#Im back home for the weekend so i dont feel like a horrible influence if i have a little drink now 😂

[satans-knitwear]

What's the vibe then. An actual vibe? Crying and ice cream? Is that not self-care?

Very close! Tonights vibe is cider and salty crisps ✨

[donnyosmond]

Okay im not trying to be dramatic but if i have one more bad date i will literally fucking castrate every male on this earth and i will fucking kill myself dead. After 3 horrible stillborn relationships this summer i met this kyle guy and he’s cute he’s super nice we hit off well i unfortunately catch some feelings and today we were supposed to go to sushi at 5 for our first date. And then at 4:50 he’s like wyd? i’m like getting ready ;p he’s like for??

HE FUCKING FORGOT WE HAD A DATE AT FIVE? Like how stupid do I feel cuz I was looking forward to it all weekend meanwhile he SCHEDULED A DENTIST APPOINTMENT???

So yeah we had it out a bit and there was a misunderstanding cuz i thought he wanted to cancel and he wanted to reschedule and when i figured out what he meant i was like okay yeah thats fine but then he was mad at me because i was mad at him?? and like he felt we were both responsible and he made me apologize and he didnt even want to go today but i was like no lets still do this??

and then idk the food wasnt good and like we got along at parts lol i told him it was insensitive of him to pull this crap on 9/11 and that made him laugh but at other parts we didnt get along cuz he still seemed to be pissed off like he brought up our misunderstanding at multiple points through out the date even in the car and we went back to my place to watch a movie and like ugh he made REALLY awkward attempts at coming on to me like i had mentioned that i shaved and like kept being like did you shave EVERYWHERE and I had but I told him I didnt lol cuz he was being really creepy

and then like yeah he was going to leave and I kissed him before he left cuz i wanted something out of this lol.. Idk if I’m good at kissing or not haha to be honest it doesnt do much for me. he was alright at it i guess except he opesn his mouth too big lol

anyways once he got home he sent me the basic “just got out of a bad relationship dont know what im looking for etc etc” texts and stopped replying so idk i mean i liked him but i dont have the energy to chase him so im really just letting my love life play out from here on forth im not going to try and influence it one way or the other honestly fuck it yknow

[idontevenknowme-posts]

How-to-Really-Know-Someone Questions Tag!

How do you feel about birthdays? hate them

Do you believe in fate? no 

What do you think when a band/artist “sells out”? nice for them

What do you think of fans and fandoms? strange

Any specific personality traits you would like to see in your life partner? dk

Should parents be their child’s friends? no, they should be parents. 

What do you think of doctor-assisted suicide? should be allowed everywhere

Have you ever blown your top? Why? what? 

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 18

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? i’d say i disagree

If you could paint a picture of any scenery you’ve seen before, what would you paint? a house in france i once lived in

In the case of prevention of overpopulation, should some people be prohibited from reproducing? no 

You discover that because of a mix-up at the hospital, your wonderful one-year-old child is not yours. Would you want to exchange the child to try to correct the mistake? jeez i really dont know 

Have you ever seen a person, an animal, or something else die? How did you feel about it? no 

What is the most drastic thing you’ve done? cut myself

What are your favorite movies? dk 

What is your favorite body part? shoulders

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? because we are dumb af

How important is music in your life? very

How would you describe your father in four words? intelligent, caring, respectful and awesome

If you were to change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be? my height

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? no not really. my bf maybe

What is your favorite kind of flower and why? roses cus they’re pretty

What do you think about the death penalty? dk

What is your ideal day? dk 

How thin/fat, small/large, tall/short are you compared to your peers? i think im fat

If you were a book, what would it be? a depressing one 

Have you ever seen a dead person before? How did you feel about it? no 

Which is worse, failing or never trying? failing to me 

Have you ever taken care of a sick person? yes

Who are the people who have influenced you? my parents 

Which of the four cardinal virtues do you embody the most? dk

What are some things you like about your sibling? she’s beautiful inside out. 

