#If you're wondering why the bees don't look the same it's because my sister made the ace bee and we use wildly different crochet techniques

[hellisper40]

I remembered I had a nonbinary flag bee I crocheted a couple years ago, (before I realized I was nonbinary, actually. I just thought the idea of a enBEE was hilarious) so now it's joining my other bee (which I gave a bath :))

Also, me make tiny octopus

[siriuslyshewrote]

no one wants to dance anymore - f.s

Platonic! Finn Shelby x Shelby!Sister , Isaiah Jesus x Shelby!Sister

Warnings - swearing, talking of maternal death, talk of drug use, and verbal abuse

A/N - Finn and YN are probably 16/17 in this one

Word Count - 2,965

4:17 AM , Christmas Eve, 1925

The Shelby house was never quiet, had never been quiet , not since Rosalie Shelby had her children - Arthur, then Tommy, then the others. It had always been a house of chaos and mayhem, one of arguments and yells, of tears and makeups.

But in all the time the Shelby family had been alive, they had never heard an argument like this.

The Shelby twins - Finn and Y/N - had been practically attatched at the hip since birth, and since then, they'd barely ever argued , only frustrated snipes every once in a while. They were sixteen now, at that age where they frustrated Polly to no end , by constantly sneaking out and going drinking and smoking at the Garrison, though she never worried about them, not really - what reason did she have to be worried? They had each other's backs. And so, Polly was surprised, and none too happy, to be woken up in the early hours of Christmas Eve morn, by angered yells and screams downstairs.  She could hear a babies cries too - probably John's newborn, woken up by the noise. It was typical, for this to happen, when all the siblings and their families were crowded into the terraced house they grew up in, a tradition for the family on Christmas Eve and Day.

******************************************************

"You are a fucking hypocrite Finn Shelby!" You hissed loudly, as he leant against the doorframe, that arrogant smirk on his face, though you knew well it was just a front for his anger. "Always bitching about Tommy's drug use and fucking Arthur's and Johnny's and then you do this?! Actually, less of a hypocrite and more of a down right arsehole!" Your voice raised on the last word, as you threw up your hands in frustration.

You'd always hated drugs, ever since you were a small child. You'd grown up around drug use - first your Pa, then, when the war was over, your brothers became enthralled in it too - the way it helped them forget the horrors they had seen. To you though , the person who had never seen the horrors, all you saw was the people you loved falling apart in front of your very eyes. You and Finn had made a pact when you could have only be ten or eleven, to never be like them. Not in that way. And here was Finn - half high off his mind on snow, but coming down from it very fast.

"I'm the arsehole?" His voice was louder than yours, more fuelled by alcohol and drugs, and you were certain you would wake up your family soon, but you were so angry you couldn't care less. "You are the one who shagged my best friend!"

Ah yes. The reason all of this began. You had been so upset, when you saw your brother at the Garrison a few hours ago - high off his head, that you turned to the only person who was there to comfort you at the time. Isaiah.

"I did not shag him! I fucking kissed him!"

"Same fucking betrayal!"

"Betrayal?! What world are you living in! He's my friend too!"

You were both yelling now, and you knew everyone would be awake at this point.

"Friend? Friend? I don't know about you , Y/N, but I don't regularly go around snogging-"

"I was fucking upset- you promised me Finn! We made a fucking pact! Though I guess I - that doesn't mean anything to you anymore!"

"Stop being so bloody immature! We're not kids anymore, I can do what I want!"

"Oh I forgot, big Finn Shelby, always trying to follow in his brothers footsteps! Well guess what Finn, you're not them! You're still a fucking kid." You spat angrily.

"I'm a kid?! You're the one who ran off to snog Isaiah as a form of petty bloody revenge-"

"I did not!"

"Yes you did! Because that's what you always do! You bloody manipulate people into hurting because you know what will hurt them the fucking most! And that's what you did with me tonight!"

Your eyes widened at this, as you recoiled, and angry tears welled at your eyes, though you refused to let them fall. Finn was always the sibling that was calmer and laid back. It was why you never usually argued. Anything you said usually washed right over his head. You supposed that sometimes you abused that a little.

"At least I have the ability to process my emotions, and don't just fucking hide them because I want to act the big man in front of my brothers! When are you going to see that you're not a proper fucking Peaky Blinder! You-" You almost screeched.

"Enough!" You heard a bellow, and froze slightly. The wrath of your Aunt Polly was enough to sober you both up practically instantly, though Finn still hadn't managed to stand up straight. "You are both children! Christmas bloody Eve and you wake us up like this!"

