#It's 1am and I'm freaking out with random thoughts like this

[insane-thoughts-oftheday]

MY GOD. I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING.

you know that part in the sneak peek of "King" where the choir sings "ODYSSEUS". The melody sounds like when the choir sings "POLIPHEMUS" in "Survive" in the Cyclops Saga.

like I know it's not the same melody, but the way it's sung, the low chorus, the separation of well-punctuated syllables, the repetition of names and the length of the notes in the last repetition. In my head it seems like a lot. Also the imminent danger situation in both scenes, even in different POVs, is something to be noted.

and I don't know if Jay has made this comparison at some point and I'm probably being stupid for not researching it beforehand, but I haven't had time to see all of his tiktoks yet and I really wish I had someone to talk about this incredible musical. I'll go insane if I don't share my hype with someone.

[forgottenfourr]

i saw you in a dream - university smau

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chapter thirty - always welcome

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a/n: THIS MIGHT NOT MAKE ANY SENSE BECAUSE IT IS NOT PROOFREAD BECAUSE I GOT LAZY AND JUST WANTED TO GET THIS MF CHAPTER OUT BUT I'VE BEEN SO BUSY WITH COLLEGE I'M SORRY.

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you frantically search your bags for your apartment keys one last time before accepting defeat and grabbing your phone. the last thing you want to do is call jeongin right now and ask for his help, but he is your last resort. it was either calling him or sleeping in the hallway in front of your apartment until one of your roommates decided to come home.

jeongin answers your call immediately, your previous text causing him to silently prepare for the worse.

“hello? yn?” jeongin spoke urgently over the line.

“hey jeongin, i’m sorry for calling you so late there’s just i-“

your voice is full is embarrassment and distress, that being openly clear to jeongin.

“you know you can tell me anything yn, i’m here for you.” his voice so sweet and reassuring.

“you can say no but uh,” you clear your throat, trying to ease the awkward tension but somehow just making it worse. “i am locked out of my apartment and none of my roommates will be home tonight and i don’t really know what to do? i have no where to go and i’m kinda freaking out.”

your words seem to come out more as a nervous rant, making jeongin aware of the seriousness of the situation.

“hey hey it’s okay, really. come over, there’s always a place for you here.” jeongin says, continuing to reassure you though his heart is now suddenly beating extremely fast at the thought of you staying the night.

---------------

lucky for you, his apartment was only a couple of blocks over, so the walk to his was quick. even if you were slightly dragging your feet from embarrassment.

you stand in front of apartment 325 for what seems like ages (a mere 2 minutes) before knocking on the door. finally fully admitting to yourself that you will in fact not be sleeping in your own room tonight.

jeongin quickly opens the door and greets you with a warm smile, the same one you have found yourself slowly falling for more and more each day.

if jeongin looked good normally, he looks fucking amazing now. his bare face and messy hair paired with a slightly oversized shirt with a pair of plaid pajama pants.

you wouldn’t mind seeing him like this more often.

suddenly it becomes apparent that you have definitely been staring at him for far too long without saying anything because when you look up to meet jeongin’s eyes, his face and ears are bright red.

“oh uh,” you laugh through your embarrassment as you walk into the apartment. “thank you, for letting me come over.”

he quickly shuts and locks the door behind you, “of course, anything for you yn.”

his words causing your already flustered demeanor to grow more.

“do you want something of mine to change into?” jeongin rubs the back of his neck nervously. “or i can ask hyunjin or felix for something if you’re more comfortable with that!!” he quickly adds on.

“if you wouldn’t mind letting me borrow some of your clothes? i’m sorry i know how inconvenient this is.” you say through a yawn, the time already nearing 1am.

“it’s really not a problem yn,” jeongin replies as he rests his hand on your shoulder, letting it rest there for a moment too long.

jeongin leaves the room for a moment before returning with a random shirt and pair of pants for you to change into.

“you can sleep on my bed, i’ll take the couch tonight.” he says cheerfully.

you roll your eyes at him, “no there’s no way i’m letting you do that. i’ll take the couch. i’m already intruding.”

jeongin knows better by now not to argue with you when you’ve made your decision. so he nods his head with defeat as you make your way to the bathroom and quickly change into the clothes he has lend you.

there is a light blush painted over your cheeks as you exit the bathroom, the knowledge of you wearing jeongin’s clothes causing butterflies throughout your whole body.

the moment you step out of the bathroom jeongin’s eyes are locked on you. his heart fluttering at the sight of you in his clothes.

he stares at you, admiring your every feature as you walk over to the living room couch and slump down on it, obviously exhausted.

“thank you again,” you say looking over to jeongin and making unexpected eye contact with him. causing your already pink cheeks to redden even further.

“yeah of course!” he replies, stumbling through his words before he takes the moment as a cue to go to his room and leave you alone.

---------------

it was 3:27am when you look up at the clock near the tv. you have yet to fall asleep. you tried, you really did. but there were too many thoughts going through your head to even try to get a moment of peace.

you were in jeongin’s apartment. at 3:30am. wearing his clothes. and the entire time you’ve been here trying to fall asleep, you can’t help but think about how badly you wish jeongin was next to you right now. you would probably be able to fall asleep if he was next to you.

he’s just in the other room. he’s probably fast asleep.

part of you feels guilty for wanting him next to you. partly because it means you have to accept the fact that you are in fact falling for yang jeongin. and partly because you’re sure you’re nothing to him.

you have given up laying down at this point, you know it’s going to be a sleepless night. which is not like it’s something you’re not used to at this point.

you’re too caught up in your own thoughts to hear jeongin’s bedroom door open. or to hear him make his way into the living room.

