#Imagine being that up your own ass that you make a big deal about cosplaying correctly and you don't even get the character right

[popomerrygamz]

I'm Gwyn, the cosplay elitist, and I don't have time for talk of cosplay that isn't canon.

I cosplay hard. I cosplay with passion; and I cosplay correctly.

[midnight-vixn]

(sorry if I'm spamming or anything, I just love these stupid demons boys too much)

But IMAGINE a virgin/little experienced Levi. You dressed up in a cosplay for him to take some pictures with, and he's totally not trying to hide a boner the whole time. Then after you change out you go to take a shower and give him all the clothes back, and whoops your underwear was also in the pile.

Poor boy goes RED when he finds it. He's stammering between should he give it back, or it's just like some anime he saw and he needs to smell it, just once, for science right?

Before he knows it he's jerking off to/with it. He's degrading himself for being so perverted and a gross otaku. His cocks are leaking all over the fabric when he comes in it.

Maybe you'll walk in to ask about the pictures and catch him like that. He's muttering apologies, but his hands are still moving. You just have to give the poor baby some help~

No don’t worry I absolutely love hearing others thoughts on the boys! As long as you don’t mind me adding on to them ksksk Virgin!Levi lives in my head rent free omggggg

Reader is mentioned in a skirt but no pronouns used or genitals described

Leviathan thought all his dreams came true the day you agreed to dress up and actually go to a convention with him, just a local one held here in the Devildom but he didn’t care because he had you going with him. You dressed as one of your favorite characters, in an outfit that hugged all of your curves and a skirt that barely covered your ass and swayed with each movement of your hips. Levi felt his pants growing tight before you guys even left his room.

The two of you spent the entire day running around together, taking pictures every chance you got, poor Levi constantly trying to readjust and hide his growing erection while you were blissfully unaware of his predicament. He dreaded seeing these photos later because he knew his face was bright red in most of them and he was almost positive there was one picture where his bulge was painfully obvious.

The two of you headed home, you undressed and went to return the outfit to Levi who was unusually quiet. You assumed he was just exhausted from being social all day and didn’t mention it. In reality Levi was trying to focus on your words and not how gorgeous you looked in your sleepwear, your after shower glow making his head spin even more.

Leviathan takes the clothes and goes to put them away to be washed later, turning back towards his computer he notices a piece he had dropped, he picks it up and freezes, nearly dropping it again. This wasn’t part of your cosplay. That’s your underwear. His heart races and he’s immediately panicking about what to do. Part of him knows he needs to return them but how?? He can’t just walk down the hall holding them and then give them back to you like no big deal. Maybe Asmo could or even Mammon in his own tsundere way, but him?? He could never.

The rest of his body has already decided how to handle the situation. His face is burning, palms are sweaty, his cocks are even harder than they were before. Is he really going to do this? Is he really that low and perverted? His cocks twitch as your scent hits his nose. Fuck.

Before he knows it Leviathan is in his bed, pants discarded, legs spread apart, the bottom of his shirt being held in his mouth so he can get a better view of what he’s doing, your underwear wrapped deliciously around his two cocks. He can barely think straight but flinches when his moans echo back to him.

What a fucking loser.

He lets out a whimper. His conscience is right, he is a loser. Laying here playing with himself and using your underwear to do so. He can’t help it though, when he finally unclenched his fist and took a good look at your underwear he had noticed the wet spot on the crotch. His brain had shut off as your scent filled his mind, he couldn’t stop himself. He had moaned and rubbed his face against the fabric, licking the wet spot and tasting the faint sweetness left behind. That’s how he ended up here in his bed.

His mind kept trying to torment him but Leviathan learned a long time ago that he loves to be degraded. You’re such a loser. What if they find out? What if they walk in on you?

Fuck what if you did find him like this?? What if you found him laying here pumping his cocks, your underwear rubbing up and down his shafts and him moaning your name. Would you call him a disgusting freak? Would you shame him for being so gross? The thought only turned him on more. Levi pumped faster while chasing his high, your faint scent mixing in the air with his, he tries to imagine what you would look like underneath him, he tries to imagine what you would sound like calling his name.

“Leviathan?”

Shit. That sounded too real…

His eyes fly open and find you standing over his bed. Leviathan is mortified, not only did you find him here masturbating with your underwear but now you know he really is a monster. He’d never shared with you that he had two dicks, he was too afraid of how you’d respond, but here he was. As terrified as he was Leviathan was still aroused by the situation, his cocks throbbing and leaking out a heavy amount of precum, only adding to his embarrassment. He waited for you to scream at him but instead watched you smirk.

“Who would’ve thought the shyest brother would have the most cock in the family.”

Fuck. Don’t do that. Don’t compliment him, he can’t take it. He knows you’ve seen his brothers, he knows you’ve had his brothers. Asmo can’t keep his mouth shut (or his legs for that matter), he’s smelt Mammon on you several times at breakfast, he’s heard the growls, grunts and moans coming from Beelzebub’s room while your own was empty. So if you sit here and praise him for his cocks he’s bound to cum and that’s not what he wants you to see. But you’re not making it easier to prevent.

You crawl on top of him, your hips hovering just above his own, and you caress his face. He lets out a strangled moan at your touch, his hand hasn’t stopped pumping the entire time but it stutters slightly. He’s completely helpless, looking up at you and hoping you give him more.

“Levi,” you say in an all too sultry voice. “You’re a virgin right?”

Yes, fuck yes. Shame him for it, please! Make fun of him for being the only virgin left in the house. He wants you to degrade him so badly, he wants to hear you call him a gross, perverted, virgin demon. He nods quickly, his mouth open just slightly and letting a high pitched whine escape. Your smirk turns into something more sinister and you lock your lips with his. He moans into your mouth while squeezing his eyes shut, bucking his hips into his hand and causing his leaking tips to brush against your ass. You pull back, face flushed but a confident look in your eyes.

“Why don’t we change that?”

[mythiccheroacademia]

Hey!! Could we please get more sugar daddy fics with a black reader ofc 😋 idk if you've done shoto already but that'd be nice or hawks and deku💕

A/N: “wrist on glitter, waist on thinner, imma show you how to bag a eight-figure nigga” 👅💋 I enjoyed this way too much

All characters are 18+

Warnings: it got a lil spicy so imma put the line 

Todoroki Shouto:

this mf has money to burn 

we all know todoroki came out the womb w cash from his hair to his ass 

he’s on some “yes, jeff bezos knows me” type shit so if you’re tryna end up with someone that’s gonna possibly buy you a house, he’s your guy 

he slid into your dms after you posted a pic with your skin moisturized and glistening under golden hour and your body had him wanting to run laps 

he had been plottin on you for a min but never got the motivation to do something about it until then

he’s a no strings attached type of sugar daddy

todoroki is a big name even outside of hero work and he’s well aware of all the people that have tried to use him. so instead of letting that happen, he’s decided to do things on his own terms 

when yall first started talking, he questioned you like this was managerial position at apple 💀 

best believe he ran an in-depth background check and made you sign an NDA 💀💀💀

he was a tough one

but you passed w flying colors and y’all settled on an arrangement

you have a weekly allowance that hits your bank account every saturday with some bonuses that he’ll give you depending on how the week goes

todoroki isnt needy nor is he one to be all up in your business 

it’s actually weird in an endearing kind of way? 

he only wants to have conversations with you 

i mean, dont get me wrong, he’s up for anything you are

todoroki would be a liar if he said he never ended some nights with a picture of you and a hand down his pants 

but that’s not what he’s mainly looking for 

you figure out very quickly that shouto just wants someone to talk to 

he’ll randomly hit up your phone and have a 30 min convo about something like the weather or hero politics, and then he’ll dip

next thing you know, you got $1000 in your cashapp

you kind of panicked bc like...wtf? 

your dumb ass messaged him: “did you mean to send $1000?”

sis, dont put a question mark where God put a period

him: “Yes.”

and that was the end of that

you dont question anymore

he’s not doting in any kind of way, and sometimes you lowkey think he forgets about you, but you still get your allowance 

doesn’t send a lot of gifts unless you explicitly state you want something

he doesnt text back a lot, but he tried to respond when he can

but i do see him liking it when you send him mundane things you do throughout your day, like pics of cookies you baked, or a cool plant you saw at home depot

and he enjoys the times you and him end up just trashing his father for nearly an hour. expect to find flowers, with some expensive ass coats or something at your door the next morning 

he really fucks w your laid back vibe 

sometimes he forgets you guys arent really supposed to be friends 

Takami Kiego (Hawks):

this is not hawks’ first time being a sugar daddy

he’s hot, rich, and one of the most eligible bachelor’s in japan with a life that prevents him from having anything too serious

so, long story short, he’s a veteran at this 

he used to be the type to reach out to instagram baddies but he had a couple bad run-ins and decided to stick with the official sites because it was a lot more secure on both ends 

the funny thing was, you set up your account a long time ago as a joke. though at one point, you did take it seriously, but you came in contact with a lot of super creepy men that sexualized you for your skin and ethnicity. 

you were tired of the “chocolate king/queen” and “amazonian god/dess” comments,so you took a break. you didnt have much activity since

so imagine youre surprise when the #2 hero hit your line talking about some 

“Hey~ I’ll get straight to the point. I think you’re beautiful and I’d like to talk with you about an arrangement” 

you thought this was a fake account, but after he chatting for a little and sending some pictures, you knew he was the real deal 

hawks is your standard tit-for-tat transaction sugar daddy

he’s the type to hit you up at night with a “how ya doing, dove? got any pics for me?”

he’s good about his respect ad won’t do anything out of line

it’s the bare minimum, be he doesnt fetishize you so that’s always nice 

however, he does make you call him daddy, sir, etc. whether it’s through text, call, or when y’all get together for...reasons

ngl his dicc game is fire

he might ghost you for a week or so but he’ll always come back with a nice check to make up for it 

just be careful about catching feelings bc he’s so fucking smooth. he makes you feel like you’ve got his heart, but dont fall for that shit

if you think you can “change him” or fuflfil whatever wattpad romance fantasy lives in your head, he is not your guy. you better get on w your life before you get your heart broken

he’s here to suck, fuck, send pics, do a little phone call here n there, send some money, and go 

if you’re not with all that, you might as well dip 

but if you’re cool with that, rest assured, you’re gonna be living your best mf life with this man in your wallet 

and good news, you might not be his only, but you are his favorite

there’s just something about you that’s got him giving you a few extra thousand than he normally does 

he doesnt take his sugar babies on proper dates bc he’s gotta stay away from media outlets, but he will invite you to his office for a “lunch break”

if you ever surprise him with a cute but sexy hawks cosplay, you won’t have to work for two whole weeks bc you cant walk  

overall, he’s a good sugar daddy. defintely good for your pockets and any other non-romantic desires you want fulfilled

Mirodirya Izuku:  

the way you two met and came to this arrangement was more or less an accident

the life of the number one pro-hero was lonely and stressful 

he’s tried to dip his toes in the water here and there, but it never worked out because not many people could deal with the fact that he’d always put hero work first

he was teetering on the edge of signing up for one of those sugar daddy/baby websites until he met you at some cafe he passed by 

it’s cliche really. you were his server and, honestly? he was hooked on day one 

he watched you intently as you pranced around in your cute uniform. he couldnt stop admiring your brown skin and eyes and how cute your hair was. you spoke with such enthusiasm and cheerfulness that he couldnt help but swoon. and it didn’t hurt that you were very easy on the eyes

he listened to you as you went on a spiel about how college was a fortune and how you stayed up last night for a project bc you had to pick up extra shifts

that’s when he made his decision

by the time the hero is out of the door, you collected the reciept and almost fainted when you realized he left you a $500 tip and his personal number 

“i enjoyed talking to you today and i hope we can continue that...here’s something small to help with your bills. and i hope this isnt too forward but you’re very beautiful. stay safe. deku.”

and what did you do that night?

you called his ass right back

you were nervous as hell bc you still couldnt believe this was real, but after talking on the phone with him for two hours, an arrangement was set

midoriya is the most gentlemen like sugar daddy out there 

you wake up to good morning texts and a few hundred in your bank account almost every two days 

he goes crazy over your insta posts. and if you wear something green? expect a bonus

takes you out shopping unprovoked 

izuku: “are you busy? i saw you were having a rough week and was wondering if you wanted to go to that new outlet mall downtown”

you: 🏃🏾‍♀���💨  

you most certainly had homework due that night but what tf you look like missing out on that offer? 

it’s after so many “dates” that deku realizes that he prefers hanging around you more than he should but he doesnt wanna ruin anything so he keeps that underwraps 

he’s the idiot that goes into this thinking he won’t fall in love

deku defintely has some dirty thoughts about you but he doesnt try to bring it up unless you do first

if you’re comfortable with anything nsfw, you gone see a whole different side to izuku

he’s a giver, giver, giver, but when he recieves, he just about loses it

send him “innocent” pics of yourself matched with a string of filthy texts and he’ll combust 

when you send him pics of yourself in deku-themed lingre, he deadass sends you a whole black card with your name on it as a thank you

you guys get very comfortable with each other very quickly

soon enough, DA’s start turning into y/n stayng over for a week 

you both realize this relatiosnhip runs a lot deeper than an arrangement when he accidentally let it slip that he told his mom about you 

he’s profusely apologizing but you shut him up with a kiss and tell him that you’ve kinda caught feelings yourself 

your next conversation works out well for the both of you 

[flowerflamestars]

Main Issues with Feysand's leadership: it mostly consists on rather inmature, underdeveloped strategy that would in no way get a world leader very far in the real world (see: 'i schooled my face into a look of boredom'), seem content in making enemies left to right as long as they never have to step down from the pedestal that they've built, and see Illyria as a necessary evil, like wtf. In conclusion, Rhysand is a governor for Velaris, but is not fit to be the ruler of the Night Court.

Rounding caveat, because I know I’m going to get shouty: the dividing line between ToG and ACOTAR is that tog is a fantasy series with romance, and acotar is a romance series in a fantasy world. They’re not the same. I’d be totally fine with how the world building in acotar is v handywavy, because it’s still accomplishing what the books set out to do (tell a love story, hello acomaf) but- BUT, it’s not consistent. And that inconsistency wildly undermines the characters.

And god, if Rhysand as a ruler isn’t the heart of ???? spirit.

We’re not going to talk about how the plot of acotar only makes sense backwards (Hey, Rhys, why did you want to kidnap every month a powerless mortal girl???), we’re just going to talk about reputation.

So Rhys is a villain who we learn isn’t actually evil. A classic. He was made to do terrible things by Amarantha! He sacrificed himself to save his friends! Of course the High Lords hate him, they think he sided with the enemy.

That could have been the whole thing- the layers pulled back, Rhysand also a victim, a reason for the world to hate him but for Feyre to see otherwise.

OKAY BUT- then we learn? that Rhysand has been playing Evil Scary Jackass in all political situations? for his entire reign? that’s just what he does?

Round two: Rhys had to be Amarantha’s because he had to “shield the knowledge” of his friends and his capitol? city. 

BUT- other people Under the Mountain, also accessible to Amarantha, know the IC??? have been acquainted with them for years? They’re not a secret. Mor was almost married out, Az and Cas are legendary, Amren is a story people tell. 

And all those people are probably incentivized by the fact that, you know, they think Rhysand is an evil traitor.

Furthermore: guess who willing cooperated with Amarantha? The Court of Nightmares. Recall who, surprise in acowar, knows all about Velaris: Keir.

Round three: Sexy Evil Cosplay, wherein we learn that not only instead of just keeping it together in politics Rhys has adopted an entire secondary persona, we learn he also...uses this persona...to scare all the other highborn faeries into submission....so he? never has to talk to them?

BUT ALSO: this whole thing is undermined by, once more, Keir. 

The whole game on the throne is to instill fear/ control of Keir. The whole Second Face. But Keir knows about Velaris? Keir knows exactly what Rhys stands for because Rhys and Cassian tried to rescue Morrigan from the Court of Nightmares when they were teens. Hell, Keir probably knew Rhys when Rhys was a kid.

It’s almost like eventually the person you pretend to be becomes who you are.

I think the Political Rhys vs Real Rhys started out as a plot point, but in character became this: not someone separate at all, but actually, Rhysand’s coping mechanism for making shitty choices.

See: if everyone in the Court of Nightmares bows, I’m ruling them. It doesn’t matter that women are being sold, that there’s servants and presumably totally normal people trapped in a mountain they can’t leave with people I think are monsters.

Let’s jump to Illyria. 

How much easier is it, for Rhysand, half-Illyrian himself, to align wholly with the High Fae and say: no, it’s Illyria’s fault. They’re savages, they’re barbarians. 

Easy as being a dick to other powerful men because it’s fun when they can’t fight back.

If the blame isn’t his, he keeps his army. He doesn’t have to fight a civil war that might swallow him whole, considering Illyria is the army he controls vs the High Fae soldiers left entirely under Keir’s rule. 

If it’s Illyria’s fault he can successfully reimagine the past as he clearly needs to (someday, I’ll make a whole ass post about Rhysand’s mommy issues and how they creepily bleed into Feyre’s characterization, but one thing at a time).

If it’s Illyria’s fault, he can’t be mad about his Mother, daughter of a warrior race, offering him up for brutal, dangerous training. It’s the fault of Illyria. He doesn’t have to imagine he was learning those things, fighting in the mud, because it was the only way his mother could pass the legacy, could say, look, this is where I come from and someday you will have the power to make it better for your sister, for everyone.

He LOVED his mother. He wears the sacred tattoos, manifests wings, has Illyrian “brothers”.

But- It’s Illyria’s fault, so Rhys didn’t fail, Rhys is doing his duty by keeping them in line. 

Which brings us to the war.

I’m unclear on why only the Night Court knew Hybern was coming, but let’s just accept that. 

But it’s all about the Public Face, moving in the shadows, the two Rhysands. So for the months Feyre is wasting away with Tamlin, planning her wedding Rhys...doesn’t warn anyone. Doesn’t whisper to the other High Lords to shore up defenses.

He makes a plan contingent on 1)that creepy deal with Feyre that he can now both justify and doesn’t want to enforce knowing she’s his mate, and 2) long lost magical objects no one knows the location of, and that don’t belong to him.

Rhys got SO used to the All-Knowing Dickbag face, it’s like he started believing he was all knowing. He’s one of seven Lords, but he doesn’t talk to any of them, on the off chance they don’t do exactly as he says. He steals from Tarquin, a young High Lord kind enough to take a chance on him. He tricks Mor. He lies to...everyone?

And then it’s a big deal, a failure on their part, when at the FINAL HOUR AND LAST MOMENT BEFORE ALL OUT WAR, AFTER THE SECOND INVASION HAS ALREADY COMMENCED, when the High Lords don’t jump to trust Rhys.

A step back, a Feyre tangent: Feyre, younger, also deeply traumatized, falls into this hard. Rhys tells her he’s the underdog, and she believes it. He’s SO SO SO powerful he can take the voice of another High Lord, Feyre herself thinks he’s so magical the gap between him and his contemporaries is like that between humans and high fae-

But hey wait, they don’t trust him because he’s been a dick for five hundred years. 

But hey wait, they came as their true selves, they don’t trust him while he’s WEARING ILLYRIAN WINGS- IT’S BECAUSE HE’S DIFFERENT-

No, it is not, but Feyre’s POV sort of wants us to think so.

And that’s where everything sort of falls apart.

The act of power has stopped being an act- it’s just their actions now. And they do not know how to stop.

Because they are in control, and they have to go on for the war. They have to keep making decisions, even if they’ve lost the thread, because they want to survive.

