#It's Gwaine my Good Friend Gwaine he's here I Love my Good Friend Gwaine whom I've known for three days he's my Favorite Guy :) :) :) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

friendlyneighborhoodcapricorn · 3 years ago

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alright so I actually didn't want to directly start spamming you with requests but since the thing with lancelot happened, I'll throw all my principles out of the window and beg you to fix my broken heart. just,,, would you care to share some headcanons? any and all? of whatever kind. general, platonic, romantic, detailed or weirdly specific. something soft to carefully glue everything back together that the show shattered :')

Mary, you’re literally always welcome to request something. Even if it says somewhere that my requests are closed, you’re like one of the two people whom I make an exception for lol

Alright, so some of these might actually have been in the show at some point, it’s been a while since I last watched so that definitely could be 😂

(Here, have a Lancelot gif for the pain <3)

Alright, so right off the bat: you can’t convince me that Gwaine didn’t at least once make out with one of the other knights on like, a drunken dare. Who? Probably an equally drunk Arthur, let’s be real.

Speaking of Arthur, you can bet he dedicated some kind of memorial site in Camelot to Lancelot, and he went to out flowers by it every single year.

And Arthur isn’t the only one, everyone who loved Lancelot does so, but they all work out their own time to visit their friend. They never run into each other, and that’s alright.

That was sad, let’s move on.

So Gwaine is pretty clever when he wants to be, right? And he’s got a good sense of humour too. So I can imagine him playing pranks on everyone. Even on Arthur, who inevitably thinks it’s Merlin. So whenever he shouts for Merlin, Merlin just looks at Gwaine, knowing exactly what the fuck he did bc Gwaine is already laughing, even though he knows Merlin is going to get back at him later.

Morgana had a bit of a crush on Gwen when they first met when she was like, fifteen or sixteen? One of those “oh god you’re so pretty that I kind of forgot how to function just now” things. She only admitted it years later, and they both laughed about it bc at this point neither of them could ever imagine being anything other than each other’s best friend.

And now that I’m talking about Gwen, she and Merlin make a point of meeting every week where they just bitch about the past week. She’s still one of his best friends and I always felt like that wasn’t really shown in the later seasons. Arthur pretends he doesn’t know about those meetings, but he always somehow knows exactly when to dismiss Merlin.

Actually, that’s a pretty good way of describing how Merlin and Arthur’s friendship works. They aren’t very vocal about appreciating each other (unless there’s some kind of life threatening situation at hand) but they show it quietly, preferring actions over words.

Like, if Arthur ever notices Merlin’s shirt is literally getting threadbare (I love Merlin but he sucks at looking out for himself, he literally wears the same two shirts the entire show lol), you can bet Merlin finds a brand new one in his chambers the following day, one of considerably better quality. And Arthur will never admit to being the one who got it for him. The most he’ll say is “nice shirt, glad to see you finally realised that having two different shirts isn’t practical”.

You wouldn’t know it from looking at her, but Gwen is every bit as capable with a sword as her brother, you can fight me on that. She’s definitely kicked Arthur’s ass and he just fell more in love with her as she held a blade to his neck from behind him. If she’d been able to see the lovesick look on his face, she would never had let him forget it.

That’s about all I can come up with right now, but I hope they managed to piece your heart back together a bit <3

#request #merlin #headcanons #merlin headcanons #morgana #guinevere #lancelot #arthur pendragon #gwaine

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panharmonium · 4 years ago

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I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there! i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions. my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking). he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share). he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post. i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends! merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people! #what it does mean: #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew' #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up #about a facade. #in the most basic sense #those relationships aren't Real #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are #you cannot be loved without being known #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine. i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts. me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :) i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you! if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important. gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin. the love there is real. but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself. gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings. there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me. merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has. if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense. and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either. at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself. merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust. it’s oppressive. and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice. that you’re comfortable with the oppression. that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen. they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else. does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic? no. but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer. when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same. they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it. osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process). there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation. "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it. people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct. “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer. the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic. and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades. osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him. he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state. that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder. they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years. and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar. gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred. gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave. in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough! you speak of the king!” and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way. they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community. they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean. gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin. he does treat merlin well. and merlin loves him to death. but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic. i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe. merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly. all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade. all the love in my life is a lie. they only like me because they don’t know me. if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’

and we wonder why he never tells anyone. we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed. he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now. and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is. and merlin knows this. he’s seen it. none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court. some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed. some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned. every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge. merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends. i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care. they were. but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.” they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave. i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave. he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself. with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain. so thanks, anon, for the prompt!

