#It was so good. It felt well structured and well paced to me and I got endeared to the characters

[andhumanslovedstories]

I've been running this writing experiment lately to cut out phrases like "I felt" in my fiction writing. Like I was looking at a sentence in a draft that said, "he felt as if character's eyes were pinning him in place." And then I was like, "well, does he think that or is it true? As a result of this person watching him, he's froze. It's not like a thing, it is that thing."

Oh and "almost"! I'm always going, "He felt almost relieved that it hadn't happened." Well, did he feel better that it didn't happen or didn't he? Or "somewhat", I'm always going, "she felt somewhat perturbed."

And like none of that is wrong, to be clear. I don't know if it'd improve your writing, I don't even know if it'll improve my writing, but I use this sentence structure all the time so every viewpoint is from a voice that thinks about what it thinks, hedges its statements, and offers the same ability for wry little jokes formatted in the exact same way. And I have a lot of writing like that and I think (!) that they're good, but read as a whole, I'm like, "god, they all sound the same." Like there's one melody that I write songs to, so even with different lyrics, it's almost (!) the same song. Something I've been struggling with in regards to my writing and why I've felt so blocked is how boring I found writing my usual way. I'd read something and enjoy the individual parts of it, but then I'd step back and I didn't like the whole. And I got good at this enough at seeing that I didn't like it to do it in real time as I was writing, which as you can imagine didn't improve the process of writing because now I was bored AND dejected about being bored.

There's this sentence-level structure fact that I use unconsciously. A pattern I find easy is short sentence, short sentence, short sentence, long sentence. So I write that. "He [verbed]. He [verbed]. Then he [verbed]. As he [verbed] to his [consequence], he [verbed] that [noun] was [statement of condition]." Which could work, it often does make for a nice rhythm, but it's something I reach for often because it's easier for me.

Just last sentence, I originally typed, "I find it easier for me." But if what I mean is "using this pattern is less effort than another pattern," then it's easier for me. One voice is hedging its bets and the other asserting. Either is fine! But they're different! And, again, GOD you would not believe how many words I've cut out of this paragraph as I write it. I'm so chatty. I love using twelve words when six will do. And that gives my writing a specific tone to my ear.

So if I am bored of that tone, why not try using just the six words? Why be understated? Why be afraid of stronger opinions? So right now with my fiction, I'm experimenting with cutting out as many self-reflective words as I can. Sometime you do need to draw attention to the face that this is the character's interpretation, but like you definitely don't need to do it as much as I naturally want to do it. You don't need to always go out of your way to allow the possibility that the narrative voice is wrong. During editing, I trim the weaker ones (I originally typed, "what I consider the weaker ones" Is that more accurate?). But I think them being there in the first place shifts my language which shifts my character's which shifts my plot. It's sentence structure all the way down!!

(this barely applies to my writing on here, btw. i try to do good but yknow this is a tumblr blog. i'm not trying to get a lit mag to accept it.)

Anyway blah blah (chatty!) the point is I've been trying to write in a way opposite of my interests. Something that doesn't take itself too seriously, that emphasizes EMOTION and ACTION instead of minimizing it, and that clips through scenes at a good pace. Doing this been amazingly fun. I've been having such a good time doing it. I am writing so much because I really enjoy doing it. The process of writing is so fun again.

This post is about two things. One is my new mood stabilizer and therapy day camp. The other is about the benefit of pretending to be MXTX.

[the-monkeies-girl]

Girl when I tell you I absolutely NEED part 3 to Customary or I might die!! Omggg that yearning shit had me covering the smile on my mouth and licking my feet. 🤭 It’s too good! It’s too cute! You might actually be a wizard. I’m bowing down to you, slow-burn queen 🙌

My fingers.... They are burning.... with dESIRE.

Title: Wounded Pride. Fandom: ( Kindgom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Mentions of violence, blood, injury and mating. ) Words: 6K ( Someone stop me jk don't. ) Pairing: Implied! Noa x Human!Reader. Summary: You were ignoring each other, that much was clear. How long was it going to last? Noa felt like he was bursting at the seams and you felt like you had lost all sense of reasoning. ** Does Contain Spoilers for Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. **

READ THE SERIES HERE. ●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・ “Noa!” That was a frantic tone and lured the Chimp to raise his head in question. His ears moved to focus on where it was coming from. Off to his left, maybe 10 or so meters away. Not too far if he needed to run. He made a barking sound in response. Hearing his name was not enough.  His vision caught a few things. Leaves tangling against the ruins of a past structure. Echo in nature, through and through and hideously ugly. Nothing like what Apes built he beamed with decent pride at that. His body swung at the sound of his name vibrating along the walls encapsulating him like a barren playground. His set of feet and hands were pressed into the ground now. He was braced, ready to take off. Respond, Noa’s mind felt like it was melting, waiting for his fellow friends to communicate. He traced his gaze right along the trees that were bursting through the sturdy concrete, determined to grow in such ludacris circumstances. His chest rose and fell rapidly, faster than he had felt in quite some time, at least since his encounter with Proximus Caesar.  “Noa! You need to come quick!” The fur along his spine pricked at that, standing on edge. A sensation not often felt with him. It screamed ‘danger ahead!’ His nerves yelled at him, muscles feeling tense. The voice was very much Soona’s, tangling with Anaya’s as they began yelling over each other. Well, it couldn’t have been that serious if they were both taking time to yell, some tanglement of arguing with each other hitting Noa’s ears as he finally picked his pace up to a gallop. Coming to what could only be described as a skirting stop, Noa’s hands and feet dug into the earth below him to stop him from tumbling over, making quite crazed eye contact with Soona and Anaya as his mind caught up with his body. Both unharmed, he sighed from relief at that. Anaya was breathing heavily - Nervous? Noa questioned silently and looked at Soona again, shoulders fraught. He stared at her, expecting an explanation without having to ask for one. She was quick to oblige but didn't bother with words. Merely stepping aside, her entire self bumped into Anaya’s and they both shuffled to the side on all fours looking between Noa and what was behind them in the long grass that grew without care. Noa came forward, keeping his senses on guard in case there was danger with what Soona and Anaya had found. His friends were fast to follow right behind him. Noa never had it in him to advise that he was just as scared as they were at times like this. He swallowed it down and did what he needed. Soona and Anaya needed him to be brave and that was often his gift to them. Their gift back? Their unwavering friendship and support through the years. Green eyes scaled the grassy area in front of him to observe before he got too close. Some blades were painted red. Noa hesitated briefly. It had to be blood, Noa roughly vocalized to Soona and Anaya to stand back, stay back. They did just that, stopping their movements as Noa bridged the gap of two feet between himself and the patch. 

“Still… Alive?” Soona asked quietly. Noa glanced back at her, watching as she dipped her head precariously. Anaya was standing close to her, holding onto her arm out of fear. Noa looked back at the grass, or rather, what was in it. Between the long entanglements of weeds and vines he could make out the striking notions of blood splatter. Fresh, it still looked wet. Swallowing back something that was resting in his throat, Noa stood. If there was danger, he needed to appear as large as he could. One of the many tactics a Chimpanzee had when faced with the unknown. The extra height he got going from all fours to bi-pedal was all he needed to see clearly what was in that busted patch of grass. ‘Echo!’ He signed at Anaya and Soona. 

‘Has to still be alive!’ Anaya was fast to respond to his best friend, his hands finding it a bit difficult to move so quickly. The next set of words were jumbled but Noa understood. It had made a sound when Soona and Anaya probed it, which prompted them to call Noa in return. 

‘What…’ Soona’s signing was slow compared to Anaya’s. She was always more thoughtful and Noa savored that in this moment, trying so hard to keep himself from going straight into panic. ‘What… do.. We do?’

‘Put out of misery.’ Anaya wasn’t joking. 

Noa held his hand up, fingers twisted into a hard fist. Soona and Anaya both fell deathly quiet. He was not about to mercy kill. What was in front of him would die on its own once the cold of the night came around. There was evident damage to their legs, close to the ankles, blood pooling there and trickling down the smooth nature of the skin into the dirt below. He made a fast sign to his friends telling them. He heard them both gasp under their breath as Noa made a move closer, crouching to get more detail, his hands and feet tangling in on themselves with the spaced movement of Noa’s broad body. Cut around the temple, hit by rock maybe, or fell on face, burns around wrists, most likely from being bound. Noa was making quick notes of what he was seeing. He looked right. Nothing. He looked to the left and noticed blood droplets and traced their trajectory mindfully. It was coming from the direction of the cave that kept the Eagle Clan secluded from other Apes in the area. That was all Noa needed to know. The Echo in front of him must have been hunted, nearly to the brink of death.  ●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

‘How?’ Anaya signed at Noa, huffing deeply at his friend who was pacing, very distraught. The sounds from the Ape in front of him told Noa to stop moving and to focus, pay attention to the conversation at hand but it was apparent with the shoulder movements of aggravation that that was not going to happen. Noa was an obsessive creature, and Anaya knew that. Once he was locked and entranced by something, by any force of nature, Noa would tear it open and figure it out to satisfy his need to fix, his need to deduce. That’s what made him so good at tinkering, at resolving. It must have been a secretive thing Noa wanted to talk about this time around, eager to get Anaya alone. Stalking and biding his time almost all day to get his friend pinned for a conversation. Without Soona, without his mother. ‘Echo got offended?’ The signing of those words were accompanied by a funny face, Anaya very obviously curious how Noa had managed that one. Neither had heard of an Echo being offended, though, from the Elders of the Clan, they had always made the assumption that they were quick to anger. Maybe the same thing, Anaya bargained with Noa, but Noa felt this was different than simple anger and told his friend that sternly.

Noa had put everything incredibly broad, unsure of how to approach his closest confidant with what had happened between himself and you. Too many details would give away Noa’s primal intent. He gave the gist of it with words a few minutes ago, Anaya intently listening to Noa’s voice waver. Up and down, the placement of his tone unsure and full of self-loathing. He continued, explaining in part the conversation about the human custom of kissing, only the important details, followed by a very cliff-noted version of the hunting endeavor. Anaya must have sensed the urgency, choosing to sign rather than put more effort into it by speaking. Anyway, he justified it further by thinking that signing was more private. Less likely for someone to overhear, or well…. Oversee. Tilting his head to the side, Anaya felt a sigh roll from him as Noa finally stopped pacing, now choosing to sit rather defensively on his hands and feet. ‘How?’ Anaya repeated. 

‘I do not know.’ Shamefully, Noa dropped his hands after admitting that, his jaw clenching tightly for a moment as he grinded his teeth together. They clattered, his canines distracting his train of thought for a split second as he moved his tongue over them. ‘Echo just…’ Signs were not coming to him. Thoughts were not coming to him. Throwing his hands up in vivid frustration, Noa gave up and let a growl fall from his lips, snarling his lips for a second as it became a bit louder before tapering into a hum of sorts. Anaya blinked, hunching forward on all fours and drifted his way very slowly to sit by Noa. 

‘Why… you bothered?’

‘I do not know.’ He repeated this time. 

Anaya nodded, only looking at his friend from the corner of his eye. ‘Maybe… Apology?’ That was definitely an avenue that Noa had considered, in fact it was the first thing that popped into his mind. Chimps were good at apologies. Never with words, often they reached their hands out, palms up and waited for the party getting the concession to accept. It had a great acceptance rate, but Noa doubted you’d want that. Just throw an apology your way and see how it sticks! What could go wrong? You’d never talk to him again…  He grunted out a denial to Anaya at that prospect and turned his shoulders away. Defensive in nature. 

‘You… need tell Anaya…’ He tilted his head in hesitation, knowing what he was about to suggest would be a dangerous path, even though they were friends. “What Noa actually said.” There was confidence in his verbalization, stressing and driving home to Noa that it was a necessity to spill his guts for Anaya to properly gauge the situation and help. “Asked.. about mating.” Noa was fast to speak, hoping that maybe his voice was too weak for Anaya to understand. He underestimated it though and it came out sounding like a sour grape. “Asked if pleasured.” Noa turned his face towards Anaya, giving him a certain look that told him all he needed to know. He got his needed information and now he needed to process. And… It surely brought to light a lot of things. 

A lot. 

Anaya sat back on his butt, displaying a rather surprised expression. Noa didn't bother looking at him, already able to see the emotions on his friend's face just in his mind. That’s what they got for years of being around each other. Each minute move either face or body was known and read right away. 

“Stupid.” He told Noa honestly which resulted in a chortle from the Eagle Clan’s leader. It was the sound of agreement. “Echo like privacy. Stupid to ask. Not like us! Keep many secrets away from Noa, from all Apes.” There was intense scrutiny in Anaya’s voice. There was a reason why the Elders told stories, wary ones, about the Echo’s. About how they were and how they disregarded things that weren’t important to them. Selfish! Anaya chuffed, wanting to pull Noa in physically and beat him into submitting, giving Anaya all the answers he needed to deduce what Noa was already enthralled in. Instead though, he urged, “Why ask?”

Noa dropped his shoulders at the mild scolding and dipped his chin towards his body. He knew what Anaya was saying was right and there was no logical excuse anymore why he asked what he did or why he felt somehow entitled to an answer from you. ‘Curious.’ He didn't have it in him to speak.

Anaya wasn’t seething perse, instead, he was statically quiet which was even worse to Noa. Anaya was a chatterbox, even if it was about nothing of consequence. This… Was out of the norm and it made Noa incredibly uncomfortable. He began shifting his weight from one side to another, swaying out of mere anticipation of being scolded again. And if Anaya got too into it, Noa could just choose to gallop away. He didn't have to take it! He was the leader. He was… He was the Eagle Clan. 

“Stupid.” Anaya muttered again, picking himself up and moving. He couldn’t be next to Noa as he processed. 

“Told me they only mate out of survival, hardly… the other reasons..” Anaya’s mouth popped open. Noa got further into the conversation than he led his friend to believe. Previously, the assumption was made that you didn't respond and merely began ignoring him out of offense. 

Anaya exploded. “Echo not stupid, Noa is. Should have left it to die in the woods when found. Then, Noa wouldn’t be here telling Anaya stupid things!”

Noa lurched at that. Not at Anaya, but unquestionably at the implications of his words. At least, that was what Noa was going to tell himself later when the guilt set in that he drew his aggression at his best friend. The animalistic movement was taken the wrong way, made evident as Anaya billowed as Noa approached him, drawing into himself to appear smaller, more weak, more favorable. Raising his hand up, Noa was chaste to brush his fingertips against Anaya’s open palm. Apology. Simple and clean. Anaya submitted to his friend and watched as he turned, leaving the Chimp still as dumbfounded as before. Though, with a bit more insight. 

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

You could smell dried blood but you couldn’t bring yourself to lift your heavy eyelids. Warmth was collapsing over you, wave after wave. Each one brought another one of your senses with it. There was a mild tingling in your right ear, prickling at your hearing as you tried to adjust it enough to figure out your surroundings. Last thing you remembered was stumbling… Hands pacing over a bricked wall in the dark, trying too hard to find a place where you didn't need to run for your life. Your hand pressing to your forehead, bloodied from a cut on the side near your temple, vision blurring in and out of focus. Your knees buckled from exhaustion, crashing onto grass that definitely appeared softer than it felt… It was hot for a second but then it was awfully cold, your body taking a plunge into an invisible ocean of sheer ice. Then, it all went black. Maybe, if you were lucky, you were dead. Whirling endlessly in limbo somewhere between the Earth and the Heavens, searching for the next place to go. Maybe you were asleep, dreaming up violent situations from your subconscious. After all, it did what it wanted to in your dreams; you had no control over that. Would you be aware if you were dreaming though? That idea spurred you to cross it off the list of possibilities. Hm… Or maybe you were dead, you repeated. Your eyes did not want to open. You were so warm… Another wave hit you all of a sudden and you became aware of the smothering sensation of animal fur against your back. Against your arms. Against your legs. Against your entire body. Voices without bodies were floating around you. They sounded human enough and that put you at some ease. You jumped the gun there. Thinking you had been caught by a bunch of ravenous Apes. Ha. Ha. Ha…

Jolting, you were abruptly conscious. 