Would you save an extremely talented musician who has the influence to promote good values for the world or a pregnant woman in a situation where it is certain you must choose one over the other? the pregnant woman

If you could choose the sex and physical appearance of your soon-to-be-born child, would you do it? idk.. maybe yes. but i ‘d love it no matter what

What would it take someone to make you feel really fulfilled? to love me unconditionally and show me 

Do you daydream a lot? What do you daydream about? no  

If you were at a friend’s house for Thanksgiving dinner and you found a dead cockroach in the salad, what would you do? just hide it lol 

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? not honest. 

Do you look like any celebrities? no i dont think so 

What activities do you enjoy? running 

Would you place education as a top priority? yes 

If you had a Death Note, would you use it? yes 

How do you feel about your gender? Does the normal male/female suit you? How much do you act like your supposed sex/gender? yeah i think im quite femaleish

What things have made you cry in the past? i cry easily, so a lot of things

Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” everything 

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? attractive yes  

Who was your best teacher in school? What did you learn? What would they say about you? my math teacher. he was just wise on life. 

How would you like affection to be displayed to you? dk

Do you think someone could love more than one person at once? love? yes. but not be IN love. 

When did you start discovering your own music taste? What was it? youth i guess.. pop 

When you have 30 minutes of free-time, how do you pass the time? cry 

If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you? yes... 

If you could learn to do anything, what would it be? meditate

What is your greatest accomplishment so far? dk 

Describe the ultimate hell. my life now

What is one event that has impacted your life for good? For bad? dont know

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. good: overthinking, overeating and selfdetruction. bad: turning words into actions, stand up for myself and socialise. 

Describe the ultimate paradise/heaven. just being happy with oneself

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? yes 

What do you think about following your dreams? Are you following your dreams? no 

How would you like to die? happy

Are you able to kill animals? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? only mosquitos etc 

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year? when i get to sleep, tuesday, june. 

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? not close. no. 

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? my bf 

What do you feel guilty about? my illness

What do you believe makes a successful life? being happy with oneself. 

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? avoid conflict

While parking late at night, you slightly scrape the side of a Porsche. You are certain no one else is aware of what happened. The damage is minor and would be covered by insurance. Would you leave a note? no 

What is the one thing that you love the most about yourself? nothing

Would you try smoking? Alcohol? Why? have done

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? hopefully done with my education, living with my bf and maybe having my first child

Would you try drugs? What kind? Why? no 

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? everything 

If you could be any fictional character, who would you choose? dont know 

What’s the first thing that compels you to an individual? their way of talking to others

Who are your closest friends and why are you friends with them? i have no friends

Do you like having children around you? yes if they ar well-behaved

If you could throw any kind of party, what would it be like and what would it be for? mask party or halloween

Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth?  no 

Would you like to be famous? In what way? no 

Define a “friend”. someone who supports you in good and bad times. 

What are some risky sports/activities you would want to try? Why? bungeejumping. the kick. 

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? few days ago, and yesterday. 

What would you name the autobiography of your life? “the truth about me”

What was the most cherished memory that you had growing up with your mother? some of our vacations

Where do you stand on religion and why? i dont believe in any religion

How do you deal with stress? i dont LOL 

How do you feel about being alone while eating lunch at school? What about a whole day alone? usually how it is. its boring af but you get used to it

What are your favorite books? dnt know

Would you save an extremely talented musician (whom you like) who has the influence to promote good values for the world or your father in a situation where it is certain you must choose one over the other? my father ofc

How similar are you and your sibling in personality? Appearance? not at ALL similar

Have you ever woken in the middle of the night and done something apart from going back to sleep? yes

What music do you like but do not identify with (guilty pleasures)? rock 

How do you feel about parties? like them 

Can you sing seriously in a nonmusical situation? no

What music do you like and identify with? pop 

How easily seasick/carsick/airsick/elevatorsick are you? veryyyy

What are your pet peeves? when people walk really slow or chew really loud or talk slow. 

