, he watched Sam. His ex-partner had eaten his whole meal as well, used to gulp all this junkfood down his throat. With a satisfying belch, he proclaimed :

"It was good ! Maybe I should order a bit more... Maybe you want something too ?"

"No thanks, I'm full now." declined Gregory.

"Seriously ? So fast ? Well, I thought you were consuming more energy than that."

"What do you mean ?"

"Did Raphaël never told you about energy consumption and energy provision ? The more you train, the more you need energy. And because I saw how muscled you became, I expected you to consume a lot, but maybe I was wrong. You're not as built as I thought."

What the hell are you saying ? The team captain talked a bit about energy drinks, or something like that, but Gregory did not listen. He hated listen to Raphaël's advice. But did Sam just say he was not muscled ? I'm consuming more energy than you ever did for my training, fuckin' cow. The lad frowned and mumbled :

"Well, I still have room, but I thought we would be late if I eat more... But you're right, I need energy in order to keep my muscle mass in good shape."

Sam stood up.

"I knew it. Workout cost a lot, isn't it ? Anyway, stay here, I will order more burgers, okay ?"

Gregory sprawled onto his chair, with his behind his neck, and smiled.

"Sure, go."

Seems like he understood who is the real boss, now.

Liam DAY 94 Friday – 95 Saturday

Finn, his book opened on the history lesson, gave him a dirty look. He was upset because the goalkeeper made a lot of noise while eating his snack. But it was 16:00, they had an history exam in 15 minutes and Liam was stressed (and a stressed Liam eat, that's all). Next to him, Jessy was studying too, obsessed by the dates she was not able to remember. In fact, in the corridor next to the history classroom, 29 students were reviewing their lessons. Liam was the only one eating (he felt a little uncomfortable but well, as he said before, a stressed Liam gotta eat). Two others students were not studying : Barbara, who was reading a book peacefully (but she was ranked 2 over 32, and probably already prepared) and Raphaël, who had put his headset and was listening some music (and he was ranked 1 over 32, because Raphaël was a mutant).

"You're putting crumbs everywhere my love. Please, be careful." whispered Jessy.

"Oh... Sorry."

The silence was even more stressful. According to their class delegate number one (yes Liam ordered his class delegate, so what ?), history was the weak link in their class. They all were (except mutant's people and intellectual girl) bad. However, the goalkeeper liked history. This subject taught him how the american society and the world society developed accross the ages.

"Okay guys, go in, sat and be quiet please !" ordered Mr. Jacks.

Liam stood up and went in. He sat on his desk, next to the window and Raphaël.

"As a reminder, this exam is rather important for your second semester, even if we're at the beginning. I count on you to be good. Let's start."

Liam gulped and turned the piece of paper Mr. Jacks put onto his table. As always, it was a composition. The lad began by a outline, while thinking about everything which could be usefull. However, after one quarter of an hour, he let his mind ramble. This weekend was so special. He did not have a soccer match, but his sister Chloe had a tournament of long-distance running, like Shirley. Plus, Liam's bestfriend Nate was coming for the weekend. He lived in a close city, but they could not see eachother often, because of school. I'm excited... He obviously met him during the holidays, but he wanted to enjoy him more. Plus, with the athletics competition, they would have a lot of fun. And he will met Jessy... I hope he will like her... at least a bit.

"Strucker, can you focus on your exam, and not the window ?" asked Mr. Jacks.

(Yes, Strucker was Liam's family name. German distant origins.) He blushed and got back to work.

The next day, on morning, Liam excitation was less visible. Indeed, he was comfortably laid down under his sheets. Even the prospect of Nate coming was not enough to pull him out of bed. This feeling is too enjoyable. End of the world could happen : the lad would stay here.

"Brother ! Nate is here !" yelled his sister Chloe while openning his door.

The light made him grumble.

"C'mon he is here for 30 minutes yet."

Liam slowly stood up.

"Tell him to come upstair please."

"Sure. Jeezus, you need a shower. And don't forget to have breakfast, it give necessary energy."

Just a little explanation : Chloe, a 12 years old girl, was certainly not his mother. However, she got used to remind him (as his real mother) everything he already forgot once. And he had forgotten a lot of things during his existence. Chloe so, was like a speaking memo. An irritating, disrespecting speaking memo. Well, she is usefull sometimes... And she is a good alarm clock... But now, even his little brother, who was 3 years olds and started barely to speak was giving him orders...

"Well, are you going to stay here, on your feet, the whole weekend ?" asked an ironic voice.

Liam smiled and turned towards his besfriend. To be honest, it was something like a bromance. They knew each other since primary school, and despite being now in different places, they shared absolutely everything together.

"Nate, sorry, I'm not dressed."

Well, he was in pajamas, but his bro already saw him like this often (even naked, by the way, but no detail).

"No prob'. I brought you breakfast."

His bestfriend gave him his traditional 6 pancakes with apricot jam (yes, he knew everything, even Liam's weakness for pancake) and sat onto the bed while the goalkeeper ate them with gusto.

"So, are we gonna talk about this... party where you girlfriend tried to cheat on you ?"

Liam blushed (Okay, he was less prudish with Nate, but still a bit).

"Are we ?" he repeated stupidly.

His bestfriend smiled and nodded. He was probably curious. Himself have been dating a girl since 2 month, and they were happy together. His experience could be useful. Plus, Liam could speak freely with him, Nate being aware of his unusual fetish.

"Okay." eventually conceded Liam. "But please, no joke."

Nate nodded, and he began his story.

Shirley DAY 96 Sunday

The tournament came. The young girl, her parents, sisters, brother and boyfriend went to the track where the middle-distance race took place. God... I feel so stressed... Last year, she was 3rd of her category (14-16 yo). As always, competitor from the whole state came. They were a lot of runners, men and women, warming up.

"We'll take our seats." informed Dan. "Good luck sis'."

His family went to terraces while Sam remained with her. His boyfriend, depiste gave up training and workout, still had a competitive spirit. During gym class, he understood he was not able to hold his own against Raphaël, Gregory and the others, but he supported Shirley as much as possible. And right now, she knew she could rely on him.

"Where are your main opponent ?" he asked softly.