“yn?” jeongin’s voice is groggy but still soft.

you jump at the sudden appearance of jeongin, making him chuckle slightly.

“sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you.” he sighs

“it’s okay, why aren’t you asleep?” you ask him, genuinely concerned.

“i could ask you the same thing.”

“okay fair,” you laugh softly.

“but actually, why are you awake? you seemed so exhausted earlier.” he asks, taking a seat next to you on the couch.

you swallow at his sudden close proximity. “i uhm, i am just thinking about stuff.” your eyes are avoiding his own.

“ah, me too. do you want to talk about it?” he asks as he places his hand on top of yours, causing your breath to hitch.

you can’t find strength in yourself to respond. your eyes locked on you and the boy’s hands.

your breath bitches in your throat as he makes eye contact with you, “no, it’s alright.”

the air seems to get 10x thicker as you both sit there, gaze locked on each other. as each moment passes, you seem to be drawn closer to jeongin, leaving a mere few inches between you two.

“hey, yn?” jeongin says in a very soft, almost pleading tone.

you only hum in response, your mind far too drunk off his scent and how close he is to you to even think about anything other than him.

jeongin reaches his hand to your face, gently tucking a strand piece of hair behind your ear. his touch sends shivers down your spine as you continue to stare at him. speechless.

he slowly brings his face closer to your own. you can feel his hot breath against your skin as his eyes break your shared gaze and glance down to your lips. making your heart beat faster than ever before.

“jeongin-“ your voice is coarse and barely audible.

“yn,” his eyes lock with yours once again. “can i kiss you?”

you can barely process his question in your brain before you are already nodding your approval.

the moment your lips connected you felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of your shoulders.

you two melt into each other, each kiss being just a perfect and delicate as the last one.

you’ve felt “fireworks” before, but nothing was like this.

it felt as if your entire body had just exploded under his touch.

his lips were soft and he kissed you with so much passion and care. careful to match the pace you had set to keep you comfortable.

as you broke apart, you felt as if everything was perfect in this moment. even if it was just for this one moment.

“yn?” jeongin asks softly, forehead resting against your own.

“hm?” you gaze at him, a soft smile present on your face.

“do you want to go to my room?”

you laugh at the bluntness of his question which makes him quickly pull away from you and redden from embarrassment.

“no no no no no!! not like that!!” he is practically yelling as he is trying to retract his previous question. “i meant like, to sleep! because the couch is uncomfortable! andmaybeikindawanttocuddlewithyou?idkstoplaughingatme” he mumbles the last part as you press a soft kiss on the tip of nis nose.

“i knew what you meant, it was just funny to see you get all defensive like that.” you admit, causing jeongin to groan in response.

without another word you stand up and reach your hand out to him, “well let’s go! i’m tired.”

he quickly stands up and awkwardly clears his throat, still embarrassed from what happened moments prior.

it is safe to say you fell asleep almost instantly in his arms, the safety and warmth he made you feel being so foreign but one of the best things someone could ever give you.

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<<<prev masterlist next>>>

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xoxo, four <3

[mylivejournalsucks]

Bottleneck.

I went to Minneapolis for work: the birthplace of Brenda and Brandon Walsh, the city where Mavis from Young Adult calls home. I was being interviewed at a college in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I do college talks as often as they'll have me. To be frank, the money is good. I think back to all the colleges I visited back in my Thought Catalog days—Princeton, Yale, UCLA, McGill, Emerson, University of Vermont—when I didn't have an agent and students would ask me what my quote was.

"Um, just pay for my flight and hotel? IDC!" I said.

One time I gathered up the courage to ask for $500. Now I know I could've made more than my yearly salary.

But it's not about the money. Not entirely. I've realized, especially in recent years, that I love dedicating chunks of time to things that have nothing to do with my Real Life. Getting flown to a city I would never go to ordinarily, researching restaurants, eating the local cuisine (aka going on Grindr) feeling beholden to no one, getting to talk to a group of kids who've been spent the last few years living primarily with Ideas, it's heaven. It feels luxurious, like a nibble of dark chocolate before bed. Sometimes I think if I could live the bulk of my life as a bottle episode—nothing of story consequence, could stand on its own or be cut for time—I would. Bottle episodes are typically the strongest, anyway. They don't have to be bogged down with exposition or serialization. They can just exist and show off the good bones of a TV show.

As you get older, it's harder to just exist. Suddenly everything has consequence, everything is connected. We've designed our lives to to be constantly building, building, building. Go here to get there.

When I'm in these random cities, I'm going fucking nowhere. I'm laying in my hotel bed, AC blasting, watching episodes of Chopped at 1am, my jet-lagged face lit up by my laptop. I'm Googling "Best coffee in Minneapolis" I'm drinking the best coffee in Minneapolis (really good, tbh) I'm working out in the hotel gym with the other mentally ill freaks who can't go three days without exercise endorphins, I'm thinking about going to this museum everyone is raving about while knowing full well I am never going to go, I'm answering an email or two, I'm accidentally getting a huge chunk of writing done—writing that would've taken me a week in Los Angeles—because nobody knows me here, nothing is expected of me. I have nowhere to be. I am really horny all of the time. Hotels put you in that frame of mind. The bed says: "Why are you not having sex with a stranger on me? That's what I'm here for." And then sometimes I do have sex with a stranger. If it's good, the place I'm visiting will suddenly feel like home. Now that I've had a local's penis inside of me, I get why people live here. If it's bad, the limits of the bottle episode will be tested when I fly back in a rotten mood.

