#It sucks to promise things to your audience only to realize later you can't make it work

[anextraordinarymuse]

I'm just gonna go ahead and make a new post to respond to your points Katie (@jonesgirl88) so that we're not constantly reblogging and trying to load all of those gifs.

Jump to the DLO dance: there is a war going on in Oliver's head and the fact Eric can act that so we can see it? Brilliant. Chef's kiss. He's so torn and you can feel it and your heart breaks for both of them. He's holding her hand to his heart but Shane is also physically on his right side. Her chin is nearly resting on his right shoulder and he's pulled her close to his right side. What say you?

I noticed this too, of course. But first - Eric and Kristin deserve awards. All of the awards. They act beautifully, and they play off of each other so well - they're wonderful scene partners. Okay anyway. Yes, Shane is physically on his right side and has many points of contact along that side (like you said, her chin is nearly on his shoulder) but I pointed out their hands specifically because they are originally positioned away from their bodies. Shane and Oliver's physical closeness is a given in this moment because dancing is intimate. It requires that a lot of you be in contact with a lot of your partner. But originally Oliver and Shane's hands are extended away from them until Oliver pointedly draws them in and places Shane's hand over his heart. This movement is unnecessary in the context of ... well, anything. It's a purely instinctive and intimate move. He could have simply let go of her hand, or drawn it closer and then held it in some other position, but no: he pulls it right in against him. That's why I included it. I'm sure that it was included in the blocking and written in to the script because we're meant to notice it.

I could write for days about that DLO dance scene. THE. FREAKING. CHEMISTRY. I blush ridiculously easily (seriously it's A Problem and I hate it) and I would have been crimson that whole time if I were Kristin. The Tenderness. The Tension. The way his eyes dart back and forth right before he lets her go because he's so at war with himself: kiss her or let her go? O.Y.E.

They're standing in a line (because they're being given awards) but he's turning towards her and she's turning towards him. I just...I can't with these two.

This is totally A Thing©. Shane and Oliver both have a tendency to turn in toward each other like that - but especially Shane. It's an unconscious attempt to take refuge in Oliver and his strength, I think. She often does it in times when she's seeking comfort and closeness/affection. That moment where Shane is sleeping on Oliver's shoulder is one my favorite moments of it, but there's another one that's a small moment (that apparently was either filmed in a longer moment and cut, or aired as a longer moment/actual hug in one of the international versions).

Right before the scene fades into the next one we see Shane turn herself even more into Oliver's left side and tuck her head, as if she's going to bury her face in his shoulder. I wish we'd been gifted with more of this moment! Look at the way she tucks her arm into him and tips her head - she even kind of pushes her hip into his side. I just love this moment a lot.

1) Shane is shown to be freaking out when closed in the vault. Her fear seems to trigger at odd times? She's fine when she learned there's 13 hours of air; she's fine when she learns there's actually less than 5 hours of air; she's fine when she's bored and wants to play a game; but Katherine might be dead so she freaks out? I get it, she believes their fate to be tied together but then why wasn't she more fearful before they started reading the letters? It just doesn't make a lot of sense.

I think for a large part of this Shane was doing a good job of distracting herself and focusing on something else. But reading the letters made them both emotional: they connected with something poignant in those letters. They're reading about two people who fall in love despite their circumstances and share something beautiful even if it's only words - and then find out at the end that these two people may not have actually been able to be together. Not only does that mirror their situation, but all of a sudden it seems like they might never have the chance to be together either (to Shane) because, oh yeah, they're also in danger of not breathing anymore - and I think that just brought her fear to the surface. Also, it's a small moment, but Shane wasn't too thrilled about having to go into the vault at all. When she first sees it she hesitates and says "in there?" like she'd rather not go anywhere near it. I always took it as a small nod to the fact that Shane might not have a love of small spaces. We've never seen it mentioned again though, so who knows.

I know it's part of the story but he literally just wrote he's willing to give things with Holly another chance but then spends his time thinking of Shane when reading the letters.