Not conscious enough, you decided. Drawing a deep breath into your lungs to accommodate for the lack of air you got while passed out, you found your eyes peering into green ones directly above you. Not just regular green, you tilted your head and tried desperately to ignore the throb coming from your temple. Entrancing, grappling for dominance with flecks of outstanding gold against a canvas of darkened pupils. Oh yeah, you were dead. You were definitely looking into the eyes of God, you said sarcastically in your wounded trance and shut your eyes again. “Awake! Echo is awake!” You heard that clear as day and it did nothing to help the already soundless nature of the drumming in your head. It was followed up but a few soft hoots of acknowledgement which caused the hair on your arms to stick up in defense and your eyes to fly open without reserve. Ape. Ape. Ape. You counted them with wide eyes. Three. Maybe? Maybe more? You had a hard time telling as your eyes were adjusting back to some sort of normalcy after being drenched and flooded with blood. Wherever you were was not very bright save for a fire in the corner that drifted up what appeared to be wooden planks that were tilted inwards. No natural light came in and it beckoned your internal clock to assume that it was night time. You were in a structure of some type; that was easy to figure out regardless of lighting. With Apes. Not just Apes, you squinted and raised yourself on your forearms. Chimpanzees. Three sets of eyes, similarly colored to the ones you woke up peering into. You had no idea nor interest in knowing which one was observing you so closely. If you weren’t dead before, you may as well have been at that moment as you sprinted backwards, almost face first and staggered to your feet. Automatically, you were in a defensive position, trying to ignore the feeling of twisted pain in your ankles. Racing your hands everywhere, you tried to find something to grab. Something to defend yourself with. You needed to! There was nothing in the vicinity. You couldn’t even tell where the door was and your eyes were frantic to find some sort of escape. Shoulders rising and falling quickly, you turned and looked at the Apes again. Your heart was going to jump out of your chest. Your head was pounding and you felt like if you moved your feet anywhere, you were going to tumble. What did they want?

Your mind was flying at a faster speed than you were able to process any cognitive thought. Words were blaring in your ears without anyone yelling. Your group of fellow Humans were all hunted, their chanting still wild in your head. Apes were dangerous. Apes showed no compassion. They liked the kill, they liked the satisfaction. The deeply ingrained instinct to be afraid of them because you didn't understand them, the wild weaned fear of what they could do to you. What they were planning to do! Were they… Oh god, they were going to kill you and then skin you and then eat your insides--- you scrambled again, no regard for how you must have looked as you dropped to your knees, muttering under your breath as you flew around on all fours. You needed to find a way out. There had to be a way out. They were going to attack, they were moving!

Wait.

You paused, hunching on your hands and knees, feeble attempts made to catch your breath but you still found yourself panting like a wild animal. Mouth agape, you looked at the Apes in the room with you before letting your gaze fall down to their hands. Were they… Using sign language?Your back came into crushing contact with the wooden wall behind you, earning a tiny flinch from you as your right shoulder blade radiated. You must have been bruised there, you thought. Despite the grinding pain you were in, you tried to push further back as one of them, only slightly bigger in stature compared to the other two dropped to all fours, now eye level with you, and languidly moved towards you. First a hand, followed by a foot and then repeated until they were right in front of you. Your breath caught in your throat as they leaned in, deathly close to your face that you were able to smell them in your nostrils, mixing now with that previously noted taste of dried blood. Oh, they were going to rip your face off.

“Alive.” They said to you, taking a brash step back when you moved. No shit, you wanted to say but you couldn’t find your voice. Your eyes widened at the movement of them and the sound of their voice. Not aggressive or mean, but it was pensive and quiet. Observant, and you wondered if they were even talking to you or just verbally acknowledging to the other two Apes that you were, well… Alive. Whoever this Ape was… Was courageous enough to face you, to be near you but obviously held some reservations. There was absolutely no way they were just as afraid as you were. 

“Injured.” That was directed towards you, eye contact frantically being made when the smell of fresh blood became more abundantly noticed. Almost afraid to look down, you felt a small gush coming from your right calf. It slipped down the curve of your muscle, mixed with something… A paste of some sort that in itself, in your cloudy disposition, was rather fragrant if you focused on it. Something like a root, pulled and crushed from deep in the Earth. How did that… Get there? You looked at your injury, nothing more than a gash, deeper than it appeared though and it ached if you moved your foot in any awkward positions. “Wh…” Your voice came out ridiculously hoarse, hand reaching up to touch the outside of your throat. The Ape in front of you was watching it all. The inquest on your face, your fingers holding along your throat and focusing on your heart beat. How long have you been out? A day? Two? A week? Swallowing hard, you lubricated your vocal cords just enough to force out a question, “Wh-- What did you… do..t’me?” That was definitely slurred.

“Did nothing!” Another Ape finally spoke, their voice frantic and distraught.Not from nerves…. Right? You looked at them, then at the one adjacent, who was just a touch smaller than the other two, before your gaze fell on the one closest to you, wrought breathing causing your lungs to feel rather tight. Shifting, you tried to relax but found that it only brought discomfort. 

“Injured.” The one in front of you said again, this time with a bit more confidence. Whether it was true or faux, you had no idea but it was difficult to sort anything through your thought process at the moment. You were barely processing the fact that there was quite literally a hole in your calf let alone that an Ape was communicating with you so… Civilly. “Found in… ruins. Dying.” Your lips parted, suddenly becoming aware that you were thirsty. The severity of the words spoken hit you like a feathered ton of bricks. Softly at first, it was initially hazed by the idea that they were capable of saving you instead of killing you. Then, it sank in and it felt like your body was tied to a chair, someone banging on your chest over and over again to just drive the point home that all your preconceptions about these Apes might have been wrong. No! It couldn’t have been wrong! You lived your entire life afraid of them, being told from your childhood to be afraid and to always run away. It was only solidified when each of those Humans you were around were hunted, killed and their bodies dragged around in a triumphant show-boat by a group of Apes on the back of their horses. Squeezing your eyes shut at that visual, often the cause of nightmares for you, you shook your head vehemently. There was no way. 

“We…” They continued on, “saved.” There was a gesture towards the two Apes across the room. “Brought Echo back here… Spear head in leg,” Huh, that explained that, you bargained for some sort of reality. “Took out, stopped bleeding then…” They came to a slow stop and signed something over at the other two. You had no idea what they were saying now. Sign language was not your forte. Maybe, if you could push aside the vibration in your head, you’d be able to read them from body language but that was thrown out the window when you opened your eyes, tears forming at the edges and ultimately blurring your vision. 

“Echo then wake up.”

You snapped, “Wha… What the hell is an Echo?”One of the two behind lurched ever so slightly at the apparent aggression you put into your words, but the one crouched in front of you put a hand up to tell them to stop. 

It gestured at you. 

You rolled your eyes. That must have been their name for Humans. Each clan called them something different, you had figured that out over the years. Instead of having individual names, the human race was deduced down to a word such as ‘Echo’ or ‘Nova’, which you had heard in passing, speckled usually in more secluded clans and only talked about in detail when you were around the fire late at night with other humans. It was lore, it was ghost stories. It was reality now. “I--- Have a name…” You whispered. “(Name).” Hm… With a tilted head to the side, a response came. “Noa.” Finally giving you a bit more clarity. He pointed at the two Apes behind him accordingly, “That Soona,” She looked at you, terrified obviously, but seemingly confident in her friend's ability to talk to you. “Anaya.” Even more terrified, and not as obviously convinced in this Noa Ape to be as outrageously courageous as he was appearing.

“Are…” You quivered in on yourself and looked at him. A string of tears hit your cheeks, hurting at your temple even more than before and profusely lit the flame that caused the beating in your head to intensify rapidly. “Are you going to kill me?” Noa looked at you, draping you in some sort of melancholic state as you realized just how… human his eyes were. How they observed every morsel of your face, taking in the details and probably thinking just how hideous you were compared to Apes. How he’d scrutinize your scent, your well being, your entire self. But, he said nothing, gaze flickering between your eyes before he moved attention to your calf again. You followed suit. It looked worse than it felt, at least you had that. If he were going to kill you, wouldn’t he have already done it? There was a fleeing moment where he felt offended at your accusation, feeling the same coming from Soona and Anaya - primarily the latter. But, he had to remind himself, you were Echo. You did not know any other ways.

“Not all Apes are that way. We do not kill… Echo’s here.” You stiffened watching as he drew himself onto his hands and feet again from his default crouching stance. That was a complete and full sentence. You tried to not bark at him with confusion, not impressed by any means… Well… No! Not impressed. You knew they could talk. It was well---You knew… they could… Your eyes blurred and you felt your head fall to the side before you urged yourself into a more aware state. It lasted only moments before you lulled into an awkward dance with unconsciousness and invested fear. Coldness rocketed right through your leg at the application of more of the root smelling paste to your wound. It didn't sting perse, instead, it felt numbing. Were you so out of it that you didn't see Noa grabbing what appeared to be a clay jar of sorts? Fingers pushing into it and then smearing its contents on your body? You so desperately wanted to ask him what the hell he was doing, putting on you but you were shot with another wave of black. You passed out. ●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・

Almost sickly aware of the pair of green eyes on you at all times, intricately staring at your movements down to the minute shift of your shoulders as you breathed, you did everything you could to ignore them. Your hands were busy; helping Soona untangle some twine that had gotten itself into a mess of very intricate knots. She had praised you for your help, explaining that ‘Echo hand… smaller than Ape..’ It was a simple and gentle compliment from her, you being grateful to be of some use to someone else in the Clan and not just Noa. With your hands working, your mind fell into a leisurely state as you tried so desperately to convince yourself that Noa wasn’t foolish enough to pull you away from a social situation with Soona. It would seem suspicious and ultimately, Soona would tell Anaya who would then in turn absolutely panic and tell Noa to back off, leave you be and that the only purpose you served here was to please Noa’s curiosity about the Teachings of Caesar. Thinking those things did nothing to help you feel calm. In fact, it was very much the opposite. Your mind did not stop at that though, enticing you to look up. You swept the entire village with your gaze. He had to be there somewhere, he rarely chose to drift off by himself without either of his friends, or even you on occasions but that was only when you served a purpose to him, you convinced yourself that at the moment the agreement was made that you would help Noa understand about human culture. You were still actively trying to convince yourself of that after the last two conversations that abhorrently played in your head in excruciating detail. The absolute devastation on his face when he realized that he had asked you the wrong thing and your petty response was the top of the list for your mental replays. It was your pettiness and inability to say anything positive in response to him that got you the most worked up despite your answer to him being that of pure truth. Humans didn't mate, in Noa’s words, for pleasure. They mated for survival. Setting your twine down now that it was a straight line, you looked over your shoulder once more before glancing down to pick up another knotted piece to work on. Well… What were you supposed to tell him? Looking at it now in a less offended state, you should have just told him that you didn't want to answer. There were a few times in the past that Noa attempted to push a question on you, soon coming to embrace acceptance that you weren’t willing to give him any response and he’d drop it. The two of you never fought about it, never went days upon days without talking or seeing each about them. Were you even fighting? Tilting your head, you shuffled on the ground and spread your legs out instead of sitting cross-legged like you had been for at least the last half hour. Then you began bargaining. He had asked you before if you had mated. If you had someone before you found your way to the Eagle Clan. You never answered him, even then. It was left alone for a long time, Noa not wanting to pry into obviously human privacy. So he was consciously aware of the status of the question he begged you to answer only a few days ago.  You fixated on the way he had signed that word. Pleasure. It was a slow signing, his two hands in front of his chest with a perpendicular circular motion. It was a flurry of intensity. The question. Your chaste answer. Noa falling silent next to you, no doubt self-reflecting at the idiocy of the question. And then… Oh… You had the absolute torture of being silent for the rest of the hunting trip. Noa ignored you, you could sense the coldness coming off of him in waves due to his inner thoughts taking over. You wanted nothing more than to ask him when he inquired about pleasure. How he even knew that it was a pleasurable experience for a human. Was it for Apes? Chimpanzees? You had no idea, choosing to linger in your ignorance and figure that it was not an element to their mating standards.

Huffing, you sat your twine back down and told Soona in a soft tone of voice as to not alarm her, “I need to go pee.” She let you go with silence, figuring your rather fast pace was due to really needing to relieve yourself.

A quick excuse to get you on your legs, pacing towards the right and through the entire embankment of the village to the very edge. Kicking a rock under your foot as you approached the small creek, the very sight of the first incident with Noa, you felt like doing nothing more than grabbing your hair and screaming to the high heavens. What was wrong with you!? Now you were the foolish one, asking questions that shouldn’t need to be asked, that didn't need an answer because what fruit would come from knowing if Apes mated at all for pleasure?

Coming around the small creek embankment, your fast feet came to an almost stumbling stop. Your mind didn't process as quickly as you halted harder than anticipated and almost felt yourself go face first into the shallow water in front of you from the sheer momentum you had. A set of broad shoulders, lined delicately with thinning fur in preparation for the summer, were facing you. Sun peeked across the west as it began its gentle descent into night, flushing the sky now with a light hue of pink and orange. Ah yes… That oh so familiar body in front of you, hand dipped in water in quite solace was none other than the Chimp you were ignored by for days. Well, not just ignored by. You did your fair share of skipping around the stone to not run into him.

Tightly wrapping your fingers into fists at your side, you contemplated going back. It appeared he hadn’t heard you, hadn’t sensed you coming or at the very least, you weren’t worth turning around or acknowledging. Your heart sank at that thought. You were just another tool he used to get his way into fixing a problem that wasn’t his to fix. He… Looked so small… You brought your bottom lip in and chewed it out of deliberation, eyes scaping up his back, broad by nature, but from his posture now, it was brought in on itself and he looked reminiscent of a little kid who had just gotten into big trouble. Maybe, you muttered inside of your own head and trailed your way towards him. You were still contemplating if you wanted to talk to him, but the very least you could do was to appear next to him and give the chance.

‘Know you are there.’ There went your element of surprise as Noa brought his hand back in and rested it against his chest in a coiled position. He wasn’t just crouching, he was holding himself.

“I---” You stumbled backwards, feet shifting to move your weight but your mind was telling you not to run. To confront. You didn't want to! You wanted to leave it alone, you didn't want to… To… Have to see his face. “I’m sorry, I didn't know you’d be up here, I just needed to---”

“Think.”

Swallowing softly, you planted yourself behind him, only a few feet and looked at the water that was so enviously caressing his hand. Looking down at your own palm, you felt it tingle with want… You wanted to be that water and freely float yourself against him in some bid to calm, ease… Love… “Yeah…” That was spit from your mouth so softly, almost afraid that Noa wouldn’t be able to hear. He didn't turn to face you so you figured that he did in fact hear and was either waiting for silence to fall over the two of you again or for you to say something else. He waited.

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・ Tag List: @ohwaitimthewriter @saturnnie-03 @hera-annwn @filliandkili @hadesbabygurl @supergoat12 @callsignwindow @moonchild1433 @kaenalsha @whamsworld @yummyfant @unsteady-bitch @twinspineout

( Sorry if tumblr is a jerk and doesn't tag properly. It does that sometimes I've noticed. )

[andy-15-07]

Home Again

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

word count: 886

Pedro Pascal Masterlist

Joel stood on the porch, letting the golden sunlight warm his face. After years of chaos, this tiny slice of peace felt unreal. The air smelled of wildflowers and freshly turned earth, a sign that the world was slowly coming back to life. Behind him, the house hummed with quiet activity.

Inside, Ellie was pacing the living room, boots thudding softly on the wooden floor. Caleb, Joel and Y/N’s three-year-old son, was sprawled on the floor, chubby hands working diligently to build a tower of blocks.

Ellie stopped mid-step, glancing out the window. “Where’s Y/N? She’s been gone forever.”

Joel’s voice carried from the doorway. “She’s helpin’ Mrs. Greer with her greenhouse. Told me she’d be back soon.”

Ellie huffed, crossing her arms. “I needed to talk to her. Like, personal talk. Girl stuff.”

Joel raised a brow, stepping into the room. “Girl stuff, huh?”

“Yeah, and no offense, but you’re the last person I want to talk to about it.”

“None taken,” Joel said with a faint smirk, crouching next to Caleb. “What’re you workin’ on, buddy?”

“Big tower!” Caleb exclaimed, holding up a wobbly block triumphantly.

“Biggest one yet,” Joel agreed, steadying the structure.

Ellie slid onto the floor beside Caleb. “Lemme see that. Bet we can make it taller.”

Caleb’s face lit up. “Ellie help!”

Joel watched as Ellie grabbed a handful of blocks, her usual sharpness giving way to something softer. For all her bravado, she was surprisingly gentle with Caleb, her patience shining through as they worked together.

“Ellie,” Joel said after a moment, “you’re real good with him, you know that?”

Ellie shrugged, stacking a block without looking up. “He’s alright. Kinda like having a little brother. Annoying but cute.”