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook. i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently! nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

#tumblr is doing something weird and not letting me use read-more's in posts that are replies to an ask #i was able to screenshot the last ask i replied to and just turn the whole thing into a text post with a read-more #because i knew the sender would see it anyway #but i'm not sure an anon will see this without getting the notification #sorry this is a #long post #i will play with it more and see if i can get the cut to actually show up #=/#the once and future slowburn #you're the only friend i've got #meta #replies #the bravest and most noble of them all #no kings no masters

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emrysarthurpendragon · 4 years ago

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Let’s hang out sometime!

He had no choices. Merlin keeps muttering these words as he walked past the citadel’s doors. The guards standing there, one at each side of said doors, barely send a curious glance at him. It was not usual for the young warlock to go out in the middle of the night. Most of the time, nightfall – or even later – was the moment he left the city to collect plants for Gaius. Some flowers were blooming away from the sun, while the moon was high and full. For that reason, the soldiers just nodded in his direction and reminded him to be careful. Bandits used to roam the woods around the citadel and his royal pratness needed his manservant. Ok. He added the prat part. Still, after tonight, Arthur and Merlin would belong to the past. The young prince, soon-to-be king, needed not him now. He had seen enough lately to know. Arthur was not the once and future king. He hated magic as much as his father does and will do until the day he died. Morgana had every right to lose her mind, growing up in a place where people like her were burned at the stake, even when they used their powers to help and protect their loved ones.

“He will forget me. After all, we were just manservant and prince … not friends.” As if he wanted to befriend an idiot like Arthur. Real friends don’t throw goblets and various pieces of furniture at you. A sad smile graced the brunet’s lips. He remembered a time, in Ealdor, when Will pop out of nowhere with something to eat for them. They would grab hands and run together in the woods, laughing and playing tricks on the local bullies. They were poor, Merlin even more than Will’s family, but so much happier. Back then, no destiny darkened his future and threatened to crush him if he failed.

After some time, the small way through the trees widened and opened in a beautiful clearing. Here and there, white flowers faced the snowy full moon. Like stars fallen from the sky and to the peaceful earth. The soft wind made them dance shyly, nervous to move under a stranger’s gaze. In the middle of the clearing, surrounded by green grass, an oak stood. Oaks were magnificent. Older than most humans, they waited there and only shared their knowledge with a few chosen ones. Long ago, one of them sent a dream to Merlin. One about a world of magic. A world in which he was free to be himself and not some babbling, goofy, stupid manservant. A world with Arthur, the King, by his side and staring at his people with fond eyes. With kids roaring with laughter in the wide streets of Camelot, chasing each other’s and sending sparkles of magic toward their friends. It happened not long after he first step foot in Camelot and, like an idiot, he thought of a glimpse from the future. If it were, he probably messed it up somewhere. Like he did with Morgana, and probably Mordred too. Well, at least, Mordred had not attacked them for now. He was somewhere with his fellow druids, happy and alive. Hanging from a branch, a liana caught his eyes and merlin waved his wrist, calling it to him and making a knot with what could be called a cord in that case. According to the legend, taking someone’s life sends you to a terrible place in the afterlife. Doing so with yourself condemn the person to even worse … reincarnation where they would suffer even more. Funny enough, Merlin though nothing could be worst than what he was enduring right now. The other day, he barely avoids being caught by Leon, using magic to protect them in an ambuscade. The final countdown before his burning had begun and he chooses to die to his own terms. Not with Arthur’s hateful eyes on him, but with his laugh in his ears and his smile behind his closed eyelids.

“I guess it’s time to go…” whispered Merlin, slowly climbing the tree. For one moment, he turned his blue eyes where he heard a rustle in the bushes below. Probably his imagination. Some part of him wishing for a sudden twist in his fate, in the form of a friend coming to stop him. A chuckled escaped his lips at his stupidity. No one was coming. With that in mind, Merlin straightened the knot around his neck and made the last step between his life and death. “Freya, I’m coming,” the young man whispered and then, nothing. Nothing but the blissful darkness.