Does my enjoyment of these "work trips" belie a larger dissatisfaction with my real life? Yes. No. Maybe. Fuck off.

A state of unease has settled on my chosen city, Los Angeles. The industry I work in is like a weather forecast. And just like the real weather, there's been an inordinate amount of rain. Something's not right. (actual weather: Climate change, Hollywood: Monopoly is being adapted into a movie.) No one knows how to fix it. When will the person in charge come back? Wait. You're telling me there was never a person in charge? Oh no.

Of course, my ego requires me to say I am one of the lucky ones in that I currently, as of this writing, have a job. But even in bustling times, a writer feels insecure. Being prosperous means knowing what the next six months of your life looks like. That's it. And then it's back to planting those seeds knowing most won't bear any fruit. (I spend three days in the Midwest and I'm trying out farming metaphors.)

When I am in these cities or small towns, I am there for a job, which means I know money is coming in. And anything happening back in Los Angeles is none of my goddamn business. Until it has to be.

These cities I visit are full of ambitious people but I project so much on to them. They've chosen to live in cities with affordable housing and James Beard award-winning restaurants. Any unease they feel comes from within and not from watching the Hollywood stock market, otherwise known as the trades. Their lives belong to them whereas I don't know if mine totally does. There's so much powerlessness that comes with my profession. What if a network that is paying my mortgage merges with a Sbarro's tomorrow and, poof, no more job? I wish I were joking but the only comedy getting made right now is Real Life, streaming everywhere.

I want to figure out how to live life more like a bottle episode. How can I take this back to Los Angeles without becoming irresponsible? I don't want a different life. I just want my life to stop feeling different. I want things to go back to "normal" which, for Hollywood, is still crazy but, like, I'm not scared of Sbarro's taking my job.

I am a cynical optimist. Everything is cyclical. It will land somewhere. But, in the meantime, how do you stay inspired when you are told everybody is looking for things that are "safe" which is code for "nothing that comes out of your faggot gimp brain?" How am I supposed to feel when I see my business chasing after IP no one gives a shit about and spending $200 million because they can only conceive of teeny tiny or big bang boom? Baby Reindeer is one of the most popular TV shows right now. I haven't seen it yet but it's a show with no stars (no offense!) and no action figures. Just people trying to figure out less painful ways to be alive, like all the best kind of art explores. It reminds me of Fleabag's success. When your premise is simple, you can be complex. And, yet, I feel like the wrong lesson will be metabolized. "Stalkers! Let's reboot the movie Disclosure, even though no one watched it the first time!"

The thing is, we're all miserable living under these mandates. And, yet, we made the rules. If only someone would just realize no one is coming to save us. We have to save ourselves.

Anyway, my favorite bottle episode is Girls, season two, episode five "One Man's Trash." A show everyone is rediscovering but probably wouldn't get made today for reasons that are made up and nobody understands or agrees with.

[theodoraflowerday]

im listening to PFA/FFV for the first time in like a month and it's 1am so these are scattered/random thoughts, again it's 1am

when she says "nothing cuts like a mother" FUCKKKKK it gets me every time. if this is what she wants (which, she's said it a lot that she does want to be a mother) then she's gonna be the coolest mom (and I know this bc she practically raised me too so that future child is gonna have to share)

"if you know love you best prepare to grieve" hits so much harder now than it did in 2020. I didn't know how hard real loss felt like. ugh.

okay..... creepin. i genuinely thought it was about the bats in her bat house (and that concept made her laugh #noticed) but if this song really IS about B then jdkgjslgjsljdjfjdkf hayley's such an asshole, this song is SO BAD AJDLSJFLSJFLSJF like "yeah I know T's like the greatest human in the world but the memory's gonna have to be enough" which like..... bruh. AND THEN FOLLOW THAT WITH SUDDEN DESIRE SJFKSLFJDLGKDLGK LIKE NOT ONLY IS HE NOT GETTING BACK W YOU BUT ITS BECAUSE HE'S WITH ME NOW, HERE, HAVE A SEX SONG

tracklist goals ily hayley

speaking of sudden desire, rmr when i was walking thru a bridge when i first heard "everywhere i am it sticks close like a friend, just like him" and I. stopped. and stood in the middle of a random bridge for like a minute processing that she meant taylor. like And That Was The Moment I Knew. I had to try and focus cutting open dead bodies knowing that she meant taylor and I couldn't talk about it because being a tayley was still frowned upon until two years ago...... suffered more than jesus tbh

"dyed my hair blue to match my lips" LYRIC GENIUS

"sorry, I could be the bigger person except I'm too small" is the FUNNIEST possible way to explain your pettiness

I just remembered dousing her wedding doc martens in cement in the dead horse music video......... nvm, hayley is the one who suffered more than jesus

like? "I got what I deserved, I was the other woman first" FIRST OF ALL! no. you were groomed. fuck you pinhead bitch i hope you never stop suffering. second of all 'other woman' YOU WERE SEVENTEEEEEEEEEN YOU WERE A *CHILD*

wherever pinhead bitch is, i hope he gets kidney stones.

