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littlestarbeam · 11 months ago

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My Son

"Lupa!" She remembers the first time she heard it, during one of his energetic babbles, as if it were yesterday and for an immortal goddess that was an achievement. He had reached for her muzzle with his soft grubby hands, then unaware of the violence she inflicted, and gently placed his hands rubbing back and for, giggling babbling on.

"Lupa!" She remembers him running towards her, with his arms outstretched, and wrapping them around her neck, into an embrace. His smile lighting up his face as he grinned. Behind him was the boy, Apollon's descendant, who was there just a month ago and Camp Jupiter's new augur with a scrowl on his face. He chattered something onto her, something she just can't quite remember.

"Lupa!" He had come sprinting up to her with a girl in hand, eyes twinkling. He introduced her as if he hadn't realized that she and her sister were in her training not just two months ago, eyes never once leaving the girl. The girl bowed to her, paying her respects and informing her she was, as she suspected, a child of Bellona.She can't remember him ever looking at some like that, with such faith and certainty ever again.

"Lupa?" He looked at her in confusion and puzzlement. In his hands were the hands of another girl she had never met. The girl looked at her warily, observing her with hesitancy. She knew why Juno removed his memories but to pair him with some who would hurt him. She didn't want to admit that it hurt that he didn't remember her. She raised him and many others to be strong, so she must lead by example.

"Lupa" She hadn't raised him for tears but she couldn't help but let him cry on her neck, burying his face into her fur. His sobs of how she left him, inquires of what he had done wrong, how everyone looked at him as though he had been the one to ended it. She knew but held her tongue, simply licking his face the same way she did when he was young.

She wished she heard him say her name again, the soft or happy or curious or even tearful sound of his voice once again. It had been years since he had long gone just as it had been her other sons. She would accompany their hymns of him with howl as they rejoice the boy bound to serve the gods. The girl he had first bought to her, the one who he couldn't take his eyes off, would join her from time to time, for she too had traded her heart for immortality. Just like today when she came and said his name, a name that no matter how they mention it in their songs, would never know him. Jason Grace, son of Jupiter and all of the forgetton gods he honored, one of my sons.

My Son.

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deadsetobsessions · 7 months ago

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Much of his misery were consequences of his own making. Danny accepted that. He drowned in it, really.

But this?

Jason stood before him, dressed in traffic cone colors in front of a still but apprehensive Batman. Jason- that was his baby brother, damn it, this universe’s version of his older sister!- hunched in on himself, knowing he had been caught and recognized. Danny’s world narrowed and crumpled onto itself, the bloodied face of his dead sister superimposed on Jason’s masked one.

This was all Batman’s fault.

Suddenly, he remembered all those time Jazz looked at him with terror in her eyes. She wasn’t scared of him. No, she was scared for him.

Looking back, Danny finally understood the fragile look in her eyes when he asked her- quietly, so his parents didn’t hear- to patch him up. He had broken her heart, had soured it with fear tempered by love. Danny stared at his baby brother- his sister, with that red hair and impossibly blue eyes and that kind but sharp wit- and realized with a sense of finality that he too was about to experience that heartbreak. He too would know the pain of watching some break themselves for a city they loved, a sense of responsibility he wished they didn’t have- one that he had, before it and grief tore everything away from him.

But Danny wasn’t willing to admit defeat. He would rather suffer another half death than let a life of vigilantism hurt his loved ones. The world could burn. He’d learned a long time ago what this life cost and Danny wasn’t going to lose Jason too.

He set down the bottle of wine with a loud and clear thunk. It was untouched. He hadn’t opened it, hadn’t had the chance to when the duo dropped down unsuspectingly on his apartment roof top.

“No,” Danny said, voice filled with crackling brimstone and spine laced with cold hard steel. It’s the voice he used when he fought Vlad. It’s the voice he had when he helped the Ancients shut Pariah Dark away. It was the voice he had when he begged Jazz to not die.

“Wait, Danny,” Jason- Robin, Batman put his little brother in bright kill-target clothes and named him after a fucking bird- pleaded. Danny cut him off, in a way he’s never done before. He loved it when Jason talked. It was a sign that Jason felt safe enough to talk about his interests and things he cared about without fear of retaliation.

