#It was a whole thing for me and I still really like his music SORRYYY it's embarrassing

[vividgoth]

My biggest white nonbinary with dyed hair former theater kid trait is being a Will Wood fan. I'M SORRY. But I listened to The Normal Album for like a month straight in 2020. I have a signed special edition of it on vinyl. All this to say I'm listening to the studio demos he released recently and REALLY liking them

[lonesomedotmp3]

right ok. I'm so exhausted I think it's making my anger a lot more composed but I'm ummmm actually really angry! haha! text message guy was being a fucking dickhead all night with his stupid dickhead friend who keeps egging him on and sharing stupid unfunny offensive jokes where the joke is just like fucking. saying the word aids or pedophile or whatever. proper juvenile shit genuinely I don't Get what is funny. well they were drunk so that's the answer I guess. and then they doing the guy thing and the drunk thing of being overly friendly in a way that's making fun of you being kind of rude and being fucking. attention seeking. and loud and interrupting me and my friend (who was a fucking godsend except for a moment we'll get to in a second 😐) who were just being chill and watching the live music. and it goes on so much longer than anticipated I'm tired I only basically went because I wanted to show my friends they should still invite me to stuff LOL and because a potential new friend was gonna be there too. but that's not relevant except to let you know my I was already not in a bitchy mood by any means I was just sort of ready to Go. and I left my stuff in my (chill) friend's room on campus so we all (chill friend, text message guy, his twat friend) went there. and they would not stop with these stupid jokes over and over and I was like " 😐 you literally have three jokes" and in response the twat friend said "no like I was saying I'm not even drunk I'm sober rn" just to give you a sense of what I was dealing with in terms of conversation. and I was over it I wanted to fucking leave but they kept going even in the hallway while my chill friend went to the loo. I don't remember specifically what set it off but I had already stopped acknowledging them/humouring them at all I just ignored them then it got bad enough I walked off. and those stupid cunts FOLLOWED ME . and were like teeee tee we're sorryyy 😥😥😥 in that stupid childish drunk way and I was like I'm fine it's fine I just need to go. and they could tell I was mad at this point. and fucking text message guy. has the AUDACITY. to go "aw, come on tee, you know we love you"

😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😑😑😑

and I, admittedly in a manner that made me feel for a brief moment like a Bad Bitch, replied without missing a beat: "yeah I know- you fucking texted it to me, remember?"

and then it was out there!!!!! I said it finally I was just so angry and frankly I did say it to try and hurt him and embarrass him I'll say it lol because I felt fucking embarrassed that whole night and with the whole stupid ordeal anyway. and there was SUCH a relief. like ok I said it it's out. I said it EXPLICITLY. There was no way to misinterpret what I just said to him even with him drunk like that. I did the hard thing I did the confrontation now I should get the reward of finding out what the fuck is his problem. and he delays for a moment, still with mothballs in his skull, and then goes "oh" but like not an "oh shit" oh more like he was just remembering it and he LAUGHS and goes "...and you sent the question mark...?" and EYE say "and you never fucking explained what that was, yeah" and I was fucking fuming I was heated I wasn't yelling but like. I was mad. lowkey wish chill friend was there I think their reaction would have been crazy. sorry I luv to narrativise my stupid life! anyway. and he's just like oh yeah. and then laughs. and goes. 😐😐😐😐😐. he goes, "well I guess you'll never know." all smug. and I wanted to break his neck. like it's not even that there's any truth to it you fucking gave it away you admitted it was a message to me you admitted you saw the text back you admitted that these were all deliberate choices! If not now than in a second when you keep fucking talking. but the way he said it like it was so funny keeping that from me. when I was so stressed about it and about protecting HIS feelings. fuck him oh my god.

but yeah so he does that and then the twat who caught only half of it and is using negative percents of his brain is like wait what message! what message! and text guy laughs and just goes haha just a message I sent to show my appreciation for tee! and the twat is like you're such a sap man. or something to that effect. I'm literally doing deep breathing rn typing this fucking hell. and of course coming out of the loo chill friend hears ONLY this small bit and I don't know now if they understood at any point that I was no longer kind of tired and annoyed by what I will extremely generously call their "drunk antics," but instead was seriously pissed. but they go, at this point thinking everything is still chill and a laugh, "what, are you two an item now?" and I just felt so small and miserable. and I just muttered "ask fucking [guy's name]" and kept moving I wanted to scream. because still he could not just be fucking straight with me and was messing me about for no reason at all. and by the time our paths diverged I just sort of loudly went BYE! without any sentimentality or individual goodbyes as they went to a bar and I went on my way home. and then I immediately called my friend and yelled about this so loudly and viciously I'm sure the entirety of the fucking city heard about it. I literally was like "hey it's late I hope you're not busy or trying to sleep" and as soon as she said she could talk I went. I hope the guy who sent me that fucking text kills himself. and I mean it.

[mojjisxng]

Hiii! Do you remember the amazing scenario you wrote where enhypen uses your insecurity in an argument and how they will make it up to you? If requests aren't closed can I get the reverse: you use enhypens insecurity in an argument and how you would make it up for them? Thank you very much ❤️

thanks for requesting anon, i hope you like it❤️

a/n- this descended into madness by the end, i got too carried away. i don’t even think this can be considered to have any angst in it at this point, especially niki’s. i do still like this reaction a lot though haha

heeseung

- any amusement that he had towards the argument instantly vanishes

- his face goes completely blank

- there’s just an awkward silence as you both stare at each other for a few moments (which honestly feels like five hours)

- you understand that you’ve taken it too far

- so you walk over to him and throw your arms around his waist

- you murmur constant apologies into his hoodie, close to tears yourself

- he just pulls you back, looks into your eyes and explains why you should never do that to anyone EVER

- and that you should make him four cups of ramen and buy him chicken, to make it up to him

- after that, heeseung is rejuvenated with mischief

- and he starts to plot ways that he can get you back for a being a little bitch, so good luck :D

jay

- not to bring astrology into this...

- ...but jay is an aries-taurus cusp like me

- so mans has some built up anger and he’s quite stubborn

- this means that he’ll hurl some pretty mean insults right back at you

- so the both of you are now MAD mad, and totally not willing to apologise first even though you know you should definitely be the first one of you to apologise at some point

- this is where the problem lies, because the two of you go to storm out of the house at the same time

- so you’re stuck between jay and the doorframe, trying to squeeze out first

- that’s a RAS moment for you both there

- this leads you and jay being reduced to a laughing mess on the floor, hoping your neighbours didn’t catch the embarrassing scene

- which they did on their security cameras

- you also seriously apologise to jay, because your dignity has already been flushed down the toilet, so you felt that being stubborn would do nothing for your ego at this point

jake

- jake processes the snide comment you made on his insecurity, and just says in the tiniest voice...

- “i’m not gonna lie, that’s kind of stung. but i know you don’t mean it, so it’s fine i guess :/”

- he also has this tiny, emotionless smile on his face, as looks down at the floor

- your heart sinks at how defeated he looks and you just break

- you know you fucked up badly

- how could you be so heartless towards sweet angel jake?

- so you sprint over to him

- stare at him for a second

- and burst into tears

- and then you hug him so tightly he might burst, while chanting apologies to him and telling him that you did not mean it and you don’t even know why you even thought to say that

- you just cuddle for the rest of the day, you insisting that you’re the big spoon because you want to protect your sweet baby jake from the world that was a bit dramatic but oh well

sunghoon

- you say some stupid bs about something he’s insecure about, while you’re arguing about who knows what

- there’s a pause

- a blink

- and a breath

- and then sunghoon bolts out of the room as quickly as possible

- so you’re just left there in the middle of the living room, with guilt crawling into every cell of your body

- meanwhile, sunghoon is in the furthest room away from you, because he doesn’t want you to hear him s o b b i n g

- i feel like sunghoon wouldn’t usually show you when he’s even a little bit sad, so he would be humiliated if you saw him upset because of something you said to him

- but unfortunately for him, you heard him crying, while you were looking for him

- you already felt horrible, but now you just felt like you had committed the worst crime possible, because your emotionally strong boyfriend was now curled into the foetal position on the bed, crying

- you basically jump on him, so that he can’t escape and you engulf him in your arms, even if you’re tiny

- and you’re rambling a huge apology and telling him that you will do anything for him

- you also kiss his tears away awwww not me being soft for once

- after he’s calmed down, he will go back to his usual cocky self, and start teasing you by asking for lots of things

- but the thing is, you actually do everything that he asked because you feel so terrible

sunoo

- so after you’re done talking your shit on sunoo’s insecurity...

- ...he just glares at you for a whole minute, in silence

- then turns on his heel and struts out of the room with his head held high

- he will not show you that he is hurt by your words

- he won’t let you win

- you’ll find him in the kitchen, seething

- and aggressively making a sandwich

- you tip-toe closer to him, back-hugging him, while giving your apologies

- but he just shakes you off and stalks into the living room

- this continues for two days

- and you can’t stand his silent treatment

- so you keep bugging him with saying “sorryyy” and “i love youuu”

- until he finally gives in

- you’re like “i’m so incredibly sorry; i would despise it if you talked to me like that. i should never have acted in such a way, even if i was angry. there’s no excuse. i love you to the moon and back and beyond, i hope you know that.”

- and then sunoo replies “i do know how much you love me, and i know you didn’t mean it. i was just very hurt and very angry. i love you too, so so much...even though you’re not all that...”

- it was time for him to run 🚪🏃‍♀️

jungwon

- jungwon would fucking stare at you

- you’d be so intimidated by him

- you already knew how much you’d messed up

- but he would make sure you knew even more

- this child would firmly take your hand and drag you to sit down on the sofa

- and then he’d GO IN

- jungwon would lecture you for like two hours on why that was a horrid thing to do, why that would upset someone and why you should absolutely not do that to anyone again

- this would be his punishment to you, by treating you like a little kid, really patronising you to convey his disappointment

- you can tell he’s the leader of enhypen, because he would transform into a fifty year old mother

- he honestly might even make you cry by accident of course

- you would then proceed to do a very solemn and formal apology, like a berated child

- and then he would pull you into a hug

- i feel like it would all turn quite comical from an outside view

niki

- speaking of a serious situation that descends into something ridiculous, it’s niki’s turn!!

- you shoot the insult in his direction

- and then there’s a beat of silence

- you know you’ve fucked up

- so you start yelling out apologies before he can even open his mouth to say a single word, like “I’M SO SO SO SO SORRY! I DID NOT MEAN IT AT ALL! WHY DID I EVEN SAY THAT?!?! OH MY GOD DON’T HATE ME PLEASE!!!”