remember when I got a rose/lotus/violet/iris tattooed to connect with my femininity and then i ended up being nonbinary/agender/a blob? i mean, I still like my femininity, I don't wanna get rid of it, but in retrospect that was like my last desperate attempt at remaining cisgender dlgjdlfkdlgjdlfjdlfjlf

and i will not return to where i once was, well i can break through the earth, come out soft and wild :(

i spent the weekend at home again :( drawing circles on the floor :( trying to keep myself from hurting :( don't know why anymore :( I just wanna talk about it :( I know I freaked you out :( I just wanna talk about it :( sorry for freaking out :( :( :(

so the way I listen to PFA/FFV is like, PFA through why we ever, then all of FFV, and then resume PFA from pure love through crystal clear. which means FFV is about to hit ahahahaha I need therapy

bro, first thing to go starts and like, two sentences in and im already crying skflsjfldjf

"why do memories glow the way real moments don't" to the entirety of crave....... picture me looking for my car (cause a homie's going thru a lot)

"and I should forget but I love what's left" dude :(

I always forget how violent my limb is. both because of the imagery (like "if you leave you're literally ripping out one of my limbs, that's how vital you are to me") and because of the more direct message ("you look so gentle and innocent but look at what you're doing to me and look how im bleeding out" and also "if you're gonna leave me then have the guts to do it right even if it kills me, don't patronize me") like...... hayley williams you are a fuckin wonder

I don't live for you, I live for me 😃 if only that were true, if only I could prove that on my own I'm worthy 😟

THE TROUBLE IS THE WAY YOU STICK TO ANY PART OF ME THAT REMAINS INTACT

"but if I pull the plug, it isn't only me that I'm holding back" vs "and all the ways I'd keep you safe, I keep you safe from me" bro i shouldn't be doing this at 1am before my period

"all I ever had to say about love is a sad song" NOT ANYMORE YOU DON'T OHOHOHOHOHOHO

over those hills is usually when i remember that hayley did all the instruments on FFV too. like she did the whole thing. she's fucking insane.

"and I'm pretty sure you don't miss the way I put all my demons on display to your pretty music" fuck. FUCK

ONE MORE TIME. PLAY ME SOMETHING. I WON'T SING. ONE MORE TIME. PLAY ME SOMETHING. ONE MORE TIME. IM LISTENING.

good grief to me is the saddest breakup song (not the saddest overall but breakup wise def yes) because the great majority of their relationship is based on the music they made together so losing that had to also be horrifying. like she couldn't fully express herself without his music. that's so depressing.

wait on is the saddest song overall btw. it's definitely wait on. it hasn't even started and I'm already tearing up.

seriously, good grief > wait on > KYRH > inordinary > HYD is an attack from every goddamn side. saddest five song run in history.

"keep you right here where the line is, on my fingers, on the surface" I cannot imagine how much it took for hayley to move past all that absurd amount of trauma. like I can't. i could never (i still haven't)

inordinary is my favorite song though. it took me, uh, four years? to admit this but im pretty sure this is my favorite song ever. this is the first time i am ever admitting this btw.

something about pleading to be seen as the most important person and then going through all your life and all the moments you were extraordinary... and using inordinary instead of extraordinary... idk man it just gets me. it gets my former gifted child ass deep in my heart

something something taylor york's absolute inability to take a goddamn compliment despite being the best human being to have ever existed something something

(i got a public commendation at work two days ago and i am still reeling from how awkward I felt so like. I get it)

"I wonder if you ever quit like you wanted, I bet you did" lmao no he fucking didn't. my man's lungs must be charred by this point. sending him that "why smoking's bad for you" book so he can break down in my arms zayn style

I can't imagine how insane it must've felt for T to hear no use I just love you. like if I were him (and knowing his insecure ass) I'd also wonder if she's just latching on to me bc I'm so close to her and convenient so hearing this song must've been like "ah. I've been an idiot"

god I wanna interview them on their ENTIRE relationship timeline i need to know what happened last night outside his house I need to know the whole breakup timeline I wanna know EVERYTHINGGGGGJLGHKLGKG

oh I forgot the full body cringe I get from "not just the friction of our skin" like those are my parents you're talking about

also pure love going "oh I have to open up huh" is HILARIOUS after FFV which is an entire album of H's deepest saddest most depressing thoughts and experiences like.... she opened up all right

the one thing that excites me deeply about fine print is the idea that if hayley releases another solo album she'll do a solo tour and I'll hear all of these live

I can't believe people heard taken and they STILL didn't catch on that she was with taylor. like maybe I am super biased but bro......... you have to be so fr

MIGHTVE TAKEN THIRTY YEARS BUT I WAS ALWAYS ON MY WAY TO HIMMMM AAAAAAAA

SUGAR ON THE RIM IS FOR THE GAYS AAAAAYEEEEEE

"do you taste the shame when you lick my wounds" is an insane lyric tho

god, sugar on the rim is the best PFA song and no one can tell me nothin

"I'm alive in spite of me" is also a beast of a lyric actually. that sugar on the rim > watch me while i bloom > crystal clear is also an insane 3 song run

hey remember how crystal clear is so important to hayley that she wrote a reference to it into liar

and it's important because taylor decided to surprise her with the single most romantic thing a person could do for another person