* * *

Gwaine had been at the tavern – again – and stumbled out of the place around the witching hour. Maybe earlier. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the familiar figure of his friend, Merlin, walking down the street and outside the city. As a matter of fact, the knight knew Gaius needed not plants. They met earlier that day and his pots were so full he could probably make a good amount of money selling them to the nobles. Why was Merlin heading out then? Not for Arthur. The Prince never asked his manservant to leave town after dusk. Behind his banters and flying items, the young man cared deeply for his servant and would never endanger him like this. Merlin, on another hand, had that habit to endanger himself. The other day, Lancelot stopped him from falling down the staircases. How was he still alive? Gwaine did not know. Especially with all the adventures they shared since the day they met. Bandits. Sorcerers. Magic creatures. He survived them all but almost kill himself in the most random situations one could imagine. Of course, he decided to follow his friend in a matter of second. Anything could happen in the woods, in the middle of the night. What if the brunet was tricked and killed by an enemy of Camelot? None of them would survive this. Well, they will. But they’ll change in the process. Merlin was their glue. The one whom united them in the first place. A little brother. If something were to happen to him, if Arthur found out someone noticed Merlin and decided to ignore him … let’s say there would be consequences. In a lucky day, even the slightly drunk soldier managed to follow Merlin without being noticed. He stumbled a few times. Cursed when his right foot got stuck in a root. Still, he followed his friend and watched carefully, hidden behind a tree, what happened next. Or he listened. A cold feeling grew in Gwaine when the wind carried Merlin’s word.

“He will forget me. After all, we were just manservant and prince … not friends.” He said. Merlin, the cheerful boy, spoke like a man collapsing under too much pressure. Merlin who joked with them earlier that day, about how Arthur would kill him one day, if he keeps using him as a target during practice. Was he hurt at training? Something they said or did? His thought prevented him from following Merlin and when he reconnected with reality, the younger man was gone. Gwaine searched for him. He looked everywhere for hours. Or it felt like it. Then, the clearing appeared and his blood froze in his body. No. This what not happening. Merlin couldn’t be standing in a tree, face turned toward the sky, a ghostly smile gracing his features. He watched in slow motion the manservant’s movements. Even if he ran really fast, his chances at saving Merlin were inexistent. The wind carried the name of a girl named Freya. Did Merlin lose her? Who was she? His friend never mentioned a special someone before. A better half, lover or even good friend. Thinking out loud, Merlin had always been secretive about his life.

“Merlin! No!” screamed Gwaine, running under the tree. The small body fell and remained limp. From his pocket, the knight grabbed a knife and threw it at the vines. Call it luck, the blade snapped the liana right away and Gwaine caught his friend. Merlin weights nothing in his arms. His skin was pale and his chest immobile. As still as a frozen lake in winter. With shake hands, Gwaine undone the handmade rope and checked for a pulse. Sure enough, no bones had been broken when Merlin fell to his death. He probably chocked, gasping for air until his consciousness faded away.

“Please, don’t be dead. Not on me,” begged Gwaine, practising first aids on Merlin. One. Two. Three. Four. He heard a loud crack as a rib broke under the pressure. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, repeating the same gestures, giving his own oxygen and forcing in into Merlin lungs. After what felt like eternity, a loud gasp broke the silence. Merlin’s chest started rising and falling again; slightly, but enough to make him alive. “Hold on, I’ll take you to Gaius.”

The way to Camelot never felt so long before. The guards are the door sent worried looks their ways and Gwaine hurried. His loud steps sound like those of some spirit of the dead. With a loud bang – and a startled Gaius – Gwaine stepped into the physician’s office.

“Sir Gwaine? What’s the…” started the old man, before his gaze fell on his ward. “Merlin. What happened?” asked Gaius, hurrying the knight toward the table, where they lay their friend and/or surrogate son.

“I don’t know…” stuttered Gwaine, nervously scratching his neck with his left hand. “Followed him in the woods and … and he tried to… I lose him for a minute and … was hanging in … in a tree… I don’t understand.”

“Oh, my dear boy,” sighed Gaius, checking his books and potions. The thing was, he felt magic was involved in Merlin’s current situation. Lately, the boy had acted off character. Whenever people were not looking, he noticed how his ward’s happiness melted to a grim look. But magic saved him too. Around the younger man’s neck, he felt the golden stream that saved the warlock. His bones clearly snapped the moment he jumped off that tree and repaired themselves to save him. No matter how hard someone had been trying to kill Merlin, the boy’s magic acted like a shield. Or a curse, if legends were true. Legends about Emrys being the most powerful warlock ever, and also an immortal being.

Hours passed and Gwaine ended up snoring on a chair. That is, until Gaius said he did his best and that now, they just had to wait until Merlin felt strong enough to open his eyes again. The sun rose in the distance and the knight yawned loudly.

“I better go wake the Princess. I’ll tell him Merlin’s sick and banned from duties for the time being. Physician’s orders.”

“Thank you, Gwaine. For helping my boy and keeping the secret.”