Joel’s chest tightened. It wasn’t often Ellie let her walls down enough to say something like that. “Well, he sure thinks the world of you.”

Caleb giggled as the tower swayed and crashed. “Boom!” he shouted, clapping his hands.

Ellie gasped dramatically, scooping him into her arms. “You broke it! You little monster!”

“I’m a monster!” Caleb squealed, his laughter echoing through the house.

Joel chuckled, shaking his head. “Looks like you’ve got your hands full.”

Ellie smirked. “Think I’ll take this monster upstairs for a nap. Maybe teach him some manners while I’m at it.”

“No nap!” Caleb declared, his voice rising in mock outrage.

Joel leaned back in his chair. “Good luck with that one.”

Upstairs, Ellie carried Caleb into his room, lowering him onto the small bed tucked into the corner. She grabbed his favorite blanket, draping it over him as he squirmed.

“No sleep,” Caleb mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

Ellie crouched beside the bed, a sly smile on her face. “Alright, listen up, squirt. You wanna build an even bigger tower later, right?”

Caleb’s eyes widened. “Bigger tower?”

“Yeah, but here’s the deal—bricks need naps to get strong. If you rest now, you’ll be ready to make the biggest tower ever.”

Caleb blinked up at her, processing this new information. “Bricks nap?”

“That’s right,” Ellie said, patting his blanket. “So you gotta nap too. Deal?”

After a moment, Caleb nodded solemnly, his eyelids already drooping. Ellie waited until his breathing steadied before slipping out of the room.

Back downstairs, Joel glanced up from his book as Ellie reappeared.

“He’s out,” she announced, flopping onto the couch.

Joel raised an eyebrow. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. Told him bricks need naps. Kid totally bought it.”

Joel chuckled, shaking his head. “Smart move.”

Before Ellie could respond, the front door creaked open, and Y/N stepped inside, carrying a basket of vegetables.

“Hey,” Y/N said, setting the basket on the table. “Everything alright?”

Joel nodded. “Ellie’s got somethin’ she needs to talk to you about.”

Ellie stood abruptly, grabbing Y/N’s hand. “Yeah, we need to talk. Upstairs?”

Y/N glanced between them, a smile tugging at her lips. “Alright. Lead the way.”

Once they reached the bathroom, Ellie hovered awkwardly, her hands shoved into her pockets. Y/N leaned against the counter, her expression calm and encouraging.

“So,” Y/N began gently, “what’s on your mind?”

Ellie hesitated, her face flushing red. “I think… I think I’m starting my period. And I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”

Relief flickered across Y/N’s face. “Oh, Ellie, that’s nothing to worry about. It’s completely normal.”

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t feel normal,” Ellie muttered, avoiding eye contact.

Y/N stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “It can be overwhelming at first, but it’s something every woman goes through. I’ll help you figure it out, okay? We’ll take it one step at a time.”

Ellie nodded slowly, some of the tension leaving her body. “Thanks. I just… didn’t want to ask Joel.”

Y/N laughed softly. “Good call. C’mon, let’s grab what you need and get you sorted.”

Later that evening, the house was quiet. Caleb was fast asleep, and Joel sat on the porch, a mug of tea in hand. Y/N joined him, leaning against the railing as she watched the fireflies flicker in the fading light.

“Ellie alright?” Joel asked, his voice low.

“She’s fine,” Y/N replied. “Just needed a little guidance. She’s tougher than she thinks.”

Joel smiled, reaching for her hand. “She’s lucky to have you.”

Inside, Ellie stood by Caleb’s bed, watching him sleep. His small chest rose and fell with each soft breath, his tiny fingers clutching his stuffed dinosaur.

“You’re alright, squirt,” Ellie whispered, a rare smile crossing her face. “Guess that makes me your big sister or whatever.”

With a soft chuckle, she turned off the light and headed to her room, feeling more at home than she ever had before.

[finniestoncrane]

CC!Doctor Phosphorus x GN!Reader, word count: 580 i mean this was inevitable, eventually i was going to write something for him... anyway please forgive me for my sins but i want that man to be doing his best to control himself and his 'powers' only for his partner to demand that he let loose and burn them just a leetl tiny bit for funsies 💀 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: scars, marking, burning, sex with reader on top

You could tell his mind wasn't completely there. He was focused on you, yes, but there was something else occupying a large amount of his concentration, and you suspected you knew what it was. So you stopped mid roll, your hips grinding to a halt so suddenly that it caused his fingers to tighten against your sides, eyes drawn up from your chest to your face as he looked for signs of discontent.

"Are you ok?"

There was genuine concern in his voice, and you could almost make out an expression of panic on the glowing light and dark black bone structure that constituted his face. You moved your hand to place it against his cheek bone, but held it back, worried that would only make things worse.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

His hand flourished and displayed the sight of you on top of him, a smile creeping over your lips as you took the compliment. But it quickly dissipated as you attempt to dig a little deeper.

"Seriously though, are you ok? You seem kind of... distant? Or maybe preoccupied? And if you're not into this, we can stop, I won't be offend-"

"No, no, no. Let's... let's not be hasty here. Definitely into this, definitely. I just. It takes a little bit of concentration to keep myself safe for you."

"Safe?"

"Yeah. I mean, one slip of the mind and I might literally be impaling you with this thing. I don't literally want you to melt over me, y'know?"

"Oh."

It was a harrowing thought, and one you hadn't really considered before. But below this new found fear of dying in the middle of sex, there was an undercurrent of excitement at the danger.

"Well... What about if you were only trying to concentrate on not killing me, but you didn't have to worry about just hurting me. Just a little bit."

If he had eyebrows, he would have been raising them out of curious excitement.

"I suppose that would free up a bit more of my attention to lavish you with. But it'll hurt. It'll leave a mark, maybe a scar. You ok with that?"

You bit down on your lip, trying, and failing, to conceal the giddy giggle that escaped regardless of your attempts. He joined in, a deep, almost guttural chuckle that scratched at his throat as it came out.

"Wow, you're a lot more... Uh, what's the word?"

"Dangerous? Careless? Weird? Filthy? Insane?"

"Kinky! That's it, you're a lot kinkier than I anticipated. Although any of those others work too."

You dove into him, nose against the cavity of where his was, kissing at the warm, flaming texture of his body as he picked up his pace, bucking his hips upwards and into you, the heated length of his glowing cock no doubt shining through your skin from inside of you, comical to look at probably, but it felt too good to even think about that.

And then you hissed, chewing your bottom lip once more as you suppressed the groan of pain and pleasure, your skin sizzling as he let his fingers burn you. It was barely a percentage of what he could do if he tried, if he wasn't so focused on not having you burst into flames on top of him. But it was enough to singe you, to spark something in your blood stream that had your hips rolling against him, trying to fight back the urge to beg for more.

[disneyprincemuke]

you say nothing back

being in the hospital has never left a good taste in your mouth, even more when it’s your boyfriend that’s on the bed with an iv line connected to his elbow. it’s unsettling, saying ‘i love you’ to someone who’s in the depths of his medication.

you sigh and rest your chin in your palm, propping yourself up with your elbow by the edge of the bed. “you should wake up so i can say it to your face, you know.”

you stare longingly at his still hands when you feel something weigh your chest down.

you haven’t been with oscar considerably long. well, to both of you — and at your ripe ages of barely even turning 23 — 7 months is a very long time to be with someone. though, you find that your more experienced friends and mother disagree that it’s a significant amount of time to be head over heels for a boy.

one thing that they all agree on is the fact that you should have made your feelings clear instead of staying in the grey area together like two idiots. there should be a known status.

but you didn’t feel like you needed it. you and oscar have both agreed that you’re happy where you are, and that things should go at its own pace. take it one day (date) at a time.

these past few days, however, have felt like a fever dream. last week, you almost blurted it out to him when he had driven you home from a full-day date. luckily, you’d caught yourself at the last second and bit your tongue.

you weren’t sure, at the time, that it wasn’t just something you were saying out of habit. you’re usually very loose with the phrase: with your best friends, family, even sometimes yelling it in the bathroom of a club in the late hours. not saying it to oscar felt off to some degree.

in some way, it also felt right.

you can’t believe that it took an accident for you to realise that you are damn sure about saying it to him. now you’re here in oscar’s hospital room with a heavy heart and droopy eyes — you’ve been here for hours waiting for oscar to regain consciousness.

you sigh again, slightly louder this time, and trace shapes over the back of oscar’s hand. “it’s kind of unfair; i said it while you’re unconscious and you’ve said nothing back.”

“because i was unconscious,” you hear oscar croak out, eyebrows furrowed and his head moving slightly as his eyes slowly open.

you barely process the fact that he’s awake. all that floods your head is the fact that oscar has managed to turn his hand over to hold yours in his, giving it a soft and gentle squeeze. he smiles when your eyes widen and lips part at him being awake. “what did you say to me?”

you purse your lips together, face carving into confusion. “what?”

“i was just waking up when you were saying something about saying something to me and not getting a response,” he laughs, adjusting himself to sit up. you scramble to your feet, helping him adjust the pillows behind him to give him a structure to lean on. he thanks you softly, pushing you down gently to sit you back down in your seat. “i was, in fact, unconscious. so you should tell me again so you can get a response.”

immediately, you shake your head and push your seat away from oscar to keep your distance. you’re not risking embarrassing yourself simply because you can’t control yourself any longer. perhaps that’s actually a good thing? maybe you just need to get it over and done with.

“no, it’s really nothing. it’s not even important,” you laugh, hiding your face away to shield the blush that’s creeping onto your cheeks.

“come on,” oscar laughs. “tell me, please?” he gestures to himself with a small pout. “look at me — how can you say ‘no’ to me?”

“you can’t use that as a bargaining chip. that’s foul.”

“there are no rules in life, dear.”

“you’re in the hospital for something that could have been entirely avoided.”

“it’s just an allergy attack.”

“i know! could have been entirely avoided if you’d just told me that you were allergic to seafood, oz!”

“that’s besides the point!” he throws his head back, sniffling softly. he reaches forward for your hand and pats the back of yours. “what is it? you know you can tell me anything.”

you sigh and shake your head. “i can’t. and, it’s really not important.”

oscar drops your hand. he grabs your cheeks, lifting your head to meet your eyes. “please tell me? i promise i’ll listen.”

this is the first time you’ve ever been scared to tell someone you love them. it’s just always come so naturally to you because some small part of you always knew that you’d get a similar response. with oscar, it’s different.

it could be the constant stoic stare or the way that he isn’t typically a person with many words. he’s very reserved and careful with his words; often soft-spoken and not quick with his anger. it’s new to be associated with somebody who is so thought out with himself.

one would even wonder how someone like yourself ended up with oscar in the first place. not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just that you’re opposites. but oscar loves to argue that it’s your extroverted nature that made you fit so well together. you love talking, and he loves listening. if you asked him again, he would tell you that he loves your voice, your accent — hearing you talk.

“oz.”

“just say it,” oscar scoffs, a small smirk stretching his lips. he exhales softly and blinks slowly. “i have a feeling i know what you’re about to say to me. for the record, i feel the same way.”

@cashtons-wife @darleneslane @nikfigueiredo @happy-nico @namgification

[eternalmomentss]

yes king give us the orym meta!

You asked so nicely...

Oh boy, oh boy, where to even start. This has probably been said a million times before, so I might just word vomit a little bit here. I fear this might get a little messy, but just hold on...

So, first of all I have never really enjoyed the idea that Orym is the rational one in the party or that he serves as the one and only true moral compass. I've seen the take that he is the only "normal" person in this group and that he might have exploded and left them at any second because their chaotic, stubborn and messy nature doesn't fit in with his own personality and values. To that I have to say no, he is not the "normal" one, he is not the most "morally correct" one, and yes he fits in very well with this group.

Orym is heavily biased when it comes to the idea of what justice is and what the right course of action might be in their situation, which - just like with most of Bell's Hells, is due to his trauma and genuine concern for the world. His experience with it has just been very different and he gravitates toward the "pro-god" / "anti-ludinus/predathos" side of the conflict because of it, unlike most of the other Hells. But that doesn't mean he isn't a necessary and valuable part of the entire puzzle that led to the outcome they eventually decided on.

Most of the time Orym himself doesn't even realize just how stubbornly narrow-minded and biased he is and how his idea of justice becomes more and more resentful and unyielding. In a way, it's the exact same thing as with say Ash or Dorian, who hold onto their hatred of the gods and the system due to their own trauma. Just because Orym's raw disdain is directed at a more well defined embodiment of a "big bad villain" rather than a concept, doesn't mean it's different at its core. His beliefs kind of remained stagnant and onesided with the appearance of Luda, which makes complete sense. Being confronted with the source of all his misery obviously does that, but he is not more moral or correct than the rest of the group because if it. He says he doesn't want revenge but it's a clear lie.

He regresses hard throughout the course of the narrative, which is the entire focus of his character arc. In his case, regression is progression. He goes from claiming that his family died fulfilling their duty and protecting their home to insisting they died for nothing and Luda is responsible for everything bad that has ever happened in the world. He gets stuck in this deep hatred and focuses on this strict narrative to ease his own feelings of guilt and try to make sense of his trauma (which is valid, of course, I am not saying he shouldn't hate Luda). But with each new terrible thing that happens, he finds a way to pin it on Da'leth. When they discuss the power structure of the current situation, he circles back to the man again and again, even in moments when they really didn't mean to talk about him (for example, at Essek's when Ash and Dorian lamented the power imbalance between gods and people and Orym immediately felt attacked and made it about Ludinus again). He is unable to seperate the two concepts in his head. There is evil, which is Ludinus and there is in turn good, which is everything and anything that man calls an enemy: the gods and the current status quo, because it stands in contrast to him.

And yes he says he is not pro-god, but his understanding and sympathy of the gods grows at the same pace that his hatred for Luda does, to the point that what he fears about Predathos actually happens with the Wildmother (she accidentally pushes him to hard and has her "steps on ants" moment so to speak), but he overlooks it, latches onto her and is quick to forgive, because they have a common enemy and that's all that matters.

Orym's idea of good and bad is basically along the lines of "the thing that hurt me and the side that's against it" (and I am not sayin that isn't understandable, it absolutely is, given what he has been through). He cannot let go of that idea. He kills Ludinus and he enjoys the idea of getting rid of something evil, but once he has done it, he feels empty. Because really, he didn't succeed in snuffing out all evil in the world or ending his pain and guilt just by killing that man. He didn't fix the situation, like he so adamantly told himself he could. It's not that easy. In that moment, he realizes that this is so much bigger and so much more complicated. For probably the first time, Orym has to cave, he shuts down completely because now he sees that the world was never that black and white to start with. And it's so, so heartbreaking.

Orym is fundamentally just as scared and biased and bitter as everyone else. And he does everything to reach his own goals. He gets himself into a pact with Morri, he gaslights himself into believing he has to sell his entire soul away for it (which we know now was never true), risks being enslaved and losing his life. He persists on being noble and dutiful to the point where he feels the need to keep sacrificing himself, keep pushing, keep doing the things he has been doing all this time. In those moments when he might start to see the greyscales around him and he needs to question his own judgement. He needs to revaluate and make this journey make sense again, because there is no way he could be wrong at this point, right? Not after all this time. It's a compulsion inside of him, it makes him run in circles.

(Here I would like to say; I enjoy he idea of ptsd and ocd Orym, which has come up a few times. It really does work well, especially considering the obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviour, rituals, rumination, etc.

I am not a therapist, nor am I qualified to porperly evaluate a fictional character's mental state, so of course I cannot claim to know this for sure, it's a headcanon I've seen pop up that I found to be fitting.)

So, there ya go....

Orym of the Air Ashari I adore you, you are not okay.

[euphoricsleeplucidity]

J x V x Uzi... does this even have like, a proper ship name? I've just been calling it BrandedViolentBites. Anyway, this takes place in an AU of mine where the disassembly drones are more feralistic - but I intentionally didn't make that very obvious, and although some background information is missing (this seems to be the usual for me), it's still readable.

While I think the pacing is rather off and it might be a tad rushed (writing these on Discord for your friends first might do that to you), I'm rather proud of this regardless. :3

The worker wanders through the snow, white crunching underneath her boots loudly, her purple optics honed in on the ground. Everything felt too quiet as she makes her way to the corpse spire - she felt uneasy, like she was being watched.

Which, is kind of weird, considering Uzi has befriended all of the disassembly drones. So realistically, there shouldn't be anything out here for her to fear? And yet, she still does as she enters the towering structure of long-dead corpses, all of which her own kind.

