#If you want one I'll make u one
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 2
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#honkai star rail memes#hsr memes#honkai star rail meme#hsr meme#boothill#robin#hsr robin#sunday#hsr sunday#aventurine#dr ratio#ratiorine#aventio#acheron#black swan#acherswan#dan heng#march 7th#stelle#hsr trailblazer#what's the ship name for march and stelle. uh#i have no clue. it'd be their names smashed together right. starch??? 😭#whatever it is feel free to tag it if u want! and maybe i'll learn smthn bc surely there's another name for them#omfg i just googled it and apparently it IS starch you learn smthn new every day#anyways. here's hoping none of these have been done before!#i managed to make one (1) image that didn't include Aven or Ratio wow //edit: there's 3 i was just so tired i couldn't count lmao#anyways it's past my bedtime i spent too long making this and i still gotta do my HSR dailies rq so goodbye and goodnite to u all
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i listen to fog lake too much
#falls through the ceiling with a mighty crash hello#it's been what...8 months?#I was too busy w uni and being mentally ill#thank u everyone so much for the tags on all prev posts.. i re-read them oaccasionally 💗#they make me v happy thank u for giving me a moment of ur time#that means so much#anyway! vashwood!!#i hate them so much#i want to eat them#i want to ugly cry#i want an ideal world where they could've had something for a little bit#im eating drywall and pacing around the room in a cold sweat#so trimax-atypical overt intimacy it is#more coming...in maybe another year#It's a big project!#to me. yeah#my dream is to be put in a terrarium for a while#if only u knew how many wips I have w vashwood..#maybe i'll get tired and pile them into one post all unfinished and no less ok for it yk#whatever u r doing doesn't need to be perfect to make someone happy#didn't u experience a positive little zap from my imperfect colored doodle rn?#what a speedrun of a drawing that was#(<spent 10h on it. that's the minimum for anything ever)#hope today is treating you well! so long stranger!#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trimax#trigun#tzarrz
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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Coming here to say masc presenting Julie is one of my favorite Julie ideas out there and that, of course, I needed to make a femme presenting Frank to compliment @cyanwyrmy and their wonderful Julie!
#welcome home#frank frankly#julie joyful#not a genderbend#fanarts! for u!#I'll admit...I've had this lineart for a long time#I wanted to color them too...but I botched the job!#also my LINES...the colors...they eat them#which I'm still sad about...this has to be one of my favorite line arts ever#maybe one day I'll try coloring them again...on digital#for now tho#making this to tell you masc presenting julie has lived rent free in my head since they were presented#and I would be a fool for not helping to include their partner in crime!#i love these two besties so much#sooo tempted to just post julie tho...I swear she is one of my best line arts out there#my art#masc presenting julie I adore#genderfluid julie joyful#repeat: not a genderbent for either
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Mario, why do you look like a bear? What is this!?
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#mario and luigi#super mario bros#super mario bros movie spoilers#cherrysip edits#she'd never gif this scene AGAIN they said. WELL THEY WERE WRONG!!!!#I'LL GIF IT A HUNDRED TIMES IF I WANT TO!!! NO ONE WILL STOP ME#so here u go these are basically the biggest highest-quality gifs of this scene i can possibly make lol. THE DETAILSSS#luigi's grip looks so unsteady in the third gif ;_; also mario breathing so hard in the second-to-last gif ;_; all of it is the end of me#also i love how it takes luigi physically tugging on mario's ears to snap him out of his adoring grin <3 HE LOVES HIS BROTHERRRR#also RIP to the theater footage of this i shot on my phone a month ago. you served me (and a lot of other people) very well!!! NEVER 4GET#(if you tag this as ship i will block you!! just to be very clear!! DON'T DO THAT)
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I love babygirl-ifying my faves,,, The Raphaels ( not the one w/ cat ears, that was for a friend! ) & Benny are mine, but the others were gifts & a couple orders! >:) This is just a few of them, I've made like ~50 in the last few months.