But they do survive.

And it turns out, even after that, they can’t put down the masks fused to their faces, because the act is the only thing keeping them together.

So the balls to the wall, We Must have the High Ground Even at Our Own Dinner Parties, The Center MUST Hold shit just keeps going: tearing down Lucien because he chose something that wasn’t their Court. Letting Illyria crumble because they don’t need the army right now. Banishing Nesta because she’ll never bow to authority.

All the weird, incestuous feeling inter IC drama.

But they’re the underdogs! the Heroes! It’s not their fault! 

So they spend their time in Velaris, charmingly hanging out like they’re normal people, thinking they’re better because power is wielded on an unimaginable personal scale.

Rhys loves his people! Rhys sacrificed!

Rhys...careened from one war/disaster to the next, and then settled down to play house?

The narrative cannot decide: is Rhys really an underdog, devoted to his people? How about he helps every other city that Amarantha destroyed?

Is Rhys a Normal Guy who just wants to walk on pretty cobblestone and have a cute, happy family? Maybe, there should be a government so he isn’t solely responsible for everything?

Is Rhys the Lord of Darkness Redeemed by LOVE?  Cool, let’s have him maybe he honest with Feyre exactly once, OR, at least talk about how him dying made her go off the rails and try to fix that with a bandage that isn’t baby shaped before Feyre’s 22nd birthday. 

Canonically, becoming High Lord is a mystical, magical endowment. That then, for the most part, functions as some kind of mashup Monarchy/ Feudal Lordship.

If that’s what it is, why can’t we lean into that? Rhys who does want a normal happy life with Feyre, trapped by the weight of immovable magic destiny.

King Rhys, duty bound to his bloodline and his people, torn between different ways to rule. 

Hell, Rhysand who really is a monster, because maybe Faeries are monstrous by human standards, who shows Feyre the beauty that lies beneath the brutality in a magic, surreal world where everyone is terrifying, but even monsters love.

[tepkunset]

@avatarfandompolice​​​ is a blog that likes to misuse progressive language in attempt to make ignorant, racist posts sound more intelligent than they are. While most of their blog consists of arguing about ‘zutara,’ (which I recently learned is a ship name for Zuko and Katara from an anon), there is also a large number of posts and reblogs under the premise of being “hot takes” on how unfair it is to address racism in fandom and in media.

Avatarfandompolice is very sensitive about people pointing out that Avatar: The Last Airbender is not, in fact, flawless. That a show made by two white men featuring Asian and Indigenous characters and influences is fully capable of getting things wrong. That their western colonial views are influences all on their own, and it shows. Rather than listen to fans of colour point out things like these posts for example: [Link] [Link] [Link], avatarfandompolice has decided that such things must simply be fake, and has made multiple posts complaining it. This is not just regular ignorance, this is wilful ignorance. The dismissal of critique simply because they cannot fathom not everyone being able to handle the amount of issues they are freely educating others on, or people holding the ability to like something overall while also pointing out where it could be better.

It is my firm belief that you should never absorb media with an uncritical eye. If this was the case, if people just accepted everything given to them, then we would never see any progress. We need to be able to look back at something and say here’s what we did right, and here’s what we need to do better with.

The argument that A:TLA was made in 2012 and therefore should not be analyzed with a modern understanding of the world is downright hilarious, too. As if we aren’t taught to write literature analysis on books and plays that are centuries old in school. In particular regards to the whole cop thing... if anyone reading this seriously thinks that hate and fear of the police is just a 2020 trend, you can meet me in the pit. I was four years old when I learned how terrifying cops are. If your experiences differ, let me tell you that does not make them universal. And as for all the 20-somethings talking about it today, well, gentle reminder that as said by avatarfandompolice right here, the show aired in 2012. Little 10-year-old kids don’t have social media, (at least I hope they don’t,) and unless they grew up experiencing first-hand police terror, probably were not aware of it at that age. I do not know why avatarfandompolice insults people's ability to grow and learn. I can only guess it’s jealously from their lack of ability to do so.

Now let’s address their defences of whitewashing, which is easily the most backwards reaching I’ve seen on this issue in a while. Primarily their defence relies on four repetitive “points” —

Fake minuscule percentages to downplay the high prevalence and extremity of whitewashing in the fandom

Deflecting the addressing of whitewashing with rapid-fire fake scenarios and claims of “reverse racism” / “blackwashing”

Claiming whitewashing isn’t real because people only care about it with Katara

Claiming that calling out whitewashing in fandom is wrong because it hurts artists

I have only so much as dipped my toes into the A:TLA fandom, and even I have seen a lot of whitewashed fan art. If you do an image search for fan art, I guarantee within the first couple rows of results, there will be in the absolute least, a few examples. The idea of these artworks not substantially lightening skin is also just plain inaccurate. Just from a quick Google search, this is literally the first result for ‘Avatar The Last Airbender Katara fan art’:

Avatarfandompolice is also hyper-focused on the lightening of skin, and seems to be under the impression that this is the only component of whitewashing. I come to this conclusion because when someone pointed out the equal prevalence of depicting these characters of colour with Western European features instead of their actual eyes, noses, etc., they rip a giant turd out of their ass and scrawl the words “but stereotyping” over it. No, not all Asian peoples and Indigenous peoples look the same. The original poster made no such claim of this at all. Avatarfandompolice jumped to this conclusion all on their own... (which really says a lot in itself). It is entirely unrelated to the point. The point being the erasure of how these characters look, in favour of giving them whiter features. And guess what? This does hurt. But I’ll get to that below.

The lack of understanding of whitewashing is on full display when avatarfandompolice talks about “blackwashing”; the idea that colouring characters with darker skin is just like whitewashing. Firstly, there is no such thing as “blackwashing.” “Blackwashing,” “brownwashing,” etc. does not exist because it is a false equivalency to whitewashing. It is a false equivalency to whitewashing because white people are not even in the slightest loosing representation when a white character is re-imagined as a racial minority, whereas when racial minorities are re-imagined as white people, they are taking away from what is already very little representation for us. If we lived in a world where the statistics of representation were not so drastically disproportionate, then there would be something to talk about. But if you are really wanting to support equality, you should focus on equitably supporting those who actually need it, not white people. As for specifically depicting characters like Sokka and Katara with darker skin than what they have in the show, the same applies, (so long as it’s not racebending them as we really shouldn’t be taking representation away from each other, and the artist avatarfandompolice ridicules above has done no such thing,) because colourism also exists within nonwhite communities as well.

As for the fake questions about cosplaying, the answer is really simple: Cosplay however you want, but don’t make pretending to be a different race part of your cosplay. If you want to cosplay Katara, you can do it without painting your skin darker, aka brownface. If you want to cosplay Zuko, you can do it without editing yourself to look East Asian, aka digital yellowface. The racist history behind this is an internet search away, but I suppose that is too difficult for avatarfandompolice to do.

Avatarfandompolice has made multiple claims that people must not really care about whitewashing if they only call it out for Katara. It is laughable at best, and sad at worst, that this is the conclusion they come to, and not the fact that unfortunately Katara just happens to be subjected to more whitewashing than other characters. I assume this is from a mix of her popularity as well as being a WOC and not MOC. This is not to say that whitewashing does not exist with male characters—not in the slightest. Half the images on this “10 fan art pictures of Sokka that are just the best” list from CBR are whitewashed. Only that across fandoms, whitewashing is more prevalent in female characters, by my observations at least.

Finally—and this one pisses me off the most—avatarfandompolice claims that whitewashing is no big deal, but calling out whitewashing is too harmful to justify. How fucking dare you put the feelings of artists who can’t handle critique of their work (that they publicly share) over fans of colour, who are constantly subjected to seeing our identities and looks not being worth respecting. As if it doesn’t imprint on your mind from a very young age how only villains ever have your facial features, because they’re ugly and I guess that means you’re ugly. As if there is something wrong with you. As if respecting you is regarded as extra effort, and not just common courtesy.

Whitewashing is a form of colourism, which is a form of racism. It is the favouritism, unconscious or not, of white features and the erasure of visible characters of colour. It is not fandom drama. It is not being too lazy to focus on “real issues” because it is part of a real issue. It is yet another part of why fandom spaces are so uninviting to POC. We live in a society that favours lighter skin. Corporations make fortunes from selling products to bleach your skin, products to contour your features away or go as far as surgery, all to meet beauty standards set by and influenced by white colonizers. That does not exist in A:TLA, and that’s called refreshing escapism. But it’s hard to escape that when the fandom constantly reminds you otherwise. It is a perfect example of how the classic “just let people enjoy things” complaint is nothing but disguised racism, because it’s only ever said regarding white fans’ enjoyment, at the expense of fans of colour.

None of the characters in A:TLA are white. Redesigning them and recolouring them as if they are, be it out of accident or intent is wrong. If you get called out for it, apologize, learn from the experience and do better going forward. You’ll also improve your art this way.

Beyond excusing whitewashing, avatarfandompolice has overt racist posts as well. A Black fan said they like to headcanon Katara as being partially Black; “I swear Katara was a sister. Im convinced there ain't no way she didn't have some black in her.” Avatarfandompolice jumps in saying “She's literally an Inuit but ok” as if being an Inuk person means Katara can’t possibly also be Black. The OP never claimed Katara was not Indigenous, simply that they also saw her as Black. Black Indigenous peoples exist. Black Inuk peoples exist. It is overtly anti-Black to say otherwise. But what even is the point of talking to avatarfandompolice about that? You know, you would think in trying to put such a front up of caring about the Inuit, they would do the most basic learning of the proper grammatical use of Inuit and Inuk. (As is the case with a great many Indigenous Nations, Inuit is both the Nation and plural. Inuk is singular. “An Inuit” / “Inuits” as avatarfandompolice has used just makes their dressed-up racism all the more pathetic. It’s similar to as if you said “Chinas” instead of “Chinese”.)

But all this is nothing, nothing compared to the worst post I had the displeasure of seeing. In a single post, avatarfandompolice manages to squeeze in insult against low income people, Mexican people, Jewish people, and Black people in a mockery of financial help posts. Absolutely disgusting, childish behaviour from a place of privilege. As someone who has had no option but to make such a post before, more than once, let me fucking tell you that the embarrassment and desperation when in that situation is unparalleled. It is not done lightly. It is done when you are at the last resort of having nothing but hope that the combined generosity of others will be enough to save you and your family. And what adds a whole other level to the odiousness of avatarfandompolice’s post is that they specifically targeting low income minorities to boot. Because we’re all poor beggars, right?

All in all, for someone who prides themselves in calling others ignorant, avatarfandompolice has to be one of the most obtuse fandom blogs I have ever scrolled through. They are as vile as they are pathetic, and my sincere sympathy for anyone who has been unfortunate enough to interact with them. It has been a while since I so strongly recommend blocking someone.

[backtothestart02]

A Weekend of Firsts - 1/? | grandice fanfiction

A/N: Part 1 of my On Set Attraction series (for now). This one will be 2-3 chaps. Not sure yet. For the anon that requested an sdcc hook-up. I hope you enjoy this first part.

...

Synopsis: Grant and Candice get together.

...

Chapter 1 -

SDCC 2014.

The first real large-scale event that The Flash cast attended in preparation for the upcoming season one of their show.

San Diego Comic Con.

Candice was starry-eyed. It had been her first time attending SDCC as someone featured and not just an audience member. She’d secretly attended just for enjoyment’s sake once years earlier, but she wasn’t about to spill that. She was a little embarrassed about how nerdy she’d been, dressing up in cosplay and everything. She was putting that behind her. Now she was a real celebrity – or she was about to be.

Glancing back at Grant on the bus, she felt her cheeks grow hot and quickly turned around. She’d thought to look over to him because he, too, had never attended SDCC as part of a featured cast, but his eyes and his smile had gotten the best of her, and she hadn’t been able to maintain eye contact.

What was the matter with her? She wondered, but it was no secret to herself why her heart started racing and heat filled her cheeks whenever she caught that sexy grin of his.

She had a crush. A big one.

He was single, so it’s not like if she acted on it there would be bad fallout. But it might affect their chemistry onset, which to hear it, was some of the best the casting director had ever seen.

Electric. Show-stopping. Edge-of-your seat. Magical.

She couldn’t risk losing that by confessing her feelings. And besides, she didn’t even know if he felt the same way. His rejection of her alone might affect their chemistry if they couldn’t get past that awkward moment.

No, she was better off keeping this little crush to herself and hopefully getting over it, sooner rather than later hopefully.

She tried to find reasons not to fantasize about what the two of them together romantically might look like. She honestly did. She tried to find flaws in him. Real, honest-to-God flaws that could make her see him more as a friend than a crush.

But it was just so God damn hard.

He was such a flirt, and he focused most of his efforts of her. He’d deliberately run into things to gauge her reaction, and he’d tease her relentlessly. He was funny too, so funny that she found herself laughing long after everyone else had stopped. She’d thought he would think oddly of her for that, but when their eyes met after she’d stopped, he was only ever smiling at her, as if nothing existed for him outside of her.

They shared similar interests too – well, except for the ongoing Superman vs. Batman debate. That would probably never end. But they both loved dogs and video games. She had a few potted plants in her trailer that sometimes she’d come back to see him watering. And his two dogs, Jett and Nora, took to her right away.

They gravitated to each other easily when alone, and his first instinct was to slow dance with her in between takes. She never led him on or tried to get his attention one way or the other. He always came looking for it.

And sometimes, occasionally, she’d catch him checking out her cleavage or her ass when she knew he thought she was unaware. It made her wonder if maybe, just maybe, he had a thing for her too?

But she never brought it up and neither did he. The cast couldn’t be completely oblivious to their connection though. She hoped they never brought it up to anybody. The last thing she needed was for people to think she was getting attention simply because the leading man was giving it to her.

She was the leading lady though, so was it that hard to believe?

She kept herself in check as best as she could, however. And when the bus finally arrived and they filed out, she made herself focus on what the itinerary of the day was. Well, for the first day it was pretty low key. They just needed to check into the hotel and attend a couple low key events. The real slew of interviews and panels and photoshoots, autographs and more would take place over the next couple days.

Paparazzi lined the walkway, as did some fans who had heard about the show. If they got renewed for another season, she imagined the fans would multiply at events like this. Not that she was hoping for that or even needed it. She was just amazed – still – that she had gotten the part. Her talent and her chemistry with Grant had sealed the deal. She couldn’t be happier.

Once inside the hotel, they got their keys and made their way to their floor. Candice stopped at her door and was about to slide her key in when she heard Grant call out to her.

“Hey, we’re neighbors?”

She smiled tremulously and called back, “Yeah, cool!”

Cool?

She rolled her eyes at herself and got into her suite. She lay on the bed for a while, then peeked outside at the view she had. A busy street. Not the best, but they were in busy San Diego. What did she expect?

She stepped into her bathroom and turned on the shower. Setting out her clothes for the first event, she stripped down, went under the glorious hot water and soaked herself. After she was thoroughly wrinkled, she washed up, then shut off the water, dried herself off, and proceeded to get ready for their night of events.

Alcohol.

She hadn’t thought twice when champagne was offered to her at the first event or the second. She didn’t think she was anywhere near tipsy by the time the after party came around, but she did notice one thing.

Grant was flirting more than usual, and she was flirting back.

Her heated cheeks a faint memory, and her heart racing nothing to the sound of glasses clinking and toasts being made at their first day of SDCC being completed successfully.

Candice couldn’t stop smiling.

She didn’t know where the rest of the cast had gone. They’d all arrived together at the party. But now it was just her and Grant and other people they didn’t know who probably didn’t really know them, what with their show not having aired yet. It was nice to be somewhat anonymous and just having fun without a care.

Minutes ticked away into hours though, and when she looked around she noticed that the place was starting to empty.

She tugged on Grant’s arm and pulled him down to her to whisper into his ear.

“Think we should go?” she giggled helplessly, and he grinned, that sexy smile of his so close to her cheek.

Was it just her or she was getting more drunk and he was getting more sober?

“Yeah, good idea!” he declared, smiling brilliantly.

He leaned across the bar to ask the bartender to call them a cab, even though he had his phone in his pocket. Candice giggled at that but decided not to inform him of his slip-up.

“Do you have money?” she teased, yanking on his arm again and pulling him close.

Grant grinned shamelessly.

“Should I ask him for that too?” He turned toward the bartender. “Hey, dude!”

“No, no, no, shhhh!” She couldn’t stop laughing. “He didn’t mean it! He didn’t mean it!”

The bartender continued his call and then gestured towards the door when he was finished. Looping arms, Grant and Candice stumbled slightly on their way out and promptly informed the driver where they were headed. They couldn’t remember the address, but the guy knew his way around the city and was aware of where they were staying.

Candice decided then and there that she wasn’t the only one bordering on drunk instead of tipsy. Grant just did a better job of looking like he was sober. But she was too far from sober to care what he thought about her behavior. Her insecurities were gone.

After paying the driver – miraculously – Grant helped her out of the cab and they fumbled some more getting into the hotel lobby, the elevator, and finally falling out of it when they got to their floor.

“Want to come to my room?” he asked teasingly, raising his eyebrows suggestively. She couldn’t tell if he was joking.

“Sure!” she burst, and skipped down the hall with him, her arm still looped through his when he got his hotel room opened and they struggled to walk inside at the same time.

Finally they unlooped from each other and burst into the room.

“Ooo, this room looks nice,” she commented, taking a gigantic breath. “Looks just like my room!” She giggled profusely again.

He snickered.

“We can go to your room tomorrow!” he declared, and she nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes! Yes! Aaaand…yes!”

She fell back on the large king-sized bed in the room and stared up at the ceiling. She was shocked to find her reflection staring back at her.

“You have a mirror on your ceiling.” She pouted.

He came to lie next to her after nearly tripping out of his shoes.

“You don’t have one in yours?” he asked, turning to face her.

She turned her head to face him and shook it.

“Uh-uh,” she said, and then made the mistake of dropping her gaze to his lips for a little too long.

“Candice,” he said, and he sounded really sober then it nearly sobered her up.

“Uh-oh.” She sat up quickly. Too quickly. Her head hurt. “Need more alcohol.”

She curled up and off the bed and opened the minifridge in his room where some chilled beers were located.

“Want one?” She held one out to him.

“Okay,” he said.

She grabbed another one for her and handed both to him.

“Can’t open. Too hard.”

She plopped back down on the bed.

He definitely had to be sobering up, because he easily opened both.

“Think we’ll get alcohol poisoning?” she wondered aloud.

He held the beer out to her and hesitated to drink his own. She didn’t though and so he just shook his head and laughed.

“You are the best person I’ve ever met,” he said, setting both their beers on the table.

“Oh, wow. That is really great!” She placed her hands on either side of his head. “I’ve got a crush on you,” she informed him.

“Yeah?” He sounded breathless.

She nodded enthusiastically.

“Biggest crush ever!”

“Me too,” he said back, and it really didn’t register until he leaned in and kissed her without warning.

When he pulled back slowly after she’d responded just a little, he looked deep into her eyes.

“You’re not as drunk as I am,” she accused.

He winced. “I just hold my liquor better.”

She pouted, then got a little angry.

“Were you pretending to be drunk so I’d feel better?”

She felt her insecurities rising and wondered if this was a different kind of drunk.

“No!” he insisted. “I was just being silly, having fun. Sometimes it looks like I’m drunk when I’m just having fun.”

“Oh.”

She leaned back on the bed till her head was nestled nicely on top of two pillows.

“Do you regret coming to my room?” he asked, lightly brushing some of her locks out of her face, dipping his fingers down across her collar bone and along the column of her neck.