Read anything interesting lately? nope

How do you display your affection? idk

When you get home from work, what would you like someone close to you to do or say in the first few minutes? “i missed you” 

Do you get along with people who are from different backgrounds? yes

If you were to change one thing about your personality, what would it be? less naive

What is the most drastic thing you’ve thought of doing? suicide 

How attractive are you in comparison to your peers? not attractive

If you could influence people like a celebrity does, how would you use it for the benefit of the planet? be NICER to others. be HONEST. 

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? most people tbh

Have you ever done any charitable acts? yes

When you were young, what was the thing that you wanted to be when you grew up? Why? teacher cause i liked school 

What should you never say, even in anger and frustration? “kill yourself”

What would constitute a perfect day for you? dk

What do you like to do in your spare time/on weekends? be with my bf

How do you feel about having kids one day? id like that

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? i dont think so, unless my loved ones were threatened. 

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? no

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? idk

If you learned that a good friend has AIDS, would you avoid him? What if your brother or sister had AIDS? no. 

What makes you cry? lots of things

What do you think about sports? love it 

How and when are abortions okay? they are always okay. 

If you were sure you could not fail, what would you attempt to do? suicide.

What were you like as a child? How would your parents or other people describe you as a child? i was ego af and attentionseeking.

What would you give up for lent? dk

What do you appreciate most about your life? nothing really

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? no one... maybe my sister

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? both my parents cuz i love them

Who are your heroes/idols and why? none

If you were to win $10 million, what would you do with all that money? travel 

Would you still be a relationship with someone who cheated on you? depends. 

How do you think your family environment growing up has affected you as a person? i’ve become very eager to feel save, so I need to be with someone. I dont like to depend on myself. 

If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor? dk

Which of the seven cardinal sins do you embody the most? dk

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? dont depend on others. 

[samanthasroberts]

The Fourth of July: how to celebrate in your 20s and 30s

With age comes political awareness, higher alcohol tolerance, and an earlier bedtime. But its possible to be an adult and still enjoy yourself this weekend

The Fourth of July used to be one of my favorite holidays, but the significance of the day has changed since the halcyon days of slipnslides and flat soda pop. When I was a kid, it was all fireworks and good cheer, plus the kind of pure, unadulterated patriotism that only the young and blissfully unaware of our countrys international foreign policy can tap into.

As an irresponsible 20-year-old, I made the Fourth a bit of a blue-collar bacchanal of cheap hot dogs, lukewarm beer, and far more illicit fireworks purchased from Mexico. Now, all I can think about is how to keep my dog from freaking out over the constant popping sounds in our neighborhood, whether or not the people at my barbecue can see my bald spot, and how soon I can go home. My point is that getting old is awful.

With age comes political awareness, higher alcohol tolerance, and an earlier bedtime. But its possible to be a responsible, perpetually harried adult and still enjoy yourself this weekend. Heres how.

Age 10: Indulging at an early age

Ah, the ignorant bliss of youth. Photograph: Alamy

Fun: As a kid, the Fourth means indulging in carbonated beverages in unlimited quantities. I could drink an entire two-liter bottle of Pepsi by myself if I really applied myself. The rest of my Fourth of July barbecue experience was running around, avoiding pools (I couldnt swim, as you might know) and appreciating the rare opportunity to go sans-shoes without my mother worrying Id step on a nail and get tetanus.

Patriotism: Its easy to be a patriot when youre a kid, especially in my case as my father was in the Air Force. He was sent to Saudi Arabia during the first Gulf war, which meant we were even more patriotic than usual during that whole period. I was the proud owner of numerous Gulf war trading cards and at least one plastic Army tank toy. In short, I thought of Americas role in the world being similar to a game of Missile Command.