- and tbh niki finds this VERY funny

- but he plays up to it

- “no...no...i can’t believe you would say something as preposterous as that. you’re the definition of EVIL!” and then probably dramatically falls back onto the sofa with his hand over his face mainly to hide his laughter

- and you’re just stood frozen, on the edge of a mental breakdown

- until he goes “but you could make it up to me by making a musical about how sorry you are :DDD”

- you let out the biggest sigh of relief, that you didn’t even know you were holding

- but then you process what you’re going to be doing, so you’re just staring at into space like 😟

- long story short, you end up giving up all the pride you had left, to entertain niki with your horrendous singing and dancing one man show about how apologetic you were

- you and niki were on the floor crying with laughter by the end of your finale, which was a less than perfect rendition of ‘purple rain’ by prince

[johnhaos]

mot:7 album breakdown!!! give me all your long rambles and thoughts/rankings bro!!

hhh ok this is super late i’m so sorry so this is going to be a few initial thoughts that i /did/ note down but then mostly how i feel about the songs after ~a week i guess (also some of this is probably similar to stuff you said sorryyy, it just took me f o r e v e r to put my thoughts somewhere other than a computer file oops)

going to skip the songs from persona but wow am i mad they sacrificed mikrokosmos and home for make it right :/

anyway!! thoughts on the songs below the cut!!

interlude: shadow - sigh i do this every time but i wish i’d noted down some thoughts on this (& black swan and ego) when they first came out because now i don’t know what to say rip, i love the instumentals at the start of this wow and then yoongi’s voice !!!! the lyrics on this are just a lot emotionally gosh, and it’s a lot of stuff that we’d heard yoongi talk about before, i’m thinking especially of his poem in that run episode, but it still hits hard. G O D and then when the beat gets heavier (is that the right word) and his flow completely changes - i remember just staring at the screen when the mv came out oh my life

black swan - i really liked this when it came out, it was so different and hauntingly beautiful. i didn’t have the same instant love for it as i did for boy with luv but i really love it now, i think seeing that first stage of it on james corden really helped tbh because WOW. hobi’s verse into yoongi’s is such a GOOD part of this song i love it. you can tell how personal the lyrics are to them but at the same time it’s so relatable ;;;; i think that can apply to lyrics in a lot of their songs tbh and it’s one of the things i really love about them, that their music can be an outlet for their own thoughts/experiences/feelings while also calling out to the fans and /their/ thoughts/experiences/feelings

filter - killed me from the first listen oml, my mind immediately trying to imagine what kind of choreo this could have hahahh it’s fine. i adore the warm comfort of serendipity and promise but i also LOVE how different this is. jimin’s voice is just beautiful and he sounds gorgeous in his higher range but OH MY GOD those moments when his voice just goes so much deeper - the ‘yeah’ at ~2:09 Gand the 'ay’ near the end GOODBYE

my time - again so different from jk’s previous solo stuff, i love the way they’re exploring different sounds on this album. his vocals sound so beautiful on this track. i love the change in lyrics in the final chorus from 'i can’t’ to 'will you’, the song is so emotional the whole way though but i like that shift into a more hopeful/optimistic view ;;; and ahhh the vocalising at the end YES JK

louder than b/mbs - AHHH we really got a bts/troye sivan collab i’m so happy about this and oml the track is beautiful not that i’d expect anything less from that combo wow. i really love the way the vocal lines voices sound in this song and their high notes YES. namjoon’s voice in this oh my G O D and yoongi’s verse is amazing omg. i love when the rap lines parts all follow on from each other because it really lets you see how different they are but also how damn well they work together. this was probably one of the songs that i liked most on first listen and i still really love it CHILLS

ON - ahhh i hadn’t listened to the teaser for this beforehand so i really had no idea what to expect when i started the mv but wow this goes OFF, it’s got such a powerful performance value i really cannot WAIT to see what they do with this for tour oml. the drums!!! HOBI’S VERSE YES i love it ahhh and yoongi repeating the last line of hobi’s verse at the start of his SO GOOD. and not to sound like literally everyone but JK’S BRIDGE oh my god OMG?? he really did that he sounds incredible. an amazing title track oml

ugh! - *confession time* (why do i always do this for one track every album istg) i really wasn’t sure about this one for a looong time…. i’m not really sure why tbh because the beat is great, their flows are great and i could already sense the amazing energy it would have live from the first listen but for some reason i just wasn’t feeling it. it’s grown on me a hell of lot since, not one of my faves from the album but i definitely like it a lot more now. namjoon’s verse and the start of hobi’s are probably my favourite parts. GAH the bit at the end really goes off!!!

zero o'clock - ohh this is beautiful, vocal line tracks are always gorgeous ;;;; also i am very glad that i didn’t do a listen with lyrics until a few days after it dropped, it made me sob anyway when i did but oml if i’d looked up the lyrics on release day when i still felt /awful/ after my terrible week i can’t even imagine how i’d have felt…. 'and you gonna be happy’ artists for healing indeed ;;;

inner child - the instrumentals are so beautiful and tae’s voice is so beautiful and the lyrics are so beautiful and ahhh gosh i love this and him a lot ;;;; another one that made me cry when i listened with lyrics, the 'you’re my boy’ bit always gets me

friends - MY HEART this is the cutest damn thing just them reminiscing and showing their love for each other they’re so precious ;;; i love the inclusion of tae’s 'hey jimin, oneul’ from when they were recording it’s such an adorable personal touch. and when they call each other soulmate PLS. ahhh and i love the bit at the end with the gang vocals and the clapping it’s such a good end. i can’t wait to watch them be soft af with each other on stage performing this oml

moon - the first thing i wrote about this on first listen was just 'JIN’S VOICE ahhhh’ and i stand by that!! he really does sound amazing and i love that it’s upbeat, we know jin can kill it on a ballad but hearing him do something different is so nice as well. i really love the melody for this song so much it’s so lovely and the lyrics are so sweet i love it, i love JIN ;;;

respect - i love the beat for this so much oml, the AYO SUGA pls ;;; best throwback, god i’m so unbelievably happy to have a yoongi and namjoon subunit song and they really just bounce off each other so well. and i love the bit of satoori dialogue at the end!! this is such a JAM

we are bulletproof: the eternal - my first listen notes: 'oh nooo, this is the sad emotional one isn’t it ;;;; 'yeah we have you’ pls stop i can’t deal with this’, i really did expect this to have a similar vibe to the other we are bulletproofs hhhh, should have seen this coming with it being the second to last song though rip, but wow this song is beautiful and will 100% make me cry live ;;;; i love hobi’s verse in this, there’s always something about his verses in the slow, emotional concert ending-type songs that really gets me. gosh i just love them all so much and i’m so so glad that i found them

outro: ego - sdfgfa the mood change here, they said no more tears time to BOP. as i said for shadow i really wish i’d written down thoughts about this when the mv came out sigh. but it’s just so beautifully hobi and ahh it’s been 2 years since hope world so i’ve listened to that a lot today as well and it fits so perfectly with that vibe!!!

so yeah overall i really love this album, yay!!

[chickennoodlesoupfortae]

BACKSTAGE LOVE

TAEHYUNG (V) x Reader

Word count; 2.6 k

Warnings: absolutely none pure fluff

brief summary: You go to a BTS concert with your friend who is super into them and get pulled for a security check and end up being mistaken for an intern and meet Taehyung.

A/N: Ok go easy on me this is my first one shot on a member so it’s trash but bear with me.

Summary: You get invited to see BTS at their concert in your city by a friend. In a turn of events, you end up being rushed backstage mistaken for a crew member that is where you meet Taehyung. Major angst eventual fluff.

   Concerts they weren’t your thing, it wasn’t that you hated them it was just they were so loud and filled with adoring fans that became a little too excited. The whole thing really gave you anxiety but your friend (y/b/f/n) had invited you to come with her months ago so here you were in her car on the way to the stadium.

“You know we can always turn back around and sell our tickets,”  you said half-jokingly.

“Come on (y/n) it’ll be a lot of fun plus I got us pretty good tickets,” she gave you a sly smile that had your stomach turning “actually I wasn’t gonna tell you cause I knew you wouldn’t have agreed to come if I did, but they were just so cheap and you know how much I love them…” Her sentence began to trail off.

“What? Just say it,” you exclaimed already scared of what she was gonna say.

“Just keep in mind that I love you and you love me so you can’t be mad. I got us floor tickets, they aren’t the closest ones but they’re pretty good.” she smiled as she pulled out tickets and handed them to you.

“(y/b/f/n)  I told you I didn’t want to be on the floor, you know how wild it gets and I don’t even really know the chants what if the people get mad and…”

“Oh, hush (y/n) you know how many people would kill for these seats? Save the pity party for later.” you looked out of the window as the stadium came into view.

You had known your friend for a really long time and she was your favourite person in the whole world and you loved her and all and sometimes she could be a little pushy and disregard your comfort zones. This was one of those times.

“Okay, it’s okay. I am going to go to this concert with you and I am going to have fun and not get scared.” you looked over at your friend as you tried to calm yourself down. “I love you, even though you can be a bitch sometimes” you both laughed as she parked the car. You stepped outside into the typical weather of your hometown. You took a deep breathe as you saw the hordes of people waiting to get inside. “That’s a lot of people…”

“Don’t worry (y/n) our entrance is around the corner there will definitely be fewer people”

You both began to walk around the crowds until you saw a checkpoint. “Look there are at least two hundred people there ugh” you sighed as you made your way over to the security checkpoint.

“Hello miss do you have any bags on you?” the security guard was at least six inches taller than you and gave you a warm smile.

“Oh, no sir we didn’t bring any bags” you looked down at the ground

“Okay ma’am walk through the metal detector and you’re all set.” He motioned for your friend to go first and she walked through waiting for you on the other side. You walked through the detector and it started to beep. Immediately a couple of guards were alerted. You were panicking, you didn’t have anything illegal on you and then you remembered your necklace.

“I’m so sorry sir I forgot that I had my necklace on” you pulled it out from under your shirt looking up to show him.

“I’m sorry ma’am but we have to take you to get searched before you can enter the venue, it’s just protocol.” This was exactly what you feared, things like this always happened to you. You sighed and followed the guard as he led you to the security booth.

“(y/n) here’s your ticket I’ll meet you inside.” your friend handed it to you from behind and before you could ask her to wait she was gone.

A lady came and escorted you to another location within the stadium. “First time coming here?” she asked you in a sweet tone as she began to pat you down

You stumbled for words “umm no, but it’s my first time seating on the floor for a concert.” she gave a thumbs up to a guard about a hundred feet away and then looked at you.