He slipped one strap of her dress down her arm to reveal more of her cleavage and then stopped, looking at her looking at him.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, his voice raspy, and she shook her head.

“No.”

She reached up for him and pulled his face down to hers. Then she kissed him passionately and arched up against him as he climbed on top of her. She allowed his tongue entrance into her mouth and wound her fingers into his spiked, messy hair. His body felt incredible on top of hers, and she wound her legs around his, letting the skirt of her dress hike itself up.

When his hand landed on her bare thigh, she moaned into his mouth, then tipped back her head to give him access to her neck.

“Fuck, Candice, you’re gorgeous.”

She moaned louder when he found the sweet spot on her neck and sucked.

“That feels so good. Keep doing that.”

She bit her bottom lip, feeling her core soak itself through her barely-there panties.

She reached around his back, sunk her fingers into his covered ass, and pressed her body up against his, seeking more.

Then, as if he’d never been there at all, Grant lifted himself off of her and got off the bed. He retrieved a water from the mini fridge and drank half of it.

Candice propped herself up on her elbows.

“What’s wrong?”

He laughed to himself, then turned around.

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m sobering up.” She hiccuped.

He came to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, but I’m not drunk at all. Not really. And I’m not going to take advantage of you.”

Her eyes widened.

“But I may not want this in the morning! I mean, I may not let myself want it.”

He wrapped a hand around the back of his neck.

“That’s just a risk I’m going to have to take.”

He got up and held out his hand to her.

“Come on, I’ll take you back to your room.”

She was annoyed, more than annoyed. She was intensely irritated.

But more than both of those things, another feeling rose up inside of her.

Bile.

“Oh, God.”

She quick ran off the bed and went into Grant’s bathroom to vomit into his toilet. When she was done, she could barely stand up.

Grant wet a washcloth and wiped her mouth before gathering her into his arms and taking her down the hall to her room. He tucked her into bed, went to leave and then stopped when he heard her sigh loudly. He turned back to look at the sad expression on her face and braced himself for the words that would follow.

“I suck.” She huffed. “Don’t I?”

“No,” he said. “You don’t suck.” He managed the tiniest smile. “Goodnight, Candice. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He shut the door behind him before she could answer, and she spoke her reply to the darkness.

“Goodnight.”

She paused.

“I suck.”

[roseabelle21]

No. 1

Requested by: @mirukobecomingbothered​

I might have gotten carried away with the headcanon, I'm sorry! 🥺🥺 I added a few twists of my own and I hope it reached your expectations. I hope you like it! ♥️♥️♥️

Pairings: Hitoshi Shinsou x reader, Katsuki Bakugou x reader

Status: Unedited

Genre: Fluff with a tiny weeny bit of angst.

Quick Background:

An outcast because of a 'villainous' quirk? Check.

Do you have friends? Not sure if you can call them your friends when they are all blithering idiots who want to mess with the spirits.

Does everyone think that you will be a villain someday? Every time.

Is everyone afraid of you because you look like you've been dead for the past five years but still walking above ground? Absolutely!

When do people see your cat do they automatically think that you are a witch? Yes, but more like a demon in disguise.

You shrugged them off, your quirk might be on the freaky and terrifying side but it is powerful.

Contrary to popular belief, ghosts are nice, most of the time. Maybe a bit clingy and attention seeker towards you since you are the only one who can see and hear them.

They are a nice company to be around. Most of them.

There was a time you used to hate your quirk, there never seems to be a privacy when you see those supernatural things.

You see things you wish you couldn't, things that can go beyond your imagination.

Everyone thinks the worst in you, and there are days when they get to you.

When that happens, the ghosts always have your back.

You try your best to prove them wrong, and when you got into UA and placed top 5 in the sports festival, some perspective changed, and some called you a freak.

Though they are all wimps since they can't say it directly in your face or around your friends, especially your boyfriend.

Lord knows what'll happen when someone talks shit about you around them.

They probably met Jesus soon after.

Shinsou Hitoshi

Straight off the bat, your favourite date, past time, and other couple activities are sleeping.

Him catching up on his well-deserved sleep and you calm your mind from everything.

Nothing in between.

Naps in the couch, beside the window, your rooms, maybe beside the window in the common room after stargazing.

You have to pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands.

This sleepy boi understands the pain and suffering you go through the best, especially since he's been there.

Both of you start as acquaintances.

You met him when your cat decided to give you a heart attack by running off to who knows where and not coming back for h o u r s.

It freaked you out since staying out late is unlikely of your lazy ass cat.

Despite your fatigue from training, you rushed outside to find them.

You didn't have to look for too long, you found them at the park accompanied by an Einstein inspired purple-haired guy with a UA uniform.

You let out a breath of relief, it didn't last long as anger bubbled up in your chest.

Yelling out their name that startled not only your cat and the guy, but the rest of the people at the park as well.

Shinso stared at you scolding your cat whilst bringing them in your arms.

Amused and curious at the same time.

Thinking that you took that TikTok meme "I'm alive but I'm dead" a little too far.

A chuckle that left his lips and your glare started a long interesting talk.

Both of you started eating lunch together at school with the Dekusquad.

A few teasing looks from Uraraka when he sat down beside you and greeted you before anyone else.

They started inviting him to your hangouts outside of the school and study dates.

It happened almost every day once he transferred from class 1-A.

A month after that Uraraka and Kaminari started teasing the both of you.

It confused you when they made a big deal about you and Shinsou spending more time with each other than the rest of the class.

It only confused you further when Shinsou started blushing every time you look at him or even go anywhere near him.

He finally confessed to you when both of you got stuck in the closet playing 7 Minutes In Heaven.

It was hard to listen to him because of the endless teasing of your ghost friends.

They approved of him the moment he talked and looked at you like a normal human being.

Shinsou as a friend was protective of you, knowing all of the nasty looks and what people say about you because of something uncontrollable.

And now that you're his girlfriend? Oh boy, haters can run but they can't hide.

He is the most chill person you will ever meet.

But once you decided to talk shit about his girl, just pray my dude.

Or beg for mercy.

If they are one in a million lucky ones, it might work.

But they're not so.

Not even Aizawa can stop him, cause he will turn blind eye.

Nobody talks shit to any of his children students and stay alive to tell the tale.

The both of you are his prodigies, they know nothing of the hard work you both put in your training with him.

You and your boyfriend are the best in stealth missions and gathering information.

You use your friends to gather information undetectable and Shinsou tricking the villains to brainwash them.

In short, you guys are the power couple of Class 1-A and everyone agrees.

A force to be reckoned with.

Besides, no one can pull off the cosplay of Morticia and Gomez Addams better than both of you can.

You rely on each other when times get rough and needed reassurance.

Being each other's rock to hold on and find comfort in.

Shinsou will wrap his arms around you as you spill everything to him.

Reassuring you that you are his hero, muttering sweet things in your ear, stroking your hair to calm you down, and humming you to sleep.

He knows what it feels like to hate something that is apart of you.

And he tries his best to make you see the best in the worst you think of yourself.

Everything about you is beautiful, nothing that is apart of you is worth hating.

Honestly, you couldn't wish for anyone better to be your significant other.

They can call you anything they want, but you will always be an angel in his eyes.

All of them can keep talking, and he finds great pleasure once they see your true power and find themselves speechless.

"That's my girl."

Bakugou Katsuki:

Not gonna lie, he will probably think that you are a zombie or somewhat related to them.

From the moment you walked through the door, slouched back, droopy red eyes, panda-like eye bags underneath, paper white skin that is unhealthy to look at, he was certain that you are going to collapse at any given moment. 

He scoffed, wondering how the hell you managed to get into UA, let alone the Hero class.

Were you even in the right class or are you just that tired to not see that huge ass sign at the door?

Either way, he didn't care.

So long as you don't stand in his way from being the best, which is highly unlikely to happen in his eyes.

So imagine his shock when you managed to score higher than him in the Physical Assessment Test.

What in the hell?

"Hey, freak bitch! How the hell did you score higher than me?! What are you playing at?!"

Kirishima immediately held him back and apologized profusely to you. 

Bakugou's anger at you only increased when you only stared at him blankly before rolling your eyes and walked away. 

Throughout the rest of the day, whenever he tries to call you or even go near you, he finds himself tripping over nothing or his things randomly dropping.

To say it freaks him out will be an understatement.  

However, that didn't stop him from pestering you. 

Constantly asking yelling- at you demanding your quirk and challenging you for a fight.

You're nonchalant response and sassy remarks only ticked him off.

The two on two activity was useless since you did nothing and Todoroki handled the rest. 

Cue the USJ incident and he is finally satisfied when he saw your quirk at first hand. 

Skeletons rising from the ground and villains mysteriously flying away from you when they get too close to you. 

He immediately put everything together and he is ecstatic. 

An unusual quirk but powerful nonetheless. 

Katsuki finds himself watching you in the classroom and during training. 

Finding your quirk nothing short of weird and curiosity of finding out how you use it is eating him alive.

Sometimes, he catches you talking to yourself and it only makes him more curious. 

And think that you are crazy.

The moment you agreed to challenge him was the beginning of your friendship.

He overheard a few girls that you went to school with talking about your hideous appearance and quirk when walking towards the school for training.

A slight twinge in his heart when he saw you, although your face didn't reveal anything, your eyes sure did. 

He dragged you by the arm to go faster and reassured you in his blunt way.

After that training with Bakugou became a routine.

The Bakusquad saw you both walking out of the park.

You declined their offer of going out saying that you have something to do and Bakugou just saying that he's not interested in going. 

So the teasing of when both of you will make it official happens every. Single. Day.

Be it weekends or weekdays. 

They will not stop their teasing even if they are on the verge of death.

Your bond with Katsuki strengthened when you came to rescue him from the villains and when he failed the Provisional License exams.

You were the first one to notice his change and the first and only one to confront him. 

He was shocked.

He thought he had it hidden well but not to you. 

At first, he was hesitant to tell you anything. But one hug from you and his walls came crashing down.

After that incident, you came to each other to open up.

You told him how you hate your quirk sometimes. Seeing things that gives you nightmares and paranoia.

In a short but somewhat sweet way, he told you about how those fears make you a stronger person. Physically and mentally.

He's by your side no matter what happens, he won't let you go through this alone.

To further emphasize it, he gave you a one arm hug.

He asked you out a few weeks later, quietly and all blushy face which was the first for him. 

Of course you said yes.

You both agreed to keep your relationship a secret from everyone until Halloween where - much to everyone's surprise- he joined in.

The real icing on the cake was when they saw you both in a cliche couple, Harley Quinn and Joker.

Mina and Kirishima were the first ones to realize and Denki being the last.

You are practically inseparable after you relieved your relationship. 

Anyone who talks badly about you and your quirk won't last long in the face of the earth.

Katsuki Bakugou is already explosive enough as he is, and you decided to talk shit about the love of his life?

Girl/Boy bye.

I hope you crossed everything off your bucket list cause the last thing you will see and hear is the sound of his explosions.

He once asked you about what your spirits think of him.

You were silent for a while before you replied, "I don't think you wanna know."

You know he won't stop there, he kept pestering you, again and again, every chance he gets to ask. 

Annoyed you told him.

"They think you are a crusty pomeranian and they find you amusing since it's a miracle that you still have your voice after al those yelling."

They like annoying him, whenever you both are alone, they whisper things to you that'll get you to giggle and he'll angrily question what they were talking about.

Making his things fall or mess with his hair. 

They like him for you.

As long as he keeps you safe and happy, they'll keep him safe and sound.

From the villains and the bad spirits. 

Random:

You have the perfect quirk to scare the living hell of your friends and family during Halloween season.

Who are you to deny the advantages of it. 😏😏😏

Various crosses and other blessed items by the priest litter around your room to keep the spirits away.

[duhragonball]

Hellsing Liveblog Ch. 57-61

This is the “Wizardry” arc. 

I don’t know why it just now occurred to me, but there’s more than a hint of the Joker in the Major’s character.   He’s always grinning, and now we have him dancing on a blimp while enemy helicopters are firing on him.

The Doctor shits a brick over this, because the arrival of the Vatican’s 9th Crusade force is the first serious resistance that Millennium has encountered since they invaded London.   He begs the Major to come back inside and move their airship to safety, but the Major is too preoccupied with dancing like a goofball.   Up to this point, the audience must have been eager to see someone take a poke at the Major.  I know I was, if only to see what sort of powers he had.   I mean, he hasn’t aged a day, but he doesn’t seem to be a vampire, so what’s his deal?

But before we can find out, the helicopter that was about to shoot him gets torn apart by magic wires.   Wait... that sounds like...

DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNNN! 

Yeah, Walter’s switched sides.   He’s also younger-looking too, so this must be what Schrodinger was talking about when he told Zorin that the Major and Doctor had a new “toy”.   They were too busy turning him into a vampire to bother punishing Zorin for disobeying orders.   In the previous chapter, the Major asked about using Walter (without mentioning him by name), and the Doc said something about the rushed nature of the job.    Presumably, the Doctor was doing the artificial vampire treatment on Walter all through the night, while Seras and the Wild Geese were defending the mansion. 

What I’ve never been sure of is whether this was a spur-of-the-moment decision, or if Millennium approached Walter a long time ago, and Walter’s been their mole in Hellsing throughout this entire story.   The Major’s line here seems to suggest this was a long-term plan.    “I had already decided half a century ago.   The Death’s Head [the Nazi SS skull insignia] is a fitting match for the Angel of Death [Walter’s old Hellsing codename].”

But that could just mean the Major thought of the idea way back then.   He saw Walter and Alucard wrecking all his stuff in World War II and thought “This kid would be a good recruit someday!” But when did he make the pitch?   Was it last night?    Before the Valentines’ attack?   Before Arthur Hellsing’s death?   Before the end of the war?

I think it’s reasonable to assume that Walter was on board at least before he parted ways with Integra back in Chapter 39.  The Captain suddenly showed up, and he told Integra to take the car and flee, because he wasn’t sure he could defeat the Captain and he didn’t want her around in case he failed.   But it’s much more likely that he only said this to keep her from finding out that he had a rendezvous with the Major, who arrived soon after.   

Now that I think about it, this may be the only reason the Major sent his troops to capture Integra.   He wasn’t particularly concerned about her, but he knew Walter would be with her, and he wanted to get him to the Doctor as quickly as possible.   This may also be why he ordered Zorin Blitz to hold off on attacking the Hellsing mansion.  If Walter had been inside, Zorin wouldn’t have known about his allegiance, and it’s very likely that one might have killed the other.  

Actually, yeah, this is why the Major fired those rockets on the Hellsing mansion in the first place.   If Walter was there, he would know the attack was coming, and use the attack to cover his departure. Then Zorin probably would have been ordered to give him a lift back to the Doctor.  But Walter wasn’t home, and Zorin didn’t wait for orders, and Seras turned out to be much too powerful for her.  

Wow, this is like peeling an onion.  That must be what the Major meant when he chided Zorin for costing him “precious soldiers.”    Her reckless tactics got her and her company killed, but she might have also wrecked his plans to extract Walter, and it’s only a matter of luck that he happened to be at the naval base instead of the mansion. And we know that Zorin knew nothing about Walter, because Schrodinger only hinted about him without mentioning his name.   If Zorin had known, he would have just said “Yeah, we’re turning Walter into a vampire right now, no thanks to you.”

Anyway, Walter’s betrayal fascinates me, but also fuck you, Walter, you traitorous piece of shit.

Speaking of treachery, the 9th Crusaders are busy shooting the shit out of London, killing anything that survived the previous night.    Millennium is a threat, sure, but Maxwell sees this as an opportunity to conquer England for the Catholic church.    I’m not really sure “conquer” is meant literally.   I think it’s more like, Hellsing and the Iscariot Organization have some treaty, and I think that treaty applies to their respective governments as well, but the civilian governments might know nothing about it.    Maybe?  

What I’m saying is that I think this 9th Crusade is supposed to end with the overthrow of the Anglican Church in the United Kingdom, with a new Catholic-leaning regime in its place, so that the Pope would have the same influence over the U.K. that he apparently has over continental Europe.   

In that sense, I’m pretty sure Hellsing’s version of John Paul II didn’t order Maxwell to gun down civilians and shout “Die did die die!” over a loudspeaker.   He may not have been terribly worried about Protestant casualties, but there’s plenty of Catholics living in London, after all.    Maxwell doesn’t seem to care, and I think it’s clear that he’s exceeding his mandate.   

And Alexander Anderson knows it.   I think the whole Catholic contingent in this story knows that Maxwell’s gone too far, but Anderson’s the only one honest enough to say it out loud.    Anderson’s group is still escorting Integra home when the 9th Crusade attacks, and Integra accuses Maxwell of betraying her, but Anderson remarks that such backstabbing is typical in war.    So it’s not Maxwell’s duplicity that offends him, it’s the way he’s going about it.   When Anderson kills people, he’s doing it to serve God, and God alone.   Maxwell’s not serving God at all.

“All you’re serving is his power!!” Anderson says.    By “his” does Anderson mean Satan?  Millennium?  Mars, the god of war?   Maybe all three, or maybe it doesn’t matter.   I always thought Maxwell was serving his own power, but the point is that he’s not doing God’s will by any stretch of the imagination.

But the others still respect the chain of command.  Archbishop Maxwell is in charge of the 9th Crusade and the Iscariot Organization, and Heinkel reminds Anderson that they were ordered to capture Sir Integra, not escort her home.    So they all draw their guns on Integra, resulting in the most Integra panel ever.

Then Seras shows up and beats all their asses.   Yeaaaaahhhhh!   Seras, you’re doing amazing, sweetie!

Everyone’s like “Oh shit, it’s Seras Victoria!” like they’re gonna try to fight her, but Anderson can tell that Seras is now way out of their league.   Remember, this group of Iscariots fought some Millennium troops and half of them were killed.   Seras tore through about as many Milennium troops without much hassle at all, and that was before she drank Pip’s blood.

And Anderson spares some words of praise for his foe.   I guess this is like the owner of a Ford truck exchanging compliments with the owner of a Chevy truck.    “You’re a rat bastard, Chevy man,” he says, “but those are some fine Truck Nutz” you have dangling from your tow hitch.”  They’re never gonna be pals, but real recognizes real.

Also, I just think Seras looks super extra-cool in this moment.  Anderson kind of treated her like a joke before, but now he sees her as a peer.   She looks so dark and haunted now, and at the same time she’s more comfortable and sure of herself than we’ve ever seen her.    Seras never set out to become a vampire, but she’s still found herself on this path.  It’s scary and beautiful at the same time.

But never MIND that SHIT, here comes...

No, not Maxwell, Alucard is returning!  I just used this page because Maxwell’s reaction to the news is more interesting than gloomy images of a ruined carrier drifting up the Thames river.   

There’s a moment in the Hellsing Ultimate anime, right after Seras and Anderson turn to look, where she’s got this big grin on her face, and she goes “I can feel it.   He’s returning.”  It’s not in the manga, maybe because it’s not that important, but I’m a sucker for any Seras content, and I love that moment because she can sense Alucard at a distance now, and it’s a very pleasant experience.   For Seras, I mean.  I suspect it’s actually a very bonechilling, bloodcurdling sensation, but Seras has gone Full Goth, so she digs that sort of thing now.  

I don’t know how the hell Anderson can sense Alucard, though.   Maybe being a Regenerator gave him super smelling powers, like Wolverine.  

And even the Major is pleased, because now we finally have all the major players in the same city.   Not sure why the Captain rates an appearance here, when he never says a word, but we’ll run with it. 