#baldurs gate 3#raphael#rolan#astarion#fallout#benny#I just think they're fun to make#mutuals if u want one dm me and I'll make you one as a gift no charge :3#bg3#babygirls!!!!#benny gecko#gale#karlach
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MOTHER SERIES TUMBLR EVENT?! ASK-A-PALOOZA INTEREST CHECK
Hello mother series enjoyers!!! Or, more specifically…. hello askblog enjoyers!!!! this event is for you!!
So, here's some background from me: I've wanted to make an askblog for a little while, but the idea of dedicating myself to a single concept/au/whatever is a little daunting (plus I would worry about how long I could keep it going for, etc etc)
Then, after seeing [this post] (hi zhari hi nana!!), my eyes were opened to the idea of temporary askblogs. And I thought wow, that sounds fun and much less daunting :D
SO THEN I thought: why not make a whole event about it? Where a bunch of people turn their blogs into mother series askblogs for a little while!! (You wouldn't have to actually change your whole blog theme of course, just have your askbox open and give some indication to askers that you're participating!!) You could also interact/rp with other askblogs/people participating and it'd be a grand ol' time overall!!
Would anyone be interested in an event like this?
If the results of this poll look promising, I'll make another poll for what week(s?) it should be!! Also, if you have any questions before you vote, don't be afraid to ask in the comments or dms!! I want everyone to feel welcome to participate :]
#also people who already have an askblog: you could still join the event on your main with a different askblog theme if u wanted#i wouldve put that in the poll to cover the bases but i figured not many would choose that cuz itd maybe get overwhelming#anyways this idea has been sitting in my head for a hot sec i just procrastinated on making this post until now#because 1 making posts takes Effort and 2 event hosting sounds scary LMAO#but it sounded like fun so....... i must perservere............#mother series#mother 1#earthbound beginnings#earthbound#mother 3#dusted off the proper capitalization for this one LOL#ALSO last thing i swear. i will be going to sleep after posting this so i wont be able to get to any questions right away#but i'll get to em as soon as i can!!
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i will never understand how or why the httyd movies did the books such an injustice.
the movies aren't even an adaptation - they stole the name of the series, the name of some of the characters and places, and the general idea that there are dragons. honestly, i would be fine with the movies and maybe even like them if they didn't capitalize off of cressida cowell's incredible books that never get any credit.
the books are an amazing story about the cycle of violence and how vengeance and revenge is dangerous. hiccup says that the past is a ghost story, one we need to learn from to better ourselves. the books are about how everyone deserves freedom, how every creature, every being on the earth deserves to be free. we see that in the slavemark, with the dragons.
and like... hiccup is so different. they did him a severe injustice. he's scrawny and intelligent and learned to talk to dragons simply by observing them! he chooses kindness first above all else; instead of yelling at toothless to train him, he is kind. and in the end, that kindness is why toothless chose to save him. bc even toothless himself says that dragons are inherently selfish creatures who care only for their survival. hiccup is brave - his beliefs differ drastically from both the vikings and the world.
hiccup is a child who chose to do the right thing even at the expense of himself. he agreed to free the slaves on nobert's ship, and in return, they gave him the slavemark which is easy to give but cannot be removed. he was like twelve. and having the slavemark means he cannot be with his tribe or his family, it means he isn't considered a human being anymore. and he keeps it a secret for awhile until it's revealed and when it is everyone turns their backs on hiccup. his family, his tribe, his mentor, people he TRUSTED. everyone except fishlegs, and, once she got over the shock, camicazi. he was thirteen. and even when he lost his memories and was really injured, he persisted. he was told to go to tomorrow and to save the dragons and he did bc in his heart he knew it was right even though he didn't know who he was or how he got there.