She point a black girl warming up her legs quite near to them.

"She was 1st last year, and I heard she was practicing at national level."

"Well, you can still beat her. Do your best babe, I know you're good."

Shirley smiled. He was so sweet. And to think that she called him his imposed-boyfriend barely two month ago. She glimpsed Liam, his sister Chloe and a cute stranger. She hailed them, and greeted her friend when he came closer.

"Ready Chloe ?"

The 7th grade student, favourite in her own category (12-14yo) smiled and nodded. Sam watched the stranger and frowned.

"I already saw you..." he said, thinking intensely to remember.

"Well, I'm Nate, Liam's friend."

Shirley introduced herself, as Sam did. Apparently the newcomer was the same age as them, despite being 173 cm. He had a cute face, gentle, childish, with brown eyes and dark-haired hair. His body showed a scheduled workout, with toned muscles and a good built. The blond girl liked him, without any reason. He was inspiring trust. Sadly, she had not the spare time to speak with him, because someone gave the signal of roundup for the runners. With Chloe, they joined the gathering, excited.

"I think we should tell him who is honestly Gregory."

Shirley raised an eyebrow while fiddling her medal. She finished 2nd, just behind the national runner (on her category, of course). They decided then to have a drink together, Sam, Liam, Nate and her. Her family went back home after some congratulations, just like Chloe, who won the first prize on her category. Consequently, the four friends were sat on a table, in a terrace, depiste the low temperature of January. The goalkeeper and the former supporting striker decided to tell to Nate their relationships with Gregory, the ambitious cockcroach (this nickname was Sam's idea, not her). Of course, Liam was more diplomatic than her boyfriend, and even if he disliked the dark-haired boy, he did not hate him. That was why both of them had a sort of argument about how to describe the subject.

"I told him Gregory was a teen with a desire of popularity." stated Liam. "Is that wrong ?"

Nate was having fun listening to them. Shirley could said he was patient, rational and probably smart. He would not judge Gregory without any evidence. However, she also could said he was really, really close to Liam. Both were drinking the same thing (okay, that was not a proof) and glanced at each other time to time, smiling and probably exchanging some private joke.

"Well, no." replied Sam. "But he is nasty, you know ?"

"Boys." interrupted Shirley. "We all know Gregory is ambitious and amoral, but do Nate care about this ? And anyway, we have a plan to give him a lesson, remember ?"

They both nodded. Of course, Liam was aware of their intentions, but he said nothing. Because I'm helping with Jessy, I guess. She was glad to know he did not tell everything to the devil. Raphaël. She could not say a single word about him in front of the boys... Sam, despite losing his friendship, was still admirative and deeply respectful. And obviously, Liam, being a close and old friend of Raphaël, would not appreciate her criticism. She wondered if Nate knew the devilish boy.

"She got a point." eventually said this one. "Gregory is probably a very interesting subject, but I'm thinking about another thing right now. Is someone else interested by some donuts from the best bakery of the world ?"

Oh, I like him. They all nodded, and headed towards Ms. Liliano's shop (which was even open on Sunday).

Gregory DAY 98 Tuesday

The young lad was not an idiot. Act on Monday was hazardous and reckless. Also, he waited Tuesday before begin his phase Shirley. This day, he woke up early, excited, had his breakfast and then went to the bakery for some donuts. Now, he was walking towards the school, swallowing his delicious snack and repeating mentally his plan. I will humiliate Shirley. She will be so embarrassed. Just before entering in the high school, Gregory took the last donut, and dusted it with the drug. Once the donut given to Shirley, she would eat it, and be stunned. And we'll have fun. Another possibility was conceivable : she could give it to Sam. In both case, Gregory was winning, and the couple humiliated. Of course, one detail remained. He could not offer the donut himself. That was why he headed towards Barbara. Their class delegate would be his deliveryman. She caught a sight of him, straigten up her glasses and smiled.

"Greg. What can I do for you this time ?"

Be the nice sheep you always are. He thought she was hot stuff, but he needed her.

"Well, I have a gift for Shirley, but you know how she is... I can't give it myself."

Of course, Shirley's personality work to her disavantage. She would never accept a gift from him, and Barbara knew this.

"Explain me somethin' Greg." this one whispered. "I thought you hated Shirley, so... what is the hidden intention ?"

He smiled cheerfully. This asshole did not deserve to know. Be happy I'm not humiliating you as well. You're a piece of shit.

"This is a first peace gesture. She will understand, because we both love donuts."

"We all love Ms. Liliano's donuts." replied the class delegate. "Give it to me, I will do my part."

"Thanks Barbara. You're sweet."

"We'll see."

She left him with the donut, and Gregoy felt more excited than ever. Soon, Shirley or Sam would be doped, and this phase achieved. I can't wait...

However, he waited the whole day. He had been glancing at Shirley and her boyfriend everytime, but nothing happened. They was as normal as ever. Smiling, loving and disgusting... The fuck she did ? Before gym class, while eating his traditional bag of six donuts for energy, he rushed Barbara and yelled :

"What did you do ?! Why she had not eaten the donut ?!"

The class delegate, reading a book, did not take the trouble to raise her head. She replied quietly :

"I threw it out."

"You what ?! Fuckin bitch ! Why did you do that ? Are you idiot ?"

He was enraged. How did she dare to take a decision like that ? You will pay slut ! Fuckin whore !

"We both know what was exactly this donut, wasn't it ?" she whispered while turning her page.

Suddenly, Gregory became pale. How ? How is it possible ? That was not planned. Holy shit, I've a problem.

"Did you tell anyone ?" he asked. "Please, don't advise the professor. Please. I did not intend to do something bad. And I lost 100$ for this shit."

Barbara searched in her bag and replied softly.

"Don’t worry."

She took the donut out of her bag and threw it on the closest trash.

"Now, I threw it out, by the way."

Gregory stared at her with amazement. He did not know what to say. Did she just... manipulated him ?

"Greg, please. You pretend to play the game, but you're just a product of the game. I told you : my role as a class delegate is to insure a good environment for student in order to help everyone. Shirley and you are making a war, and I must put an end to it."

She looked him straight in the eye.