“Okay miss I think we’re all good here you can go head to your seat have a great time.”

You began to walk away from trying to head in the direction of where you had entered but you had been to disorientated earlier to see. You let out a groan as you failed to find the entrance. “Ugh where am I?” you thought out loud but before you could think someone grabbed your shoulder.

“You’re the new intern.” before you could say anything the lady answered for you. “Next show you need to be here on time okay? I will not tolerate this more than once. Here what’s your name? Oh, wait  I have it here, ms. miller.” she talked so fast you couldn’t get a word in. I’ll call you by your first name but you shall address me as Ma’am okay Anna? Okay, follow me” you didn’t know what to do, she started talking again as she speed walked through people and grabbed a pass. “Here A, I’ll call you A for short, you’ll need this at all times in order to get backstage or you’ll get kicked out. You’ll be working for me and I work for the guys and they work for both of our bosses so whatever they say goes. Got it? Of course, you got it now go in here and fetch seven water bottles and come in here when you’re done” She slammed the door to a room and you instantly heard clapping a light laughs.

You needed to get out and quick before you got into any sorta trouble or got even further into this situation. You were soon pushed into a storage room. “Here are the waters” another employee informed you. You were lost and scared so all you did was do as the boss had told you and grabbed seven water bottles, you could hear the roar of the show.

“Oh my lord what time is it?” you quickly looked down at your watch. It was seven minutes till the show began “(y/b/f/n) is gonna be so mad “ you whispered under your breath as you found the room the lady had walked into. As you opened the door you were shocked to find that it was at least triple the size you had thought “um here ma’am are your water bottles” her eyes went wide

“A, those” she looked behind her to the seven other people in the room, you had hardly noticed them until now. “They are for them, A” she let out a weak laugh. You didn’t even work for the lady and she scared you.

“It’s fine here let me take them” a soft voice from behind responded to your silence

“Ohh I’m sorry here” you began to walk towards the person.

He was tall and had soft eyes and a boxy smile, he was gorgeous. You felt your face get warm and then got emmbarsed which made it worse. “Here sir sorry” your voice came out weak and a bit broken, you were scolding yourself in your mind you usually weren’t that affected by guys let alone a stranger.

“It’s fine no need to worry sweetie” he grabbed all the water bottles.

“That’ll be all A. You can go wait for me outside” the boss motioned you out of the room.

What were you doing you wondered to yourself? This was a bad situation you needed to get out quick before the real intern came. You began to walk to another employee hoping to ask them where you could exit when your phone rang.

“(y/n) where are you the shows starting” your best friend yelled into her phone half because of the noise on her end and anger.

“Sorryyy (y/b/f/n). I’m lost I’m trying to get to you just stay where you are I’ll ask someone for directions” you hung up the phone before she could say anything. You felt someone tap your shoulder and spun around. “Hey wh-” before you could finish your sentence you saw the guy from inside the practice room, he was a little too close for comfort. “I’m so-”

“Are you lost?” he had obviously heard your conversation.

“Umm yeah actually I am.” you were trying to think of a story. “I need to get to the crowd sorry”

“What’s your name,” He asked you ignoring your question. His eyes peered into your soul, he was at least a couple of inches taller than you and was looking down.

“its-umm-(y/n)” you responded

“I’m taehyung, you can call me tae though,” he told you in a sweet tone. You realized who you were talking too and were trying not to freak out. “You said you needed to get to the crowd…”

“Yeah, I need to meet someone in these seats” you rummaged through your pockets and grabbed your ticket. “Here. I just need to find my way out of here.” he looked at the tickets and started walking.

“Come follow me (y/n) these are kinda far away I’m sure I can get better ones for you. So where are you from what brings you here to the internship on our tour?” you were thinking of what to respond it wasn’t like you could just say you weren’t supposed to be here it might scare him. He could think you snuck in.

“I’m from (your hometown) born and raised. I wanted to experience a little of what the entertainment industry is like for idols” you weren't lying the k pop lifestyle had always intrigued you since you weren’t from Korea and grew up in a different culture. You were walking pretty slow just following his pace.

“What about the industry intrigued you y/n” he gave you a look that made your heart skip a beat.

“Well I mean the whole process and the international scale at which the fandoms are. It’s different than a lot of other countries music industries. For example, American artist work very hard and usually are able to sell out medium size venues overseas but idol groups can sell out entire stadiums in countries that don’t even understand most of the music. I mean I don’t know.” you were kicking yourself for going on too long he probably was just being polite.

“I get what you’re saying. I’ve been doing this for a long time now and it’s still hard to understand why we’ve become such a phenomenon. I would probably be in Korea farming now if I hadn't signed into Big Hit It’s really humbling to see people care so much about our group. You’re gonna be here for a while I’d be happy to help give you a deeper view into the life of the group.” he sounded like he was finding a reason to talk to you more.

“Yeah thanks, I’d like that.” you looked at him giving him a soft smile.

“Here walk through that door and there should be a guard who helps the staff I have to head back I’ve already been gone too long and hoseok will have my head if I miss the last dance run through. But first, give me your number, I’d like to talk again soon” he gave you his heart-shaped smile. You grabbed his phone and put your name in. “tell them that tae said to get you better seats and they’ll work it out. It was nice meeting you (y/n) I’ll text you soon” he turned away as you waved goodbye.

You walked through the doors and allowed yourself to come to terms with what had just happened. You walked to the security guard and asked to be escorted and told her what tae told you to say. She took notice of your badge and pointed you to a manager of the venue who brought you out to get your friend. When you walked out you were shocked at how many people were there. You made eye contact with your friend and her mouth dropped open when she saw your badge and the worker escorting you through the people. You came up to her and whispered in her ear “don’t say anything I’ll tell you in a second.” you both were brought up to two seats near the catwalk part of the stage.

“Here miss (y/l/n) enjoy the show. They must have forgotten to give you these” She handed you an earpiece to block out noise and pager with a mini headset. “Click here to turn on here to mute and hear to turn off” you immediately put the pager on mute so no one would hear you and turned it off.

“ what in the actual hell happened (y/n) you put on the earpiece to hear what was going on backstage. You leaned forward to whisper and so you could hear each other.

“I don’t even know they checked me and I got lost and then some lady said I must be the intern gave me a badge and then I meet him and he said to get better tickets and here we are.”

“Wait who did you meet. I swear if you’re stealing my bias. You will catch these hands.” you laughed

“No trust, jimin is safe from me I didn’t see him. I just talked to tae.” you were going to go on until you heard a final roll call for the show to start. “It’s starting to shush” The background music to their first song started.

The next few songs played and your friend died when jimin came near your end and greeted her. The entire time you were looking at tae as he did his dance. The next song was his solo.

He walked from side to side doing the choreo and singing his heart out. Your friend leaned in closer. “I can’t believe you got to meet Jesus on the low” you started laughing

“Jesus asked for my number too” your friend died she pushed you and started laughing

“How could you not lead with that (y/n)” he started walking towards your side

“Shut up (y/b/f/n) act cool for once” The song ended as tae bent down to talk to an army next to you asking them how they were. He then looked at you.

“(y/n) I see they treated you well” he smiled “Is this who you had to meet?” Your friend jumped in

“Hi my name is (y/b/f/n).” he smiled and then looked back at you.

“Enjoy the show (y/n) I’ll see you after the show” he stood up

“Yeah bye” he walked away

“Wow (y/n) he is whipped for you let me just say I am jealous period.”

A/N=this is part one I hope you liked it!

[cleaduvalls]

i watched all 20 episodes of "spy kids: mission critical" twice in about a week and here are my thoughts (pt 1/5)

these will be divided into 4 episodes per post so they stay about the same length as one spy kids movie

1.1

no theme song. :/

wow specific location

wow. we love lying to our spouses

greg actually kind of sounds like greg??? like ingrids not right in the slightest but greg sounds like greg

oh yeah i call him greg instead of gregorio bc thats Too Many Syllables

i dunno id rather go on an adventure

oh!!!!! ingrids hair!!!!! cute

they look like friggin iron knuckles from cadence of hyrule

how do you..... classify a move

also why would they teach agents to counter a move that they also taught the agents

dont you mean SWAT

is that tom kenny?????

thats not carmen. i dont care WHAT you say. thats not carmen

shes 14???

since when can he build???

since when do they LIVE at the oss?????

thats a ball. not a blob

oh mood

juni your voice is so squeaky

Every Villain Is Lemons

is this a separate universe????? we already know about the third brain program. and you cant claim that people havent seen the movies cuz theyre ALSO on netflix

the experiment wasnt FUTILE it actually went really well. yall are just cowards

you can destroy gold???? like its not DIAMOND

ew

did golden brain go through childhood??? or did he just.... spawn as an adult????

alliteration

take a wild guess carmen

why are you wearing jeans in the DESERT????

"sis"??? who says that

oh boy fart jokes already

little brothers, cuz youre younger, were related, and youre boys

did you mutate the agents too?????

oh i feel you juni

oh boy butt jokes

carmen youre 14. where im from you COULD have a job at certain places

is he... gonna kill them?????

oh!!!! the mimicking is back!!!

theres no way you had taco butte in the last 5 minutes

teenagers?????? the franchise is spy KIDS get it right

there SHOULD be, yall are licensed spy kids

roll credits

juni stop trying to be a lone wolf it never works youve seen all 4 spy kids

i want to be her

are you.... knighted?????? or are you just british

hes like 11 what do you expect from him

ahavschaj acemate

carmens FACE she looks HIGH

finger guns???? hes bi

THUMB THUMB!!!!!!!

TOM thumb thumb!!!!!!

F L O O P!!!!!!!!!

nvm i want to be HER

im sorry how the H*CK did you just say fegan???????????

piercings!!!!!

and i OOP-

aztec???? bc the aztec death spiral??? nice

maybe im a little biased bc floop but shes my favorite

why are the parents here

who calls it a cuddle bear?????? its a teddy bear what are yall on

oh i love carmens socks

i gotta say im living for goldies aesthetic

haha coward

to be fair hes from the outback, they have friggin emus. those things are creepy

:0 sneaky

nice timing

1.2

wow ig there really is no theme song :(

how can he sleep with a TEACUP

i think at some point youd just... fall asleep????

wow big flex

and i OOP-

scorpions so mean i love her

for like 3 seconds that animation looked like a friggin barbie movie

i thought thumb thumbs couldnt hold things???? like thats their whole point

did she hang up on them?????

when your mom said she wouldnt get mad if you tell the truth so you tell the truth and she still gets mad

K A N Y E?????????

oh no they all have died

drowning a chainsaw????????