"N?" She calls out first, familiar name on her tongue. She gets no response, which is kind of concerning. He's usually always here - he's the one who rarely ever goes out hunting, something about how his systems don't need as much oil as his female coworkers. He is almost always here to greet her.

While Uzi has 'befriended' the disassemblers, that doesn't necessarily mean she gets along with all of them. Namely V and J - while V is a little easier to get along with and they're certainly getting closer, J is... well, J.

Just as she's about to call out their names anyway, something impacts the snow behind her.

Uzi yelps, turns around to be met with an intimidating hunter's cross across black display, a sign of impending demise for any other worker. Though she's starting to feel like just any worker.

It's V - she can tell that much, if the eerie giggling alone didn't give it away. Claws out, tail lashing as if irritated, wings twitching in anticipation. Yeah, Uzi is actually kind of freaked out.

"V?" She utters quietly, but alas, gets no response. As if the disassembler has completely given in to her hunting protocols - she might of.

V shows off her fangs in a sickening grin, wide and malicious across her face. She prowls forward, and Uzi is beginning to feel like prey caught in a predator's trap. For every step the worker takes back, V takes one forward, unyielding in her approach.

And Uzi wasn't doing a very good job at keeping an eye on her surroundings, clearly, because her back hits something solid. A quick glance, hesitant to take her eyes off of the predator and yet doing so anyway, reveals that she's been cornered against the landing pod.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the incoming attack - and as the disassembler pounces, Uzi leaps to the side, hitting the snow just as a thud sounds from behind. V had hit the pod in her lunge, and Uzi can hear her growl in frustration afterward.

The worker rolls onto her back, stares at V, terrified. She quickly gets up, puts her hands out in front of herself as if she's trying to calm a wild animal. Well, she kind of is, isn't she?

"V, calm down, please. I-I'm not your prey, remember?" Uzi says, those pleading words feeling foreign in her mouth, uncharacteristically scared but sue her, this is a life or death situation. She can worry about her edgy teenage persona later. Her words only cause V to giggle, however.

And then something else lands behind her, and she whips around on instinct, her eyes thinning out. J.

Now, she is cornered between two disassembly drones. While J is usually far more restrained than V ever could be, right now, she matches V's hungry look and that is a horrifying realization.

Uzi looks between both predators, involuntarily trembling. She's defenseless, she didn't bring anything she could possibly defend herself with. Not that she really has anything that could help her here in the first place, anyway. And thanks to a certain drone, she pointedly glares at J for a split second, fear be damned, her railgun is still in repair.

She's unable to evade V's next pounce, and finds herself pinned up against the pod with the hungry disassembler's maw opening wide. And she feels a cable coiling around her leg, feels the cold canister settling against it. Uzi belatedly realizes that it's not V's as she looks down to watch the yellow liquid slosh inside, her eyes then following the length of the cable to its actual owner - J.

"W-why... ?" The worker utters, voice shaky and wracked with fear. She feels betrayed - why does she feel betrayed? V and J aren't like N, they could have attacked her at any moment because they aren't close, and yet she still feels betrayed when they actually do. Guess she liked them more than she thought she had.

Uzi squeaks when J moves to crowd her, too. While V's talons wrap around her arms and hold them to the pod, J settles one pair of hers by Uzi's head. She leans in, as well, but then that elongated X disappears and gives way to cold calculating eyes, a frown playing across her lips.

Can Uzi feel relieved already?

She waits with bated breath, and then J's claws shift out for the normal drone hands and she moves to rest a hand on V's shoulder. A silent command, to which the other disassembler obeys without question. Hunting protocols retreat, and Uzi no longer feels as threatened as wings disappear, X flickers to give way to usual optics, and claws retract to shift back into hands.

Both back off, allowing Uzi space to breathe. They look concerned, but unsure on if they should move closer again or stay back.

But Uzi only scowls, lets herself slide down the wall she had been cornered to as she works to relax her systems, still reeling with the aftershocks of her prior panic. She wants to yell at them, scold them, anything to feel more like herself right now, but she can't find it in herself to do so. Maybe later.

J kneels first, and Uzi finds herself flinching as the disassembler moves closer. Regret flashes across the ex-leader's face, and Uzi can hear the click of her vocalsynth resetting before she speaks. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't of..." A glance over to V, "that was a mistake. I'm sorry." Her tone is full of remorse.

It's as if the pair communicate with their eyes, but then Uzi realizes that they probably are - they have some sort of program that allows them to speak to each other without their prey being able to know, Uzi recalls from one of J's explanations on disassembly drone features.

And V kneels too, but stays where she is. Uzi looks between the two.

"Then why did you?" She finally questions bitterly.

"We were... playing," V mumbles an answer, embarrassed.

"Seriously," it's not phrased as a question - Uzi is exasperated. If they had brought this up beforehand, she probably would of actually played along, but she thought she was really about to die at the claws of the first drones she found herself willing to trust. She kind of feels bad - feels like she's ruined something, but, it's not like she was even aware there was something to be ruined in the first place!

Uzi groans loudly. "Ugh, you guys were really scary, y'know," she mutters, looking away. 'Scary' is an understatement, but she's trying to lighten the situation.

In a move that is so uncharacteristic of her, J hesitantly wraps her arms around Uzi's waist and moves up against her side. While Uzi tenses initially, she ultimately finds herself relaxing into the comforting gesture. It feels weirdly nice? She normally hates physical contact, and honestly, so do the disassemblers, and yet... she finds herself enjoying this and her breathing calms down completely.

And then there is pressure against the other side of her, and V has joined the party - her arms join J's, wrapping around the worker's waist as well. Completely sandwiched in-between them, Uzi's visor, despite the earlier incident, flushes with a purple blush. Oh, great.

She'll consult herself about that later.

"I'm sorry, too," V mumbles after a moment of silence. A rare sincerity in her words that catches Uzi off-guard, and, apparently J too, if her looking up with a rather surprised look on her face is anything.

"It's not really fine, but I guess I can forgive you," Uzi says, and that's the most they'll get out of her. She's not being sappy and shit around them.

V snickers, and nuzzles her face into the back of her neck.

J leans her forehead against Uzi's.

And y'know what?

She's content to stay like this for as long as they'll allow.

She leans into J's chest, listens to her core beat while V's breath warms the back of her neck.

This is nice.

[sublimati0ns]

Hi !! Have you read the KOSS fic "Crawling Back To You"?

Yes!! It’s in my KOSS bookmarks / recs, even!! It was the very first KOSS—and Transformers as a whole—fic I’ve ever read, right after I started watching Prime back in January, and it definitely changed the trajectory of my life x’D As well as set the bar perhaps a touch too high in terms of what I now crave when I want to read these two///

Transformatron is an incredibly skilled writer and their handling of Starscream is spot-on, IMO—their vision of him aligns so well with mine. I really appreciate how they maintained his abrasive, misanthropic, and Machiavellian traits at the same time as giving him gradual, earnest character growth! It’s something I so rarely see in any fandom, which I suppose is due in part to how society / SNS often enforces the idea that there is a “correct” way to be a good person, a “correct” way to be healthy 🤔 This just isn’t true—and redemption, growth, and healthiness can look very different in survivors of complex trauma (like Starscream), especially.

And on that note, the way Transformatron incorporated Megatron’s abuse and how it affected Starscream into the story without being sanctimonious towards the reader, or black-and-white about abuse dynamics… Ahhh!! So good!! I found it to be such a genuine depiction of rape and battery (as well as non-judgmental of their use in fiction), and I loved the grace they gave Starscream in particular, making him sympathetic without it being apologia.

Like yes!! It was wrong for him to have to endure such wretched hardship, and he deserves to be able to heal in a safe place and connect with people who actually care about him… But he very much is also a bad person who did a lot of bad things, and many of them cannot be blamed on Megatron LMAO These things can and should coexist! And I adore Crawling Back To You for acknowledging that, and working to build up developments in Starscream’s relationships with the other characters to the payoff hits hard and feels justified.

(And I’m foregoing a smooth transition here but I need to yell about like *shaking the author’s hand* Starscream as this hyper-resilient guy who will keep bouncing back and moving forward and NOT DWELL no matter what—powered by a near-delusional kind of stubborn optimism that he needs only himself and he will win eventually—and the only way to get him to reassess and change this path is to leave him no other option but to rely on someone else… and that someone else has to make it so worth his while that despite his post-traumatic neurotic paranoia, he’s locked out of the default option of betraying them in return.)

Transformatron has such a way with words too—amazing descriptions, vocabulary, cadence, dialogue, shaking up the sentence structure, pacing, etc…! It very much appeals to me, as someone who’s enjoyed literary fiction since my age was in the single digits 😭 It’s such a treat to find fic with an elevated level of polish, and the well-structured plot (balancing Starscream’s growth, KOSS slowburn, rebuilding Cybertron, and the threat of Unicron) brings it even higher///

It probably comes as no surprise that I am a HUGE longfic enthusiast—seriously, the higher up in the hundred-thousands the word count is the better—and so, all factors combined, finding Crawling Back To You felt like winning the lottery LMFAO I read and re-read it three times in the span of that first week, and I hadn’t even finished Prime yet.

Now that I have, though, I would say my personal interpretation of Knock Out as a character diverges quite a bit from Transformatron’s, even if our Starscreams are very similar 🤔 But their vision of KO is plausible to me, and it’s one I enjoy reading, so this isn’t a negative so much as it’s just something I realised and find worth noting ahaha. I eagerly await the next chapter, and 100% plan to draw fanart once the rainy season stops beating my ass ♥️

Ending my rant with two quotes that live in my head rent free:

“Eesh,” said Ramjet, as Knock Out and Starscream scowled at each other like pit fighters before a match. “Y’know what? I’m not interested anymore. You guys suck, and you deserve each other. Best not inflict yourself on any other mechs. See you tomorrow, Scream.” And with that, he shut the door of his hab-suite and hit the lock button, the diodes outside washing red. Knock Out gaped after him – then turned his infuriated faceplate to Starscream.

—Ramjet to KOSS, Chapter 25

“We should follow his advice,” he said instead, “and only subject ourselves to each other.”

—Starscream to Knock Out, shortly after

[gffa]

I have never been so glad to be wrong about being suspicious of Sol's connection to Qimir. I wasn't married to the idea, was more willing to put money the other way instead, but the idea haunted me because I felt like I could see it drawing the connections together in a potentially really cool way. There's still an episode to go and we may not even get full answers about who the hidden Sith Master is (assuming there even is one)(I think it's prooooobably most likely something we'll get at the very end of episode 8 if we're going to get it), there's still room for more reveals, but I feel like this episode really crushed the idea that Sol could be the Sith Master, or that Indara might have been it. They were reasonable theories to be suspicious about! I'm still a little worried for my lady Vernestra! Hell, I was ready to put money on Sol being Qimir's Jedi Master and that's pretty well shot to hell now, so I sympathize with theorizing things that don't pan out, but thankfully most of the people who were like "NO THANK YOU THAT IS A DO NOT WANT" were really nice to me about it and we're all sitting and waiting for how things are going to turn out. It's been interesting to wait week to week as a mystery unfolds, one that the show has been deliberately teasing us with, and mostly I think I've enjoyed the pacing. I think episode 5 was a big misstep in the structure, it took a huge hit to my interest in the show, but episode 7 had me genuinely having a good time again. Maybe the show will nail the ending, maybe it won't, we don't know until we get there, but I'm glad to have been on this ride with the cool people I've managed to find in this fandom, that we can find the things we like about the show and leave the rest as best we can. That's the way Star Wars should be enjoyed imo. And I consider myself lucky to have found a lot of you that we either vibe with each other or are chill with vibes differing.

[lightwing-s]

𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐏𝐒

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐢 ; 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭

pairing: jason todd x fem! reader

summary: a helping hand turns an enemy into a friend for one single night of truce. one single night that ends up redefining their entire relationship, the start of where everything is about to change.

rating: 18+ (MDNI)

word count: 6,4k warnings: mentions of heavy drinking, sex, p in v, oral (female receiving), fingering, language, size kink, breast play, male dominance, jason's sex stimulated superiority complex

a/n: the fact this was supposed to be way longer scared me of how many chapters i might need to end this series lol. and i tried making it possible to read without the context of the series for those who just want to read a nice smut lol. also, thank you for all the support thus far, it has been incredible seeing so many people invested in this story and wanting to see its development. thank you thank you thank you for supporting this silly writer's dream. ♡♡♡

reblogs and interactions are always appreciated ! ♡

links: previous ; next ; series masterlist ; general masterlist

Thanks, man. Have a good night. Shutting the door closed behind him, Jason thanked the driver before he watched his Uber ride drive his car away, turning the corner and leaving the street he was left on. The night was cold and dark, the faint lighting of the streetlamp doing nothing to provide him a clear view of his ambiance, instead, all was gloom.

 Standing on the sidewalk in front of his apartment building, he let out a deep, long sigh. It was late, really late, past 1am the last time he checked, and the weight of the alcohol in his system begged him to find his way to bed. But the soft, barely audible, breaths of the lady behind him reminded Jason he still had a task ahead: getting you to his apartment.

As a strong wind blew past him, he zipped his jacket up, protecting himself from the unusually chilly night, for this time of the year at least, and turned on his heels to find you resting against the stony wall of the old structure, eyes narrowly managing to remain open. You felt the weather as much as he did, hugging yourself to acquire some type of warmth despite your inappropriate attire.

Carefully, he approached your sleepy frame and guided you inside, a hand placed on your back the entire walk up the stairs. Jason’s building was old, but well maintained.  Meaning, it looked decent for all the decades it’d been through, but didn’t have an elevator casting on whoever lived on the last floor (Jason) the curse to climb all the way up every single day.

Already struggling due to the alcohol and tiredness, halfway through your journey you let out a moan without realizing. Your pace grew slower, and you lacked the effort to simply lift your legs and place your foot on the next step.

“Come on, love. We’re getting closer.” Jason said, pausing right behind you. He had to hold his laugh as you turned back to face him, eyes watery and lips sticking out in a pout.

“Why didn’t we use the elevator? Do you hate me?” you cried.

“Not everyone has daddy’s money to afford an apartment with an elevator,” he joked, but your response caught him by surprise, as your face crunched into a sort of angry expression mixed with a tint of sadness.

“I’m not… I…” you tried to mumble out, but failed countless times. “My feet hurt!”

Sighing deeply once more, he pushed you up by your waist, hands placed safely around you but alway mindful of its position. As you reached the next floor, you thanked your slow mind tonight for not allowing a scream to leave your mouth when Jason grabbed your legs and lifted you up so he could carry you to his apartment.

You had to say, it should’ve surprised you that he carried you with what seemed like a total lack of effort on his part, like you weighed nothing. However, you knew him. You knew he spent countless hours training at the gym, to the point you often wondered if he didn’t live there as well. That he’d often pass you carrying up to eight different weight plates in one single trip to use in his next exercise.

It did surprise you he could carry you. It surprised you he actually did it.

On his arm, the sweet coconut smell reached your nose, and you had to hold yourself from feeling sick. The alcohol was doing its job on you, and gosh you hated it. Tiredness taking over, you rested your head on his shoulder and fought against yourself to keep your eyes open.

“How much do you lift?” you mumbled a question, poking the bicep within your reach. You felt his breath hit your skin as he let out a soft chuckle.

“A lot more than you weight.” he stated, and continued his climb silently until you two were inside his deliciously warm and scrupulously tidy apartment. “Come,” he called after you when your feet were back on the ground. You followed him through the darkened living room until he opened a door and turned the light on in his bedroom. “You can sleep here, I’ll take the sofa.”

Your polite and sober side wanted to complain, to offer to sleep on the sofa instead, but your drunk and seriously exhausted one just wanted to throw yourself on the bed. Accepting the drunk side’s victory, you sat down with a noise and laid on his bed, eyes closing soon after, but being forced to open as you felt the mattress sink right beside you.

Struggling to lift your head, you found Jason bent down to catch your feet, loosening the laces of your converse and helping you take them off. “Thank you,” you whispered, eyes closed as you sat up again and started to unhook your bra from beneath your shirt.

Jason got nervous, eyes quickly shifting from you to the floor, not knowing what to do. Pulling your bra off through one of your sleeves, he took it as his key to leave you alone before you could start stripping off your pants too. Standing up, he reached the bedroom door just as you were climbing under the duvet, head laying on the pillow with eyes already closed. 

He knew that, in your state, it wouldn’t be long before you were in deep slumber. So, turning off the lights, peeking at you one last time, he closed the door behind him. Careful to not make any noise. Careful not to wake you up. Unaware of the smile gracing his lips.