You turned round, to see Aunt Polly on the stairs, her arms crossed , lips pursed. The look she gave was enough for you to feel like a five year old again, who had just been caught playing with her makeup. The majority of the rest of your family also stood around on the stairs , half looking amused, half looking pissed off and tired. You felt your cheeks burn. All you ever wanted to do was impress your siblings. You had a feeling this wasn't the way to do it.

"Tell him that-"

"Tell her that-"

You both spat at the same time, glaring at each other, fists clenched, your jaws set in exactly the same way. You hated arguing with any of your family, but you, though you rarely showed it, had a temper just like Arthur when you got going, and both of you knew exactly how to hurt the other - you just rarely tried to. It was how you were both so upset right now.

"I said enough! If you can't use your bloody inside voices then don't come inside!"

"Fine by me." Finn muttered, turning and slamming out of the front door, so hard the window pane trembled. You knew then, that he was upset. If he was truly, really, angry, then he'd stay and yell some more. He left because he didn't want anyone to see him as weak. And that made your lip wobble a tiny amount.

"You do not get the last word, Finn Shelby!" You yelled, suddenly well aware how childish you were. But you couldn't stop, as you too, pulled open the front door, and saw him halfway down the street, the dawn light making it just possible to see him.

You stormed off in the opposite direction, to where you always went when you felt like this.

You went to see your mum.

*************************************************

It took, on average, around thirty or forty minutes for you to walk to the graveyard where they had buried Rosalie Shelby. You were too little to remember much - barely six when she passed, but you knew that your family didn't settle on nothing short of perfect for your mother. By that time, your father had already walked out, and your siblings had searched and searched for the perfect place to bury her. She didn't like to feel trapped when she was alive, Johnny had told you. And so, they buried her on the outskirts of Small Heath, on a hill surrounded by wildflowers, that had fuzzy bees fly around them in the summer, and tiny dormice. You loved coming here as a kid, not really understanding what it was - to you it just felt like a day in the countryside, which was rare. You still came often, to talk to her, when you were upset , or angry, or just felt something close to missing her . You knew she couldn't hear you, but some part of you yearned for it. For her to be able to speak back.

"Hey, Mum." You spoke softly, sitting down on the cold, damp, earth, limbs aching from your walk. By now, the sky was almost fully light. Your fingers touched the grave in a sort of greeting.

"I'm scared, Mum. I'm scared for Finn." You swallowed, leaning back on your palms, glancing up at the purple- pink dawn sky. Unfortunately for your baby nieces and nephews, it didn't look like it was going to snow in time for Christmas.

"He's never been like this with me. We're supposed to be a team, you know? But it's like, everyday he's drifting further and further away. I don't want him to, Mum. He's my best friend before my brother, and I'm losing him. I know I am. I just don't know how to stop it."

Your voice kept cracking, and suddenly, salty tears were dripping down your face, falling into the soil. There were several bouquets around the grave, and you weren't surprised. Your family all visited this time of year. Being here , in this place, it was your sanctuary, and it was rare that you would cry anywhere else. You pent up emotions until you felt like you would burst, and then you'd walk here.

"I miss you." You murmured. "In the best way I can. Because how can I miss someone I barely knew? You left us before I got to know your mannerisms like Ada and all the others do. They sometimes sit around and tell stories about you, and I just sit there, because they're just talking about a stranger, to me."

You paused for another few moments.

"Sometimes, I wonder, if you'd stayed, if everything would have been easier. If Tommy would be happier more, if Arth would be less angry all the time, if John  would be-"

"Thought I'd find you here."

You turned round, having got a fright, to see your closest brother - John, standing, no longer wearing his pyjamas, but the suits you were used to seeing him wear. His cap was held between his hands, and for once, no cigarette dangled from his lips.

Quickly, you tried to wipe away your tear tracks, as he sat down beside you, the same cross legged position you were in.

"Come on, Squirrel. Don't cry, eh?" He said softly, wrapping an arm around you tightly, and you leaned into him.

The nickname your siblings had given you (on account of you often 'running away' from home as a child, and usually being found halfway up a tree, along with the fact that you used to have a habit of hiding food all around the Shelby home)  almost brought a smile to your face.

"Is Finn..."

"Ada's gone after him. You know she's better with him."

You sniffed, nodding.

"I'm sorry. I know I was a dick to him again."

He nodded a little. "Yeah, you were. He was a bit of a twat too, to be fair."

"I know Pol says we're just growing up, but.." You swallowed. "I don't want to grow up if it means I lose my best friend, Johnny."