So, up to now, we’ve had these 9th Crusaders lined up against Millennium soldiers, each cosplaying as troops from old wars.  I guess Millennium’s SS uniforms have hint of legitimacy to them, as these guys really were part of the SS back in World War II, before they became vampires.  But the point stands, they’re walking anachronisms and they know it.  

But then Alucard jumps in between them, practically giddy for a chance to participate in this war.   Not to be outdone, Anderson and the Captain perform similar Iron Man landings on the same street.   When I watched the OVA, this was about the point I started to wonder if I had missed something about the Captain, because this story has been hinting that he’s like Millennium’s strongest guy, and somehow on par with Anderson and Alucard, even though he hasn’t said anything or done anything this entire time.   This would be like if Superman and Goku squared off in the middle of London, and then some rando OC from DeviantArt walked up to join them.   Like, we know Al and we know Andy, but who the hell is this dude?   I don’t care if he can hang with these two, they should have established that earlier.

Al asks for orders, and Integra makes this big production out of “Kill everybody with a racist uniform and a funny accent.”   Okay, fine, but this is a lot of bad guys.   How is even Alucard supposed to take them all down?  And this leads us to Control Art Restriction Level Zero.

I’m just gonna cut to the chase, because this post is running long enough already.  Al used “Level 1″ to make short work of Luke Valentine and Rip van Winkle, and maybe Dandyman as well, I’m not sure.   Recall that nothing could stop Alucard on the H.M.S. Eagle.   The Blackbird crash, the Millennium soldiers, Rip’s magic bullets, none of it.   So he activates “Level 0″, which ought to be even more gonzo overpowered, and starts reciting this alchemical poem which I really out to cover in some other post, and all the bad guys panic and start attacking him. 

To all the smartasses who say “Well why don’t the bad guys attack them during the transformation?” there you go.   AGAIN.   This sort of thing happens a lot more than you’d think, and it never works, because anime/manga creators are more self-aware than you’d think.   It never works, because if it did, then it wouldn’t be “attacking a character in mid-transformation”.  It would just be “killing a guy before he could do his big move.”  So when a character does a big climactic thing like this, there’s really only two options.   1) Have the other characters stand back and watch, or 2) have them TRY to stop it, only to fail, because it’s too late for that.

Anyway, I’m skipping all of that and just showing the end result of Alucard’s power-up.   The bad guys tear his body apart, but it doesnt’ matter because that never worked on him before, and then all these undead men crawl out of the black ether that seems to make up Al’s body.   Just a veritable flood of humans, all washing out of him like a tide of death.  

Anderson starts to figure it out when he recognizes some of the uniforms on these creatures.   And if that’s not enough, Integra explains it for Seras.   When vampires drink blood, they absorb the very essence of the living being who contained it.    “To suck blood is to make the whole existence of a life one’s own.” That’s why Zorin saw Pip’s memories when she tried to read Seras’ mind.   By drinking Pip’s blood, Seras has taken on Pip’s soul as well.   But that’s just one guy.   Alucard’s been drinking blood for over 500 years.   And each one he consumes becomes another soul in his personal army.   

I’m going to guess that Alucard didn’t always have the ability to manifest all of his victims as familiars like this.   Otherwise, how in the hell was Abraham van Helsing able to subdue him a century earlier?   The Hellsing family did stuff to enhance and improve Alucard’s powers, so maybe this was one of them.  They gave him the means to weaponize all of his victims’ souls, for use in large scale battles like this one. 

And I think this might be why Seras is trembling in this scene, because she knows that this ability was passed down to her when Alucard turned her into a vampire.   Or maybe, she’s realizing that she’s got something in common with all of those dead people in Al’s army.   Alucard made her a vampire, sure, but he still drank her blood, so doesn’t that mean there’s a Seras Victoria creature down there, standing alongside all the Janissaries, Wallachians, and everyone else Alucard has consumed?

Something I picked up on was that this is what all of those eyes in Alucard’s design are supposed to represent.   When he used Level 1 you’d see all these eyes staring out from the shadows, and now Level 0 has brought out all these dead people, like they’re the ones the eyes belong to.  Although, most of them don’t actually have eyes, just smoke trailing from their eye sockets.   So maybe that’s symbolic as well.  

There’s also horses in this mess, and that makes me wonder if Alucard drank the horses’ blood along with the riders. Anyway, Archbishop Maxwell observes all of this from his Popemobile and finally confronts the elephant in the room: Alucard is Dracula, like the Dracula.  I don’t think it was ever meant to be a secret, but Kouta Hirano’s been dancing around it this whole time, without ever spelling it out, and now he’s finally spelling it out.  

I think the only one who might not know is Seras?   Someone might have filled her in off-panel, or maybe she figured it out, since it’s not exactly hard, but I don’t know.

So yeah, somewhere in this arc, they do a headcount of all three sides of this thing.  Millennium has “572″ soldiers left, and the 9th Crusade has “2875″, while Hellsing, of course, is down to just 3.  But Alucard has more than evened the playing field, since he can do this trick and spawn an invincible army.   I’m more confused how Millennium lost 428 guys in one night.   Seras killed a lot of them, but not that many. Sir Penwood got some and Anderson killed a bunch of them, but not hundreds of them.  The Crusaders could have taken out that many, but they haven’t been here very long.  

But yeah, they try to form a Phalanx to hold off Alucard’s forces, and it does not work at all.    You can’t kill these things because they’re already dead. right?  I mean, maybe the Crusaders have holy weapons that can destroy these things, but there’s just too many of them.    And the Millennium troops don’t even have holy weapons, so they’re completely fucked.

But what about the helicopters?  Well, Alucard drank the blood of Dandyman and Rip Van Winkle too, and their powers are now a part of him, which makes quick work of nearby aircraft.    I like how these two look the same as before, but they never say a word.   I think they’re the only ones with normal eyes, although Alucard’s shadow tentrils are still fused with their bodies.  

The Crusaders’ battle lines are broken, and they beg for Maxwell to order a retreat before they’re all slaughtered.   But Maxwell refuses to give up.  He’s drunk on his new power, and so he can’t accept that he’s been one-upped so easily.   Then the helicopter carrying his Popetruck gets destroyed, and he somehow crashes without getting hurt.

And now he’s got a front-row seat to the same hell his troops are experiencing, but he still gloats, because somehow Alucard’s soldiers can’t get through the glass.    He refers to “tektite” reinforcement, and that’s dumb because Tektites are just an enemy in the Legend of Zelda.   I’m onto your ass, Hirano. 

But then Anderson throws a knife at the glass, and that breaks it, so maybe it was magic glass that only a blessed weapon could pierce?    All that really matters is that Anderson has finally turned on Maxwell, and Maxwell is doomed.

Alucard’s dead warriors hoist him up on pikes, fitting for Vlad the Impaler, and Maxwell realizes that he’s going to die alone in a foreign land.   The moral is: Don’t start none, won’t be none.

Then this happens, and I’m pretty sure Dark Horse Comics goofed when they scanned this manga for the digital edition.  I’d contact them to complain, but they don’t even sell Hellsing anymore because they lost the license years ago.   I don’t think a lot of stuff happened on Pages 62-63 of Volume 8 of the Hellsing manga, but I can’t tell.  I’m guessing just Maxwell finally succumbing to his injuries while Anderson pontificates about why he had to do it to him.   And really, Anderson hardly needs to explain his actions in this case.   Maxwell sucked.

Moving on, Anderson contacts all Vatican forces and tells them to withdraw.   They can’t beat Alucard, Maxwell is dead, and there’s nothing more they can do here.  However, Anderson chooses to stay behind and take on Alucard.  

This is Anderson’s reasoning: By releasing all of Alucard’s stolen lives to fight as his army, Alucard has left his person vulnerable to attack.  So Andy thinks that if he gets close enough to Alucard, he can finally have a chance to defeat him.   If he’s right, this might be his only chance to try.   

Anderson further speculates that this may have been the Major’s plan from the beginning.   Invade London, force Alucard to use this Level 0 ability, all to leave Alucard vulnerable to assassination.   Perhaps the Major was even counting on Anderson to see this opening and take it.  

More to the point, I think Anderson kind of has to fight Alucard because it’s the only way his people can escape London.  Integra’s orders were clear: None of these invaders leaves the island alive.    Alucard would continue hunting down the Crusaders whether they retreat or fight back, so some force has to stay and keep them occupied to save the rest.  

Anyway, now we get to the actual part with this scene, where Alucard kneels before his master and she welcomes him back.   It’s pretty satisfying to see all these butthole soldiers finally get what’s coming to them.   

I’m just gonna put up the entire reunion moment because it’s so sweet.   Interesting how Seras sort of reverts to her old self when Alucard returns.    For all that badass power she gained from drinking Pip, she’s still uneasy around Alucard.   But he missed her and I think that look on his face tells the whole story.    He of all people can tell that Seras has finally taken the fateful step to becoming a “true vampire”. 

I do think it’s kind of interesting how Seras continues to address Alucard as “Master”.   He promised her way back in Volume 1 that she’d no longer be a servant if she drank blood of her own free will, but maybe it’s more complicated than that.    Or, perhaps she still calls him “Master” out of respect, rather than any sort of blood bond or whatever you want to call it.   It’s like how Anakin continued to call Obi-Wan “Master” in “Revenge of the Sith”, even though he had been promoted to Jedi Knight.   The relationship is still there, even if it’s no longer official.  

I’m a big, dumb Seras fanboy, so you’d better believe I think about this sort of thing a lot.   I’m not real crazy about Alucard/Seras shipping, although I do sort of get it.   I’m really not interested in Seras in some freaky-deaky sex kind of way.    Take the D/s stuff to the Alucard/Integra room where it belongs.   No, there’s something very wholesome between Alucard and Seras, and I could talk about it all damn day.    And why not?  It’s my blog, and I’ve got the time.    So let’s start with--

Um, excuse you?!  

Okay, so Anderson isn’t waiting around to take on Alucard, so I guess we’re doing this now.

And whether or not the Major planned for this to happen, he certainly approves...

[in-tua-deep]

tua s1 rewatch with my roommate

episode one (I forgot for the first episode oops):

I have been treated to pictures of a lovely cosplay of Klaus who won a cosplay contest my roommate was in !!

Klaus putting his arm in front of Five during the funeral fight is good shit

“I have heard like nothing about Vanya” “yeah that’s pretty much how she’s treated in show as well”

“I can see why he’s the fandom favorite” - about Klaus

“Istanbul is in the firST EPISODE?”

I forGOT about the “rapists can climb” line when he breaks into Vanya’s apartment omg but also like,, his dumb arm wound

Episode two:

HERR CARLSON

Aww baby fives first time travel his little smile. Baby. Baby boy. And the dawning horror in the apocalypse baby nO

Five: you got anything stronger

Also five: takes one sip and then fills up more, takes another sip, and then immediately puts it down ?????

The motel dude for hazel and cha cha just looks at them like “yeah these are serial killers” and just rolls with it

Also actually why tf doesn’t the commission spring for better stuff?? Why would they cut costs?? They time travel? They could game the stock market so hard ?????? Give the assassins their own rooms omg

Also why didn’t five like. Crush his tracker. Why did he just leave it whole and intact outside of the Griddys.

Forgot how much I love Agnes

(Oh man it is storming bad here it just BOOMED)

Also idk if Diego actually deserved that taser hmmmmm but also like,, communication lads five was literally right there killing people and Diego is like “hmm something is up here” like. Yeah Diego ur big brother “I can get my sibling in trouble for something” senses are tingling

Wow I really did repress all these Allison and Luther scenes huh. Also it’s still super cute that Allison read Claire moon books

Allison: dads heart gave out, which wasn’t how I was expecting to find out dad had a heart but it tracks

“SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE BEN... said with love 😘”

Did five actually sleep at Vanyas?? The sofa looks undisturbed but he had to wait for work hours to interrogate the meritech people,, five,, please sleep. The whole “IF YOU CALL ME YOUNG MAN ONE MORE TIME” interaction makes more sense with five on. Zero sleep.

I didn’t remember that Patch straight up knows about the umbrella academy oops. Like she clocks Diego as overcompensating for his childhood. Queen

Is that an umbrella adademy Diego cross stitch on Diego’s wall?? Did he buy that? Make it?? Did grace make it?

Vanya, walking into the academy: five??? five? pspspspspsps

Also like. Who was Vanyas therapist??? Clearly they did not help her

Aww the tow truck driver :(

I know the show wants me to dislike Patrick I KNOW,, and I think her fathers funeral is extenuating circumstance?? But still Patrick is valid for not giving an inch regarding his ex who mind controlled his child. Vanya didn’t really deserve Allison snapping at her but like. She had some good points. Allison arguably would have had to deal with vanyas book more than anyone else

Five smiling proudly at Klaus’s drama at meritech bless but also KLAUS DONT BREAK GLASS ON YOURSELF

Me, spotting Leonard: BASTARD

Love how everyone greets Diego in the gym and don’t question all his knives or anything like “yeah that’s Diego he lives here and loves knives :)”

Why could Leonard have not been like. A normal ass guy. Vanya needs friends who sympathize with her holy shit get this person some socialization

Pogo really did have to lead these kids by hand to the recording rooms because literally no one was super invested in reginalds ~murder mystery~

ahafahJAGSJWGAI MY ROOMMATE JUST SAID POGO IS THE BEST CHARACTER SO FAR,,,, I will probably never include pogo in my fics because I do Not Care About Him lmaoooo

Aww five does to see Dolores and being like “it’s been a rough couple of days :(“,,,,, baby,,,, but also tag yourself I’m hazel going “elastic wrist splint yesssssss”

Five I am begging you PLEASE get some sleep

OH FIVE SHAKING DIEGO IN THE APOCALYPSE TO TRY AND WAKE HIM UP OHHHHH OH :(

Episode 3:

my roommate is super faceblind which is an issue bc she identifies people mainly by hairstyle so seeing the s2 stuff on tumblr is tripping her over bc she keeps seeing diego and going ??? who is that again? bc she’s seen his longer hair

okay there is no way that the eggs that grace put in that pan are the ones that ended up on the smiley face breakfast plate,,, but also grace that whole scene was a mood honestly i would be like “okay maybe mom killed dad BUT he deserved it sooooo”

“what the FUCK” - my roommate about cha-cha’s shitty wound care where she holds a curling iron against her arm

i didn’t remember that five got shOT AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE did i just erase that from my memory?? i mean yeah it’s a graze but he stitches it up and then slaps a bandaid on it so he has a wound that needed stitches on his shoulder for the entire show ??????? is he okay???? that would make moving your arm,,, painful,,,,,

a bandaid just slapped over it i’m actively yelling

“Sometimes when I see a million gifs of a show before I watch I get really surprised when they talk but he is exactly what I expected” - my roommate, about five

“I noticed they’ve only really showed diego in really badly lit scenes so far” - my roommate defending her lack of ability to recognize diego

i’m still laughing about pogo literally having to point out the murder tapes and now allison and luther are investigating and just. allison is lowkey defending grace and i’m laughing

“why is he saying woodwork is embarrassing that’s like one of the most middle of the wood hobbies to have. you’re respectable to grandpas who used to carve wooden ducks AND twenty-year-olds who can’t make anything to save their lives” - my roommate on leonard peabody

“i think he’s already crossing some lines he’s met this lady ONCE” - roommate on leonard/vanya

five having flashbacks in the car :(

did allison and luther draw straws for who went to fetch which sibling?? allison was like “dibs on vanya” and luther was just like “aww :(”

five luther and klaus in the van - BOYS NIGHT BOYS NIGHT let’s go pick up diego

“the coat he’s wearing does have a nice swish to it” - roommate about klaus’s coat

luther being like “you’re just as messed up as the rest of us and we’re all you have” like luther,,, baby,,,,, you literally ARE all he has,,,,,, his family is the only thing he’s really cared about since he was thirteen and maybe before then :(

“I can’t tell if those are supposed to be cake or yeast donuts... i think extruded donuts are cake donuts but she said she lets them rise so maybe they’re yeast?” - my roommate focusing on all the things that i do not

sometimes i forget that hazel and cha-cha pretended to be private detectives trying to find a lost child in a potentially dangerous situation,,, five would be disgusted

“she shouldn’t get a vote” “i was gonna say i agree with you” “she should get a vote!!” this is peak sibling energy honestly i think i’ve had that exact interaction with my siblings voting for a movie or something

“hashtag android rights” 

“I want to be the tailor who gets a call one day that says ‘i want you to make clothes for a chimpanzee”

is it telling that only luther in the flashback didn’t really talk to grace at all,, i mean five didn’t either but i think he was gone by that point in the flashback ???? 

wait diego tells grace that she worked for him for thirty years,,, the kids are 29 and later it’s implied she was built bc vanya kept killing nannies when they were like four but maybe s2 clarifies that some more?? or diego just is rounding up

“that’s an interesting fabric to her skirt” - my roommate about grace’s outfit

forgot that hazel and cha cha broke the door to the manor busting in,, do they ever fix that?? we’re only at episode three do they spend the rest of the season with their door open to anyone on the streets

okay that bathtub is WAY too small to allow for klaus to be moving his elbows about like that underwater smh

“how is HE useful on mission??” my roommate about klaus

where is the SECURITY SYSTEM??? luther LITERALLY said that reggie was more paranoid and yet some assassin can just bust down the door and have unrestricted access????? he built a whole ROBOT but no security system????????

“maybe it was like,, practice for the kids? someone breaks in and they take care of it? wait no that doesn’t explain the thirteen years they’ve been gone?”

“why WAS he on the moon?” - about luther

“I want to see what she’s embroidering!!” about grace during the gunfight in the living room she’s absolutely ignoring diego getting shot at

what is a rope-a-dope,,,, diego yells “EVER HEARD OF A ROPE-A-DOPE???” at luther but like. no i haven’t. what does that MEAN diego

aww i forgot they played sinnerman, love that song

“what are you doing dude, rumor has it you’re not shooting at me that’s all you need to do” i mean. the roommate is not wrong. allison could just end the fight with a yell. i understand she’s pissed off and has rumor trauma but like cha cha is actively trying to murder them

how is luther not winning he literally has super strength. does hazel have super strength? just punch the man and knock him out jesus y’all suck at this smh

why is there such intense music we all been knew about luther’s strength - oH HIS BODY

forgot about that

is it allison’s fault that klaus got kidnapped because she didn’t literally just rumor them to give up?? like she literally has that power. she could have been like “i heard a rumor you left and forgot about us” it didn’t even need to be violent?? i understand she has rumor trauma but this i feel is allowable circumstances

diego showing his worry about vanya by getting angry which honestly i think all the siblings do that rip none of these idiots have even heard of healthy communication in their LIVES

you know,, i don’t think vanya can drive. she takes the bus. she took a taxi to leonard’s house. we see her walking a lot. does she know how to drive?? i imagine that the umbrella academy were taught bc of mission related stuff but,,, vanya wasn’t?? that’s just depressing tbh

[theblackbirdsgemimagines]

May I request for the Leona, Vil, Azul and our boy Jack getting stuck in their MC's world and their experience? (MC is with them)

Oh sweet Jesus akdhakdhsk FORGIVE ME OF MY RATHER CYNICAL OUTLOOK ON OUR LIL BLUE PLANET 😬 I think it’s understandable to be more cynical than ever in this Hell Year, lolll

Send these poor, sweet babies back home, they deserve better than to be stuck here of all places 😅 ESPECIALLY JACK AAAAAA SAVE THE BABY 💔

Ok, not even going to play with you... Vil would thrive, lol.

