#It was truly so easy to find examples because it's almost every panel

[mithrun-house-of-kerensil]

Kabru is so funny to me because he is always SWEATING, he’s so stressed all the time I KNOW his hands are clammy as hell

[hamliet]

Hey Hamliet! Love your metas! In an earlier meta, you'd called Mikasa "the thematic core" of the series. Could you please elaborate on what you meant by that?

Hi! 

So, all decent stories have themes, but some stories have a thesis stated at the beginning and some state it at the end; some are interested in answers and some in questions.

Sometimes, there’s a specific character who embodies the main theme in everything they do. Not all stories have a thematic core character, and frankly many stories should not, because it can be very, very hard to challenge this character if they embody the story’s core principle. This character tends to be either a protagonist or the wise mentor archetype, also. I’ll talk about two characters whom I think embody this well, and one character whom I think does not: Tenma (Monster), Mikasa (SnK), and Deku (BNHA). 

Now, to be clear, Monster, BNHA, SnK are extremely different stories: Monster is a seinen crime drama, SnK is pessimistic and deeply psychological and philosophical; BNHA is optimistic and about superheroes. But stories don’t have to be deeply psychological nor pessimistic to unpack their main themes in well-done ways: Harry Potter is a great example of this. The closest a character comes to embodying the themes of the story (grief and love and choice) is Dumbledore, and he’s unpacked in the final story to the extent a hopeful children’s story should.

What is Monster’s thesis? All lives have value. 

What is SnK’s thesis? The world is cruel, but the world is also beautiful.

What is BNHA’s? A hero saves.

I think it’s impossible to argue that Tenma, Mikasa, and Deku don’t embody these messages in every moment of their arcs. The thing is, while most stories aren’t deconstructions, you still have to explore and unpack and challenge the character to make the theme stand out, to convince the reader of your theme. 

Monster story opens with Tenma literally being challenged on this very principle. The hospital’s top neurosurgeon, Tenma chooses to save a famous singer over a poor immigrant despite the immigrant coming to the hospital first and is confronted by the immigrant’s devastated family. Tenma then makes the opposite choice and saves a little boy over a mayor because the boy arrived first, even though the hospital orders him to prioritize the mayor. Thus, the very first chapter gives Tenma a consequence for not following his theme, and he corrects it--but this doesn’t result in a simple “everyone matters, duh.” Because that boy he saves grows up to be a serial killer, and Tenma becomes determined to stop him--even if it costs him his life and morality. Tenma himself wonders and even at times throws away his belief that all lives have value, wondering if Johan has forfeited his right to live because if they don’t execute Johan, will he ever stop? 

However, by the end of the story, Tenma goes through such a journey to understand Johan that he does indeed come to believe Johan’s life has equal value despite his crimes, and proves it by saving Johan’s life yet again in order to also save the person who tried to kill Johan (and who would then potentially lose his life in punishment). The story truly unpacks what this theme means, and why people believe it or don’t, and does so without condemning those who don’t agree. 

Mikasa is also challenged constantly. She finds moments of beauty in the middle of cruelty, like Eren wrapping the scarf around her. That moment motivates her because it showed her there was still connection, humanity, warmth, and kindness. Even when she’s relegated to the background, Mikasa is constantly challenged on her belief in cruelty and beauty and even loses sight of it at times because she puts too much of her hope/belief in beauty on one person. In the end she expands it to absolutely everyone, the entire world, including Eren. She refuses to deny her love for him, refuses to forget him as he requests, but also refuses to sacrifice the world for him. 

Do you notice a common thread between Tenma and Mikasa? It’s that your convictions matter so much as you are able to hold yourself to them, even when it costs you. Even to go back to Harry Potter, Dumbledore loses a lot of respect for his past actions, and Harry has to die. The themes are unpacked because their statements, the themes they embody, are not magical elixirs that fix their worlds. 

So, Deku. He embodies heroes save, and I don’t doubt he will succeed. But... he’s had this perspective from the first chapter and it’s not really been unpacked--the closest it came is during the War Arc, when Deku vowed to never forgive Shigaraki after he almost killed Gran Torino. But then Gran Torino is... fine. So it would be far more compelling writing if Shigaraki had actually killed Gran Torino or kills All Might because then Deku has actually something to lose; he would have something personal that he’d have to surrender to stand for this theme, to reinforce the theme. It’s easy to spout about saving everyone, but what about when that person is a murderer not just of randos, but of someone you adored? This would unlock layers of complexity in Deku that we just have never seen. Now, it's possible BNHA will unpack this more towards the end (I think it will, and I do think Deku will feel like he can’t save at some point) but it's honestly too little too late to save Deku’s writing on the whole for me. 

This is also for me why I find the Dabi/Shouto conflict more compelling even if Shigaraki is by far the best written character in the manga: because there are direct personal stakes not just for the characters but for the audience (since we know the characters affected), whereas Deku and Shigaraki’s conflict is currently symbolic and hypothetical. Shigaraki is a mass murderer, but not of anyone Deku knows. He hurt Gran Torino, but GT seems to be recovering just fine. He endangered the lives of Deku’s friends, sure, but they’re all fine. There are no long-lasting consequences to anything Shigaraki has done that actually affect Deku’s daily life, nor our perception. 

Also think of the criticism of villain stans in BNHA--that they don’t care about the randos who have been killed and who we’ve like, never seen a panel of. If the characters experience the pain of that loss, it makes the manga’s message that much more resonant and empathetic, rather than preachy. Monster did this with Tenma: he lost so much along his journey, and SnK did this with Mikasa: she lost Eren. It’s just more like... cold preaching in BNHA. That said, the good thing about BNHA, and the reason I follow and like it, is that it does seem to know what it wants to say even if it is messy about it. When a story has no idea what it wants to say, woof. 

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 2: Underappreciated and how Sam should deal with an abuser.

Last time I gave a general overview of how Sam is treated by his “friends”. Now I want to give a more specific example, that will also show how Dobson’s storytelling abilities are not really all that good, particularly when it comes to pacing or building up any sort of conflict.

You see, for the most part Alex ze Pirate is just a collection of stupid artwork (not even concept art, just random artwork Dobson makes of his characters dressed as something random) and one page strips with a stupid punchline, with Sam most of the time being the receiving punching bag.

There have however been a few individual, short stories over time. And when I say short stories, I mean short. As in 15 pages for a very cheap set up, a few jokes and a punchline. Those include stories such as All that Glitters (where everyone except Alex breaks into a fortress to steal something), The Wish Fish (the only halfway okay story of them all because it is just meant to be comedic) and Best Laid Plans. However, near the end of the initial run of AzP, Dobson did a three part story (partly) focused on Sam in that format, which started off with the chapter I want to talk in this post: “Underappreciated”.

As you can see, the chapter starts off following some basic rules of storytelling in comics. Two establishing panels for the location at which the story takes place initially and showing what Sam’s duties are. Nothing really bad yet. The only thing that sticks out being just the fact that a) Sam does not have his own bedroom and has to sleep in a useless outlook and b) he sleeps in his regular clothes. But hey, nothing to get upset about initially, perhaps he just prefers it like this at the moment. But with the next two pages…

The problems start to show. Page three establishing that Atea herself is just a cunt who can’t even have the basic decency of wishing her “friend” a good morning or giving him a thank you for bringing a morning beverage as she has other selfish priorities on her mind. Like wanting to lick the shower water of Alex’s skin.

Also, go fuck yourself Uncle Peggy. As in, get both your arms ripped off, shoved up your butthole with those hooks and then get hanged on those stomps like a chandelier. I wouldn’t even mind the fact here that Peggy left a mess, if the face he makes in the last panel was not obvious of the fact he left the bathroom like this on purpose and that he is rather happy of making Sam’s day extra miserable by the fecal matter he left behind. Combined with any previous strip of the comic showing that Peggy for no reason likes to get the boy in trouble and even wants to see him die, this just shows once more of how much of an asshole he is. If the last panel just showed him with a groogy hangover look, obviously unaware of how much discomfort he brings unintentionally to Sam, that would be one thing. But intentionally making Sam’s day miserable despite the obvious fact the boy is the first one to do anything around here, while making one of the worst drawn “HAHA, I am such a rascal faces” I have ever seen (and I have seen shitty anime en mass) makes me hate the character more than Dobson intented.

And then there is page 5…

And it is in my opinion the saddest page in the entire comic arc, even compared to the “heartbreaking” stuff Dobson wants to pull up in the last third of it. Because though it is meant as a joke, the general execution is too cruel, crossing into “dude, not funny” territory and showing just how little the crew cares for Sam. Talus, Sam’s “best friend” not even aware he is around, everyone stealing Sam’s food with that stupid “Yoink” sound (seriously, I wish the characters would get punched in the vaginas each time they make this sound in any of Dobson’s strips) and then leaving Sam behind with smug faces, ready to do whatever they want to do, while he, likely stinking of feces and not even having showered properly, has also to clean up after those pigs, who can’t even eat in a proper manner ( hey Atea, use a fork instead of holding the bowl) and silently. I mean, they are pretty much pigs when the noises they make are loud enough, they make the font of the writing change randomly into whatever Dobson has on his computer with every sound. Not to forget the mess they leave behind. And they call Sam the Slob?

Anyway, on to the next page…

And who the heck left their Hello Kitty toy in the bathtub? Also, I hate the way Alex’s face is drawn in the lower left corner. Something about the eyes in relation to the shit eating grin just looks off. Less “smug” and gleefully awaiting whatever she plans next and looking more like Dobson when someone tells him his opinion and reasoning for it is bad, but he can’t yell back at them because they are part of a minority and so he has make a “good face” to a bad situation, while internally he is already imagining how to strawman them in some fake news worthy facebook post.