It’d been well over an hour since you had fallen asleep. The darkness still loomed outside, but the dim lighting of Jason’s side table lamp illuminated his living room, casting a shadow upon his body.

Jason couldn’t fall asleep, for some reason. He had tried lying down and forcing his eyes closed, had tried listening to whale sounds, rain sounds, brown, blue, black, white, purple noises. Nothing. Nothing seemed to put him to bed, not even his half drunk state.

So, feeling exhausted, he stood up from the sofa and went to the small kitchen to make himself some tea, hoping it would help him give in to sleep. He tried to be quiet, mindful of his guest still sleeping in his bed, filled his red mug with the tea and returned to the sofa, sitting beside his also sleeping kitten, whose snores were too loud for a beast of his size. 

The drink was warm, and the taste pleased him just enough. He immediately felt more relaxed, letting the warmth fill his entire body, as he laid back onto the sofa and he could really feel like he was starting to rest.

On the other hand, you woke up confused. It was dark, and the pillows were comfortable, but they didn’t smell like your soap, nor did you find your childhood plush toy just within reach on your bed. Suddenly sober, you almost jumped off the bed before the memories started flooding your mind.

Shit. You definitely weren’t home, and this home certainly wasn’t from someone you wished it was. Slowly, you remembered Jason helping you take your shoes off, remembered him helping you up the infinite stairs of his building. And gosh, you remembered his damned smirk while he flirted with you.

You were pissed. P-i-s-s-e-d. Pissed. Why did you do that, Yn? Why did you end up here? Where the fuck did Nessie go to and why didn’t you go home?

In the darkness, you felt your feet touch the cold wooden tiles and you had to bring them back up quickly, not expecting the chilly night weather, but soon remembering how cold you’d felt just before coming to his apartment. 

Your bare legs were feeling it too, and you struggled to find your pair of jeans. It wasn’t anywhere, goddamn it. There was no way you’d go out in only your shirt. You had to find something, and remembering you were in a 6 foot tall monster, you knew he ought to have something around. 

Blindly skirmishing through the room, you felt the soft cotton fabric of what seemed to be a hoodie and put it on. It fit largely on you, the hem falling on the middle of your thighs, and the strong smell of perfume lingering from it.

With light footsteps, you got to the door. Twisting the handle with care, you heard the cracking sound of the door as you opened it, exposing the dimly lit living room. Jason heard the same cracking sound you did, his head jolting back so fast he felt the muscles on his neck aching. 

There you were, hidden behind the door, a string of light illuminating your shape. You still looked sleepy, your cheeks puffed, and the minimum makeup you wore looked smashed on your face. But then, his eyes fell on your body, how your legs were bare and you somehow wore his favorite red hoodie.

Wow. Just, wow!

“Hey” he greeted, waving awkwardly in your direction. You only offered him a shy, toothless smile, eyes scanning the room and landing everywhere but him. “Did I wake you?” he asked, voice tinged by worry.

“No,” you shook your head, meeting his eyes for a brief while. His stare gave you goosebumps, and you returned your eyes to the floor, the tiling giving you more comfort. “I just… woke up.”

An awkward silence fell before you, neither brave enough to look at the other. The air was warm, you didn’t know if it was a sudden weather change or if it was the lingering tension between you two.

“I,” you started, and he immediately looked at you. “I think I’m gonna head home.” you announce, trying to return to the safety of his bedroom.

“No way,” he denied. “It’s almost 4am, Yn. There’s no way I’m letting you out this late. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

Sighing, you accepted defeat without even trying to counter argue, aware his decision was well intended, and you too didn’t feel like facing the gloomy and dangerous streets of Gotham at this hour of the night. So, you just nodded, looking back into the room without moving your feet.

“Can I give you something?” he then questioned. “I mean. Do you want anything? Food, water?” Like clockwork, your stomach roared, making your cheeks go red and a smirk to appear on Jason’s face. “I don’t have much in my pantry, but I can make you a sandwich.”

Standing up, he walked to the kitchen once again, mug in hand being left on the sink. He seemed to move around the small area seamlessly, his bigger size never slowing him down. He opened cabinets, taking out of it a couple of dishes and a bag with a long and crusty baguette. Slicing the bread in half and then open, he set it on the plates, spreading butter on top and fishing for the other ingredients from various parts of the kitchen.

“I’m not a chef, you know,” Jason told you while he fished for the cheese, the ham, the vegetables and something else from the fridge. In normal human arms, they’d probably have fallen due the lack of space, but they all seemed to fit in pretty well in his much larger ones. “But I do enjoy cooking sometimes.”

His whole energy levels seemed to rise, and a sparkle tingled in his eyes. He seems to really enjoy it, you thought, watching the scene unfold from the same spot under the doorframe you were not even two minutes before. He was swift, picking things up and down , left and right, with ease and started constructing a delicious looking late night meal.

With watchful steps, you walked closer, something in you wanting to watch him in action from up close. Too enticed by the way he moved, the way he meticulously cut the tomatoes, a green vegetable, that you didn’t recognize due to your total lack of cooking skills, and the garlic before shoving them on a blender. The noise that proceeded, a disturbance of the silence that reigned on the night, but when it ceased, the smell that spread across the room seemed all worth it.

Continuing his craft, he was swift, picking things up and down with ease, spreading butter on the bread, adding cheese, sliced turkey from the smell of it, and the tomatoes. He grilled it on a pan he had started to heat while he assembled your snacks, and shortly after, placed a plate with the sandwich in front of you on the kitchen island.

“I didn’t know if you liked pesto, so I left it here for you to dip in if you want.” he stated, placing a small bowl with the green sauce he’d blended together earlier.

“Wow,” was all you could manage to say, the sandwich’s look worthy of those pins you’d constantly save on Pintrest but never make it yourself. Picking it up with one hand, you wanted to try it first on its own, your stomach getting louder, apparently aware you were just about to fill it and getting anxious over the masterpiece crafted just before your eyes. “Hmmm,” you hummed loudly, closing your eyes and enjoying the taste, your mouth already watering for one more bite.

You heard Jason’s breathy laugh, and your attention was instantly brought back to him. Supported by his elbows on the marble island, he sat beside you, his side profile a beautiful view from where you stood. He had a smirk on his lips, not smug or annoying or flirtatious like he usually had, but a lighthearted and fun one. One that didn’t drive you insane.

Looking at him, though, side by side with you, after making you a sandwich at almost 4am in the morning, you felt a lump on your throat you could not explain or justify. It was something no one had ever done for you and for some reason you wanted to cry. But you wouldn’t, instead, opting to do the sanest thing anyone could do in your position.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, his eyes darting to yours and his eyebrows doing their annoying move and lifting up in question. “For everything. Tonight, especially, but at the hospital too. You were really kind and you didn’t have to do either of those things. So, thank you, really.”

A smile you could not decipher clouded his lips, and his eyes shone with a glint of mischievousness you could not mistake. “Say it again?” he joked, and you had to roll your eyes.

“Jerk.”

“Sounds more like you,” he sneered, finally taking a bite out of his sandwich. He dipped it in the sauce, taking another bite, and you took your time admiring his jaw clenching as he chewed. “But you don’t need to thank me. I hurt you that day and it was the polite thing to do. And I couldn’t just leave you drunk at the party, it didn’t seem right.”

“Why not?” you questioned. “There were many other drunk girls at the party.”

“Yeah, but none of them looked like they didn’t belong there,” he stated, soon regretting letting those words out of his lips. He knew it’d bring out more questions, and he didn’t want to spend his night explaining how you would linger in his head on a daily basis.

“Why not?” If Jason wasn’t so tired, he’d notice you’d felt insulted.

“I don’t mean today,” he said, playing with the sauce with his sandwich. “You were having fun today, but I’ve seen you before…”

“Why?” you insisted impatiently.

“Because people go to parties for either or two things: to have fun with their friends or to find a hookup,” he lifted two of his long fingers to you. “That day, you were clearly alone. You stood to the side all night, not talking to anyone, almost barking at whoever came closer. Option one impossible. And you also weren’t exposing too much skin to fit into the other.”

“I was having fun tonight!” you tried to argue.

“Yeah, but your friend had disappeared. And you were too drunk. I couldn’t leave you there, alone to the wolves,” he concluded, staring deep into your eyes. “I wouldn’t forgive myself if I did.”

He seemed honest. And nice. Actually nice, like, he looked like a decent person, not the one you villainized in your thoughts every day. He was nice, a sweetheart, and a great cook if his sandwich was any indication of what else he could do in a kitchen. It wasn’t supposed to, but it only made you madder at him. You wanted to punch his face while also giving him a kiss. Stop it, Yn, don’t go that far.

You were quiet, not knowing what else to say. Jason decided on not speaking too, buried in his own thoughts, afraid he’d let too much out. Finishing your food, you dipped the bread into the pesto when the intrusive thoughts came over, and for once, you let them win.

“No…” Jason gasped when he felt the cold sauce on his cheek. You let out a good chuckle, looking at the green stain on his face. Your masterpiece. But Jason was competitive, he wouldn’t let you win. So, he dipped his own bread in the sauce and tried to do the same as you, but you held his arms to stop him before he could stain yet another one of your shirts. His in this case.

It took all your strength to keep his arms away, your laughter, louder than it had been in a long while, making the job much more difficult. “Jason,” you screamed when he got too close for your liking, but you managed to hold his hand and, to his surprise, took one bite of his weapon.

You really couldn’t stop laughing. Tears formed in your eyes from it, and all Jason could do was shake his head and finish the last bite of his sandwich you’d left for him. He felt good seeing you smile again, laughing even, and he just confirmed it was now one of his favorite sounds. It wasn’t polished, it was loud, fun. Everything you usually weren’t, but proof you could be sometimes, if only you’d allow yourself to let loose.

He waited till you calmed down, taking deep breaths to steady it. Then, you stretched your arms to grab a towel opposite of you on the islands, cleaning your hands before looking back at him. “Here,” you called.

His heart stopped. Your hands going for his chin and pulling his face closer to yours, cleaning the pesto stain you’d left on his cheek. Jason had never seen you from this close, every detail exposed to him. The way you sucked in your cheeks in concentration, as you cleaned his face, your soft touch barely brushing his skin, aware not to give him any type of skin irritation.

From this close, he could get a better glimpse of your lips. How they were plumb from you biting on it, how reddish they were, how soft they looked. He watched them as the tip of your smile briefly lifted up. And then, watched your tongue leaving them wet.

You were aware of closeness too. But you had committed to cleaning the stain, you couldn’t show him any weakness now. Pulling away slowly, you noticed his eyes lingering on your lips, setting your stomach in a spiral. He bit his lips, lifting his eyes to look at yours through his lashes, and your heart nearly stopped. Your breath hitched, and you had to look away.

“Hmm,” you started, avoiding his gaze and himself entirely. “I think I’ll go back to bed, it’s late.”

Something inside Jason dropped, and he felt a weight in his chest. You stood up quickly, and walked back into the bedroom without looking back. Fuck, he wanted to scream, but he had to contain himself. So, he stood up, set the plates on the sink and made his way back to the sofa. The tightness in his jeans making it uncomfortable to walk.

Resting against the door as you closed it, you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding. Your heart raced, wanting to break free from your chest, and you felt the warmth rising from within you. Your legs trembled a little, and your mind flew to things you did not wish to think of right now.

You couldn’t give in. You couldn’t. Jason meant trouble, and trouble meant bad things. You couldn’t let yourself fall for it again. You couldn’t invite trouble in, even if it looked as pleasing as he did. He was nice to you tonight because he was polite, but you knew his type well and knew it never ended well. He was just like the others, he’s not perfect, stop it!

A knock on the door broke you from your thoughts, and as if caught doing something bad, you were quick to react to opening it.

“Can I just get some clothes?” Jason asked, heading poking inside. “I just don’t want to sleep in the same clothes from the party.”

Giving him space, you allowed him in. He gave you a weak smile as he pass you, going in the direction of his closet. He indeed was wearing the same outfit from earlier, jeans, and a white shirt you could notice had some green stains on it. Karma.

“I’ve noticed you found my hoodie,” he pointed out while fishing for his pajamas, making your cheeks burn red. You went to apologize, but he was quicker to continue. “You can keep it, if it makes you comfortable.”

He turned back to face you, and you offered him a smile in gratitude. Suddenly mindful of your exposed legs, you tried to hide it with your hands, but you noticed how it only got his attention in that direction. He was about to leave when something made him stop.

“I need a blanket,” he said, running back to the closet. “Just a minute.”Jason was tall, but he seemingly was part of the crew who would hide their blankets on the tallest shelves, so tall that even he couldn’t reach properly. He stretched his arms up, the heels of his feet not touching the floor, and his shirt lifted up just a little. A treat for a very tired Yn to enjoy.

From your position, you caught a sight of his stomach up to his belly button. The toned muscles on the base of his abs made a perfect V shape, pointing downwards to a place you avoided imagining. A few of his tattoos peeked in and out of view as he moved, decorating his skin in drawings you could hardly identify. The thin line of hair going down the cherry on top of this tempting monstrosity.

Through his white t-shirt, you spotted the silhouette of his  back muscles. Well defined, well designed, strong enough to carry two of you up the stairs, and wide enough making it the perfect canvas to be painted by your nails.

You knew your mind was traveling through a very dangerous territory. You knew where it was going. You knew the consequences, yet you wanted it. You wanted the danger, you wanted the consequence. Just this once. Just this once you wanted the bad, the naughty, the dangerous. You wanted Jason. You wanted him. You wanted him.

Fuck, you wanted to scream. Run at him, kiss him. Kiss up the hair line on his stomach, up his abs, his chest. Damn it!

You didn’t notice him moving, wishing you a good night, walking to the door. You didn’t notice any of it. Didn’t notice his intoxicating smell leaving the room, because you knew your mind could make it up pretty quickly. Filling your nose with his inexistent scent. His shadow looming around you, with you at all times.

“Yn,” he broke you from your thoughts. He was worried. You stood still before the bed, not moving since he walked past you, not even your eyes following him along, or moving somewhere else. He’d called you before, but you hadn’t noticed. “Are you alright?”

He’d walked back in, closer to you. Approaching you worriedly, your breathing heavy, eyes now lingering on him. He couldn’t decipher them. They were darker, darker than he’d ever seen them. They hid something, something he couldn’t figure out.

“Yeah,” you breathed out a reply. “I’m fine,” you confirmed, arm extending to touch his chest. Jason’s breath got caught on his throat, and when he looked back at you, he found your eyes, and finally could decipher them. “I’m really fine.”

Sliding your hands from his chest up to his neck, you brought him closer, slamming your lips against his. A shiver climbed up your spine as you felt his tongue immediately sliding inside your mouth, and yours soon fought with him for dominance.

You couldn’t explain it. It just fit. He kissed you hungrily, like he’d been wanting it for long, and you replied with the same ferociousness, wanting him closer, more and more. You fingers tugged at the little hairs at the nape of his neck, and he moaned inside your mouth, the vibration reverberating through your entire body.

His hands roamed your skin. Squeezing your ass, caressing your back from underneath his hoodie. The feeling of his hands around you waking the little hairs on your body wherever they touched, leaving behind a burning sensation, a need for more of his touch all over body.

Stumbling, you two took a few footsteps backwards, feeling the ends of the bed hit your calves. He carefully lowered you on top of it, not breaking your kiss until you were left out of breath. When you two finally broke apart, he took the opportunity to pull his shirt over his head, exposing you to the tattoos you’d had a hard time identifying earlier.

An angel falling graced his left ribs, while something was written underneath his right boob. Overwall, you couldn’t count how many were there, you just knew they made him sexier and your cunt ache harder for him. Lifting yourself up a little, you pulled him back to you by the hem of his jeans, your mouths meeting soon after, afraid that if you had too much time to think about it, your mind would force you to stop whatever the hell this was.

On top of you, lips glued to yours, Jason started grinding his crotch against your clothed core, feeling his hardness through the harsh fabric of his jeans and only eliciting your arousal. Trapping your legs around his waist, you bent your back so you could reach him further, grinding yourself against him in a clothed love making session.

You wanted more. You need more. Desperately wanting him in. It was a wild, primal feeling you hadn’t allowed yourself to feel in ages. Or ever at all. You needed him, like you needed air. You needed his tongue all over you, not just on your lips or occasionally traveling to your neck.

His hands slid underneath your shirt, and he broke the kiss to ask you for permission to take it off. His eyes looked at you with a mix of lust and something else, something softer. With a nod, he swiftly had both your shirt and his hoodie thrown off somewhere in his bedroom. 

