#If you knew the agony that was dot matrix

[rogueemmy]

same, cat. same

Am i a smart Cat ? #cat #funny #kitten #shorts

Hmmm...Our new intern seems fascinated by the printer

[chocolatequeennk]

To Make Much of Time recap

In the last four days before Forever and Never Apart begins, I’m going to do recap posts of each of the four main works in the series so far. Hopefully they’ll make you smile if you know the story, and possibly intrigue you if you haven’t read them. Each post will have a handful of crucial moments from the story, with a brief line of commentary on each scene about why it’s important to the series.

To Make Much of Time

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Summary: The Doctor thought he’d removed all traces of the Vortex from Rose, but there was still something of the Wolf about her. What would have changed if he’d been forced to face that–and if Rose had understood what she was becoming? Ten x Rose series 2 canon divergence and Doomsday fixit.

From chapter 2:

Once again, he saw himself kiss Rose. Then, as he laid her down on the floor, he noticed something he had failed to catch the first time around.

Rose wasn’t breathing.

The Doctor’s hearts stopped, and he stumbled over to an arm chair and sat down.

I am curious, Time Lord. You were the one who lowered her body to the floor. How did you fail to notice that she had died?

I was dying myself, he defended hotly.

And it didn’t occur to you that if the Vortex had killed you after only a minute, it must have killed a mere human? Rose Tyler held the Vortex within her for at least ten times the length of time you did.

The obviousness of it sank in. Of course the Vortex killed Rose. How could he have missed it? He groaned and tipped his head back, staring up at the blue ceiling.

Who are you?

I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself, and I cannot be uncreated.

This is one of my chief headcanons, and one of the reasons I believe so strongly in Bad Wolf!Rose. She should have died, and yet she didn’t. Eventually in this story, we learn that Rose’s biology was permanently altered during her time as Bad Wolf. 

From chapter 3:

“But the TARDIS, she only communicates telepathically. So when you were Bad Wolf, together, she—or maybe the two of you, using the Vortex—strengthened those neural pathways. That’s how she could tell you how to fly her.”

Rose connected the dots. “The hum is the TARDIS.”

“Yep.”

“I can hear a ship that only communicates telepathically.”

“Yep.”

“Doctor, am I telepathic?”

“You are now, thanks to my interfering ship.”

From chapter 7: 

“Rose, have you had any headaches, nausea, any discomfort since we learned about your telepathy?”

“No—well, except for the other night, when we were working on barriers.”

“That’s… that’s not… you should…” The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck.

Rose raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Are you saying you want me to be sick?”

“Of course not, but Rose, developing the telepathic circuits of the brain is not a comfortable experience! You should at least be getting headaches. We all got headaches.”

The TARDIS hummed in the back of his mind, but he ignored her. He needed to figure this out.

“D’you think the TARDIS is helping?” Rose suggested.

[...]

The Doctor felt his ship’s confirmation and Rose’s answering gratitude, and a rock lodged itself in the pit of his stomach. “Oh, this is bad. This is… this is bad.”

“What’s so bad about it?”

“Well, I might have just realised why our attempts at blocking emotions gave you a headache.”

The Doctor glanced over at Rose, hoping she was already following along with what he was saying, but the little furrow in her brow told him he’d have to explain further.

“What’s that got to do with this?”

“Time Lords are bonded to their TARDISes, Rose. We call it a telepathic link, but really it’s more empathic.”

“Yeah, that’s why she couldn’t translate when you were sick, right?”

He nodded, rubbing at his temples. “And if she’s in your mind all the time, keeping you from getting sick, then you and I are already connected on a shallow level, just like I’m connected to her.”

[...]

“I still don’t quite get why this is bad.”

“My connection with her, and yours too I’d guess, they always stay open. She needs mine to function—hence the translation matrix not working, as you pointed out. And you… you need yours to hold the pain at bay.” His head dropped to the back of his chair and glared up at his interfering ship. “So we’re both constantly connected to the same TARDIS. It’s like a three-way conference call.”

The Doctor finally felt a hint of understanding from Rose. “A three-way conference call we can’t hang up on.”

“Exactly.”

“Guess you’ll just have to learn not to react to things emotionally,” Rose told him cheekily.

The Doctor tried to tamp down his anxiety. “I’m sorry, Rose,” he offered. “If I’d known this would happen, I never…”

“You never what?” she asked. “Never would have offered to go into my mind? Because we both know that’s why all this is happening. If you hadn’t looked to make sure the effects of Bad Wolf were still contained, I never…”

“Never would have fully developed your telepathic abilities,” he finished.

These two scenes together form another cornerstone of To Make Much of Time. Rose is telepathic, and because of the way that telepathy happened, she and the Doctor have a permanent empathic connection--they can sense each other’s emotions. And of course, for two people who are trying to pretend they aren’t in love, losing the ability to hide how they’re feeling has serious repercussions. 

