#It’s so uncomfortable and makes me self conscious 😢

[kimetsu-chan]

I ate too much dinner and now im uncomfortable :(

[dylandavisfit]

I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this… but feel like I need to share it. I’ve been working out for maybe 3-4 years now consistently and I don’t think anyone knows why I started on this journey. And to be quite frank I feel as if until now I’ve never been honest with my self as to why either. But after a long relationship that was filled with toxicity and a demeaning environment for so long I had little to no confidence and didn’t think I’d be able to ever find someone that would want or accept me for who I am again. But it was after this very dark time in my life that I found a passion for fitness and improving my self everyday and slowly building up the confidence I have today. And although my break up had a big effect on why I started on my fitness journey, deep down I know it was more than just that. I’ve always been so conscious of what other people think of me and not super confident or motivated to talk to people or do something I want to do because I’m worried of what others might say. Being uncomfortable in your own skin or not feeling accepted is one of the worst feelings you can have. And because these feelings were so strong I know I needed to make a change. So my journey began and I worked my ass off to get where I am now but I promise you it was worth every day spent working towards it. Like they say, nothing worthwhile comes easy. The gym taught me just that. So through fitness and honestly the support I’ve received in the last year or so through Instagram (love you guys 😢) has given me so much new found confidence in myself. I feel comfortable with my body, I look forward to pool days in the summer, meeting new people and just enjoying my life to the fullest. So no matter what you’re going through I promise there’s light at the end of the tunnel and you’re just a few steps away from living the life you truly deserve. So keep your head up and keep fighting I promise you’re not far away from achieving greatness. Continued in the comments👇👇👇 (at Gym Love) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cfwy412vOfS/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[dissociationandpoetry]

Recovery day Six 🌈 26.07.18

I start EMDR therapy today, and have my first session at 1 this afternoon, a bit apprehensive, but hopeful.

I have started keeping a sticker chart in my therapy note book to keep myself accountable and try to stay on track. I have also got a bag of little treats, enough for one after each session for the next eight weeks, so that I can create positive reinforcements around attending therapy sessions regularly - especially because they can stir up a lot of old emotions and memories and I often come out of therapy feeling initially a lot less settled than I did when I went in.

(Gif credit to @glazecake & Slime.Pupps)

I've put either anxiety busting toys like putty or squishies, self care items like Bath bombs and a set of false eyelashes (because I have never tried) them in my treat bag. I also put in a really nice pair of smart checked trousers that fit, because I have lost a lot of weight recent and feel quite insecure about it. My stomach and intestines can no longer properly process food, so I am on a 90% liquid diet and have lost over 10kg in the last 8 months, meaning no clothes I previous owned fit, as I dropped 4 dress sizes 😨

I keep getting compliments on how 'well' I am looking now I'm so skinny, eww, because our society has this weird idea that skinny=healthy. 🤦🏼

I was a size 8-10 when I was the healthiest weight I've ever been (10 on top because of my chest size) before any gastric issues but am now a size 4 UK size, or I have to try the kids section 🙄 because I have gotten so skinny. Having to look in the kids section at nearly 20 years of age is seriously uncool.

For me my skinny body is my sick body, when I was size 8 to 10 and finally couldn't see my ribs, it was a big deal because I had achieved a healthy weight. That was when I was fairly healthy, so I don't like people always complementing my figure.

I am honestly still struggling to accept how much my body has changed in suck a short space of time. I try not to look at older photographs of my self because if I can see how much weight I have lost I get really anxious about it.

Because I lost the weight quickly and unhealthily, (before I was on a mainly liquid diet I was vomiting around 7 times a day) I initially had a lot of loose skin around my upper arms (bingo wings haha) and while the skin on my arms thankfully has started to re tone; there is still a surprising amount of loose skin around my thighs 😅

It isn't a lot because I was never that big to begin with, but it's enough for me to notice these changes and feel a bit uncomfortable with them. I don't mind my thighs really, but I was very conscious about the 'flop' of skin around my underarms and wouldn't wear anything other than t-shirts with cap sleeves for a while.

Today I am wearing a strap sleeved dress and I'm pleased that I can do that now; because a couple of months ago I would have been to nervous too. I am getting more used to how my body looks now, although I still really want to go back to the size I was, because A it's a healthy weight, and B, I had some really good quality clothes and investment pieces, which now are so overlarge. All my beautiful Laura Ashley blouses that I saved up for or thrifted are too big 😢

I am feeling a lot more comfortable in my body more recently in the past few weeks, whereas previously looking at my body with protruding ribs and collar bones in the mirror made me cry and often triggerd panic attacks. In this heat especially I have just said 'sod it' and started wearing cute crop tops, nothing very short but it shows my midriff which I have previously never left uncovered. They're cute and make me happy because I feel nice in them 😊 I got a great one from Primark with a Sausage dog on it and the words 'silly sausage' on it which I LOVE! I got loads of compliments on it from the nurses at the hospital yesterday and it gave me such a confidence boost about my appearance.

(⬆️Gif credit too @eternalwwaallflowerr)

Never underestimate the power of nicely complimenting a stranger. One nice comment can make someone's day.

I would say though don't mention people's weight unless you know they are trying to loose weight healthily, and even then maybe stick to saying how that type of top compliments their figure shape, rater that 'ohh you've lost weight' because if your compliments are only weight centric it can encourage unhealthy weight loss attitudes as people associate weight loss with personal value, and your weight does not correlate to self worth!

Ft. My cute ass crop top and yesterdays hospital outfit.