#Im sure im missing stuff. I wonder how much ive repressed lmaoool

[similartendencies]

Semi-concise list of traumatic events/abuse in my life:

Act I: childhood I was molested/sexually abused by 5 different children, one of which was my brother. (5, 5, 6, 8, 10) -Moving in the dead of the night with no notice when i was 7 -Being emotionally tormented and abused by the kids in the neighborhood i moved to for ~4 years before i learned to just stay the fuck inside -Being mercilessly bullied and emotionally abused by the kids in my schools (9-16) -At least 5-10 other online relationships with older men that were inappropriately sexual. I sought them out because i was hyper sexual from being abused. loki (17 & 12), runescape bf (12 & 24), were the worst. Loki got me to strip on camera at 12 yrs old. Im not fairy certain he was recording it. Wouldnt show his face on camera. -being exposed to pornography from my brother at 10 -partial or complete emotional neglect from my parents. Act II: home -the 2 years where my mom and step dad started getting into drugs heavily. Lots of fighting, step dad got very aggressive, there was lots of hiding under my bed. >i would hear my step-dad hitting my mom >the day my step-dad disowned me >getting out of a moving car because i was being screamed at. He raced home and locked me out of the house in the rain >tried going to my best friends house after and they brushed off what happened. Their parent did nothing. They couldve helped. They knew i was being abused. I remember her saying “oh im sure itll get better” and i was just like. “No. No its not. Its abuse. Its only going to get worse” and she just brushed it off. (14yrs) >my dad screaming at my mom to shut up bc the neighbors might hear them and he didnt want them to know he was abusing her >witnessing my mom getting abused so severely >psychological warfare from my step-dad. I still dont know what was real and what wasnt. *He tried convincing my mom that hackers got into all of our bank accounts, that all of our cars were broken down, that ebay shut down our accounts (that was her job), that hackers got into our phones, and that the NSA or whatever was literally after us. *changed literally every single wire casing, charger, usb wire in the house. They were all black and had the same numbers on it. we know he did it because it was on the nintendo stuff and other colored plugs and wires too. *he hid actual, literal audio bugs in the kitchen and in our rooms. We literally physically found them after opening some stuff up. *my mother pouring rubbing alcohol all over me because there were insects in our skin. I actually saw them. Idk if that was hallucinated or. they were little white worms. >getting screamed at by my step-dad while working on a final for school -the day i moved away. My mom crying because she wanted me and my step dad to hug goodbye. I dont remember if i did. -oh yeah and leaving all of my friends behind and descending into this 6 year period of absolute crushing isolation and loneliness because they were literally the only thing on this earth that made me not fucking kill myself Act III: Missouri My dad -yelling at me because i flinched when he opened a cabinet and it swung towards my face -being completely emotionally neglected when i needed extreme nurturing and understanding and care after coming out of the abuse from my step dad -made me feel like i was completely unwelcome in the house, living areas -told me i was “a grown adult”. I was 15. -put those unrealistic expectations on me and made me feel like i was a failure -made me feel threatened and scared to be home. He once told me “dont be home when i get home” in a way that sounded.. really threatening. -tried to make me feel like i was the reason i didnt fit in the family, and that if i felt excluded and completely unwelcome, that was my fault and i should try harder -trying to kill myself Bonus: Actual Things my biological father has said to me: -“all liberals should be burned alive” (he knew i identified as liberal) -“id rather you be a meth head or a meth dealer than bring a girl home” (he was a meth addict for 15 yrs, i had to move bc my parents got into meth. He knew i was at least kinda gay.) -“are you done with that shit?” (Especially noted the nasty tone in the word ‘shit’, which was in reference to me self harming) -“i dont like you” multiple, multiple times, often followed by 'but i love you’. It was basically his catch phrase about me. -“you wanna see abuse? I can show you abuse.” Act III ½: Steven -was brutally raped regularly by my high school boyfriend -extremely coercive -would get angry, cry, or punch walls if i didnt submit to him -was obsessed with anal sex and multiple times forced himself onto me until i was bleeding. Ejaculated inside of me without consent. Would not buy condoms, made me do it. -would guilt trip me and make me feel like i was a terrible gf -was raped at least 1-3 times a week for over a year and a half. Act IIII James -screamed at me at the top of his lungs on 3 occasions. 2 of which were about me not preforming enough oral sex. The other was about how i was a complete terrible person and girlfriend. -hit me when i was screaming at him to get out because i told him not to slam my door and he escalated it into a full out-scream fest. -looked through my facebook and my phone -would get drunk and get mad at me -regular drunk texting telling me i made the hole in his heart bigger and that i was ungrateful and he was breaking up with me -made me cry until i was literal actual violently hysterical on multiple occasions -sexual abused me -called me a bitch. Regularly called me crazy

-texted me from a different number after i broke up w him telling me he was going to get revenge on me.