You didn’t want to waste more time, sliding your underwear off too as soon as your breasts were freed, finding yourself fully exposed to the guy that just a few hours ago you would rather find dead than in his bed. 

Seeing you rush your underwear off, Jason had to stop and admire. Admire your body and all your curves. Your bare chest, your hard nipples, a sight Jason wanted pictured in his mind forever.

He wanted to remember how your excitement dripped off your thighs, its smell reaching his nose, intoxicating him. Driving him crazier for you than he already was. He really wanted to rip his pants off and fuck you right then and there. Slam his dick into you until he had you screaming out his name for the whole neighborhood to hear. But he also wanted to devour you little by little, taste every corner of your skin.

Pulling you closer from under the knee, he spread you open and fell on top of you again, resuming the action on your lips before moving his kisses down your neck and to your chest. He made sure to leave marks wherever he’d go. He made sure to bite, to suck on your skin until little red and purple stains decorated you instead of your shirt.

His hand, once holding tightly at your waist, found its way down too. Sliding to your arousal, he felt his fingers drench wet as they reached your soaked pussy. Finding you like that, so wet from just his kisses and touches, boosted his ego, giving him extra confidence he could do to you whatever he wanted.

Pushing one finger into you, he felt your body jolt up. He laughed against your skin as his mouth finally found its way to your breasts. He fucked you with one finger while sucking harshly at your nipples. You moaned loud, already feeling a tightness forming on your belly, that sweet but painful sensation you hadn’t felt in a while.

When he pushed another finger inside of you, speeding up his movements in and out while his thumb managed to somehow rub at your clit till it ached, it didn’t take long for you to see black spots in your sight. It did take long for your back to arch up, a muffled scream leaving your lung.

Nibbling at your nipple still, Jason took your moans and screams as motivation. He laughed as you came as if you were just a prey he was playing with, mocking your petite, fragile frame underneath him. Slapping your cunt, he moved his mouth to quickly play with your neglected boob before his tongue drew a line from between your breasts to the entrance to your core.

You could already feel your breath leaving your lungs, your mind half numb from your orgasm and tiredness. His breath hit your folds, as he pecked his way down to your entrance, licking from your ass to your clit, as you had to put a hand over your mouth to stop your screams.

Like a thirsty dog, Jason licked you up and down between your lower lips. His whole mouth stuffed on your vagina, enjoying your sweet taste filling his taste buds. You squirmed from the sensasion, so much he had to pin you down with his strong arms. You tried to push his head away, tug on his hair, anything to make him stop, already aching down there. But it also felt good, and you could feel another orgasm growing inside you.

However, he removed his face from your cunt as soon as he felt you were about to come. He was enjoying torturing you, making you weak to his touch. He wasn’t going to give in much easier, but he also needed to feel you. Feel you around him, sucking him dry till he himself was left just a moaning mess.

Fumbling with the button and zipper of his pants, he managed them down his legs, pulling with them his boxers, letting his hard penis hit against his stomach. You let out a gasp when you saw his erection, already knowing it was going to hurt but be so worth it. He was thick, probably the size of your hands around it, and just long enough.

Jason looked around, trying to remember where he’d last put his condoms on, before your voice void his mind of any coherent thought.

“Fuck me, Jason,” you begged, hands reach to touch his dick. “Please, fuck me.”

“Fuuuck,” he let out a loud and prolonged groan, forgetting everything and placing himself at your entrance. He pushed the tip in, getting a painful moan out of you. You were tight, but he was going to make himself fit. 

Collecting your juices, he rubbed it along his shaft, pressing himself in ever so slowly. As he entered, you molded yourself perfectly around him, taking him in entirely eventually. He let you adjust, allowing you to get used to his size. Lowering down, he pulled you into another kiss. This time, deeper, slower, hotter.

He started with slow thrusts, moving out entirely before placing himself back in. You moaned and your body jumped every time he moved. His low groans on your ear making you wetter, and his speed started to pick up. 

The sound of skin hitting skin getting louder, filling the room along the strong smell of your sinful act. The bed creaked and hit against the wall along with Jason’s thrusts. He started to gain more and more speed, taking one of your legs and placing it on his shoulder.

He modded as the action gave him more access to your cunt, speed going so fast your boobs bounced up and down vigorously. With the spare had the wasn’t holding your leg up, he reached for your clit and your moans only got louder, screaming Jason’s name like a fucking prayer. Begging for release.

He’d sobered up from the party a long time ago, but he was getting drunk on the sight of your glistening skin, coated in sweat, screaming his name as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Not rolling out of anger, or annoyance. But because he was making you feel so fucking good you couldn’t control yourself anymore.

Jason felt like a king. Total control over you as you felt your mind go numb, drunk on his cock, drunk on the sensation he was giving you. He moved his hips harshly, slamming against your wet core like a MMA fighter fights his opponent. He felt the growing knot on his abdomen, speeding his thumb’s movements, wanting you to cum along with him.

A few more thrusts had you screaming so loud Jason had to put his hands over your mouth to shut you up, afraid his neighbors wouldn’t enjoy your fucked up symphony. He felt your release hitting his cock and he too released inside of you, feeling your walls clenching around him, milking his ball dry of any cum he had to offer.

The room was now filled with groans and heavy breaths. The air was thick and warm, and the smell of sex sticking to every corner. He pulled out, watching you juices mixed up and dripping off your pussy. Sticking a finger inside, he took some of you mixed orgasm and put it on his tongue. He didn’t lick it, instead just placing it there before lowering himself to give you a kiss, making sure you two got to taste your second late night snack together.

When you pulled away, begging for air, he had his forehead rested on yours. His eyes were closed, and his hair stuck to your forehead from sweat. Something you’d seen many times at the gym, now got a completely new meaning to you. One you enjoyed a lot more, seeing and making it happen.

You too closed your eyes, tiredness weighing your lashes down, as you barely missed Jason’s body falling beside you. You also missed his arms wrapping around your waist, and his face snuggling into your neck. Soon falling into slumber, a delicious ache on your core, as the dream world quickly took over you.

It wasn’t until hours later that the bright sun beams hit your eyes, or the loud noises of Gotham’s traffic found your ears. Eyes taking too long to open, as you woke up more tired than usual. Your body ached in pain, every muscle seemingly sore, but you didn’t remember going to the gym yesterday.

You only remembered you had to work and ended up getting drunk at a party. You remembered getting mad at your parents and deciding you had to release all your anger doing something they’d despise. You remembered your gym enemy taking you home. To his or mine? You wondered, eyes finally opening to the unknown bedroom.

Fuck. Looking behind you, you found Jason’s body spread on the same bed you now laid, and you quickly became aware of your own lack of an outfit. No, no, no. You went too far. You were just supposed to get drunk at a party, not fuck a stranger, Yn. Not fuck fucking Jason!

Carefully removing the duvet off of you, you slipped out of bed and fished for your clothes around his bedroom. Your shirt was tangled on his hoodie you had worn last night, and your panties were thrown on the other side of it. Your bra rested on the bedside table on Jason’s side of the bed, while your jeans were perfectly folded on top of a chair.

You tried to be quiet, to put your clothes back on without making any noise. But your own constant shits and fucks didn’t help your case, and as you buttoned your jeans you heard shuffling on the bed. Jason rubbed his eyes, trying to understand what was going on. “Yn? What are you…”

“THIS IS FUCKED UP!” you screamed, his eyes jolting open at your reaction. “We shouldn’t have done this, Jason.”

“Woah, I didn’t do it alone.” he replied, feeling annoyed at the tone you’d been treating this interaction with.

“We shouldn’t. We…” you wanted to cry, pissed off you’d let yourself sleep with him of all people. Taking your shoes, you rushed out of the room, wanting all of this to be just a silly little memory of a silly little moment when you had lost control.

Opening the door to the living room, you stepped on something that bit your leg in return, a loud hiss forcing your eyes to the black kitten clutched to your leg. Shaking the cat off of you, you proceeded with your run of shame.

“Yn!” Jason screamed after you, but your feet never ceased, and you ran down the stairs. Eyes only jumping up to find him as he stood by the door. The towel you’d cleaned his cheeks with hardly managing to hide his groin. The last sight you got of him haunting you for the days that followed. His sad eyes, frown and pressed closed lips a memory from his heartbreak.

.

.

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[xiaozhan-appreciation]

A small review of “Legends of the Condor Heroes: The Gallants”

— no spoilers —

Coming out of the cinema yesterday evening, I was thoroughly impressed by many things in this movie, but neither then nor now do I have much time to write down my thoughts. So this will be shorter than I'd like it to be.

A short context for my experience with the movie: I saw it in 2D, in its original language with subs in my native language. I have never read the books before nor seen any of the other adaptations featuring Guo Jing.

So, let's start!

Story & Structure

The Legend of the Condor Heroes: The Gallant is based on the the chapters 34 to 40 of the novel The Legend of the Condor Heroes by Jin Yong.

The movie therefore tells only a small part of Guo Jing's life and covers both martial arts fights as well as a love story. It's in a way quite archetypical and does not aim to re-ivent the wheel, but it is solid and entertaining, and keeps you wishing to know how the story ends. I have weak spot for dilemmas such as Guo Jing finds himself in, so I had a really good time with the movie.

In terms of structure, I will say that the movie's greatest difficulty is that it aims to tell only a part of a larger story while makeing everyone understand the context. And while I think the story certainly was understandable, I also think it was very fast paced and could have benefited from going a bit slower every now and then, or from streamlining a couple of story elements that are probably more important for the whole story but didn't have enough room to breathe in this movie. But that's the opinion of someone who hasn't read the novel, and book fans might have a different opinion on the matter.

Aside from that I think the story flows smoothly, never gets boring and reaches a satisfying conclusion.

Tone & Theme

Based on my limited experiences, the movie hits the well established tone of Hong Kong wuxia movies. It was unexpectedly funny at times, sometimes through subtle characterisations or mannerisms, sometimes through good editing, and I don't remember any point where the movie seemed to go for a joke that didn't land for me. In general the movie is more on the serious side though, with a couple of really great and epic moments that were awesome to watch on the big screen. Only in a few cases there a bit too moments involving the main antagonist that felt too cheesy but that's not the first time I've seen that kind of cheesyness in a wuxia movie.

The movie includes a couple of themes, but they are difficult to discuss without giving spoilers. Keeping it vague, I think my favourite aspect was exploring the idea of loyalty to one's own heart, to one's family – both your biological and adopted, and to the protection of the people. While the movie includes othere themes as well, this is the core of the movie in my opinion.

Cast & Characters

The movie benefits from a strong cast that make it really easy to like the characters.

Xiao Zhan as Guo Jing was obviously why I watched the movie in the first place, and he has fully met my expectations for this performance. The real dedication for this role is mostly noticeable in how well Xiao Zhan vanishes in the figure of Guo Jing. Guo Jing is a believable character through and through: a simple, innocent and kind young man who easily connect with people.

I was impressed particularly by the Guo Jing's fight scenes, which are prominent in several scenes and were simply flawless, and also by Xiao Zhan's dedication to learning the Mongolian speech. I didn't expect the dialogue to be what must have been at least 1/3 in Mongolian, so that must have been especially difficult as it's always the case when you film a movie in a language not your own. I have no idea how good his Mongolian actually is, but I can certainly hear that he speaks it with conviction. And I have learned the Mongolian word for "idiot", isn't it nice...? 😆 So, well done Xiao Zhan, and thank you for introducing me to Guo Jing!

Zhuang Dafei as Huang Rong and Zhang Wenxin as Hua Zheng were also really good. I was afraid that the rivalry between these two characters might get annoying somehow, but it was unexpectedly great to watch them together on screen. They had good chemistry with each other and also with Xiao Zhan's Guo Jing. Huang Rong is certainly the smartest of the the characters in the show but sucks at pretending or being dishonest, and Hua Zheng is quite emotional, strong willed, and also very dedicated. I love them both.

Baya'ertu as Genghis Khan is also worth mentioning. He portrayed both the loving father and the powerful leader of the Mongols very well, and his character was also well used within the story.

Similarly, I had no complaints for almost any of the cast or characters – they all did well and the characters worked within their story and setting. The only exception to this is the main antagonist, who for my taste was a bit too much of a mustache twirling evil power-hungry maniac. Villains don't have to be complex characters with expansive back stories, but if they need to offer something – and for me that wasn't realy there. Luckily the story doesn't need him for the emotional parts of the story, and the thematic conflict works perfectly without him as well.

Cinematography & Score

Last but not least: the cinematography is amazing and simply beautiful. I love all the wide shots, I love the fight choreography, the costumes and set designs, and I love the lightning and the sometimes unexpected tracking shots. I love how flawless the combination of actually filmed scenes and visual effects is, which is so smooth that I can't really tell where one stops and the other starts. I have maybe two or three short moments that don't work for me because they are senselessly dramatic or weird choreographed elements (looking at you, random horses and random bee nest 👀), and I don't think the side by side blending is a good idea, but outside of that I have no complaints and lots of praise instead.

As for the soundtrack – I'm lacking the time and the knowledge to do a proper review of it, so I'll just say that the music was also great, and especially the main theme was fittingly epic. I think the little bit of Mongolian rock or metal (?) was also a nice touch, and fits the atmosphere of the setting. It was a surprising choice, but a good one.

Conclusion

Tl;dr: I've enjoyed the movie a lot, and not just the moments involving Xiao Zhan. It's an entertaining movie, you can see the efforts that went into the production and it has a lot to offer, especially visually. It's not without flaws, but accomplishes most of what it (presumably) set out to do. For people who don't like wuxia films: this won't convince you to like them. For people who are open to this genre: I think you'll find a lot to like or even love about this story of Guo Jing.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

9 Days of Lancaster: First Time

It was after the fourth day of tracking that it finally rained. We’d known it was going to happen, too. After the first crack of thunder, Ruby let out a low whine. 

“No,” she just pleaded. It would still be hours before the rain came and washed most of our tracks away.

She was tired and wet and cold. And I really wanted to get her into the tent and into her sleeping bag.

I didn’t know what to do or say. We could both see the storm coming, feel the wind pick up and the humidity increase. I could do nothing but start to look for a good place to set up a tent.

Ruby and I had done some light training, but you really didn't push yourself or work out too much when you were trying to catch up to something like this. For my sake it was time to take watch and just to top my night off I had to be especially on guard tonight.

It was unusual for me to stay focused on watch, but I had to. I could feel something. It didn't feel like a person or anyone I knew so it was probably not nothing but the equivalent.

Grimm.

I waited until it got close enough that I was sure I could destroy it without letting my senses drift from where Ruby slept.

I was sitting out waiting for the creature to stop nagging at my range and actually enter. It was just pacing around the edge of my senses and eventually I'd had enough.

I kept my body low and my limbs out, but stealth wasn't my strong suite. It jumped through the bracket at me rather than I at it.

I moved in a burst, sweeping the long blade between us to stop its approach. It pushed me back a step and my ankle caught something.

I tripped and it fell on me. My armor held out its claws but its teeth snapped at my aura. I grunted and threw it off of me.

It was an Ursa. a different bone structure for a different part of the world but that seemed to be all the difference between those here and those in Vale.

It landed but rolled towards me quickly with a snarl but as I stood, I held my ground. I already knew how to deal with these. I swept Crocea Mors downwards over my head and cut its face diagonally and deep enough that I'd opened up large sections of its ribcage.

It fell and began to dissolve. I stepped back warily. I felt nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

I listened and heard no song of Grimm. The animals had gone quiet, too. Fearing a battle between two distant predators might involve them, but it was already over.

Then, distinct in the cold night distant, the zip of the tent.

I sighed.

"Jaune! Jaune, what was that." She was in thick socks that probably didn't feel good in the wet, icy, muck.

She had Crescent Rose ready though. Her biceps and triceps stood out in her shirt. She had nothing on but her simple ‘T’ and some long bottoms in the night.

I stared at her white clothes in the sleet before coming to my senses. “It was just a small Grimm. Everything’s fine.”

She breathed hard. “You're supposed to wake me up.”

You needed sleep and it was nothing I couldn't handle.

I looked her up and down. There was brisk and then there was being in PJs, in negative ten, with a wind chill, and at ninety-five percent humidity.

I walked over and dragged her into the tent. I flicked the flap open, but the inside was frigid. Just a few moments of being open had sapped whatever warmth was inside. “You can't act like this was my fault. You're supposed to wake me.”