Just give him time enough to stop panicking over all his lost clothes, magic, etc., and find new things that works for him and his detailed self-care routine, and whatever he chooses to do, he will make Fat Stacks in.

He’s the male version of Belle Delphine, here ajdhakdhsj

He appears anywhere, on tv with some company to continue his performer career he had back home, or on youtube/instagram, and he is almost immediately just as famous here as he was in Wonderland.

Can we really blame anyone, tho? Look at him.

And there’s no Neige here!

Also, ‘my’ Vil is definitely the one that knows there are many different ways to be beautiful~. He may be a bit more blunt to his friends if he thinks they’re not quite hitting the usual mark their talents place them in. But that’s only because he cares about them, and wants everyone to see their best, as he does~. He’s an absolutely encouraging sweetheart to anyone else/a beginner at whatever their passion is, though~. And either way, he’s your best cheerleader~.

Of course he still just doesn’t feel himself without his magic, or ability to do potions. I don’t think he’d find the witchcraft in our world would suit him very well.

If he was really stuck for good, of course he’d make the best of it. But if he could go home, especially if you wanted to go back with him, he’d jump at the chance. And always be on the lookout for the chance.

But that being said, I think, aside from all the world’s problems, of course, he’d find it interesting just how similar, and vastly different, things are here.

He donates Ass Loads to so many charities, like honestly.

Rich boy knows his privilege, and lets others ride off his advantages as much as he can. 💜

He becomes friends with James Charles. You know he does.

You can’t be truly fully beautiful if you’re not also lovely on the inside, too, after all~!

Rip Rook wherver he is, he is lost without his Queen 😔

Gosh, in direct contrast to Vil, Leona probably suffers the most over here?? Jahdkshdj

I know they based his sleep habits off a irl lion, but that also sounds just a Tad Bit like possible depression to me (along with a lot of the other ways he’s behaved so far, lol).

Get this sweetheart to some therapy, maybe?? Help him get a lil energy boost at least to help him feel better 💛

He’s going to HATE the work pace people have to maintain just to eat here, 100%.

He enjoys the entertainment the most, though~. Video games, things you can watch online, all those sorts of things~. Might like a few of our sports, too~.

Poor bby struggles with having to work, though, please help him 💔

At least he doesn’t have to live under being Forever Prince, here, and doesn’t have to worry about turning anything he touches to sand. And the lions in the zoos are pretty cool to go see~!

He’d probably love it if he could go to Africa and see what our “Afterglow Savannah” looks like here~. Meet the lions that are in the wild~.

I imagine he and Jack would both lose the ears for human ones, and the tails, too. (😢💔) So he probably feels weird seeing himself like that, and might miss his tail. Especially if it helped him with balance. Give him some time to adjust to it~. There’s these neat new tails people made for cosplay, that can move around on their own, if he’d like one to help him not miss his old one so much~!

I had to really think about what the heck he’d even do for a job, cause he’s so grumpy to everyone, retail’s just OUT, lol. And I don’t think he’d be that great at something like youtube, either ajdhsjjd

It’s hard for him to not just lay around all lazy, rather than think of stuff to do for it/actually get up and go do it. Let alone all the meetings, and interacting with fans, and the like.

So maybe actually being one of the zookeepers would be a good fit for him~. He’d be obligated to actually go, and he’d get to be around lots of different animals~. Might help him feel more at home, too~. I think he’d be pretty good at it, and the animals would probably be drawn to him~ 💛

He’d also absolutely challenge the authority here (or anywhere else that has appalling governments, especially if they’re not run by women). The state of things, and the way women and minorities are treated by white men around the world, and men in general, would absolutely appall him. He so drunk on that respecc women juice, he just can’t wrap his head around what the hell the problem is with those rich assholes in power. Put him in power, and he’ll ruthlessly show them what-for! ALL the others behind him would be women! Good grief, humans!

All in all, he doesn’t mind it here, but would also prefer to be home, where he can sleep more, and Ruggie can run around for him most of the time, lol

Besides, that allowed him to spend more time with you~! 💛

(LOOKIT THAT HAPPY BOY SMILE!!! I’M DEAD 💞💞💞)

Oh, Jack. Sweet, sweet Jack.

He absolutely becomes a personal trainer as a job, here. 1000%. He lives that Exercise Junkie Lifestyle, there’s just no doubt about it.

He’s VERY encouraging to his students, though~! Build up that beef, guys, he has total faith in you~! 🤍🤍

He absolutely loooooooves going anywhere to see wolves. He’d probably really love the wooded mountains in Europe, if you ended up there, or in Oregon/Washington if you ended up here in America~. Definitely Canada, or Alaska, too~! Just give him huge trees, snowy winters, and nearby mountains, and he feels right at home~.

Idk if he’d miss his magic a whole heck of a lot, tbh?? But he WOULD miss his friends and family! It’s just not quite the same here, though he thinks it’s beautiful and interesting to see where you came from~. 🤍

He’s a good boy 😭

Also appalled with the state of so many rulers and governings both in your home, and around most of the world, lol.

He can’t stand seeing so many people suffer like that! How can they possibly live the life that’s the most healthy and happy for them to live, disabled, chronically ill, or not, if they’re suffering under an iron fist all the time?!

He CAN’T stand for it. You won’t stop him till he sees good change starting to finally happen. Especially if you live here! There’s no way he can just sit around and have you be subjected to that!

HE’S A GOOD BOY 😭

You gotta calm him down a lot and remind him there are others just as good and kind as he is, fighting to change things too 🤍

God help people if he gets here anytime within 2020-2021. He’s sucker punching nearly everyone he sees without a mask.

He’s also sucker punching every nazi he sees, too.

My goodness, please show him the movie Wolf Children! He’ll hide the fact he’s crying multiple times through it, but it’s one of his favorite movies here~.

If you do manage to go back to Wonderland, please try to bring a copy of it with you. It’s the one thing he’ll miss most, and keep asking to watch with you again, before remembering it doesn’t exist there. 😭

He also misses his tail and ears a lot. Losing all of that + his senses would be very a very awkward adjustment for him, and he wouldn’t really like it poor bby 💔 Give him lots of hugs to compensate U-U 🤍

His favorite thing to do with you would probably be to go hiking, and stay in a little cabin in the woods, for a week or two~. Somewhere in one of the previously mentioned places~.

(I couldn’t find a chibi gif of Azul to use, rip 😭)

Azul is just straight up becoming a mafia boss, probably wkdhakdjjs.

He’s the ‘good’ kind, though. He’s learned his lesson since his overblot, and he won’t outright kill people for not paying him back, or introduce drugs, or anything like that.

He’ll help people obtain what they want as legally as possible... But that doesn’t mean he still won’t be sly as hell about it, haha~.

He’ll protect loyal/good customers and the areas they live in, too~. In fact, he’d probably reDUCE crime from doing so.

He just learns all the dirty ins and outs of everything about how things run here. And as much as he’ll fight for change as the others would, because there’s no way any of that is an acceptable way for you to live, he’ll work dirty in order to take advantage of the system, to do so. What better way, right? Make the dominos fall from the inside out.

He’s a good business man, he knows doing so would also benefit him, too.

He’s like Bruce Wayne if Bruce Wayne was a rich mafia leader jeehskdje

Need health benefits to work for him? Covered. Need above-average pay to actually afford your bills and other stuff? Covered. Need education to do a job for him? They’ll train you.

He’s also practically a Gordon Ramsey, tbh. Lots of his bars will pop up across the world, if he stays here long enough, lol. But they’ll all help a good number of people, in doing so~.

He also donates as much as he can, too. If he’s gonna become even a fraction as rich as Jeff Bozos, he’s ending world hunger and homelessness every year.

And boy oh BOY will he swindle the rich akdhakdhwj

He will whip them so hard, they won’t know what the hell hit them.

He may have been under restrictions at the college, but he sure as hell isn’t here. Watch out as he spreads his tentacles wings.

And, of course, he adores being anywhere near the coast. Doesn’t matter what part of the world you’re in, he just needs to be by the sea.

All the polution absolutely breaks his sweet little heart, and that’s one of the first things on his list to fix. Dealing with trash back home was much easier... you could just zap it all away at big trash fields. But you don’t have that luxury here.

Being that he doesn’t really like his ocotpus form (bbyyyyyy 😢💔), he probably doesn’t mind the permanent legs. At least he doesn’t have to constantly take a potion to keep them, anymore.

But it’s still awkward to get used to. And he can’t stand that he can’t breathe underwater anymore, or go too far down without dying from the pressure.

He’ll dive as often as he can~. And loves to dive, or snorkle, or just swim~, with you, if you want to join him~.

He does miss his home, if only for the beauty and familiarity it had, despite a lot of bad memories around it. But there’s no doubt he’d thrive here, in a way only he could~.

He totally believes your own version of mermaids exists, and gets excited over anything that could prove it to be true 😅

Plus, he’s just obsessed with how marine life works here in general~. If he can juggle being a freakin maffia boss, and a marine biologist just out of the pure love for it, I have no doubt he’d do it~.

Humans most likely evolved from creatures in the water?? That’s amazing~! So the ocean feels like a distant memory of a second home~! He’d love to bond over that, the romantic~ 💜

[danetobelieve]

Baywatch || Blanche and Winston

With the amount of people telling her not to go back to the beach along with the amount of people she was telling not to even go near the beach, Blanche was pretty sure this wasn’t the greatest idea. Someone had to do it, though. Someone needed to get close enough to the chest. Blanche desperately wanted to know what was in it like everyone else, but she, thankfully, knew better. Just get the pictures, and then get the fuck out of there. Maybe fight a killer lobster or two. Blanche pulled up to the address Winston gave her, self-consciously patting her pocket with the mace Cece had graciously let her keep. First thing she did was put a nice sticker of, ironically, a crab on it when she got home so she wouldn’t mix it up with a can of actual mace. Her back seat had other makeshift weapons. Hairspray and one of those large candle lighters, a baseball bat, and a can of RAID. She glanced to the back seat, frowning. Maybe she over did it. She looked rolled down the window when she saw Winston approaching, leaning looking out the window. “I think this is where I’m supposed to call you a loser and make a mean girl’s reference.”

Honestly, moments ago Winston had been stood looking at what they had decided to call their survival pack. They were certain that they would need more then this. But they had ‘borrowed’ one of Ricky’s axes that they used to cut firewood and they had also grabbed a first aid kit, water, some food (just in case) and a few other essentials. This after everything that had happened to their house with Skylar and Ricky, well Winston wasn’t entirely sure that they were sane anymore. But Blanche was cool, in a way that not many people were and she was funny too. Winston didn’t want anything to happen to her and so they were going to go with her. Even if it meant lying to Remmy. Something that Winston felt immensely guilty about. This was a really bad idea. They hadn’t even bothered to tell Ricky what they were doing. “Probably, but it would’ve fallen on deaf ears because that is one film that I have never watched,” they chuckled nervously and then realised what they were doing and tried to make it sound natural except it probably just made it sound even more anxious then before, “we should probably get this over with.”

“That’s got to be a cardinal sin or something.” Not having seen Mean Girls wasn’t important. They were more nervous than she was, and that was saying something. Blanche wondered if she should call the whole thing off - probably - especially if Winston was anxious about it. But, in her heart of hearts, she knew she wasn’t going to do that because at the end of the day she knew she was just going to go anyway and if she went without Winston they were going to get mad at her and she didn’t want that. She liked Winston, and she wanted them to be her friend because… Well, she needed those, and also they were funny enough that almost dying in the middle of the woods via hedgehound (moose?) was a little less terrible. So that had to count for something, right? Blanche glanced over at them, glancing them over - “Is that - Is that an axe?” Blanche gapped. Red axe for red lobsters, she guessed. A giggle came out of her, mostly because she was trying to imagine Winston swinging that thing at a giant lobster - Karkinoid, really. Snickering, she shook her head. “Christ. Toss it in the back with the rest of my makeshift weapons. The good news is -” Blanche said, checking her blind spot before she pulled back out onto the road. “- that someone offered a ‘small finders fee’ for any parts of crab - er, Karkinoid we kill. So that’s cool. How’s your housemate?”

“Well if not seeing Mean Girls doesn’t send me to hell for my sins then I am sure Rick or Remmy will after they find out what I have agreed to here.” Winston was a person full of regrets as they reached over towards the back seat and deposited their axe there. “Uh, yes, it is an axe, Ricky had a whole tool shed off of his studio that is just fool of odd tools and this looked like it would be the best option,” they weren’t sure why Ricky had an actual fire axe but in a time of need like the one that they found themselves in, Winston wasn’t about to ask a bunch of questions about a good thing. “You really … came prepared.” Winston wondered if perhaps they really should invest in a gun. They weren’t sure that their morals would allow them to honestly. After watching their dad work at the WCPD for many years, they had become convinced that they weren’t the sort of thing that everyday people should just have access to. “Ricky?” they asked quietly, “Yeah he’s fine, a little banged up but he’ll do ok.” Winston was glad that the back porch was at the back of the house and not the front. They would hate for Blanche to see the mess that the karkinoids had made.

“How about this: You deal with Ricky, and I deal with Remmy once we’re back,” Blanche said. “Or, actually, send them both after me. This is my fault anyway,” she shrugged slightly. If the shoe fit, she would deal with both the wrath of Remmy and Ricky once it came down to it. Now, maybe her morality was slightly corrupted now that she also fully had a plan of killing one of the Karkinoids so she could show Regan - though, she wasn’t quite sure how that was going to work. Maybe if she just took it’s head or it’s giant claw or something… She didn’t get a chance to dwell on it though because there was something in Winston’s quiet tone that sobered her up a little. “Good,” Blanche said, glancing at them. Not good. People were getting hurt because of this. “Even better, there’s a clear forecast. I didn’t get hit with a single salmon or carp on my way here.” She made the turn off to get to the beach. “Alright, so, you know what the plan is right? No touching or trying to open the stupid thing. Just pictures of it.”

“Or we can just not tell them about any of this,” Winston replied, “we’re just getting in and out and nothing is going to go wrong so there won’t be anything to tell them.” Winston knew that they were kidding themselves. This was something so big that there was no way that they were going to be able to hide it from their friends. “I’ve got your back,” they said with a shrug, “you’re not forcing me to come.” They knew that they didn’t have to do this, the truth was that they really didn’t want to, but they wouldn’t let Blanche do this on their own. Helping people over come adversity was the name of the game, this was just different from forensics. But after everything that had happened at their own home the other night, Winston wasn’t sure that they could just sit back and let nothing happen. “This may be the first time that I’ve ever used fish as a descriptor for the weather and I have to be honest, if a large fish never misses me narrowly as I walk to work then it’ll be too soon.” They nodded calmly, pulling out their inhaler and taking a quick preventative breath of it before flashing Blanche a quick smile. “No touching, in and out.”

“Mmm, well you should know that I'm a notoriously bad liar,” Blanche grimaced, remembering all the bullshit with Regan. Her so called jenga tower of lies was only staying up with pieces of string, duct tape, and chewing gum. “If they ask, it’s not worth it to even try.” She glanced to them, feeling a little touched that they had her back. Was this what friendship was? Blanche was bad at that - gauging just what type of level she was on with people. “I have your back too,” Blanche said, truthfully. If anyone was going to get hurt on this mission impossible/investigative bullshit, it should be her and absolutely not Winston. “Ugh, you should have seen the size of the salmon that almost knocked me off my bike - and the bruise to prove it.” She glanced at them, grinning. “In, out, might mace a few lobsters here and there. Sounds like my ideal beach day, to be honest.” She made the last turn, and carefully pulled her car up where she had the last time with Remmy and Moose. Blanche undid her seatbelt. “Alright - pick your poison from our weapons cabin. I’m taking the mace -” she held up her acid mace. “Because this shit could probably melt through steel.”

“Me too,” Winston admitted, “I don’t know why but I always forget that I’ve told a lie to set up the lie I’m telling, and then after that my preceding lies begin to contradict each other and then I get confused and slip up.” They didn’t often try to lie because of it. “If they ask we come clean and I’ll hide with my parents until Ricky inevitably tells them what I did.” They laughed mutely at their own joke. It was reassuring to know that Blanche was there to help them should things go south. It was nice to know that there were other people who got this. Ricky had always known about this and it wasn’t exactly the same. “I saw a swordfish go straight through an awning and almost impale an old woman named Gertrude.” They raised an eyebrow at the idea of the upcoming activity. “Where did you get lobster mace from?” They paused for a moment longer before scratching behind their ears and fidgetting a bit. They could never sit still when something big was coming up. “I’ll take the axe then, I guess, unless there’s something better you think I should take instead?” This felt like the weirdest walking dead cosplay ever.

The good part about being cut off from her parents is no one could tell her to do anything anymore. What was Remmy going to do, call up her mom and tell her what she had done? That would result in a mad voicemail she wouldn’t even listen too because it wasn’t like she answered her mother’s calls anyway. She winced at their description of a woman named Gertrude almost turning into a shish kabob via swordfish. What was it, Regan said? Weather patterns her ass. “Um -” Blanche took her keys out of the ignition and stuffed them in her jacket pocket. “A friend. One of my friends that I can’t tell you about,” she added, and hopefully that would put an end to that. She did not want Cece to go all memory-wipe on her ass. Raising an eyebrow as she got out of the car. “You want the axe? I mean…” It wasn’t that she doubted they could use the axe to their advantage, it was just a little more close for comfort if they did get into some crabby trouble. “That should be fine. I want to take a chunk out of one of’em anyway.” She glanced down the rocks, to the beach, spotting the chest. Blanche pointed. “There she is. Stupid thing.”

Grabbing the axe, Winston paused for a second before scooping up the hair spray and some candlelighters too. Y’know. Just in case. Fire seemed to work fine, though Winston wasn’t sure that they really wanted a repeat display of the other night. They’d felt exhausted for hours afterwards before sleeping for 12 hours. “I’m hoping that we don’t even need this,” Winston replied, praying to whatever gods actually existed that there wasn’t about to be some vicious crustaceans that were going to make their lives a misery. Stepping away from the car, Winston made sure that they only had the absolutely necessary things with them. Phone, inhaler, axe, hair spray, candle lighters, y’know the essentials. “How do you want to do this?” Winston asked as they slowly crept towards the rocks that overlooked the beach, hoping to get a better view. For the moment everything seemed relatively clear, but there was a lot that they still couldn’t see. “You’ve got a plan right?”

Blanche relaxed half a bit when Winston grabbed the candlelighters and her can of hairspray. Shit was cheap, that could set anything on fire. She glanced out at the chest before glancing at them when they asked her what her plan was. Somehow, she didn’t think would would be helpful to tell them that she was just going to be like Nike and just do it. Just get down, rush to the chest, snap her photos, kill a lobster when the inevitably came to try and chop their limbs off…. She just needed to make it sound more formulaic than that. That would make Winston feel better. “Um.” Which all would have been fine and good if she could think of a better way to do it. “Well….” She squinted down at the sand and could itty bits of remains of lobster from the last time she’d been here. The acid, plus the other Karkinoid feasting on each other, there wasn’t much left. She patted her pockets. Mace in one, cell phone in the other. Shivering slightly,  “All that’s left is to just do it now. There’s a bathroom over that way on the beach where we can run and hide if it’s too much.” Blanche shrugged, before carefully sitting down on the edge and pushing herself off so she could carefully climb. “Careful, the rocks are slippery, it’s a miracle I didn’t break something the last time I flew down them at top speed.”