"Be smart Greg, and gave up. Go apologise to Shirley, and then, focus on your grades. High school is not worth enough to fight for."

The young lad felt an irrational anger seize him. This fucking idiotic bitch was condescending. She thought he was stupid. I hate you. At least as much as Shirley.

"You will pay for this." he mumbled. "Like Jessy, like Shirley. You will all pay for this."

"I'm not your ennemy." she said. "Think Greg. You can't win this game. You are wrong, but you still can back out. Don't ruin your chances."

"You ruined your whole life by manipulating me. I will just wreck everything you did. You think those stupids boys and girls need a quit environment ? I'll make sure they have not. Listen carefully Barbara, because I will make you pay. You'll fear me like you fear..."

"You're not Raphaël." she interrupted.

"You're right." he mumbled. "I'm better and stronger than this weak captain. See you soon, class delegate."

He left her, mad and decided to obtain his revenge as soon as possible.

To be continued

Hope you liked this part... Gregory his trying his best to hurt Shirley, so what will be his next move ? And what’s doing Raphaël meanwhile ? We’ll know that soon :) Otherwise, I kinda like Liam and Nate, and I hope you too :p

The next part soon !

[auroraxrp-blog1]

AURORA is pleased to introduce Adara known as Tremors or Dirty Claws, an Uncommon Sandmaid affiliated to the Earth Headquarter. She is 22 years old. Currently working as a Freelancer Model, she likes sunbathing, hot drinks, salty food, cacti plants, arid temperatures and fashion but is not very fond of humidity/humid days, cold water, cold drinks, sweets, bad fashion and being bossed around. Wanna know more about her, make sure to pay a visit !!

–GENERAL

name: Adara Tremors

alias: Tremors, Dirty Claws

age: 22

affiliated: yes or no ?

if yes, headquarter: Earth

race: Sandmaid

race description: A sandmaid is the earth equivalent to a mermaid, they move underground and this type is more of a desert or dry soil type, unlike their cousins the Soilmaids which can move under any type of terrain. Sandmaids can move under dirt too, but they would be slower and they rather not move under moistened ground since they hate humidity, could even cause a bit of a rash on their skin. They are sassy and have a dry sense of humor generally speaking, can be very aggressive and even violent too, and very territorial, however they also carry the charm that distinguishes mermaids too-- they can easily seduce their target. They’re also a very indepent species, yet a bit dumb or clumsy when it comes to feelings, since they basically raise themselves up, so it takes them a while to understand the whole feelings thing. Sandmaids, unlike Mermaids, are not born from their parents-- like a phoenix from the ashes, Sandmaids simply emerge from the ground, and to the ground they return when they die, turning into a pile of sand. The story tells that’s how Earth deserts were made, thousands of pounds of sand covering the arid places, are just the remains of dead Sandmaids and Sandmen. Their lifespan is approximately 500 years and they know when they will die, so they go back to the place they were born to meet their fate.   And last but not least, they are sand benders of course and they can dehydrate organic tissue to the touch. Typical traits are, honey eyes, dark hair, rugged skin, retractable claws/nails for better digging on both hands and feet, and hidden thorns for defense.

occupation: Model + Part-time Design Student

unique features: Rugged Skin & Retractable Nails/Claws, and Spikes || Septum Piercing

class: uncommon

–POWERS & WEAKNESSES:

main power: Sand Bending

magical abilities: Sand Bending - She can manipulate sand at will, its properties, move or lift it at any wanted speed, build weapons out of sand, generate quicksand and generate sand from nothing. Transfiguration - Since she is made of sand, she can turn into sand herself, either to spy or just to sneak through small places. Dehydrating Touch - She can dehydrate organic matter/tissue to the touch. Seductive Magic - She can enchant/seduce people while staring into their eyes.

non-magical abilities: Burrowing -  She is capable of tunneling through the earth with ease. She possess no ability to move the tectonic plates of Earth, but if she digs at superhuman speed, she can make strong vibrations that might feel like an earthquake within the ratio of her actions. Defense - There are spikes underneath her skin that comes out, covering her completely like a cactus if she feels endangered. Physical Combat - She is slightly trained in Krav Maga

weaknesses: Humidity - Humidity causes her physical weakness and can cause a rash on her skin. Moisten Soil - She can’t dig as fast on moisten/humid soil, and like mentioned before could cause her a rash on her skin. Draining - Using her dehydrating touch power for too long or on big organisms can drain her to dangerous levels, leaving her vulnerable to her attacker. Limited Seduction - Her charming powers only work if the other person is looking right into her eyes. Physical Combat - Even though she is trained, she rather use her sand powers at a safe distance because it feels safer.

–PERSONALITY:

likes: sunbathing, hot drinks, salty food, cacti plants, arid temperatures and fashion

dislikes: humidity/humid days, cold water, cold drinks, sweets, bad fashion and being bossed around

positive traits: Friendly, Funny, Caring, Outgoing, Diligent, Independent

neutral traits: Observant, Sassy, Flirty, Sly, Prankster, Reserved, Blunt

negative traits: Snappy, Sassy, Salty, Selfish, Violent, Prideful.

mental state: N/A

personality description: Adara is not a typical girl, and not because she is distant or apathetic, no, on the contrary she is really outgoing and even friendly if stroked the right way. But, given her nature she is rather blunt which can shy away many people, and she is also sassy to the very core, specially if she is having a bad hair day. Adara is snappy and short tempered, so when she gets mad her tongue gets loose and she won’t hold it back nor will be sorry about it. Not necessarily will be loud and cause a ruckus but be sure her words will hurt. She is territorial and violent when it comes to it, spending so many years alone in the desert made her that way-- what’s hers, either a piece of meat or a friend, it’s hers. It isn’t easy for her to let go of a grudge either, she can say she forgives you, but lowkey will always be salty about it and poke into the wound at any given opportunity. Also she is prideful, is not easy for her to admit she committed a mistake, and when she does she gets distant because the acceptance hurts her pride. On the other hand, despite her dislike for candy, she can be very sweet and loving. Adara cares a lot for the people she loves and protects them to the very end. Is not easy for her to get utterly attached to someone, since even after 22 years she haven’t been able to grasp well on understanding other people’s emotions and her own, but when she does, she’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy. However, she tends to hurt the people she loves when she talks too much, specially under snappy conditions. She is also very flirty and sultry in demeanor, and sometimes she can’t even tell, all part of her maid nature.