PLENTY OF PEOPLE

my parents whenever im tired

did you not hear her name shes clearly immortal

me

stop yelling

at that point he shoudknt have even been able to drink the milk

why are the spotlights on carmen

*2 hours later*

dont put the phone on the desk????? have you not have a teacher give you detention for that????? i have

i think its pretty obvious what he was dreaming about

in the subtitles the u has the dots but hes not pronouncing it right. it should be more "keurp-ka-kay", not just "coop-ka-kay"

everyone has weird dreams????? step off ace

class lasted for 5 minutes wtf

do the three of them share a phone???? thats what it says in her contacts

ok visage thats a little too far

i hate this dude so much

visage shes allowed to be on her phone shes not in class

psi???? like earthbound????

😔

theyre not wrong

STOP YELLING

thats?? not possible?????? youre just weak

why are you saying that out loud

dude stop im dying of second hand embarrassment

wait the sign with the transcribed words doesnt have the ü. so how he pronounced it WAS right they just messed up the subtitles

i thought there was only ONE of its kind why do they EACH have one?????

why did so many people lose????? it seems pretty straightforward

also i love her ringtone

is that tom kenny again??????

thats.... not how it works

he should not have made that

so the big reveal is that it was his mom, but how does he know shes a cortez now?????? she was avellan at that point

take a wild guess

spurious??????? why are you using his first name

i dont???? think you can????????

1.3

the beats pretty good, im tapping my feet

i love his voice

thats not disco thats TECHNO

actually discos probably right. hes german and in germany clubs are called diskos. the music hes playing is pretty clubby, therefore it would be disco

she has spotify premium???? nice

ooooh scorpion has bed curtains!!!!

why do both cortezes have the floor bed???

how can juni hear aces music???? did his headphones get unplugged????? is it just super loud?????

sounds more like kids music than folk music

HOLY CRAP HES LISTENING TO THE WIGGLES (no offense to the wiggles)

yes hes a heavy sleeper we discussed this last time

he has a bazooka you might wanna run

"carmen is not here" me too carmen, me too

glitch chill

oh yay piss jokes

how does so much stuff come out on the floss

she was asleep???????? take it easy glitch

creative name

also the music sounds like it came right out of cadence of hyrule??????? which could be possible bc the girl who voices glitch also voiced link

glitch its clearly a virus

carmen you can go, psi can handle this

hes so protective of his records im dying

BAHAHA she said "worm?" and ofc my dumb ass thought she meant worm as in "oh worm?"

1.4

i had a whole bunch but tumbr decided to delete it and i dont wanna rewrite it so we missed the last 4 minutes of 1.3 and the first 8 of 1.4, sorryyy

it doesnt matter anyway no ones gonna read this

this whole point system was in the fourth movie, get some new plot points

is that really a good idea carmen???

throwback to when i was a kid and wanted to learn australian

oh no they died

JUNI NO YOU SAID IN THE THIRD MOVIE TO N E V E R SPLIT UP

sheilas a great name shut up

listen i see mirages all the time in the summer but how do you see a fake building???? its always a puddle of water

yeah the outback STEAKHOUSE

you sound like youre on crack

oh no he died

one time i ate a bug bc i thought it was some leftover dorito i had stuck in my teeth

hes pretty good at shelters, did you not see the second spy kids???

hey he calles him juni!!!

s n e a k y

what even is heat rash?????

STOP YELLING

nice STEALTH you tell him he has nice STEALTH

[simphonious]

1-20 for P.K and Reezo?

P.K. Rotham

1. What do they smell like?

She often wears Chanel perfume that her grandmother got her, but also has a few different scents by Replica that she likes to put on from time to time.

2. What is their voice like? 

I’ll get back to you on this one when I finally do a voice claim list because I take forever to do voice claims lmao

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Being able to have the freedom and flexibility to do what she wants when she wants to do it. 

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

Wetting her pants in kindergarten.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

She tries to find a distraction from it or a way to try and numb it.

6. What do they like to wear?

She tends to like cute clothes that have a bit of an edge to them and enjoys mixing more girly pieces with either more sexy pieces or things she would put into the ‘badass’ category like leather jackets.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them the most positively?

For someone she’s been romantically or sexually involved with, it would probably be Archer, since despite having a fallout after him wanting something than she did in terms of their relationship after they had sex back in February, despite everything, he still was there to support her and help her through things, even though they no longer have any romantic involvement at all.

For a friend, probably Rae, since I think PK was sorely in need of a female friend she could confide in and have girls’ nights with, especially after PK had a falling out with her childhood best friend, Anastasia. While Ana & PK have made up, Ana’s very busy with her pregnancy and finishing up school, and PK enjoys having someone like Rae she can just have fun with. She’s super excited that Rae has moved to New York and that she’ll me moving there herself soon!

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

She ate a slug once as a dare when she was in preschool. It was not a proud moment.

9. Describe the way they sleep

She typically sleeps on her back, sprawled out across the whole bed. 

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

Thai.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

The fact that she’s only a B cup.

12. How do they like to dress?

I feel like this is a similar question to #6?

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

She tries to ignore the feelings or distract herself from them.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal? 

She’d get mad at the person and try her best to freeze them out, though she might also call them out too if she had an outlet to do so

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Her parents would probably say her graduating from an Ivy League university, but she’d probably say how far she’s come with running and fitness recently

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten no sleep?

Incoherent and a bit hyper lmao

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Overly social, loud, and flirty

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

A pretty eclectic mix of things - she likes almost every genre except country

19. Right or left handed?

Right

20. Fears?

Not performing well enough sexually, death of a family member, not being able to provide for herself

Rezo Iosava

1. What do they smell like?

Oud Wood by Tom Ford.

2. What is their voice like?

I’ll get back to you on this one when I finally do a voice claim list because I take forever to do voice claims lmao

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Being able to do what he really wants in life as opposed to what his parents have made him feel that he should want.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

An ice skating competition when he was little where he broke down and cried on the ice.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

He internalizes it and tries to work past it without letting it show to others.

6. What do they like to wear?

Simple, yet well-made pieces of clothing.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them the most positively?

He’s new enough so I can’t quite go in depth as with PK, but he is really enjoying spending time with Delaney and likes the friendship that he’s struck up with her! Though I feel like the unnamed background character friend who encouraged Rezo to do the tutor program was also probably a big positive influence on him even though he’s more of a plot device haha

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

A cake he made for himself when he was little where he thought he could substitute cheese for egg. 

9. Describe the way they sleep

Typically on his side.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

In New York, he loves getting Sichuan food, but he also can’t get enough of his grandmother’s Khinkali.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

The fact that considers himself less attractive than his older brother.

12. How do they like to dress?

I feel like this is a similar question to #6?

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

He tries to ignore and internalize them to the best of his ability.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

He’d probably laugh it off but secretly hold a grudge.

15. What is their greatest achievement?

His undergraduate engineering research won first prize at a research fair that his school held.

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten no sleep?

Very out of it lmao

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?t

More snarky than usual but surprisingly flirty.

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

Alternative and electronic, though he has a soft spot for 80s music

19. Right or left handed?

Right

20. Fears?

Dying in a plane or car crash, losing sight of who he is

[limpblotter]

Fly me to the Moon

[Previously...] [Next...] A/N: Ok so like...the more parts I make, the more parts I think up. This might be never ending fluff. (until I kill it all with Angst c:< ) Also I’m really happy I get to use my native New Yorker knowledge for something other than giving people directions via subway. Summary: Johan is pretty jazzed about being in New York or rather seeing a cute bodega owner. Ft. Team Benny and Sonny. (idk why but they turned into Timon and Pumba in my head, I kinda dig it) Warning(s): if you don’t like two gay men trying to figure out what feelings are sort of fluff then this is your warning not to read. Also its kinda long. Wordcount: 5250 (I GOT CARRIED AWAY I AM SO SORRYYY T^T)  Taggies: Aha, I actually got requested to tag someone and I nearly died, I’m still recovering but @hell-yes-puns-and-ships

New York wasn’t so bad. So what, Johan wasn’t sitting balcony side at some cute Parisian building, looking out at cobblestone streets enjoying a mid-morning glass of wine and fruit. People driving small scooters and walking hand in hand with paper bagged goods from the local stores. The air thick with the smells of wine and rose water perfumes. No he was far from the debonair lifestyle of his beloved France. He was however, for two days now, enjoying the company of a local store owner. A man who’s strange, quiet like charm held together by the soft warmth of a hard working face captured Johan’s attention. Johan was a little surprised he found himself thinking about that smile as often as he did. The spirit of NY was consuming him. The hotel they stayed at was up to snuff, Bow didn’t think it necessary to get two rooms so here he was, sharing a bed with his sister like the good old days. The days when it was four hippies and a sleeping bag on the forest floor, oh how Johan did not miss those days.

 Johan woke up from his idled daydreams and pulled himself to his feet. He walked to the bathroom and began playing music on his phone. By the time he was out of the bathroom, Bow was awake too; sitting crossed legged on the bed reading through the room service menu. “You think they’d care if I order some pancakes with a side of dill pickles? You know...so I can dunk it in syrup or cream cheese...both” Her voice trailed off.

 “First of all, that's disgusting.” Johan ran a towel through his wet curls. He pulled a few curls into place, taking extra time to make sure not hair was out of place. “Secondly, you’re pregnant so who cares?” He tossed the towel aside and placed his phone on top of the dresser. The music played while he picked out clothes. Usually Johan didn’t care what he wore. He, more than often, tossed on any of his nice European brand clothing on but since his arrival to the city he had been meticulously picking items for an outfit. Bow placed the menu down and pursed her lips a bit. She noticed there was something strange going on with her little brother.

 Johan began to hum along to the music playing on his phone. “Sinatra? I didn’t know you were a fan of crooners?” Bow tilted her head.

 “I never said I wasn’t.” Johan ignored her, his attention was on his reflection.. “When in Rome do as the Romans did.” In this case New York. Johan shook his head, struggling between a few options. Bow could see through his nonchalant response that something was up. It was time to do what she did best as his big sister and a mother of almost five.

 Probe like the last colonoscopy she oversaw last week. “So where are you going?” Johan seemed to freeze. Dreaded words filled with a sneaky accusation.

 “Just...going to grab a local cup of coffee, you know truly submerge myself in New York culture.” He avoided her big sister/motherly gaze. It was as potent as the lasso of truth. “When I was back in France I drank nothing but the local wines, I really got a deep appreciation for the agriculture and taste of the country.”  

 “I’m pretty sure that coffee you’ve been drinking is imported from Cuba.” Wonder Woman Bow smirked a little, Johan flinched, she knew? No she couldn’t have known...lucky guess. “Well whoever you’re meeting have fun, you should invite them to the luncheon tomorrow.”