Pausing, Winston moved through the rocks as carefully as they possibly could. “Ok, just … just do it.” Winston felt their heart race. They felt blood surge around their body. They felt adrenaline roar. They could feel everything tense as they moved down towards the beach. A can of hair spray in one hand and a fire axe in the other. This was perhaps the bizarrest they had ever picture themselves. A nervous bead of sweat trickled down their left temple and rolled off their jawline. “Just do it. Just do it.” They weren’t sure why they were repeating that. Honestly it wasn’t making this much better. “Don’t worry, I won’t do anything else to my ankle unless I can absolutely see no other option.” They were joking of course. “There doesn’t seem like there’s anything around, let’s just get in and out.” They moved off from their hiding spot, slipping down the beach as silently as they could. Unaware of anything else there as of yet. They hoped that wasn’t just about to change. “How close do you want to get?” they asked Blanche, adjusting their glasses to sit more comfortably on their face.

“As god as my witness, if you hurt your ankle again, I will - “ Blanche was going to say kill you but that somehow didn’t seem appropriate. She dropped down onto the frozen sand and looked at them. “ - I’ll - don’t hurt your ankle again, I can’t pick you up and then I’ll have to call 9-1-1 and then the police and firemen are going to show up and it’s going to really not end well.” Or maybe she was getting ahead of herself and needed to chill out. Blanche’s palms were were starting to get sweaty, and she rubbed them on her thighs anxiously, glancing out at the chest. “I dunno, 10 feet, maybe? You think that’s too close? My iphone has a great camera and can zoom.” Maybe, after all this was over, she should invest in an actual camera. Funnily enough, it was going to be easier to get a gun rather than get a camera. “C’mon. Let’s get this over with - you’ll hear the clicking.” Blanche glanced at them, before patting them on the shoulder and strode forward. Cece had let her lead the way, and she did, so she was going to just… just do it again! Perfect.

“I promise that I will do everything that I possibly can to avoid injuring my ankle again, because I don’t want to be hobbling around on a busted leg when giant crustaceans called Karkinoids try and cut me in two.” Maybe Winston was being dramatic, but they didn’t feel like they were being dramatic. “At least we’ll probably have some signal here, after all, this is a beach right. Why wouldn’t you get signal at the beach?” Winston was almost too afraid to look at their phone at this point. They considered how close too close really was. Honestly, Winston thought that they were too close right now, but they weren’t about to chicken out in front of Blanche after they had been the one that had insisted that she couldn’t possibly go on her own. “I can deal with ten feet I think,” Winston replied after chewing their cheeks for a second, “let’s go,” they agreed as they set off again across the beach. They followed after Blanche, craning their neck for crabs or lobsters or anything with claws.

Blanche snorted. After this was over, she was going to have to tell Winston they were funny. Because they were - especially in the face of danger. That had to count for something. Maybe a merit badge for facing adversity. “We have signal, I looked before I jumped down here,” Blanche assured them. At least, she had signal. She wouldn’t know about their stupid andriod phone. They moved down the beach, inching closer and closer to the chest. Her heart was pounding hard in her ears, but she decided that she didn’t care. She wasn’t afraid of anything! If she wasn’t afraid of anything than some stupid lobster wasn’t going to prevent her from doing what she wanted. Fuck that! It was easier to go on a tangent in her head than it was to actually follow it. Surprisingly enough, they’d gotten pretty far before the fucking clicking started and she went rigid on the spot. Blanche cursed quietly, stuffing her hand in her pocket and pulling out her phone, shoving it to Winston. “Take the photos, I’ll spray the stupid things and see if it gets them to back off. They like to eat each other once one is dead,” Blanche said, quickly - she didn’t know if anything she said had come out clearly because she was talking very, very quickly. Low and behold, there were the crabs. Lobsters. Karkinoids. Whatevers. There was only a couple, thank god. But who knew where the others were. Blanche had her mace out and had it pointed in the right direction and sprayed. Better melt them now before they got too close. The unfortunately familiar smell of burning burning lobster filled her nose. “Don’t forget to focus the camera!” She called, eyes darting around the beach for more crustaceans.

“Ok, good, because although I’m not sure what a cop would do against a massive armoured crab, I do know that I’ll feel much better risking my life if there’s someone to yeet me out if you get my meaning.” Winston wondered how many cops had seen these things, why was it that none of these things were ever discussed? Why had they never realised how dangerous a place they were living in until now. If none of the last few weeks had happened, would they have continued living in denial indefinitely? As they crept closer and closer, they couldn’t help but keep their ears pricked. They could hear the clicking as they got close. They were about to complain that they were the one taking the photos when they realised that this meant that they weren’t going to have to be dealing with the crab things. Winston fumbled with their phone, pulling up the camera that they knew was supposed to be superior to an iPhone camera although at this moment it was taking way too long to focus. Sprinting closer, they tried to be quick, they didn’t want Blanche to get hurt because they were too slow. Their hand shaking, Winston tried to take a deep breath, before snapping several shots of the chest. “How many of these do you want?” they shouted Blanche’s way.

Ewwww. She’d been right in saying that they would eat each other because now that’s exactly what the other one was doing. Blanche wrinkled her nose, keeping careful watch as she turned her head to check on Winston briefly. “Take pictures of each side of the chest. And one from above, too! And don’t touch it!” Blanche didn’t think the warning to Winston was completely needed at all, but it never hurt. She crept closer to the crab that was still alive and clicking, before it’s head snapped up to look at her and she sprayed it in the face. Blanche realized she was certainly not fucking around. The thing twitched and wailed slightly before falling down dead. “Gross, gross, gross!” She mumbled, making a face before looking for more of its brethren that she could take out. Figuring Winston was done with the photos, she called out to them. “Alright, c’mere. Before the rest of the Krusty Krew get here. I need the axe, I want a claw.” she nudged one of them with her foot. Onces face had completely dissolved because of Cece’s acid, but the other one… It might work.

Winston sprung into action, circling around the chest taking photos from each side. They could thank their lucky stars that they were relatively tall and therefore easily able to lean over and take photos of the chest. It occurred to them in that very moment that they could’ve simply placed a camera on one of the drones that they had back at the house and done this with that. Apparently they were an idiot. Not allowing themselves to have time to regret their foolishness however, Winston dashed away from the chest a few moments after snapping their final photos. “I think I’ve got enough,” they said, slightly out of breath but surprised that their fitness had improved a little, maybe running for their life would actually have some long term benefits. As they arrived by Blanche’s side, they raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you joking?” they asked, knowing full well that she wasn’t. They gave her a look, before sighing and handing them the axe. “Fine, just hurry up before more of them find us.”

Blanche hoped they were right, but knew that she had to trust them. They definitely knew how to take photos on an iphone. Maybe she was just nervous. Blanche shook her worry off and shot them an equally withering look until they handed her the axe. “I need proof for Regan,” she said flatly. She did make it snappy, though. Deciding last moment that a claw was going to be too much of a bitch and a half to carry back (and heavy), Blanche went for the head. Or well, she stopped before she swung the axe, looking back at Winston. “... Don’t watch me chop off its head.” She mumbled, before waiting a moment, and swinging the axe. Gross. Gross. Gross. Her stomach churned, “ Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.” Blanche shuddered slightly, before handing the axe back, before unzipping her jacket, shrugging it off, and collecting the now fallen head in it. Glad she had worn a sweater, she stood, looking up and down the beach. “Do you want to make a run for it back?” Blanche asked, flatly. “Before more of them decide to pop up and try to snap us in half?”

Winston had to admit that the last thing they expected was for all of this to go this well. Though they had been unfortunate enough as to run into Karkinoids, it seemed as if Blanche had been able to deal with them and as they handed their axe over, Winston had to admit there was a gentle sense of awe. “I don’t know who that is but if you need proof then this is probably a pretty sure fire way, although y’know, the denial can be strong. They were watching eagerly when Blanche protested, and with a groan of protest turned their back on the butchery that was taking place. Once Blanche was ready, they nodded. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” They set off towards the car, glad that this had gone so well. Things could be worse. 

“If she doesn’t believe me after me bringing her a giant Karkinoid head, I’m projectiling myself off the first cliff I see.” Blanche said, absolutely being dramatic. No one was dead, and they had a lobster head. Hah, Blanche thought, that rhymed. Pleased with the outcome of events, Blanche took off after Winston, trying not to slip and slide on the frozen sand. After all this was over and winter left, Blanche was going to spend a nice day on the beach, alone, and get a tan. No lobsters, no crabs, just one normal day in the fucking - was that more clicking? Blanche glanced over her shoulder. More crab,s but more interested in the caracusses of their fallen friends than them, for the moment. “Gogogo! Before they notice us and King Louis’ head!” Blanche hissed. They slid up to the rocks. “Do you need a boost?” Blanche asked, kindly, as Remmy had done the same for her and Cece the last time they were here. 

“Ah yes suicide, the only rational answer to irrational morons who refuse to see the truth.” Winston was sore, sweaty and out of breath. They had been far too close to lobsters for their liking and now they were in the presence of one of their heads. This day was truly turning out to be memorable. As more crabs arrived, Winston moved faster to the rocks and shook their head. “I think I’m tall enough to reach up on my own, I’ll boost you first and then you can help pull me up.” They didn’t give her anytime to argue, they weren’t about to start messing about with those lobsters again and they needed to get out of their quickly before the smell of one of the karkinoids dead brethren attracted some foes.

With no time to argue or say anything sarcastic - because she would have. Probably something giraffe related - Blanche let Winston help boost her up and once again scrambled to the safety of the small cliff. Dumping the head wrapped in her jacket onto the ground, she turned and reached a hand down to help them up. Once the both of them were safely away from where any Karkinoid could get them, Blanche let out a giant sigh of relief. “Holy shit -” She looked at Winston. “- That just worked! We did it! No one lost a limb! Or rolled an ankle!” Blanche pointed to their ankle, maybe a little too excited over the fact that neither of them died or got maimed. She bent, scooped up the lobster head and grabbed her keys to unlock her car and dump the head in the trunk. “Karkinoids my ass.”

[ketzwrites]

Rewatch 107: Major Arcana

This is one of my favorite episodes from season 1 even though it quickly goes downhill with deliberately forced writing decisions after Act Four. 

Teaser

The episode starts with Clary, Jace, and Luke still at Magnus’ on the same night they arrived. I’m trying to figure out how the timeline worked so Alec could have spent the night so we got the flashback from 218. It’s hard.

Simon went from the DuMort to Maureen’s bed on the same night. That… makes sense?

Oh, okay. So, Luke said they’d go to the precinct in the morning. So, presumably, he spends the night at Magnus’s. Do Clary and Jace spend the night there too? I wouldn’t think so because they change clothes. Maybe everyone went to their places and only Alec stayed? I’m so confused.

Act One

This episode is peak Clace. I can get on board with this fun and cheeky dynamic.

Robert is like “Izzy, dear… quick question… why… are you… cosplaying as your mom?”

Why does everyone think Downworlders would be working with Valentine? No, honestly, why? Being forced to work for Valentine, okay. But helping him? Out of their own free will? Why is this a thing the characters worry about at all?

When I first watched this conversation between Alec and Izzy, I thought Izzy was asking Alec to be honest with her and admit that he’s gay. But he has told her that years ago. Rather, Izzy here really is asking Alec to be honest about what happened at Magnus’s beyond “Magnus made cocktails, but nothing happened”. I dig that. Also, “turning on a new leaf” is peak Alec humor.

The juxtaposition joke between Alec/Izzy scene and Clary/Jace scene is cheesy but I like it.

Act Two

Clary being smart is something I will never get enough of. But the fact that the cops at the precinct know her and help her deal with the “crappy boyfriend” makes my heart ache because in 310 Luke’s superior asks about the daughter that disappeared. Clary’s mundane life is so underused but when it comes up, I get sad in the right way.

The humor on this episode is so silly but so wholesome. Simon’s making lists about becoming a vampire and the waitress being like “I don’t get paid enough for this.” And it is cute that Simon and Clary are regulars at Java Jones. More hints to Clary’s mundane life that could’ve been used further along in the series.

The dog barking at “Vargas” and not at Fisk was a really nice touch.

*Obligatory mention of Jace saying Alec has never slapped him on the face two episodes before Alec punches him*

Simon saying “I think I’m sick” and not “I think I’m turning into a vampire” is such lazy writing. Either make Clary don’t take the call or have him say what he really thinks is happening and Clary dismisses that assumption. It is not Clary’s fault that she assumes Simon is having another hypochondriac episode when Simon starts the conversation like that. Clary will feel bad about this conversation in the next episode, but I’m not buying it.

RIP Captain Vargas. You were cool.

Act Three

I’m glad NYPD is portrayed as competent in this show. Fisk knows something doesn’t add up in Luke’s narrative, he just can’t possibly imagine that something is supernatural in nature. Still, he’s not convinced by flimsy excuses. Fisk, Ollie, Lt. Dwyer: it makes sense that they would be a pain in Luke’s ass. It wouldn’t be believable if they weren’t.

More mundanes being smart. Maureen thinks Simon is on drugs, Becky and Elaine make an intervention. People acting like people would. Though Simon still searching for a mundane explanation is stupid and I’m tired. It’s been three episodes. Get on with the program.

I don’t know if “I’m on your side” is the line Alaric used when he kidnapped Clary because apparently that scene existed and was cut, so no, I do not appreciate a call back to something I didn’t watch. Also, if Clary and Simon left the room after Alec specifically told them not to, that means Alec didn’t lose them; they disobeyed his instructions.

Clary chooses the most uncomfortable way to draw a rune for no logical reason other than to get Jace to draw it for her. Noted.

Alec continues to be made relatable as he panics over serving as the distraction in this tiny hero-arc. Reluctant hero refusing the call? Check. Hero tries to be something he is not and fails? Check. Hero finds his own path and accomplishes the goal? Check. Simple, silly, and very effective.

It’s funny how random the “turning things into drawings” Fray power works. I think the common factor is strong emotions. Clary was happy at the coffee shop and then she was distraught at Magnus’s. Sounds like a plausible theory.

“We need to leave this place full of demons as quickly as possible and secure the Mortal Cup which is with Clary, so obviously the three trained shadowhunters should walk fast and leave her behind.”

Act Four

Why is leaving the sniper-type in a perfect shooting position even a problem? Alec couldn’t have a better shooting point than in front of the tight entrance that is directly in front of him. Jace should know better than that.

Oh, now the writers have Simon spill out the real problem when Clary can’t pick up the phone. Right.

That is really not the time for Clary to be thanking Jace – and only Jace – for helping her.

Act Five

I still don’t get how does Valentine control these many demons. They tried to explain it away by saying he’s bribing them but how does that work? Bribing them with what?

Jace really sucks at defense tactics in this episode. He told Clary to go on by herself? Really? There are two shadowhunters there. Leave one behind. Instead of wasting screen time with poorly timed declarations, they should’ve spread out this flee attempt with each Lightwood having to stay behind until Clary was truly on her own. These three are supposed to be competent at their job.

Act Six

Luke using the pack to protect Clary: 1

I actually like that it is Clary who kisses Jace and not the other way around.

If, on one hand, I blame Camille’s blood for Simon’s attraction to the DuMort, on the other I blame lazy writing for Simon never once mentioning his suspicions about becoming a vampire to Clary or the shadowhunters until it was too late. He had ample opportunity.

That all said, it’s interesting that Camille makes the decision of killing Simon. She didn’t have to, it wasn’t an accident, and she knew there was a big chance he’d come back to see her. As the villain that she is, Camille decides to murder Simon – and she doesn’t even turn him herself, as we’ll see on the next episode. It truly is just murder, not procreation.

[aion-rsa]

Spider-Man: No Way Home Trailer Breakdown and Analysis

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It’s finally here. We truly never thought it would arrive for awhile. But sure enough, the first Spider-Man: No Way Home trailer has arrived. And just as you might have expected from the veil of secrecy that surrounded it, it would appear that at least SOME of the crazy multiversal rumors about this movie are true.

From its MCU multiverse shattering central concept to the presence of both Benedict Cumberbatch’s Doctor Strange and Alfred Molina’s Doctor Octopus (with hints of even more characters yet to be revealed), Spider-Man: No Way Home looks like the biggest Marvel movie since Avengers: Endgame, and seems likely to set up future MCU Phase 4 projects, most notably Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.

In other words, there’s a lot to unpack here. Here’s everything we’ve found so far. Oh, and just in case you haven’t watched it yet, here’s that trailer for you:

OK, now let’s get to work…

The Fallout From Far From Home

As we all remember, the previous Spider-Man movie, Spider-Man: Far From Home had a rather shocking ending, and one that didn’t exactly leave Peter in the best place. Thanks to the machinations of Mysterio, Peter found his secret identity outed by J. Jonah Jameson, and the world now knows he’s really Spider-Man.

We see glimpses of this in the opening moments, with Peter seeming to have a combination celebrity/pariah status, and it’s negatively affecting MJ and Ned Leeds as well. One classmate this seems to be going well for? Betty Brant, who we briefly glimpse on a TV screen in the high school, presumably reporting on this whole mess.

One fun detail about this? MJ is reading the real world New York Post, which on its own isn’t funny (the Post is a rag…except for the sports coverage), but in the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies the Daily Bugle’s logo and layout were clearly modeled on the Post‘s. Another subtle reminder that this isn’t the world of the Raimi movies, and that The Daily Bugle of the MCU probably spent the last five years telling people to take Ivermectin to bring their “snapped” loved ones back.

That headline says “Spider-Minions” and I’d bet the puppets on the webs are MJ and Ned. Zendaya’s “Yesss, my Spider-Lord,” is legit hilarious, though. Not sure why the sports page would say “pray for New York”…UNLESS it’s about Spidey’s favorite baseball team, the New York Mets, for whom prayers are not enough.

Later on in the trailer, we see Spidey and Michelle being hounded by new helicopters, so this isn’t going well. But they take refuge on top of a bridge which…

Peter! You better Spidey your ass right the hell down off that bridge right this instant! You know what happens when you bring your girlfriends to bridges. Knock it off!

Steve Ditko

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that Steve Ditko co-created both Spider-Man and Doctor Strange and here they are sharing the screen in an impossibly mega-budgeted film. Ditko absolutely would have hated this for any number of reasons, but especially because he barely ever saw a dime from all the Spidey and Strange merchandise through the years.

Why am I bringing this up (aside from the obvious)? Because Ditko’s name is literally in the first shot of the trailer, as some graffiti on the wall behind Peter and MJ. I’m sure Mr. Ditko wouldn’t have approved of street artists like this, either.

Damage Control

We see Peter being interrogated by someone in law enforcement, and it’s clear that Mysterio’s frame job is sticking pretty well. But wait…look more closely at the insignia on this guy’s jacket.

He’s not an ordinary fed, that DODC stands for Department of Damage Control. Remember them from Spider-Man: Homecoming? These are the folks who get called in to take care of the messes after big superhero/supervillain battles.

Here Comes Daredevil?

While there’s no official sign of Charlie Cox as Matt Murdock in this trailer, it sure seems like Peter could use a good lawyer right about now, and it’s hard to imagine a better time to bring in Daredevil, the most beloved character from Marvel’s Netflix era. Unless, of course, the faceless individual who slams a stack of files down in front of Peter is, in fact, Murdock.

Anyway, it should come as no surprise that Peter wants his secret identity back, and he’s already fought side by side with exactly the kind of guy who could help him do exactly that. Of course, the thing that reminds him of this are these Halloween decorations that look like if someone tried to describe Doctor Strange to Jon Favreau’s Happy Hogan and then Happy went and whipped up some cosplay based on the description.