–BIOGRAPHY:

place/realm of birth: Baja California Desert

date/era of birth: 09.01.94

if half-breed, parents: N/A

if water/earth being, nature: Desert

biography description: Summer was not over and Autumn was not there yet, and caught in the middle Adara emerged from the arid soil in a warm September. As a Sandmaid, having no parents, she had to make her way to survive, spending the first months as an outcast hidden in the pits of the Baja California Desert where she was born in. Alone, trapped in the body of a naked young adult. She hated having to kill but the lives of a scorpion, a snake or a desert mouse, but they were not more important than her own right now, she had to survive and live this millennium to nourish her legacy and leave something to learn from the future generation of sandmaid, or sandmen that would emerge from her remains. Being born without parent, without family, the first years of existence mold a sandmaid to be a really independent species, but after a few years of wondering through the desert like a caveman, the young maid got curious about the world. All the wonders the past generation has seen and lived themselves started to grow on her, wanting to go out and explore, but she was naked-- yet also lonely, so it was time to apply her surviving skills in a more dangerous place, the city, surrounded by other people she had yet to figure how to deal with them. Her ancestor left a note at the back of her brain before dying, with instructions on what to do and how to get a fake identity so she could bled into society. So she did-- she engaged on her journey at night, arriving to town late enough to find every clothes store closed, so she had to steal. Using her powers to turn to sand, she allowed herself into the nearest store ventilation system, choosing a nice outfit after comparing herself to the manikin and vanished out of the store the same way not withought grabbing a small purse as well. It was time to go to the suburbs to find her identity. Gourdon, that was the name she remembered, yet she was not sure how many years passed between her ancestor’s death and her emerging body. Hopefully he was still the guy. Nope-- he wasn’t, yet she found a guy named Jeff who she could easily seduce, noticing for the first time she had some effect over the weaker race. He had this box he called laptop? And somehow she managed to make him hack into some system she was not familiarized with but when he asked for a wanted name, she hummed in thoughts. “Adara Tremors.” She said without hesitance, soon enough he had her papers ready, and before he could blink she was gone. That’s how Adara spent the rest of her years, making her way through civilization with slyness and caution, since she looked the same for so many years she had to move around the country a few times until three years ago, when she was contracted by this modeling agency because of her defined looks and since she would soon start aging like a normal human would, at least until her mid forties, she decided to settle. California is her home, but she easily travels around the world because of her work, plus has access to every magical portal ever since she made herself part of Aurora. She joined the brotherhood twelve years ago, skeptical about it since she is mostly a free spirit and hates to be bossed around, stubborn to the very core, however she found pertinent to join-- for her own safety and everyone else’s. She was harshly trained, and to be honest even now twelve years later, she is still not confident in physical combat, but that doesn’t makes her useless at all-- she just can’t be good at everything. But don’t underestimate her, she is quite dangerous, specially from afar.

[lizzizzie-blog]

Remember that time when society made you think you were straight?

So, it’s been more than a month since I posted anything. As my 30th birthday looms (3 days and counting), I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about who I am. I’ve been reflecting nostalgically on my youth (i.e., listening to early 2000′s emo). I’ve had so many threads of ideas for post topics floating around my brain, and I’ve wanted to sit down and get into all of them, but... I’ve been utterly stuck on this one idea, and I’ve been stalling. I’ve been going back and forth in my head over whether it’s important enough to write about this. Questioning the validity of something I know to be true about me.

I’m afraid to say (write) these things. I’m afraid that people won’t understand. That’s one reason not to write this. Also, this feels self-indulgent. Nobody asked. I’m not sure anybody cares. I feel silly shouting “me too!” when friends of mine have been out - have had to be out - for years now. It’s moot as far as others are because I’m married. I've already “settled down,” so why does it matter? Those are additional reasons not to write this. But, it does matter.

Because I’ve learned that research shows learning the story of someone who’s a member of an oppressed group can help change people’s minds. And I know that sometimes people change their minds when they realize someone they know is LGBTetc. And maybe I can be that person.

Because bi erasure is real and harmful and I don’t want to implicitly contribute to it.

Because it’s not fair that, because I am married to a man, I shouldn’t have to be open about my sexuality as a prerequisite to living my authentic life, when so many LGBTetc people that I love don’t have that option.

Because every moment that passes that I don’t share this, I feel less authentic. And it hurts to be inauthentic.

Because self-love and self-acceptance are my main goals for my 30th year.

Because maybe I can help young people.

Because it’s true. (And the truth is always a gift). 

Those are all my reasons to write this. And today they outweigh the reasons not to.

In early December of 2016, I went out with some girlfriends. We ended up huddled around somebody’s kitchen island, wine tipsy, chatty, giggly… all wearing incredibly immature “ugly Christmas sweaters.” I had a warm glowy feeling going. We were discussing our husbands when the conversation took a stereotypical turn in the “men - can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em” direction, and then we were on the subject of kissing women. Someone said, “I could definitely kiss a girl,” to which I shrugged “I mean, course!” in agreement. Then they qualified with, “but that’s probably it - I could never go down on a girl,” to which the rest of the girls agreed with varying degrees of enthusiasm. I shrugged and let the subject naturally change. This is the most recent in a series of conversations throughout my life, where I’ve found myself realizing that the way I feel is not the way the majority of straight women I know feel. This was the first time I noticed it in real time, though, rather than in hindsight.

It’s taken the better part of 30 years, and the happy accident of discovering Skam - and the incredible Skam fandom (Skam Fam - more on that later) - but I am finally in a place where I consciously know what I am: bisexual. Or possibly-probably pansexual. I’m not sure. Labels are tricky, as we’ve discussed. Anyway...