“He’s my friend too,” smiled Gwaine as he exited the office. Once alone, his smile faded. Merlin almost took his own life. Merlin thought Arthur could lose him and be okay with it. Every single person in Camelot, from nobles to mere peasants knew how close they were. Even that stupid King Uther and his stupid laws knew. If magic truly was involved in it, Gwaine knew it couldn’t force that kind of feeling in one mind. No. Somewhere, even deep inside his heart, Merlin had believed them enough to do so. Or was it about that Freya girl? What if there was no magic here? What if Gaius told him so, just to ease his aching heart?

Without knocking, Gwaine entered the prince’s bedroom and found him fully awake, his back turned to him and struggling with his shirt.

“Merlin, you’re late!” growled the blond.

“Not Merlin, Princess.”

The man froze and turned over. His messy hair poked out of the shirt, quickly followed by the royal’s head with a confuse look all over his face. The moment their eyes met, Arthur asked in a worried voice:

“Where’s Merlin?”

For a second, Gwaine did not find the words. He closed his eyes and saw Merlin’s limp body hanging before him. He remembered how cold he was, how thin … his fear when he realised what had happened.

“He’s sick. Gaius tied him to his bed,” joked the man, trying his best to hide his worry. Thankfully, Arthur was the oblivious type and accepted his poor excuse. He never found out about the truth. Not when they visited Merlin as a group of worried knights. Not when the manservant awoke. Not even when, after a week and a half, Merlin resume to his duties and acted as if nothing happened. The only change came from Gwaine, who stopped his usual stops at the tavern to keep a vigilant eye on his friend.

#whumptober2020 #no.1 #hanging #merlinbbc #fic #tw: depression #tw: suicide

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magicalmischel · 6 years ago

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Our Future

merthur fanfic for Merlin Memory Month

prompt day 7 - prompts “love wins” + “challenge accepted”

wordcount: 1130

SUMMARY - Arthur is challenged by one of his knights who doesn't agree with his choice to be with Merlin. Arthur accepts the challenge. #LoveWins

also posted on FFN and AO3.

OUR FUTURE

The gauntlet landed at Arthur's feet and at that point, there was only one thing left to do.

He picked it up.

This wasn't the first time that Arthur had to fight for his love, but the last time he did that, he was under the influence of a spell. This time, it wasn't a princess whose father he had to fight, this time it was true love – he really did love Merlin. And it was this love and the promise of a good future of their kingdom that made him pick up the gauntlet and accept the challenge.

He had to defend what was right.

And it wasn't an enemy that had thrown him the gauntlet, no, it was his own knight. It was one of the young ones - Arthur recognised him, of course. He had trained with him until he was worthy of his knighthood, and now he was standing against his own king? For one sole reason and that was that he didn't think the idea of Merlin and Arthur together was right?

How could love ever be wrong?

It's the purest of all emotions, the one that brings people together and keeps them together despite everything, the sheer force behind every happy family, be it the parents, the children or good friends.

And yet the knight dared point at Arthur holding Merlin's hand and call it unnatural.

Arthur unsheathed his sword and gripped it tightly with both his hands. He knew Merlin was watching him, and he knew that he was worried, but there was really nothing he could do. Refusing the challenge would solve nothing, and this knight wouldn't stop until he had his own way. He'd made that clear.

Perhaps he counted on the fact that Arthur wouldn't fight his own knight for Merlin, but if that was his belief, then it was wrong. Arthur would fight a thousand armies if it meant saving Merlin, and one knight, whom he had trained himself, was nothing compared to that.

Other knights stepped away, making room for Arthur and the knight who had challenged him, and the fight could begin. The first blow landed and Arthur successfully stopped it with his sword. The knight tried again but it had the same result. Their swords clashed together, their teeth were gritted tight as they fought, and Arthur managed to get the knight on his back on the ground.

"Now, can we-"

The knight kicked Arthur in the shin, making him lose balance and jumped up. He grabbed his sword, but Arthur was already back on his feet, holding his own sword and knocked the sword out of the knight's hand.

The knight found himself unarmed.

"Now," Arthur said, breathing heavily. "Can we end this once and for all?"

The knight frowned at him. "It's wrong! He's your manservant, you shouldn't-"

"But I do!" Arthur told him, his voice strong and loud. "I love him. How can love be wrong? It doesn't matter that he is my manservant or that he's a man, what matters is that he is a good man and that he loves me just as much as I love him. He's more loyal than you are."

"I am loyal!"

Arthur laughed sadly. "This is no loyalty," he explained. "You challenge your own king and yell into his face that you can't accept him for who he is and who he chooses to love! How is that loyalty?" Arthur paused and pursed his lips. He looked at all his loyal and trustworthy men around and sighed. He held out his hand for the knight, who hesitantly took it and stood up. Arthur looked at him sadly. "How can I have you among my knights when you're not loyal to me?"