"I won't give into the fear" I'm gonna die perhaps

god hayley please keep the solo stuff coming please

AND NOW YOU'RE PUMPING AIR TO MY LUNGS THIS DONT FEEL ANYTHING LIKE SINKING IN FACT NO MATTER HOW DEEP I GO INTO YOU IT LOOKS LIKE THE WATER IS CRYSTAL CLEAR AAAAAA

god

also remember how hayley was like "stop. TAYLOR APPRECIATION TIME" on the US tour and did liar and crystal clear back to back? absurd

ffv always depresses me but crystal clear brings me back like ah yes. they're happy now. good for them

now I need to beat depression too. find the love of my life perhaps? Who knows

[bondsmagii]

Same anon here that asked for you to elaborate on being hit by a trains and stabbed. Gonna need you to elaborate on the being trapped in a room that didn't exist for hours too dog

oh man that was a culmination of a lot of bullshit in that place. I mean it when I say that reading House of Leaves is bringing it all back to me lmao.

context: the house was a small chalet in the middle of the woods, near a mountain that had creepy shit living on it and people vanishing and stuff. with this setting, what could go wrong? the house had five small bedrooms, an open plan living/kitchen area, a small shower off the hall, and a bathroom/shower/toilet at the end of the hall. no other rooms. no other space. the hallway was an upside-down L shape, so the longer bit first, then the shorter bit to the right. actually fuck it I'm gonna draw a map of this shit.

I was in Room 1, for context. outside rectangles show the window placements. anyway, some of the shenanigans that went down in this house before I got trapped in Interdimensional Purgatory:

strange noises all the time, like footsteps running up and down the hall, fingers tapping on doors, nails scratching on the outside of the house. at first we all thought one of the others was fucking with the rest of us but it happened when we were all in the same room as well

whispering, growling, muttering, etc, usually by the doors or at the bend of the hallway

shadowy figures often glimpsed at the bend in the hallway, moving quickly around to the short hallway but never visible when I ran after it with my camera (I was big into Marble Hornets at the time if that gives anyone context)

the hallway was longer in one direction than in the other. we tested this multiple time. I first noticed because I have OCD and frequently count random things, so I would count my steps as I walked up and down. I have a long stride and it was 12 steps up and 14 steps down. later, we measured this with string and a bunch of tape measures, and we kept getting different numbers. sometimes shorter, sometimes longer, but always in excess of the initial number going up the hall.

when I was sitting in this hallway livestreaming once, everyone in chat freaked out and mentioned that they saw something moving behind me, by the bend. when I asked what it was they said it was just some mass of black shadow. locked myself in my room for the rest of the night.

rooms got bigger and smaller. we hung string up around the rooms and the hallway to keep an eye on this, so it looked like we were living in a fucking laser maze. sometimes the string was taut. sometimes a little slack. sometimes several different strings in different parts of the house were found entirely snapped.

one time my friend (only a door down from me in Room 3) was calling back and forth with me and it sounded like her voice was getting further and further away

so this is the shit we were dealing with. now to move on to my Dimensional Imprisonment.

this happened about six months after we moved in

I was completely nocturnal at the time so I was up all through the night, and therefore the most frequent witness to the house's bullshit

maybe that's why it tried to eat me idk

anyway it's early in the morning, probably like 1am, and I go to the bathroom to pee. as you can see from the map, I have to go the whole length of the hall. my housemates had recently asked me not to turn on the hall light because it woke them all up (it was admittedly obnoxiously bright) so fine. whatever. I'll just fucking walk up the demon shadow person growly-scratchy hallway in the dark. it's fine.

it's always consistent on the way up (or so I thought) so I count out my 12 steps and then turn right

there's nothing blocking me, as it should be

I step forward

immediately walk into a wall.

OK no biggie. I misjudged. I turn back.

immediately walk into a wall.

OK a moderate biggie now. I put my hands out and feel around, and there are walls on all sides.

ah! wait! the tiny shower room! it's no biggie after all!

search for a lightswitch

search for the shower

there's nothing

HUGE biggie

it's just plain walls on all sides of me and no. fucking. door.

I check for some time and I am telling you there is NOTHING. there is nothing but smooth wall. it's completely dark. there are no seams, no grooves, no switches, nothing.

finally I accept this and think well fuck.

I sit on the floor for a bit and ponder my fate

for some reason I am not actually that worried at this point because I figure the house does creepy shit all the time so maybe if I wait it'll just... release me?

it was also essay time so I was probably also thinking that if I get eaten by a fucked up house I won't have to do my essays

not sure how much time passed

eventually something just... changes. I look up and nothing has visibly changed but I can Sense something

I get up and feel around

I find a door

I open it

I am standing halfway down the hall (I should have been outside Room 5, but I'm standing between Rooms 2 and 3)

it is daylight

upon returning to my room I see it is just past 8am

stand there puzzled and unnerved for some time

remember I need to pee and go back to the bathroom

no shenanigans this time

hallway is still 14 steps on the way back

fuck this house

[hollowedwing]

Isekai-ed into Hawk's Life

Hawks x gn!winged!Reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Death!(at very beginning, it is an isekai), mentions of death throughout, some angst(??maybe not yet??), slight cursing

THIS WILL NOT FOLLOW A SPECIFIC TIMELINE IN THE MANGA

(so sorry i just, love, love, the idea of having wings)

(this is all my art, it is on IG, im just too embarrassed for people who know me irl to potentially find this xD Even though none of them have tumblr 👀 if you somehow recognize it...props to you?)

