#It was stupid to pick the name I dropped again but retroactively it wasn't stupid at all since it was supposed to be a TEMPORARY SOLUTION

[applestorms]

tbh idk if i fully ascribe to the belief that light was actively suicidal in the days before he met ryuk, but he absolutely had given up on the idea that he could ever be a good person again.

this is where i think soichiro's Cop influence really gets to light-- not in terms of some basic ass Cops Are Evil Which Is Why Light Is Bad logic, but through the transfer of this kind of black n white, absolutist ethical thinking. if there is one (1) thing that light's actions as KIRA make clear, it is that he doesn't believe in rehabilitation. light Does Not think that anyone could ever come back from a crime once it has been committed, and it is this belief specifically that really breaks him imo-- the realization that everything he has been working for, everything that everyone around him has been building him up to be for as long as he can remember, has all been for absolutely nothing. he's nothing now. he dropped it all in a second, on a whim, for the stupidest, least conscious decision ever, and now he can never be the same. in one moment, all his dreams are dead-- this one action now defines the trajectory of the entire rest of his life.

what KIRA does is not just retroactively make light's actions justified-- it makes them an action done out of Conscious, Careful Thought. it is an Act of Justice, against the typical (current) standards of humanity, yes, but a carefully thought out plan all the same. light is a Martyr, he's a God, he's Changing The World. he's saving face and trying to put the pieces of his pride back together, not only to be a good, pure person again but also so he doesn't have to face the embarrassment of fucking up in such a half-assed, dumb kinda way. he picked a notebook up off the ground with a stupid title, wrote a couple names, and now two men are dead. do you think he'd planned to show his friends that thing beforehand? his sister? how long was this a joke before it wasn't, before it couldn't be?

this is also the exact nail that near hits on the head so viciously in the final confrontation. what he tells light is twofold: that he is a murderer, that his desperate attempts to claw back his humanity and justify his actions have only dug him a deeper grave, that light Fucked Himself by committing to this shit so hard; but also that this is Not the only way it ever had to be. light could've rehabilitated himself, he could've felt guilt and regret and allowed himself the human reaction to his actions, he could've moved on. but he didn't.

light never thought that he could get better, he didn't think that anyone could ever get better once they strayed too far or fucked up too bad. it was this belief that condemned the vast majority of his victims, and it was this belief that similarly set up the sword hanging over his own head. how fitting it is, then, that they all get to die the same way, go to the same place, never again to be granted the chance to try it all again.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Very predictably having serious reconsiderations over switching to the side blog instead of just abandoning it forever