#If someone wants to check for the translation of some of these lyrics (google translator can be weird) I could try to do it.

[should-know-better]

Thinking about Bad Habits

Have we ever properly considered the lyrics to Bad Habits? I mean, we know the story about how the song came about from the Zane Lowe interview:

Miles: Al had that bass line.

Zane: Hell of a bass line

Alex: I played that for about 45 minutes and he did the thing that ends up being the song; and probably didn’t repeat himself at all… Bad Habits, Large Rabbits,

Miles: Blue Door [laughing]

Alex: He could have done that for like 72 hours…

And then James helped them to edit it down to make the song. But when you actually look at what they used - whew 😳 (!)

I have googled some of the definitions to double check the expressions and I don’t believe for one second that naughty Miles wasn’t aware of these alternative meanings.

“Bad habits” - okay, this is a negative behaviour

“Sick puppy” - in my naivety I originally pictured a poorly dog, but this isn’t a bad habit. It is actually ‘a person who is crazy, cruel or disgusting’ so yes, it fits.

“Thigh high” - if you’re kneeling in front of someone and they’re standing, where would you be looking?

“Knee deep” - part of the phrase ‘knee deep in trouble’ which if repeated could be a bad habit (and also ties in with the previous line)

Skipping to:

“Deep trouble” - see knee deep.

“Red lollipop” - could be a sexual connotation for sucking cock

“Pale faces” - this line had me most confused. I would have thought flushed faces made more sense. Could refer to our Northern boys having pale skin that doesn’t tan. You can become pale from fear or worry, but this doesn’t really fit. Urban Dictionary says it’s ejaculating in the hand, then slapping with that hand!!! Make of that what you will!

“Delicious” - refer back to Red lollipop (!)

I personally think that the lines:

“Should have known little girl that you’d do me wrong / Should have known by the way you were showing off”

were added later to make it more in line with record company policy, ie heterosexual.

Then we’re left with Alex singing, “c’est sur le bout de ma langue” (translated to ‘it’s on the tip of my tongue’) - which again could refer back to the ‘red lollipop.’

Finally,

“Do you want to hold hands? / Should we get back down? / Do you want a slow dance?”

These lines may or may not have been part of Miles’ original freestyling, we’ll never know, but in other words, ‘do you want to do something romantic or shall we carry on having sex?’

So there you have it. Two blokey mates are together creating a song, and Miles thinks about these images and sings them to Alex. Not gay at all. And these are the bits they use! Imagine how filthy the rest of the 45 minutes could have been; Alex has said Miles is no innocent! Obviously the lyrics could be about sex with a girlfriend but hmmmm - why is that then a bad habit?

Apologies if this is just me interpreting the lyrics this way with a dirty mind. Also apologies if I’m stating the obvious 😉. Any alternative thoughts are welcome. x

[fwoopersongs]

[Book Rec + Reaction/Thoughts] The Lantern and the Night Moths 灯与夜蛾 by Yilin Wang

An anthology of translated poems by five modern or contemporary poets and accompanying essays by the translator, @yilinwriter.

You can find the pronunciation guide and list of corrections here!

The cover art, a beautiful expression of the tone of this collection, is by Taiwanese artist Ciaoyin (check out her gorgeous insta!). I'm looking forward to the arrival of the physical book as my tab absolutely does not do it justice xD

Anyway! The official release date is 02 April 2024 though there have been some very thoughtful reviews by early readers already. Here, here, here and here.

(It was an ARC that I received too… though in the time it took to put this together, the ebooks have already gone out to readers >.< typical snail yj!) 

Instead, I’ll tell you who I think would be interested in this book or might benefit from reading it, then share things that are cool about it from the perspective of a bilingual hobbyist translator + lover of ancient poetry and lyrics.

Who should read it?

If annotations, translator’s notes and reflections spark joy for you...

If you’ve ever read poetry translations and been intensely curious about what goes on under the hood...

If you’re a translator yourself wanting to hear another voice...

Definitely check this out!

Also if you’re CN+EN bilingual and have ever read something in English that references Chinese terms and concepts etc. except ONLY in English, pinyin or wade-giles and been utterly frustrated by the ensuing guessing game (like me) Fear Not.

That will not be a problem here.

I really appreciate how Chinese words are used naturally where needed for concepts and quotes - they are also translated for those who can't read Chinese so no one is left out. It made this book of and about translation (and more) super comfortable to read! The solution is so simple, so direct, so rarely used that I am amused.

Oh, but do note that the Chinese characters are in simplified though!

The poems are organised by their writers who are listed here by order of birth year, not appearance in the book:

秋瑾 (Qiu Jin, 1875 to 1907)

废名 (Fei Ming. 1901 to 1967)

戴望舒 (Dai Wangshu, 1905 to 1950)

小西 (Xiao Xi, 1974 to _)

张巧慧 (Zhang Qiaohui, 1978 to _) 

Altogether, that covers nearly the last 150 years up to now. I’ve never really been into poetry by poets in such relatively recent times, in part because I’d been holding on to this stereotype of them spurning Classical Chinese and ancient poetry in the first half of the 20th century (not entirely true, as I came to realise xD). It made sense and was understandable, but felt sad.

Yet am I the target audience for this book?

Very much so.

In ways I didn’t think I would be too! It was so much fun to experience this both as a reader and a translator that I thought I’d share it here, where we are appreciating Chinese poetry together.

If you didn’t think you’d enjoy modern Chinese poetry, hey, give it a chance!

Oh yeah - on the way home a while back, I was talking to a friend about translation and was surprised to hear that her impression was that it ought to be a straightforward process. Like isn’t it a 1:1 conversion? At some point, ‘what’s the difference between something google translate might return, and how you would say it?’ was asked, and oh that was a delightful question to my ears! I showed her one of my comparison sheets where an original text is laid out alongside multiple translations line-by-line, briefly explaining some common and unique choices and how the people who had translated those probably arrived at the various interpretations. She was pretty amazed to see that the answer to her question was: very different. Hey, it’s a complicated process!

But there’s only so much one can explain in the space of a train ride. That’s why The Lantern and the Night Moths is a book I would also rec to someone like this friend of mine - open minded and curious but never having the chance to think about or encounter the craft of translation.

Like Yilin says, ‘the meaning of a word cannot be fully expressed in one single translation, nor through a series of translation attempts’. She then explains why with great attention to detail and some solid examples from one of the poems with word choices loaded with subtle connotations :D

What's interesting about it?

Okay, for one, Yilin shared a playlist of music that she listened to while working on this book. Here is the link to the spotify one and the one on youtube. Check them out! They sure put me in the mood to read xD (favs: 别知己, 小神仙 & 去有風的地方) Afterwards, this made so much sense like - ah! an audio moodboard.

She's also putting together these adorable mini profiles of each poet along with a cmedia and tea rec to match their vibes. Go see them on her instagram xD

Now to business...

structure

What really helped keep the reader’s focus was the way each section is organized, how the poems and accompanying essay were presented and finally the short bio of each person right at the end. 