Fireworks: My dad was really particular about safety with fireworks. Wed have to stay at least 15ft away from the explosion, and he always kept a bucket of water handy in case things got out of control. Every year hed get those snakes that all kids hate. You light a black disc on fire and it expands into something that resembles rat excrement. If you get to hold the sparkler, youre really doing well for yourself.

Age 20: Heavy on the drinks

In your 20s, the Fourth means getting blackout drunk and usually throwing up on someones backyard. Photograph: image net

Fun: In your 20s, the Fourth means getting blackout drunk and usually throwing up on someones backyard. The question isnt so much what to drink, but how early to start? My evenings always ended the same way: eating leftover potato salad and watching Fight Club on DVD or bootleg torrents of Family Guy. I had horrible taste.

The biggest difference in Fourth of July festivities in your 20s is that you dont have a backyard any more. You probably have some crappy apartment or dorm that may or may not have a hardly luxurious patch of astroturf. Maybe you can dupe your one friend who has a rooftop to throw a party, but is it really the same? Youre older now, but not old enough to appreciate that you arent dead.

Patriotism: Americas a bummer, man. My 20s took place during the Bush years, so I was especially angsty about the United States. The Fourth became an ironic occasion for me and my filthy leftist friends. Who could wear the tackiest flag-themed outfit? Who could recite the entire monologue from Independence Day? Look at us, drinking Budweiser and smoking Marlboros. America, LOL! It was insufferable.

Fireworks: Fireworks in your 20s are usually influenced by the amount of alcohol youve had beforehand. In my mid-20s, I would routinely go to a party hosted by my friend Josh. Hed get really drunk and try to light a sparkler with his cigarette. Illegal fireworks became a bit like scoring drugs back then. You knew a guy who knew a guy who could get you a crate full of shit that could set your entire block on fire.

Age 30: All about the grub

Food becomes far more important when youre a proper adult. Photograph: Morgan Lane Photography / Alamy/Alamy

Fun: Heres the same conversation I anticipate having at every party I attend: Do you have any IPAs? My wife loves IPAs. I brought ros. Its such a hot day. Doesnt that sound refreshing? Wheres your bathroom? Whens your wedding again? October. Oh, the ros? I just finished it. Well, good to see you again. Give your parents my best. Im just going to wait outside for my Uber. Can I bum a cigarette? Ill give you a dollar.

Food becomes far more important when youre a proper adult. There will be vegans at your party. There will be guests who are gluten-free. There might even be some pregnant women who demand pickles dipped in ranch dressing.

Its polite to bring something to any party, but especially a Fourth of July barbecue. These are communal affairs, and you need to chip in. But what do you bring? Bearing in mind the unique restrictions that govern your fellow partygoers, you must bring something thats edible for everyone: healthy, but not too healthy; vegetarian-friendly, but not veggie dogs or veggie burgers. Invariably, veggie dogs get eaten by non-vegetarians, who then feel put upon by carnivores who steal their food. Best to not create that clear division.

I suggest apple pie.

The point is not to make yourself happy, its to satisfy a social obligation, so just purchase a thing that has a patriotic significance and can be consumed by just about everyone. Pro tip: get a gluten-free one and only tell the people who are gluten-free. That way, no one turns their nose up at it.

Patriotism: By the time you hit 30, your country has let you down numerous times. No matter what side of the ideological spectrum youre on, you will probably end up finding something to complain about: taxes being too high, taxes being too low, the damn Democrats, the shifty Republicans, the cost of medical care, the proliferation of guns, the lack of guns, the crummy US soccer team, and of course, whomever the president is. The United States to a person past the age of 30 is nothing more than a stuffy debt collector that also happens to be a huge prude.

Fireworks: Fireworks? What fireworks? Who wants to put their kids in harms way like that? At most, maybe you can light them at least 15ft away from your house and keep a bucket of water on hand just in case things get out of control.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/11/the-fourth-of-july-how-to-celebrate-in-your-20s-and-30s-2/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/11/the-fourth-of-july-how-to-celebrate-in-your-20s-and-30s/

[georgielou-50913]

a sad questionnaire

What do you wish was different?