 “Yes because spending an afternoon with pill pushing pharmaceutical slaves under the health care regime is even more fun with friends.” Johan grabbed his wallet and started out the door. He was met with a finger being pointed at him.

 “See, this is why I’m the favorite.” And on that note, he was out.

 Morning rush in New York happened around the hours of 8am-9. These were the times business men were hopping on the Metro North to get to the city. School buses were trying to beat the public transportation overload and most importantly, shops were cranking out coffee and breakfast like machines. After that it was a dead zone until lunch time. Usnavi kept his shop open even after the morning rush; the routine was he was open no matter what. The chance of losing just one customer could make the difference between meeting rent or not. A man like Usnavi was hard working and wasted not a single opportunity to turn a profit from every customer. Sonny knew for a fact if he was a more reliable employee Usnavi might be inclined to take a break.

 The door creaked open around eleven o’clock and Usnavi was in the back moving things around from the refrigerator. He balanced a screwdriver between his teeth while he meddled with the finicky cooling component of the cheap cooler. “Good Morning” he muttered. After a few more seconds of messing around and a few grease stains later he emerged from the back.“Sorry about that, I hope you weren’t waiting…” He spoke, and very slowly the head of hair he was talking to turned and Johan smiled at him. Usnavi froze in mid-stride. He was …back.

“Bonjour.” Johan smiled, having internally slapped himself. Was that the best he came up with? Usnavi still silent, Johan managed to recovered. “That coffee is worth the trip, I don’t know what is in that yellow container but its potent.”

 “Well it is what keeps folks in the barrio moving.” Usnavi finally found his voice as the waves of shock subsided. “I’ll get you started.” Usnavi went around the counter and felt …nervous? He made coffee millions no billions of times. He had been brewing by the time his mother taught him how to reach the stove. All of this was second nature so why of all times did his hand shake now? He felt eyes on him and the shakes intensified. Usnavi made the poor mistake of looking up and found he was right, Johan was looking right at him. “Heh” his lips twitched trying to hold a smile together. All of the sudden his fingers malfunctioned and the coffee scoop (filled with fine ground up coffee powder) slipped out of grasp. The fine brown espresso powder scattered all over the ground. What a waste, and more important, Johan saw the whole thing. “Mierda” he hissed bending over to retrieve it.

 Johan tried not to laugh, he didn’t know Spanish but he damn knew that ‘mierda’ sounded a lot like ‘merde’. He tilted his head watching Usnavi bend over and search the floor for his coffee scoop. Without thinking his eyes slid up from his legs and settled on something…else. He had a nice a-- woah! Johan noticed Usnavi was standing upright now and he had his eyes clearly on the man’s behind. He wrenched his head away quickly. Luckily for him, Usnavi didn’t seem to have noticed where Johan’s eyes had gone. What he did notice was what a nice profile Johan had. A strong jaw, perfectly groomed facial hair, long lashes, a regal yet strangely cute nose. Not to mention that hair that framed him so well, some men were just born good looking. Usnavi wasn’t one of them in his eyes but he didn’t complain having one to look at.

 After an unsuccessful few tries he finally got Johan’s coffee ready and placed it in front of him. Before Johan could reach for the coffee Usnavi spoke up, “On the house.” Usnavi rarely did that, last time he gave someone something on the house was…he turned around going back to work; figuring Johan wanted to be on his way.

 Instead, Johan stared down at the coffee. Personally he would have been offended someone giving him a hand out. He was more than financially capable. There would have been a lecture about his brotherhood and his integrity had it been someone else. There was something genuinely sweet Usnavi had tried to do. Something like that wasn’t common in Johan’s life, little acts of honest-to-god sweetness. “Is generosity common trait of New York City?”

 Usnavi perked up, Johan didn’t leave right away. Usnavi didn’t dare believe he actually wanted to hang around the store. If he could keep his company a bit longer, he was going to try. “Depends where you look.” He spoke casually, moving around the assortment of knickknacks he sold behind the counter. “I like to think the city is filled with undiscovered bits of generosity.”

 “I wish I had the navigational know-how to show me this ‘undiscovered bits.’ ” Johan realized only after he spoke, there was an invitation in his sentence, one he didn’t take back. “This city is a little confusing for someone like me, the streets of Paris were so...how do I say, si simpliste” The accent brought that warm smile to Usnavi’s face. Would he take the invitation?

 It was a shame Usnavi was dense. “It's not too hard, New York is on a grid, once you know up and down you can get most anywhere. I can get you a map if you want?”

 He was too dense, it was painfully innocent. Johan was a bit discouraged that Usnavi didn’t seem to take the hit...Johan himself didn’t know why he had said those things. What was he hoping for? “Thanks, uh...I’ll take it from here.” Johan seemed a little embarrassed. He got his hopes up for something he didn’t even know he wanted. He turned and walked out of the store quickly, hoping to leave his embarrassment behind.

 Usnavi watched him go, following him with his eyes until he was out of sight. Usnavi stared at the window for a while, overcome with a feeling of...loss. In that instance he felt both anxious and stuck. He felt like he had to run or something but at the same time his legs were stiff, his feet planted on the ground. Where would he go if he allowed his body to move? Where did he want to go? His urges of action came few and far between, he was a man of routine. There were moments though, moments that moved him into action.

The big haired Californian was looking around, walking up the avenue watching for any signs. He actually had no idea where he was headed. “Wait!” Johan turned around and saw the Hispanic store owner run towards him. By the time he caught up with Johan, Usnavi was well out of breath. Johan had no idea what he was doing, neither did Usnavi. But the moment was decided when Usnavi chose Johan over his store. “I...I would feel really bad if you got lost in the Heights.” Usnavi looked up at him, this was probably the closest they had stood next to each other. Usnavi was a small guy but now he felt like he had shrank. “If that's ok, with you.” He stood there, nerves bouncing inside him. A part of him wanted to go back the store. The safety of what he knew.

 “Of course, lead the way.” Johan brought the cup to his mouth and sipped, masking the huge grin on his face.

______________________

 “Sonny?!” A stocky, tall, tanned skinned man with a loose fitting button up came running towards the store front. He found Sonny sitting with his head between his knees. “Sonny I got the call, this better be an emergency. I just left Nina with teething one year old who has intense diaper rash and is going through a post nap time cranky fit.” He didn't respond, “Sonny?...”

 “Benny…” Sonny spoke with his head down still. “Look at the store and tell me what you see?”

 Benny scratched his head and looked it over. Nothing seemed out of place, the grate was down, the windows seemed intact. “I think your a/c is busted” He pointed to steam coming out the side of the shop.

 “No, its closed Benny. The store is closed.” Sonny looked up at him with watery eyes, slowly Benny’s eyes widened in realization. “B-Benny, Usnavi never closes shop. Ever. Not now! Lunch rush is coming up soon. And like...I’ve tried calling his phone and nada, nothing, zippo. I think something happened to him, man!” He got to his feet and started pacing and mumbling.

 “Did you call the cops?”

 “Oh yeah I’m going to call the cops to search for a missing Hispanic guy? Here lemme take out my joint while I’m at it to!” He shook his head. “Cops won’t do anything but arrest him, this is 2017 Benny! Trump’s America!” Benny rolled his eyes, he didn’t keep up with the social justice movements. As long as his friends and family were safe he tried to stay out of the mess that their country was getting itself into. Though, he was mildly curious about the joint. “Aye dios mio, mi primo, aye primo…” Sonny clutched his chest in worry. “USNAVI! WHERE ARE YOU, MY MAN” He suddenly yelled out into the air, forcing Benny to take several steps away from him. The idea of counseling Sonny to deal with his rationally was replaced by an elderly man pushing a shaved ice cart.

 “Estan buscando señor Usnavi?” The Piragua man smiled peacefully.

 “Yea we are, also can I get cherry?” Benny took out a dollar, figuring he might as well treat himself. “Have you seen Usnavi?”

 The old man took his time shaving the ice with his steel shaver, shaping it into a cone shape and dousing it with thick, red cherry syrup. Sonny was sweating bullets by the time he spoke, handing the treat to Benny. “He’s down a few blocks at, de Washington parque. I saw him talking to another señor, tall man. Un hombre peludo.” He made a fluffing gesture over his head with his hand.

 “Gracias.” Benny smiled then turned back at Sonny who was narrowing his eyes. At least he wasn’t about to cry. “See?” Benny ignored the straw and spoon; he bit off a chunk of ice at the tip and swallowed. “Usnavi is fine.”

 “...why did he close the store to go to the park? And who is the hairy man?” Sonny looked over at Benny. Benny started to chew a bit slower.

 “Usnavi never takes a break...man hasn’t taken a break from working the store since…” He wasn’t going to even attempt to do the math on that one.

 “Yo, let’s go check out the park, if we book it we can see if they’re still there!” Sonny grabbed Benny’s arm and tugged.

 The larger man let out a soft chuckle, “Sonny, I gotta get back to Nina.”

 “Come on, your kid will still be there when you get back. Don’t tell me ya not dying to know who the hell got Usnavi to take a break.” Sonny wiggled his eyebrow. Benny weighed his options, go back to his cranky wife and child or ...take a few more minutes from his day to indulge in the ol’ fashion tomfoolery of the barrio. “That’s what I thought.” Sonny smirked, feeling Benny’s arm relax. “Vamos”

________

The park wasn’t actually called the Washington Bridge Park, it was actually named J.Hood Wright Park. However it was located in Washington Heights and overlooked the edge of the city, having a near flawless sight of the bridge. The playground was also inspired by the Washington Bridge, white and mint green steel bars were built in the shape of the bridge. It was a great place for kids who wanted to climb, but that aside it had the common perks of most parks. Swings, sprinklers but Usnavi remembered it mainly for the sights. On the way to the park he had pointed out little things, the track and field center, and the best places to get a slice of pizza. When they got to the park, Usnavi popped a squat on a swing, most of the playground empty since kids were still at school in early June.

 “It doesn’t look like much but this park as one of the nicest views.” He smiled, “I’m sure parks in California are better...and in France right?”

 “Well.” Johan ran a napkin over the swing seat before sitting down too. “Growing up my parents never allowed my sister and I to partake in the joys of going to a playground. They uh, said that playgrounds were the government's way of justifying their blatant destruction of trees and natural resources for artificial outdoor entertainment.” He rolled his eyes; it was so typical of his parents to have these beliefs.

 Usnavi nodded slowly not sure what half of that even meant. “...yeah I wasn’t big on playgrounds. I helped my dad out with the store on my free time. Usually I took a minute or two just to enjoy the view.” ...and now it had been awhile since he did that.  

