#It is 6AM and I am uncaffeinated but i am thinking of Them

[lungache]

The Guardian novel and the drama are VERY different but one thing I think they nail is how Shen Wei is, at his core, defined by his longing. This man has LONGED.

Longed to be free from what he was, to forge himself into something new. Longed for Kunlun, only to lose him. For his god's regard, his touch, his love, his LIFE. Longed for time with Shen San. Longed to be near to every reincarnation. Longed for personhood and connection. Longed to be something Kunlun might be proud of.

Longed for his brother, his didi, who was lost to him. Longed for meaningful connection with the people around him, but only found fear and detached respect. Longed for peace. Longed for Kunlun. Longed for reprieve from his crushing duty.

Every Shen Wei longed for Zhao Yunlan. Longed to never leave his side, to hold on and never let go. Longed to be honest with him. Longed to be remembered. Longed for the love and life Yunlan wanted to give him. Longed to spend the rest of time with him.

(But, in the end, he knew it was not meant to be. That he would never have what he truly wanted. So, he longed for peace and reprieve in death, foolishly thinking he was safe in the knowledge that his love would live on without him.)