Yes! And I have always taken this as another indication that, at this point, Oliver is saying what he feels he should have said long ago. He's making the effort he feels duty bound to make. I mean, I think part of him does want to put in the effort - but that part is his head. His rational mind, and probably his memories of Holly and his affection for her, and the importance he puts on his marriage vows. This is another reason why I truly don't think his heart is with Holly anymore, or in his marriage. AT NO POINT after he writes that letter and tucks it away does he think of Holly. He's reading powerful, moving love letters between two people and the only person he thinks about is Shane? And - we don't find this out until later, but still - the letter he does write to Holly isn't that romantic. He promises to try to see her dreams through her eyes, and says that he's willing to change, but there's nothing about how much he loves her or how her absence has affected his heart or his life. Maybe because Oliver didn't really believe when he was writing it that he was in danger? I don't know. But it's interesting.

That hand grab!! ... And then the way she looks at him as he sings along at the end when Rita wins?? I can't with this man. I can't with this woman.

Um, yes. Shane takes Oliver's hand and he just ... short circuits. It's hilarious. And they're so smitten with each other it's ridiculous.

And in that hospital scene, Oliver absolutely would have let anyone sleep on his shoulder like that. But it wasn't anyone: it was Shane, and it was Shane after all of the emotional intimacy they shared in The Treasure Box; and, once again, it was Shane turned into his side like Oliver offered to let her lay her head there, or she knew what she was doing when she did, because she's not facing forward in the chair with her head to one side like she just accidentally fell asleep and then her head sort of slid to one side. She's angled her body into his. Her feet are pointing toward him. Her hand is just under/next to his arm. How did they get to that moment? I NEED TO KNOW.

(I always understood Jordan to just be an angel. Definitely open to interpretation though.)

OLIVER IS THE ANSWER TO HER LETTER. His words, his faith, his person is the answer to Shane's childhood prayer she never forgot. He opens the wound but it's destined he's the one to help her heal.

Oliver is the embodiment of Shane's hope. Jordan couldn't answer her letter because it had to be Oliver, which he realized. And before he leaves the chapel he says to Oliver "take good care of that little letter writer." HE'S TALKING ABOUT SHANE. In the Impossible Dream, Shane tells Oliver that he's given her something she'll never forget: "a little hope for this world." Oliver. Is. Shane's. Hope. Oh my gosh! She's his heart, he's her hope. How tooth-rottingly, disgustingly sweet. I love it.

Extra point: Kristin can rock a leather skirt...like hot damn woman.

A) she always looks so good, but yes, this leather skirt and periwinkle/lavender top is one of my favorite looks on her, and B) I love her fashion and style and aspire to be that fashionable one day.

Holly and Oliver try to have a conversation with words and they fail.

This literally just occurred to me: Holly herself points out that she and Oliver suck at having actual conversations. Physically they click, so they obviously had a lot of chemistry, but they struggle to just talk to one another. Juxtapose that with Shane, who literally understands Oliver so well and on such a deep level that she not only understands him when no one else does, she can actively translate him. The reunion in HG instantly comes to mind here. She translates in real time for the audience what Oliver means ("And I might be the only person on Earth who understands what you just said!") But she also translates what he says for their waitress in OIAM ("Oh, he just means that people weren't having their booshes (or however you spell that) amused in the 20th century.")

In the Pilot and The Masterpiece, things get McSteamy so quickly but it never starts out that way ... He's trying for the sake of his marriage one last time but his head and heart aren't in it.

Exactly! The pull between him and Shane is magnetic. It's natural and impossible to ignore. This is why I maintain that even if Holly had changed her mind and asked to work on their relationship it never would have worked. Oliver was in love with Shane by this point even if he wouldn't say it or wasn't ready to acknowledge it (although Jordan played a part in making Oliver more aware of this truth. Hard to ignore when a freaking angel points out to you how important someone is to you.)

To Holly, kissing Oliver is akin to breaking promises to herself ... To Shane, kissing Oliver is akin to keeping promises.

Well, you just blew my mind. This is so true! Holly tells us that the only way she could see to live her dream was to stop kissing Oliver (insinuating that it was also to leave him behind); Shane's dream seems to just be ... Oliver. Sharing a life with him; delivering dead letters with him; loving him.

BRB, sobbing over this stupid show and these idiots in love.