It’s kind of cool that this movie seems to at least partially take place around Halloween. The MCU Spider-Man movies have always had a particular sense of time that most MCU flicks lack (although yes, Virginia, Iron Man 3 is a Christmas movie). Spider-Man: Homecoming took place at the start of the school year in September, while Spider-Man: Far From Home was a summer vacation movie. Assuming the end of that film was late summer, Peter has been dealing with his new and hellish existence for anywhere from 60-90 days by this point in the trailer.

Paging Doctor Strange…Doctor Stephen Strange

Benedict Cumberbatch returns as Doctor Strange for the first time since Avengers: Endgame, and he appears to be doing well for himself. He does, however, seem a little too eager to help Peter by casting a spell that is meant to either just erase the memory of the world that Peter is Spider-Man, or perhaps as Peter puts it, make it so Mysterio never went public with his identity.

Hell, Wong even shows up to till him what a mistake that would be. And Stephen being Stephen he, well, he ignores the hell out of him.

Also worth noting that Peter trying to wish his troubles away via magic is ALSO the basic idea of one of the most hated Spider-Man stories in all of history, the loathed “One More Day” which undid Peter’s marriage to Mary Jane in exchange for the life of Aunt May.

The Broken Spell

Of course, leave it to Peter’s anxious ass to have second thoughts at the last minute. You see, he wants Aunt May, MJ, and Ned to remember the fact that he’s Spider-Man. On the one hand, that’s nice, and reminds us that Peter is a good kid who still feels guilty about deceiving his friends. On the other hand, look at the big picture, dude! You can just…reveal your secret to them after the fact!

Also…is something wrong with Doctor Strange? For one thing, he never should have agreed to this. But for another, it’s clear that something isn’t quite right in the Sanctum Sanctorum since it’s snowing indoors. Is Strange having trouble with his magic for some reason? Will this be one of the things we have to deal with in Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness?

The Multiverse

Anyway, Peter’s interruption screws everything up. How? That’s not entirely clear just yet. But it seems to be the nexus event that either sends Peter into other corners of the MCU multiverse or allows variants from other Spidey realities to start filtering in to the Sacred Timeline.

The Black and Gold Spider-Man Costume

The long-rumored black and gold Spider-Man costume seems to make its first appearance here. Is this a new suit Peter has whipped up, or is he Quantum Leaping into some variant form of himself elsewhere in the multiverse?

This scene also appears to take place in the charity where Aunt May works.

Get Ready for the Sinister Six

We get the introductions (well, re-introductions) of at least three villains in this trailer, and three is halfway to six, which can only mean that Sony has finally found a way to do that supervillain team-up Sinister Six movie they’ve been threatening us with for so long.

Electro

Is this lightning bolt blowing up police cars our first confirmation that Jamie Foxx’s Electro from the film we’d all rather forget, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, is indeed making his return here? There’s another shot that also makes me think this is more than just some multiversal storm.

Green Goblin

Willem Dafoe’s Green Goblin is definitely about to make an appearance! That’s a pumpkin bomb, alright, and you can just barely hear his sinister cackle.

Doctor Octopus Returns

And, of course, the biggest applause moment in the trailer comes with the return of Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus, one of the great big screen supervillains of all time. Is his “hello, Peter” directed at Tom Holland’s Peter Parker? Or is possible that he’s addressing another Peter entirely…perhaps one played by Tobey Maguire?

In any case, this scene looks like it might happen right after that pumpkin bomb explosion, which would mean that Doctor Octopus and Green Goblin have already teamed up by this point. Who else might be joining them in battle? We’ll find out soon enough…

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Spider-Man: No Way Home opens on Dec. 17. The full schedule of upcoming MCU Phase 4 and 5 movies can be found here.

Want to point out a Spider-Man or MCU Easter egg we missed? Just want to freak out about how cool this looks? Let us know in the comments!

The post Spider-Man: No Way Home Trailer Breakdown and Analysis appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[savvylark]

Not Your Mama’s Hallmark Christmas Part 1

 Thank you to the amazing @javistg being my beta and encouraging. 

Katniss tends to be cynical about materialism, love, and marriage. Her friends have replaced the family she lost. So when Peeta needs help, her friends don’t need more than a strong arm to convince her. Katniss finds herself having a very different  Christmas this year with the Mellark family, posing as Peeta’s girlfriend. What will change when this starts to look like a strange Hallmark movie? 

Ready for part 2?

The air is thick with affection and laughter. Snow lightly falls, twinkling and tumbling outside the window, echoing the light-hearted mood inside.

The cynic in me can’t stand the jolly commercialism that the winter season brings. Despite all of this I can’t help but truly enjoy myself when we all get together, as if we are a real family celebrating Christmas.

Madge and Gale’s upscale apartment looks like West Elm meets Martha Stewart’s holiday catalog. Spread after spread of delicious and appropriately holiday themed hors d'oeuvre and snacks are on every surface. Wine and seasonal cocktails have been flowing.

“Hey! I don’t judge you with your choices in men!” Peeta’s tone is serious, but his expression says otherwise. He’s already 3 spiked eggnogs in, following tradition.

Finnick, Annie, and Thresh’s new girlfriend, Rue, are laughing around the table as I tease Peeta about his newest ex-girlfriend.

“I’m just saying, with a name like Glimmer? I mean, do shiny objects keep her occupied?” I ask Peeta.

He winces, but smiles.

“Is she confessing personal problems with that nickname?” I smirk, as the whole table erupts in laughter.

Gale and Madge are also pulled out of their own little world leaning near the wet bar.

Tresh joins us from the kitchen, shaking his head, amused at our usual banter. Thresh hands his girlfriend Rue another egg nog, placing a platter of food in front of us. Always playing host.

Peeta bites his lip to repress his laughter. Ugh, I love and hate when he does that.

He looks in my eyes and jabs back at me.

“Oh, you’re one to talk. A nickname like Marvel didn’t give you any clue that you had found your very own Sheldon Cooper?” Peeta’s blue eyes twinkle with amusement.

I scowl, but my eyes reveal the laughter I’m stifling. “Who doesn’t like the Marvel movies? I should have known that meant he would be SO into comic books!” I snap back with equal amusement. “And Cosplay.”

We all chuckle, there’s nothing wrong with cosplay, it’s just not my scene at all. A hilariously poor match.

Peeta looks over at Johanna.

“Jo, what was that hipster guy’s name you dated, the one who never showered? Bright?”

Jo scowls, but her eyes prove she’s just as amused as we are. “Hey, don’t bash a hipster! You’re looking at one.” She winks and continues. “BLIGHT was his name!”

“I hated that guy!” Thresh adds.

If our own 6’6” gigantic teddy bear didn’t even like the guy, that’s saying something.

Johanna sighs. “He was a disaster! I appreciate a man who has an aversion to anything mainstream, but he used it as a reason to have zero responsibility for anything. Blight, I’m positive he made that name up! Rhymes with flight. That should have been my first clue.”

She goes on to tells about the time he asked a librarian if they had showers in their bathroom. That’s how Jo promptly left Blight, stranded at the library.

Chatter continues throughout the room.

Johanna leans her body towards Peeta and pokes his side. “Weelllll, Peeta-bread, what are you going to do for your mom’s insane Christmas bash for all the rich snobs without Sparkle for the holidays?” Johanna pries, emphasis on the ridiculous name.

Peeta makes a low growl noise in his throat and shakes his head, raking his fingers through his hair.

“That’s why you started dating Glitter in the first place, right? To get your mean ol’ mommy Mellark off your back?” She’s teasing, but some concern is evident in her expression. She cares. Prickly, sarcastic Johanna Mason has always had a soft spot for the people she loves.

Every one of us knows just how awful Peeta’s mother can be. Last year easily takes the cake as being the height of humiliation. Peeta brought up the topic of marriage to his heiress and mother-approved girlfriend of 4 years. Her rejection lead to their break up, and left him a broken man.

Right before a prominent holiday season.

Peeta’s mother was awful to him the entire visit for Christmas.

Peeta is determined to avoid a repeat.

All of us stayed nearby our college town, hours from our hometowns, for similar broken or dysfunctional family reasons.

Staying together also means having the second family we’ve found in our friends.

We all went to Panem State together at various points of arrival. Gale, Peeta, and Finnick had been in their 3rd year when Madge and I started.

Thresh and I were fast friends our freshman year and started regular pizza and movie nights with Madge and Gale, our pseudo family slowly fell into place.

Johanna was, and still is, my roommate who I met through Peeta and Finnick.

Sweet Rue, Thresh’s girlfriend, became an easy addition in the last year.

Peeta doesn’t answer Johanna’s question. The conversation steers to memorable Christmas parties and ugly sweaters.

Jo smirks at me. “Remember that time–,”

“Oh I remember! Johanna tricked me into wearing the ugliest sweater at a party that WASN’T an ugly sweater party. I thought I was going to win!” I grit my teeth and scowl at the memory.

“Three years in a row!” Johanna adds, to my humiliation.

I growl.

I’m met with amused smiles and laughter.

Finnick delves into a ridiculous story about a friend who was wearing Christmas lights in his ugly sweater and nearly landed him a Darwin Award by electrocution.

Finnick heroically kicked him in the chest to unplug the lights, but in doing so, he embedded broken bulbs in the guy’s chest.

That party ended with a trip to the ER treating the friend’s electrocution and stitches.

The details he adds, no one could make up.

Finnick’s knack for acquiring stories is phenomenal. We’re all in stitches, laughing until our sides hurt.

“Well, Peet, if you have to go to the party alone, at least Annie and I will be there to take some of the pressure off,” Finnick says to his best friend as Annie hands him his coat.

Annie’s parents are old friends of the Mellarks, so she’s been to their parties since childhood and is well acquainted with how important appearances are, and the pressure Mrs. Mellark puts on her youngest son.

Behind them is Rue, also carrying 2 coats.

Thresh lifts me into his arms in his signature crushing hug.

Rue giggles as I make a show of gasping for air.

The couples continue to exchange their goodbyes, and ‘Merry Christmases’ handing each of us a present and head out of Madge and Gale’s apartment.

I watch the couples head to the stairs, hand in hand.

Rue’s warm brown eyes rarely leave Thresh’s face. She smiles softly as he talks to her with such affection. The look in his eyes says Rue is everything.

I know my friend. He’s in love.

Annie and Finnick are more playful.

Annie blushes as Finnick whispers in her ear then kisses her cheek. She’s pushes him away. Bumps his shoulder a little while their fingers remain entwined. Annie’s giggle is infectious and echoes through the stairwell. Again, it’s the look Finnick has in his eyes that melts my Grinchly heart. Annie holds his heart for eternity.

Then, it hits me.

Maybe I do want that some day?

I’ve never admitted it to myself.

Everyone knows I have scoffed at love and marriage, probably since the very first boy that caught my eye when I was 16.

But people change.

I shrug my shoulders and shut the apartment door, and those thoughts.

Jo has clearly had too many drinks at this point, speaking loud enough for everyone to hear. “I would definitely help you out if I wasn’t set on getting my ass to the beach. I just can’t stand family gatherings. And, as fun as it would be to piss your mom off, I think you’re hoping for someone to take away the attention rather than direct more to you, amiright??” she pauses and shoves Peeta. “I TOLD YOU, ask her!” Johanna whisper-yells in her drunken state.

Peeta’s face is red.

I’m pretty sure at one point Jo skipped the eggnog and has been downing the hard stuff straight.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

I purse my lips and try to think of who ‘her’ she’s referring to.

I’ve also never understood why his parents make this party such a big deal, but my own parents were very casual about gatherings.

When I had parents anyway.

Peeta has stressed about this Christmas party every year, but it was after he graduated that he made a point to always bring a girl.

For his mother’s sake.

Peeta looks sheepish, sighs and rubs the back of his neck. Then he turns to me.

Wait, me?

Oh. no.

I’ve seen this hallmark movie.  I’m more of a Grinch character myself.

Okay, calm down, it’s just Peeta. Still, I start shaking my head.

Madge gives me this mad-scientist look, raises her eyebrows and I can see her wheels turning now.

She’s gone into planner-mode.

I know Madge is feeling guilty she can’t be there for her cousin Peeta.

Madge typically attends her Aunt and Uncle’s annual holiday party in Merchant. Had she not organized a charity event for childhood cancer that same weekend she would be. It’s hard to keep up with her event planning, and it’s busiest around the holidays and wedding season.

Also, being a senator’s daughter has expectations of it’s own. There are other obligations that she needs to attend.

I would hate to have to deal with the expectations and pressure Madge has, which she handles with such grace.

I imagine when Gale does finally pop the question with that ring burning a hole in his pocket the event itself is going to be insane, and the planning will be flawless.

Madge is very good at what she does.

I dart back and grab another drink while Madge joins Jo and Peeta to conspire.

I groan.

“So Gale, do you have any interesting plans coming up?” I elbow my best friend playfully.

I have been teasing him for months about asking Madge that daunting, er, I mean magical question.

I helped Gale pick out the near-colorless solitaire in a rose-gold setting, and I learned more than I ever wanted to about engagement rings that day.

Diamonds haunted the back of my eyelids for days.

Our cool-calm-and-collected Gale has been a little smug about revealing any engagement plans. Yet he turns into a giddy kid on Christmas morning anytime I mention, or raise my eyebrows in a silent question.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Gale teases back, but can’t keep the gigantic grin off his face.

“Well I better be the first one to hear it!” I say with a wink.

Gale rolls his eyes, laughs, but nods.

We know I will.

It’s actually contagious, to see my best friend so in love, I’m almost giddy with him.

Weird.

So maybe I’m not so allergic to happy endings either.

“Katniss!! We need your help!” Madge says in a sing-songy voice.

I grimace, let out a deep sigh and give Gale a pleading look.

He just shrugs.

Great. No allies here.

And so begins my acting career as Peeta Mellark’s girlfriend for the Holidays with his family.

Madge starts jotting down notes. She lists a hair salon, a wax center, a list of clothing, make up, shoes. Asking Peeta which family members will be in town for the week. Other tentative events –all of which made my childhood Christmases as a poor girl from the wrong side of town sound so meagre.

I’m already a fish out of water.

“I don’t, I don’t even know how–,” I stammer.

Madge interrupts,“Oh, nonsense! I’ll teach you everything, we have time to prepare. Just be yourself, Katniss. You’ve always had a calming effect on Peeta. He needs you and I can’t be there. Everything will be fine, Katniss!”

Jo is finding all of this amusing. “Hey, don’t be brainless! You get to pretend to be a different version of yourself. Haven’t you ever wondered what it would have been like to have more growing up? I have! This could be fun!” Johanna is surprisingly convincing for how drunk she is.

I have to admit, all the things Madge is talking about would be an experience, and I’m not alone. I’ll be with our friend Peeta the whole time.

Now I’m looking at Madge, then Peeta, and back.

“Can we establish a safe word? When it’s too much and I need an escape? I could say ‘do you want to build a snowman?’ Instead of making a run for it.” I try to make light of it but I’m a known flight risk. We all understand this.

“Absolutely, I can help you with an escape to a quiet place, just say so.” Peeta reassures me.

I hesitate and fiddle with my hands.

“All the Mellark baked goods will be on tap the whole week,” he adds.

I look sceptical. “If we’re doing this, we’re going to make it fun. Promise?” I add.

“I promise!” Peeta replies.

“Also, you’re so lucky Prim is off the grid, helping with medical needs from the hurricanes!” I tease. He knows I would never pick this over a Christmas with my sister.

I’m also keeping his little crisis in perspective, this isn’t a real crisis at all.

“Fine. I’ll do it,” I say with a huff.

Johanna and Madge cheer.

Gale is laughing at my predicament.

“You’re the best, Everdeen!” Peeta wraps me up in a tight full body hug.

I stiffen a little but don’t pull away.

I’m just not much for hugging, but I’ve tried to get used to Peeta’s, Thresh’s and, well, probably half our friends touchy, affectionate tendencies.Especially after the alcohol is flowing.

It surprises me that of all our friends, it’s actually Peeta and Annie whose touchy tendencies turn from affection to questionable around me after a few drinks.

Peeta keeps his body flush to mine and this hug is turning not so innocent.

I shove him back playfully. I have stories.

“Easy tiger! That reminds me. Let’s work through some rules? I think for all intents and purposes we should appear to be dating exclusively, just out of respect for each other. Try to keep excessive flirting with the ladies to a minimum?” I ask of Peeta.

“Noted. Only flirt with you.” Peeta grins widely and emphasizes you with his finger to my nose.

I roll my eyes.

“What about you, Peeta? Ground rules for your lovely girlfriend?” I ask with a sarcastic tone, batting my eyes in mock flirtation.

Jo smirks.

Madge is busy in thought.

Gale is cleaning up.

“Oh um, yeah, don’t jingle anyone else’s Christmas bells?” He grins.

I glare at him.

He laughs. “The only sleigh you should be riding is–,”

“PEETA!” I interrupt, trying to scowl, but my amusement shows.

Jo gives him a high five.

“Okay, OKAY! Umm, I’m going to be myself, so I’m going to be affectionate in front of people,” Peeta says while my eyes go wide, he’s not suggesting…  “No! Nothing crazy. I just mean hand holding, arm around your shoulder, light touching. The kind a grandma would approve of. Try not to resist me,” he says with a wink.

Then he demonstrates by putting an arm around me.

Did it just get a little warmer in here? I shrug my shoulders up a little. Then I remind myself not to resist.

Madge and Jo laugh at me while I struggle.

Peeta has his Casanova smile, then he leans in.

I start to breath heavier when his hot breath tickles my neck.

“Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s alright to kiss me anytime you feel like it,” he whispers.

My cheeks go red and I shove him away as Madge and Jo hoot and holler.

I shake my head and laugh with them.

I grab some ice out of my water cup and smear it all over Peeta’s face.

“Cool it there, Don Lothario! Not everyone is comfortable with such blatant forwardness!” I say grinning. I know I’ve won this round.

“Back to their antics!” Johanna mumbles.

Jo and Madge start whispering.

Nope, I’m not going to stick around for the teasing that will follow.

“Hey I’m going to get going. Jo, do you need a ride to our apartment? Peeta you’re staying here?” I ask the two who don’t live in this upscale apartment.

“I’m good,” Peeta says with a nod, raising  another drink in his hand, meaning he’s staying here.  

Jo grabs her coat as I say my goodbyes and hand out my remaining few Christmas gifts to our friends.

It’s so nice to have Christmas here every year.

Jo and I are adult orphans, so this is our family Christmas. Or was.

Now I’m joining Peeta’s family. 

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 12 – No One Is Okay (I Promise)

In which we deal with the aftermath of the Thanksgiving Fuckery, Kevin is apparently not the only one with a choking kink, Neil is still obnoxiously fine, and Betsy is the best person to ever grace this planet.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

Am I back? Yes.

Am I alive? Physically.

Am I over what happened? Fuck no.

It’s fine, though, because from what I’ve gathered no one else is, either.

No, but seriously – every time the mental image of Andrew on that bed, half-undressed, blood-splattered, has haunted me the past week, I was hit with the biggest rush of new-found love for this character, and a fierce desire to protect him. Andrew frickin’ Minyard. This dude. I love him. I need to protect him.

Anyways.

Life goes on, I guess?

           Neil didn’t know if [the six cops arriving at the Hemmicks’ house] had nothing better to do on a Sunday night or if they’d come following the slip of Kevin Day’s name over the police radio.

Are you telling me Kevin has fanboys in the frickin’ police. Seriously?

I am once again doubting how big of a deal Exy actually is.