“No,” he repeated, face carefully blank. Jason didn’t like aggressiveness. It reminded him of terrible days, so Danny watched himself around Jason, learning the neutral face and carefully non threatening body language until he did it like breathing. “We will be having words on the matter of you lying to me, sneaking out, and meeting up with a strange old man later. But you, Jason Peter Todd, are done with whatever this is right now. Go inside, change, eat, and wait.”

“You’re drinking again,” Jason mulishly said, though the stubbornness was dulled by his apprehensiveness. “I ain’t taking-”

“And I will apologize for that later. Home. Now, please.”

Jason paused. His eyes, surrounded by the fabric of a domino mask, surveyed Danny’s stance. He mumbled a gritted “fine.” With one last glance, Jason disappeared off the scaffolding- giving Danny half a heart attack because when the hell did Jason learn to do that? What if he got hurt??- and into the open window of his bedroom.

Danny kept eyes-to-lense contact with Batman the entire time.

“Close the window,” he called down to Jason, glaring at Batman the entire time.

He heard a curse mixed with grumbling before Jason closed the window with a thud.

Danny immediately rounded on Batman.

“You. How dare you trick my baby brother into all of this?” His eyes glowed a sickening green, hazy in the beginning of a drizzling Gotham rain.

“He would have done it with or without me. This way, he has support.”

“You? Support? You think that’s enough? You think you’re enough?” Danny stalked closer. He was stone cold sober now, and Batman was about to witness what he was capable of when he’s sober.

“I’m better than nothing,” Batman growled.

“No. You’re worse,” Danny snapped at him. The thing about heroes, current or former ones like Danny, was that they tended to know what made people tick. It was how they knew to comfort them, after all. Danny honed in, words brutal and cutting. “You encourage him, yes, but you encourage him to go into this life of yours like it’s a healthy thing to do. Without you, he’d be stopping muggings here and there. Maybe, he’d get in trouble with a crime syndicate. But you? You take a dip in the worst Gotham has to offer, and you expect it to never taint you? You think you’re protecting him but what you’re really doing is dragging him with you. The mud you track in will eventually drown my baby brother, Batman.”

Batman tilted his stupid pointy eared head. “You have experience with this,” he said quietly. A realization.

“You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone because you decided to pull him into this life. I do. So don’t fucking drag him into your fight because he deserves a chance at a life that won’t try its damn hardest to break him. Your self sacrifice and sense of justice will mean nothing to a dead boy.”

Because in the end, it hadn’t mattered for Danny.

Because in the end, he was still left bereft of the family he had and made, all because he chose responsibility.

Because in the end, the dead boy was Danny, but he was left alive enough to grieve.

Danny took a deep, wavering breath before whirling on his heels and marching back inside. Batman watched him walk away. He took a moment before walking down to their apartment.

——

Jason sat at their dining table, homework out and Robin mask laid carefully on the table. He’d changed into his pjs while Danny laid into Batman and seemed to be on his best behavior. Danny took a moment to lean against the doorway, quietly cherishing the last moments of peace he’ll ever know.

He needs your support, Jazz whispered into his ears.

He needs to not be a vigilante, Danny argued back. His throat missed the spice of the wine he’d yet to drink. But he’d promised not to drink around Jason.

And when had telling vigilantes no crime fighting ever work, dork? Jazz laughed. It certainly hadn’t worked with you, Invis-o-bill.

It made Danny’s heart ache something fierce and he didn’t think he’d ever stop missing his older sister.

I just… don’t want to lose him.

I know. Tell him that. But you will if you don’t support him. You will, because he’ll go off on his own like you did. Don’t do our brother dirty, Danny.

It probably wasn’t healthy to be talking to himself like this.

He walked into the room. Jason stiffened. Ah, he should have noticed. Jason always had exceptional spatial awareness, but recently he’d been even more so. Danny knew why, now.

He sat himself across from Jason, who set his jaw stubbornly. He couldn’t look Danny in the eyes, though, and kept fiddling the edges of his red “The Flash” themed pajama shirt.

Danny couldn’t bring it in himself to be anything but gentle, even in his anger.

“Do you want to tell me why you want to be… Robin?”

“Yeah, it’s Robin,” Jason crossed his arms, looking defensive. His fingers now drummed anxiously on the worn wooden table Danny had picked up for their kitchen/dining area. “I wanna help. Ya- y’helping but not enough. I gotta do more.”