I nodded and rubbed her hands in mine. I pulled her wet socks off too. Her feet were just chilled to the absolute bone. I was considering trying to start a fire.

“Say something!”

“Huh what? You're right. I should have woken you up. Come on get some new socks on and get warm.”

“I feel like I need a can opener with you; you’re just so it's like -ugh. Aren't you frustrated?”

“No, I am.” I assured her.

“Well why aren't you showing it?” Ruby wrapped her arms around her knees under her covers. “And your semblance too, you’re not excited at all when it activates when we train.”

“It only activates when I’m losing, doesn’t last long, and doesn’t do anything but make me glow.” I shook my head and laughed a little.

It was fitting though, if I’d had this power at Beacon I would have been just as able to help Pyrrha.

She hit me hard, enough sting. I gasped, my hand going to my chest where her hand hit my side, through some gap in all my armor she’d casually exploited to jab at just one of my ribs past a strap.

“You were thinking you were useless again. Weren’t you, Jaune?”

Fuck.

“I’m sure it does more than make you look good.”

Whiplash.

I waited.

“Well?” She wondered.

“Well to what in all of that?”

“All of it!”

“I was trying to keep up the pace and find it and be on our way to Haven.”

“So, it’s because I need to get to Haven.”

“Well that is your plan.” I laughed and turned to look at her.

“Ugh.” She murmured and looked down.

Huh?

“What is it? Is it something I said?”

She didn't look impressed by that. She crossed her arms confidently and set herself sideways. “Then what's it like? I forced you out here. To come with me to Haven and trek all the way across the world with me. Even though I had no idea how far that was.”

"Ruby, I did know how far it was. And I did know that if you hadn't…"

If she hadn't what, exactly? I was trying to fight but it was hard. It was a little like Weiss had rubbed off on Ruby, in some of her best ways. I'd found that confidence and authority attractive before but when it was directed at me it was hard to fight.

What could I possibly tell her? That I needed her to tell me what to do and give my life direction?

She just told me how stressed she was. I couldn't add to that. I clicked my jaw in thought.

My teeth clacked together audibly.

She looked from my eyes to my jaw. Like I'd just bit her hard. “You shouldn't do that to yourself.”

I laughed. “That's what I mean. What would I do if I didn't have you right now? If you hadn't taken me in, I don't know where I would have gone.”

“You would have found something.”

No. My family. I stole this from them. I can't go back. And Nora and Ren they got in with like a scholarship for orphan hunters-to-be or something. They were homeless again. I think they thought I'd abandon them.

“No. So, when you asked me to come it was just-it was a no-brainer. What would I have done? What alternatives would I have had? And if I hadn't gone with you, would I have found Pyrrha’s armor, even? Would I know for sure what happened? It was like destiny. And this is too.”

“You really think so?” I watched her hands fidget through her hair, somehow plucking at the red tips even out of the corner of her eye.

“Well no, it’s more like I need to make this the timeline where I succeed, but we can. You know?”

She shook her head. “You think if we're smart and hardworking enough, it'll be enough? That's not like you.”

“Ruby, this is just a setback. Even if it takes months. We have no timetable for getting to Haven. No tournament. No obvious target beyond the school and city which should be in a state of high alert.”

Supplies still got traded as far as here so we know the blackout-panic hadn't destroyed the place.

Haven was probably still there, Just waiting for her, even if it didn’t know it.

“But what about your semblance?” She pressed me. “You and me. Are we making progress there?”

“We’ll have time to figure out how to use it.” If it had a use.

“Tss” I let out as I clutched a rib. She jabbed me again.

“You and me,” she went on. “You butt.”

“Us?” I wondered stupidly.

“What are we, Jaune?” She glanced at me. “What am I to you?”

Good question.

I thought about it. It wasn't like I could just say she was my partner because that had connotations to huntsmen. If I just blurted out, she was my new partner it would hurt everyone.

Besides, she had made it clear that Weiss was her best friend. Whatever that meant to her.

"You're my oldest friend for sure." I told her. I knew that much. Who was there before Pyrrha? Family didn't count. "Things are rough for me right now but it wasn't like I didn't think about you before, too.”

“That's not fair,” she whispered. “Pyrrha was…She made it clear she liked you a lot.”

Ouch. But…

“You were so nice and sweet to me when I didn't deserve it. I could always count on you for advice and it was always good. “

“I don't know…” she trailed off. She pinched her lower lip between her index and thumb. She was listening close, her eyes intense on my every word.

“Even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. So, it sounds dumb to say something like boyfriend, but you can if you want.”

“We're a couple.” Ruby translated listening closely. “You make things so complicated.”

“The thing about that is-“

“Do you love me?”

“Uh, yeah.”

She smiled, flushing, but she managed to roll her eyes and look right at me. For a moment I could hear nothing but the rain against the tent.

"Jaune I need you to better than 'uh yeah.'" she smiled adorably. It took me a second to realize she was teasing me. By the time I did so, my eyes flicked down to her lips and back up to her eyes. It was too late. Her smile roared across her face.

“You really want to kiss me, don't you? You can. You know. Maybe not all the time but you can kiss me.”

I did. I pushed her back against her thin mattress. I could feel her hip bone against my abdomen and the smooth curve of her sides. I put my hands around her back and pulled her in close to me and she let out a tiny sigh.

Her mouth opened in the slightest way and I couldn't help myself. My tongue went forward at the same time I rolled us more forward, pinning her more beneath me.

She groaned into it, smiling into the kiss as I sucked on her tongue, then lip, then pulled away.

Or tried to.

I drew back slightly but she had a tight grip on my shirt with her left hand. I hadn't even noticed. And her other hand became nestled in my hair.

She just… giggled at me, and, without so much as opening her eyes, dragged me down again.

She rolled her hips up into mine and wrapped her legs tightly around my waist. She pulled me into her and I could feel her pulse beat between her legs. I bit down on her bottom lip. And she moaned and through her thin pajama bottoms I felt her against me. I mean I felt her core against my own. She ground herself hard against me in a bold and inexperienced fashion and I let out a moan that she devoured. 

She whined a little up at me when I pulled back but she gave me a pleased sigh when I just took my shirt off. She reached out and ran a palm down my chest to my sides and kept her other hand buried in my hair and pulled me close to her. 

Our teeth clicked together a little as I ran my tongue against her molars. She tried to push against my tongue with hers but I overpowered the wet muscle. She drew back with my tongue in her mouth and sucked on it gently but firmly. I throbbed in my pants at that. I imagined what it would feel like to have her mouth around a different piece of my anatomy and I groaned and grew harder at the thought. I reached a hand down to cup her little breasts through her sleeping tee. She moaned into my mouth as I did. I found her nipple and started to toy with it until it grew firm and erect through her shirt.

I pulled away briefly but it was only to help her pull her pj shirt over her head. She wasn't wearing a bra. Her milky breasts plopped down to my sight with little pink nipples and areola.  I stared at her body in earnest and I felt a pulse from between my legs at the sight of her body. I wanted to be inside her so badly it hurt. I was so lonely and incomplete. 

I pushed her back down and let my mouth stray down her body. I started at her lips then kissed my way over to her left ear and down around her jaw where I sucked softly and she let out a light gasp and bucked her hips up at me helplessly. I savored the power I had over her in that moment and I tasted her aura. Flowery but sweet like cinnamon. She was so tasty as I moved my way down to her chest and sucked on her right nipple. She let out an adorable little squeak and bobbed her hips. I ran one hand down her pants, down her leg and rubbed at the inside of her thigh as I sucked. Then I twisted my hand into her pants and over her panties. My fingers splayed out over the last garment covering her little flower and I stroked easily down her slit where she was soiling the fabric of her panties. 

"Jaune!" She cried out my name in a way that made me feel like a man. 

I slipped a finger beside her panties and into the gash of her body. I rubbed my way up and down and she reached down and grabbed my face and yanked me up to kiss her while I stroked her little rose. It felt so small. My erection rubbed against her side as we kissed deeply and I rubbed her folds. 

"Don't stop," she panted breathlessly. I found a nub at the top of her flower that made her writhe and shout out. I rubbed it again hard and she bit my lip firmly. "R-right there," she breathed out.

I had no intention of slowing down or giving her any sense of quarter. I wanted her writhing and she was. She was rolling her hips into my finger desperately. She wanted so badly to finish and I had the power to give that to her. 

I rolled little circles around her clitoris. I would occasionally flick it and I would toy with her folds to tease her and build her up before she came crashing down. She tried to reciprocate and reach a hand down to my own pants but I was merciless in my attempt to distract her and make her cum. 

"I'm s-so clo-ose. Please Jaune. Oh please let me. Just let me…"

I started really rubbing her clit. I pinched it and rubbed it hard.  I made her break off into stammers and moans. 

"Oh-h I-I-I'm-m… Oh y-yes. Ah-hah-ah-ah." Then her whole body tensed up in what was almost a frightening fashion and she thrust her hips wildly into my finger. Fluid gushed out of her and got the tent wet between her legs. She lay there and just breathed hard for a long minute. She struggled desperately against the successive waves that poured down over her. I had done this to her with a single finger. Me.

She was shaking a little as I sat her up and gave her a drink of water. "I want to do that again to you so badly," I murmured close to her ear and she shuddered. 

I put my hand back between her legs and flipped my finger inside her little tunnel. She moaned and gripped me hard like a Mistrali finger trap. 

"Wait… it's too sensitive for you to-ah- for you to… for you." 

"But you're bucking your hips into my finger. Doesn't that mean you like it?" I wondered. I pressed harder against her right little walls and I ran my finger up to her clit again and gave it a rub. 

"Ah-hah. Please… I can't help it. Please…" I wasn't sure what she was begging me for. More or less. I gave her more and I ran my finger down her body and into her once more. I rubbed against those squeezing walls and made her grasp me tightly like she was scared of drifting away if she didn't latch onto me. She dug her nails into my back but I hardly registered it. "Stop… wait…"

"Why? You like it," I pointed out. I felt so powerful. I had so much control over her whole form like this. 

"I want to touch you," she pleaded. I brought my finger up to her clit and brushed it and she gasped and leaned forward. 

"Then do it. I'm not stopping you." I played with her. 

"I can't like this. You're… it's too much. Please Jaune. Oh please. I'll let you touch me again afterwards but please let me touch you."

"Fine." I drew back and relinquished the quivering power I held over her. She pushed me back and went straight for my pants after I released her. 

She wrestled with my belt for a long time with her hands brushing over me. Eventually she worked me free from my pants and once she had it in her hands she just stared at it in incredulity. It was unusual. She stared at me with my pants down the same way I looked at her without her shirt. She took me in both her hands and gave me a tentative stroke with her tiny hands. I groaned a little in the quiet of the tent with the rain splattering down around us. She crawled until her head was nearly in my lap and gave me a curious lick. My cock twitched and my hips rose up a little. 

She wrapped her little lips around my head and gave a tiny suck. I felt myself quiver with precum straight into her little mouth. She swallowed it immediately. Her throat bobbed as she took it down. Then she slowly wrapped more of her mouth around me and ran the tip of her tongue around my head. My hands went to her hair and I moaned. It was a noise and action she seemed eager for more of because she bobbed her head up and down on my shaft. 

"It tastes odd. But I can grow to like it if you want," she murmured in the dark of the tent. 

"Yes please," I managed.

"Who would have thought sucking your dick would make me so wet," she went on. Then she took me back into her mouth. She made an attempt to swallow the whole thing and pushed herself down on the base but she only got up to a mouthful. So she brought her hand up and wrapped it around the parts she couldn't swallow and when she rose up she took that hand with her and then she would lower herself back down and wrap that tiny hand around the base of me. She used her hand on what she couldn't fit into her mouth as she bobbed her head up and down. She always gave the head of my dick a little suck at the top. A tight squeeze of pleasant pressure. 

She spun her tongue around the whole of me and made my cock twitch into her mouth with yet more precum. I felt my balls tightening and a weight in the pit of my stomach which implied that an inevitability was arriving. I was going to cum in little Ruby Rose's mouth. The sheer audacity and lewdness of it could drive a man to orgasm on its own. But she kept thrusting her body down and away at me as well. Her tongue coiled around me and she applied suction to make it so deliciously tight. Her hand gripped me firmly near the base and was getting wet from her spit. She offered no complaint when I thrust my hips up into her waiting mouth in time with her bobbing head. I couldn:t help myself. 

"Ruby, I'm going to finish if you keep that up."

She attacked me with renewed vigor and let out a quiet satisfied hum in the back of her throat which vibrated me and sent me to the edge. I reached down and grabbed the fistfulls of her hair and gave three mighty thrusts that left her unsure of what to do with her hands and at my mercy. 

I groaned as I deposited my seed in her mouth and she started swallowing and tightening her lips and tongue around me and that only intensified my orgasm. 

I had just defiled her pretty lips. She got up in the tent after swallowing. She let out a satisfied little noise as she did. I couldn't be sure whether she liked the taste or she just liked what came with it. She pulled off her pants and soiled panties. It had been true. She had gotten so unbelievably wet. Her thighs were slicked a little with it. She was drop dead gorgeous in the quiet light of the moon. her breasts were modest but full and perky. And the way her pelvis ran down to her little flower was something you had to see to believe. She had a rocking hourglass figure from all the combat and training. 

She positioned my wavering cock at her apex and straddled me. I didn't dare ask something like 'are you sure?' She had my dick in her hands and was longing herself up. She was sure. 

"Is this your first time?" She asked me. She was really only asking about Pyrrha. 

"I know the basics. But I've never done anything with them."

"A first time for both of us then," she decided that that was enough and she slid my head into her. She let out a quiet squeak between pain and pleasure as she lowered herself. I felt her walls wrap around me and squeeze me tight. Their soft velvety wetness was superior to my hand by miles and even to her mouth. Dare I even think that after the heights of pleasure brought to me by her pale lips and what lies behind.

She let out the full groan and she moaned my name. "It's so big. It hurts like… like something good."

"It hurts?" I asked. 

"Fuck yeah it hurts. But it's a good stretching kind of hurt. Just give me a minute."

I could barely contain myself from moving as her tight walls hiccupped around me. It was all so tight everywhere and it felt like she was pulling me deeper in even as she didn't move. 

She put a hand down on my chest and rocked her hips so I barely moved within her. She seemed to like that motion so she kept it up. She was grinding her wetness hard against my pelvis. I reached down with one hand and thumbed that extra special nub at the top of her slit. She called out and moved her hips a little more. She was almost glaring at me for that. She hadn't expected it. I did it again.

"Hah-ha-ah. Tease me a little, Jaune."

I decided that I would. I flicked my fingers through her folds down to where I was embedded in her. Then I rotated slowly back up to her clitoris and squeezed. She let out a little squeal and she lifted her butt and brought it back down on me. Whenever I touched her clit she would squeeze my dick with her insides in a convulsive fashion. It was delectably on point. 

She rode me with lifts and rocks of her hips and I tasted her body as best as I was able until she let out a call in the night and collapsed on me with her insides pulsing almost violently around me. Lubricant flushed forward from her flower. She laid on my chest and I kissed her softly. Then I started to slowly thrust up into her insides.  They were so soft and they squeezed me but they parted around my rigidity so easily. The texture of them was like nothing I had ever felt and I kissed her deeply and drank in her sweet sugary aura. Red rose petals floated down around us as she lit up crimson. That mixed with my own blue and flecks of gold. I pushed her back until she was upright. She just looked at me dazed and confused. She was still riding out the high of her last orgasm. I wanted to keep her there always. 

I pushed her until she was chest down in the tent bedding and I was behind her. I pushed my way inside and bent over her body. She pushed back back in time with my thrusts into her from behind but it was weak and almost, dare I say it, pathetic. I slipped my body down onto her and compressed her hard into the bedding by laying on her. Then I slipped one hand between her legs and over her thigh and I started to play with her petals and nub again. 

"Fpuh-uh-gsh-oh-'' her moans became completely incoherent. The angle I thrust into her met hard with a spot two inches inside and towards the front that I could already tell that she liked when I hit and rubbed against it. Then I started to fondle her folds. First I would grace along one side then the other then I would meet at her apex and rub her clit tightly. This new angle was good for me too. She was so tight and the angle I was thrusting in would occasionally poke against something hard which I knew was her cervix. It would kiss back at me ever so gently as I really started to give it to her. I abandoned teasing her and strummed her clit like a guitar. 

"Keep going. Don't stop. Ooh-ah. Don't stop, please."