And then we get to page 7. Which features the WORST addition to the “Alex ze Pirate” canon Dobson has ever thought up. An embodiment of what is wrong with Dobson when it comes to inserting internet culture related stuff into his own work. Ladies and gentlemen… the lolcat pirates

Yeah, those Hello Kitty rejects who ironically look still more like a proper cat than Spot in Danny and Spot, are essentially one of the worst jokes Dobson has ever created. Because they are a joke without a punchline. See, all there is to them is that they are sentient cats, that speak in a manner associated with lolcat posting. And that is the “joke”. Their speech pattern being based on a dumb internet meme that was popular at the time Dobson drew this page. It is like if you portray an Asian by making them talk with a shitty racist accent and that supposedly counts already as comedy. It is not funny, because there is nothing really done with it in context of the story. Like no one addresses the weird way they talk. Also, with the font Dobson uses, it is just an eyesore to any reader and the text gets aggravating the more the captain of the cats talks. It shows why lolcat pictures only had very short sentences accompanying the pics, cause reading more than 8 words written in this manner tingles a part of your brain that makes you want to shout “English motherfucker, do you speak it”?

Don’t get me even started on how the joke would get lost to anyone unaware of lolcats and how dated the joke already was back when the page was posted, which is one of many reasons why comic artists should just in general avoid memes in their work, if they hope for it to pass the test of time. Instead let me just point out the fact that though Alex said “All hands prepared for casting off” on the previous page (which is also a very unnatural way to give the order “Everyone get ready! Take off in 10 minutes”) not all hands are on board, seeing how Uncle Peggy is missing on this page (and spoilers) many pages of this afterwards. Weird. I thought he would be onboard the moment Alex mentioned they are going to hijack a ship full of pussy. Lastly, this is Alex being a “badass”? Taking over a ship full of little furballs you can defeat with a laserpointer, a squeaky toy and catnip? Sam, this is not just “almost” embarrassingly easy, this is literally on a level similar to stealing candy from a baby. That is mentally handicapped. And without supervision. In a candy story.

At least it turns out there is genuinely something worth stealing on this ship. Otherwise all Alex would have accomplished on that very day would have been animal abuse for the sake of entertainment. Though now it also gets me thinking: A place called Katsville, the revelation that the captain is supposedly the child of a high ranking military feline within the sea force of an entire species of sentient cats… how exactly does the world of Alex ze Pirate function? Look, I do not want to get into too much detail about this point here yet, because it is a bigger issue with the worldbuilding (or rather lack thereof) of this series in general, but what is the “consistency” when it comes to races and species in this world? See, One Piece for example is overall a very “cartoonish” and fantastic world (more cartoonish than what Dobson creates on average) when you think of the fact there are fish men, giant seacows and seamonsters, sentient furry creatures, islands in the sky, sentient weather phenomenons etc next to humans. And while Oda does not really spend time elaborating in very high detail how his world works, the sheer abundance of those elements and how they were established pretty early on in the story and are revisited constanly, with the cartoonish flavor and humor of One Piece on top of it, makes those oddities feel organic and a part of the world.

Not so much in AzP. Here over 90% of the time any character not related to the crew is some generically drawn human, in a very generically human setting with jokes just not cartoonish enough. So the world of AzP feels more “realistic” and less oddish, making then things like Talus, the lolcat pirates and once a giant sea dragon that looked like Elliot’s rejected cousin

Stand out like a sour thumb that looks like this

But I digress. Lets see what makes Sam, who just seems bored and wants to end his miserable life/drink his sorrows away, throw the cat captain against the wall.

Okay. Sam’s overall reaction makes it clear, the locket is important. So “kudos” for establishing this and in doing so also create within a moment a bit of intrigue for the reader. After all, why does this locket get such a reaction out of Sam, who we know so far as more happy go lucky or deadpan in parts, instead of looking genuinely distraught. Heck, the fact he even tells Alex to shut up when she commands him around should highlight how out of character finding this locket truly makes Sam.

Then there is Alex’s reaction to being told to shut up, which she takes with as much dignity as someone telling Dobson to just stop fawning about underaged lesbians in a toddler show.

Jesus Christ, she faces being told she looks like a guy with more grace than that. I mean, isn’t she used to being told to shut her trap? Cause if I were her parents, I would have told this entitled redheaded whinner a few times over the course of her childhood to shut up.

Scum sucking cabin boy… said by a butt ugly whore who would genuinely suck scum off if it means she can finally get laid instead of being mistaken for a man. By the way, with that angry face she makes in the first panel, I can totally see why others would mistake her for a dude. She just looks unpleasant and not in a funny way like that red panda girl from Aggretsuko. See, when she gets angry, it looks hilarious and cute because of the contrast to how the character looks ordinarily. This is just Alex looking even more unpleasant as usual.

Now, before I continue with the next pages, I like to point out the face Sam makes in the upper panel and Sam’s overall body language in the last one.

It is obvious that Sam is meant to be in a state of mind where he knows for what he is getting yelled at and where he genuinely reacts in a hurt manner. His body shaking, his head tilted down, not saying even a word. You would expect that the next page of this comic would be a follow up. Seeing Sam, who is pent up, lashing out in some way. Either for example by justifying why he said it, getting sad, angry, perhaps even violent in that situation. After all, so far the way this story has been structured, a lot of emphasize was put on the fact that Sam is treated not well and that finding this locket actually has an uncommon effect on him. Heck, even the title of this chapter hints on the idea, that we should get some sort of huge reaction out of Sam now on the next page, as this is supposed to be Sam’s story.

Instead it is just Alex grumbling and grinding her teeth, unable to comprehend that someone finally told her something every reader with more than 20 braincells said when reading this comic series. And this in my opinion is from a structural point, one of the biggest missteps in this story. Obviously, this is supposed to be a comic about Sam, based on title and him being the one character in it with the most emotional aspects so far. And it is also obvious that this is not just meant to be a silly gag comic but supposedly one with emotional weight. So, where is that weight so far, aside from the panels showing Sam being miserable because he gets the short end of the stick by his friends? Sorry to hijack this thing here now with my own ideas, but if I had writen this story, page 12 and 13 would have actually been an immense turning point for me in the dynamic so far. Why I would have let Alex shout at Sam for insubordination, I would have made it more than one panel of Alex calling him scum and also end likely with Sam, who obviously reaches a limit the longer she goes on about it, end punching her in the face, perhaps even knock out. Show truly just how far Sam is pushed emotionally at this moment, keeping it however ambiguous if he hit her because of her words hurting or because of something else, in doing so focusing also the attention to the reader back on the locket.

As an aftermath of this, Alex would (if not knocked out) hit Sam back, much to Atea’s and Talus horror, later implying additionally that Sam left because of being hit by whom he thinks is not just his captain but a “friend” (oh yes spoiler, Sam is gone in the next chapter)   or the next page would be of Alex waking up back in her hideout from having been knocked out. Atea and Talus informing her what happened, her deciding to deal with Sam later on after recovering (who accompanied everyone back on the island temporarily) only for the last page showing Sam deciding that he is leaving the island, ending the chapter on Sam in a small boat slowly drifting away from the island. You know, something to give the chapter the feeling that the “shut up” moment is an emotional turning point in this story and that there might be something bigger going on that resulted in Sam deciding to leave, without having him however go full Meg Griffin as in the Family Guy episode “Seashell Seahorse Party”, chewing Alex and the others out for the way they treat him. Cause honestly, as much as I like for Alex, Atea and Talus to be chewed out and face consequences for their actions, doing so would likely just be (like in that Family guy episode)  a pointless fillerbuster in the bigger picture of things, as no real consequences would come out of it.

Well that and just like the writers of Family Guy, Dobson is just equally loathsome and thinks he can write whatever sick joke he wants and can on his characters, basic decency or consistency in writing be damned.

But back to the comic, where things just “end” as shown here instead of any real emotions boiling up and a cliffhanger that may genuinely beg the question what is going to happen next to anyone involved in this thing.

 Cause really, by the time it is night and Sam says it is time to go, you are not surprised he wants to go, even if he did not have a genuine emotional outburst within this chapter. After all, who wants to stay with “friends” like this, with Talus and Atea not even trying to cheer him up and instead ignoring his obvious need for comfort in this uncomfortable way, as if they are a bunch of racists trying to look away as someone beats a black person in front of them into a pulp. The only question you may ask yourself by the time the last page is hit, is who that generic looking girl is, whose picture has been photoshopped into the locket.

 Something we may not find out by the time the next chapter and part of this review hits, but will get to eventually. Until then guys, in order to end on something happier, funnier and just genuinely more pleasant than what this story presented to us so far, have something silly and Super Sentai related here for the sake of childish entertainment.

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan Chapter 122 Thoughts

This chapter is pretty straight-forward in comparison to the previous ones, but in a deceptive way, where a lot of moments have a bunch of nuance, when they at first glance don't seem to.

Most of the chapter is very thoroughly "show, don't tell", which I can see getting people confused and leave them asking questions, but the key to this is context.

When taking this chapter as more stand-alonish, I feel like it would 100% feel much more obtuse and confusing, but almost every panel calls back to something and the story simply asks you to put the story together based on this. I feel it still definitely leaves some stuff up for potentially varying interpretation, but much less so.

Here's my take on it.

Firstly, the only voice in the whole Ymir flashback is that of King Fritz. Everyone else is silent.

There is much talk about how AoT is this morally gray series and there are certainly many morally gray elements here, but in truth, I'd phrase this idea more in the sense of the story having really well fleshed out antagonists.

It emphasizes humanizing every character, including all those that are presented as shitty people, in a specific way of giving them at least one quality that's if not sympathetic, then at least understandable from the characters' perspectives (this is something Isayama has actually straight-up mentioned to aim to do in interview material).  

Karina is a horrible mother to Reiner, but she is a product of her environment and has never gotten to see outside of the world she lives in.

Alma treats Historia horribly, but her life is in danger because of a powerful man and the society she lives in.

Floch started out as a tactless asshole and has only grown worse, but there are understandable points in what he is saying during various moments in the story.

Gross is straight-up a candidate for the most hateable character in the series, but there is a spelled out, concrete perspective to his evil you kind of understand in a twisted way that also stems from the system he's living under, which often makes for my favorite type of antagonist.

I point this out because I think the first King Fritz is the most straight-forwardly villainous character in the series so far and I think that's fine.

The truth is, sometimes there isn't a "both sides". Sometimes there is a good and evil and in this case, Isayama opted for a powerful man that exploits the weak to further gain power for the evil, which is still a very real evil, but, as said, also pretty straight-forward.