My life. I wish things had turned out different, I wish my family wasnt so against me, i wish i wasnt so damaged, i wish i was a better person. i wish everything about my life was different, just not him. he is perfect. he is the ONLY thing keeping me alive, keeping me going. but god i wish things were different.

What’s the hardest part about that?

things cannot change. i am too damaged, and unless you can bring back my little girl i will never be able to feel any different. so im better off dead yeah? things could be a little different if i didn't live here. but thats not going to change for a very long time.

Are you thinking about anything bad that might happen?

so many things? so work hasnt been greatly lately i havent been getting the hours i need. my nan (who i live with) has basically told me if i cant pay the rent ill be homeless. my boyfriend has a big family and stays with his parents so theres nothing they can do for me, they dont have the room. i couldnt pay my rent last month, and i dont know if im going to be able to this month either. i cant afford to live in my own place nor can i make that decision because i dont know if ill ever be able to pay the rent. i am not getting any work, no where near enough. not even 200 quid per month. last month i earnt 140 quid, i get paid by the hour and theres no work. im trying so hard to find a new job but its not that easy anymore. shes making my life hell every single day and there is nothing i can do. if im homeless i will just throw myself off a bridge.

What was the sad bit there for you?

being stuck in this house, that i cannot change, being spoken down to every day, all day. getting inside my head telling me how useless and worthless i am, basically i was better off dead.

What are you thinking might go wrong here?

as above..... im going to become homeless, if not this month then next month? i cant pay everything, im in debt. i cant even pay my phone bill. i cant afford to pay anything, nothing at all. my boyfriend helped me last month and left himself in further debt. i cant do that to him, he cant afford to keep us both going when he sis struggling to keep himself going. 

What else has happened that makes this worse?

my uncle recently went into hospital, and me and luke did absolutely everything we did to help him and my nan, but now that luke has no money and is running on barely any petrol.. i said i may not be able to help for a while and basically this has caused a huge storm at home for me, she will not allow my boyfriend in the house anymore and is basically ruining my life now, coming into my room several times a day to rip the shit out of me, reminding me every hour how much she hates me and i feel like im stuck in an incredibly bad emotional abusive relationship and there truly is no way out, im already stressed as it is, i keep breaking into tears all the time. i didnt say i WOULDNT help i just said that it was going to be a bit harder, i didnt deserve the way she spoke to me or the way she is treating me, especially luke.

Do you know why you feel upset about this, or do you just feel upset?

i think ive explained all that above. basically its a neverending thing of talking down to me and telling me how worthless i am and im fat, and stupid, and selfish, and evil and mean, i am better off dead. why was i even born? to suffer? why me.

What is the worst thing about that?

the worst thing is its my own nan who is making me feel this way. the one lady i have looked up to my whole life and would do anything for. and she is making me want to die.

What else is hard about that situation?

its put a lot of strain on all my other realtionships, i have tried to break up with luke on several occassions when that isnt even what i want to do. that is not what i want i just dont want him getting mixed up in all this situation. im trying to protect him aswell. but i dont want him to see me this way, ive lost my appetite i dont want to eat, im letting myself go completely i could just sleep all day, sleep forever.

Do you feel more sad/hurt/angry/worried about that or some other feeling?

ive suffered depression most of my life anyway but i always fight it you know? this time i cant shake it, ive been suffering for months and its getting worse, with a strong history of self harming i havent resorted to that yet, but its becoming more and more appealing, and this time ive relied more on alcohol than hurting myself, because self harm is only short term relief, alcohol lets me forget for the whole day and i can relax.  i just dont think im going to break it this time.