"You've trained me!" The knight yelled at him. "You know how well I fight! I'm one of your strongest knights!"

Arthur shook his head. "But how can I know that you won't use that strength against me or Merlin rather than to fight alongside me?"

The knight was quiet. He looked behind Arthur, clearly finding Merlin in the crowd and frowned. Then he looked back at Arthur. "If you don't want me . . . then I'll have to find a better king to fight for."

Arthur didn't like this. He didn't like this at all. He didn't want his knights to distrust him this much, he didn't want them to hate him just because of who he happened to fall in love with and have by his side. But if there was no other way to build a safe kingdom for everyone, then so be it. He was going to lose a few people along the way. Not the good ones, hopefully.

The knight walked away and Arthur looked down, breathing heavily and closing his eyes. It was hard to be a king. He still dreamed of having a farm somewhere and living there with Merlin, but those were just dreams. He hoped to shape Camelot into a place that he would love more than that dream, into a better home.

"My king," one of the other knights spoke up. When Arthur looked up, he saw that it was Leon who stepped forward. "I have fought alongside you many times and I will always stand by your side."

Arthur nodded in appreciation. "Thank you, Sir Leon."

Lancelot also stepped forward. "I believe in the world that you will build, Arthur, and I will still be here when that future comes."

Elyan was the next to speak. "Even though I was a commoner, a nobody, you were willing to lay down your life for me. I will never forget that and I shall fight by your side until the day I die."

"I know you are a good man, and I fight for what's right." Percival nodded at him with a smile.

Arthur's eyes landed on Gwaine. With a sigh, Gwaine said, "I might or might not sneak a drink into the armoury from time to time, but don't be mistaken - I'll always want to fight with you and for what's right."

A few of the knights laughed, and Arthur couldn't be gladder to be standing there among them, as their king but also as their equal. More and more knights started stepping forward all around him, nodding at him and confirming their loyalty until Merlin himself stepped forward and took Arthur's hand.

"You know what I think," he smiled at him.

"That I'm a dollophead?"

Merlin laughed. "Yes, that."

Arthur laughed with him and as they held hands, they stared at all the knights around them, all of them supportive and loyal, all of them their friends, their family.

And they both realized that some of that future that they were trying to build was already here.

*the end*

#merlinmemorymonth #my fanfiction #my merlin fanfiction #merthur #love wins #bbc merlin #merlin

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vegan-hermione · 8 years ago

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Merlin Memory Month Day 4 - Path I - Magic

Rating: T (no warnings)

Relationship: Gwaine/Merlin

As you might imagine, it had long been Merlin’s greatest wish for magic to be accepted.

In retrospect, Merlin was a fool.

Merlin, as the newly-appointed court sorcerer, is getting very tired of dealing with everyone’s petty magical problems. He has to mediate arguments between neighbours over suspicious cases of boils, negate love spells, save foolish teenagers from themselves…. Merlin isn’t sure whether Arthur doesn’t believe that Merlin is the most powerful sorcerer to ever live, if this is some sort of nefarious punishment for keeping secrets for so long, or if Arthur just thinks it’s funny to give Merlin the worst job ever. Because it is definitely far below Merlin’s capabilities, and, frankly, his dignity.

Nevertheless, Merlin tries to be kind to the vaguely familiar young lady who comes to his hole-in-the-wall “office” early one morning.

“How can I help you?” he sighs.

She holds out a small charmed stone. Merlin takes it, gingerly, with a piece of cloth.

“Did you make it yourself or buy it?”

“Bought it,” the woman says. She sounds very familiar, but Merlin can’t quite place her…. “It worked as advertised, except it’s not wearing off.”

Merlin inspects the charm with a little magic of his own, and simultaneously figures out what it does and, therefore, to whom he’s speaking. “Hello, Gwaine.”

Gwaine grins at him, not at all embarrassed about his current form. He points at his chest. “Like them?“

Merlin gives him a very flat look.

“Oh, right. ‘Course you don’t.” Gwaine winks.

Merlin sighs again. “Do I want to know?”

“Sex is phenomenal as a woman,” Gwaine says.

“A ‘no’ would have sufficed,” Merlin mutters. He flicks his fingers and Gwaine changes back into his normal shape, his suddenly wider shoulders now pulling very hard on the seams of his dress.

“Now do you like them?” Gwaine says, gesturing at his chest again and flexing his muscles. The dress tears.

Merlin goes a bit red and says, “Go away, Gwaine.”

“Thank you, Your Wizardliness!” Gwaine says, curtsies, and leaves Merlin to sulk over his absent dignity.