He doesn't develop in any way - he's an abuser to begin with and in a position of power to begin with.

The only sliver of nuance to him is that he's a smart opportunist: he's a powerful man who knows to take advantage of the position he's in to gain even more power.  

You could argue this also comments on power abuse and how a priviledged position and availability of the means to take advantage of others encourages to do so and gain even more power. People are more likely to use a gun when they are given access to it than when not.

But even then, as he says to keep passing down the spines of the Titans, due it being at the cost of the daughters he had with Ymir, whom he already saw as a tool to be used, he most likely doesn't even do it for the good of his people, but his own self-serving desire to preserve his position of power and influence and that way remain important and influental even after his death.

He's more interesting as a vehicle for exploring the social situation he creates than as a individual character.

Him being the only one to talk is thus another neat example of the story making a narrative point through meta elements. Abusers silence and take away people's voices through fear and conditioning and this is exactly what he does and therefore is the only one talking.

In this case, it's even literal, as we see a slave having their tongue cut out. We don't ever see this happen to Ymir, but it's an easy assumption to make that she might've had her tongue cut out, as well, based on what we see done with the other slave.

Regardless of any physical element, though, Ymir simply doesn't go against King Fritz because she doesn't understand she can do so. Her chains are entirely emotional. She seems to have been a slave for most of her life, never getting to see any other perspective regarding herself, so because of the conditioning and indoctrination stemmed from her position as a slave, she believes serving him is her purpose in life:

It's how she is lead to percieve herself that keeps her a slave.

This is interesting to me because this seems to reflect Armin's initial character resolve. The only reason he didn't believe in himself was because of his own, negative, perception of himself. It's through an alternative perspective given through Eren and Mikasa he grew to see himself in a different light. His arc is one of the first arcs in the story that involves a character gaining nuance in their perspective (technically Mikasa has a moment like this before him, but I think Armin's arc fits the comparison better because it very specifically relates to his self-image):

(Chapter 11)

This later also evolves into the Marleyan Eldians' single-mindedness and unawareness of playing into a corrupt system. Neither Ymir nor them simply never get an opportunity to see the world differently/in a more complex light.

In the case of a more typical damsel, the rescue would have had a much more straight-forward and simplistic explanation and through that in my eyes would have been much less interesting and I really appreciate whenever a story understands abuse like this.

Related to this, Eren's speech in this chapter probably makes it one of my favorites.

There are some uncertain connotations to it, as Ymir truly probably is in no good emotional position to make her own decision and Eren ultimately gives her two very specific options to choose from, but I think his words are genuine and the point of the speech still stands.

It's a powerful speech that says everyone is an autonomous person and is not obligated to be bound to anyone:

As said, the elements of a typical damsel in distress story are here, but I think it's more human than just a standard crying girl asking for help situation and on a meta level, the story says that whoever is in a similar situation also has a choice.

As also said, you could tear this into pieces when you focus on a bunch of the technicalities surrounding it, but I think as a general sentiment I really do think it’s incredibly powerful.

I mentioned how this chapter commented on how powerful men exploit women, but I think it's more gender neutral than it might initially seem. I think the general feelings here would work just as well if were Ymir a boy, with the only difference probably being another woman being involved to force him to have children. The story has gendered aspects, but it handles them with not only taste, but also in a way where the general point isn’t gendered, similarly to Mikasa's backstory.

Related to this, I think the final element to look at in relation to Ymir's story specifically is Historia’s pregnancy. I think it made it directly much more harder to make natural.

It felt artificial to begin with, but before this, I was much more open-minded about it.

Okay, since Historia genuinely seems to care for everyone, maybe this could've been somehow spun around her sacrifice being genuine and of her own choosing, but now it's as literal of a representation of history repeating itself as it possiblt could get and whether Historia chose the pregnancy or not, subtextually it will always represent history repeating itself.

The pregnancy has a bunch of potential problems: erasing the gay part of a character (since Historia is the most overtly gay character in the series and this happens after her love interest is killed, it will come across this way even if it's not the intention), contradicting a character's arc, but more than that, at this point, I just don't see anything interesting and unique said through it specifically. All other options where the pregnancy is fake sound much more interesting to me.

If the story finds a way to somehow make the pregnancy work in a interesting way, I'll applaud it, but right now I don't see all that many possibilities in terms of how it could.

This chapter literally calls back to the image of the kind girl Historia saw in the book Frieda showed her that she went against and while this contradiction in her arc already existed just with the reveal of the apparent pregnancy, this now puts a big red exclamation mark on it:

It's so obvious that the story missing this contradiction and not even addressing it would be extremely puzzling (which I do think it will).

More than anything, as if it hadn’t done this as strongly as possible already, this also even further (as it possibly could at this point), fortified the idea that something definitely, most certainly, without a doubt, is up. 

Moving on, though, in the same vein as I said there are points in the real world where good and evil exists, there is actually a truth in history. History is a series of facts interpreted by people and with showing the "real truth" here I think the story dodged a dangerous potential implication about history not being factual.

I think it also fixed some of the potential implications with the historical imagery the story has been using.

Firstly, the Eldian empire was born through the exploitation of the weak. We don't even know if Ymir and all the other slaves were all actually Eldians, so depending how you interpret this, it takes away the potentially historically revisionist perspective of the Jewish analogue race ever being the oppressor. There is no place for "both sides" when it comes to the Jewish parallels because it's one of the most black and white situations in all of history. If nothing else, this element at least makes it clear that the story simply wishes to explore the thematic element of the dynamics between the oppressor and the oppressed the idea of power abuse.

Then, through making the encounter with the parasite creature happenstance and the Titan power not biologically inherent to Eldians, it removes the potential implication of the Jewish analogue being biologically different, therefore being "special" compared to other races, which is not the case with any race.

The element that has been there for the longest in my eyes and I think didn’t even need to be elaborated on because it’s been there and explored so much already and that always removed the possibility of the story (at the very least intentionally) being racist to me, though, is that the story treats all characters from all races the same without ever resorting to using caricatures or excessive stereotyping. The Eldians specifically are the main characters of the story, with there being equally good and evil characters among them.

The key element to racism has always been othering and dehumanization and the story for the most part makes sure that even the characters that are awful people have fleshed out perspectives.

I think what also helps in this chapter specifically is having more of a history-inspired than strictly historical situation, showing it all through a fantasy veil compared to the more direct usage of imagery with Marley and the Marleyan Eldians.

Finally, I really liked the potential Titan lore this chapter presented us.

I think it's really neat how it might potentially connect mythology and biology with the possible inspiration being, both, the prehistoric creature Hallucigenia and the mythological dragon under the roots of the world tree Ygdrassil, Nidhoggr, more than that, though, I really like the potential "nature you scary" element of the Titan origins.

The creature driving a horror story usually either isn't explained or is explained through something like aliens, lovecraftian horror, a human-made catastrophe or an experminent.

In this case there are elements of all of these in here and I think any of these could still be revealed to be the direct origin of the Titan parasite, but I really like the potential "nature you scary" element here because we usually always look outside of our world to find horror because we fear what we don't know, but Earth's own nature has plenty of that, too.

Nature can be really unsettling and horrifying at points and I’d like to see that being taken advantage of more.

Overall, though, I really liked this chapter. I think it might be one of my favorites because of Eren's speech, but I also really enjoyed it for it's "show, don't tell" aspect. Sometimes one image can say much more than a thousand words and I think this chapter did a really solid job with that.

[oosteven-universe]

Sun-Eater #2

Sun-Eater #2 Heavy Metal Comics 2020 Created by Dylan Sprouse Written by Dylan Sprouse & Joe Harris Illustrated by Diego Yapur Coloured by D.C. Alonso Lettered by Saida Temofonte    Ninth century Norway is a land of bloody and civil strife, fanatical religious upheaval, and exploration. At its center is the warrior Kveldulf Bjalfisson, a drug addict and father willing to become a monster in order to save his son from his sworn enemy - King Harald Fairhair.    I read so many books in a week, every week of the year, so when I find something of this calibre of talent, skill and verve you just have to sit back and admire it.  Not for too long though because the story is amazing and the interiors are bloody brilliant in how we see them.  For many stories of the Vikings are what they know of through television and film, Dylan’s lucky to have these stories passed down through the generations and through that we in return are treated to them as told by a natives point of view.  As a fan of Norse Mythology I am familiar with many tales but I have never experienced one quite like this and to be honest I feel like I’ve been missing out completely.    I really truly am a huge fan of the way that this is being told.  The story & plot development that we see through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is laid out exceptionally well.  With how we see this being structured and how the various layers within the story continue to play out there is this amazing sense of storytelling that occurs.  The character development is fabulous!  We see the characters fleshed out further through their dialogue and how they act and react to the situations and circumstances they encounter.  Also this Tracker Bard and how his or hers or its face mask can be so expressive when needed is utterly amazing.  The pacing here is superb and as it takes us through the pages revealing the twists & turns along the way it is easy to see how everything works together to create the story’s ebb & flow.    The way that this reads and how it takes you through the pages is almost as much of a treat as the way the story itself unfolds.  Not an easy to feat to accomplish either but I’ll be dammed if this isn’t the perfect example of how it can be done.    I am blown away by the level of quality work we see in the interiors.  The linework that we see through the varying techniques and weights to create the detail work that we see is mindbogglingly good.  One request I wanna see more of Kveldulf in the buff i mean he’s got some low hangers there since they travel further than his surprisingly cut member.  The way that we see backgrounds being utilised throughout and the amount of work that goes into them really bring these moments alive.  The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show a masterful eye for storytelling.  The colour work here is absolutely gorgeous!  How we see the various hues and tones within the colours being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work is truly exceptional.  Some of the colour choices are truly inspired and to see the various techniques utilised to lay down the colour is beautifully rendered. ​    This is a bloody exquisite book from top to bottom.  How we see the story being told and how it is able to engage the readers’ mind and imagination throughout the books is sensational.  With way too many wow and WTF moments to name this has a little something for everyone but most importantly it’s an opportunity to hear the story of those who helped shape Norway.