The poets are first introduced through five or six of their poems, works well suited to this purpose. Their voices, distinct through the vision, ambition and emotion of their words, are brought across by Yilin’s sensitive, thoughtful and poetic translations into English. These translations were also creative and transformative in a way that made so much sense after reading one of her reflections on the process, how she ‘must guide it with gentle hands to ensure its spirit is kept alive and intact during this transformative, and often excruciating process’. A rebirth into another language!

Personally, I’ve come to think of reading translations as looking at a work through another’s eyes. So it’s delightful when the translator’s presence is discernible, and even more so when the reader is given insight into their intention and process via commentary. 

Yilin’s essays coupled with the poets’ bios at the end provide a means to go back and appreciate their works in context of their circumstance and inspirations. Similarly, to read the translations with a changed perspective.

I don’t know how much of a thing this is with translated poetry anthologies in English - can count the number I’ve read with both hands lol, and they’re all of the ancient chinese poetry variety - but I really like this design.

drawing on poets who came before them

Remember how we’re always recognizing traces of inspiration from ancient works (to them) in poetry of the various dynasties? 李商隐 Li Shangyin of Tang for example, was influenced by 楚辞 Verses of Chu and folklore and mythology such as that in 山海经 Classic of Mountains and Seas, 李白 Li Bai frequently references poets and history of the 魏晋 Wei-Jin era, and 王维 Wang Wei was clearly familiar with Buddhist scriptures which were translations themselves! 

Just like the late Táng poets whom he praised for boldly deviating from the voices before them, Fei Ming used popular references and tropey shorthands ‘in contexts utterly different from the original, reimagining them anew’. Dai Wangshu, too, ‘boldly re-envisioned what modern poetry could look like by revisiting the classics’. In fact, in his very relatable ‘To Answer the Visitor with Classical Imagery’, I see Li Bai’s 春夜宴桃李园序, Qu Yuan’s 离骚 and lots of - as the title says - classical imagery, as if pulling out painting after painting to describe a feeling.

And Dai Wangshu’s faith in the translatability of poetry, that ‘poetry isn’t what is lost in translation, but rather, what survives it’ reminds me of what a friend, @xiakeponz, said that I agree with so much - because readers can ‘experience something in their own individual way through (your) shared humanity rather than language alone’.

poetic tradition and beyond

Between the lines of contemporary poets Zhang Qiaohui and Xiao Xi, I can really see the charm of plain vernacular, how it can be beautiful, incisive and clever in turns. Even as it seems to have moved further than ever from the structure and language of literary Chinese, the themes that inspired common motifs remain a part of life. Mother and divinity, homesickness, finding oneself, tributes to admirable spirits and the issues that trouble society - just in a new form and with different ways of expression.

Qiu Jin

So many FEELINGS about what Qiu Jin was doing - ‘I awaken the spirits of women, hundreds of flowers, abloom’. I would love if she could see the world now. So many things for her to rouse and fight against, but at the same time just as many to be proud of. I am so in awe of her, but now hearing her loneliness and struggle there is a soft spot in my heart for those too. 

conclusion

So so so…

Qiu Jin’s admirable fire and lonely resolve. Zhang Qiaohui’s precious ability to express beauty in the mundane and in pain. Fei Ming’s utter delight! He is having so much fun and when* I’m vibing, I feel it too. Xiao Xi’s critical eye and keen observation of the world. Dai Wangshu’s whimsical charm and passion for translation. Finally, Yilin Wang, the connecting thread wound through them all, bringing them together so that we may be acquainted. 

*Reading his poetry is like unwrapping a seamless, many layered present. A gift that keeps giving - if only you have a key 😅 Fortunately, Yilin has halved our struggle 🤣

I’ve had such a great time with them all. And if you come, I hope you will too!

[ineffable-snowman]

Fic Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me @gingiekittycat 💜

I already did this a few months ago (and somehow managed to find it on my blog, wow!), so I've copy pasted most of the answers and updated some of them.

How many works do you have on ao3?

fifteen

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

403,077

3. What fandoms do you write for?

right now I'm not writing much, just occasionally trying to work on my Good Omens wip.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Maybe Someday - 1,114 kudos

Trouble Man - 853 kudos

Pet Psychopath - 738 kudos

Match Made on Earth - 616 kudos

Partners, Accidentally - 571 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try, because I think interaction is important to keep a fandom "alive" (even if often I don't know what to say apart from "thanks for reading and commenting"). That reminds me that you, @gingiekittycat, sent me the nicest comment and I still haven't responded yet, will do now right away!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't write angsty endings. But some readers didn't agree with me that Match Made on Earth had a happy ending, so I will pick that one here.

7. What's the fic your write with the happiest ending?

They all have happy endings, but the ending of Four Chord Songs and Sentimental Lyrics is particularly sappy. I was wondering if that love song in the last chapter was *too much*, but then I thought: nope, it's Anakin, *too much* is his personality trait.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Some months ago I got two very rude anon comments on one of my Obikin fics accusing me of horrible things. The accusations felt pretty generic and did not fit that particular story at all, so probably from someone who had not even read the summary, but they still left me a little shaken. Fortunately, the people in the Obikin discord were really kind about it and helped to cheer me up.

Back on FFNET I received the occasional "ew, they're not gay, why would you write that?" Also there were some people who were angry at the way I wrote Obi-Wan, saying things like "how can you say he's your favourite character and then characterise him as weak/flawed/incompetent... and make so many bad things happen to him?"

BUT, all in all, fandom has been a positive experience and the many good interactions far outweigh the odd rude comment.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Does one awkward sex scene per multi chapter fic count? (No.)

10. Do you write cross-overs?

No.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, a long time ago on FFNET when I still wrote Harry Potter fic.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes. Would love to do it again but I'm a very slow writer and would hate to leave someone waiting for too long.

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

I feel like Obikin is the "correct" answer because I always come back to them.

15. What's your WIP you like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Step into Christmas with me. So far, I've managed to add two chapters every season. If I continue at that pace, I might finish it in two more years...

16. What are your writing strength?

Beginnings and endings.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The long middle parts that always become too long and repetitive.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't really like it because it takes me out of a story. I don't want to check footnotes or use google translate in the middle of reading. I prefer if it's done with descriptions or dialogue tags matching the perception of the pov character, for example, if the character doesn't understand Spanish but I do, it's better if it's written like "...she said something in Spanish that sounded like a question to him" instead of writing down the actual question in Spanish.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Just for myself: Harry Potter. Posting online: Star Wars.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Servants of the Force is definitely not my best writing but it's still my favourite fic anyway because I've never put so much effort into a fic before and I'm proud that I finished it.

tagging @chanihobbit, @saddybildaddy, @sky-kenobye, @ineffableobikin (no pressure tags!) and everyone who wants to do it (again).

[apurikottotii]

may song recs!

i think this month has not been going well and FINALS ARE ABOUT TO HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK BUT THAT'S OKAY. I think I went from denial, anger, and bargaining, rn it's depression. but uhhhh it's fine. i'm hoping that i will find some more faith (in humanity, others, and myself) soon.also i need to find some hobbies because apparently you cannot be happy if you study for 10 hours every day.

