#Inspired by post from boywifesammy

[sounknownvoid]

spn thoughts too late at night

can you just imagine the sheer strength of will and purity of heart/soul of sam winchester? - he had "azazels gang" on him since he was "a rugrat", he'd been infected with demon blood at 6months old, he was constantly" out of place" in his own family and probably only knew what "normal" looked like after he started going to school n seeing other kids- but until then, he just knew he was somehow "wrong" even in his own family, he could probably sense john's discomfort with him and blamed himself in that vague,diffuse way kids can do - & he was always left feeling "less than", weaker,less adept at fighting,girls etc in comparison to dean as he grew up, idolising him... if we think wincest is canon & started preseries (I do: 1xtelling scene from s1"devils trap as sam n dean talk about "after getting the demon" & sam says to dean that he's gotta let him go n things cant go back to the way they used to be between them) - growing up, even that would only have made his self-loathing crank up higher as he'd probably be blaming himself for "tempting dean" n "he's a freak"....a part of the horror of being part of gods twisted "show": being in love n soul mates with each other - but sam, sam'd hate himself.....and all that should have worn him/his humanity down to a nub - "easy pickings" for Lucifer to persuade n takeover for ultimate luci-michael death match ....instead - sam overcomes and still loves his brother, his father, the world enough to "swansong" while still believing himself to be "least of you" #sam winchester is a badass #sam winchester is a hero #I cry over Sammy all the time in spn #sam Winchesters inner strength