After the authorities arrive, one half of the squad is shipped off to the police station, the other to the hospital. What a way to end a Thanksgiving dinner. Amazing. 10/10 would thanksgive again.

Going to the hospital has one silver lining, though (apart from the murder kitten getting medical attention ofc):

Wymack is there!

           “Kevin called me,” Wymack said.

           Neil did the math in his head, but it didn’t add up. (…) The only way Wymack could be standing here now was if Kevin called him when he first went downstairs to get Nicky. Knowing Kevin, Neil bet Wymack got the call before 911 did.

FOX DAD :’((((((( <33333 #phonesoutforwymack #dicksoutforwymack

           “What do you want me to say?”

           “The truth,” Wymack said.

           “No.”

           “Why not?”

Yeah, hombre. You’re not speaking to the police, you’re not speaking to Wymack – why the hell not? They’re not after you, they’re after getting the truth on how Andrew was abused, which will considerably lessen your guilt (as opposed to them just assuming you murdered that guy for the fun of it), which is in your best fucking interest.

So???????

           Something like this demanded complete honesty, and Neil had been lying since he was old enough to speak. He didn’t know how to tell the truth now. If he tried, would it still be the truth, or would he poison the words by saying them aloud?

Alright, honestly, this is one of the moments where Neil just annoys the crap out of me.

Like. There is no actual fucking reason for you not to help your friends (and you, might I add) out of this shitty ass situation, yet you don’t do it because of your fucking angst.

Chill the fuck out and get the fuck real. No one is asking you to tell them your life story, they just need a witness of what happened in that godawful room.

Help your fucking friends out, Josten. Stop whining, help your friends and help yourself.

They get Andrew out of the hospital, they get back to the cousin’s house, and before they even set foor in the door, we get another Prime Andreil Real Talk Time:

           “You helped create this mess. The least you could do is help clean it up.” (…)

           He wanted to say this wasn’t his fault, but they both knew it was. Andrew hadn’t told him about Drake, but he’d said Luther betrayed his trust. Instead of listening to that, Neil sided with Nicky’s hopeful grief. He hadn’t invited Drake to South Carolina, but he’d delivered Andrew into his waiting arms.

Hold up, hold up, hold up. I get the point, but still, this is not Neil’s fucking fault.

Andrew had said Luther “betrayed his trust”, that could have meant anything from “Luther told people I’m borderline alcoholic” to “Luther told people I’m gay”. It certainly did not immediately suggest something like Drake fucking Spear.

Neil helped create this mess, yes. But he did not do it intentionally, and you can bet your ass he wouldn’t have pushed Andrew to go to South Carolina if he had known what it would mean for him.

It’s Drake’s fault for being such an absolute fucker, and it is Luther’s fault for inviting him back into his home despite knowing what he had done in the past.

Also – two can play the guilt game:

           “So you did nothing,” Neil said. “You almost put a knife between Nicky’s ribs when he flirted with me, but you didn’t lift a finger to protect Cass’ other children. You knew what Drake would do to them but you didn’t protect them.”

Not entirely true either – he did lift a finger by telling the only responsible adult he knew at the time who wasn’t Drake’s parents or Higgins (who was pals with Drake): Luther.

And Luther told him he was wrong. He was misunderstanding the situation.

My blood still fucking boils when I think of that expression. I could retch, cry, and yell at the same time.

           “Is this how you stayed quiet?” Neil reached up and took hold of Andrew’s wrist. He couldn’t feel the scars through the cotton sleeve, but he didn’t need to. He knew they were there. (…) “Did you do this so you wouldn’t tell her the truth about her son?”

           “Maybe I did.”

ANDREW :’(((((((((((((((

Protect him.

           “All you had to do was to hold out until graduation and then she would adopt you. So what went wrong?”

Yeah – remember how I jokingly mentioned Kevin having A Thing for choking way back in Book 1?

GUESS WHAT RECURRING INTERROGATION TECHNIQUE-SLASH-KINK IS FUCKING BACK.

           Andrew’s fingers slowly tightened until Neil couldn’t breathe anymore. He refused to shake Andrew off. The tightness in his chest started as simple discomfort but spread until it felt like every bone in his chest would break beneath the pressure.

Seriously, WHY is there so much choking happening in these books.

I can hear y’all going, oh Nicki, wait a second, that wasn’t sexual though, that was only the usual shade of violent we know and love, where’s the sexual tension that should accompany this?

           Instead of letting go, Andrew slid is hand around the back of Neil’s neck and pulled him in close. He put his mouth at Neil’s ear and lowered his voice.

WHOMP – THERE IT IS.

           “Drake deferred his enlistment,” Andrew said. “He wanted to make the most of his last summer with his baby brother. (…) He wanted to get [Aaron and I] in the same place. He could imagine what we’d look like in bed together, he said. It’s be picture perfect.”

I am legit close to retching on my bed.

Seriously, this came like a punch to the gut – mostly because I’d suspected something like this earlier when we saw how protective Andrew was of Aaron concerning Drake.

           [Neil] needed to know if Andrew was screaming behind the euphoria his drugs fed his veins. But Andrew wasn’t, and Neil couldn’t live with that. (…) Tonight didn’t mean anything to him. This was a setback Andrew could sidestep and ignore.

And again – punch to the gut.

What the hell.

I am both hella scared and unbelievably sad. Also, did I mention I want to protect this sick, terrifying dude.

In better news – didn’t I mention, ages ago, how I hope Betsy Dobson comes back lots of times to grace us with wise insights and hot cocoa?

           “Are you still here, Bee?”

           “For a few moments longer,” Betsy said. “The milk’s almost done heating. I picked some up on the way so we could have some cocoa. (…) If we start drinking it now, we can probably make ourselves sick off of it by midnight.”

Oh my god. YES.

It’s been too long, but I can finally bring this back – it’s #cocoaoutforbetsy ALL THE FUCKING WAY.

I missed our Ravenclaw Molly Weasley <33333

           Neil couldn’t believe her. Chocolate wasn’t a fix-it; it wouldn’t make any of this easier to stomach.

Neil Josten has obviously never had chocolate.

I also now desperately want to do a cosplay shoot where all the Foxes just hang out and drink hot chocolate.

           “Neil,” Wymack said.

           “I’m fine,” Neil said.

           Wymack said nothing immediately, then, “Be fine inside where it’s warmer.”

Sassy Wymack is the best Wymack.

Also, can Neil stop being fucking fine.

I mean, it’s a meme and it’s funny, but it’s also worrying the shit out of me.

A couple of hours later – after Neil has had his patented Angst Run™ and Exhaustion Nap™ - Wymack tries talking some sense into him again:

           “Your testimony could speed the process up, you know. You’re the only one besides Andrew and Aaron who was in that room when Drake died, and since Andrew won’t talk either –“

That’s what I fucking SAID. Thank you Wymack, my dude, my man, for having my back.

Also, Andrew’s not talking either even though it – surprise! – would benefit him immensely as well? Amazing. Stunning. These two are meant to fucking be.

           “Get back to bed.”

           “I’m fine.” It was out between he could stop it. (…)

           “Neil,” Wymack said, “between you and me, I don’t think you’ve ever been fine.”

This is potentially the best sentence anyone has ever said to Neil this entire series.

WYMACK MY DUDE.

In his own interest, and because I love and care about this dude – call him out on his ‘Fine’ bullshit. Please.

And as if the angels above (read: Certified Fox Parents™ Wymack, Abby and Betsy) had heard my prayers: Neil gets pressured into running errands with Bee the next morning, which Bee promptly turns into Fun Psychoanalysis Hour.

           “[Nicky] is lucky to have a friend like you worrying about him.”

           “I’m not his friend,” Neil said, “I’m his teammate. (…) What do I need friends for? I came down here to play.”

There are times where Neil just really, really annoys the shit out of me.

This is one of those times.

Like – I get that he’s miserable. I get that he’s angsty. It’s entirely justified. But he gets friends and support handed to him on a platter over and over again – and he refuses to accept it.

And I realized he’ll learn to accept it by the end of the books, he’ll grow into it, he’ll learn to let love in his life, blablabla, all good, all well. But right now, it’s just grinding my gears so much.

In other news – we are now halfway!

Not with the book, but with the entire series!

I’m equal parts sad, excited and glad – sad because that means it’ll end some time, excited for what’s to come, but also (not going to lie to you here) glad it’s ending at some point, because this is just really beginning to take up a lot of my time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it dearly, I’m glad I’m doing it and I would not want to quit it at any point. But it’s also a lot of work.

And also – that is just halfway? I feel like we’ve been at these books for ages, and so much has happened already. This means we’ve only uncovered about half of all the shit that’s going to go down? What more fuckery could there be??

I have a very strong feeling I don’t want that question answered.

Back to Bee and Neil.

           “You can’t choke back on everything forever,” Betsy said. “You need an outlet, whether it’s with me or David or your teammates.”

           “I don’t need anyone.”

YES YOU BLOODY DO.

I’m v v happy about Actual Angel Bee Dobson pushing Neil towards the healthy and glittering Road Of Mental Health – even if he’s grinding his small angst-ridden orange heels into the ground refusing to budge an inch.

Somebody’s fucking got to help that boy.

Betsy and Neil go shopping, buy Neil a new racquet (RIP Wymack’s bank account) and get Andrew’s knives and keys from the Hemmicks house. Nothing interesting to report here. Next!

           “Where are Nicky and Kevin?”

           “Nicky tried to hug Andrew and almost got himself stabbed with a kitchen knife,” Wymack said.

In the words of a wise man chapters ago: Dammit Minyard, this is why we can’t have nice things.

NICKY :’((((((((((( <333333

#givenickyallthehugs2k17

However, Neil does not give Nicky all the hugs – instead, he frequents one of his all-time favourite hobbies: Eavesdropping on people.

           “This is the only ethical solution,” Betsy said.

What? What is? Solution to what?

           “Andrew won’t agree to this,” Abby said, a last-ditch effort to change their minds. “Going means leaving Kevin behind.”

Andrew? Going?? Going where???

           Neil ignored [Abby] and insisted, “Where are you taking him?”

           “Easthaven Hospital,” Betsy said. “I’m going to take Andrew off his medicine.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry, did I mention how Betsy is the best person in this entire series?? Did I?? DID I???

Apart from Wymack and Renee, of course.

Andrew going off his medicine!! Yes!! Fucking FINALLY!!

I’m excited for this because of plot reasons – what will Andrew be like off his meds? More scary? More mellow? Will he still pretend not to care about Exy? Will he still pretend not to care about Neil? Actually – will he still feel the same at all, both about Exy and Neil?

But in all honesty, I’m mostly excited for this because of the simple reason that I want Andrew Joseph Minyard to be happy and healthy.

That’s all I want.

           He’d wanted to hurt Betsy in the car for reinforcing the rules of Andrew’s awful medicine. She hadn’t defended herself because she knew she didn’t need to. She knew just like he did how cruel it was to keep Andrew on his drugs, and she’d already reached out to the people who could help him.

And apparently, that’s all Betsy wants as well.

I cannot thank the universe enough for the existence of this woman.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[real-faker]

Ack sorry about sending another pitch question (I know you said something about people sending those) but you mentioned you pitched a show twice, and since I'm a creeper, I read the tags and you said the pitch wasn't how we'd think they'd be; how were they, then, out of curiosity? If I ever pitch a show, in your position, what should I expect? What exactly happened? Sorry for asking all these questions; you've been my inspiration for a while and I hope I can pitch my own show someday!! Thank you

Oh no, that’s fine!  I don’t mind telling my experience with it, and I’ve even given pitching tips before, but this post is about the extent of my knowledge.  (You can also just search my blog for “pitch”, ‘cause I’ve reblogged stuff from other people that actually KNOW what they’re talking about, haha)  I just don’t want people under the impression that I’m super experienced with it, or that I’ve ever pitched to a big deal network or producer.  I absolutely haven’t.  I have exactly 2 pitching experiences.  The first one was a few years ago at an event in Nashville called “Film-Com”, which is an annual trade show/expo event for financing and distributing filmmaking projects.  Basically you get a booth, and you set up in this convention center with all these other aspiring creators (filmmakers, documentary people, a few video game/new media folks, all sorts), and they’ve invited a WHOLE SWATH of producers and industry professionals to come mull around the show floor with you so you can make connections and get your product out there EAT FREE MEALS and then idk, maybe fuckin’ walk around a bit and look at your dumb shitty projects if they fuckin’ feel like it but they probably wont, so what ends up happening is all the creators just walk around and look at each others’ shit, which for me—being the only animator there—means that a bunch of other jack-knobs who have some vague idea for a shitty cartoon end up giving me THEIR card so that maybe in the future I can work on THEIR dumbfuck ideas.ANYWAY, to get to the point, they selected certain projects and scheduled them to actually go up and pitch in front of a whole room full of producers.  This happened over the course of the whole day, so I suspect the reason none of the producers were walking around interacting with people is ‘cause they were stuck in a room all day hearing 30 different suck-ass pitches and when it was all said and done they were probably exhausted.  I was scheduled as the last pitch of the day.  I enter the room and wait patiently; the person before me is running about 10 minutes over their allotted time.  I scan the room… everyone is MISERABLE.  They’re anxious, they’re uninterested, they’re sighing… the main guy who’s sort of monitoring the whole thing is pinching his brow and trying his best to keep up the pretense of politeness in telling the current pitcher to wrap it up.  NONE of these people want to be here anymore.  It seems like everyone’s spent the whole day “warming ‘em up” for me, but now they’re all sweaty and miserable, so I can either go up there and give another mediocre pitch, OR I can go up there and try my goddamn hardest to make them laugh. 

I go up on stage, just IMMEDIATELY force myself to get over any fears I have, and I pitch W2H.  I screen a short mock trailer I made (no way I’d force them to sit through that whole fucking thing), and it’s sort of like a fever dream, because I can see all of the life returning to their faces, they’re WAY into it, I’m doing fucking GREAT somehow, despite literally zero experience… and when it was all said and done, it became abundantly clear that even though they all LOVED it, not a single one of them could help me.  None of them were animation producers.  None of them KNEW animation producers.  One guy suggested I go into comics, because “comics get turned into film and tv shows all the time”.  I just had the PERFECT fucking pitch, and I pitched to people who couldn’t fucking help me.  As I was leaving, many of them came up to me and actually thanked me for sending them off for the day on a good note.  There was a big dinner at like, the fucking Governers’ mansion or something that night, and again, some of them were coming up to me and thanking me, wishing me the best and all that.  I guess if nothing else, I learned what I’m capable of.

The second pitch was an ACTUAL disaster.  When I’d first graduated I thought I could pitch W2H to Frederator, ‘cause it seemed like a good fit.  They told me (understandably) that they couldn’t reverse-engineer a show from something I’d already produced, and also that it was inappropriate (despite having a show at the time called “SuperFuckers”, but whatever; language and subject matter are different things).  Later on I got an email from them, saying that someone in their office was familiar with my work, and they invited me to come pitch them something that wasn’t W2H.  They also said that I was free to swing by their office any time, even “just to hang out”, and that if I had any questions “whether it be pitching or where to get the best burgers in Burbank”, to hit them up.  How friendly!  How perfect!  I was JUST about to move out to L.A., so I started working on this idea tentatively called “Gayliens”.  I swung by their office once, you know, just to pop in, like they said; thought I’d make myself known or whatever.  They looked at me like I was nuts.  They still invited me in and we chatted for a bit about the history of early Disney studios, but when they asked why I was there, and I reminded them about the email they’d sent, they seemed to have no idea what I was talking about.  I told them I was working on a pitch for them and that I’d be in touch so we could schedule something.  When I finally finished putting my pitch together, I went in for a meeting with them.  It was just 2 folks, we were in like a board meeting-type room (which I imagine is probably standard).  They made some small talk with me first, which I’m sure was an attempt to loosen us all up a bit and set the mood, but all of their questions really caught me off guard.  (I guess they asked where I was working, and when I told them I didn’t have a studio job, they asked how I was making money, and I’m sure it wasn’t meant to put me in an awkward position, but people asking me how I make money literally ALWAYS puts me in an awkward position, because my income sources are scattered and weird.  Try explaining how youtube ad revenue works to your social services worker, it’s a blast.) SO okay, I let myself get tripped up a bit.  I go on with the pitch; they don’t really want me to pitch the concept, they just have me show them my storyboards and read through the whole thing.  They’re DEAD silent the whole time.  I can’t get a read on them at all.  When it’s over, they ask me some more questions that trip me up.  Some of them are 100% my fault; they asked for a title, and I wasn’t ready to say “Oh, it’s tentatively called GAYLIENS,” out loud to people who I couldn’t get a read from.  

It’s all kind of a blur, but the few topics of discussion I remember them bringing up were that “the storyboards look almost TOO good”, like it was TOO polished or well-developed (which is sort of a backhanded compliment I guess???), because see, “when they made Adventure Time… blah blah blah it just started off as this loose idea, and once they were a season or so into it, they started expanding on the universe and developing the characters a little bit more…” — AS IF ANYONE doesn’t understand why AT got so popular???  You don’t have to TELL ME, I WAS WATCHING IT, I FUCKING KNOW.  No one gave a shit about AT until they got Rebecca Sugar and all these talented writers working on it a couple seasons in, and doing all this character-heavy shit.  I tried to present them with something that had all that character shit baked into it already, ‘cause I knew they were gonna’ use AT as an example.  But it seemed like they’re not looking for something that’s already developed with it’s own voice or sensibility, they’re looking for a vague idea that they can mold into something as they go.  

They also told me–and I still can’t get over this–that they’re looking for “”””””characters that people will want to cosplay as””””””, which is funny to me for a plethora of reasons; namely that they have no way of knowing that PEOPLE DO COSPLAY AS MY CHARACTERS, but also that I spent half of my time in college working on ridiculous magical girl Adventure Time crossover group cosplays (don’t fuckin’ laugh) like trust me I’m ALARMINGLY familiar with cosplay, and ALSO, that looking for a new property with the guidelines that it should be “the next big thing that some fucking nerds will dress up as at comic con” just seems like such an out-of-touch-but-trying-to-be-hip, capitalize-on your-fandom-doing-all-the-legwork-for-you, fucking executive thing to say.  I know I sound like a whiny art school kid saying that but my animation instructor was so anti-establishment, and I carry a lot of that with me still, and something about that statement–insignificant as it may be–kind of epitomizes how I feel about the industry?  It’s a hard thing to explain. I walked out of that pitch with my mind feeling like TV static.  My friends were waiting for me next door at a bakery and they were super excited, asking me how it went, and I was just like “I mean… BAD, for sure, but I don’t know where to even start.”  Hahaha.  I don’t know.  It just seems like everyone wants to play gatekeeper I guess.  They want This Thing™, but it can’t be too This Thing™.  They want the thing to have A Fandom™, but they don’t really understand fandom ‘cause they don’t participate in fandom.  They want Your Idea™ but they want to make it Their Idea™.  I don’t know.  I’m just angry and bitter and that’s my experience with pitching.  Admittedly some of what went wrong in these pitches was my fault, or there were circumstances beyond my control, and regardless of how that pitch went, I don’t actually dislike Frederator (I’m on their youtube network), and Fred Seibert has actually done a ton of iconic shit.I don’t think I’ve ever AIRED MY GRIEVANCES in such great detail before, but there you have it.  If you want some tips on pitching, you can check out the links I provided at the beginning of the post; there’s tons of people out there who actually know their shit too, and they’d probably give more proactive advice.  I don’t know if this helps at all, but hopefully you can glean something from it!  That’s just my limited experience with it.  Haha.  Good luck!