I do think that Holly and Oliver parted amicably. I can't decide if I think that Holly asked about Shane, or if she made a comment about her (directly or indirectly). I kind of feel like Holly was more the type to make a comment than ask a question.

I am dying over the logistics of Oliver actually buying that porch swing. Well dressed Oliver scouring the aisles of Walmart at like midnight for the perfect porch swing while surrounded by a bunch of people in their pajamas and college kids on middle of the night snack runs because they're marathoning TV shows instead of studying? Hilarious. Headcanon accepted.

Back to the topic at hand...I do think some of the left/right stuff is purely ease of blocking

As do I. I'm definitely reading more into it than I'm meant to at some points, there's just SO MUCH of it and it's so fun to contemplate that I went for it.

THE HUG IN TRUTH BE TOLD.

hahahahahahaaa ... the way that Shane literally just drops everything and wraps her arms around him slays me. The stunned little pause where Oliver's arms are just up in the air for a second, as if he's somehow surprised at the force of her hug despite having watched her move toward him, and then he tentatively puts his arms on her back and then ... he holds her a little tighter. Ugh. UGH. I DIE.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT OLIVER IN FLANNEL WITH THE SLEEVES ROLLED UP??

Yes. A million times, yes. Oliver with his sleeves rolled up? Outstanding. Oliver in flannel? An absolute vision. Oliver in flannel with his sleeves rolled up? I C A N N O T.

There will be more. I need to make the gifs, but there's going to be a part 4. And probably 5. In fact, I think this is just going to become a series of Things I Need To Scream About™ with supporting gif evidence.

I'll try to break it up though, so there's just ShOliver stuff, just Shane stuff, and just Oliver stuff. And then all Postables stuff because they're the cutest little Postal family ever.

[revchainsaw]

Judge Dredd (1995)

I must confess that I have never read a single Judge Dredd comic book. I did own one issue of Batman vs Judge Dredd when I was a little kid, but I mostly just flipped through the panels and enjoyed the edgy art work. I can't speak to how faithful and adaptation that Judge Dredd is, but I think that may just be the best way to review a film. I may not have said this before on this blog, but I do not believe that being a faithful adaptation is the same thing as being a good movie, nor vice versa. I love the later adaptation, but this is a fascist super cop of a completely different breed. Let us see if Sylvester Stallone's crack at a 90s Super Hero flick will make a suitable sacrifice at the altar of the cult film God's.

The Message

1995's Judge Dredd is a Science Fiction Comic Book Adaptation starring Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider and it took me 3 attempt to finally get past the first few scenes before I could actually not feel like I was wasting my life watching it. The first thing a viewer will notice about this film is exactly how expensive everything looks. Oh God, how glorious and how massive these set pieces, costumes, and effects must have been, and I can't lie. I LOVED it. Unfortunately all that good will is lost when the plot tries to kick in. For all the force and action a title like Judge Dredd promises, it's story kicks in with a whimper and dialogue and lore that feels as if it was written by an angry 14 year old in his free time after he got detention for using a racial slur.

The film revolves around Judge Dredd, a super cop with a black and white perspective on the law so unrelenting that he has become a legend. He is seen in the early parts of the film teaching at a Judge Academy, single handedly ending anarchic riots, enforcing traffic citations. It makes you wonder exactly what the Judges council think they are doing, like they can't seem to figure out what to do with this guy.

It is revealed that Judge Dredd was a mutant experiment created by the fascist world leaders but the program only produced violent psychopaths (of which Dredd is one). The other Janus project reject is Rico, who builds awesome puppet robots who look like they belong in Return to Oz, and makes oopy goopy Judge Dredd brother babies. He also frames Judge Dredd for murder.

Once framed Judge Dredd's years of service buy him good graces with the totalitarian regime he works for and he is simply banished to the wastelands where he runs into Rob Schneider, and the movie just gets worse from there. The only saving grace here is more very expensive set pieces and crazy cyborg practical effect cannibal rednecks. It's so sad that this movie isn't more awesome. Judge Dredd does kick some ass though and his Daddy Boss shows up just to be immediately murdered.

Rob Schneider and Judge Dredd break back into Mega City One to defeat Rico, recruit Dredds coworker Hershey, and save the fascist dystopia they all live in from any significant social change. Hooray!!!!

