#It feels wrong calling it an angst fic because it’s meant to be abt my struggles with mental health but idk how else to describe it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nyxlaufeyson · 1 year ago

Text

Slut!

Loki Oneshot Masterlist - Main Masterlist

POV: Second

Ship: Loki x Reader

Type: Fluff + Angst

Wordcount: 7,082

Song: Slut (Taylor's Version) [From the Vault] by Taylor Swift Listen Here

TW: There is a lot of insecurity kinda going on with the reader, and also some alcohol usage that probably isn't healthy but it's not that bad.

Synopsis: You see Loki at a pool party and can't get him out of your head. More meetings happen. Insecurity happens. And then, finally, confessions happen!

A/N: Okay so I don't know why there are way too many parties in this fic but idc because it works out for what I was going for. Enjoy this, and sorry for not being as active life really is crazy and it's abt to be tech week. My theatre people, you get me.

Also, the reader turned out to be more fem this time, sorry, it just worked out that way. Not too many mentions of gender though.

Flamingo pink, Sunrise Boulevard

The first time you saw him in-person was at a pool party you and your dad had been invited to. You were the child of a prominent businessman who had several connections with other rich businessmen. Which, given the nature of these men, meant that you had to attend a lot of parties.

It wasn’t the type of party you were used to attending, because it usually consisted of a bunch of people drinking, crappy music, and people dancing right up on each other. This party was toned back, with the guest list significantly reduced. This was due to the fact that the party was a celebration for a business deal between your father and the billionaire Tony Stark.

Since it was a more private affair, you felt like there was a lot more attention on you. The Avengers were there, which still put you to awe, even if you had seen them at several parties. This time, however, some of them actually came up to talk to you.

You froze up as The Black Widow approached you, unsure of what to do or say. “Cute swimsuit.”

She just complimented you. The Black Widow just complimented you. How were you supposed to process that?!

“Uhm- thank you!” You said, looking down at your flamingo-pink swimsuit. It was flattering on you, but it made you feel exposed. Unfortunately, you didn’t have time to get a new swimsuit before the party, and it was the only one that still fit you. “Do you really think so?”

She nodded, sitting down in a lounge next to you. “Of course.” She offered you a drink, and her smile felt refreshing.

You took the drink, thanking her. You made introductions, and began to talk.

“What’s it like being an Avenger?” You asked, and then immediately felt repulsed that you would ask her a question she probably had to answer hundreds of times. “Sorry-I’m sure everyone asks you that-”

She waved her free hand. “Don’t worry about it, it’s okay to be curious.” She paused to take a sip of her drink. “Honestly? It’s hard sometimes, with everyone always on your back. Everyone expects you to be perfect.”

I nodded. “I get the feeling. Not that I have that level of pressure, of course, but I still feel like I’m supposed to be perfect all the time. This one time, when I was eight, I stole a chocolate egg. I knew it was wrong, and my dad caught me and made me return it, but the media was on me for weeks. ‘Eight-year-old criminal executes heist despite being rich.’ I don’t get it. I was eight, and made a mistake. Shit happens, you know?”

She agreed with you, and you continued conversing. You got to learn some interesting things about her, and she learned some things about you. You were sure that yours were boring in comparison, but she didn’t make you feel inferior.

As you were talking, more people arrived and the sun began to set. You turned towards it, gasping. “Holy shit, look at that!” The sky was a beautiful mix of oranges, pinks, and purples. It definitely was one of the best sunsets you had seen.

“It’s beautiful,” Natasha said, “There’s a reason they call this Sunrise Boulevard. There’s an excellent view for a sunrise or a sunset.”

Clink, clink, being this young is art

You smiled, admiring the sky before the sun would inevitably disappear. Natasha raised her glass towards yours, and you clinked them together. “To sunrises,” she said, “and new friends.”

New friends. You couldn’t help but grin a little wider.

Aquamarine, moonlit swimmin' pool

Suddenly a man with a microphone-Tony Stark-amped up the music and yelled, “Alright ladies and gentlemen, let's get this party started!”

With that, several people whooped and hollered, and a man with long blonde hair hopped up and ran into the now-moonlit swimming pool. “CANNONBALL!” He screamed before jumping in, and making a splash that couldn’t have been made by a human. When he came up from the jump, you recognized him as Thor.

Natasha chuckled, and then stood up. She held her hand out to you, and she helped you up. “Have you gotten the chance to meet the others yet?”

You shook your head. “No, I haven’t. I’ve met Stark briefly, but it was more of a formal, business introduction.”

She smiled at you, dragging you in the direction of a small cluster of people. “Well then, let’s introduce you.”

Your eyes went wide, and you tried to pull back. “Uh, I’m actually going to go use the bathroom. I’ll be back!” You said, turning to leave. It was one thing when someone cooler than you comes up to you and makes introductions, but going up to them and introducing yourself? That was something you couldn’t do.

Unfortunately, Natasha caught your bluff, and pulled you back towards her. “I can see right through you. Don’t worry, it will be fine, they’re not going to judge you.”

“But you guys are the Avengers. You’re literally superheroes! I look like a loser next to all of you.” You didn’t know where all of this was coming from, but you felt comfortable enough in Natasha’s presence to voice your feelings.

She sighed, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Trust me, it is all in your head. Don’t let the anxiety get to you.” She managed to steer you back towards the group. “Plus, you have me here to introduce you.”

Although your anxiety was still there, you let her pull you up and introduce you to several of her teammates. You recognized several of them from clips you had seen of them on TV, and you were most certainly overwhelmed when they started to shake your hand.

You had been introduced to a number of the Avengers, when a wet Thor walked up to the group, not noticing you at first. “Has anyone seen my brother?”

Tony shook his head. “He’s probably moping inside the lounge and plotting ways to kill us all, or whatever he does in his spare time.”

Thor nodded, picking up some grapes from a nearby table, and when he came back, he spotted you. He stretched out a hand, and you shook it. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Thor Odinson.”

You introduced yourself to him, and you talked for a short while until you sensed the air tense around you. The faces of your new acquaintances had gotten stiff, except for a few people who seemed not to care. Still, even they shifted their gaze behind you.

What if all I need is you?

You spun around, confused, and saw a gorgeous black-haired man make his way outside. You vaguely recognized him, but you couldn’t pinpoint where from. He was wearing swim trunks and a tight shirt that left little to the imagination.

Natasha mistook your staring silence for fear, and started to assure you. “Don’t worry, he can’t hurt you here. He’s got limited magic, and has supposedly ‘changed.’ If anything were to go wrong, we are all here to protect you as well.”

You nodded, not registering her words as the man met your gaze. He had the most hypnotizing green eyes, and after you realized that you were blatantly staring, you turned away. “Uh-yeah, yeah.”

Got love-struck, went straight to my head

You chastised yourself for being so starstruck from the simple sight of a man. Sure, he was beautiful, but you hadn’t even had a conversation with him.

It took you a few seconds to sort out your mind and absorb the words that Natasha had said to you. It clicked in your brain who the man was. It was Loki, Thor’s brother, the man who attacked New York.