_________________________________

tbh, I can’t decide if I want this to have more than 1 part. 

Word count: ~1,800

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You were on your way home from a long evening at your part time job. Before that you had already taken 2 finals that morning too.

You dragged your feet, exhausted, as you headed towards the crosswalk. Stopping at the edge as the traffic light turned green, you decided to pull out your phone and decided to watch a speed paint from your favorite artist who recently released a new video.

It just so happened it was a Hawks speed paint 👀

The light turned red and you slipped your phone into your pocket as your started to make your way across the street

little did you know this would be the last time you'd cross the street

A wild driver came barreling down the road, no regards for civilians or traffic lights, probably drunk or high or just someone out for blood.

You stood there like a deer caught in headlights as your life flashes before your eyes

You can barely comprehend what's happening as you felt pain engulf your body and suddenly you were unconscious

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Keigo tiredly stumbled into his large apartment, kicking off his shoes and shrugging his jacket off by the door

He wants nothing more than to just flop down and pass out. The HPSC has been giving him hell lately about god knows what.

He let out a long sigh and headed towards the bathroom to do his nightly routine

As he finishes up, he drags his feet towards his bed and flops down face first into the comfort of his pillow and sheets

Keigo falls asleep almost instantly after getting into a comfortable position, worn out from a long day of work

What he wasn't expecting was a loud "thud!" coming from the main room. He jolts up from his bed, feathers ready to attack.

*******

Reader's pov(?)

*******

You groaned as you hit the floor. Your head was spinning and it feels like a truck just hit you

oh wait...

You suddenly became more alert, looking around in a panic, expecting to either be on the road and injured or in a hospital of sorts. What you didn't expect was a wooden floor inside of a random apartment.

You felt around your body for any signs of injury, but all you found were a set of wings on your back- wings?? Hold up. Why did you feel wings what kind of sick joke was this?

Your thoughts were racing as your breathing picked up. What was happening? Didn't you just get hit by a vehicle? Why are there wings in your back? Where are you even?

Feeling around in your pockets, you found your phone and whipped it out, trying for anything. You turned it on, the harsh light of it illuminating your face, you tried to send a text to your best friend, but alas, it wouldn't go through. Actually nothing on your phone seemed to work. You checked your location settings, for some reason it said Musutafu, Japan.

Wasn't....Wasn't that the location that most of Boku no Hero Academia took place?? This can't be right, this has to be a dream right? There's no way that you could have actually ended up here unless...

Then it hit you.

You read your fair share of isekai series back when you were alive in your realm. Mostly manhwas of characters getting reborn into another person's body, but, never actually reincarnating as yourself into another world.

That was the only thing you could think of. You must have been reincarnated into the Boku no Hero Academia world. Except as yourself.

In all honesty, this is not how you thought you'd go out. You didn't know what to expect after death, but this definitely wasn't it. After all, this was a fictional setting, wasn't it?

Well, not anymore because now you're living in it! Smh.

That would also probably explain the wings on your back. This was you now. You have a bird quirk.

Now, all you have to do, is figure out where the heck you are.

Just as you are about to stand up, feathers zip towards you, pinning you to the ground

You hear footsteps begin to come towards you. You don't know if you should be scared for your life considering you've already died once or ecstatic because, you knew for a fact, this could be none other than Hawks' apartment.

The winged hero finally emerges and stares down at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

He says in a low, gravely voice from sleep, "Who are you, and how did you get into my home?" You stare back up at him and nervously chuckle.

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you." You nervously sigh out.

"Try me." He demands, sounding a little more irritated now. You sigh in defeat and start to explain your situation.

"Do...do you know what an isekai is?" You said sheepishly while turning your gaze away from his. He kind of gave you a confused head tilt and just a vibe that said “No”. You sigh again and explain it to the best of your ability. Hawks becomes more and more interested and confused as you talk, but nods a long slowly. 

“So...you were reborn here, but as yourself? Wait- does that mean you died before!?” He asked, disbelief and fear ran through his eyes. You looked at him in bitter amusement.

“Apparently I did. The last thing I remember of my world was getting hit by some truck or car. The dude clearly did not know how to drive. I had the right of way I was pretty sure at least. I mean, the light was red, usually that means pedestrians can cross the street? And plus he was going wayyy over the speed limit,” you begin to ramble on, the reality of actually dying setting into you. Hawks noticed the panic beginning to set into you and released you from his feathers. He crouched down next to you and grabbed your shoulders gently.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, you're ok now, right? You're here, and not dying in the middle of the street still. You're here. In Musutafu," he said trying to calm you back to reality. Well, what was your new reality. Your mind was racing. Trying to put together a coherent thought. 

You look up to him, with a panicked look still in your eyes, thoughts started to come out of your mouth as your brain was trying to catch up with the situation. "I'm... I'm in Boku no Hero Academia and, and you’re Keigo... standing... right in front of me..I have wings. I have wings? Jeezus I have fucking wings. And I’m dead in my own world. I don’t know anyone, well, wait, technically, I do know people, just-Oh gods! I’m so sorry, that name slipped out! I- I, I’m really sorry Hawks." Even in your wild state, you noticed Hawks tense up at the sound of being called Keigo by a total stranger, and were able to get out an apology. That was progress? You were slowly coming back to reality.