A few days later, Percival comes to Merlin’s sad little office. Merlin is surprised, because he thought Percival was too sensible to need his help, but then Percival uses a handkerchief to plunk a small bottle down on Merlin’s desk, saying, “Gwaine drank half of this.”

Guaranteed to make the ladies (or gents) want to ride you! the label says.

“He is a very pretty horse,” Percival allows.

Merlin drops his face into his hands.

Someone bangs on Merlin’s door in the middle of the night.

“Go away!” he calls.

Gwaine barges into Merlin’s room anyways. “There’s an emergency,” he says.

“What?” Merlin demands, as he leaps out of his bed. Is he finally being called upon to use his magic for Arthur in a productive way for a job that does not involve any sort of intercourse-

“I want to have sex.”

Merlin groans and flops back onto his bed. “No.“

“No, not with you,” Gwaine says.

Well, that’s just rude. And slightly hurtful.

“Well, sure, with you,” Gwaine says. “But, like, with everything. Everything. The wall! The floor! Your shoes! I just wanted to have a very fun night, Merlin, but instead, instead - ” Gwaine points towards the front of his pants like that will mean something to Merlin.

It does not. Because Merlin most definitely does not look.

Merlin sits up and incants the counter-spell that will return Gwaine’s libido back to normal. (Merlin would like it noted that he does not first look up this spell, because he has it memorized, because Merlin’s job is the fucking worst.)

“What’ve you done now,” Merlin says, the next time Gwaine shows up at his office.

Gwaine puts a hand over his heart. “I’ve done nothing! You have so little faith in me.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Merlin says.

“Can’t a man just bring his friend some pastries, and the pleasure of some company?” Gwaine offers Merlin a couple of slightly squished, but still warm, probably stolen pastries.

Merlin takes a suspicious sniff, but nothing seems off, so he tears into one eagerly. He gives Gwaine a small smile. “Sorry for snapping. This job is just getting on my nerves.”

“I was thinking about that,” Gwaine says, biting into one of Merlin’s pastries. “Let me help you out a bit. I think it’d make your job easier, if instead of me getting bad spells in the market, you just gave me good spells to begin with.“

Merlin sets down his pastry and leans forward. “Gwaine,” he says. “If you ever ask me to do weird sex magic for you again, I will curse all of your hair to fall out.”

Gwaine flees.

Merlin thinks Gwaine spreads the word, because his number of clients/patients goes way down, especially the ones who are clearly there for weird sex things. That makes his job a bit better, but slightly less terrible is still terrible, so Merlin’s kind of glad for the assassination attempt on Arthur.

Merlin is, fortunately, there to foil the assassins and then heal Arthur’s broken arm to be as good as new. Arthur stares, astonished, at Merlin’s golden eyes, and says, “You’re absolutely wasting your magic down in that little office.”

“I told you that a hundred times!” Merlin says.

Arthur scoffs. “You did not, you were probably having fun down there. Never mind - from now on you’re going to do real work. You’ll start training to fight with your magic tomorrow.”

Merlin is torn between throwing his hands in the air, punching Arthur, and not doing either of those things because he does not want to risk being sent back to the hell of curing everyone’s foolishness again.

He chooses to risk it and punches Arthur very hard.

Gwaine interrupts Merlin in the middle of throwing fireballs at targets. “So… are you any less touchy on the subject of sex magic yet?”

“Not again!” Merlin says. “What did you take now?”

“Nothing!” Gwaine says. “No, I’ve sworn off sketchy marketplace potions.”

“So then what do you want?” Merlin asks.

“Well, since you ask…” Gwaine says. “We could go get some dinner, and then go to my room, where we could have some fun that may or may not involve magic - your choice. What do you say?”

Merlin supposes it would be a shame not to put all the weird sex magic that he’s learned to good use.

Especially with someone who appreciates it as much as Gwaine.

#merlinmemorymonth #merlin #gwaine #my fic

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

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since i am on the cusp of watching the last four episodes of merlin (again, disclaimer: these are episodes i have never seen, and for which i still remain unspoiled, so please help me continue to stay spoiler-free for the next couple of days), i wanted to try to set down a record of where my thoughts are now, because you can only be in a place where you haven’t finished something once - “once a thing is known, it can’t be unknown,” etc - i’ll never be able to come back to this mindset, so i’d like to be able to remember what i was thinking before i knew how it ended. if nothing else, this will mean that i can come back here and laugh at my wildly off-base suspicions.

this is relevant to absolutely nobody, since everybody else finished this show eight years ago; so under the cut it goes!

so.

right now i have a feeling that merlin is going to end...badly. i’ve never been outright spoiled for what happens at the end of this show, but various little hints of feelings i’ve picked up from people just indicate that...it’s not a good time. it would be nice to be wrong! but that is just the sense i have gotten.

with that in mind, my current thinking is as follows:

arthur: i think arthur’s doomed. i used to think it was going to be merlin, but that was last year, and i’ve recalibrated and rewatched since then, and honestly, ‘the disir’ gives me a real bad feeling. you can’t just ignore all these people being like “THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! IT WILL NOT COME AGAIN!” i’m not sure if he’s doomed now, or if they’re gonna have him survive the immediate crisis and then fast-forward to the future so we can watch him die and get shipped off to avalon later, but either way, i think arthur’s in trouble.