and fishlegs,,, oh my god FISHLEGS!!! the did him SO DIRTY!!! fishlegs is hiccup's best friend, one of the main motivators for hiccup. he steals norbert's potato for the sake of fishlegs, he gives fishlegs his dragon and goes to retrieve another, he takes the blame for fishlegs. and fishlegs does the same for him. he takes the slavemark with pride. he refuses to turn. he gives hiccup his lobster claw necklace which is his most prized possession. he is brave for hiccup, he believes hiccup is alive. he fights for hiccup harder than anyone else ever has. he does not turn. his is loyal, has allergies, has asthma, has a squint and a limp, has glasses bc he's blind without them... and he's still a hero despite being a runt, despite everyone even the adults telling him he's hopeless, telling hiccup to leave him behind.
and they cut camicazi! i'm sorry, but astr*d is nothing compared to camicazi. camicazi is a tiny, feral child who can easily best hiccup, fishlegs, and pretty much anyone in a sword fight. she can bring a grown man to tears with her rudery and smack talk. she is recklessly brave and craves adventure and follows hiccup blindly bc she trusts him that much. she isn't in love with hiccup - in fact she doesn't care about romance and love. she gives up everything to help hiccup bc she has a strong sense of justice. she is the motivator, the cheerleader, she finds a positive in everything. she never gives up. literally never gives up. and that's one of the most inspiring things about her: she always has hope.
and toothless! god!!! toothless is *thought to be* a common or garden dragon. he is horrifically tiny, he is literally toothless, and is the biggest brat in the world. he will cause problems on purpose. he has a stutter, he's the most selfless selfish dragon around. he and hiccup can talk to each other. he masks his fear with singing and being annoying. his growth is remarkable. he starts off refusing to obey hiccup, doing the opposite of what he says, making life harder for literally everyone around him, and he's still somewhat like that. but he's also braver, more caring, more willing to make sacrifices for the sake of others. he's clever, which he needs to be to make up for his size and aggression. he protects hiccup with everything he has, therefore, he protects what hiccup cares about just as hard. he was the only dragon that didn't abandon the vikings in the first book bc he cared about hiccup.
and snotlout,,, god,,, i will never forgive the movies for butchering snotlout. hiccup's cousin, the bully character, the one who is horrifically jealous that hiccup's dad was born before his. the one who desperately wants to prove himself, to be worthy, to make people proud. and you hate him, you despise him. he betrays everyone many times bc of the nothing promised to him by alvin and his mom. he loses himself, turns his back on himself, all bc he wants to prove himself. all bc he wants to be better than hiccup. and hiccup still forgives him and gives him chances, sometimes out of pity, but also bc snotlout is his cousin. he can't just turn his back on him no matter how miserable snotlout made his life. and in the end, snotlout sacrifices himself for hiccup. he gives up his life for hiccup in one last attempt to set things right. his death and the events preceding it are one of my absolute favorite moments in the book. gives me chills. makes me cry.
that's the thing with the books - they're so realistic. there is no inherently happy ending where everything works out. the first book begins with "there were dragons when i was a boy", implying that they're gone now. the books show there are consequences to our actions. they enslaved the dragons, they fought against them during the dragon rebellion all bc alvin and his mom said to, and now they're gone bc a simple apology doesn't fix hundreds of years of enslavement. and the only way for the world to move forward was for the dragons to leave and heal on their own. and now they have to learn to live without them. and yeah i've heard the third movie ends like that but. it doesn't have the build up. it doesn't have "there were dragons when i was a boy". it doesn't have eleven books of development to back it up, to make it feel meaningful.