[taww]

Review: Valvet Soulshine Tube Preamplifier by MGD

Marty DeWulf passed away about a month after submitting this review. His work was always an inspiration to me and it was a privilege to share his thoughts on this hobby he loved so much. RIP Marty - you are missed.

There was a time when two high-end audio companies dominated the conversation and the market regarding tube electronics. In the 1970s, Audio Research and conrad-johnson were the first, last and every word when it came to valves. There were other small tube manufacturers around, but they were basically garage-based start-ups, poorly financed with minimal budgets and little business savvy. It was a world populated by solid state and companies carrying the flag for “modern” transistor designs. It seems ironic that back in the 1970s when transistors were so predominant, they sounded their worst… the format was much less than mature.

Related Reading:

First Take Review: Valvet Soulshine Preamplifier & A4 Mk.II Amplifier

Thumbing through a current audiophile publication today, whether it be online or in the pages of a magazine, tube products abound. They come with names from companies I’ve never heard of before, and from faraway places. Go away for a few years and the scenery changes drastically… I feel so old. Fortunately, I’m still friends with @taww, who sends me stuff to listen to and write about. When I first talked to him years ago he wasn’t a fan of tube gear. If I recall, he thought valves to be totally inaccurate and euphonic sounding. [Okay, maybe that’s a little harsh, but yes I strongly preferred solid state accuracy.] I too, was a solid state guy. The dynamic range, frequency extension and clarity of modern solid state electronics have had me on their side for many years. But then, I heard the Monarchy M24 tube DAC and saw it as a true head turner with its tube section. [So did I! I bought my Monarchy NM24 review unit and it was my reference DAC for years, tubes and all.] 

The Monarchy wasn’t the first great tube product in my experience. I’d reviewed a tube preamp from Musical Designs that was a budget wonder, and over the years I’d heard a number of Audio Research products that seemed to bridge the gap between reality and sonic illusion in palpable ways. [Don’t forget Audible Illusions and Joule Electra, I remember you liked those too.] Some very fine tube products had served to weaken my wall of valve resistance and solid state preference, so much so, that I would eventually purchase an all tube preamp from SAS, as did fellow BFS writer Rich Weiner. Still, when it came down to absolutes; dynamic edges, front to back transparency, frequency extension and tonal trueness, my overall preferences always lead me down the road of the better solid state units, the Pass Labs XP10 for example.

When @miy-taww​ suggested that I audition the tube preamplifier from Valvet certain expectations immediately arose; it���s a tube preamp after all. In certain ways, valves are valves and they behave predictably, especially basic designs such as the Valvet. He gave me a rundown of the circuit employed and the choice of tubes. A picture of the unit’s performance was forming in my head even before my ears had heard it. The Soulshine preamplifier from Valvet (USD $5,890) was unique to me in several ways. Handmade in Germany, its parts selection was insanely high with premium resistors and exotic caps in abundance, all hand-wired with solid-core silver. It looked to be a new interpretation of an old theme. 

[Note: An upgraded version, the Soulshine IIz ($8,890), is now available. The original Soulshine reviewed here is still available on order for $5,890 through its US distributor, Alfred Kainz of highend-electronics.]

Design & Operation

A few words about the physical construction of the Soulshine. Like so many quality preamps before it, the Soulshine has a separate chassis for its power supply and control sections. Constructed of thicker than the usual aluminum billet, the appearance is low slung, clean and high tech. I like the way it looks. The front face, following the theme of clean futurism, has a chrome knob for the stepped-attenuator volume control and another for input selection (four line-level inputs, one of which is balanced XLR). To the right of the volume control is a window with numeric volume level displayed with blue LEDs; with one number for both channels, there is no way of setting left to right balance. The tradeoff is one less control in the signal path. 

The rear panel of the preamp allows for single ended as well as balanced operation, though @miy-taww​ informed me that the internal circuit is not truly balanced even when using the balanced connectors. [ On closer examination, it appeared that the inverting half of the balanced signal is referenced to signal ground internally. @miy-taww​ ] On an operational note, I consistently had to allow the preamp about 30 minutes warm-up time at the beginning of each listening session to obtain its best.

The Soulshine has a remote control for volume changes while its listener is firmly planted in a comfy listening chair. Unlike my last experience with a tube preamp employing remote volume control, the Valvet was quiet, responsive and easy to use. This is the way a remote should be configured – simple and easy to use. The lone problem I had with operating the Valvet came from trying to find the on/off switch…. which took me an embarrassingly long time to find (hint, it’s underneath the power supply).

Sonics

Having a pre-established vision of what the Valvet would sound like before it even arrived, I can now report that my expectations were only partially right. First off, let me mention the output impedance of the Valvet is 400 Ohms. Because of that, the input impedance of the power amp you are using is not going to impact the sonics of the preamp substantially. What I didn’t expect were the results obtained by using amps with high, medium and low input impedances; the preamp performed consistently regardless of the amplifier used. Frequency extremes stayed relatively consistent with each amp used. That was a big surprise. What did change was stage size as I went from one amp to another. With the Pass Labs XA30.5′s lowish input impedance (30 kOhms balanced, 15 kOhms unbalanced), the soundstage was somewhat smaller and a bit laid back. Going up in impedance resulted in a nominally larger stage and slightly deeper bass response, but little else.

Let me talk about the Valvet with the low input impedance Pass Labs amp. I didn’t expect these two products to work well at all, but the combo proved almost hypnotic sounding as my initial auditions with the two lasted far longer than anticipated. The performance with the Pass wasn’t so much like having the instruments and singers in the room, a phenomenon I’ve come to expect with my Pass amp and preamp combo. With the Pass and the Valvet it was slightly more distant, while still being super vivid, substantial and picturesque. It was almost like listening to an aural View-Master. Remember the toy from the 60s? It has two eye holes and a lever to press that advanced a round disc with photos that presented to each eye a slightly different version of a scene, usually outdoors, that resulted in the user seeing an almost unrealistically vivid, 3D, and real appearing vista. The sense of 3D depth was stunning using the Valvet and Pass with dense color tones and detailing that resulted in a reach out and touch it quality, a rare synergy between a solid state amp with a valve preamp. It was like being there, except on a smaller scale, a scale in which reality seemed to fit on a smaller stage. The Valvet preamp with the Pass amp was very much like the View-Master. It had a superbly grainless presentation with depth and dimension galore. I thought about how photos of Yosemite in my View-Master seemed like being there one frame at a time – just smaller. Listening to Red Norvo’s, Forward Look struck me as a less-than-forward look at the performance that was in every other way as alive and dimensionally solid as my old Yosemite View-Master images. 

View-Master ad, c. 1955 (source: Santa Barbara Museum of Art)

Dynamics were proportional to image size with good edge and bite, though not to the extent I expect from the best solid state preamps. Interestingly, while large bass and kettle drums when struck with the Valvet didn’t have the visceral punch of my Pass preamp, the Valvet conveyed as much big drum volume as any preamp I’ve ever heard. Going to power amps with input impedances higher than that of the Pass, such as my rebuilt Dayton Wright 500 (75 kOhms), increased the size of the soundstage, brought it forward, while causing the same to be ever so slightly less dense.

Purity. Whereas solid state preamps seem to more easily engender the quality of transparency, sometimes to the extreme, the best tube preamps in my experience have a quality I prefer to call purity. It’s a feeling thing, a sensation that one preamp feels more like “transparency” and the other feels more like “purity.” Yes, that’s a cop out. Then again, I’m not sure I’m capable of defining the two in such a manner so as to come up with a better definition of the two terms. Presently, I use transparency and purity with the understanding that with time, the two might eventually define themselves with some clarity. I fear that the difference in the two terms is more of a gut feeling rather than something clearly tangible emanating from the Webster’s dictionary. Let’s work on this.

Listening to Judy Collins “Send in the Clowns” [Tidal, Qobuz], the Valvet swims in a feeling of humanity - a female life was in the room singing in a form and fashion that highlighted inflection and elemental emotion over power or presence. Not that power and presence were not there, they were, but those qualities were subservient to the sensation of un-hyped reality; a reality formed and fashioned around the sensation of the tangible. It’s a reality that the previous tube preamp covered by me missed in total. The midrange rightness of the Valvet makes all of the exciting details of the music come to the fore, while never seeming to observe the performance through a microscope. Extreme transparency, on the other hand, not only draws attention to itself, but forces the listener, on many occasions, to focus his/her attention on aspects of the performance that are sometimes less than musical. The performance takes on less importance than the sonic fireworks used to stimulate the senses of the listener. Take your pick; the Valvet, though transparent in the best sense of the word, is more pure in its intentions and performance than almost any other preamp I’ve auditioned.

Comparing the Valvet to my Pass Labs XP10 preamp ($5,250 before being replaced by the XP12) resulted in exactly the results one might expect. These two preamps are of unquestionable quality, each passing the signal sent to it as close to perfect as one could want. But they differ, and the careful listener has no difficulty telling the one from the other. I might describe them as saying that where they converge on a singular sound, neither sounds too much like the other; they maintain their individual characters while each seeks a somewhat different though idealized vision of reality. Yes, I’ll give the frequency extremes to the Pass, even the highest highs. Gross dynamics have a small advantage with the Pass also, though it is a minimal advantage. Where they differ, and where the Valvet will have an advantage to some ears is in the area of midrange coherence and that mystery word “purity.” And while the Pass also strikes me as having a high degree of purity in its reproduction, the Valvet goes there in spades, swooping up the listener in a tsunami of musical coherence. The lens of the Valvet is one of musicality, but also of great organic texture, heart and warmth. Now, these later qualities are also found with the Pass - it too delivers a wonderfully picturesque portrayal of the performance - but the Pass tends toward back-of-the-stage “air” and transparency, and the Valvet toward purity. A logical case can be made for either preamp, and I loved listening to both, but I feel the Pass appeals more to my mind as the Valvet harkens more to my heart. Combine the purity of the Valvet with its View-Master spatial qualities, and this preamp conjures up my first memories of auditioning the original SP-10 from Audio Research, so advanced it sounded and how it stood out from other tube preamps I had heard back then. 