Growing up godless, I didn’t have any religiously rooted shame to overcome. I’ve always been emphatically pro-LGBT rights, ever since learning the meaning of the word “gay” and the concept of “same-sex marriage.” That’s always felt intensely personal to me. I’ve always felt a connection to LGBT stories in (pop) culture. They’re always the stories I latch onto and obsess over. I’ve always felt attracted to girls/women. I’ve always flirted with boys/men and girls/women, and I’ve always meant it. And yet… somehow, at the same time, I had no idea that meant I wasn’t straight. I didn’t know that what I was feeling for girls and women was different from what my straight friends were feeling. I assumed that everyone must be feeling what I was feeling, and since I was attracted to boys and men, too, I ignored that part of me. I received no messages that it was a valid option, and so I didn’t even consider it. I had trouble distinguishing between friendship feelings and romantic/sexual feelings, with girls and boys, so the confusing jumbled mess all felt normal to me. I dated boys by default, and nobody ever really asked, so I never really thought much about it.

When I was 18 and 19, I did the stereotypical “drunkenly make out with other girls at parties to get guys’ attention” thing. Only, it was mostly just one girl. And I’ve never been an attention-seeker. Looking back, I just really enjoyed making out with my best friend. And so I was happy to play along with the default narrative. ...I didn’t understand any of this at the time.

During the summer before my senior year of college, I developed real - or at least closer to conscious - feelings for a girl for the first time. We met working a nerdy biology summer job together. I knew I thought she was beautiful and elegant and stylish. I knew I thought she was smart and funny. I knew I thought she was incredibly pretentious and kind of irritating, and my straight male roommate who also worked with us couldn’t really stand her. I knew that, objectively, she was not someone I’d be expected to befriend. I knew I couldn’t get enough of her anyway. I knew that when we roomed together at a hotel during a work trip, I enjoyed the intimacy of it more than she did. And I knew that when we each slipped pantless into the sheets of our respective beds, and talked until the middle of the night, I felt fizzy. I knew that she annoyed the shit out of me, but I missed her when we were apart. I knew all these things, and yet at the same time, I didn’t totally know why I felt all these things. I chalked it up to quick, intense friendship. I didn’t think much about it, because we both had boyfriends at the time. (Not to mention, I was also developing an increasingly flirtatious texting relationship with her male roommate, and harboring a secret identify as my university’s mascot. I had a lot going on at the time.)

The summer ended and I didn’t see her any longer. I broke up with the boyfriend and jumped quickly into a circumstantially intense relationship with a new guy. My year as a mascot, my senior year of college, was a total whirlwind of mascotting and one incredibly unexpected, devastating, formative experience that I shared with the new guy (a topic for another time). The point is, I had no time for self-reflection with regard to sexuality.

Fast forward to the following fall, I met and fell in love with my now husband, quickly and completely. I was 22. Since then, I haven’t really had much cause to consider or think about my sexual and romantic orientations. Fast forward to age 29, and here I am.

I’ve never been particularly secretive about my crushes and attraction to women. I talk about my crushes on women with my husband, my gay girl friends, and my guy friends regularly. It’s something I’ve never felt any shame about. Shame is not what’s taken me so long to get to this point. It’s repression. It’s socialization. It’s a lack of representation in the media. I assumed I was straight, that my feelings for women were “phases,” outliers in my otherwise straight existence, just like everyone else had, because that’s the default option. Sexuality is fluid, and experimentation is totally normal, but eventually most people choose a “side.” That’s the story we’re told.

My story picks up in late December of 2016, a few weeks after the “I could never go down on a girl” incident during which I’d clammed up (and no one noticed). I was sick with the flu over the holidays. I was looking for something to distract me from my nausea and my incapability to spend time with family in my gross state, and I discovered Skam. In a matter of days, I binged through all three seasons, and it became my favorite show ever. I became more attached to fictional characters than I’ve ever been (which is saying something for those of you who know my heart). The show’s target audience is Norwegian teenagers, but its themes of self-acceptance, internalized homophobia, mental illness, feminism, and friendship (plus many more) are universal. The most recent season follows the story of closeted Isak, who meets and falls in love with a bisexual (presumably), bipolar Even. As they learn to love and accept one another, they learn to love and accept themselves. It’s a portrayal of a realistic, soft, healthy relationship between Isak and Even. It’s something I’ve never seen before, and it was so... refreshing, clarifying, to see. It is incredibly realistic, beautiful, and moving, and it touched me. I became obsessed with this show and these boys.

As a total fangirl, I needed an outlet for this new love. Unsurprisingly, I couldn’t convince any of my IRL friends/family to watch a Norwegian show about teenagers accessible only through fan-made subtitled files on Google Drive. My husband got tired of me blathering on about the amazing editing, clever and moving soundtrack choices, and witty, subversive dialogue. So, I took to the internet. I found my way into the fandom on Tumblr. I met a bunch of young, gay (a catch-all term) as hell Skam fans, and I began talking to them. Each new person I met, I felt immediately connected to them. I felt at home among this group. They are incredibly kind and accepting. They are so far ahead of where I was at their age, in terms of knowing and accepting who they are. It makes me so proud and thrilled for them, and so glad they have each other. And at the same time, it makes me sad for myself when I was their age, and jealous that I didn’t have a similar outlet.

In the last few months, I’ve learned so much from Skam and them. I’ve made impactful, real friendships with people all over the world. They feel like my people, and I’ve come to realize, it’s because they are. Their struggles, and their futures, are a big part of the reason I feel compelled to put this out there.

So, here I am. Validating myself. Accepting myself. Taking my own advice - that I don’t have to be able to explain this to people who won’t understand in order for it to be true. I am Not Straight in 2017. I am Not Straight at age 30. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Then again, it really does matter.

[lovequotescom]

The wedding challenge: Can the trend of decreasing wedding prices in East Asia be reversed?

The wedding challenge: Can the trend of decreasing wedding prices in East Asia be reversed?

HONG KONG: decreasing wedding prices are increasingly being seen across the world, however it is possibly within the aging communities of Asia that the growing wide range of singletons is stressing moms and dads – and governments – the absolute most.

In Asia, moms and dads have actually taken fully to offering leaflets in matchmaking areas, often minus the younger generation’s knowledge; in Japan, blind relationship cafes make an effort to create busy experts over some coffee and dessert, and when they find no chemistry, there’s constantly going back into slogging away at the office.