--- kimagure mercy - hachioji-p

i was listening to the milgram playlist on spotify like normal. since i'm a peasant, i don't have premium and spotify adds random songs in it. the mmj cover comes up and i think it's yuno's cover of sticky bug for some reason. i go, "damn sticky bug sounds a lot better than what i remember". i google translate the title, realize it's the famous kimagure MERCY, and then proceed to loop it for days.

the vibe is so fun! esp while watching the mv and seeing miku bounce her leg to the beat and stuff. is it a stereotypical romance break up song? yeah. if it was in english would i hate it? definitely. however, because it's vocaloid, the lyrics and beat work so much better.

personal favorite lyrics include: "'demo ne', 'datte'" (the way miku sings it is so asdifnasdifnsadfi omgggggg. she's like imitating her bf with that indifferent...? pleading? voice), "come on, you’re not into me at all / i’d say the one you like is yourself, yeah!" (STOP BEING RELATABLE), "be my boy, you baby spoiled rotten / and hug me tight!" (fuck the expression she makes in the mv is so CONFLICTED ASJDNFASUDNFASDFU), "even if I cry and beg you not to go, nothing can possibly change!" (i'm gonna leave if there are more relatable lyrics), "but I get lonely sometimes too / so come for me!" (i'm leaving), "i’m a lonely girl. Hog me all to yourself, baby" (this is getting cringe).

--- aitai-lians - deco27

ofc being the #1 deco27 hater i had to check out his new release to make fun of him. OBVIOUSLY. and then i fell in love with the 2nd half of the chorus. like wtf. “hello earthlings, Aitai-lians, we are / blackholes for hearts we carry, aliens from afar, we are”. IT'S SO GOOD, especially the "we are" syntax works so well. i think what makes this song special is the beat, which is that like club party beat. i don't know what being "green-eyed" means but i'm gonna guess it's jealousy.

--- cinderella - deco27

i hate deco27. i hate deco27. WTF. this song is so catchy, and yeah it's part of the stupid mannequin album BUT. i really think that deco's in his element when he writes complex songs about love, which this is. it's just really, really catchy. for some reason, the 2nd half of the chorus (which starts out the song and IMMEDIATELY got me hooked) does not sound like it's part of this song? is there a meter change?? is that why??? the chants of "hey" in the verses is weird but... oh well. seriously, i really recommend this song, it's just really fun. on a scale from hibana (lots of emotion/soul) to vampire (no soul), i'd say it leans hibana (unlike the REST of the album).

fun fact: i checked this song out because someone on tumblr said that this could be muu's t3 cover song.

--- help me, erinnnnnnnn! - COOL&CREATE

this song is SO FUN. it's long as fuck but it's still engaging and fun to listen to. i found it bc of a muu and haruka edit at like 12 am and it was stuck in my head all nice. i really love the vocaloid cover for pjsk too, the tuning is just so FUNN!!!! i too want to shout and dance when i hear it.

--- another day of sun - la la land

do i know what la la land is? no, not really. my friend remixed this song for her physics final which is how this person who knows nothing about pop culture found out about this song. no but it's so fun and sweet?? the instrumental break is so whimsical and i love the brass instruments.

--- 折风渡夜 - (i seriously can never find the chinese composers)

gives of 科目三 vibes. maybe i'm racist. actually.. it might be the bass/percussion rhythm. no but wtf chinese opera + cpop is such a good combination. always, traditional musical styles + modern pop always works so well. i don't know why the youtube remix is in vietnamese but that's okay bc that remix SLAPS. idk the lyrics but i cried to this. the way the singer sings just sounds like she's longing for something, and idk man. ESPECIALLY that bridge in the youtube remix. it starts so quiet and in this hushed tone... and that BASS. wtf!!!

--- alter ego/silence - caramel column

seriously, awesome game. the reviews on the app store scared me on how overwhelmingly positive they were, but i can't say that they're wrong. it's kind of cathartic, clicking on speech bubbles for 10+ minutes that call you lonely and depressed. es is a really great character, and honestly a good reflection of ourselves.

about the music.... it's so contemporary! they really represented the calming yet brooding atmosphere of the game with just two tracks. but seriously, crazy meter changes (or wack-ass rubato), long pauses, weird ass accidentals, lots of jumps. yet, it really works out and never fails to calm me down.

honorable mentions: all of haruka's songs. seriously love this man's va.

[arcanamusica]

Arcanamusica Novel #002- His Case (彼の場合) Translation

As I finally finished the recording that I was creating for Arcanamusica, I pressed the upload button so that my song published itself immediately. I hung my acoustic guitar back up on its stand, flopped down on my bed, and prayed that I would go viral with bets this time. 

One of my bandmates introduced me to Arcanamusica a few months ago, and I’ve been using it as my main streaming platform ever since. It’s nothing like performing at a live house, hearing the cheers and screams from my fans…Even so, knowing that my music is being listened to through the app is still rewarding in its own way. Well, if they listen to it, that is. Lately, my songs haven't been doing well at all. I sighed and leaned back. Last week, the new song I posted only got around 50 views and 10 bets.. Not to mention, there’s only a few people that subscribed to me who aren’t my friends. Even though this is an app that encourages finding new artists, it’s hard to get people to listen to things outside their comfort zone. Well, hopefully I can get there little by little.

As my depression roused itself, I started to doom scroll and look at the stats of the popular singers that I followed. I saw their hundreds and thousands of followers and tens of thousands of bets. It blows my mind, but I wonder if we’re really on the same app-or even in the same world. Apparently, some of the singers are professional…

I suddenly bolted up from my pillow when I saw the “New” icon shining at me on the screen. Legge released a new song! He was my favorite singer on Arcanamusica, without a doubt. I remember hearing his song “Dancer in the Palm” for the first time and I fell in love with his voice and rhythm. It was so unique that I became drawn to it unlike anything else. Legge’s second song, “Stray Dancer”, had such raw emotion weaved into his lyrics and tune… I wanted to be like that, and I wish I could learn how to make songs to make people feel that way too. Ever since then, I’d been waiting for a new song while looping his previous music nonstop Finally, after all the waiting, anew song was released! But...it was a duet.

This song I had been waiting for.. It wasn’t just Legge. His partner was someone I hadn’t heard of before, named “Shibukuchi”...Not only that, he included a comment on his upload. I don’t remember seeing anything like this before…Legge wrote that he was dueting with Shibukuchi because of the “Destiny Game”? I decided to google what this was, but nothing came up, even when I included Arcanamusica in the search bar. I checked social media instead, and eventually dug up info that Arcanamusica had a premium membership, where premium members got to participate in the “Destiny Game” Legge had mentioned. Even though I had been posting my music for months, I had no idea anything like this even existed.

But then, I realized-if I could play this game, then maybe I could duet with Legge himself. It looked like the only way to do this was to become a premium member. 