Conclusion

If you tend toward tube preamps and yet are unwilling to live with some of their greater failings, the Valvet is a marvelous place to go. The price is not unsubstantial, but when compared to some of the more insanely priced products out there that don’t sound as good, this is a fine place to end up. Thanks to Valvet distributor Alfred Kainz of highend-electronics and @miy-taww​ for allowing me the opportunity to audition this marvelous device. 

[bombwinen1-blog]

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[land-of-brains-and-chocolate]

god it WILL NOT stop bothering me until i talk about it. the way we got here. it’s not just about the book anymore, not at all, and it’s certainly never been about “shipping”, at this point it’s how helpless the tactics of the guy make me feel.

step one: refer to people who have read previous venom books and noticed the trend throughout the nineties to portray eddie and the symbiote as a man and an agender alien in an ambiguously or not-so-ambiguously romantic relationship, which was picked up on and completely unambiguously canonised in the very last run, consistently refer to these people as “shippers”, lovingly condescend to them, do not ever treat “the ship” as existing beyond their imagination

[I LOVE THAT YOU GUYS EXIST]

result: make people forget that this is a complete misrepresentation and he has received no criticism whatsoever for “not making a ship canon” because that is not what he did, he decanonised it and then denied doing so and painted everyone it ever meant something to as essentially deluded - and, considering that that’s all they are, he’s being awfully kind and accommodating, isn’t he?

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step two: actively seek out these no-good shippers on tumblr! tell them that you’re watching them! read their detailed posts in which they express their grievances about your comic book to their friends and misrepresent their points on your twitter so your bajillion followers can affirm that Those People are categorically wrong about everything!

[EDDIE IS CODEPENDENT]

people are mad at him because he said eddie was codependent! not because he’s reframing the extremely rare story of a troubled queer relationship that was ultimately still a redemptive force in these characters’ lives as an unhealthy compulsion that corrupts, hm, what a fresh and unfamiliar take, no reason why this would strike a nerve - and, recently, of course, as something inherently abusive, every bit of hope and change for the better vile and fake.

literally just start vaguing about people’s personal tumblr blogs on your professional twitter account with the little, little blue checkmark and everything, use that to make passive-aggressive references to people’s posts! why not!

[LOVE EACH OTHER]

people talk about how they like a symbiote and its host getting along (and they did, that very night, talk quite a lot about ngozi)? that is so dumb and lame.

[EVERYTHING IS AWESOME]

people get sick of edgy shock factor writing that throws one dark theme after another at them without treating any of them with the consideration they deserve? people expect some moments of levity in a venom book?

they’re asking for stories with no conflict where nothing bad ever happens! but it’s okay, he knows better, he knows you just don’t know what you want! it’s not like endless sadness is just as likely to be dreadfully boring or unintentionally hilarious as endless happiness!

result: o w n e d god he sure is shutting down every point no one has ever made

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step three: literally get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only boil their opinions down to THE SHIIIIP but literally say that their opinions don’t matter because they literally would never say it “to your face” literally because it’s “easy to be brave on tumblr”

literally

say these words

[IT’S EASY TO BE BRAVE ON TUMBLR]

call people chicken shits for NOT talking to you directly! and then! BLOCK everybody who talks to you directly! or quote retweet them so your followers can descend like vultures! actually acknowledge that it takes bravery to interact with you if you’re in the Tumblr Demographic, you know, one of Those People, and frame yourself as in the right for it???

am i losing my mind???

[SIX PEOPLE ON TUMBLR]

get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only claim they’re the only people ever to talk badly of it but imply that you’re one step away from namedropping the specific perpetrators. that’s not ominous at all!

it’s an age-old question: how many times does one of marvel’s top writers with legions of fans have to imply his antagonistic awareness of your specific existence before you’re on a first name basis? and also paranoid?

result: stir shit. be a shit stirrer. faint when your shit stirring does in fact stir shit. you can’t go “you would never” and be surprised when people do, you... can’t...

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step four: whip out your ally card... to whip the people you’re supposed to be allied to with it. try to use your knowledge of queer issues to shut down actual queer people.

[I DON’T THINK IT’S APPROPRIATE TO ASSUME GENDER]

either that, or straight-up make a “did you just assume my gender” joke. i can’t find the original tweet anymore, so it’s possible it was that and he deleted it because it was too blatant, lol.

result: MAYBE YOU GUYS WERE THE PROBLEMATIC ONES ALL ALONG

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step five: remember that interview where he outright stated that he just wants to, just to be the definite venom run? just to put the biggest dent in canon he can? just to break everybody’s toys and emerge victorious as the one person with the valid take on venom?

yeah, those things become more noticeable in the actual book, over time, and acceptance of that is, uh, not universal? not everybody’s up for him spending several issues in a row on e s t a b l i s h i n g  d o m i n a n c e by having eddie sit around as other characters tell him that a ton of stuff other writers from michelinie to thompson to costa to kaminski to slott to jenkins have done actually sucked and was wrong and fake and never happened? through retcons that make no sense, like, factually don’t fit?

people don’t like you walking back character and relationship development to further your end goal of recasting the symbiote as the personification of addiction and abuse instead of itself a survivor of extreme abuse who has been constantly denied personhood in a way that is frighteningly resonant and who has been going through a genuine redemption arc for years now?

people don’t like you acting like eddie never had a reason for being who he is before and you had to make one up? one that doesn’t fit the character at all, which you didn’t realise because you apparently thought the character had no characterisation before you came along?

you can imagine how these things might spark nerd rage?

and you can probably imagine who this nerd rage was blamed on, yeah?

these criticisms inherently require knowledge of venom canon, because they’re largely about disrespect for it, these criticisms are not related to shipping of any kind - but of course the only thing people could possibly be mad about is the "ship", the only ones making a fuss are those “shippers”, those casuals, Those People who only care about One Thing and don’t understand the real gritty reality of the, god you get it i’m making fun

[I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT]

you’re the only one, don. it’s true.

and i know, i know for a fact, that he’s been aware of criticism from other groups all along, that he was, for example, witness to this livestream that spends like a solid hour a month mercilessly dragging him through the dirt, and you know what the extent of his response was?

thanks for checking the book out.

that’s it. that’s all. this guy hasn’t gotten any less loud about criticising him, either. wishing for his book’s cancellation and retconning. but nothing more. he gets to keep to himself. he is #valid.

people have been taking the piss out of him on youtube, on reddit. only tumblr ever earned his ire. only tumblr gets namedropped at convention panels.

and now, now more than ever? you better believe your regular run-of-the-mill nerds, straight, male, utterly uninterested in the icky stuff, everything, are mad. almost everyone who’s truly tits deep in venom lore is mad.

and so he’s said he’s received threats. and i’m sure he has. i’ve received threats. you’ve received threats. it’s never okay. it sure as shit never helps to send them.

he’s gotten a lot of fucking inappropriate personal vitriol! lots of it actually “ship”-related! i’m categorically against contacting the guy for any reason!

but who is to blame? who do people accept as being to blame? who do news outlets report on as being to blame? when, i presume, not every single one of them actually went “i’m doing this specifically because i’m a (thunder clap) shipper”? when large-scale retcons are literally always met with nerd rage? when a shipper-less fandom probably still would’ve had threats?

[THIS IS INSANE]

[IT’S THE SHIPPERS]

result: if all criticism = “shippers”, and “shippers” = harassment, then everyone who has no actual idea of what’s going on but who doesn’t like “shippers” is automatically on his side and nobody who isn’t a “shipper” wants to risk the association by criticising him.

get this stuff out to his followers, to news outlets, to people completely uninvolved and contextless, and watch the bile run over everywhere because lots of people are ready to accept this narrative in comic book spaces.

have people in the replies and comments eagerly discussing how this is more proof that c+o+m+i+c+s+gate was right and they’re the only reasonable ones. how disgusting and crazy "shippers” are. how donny should keep doing his best to trigger the gays. there’s no pushback against these ideas.

and i’m so fucking stuck between wanting to defend the man, wring my hands and apologise on behalf of the other These People, because i don’t see anything justifiable in their actions, and in being... just... just so frustrated... with everything... with throwing everyone out to the dogs... and claiming that he doesn’t mean to... when he has this whole history of belittling "shippers” specifically... of making sure their public image is that of people who just don’t know what they’re talking about and are in no way worth empathising with... of only drawing attention to the aggressive ones and blocking the reasonable ones

when he literally only stands to benefit from doing all this. 

this is massive amounts of free positive pr.

this makes him essentially immune to criticism of any kind.

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes! 

i forgot! somewhere along the line, he did do something very good and disavowed association with co/mics/ga/te!

[C0M1C5G8]

why the fuck am i censoring? tumblr search stopped working decades ago.

anyway, it should come as no particular surprise why these people assumed he would side with them. not that any high profile writer who values his standing would, really. are there any? maybe there are, i’m not up to date on this drama.

i just think it’s funny - genuinely not his fault, but hilarious - that this was apparently enough to inspire a “boycott”? and it was a fart in the wind?

which is the least surprising thing ever because there is actually nothing whatsoever to hold these people’s ire to be found in venom? excluding aliens, there has been one real and present character who isn’t a white guy in 11 issues? it is actively less queer than it was before? donny has never caved to the essjaywoo pressure in any way, shape or form? what were they... thinking? it’s almost like these people are dumb?

all they've done is ensure that, without it actually doing anything, venom gets the commendation for being A Comic The Gators Don't Like?

anyway.

what do we do moving forward? i don’t know. nothing. not harassing anyone. keep being salty on tumblr. do not engage him. i think i’m more about stalling the chain reaction he’s caused than the man himself. if you’re not a “shipper”, of course, keep posting your criticism, maybe stand up for “shippers” who are being dogpiled over genuine criticism, don’t let people say This Is All Proof Of How You Can’t Have Queer Content Because Queers Are Crazy.

and be nice to mike costa.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

I saw someone recently accuse Peter of being immoral, of being selfish and ‘gaslighting’ of his friends and family in withholding his secret from them. 

My kneejerk reaction to that is to defend the character, but I sat down and really tried to inquire about the question.

My conclusion is twofold:

It depends upon the context and

He wasn’t being very nice in deceiving them...but it was far from immoral or anything else for him to do so.

I really hate cynical hot takes on the character like that so let’s talk about it.