 “You’ve worked in that store a long time, huh?” He knew for sure he couldn’t do it. Johan always wanted to be on the move. One minute he was there, next somewhere else, the world was his high way and he was in a high speed chase in life. Sticking around in anything for too long wasn’t his style. “I don’t know how you do it.”

 An extremely exhausted sigh came out of Usnavi. Johan turned his head and noticed he looked...so tired. In one moment Usnavi aged before Johan’s eyes. The warmth in his greeting, the brightness in his wholesome attitude melted away to a tired man. “It's been in my blood since I got here with my parents as a kid. They made it something out of nothing, now it’s my something to keep going. It’s all I got of theirs.” His eyes closed just as a soft summery wind blew against them. There was a sadness that washed over him. Johan didn’t know what to do, how to bring him back. He didn’t deal with emotions like this before.

 “Well...you’re here.” Johan smiled a bit, it was a bit forced. He didn’t know how to be happy when Usnavi looked so down. “The store might be their investment but their legacy...their lineage thats you. And no matter what you do, you’ll have them with you. You are them…” Usnavi’s eyes slowly opened; there was a thick layer of water that draped over his eyes. “Literally, like you are half of both of your parents’ genetics, so like...you really are them.”

 “Ha!” He laughed out loud, he snorted a bit. He ran his hand over his eyes capturing any tears that had tried to weasel out of his eyes and wiped them away. “...yeah...you right.” His smile returned a bit brighter than before. Their eyes met for a second and they sat there in silence, rocking back and forth on the swings. “So how do you like your first swing set?”

 “The leather is a bit flimsy but you know…” He shifted his butt in the seat and nodded. “I can live with this.”

 The laughter erupted from both of them. It filled the empty playground and the ears of two eager onlookers. “Why are they just sittin’ around in a park?” Benny spoke between the last few bits of his cherry slush. “Why would Usnavi close up shop just to creep around in the park with some dude?”

 “I can’t believe this…” Sonny pressed his face up against the fence listening to their laugher, watching the way they looked at eachother as it died down. “Don’t tell me you don’t see this shit?” Benny shook his head a bit. “You don’t see what I’m seein?!” Sonny motioned to them. “Look them, cozying up by the swings, laughing like this is some high school musical shit. I swear they are two seconds away from breaking out in song and dance about how life is wonderful.” Sonny knew that look, he was around his cousin enough to know that look. He had seen that looked before.

“Wait you don’t mean…”

 “Como no!? Miralo!” He motioned as Usnavi and Johan moved from the swings and started walking towards the back fence where the park looked out over the Hudson. “He’s even taking him where the trees are probably making a move.”

 “Makes sense why things with Vanessa didn’t work out...actually come to think of it, I should have seen this coming.” Benny finished off his slush and shrugged. “Ok so Usnavi bats for the Mets and not the Yankees, what's the big deal?”

 “What is th---when things didn’t work out with Vanessa after all that went down that summer, he was crazy.” Benny shook his head as Sonny began to elaborate. “Benny, you don’t get it. He was super ...just...upset and took it out on me for 3 months straight. He had me scrubbin’ the bottom of the coolers until one night I found his ass eating four pints of Ben&Jerry’s in the corner of the store.”

 “Wow.” Four pints, that was a lot even for a guy Benny’s size. “So what are you...saying this is a bad thing?”

 “It is if it don’t work out. I can’t take another heartbreak.” The young man whined.

 Benny shook his head patting Sonny’s back. “I’m so glad you’re looking out for Usnavi.” He muttered sarcastically. “Look, if it happens it happens. I always told Usnavi he’s his worst enemy. He doesn’t know how to make moves and frankly he ain’t go no skills.” Personally Benny would have be surprised if things had worked out between Usnavi and Vanessa. Once she officially moved downtown Usnavi ...didn’t seem to chase her. It was the same when Nina and Benny moved a few blocks away, they rarely saw Usnavi like they use to. The man was literally cemented to his corner. “Ok. I know what we gotta do.” He grabbed Sonny by the back of the shirt and peeled him off the fence.

 Usnavi and Johan talked casually. They spoke about the little things that didn’t seem to have too much weight. They compared the weather, taxes, occasionally Johan said something that flew over Usnavi’s head and there was a lot of nodded and blank smiling involved. But there was never a moment neither one wasn’t engaged. Usnavi listened with a smile and Johan hung on every word Usnavi said. “So ...your parents named you U.S. Navy?” Johan stifled a laugh and glanced up at the sky. He could feel Usnavi’s glare on him.

 “Yes, laugh it up.” Usnavi pouted, throwing his hand up in the air. This wasn’t the first time someone had to comment on his name. “My parents were so excited about the country they named me US Navy.”

 “That’s…”

 “Stupid, I know. Trust me you’re not the first person to think that. It's annoying to explain, annoying to correct people, it's annoying to live with but I’ve gone practically three decades like this so what.” This was just bringing him back to being a child again and having kids poke and probe at his name and origin.

 “I was going to say it's adorable.” Johan responded sweetly after Usnavi went off on his small tangent. “I mean my parents named my sister Rainbow and me, Johan. It's like they didn’t try with my sister, and semi tried. Like I feel like John was their initial idea then they just got weird with it.”

 “Johan is a lot easier to say.” Usnavi’s voice was dull. His mouth stuck in a seldom, little pout that broke Johan’s heart in ways he didn’t think possible. Why did a grown man evoke so many childlike feelings in him?

 “I rather say your name.” Johan responded, he wanted to erase that pout. For both Usnavi’s sake and Johan’s own heart. “Usnavi.” He very slowly and articulately said his name. There was a noticeable response from Usnavi. His body tensed up and his mouth released itself from its pout. Instead it was pursed together in a hard line meanwhile his body suffered from a jittery, nerve tingling sensation that crawled up his spine. He felt like fire ants were conga lining up and down his back and around his face. Hot and almost static like pains that set his heart fluttering. He was speechless. He never liked his name but god did it sound nice coming from Johan’s mouth. He wanted to hear it again.

 “USNAVI!”

 Usnavi blinked up at Johan, that wasn’t his voice. “S-Sonny!?” His heart was now racing for another reason entirely. “BENNY? His panic increased tenfold now.

 “Sup’” Benny didn’t look too happy, his eyes went right to Johan. Clearly, he was sizing this man up. Benny and Sonny made their ways towards Johan. The taller man glanced at Usnavi as if saying ‘what is happening?’

 Usnavi gave him an apologetic smile, which was short, lived since Sonny decided to plant himself in front of Usnavi breaking their wordless conversation of gazes. “So I don’t think we ever got around to introducin’ ourselves. I’m Sonny, Sonny De La Vega. Usnavi’s little and beloved cousin.” From the way Usnavi was glaring at the back of his younger cousin’s head he was going to be his beloved, dead cousin. “You?”

 “Johan, Johan Johnson.” He nodded holding out his hand but Sonny didn’t take it. Instead it was met with the strong and irony vice grip of Benny. He shook Johan’s hand once and got his knuckles to pop. A small wince graced Johan’s face. “Hello.” He tried to smile but Benny’s harden face was thoroughly intimidating. They were roughly the same height but Benny’s aura made him seem like a giant.

 “Name is Benny.” He released Johan’s hand and smirked. “Just Benny. Usnavi is a dear and near friend of mine. Godfather to my baby girl. Mi compadre.” He pulled Usnavi front and center, placing his arm around his small shoulders. “So, tell me Johan what are your intentions with our Navi? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?” He shot typical fatherly questions, getting a lesson of overprotective parenting from his father in-law. He considered this practice for the inevitable future of his daughter.

 “YO.” Usnavi hissed shoving Benny aside, which really did nothing but Benny moved accordingly. “Cut it out.” He grumbled between his teeth. He pulled Benny aside and started cussing him out in Spanish keeping his voice hushed. They left a very confused Johan to the mercy of Sonny.

 “So like, if you’re gonna be in New York for a while, you should come to my graduation party” Sonny’s invitation forced Usnavi and Benny to look at him and share a unison, ‘QUE?’ “I’m graduating community college with honors, which like…isn’t big or anything but not a lot of people in our hood get to do it. So Usnavi is throwing me a party at his place” Sonny blushed a bit, “if you’re around you should pop by.”

 “Graduating is a big feat no matter the schooling.” Johan nodded, this was a good chance to see how Usnavi lived. Get to know the people around him; get to know him most importantly. That was something he could not pass up. “I’d love to go.”

 “Cool, I’ll tell Navi to cough up his digits, he can message you the address and time.” Sonny turned around with his back to Johan. He stared down his cousin’s face of frozen horror with a lazy smirk. “Anyway, I gotta get going. Lunch rush is startin’ soon, gotta open the store.” Sonny walked off with his hands behind his head.

 Benny nodded; impressed Sonny had sly skills to hook up his cousin. Anyone who knew Usnavi knew he was never going to give up his phone number just like that. “I’m heading out too, Nina is probably going to rip my head off if I don’t go back. See you around Usnavi” His smile turned into a hard line as he addressed Johan next, “You too.”

 “They seem nice.” The way Johan said that made it hard to infer whether it was sarcasm or not. Usnavi was still horrified over what happened. Processing everything like a slow dial-up computer, if Johan listened really well he could hear the AOL loading sound coming from Usnavi’s brain. “I look forward to the party. We should probably exchange numbers…that is if you’re alright with me going. I assume this is a family and close friends’ event. I’d understand if you feel uncomfortable having a complete stranger attending.”

 The problem wasn’t Johan attending. The problem was Johan was going to be in a room of people, that Usnavi barely knew how to deal with himself. At his own house “No… I, uh, its fine, the more the merrier right?” Usnavi’s fingers trembled as he pulled out his dated iPhone 4s from his pocket. He couldn’t bring himself to ask for Johan’s number. “Here” he muttered holding the phone out in front of him, his face and eyes casted to the side unable to look at him. Very delicately Johan took the ancient piece of Apple technology and inputted his number into the phone. While he was at it, he sent himself a message and in return had Usnavi’s number. Just in case the man decided never to speak to him again. Just as carefully he plopped the phone back in Usnavi’s open palm.

 “I’ll see you then.” Johan had long finished his coffee, but he held the cup to his face as a censor to his glowing smile. It did little to mask his full, toothy grin. Those perfectly, pearly whites in the most wholesome of smiles made Usnavi twitch where he stood.