I went back to the app and tried to scrounge up any information I could find-eventually, I happened upon a link under the app settings, reading “Premium Members click here”. I couldn’t believe it was in such a hard to find place- was it really this easy to become a premium member? Did they think nobody would bother to look? I clicked it and held my breath, but I was met with the notice:

We are not recruiting premium members at this time.

What the hell was I thinking? I felt all the hope I had building up drop again as I fell back down on my bed. As I looked at the notice again, I saw that to become a premium member, you had to accumulate something called “Arcana Points” that were gained through getting a certain amount of bets. I didn’t even have enough bets to do that in the first place.. And even if I did become a premium member, there’s no guarantee I would be able to duet with Legge…

"Agh, fine! Show me what you can do, Shibukuchi!"

With reluctance, I decided to give the duet a listen to see what he had that I didn’t. I was fully prepared to critique Shibukuchi if he was worthy to sing with Legge, but as soon as the music started playing, I was taken aback by how good it was. It wasn’t like a typical Legge song, but rather a clashing of both singer’s tones that created perfect harmony as a result. I found myself not only focusing on Legge, but intently on Shibukuchi too. I did a search for his name and a few different songs popped up-all with the “special” label, just like Legge. I wonder what made these songs “special”...I didn’t have any option to do that on my songs, even though they were originals. I clicked on the song that appeared at the top of the page, “You are My Friend”. As I listened, I thought that he didn’t even come close to Legge’s skill and maturity as a singer-you could tell that he was a hard worker and did his best, but so was I. Why did it make him special?

No.

That’s not it. 

I can’t sing like he does.

Shibukuchi wasn’t like Legge at all. Instead of feeling like he was somebody that I aspired to be, I felt more like I was being left behind in his dust, and it made me ashamed.

This is so unfair.

It’s not like the special song was super cool or showed off all of his skill. Instead, it was something that spoke to the emotions. It felt like he was speaking directly to me, saying that no matter how much despair I feel, I can’t let go of my dream. It made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could be unstoppable if I tried hard enough. I saw the amount of bets and views that Shibukuchi had, which seemed almost unreachable in comparison to all of the other singers on the app. Well, after all, he did do a duet with Legge. 

Both of them seemed so far away from me, but with my newfound inspiration, I thought…

Maybe, someday.

I gathered up my determination and decided that I would make a new song to upload in the coming week. I grabbed my guitar from the stand I had hung it on, and with a burst of energy, I got back to working on a new tune.

As the arpeggio I played rang out, it seemed to respond to tell me I was on the right path, and I began to create my next song.

[inadequate-nefelibata]

An argentinian playlist of sorts

I’ve been avoiding Tumblr this past days. Mostly because I felt like I was spending too much time here and it was keeping me from other things. I guess I was also kind of tired of it, social media is always a bit like that if you don’t manage it correctly.

But anyway, another reason was that I didn’t really like how much time I was spending thinking in english and just focusing a lot on US shows and news and all that. And I’ve been collecting nice pictures and poems I find here - I use them to make collages for myself and my friends- but now I check my inspiration folder and everything is in english! I mean, it’s lovely, those poems are really special, but spanish is my mother tongue.

So. I’m still kind of avoiding the site and the fandoms. But. I come with some stuff I want to share instead.

Here’s a “playlist” of some argentinian songs I love.  All of these songs are in spotify. and i have many playlists but my user name is my full name so..I’m just going to share the names and the youtube links (I tried to find the official ones, but sometimes they don’t exist). It’s not in any particular order. And I don’t know how to describe music so, sorry :/ Most of these songs would be considered “argentinian rock”.

Juntos a la par – Pappo ( <333)

Seguir viviendo sin tu amor – Luis Alberto Spinetta (one of the best known argentinian rock songs)

Querido Coronel Pringles – Celeste Carballo (“coronel pringles” is the town where this artist spent her childhood. She moved to the city of Buenos Aires in high school, so this song is about being tired of the city and about feeling homesick. Dare I say #cottagecore…? jajaj no, that’s not really right. Anyway, she’s considered one of the great voices of argentinian rock.) 

Aprender a volar – Patricia Sosa (to sing in the shower when you need to feel better about living) 

Honrar la vida – Sandra Mihanovich (original song by Eladia Blázquez, this is just the versión I know) 

Soy lo que soy – Sandra Mihanovich (spanish versión of ‘i am what i am’ from la cage aux folles. she’s a lesbian so <3 I love how she sings this song) 

Cancior del pinar – Silvina Garré (about building a life with someone) (silvina garré was part of  “trova rosarina”, a movement in Argentinian rock that originated in Rosario and mixed genres such as soft rock, Argentinian folklore and tango. They were also known for writing some songs that were explicitly against the military dictatorship that ruled the country from 1976 to 1983) 

Diablo y alcohol – Silvina Garré (about a complicated relationship) 

En blanco y negro – Silvina Garré (i sang this song in front of my school, with a friend, i’ll always remember that  :D, it’s about the city of Buenos Aires) 

Reinas de pueblo grande – Silvin Garré (about teenage friendships and dreams) 

Amándote – Ruben Rada (great for dancing. Actually, he’s from Uruguay but he also lived in Argentina for a long time so. J His songs combine candombe with jazz and rock, among other genres)

Cha, cha, muchacha – Ruben Rada (my mom always sang this to me as a kid, i don’t think that’s very common but that’s how I know about this song) 

Haciendo el amor en la cocina – Maria Rosa Yorio (this one is fun, really fun, she’s considered one of the first female artists of argentinian rock) 

Estaciones – Rosario Blefari (she’s less known that Sandra, Patricia, Celeste and Silvina, who were very popular in the 80s. sadly I only heard about her because another artist posted this song when she passed away. Wikipedia labeled  her music as Indie rock and alternative rock.) 

El témpano – Juan Carlos Baglietto  (also part of “trova rosarina”)

Un dia cualquiera – La portuaria (Wikipedia says this is funk /rock pop and I can’t tell you if that’s right but there you go) 

No me arrepiento de este amor – Gilda (cumbia <3) 

“Santa María (Del Buen Ayre)” by Gotan Project (electronic tango) 

“El Anden” - Bajofondo (Ft. Mala Rodriguez) (electronic tango) 

“Pa’ bailar” – Bajofondo (electronic tango) (warning for flashing in the video) (there’s a versión with Julieta Venegas too <3) 

Varada en villa – Natalie Perez 

Quisiera – Natalie Perez ft Coti (According to Spotif, this counts as cumbia, so maybe? Most of her songs combine pop with different genres from latinamerica, like ska or reggaeton)

Algo tiene - Natalie Perez (could you call this cumbia? Hmmm)

Fumar de día – Marilina Bertoldi (first female rocker in the history of the Gardel Awards to win the highest award of the contest, the Gardel de Oro.) 