For a microcosm I’m going to be using Peter’s more iconic supporting cast members circa the Silver Age when he was at ESU, specifically up until issue #122.

Why? 

Well to examine Peter in high school is rather redundant. However much slack you could arguably cut college era Peter for his youthfulness, you go further for High school Peter. Also he didn’t have many friends in the first place. Finally the college era simply contains the most iconic iterations of Peter’s supporting cast and social group.

I’m also not looking at every supporting cast member because who cares that he didn’t confide in Josh (do you even remember him) or Jameson (obvious).

  Before I begin to look at any of these characters we should properly contextualize things.

Peter’s secret is no laughing matter.

It’s more than just his sense of privacy and anonymity being violated.

It’s more even than his ability to have a freer hand in fighting crime and thus work faster and more efficiently, saving more people.

If people find out who he is then between the law, Jameson, criminals and super villains, it’s open season for everyone Peter cares about or is too closely connected to him, not to mention Peter himself.

Peter’s experiences with Norman Osborn learning his secret in ASM #39 alone were a major example of what he risks, of how dangerous and violent, his life could become if even one bad person learnt his secret.

And the fact is the more people who know his secret, the more likely it is that it will become compromised. Even telling just one person, if they are the wrong person, could have devastating results.

Whomever Peter potentially trusts must be able to keep a secret, keep a secret under pressure, not give anything away, be able to deal with that massive burden day in and day out and above all else be loyal to him and stand a good chance of remaining loyal to him.

A great example of what it could mean to trust someone too hastily is provided in MIles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man. The young Miles reveals his identity to his girlfriend Kate Bishop and in turn she reveals it to her parents who are in fact HYDRA agents.

Whilst this is an extreme example it nevertheless illustrates the extreme risk of trusting the wrong person with something like this.

We must keep this in mind going forward.

One final thing to keep in mind is the timeline. We’re bouncing around a bit here but we’re essentially looking at broadly Peter’s start of college to Gwen’s death (ASM #31-ASM #121). We don’t have a pinned down timeframe for that. But we do know Peter’s college years lasted about 4 years, which is standard. 2 of those years elapsed between Gwen’s death and the 1970s Clone Saga. We then got 30+ issues until Peter graduated.

Those 30+ issues combined with ASM #31-121 must therefore account for another 2 years and given how the latter is a larger span of issues than the former ASM #31-121 can logically be presumed to transpire across over a year.

For the purposes of this essay, we are presuming 18 months.

Let’s tackle these guys one by one.

  Aunt May: Beyond a doubt from Peter’s point of view absolutely not could he reveal his secret to Aunt May.

  Nowdays we might argue it was corny, possibly sexist, possibly just dumb and convenient writing to have May be so frail that learning his secret would kill her. 

Nevertheless though, that was genuinely what he believed.

Now for sure Peter didn’t tell May his secret before this...but in fairness to him he was young, dumb and she did mention more than once how she didn’t approve or like Spider-Man. Coupled with his teenage concern that she’d hate him for his role in Ben’s death it’s entirely sympathetic that Peter would keep her in the dark, not to mention he knew how much she already worried about him. 

Furthermore whilst the idea of a big shock being fatal to her wasn’t brought up before ASM #39, you could very easily argue that Peter in observing her age, trips to the hospital and frailty made a perfectly sound decision to not put her through any huge shocks or massive concerns for him.

Going forward Peter maintaining the secret can be viewed as a force of habit and to be frank even in Len Wein’s run May in the mid-late 1970s May was keeling over from too much stress and stimulation. Before that in ASM #144 she already went to the hospital upon laying eyes on a seemingly resurrected Gwen Stacy. Learning her nephew was Spider-Man? The idea that very well could’ve killed her was an entirely reasonable presumption for Peter to hold going forward.

  Thus not telling her is not selfish on his part, it’s literally saving May’s life.

  By extension it also adds fuel for him to maintain his secret in general. It isn’t even that villains could target Aunt May, it’s that merely finding out could kill her as far as Peter knows.

 Flash Thompson: This one is also rather easy.

Peter and Flash were rivals in high school. They were rivals still in college but began to mellow. It took Gwen dying and Peter losing his home for the two to truly start to connect and that bad blood was still cropping up from time to time thereafter.

In the silver age though they were simply not nearly close enough for Peter to entrust something as dangerous as his secret to someone who’d shown so little trust and loyalty to him as Peter Parker. Flash may even in Peter’s mind resented learning his hero was the guy who had such a bad history with. It didn’t help that even though they mellowed somewhat in college Flash’s trips in the military meant he and Peter spent less time together TO get to know one another.

Mary Jane Watson: Of course with hindsight we know that MJ was aware of who Peter was and was totally trustworthy.

But Peter didn’t.

He was fooled by the scatterbrained party girl facade, the woman who seemed zany enough to be impressed by a big hole in a wall.

From his perspective MJ also didn’t seem all that loyal. As a friend they were not that close, merely going out a few times, bumping into one another at Anna or May’s, and hanging out as part of the larger group.

Yes MJ was seemingly interested in him due to her flirtations but from Peter’s POV at best this was her having some fun and at worst it was her just being like that with most people.

Also from Peter’s POV MJ crossed the line at times in her flirtations with him given her relationship with his friend Harry. If she was not particularly serious or loyal with him as a girlfriend there was little reason for her to trust her as a friend with a life or death secret.

If anything from Peter’s POV MJ was the most likely to spill the beans inadvertantly. It was a concern he held even up to the 1980s when she did reveal she knew the truth.

Harry Osborn: From a certain point of view, Harry seems like the best candidate for Peter to confide in.

He was Peter’s best friend and roommate after all.

The thing is...people do tend to exaggerate that. For sure they were friends, probably one another’s best friends even. But the term ‘best friends’ denotes images of staying up late to play video games, hitting the clubs, making a routine of catching movies together or regularly shooting the breeze.

This wasn’t the nature of Peter and Harry’s relationship. They hung out together of course, but their studies coupled with Peter’s relationship, work and Spidey troubles meant that they didn’t spend much on panel quality time together, at least not outside the main group. 

It happened, but not as much as you’d think.

They cared about each other, but not to the extent the films and TV shows might play up.

In a sense Harry was Peter’s best friend almost by default. As in he was relatively speaking the person who outside of romance or family, was closest to him.

Harry though was also initially a bully towards Peter. He was initially jealous and resentful over Peter and Gwen’s relationship and at times showed similar frustrations regarding MJ’s attraction to Peter. And all that is before you talk about his major drug problem, how many pills would Harry take to cope with the burden of being Spider-Man’s BFF?

All these factors combined made Harry probably too unreliable a candidate for Peter to confide in. 

But the single biggest problem...was his Dad.

Harry had major issues with his Dad and was damaged over losing his mother. Peter didn’t know just how deep those scars went but he could tell there were problems even early into their relationship.

 Now Harry’s issues alone should realistically have made Peter think twice about confiding in him.

But the fact that his Dad was also one of his villains, the one villain who’d know who he was if not for a case of inconsistent amnesia?

It was a non-starter.

If Peter told Harry, Harry (frequently vulnerable and ever keen to please his father) would be extremely likely to let something slip to Norman. Or worse simply confide in Norman.

If Norman rediscovered his identity it vastly increased the possibility of him regaining his memories of being the Green Goblin and then game over.

In fact given Norman’s sometimes ruthless businessman life (even before he go his powers) along with his connections to J. Jonah Jameson and another senior gentleman we will be discussing below, Norman learning the truth was a huge risk even if he didn’t remember he was the Goblin.

Not to mention to ask Harry to keep this a secret from his own father whom he valued so highly would’ve been a humongous ask of Peter’s. Harry may simply have refused to do it, more than likely believing his father could also be trusted.

Gwen Stacy: Perhaps the most obvious candidate was Peter’s girlfriend.

Gwen as a confidant was a non-starter early in their relationship when she was a bully. And the same goes for later on when she blames Spidey for her Dad’s death. She was so hung up on it from Peter’s POV convincing her otherwise wasn’t really an option (this was confirmed by Gwen’s clone’s reaction to learning his secret in Spec Annual #8); also Peter’s decision made particularly more sense in light of an issue discussed below.

But later on when they had grown closer and were making no secret of how much they loved one another?

Shouldn’t Peter have told her?

Shouldn’t he have been fair to her in letting her in on the big secret?

Well actually...he did....and she took it terribly!

In ASM #87 a sickly and dazed Peter revealed his identity to Gwen, MJ, Harry and Captain Stacy.

Gwen broke down in tears, arguably becoming borderline hysterical. She didn’t want Peter’s news to be true.

Her dialogue and reaction pretty much indicate when confronted with the truth her instinct was to believe the worst of Peter.

To believe not that the stories of how horrible Spider-Man was were in fact lies because she knew Peter, but rather her loving boyfriend was in fact a pretense in truth being the menace Spider-Man.

Now this issue alone would have both confirmed Peter’s worst fears of compromising his identity on simply a social level (he would be rejected) and also persuaded him that it’s best NOT to confide in any of the people in that room, all of whom were his closest friends.

But was he being unreasonable in lying to Gwen even before this issue?

Not really no.

Gwen’s character had come to show itself as a woman who broke down in tears very easily, someone who needed her Daddy’s shoulder to support her, someone who couldn’t look after herself all that well and just...not all that strong of a person.

Asking someone like that to shoulder the huge burden of a life or death secret, over someone they are in love with no less, is practically cruel.

From Peter’s POV, Gwen wasn’t made of strong enough stuff to shoulder that burden; arguably the same went for Harry.

Even if she just couldn’t handle the stress of being Spider-Man’s girlfriend and they broke up and she left NYC, she’d still wander through life having to keep in a secret that could get Peter, Aunt May, her, and her friends murdered.

A horrible fate for the type of person Gwen seemed to be, but more importantly from Peter’s POV...she didn’t even seem that capable of handling it. Nevermind she’d suffer if she kept the secret, she simply didn’t come across as though she’d ever be able to.

This was the woman after all who, if memory serves, was concerned over Peter merely taking pictures of Spider-Man. How was she going to cope over him being Spider-Man?