 “See you then.” Usnavi nodded in agreement. Johan walked off, and like the first time Usnavi followed him with his eyes. He watched as Johan paused at a corner, the light was for him to cross but he stood there. Probably lost, Usnavi thought to himself. The taller man was only proving to be more and more adorable as Usnavi picked apart his every move. To his surprise he started walking again, barely catching the light. By the time he vanished from his sight, Usnavi’s phone buzzed. He had several missed calls and unanswered messages from Sonny. He ignored them all.

 There was one message that he could not ignore. A message from a ‘Johan’ and it read.

 [  See you :)  ]

 Usnavi walked with his nose in his phone. He reread the message several times. Was Johan excited to see him again? Is that why he texted him? Or was this just a reminder to send him the address; did that count as being excited? Was Johan as strangely excited as he was? Probably not. Usnavi knew his feelings had a knack of getting away from him. Still…he reread that message the whole way back. Not bothering to look up and watch where he was going. He entered his, now open, store looking up with a dazed smile. “Uh…” The smile was short-lived when he was met by Sonny and Benny.

 Both men were standing by his counter, arms crossed, smirking widely with millions of questions burning in their eyes. “So?” Benny wiggled his eyebrow.

 Crap, Usnavi wasn’t prepared for the full force interrogation that was about to commence. He tucked his phone into his back pocket and prepared himself for the worse.

[plvuial]

aaahh thank you for tagging me mayo @novafirst1 !!! i was gonna do this tomorrow but i can't sleep so *shrugs* Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions. 1. Coke or Pepsi: coke i guess? tbh i can't tell the difference 2. Disney or Dreamworks: hmm disney? mostly bc i can't even remember any dreamworks movies lmao 3. Coffee or Tea: definitely tea 4. Books or Movies: books,,,,but i'll watch a ghibli movie over a book any day 5. Windows or Mac: i mean i have a windows computer and all of my friends have mac sso,, gotta stay Loyal to the window 6. DC or Marvel: no idea sorry 7. X-Box or Playstation: no ,, idea,, sorry ,, 8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: nO,, ,idEA,,, ,,,, sORRY, , 9. Night Owl or Early Riser: ah i'm gonna have to go with early riser! idk 5am is a very strange atmosphere i like it ,, maybe it's just that i'm used to getting up early 10. Cards or Chess: i've played chess like twice and both times i was horrendous ,, but i do like playing cards!! esp scum *has intense flashbacks* 11. Chocolate or Vanilla: ooh i was gonna say chocolate but idk vanilla is nice too! depends on what kind of food tbh but i'm leaning towards vanilla 12. Vans or Converse: converse i don't even have vans 13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: lol wut 14. Fluff or Angst: both!! although i ,, only write fluff i Love the Pain 15. Beach or Forest: beach 16. Dogs or Cats: both!, 17. Clear Skies or Rain: i like bothhh 18. Cooking or Eating Out: idk cooking is p fun! also i'm broke 19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: i can't eat spicy food,, so mild,,,, (one time i was in my hometown and my parents said oh she can't eat spicy food so my relatives were like 'ok this and this aren't spicy!' so i was like nice! and ate it and iT WAS VERY SPICY my mouth was on fire) 20. Halloween/Samhain or Christmas/Yule/Solistice: um neither i guess? i haven't gone trick or treating in a long time...and we don't really celebrate christmas too much like we don't even put up a tree anymore lmao...but i guess christmas is nice...it's a very comforting time,,,and also presents are nice... 21. Would you rather be a little too hot or a little too cold: too cold 22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: flight? or teleportation or smthn like that,, or like breathing underwater that'd be cool 23. Animation or Live Action: animation for sure 24. Paragon or Renegade: uh 25. Baths or Showers: shower? i guess 26. Team Cap or Team Ironman: tentatively team cap,,, i don't know much about either of them though 27. Fantasy or Sci Fi: ooohhhhh can i say both? i like both! 28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: nah m8 29. Youtube or Netflix: youtube.. i don't have netflix ! 30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: ugahH bOth !! both are very good in their own way i mean percy jackson,,, one of the first series i fell in love with (still will never get over leo and calypso man) but hp is such a classic 31. When you feel accomplished: good grades bc i'm. shallow. also during sports i play i guess? and when i make people smile/laugh i mean that's always a nice feeling 32. Star Wars or Star Trek: idk star trek so star wars 33. Paperback or Hardback: i like both! but hardback more lol 34. Horror or Rom-Com: i rlly like horror movies! not necessarily jumpscares or gore but more like,, psychological horror they creep me out but i rlly like the feeling for some reason? but like. preferably watching with someone else. ha. but romcoms are nice too i just sometimes find them,, kinda cheesy lol 35. TV Shows or Movies: uhhhhm probably movies 36. Favourite Animal: i don't have one i like Many 37. Favorite Genre of Music: pop for the most part lmao but it varies a lot 38. Least Favorite Book: hmm books where the main characters are ,,, bland. yeah u know the kind of books 39. Favourite Season: i like autumn! 40. Song that’s currently stuck in your head: ed sheeran - happier lmao speaking of which have u guys listened to his new album yet 41. What kind of pyjamas do you wear: um pajama shorts and a shirt? ya 42. If you could be any fictional character’s best friend, who’d you be: idk i,, like my friends atmmm (wow that was cheesy) but i think scorpius from cursed child is a Cool Guy that i would love to be friends with !!! 43. If you could choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be: idk lol 44. Smiling or Smirking: um smiling? idk i mean the word smirking is used all the time in books but what does it Really look like.? also smirking is like,, kinda mean isn't it 45. Harry Potter Movies or Books: def books but the movies are p great too! 46. Something you’re proud of: oh a lot of things...not so much proud but more like grateful for? yes a lot too many to name . gratitude and pride go hand in hadn't i think 47. Favorite Indian dish: idk like butter chicken? apparently it's not even an authentic indian dish lmao i'm sorry 48. Weirdest Ship/OTP/Pairing: idk?. there are a lot of rare pairs in hq i ship but i wouldn't call them weird 49. Weirdest Dream: once when i was 5 i dreamed my best friend came to my house in the middle of the night and started beating me up,, that dream has always stuck with me for some reason...i mean there are many more but they're,,, very confusing so 50. If you owned a star, what would you name it: if i owned one?.. idk,, like claire ,,, or smthn,,, is andromeda already a star name i think it is.. i don't think i would want to own a star they can't really be owned 51. Favorite Flower: i ,, don't know enough abt flowers to have a favourite ,, all i know is they look nice and smell nice sometimes! also taste nice like i remember in primary every one would stop and eat the nectar of honeysuckle flowers during cross country bc we always passed a hedge full of them but once i did it and there were fucjing ants inside it ,, it was a traumatic experience,,,i have not touched a honeysuckle flower since 52. Favorite Time Period: no idea !! sorry 53: um ,, idk if i have one like honestly i , don't know anything ever tbh you know what's fucked up the only thing u can ever be sure abt in the whole world is your own consciousness and everyone else could be a figment of your imagination and you literally never know so like what's the point of stupid ass crushes what's the meaning of life why are we here what are we doing like we're all just tiny specks of dust in an infinite universe what's our purpose i don't i think i need to go to bed now i'm kind of,, tired but thank you s much @novafirst1 it was v fun i , don't think i'm going t o tag anyone sorryyy but pls do it if u want to !!

[5hfanfiction]

FROM AFAR - CHAPTER 9

Lauren (9:54 am): Camz

Lauren (9:54 am): what time is your exam?

Lauren (9:54 am): i didn’t see you leave

Camila (10:00 am): after lunch

Camila (10:00 am): i left at 7:30

Camila (10:00 am): took me forever to fall asleep last night

Lauren (10:01 am): oh shit

Lauren (10:01 am): i saw you messing with your phone

Lauren (10:02 am): but i blacked out pretty soon

Camila (10:07 am): yeah i saw

Camila (10:08 am): there was a time that you got up and i thought you were talking to me

Camila (10:08 am): but then you turned to the pictures on the wall and you pointed at it

Camila (10:08 am): i don’t know if it was your dog or your little cousin

Lauren (10:12 am): OMG

Lauren (10:12 am): i remember that

Lauren (10:12 am): i remember getting up and saying something

Lauren (10:12 am): but i have no idea what was going on in my head

Lauren (10:12 am): hahahhaha

Camila (10:13 am): i was shit scared

Camila (10:13 am): not gonna lie

Camila (10:13 am): don’t ever do that again

Lauren (10:13 am): really?

Camila (10:13 am): yes lol

Lauren (10:13 am): ahahaha it was just a dream, camz

Camila (10:13 am): you can dream in your sleep

Camila (10:13 am): you don’t need to get up and talk

Camila (10:13 am): thank you

Camila (10:13 am): i don’t have to put up with that

Lauren (10:19 am): i think i was dreaming about cruella de vil

Camila (10:22 am): nooo

Camila (10:22 am): it was something cute

Camila (10:23 am): coz you talked with baby voice like you were talking to your dog or a kid lmao

Lauren (10:25 am): damn

Lauren (10:25 am): it was a dog for sure

Lauren (10:25 am): shit i can’t remember

Lauren (12:34 pm): good luck with the exam!!

Lauren (8:42 pm): mi casa, su casa

Camila (9:06 pm): i’ll come by in a while

Lauren (9:08 pm): after you ignored me….

Lauren (9:08 pm): i called you and you didn’t even look at me

Camila (9:10 pm): sorryyy

Camila (9:10 pm): in the hallway?

Lauren (9:17 pm): you little piece of shit

Lauren (9:17 pm): you know where

Camila (9:20 pm): i didn’t hear you, seriously

Lauren (9:20 pm): liar

Camila (9:20 pm): my roommate’s friends left *actually sobbing rn*

Lauren (9:20 pm): uhuuuull

Lauren (9:27 pm): anyway, if you wanna come by

Lauren (9:27 pm): i’ll be here :)

Camila (9:29 pm): okay

Camila (9:30 pm): be there in a bit

Camila (9:30 pm): i’m checking my email and i have to send something to lori

Camila (9:30 pm): but i’m not gonna sleep there

Lauren (9:30 pm): sure

Camila (9:30 pm): if i crash there pam will think i don’t live here anymore and she’ll bring more people

Lauren (9:30 pm): it’s okay

Camila (10:06 pm): are you going to study or watch another movie?

Lauren (10:07 pm): i won’t study

Lauren (10:07 pm): yeah we can watch something

Camila (10:09 pm): think about something to watch

Camila (10:10 pm): are you watching anything rn?

Lauren (10:10 pm): yeah it’s almost over

Camila (10:12 pm): let me know

Lauren (10:32 pm): come over bby

-

Lauren and I used to have our little banter almost every day and continued with our sleepovers. Yes, still holding hands with a very confused Camila. We both knew something was up but neither of us had ever said anything about the matter.