Encendida – Julieta Rada (she’s the daughter of Ruben Rada and this song really speaks to me. She was born in Argentina but she also lived in Uruguay for a long time. This song is from her álbum “Afrozen”, which she describes as a fusion between candombe and pop) 

Vértigo – Julieta Rada  (also from Afrozen)

Antes de partir – Rocío Igarzabal (un bolero, also I really like the video) 

Edit: I’m adding Tu amor era de la salada by Rocío Quiroz (cumbia) because my girl recommended it and its great. 

Anyway, some other day I’ll to find some argentinian comics or quotes.

[purplehoodiesandclementines]

A message from Simon 💜

Ok so like many of you, I would have loved for Simon to make an actual (i.e. non-dream version, more-than-voice) appearance in the teaser. Although obviously I respect all the creators' decisions and know this was only the first 4 minutes... (what can I say, I just miss him ok?)

But y'all, listen! I found a thing. Since we can rely on the YR creators to continue imbuing even the most minute details with meaning, I just realized that the tiny snippet we get of Simon singing already gives us a pretty good insight into his current head(heart?)space! And a rather heartbreaking one, I should say... 💔

So some geniuses over on Twitter already figured out that the song Simon sings at the end of the teaser is  Aldrig igen (må sådär) by Cherrie ft. Stormzy.

For reference, the section we hear Simon sing in the teaser starts around 2:00 min.

We should probably get a mother tongue speaker to give us a complete + proper translation of the lyrics - but until we do, check this out (this has only gone through google translate, so bear with me!):

(Feel Like This) Never Again

[You] say you'll change but I hardly believe it

...

We thought [it was] for real but that feeling went away

...

You and your lies, you go hand in hand

Deserve much better, took me a while to realize

[now these are the lines we actually hear Simon sing:]

Lying in bed, on a Saturday

In front of the tv, but what am I doing?

My feelings, they are fragile

The whole world will hear

It was a long time ago, but I've learned to

be alone, I'm the strongest

It will never happen again

It will never happen again

Because I don't want to feel like that

I don't want to feel like that

I don't want to feel like that

Who wants to feel like that

I don't want to feel like that

Tell me, who wants to feel like that?

Who wants to feel like that

I don't want to feel like that

I don't want to feel like that

It will never happen again

it will never happen again

Thought we were real, why did it feel fake? <- 😭

...

First you want to leave me, now you want to stay

Deserve much better, took me time to understand

I don't want to know if you feel guilty

It's the last thing I want to hear

Doesn't matter what you say now

You try, but we're over

Save your words

For someone else who wants to hear

...

Because I don't want to feel like that

I don't want to feel like that

I don't want to feel like that

...

It will never happen again

it will never happen again

...

So. There's that.

This is the song Simon has been singing over Christmas break... 🥺

And I gotta say, as much as it breaks my heart, I completely get where Simon is coming from and part of me is thinking "good for him". I just hope (and kind of know), as much as this is where he's at right now at the start of S2, this is not where he'll stay... Hell, it looks like things are gonna change in ways neither he nor we can even anticipate, and I'm SO here for it. 🔥💪

Also, can we just agree, the degree to which those lyrics apply to Simon's experience with Wille (his perspective at least) is ridiculous, right??!

SO looking forward to your thoughts on this!

[carlosfruitsnacks]

"why'd you only call me when you're high?"

summary:

— Carlos wasn't sure what he was doing at his own gig, tipsy and sloppily playing his guitar while singing. Smoke was everywhere on stage and as he sang the last song, his inebriated mind stopped when he sees you in the crowd.

genre:

— aged-up & songfic

notes:

— gender-neutral reader. I do not speak fluent Spanish and all of the Spanish here is translated from google, feel free to correct me.

warning/s:

— mentions of drinking & smoking

a/n:

— a request from anon, i hope you like it &lt;3

The evening turns colder each hour, and nothing but the tick of the clock can be heard. Carlos peers down at his phone as he was seated alone in his dressing room, preparing for a show. His eyes have been anticipating a certain text from someone. Actually, he's been waiting for weeks for that text message. Carlos has recently dated a person with that he developed an attraction, he was eager to make a connection or possibly a relationship if them if only they were willing enough to let him.

Hey

How are you?

Where are you?

Are you doing well?

Can we meet up again?

Those were the recent messages he sent to them yet there was not a single response. Carlos groaned and tugged the roots of his hair, he can't believe that he just let himself get ghosted by this person. He takes a look at the clock and eventually typed a final text.

I know you can see my messages

He was irritated and decided to put away his phone, unable to put up with any of it. Carlos stands up to adjust his leather jacket, he goes to check on his reflection in the mirror before walking out of his dressing room. His bandmates were already there, presumably waiting for him. He raised a brow when he caught a bottle of alcohol in one of their hands.

"There he is! Wanna get a celebratory shot, Carlos?"

"Isn't that supposed to be at the end of the show?"

They chuckled at him and handed him a shot glass, pouring the alcohol in. He glances at them and at the shot in his hand. Is this even advisable? Though he did plenty of unadvisable things in the past.

"Come on, bro! It's harmless, it's not like it would affect your performance"

"...I suppose one shot won't be too bad"

Carlos shrugged and his bandmates cheered him on. He licks his lips and takes the shot, the alcohol running down his throat was warm as it grants him a fuzzy feeling. It brought enough boost he needed to start the show. However, what he was not expecting was for his bandmates to pour him another shot, insisting that he'll get one more. Not wanting to be the one to disappoint, Carlos gladly drank another shot. It goes out of hand until he's got way too many shots to count.

He was stumbling on his feet on the way to the stage, his brain slowly becoming intoxicated. Carlos goes deaf at the crowd screaming for him and his band, his vision was half-hazy when he goes to grab his guitar. He slurs a greeting and the band begins playing. Fortunately, Carlos can manage to remember the chords and lyrics to the songs so it wasn't a complete disaster.

Midway through the gig, Carlos turns half-drunk. His eyelids were growing heavy and his performance was slowly wavering. He can tell one of his bandmates was also not in their right mind, some of them were just as drunk or even more than he is. The rest were out of their head, smoking on stage. He knew cameras were going to be everywhere and he was going to dread the footage of him and his band acting like fucking morons while playing. Thankfully, the crowd wasn't all too affected by his behavior, they seem to enjoy the catastrophe happening on stage.

Carlos feels relief now that they're going to play the last song for the gig, he can't wait to pass out on his bed. At this point, he can smell smoke all over the stage, he's inhaled too much of it because his brain was going slow. He mumbles about the song title on the mic and he grins when the people began shouting. Carlos regains his blurry focus on the audience and the music starts to play. 

"The mirror's image, it tells me it's home time"

"But I'm not finished, 'cause you're not by my side"

"And as I arrived I thought I saw you leavin', carryin' your shoes"

"Decided that once again I was just dreamin' of bumpin' into you"

He sings the first verse, a bit delayed but his melodic voice makes up for it. Carlos checks on his bandmates, they were still smoking and he gets tempted but he focuses on his performance.

"Now it's three in the mornin' and I'm tryin' to change your mind"

"Left you multiple missed calls and to my message, you reply"

"Why'd you only call me when you're high?"

"Hi, why'd you only call me when you're high?"