Hawks froze up a bit at the sound of hearing his real name mentioned. At first he wasn't sure if he believed your tale of the isekai situation, but after this he might have to reconsider it. He opted to shake off that weird feeling for now and focus on different matters. 

" I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go or to stay. I'm in a whole different freaking universe! My phone doesn't even hardly work here. And I have a pair of wings on my back!" You puffed them out angrily. Hawks glanced behind you and his eyes widened a little. You in fact, did have a set of bird wings. Kind of owl like wings. Not near as big as Hawks', but definitely big enough to fly you around.

Before Hawks could process the words coming out of his mouth, he was already asking you, "Would you maybe like to stay with me? I can help with your quirk too." He glanced away awkwardly. You looked towards him in disbelief.

"Dude, are you sure? We literally just met like 10 minutes ago? I mean, I'm all for it, I have nowhere else to turn to, but if you really really don't want me here, I will politely step out of your life." You so badly wanted to accept his offer on the spot, but being the considerate, mostly sensible human you were, you gave him the option to back out. Hawks shook his head.

"No, no, it's alright. You can crash here. Uh- I mean- stay here! Sorry!" You giggled at his comment.

"Well thank you very much!"

"It's all good. I have a spare bedroom you can occupy for the time being. I'll give you some clothes to sleep in that'll hopefully fit. Accidentally bought a couple things in the wrong size without looking. " (a/n: just...just assume its your size, or oversized, whatever's comfy idk) He jumped up and headed towards his room to grab you the clothes. You still sat on the floor. Still amazed at everything that was occurring.

Hawks walked back into the room and tossed you the clothes. "Hey uh, you know, you can get up now, sorry for holding you down earlier.."

You blushed and scrambled to stand up, "Oh no! It's ok! I understand. This would definitely warrant that kind of action. Some random stranger crashes into your apartment at like 1am. I completely understand. Honest."

He let out a small laugh and wearily brushed his fingers through his hair. The adrenaline of everything finally wearing off. He could feel the tiredness setting into his aching muscles again. “Ah, well, I’m going to head to bed now. The room is down the hall at the very end that you can stay in. I’ll take you out training tomorrow evening if that’s alright?”

You gave a nod of understanding and followed him down the hallway. “Goodnight Hawks,” you sang as he walked into his bedroom. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and closed his door. 

Making it into what was now your room, you changed out of your clothes so fast, eager to rid yourself of the past hours events. 

Not gonna lie, you could not figure out how to properly get your new wings into the shirt, even with the holes and snaps in the back. Your mind was too exhausted to even process this new skill. So you ended up going to bed without the shirt on and just settled for putting the sweatpants on. 

You figured it’d be good to just pass out asap. You were sure if you tried to recount the recent events, you’d spiral into a panicked mess. 

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to sleep, trying to only think of positive outcomes for the future. But to be honest, you didn’t know enough about anything in this realm to think rationally about anything good. 

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I prooobably didn’t proofread this as much as I should have

[unusualvisionsblog]

Sky full of star: Chapter 1

My first original series/ book! Ah I'm super nervous and excited. Its pretty cringy I guess but I hope y'all don't hate it yeet.

Summary : Kathleen Hunter, 23 and a redhead is a daring and an ambitious flight attendant who wants to travel the world. But when her jobs brings her to a new love and brings back an old flame, what will Kathleen do?

Warnings : none actually, cringe probably, swearing later.

There might be a few spelling mistake since I posted this at like 1am yeet

Word count : 1615 or something

So here we go oof

CHAPTER 1

Never had she hated her life more. Her alarm didn't ring and she had already stubbed her toe on that darn bedside table. Ouch. She really couldn't  afford to be late today.Sighing deeply, she checked the time. Today was really important for her,  because if this flight went well, her career would really take a jump. Being a flight attendant was definitely not an easy job. She had to deal with rude passengers and crying babies. She looked at herself in the mirror, biting her lips in criticism. Her strawberry blonde hair were a mess but there wasn't enough time to do a decent hair style.

Kathleen would never believe anyone whenever they complimented her on her looks, because having been called plain and boring by her mother for 23 years, it was hard to believe anything else really.

But when someone else would see her for the first time, they would notice how the  loose tendrils of her silky hair would cover her face and how her alluring blue eyes would peek out and how they would shine brilliantly when her pink lips uplifted to form a sweet smile.

Putting her hair in a quick messy bun, she got dressed and grabbed a coffee before leaving. She quickly reached the bus stop and waited, tapping her feet constantly and after every two sips, checking the time. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't notice a group of suave business men and women heading towards her  when suddenly "BAM!". A young man talking to his colleague bumped into the frowning woman. At this sudden motion, Kathleen stepped back, dropping the hot coffee on her uniform. Now this really was the cherry on top of an already bad day.  She crossed her arms, glaring right into the brown eyes of the fair young man, "Excuse me, are you actually freaking blind? You've completely ruined my day AND my coffee!"

Taken aback, "I apologise for the coffee but this is just as much your fault as it is mine" the man huffed, his brows creased. This only infuriated Kathleen more and she was more than ready to retort back,"Hah! You- " when the woman next to the man interjected,"David we really don't have time to argue with random people on the street, you're getting late!" and with that they all moved forward with David looking over his shoulder and scowling at the woman one last time, muttering, "God what a horrible start to the day."

Having finally reached the airport, Kathleen quickly changed into her second set of uniform and did her make up before getting on board the flight.