Well there was one way she could cope. The same way she coped with alot of things.

Turning to her father for support.

And that...was yet another major reason NOT to tell her!

Captain Stacy: We know now George Stacy knew Peter was Spider-Man and protected that secret.

But Peter didn’t. 

Captain Stacy seemed like a nice, honorable man though. An upstanding citizen through and through. And he liked Peter a lot.

So, why shouldn’t Peter confide in him?

...Because he had major police connections.

Spider-Man’s relationship with the police was testy at best. They’d been after him more than once.

Peter liked George Stacy but he had no reason at all to believe George would be a good secret keeper, especially when the secret he was keeping was in essence being an accomplice to vigilantism. Peter couldn’t be 100% sure that George wouldn’t value the law over Peter’s own brand of justice. Or that he wouldn’t trust the authorities to keep him, Gwen, Peter and Peter’s friends and family safe, which would involve even more people knowing. Possibly even Peter going public.

On top of all this, telling George would mean either telling Gwen or else asking George to lie to his own daughter which wasn’t going to happen. In fact Peter asking GWEN to lie to her own father wasn’t going to happen either. Gwen and her Dad were simply too close, with Gwen arguably caring more for her father than for Peter. Asking either of them to choose between Peter and their closest family would be cruel and just a non-starter.

So with the Stacys, Peter’s dilemma wasn’t that he’d have to trust one of them, but both. One who seemed like he could keep a secret but had close connections to people who could ruin his life, the other someone who didn’t seem like she could keep a secret at all.

Remember what I said, the more people who know the more likely it is for a secret to get out.

Mathematically either Stacy was a bad bet.

It didn’t help that George, Jameson and Norman all knew one other and that George more specifically had connections to someone else...

Joe Robertson: Robbie is another guy we know with hindsight was totally trustworthy, but at the time, he just didn’t seem that way.

He seemed like a nice guy of course, but how well did Peter actually know him?

How close was he to him?

A lot LESS close than Robbie seemed to be with Jameson.

Jameson, he of the Spider-Man smear campaign infamy. He of the Spider Slayers and Scorpion creation business.

Robbie wasn’t just close to Jameson on a social level, he literally worked in the same building with him, interacting with him regularly.

And, similar to George, Robbie seemed a man of integrity to the point where him lying to the public about who Peter was would be a questionable bet to place on him.

Compounding everything we’ve looked at is two key factors.

The first is that Peter grew up lonely and bullied. He didn’t have any peers to really trust and so when he got them, trusting them with his most valuable secret, the thing that could destroy him, Aunt May, them, everything in his life, would likely have been something he’d have found hard to do.We might also argue that in finding friendship and a social group for the first time in his life Peter might’ve been inclined to do what he could to not push them away, which he (not unreasonably) believed revealing his identity would do.

The second more important point is...he hadn’t known any of these people for that long.

For sure, you can forge a deep connection with someone in a short space of time for various reasons.

But given how Peter wasn’t spending most of his time with these people, and what time he was was hardly intimate quality time in most cases...would he have a truly ‘deep’ connection with any of these people?

No...they are just people he’s known for less than 2 years, probably around 18 months tops. He wasn’t even friendly with all of them for all that time either.

So all in all...Peter wasn’t nice in deceiving his friends.

But...it was also an entirely reasonable course of action to take.

[magicallygrimmwiccan]

Keep Your Head Up, Love

Summary: He figured it would be a nice present, to have Roman’s armour finally fixed when he emerged from the cryopod. Well, if he could figure out how to get it fixed without “damaging” Roman’s “aesthetic”.

Happy birthday, Shay! 

Notes: @theresneverenoughfandoms Hope you like this trash. Otherwise, I don’t really think there’s anything bad in here, so... enjoy!

Logan sighed as he continued to fix the cracks in Roman’s armour. The Red Paladin needed to stop being so impulsive: he had accumulated multiple stab wounds which made quite a bit more work for Logan, who had to fix the few that managed to damage it. He figured it would be a nice present, to have Roman’s armour finally fixed when he emerged from the cryopod. Well, if he could figure out how to get it fixed without “damaging” Roman’s “aesthetic”.

“L? Remy’s getting worried about you, you’ve been holed up in here for two days now,” Virgil’s voice called from the doorway to his lab. Logan looked up, confused and a little disoriented, his eyes struggling to adjust to objects further away than 2 feet in front of him. When his eyes finally fixed themselves, he found Virgil, without his normal hoodie, leaning against the door frame while giving him a worried look.

“Ah. My apologies. I have… hit a block with Roman’s suit,” Logan answered, rubbing the back of his neck before adjusting his glasses. He twisted himself to go back to his tinkering — the others were used to his tendency to work while they talked and wouldn’t be bothered — but paused. Maybe… maybe Virgil could help him. After all, Virgil had been in the engineering program as well. He was also well-versed in keeping designs functional yet fashionable. Maybe… maybe Virgil could help him make Roman happy for once. “Perhaps… you could assist me?” Virgil blinked slowly, violet eyes wide.

“You… sure, L?” Virgil queried. Logan’s shoulders slumped. Of course Virgil wouldn’t want to help him, he probably thought that Logan was stupid for not being able to solve this on his own. Oh what had he been thinking asking for help like that!

“I’m honoured, but don’t you think I’d just screw it up?” Logan’s thoughts screeched to a halt. Virgil… thought what?

“No, of course you won’t. In fact, I can guarantee that you will improve my project,” Logan smoothly responded, holding up Roman’s still-cracked breastplate. Virgil’s eyes brightened in understanding and he sat down next to Logan, gently wriggling the plate out of Logan’s hands.

“Well, first off, you can’t listen to all of Roman’s wishes. It’s just not going to work. Instead, you take his ideas that would work and integrate them if you can. For example, he wants a camouflage mode, yeah? So, you program that in and colour-code some of the plates to do that with this holo-coat,” Virgil started, showing Logan what he was talking about as he worked, his nimble hands flying across the breastplate. Logan nodded along, eyes widening as he noticed exactly what Virgil was doing with Roman's armour.

"A camouflage coat that only activates when he pushes a button... genius. Well done, Virgil," Logan murmured. Virgil nodded absentmindedly and kept working, grabbing a miniature blowtorch and a pair of pliers as he cracked open the power panel.

"Now, we need to adjust the power output for the camo coat. This will take up a lot of power, but Roman will also need power to constantly be flowing to his life support systems and homing beacon... so if we just mess around with these couple of wires... maybe put this one here and this one here and place a dampener here... Aha! That should make sure his suit doesn't drain so fast while still allowing the new additions to function!" Virgil beamed, holding up the modified breastplate for Logan to inspect. Logan's eyes roamed over it, taking in every minuscule detail and minor modification. He couldn't find anything wrong with Virgil's plan. That... that was amazing. What Logan had been struggling with for two days, Virgil solved in a matter of minutes. He decided that he really should start asking for Virgil's help more often. He sighed. His hands were shaking a little. Probably just lack of sleep, he reassured himself.

"This... this is amazing, Virgil. Roman is sure to love it. I... I don't think I could have possibly come up with this solution, so... thank you." Virgil flushed a deep purple and murmured back an almost-inaudible refute of Logan's praise. Logan would not accept that. "No, truly, this was a genius solution that I could not have come up with without your help. My thanks." Virgil nodded, cleared his throat, and picked up the leg guards, setting to work on adding those modifications to the remaining pieces of Roman's armour. Logan picked up the arm guards and followed Virgil's example to fix those to Roman's needs.

"So, Logan... are you coming out for dinner tonight?" Virgil asked when Logan was almost done. Logan hummed noncommittally and kept working. A sigh, a soft metallic clank, and then Virgil's impossibly-warm hand was on Logan's own.

"I... am not sure, Virgil. There are so many other projects to work on... I have to synthesize your anxiety medication and make some more tablets for Roman. I am also running low on my insulin supplies and that really should take priority over food at this point." Logan answered. Virgil frowned and bit his lip before his eyes darkened in worry. If Logan hadn't come out for food in two days...

"L? What's your sugar like?" Virgil asked, worry dripping from his words instead of his usually sarcastic tone. Logan paused, finishing the final modification to the arm piece he was working on.

"I... have not checked for a while. I am sure I am fine." Virgil huffed and practically shoved Logan's kit into his lap, growling "Logan, check it. Now." Logan acquiesced, figuring he would humour Virgil and then return to fixing Roman's suit for when he emerged from the healing pod in two day's time.

His eyes widened at the number before his eyes. 42??!! He had eaten a couple protein and carb bars earlier. How had he dipped so low?

“Yep, okay, that’s it, Patton just finished making space cookies and you are going to come have some now,” Virgil insisted, hauling Logan to his feet and practically shoving him out of the lab. Logan allowed the manhandling, head still spinning, possibly from the low sugar, possibly from shock. Before space, before Voltron, he had been incredible at telling when he was dipping too low or shooting too high. Had space dulled his instincts that much?

Patton looked up as Virgil and Logan entered the kitchen, a large smile breaking out across his face. “Logan! You’re out!”

“Yes, because this idiot let his sugar get too low. We’re grabbing some cookies,”

“One cookie!” Logan protested.

“Some cookies, and he’s staying out here for dinner and then we’re having a movie night because he needs time out of the lab,” Virgil announced, shoving Logan down onto one of the chairs and placing about 4 cookies in front of him. Logan swallowed, a little concerned, but ate one of them anyway.

“Thank you, Patton, these cookies are delicious, but I still have to modify Roman’s helmet. I must be getting back,” Logan stated after swallowing the last of his first cookie, beginning to stand up. Virgil shot out a hand and shoved him back into his chair.

“No, nope, you’re not leaving. Roman’s stupid suit can wait. You’re more important.” Logan arched an eyebrow, not convinced, and Virgil sighed before producing a tablet.

“Logan, your sugar’s been on the low end for at least a day now. I’m worried. Could you please just take a break, eat some food, and spend time with us? We all were starting to miss you.” Logan bit his lip, still torn. He really should finish up Roman’s armour… but Virgil’s concerns were legitimate. Virgil must have noticed the indecision tearing at Logan’s mind and offered, “I can go grab the helmet and some tools and you can work during the movie?”