A grin spreads on his lips when he notices a few people in the crowd swooning for him. Somewhat, Carlos can feel himself getting sober by singing this song since his mind is starting to focus on what he's doing. He can't say the same for his bandmates though, he continues to sing.

"Somewhere darker, talkin' the same shite"

"I need a partner, well, are you out tonight?"

"It's harder and harder to get you to listen"

"More I get through the gears. Incapable of makin' alright decisions, and havin' bad ideas"

Out of the blue, one of his bandmates brings a cigarette to his face. Carlos wanted to let out a protest until he remembers there are thousands of people watching. So, he rolls his eyes and takes a quick drag. The smoke exits his lips during the performance as the crowd went berserk.

"Now it's three in the mornin' and I'm tryin' to change your mind"

"Left you multiple missed calls and to my message, you reply"

"Why'd you only call me when you're high?"

"Hi, why'd you only call me when you're high?"

Carlos turns his attention to the people watching, he registers their faces, his eyes scanning around to see them sing along. But suddenly, his breath gets violently ripped out of his lungs when his eyes land on the prettiest face he has ever seen. He gulps at the sight of [Hair color] hair and glistening [Eye color] orbs, when their eyes return his gaze, he merely chokes on air.

"And I can't see you here, wonderin' where am I"

"It sort of feels like I'm runnin' out of time"

"I haven't found all I was hopin' to find"

He doesn't care if he's singing late or that he played the wrong chord, all he cared about is that unnamed stranger in the crowd that made his heart stuck in his throat. Carlos' drunken mind is seemed to be wiped clean the moment he sees them. When he sees you. He was struggling, to breathe and regain his posture. He was a rockstar, he shouldn't feel flustered yet this stranger was somewhat proving him wrong. Your eyes never left his as he continues the bridge.

"You said you gotta be up in the mornin'. Gonna have an early night"

"And you're startin' to bore me, baby"

"Why'd you only call me when you're high?"

Everyone cheered for Carlos as he performs his guitar solo, but none of them can notice how distracted he actually was. During his solo, Carlos was consistently watching you, unable to peel his eyes away in fear that he might lose you. The look on your face was a mix of bewildered and mischievous, was he imagining it, or maybe you're telling him something with that smile on your lips? The remaining smoke lingering on stage urges him to finish the song.

"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"

"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"

"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"

"Why'd you only ever phone me when you're high?"

Carlos was surprised that you kept your eyes on him the entire time, it appears that you have realized what's on his mind. As the audience applauds him and his band for the fantastic show, all he could think about is coming up to you as close as possible. He wanted to know your name, your location, and the sensation of your lips on his.

He exits the stage in a hurry, ignoring his bandmates' compliments and blabbering. Carlos hopes he's not too late when he goes out to search for that mysterious stranger. He was still stumbling on his own feet, his brain was becoming exhausted yet it insisted he finds you. However, disappointment greets him when he cannot locate you at all. Carlos lets out a loud exhale and pulls out a lighter and a singular cigarette. It was a shame.

Carlos leaned against the wall and lets his thoughts wander while he took a drag. He spots someone approaching in the corner of his eye, he doesn't pay them any mind and continues to smoke and sulk.

"Got any light?"

A voice asked him. Carlos frowned but when he faces the person, his heartbeat pauses. It was you, he blinks several times to confirm. You smiled and held out a cigarette, he snaps out of it.

"...Oh, yeah sure"

He hands you his lighter, purposely brushing his fingertips with yours. You eagerly lit up your cigarette and took a drag, Carlos gulped at the unexpected beauty of the smoke leaving your lips. You returned his lighter.

"Thanks, Carlos"

"I...how do you know my name?"

"Well, for starters, you're a famous rockstar"

"Oh cierto, obviamente"

You watched Carlos release a nervous chuckle. His finger grows shaky as he brings his hand close to his face for another drag. You hummed.

"You seem distracted during the show. You're kinda spacing out while looking at me"

"Lo siento"

"Nah, it's fine. I don't mind your eyes on me"

Your voice was low, it was hinting at something. Carlos was convinced that you were up to something, so he decides to play along.

"Oh? You don't?"

"Not at all. I'm sure other people would've begged for you to look at them"

"What if my gaze on you was on purpose?"

Carlos takes note of you freezing, your cigarette was burning out as you remained still. You reluctantly looked at him, your eyes go wide when he takes a step closer. And then another, and another, until he was close enough that you can smell the tobacco in his breath.

"Care to tell me your name, darling?"

"...[Name] [Surname]"

You blurt out. A triumphant smile spreads on his lips as he gently grabs your arm. Carlos can feel your heartbeat racing and it makes him go excited.

"If you don't mind exchanging phone numbers, that would be great"

"So what? You can call me when you're high?"

You managed to joke and it genuinely makes him laugh. Nonetheless, you do pull out your phone and he rushes to create an empty contact for you. Carlos sends you a sly smile.

"I mean I could, but you deserve better than that"

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"You'll find out soon, [Name]"

Carlos whispered and winked. Your face turns red as you drop your cigarette, leaving it to burn on the ground. Eventually, an impressed smile makes its way to your face. You softly grabbed his phone and typed your number, he does the same. The two of you separate ways eager to know which way this was going.

Hey, sorry I was busy

Do you want to meet up tomorrow?

A text message pops up on Carlos' notifications, it was from the person he thought ghosted him. He re-reads the text message and scoffs. With a swift tap of his finger, he deletes the contact. For now, he's focused on yours instead.

taglist: @pochi-moochika , @cahmilo , @vanevafu , @irisia-ckzkb1109 , @elegantkidfansoul , @candykamikun , @justzei , @try-cry-why-try , @nanaisheretomessupthings , @eichenhouseproperty , @nort0616 ...join here

masterlist

[mirohlixie]

Love Talk (Hyunjin)

Hyunjin x Reader (gender-neutral) Genre: Smut, one-night-stand Words: 3.3k

Summary: Y/N accidentally bumps into a stranger in the club. The two of them have a dance-off and leave the club together. The two strangers end up sleeping with each other without even speaking the same language, or knowing each other's names.

Content Warnings: Alcohol, Marking, Oral Sex (Male Receiving), Sex.

----------------------------------- o --------------------------------------

!Disclaimer!

I don’t know any Korean, so the Korean that appears in this fic comes from google translate and I cannot vouch for it being free of mistakes. Furthermore this fic works with the idea that Hyunjin doesn’t know any English at all. This only so that the plot fits with the song! I know reality is different, don’t worry!

It was Saturday night and this week was no different than any other week. Y/N and their friends were at the club, the one they usually went to on Saturday nights to get drunk, dance and leave with a stranger. It had become a ritual they went through every single week, and nobody was complaining so why would they leave it behind?

They walked in, wasting no time before getting on the dancefloor and dancing like there was no tomorrow. Most people were shy and only danced a little. Y/N and their group weren’t. They knew no shame and definitely were not scared to show off their moves. People often looked at them, but they didn’t mind at all. The DJ played a nice song and a lot of dancing started to occur.