"You're not, Y/N."

"He's never spoke to me like that before. He's doing fucking snow John. And I know that isn't a big deal to you lot. But it is to me. And he just doesn't give a shit."

He was silent for a few minutes.

"C'mon, he does care. He's just..."

"I just... I never thought Finn would end up like..."

"Us?" John's voice was calm, if not a little hurt.

You swallowed. "No. Like Pa. You think I can't remember, but I do. I remember when he used to scream and shout and break things, and I remember when you hid me and Finn and Ada in the cupboard all those times, so we didn't have to deal with it. The way Finn screamed today... I don't know. It just took me back."

His arm squeezed tighter around you, and you felt how much more tense he was. You knew it hurt him far more than it hurt you.

"Why didn't you ever tell us you could remember?"

You shrugged. "I don't know. It's not like I can remember much anyway. It's like with Mum. I can remember tidbits. Just not enough. Not like you all can."

"I wish you could remember her properly." He said wistfully. "Then again, maybe not. We loved her, you know, course we did. But one minute she was great, and the next she was just ... gone. Vacant. I know she wasn't well. It just hurt."

You'd never heard John really open up about your parents. He usually listened, but you found yourself liking this more.

"I feel like I can't miss her properly. Because I didn't know her."

"You can still miss her, Squirrel. Maybe it isn't the same type of  missing as the rest of us, but you can still miss her just as much."

You shot him a small smile.

"Thanks Johnny." You said quietly.

You sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I really like Isa, Johnny. I didn't just do it to hurt Finn."

He didn't sound shocked. "Yeah, well, we all saw that coming from miles away." He snorted, humorously.

You laughed a little. "I guess it was a bit obvious."

"Really? You going beet red and leaving the room every time you saw him? Never." He quipped sarcastically.

"I didn't mean to hurt Finn. Well... maybe a little. I just want him to be okay, Johnny. I was just lashing out."

"He will be."

"How can you know?"

"Cause I know our Finn. And you do too."

You sighed.

"You've got to let him live, Y/N. I know you don't agree with it, and you should know none of us do either. But he has to realise some things himself."

You paused for a few seconds. Then you burst into snorting laughter.

"What?" He looked at you with a confused smile.

"Jesus... Christ ... Johnny. You sound just like... fucking ... Linda." You laughed.

He playfully jabbed you.

"Take that back, right fucking now." He grinned.

"You'll be spouting about God next." You joked.

He laughed. "The day I turn into Linda is the day I want you to shoot me."

"Don't you worry, John, I will." You snorted again.

"You coming home, then?" He asked, standing up, and it was only then that you noticed the flowers in his hands - fresh ones that he must have brought. He placed them down, next to other ones.

"Yeah." You said quietly, and he pulled you up by your hand, as you dusted mud off your skirts.

"See you, Mum."  He said quietly, turning, and walking slowly away, giving you a few seconds.

"Bye, Mum. Merry Christmas." You placed a gentle kiss on her headstone, before running after your brother.

*************************************************

You’d only just warmed up, when John stopped the car. He, being the cleverer of the two of you, had elected to drive to the cemetery instead of walking thirty minutes in the freezing cold.

You raised a questioning eyebrow, as you saw where he had parked the car - near the part of the Cut that was surrounded by high grasses and small trees - the only part of Small Heath that was remotely like the countryside.

"Go and speak to him." He said, firmly, though encouragingly.

You sighed a little, mock rolling your eyes, though you knew you had to. You closed the door behind you, as you hopped out, leaning back through the window for a second.

"You better wait for us, I'm not bloody walking home in this cold." You grinned, before turning away.

Just like you had your safe place, so did Finn- and it was here. He had told you once, that one of his only memories of your mother was her bringing you both down here as toddlers - just you two - and sitting reading to you in the grasses. He'd later confided in you that he wasn't quite sure if it was real or imaginary, to which you told him you couldn't be so sure about any of your memories either. The place had a dark tinge to you, considering what happened to your mother, but you couldn't blame him for liking it here. After all , your safe place was a grave yard. Who were you to judge?

Finn was sat, legs almost dangling in the river, next to Ada . They looked like they were sat in silence, and so, you thought it was alright to approach. Ada turned as you walked, giving you a small smile, then standing up, and walking past you back to the car. She squeezed your cold hand as she walked past.

"He's calmed down." She murmured. "I hope you have too."

Awkward was never an emotion you had felt with your twin before, but now it was one that overwhelmed you. You didn't know how to speak.

"I'm sorry." You blurted at the both time, as you flopped down to sit next to him.