As tiring and exhausting this job was, Kathleen really did love being a flight attendant as it was the only way she got to travel the world. She'd been to France, Germany, Italy, India.. the list goes on and on.

She had met people who had impacted her life throughout her journey and she was excited for her next one and if this went well, there was going to be a sweet sweet salary bump for her.

Having helped all the passengers in the economy section feel  comfortable, she moved to the business class where she finally got a chance to talk to her  best friend, Tracy Sawyer. Tracy smiled brightly at her as she walked towards her, "Omg, are you excited?! This is your first flight with you in charge!! You are so going to kill it!"

"Wow you have way more confidence in me then I have  for myself." She chuckled in reply.

"Okay first shut up, you're definitely getting that raise and second you have got to see that hottie in first class, single and wohoo he is a snack!"

Raising her eyebrow, "Don't you have like a boyfriend Tracy?" She questioned.

"God you are so dense, Kathy he isn't even my type, I was talking about you! You've been single for like 8 years!"

"3 not 8!"

Tracy rolled her eyes in reply, "Whatever you're serving first class today! See you around love! First seat on the right" She said winking at Kathy and moving to the next section.

She would be lying if she said she wasn't  even a least bit interested in checking out this so called handsome single man. She took a deep breath and walked right into the first class section and with a bright smile turned towards the right side, " Good morning and thank you for choosing Blue sky airlines, how can I help you today?" She lifted her eyes and that's when her smile faltered. They were the same brown eyes that had glared right back at her in the morning.

"You- it was you at the bus stop wasn't it? Screaming at me?"squinting at her with his lips pressed

" I-i act-" she stuttered.

" Do you know that I am the CEO  of  Timetrend?"

Wide eyed, her breathing became rapid but she could not speak.

"This is an interesting turn of events" with a smirk on his face.

At this point Kathleen composed herself, "Sir allow me to apologise to you profusely, I truly am very sorry." But let's be honest, they both knew she wasn't.

"Well I guess you can make it up to me by getting a glass of champagne or is that too much for you?"

Biting her lips to prevent her from making the situation worse, She replied, "right away sir."

She cursed Tracy severely in her head. And to make matters even more abominable, there was only one first class passenger. And he was a pain in the ass.

He couldn't believe his bad luck, imagine having the same clumsy woman as your flight attendant. At least here he had an advantage, he could order her around completely although he wasn't actually that cruel. He was having a hard time  trying to control his laughter looking at the flustered girl who was so composed before.

As much as he tried to distract himself, he was extremely bored, he had finished all of his work so that he could spend time with his girlfriend on the flight. Well Ex girlfriend now since she broke up with him yesterday. He was upset sure but not heartbroken. He didn't really love her and she probably didn't either although she tried to but the effort was only one sided. He didn't have time for relationships. He was a busy man after all.

He tried to sleep but he just couldn't. He heard the sound of her heels and guessed that she was making the rounds again. He sat up straight and decided to order another glass of champagne, this was a long flight after all.

" Do you need anything sir? " She questioned, still afraid to meet his eyes.

"Yes, I'm bored."

At this her eyes shot up, with eyebrows raised but she quickly hid it with her normal smile

" Well we have a wide range of movies, if you'd like. We also have mag-"

"No."

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean no, I want to have a conversation. Tell me something about yourself."

" Are you drunk sir?"

" No of course not! Who gets drunk after two glasses of champagne?"

" Well okay, what would you like to know?"

"For starters, tell me your name."

And somehow, to both of their surprise, they were able to keep an interesting flow of conversation going without any awkward silences or anything of the sort and soon they were laughing like old friends. Well actually Kathleen was laughing, the closest David came to laughing was giving her a genuine smile. Soon Kathleen returned to the other attendants for the rounds, returning soon enough to first class, with smirking glances from Tracy.

"Kathleen, might I ask you why did you choose to become an air hostess? You don't have to answer." He added cautiously

"One  call me Kathy, I actually do not like Kathleen at all.

He chuckled slightly taking a sip of his drink

"Two it's not really complicated. I mean I didn't always want to be an attendant. I wanted to  be a pilot. But you know financial issues."

"Oh. Yeah I get that"

There was a comfortable silence between the two before Kathy had to leave again.

"We'll be landing soon, so I'll take your leave." She smiled at him warmly. There was something so innocent about her smile that he couldn't help but smile back.

She got up to get back to her seat with Tracy when a sudden turbulence caused her to stumble forward but before she could hit the floor,a pair of strong hands grabbed her waist and prevented any accident that would end up with her having a huge boil on her head. She felt her heart pound as she looked into his brown eyes slightly converted by his brown hair for what seemed like 10 minutes but was actually 5 seconds? She was being ridiculous! She shook her head and smiled at him,thanking him and went on her way avoiding eye contact.

-----

He really couldn't help but smile at her and he was pretty astonished about himself. They were getting ready to descend, when there was a slight tremor and he realized that it had completely shooken Kathy and she would probably fall down but before that he grabbed her firmly by the waist and immediately stood up. He didn't know what happened but something in her blue eyes pulled him towards her. He saw a strand of her glossy red hair on her soft pink cheeks, he was having  a hard time fighting the urge to tuck it behind her ear. He didn't even register the fact that he was staring at her before she blushed and pulled away. For the first time in his life, he felt flustered at the sight of her. He probably was just tired. Hopefully.

#love #angst #romance #chicklit #original #fiction