After a little while Y/N heard some commotion at the entrance of the club, but they were too focused on their surroundings and the music to care enough to check what was going on. If it was of importance, it would become clear soon enough anyway.

“Look at you go,” Y/N’s friend shouted over the music. “You got moves,” Y/N smirked and moved their hips, feeling one with the music. Dancing had always been a talent of theirs and they loved being able to do it in such a casual setting without too many people giving weird looks.

After dancing for a bit, the group stumbled to the bar for a drink. It is truly like a work out. They decide on a round of shots and throw them back before getting a more substantial drink of choice. While drinking, Y/N looks around to see what the commotion earlier was about, but there’s nothing that seems to be different from the usual. They shrug it off and decide to let it go again.

The group drinks a couple more drinks before heading back to the dancefloor again with a drink in hand. The music’s gotten even better so everyone is absolutely enjoying themselves moving to the rhythm. More and more people are starting to gather on the dance floor now and it’s getting quite crowded.

That’s not going to stop Y/N though, cause they didn’t mind a few people around them when dancing. They kept swinging their hips and shaking their ass to the beat as they tried to work their way around all the other people.

Their friend smiled at them as they swung their hips in sync. Y/N did a step back to create more space between them and then saw their friend’s eyes go big, their word forming the word “watch-”, but it was already too late; Y/N had bumped into someone. They turned around and looked right into the eyes of a stranger. He looked slightly annoyed, as he eyed Y/N head to toe. He was taller than them, so his looking down at them seemed even more apparent than it was supposed to be.

“조심해!” He yelled over the music. Y/N squinted their eyes, looking at him in confusion.

“What?” They yelled back, not having understood a word he said just now. The stranger rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak again, repeating “조심해!”

“I don’t speak whatever language that is!” Y/N said. The guy looked Korean, but Y/N didn’t want to make an assumption like that.

“신경 쓰지 마,” the guy said before giving Y/N one last glare and walking back to the little group he was dancing with. They all looked really stylish and important, but Y/N had no idea what they should know them from. The gey they’d bumped into had long blond hair, reaching over his shoulders. His face seemed almost unreal, which annoyed Y/N. How could one person be so flawless? It was unfair.

He seemed to have forgotten about what had just occurred, so Y/N decided to do the same and continued dancing. They were a little more careful than before, scared to bump into someone again. As the evening progressed, more drinks were bought and consumed, and everything started to become a little fuzzy. In a good way, though. The music was more intense and the moves Y/N made even more careless and passionate. More people started to watch, but not in a bad way. They seemed generally impressed. This caught the attention from even more people, and also one person in particular.

When Y/N awoke from their daze a little and looked up, they saw the guy from earlier looking at them again. His eyes had narrowed into a glare as he eyed them up and down. He didn’t want to show it, but he was clearly impressed, if not interested. He approached Y/N as they kept dancing, sending him a challenging look. What did he want anyway? Why was he looking at them so intently?

Y/N’s friends moved aside and made way for the tall guy, which made Y/N look at them in surprise. What the hell was going on here? Then, right before they could fully process what was happening, he started to move to the music as well.

God damn, he was a great dancer. He moved to the music smoothly and moved his hips right on the beat. This wasn’t the first time he was doing it; he must’ve been a professional dancer or something like that. Y/N didn’t shy away, though. He clearly was challenging them to a dance battle, so a dance battle he would get.

The people didn’t exactly form a dance circle around them, but somehow it made Y/N think of those when they saw everyone gathering around to watch. The guy must be some kind of important person, or people wouldn’t be this invested. It was hard to believe this particular dance battle interested them all this much.

“Come on Y/N!” One of their friends cheered and Y/N saw this as a sign to give their all. As the music kept going, the two danced their hearts out. The stranger was really good, but Y/N was absolutely not giving in to that. They were determined now, even if only for the guy’s denigrating gaze. They swung their hips to the beat and made fitting movements with their arms and legs.

They were evenly matched and the crowd around them grew bigger and bigger. They were cheering for both sides, which gave Y/N new strength as the stranger stepped closer and grinded against them, throwing them off a little due to the sudden proximity. They stepped around him and gave him the same treatment, making him move his hands to their hips. They heard him take a sharp intake of breathe and smirked to themself, knowing what they were doing to him.

The music changed once again, the crowd began to dissipate as the dance fight grew less intense. Y/N only vaguely remembered this song, but they were familiar with the beat.

“You got me sayin', you got me sayin'. How you doing? Tell me what's your name, what's your sign,” the singer sung. Y/N swung their hips, slightly grinding into the stranger as he tightened his grip on them, digging his fingers into their skin.

“진정해,” the stranger spoke in their ear, making Y/N giggle softly as at the same time, the lyrics of the song were “Baby we two distant strangers. I know you don't speak my language, but I love the way she's talking to me.” It was all very convenient. Y/N turned around, pressing their chest against the stranger’s as he moved his hands to their waist. They draped their arms over his shoulders and bit their lip when they realized how close their faces were now. “I can hear it callin'. From where you are. Loving the way you wanna talk. Touch me tease me feel me up.”

“당신은 그렇게 나쁘지 않을 수도 있습니다,” the stranger said, making Y/N look at him. They shook their head and chuckled softly before answering.

“I have no idea what that meant, but I think we should kiss,” apparently the stranger could understand the word ‘kiss’, cause it only took him a split second to smash his lips on theirs. They kissed back just as eager, though, wrapping their arms around his neck. They heard whooping from their friends and stuck up their middle finger behind the stranger’s neck.

As the song progressed, the kiss became needier and more lustful. The stranger bit Y/N’s bottom lip softly and tugged on it before pulling back slightly, making them long for more.

“Wow,” Y/N whispered, a universal word the stranger knew too, as he smirked in a cocky way.

“내 집으로 돌아 갈래?” The stranger asked, making Y/N furrow their eyebrows. They really did not understand what he was saying whatsoever. The stranger squinted his eyes in thought before speaking again. “My hotel?” He repeated, in broken English now. Y/N gasped quietly and nodded, letting him take their hand as he led them out of the club. In that moment, they didn’t really care if their friends knew where they were. They’d probably assume where they went anyway.

Luckily, the hotel wasn’t too far away and when the two got to the elevator, they couldn’t manage to keep their hands off each other. When nobody else entered the small cabin, Y/N was pushed against the mirror wall. Eager lips found theirs as they made out in the fancy space. Y/N was ready to lose themselves in that kiss, but soon enough the bell rang, indicating they’d reached the floor they were supposed to be on.

Stranger dragged them out of the elevator, down the hall to his hotel room. He quickly fumbled with the keycard before opening the door and pushing Y/N against it when he’d closed it.

“나는이 일을하는 바보 야,” he muttered before connecting his lips to Y/N’s neck, immediately sucking and nibbling, creating marks that would definitely still be visible tomorrow.