i know that the movies are really special to a lot of people. i know that, on their own, they're genuinely good movies. i can acknowledge that the soundtrack is amazing and the animation is beautiful. i just can't see past the way they butchered the world that i love, the world that i grew up with. i can't see past the way people yelled at me for saying i liked the books better, the way that people gave me weird looks when i showed them a picture of the original toothless, when i tell them that nightfuries aren't even a type of dragon. cressida cowell created hundreds of different dragons, and the movies couldn't even pick from that. i can't forgive the way that barely anyone knows there are books bc the movie barely gives credit to them. i cannot forgive the way they capitalized off the books and then shoved them aside. i know cressida thinks they're good movies and i know a lot of httyd book fans also like them. but i just... i cannot get over how much they changed and how they missed so much and ignored the books. also they got rid of camicazi so hiccup could have a love interest and that is unforgivable to me.
if you disagree, that is a-okay. we're all entitled to our own opinions. i just ask that you, perhaps, try the books out. give them a chance. bc they're amazing works of art and also just like. don't yell at people who don't like the movies? whether it's bc they prefer the books or just aren't into that kind of movie. and just remember that dreamworks didn't come up with the story; cressida cowell did.
#corey talks:)#this has been in my drafts forever but i saw something that made me have feelings and so i finished it and here take this iuygfcvghuij#i justgod the books are SO GOOD and barely anyone knows theyexist#and i think that's what makes me the kost upset#or some [people chose to ignore they exist or don't give them a chance bc... i don't even know why. ppl are just so quick to dismiss them#the books are so important to me (literally got a httyd book tattoo) and i get most book fans also like the movies#but it sucks bc i can't go through the httyd tag without being bombarded with movie stuff#i'll even look up 'httyd books' and half of it is still about the movies.#i'll look up snotface snotlout and only finds movie stuff even tho ig they changed his last name in the movies???#i'll look up camicazi and find it filled with astr*d. WHAT.#i'll look u toothless and only see the freaking nightfury. not the original.#like god movie enjoyers at least tag correctly. i get you want ppl to see your posts but the more i see movie stuff in the book tag the mor#i hate the movies lol like the movies are so much more popular than the books let us have our tags okay#sorry if any of this sounds bitter also i hope it doesn't sound like i want to argue or fight#this is just my opinion and i have feelings and i just want ppl to know there are books#also i am not shaming anyone who likes the movies like i already said you do you boo just don't come at me for doing me#bc yes that has happened to me multiple times :) which is one reason why i get so upset :)#i just personally cannot separate the two. i know some ppl can and i'm glad! but i can't and that's okay too#httyd#httyd books
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hypothetically speaking, these would be cute sticker designs ^^
open for better quality | no reposts
#omniscient reader's viewpoint#orv#turning novel#터닝#the third wheel strikes back#beware the villainess#i stan the prince#i raised a black dragon#fanart#myart#doodle#do i want to tag all these characters... probably not... there are already so many manhwas/webnovels tagged#i trust that you will all reblog so it can get to its intended audience right ;u;#this has been finished for a while but i was saving it to post later#but now that i think about it if i wait it'll get mixed up w/ some other things#so here you go lol#by 'hypothetically' i really mean that i don't know if i'll make anything out of these unless folks want them?#i also was considering designing ot3 stickers for jp a.nimanga series too ^^#edit: i'm yelling i don't know all the acronyms and i missed one of the tags. oh well.
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idk guys. i saw the ref image, blacked out, and lo and behold this drawing exists (hey, it's not a doodle this time)
ref in question
read more for a bonus that is not a drawing this time ❗️❗️⬇️⬇️
indeed that is almeric davis, recreated in ts3, licking a phallic rainbow object...