Danny tried very very hard not to bury his face into his hands and scream. He did, however, make a dying whale noise that had Jason making offended faces.

“I thought Alley kids were supposed to have self preservation instincts?” Danny bemoaned.

“How d’ya think I’m still alive?” Jason shot back. “Robin’s magic. The other day-”

See, Danny had a plan. He did. He wanted to shut this down.

But as he watched Jason describe the crooks he took down and the people he’s helped, all he could see was Jazz, passionately advocating for improvements in mental health and how much she could help people. He saw the spark in Jason’s eyes, and could only think of Jazz’s heart and how Jason had inherited it and made it his own.

And, what hurts above all, is that Danny saw himself, before everything was ripped from him. Danny saw the hope that Jason carried, the care he had for others and it made him want to cry. Is this why Jazz hadn’t tried to stop him, all those years ago?

Was his choice to become Phantom not a choice that brought her despair but rather something that inspired his older sister?

“I ain’t the first Robin- but- I’m helping.” Jason said, desperate for Danny to understand. “I’m good at it.”

And he does- he does, but.

“You’re better than the first Robin,” Danny said, clearly without bias. Really, he was being fair about it. “You’re already my hero.”

And he was. Even from the moment they met, Jason’s small form, determined despite the fear, had inspired Danny to be better. To be what Phantom used to be.

“Y’re just sayin’ that.” Jason mumbled. “So… does this mean you’re gonna lemme be Robin?”

Danny hesitated. “The reason that I’m against it isn’t because I think you’re incapable.”

Then Danny told his little brother everything. Almost.

“I used to be a vigilante, a long time ago,” he began. Danny wove a tapestry of stories. He spoke of the scars he’d gotten, the things he’d seen and done to help, and more importantly, of the people he’s loved and lost.

“You remind me of my sister, Jay.”

“‘Cause I got red hair?” Jason asked quietly.

“Yes and more. You’re so brave, and your heart is so big. You want to help people at the roots. You care so much and you’re both incredibly intelligent.” Danny closed his eyes. “Losing her broke me. I’m not against you becoming a vigilante, Jay. I’m just scared about losing you and being a vigilante increases those chances.”

“I won’t die.” Jason promised.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jay.” Danny leaned over and ruffled Jason’s hair. “But I know that you’re eventually going to go back to vigilantism eventually. That’s… that’s just kind of how it is.”

Danny hated it but he knew that he wouldn’t have listened at Jason’s age.

“But you haven’t.” Jason gripped his wrist. “Y’ain’t right?”

“What did you think happened to Charlie?”

Jason blinked. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Danny smiled, tired and sad but buoyant. He’ll be there for Jason like Jazz was for him. “I guess there’s only one choice left.”

“What’s that?”

Danny smiled mischievously. “I just gotta be a vigilante again. But don’t tell Batman. That asshole’s gotta suffer a bit.”

Jason giggled and Ancients, Danny could hear Jazz’s little snort in there. “Really?!”

“Yes. I’ll train you if you want. I gotta be out there to make sure you don’t die on me.”

“I won’t.”

This time, Danny actually believed it. Mostly because whoever tried to cross his little brother was about to find out why even the Ancients bowed when he got angry.

——

Jason: *is cute and happy Robin*

Criminals: *fear*

Jason: see that, Danny? They were so afraid of me! I’m super intimidating

Danny, who had been standing behind Jason and making silent threats at them like a demon from Constantine’s hell: yeah, baby brother you’re the scariest, I’m so proud of you

Me, trying to write Danny and Bruce getting along: *challenge failed*

Listen, Danny has too much fight me you rich weirdo vibes

#dcxdp #alley drunk! danny au #dpxdc #danny phantom #jason todd #batman #sorry I wanted to make it longer and have danny be against it #but unfortunately sad Danny is weak to puppy dog eyes and sad Jason #dp x dc crossover #seriously it was supposed to be angstier #like Jason dies and Danny buries him screaming over his grave #and he slips back to alcoholism but then realizes that Jason would have wanted that #and then one day he figures out that Jason isn’t in his grave #and goes hunting for him #they keep missing each other and when they meet #it’s red hood and severely depressed Danny #Danny would have been like I’m so glad you’re back #and Jason would have been like wtf how did you get worse #and Danny would hit him with the Jason you’re my little brother and I love you and losing you broke me all over again

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