From chapter 16:

The words, “What you mean to me,” hung in the air, understood by both. “I said you could spend the rest of your life with me,” he said instead.

Rose laughed harshly. “Right, and you’ve been pulling back ever since. You even sent me to make tea so you could get rid of me after you got back from France.” She felt his guilt and knew she’d been right that night. “How was I supposed to know you didn’t regret that promise? Maybe you want to get rid of me. Maybe I should just stay here.”

The Doctor’s white hot agony took her by surprise, and she drew in a quick breath. “It’s not what I want,” she quickly continued, “but all this time, I’ve been keeping quiet because I was afraid you’d leave me behind if I said anything. Well, now I know I can take it if you do, so we’re going to talk. What do you need so desperately that you couldn’t even stay put for one night, Doctor?”

She could feel the fear and panic swirling within the Doctor as he struggled to answer her question. Before, she would have rushed to ease the awkward silence, not wanting the Doctor to feel pressured. Today, she calmly fixed both his tea and hers to their liking and then sat down across from him to wait.

“Distance,” he finally whispered. “You’re… you’re always there. You can see… I can’t hide from you, not in here,” he said, tapping the side of his head.

Rose handed him his cup and leaned against the cabinets. “You feel naked, exposed, like the deepest parts of yourself don’t belong just to you anymore?”

He started. “How did you… Oh.”

“Finally catching on, are we? And I thought Time Lords were supposed to have such big brains.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I never thought… didn’t realise…”

“We both know there’s something here that… that you’re not ready to talk about yet,” she said, choosing her words carefully. She wanted to be clear, but she didn’t want him to panic again. The Doctor’s chair squeaked a little as he shifted around, and Rose smiled at him. “I’m not gonna insist you do, or push the issue. I…” She bit her lip, then decided to put all her cards on the table. “I wanna be with you, Doctor, but not until you’re ready.”

Serious repercussions, such as the Doctor constantly pulling back from Rose. Rose eventually lays into him for it, after he accidentally leaves her in London for a day because he couldn’t just sit still. They form a tentative truce here, but it takes time for her to trust him again.

From chapter 22:

The Doctor stayed in the control room for a few minutes, wondering what exactly the night would hold. Before Krop Tor, Rose had still held him slightly at a distance. Maybe she finally trusted him again.

He stopped in his room to change into a pair of pyjama bottoms. He debated the vest for a moment and finally opted to leave it on.

Rose’s door was open a crack and he pushed through. She was already lying down on the far side of the bed, laying on her side facing away from him. He hesitated for a moment, but the covers on the near side of the bed were flipped up in invitation, so he slid in beside her.

He heard her exhalation and knew she hadn’t been certain he’d come. He looked over at her back. He couldn’t see her face, but he needed…

The Doctor rolled onto his side and pulled Rose close so her backside was flush with his front. She took his hand and kissed his palm, and he nuzzled into her neck. “We made it,” he whispered.

“Yeah, we did. We’re home.”

The moment wasn’t anything like he’d expected, but it was still perfect. “I love you.”

Rose sighed and turned over to snuggle into his side. She pressed a kiss to his jaw, then whispered in his ear, “I love you too, my Doctor.”

From chapter 28:

The Doctor stared at a spot over her shoulder. “We’ll form a telepathic connection, like we have the few times we’ve talked. Then I’ll ask you to bond with me. If you accept, the provisional bond is formed.”

Rose frowned. “Not if, Doctor,” she said firmly. “When. When I accept.”

His eyes met hers, and she could see the fear and wonder he was projecting over their empathic connection. “May I?” he asked, lifting his hand to her temple. She nodded. “You too, Rose,” he added, bringing her left hand up to his right temple.

They both sighed when the contact was formed, and Rose felt a sense of relief from the Doctor, like he’d been aching for this. You’ve been lonely for too long, Doctor, she told him.

I’d never been alone in my head before, not really. It was the worst part of the War. He gently redirected their conversation. But we aren’t here to talk about that.

The Doctor in Rose’s mind closed his eyes, and a moment later, they were standing in the canyon again. How’d you do that?

Inside your mind, you can be anywhere you want to be. He shifted so they were standing side by side holding hands again, clasped palm to palm with their fingers laced together. The Medusa Cascade was invisible, but Rose could still see the possibilities swirling in the air.

His fingers tightened in hers, and she glanced up at his face. How long are you going to stay with me?

Rose’s heart sped up. This was him, asking. She felt her own timeline and saw only one path forward. There was no universe in which she wouldn’t want the Doctor. Forever, she told him, never more sure of anything in her life.