A preference for baby boys has resulted in a massive gender imbalance and men who can’t find a wife at home, so they’ve turned to marriage migrants: Foreign women are now getting married to Korean men to escape poverty in South Korea. In Hong Kong, guys finding lovers in mainland Asia has resulted in a surplus of females into the town and an agency that is dating regional ladies US$600 for the blind relationship supper which international males could go to free of charge.

Yet absolutely absolutely nothing appears to assist. Wedding prices continue steadily to slump across East Asia. It’s a pressing problem because in Confucian communities, no wedding can indicate no young ones, which may jeopardize a country’s economic leads and, perhaps, its success.

MARRIAGELESS IN JAPAN

While parallels of moscowbrides login less marriages and plunging delivery prices are available in all eastern Asian societies, the broad trends almost always were only available in Japan.

Based on Japan’s nationwide Institute of Population and personal protection analysis, because of the time they turn 50, one out of four men that are japanese solitary, as does one out of seven females.

But that’s perhaps maybe maybe not when it comes to lack of attempting. Studies additionally claim that numerous singletons that are japanese would like to get hitched.

Therefore Arata Funabara, four times hitched himself, started a rate cafe that is dating Ginza to aid. Workers in offices can drop set for an hour or so in the center of a single day to chat within the opposite gender.

In real Japanese fashion, most come in pairs or trios. Funabara provides them a range of 3 wristbands that are coloured. Many choose “not searching” blue, although the cafe owner claims that doesn’t suggest they have been actually uninterested.

“Japanese individuals, our company is extremely bashful. ”

But anthropologist Yoshie Moriki states this hasn’t been the truth. She recalls when you look at the 80s and 90s when Japan experienced quick financial development, males had been more excited about courting females. Nevertheless, 2 decades of financial stagnation changed the video game for teenage boys.

“These teenagers within their 20s and 30s now are making less cash compared to the generation that is previous. But nevertheless the ladies are searching for similar amount of financial capability, ” she said.

“At the time that is same teenage boys by themselves nevertheless think it is their obligation to give you, thus I think the financial framework is actually extremely hard. ”

To be certain, Moriki’s perhaps perhaps not blaming females for seeking economic protection in a wedding. In mainland China and Hong Kong too, females frequently desire to “marry up”, an activity made harder given that they’ve been better educated and better paid by themselves. However in Japan, wedding, or simply the perception of planning to get hitched, might take a cost on a woman’s job.

“There’s plenty of businesses, ” says Prof Jeff Kingston, Director of Asian Studies at Temple University. “Companies assume ladies are likely to get hitched and possess young ones, so they really wear them the alleged mommy track, in less responsible roles. ”

Even in the event a female can skirt that trap at the beginning of her profession, getting married and children that are having often requires her to just take a lifetime career break.

“Gender division of functions continues to be quite strong. Raising kiddies and care that is taking of family members is observed as being a woman’s work, ” says Kingston. “If they sacrifice either child care or senior look after their professions, they’ve been accused to be selfish. ”

As soon as from the workforce, the majority of women believe it is impractical to come back to a job that is fulltime. This means the quick profession break would find yourself costing a Japanese woman US$2 million in life time profits.

“Naturally whenever ladies think of wedding, these are typically very careful in Japan, ” claims Zhou Yanfei, A senior researcher during the Japan Institute for Labour Policy and Training. “They need to set money degree for his or her lovers. ”

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

When Asians don’t marry, they tend to not have kiddies.

In Britain, near to 50 percent of the latest children are now actually born away from wedlock. The figure is simply 2.3 in Japan, 1.9 in Korea.

For all your efforts made towards halting the populace decrease, few Asian governments, including Japan’s, allow it to be easy for males and females to possess kiddies by themselves.

“Politicians are reluctant to get here because their concept of the Japanese identification is associated with the original family” which is comprised of a daddy, a mom and two kids, stated Kingston.

“By 2040, they estimate 40 percent of Japanese households will undoubtedly be solitary individuals, and so the family that is traditional currently departed, but federal federal government policies continue to be assuming that it is a powerful pillar of culture. ”

Solitary mom Masami Onishi together with her two young daughters at house in Osaka. (Picture: Wei Du)

For the women that are few decide to be solitary mothers, difficulty awaits.

Based on Zhou of Japan Institute for Labour Policy and Training, 51 percent of solitary moms in Japan reside in poverty, plus one in seven states she cannot afford necessities that are basic food at the least every once in awhile.

Masami Onishi, 24, works nine hours a time, six days per week to help make us$800 per month. Having a full-time task is additionally a necessity on her to get some federal government welfare.

Though never married, she wears a marriage band.

“once I didn’t wear the band, strangers would show up and tell my girls that they had no dad. It hurt them badly, ” she stated.

The insurance policy of requiring mothers that are single work befuddles specialists.

“The rate of poverty does not alter quite definitely even though the moms will work, due to the position that is weak occupy when you look at the labour market, ” said Zhou. “The federal government has to boost welfare paying for these families now, because poor moms raise kids who carry on become bad. ”

The inter-generational transfer of poverty is maybe perhaps not news to Yasuko Kawabe whom operates a meals bank for solitary moms and kids. But she feels politicians are intentionally searching one other means.

“If we assist these kids now, they’ll grow up become taxpayers for the united states, ” she states. “Just consider exactly just just how wonderful that might be. ”

WE HAVE BEEN NOT SPECIAL

An extra problem for Korea and Asia in nudging their visitors to marry is just a choice for infant guys, that has resulted in gender that is skewed, and today statistically a percentage of the guys won’t ever look for a spouse in the home.

Enter Vietnam, nation that stocks their Confucian culture. Beginning within the 90s, commercial wedding agents took Korean males here to take into consideration a partner.

For Korea though, it had been an affront into the national country’s identity.

“We have traditionally been convinced that Korea is a uni-race, pure country that is blooded” said Prof Choi Hyup, a study teacher in anthropology at Chonnam University.

Into the hastily arranged unions, the mismatch of objectives often resulted in tragedies.

“The ladies arrived right right here since they wished to assist their own families in Vietnam. The males are usually really disabled or old. They covered the ladies become right here to simply help their own families, ” said Yoo Si Hwang who counsels Vietnamese migrants in a Seoul church.