Of course, this all came to you as you had taken a gulp of champagne to recalibrate. So, you did the most flattering thing you could think of, and choked on your drink.

You managed to pass it off as your drink going down the wrong way, excusing yourself to go get some water. This might have been the most eventful party you had attended thus far.

~~~~~

Got lovesick all over my bed

The next day, you sat in your bed, questioning your entire life. After you had gotten back to the party, Loki had been gone. You didn’t know where he had gone, and you didn’t know why you were disappointed.

Despite the fact that you hadn’t talked to him, or seen him for more than a few minutes, you couldn’t get his green eyes out of your head. Whenever you closed your eyes, you saw them, and whenever you saw them, you felt giddy.

Love to think you’ll never forget

You wondered what he had thought of you, that moment when you had locked eyes. Did he think you were pretty? Or did you disgust him? You rolled your eyes, pressing your head into your pillow. You could lie to yourself, but you knew that he most likely forgot all about you.

You didn’t understand your feelings. You had never felt this way with anyone before, not even your ex. You groaned as your mind brought him up. A few months ago, you had broken up with your ex-boyfriend after a two-year relationship.

Memories of you and your ex flashed through your mind, and now you missed the green eyes that you had recently tried to get out of your mind.

Handprints in wet cement

There was this one time you and your ex had come across a pavement that had just been filled with wet cement. You instantly had remembered a cute couple's photo you had seen, and made him put his hand next to yours in the wet cement.

If you could go back, you wouldn’t have done that. Now you had to face the fact that your handprint was out there somewhere next to his until the pavement got redone.

You got up and made your way through the house, grabbing your bag and headphones. Whenever something was plaguing your thoughts, you would venture outside and listen to music.

This time, after taking the subway, you found yourself in the heart of New York City. Your dad was always too busy with work to know or care when you went out, so you enjoyed taking advantage of that.

Even though most people would see this as freedom, you never truly felt free. Sure, you could go wherever and buy whatever you wanted, but you felt restricted when it came to doing things. Anything you did would be questioned by everyone if it got public-and the media was everywhere.

Adorned with smoke on my clothes

You coughed as a particularly potent wave of cigarette smoke hit you. There were several times when you would go home with your clothes smelling of smoke just from being out in the city.

When the sun began to set, you made your way back to the subway. You boarded and found a seat next to a man with a vibrant green shirt. The exact shade of green of Loki’s eyes.

This, along with the music and strolling you had done through the city, took your mind off of your ex and back to the mysterious man who you had seemingly become obsessed with.

Why he was plaguing your thoughts, you didn’t quite know. Especially when you hadn’t even talked to him.

Lovelorn and nobody knows

You wanted to talk to someone about it, but you didn’t have anyone you could trust with this sort of information. You had friends, sure, but you didn’t want to have to explain this feeling to them. You didn’t think that they would understand. And that was before mentioning that the man in question had tried to take over the world.

Love thorns all over this rose

On one hand, it was nice to feel like a giddy teenager again. Love-not that you would call this that-had a way of making you feel all fuzzy and warm inside. But on the other hand, you were completely perplexed and confused as you tried to understand your feelings.

It was all stupid, really. You hated that you kept thinking about this man despite not having a conversation. It was unsettling how you couldn’t control your own thoughts and feelings.

You wrote it off as you missing the feeling of being in a relationship. That, and Loki was hot. So it was fair enough that you felt attracted to him, no matter how weird and silly it might be.

I'll pay the price, you won't

~~~~~

Another month, another party. However, you couldn’t help but find yourself more excited than you would have been before the pool party on Sunrise Boulevard. For starters, you had more acquaintances at the party. Friends, even. Natasha had kept in touch with you via text, and you even went out for coffee a week or so ago.

There was another reason too, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. You ignored it. The weird flutter in your stomach that happened when you thought about running into Loki at the party was nothing short of a childish reaction to seeing a pretty boy.

But if I’m all dressed up

You were wearing a long-sleeved black dress that stopped a little above your knees. It was beautiful, filled with rhinestones. You paired it with some jewelry and a matching clutch.

They might as well be lookin' at us

It was a little more flashy than you would usually wear to one of these parties, but you couldn’t help it. Someone caught your eye, and now you wanted to catch theirs.

And if they call me a slut

You were slightly worried, since the dress’ front was a little lower than the cut you typically wore. Now, a normal person in a normal life might get away with nobody noticing. Unfortunately, that would most likely not be the case.

Would the press notice? Probably. Would they spin articles speculating why you were being ‘sluttish’? Likely.

You know it might be worth it for once

But maybe they wouldn’t. And even if they did, who cared? They did it all the time. If wearing this dress would heighten the possibility of catching a certain someone’s eye, you would take your chances.

“Ready, sweetheart?” Your dad called from downstairs. You made your way down the stairs, grabbing a light coat just in case you got cold. He smiled when he saw you. “You look pretty.”

You returned his smile. “Thanks, Dad.” You made your way out the doors and into the car that would lead you to the heart of New York City, and towards the Avengers Tower.

When you arrived, you had to make your way up an elevator and through a lot of security before getting to the place where the party was being held. As soon as you got in, your dad was off to go talk to some of his business friends, leaving you on your own.

You sighed and walked over to the bar, ordering a drink. The great thing about Stark’s parties was that he provided an entire bar so people could order their own drinks.

The barista handed you your drink, and you thanked them. The taste was exactly what you wanted.

A hand on your shoulder startled you, so you whipped around to see who was touching you. To your surprise, and relief, it was Natasha. “Natasha! You startled me.”

“We need to work on your spacial awareness then, hun.” She ordered a drink and took a seat next to me. “How’s life been since I last saw you?”

You took another sip of your drink, considering her question. “It’s been fine, rather uneventful. Which is a good thing, it means that there isn’t anything incredibly bad happening.” You paused, pondering whether or not to tell her more. You decided to very briefly graze a more emotional response. “However, I've been struggling with some feelings that I don’t quite understand.”

She looked at you, intrigued. She was about to say something, probably to prod for more information, when Thor and Steve walked up. They seemed to remember you, saying their greetings.

“We’re going to play a round of poker, you want in?” Steve asked Natasha, who nodded, taking a final swig of her drink before finishing it. Steve then looked towards you. “How about you?”

Captain America had just asked you if you wanted to play poker with him and the Avengers. Normal day, normal day indeed.

You took a sip of liquid courage. “Sure. I’m going to get another drink, I’ll meet you guys over there.”

They nodded and walked off towards a table where people were gathering to play. Your eyes scanned over who was there. Other than Thor, Natasha, and Steve, you recognized several faces that you had met that day at the pool party, including him .

And if I'm gonna be drunk

You turned back towards the bar, ordering another drink, this time something stronger. If you were going to make it through this game, you were going to need a lot more alcohol.

I might as well be drunk in love

But hey, maybe being slightly drunk would help you make a move.

You found yourself a seat in between Natasha and Wanda, right across from Thor. And Loki. Bruce shuffled and dished out the cards, as he preferred to be the person outside of all the action.