I had no intention of stopping and I bent low to nibble on the back of her ear and suckle on her neck. I ran kisses down her back and her body became confused. She wasn't sure whether to grind down onto my hand or push back against me and so she settled for a mixture of both. 

I felt her walls tighten around me and I knew that it was just a matter of time for us both. I squeezed her clit and she arrived again with loud moans and the whisper of my name. Her body went into spasms and her thighs began to quiver from all the stimulation she had received that night. A few more thrusts and I had finished as well. I launched myself as deep inside of her as I could reach and departed my seed directly into her waiting womb and love canal. 

We both lay breathing hard and sweaty in the tent. 

She rolled over to me with a little smile and kissed me on the lips. She giggled happily along and snuggled her hot naked body against mine. I was exhausted from expending myself twice. Usually alone I could only ever do it once. So this has been a lot for me. It had been a lot for her too. We drifted off to sleep together. Thoughts of clothes abandoned in the hot tent. Tomorrow will come and I may have to deal with some consequences of tonight but they could wait. 

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

I got down off the back of the animal before Ruby.

She was already waiting for me there.

She called its name and it came when called. She didn’t even need to pull her hair back as she rode, either, she somehow looked relaxed and focused. To be honest I was just so amazed to even watch her move above me.

She slung her legs up and over it and gently held the pommel in one of her small hands. The tips of her fingers just enough to reassure. She hardly needed it for balance; she was so graceful.

Her other hand was firmly in the mane of the stallion’s mane. After the night in the rain, we’d returned to Higanbana where they’d offered us horses. They’d already been made aware of our affairs and the local Dono was not to be out done by GaiLong, evidently.

I’d explained to them that unless they had an awakened horse, they would not be able to carry me, let alone the both of us. Mei-Chi had smiled at me and I knew I would regret it.

“Who taught you how to ride?” I wondered.

“Oh, my mother showed me how when I was young. It’s easy if you know how to care for it.” Or you’re a Nisdy Princess. I watched how easily she controlled it and made it calm. Sure, it was trained but when I’d been encouraged to take the lead on the animal it had given me nothing but contempt.

“Do you know how?” She wondered. “You’ve somehow expertly dodged climbing on the back of one.” She stroked it gently with her hands. Enjoying the sensation.

“I… know the basics,” I hedged. “I have ridden before.”

“Yikes, that bad, huh.” she teased me, and I groaned. “But not in a while and with someone else.”

I shook my head, “this’ll be a first for us.”

[nebrasska-alasska]

Dear extremely talented author,

first i would like to say that I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOUR FICS. that one time you didnt upload for a week i felt like i was having withdrawals and you do not understand how overjoyed i was checking ao3 at 11pm in bed for the 3748386347th time that day OH MY DAYS

ok now my actual question, i want to try my hand at creative writing (cough fanfics cough) but i tried it a year ago and it didnt exactly turn out well.. (its now sitting as a pile of ashes) im really mesmerised by how well you write your narratives and not just how well you portray the character itself, also in like pacing and imagery etc. do you have any advice on how to improve my ability to write creatively? i feel like sometimes i go too overboard on descriptions which kinda messes up my pacing and honestly you are probably one of the authors whose writing style i genuinely envy (dont take this the wrong way i just REALLY love your writing style), so what can i do if i just wanna fix up those kind of things?

again, I LOVE YOUR WORK AND CONSUME IT RELIGIOUSLY ARBHDBDNEKDJFJ

THANK YOU!!! I'm so happy that they bring you so much joy!!! And apologies for causing withdrawals LMAO but okay! I'm going to start by saying that perhaps an overly descriptive way of writing is your style and what works for you! That might be what you have to lean into as you find your voice, and being unique is part of the fun of writing!

As for my advice, it is purely anecdotal... one of my two majors was English literature, not creative writing, so outside of a handful of classes on the topic I don't really have a formal education on this LMAO this is just how I do it!

I feel like for me, I try to blend the structure of each chapter as being an even mix between action, dialogue, and reflection, if that makes sense. Like, it is one of my main objectives to prevent one of these things from dominating. So if you feel like you're going overboard on descriptions, maybe try incorporating more of these things so that there is more of a balance? Although, it's impossible to tell without me seeing your writing, because truthfully, heavy description might be what works for you and should be what you embrace!

I feel like at the core of my chapters is usually the conversation two characters will have. You'll have the actual talking (dialogue), what the characters are doing during the conversation (action), and then there will be pauses where the pov character exhibit their reactions or internal thoughts on what is being said (reflection). There is other stuff in between, like pure action of stuff being done, or long-winded reflections, but I will lean into these depending on what the chapter calls for. And then you can spice it up with the occasional metaphor, description of the environment, or play around with various sentence structures to keep readers engaged and on their toes.

With that being said, if you have description down, that is oftentimes the hardest battle. In order to make a story feel more alive, I feel like I have to make an active effort to include descriptions of the setting and how it interplays with what is going on in the story... otherwise it's just characters running around a blank world. So good for you!!!

That was super long, so apologies. Thank you for the ask, and I'm so glad you enjoy my works so much!!! Messages like this always make me smile, so I really appreciate it!!! :D

[qoldenskies]

*slowly stumbles into your ask box*

I uh I uh I uh I uh I uh I finally listened to everyone and started reading canary continuity and just finished caged lungs and. Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay okay okay. Excuse me I'm going to scream at you now.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAHHHHHH. AAAAHHHHHHH????????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHTHJBBJHERFJGEDGHBCEWDHGVWDHFVCGDFECCGHVEWCBGJCGHVWRHVGCWRVGHCHGVRECVGHERCVGHWGHVRWFVGHWD?????????

OKAY THAT WAS THE KIND OF ANGST THAT I LIVE FOR

INSTANTLY MADE IT INTO MY TOP THREE FANFICS

I CRIED. SO MANY TIMES. /pos

I GOT SUCKED IN SO FAST AND READ IT OVER THE COURSE OF THE WEEKEND

OUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH

The motifs were so freaking well written I FREAKING LOVE MOTIFS IN FANFICTION. I STARTLED EVERY SINGLE TIME THE WORDS "his lungs burned" CAME ACROSS THE PAGE. THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT I INSTANTLY KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE IMPORTANT

The way the tension just builds in the beginning before the curse really starts to take control ouuuggghhhhh. The whole time I was going "something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong something's wrong SOMETHING'S WRONG" and I loved it

The scene where Donnie got locked in the closet hit so freaking hard. Oh ow /pos

Several people asked me in public if I was okay because I was so invested in it and kept crying.

SHAKING SOBBING POUNDING ON THE FLOOR IT'S SO GOOD

The pacing is so well done. Anyone who's seen rise knows that normally his brothers would NEVER do things like that to Donnie (and April thought so too hhhhnnnnnggggg) so the way you did it a d showed how it progressed and gave a reason without actually ever stating it outright was So Freaking Clever. Props to you 👏👏👏

The way he progressively gets worse and worse. You can tell when he starts blaming himself, when it starts really affecting him, she he starts internalizing it.

AND THE FIRST SCENE MAKES IT EVEN WORSE BECAUSE THEY WERE SO FREAKING HAPPY. OH. OW. THEY WERE H A P P Y. HHHHHNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG

Also this fic was so freaking devastating but ironically I cannot get over that one scene where Leo jokes about applause and Donnie just says "clap." I AM WHEEZING. ONE OF MY FAVORITE HAPPY MOMENTS OF ALL TIME. ALSO THE ONE MOVIE SCENE WITH LEO AND DONNIE CUDDLING OHHHHHHH MY HEART. I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR

The way he has a breaking point with each brother. The way he slowly breaks more and more and each brother's betrayal is another hammer strike on the glass is just so freaking good. 10000/10 angst

AND I WAS SO ANGRY WHEN HE RAN AWAY FROM APRIL EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT WAS COMING SCREW YOU /pos /j. HE WAS SO CLOSE. (Also eeheeheeheehee I love protective angry April. "What the heck did they DO to you?" Is another line that Stuck with me)

AND ALL THE BIRD METAPHORS AND FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE. HOLY FRICKADOODLE. I LOVE BIRDS SO INCREDIBLY MUCH AND IT WAS SO COOL TO SEE IT IN THE FIC. THAT MOMENT WHEN THE SERIES' TITLE MAKES SENSE lol

AAAHHHH IT SUSTAINED ME. IT WAS MY FOOD. I KEPT ME GOING THROUGH THE WEEKEND WHEN IT GOT ROUGH (which is funny considering how angsty it is)

I FELT Donnie's so clearly and intensely and I loved it so much. I love getting to feel for the character and you did it so well

Also there were little to no typos and spelling errors and it always makes me so happy to see that and that's insane considering how long it is!!!! Seriously, every sentence and letter was so well crafted and structured. The figurative language, especially towards the end, is so vivid and so so so good. Cheez Louise those are some dang good metaphors

AND THE ENDING. OHMIFREAKINGGOSH. OHKAY. OW. FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU. AND SECOND OF ALL I LOVE YOU

I kept thinking "how is Donnie going to GET OUT OF this???" And then he DIDN'T. GOSH DANG IT. I HATE YOU /pos /pos /j. THE SPELL BREAKING AS DONNIE... Dies???? I'm hoping not with all my heart???? OH OW. MIKEY SCREAMING SOMWHERE. RAPH CALLING DONNIE'S NAME. OOOOUUUUGGGHHHH.

April was so soft and it hurts. I love reading her and you wrote her so well. Shaking my fist

THE VERBAL ABUSE WAS SO BRUTAL AND I DIDN'T THINK IT COULD GET WORSE UNTIL THE STARTED PHYSICALLY HURTING HIM AND HHHHHHNNNNNNNNNGGGGG

The way he was already placing his worth on what he could make and then fully accepting and living by that as it got worse was just. So good. And I hated it /pos. I love it when fic authors play with that

THE SCENE ON THE ROOFTOP. OH GOSH. I WANT TO HUG HIM SO BAD. AND ALSO SCREAM AT HIS BROTHERS. HHHHHHHNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG I almost couldn't read it because I was so freaking mad at them. But also couldn't stop 😂

LEO FREAKING- HE- I- AH- UH- HE- HE FREAKING STABBED DONNIE FGDFGDDXDFDSFCFGGVHGHVGVHHGVVGHVGHDXTXFDXFDDSTDGDCFGCGFGXDGXDDGXFGCVFHFGCTDDEFDGFHCJYBJKNKJIJJLJJLNKLJHB AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. THE FINAL FIGHT SCENES. MIKEY CHASING AFTER HIM MANIACALLY. THE THREE OF THEM USING STUFF USUALLY ONLY RESERVED FOR VILLAINS. OH OW. RAPH'S ABSOLUTE RAGE WAS TERRIFYING. HOLY SNICKERDOODLES.

I have so many things I want to draw for it because you paint such vivid pictures.

Speaking of, after I finished it during the car ride home (and finished staring out the window in stunned silence and replaying it over and over) I just. In a stupor scrabbled for my sketchbook and before I even knew what I was doing started scribbling based on vibes (you know it's good writing when that happens). Planning on redrawing it digitally

Also I'm not sure if I'm remembering this right but I'm pretty sure in the notes you said something like "I wish I could animate" and just wanted to say I feel you so hard

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I stayed up late at night reading it and thought about it almost every minute and kept rereading paragraphs because they were so good. My guy, I am in awe.

I HAD NO ONE TO RANT TO ABOUT IT ALL WEEKEND SO IT'S ALL POURING OUT HERE. (I know you said long rants were okay ((which is why I'm sending this lol)) but I'm sorry for this very long block of text 😅)

Aaaaanyway thank you for listening to my many thoughts I have many many feelings about it :) absolutely no pressure to answer this at all!!!!! I just hope you know how incredible your writing is :]

Hope you have a great day/night!!! ^^

ihave nothing coherent to say in response to this just know i have been walking around my house grinning like a fool ever since i read it. i think my face is about to be permanently fixed that way. ily

[tinyowlthoughts]

The Wild Robot - Surprisingly Violent

I finally got a chance to watch The Wild Robot yesterday, and it was...well...

Yes, that is Roz holding a SEVERED BIRD HEAD in the first screencap, after it was eaten by a wildcat. Within the first ten minutes of the movie, it made something very clear:

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE IS ALIVE AND WELL, AND WE ARE GOING TO SHOW YOU EVERY SINGLE PART OF IT. BUCKLE UP.

And I absolutely ADORED it. So much of kids media is sanitized, but not this one - they can't. The cycle of life and death, of eat or be eaten, is a HUGE part of the narrative structure. Roz growing beyond her programming (instincts/nature) to become the titular Wild Robot is all about her learning that life is a dangerous, ever-changing cycle of survival. It's not just tasks to complete - it's fighting to live another day. And sometimes, to make it to that day, someone else won't.

The art and design was gorgeous, especially the scenery - truly breathtaking. The movement of the camera in certain scenes, like Fink descending into his winter den, was gorgeous and clever. The characters were fun, although as my dad (retired wildlife studies professor) pointed out, there is no way all those species would have naturally ended up on an island - it was a good mix of North American & European animals. He also mentioned that the species of goose in the film was likely based off the European Brant goose (since they weren't Canadian or Emden (barnyard) geese).

Honestly, the only slightly negative thing I have to say is, I wasn't a fan of the pacing. It felt a bit off at times. But apparently the movies is very, VERY close to the book, so that might explain it. I haven't read the book yet, but it is on my holds list at work!

9.9 out of 10 movie for me. If you haven't seen it, it's coming back to theaters in a few weeks in the US! Or your library might have a DVD copy to check out. With the theater re-release, it might be a bit until it's picked up on streaming services (without the $20 rental fee). However you can see it, I highly recommend it!

Just prepare yourself for a mountain of on-screen animal & robot deaths - the bird head is just the beginning.

[swallowtailed]

misericorde vol 2 (full 100% spoilers, i’m so serious)

ooooh i’m so compelled by angela. she sucks so bad, but in a perfectly clear and logical way. very well written character

on a related note it is SO funny how unpitchable this visual novel is. “sex comedy about an anchoress who discovers that all the nuns in the abbey think she’s cute” is both exactly and not at all what it’s about, and also, somehow, a gigantic spoiler

it’s really good.

it didn’t click for me that the abbey was supposed to burn down, and therefore it didn’t make any sense for hedwig to be back in the cell, until i heard the keys jangling in the cell door. excellent.

i… don’t think i believe flora is dead, actually. we haven’t seen a body, and the pacing of it doesn’t make much sense. something else is yet to be revealed there.

hidden chapter! HI EUSTACE <3

with the introduction of another suspiciously familiar individual i gotta say i’ve now got no idea what’s going on at all. catherine inventing time travel or reincarnation or both feels as likely as anything

i think the biggest missing piece, for me, is what catherine wants. all we know is “to kill the antichrist”, which… frankly could mean anything. a question i have about her is how ontologically correct she is: did she really have the means to kill the antichrist? if not, what was/is she wrong about?

do have to say i’m ultimately not that compelled by “the devil did it”. as a solution to the mystery, that feels like it reneges on a promise of the narrative (that it was one of the sisters). but who’s to say

i am satisfied by eustace’s explanation—as of vol 1 my assessment was that she knew something was up and so genuinely didn’t want hedwig to get involved, which seems to bear out. now, the question that does remain is, does she have a clearer idea of what really happened to catherine. unclear as yet imo.

i do still really think that not getting charity’s account of finding the body is sus. not that i think charity did something, i just feel like that’s hidden information

also in hidden information: what’s in the last sherry cask!!! with the odd little note about the massive sale i’m still suspicious

really good handling of distinct plotlines in this volume, also—i felt the wheels turning outside hedwig’s perception.

i don’t have a single clue what’s up with the disappearing shelves in the back of the library, although it does bear some thematic similarities to whatever tatiana/catherine is up to, and new!eustace’s appearance is also rather suggestive

on that note, i’m curious about the physical structure of linbarrow abbey. the name suggests it’s built on burial grounds, there are passages in the walls, something is up with the library, and we were told early in vol 1 that neither the plan nor the architectural styles line up. burning it down also seems to indicate some significance of the structure. so… hm.

thinking about where the mystery stands now. hedwig was made to promise not to investigate further, but of course the field of play has changed greatly. (god, poor james.) the abbey still has to burn down in the year 1434, and moira still has to be killed with the sword. angela as superior would surely want to keep pursuing suspicions of witchcraft. and hedwig is getting dragged back out of her cell, rupturing the framing device and narration. fascinating. perhaps someone else will be taking over as narrator?

sure, i’ll bite. why is there a picture of christopher columbus in a book about english nuns?