The korean government tightened rules for cross-border marriages, setting a minimum income requirement for the men after a slew of high profile abuses and a few murders of Vietnamese brides in the 90s and early 2000s. Moreover it launched multicultural household facilities round the nation to greatly help the foreign spouses incorporate.

Pham Minh Chinh is amongst the tens and thousands of young Vietnamese girls who married Korean men significantly more than a decade their senior. She’s now proficient in Korean, adapted well towards the lifetime of a strawberry farmer and raised two kids along with her spouse in Korea’s rural Chonnam province.

Kiddies of mix-race wedding though tend to struggle in school. Because their moms frequently speak restricted Korean, they develop language abilities later on than their peers.

The theory that being Korean that is pure-blooded is nevertheless lingers, and sometimes means they become objectives of bullies.

“We have to show our kids it’s just one of the many cultures in the world that we are not special, ” says Choi. “That the Korean culture is not special. Because exactly just what option do we’ve? ”

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[beyondforks]

Playing Catch Up! How to Hang a Witch by Adriana Mather

Playing Catch Up has really been helping me through my ever growing TBR list. I'd like to welcome all other blogs to participate too! If you do, be sure to post your links in the comments section. I'd love to see your Playing Catch Up Reviews, and I'm sure others would too!! *wink*

Want to know more about Playing Catch Up? I'll tell you all about it here!

How to Hang a Witch (How to Hang a Witch #1) by Adriana Mather Genre: Young Adult (Paranormal) Date Published: July 26, 2016 Publisher: Knopf Books for Young Readers

It's the Salem Witch Trials meets Mean Girls in a debut novel from one of the descendants of Cotton Mather, where the trials of high school start to feel like a modern day witch hunt for a teen with all the wrong connections to Salem’s past.

Salem, Massachusetts is the site of the infamous witch trials and the new home of Samantha Mather. Recently transplanted from New York City, Sam and her stepmother are not exactly welcomed with open arms. Sam is the descendant of Cotton Mather, one of the men responsible for those trials and almost immediately, she becomes the enemy of a group of girls who call themselves The Descendants. And guess who their ancestors were?

If dealing with that weren't enough, Sam also comes face to face with a real live (well technically dead) ghost. A handsome, angry ghost who wants Sam to stop touching his stuff. But soon Sam discovers she is at the center of a centuries old curse affecting anyone with ties to the trials. Sam must come to terms with the ghost and find a way to work with The Descendants to stop a deadly cycle that has been going on since the first accused witch was hanged. If any town should have learned its lesson, it's Salem. But history may be about to repeat itself. 

How to Hang a Witch is the first book in the How to Hang a Witch Series by Adriana Mather. Although I love Paranormal Fiction, I typically don't like it when it involves witches and witchy type magic. Plus add in the ghost... All that in one book? It's just not what I prefer to read, and I almost didn't. But I like reading about the Salem Witch Trials. It's a sad and scary part of history that has always interested me. So, I decided to give this book a go. Boy, am I glad  did!

There are so many things going on within this story. There is a subtle romance. The magic was not too hocus pocusy, which I really appreciated. That's where witch books usually lose me. The ghost aspect wasn't hoaky. He was believable, and actually quite endearing. So many things went wrong, or right, depending on who you ask, in regards to the the Salem Witch Trials. This story brings some of that to your attention and allows you to draw you own conclusions and encourages you to think for yourself on how some things may have occurred in history, and it does so without affecting the plot and making you feel like you've missed out on something. All of this was cleverly woven together, bringing the past into the present. It shows how, as a society, we really haven't changed much. We like to think we're so much more civilized, but we're still trying to "hang witches" in some form or fashion. It surprised me with the level of emotions it brought out while I read. 

I was extremely impressed with this story and all the detail and thought that went into it. Sometimes, you can just tell when a book is close the the author's heart, and that's how this one felt. With good reason too, the author has a pretty personal tie to someone who was at the heart of everything going on during the Trials. Her last name will give away who. I listened to the audio version. It was narrated by the author herself, which I think added to the enjoyment, because I feel like I was hearing the story the way she meant it to be told, and she told it well. 