You began to introduce yourself to those who you hadn’t met, including Loki. He scrunched his eyebrows when you introduced yourself, but he promptly shook it off and responded. “Loki,” he said, “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Well, it was a start. You flashed him a smile and took up your cards that Bruce had passed you. You were no expert at Poker, but you knew how to play and were decent.

The game went on, and you could quickly tell who had good poker faces and who didn’t. Natasha, for example, gave no indication as to what her cards were. As would be expected for a spy. On the other hand, Sam was easier to read because he smiled too damn much whenever he got a good card.

But Loki? You couldn’t quite tell. He wasn’t entirely blank as Natasha, but gave subtle indications to his cards. Something told you that he did this on purpose, though, and wasn’t actually giving hints towards the truth.

Apparently he noticed you staring at him, and he caught your eye. You blushed, immediately looking back down at your cards. Way to go, me, you thought, wanting the floor to come and swallow you up.

After that, the rounds passed by rather quickly, since you were so focused on what Loki might have thought when he caught you staring. Eventually everyone called it quits on the game, Natasha won, and instead circled over to a sitting area. People were beginning to clear out from the party, since it was getting late. Your dad was chatting away with some of his friends, so you took up an empty spot next to Loki.

You had drunk several more drinks, so your common sense wasn’t really working for you. Loki gave you a weird look when you sat down, but you ignored it.

Thor called your name, so you turned your head towards his. “I believe I heard you mention that you like to read, no?”

Your eyes widened in delight, nodding. “Yes! I do. In fact, just earlier today I purchased a few more novels from a bookstore.”

Thor smiled. “Loki enjoys reading as well. He always seems to have his nose in a book.” Loki glared daggers at him, and was about to say something, when you interrupted.

“Oh, really!?” You turned towards Loki, the topic of conversation overriding your nerves. “What is your favorite book?”

Loki faltered, closing his mouth. He pondered the question for a moment before answering. “That’s a difficult question,” he said, “but I suppose if I had to choose I would go with Hamlet. What about you?”

Your smile widened. “Hamlet, an interesting choice indeed. I can totally see you as a Shakespeare guy, though.” Dear god, did I just say that? “And I can’t actually choose a favorite book, there’s just too many, where to start? Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, my childhood favorites, or more classical books like A Study in Scarlet or Pride and Prejudice? ”

You began to ramble on and on about some of your best reads, and you didn’t realize until it was too late that he probably didn’t want to hear about literally everything you’ve read. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“No, please, go on, I don’t mind at all. I understand being passionate about reading.” Loki said, causing you to blush.

The two of you continued your conversation, while Thor smiled into his drink across from the two of you.

That night was a success. You made it out of the party with not only having had a conversation with Loki, but also with his number. You had never been so proud of yourself for being a nerd.

~~~~~

Fast forward a few months, and you and him had practically become best friends. You hung out all the time, and texted each other whenever you couldn’t be together. You had never been this happy in your life.

Unfortunately, that was all you were, friends. There was flirting, sure, from both ends, but neither of you took the step to initiate something. You were sure there was something there, but you were afraid it was one-sided. So you made peace with just being his friend, as it was enough for the time being.

On one particularly bad day, there had been a nasty article written about you. The press had caught on to your friendship with the god of mischief, and they were ecstatic that they could spin some atrocious stories on it. You were called a slut, a whore, all for being seen with someone of the opposite sex. They used photos of the two of you holding hands, even though it had only been a friendly gesture.

Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been for who you were with. The press wasn’t exactly fond of Loki, given his reputation.

Send the code, he's waitin' there

You shot Loki a text reading ‘Fairytale.’ It was the code word for whenever one of you was feeling stressed or overwhelmed, and you needed the other to come and help you escape from whatever situation you were in.

Making your way towards the Avengers tower, you couldn’t help but let a few tears escape. You tried never to let the media get to you, but the article hurt. It wasn’t just the fact that they were spinning nasty rumors and words about you, it was the fact that you wanted some of them to be true. Not the ones calling you names, but you wish that there was, in fact, something going on between you and Loki.

When you got to the tower, you made your way to the elevator. Security didn’t stop you, since they already knew who you were. You had been to visit frequently enough to where they knew you by name and greeted you. They probably could even tell that something was off, since you only briefly greeted them. On most days, you would stop and ask some of them how their day had been going. But, you didn’t have time for that today.

Once you reached the floor of the Avenger’s common areas, also where Loki’s room was, Loki was standing there, waiting for you.

The sticks and stones they throw froze mid-air

As soon as you saw him, everything somehow became a little bit better. You rushed into his arms, and he hugged you.

Everyone wants him, that was my crime

Some of the stories had only talked shit about you, and not Loki. Forums online called you names, while praising Loki. You weren’t ignorant to the fact that despite everything he had done, Loki still had loads of fans that would defend him and get jealous of anyone who actually got close to him. That was how fangirls and fanboys worked. Also, people were just misogynists and loved to put the blame on women.

The wrong place at the right time

Maybe you weren’t supposed to be here. Maybe some of the articles were right, you were in the wrong place by being here in Loki’s arms. But damn the articles, because you felt safe here.

And I break down, then he's pullin' me in

He brought you through the halls and into his room, where you both sat down on his bed. “What happened?” He asked.

Had he really not seen the articles? You opened your mouth to talk, but your emotions got the best of you and you started to break down.

Loki pulled you into his lap, resting your head under his chin. “Hey, hey, shhh.” He coaxed, petting your hair with his hand. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

See? How was there not something there? Were you going crazy?

In a world of boys, he's a gentleman

He continued to coax you, and eventually you fell asleep in his arms.

~~~~~

The next morning, you woke up with arms around your waist. This wasn’t new, you had slept-in the literal sense-with Loki on several occasions whenever one of you needed emotional support. It did hurt that it was always as friends, but it was better than nothing, and you would take what you could get.

Loki rustled beside you, and you turned to face him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, and you instinctively reached out to brush a loose strand of hair behind his ear. His eyes opened at your touch, and your face went red.

“Sorry, I-” He hushed you, smiling at how your face was heating up because he caught you.

“Don’t apologize, there’s nothing to apologize for.” He took your hand, and finished tucking his hair behind his ear with your hand .

You cleared your throat, slipping out of bed. You noted that he had magicked you into some pajamas sometime after you had fallen asleep.

He slowly sat up, his hair falling loose once more. “I’m going to get into the shower.” He said, and you nodded.

“I’ll go out and see if anyone’s making breakfast I can steal.” You said, and he chuckled.

The Avengers were used to your presence at this point, and you were friends with them. You were even invited to their movie nights and poker nights, events that were exclusive to just the team and occasionally their friends, such as you.

They were relatively surprised that you and Loki had become such good friends, but nobody really said anything about it. You got a few warnings to be careful, but for the most part, they trusted your judgment.

Thor was especially happy that Loki had made such a good friend. He would always tell you how much he appreciated you being there for Loki. He must not have quite understood just how much Loki was there for you as well.

Scents of eggs and bacon wafted into your nose, and you grinned when you found Clint in the kitchen. He saw you, smiling. “Hey there, Brownies.” He said, offering you some breakfast.