“That sounds acceptable, thank you Virgil,” Logan answered, relieved. Virgil nodded and put the tablet away before leaning over Logan and glaring at him.

“Yes, well, I’ll only do that if you finish the cookies,” Virgil growled, violet eyes blazing with an intensity normally reserved for battles or fights with Roman.

“Two cookies. Maximum. I would quite rather my sugar not shoot up too high. Hyperglycemia is not preferable.” He’d check in fifteen minutes. The amount of carbs should by all means be suitable to bring him up. Virgil grumbled a little bit but ultimately relented. After all, Logan knew his body and his limits far better than Virgil ever could. “I’ll be fine. Definitely not my lowest sugar, and it is a very solvable issue. Crofter’s anyone? Very easy fix. Not that we have any on board, however.”

“I know, L. I just… worry about you, sometimes,” Virgil mumbled. Logan snorted and pulled Virgil down to kiss him on the forehead, murmuring, “You don’t always need to.”

“Logan, Virgil, if you’re going to be gross and affectionate, take it to one of your rooms please,” Remy called, sweeping into the kitchen, her skirt trailing across the floor in an elegant river. “Also, Virgil, congrats on getting him out of his lab.”

“Were you all in on this plan?” Logan exclaimed, voice tinged with exasperation. He loved everyone here, he truly did, but sometimes their conspiracizing against him got to annoying levels.

“Yes, Logan, because all of us can see that you suck at taking care of yourself,” Virgil shot back, pecking Logan on the cheek. “Now, finish that second cookie while Patton finishes dinner and then you can pick the movie. Yeah?” Logan grumbled but humoured Virgil, shoving the entire cookie in his mouth and chewing it grumpily. Patton snorted, Remy rolled her eyes, and Virgil simply sighed, used to the antics of his Fellow Science Gay. This was not the first time this situation had occured, and it was unlikely to be the last time. Virgil had gone into this relationship knowing that, and while Logan’s stubborn disregard for his own health annoyed him, he wouldn’t change his nerd for anything the universe could offer him.

[allmyluckwentintofacebookpoker]

Writings from my heart, my soul

This is a test to challenge myself in writing, to be as passionate as I can be;

as much as that, it’s a challenge to write good things about people I don’t like, and to write sweet thoughts about people that are far in my past, see, I want to be positive, it’s apart of the person I want to be. I must try.

Nicknames and inside jokes, I don’t think I’d really appreciate my name being on someone’s blog out there, sure they’re the same.

“Iowa”

I think what I’ve always respected about you is that you’ve had a plan, a clear goal towards getting something done. It wasn’t always the right thing, and sometimes it was fueled by emotion more than logic, but your focus all the same was just to decide on some plan, soften it with kindness, and initiate your sweet scheme. Especially, you were mature, you figured out how to make me feel better and give me that emotional support without having to break down my walls, or make me feel weak for that support. We talked, you’d get to the point, and just like that I felt back at it again. People always either make me breakdown or have absolutely no effect, but you found the sweet spot, you spoke to me like a friend and that’s so very rare.

“Misa“

I’ll be honest, for a long time I loved you because I wanted to look after you, I built a bond with you over compassion and over empathy, I gained an interest in you because you were interesting and because I think we both needed a someone, I think it was as much that as it was the character you had, showed more than anybody else's. I think at the time, you were the closest thing I had to a best friend, I fell in love with you because your smile made me smile, and I was too young to explain why, you were the first person I spent my nights thinking about, my hours wishing to talk to, my mornings waiting for a message, frankly you were the first person I think I ever truthfully loved, I think my life up until now, you’re the person I’ve fallen in love with most naturally which says a lot, you were interesting, you had taste in music and curious fashion, on the most fundamental level, you were captivating. As I grew to know you more, I realized that you were so much deeper than what I thought I knew, I found out you had been through so much, and yet you were such a sweet soul. I liked you because you were sweet enough to be friends with a boy from around the world, and I adored you because you were able to be so sweet even when nothing in your life was.

“Cub”

You were for a time, the most positively wonderful person I had ever known, to this day I think maybe you still are. You always had a deep thought for the world around you and the way you would tell me about your life would reflect that, I can distinctly hear you saying something so passionate about a part of your day as simple as a conversation with someone, or a bird sitting on a branch, when we met you wondered if I really wanted to know and the memory is so fond because with all of my heart, I wanted to know every thought you had. I fell in love with you because of the way you saw the world. You’re the sweetest soul I’ve ever met for that. You were beautiful when I first met you, but by the time I was in love you were the most beautiful girl in the world, and I know that was because like nobody else I had ever met in my life, you could see soul in everything.

“Geef”

You were the one that showed me the world, you were the one that showed me what it meant to love, what it meant to be passionate, to care, to cry, to be able to cry. You were the foundation of my love life, and in a way, a foundation of who I am, and who I want to be, as much as I’m against it I’ve got to admit it, you were what made me fall in love with my future. The idea of love, the idea of late nights talking in bed, the idea of being not a boyfriend, not a contact, not a partner, but something so much indescribably special, that was the first time I ever felt truly valued as a person, you made me feel like I could take on the world as long as I came back to you at the end of the night, and nobody else has ever managed to do that, not yet. All in all, In a less.. professional.. and a more.. emotional and passionate way, you were inspiring, you inspired me not just to adore things, but to actively seek things out to be adored, you inspired me to meet strangers, you pushed me out of my comfort zone, you made me feel whole when I once felt desolate. I’ll always think of you as the girl that opened my eyes, as the one that had a strong enough presence in my life to make me want to explore better things.

“Agnes”

I’ve always liked your resilience, sure, you think that the circumstances you’re in are saddening, depressing even, and that I can’t agree or disagree, but I enjoy that in the same way you can say you’re sad, you can make a joke, I enjoy that in the same hour you cry, you can smile, and I love that the passionate things I write about make you cry, not because they’re sweet, not because they’re especially well-written, but because you have a heart of gold and you just don’t know it. All the time I’ve known you, I’ve known you to be full of emotion with so much, your heart fortifies my thoughts and for that, I value you so much. You’re more valuable as my friend than I can think to say because your emotions are as strong as they are honest, and I’ve never seen you lie.

“Executive Order”

I was reading the chats back tonight and I think I had to do that or this would have been harder just out of our short time together. It was early into our relationship, a month or so, and we were still learning to bond, and I had a problem with something that you had done, a moral problem, a problem as your boyfriend also, and you didn’t shut me down, you didn’t deflect or detest, you fully explained, and you put so much effort into that explanation, I think that you had done this with so many other things as well, it was absolutely one of the reasons I had loved you, very few people in my life have been able to put that effort in when it comes to confronting them. I hold this idea in my head that you’ve got to find the right man, and when you do you and him will empower each other like a sun on a solar panel. It’ll be exciting when you learn that you’ve got so much energy for someone you love, you could be one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.

“Cherry”

Cherry, mon cheri, mon amie. You are by any definition, the most captivating girl I have ever met in my life, this entire post started with the thought of you, a little old music video, with a sweet girl looking into someones eyes and I must have had this flashback to when we first met, the way you’d look into my eyes and I swear nothing was more blissfully intoxicating; the prettiest eyes I had ever had the pleasure of seeing and that’s as much because of the personality behind them as anything. All in all it was your personality I fell in love with, you were and continue to be, unapologetically curious, vibrant, passionate, cute, and I know you have these beliefs that you don’t think into anything, but I have a good memory or two of you just sitting and telling me about what’s been on your mind, I fell in love with the way you’d tell me things, especially when you were excited, you didn’t care for a filter, you never thought to limit yourself or slow down, you just jumped at the thought of whatever made your heart flutter and I cannot put into words how precious that makes you to me. I fell in love with the way that you’d fall in love with the cute things in our world, how a walk with you would turn into an adventure, I’ve always said in my life that with someone you love, a good time becomes a great time, you’re the best example I’ve ever known of that. The part of you I’ve loved best is who you are deep down, you’re somebody that wants to sing, somebody that wants to be loved, somebody that wants to experience, somebody who wants to be pure of heart. You’ve always had a golden heart, honest emotions and true feelings, you’ve been true to them too, as much as your surface-level character is going to dislike this and I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to realize, I think that you’re the most endearingly mature person I have ever met, to make your hard decisions with conviction, and to still be so alluringly cute; very easy to love.

Heres the order I wrote it in, the people I found it easiest to passionately write about, I wanted to include this because... it’s interesting, interpret it however you like, I certainly have some interesting thoughts about it.

there was Cub, and then I sat here for like 5 minutes thinking who the fuck do I write about next, and then it was “Iowa”, and I enjoyed writing that one because honestly, I had never thought about our relationship like that, made me smile to think of her reading it. I wrote about Agnes next, this one makes me happy also because I never think to say anything sweet, she’s my friend, how many friends can you say you really sit back and think about? I did, and I’m glad I did, I realized she’s much closer to my heart than I thought. I then wrote about Misa, which I’m still thinking about, I feel like what I’ve written is just wrong, like it doesn’t do it justice but in all honesty its the most accurate way I could have written it. Still can’t think of anything to write about “Geef”, guess we’ll skip that one. Wrote about “Executive Order”, maybe my least passionate relationship (which feels sad to say, but I must say it to preserve the sanctity of my own memory), but it was nice to write a nice thought, I feel almost a closure, a closure I never thought I needed, but suddenly makes me feel so detached, how surprisingly lovely? I think I dare not leave this epilogue ending on the topic of my worst ex, so I best write about her now and leave a sweeter thought for last. Done, part of me always feels bad talking about her, but I feel like that was a nice way to sum it up, honestly this entire little post is turning out much nicer than I had thought it would, it’s having some deeper effect than I’d have thought it would; and now my sweet Cherry. The longest one on the list, I think simply put, single worded descriptions can’t describe my thoughts for this girl.

Anyway I’m sitting in my chair at 3am waiting for a game to download, had this idea for a fair few days now and I’d like whoever is reading this to know I’m now sitting in my chair at 3am waiting for a game to download, while smiling, like an absolute dork, because this has been a really sweet train of thought I’ve had while I’ve written this. I hope it was sweet for you.