The word carried the weight of authority, and they both shivered as it settled into their timelines, forming the provisional bond that would begin to tie their minds together. By mutual consent, they removed their fingers from each other’s temples, leaving the telepathic connection behind.

The first I love you, followed not long after by the formation of a telepathic bond. At this point, the Doctor and Rose are what we would consider engaged. 

From chapter 37/38:

The Doctor focused on the bond, opening himself up to it so she could feel how much he loved her. Her answering love and sorrow reverberated back to him, then Pete hit the button on his hopper and they disappeared.

The suction slowly faded, and then for a few seconds he could actually see the breach weave itself back together before closing entirely. His bond with Rose pulled like it had before, but this time it tore completely, and he shuddered at the pain.

The Doctor’s breath came in heaving sobs. When his feet touched the ground again, he stared at the wall for a long moment, as if he could will Rose back into existence by focusing on the point from which she had disappeared. Then he walked toward it in a daze, not stopping until he was pressed against it, his hand splayed out flat.

The place in his mind where Rose was supposed to be was empty. His mind tried to reach across the Void to find her, but the breach was well and truly closed. There was nothing there; no answer from her, no brush of her warm, pink-gold mind against his. She was just gone, and the bone deep loss nearly brought him to his knees.

The emptiness in his head after the war had nearly driven him mad. Then he’d met Rose, and even before the Game Station, she’d filled some of the hollow places left by the loss of his people. Later, their empathic connection and bond had given him the telepathic communion he’d needed.

Losing her ripped open wounds that had barely begun to scab over. He stumbled back a few steps from the wall, his vision clouded. The TARDIS sang to him, and he turned around, letting her call him home.

The Doctor didn’t know how he made it back to the TARDIS; everything from the moment he’d walked away from the white wall—away from Rose—was a blur. But here he was, guided home by his ship and his time senses. He ran a hand over the door before turning the key and stepping inside.

The Doctor flinched away from the time ship’s comforting hum. Being comforted would mean he’d lost something. He hadn’t… she couldn’t… He pressed his fists against the edge of the console and leaned forward, breathing raggedly.

After a long moment, he straightened up and swallowed. He needed to be gone from here—Gone from everywhere, his mind suggested—and he slowly punched in the coordinates that would send them into the Vortex.

Yes, I’m so sorry I did this. But it was the only way to bring about the fix I wanted to write.

From chapter 39:

The beach was empty, save for one person coming toward him a fast pace. Runner, his mind supplied. Her hair caught in the wind, and he wondered how long it would be before he could look at a blonde and not see Rose.

It was more than her hair colour that was familiar, however. There was something in her gait, in the way she held herself… Then he noticed the runner’s blue cardigan and black trousers. His hearts clenched, and his own pace picked up, until he was running toward her flat out.

“Doctor!” Rose called out, and the sound of her voice gave him an extra burst of speed. He caught her in his arms only seconds later and lifted her up, twirling around while she laughed.

“Rose, oh Rose, you’re here,” he murmured as he set her back on her feet. He pulled her close and pressed his forehead to hers.

“I’m here, my Doctor,” she whispered, and he could feel her breath on his face.

He lifted a shaking hand and pressed his fingers to her temple without even asking. Rose mirrored him, and everything was almost perfect.

Forever, she said without being prompted, and their bond snapped back into place.

The Doctor’s knees nearly buckled, and the thought that he didn’t want the rest of their reunion to take place on a cold beach worked its way into his consciousness.

He took her hand and grinned down at her. “Run!”

I love this reunion so much.

From chapter 40:

Rose leaned her head against his shoulder, and the Doctor wrapped an arm around her, holding her close. He could feel her mind working, trying to figure something out, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

“Do you think I saw this, when I was Bad Wolf?” she asked finally. “Did I make this happen?”

The Doctor considered. “You were Time, Rose. It wasn’t just something you were aware of, or that you marked your life with. For that half hour, Time was entwined with the essence of who you are. So yes, I think you saw this. And I think the place you held in Time probably will make key moments in your life... resonate more than they would for an ordinary person.”

He looked down at her and brushed his thumb along her cheek. “But I don’t think Bad Wolf made this happen. I think we did.”

Rose chewed on the inside of her mouth, then the slight tension around her eyes eased and she smiled. “You’re right, my Doctor,” she said. “And it all began right down there.”

Sitting in the Earthlight with his bond mate, the Doctor reached out tentatively for their timelines. The beauty of what he saw took his breath away, and he pressed his fingers to Rose’s temple so she could see it too. Two timelines entwined, stretching into the future as far as they could see.

And the last few lines of the story proper (excluding the epilogue). Maybe it’s unusual to share the last lines in a recap post, but it really shows how they changed and grew together over the six months or so of the story, and gives an idea of what their future will be like.