Clint, along with some of the other members of the team, had begun to call you ‘Brownies’ after you got into a stash of edibles that some of them kept for whenever they were particularly stressed. Of course, you had thought that they were normal brownies and ate several of them. You had ended up throwing up multiple times that night.

You scarfed down the food, and Natasha walked in and sat next to you. When Clint left to go for a morning walk, she turned to you with a raised eyebrow. “So?”

You looked at her, confused. You had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. “So what?”

She rolled her eyes. “Did you and Loki finally confess to each other?” She said, without batting an eye.

You choked on your orange juice. “What?!” You hadn’t told a single soul about your crush on Loki, but it wasn’t too hard to figure out. Honestly, it didn’t surprise you that she knew about it, but it did surprise you that she would ask you so passively like it was idle talk.

“Don’t look at me like that.” She took a bite of her food before continuing. “Literally everyone knows that you and Loki are pining for each other. It’s blatantly obvious, Sestryonka. Maybe you two won’t admit it to yourselves, but ask anyone else in the tower.”

At that moment, Sam walked in to grab a few pieces of bacon. “Hey Sam?” You started, and he looked towards you. “Do you think that Loki likes me?”

Sam raised his eyebrow. “Aren’t you two dating?” Once again, you choked on your orange juice. “I’ll take that as a no. But yeah, he likes you.”

“Did he tell you this?” You inquired. How were other people so sure?

Sam shook his head. “No, but it’s obvious.” He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. “Gotta go meet with an old friend, see you around.”

Natasha gave you an I-told-you-so look, and you just sat there, stunned. “I think I need to go home. I forgot that I told my dad I would go with him to some business meeting.” You lied, and Natasha most definitely saw through it, but she didn’t say anything. “Tell Loki whenever he gets out of the shower.”

She nodded, and you left to go back to your house.

Got love-struck, went straight to my head (Straight to my head)

Could Natasha and Sam be right? Could Loki really recuperate your feelings? It wasn’t entirely impossible, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up.

All the times that you thought he had been playfully flirting with you, what if it had been real? The moments flashed through your mind, and suddenly the line that separated you and Loki as friends became a little more blurry.

Got lovesick all over my bed (Over my bed)

When you made it home and to your room, you fell into your bed, emotions overflowing. You didn’t know what to do.

Love to think you’ll never forget

You had to just be a friend to Loki. He would live thousands of years after you died, your life could never compare to his. He would move on with his life, and forget about you. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

We’ll pay the price, I guess

~~~~~

It had been a solid month of you ignoring Loki. Your thoughts had spurred you into insecurity, and you figured that it was best that you disconnected yourself from Loki. He would be fine, he would move on, but you wanted to spare yourself the hurt for when that did happen.

Turns out, ignoring him wasn’t easy. First of all, he called you daily and messaged you several times a day for the first week. You couldn’t keep yourself from reading the messages.

Lokes ♥️: Natasha told me you had to go to some event. Have fun 🙃 Lokes ♥️: Are you okay? You didn’t respond to my last message. Lokes ♥️: If you need anything, please let me know. Lokes ♥️: You’re worrying me. Lokes ♥️: Darling, have I done something wrong? I know you're online, you sent Thor a funny dog video, he just showed it to me and said you sent it. Please tell me if I’ve done something that displeases you.

You were surprised you were able to make it a month without breaking your resolve and writing him back. You didn’t want him to feel that he did anything wrong, but you couldn’t risk your heart being shattered any further.

Unfortunately, your dad was making you go to another party. And, lucky you, it was at the Avengers tower. Just how many parties did Tony Stark have to host?

You walked into the party, confident that you had enough willpower to keep away from Loki and make it through the party unscathed.

Knowing you would need some alcohol, you made your way to the bar. Natasha was there shortly after. “We haven’t seen you around in a while.”

You hadn’t visited the tower since your decision to ghost Loki. While you normally would hang out with the others, you knew you couldn’t risk the chance of bumping into Loki.

“Yeah, I’ve been… busy.” You knew Natasha wasn’t stupid enough to buy your lie.

She took a sip of her drink. “Well, we’ve missed you. And for the record, I think you’ve been going about this the wrong way. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Loki right now, but it doesn’t seem that Loki wants this. He’s not been the same since you stopped talking to him, he’s always moping around even more than usual.”

Your heart squeezed. “Still? It’s been a month. Surely he’s got some other friend, girlfriend even-”

Natasha cut you off with a laugh. “You are blissfully ignorant, aren’t you, Mishka?” You were about to excuse yourself to use the bathroom, because you needed to get out of here. “He has literally come to me every day asking if you have texted me. Hell, I didn’t ever think that I would feel bad for the little bastard, but seeing him like that nearly did.”

You locked eyes with Loki, who was across the room. As soon as you did that, you could feel your walls of built resolve crumbling down just with the look in his eyes.

You could hear Natasha still talking next to you, but it was drowned out. You quickly made your way opposite from him, trying to find an exit before you broke down.

A hand pulled you around to face him . The one you had been avoiding. Your breath caught. He looked tired and sad, with eye bags under his eyes. Had you being away from him done this?

But if I'm all dressed up (If I’m all dressed up)

The dress you were wearing was the same black dress from the night you had finally introduced yourself to him. In fact, you weren’t far off from where you had talked about your favorite books.

Loki breathed your name, and looked at you like you were a fleeting memory about to disappear.

They might as well be lookin' at us (Lookin' at us)

Suddenly, you couldn’t care if the entire world was watching as you glanced down to his lips. You took a step towards him. “Loki.”

“Where have you been?” He sounded heartbroken. “I’ve called you, texted you, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid up at night-”

You silenced him by pulling down the collar of his shirt and kissing him. Was it the most logical thing to do? No. But maybe it would answer some of his questions.

“I’m sorry.” You said when you finally pulled away. You waited for him to say something, anything, but he pulled you in for another kiss. Maybe that was better than words.

And if they call me a slut (If they call me a slut)

Consequences be damned, you were going to enjoy this kiss while it lasted. You could deal with the press later.

You know it might be worth it for once (Worth it for once)

You knew that it would be worth it anyways, since Loki’s lips against yours felt like pure nirvana. It was the best feeling you had ever experienced in your life.

Eventually, you both needed to breathe, so you pulled apart. After catching your breath, you gestured to the bar. “Let’s get a drink.”

And if I'm gonna be drunk

You had a lot to explain, and you were going to need a shot or two to get it all out. You already felt less nervous than you did originally, considering the kiss.

I might as well be drunk in love

After taking a shot, you turned to him. “Loki Laufeyson, from the day that I met you, I’ve felt this inexplicable feeling. I didn’t know what it was at first, but I knew that I needed to get to know you better.” You took a deep breath. “And once I realized what it was, I got scared. When the possibility of something happening got too real, I got insecure. That’s why I didn’t contact you. I thought it would be better for both of us.”

He stared at you for a long moment, and you felt a tear drip down your cheek. He reached out to catch it with his finger. “Oh, love.”

He kissed you, this time in comfort. “I’m just glad you’re back.”

Slow clapping filled your ears as you leaned your forehead against Loki’s. You whipped around to find Natasha with a smirk on her face. It wasn’t just Natasha, it seemed that the majority of the Avengers were now staring at you. Nobody looked shocked.

Thor wore a huge shit-eating grin and walked up to Loki, clapping him on the back. “See, Brother, I told you it would all work out!”

Loki huffed and rolled his eyes. “No thanks to you and your advice.”

You tilted your head, confused. “Advice?” You turned to Thor. “Thor, what is he talking about?”

Thor’s smile didn’t falter. “Well, my lady, my brother here inquired for advice on how to woo maidens. Since I am well-rounded on the subject, I gave him my best advice.”

Loki’s usually pale face had now turned red, and you could feel your cheeks getting hot as well. “Did he really?” You said, teasing Loki.

“I was desperate. Next time, however, I will most definitely be more straightforward.” He kissed you on the forehead. “We wouldn’t want you running off again, now, would we?”