you see 👉👈 when i was sick for a month (a week but i was gone for a month) i recreated ALL SEVENTEEN LFT STUDENTS in my beloved sims 3 game. i'm normal i'm normal i'm normal i'm normal i'm fine i'm normal (also a coinkydink: i'm sick again. 😐😐😐😐😐)
#ts2#tanmeric#guh so sick send help 😭#tank grunt#almeric davis#la fiesta tech#shart#dk whether or not to tag this shitpost or not. it kinda is but iskkd#i guess me typing ''shitpost'' in that last tag will make it show up under shitpost anyway sigh#i love 80s/90s/00s photos they have this funky lighting effect where its like the shdows border the subject... kinda hard 2 explain#but you can tell a 80s/90s/00s photo apart from a modern day one because of it#perhaps if u want to see more of my sims 3 shenanigans i'll share them because i made a lot more than just the lft students 😌#NO PROMISES THO CUZ I DONT FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING AT THE MOMENT 😭🙏#boy i sure was talkative this time around
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Does anyone here draw in both desktop & mobile? I'm planning to get a galaxy tab at some point and since I don't really have any experience drawing on a (mobile) tablet, I'm curious abt how it feels to draw on one vs. drawing on pc w/ a graphic tablet 🤔
#once I have all my commission slots filled up that's when i'll buy one#i've been hesitating bc i'm not used to spending a big amt for something but honestly it's more of an investment than a simple want#my poor 10 year old laptop + monitor + keyboard setup is the 'pc' im currently using#both the laptop screen & keyboard isn't working properly anymore so i have a separate monitor + keyboard for it#it's pretty laggy most of the time#not sure how it's still holding up#ngl sometimes i'm worried it'll just give up on me & break at any moment#so I kinda wanna have a backup device#anyways! I get easily tired drawing on pc for some reason#I think it's bc i unconsciously tense my neck? whenever i stare at the monitor for too long#also my eyes hurt + the extreme hot weather lately is making me dizzy so i can't work for long periods of time 😔#I see a lot of artists use ipad so i'm guessing drawing on a tab would also feel nice???#also would that get you in the mood to draw more bc you can bring it w/ u anywhere?#i'm hoping to be able to draw more honestly.....#also the timelapse!! csp wont let me record timelapse on my current pc and idk why that is#might be bc im still on win 7#HOPING i could post timelapse vids when i finally have a tab#tbh i want to get one asap (like as in rn) but I want to make sure I have enough budget first so im waiting for my comm slots to be full#bam blabs
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i just want a cozy farming survival sim but u play as a beaver
like consider
You are a beaver
(and it's not a bunch of personified construction beavers like a civ game. u are just a beaver)
It's a third-person game, and u can swim around ur made ponds well but are slow on land
u start of building up ur own dam in a small stream. being weary of predators and also ur stamina/food
It's slow going, but u meet other beavers along the way. the damnslowly gets built, stick by stick, pebble by pebble
seasonal cycle much like farming games but its u just storing food up for winter
u get a taste for wood and ur other companion beavers also have their preferences
Decorating ur Lodge (during winter most likely)
There are other animals in the area u can talk to, befriend, or scare away
u gotta dig ditches and stuff to get to more of forest areas if u wanna expand more.
its a grindy brain empty game and ur just living ur life as a beaver
sound mechanics where u r v aware of Running streams (incase ur dam needs reparing), tree sounds so they dont fall on u while ur eating, possible predators etc
work with other beavers so u can lessen work load like doing dam repairs or lodge building/expansion/repairs
random events like new visitors (friendly and not so friendly) or even wildfires
Im just... I was watching a beaver video and I genuinely was surprised for all the living habits and stuff they do, no one has thought to do a cozy grindy game abt em thats not civ like. they have like all the staple farming sim stuff. A Home, an area, and a whole bunch of shit to do before winter/year end.