The Benediction

Best Feature: Looks like 90 Million Bucks

The Movie is great to look at. The only gripe I have with anything in the costumes, effects, or set pieces is that the judges helmets in particular look like cheap plastic, but in the era of the Tim Burton Batman movies, this is actually not a huge kicker. It's honestly amazing that the movie was given this much to work with, a 90 Million dollar budget in 95 for a Superhero flick. If only it were enough to save the film. It honestly hurts it a little. We are supposed to believe that the world is lawless and dismal but the technology is so sleek and beautiful and the sets are emaculate when they aren't occasionally shooting out sparks. Honestly, it seems like a utopia with occasional riots. Nothing seems lived in but everything seems new.

Best Effect: ABC, That's How Easy Love Can Be

Ricos Robot, the ABC Warrior, was just eye candy, and it wasn't without competition. I also really loved the Goopy Janus Judges and the Egg Timer Cannibal Cyborg. If this movie leaned more into it's insanity it would probably have a better reputation. It's a shame that most people will skip this film on reputation alone. The plot is mind numbing, inconsistent, and dumb, but the effects like the ABC Warrior I could watch by themselves for hours. It's a cartoon, but damn if it's not a great looking cartoon.

Best Character: Officer Her-She (cuz she's a girl duh!)

In a movie that doesn't realize it's trying to get us to sympathize for a bunch of fascist totalitarians, or is trying hard to get us to ignore that fact, a villain like Rico is actually hard to hate. He has a line that says "you gave up your life to embrace the law, I gave up the law to embrace life". It really seems like I'm Team Rico here. But he didn't want freedom, he just wanted to be a different kind of monster. For that reason, I think Hershey is really the stand out character here. She's the only competent Judge, she makes reasonable decisions, and even though she seems to be Stallone's love interest, this movie does very little to diminish her to that role, or to exploit the actress. For a movie like this that is saying a lot. The only time this film doesn't suck is when Hershey is on screen or a cool practical effect is happening.

Best Kill: Tis But A Flesh Wound

I wish someone would have killed Rob Schneider, but unfortunately that didn't happen. There is a pretty cool kill where the ABC Warrior picks apart a corrupt Judge like a troubled kid does to a random bug. I guess since that had some blood and stuff we'll call it even.

Best Set Piece: Jailhouse Rocks

There are many vast and impressive sets throughout this film, but the one that really stuck out to me was Rico's cell. The wall mounted turrets getting featured instead of just being static objects stuck to the wall was one of those extra little steps that makes all the difference.

Worst Character: Rob Schneider is a Stapler? a Carrot? Annoying.

I didn't even learn Rob Schneider's characters name. But he's obnoxious. I learned that while filming Demolition Man, Stallone met Schneider and insisted he be in this film. It wouldn't have been all that bad had he done his piece and been left behind, but he clings to Dredd for most of the film. It's especially unbearable because several more likeable characters come back onto the scene to help Dredd but they are either killed or written away so that we can get more of Rob.

Worst Feature: It's a Dumb Movie for Kids

Judge Dredd is a case study in why we don't get cool effects heavy films anymore. Looking at Judge Dredd makes the Marvel Films look like cheap dookie. What I wouldn't give for some of these kinds of effects in an Iron Man or a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Hopefully we will get some kind of compromise. But the writers, producers, and studio were not willing to take the property seriously enough to do their high budget justice. The plot of Judge Dredd is so stupid and the themes are so mismanaged that of course this movie is remembered as a piece of shit. It's reasons like this that no one will take chances on a big budget practical effects film anymore.

Summary

Judge Dredd is confused. There are ways that writers can make an audience root for a hero like Dredd even though he is absolutely representative of oppression, the way to do that is not to preach about how great the law is and how bad the poor people who are suffering under the boots of the judges are. You can't make the bad guys motive that he values freedom and individuality. Judge Dredd looks great, has backwards ass messaging, a very stupid script, and keeps insisting things via exposition rather than showing us in it's world building. It is a frustratingly difficult movie to buy into, but it's good qualities buy it enough good will to keep it out of the dumpster fire.

Overall Grade: D