~~~~~

Half asleep, takin’ your time

Loki pulled you closer to him in a half-asleep state. You squinted at the alarm clock, reading the time. It was 10 in the morning. Last night, you had told your dad that you were going to spend the night with Natasha.

“Loki.” You whispered, shaking him gently awake. He groaned, tightening his hold on you. “Loki, we should get up.”

In the tangerine, neon light, this is luxury

The sun cast a tangerine-colored neon light into the room, and it highlighted his features beautifully. You couldn’t think of anywhere else in the world you wanted to be other than right here in his arms. It was a pure luxury that you would cherish forever.

“Can’t we just stay here?” He whined, and you were tempted to agree and fall back asleep against his chest. But you knew that you had things that needed to get done that day.

You traced lines across his chest, slowly. “Nope, we gotta get up. Come on.” You pulled the blankets off of him, and he grumbled but sat up.

He looked like he was about to complain some more, but he stopped himself when he saw you. “You’re beautiful.” He breathed, like he was seeing something magical.

“Yeah, okay, silvertongue.” You got out of bed, and scavenged through his closet to find some of his clothes to steal.

He came up behind you, kissing your neck. “I mean it, darling.” You blushed. How were you ever going to get used to this?

You're not sayin' you're in love with me

He hummed on your shoulder, hugging you. Neither of you had blatantly stated your undying love for each other, but it was heavily implied. Every action either of you took was filled with passionate love for the other.

But you're going to

And it was okay if you didn’t acknowledge your love quite yet. Taking things slow never hurt anyone. It was okay. It would happen. Eventually. Right?

You wanted to say it, to say those words: ‘I love you,’ but you were too afraid that you would be taking things too fast and scare Loki off.

Half awake, takin' your chances

“Darling?” He said, and you tilted your head up as you grabbed one of his sweatshirts. “I love you.”

Had he been reading your mind? You froze, unsure of what to say or do. He seemed to have only been half-awake, but when he said those words, he fully woke up.

“I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t think-” You shut him up with a kiss.

You smiled into the kiss. “I love you too, you big idiot.” He relaxed at this and helped you put his sweatshirt on.

It's a big mistake, I said, "It might blow up in your pretty face"

“Although, loving me might blow up in your pretty face.” You said, rustling your hands in his raven locks.

He leaned into you. “If I’m with you, nothing else matters.” He grabbed some clothes for himself. “And I’m flattered you think my face is pretty.”

I'm not saying, "Do it anyway" (Do it anyway)

You knew then and there that he wouldn’t care about the fallback from a relationship with you, no matter how bad it might be. Loki’s never been one for caring about his public opinion, anyway.

“Are you sure?” You tried, still slightly insecure about the entire thing. “Won’t you get bored?”

But you're going to

He laughed. “Darling, with you, I could never get bored. You’ve shown me so many things about this world that I never would have thought possible. You’ve helped me through my emotions, and didn’t run away when it was ugly. You didn't go away when I attempted to shut you out.”

He pulled you into his embrace. “You’re everything I didn’t know I needed all balled up into one soul that I finally have found. I wouldn’t be able to get bored of you even if I tried.”

You felt hot tears stream down your cheeks. Never had fate been this good to you, and you finally felt like you belonged somewhere without a doubt. You belonged here, in Loki’s arms.

And if they call me a (Slut) You know it might be worth it for once And if I'm gonna be (Drunk) I might as well be drunk in love

Tag List (Comment or inbox me to be added/removed; along with what to be tagged for): @michief-dream @iceeericeee @fandxmslxt69

Hope you enjoyed! Comments and notes are always appreciated. I hope I didn't add to many scene changes/focus too much on the reader, it just kind of turned out that way.

#loki #loki fanfic #marvel #loki fluff #loki laufeyson #loki oneshot #loki friggason #loki angst #loki x reader #loki x you #loki/reader

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rainingspellforlove · 4 years ago

Text

shouldn’t have

hi im back with another fic >< but it’s eunhae’s uwu. read this while listening to raining spell for love to experience more angst ;;-;; enjoy my first eunhae’s fic and my first angst fic!

listen to raining spell for love :

https://open.spotify.com/track/7j4r8X575ZnyWk0jkukNp7?si=irOj7OmgRFynzGCaL754dg

It's been so wrong. Hyukjae always feels it so wrong. But he did loving him. He's already falling deep. But now it cant be anymore. This is impossible. He shouldn’t have loved him from the start. He knew he's always been wrong for having this feeling. He knew it will break himself someday. He knew he will be in this state of the worst heartbreak ever. But how can he (un)love this angel? He had already fallen. Fallen for him too deep.The fact he's been in love for his one and only best friend is already hurting. The one who's been always with him from his early days until now. But now, he's shattered.

Hyukjae and donghae still been friends till now. 20 years old friendship. They had been known each other since their middle school days. it’s been so long. They went through a lot till today. They overcome all of their problems together and they depend on each other a lot. Everyone will say they have their unique friendship. They always been so close and too many things that only of them understand. They’re just too close. They had many similarities in their own way. People said that it’s too much similarities for them to have and their chemistry is so unbelievably amazing. It’s like they are naturally meant for each other. Just like a pair of shoes.

It’s so natural and a common thing to say they always crash at each other’s houses. That was before eunhyuk moved back to the dorm. back then donghae always comes to eunhyuk’s apartment almost everyday. and vice versa. but it mostly donghae who asked to come or donghae just comes to eunhyuk’s without notice. They always been like this. Donghae who likes skinships a lot while eunhyuk just lets donghae do whatever to him. Maybe some people will think that their moments are just fanservice but thats just how they are. they’re just being the way they are.

They always rely on each other a lot actually. They almost didnt keep a secret between each other. they knew each other too well more than any other members. They even knew each other’s individual schedule or events. like who who will eunhyuk meet after this, or what will donghae do tomorrow, those kind of stuffs. every lil things they did, they always knew for each other. they are just unbelievably close.