I shared an elective nutrition class with the rest of the group because Lori was too incompetent to find classes that would actually serve us somehow, and on that same week where everything was happening so fast between us, we had decided to look into our horoscopes during class. I know it’s disrespectful but that class was boring as fuck, and not one of us would had chosen to be there if we had a choice. Lauren used to sit beside me on the same desk every week and on that particular day we started to search for our zodiac signs personality traits. After reading up on everything, we switched to our weekly love horoscope. After we both silently read mine at the same time I felt the need to say something.

“Like I actually have a love life….that’s bullshit, nobody is interested in me anyway,” I purposely said. It wasn’t a complete lie though, I wasn’t accustomed to anybody taking notice in me but what’s new, right? But at the same time I wanted to get under Lauren’s skin, I knew she was paying attention to what she was reading, and she was paying attention to me. She didn’t say anything but I could feel her struggle to try to not look bothered by anything I had said or she had read. Also, I wanted to kind of provoke her, to maybe play hard to get by showing her that I wasn’t fully aware of her interest in me. Although I noticed those little things, I still wasn’t sure if what I was seeing was true, it could easily be my mind playing tricks on me. That was what confused me the most.

There has been a time when me and the girls crossed paths when I was coming back from class and they were going to theirs. We just exchanged a few glances and smiles, we had seen each other a few hours back after all, but Lauren complimented my outfit in a very suspicious way, at least that’s what I thought at the time. I just shrugged with wide eyes at Dinah and Ally like I didn’t understand why Lauren had said that, because they didn’t know about any of the stuff that was going on between me and her.

Another time she touched my leg from under the dining hall table, that little intimacy that most couples have, and I froze in place with the thought of possibly having that all the time in the future. She had flirted with me so many times which made me more confused. Sometimes I tried to distance myself from her, to try and sort things out on my own. Lauren was literally driving me crazy and I decided it was time for me to do something that either would confirm my suspicions or end everything for good. The only thing I was sure was that things couldn’t stay the way they were.

It was almost Halloween and we still didn’t know what to do. The fact that Dinah’s birthday was one day before halloween put some extra pressure on us to find something fun to do and celebrate both dates together. On one our little gatherings, Dinah found out that Skrillex was playing in New York City and she was a big fan. I wasn’t a big fan of his style of music and I knew neither Ally nor Lauren were too, but after seeing Dinah’s excitement we all agreed to go. She would be really happy and I would be spending Halloween in New York to the sound of a major artist of our generation so it was a win-win situation.

We didn’t have much time to plan our costumes, we didn’t have money to spend with that stuff too, we were already spending a lot with the bus and concert tickets. Needless to say that we wouldn’t book a hotel to spend the night because well, it was NY and the party would be going on through the whole night, so we’d catch the first bus in the morning.

The day of the show finally arrived. I had spent the whole week prior to that day discussing my relationship with Lauren with my friends from Australia, at the same time that everything was happening between us, and came to the conclusion that I would take that opportunity to solve the mystery once and for all. It was halloween and we’d be drunk for sure. If I tried something on her and things didn’t work out the way I had planned, I’d have the alcohol excuse and so would she. Also, It would be crowded and dark, and people wouldn’t pay attention to us anyway. That wouldn’t make it any easier though. It was a plan, but it would depend on me having the balls to do anything when the time comes.

We were getting ready to go and Lauren was doing my makeup because I’m too clumsy to do that kind of shit. We had decided to paint our faces like mexican skulls and just pick a black outfit. That would be cheap and it’d be cold there anyway. After everybody were done with makeup and clothes, we tried to take some photos. I have this weird habit of laughing at everything and anything, sometimes I would look at Ally and start to laugh out of the blue because I don’t know, her face was funny I guess. But this time I couldn’t stop laughing when we were trying to take pictures and the girls started to lose their patience, including Lauren. I literally couldn’t stop and it wasn’t my fault. They should’ve have known that at this point. But they behaviour towards me just made me grumpy afterwards.

“I can’t stop, it’s not my fault,” I tried to argue but I guess they didn’t care anymore. I was quiet for the rest of the trip to NY. As usual, Lauren sat beside me on the bus and guess what, Paul was bitching again.

“He said that he wasn’t okay with me going tonight but I told him on the day we had decided to go and he was fine with it. But now he’s changed his mind and told me to have fun and do what I’ve always wanted to do, like, what the fuck,” Lauren told me and I just laughed, I had to. I had nothing to say anymore and she knew it too. It was not my business and I was still pissed about the pictures earlier, but that piece of information gave me hope to what could happen later that night. Lauren was pissed at him and she sure would try to enjoy her time, just like he’d said. So I just closed my eyes and tried to rest for the rest of the trip.

We finally arrived and now was time to start drinking. We did know that you have to have money to drink in NY, so we had to drink beforehand because buying drinks there was a no-no. After eating some burgers and drinking some of our stuff, we headed to the pier where the event would take place. It was night time already and we gathered in line outside to wait for the gates to open. Ally and Dinah were drunk at this point, Lauren was tipsy but I wasn’t quite there yet.

“I wonder if today you’ll finally kiss a girl, Mila,” Ally brought it up. Indeed it was the perfect opportunity to finally lose my girl kiss virginity.

“I will try to help you, okay?” We were sitting on the sidewalk outside and I tried not to look at Lauren when our friend said that. I honestly didn’t know what would happen but I was okay with Ally’s help. I just shrugged at her comment not knowing what to say, but from my peripheral vision I saw Lauren getting uncomfortable with what she had said. Either she was planning on making a move too, or she felt awkward with the thought of me eventually kissing another girl that’s not her. But mostly likely it was just my imagination and Lauren was perfectly fine and didn’t care who I was kissing or not. By the time the gates were opened all of my friends were wasted, I felt like I wasn’t even near drunk which sucked because whatever would happen that night would require a drunk Camila.

So we bought a couple drinks from the bar inside the place and I almost had to sell one of my kidneys to pay for it but at least I would be drunk. We made our way to the front where some DJ was playing. The drinks were finally kicking in and the place was starting to get crowded. Ally decided it was time to put her plan on the move and started to ask any girl in front of her if they wanted to kiss me. I was so embarrassed at this point but she wouldn’t stop, until one girl gave me a peck on the lips. Of course it didn’t count as a kiss, in fact I had pecked my friends on the lips before, but that calmed Ally for a bit. I was glad to have her helping me, she didn’t know about Lauren but I knew she was just trying to help, and that I appreciated.

About an hour or so inside the party, and no sign of Skrillex yet, Dinah wanted to use the bathroom, so Ally went with her because the place was huge and it wasn’t safe to be alone in there and get lost, especially being drunk as we were. I stayed behind with Lauren. Neither of us were paying attention to the music at this point, it wasn’t like it we loved it anyway. We were talking when both of us spotted a guy near. He was handsome, so I turned to Lauren making an ‘ok’ sign with my hands to inform her about the cute boy. She then encouraged me to go talk to him. I don’t know why she did that, we were both intoxicated with alcohol but it really confused me.

I went anyway.

He really wasn’t into me, all he did was point in Lauren’s direction and I understood that he wanted her. I don’t know why but I was laughing like an idiot about the whole situation.

“Noooooo, she has a boyfriend,” I tried to speak over the loud music and turned in Lauren’s direction smiling like a retarded. But then he gave me a peck on the lips and kept pointing towards Lauren, like that was my reward for trying and now he had the right to claim his big prize. I didn’t care about it at the moment, I would choose her too because who wouldn’t? But that was a fucked up thing to do.

“Noooo,” I was trying to make him understand that he wasn’t getting anything from Lauren, not while I was around. The boyfriend excuse was valid but it didn’t apply to me. Also, I was okay with kissing other people and I forgot to think if that would affect Lauren’s feelings or not, if she had feeling for me at all. But at the same time I didn’t want her kissing somebody else besides me, just thinking about it scared me. What a hypocrite. I made my way back to Lauren’s side still smiling and leaving the stupid boy behind, it was funny when it happened and I didn’t care about any of it. I’m a really happy drunk person.

“What did he say?” Lauren was giggling.

“He wanted to kiss you but I said you were not available, stupid” I was giggling too. What an idiot. She didn’t say anything after that.

It was just me and her next to each other in the middle of the crowd and we hadn’t said anything for a while. Lauren was so close to me and I thought that was my chance, maybe the only I’d have, but I was fucking scared. I didn’t know what to do, “What does one do when trying to kiss a girl for the first time?”, “Should I ask her? No, that would be stupid”, my mind was running so fast. I thought about giving up the idea but I really wanted it to happen and I had promised myself to do something about our situation, there was a great opportunity and I wouldn’t waste it. So I just put my hand on Lauren’s lower back and that was it. It was what she was waiting for.

Lauren turned to me and we both leaned in for the kiss. It all happened so fast and so clumsily because of our conditions. It was a sloppy kiss. We were hungry for each other and our tongues were everywhere, so I intertwined my hand to Lauren’s hair for more stability. I don’t know how much that little make out session lasted but we both needed some air at some point. Now that Lauren’s lips weren’t against mine it felt kinda weird. I couldn’t look her in the eyes because I was so embarrassed about the kiss. That kiss mattered more than she would think. It wasn’t perfect or even romantic in a way, but it was my first time kissing a girl and that girl was nothing less than Lauren Jauregui. The Lauren that I looked after when she was sick. The girl that would hold my hand in her sleep, and cry on my shoulder when her stupid boyfriend was being an asshole. The one that would compliment me and give me attention when nobody else did. The one that could make me feel less lonely in the middle of my complex existence. What if she didn’t like it?

“The girls are taking too long”

“We should go look for them,” I couldn’t stay there alone with her with nothing to do or talk about. Ally and Dinah were the perfect excuse to get us out of that situation. I held her hand led her through the crowd. We met the girls halfway to the bathroom and now the four of us were making our way back to the same spot.

“Ally, I kissed Camz,” Lauren was giggling again and it seemed like she was drunker than before. Ally was so out of her mind and didn’t care much about it, just smiled. I pretended that I hadn’t heard it and continued making my way through the bodies in front of me. Not that they would notice if I did, though. When we reached our destination I rapidly grabbed my phone and texted one of my friends saying that I had finally kissed a girl. It may sound stupid and vain but it was a huge deal to me.

Friend: Okay, so you have to stop drinking now because I need you to remember every detail tomorrow when you tell me the full story, but I’m so happy for you, Mila <3

I laughed so hard at his words. I needed to tell my friends that it had finally happened, and it was Lauren, but that would have to wait until the next day. Yes, I would shamelessly kiss and tell.