#InMyMind

[kurtolstead]

[eldesordendemicuarto]

Enamorse es casi similar al acto de suicidarse, sabemos la profundidad, sabemos el tipo de nudo, en que parte del cuerpo es más fácil pero aun así preferimos la irónica agonía del dolor y una muerte más lenta, en el amor es igual preferimos morir lentamente pero de una manera dulce...☔️🚬🐴

[lightnloved]

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princessbubblegumm

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[mindmusingss]

Exuberant yet Wallflower

- Bhavika

Growing up, I always thought that I was an extrovert. I enjoyed dancing in the crowd and social gatherings, whether it was spending time with friends. However, there were times when I spent time alone with myself and often felt drained after social occasions. I wasn't sure what this meant until my class teacher asked very intriguing questions, "What do you like to do the most?", "What are you good at?"

These two questions seem very alike, yet the most distinct is. These questions triggered me as well. 

I found out about myself that I like to participate in various college events, but my second thoughts were 'What if?', 'What if I couldn't make it to the end?', 'What will others think of me?'. And things like this and that. This led to overthinking whenever I thought of doing something new.

I used to be friends with extroverted people and ambivert people too. I grew up with them, so it became a habit of understanding what they like. Unknowingly, both extrovert and introvert traits developed in my nature. 

Sometimes I am comfortable around my friends, but I become an introvert when I'm with people I don't know.

Suddenly, everything made sense. I realized that I wasn't just one or the other, but a combination of both, and that's when I read about ambiverts. I right away surfed the internet and did some research on ambiverts.

Through my observation and research, what I discovered is Ambiversion is a personality trait where an individual has a balance of both introverted and extroverted qualities. Ambiverts generally relish social interactions, but they also need alone time to recharge.

After self-realization of being an ambivert, I embraced my true nature.

The best thing I learned about an ambivert is the ability to adapt to different situations and personalities is a strength.

I experimented with different social situations and alone time to get the right balance for me. I understand that this may change depending on our mood or situation.

Being an ambivert can be challenging because it's hard to fit into a specific box. People often assume that I am either an introvert or an extrovert, and they don't understand that ambiverts have a unique set of qualities.

Also, there is a misconception that ambiverts are indecisive or wishy-washy. Ambiverts can make decisions just as well as introverts or extroverts. We may take more time to think things through, but we're not necessarily indecisive.

Although ambiverts are flexible, they are not without need. Often this means not having enough alone time or lacking enough quality time with others which can be exhausting.

When I think of being able to be with both kinds of people, I've learned a lot.

Sometimes, I  feel like not getting enough social interaction, and other times, I may feel overwhelmed by too much socializing.

Yes, Balance is the key.

So here, I'm trying to say that it's okay to be an ambivert, whether you realize it now or then.

Even Karen Hollenbach (LinkedIn trainer and writer) recognized her ambivert nature in her mid-late 30s.

It's hard to find the sweet spot, and it may take some trial and error to figure out what works best for you.

Unlike introverts who prefer solitude and extroverts who thrive in social settings, ambiverts have the best of both worlds.

If you're an ambivert, it's vital to embrace your unique qualities and find ways to thrive.

It can be frustrating when expected to act a certain way based on your label and exhausting to constantly explain that you're not just one or the other. 

But remember that from feeling overwhelmed and setting boundaries to connecting with others on a deeper level, we came a long way.🤍

Thank you for reading :)

(All pictures from this post are sourced from Pinterest. I do not own any of these images.)

[uatjonc]

The concept of assemblage—an open-ended entanglement of ways of being—is more useful. In an assemblage, varied trajectories gain a hold on each other, but indeterminacy matters. To learn about an assemblage, one unravels its knots.

The Mushroom at the End of the World - Anna Tsing

[sonhadoralibelula]

iam.

[eldesordendemicuarto]

Y a veces soy yo quien vale verga mientras pienso excesivamente...

[staiiiircasewiiiiit]

[livedierepeatandrepeat]

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head...

[uniquecookie]

LORD, I feel I'm sinking once again seconds by second feeling breathless once again.

Each time I try to breath I feel water filling in me.

Its not in my hands I can not understand what I feel. I Can empathise with other not with me.

Why is it So hard for me to feel what it is.

Why do I need to be put up with it all once again why does it have to be me.

Why do I need to go through it again

I know I am wrong

I know I have wronged

I knew what I should have done

I know how It should have been done .

But what do I do I am just a human, just a mass of flesh on few bones just filled with blood red with rage.

I know I am wrong .I am not asking for forgiveness nor for salvation.

Just give me one more chance to Make it wrong again.

[eldesordendemicuarto]

De la persona que fui en algún momento solo conservó pensamientos vacíos y fatalistas que creí sueños, ilusiones de lo que pensé era amor, desconocidos que antes llamé amigos, pero lo que perdura en mi sin importar el tiempo o memento es el deseo de morir donde antes había un brillo por querer vivir.

Ya no queda nada, mis sueños se han vuelto escenarios oscuros, la vida vacía y la emociones cada vez más falsas, desconozco quien soy, quien fui y que seré, los únicos pensamientos que se mantienen son la maneras con las que deseo morir y el que pensaran los que se quedarán atrás, cada momento trate de disfrutarlo pero a la final solo era una máscara, que recordaran ? Llegue a ser eso que alguna pensaron? Que futuro esperaban de mi ? Cada día es una lista interminable de preguntas que no van ser contestadas un huracán de mierda que ... es a la final lo que soy....