(and, quite frankly, i don’t think merlin’s going to get his good ending, either. i’m afraid he’s going to end up dead or living as a hermit or trapped in dragoon’s ancient body or something stupid like that.)

(i would LOVE to be wrong, fyi. i have absolutely no reason to have these suspicions other than the vague sense from others that the ending of this show made people bitterly unhappy.)

i don’t know how there is a way for them to do this that doesn’t feel like a huge waste or something that doesn’t make sense. the messaging on this show has always been that the time of albion hasn’t actually happened yet, that arthur is going to unite the land and be the greatest king of all time. the message has never been that he’s already done it. like - it’s never been presented as “the three years between S4 and S5 were what we consider to be the once and future king’s glorious reign.” so it just feels...like it would be very weird to remove arthur without that promise ever being fulfilled. i’m not sure how they can manage that without pulling the rug out from under their audience in an unpleasant/dishonest way.

i also don’t see how this kind of ending would work without breaking the show’s promise to merlin - that one day he will be known for who and what he is, that he and arthur are destined for greatness, that the appearance of a white dragon “BODES WELL” for them and the world they are trying to build.

mordred: i have no idea what’s going to happen with mordred. i stand by what i said before, that i like him and don’t care if that means i get burned. i don’t know if they’re planning on having him either a) be revealed as a traitor with his own agenda (one not necessary aligned with morgana’s) or b) be sincerely trying to be a good knight but doing a 180 and turning on arthur due to...idk, frustration about not being accepted, old grudge-holding from that confrontation with merlin when he was a kid, new grudge-holding from merlin constantly trying to get him killed, etc.

i have always been concerned that merlin’s behavior is going to drive mordred to do something evil, thus accidentally bringing about the events he’s trying to prevent, so that still looms large in my mind.

morgana: ????? whatever plan she has is going to blow up in her face, it seems, given the substance of merlin’s vision in 5.01 (not that she appears to have a plan at all, this season - she’s been all about the wacky schemes, lately; she has no allies and no army, as far as we know. (that will change, though, i’m sure, once we get to That Dread Place, though how, i don’t know.) “the legends speak of an alliance between mordred and morgana” - so maybe mordred ends up sort of helping her after all, and turning on her in the end (though he’s already done that, it seems, so i really don’t know how that makes sense).

if it were up to me, i’d want morgana to be released, at the end of everything. not redeemed, exactly - i don’t think she would cozy up in camelot with everybody and let things go back to normal, but i think she could be more than what she is. i think it would be an appropriate arc, actually, for us to see her losing her allies and her armies, for her to see people drifting away from her methods, like when annis refuses to help her any further in 4.05. morgana started off as the voice of moral authority on this show, but she’s descended far enough now that she’s driving people away from her cause.

but i still think she deserves a chance. i think she’s the kind of person who has the capacity to come back from the brink. i would like to see further exploration of the conflict she obviously feels when mordred appeals to her humanity in 5.09. i would like to see the conflict she must feel about hurting people she used to love, and i would like to see conflict from them in her direction, as well. i don’t believe it would be simple for arthur to ever consider killing his sister. i don’t think gwen would just give up on morgana without a fight. i do think merlin, for his part, has hardened his heart against her, and that seems appropriate, given their history, but i also think that merlin’s primary motivator in this world is love.

i think he could learn. i think he would realize, after some difficulty, that he owes it to her to try to reach her, somehow.

gwen: it’s hard for me to say what i expect for gwen, because honestly, she hasn’t had much of an arc this season, and therefore we don’t have much to work with. i’m not sure if TPTB just stopped knowing what to do with her once she became queen, or what, but if i had been putting down my expectations for her in season 5 as a whole, i would have expected to see gwen kind of like - struggling a bit with her huge change in circumstance (from servant to queen, i mean, that’s massive; there would be so many things she’d have to adjust to, and then dealing with other people as well, not all of whom would be thrilled by her upward mobility - eg nobles who are threatened by the idea that common folk feel like they can aspire to the second highest office in the land, or other servants who used to be her friends and would never wish her ill but are now maybe nervous around her - but none of that happened, so i honestly don’t know what the plan is for her. i would have liked to see gwen showing up a bit more for merlin, i suppose...they were so close, before, and if anyone would have noticed that something was bothering merlin, gwen would have - but there’s just this gap between them now.