But who knows, one of them is really falling. It’s too much for him to receive these affections alone. He always keeps it cool but deep inside he might explode. It's already long enough for hyukjae to love him since then. The way he keeps hiding his feelings for himself. Not telling anyone about it. Imagine hiding this stupid feeling alone for the closest person in this fucking world. He did suffering for himself. He always keeps it for himself. He didnt want to ruin this freaking long friendship just because of this dumb feeling. Donghae loves skinships so much. Like soooo much. He always touchs hyukjae unconsciously. At first, hyukjae always gets used to it when donghae did sudden hugs or held his hand. He already gets used to it. it’s been 20 years ofcourse he must get used to it. Donghae is indeed a clingy person so he always clings into hyukjae unconsciously like a habit. That’s a problem actually. Hyukjae actually didnt mind it at all when donghae being such a clingy ass but sometimes he cant handle that.

Actually there’s one time he cant handle it. That time when they did a comeback for D&E, they did a blueroom live. Then they talked about their nicknames for each other. When they talked abt donghae’s nickname “haeknojam” then donghae starts to kiss hyukjae’s hand suddenly while laughing like an idiot and he did it twice! in a fucking live broadcast. Hyukjae always keeps his cool and just lets donghae did it. he just said “Aniyoo” for times responding to donghae. That time actually, his heart almost explode. He thought why he did these in a live broadcast. and why did he kiss hyukjae’s hand? hyukjae still cant figure it why he did it. that time after filming, donghae just acts like nothing happened. but hyukjae deep inside was flustered as hell but of course he acts like usual. Being playful and stuffs. Donghae just being himself too, being random and stuffs. Donghae always like this. It’s just hyukjae who’s been dazed and confused all the time. That time hyukjae tried so hard to calm his self down by jumping and dancing all the time. When donghae comes to ask,

“Hyukjae-ya, why are you practicing at this time, our schedule just ended right?”

“O-Oh i just wanna get myself sweaty,, i feel like my body stiffen, so yeah i keep practicing”

“Yeokshi uri d&e leader. dont push yourself too hard. promise me you will rest after this, okay?” he handed hyukjae a towel and circling it into his neck while then keep wiping his sweat in hyukjae’s cheeks with that towel

“u-uhm of course. thanks”

“youre welcome always, my E oppa~~ chat me when you arrive at the dorm okay? lets go home” replied him while smiling

“okay i will...”

then donghae went to the car and went home. hyukjae feels his knees are gone then he sat on the floor.

“why he keeps confusing me...... sigh”

day after day of their promotions went well. At the end of the promotions, donghae was not like his usual self. It’s not he completely different person but he’s less clingy. and he often checks his phone and sometimes smiling while looking at his phone. Hyukjae thought maybe donghae looked at some funny things on his insta but thats just weird because he’s being too often looking at the phone. then he often picks up his phone outside it’s like he hides something from hyukjae. It’s not usual for him to do that. He always picks up his calls in front of hyukjae but not right now. It’s been weeks he did that, but actually hyukjae didnt care at all. Maybe he had something that is really his privacy. so he didnt think about it too much. But, day by day passed and it’s been 1 month already. He still being like that. When hyukjae came to his apartment, actually donghae asked him to come but donghae keeps being on the phone. It’s not the real hyukjae if he hadnt been curious. He was curious as hell. At first he keeps resisting himself not to be curious but maybe he cant after all. When hyukjae prepared the food he bought for donghae, donghae suddenly put his phone and went to shower. Hyukjae hesitated at first but he didnt care so he went quick to the table and looked at donghae’s phone. He enters the passwords (actually he knew it because donghae already told him when they went to a drive together, donghae cant open the phone because he focused on driving so he asked hyukjae to reply his mother’s message) and checked his kakao and insta. then he found one person other than him and his family in his pinned chats in his kakao. Then he opened the messages.

Hyukjae never been so speechless before, it’s the first time. It turned out that person is donghae’s lover. He looked at those sweet messages and actually this saturday is their 3 months. they talked about how they can meet at saturday. it’s not just how his heart breaks in pieces. the fact he didnt tell him about it at all. and it’s been 3 months. how... hyukjae thought maybe if donghae told him, he can be prepared at anytime...

“i thought we keep no secrets... but this is actually my fault too. i did have secret. so i deserved this.”

“but it hurts like hell what the fuck....” then hyukjae put donghae’s phone back to its place. and tears keep falling without hyukjae realized himself. then he took his bag and left the food prepared for donghae. He left the house and cried on the way to the dorm. Hyukjae left a message to donghae via kakao.

Donghae who came out the bathroom after showering, becomes flustered.

“Hyukjae ya, how’s the food is it good?”

no answer,,

“Hyukjae, where-”

then he got notif from hyukjae

“sorry i left first, i have something to do. I already prepared the tteokbokki. Have a good meal”

Donghae was so confused but he ate the tteokbokki anyway. he still didnt feel something strange..

few days after that, super junior have a schedule together for an interview. It’s so obvious that hyukjae tried so hard to avoid donghae at all cost. He distants himself from donghae and avoid donghae’s affections. He tries to keep it cool and still jokes around to the members. but he only avoids donghae. when donghae tries to talk to hyukjae after the interview ends, hyukjae keeps telling him he must go home. then donghae holds hyukjae’s hand

“Lee hyukjae, whats wrong with you? you’re obviously avoiding me? did i do something wrong?”

“N-no at all. you’re just touching me too much.”

“but i always did these to you,and you’re okay with that”

“yes but right now it’s not. okay good bye i must go right now. let go”

“just tell me why... please...”

“you didnt need to know”

then hyukjae pulls his hand harder and finally donghae let him go. donghae becomes frustrated himself.

Leeteuk who saw this on the back feels there’s something wrong with these two...

Hyukjae becomes so distant from donghae day by day, but no one notices it. it’s just donghae who feels something wrong but hyukjae will never tell him why. the members didnt feel it weird either because the atmosphere while being together as full members still feel lively. It didnt sound wrong at all. but only leeteuk who feels something weird. leeteuk who sees them quietly when in a dressing room, donghae didnt talk to hyukjae at all. hyukjae too, he didnt intend to talk to donghae at all. hyukjae always talks to kyuhyun or yesung in their leisure time. and donghae who hangs out with siwon all the time. it feels natural. but it feels weird too. then leeteuk asks donghae to come outside...

“Hey whats wrong?” leeteuk asks

“Me? im fine? why hyung asks that?”

“hyukjae. seems like you both not in a good terms recently”

“oh that. i dont know either”

“ask him then what you did wrong”

“i have. but he said i didnt need to know?! he’s weird as fuck. how can i know what i did wrong while he’s being childish like that”

“hmmm, maybe you hide something and he did feeling betrayed or stuff? it may happen. those things always happen right for us”

“ah... maybe i know.....”

then donghae rushed to hyukjae.

“we need to talk”

“there’s nothing to talk about”

“hyukjae please.”

“let me go”

“lee hyukjae... please”

“fine. i’ll give you 5 minutes”

“you saw my phone right?”

“thats- yeah i didnt mean to but yes i saw that you actually had a lover”

“thats why you’re mad?”

“yes? ofcourse? i feel betrayed you didnt tell me at all. i thought we’re close enough to tell about those kinda stuffs” (actually there’s not the only reason donghaeya.....)