[kurtolstead]

[findingmemore]

I hate how much power I give you.

I have lost myself, trying to find you.

I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person I used to be.

I need to do more within, I need to separate myself from you…and find me.

[musicarenagh]

Kingdom Calm Out With "In My Mind" Kingdom Calm's recent single "In My Mind" is an indie rock gem that showcases the trio's diverse range of musical influences. The trio of Matt Power on guitar and lead vocals, Sinclair Alexander on bass and vocals, and Andy Smith on drums produce music that draws inspiration from a variety of musical styles, including British ska, pop-punk, soul, and many more. [embed]https://open.spotify.com/track/6nezLjuSg037X3XAovLrJR?si=1171bd126b564031[/embed] With its super catchy melodies and catchy chorus, "In My Mind" feels like a winning pop-punk anthem that's perfect for singing along. The male vocals are expressive and emotive, conveying the song's poignant themes of feeling trapped in negative thoughts and regretting past decisions. The guitar riffs in this track give it a unique character and energy that really stand out. Their cleverly arranged hooks and melodies make them instantly memorable and drive the song forward. With intricate lead lines, driving rhythms, and creative chord progressions, they add a strong sense of tension and excitement. What's more, they perfectly complement the rest of the instrumentation, creating a soundscape that’s immersive and engaging. Even though the lyrics may discuss themes of regret and failed expectations, the song's cheery nature makes it easy to relate to. Kingdom Calm's ability to write songs that are both thoughtful and undeniably catchy is evidence of their skill as songwriters. "In My Head" is a great addition to Kingdom Calm's history and, because to its contagious energy and dynamic musicianship, is likely to appeal to indie rock enthusiasts. Whether you're looking for music to listen on a road trip or to lift your spirits after a trying day, this music will have you humming its melodies long after it has stopped. Follow the band on Website, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram and TikTok.

[uatjonc]

Note to Self - v.7SB(?)

I never really liked that movie. No—I think I hate that movie. Because of that scene. Because I know it’s building up to that scene and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Kevin Spacey’s menacingly detached smile as he says “He just told you”… and his blissful resignation as Brad Pitt ends his life. They are an outcome that cannot be avoided. And it animates a vivid portrait of the pure evil one must face if they ever hope to confront a remorseless evil-doer; specifically, one who believes they truly have not done any evil.

That’s not what i want to avoid.

It’s the terror in Brad Pitt’s voice, pleading against all logic as he hopes for a different answer than the one he knows to expect. As long as he is asking, and the box remains closed, there is a chance his wife, his love, his life, his innocence might still be safe.

Schrödinger’s box made flesh, in theatric drama of Biblical proportions. Se7en deadly sins, brought to life by a self proclaimed agent of God so deep in his own delusional bullshit there was never any way to reach or reason with him. Gwyneth Paltrow was dead the moment Brad took the case. He just wouldn’t know until he opened the box.

——

I’ve been saying I want to write my stepfather for at least 5 years. The draft letter is sitting in my notes app. I just added a line at the end telling him I would like to talk to him “about anything he wanted”.

Why do I keep grasping at the validation of the man who destroyed my innocence?

I keep saying that I need to do this to understand him. That it is the necessary exercise of my ideological ethos as a prison abolitionist and humanist. That I don’t expect him to say/do anything that will make me feel better about what happened or how it affected me or who I’ve become since or who I’m trying to be now. That even a silent denial/refusal to engage would be all the answers I really need.

Part of me wonders if I keeping saying these things, they might be true. I certainly believe them when I say them. But the second or two after is when the doubt creeps in.

Aren’t you still just the dorky, frail, weak little bobble-headed nerd who wanted more than anything to have a “real family?”

——

I knew I didn’t have a father… and I knew why. I don’t know when or how I was told but I don’t remember not knowing.

Knowing why made it easy to never feel bad about his absence. And easier still to sedate any itch of curiosity to know who he was. I genuinely didn’t care to know anything about him at all as I grew up. I never wondered what he was doing, if he was still alive, what my life would have looked like if he’d know about me or was in any way a part of my life.

But not wanting HIM as a father didn’t mean I didn’t want a father. In fact, second only to a little brother, a father was all I really wanted. Someone to play the part of protector, teacher, coach, cheerleader. Someone to make sure the monsters never hurt us. Someone who could protect my mother from men like my father.

Instead, we got the same man in different skin. A God-fearing man, so wrapped up in his own self-righteousness that he refuses to see the blood on his hands. Blue-collar, heavy calloused hands from years of street life and hard labor, skin just dark enough to guarantee his narcissism would always have a healthy stream of fresh validation for his victim mentality. But this time, he won’t discriminate by gender nor age when he decides to give himself over to his darkest impulses.

Now, at 33 years old, I find myself fixated on the cruel irony of being a fatherless bastard with TWO evil fathers, one by chance and one by choice. I yearn for the love of a man who, simultaneously, does not exist and is actually two people who have done nothing to deserve me.

——

I can’t tell if I’m delusional; or in denial.

I’m starting to think I haven’t finished or sent this letter because I’ll be unable to pretend I’m not (if I am) after sending it.

The box will be open. The cat will either be dead or alive.

And I’ll have to decide how to move forward.