#It just occurred to me that I yearn so deeply for the tiniest little courtesies and considerations
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#I mean after being forced my entire life to cry silently and make no sound and leave no trace of feeling#The first time I cry in front of someone and sound actually comes out and I start screaming#That was the last straw for them#What do you think that did to me#It just occurred to me that I yearn so deeply for the tiniest little courtesies and considerations#Crying for the first time since that night I am scared to go into the kitchen and my parents see ive been crying and yell at and belittle m#I thought like 'i should make something easy like a frozen pizza when I can'#And I thought about how maybe I should text or ask one of my parents or sibling to preheat the oven#But I know they would just say 'no' or 'do it yourself' or 'if you can use your phone you can get your lazy ass up and turn on the oven'#or 'I'm not your slave' or 'do you know how hard I've been working recently you can do one thing for yourself'#Like. Is it pathetic to feel like.#In a safe house where I am loved and cared for. Someone would be willing to preheat the oven for me.#Why does asking the tiniest thing demote me from almost tolerable to burden status#I'm going to be a monstrous roommate never asking for anything or I'm going to ask for everything and be too much#God damn
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