gwaine, too. gwaine and merlin were tight. and now they’re sort of…i mean, gwaine is there, and he on his end is still invested in merlin, but there’s a weird distancing happening between them. merlin is too preoccupied with the all-consuming ‘make sure arthur doesn’t die’ to put much of himself into his other relationships.

to be clear, i’m not actually criticizing that as a writing decision. i do think it’s something merlin would do. i think it absolutely makes sense for merlin to be shutting down all the “extra” parts of his life, one after another, until the only thing left is the Mission. his “destiny.” he can only focus on that one thing. he only thinks his life is worth something if he can succeed at this one thing.

it makes me very sad, but i do think it’s something that would happen to him. it strikes me as an appropriate step for his character arc. because merlin in S5 is kind of disintegrating, and even in S4 he was starting to pull away from other people. but i would expect this problem to be addressed as season 5 progressed, and i fully do not expect that to happen now.

i’m honestly not sure the show actually sees it as a problem at all. i’m not sure...i can never tell if this show understands that merlin feels like all of his relationships are shams, that he feels that everyone who “loves” him would hate him if they knew who he actually was, not just arthur. he thinks people only care about him because he lies. he thinks his true self is fundamentally unlovable, in this particular world. he doesn’t remember what genuine friendship feels like anymore - it’s been such a long time since he experienced it.

i think that’s a problem. i expected it to be one of the problems we would address in S5. but i’m not sure we’re actually going there.

gaius: i was REAL concerned about gaius when we started S5. i was sure he was a goner. he’d already survived way longer than i expected him to and i was so pleased about that fact; i loved it; i loved how merlin said “camelot needs BOTH of us” and refused to ever leave him behind.

i’m still kind of um...worried about him, i guess. i’m not sure where he would fit in a post-finale world. though that really depends on where the finale leaves us.

the dragons: don’t even ask me. are we ever going to get clarification on how kilgharrah allowed aithusa to get swept up by morgana and then trapped in a pit for two years? nah? okay then.

i would really, really like merlin to be able to help aithusa. it doesn’t matter if aithusa is “with” morgana; merlin is still a dragonlord. he would still feel responsible. he would still care. you can tell how upset he is when he sees aithusa in 5.02. i hope we can get something to this effect - who knows, maybe he and morgana can connect on this one thing.

wider concerns: the magical community. i’ve been waiting for merlin to take a stand for them for a long time, but again, i don’t think we’re going there. i wish we were, but merlin thinks the only way he can help them is by helping arthur, because someone somewhere once told him arthur was the one who could put everything right.

(and again, that’s something that makes me sad. why does this community have to wait for their oppressor to slowly, maybe come around? the fact that we, the audience, are fond of arthur doesn’t make it okay for anyone to tell a group of oppressed people to sit around and wait their turn. they deserve to be free now. merlin deserves to be free now. these people have every right to declare themselves free people, unbowed and unshackled - morgana is right about that much, at least.)

wider concerns: the political situation. is anyone ever going to actually explain what albion looks like? the show keeps saying “the five kingdoms” when there are DEMONSTRABLY more than five monarchs introduced across various seasons - are there just five extra-prominent kingdoms, like medieval superpowers? or what? this wasn’t really a big deal before and you could kind of handwave it away, but if arthur’s supposed to be uniting these places, it becomes a little more relevant.

and of course, merlin:

i don’t want to write too much about my many many fears for merlin himself here. i’ve written about them enough elsewhere, and, as gaius says, “i’m not sure my heart can take it.”

suffice to say, my biggest fear is that merlin won’t get his good ending.

for years, people have been telling merlin (and us, by extension!) that one day, someday, if he struggles enough, if he suffers enough, if he is very, very patient, and very, very strong, he will finally be known and loved for who he is.

i am afraid that these people were either mistaken or lying.

people shouldn’t have to earn their happiness in the first place, but by god, if they did, merlin has done enough. he has been hiding in the shadows all his life, doing nothing but help people and sacrifice himself for others’ sakes, even as he believes that all the people he cares about would hate the person he is inside.

he deserves a spot in the sun.

#getting ready #we're watching 5.10 tonight #been kind of staring at the clock dreading the passage of minutes #until we sit down to start the episode #but it's happening #can't put it off any longer #time to rip off this band-aid #O____O #the once and future slowburn #meta #(sort of)

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