#flavor text but its literally just flavors and opinions abt different trees#Flavor text but theres a map but the lil description is This Is Your Brain map its not actully a tangible map you are a beaver#maybe lil guys living in ur lodge that give u lil trinkets or decorations and helps maintain ur lil hut#i like the idea of being able to “scare” or drive off animals that stop by bc like girl ur flooding the place surely we cant have it all#u can technically in a game but itd be interesting to have that choice and option#im just. thinking abt beavers 🦫#theyre just interesting lil guys#hs rambles#beavers#game#cozy game#maybe if im no longer paralyzed by my own brain I'll learn how to game dev my way into making one#Its pastel. i also just want to swim as a lil beaver and waddle my way thru forest land to eat a tree to falling. the grindiest game of all
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hopefully i'm not jinxing it, but at some point in this story/gp thing i'm going to need three members of a queer punk band for a brief apperance and maybe some mutuals would be open to making them? 👀
#the story already has so many characters and the plot is convoluted so unfortunately they'll probably only show up for two scenes#but i feel really bad about that so i'll try and figure out a way to include them more. try being the big word here#i made the bassist but i could use a singer guitarist and drummer#feel weird tagging people in this#anyway the thes have to be ya queer and fully or mostly maxis match#i'll get to that part of the story in maybe a little under a month so u have time#but pls dm me or comment if you want to make one to call dibs now#ok i'm done talking but excited yay!!!#*mina.txt
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ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)
#or smth smth. having a lot of Thoughts. anyways here's the piece i've been working on and sometimes u have to just say Done#there's a lot of thinks but i am maybe a bit tired and so tmr i'll come in and add all the Tags that i'd personally want to get from myself#maybe i'll reblog the extras tmr too. this is an incredibly self indulgent piece + it probably deserves a tag ramble essay or smth#ig for now we see how it stands for itself + in the meantime:#adamandi#beatrix valeria campbell#hello!! i'm back with belated tags yippee!! alright so for funsies i'm going to make it sound like i'm going bonkers over this :3#the eye shine... the glowy eye... it's like phaethon shine but also smth about eyes to windows to the soul and like#there's two beatrixes here! half the soul. lost part doing things specific to the phaethon and here it's portrayed as tearing off her name#because that's really; truly; when it all starts!! also notable for the ghostly beatrix is i did it more painterly and cloaked in shadow and#fading into the bg. i think i was super duper specificish about where the glow comes from! front lighting back lighting beloved!!! like help#let's put it this way- beatrix face always glowy. important parts of paper also glowy. it's just that different elements are turned away#from the viewer by each beatrix!! also also. let's talk about the very gently implied blood and red etcetera#like the red string is canonical and i love personally the whole red strings of fate thing even though it's not Here Applicable exactly but#that definitely was an influence! and also the blood in the bg... i'm starting to think this is a recurring trend. but anyway shadowy bea#the other strings hang while the red string loops!! so like that one string feels almost alive. it's a sort of whimsical i put on the same#as metaphorical glowy eye!! also also the eye is lowkey influenced by the whole idea of Eyes and Spotlights within the show and also glow#as in power as in heyyy you ever think about writing as a visual medium huh#speaking of writing!! there is no beatrix thingy complete in my head without text sorrry but the black text overlays are always so >>> to me#and in the sense of art styles and overlays shoutout to all the black crosshatching outline thingys because For Some Reason in my mind#of all the characters beatrix feels like the bnw ink printed illustrations you get in books idk#fun fact! i spent so long rendering this and that was fine i liked it! but then trying to figure out text to go on the papers was a Thing#i tried to do. but then gave up on! sometimes i have to pick my battles and graphic design is indubitably Not my passion bc Fonts#fun facts about this is i Actually did start with a quick sketch in mind and there's been so many changed elements. in the og the front#paper for instance had 'ardess murders' written on it and the back one said phaethon interviews.. i like the nominee list better it feels#more narrative-esque and less passive than her just holding her writing.! other elements that got discontinued were that#front beatrix was supposed to blur into the other ghostly beatrix but i couldn't do it without sacrificing clarity so... no... no blurry#oh and the red string morphing at the ends to smth more abstract was always there from the start!! og had more floating papers#and also a silhouette of vincent and a scalpel bc 'one who pulls the strings' but that (pun intended)! got cut (hahahahahahaha) (sorry)#used also to be a lot of print room clutter but that got cut to bc compositionally i made beatrix larger (learned lesson from last art)
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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