Are you worried about people thinking this?

i dont really have anyone to talk to, i dont want lukes family thinking im a bad influence for him to be with, although they say they are there to listen, especially his sister, i dont want to be a burden and i dont want to vent all this on them, i dont want advice. i dont want help. well i do.... but what can they really do to help me? i have to be careful of what i write on social media.... i am not attention seeking, more like a cry for help.

On a scale from 1-10, how worried/upset/mad/scared/hurt are you about this?

10. .....way more than 10.. i want to die.

 Okay, so how about compared to this other thing?  What is worse 

both the fear of being homeless and the constant abuse im getting by staying here. the fact of me being stuck in this house being told every day all day how worthless i am, is the worse, its classed as emtoional abuse, making someone want to die is bad. i dont know if she realises this is what she is doing. i cant really compare. not knowing whether im going to be homeless at the end of the month is terrifying, where will i go?  i cant say which is worse, because both are as bad as eachother.

When you aren't busy/when you are lying in bed at night - what are the things that make you most upset?

not knowing whether im going to get work the next day, wondering if its going to be enough. wondering whether tomorrow will be easier, i share a room with my nan so i get constant abuse right from the minute i wake up to the second i fall asleep. its neverending.

Is there anything about this you feel embarrassed or ashamed about?

the fact that my own nan is ruining my life? tearing me apart. ripping my heart into pieces... ashamed. yes.

What are the some of the things you're worried people might be thinking about you?

i dont want her to tell people that i was selfish, i never said i wouldnt help. we have done so much for the past couple weeks, and before. she is making it sound like we did nothing, and that all we cared about was money, she barely gave us anything, and what she did was purely for petrol because we have absolutely no money atall... so its been incredibly hard. we did these things because we wanted to help. and shes thrown it all back in our faces. i cant forgive that. but now she tells people that i am selfish, that i did nothing to help. that i did not want to help and this was not the case atall.

How often are you feeling upset about it?

it doesnt go away, when i have her constantly reminding me all day that i am a worthless useless horrible evil nasty fat useless waste of space. it doesnt end. i am getting worse.

What do you wish you could change about yourself in all of this?

i wish i could be as special as my sister, she is so proud of her. i wish she could of been proud of me too, i made some mistakes in life, and i pay for them everyday. i wish you could be proud of me too. thats all i ever wanted to hear from you, not how you wish youd never adopted me into your home.

What makes you feel a bit better about all of this?

having luke by my side.

What's the most frustrating part of it all?

I cannot defend myself with the way she talks to me, because if i do id get thrown out in seconds. then what do i do?  Ive also badgered on at my boss to give me more work, explained my situation and all they say is there is no more work to give me. ive been applying for other jobs for months and had a few interviews but its just not worked out. i dont know what else to do.

What do you think people don't understand about this?

there is only so much you can push someone. and i am at the very end, i speak to people but they just tell me to either ignore it or find another job. no it is not that fucking simple! how do you ignore someone who is constantly in your face reminding you of how shit you are every single day.

What would make this a little better?

if i could move into lukes house, he tells me if i become homeless that would happen, but i dont think he is right, his parents have already said theyd love to take me in but there genuinely is no room.  i just want to get away fromt this place.

What is coming up in your week that will be hard because of this?

well i have another week till payday, that is the day i find out my fate i suppose. am i going to be homeless again..

When was the last time you cried about this?

today, ive lost count how many times ive cried today, cried myself to sleep last night, ive been crying everyday.

What helps you cope?

tumblr, online games, working, music, tv shows, anything to occupy myself. but its all short lived.

What times of day are the hardest for you?

the times im not working, today i have absolutely no work at all so i have t be stuck here all day listening to abuse. tomorrow i will be working in the morning then again tomorrow evening, then ill be staying at lukes house this weekend and ill be working over the weekend so ill not have much time to think about it. but during the day is the hardest. because i have to just endure it. waiting for the time to pass. tomorrow ill only have a few hours here.  but ive still gotta get through the night.