He sighed. "I'm a dick. You were just trying to look out for me-"

"I wasn't going about it the right way. You’re right. I was being petty.”

“I know you like Isaiah.” He said quietly. He didn’t sound particularly mad. “I’ve known for a while.”

“I still shouldn’t have done it. No matter how upset I was. Because you’re right. A little bit of it was to hurt you.”

He shrugged. “I hurt you too.” He sighed. “Look. I don’t want to ever be like that again. It doesn’t matter what I was on or...” He rubbed a hand over his face. “We’re supposed to look after each other.”

“I don’t wanna grow apart.” You mumbled.

He laughed a little. “Come on. We’re twins. We’re never gonna lose each other.”

You smiled, holding up a pinkie.

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise, Squirrel.”

[choibyus]

I'm back again~

But, girl, same! I remember when it was almost forbidden for k-idols to swear but look at them now, and everyone's thriving for it hahah and no worries, I'm 20 too! I remember when I used to be soooo young compared to my fav idols but now that there's txt I'm actually overjoyed to have so much in common with them :) You also have a great choice choosing a fav cover, because when huening dropped that cover I couldn't listen to the original without thinking about hyuka's vocals, not just that but the fact that all of them sang it on You Heeyeol's Sketchbook. PLS their vocals were truly *chef's kiss* I'm excited to hear more of their covers, especially Beomgyu's upcoming one👀 I'm just reaaaallly hoping it's one of Troye Sivan's songs; angel baby or strawberry and cigarettes. My 14 year old self would be crying, two of my fav artists names in one sentence is always a joy to see

I was wondering if you have tiktok? I'm just not over the fact that txt are really following trends nowadays and executing them so well?!? also the fact they changed their bio from 'tomorrow x together official tiktok' to 'doing whatever we want ✨' and I'm all here for it ^^

Hm, I see <: I feel like I know what to gift you by the end of this event 😌 I agree with you though, unlike beomgyu, I'm not really into those extreme rides or rollercoasters, though it does feel quite amazing once I'm on it. I just sometimes feel like I have motion sickness if I don't have a break between rides HAHAH

Cfjgnkn no way 😭 you're 4'11 too!? I guess us shorties really do simp for the tall ones. I don't blame you though, I remember having to stop myself from simping over Soobin because my sister biases him LMAO but I've gotten over that now, a fine man like him needs to be appreciated by everyone!

txt actually caught my eye with their pre-debut photos and that's when I found beomgyu the cutest one there, his hair made him look so round like a tapioca pearl 🥺 and then that's also when I found out the rest of the members are roughly around the same age so I was intrigued, which led me to watch their to-do episodes! I was on and off with keeping up with them and kpop in general since I was the transition from high school to college was keeping me busy, but then I started listening to their songs again during the pandemic last year and they've made every day much more bearable and I'm grateful for that! Over time I think I've just had my phases with each member as my lockscreen hahah but I always go back to beomgyu in the end :'D

Are there other groups you listen to? Any girl groups? Also, I hope you have a fab weekend ^^

— Secret MOA 🎁

hi secret MOA 🎁! how has your day been going?

i know i feel so old now in comparison to my adolescent years 😭 i'm also overjoyed to have so much in common with them! it's a really nice feeling :)

I KNOW!! i watched all of them sing it on you hee-yeol's sketchbook and i was gasping for air LMAO i KNOWW i can't wait for beomgyu's cover! i know he mentioned he wanted it to be as perfect as possible so he may delay it but i am willing to wait as long as possible for that!! if it's one of troye sivan's songs i will disintegrate omg i remember listening to troye religiously as a teen so it'd be an amalgamation of my two fave things 😭😭

i do have a tiktok! i honestly live for their tiktoks! huening always crushes the trends and i love it sm! beomgyu's newest tiktok had me squealing 💀

oh my god same! breaks are def needed when it comes to rollercoasters! you always gotta drink water too and stay hydrated bc i almost fainted from being dehydrated and riding rollercoasters one time 💀

YES LOL omg fellow 4'11 friend 👊😎 why is it always us shorties tho.. like soobin is horrifyingly tall i swear the length of his legs would like be more than half of me

beomgyu's pre-debut photos are so cute though i don't blame you 😭 their to-do episodes are always so funny and entertaining too i always look forward to them! i'm glad that txt has been able to make your days more bearable. it's kind of insane to think how much of an impact these guys can have on you and your well-being!

i don't really listen to a lot of other groups aside from txt, but i think enhyphen songs are really catchy and stayc songs too! i hope your weekend has been going really good too <3