“im about to tell you that night actually.. sorry for not telling you, im afraid that youre uncomfortable with this... pls forgive me okay”

“i-im okay for those kinda stuffs. im happy for u bro actually. but it’s just i feel sad you didnt tell me..”

“ so you forgive me?”

“hm maybe?” hyukjae still feels uncomfortable with this, its like he didnt want to see this fucking handsome angelic face in front of him anymore

then donghae becomes so happy and hugs him rightaway. hyukjae quickly tries to let go of him.

“alright alright, let me go. lets just go home okay” donghae smiled happily after he heard he already been forgiven. but hyukjae still pretending. he pretends that it’s all okay for donghae for having a lover. but he’s not okay at all.

hyukjae forgives him but he cant face him actually and pretends to be fine all the time. everytime he meets donghae, he just feels uncomfortable. it didnt feel the same. hyukjae cant see him the same as before. hyukjae still keeps his cool and lets donghae did his skinships to him freely but deeply inside he is hurting. one day, he went to the building’s rooftop to get some fresh air in the middle of their schedule. Leeteuk suddenly comes to him.

“hyukjae ya....”

“oh whats wrong hyung?”

leeteuk doesnt say a word but immediately hugs him and pats his hair.

“i know it’s been hard”

hyukjae is flustered why he did this...

“hard? what do you mean hyung? hahaha”

“you loved him, am i right?”

“him?”

“eish stop pretending to be fine. i knew you two fights few days ago then you told him it was because he didnt tell you about his lover, it’s not the only reason right?”

“so you knew......”

“jtub told me that donghae already had a lover, donghae didnt tell me at first haha then he admitted it himself after then.”

“oh right.”

“what will you do then after this?”

“i dont know.. i cant keep pretending all the time. it hurts me to see his face it’s like i wanna punch him”

“even you loved him you want to punch him? lol”

“yes i hate that idiot smile of his until i want to-”

“kiss him so bad?”

“HYUNG”

“okay okay hahaha im kidding”

“but... sometimes i think of that too but ofcourse i wont do it”

“he kissed your hand in a live broadcast why wont you?”

“no way i would kiss him first. its just me who had this feeling. he never feel the same, he just likes to play with me. its confusing”

then hyukjae silents for a bit

“hyung.. is it okay for me to go for a while? i kinda want to distract myself for a while”

“its okay hyukjaeya. i respect all of your decisions as long as youre happy with it”

“ehm, it hurts so much seeing him these days. he keeps calling with his lover while there is me there in his house. thats fucking hurts. i cant do this anymore hyung. it’s like i wanna punch him for real. i hate having this feeling from the start.. i-i- *sobs*” hyukjae cried in leeteuk’s embraces. he cried so hard that time.

“shussh shussh it’s okay hyukjae.. it’s a natural thing for us to fall in love. it’s not our fault to fall in love in the first place.”

“heuk- heuk- but i hate feeling this way. i hate myself” hyukjae still sobbing

after crying for so long, leeteuk’s shirt becomes so wet then leeteuk just laughs

“how can you hide those red eyes hahaha”

“right..... i dont know......”

“here i bring sunglasses lol just go home after this okay, so the members wont be suspicious haha”

“thank you so much hyung.... youre the best”

“nah its always been my job to babysit all of you. so where would you go?”

“Japan. Maybe next week”

“okay, take care hyukjae. i will call you then”

then one day, hyukjae comes to his usual bar to hang out with donghae. but he comes alone. he feels like he wants to drink until he passed out for the last time before he goes to japan. then there’s jtub (donghae’s friend who is a composer too) who hangs out alone too.

“Oh hyukjae, you come. Alone? where’s donghae?”

“nah i just feel like drinking alone”

“why?”

“i dont know i just want it”

then hyukjae really drinks a lot like A LOT. jtub tries to stop him but hyukjae insists he must drink more

“stop it or you will pass out here”

“i ddont fckin caree.. it issss m-my pplaaan annywway tto ssleep hhere until tomorrowww”

hyukjae lost it. he really lost it. he’s blabbering random sentences just now

“why.. wwhy sshould i llove that iddiot, i wanna kick hhis fckin handsome fface riight nnow,,,,, bastaard hhow you come to pplay wwith myy ffeelingg llike this,, itt hurtts sso mmuch i hhate yyou” then he sobs

“argghhhhhhh my head’‘ss sppinning”

jtub didnt know who he was talking about but right now he needs to call someone to bring this idiot to come home

“hyukjae you need to come home.. i’ll call donghae”

“NOO DDONT CCALL THHAT BASTTARD” he tried to take jtub’s phone but it failed because he cant control himself because of the alcohol

“ah... so he’s heartbroken....... eish i didnt know that hyukjae is falling for his best friend.. eish let them finish this problem themselves i should back out”

“nno ddont him ppleasse, or i will kick hhis fucckin facce when hhe comess llater” then he sobs and passed out in the long table near the barista

few minutes later, donghae comes in a rush.

“donghae ya here!” jtub calls

“oh my, what did you feed him huh?!?”

“wow slow man, he’s drinking and paying those bottles himself you know, i tried to stop him but he insisted to drink it until morning.”

“why’s he like this... he never been like this before...”

“you didnt know? why’s he like this? really?”

“uhm no, why? do you know?”

“try to figure it yourself then, its your problems anyway.”

“so he’s like this , because of me?!”

“spoiler : yes”

“oh man, why... okay then i’ll be going first”

donghae tries to wake up hyukjae but still didnt get a respon.

“Hyukjae-ya lets go home”

“ehmmm i want to sleep here”

“but it closes soon. you must go home. let me take you home eung?”

then hyukjae wakes up and see donghae who’s ready to pick him up

“oh it’s lee donghae!”

“yep it’s me. lets go home okay?”

“the way i wanna kick your face but i didnt have the strength right now, i’ll just kick you tomorrow”

“pardon? what?” donghae flustered and shocked

“right? it’s on you bro lol” jtub said

“okay okay lets just go home” donghae took hyukjae in his shoulders and caught him by the waist. then they both go to hyukjae’s dorm with donghae’s car

hyukjae falls asleep in the car. and keeps talkin in his sleep a bit

“lee donghae you bastard”

donghae is surprised and turns his head to passenger’s seat.

“The fuck?!”

then hyukjae sleeps again

“why’s he like this and why me?”

they finally arrived at hyukjae’s dorm and kyuhyun didnt come home so it’s just the two of them there. donghae hardly brings hyukjae to his room in his druk state.

“im glad that you’re this tiny, i can bring you home easily”

then donghae puts hyukjae to the bed and takes off his jacket, socks, and shoes. he wipes hyukjae’s forehead too with wet towel too.. hyukjae wakes up suddenly.

“stop being so kind to me” he stops donghae’s hand from wiping his forehead

“huh? why? im your closest friend it’s my job to take care of you idiot”

“i can take care of myself well. just go” hyukjae turns his head to the left side and puts the blanket covering his whole body.

“why do you like this?”

“its not ur business”

“hyukjae ya... tell me whats wrong”

“Us. we cant be like this”

“why? you’re my closest friend-”

“We’re not supposed to be like this donghae ya. we must not”

hyukjae wakes up and turns into donghae.