Chapter One Too Confident Like most fast-­talking, opinionated New Yorkers, I have an affinity for sarcasm. At fifteen, though, it’s hard to convince anyone that sarcasm’s a cultural thing and not a bad attitude. Especially when your stepmother can’t drive, ’cause she’s also from New York, and spills your coffee with maniacal brake pounding. I wipe a dribble of hazelnut latte off my chin. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. I love wearing my coffee.” Vivian keeps her hand poised over the horn, like a cat waiting to pounce. “All your clothes have holes in them. Coffee isn’t your problem.” If it’s possible for someone to never have an awkward moment, socially or otherwise, then that someone is my stepmother. When I was little, I admired her ability to charm roomfuls of people. Maybe I thought it would rub off on me—­an idea I’ve since given up on. She’s perfectly put together in a way I’ll never be, and my vegan leather jacket and torn black jeans drive her crazy. So now I just take joy in wearing them to her dinner parties. Gotta have something, right? “My problem is, I don’t know when I’ll see my dad,” I say, staring out at the well-­worn New England homes, with their widow’s walks and dark shutters. Vivian’s lips tighten. “We’ve been through this a hundred times. They’ll transfer him to Mass General sometime this week.” “Which is still an hour from Salem.” This is the sentence I’ve repeated since I found out three weeks ago that we had to sell our New York apartment, the apartment I’ve spent my entire life in. “Would you rather live in New York and not be able to pay your father’s medical bills? We have no idea how long he’ll be in a coma.” Three months, twenty-­one days, and ten hours. That’s how long it’s already been. We pass a row of witch-­themed shops with dried herbs and brooms filling their windows. “They really love their witches here,” I say, ignoring Vivian’s last question. “This is one of the most important historical towns in America. Your relatives played a major role in that history.” “My relatives hanged witches in the sixteen hundreds. Not exactly something to be proud of.” But in truth, I’m super curious about this place, with its cobblestone alleys and eerie black houses. We pass a police car with a witch logo on the side. As a kid, I tried every tactic to get my dad to take me here, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He’d say that nothing good ever happens in Salem and the conversation would end. There’s no pushing my dad. A bus with a ghost-­tour ad pulls in front of us. Vivian jerks to a stop and then tailgates. She nods at the ad. “There’s a nice provincial job for you.” I crack a smile. “I don’t believe in ghosts.” We make a right onto Blackbird Lane, the street on the return address of the cards my grandmother sent me as a child. “Well, you’re the only one in Salem who feels that way.” I don’t doubt she’s right. For the first time during this roller coaster of a car ride, my stomach drops in a good way. Number 1131 Blackbird Lane, the house my dad grew up in, the house he met my mother in. It’s a massive two-­story white building with black shutters and columned doorways. The many peaks of the roof are covered with dark wooden shingles, weathered from the salty air. A wrought-­iron fence with pointed spires surrounds the perfectly manicured lawn. “Just the right size,” Vivian says, eyeing our new home. The redbrick driveway is uneven with age and pushed up by tree roots. Vivian’s silver sports car jostles as we make our way through the black arched gate and roll to a stop. “Ten people could live here and never see each other,” I reply. “Like I said, just the right size.” I pull my hair into a messy ball on top of my head and grab the heavy duffel bag at my feet. Vivian’s already out of the car, and her heels click against the brick. She makes her way toward a side door with an elaborate overhang. I take a deep breath and open my car door. Before I get a good look at our new home, a neighbor comes out of her blue-­on-­blue house and waves enthusiastically. “Helllloooo! Well, hello there!” she says with a smile bigger than I’ve ever seen on a stranger as she crosses a patch of lawn to get to our driveway. She has rosy cheeks and a frilly white apron. She could have stepped out of a housekeeping magazine from the 1950s. “Samantha,” she says, and beams. She holds my chin to inspect my face. “Charlie’s daughter.” I’ve never heard anyone call my dad by a nickname. “Uh, Sam. Everyone calls me Sam.” “Nonsense. That’s a boy’s name. Now, aren’t you pretty. Too skinny, though.” She steps back to get a proper look. “We’ll fix that in no time.” She laughs a full, tinkling laugh. I smile, even though I’m not sure she’s complimenting me. There’s something infectious about her happiness. She examines me, and I cross my arms self-­consciously. My duffel bag falls off my shoulder, jerking me forward. I trip. “Jaxon!” she bellows toward her blue house without saying a word about my clumsiness. A blond guy who looks seventeenish exits the side door just as I get hold of the duffel strap. “Come take Samantha’s bag.” As he gets closer, his sandy hair flops into his eyes. Blue. One corner of his mouth tilts in a half smile. I stare at him. Am I blushing? Ugh, so embarrassing. He reaches for the bag, now awkwardly hanging from my elbow. I reposition it onto my shoulder. “No, it’s fine.” “This is my son, Jaxon. Isn’t he adorable?” She pats him on the cheek. “Mom, really?” Jaxon protests. I smile at them. “So, you know my dad?” “Certainly. And I knew your grandmother. Took care of her and the house when she got older. I know this place inside and out.” She puts her hands on her hips. Vivian approaches, frowning. “Mrs. Meriwether? We spoke on the phone.” She pauses. “You have the keys, I assume?” “Sure do.” Mrs. Meriwether reaches into her apron pocket and retrieves a set of skeleton keys rubbed smooth in places from years of use. She glances at her watch. “I’ve got chocolate croissants coming out of the oven any minute now. Jaxon will give you a tour of—­” “No, that’s alright. We can show ourselves around.” There’s a finality in Vivian’s response. Vivian doesn’t trust overly friendly people. We had a doorman once who used to bring me treats, and she got him fired. “Actually,” I say, “do you know which room used to be my dad’s?” Mrs. Meriwether lights up. “It’s all ready for you. Up the stairs, take a left, all the way down the hall. Jaxon will show you.” Vivian turns around without a goodbye. Jaxon and I follow her to the door. Jaxon watches me curiously as we go inside. “I’ve never seen you here before.” “I’ve never been here before.” “Even when your grandmother was alive?” He closes the door behind us with a click. “I never met my grandmother.” It’s weird to admit that. In the front foyer are piles of boxes—­all of our personal belongings from the City. Vivian sold everything heavy when she found out this place was furnished. We step past the boxes into an open space with glossy wooden floors, a wrought-iron chandelier, and a giant staircase. Vivian’s heels click somewhere down the hallway to the left—­a sound that follows her around like a shadow. As a child, I could always find her by listening for it, even in a roomful of women in high heels. I wouldn’t be surprised if she slept in those shoes. I take in our home for the first time. Paintings in gold frames hang on the walls, separated by sconces with bulbs shaped like candles. Everything’s antique and made of dark wood, the opposite of our modern apartment in NYC. This is some fairy-­tale storybook business, I think, looking at the curved staircase with its smooth wooden banisters and Oriental rug running up the middle. “This way.” Jaxon nods toward the staircase. He lifts my bag off my shoulder and starts up the stairs. “I could’ve carried that myself.” “I know. But I wouldn’t want you to fall again. Stairs do more damage than driveways.” So he definitely saw me trip. He smiles at my expression. This guy is too confident for his own good. I follow him, holding the banister in case my clumsiness makes a second appearance. Jaxon turns left at the top of the stairs. We pass a bedroom with a burgundy comforter and a canopy that any little girl would go bonkers over. After the bedroom, there’s a bathroom with a giant claw-­foot tub and a mirror with a gold-­plated frame. He stops at the end of the hall in front of a small door that looks like it could use a fresh coat of paint. The doorknob’s shaped like a flower with shiny brass petals. A daisy, maybe? I twist it, and the wood groans as the door swings open. I gasp.

Adriana Mather is the 12th generation of Mathers in America, and as such her family has their fingers in many of its historical pies – the Mayflower, the Salem Witch Trials, the Titanic, the Revolutionary War, and the wearing of curly white wigs. Also, Adriana co-owns a production company, Zombot Pictures, in LA that has made three feature films in three years. Her first acting scene in a film ever was with Danny Glover, and she was terrified she would mess it up. In addition, her favorite food is pizza and she has too many cats. To learn more about Adriana Mather and her books, visit her website.You can also find her on Goodreads, Instagram and Twitter.