“We.... cant be like this donghaeya... we cant be....” hyukjae starts to cry

“hyukjae... why cant we... “

“why are you crying.. dont cry...“ donghae said again while carressing hyukjae’s tears with his thumb

“ *sobs* we- cant- be- like this... we just cant.....” hyukjae is still sobbing while talking

“tell me why, what should i do to stop you from crying please dont cry it hurts seeing you cry like this” donghae said softly

“you.”

“me? why?”

hyukjae still crying and doesnt want to answer..

“hyukjae tell me... please.. i dont wanna see you cry...”

hyukjae then holds donghae’s hand in his cheeks...

he looked at donghae’s eyes with those falling tears..

“you deserved to hate me forever.”

hyukjae leaned in to donghae’s face and pressed a soft kiss into his lips.

hyukjae pulls out and donghae is flustered and confused...

“h-hyukjae w-why-”

“leave me right now”

“b-but you have to tell-”

“leave or our friendship ends. leave please”

“hyukjae-ya.... “

“PLEASE LEAVE. *sobs* please...”

then donghae gets up from the bed and leaves hyukjae alone...

that’s it. that’s the end. hyukjae’s first love comes to an end. that angel is finally gone....

hyukjae cries in his bed so hard... the worst feeling ever. he hates himself more than anyone else. but he must end it. he must end this stupid feeling. the overflowing feelings he had for his best friend for years. he will stop loving him no matter what.

“Thankyou for making me feel loved although actually it’s just me who feel that way... im happy... thankyou...” then he’s still crying for so long in the middle of the night

meanwhile donghae is feeling so flustered and mad. he didnt know why he’s mad. the fact his best friend cried because of him.. hyukjae’s eyes that told him everything. hyukjae’s puppy eyes that only shines everytime suddenly covered by the rain. the hard rain that falls because of him. he never knew. he never realized.. he didnt want to believe it. but it’s just feel so real. his tears falls in his cheek when hyukjae kissed him... he never feels the saddest kiss ever... it hurts so much. he didnt knoe either why it hurts so much. it feels like hyukjae will leave him for real... he cant imagine how his life would be without hyukjae.. it will never be the same..

donghae still feels confused.... he didnt know what to do after this... or tomorrow, or days after this.... he just didnt know what to do...

the next day, hyukjae is already in the airport waiting for boarding to Tokyo. his eyes are completely red becuase of crying that night before. He decides to go there to heal and repair himself. he just needs time alone for a while. he didnt know when he will be back to work as super junior. he’s already takin care of all of these with the company, and the company said yes. it’s up to him when will he decide to come back....

“hyukjae-ya, already at the airport?”

“eung hyung, there’s still 15 minutes before boarding”

“okay then, take care hyukjae... and one thing what if he asked me where you go?”

“hm, dont tell him hyung, just say that i want to spend my time alone.”

“fine i’ll do that. eish that insensitive bastard haha i’ll kick his face for you someday”

“nah hyung just let him be it’s my fault anyway for loving him in the first place. it’s never been his fault”

“aigu my precious dongsaeng already grown up”

“eish hyung your precious dongsaeng here is 34 years old”

“youre still a big baby to me anyway..”

“thankyou hyung. i’ll call you often when im in tokyo”

“yes sir!”

“oh its time for boarding, im off hyung, bye bye!!”

“okay take care hyukjae ya, have a proper meals okay?”

“of courseee goodbye hyung”

hyukjae finally ends his phone call with leeteuk and walks in to the plane. finally he made up his mind and try to heal himself first.. he’s afraid that this feeling disrupt his works with him. so he must repair himself more to become a better person..

meanwhile donghae who didnt know anything at all,,

he worked out like crazy... he’s already working out since morning. and it’s already evening. he worked out and worked out.. he did everything in the gym. he’s like a mad person right now. he didnt pick up the calls from everyone.. even his lover too..

the instructors there feels worried because it’s not usual for donghae to act like this. then the instructors try to call jtub, donghae’s friend who’s been at the same gym with him.

actually jtub is very busy right now so he cant go there to save that idiot friend from overworking his body. then jtub called leeteuk because leeteuk already said to him if donghae acts weird, he’s free to call him.

leeteuk comes to donghae’s usual gym rightaway after finishing his schedule.

“eomma ya. it’s already 7pm. and he’s been working out since 7 am?!?”asks him to the one of the instructors

“yes sir. he’s been like this since morning. we’re too scared to disturb him because he seems not in his right mind”

leeteuk walks in slowly to donghae.

“donghae ya”

donghae still wont listen he still in his threadmill

“lee donghae please come down.”

“come on donghae you never been like this, you never disobeyed my orders. come on donghae please stop this. you makes yourself sick”

donghae finally stops the threadmill and come down.

he falls rightaway in the floor.

“donghae-ya are you okay? hey? donghaeya?”

“hyung... it’s my fault...” after that, donghae lost his consciousness

Donghae wakes up in his house with leeteuk who waits for him.

“Oh are you okay? do you hurt yourself?”

“no-no im okay hyung..”

“eish why did you work out like that? you know it can kill you. what if i didnt come? who will take care of you? oh my god this kid. how old are you huh? youre fuckin 34 please grow up” leeteuk keeps nagging while wipes donghae’s forehead

“sorry hyung...”

“promise me you wont do this again oh god”

donghae just nods... then he suddenly remembers something

“i need to meet hyukjae.. i need-”

“stop he wont meet you”

“even he doesnt want to, i keep going to meet him”

“what would you say then? ask him for an apologize for something you didnt realize?”

“hyung... so you knew..”

“of course. just stop it. you wont ever meet him right now. you just cant”

“no hyung i must-”

“he’s leaving. he’s not in south korea.”

“what..... are you serious?”

“yes”

“where did he go? i can go right now”

“no you cant, just let him alone donghae ya. okay? please listen to me, he’s hurting. you never knew how he feels. because you never feels it. what do you want to say to him? anything that you would say, it wont heal him. because it’s on you. you’re the source of his broken state. he will overcome this someday. just wait okay?”

“but.... it hurts so much.. i dont know it just hurts so much seeing him cry.. seeing him so weak like that night. i really want to embrace him but he keep pushing me off, he keeps crying and crying.... his trembling voice when he tried to talk to me hurts me so much... he’s never showing this side of him for these time being.. i just didnt know what to do... it hurts so much seeing him in that state, i want to see him so fuckin much... i just- ” then he cant say anymore.. he’s loss at speech... he’s crying...

“hyung... why im late to realize this.... why..... he’s already left what should i do.... im fuckin stupid... im so fucking dumb......”

donghae cries in leeteuk’s shoulder.. leeteuk cant say anything... he just pats donghae’s back softly.. “just wait for him okay.... he’ll be okay..”

donghae still cant figure out why he’s also breaking.... he just feels that his heart is shattered knowing these situations at once..

confused, flustered, and mad. he’s mad at himself...

“how can i never realize in these time being?”

part 1 end

#eunhae #eunhaefics #eunhaefic #eunhyuk #donghae #super junior #suju #juheartsfic #bxb #superjunior #super junior fanfiction

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