“I don’t understand a fuck from what you’re saying, but it’s kinda hot,” Y/N admitted, tilting their head to the side to give the tall guy more access to their neck. He absolutely attacked it, leaving marks everywhere before moving his lips down their collarbones, stopping at the collar of the top Y/N was wearing. He looked into their eyes, asking for permission with silent words. Y/N nodded and before they could blink, the top was off and the stranger was kissing down their chest, leaving hickeys all over there too.

Many hickeys from both parties later, the stranger had somehow pinned Y/N under him on the bed. Their hands ran up and down his sides as they were entangled in another kiss. The only thing restricting them at this point, was their underwear.

His entire body looked so good under those clothes. He definitely looked trained, so the guess of him being a professional dancer hadn’t been that strange after all. All of this showed signs of years and years of intensive training. Y/N wondered how this would show in his skills in bed. He might’ve been really flexible, after all.

Y/N gently bit the stranger’s bottom lip, causing him to release a moan an be distracted for a split second. Y/N took this opportunity and pinned him under them on the bed. They left kisses down his torso, stopping at the waist band of his underwear before looking up at him.

The stranger, who was watching them as he bit his lip, nodded briefly, giving Y/N the okay. They pulled his boxers down and were immediately greeted by his large member springing up and slapping against his stomach. They gasped audibly, earning a cocky chuckle from him. They rolled their eyes and licked a strip up his shaft, eliciting a suppressed moan from his lips. He leaned his head back on the bed as they wrapped their lips around his tip, sucking playfully as his moans turned into whines and his hips bucked up.

“놀리지 마,” the stranger muttered and Y/N assumed that he didn’t wish to be teased. They giggled around him before letting their head sink down around his length. They slowly started bobbing their head, occasionally swirling their tongue around the long shaft. Stranger was evidently enjoying this, since his content moans were hard to mask. They gently grazed their teeth over his sensitive skin, making him whimper. A quick “fuck” escaped his lips, making Y/N almost jump in surprise since they weren’t used to hearing an English word from the stranger.

He began to twitch in their mouth when they hollowed their cheeks to increase the pressure and they quickly withdrew their head from his member, earning an aggravated groan from him.

“Not yet,” they whispered with a satisfied smirk. This made the stranger regain the confidence he had earlier as he flipped them back over. He moved his head down to remove their underwear with his teeth. This sight was so hot that Y/N got even needier on the spot. They needed him and they needed him now. No more teasing, no more playing.

“Fuck me,” they said boldly, sure that even the most no-English-speaking person should understand those words. Luckily the stranger did, as he moved back up, grabbing a condom from the nightstand and ripping the wrapper before rolling it onto his hard length. He hovered back over Y/N, dipping his head down to catch their lips in a feverish kiss before lining up with their entrance.

“Ready?” He whispered with a thick accent. Y/N nodded, looking up at him while biting their lip. He slowly pushed himself into them, earning moans from the two of them. His large member stretched Y/N out good and hit just the right places. Their tight hole encompassed his length perfectly and he waited for a second to help them adjust before slowly moving in and out.

Y/N dug their nails into the stranger’s back, making him groans. They made a mental note: he definitely enjoyed pain. They weren’t sure why they were even making this mental note, since it obviously was just a one-night stand and they weren’t even sure if they would stay the night after this.

Y/N wrapped their legs around his waist, urging him on to go faster, which he did. He snapped his hips forward in a sharp movement and grazed over their sweet spot. They moaned out, only encouraging him to go faster and harder. It was passionate but also rough at the same time. It was perfect. Exactly what Y/N had expected from this stranger with the amazing body.

He sped up more, clearly chasing after both of their climaxes which were approaching fast. Y/N didn’t know how much longer they would last as they started to clench around his length.

“C-close,” they moaned in his ear. “P-please,” this much he understood, as he somehow moved even faster and harder. He pulled all the way out before slamming back in, making Y/N cry out in pain and pleasure. They wouldn’t last anymore and by his twitching they could tell that he wouldn’t either. They whimpered as they felt their orgasm wash over them, clenching around him strongly, sending him over the edge as well. He groaned in their ear, connecting his lips with theirs as he eased the both of them off their highs. They stayed like this for a little, steadying their breathing as their bodies trembled in pleasure and satisfaction.

“Wow,” Y/N muttered when the stranger eventually rolled off them and laid back next to them. Neither of them spoke for a while as the minutes passed. Y/N was unsure of what to do next. Were they supposed to leave now or? They sat up slightly, ready to get dressed. However, the stranger grabbed their shoulder.

“Stay,” his thick accented voice muttered. He was clearly struggling to find more words, but he didn’t know what else to say. All they knew is that he didn’t want them to leave. Not now, at least. His fingers started to trail over the skin of their arm tenderly. Y/N scooted closer to him and he wrapped his arms around them, holding them close to his chest as they listened to the steady beating of his heart.

They fell asleep like this, forgetting about the world around them. It wasn’t until the next morning that Y/N was woken up by a loud knock on the door and some voices in the hallway. With their head pounding from the hangover, they quickly got dressed and ready to leave. The stranger woke up too, panic immediately taking over his face. He quickly got up and dressed as well before opening the door. Y/N hid behind him, silently cursing him for opening the door while they were still here.

It was the friends he had with him at the club last night and they seemed surprised when their eyes roamed over the two of them.

“Uh, hello,” one of them said, his voice covered with an Australian accent. He had freckles and his eyes were friendly. “We are here to pick him up for an interview,” an interview? So he was some important person, then?

“Oh- Of course,” Y/N said. “I have to go anyways,” stranger’s friends sent him knowing looks and he looked away, blushing a little. Y/N smiled at him and nodded their head before grabbing their purse and leaving the room.

“Well, goodbye,” they said. “I had a good time,” they knew that probably nobody except the guy who’d just spoken English to them would understand, but they reckoned they couldn’t leave without saying it.

Stranger nodded back and stopped Y/N before quickly whispering something they couldn’t understand to his Australian friend.

“Um- He wants to have your number,” the latter said. “He wants to talk to you more, if you’re okay with that,” Y/N was surprised, but nodded before quickly writing down their number on a piece of paper that was handed to them. They smiled, handing the note to their one night stand, before saying a quick goodbye before actually leaving.

“What your name?” They heard him calling after them.

“Y/N,” they said over their shoulder, smiling briefly before taking the elevator down and walking out through the main entrance of the hotel. They realized they’d forgotten to ask him for his name, but alas, it was time to go home. When they got to the pavement, they were crowded by cameras and microphones. They looked up in surprise, blinking against the flashing lights. What was going on here?

“Miss, miss,” one of the people behind the microphones said. “Is it true you came back here with Hyunjin last night?”

“Who?” Y/N asked, for a moment forgetting who or where they were due to all the attention that was placed on them right now.

“Hyunjin, member of Stray Kids? The popular K-pop group?” The person said, looking at Y/N as if they were stupid. Member of the what now?

“Popular K-pop group?” Y/N repeated.

“They’re known worldwide,” the interviewer said, clearly growing impatient.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Y/N shrugged them off before quickly making their way to a cab and giving him the directions to bring them home. So their hook-up was a celebrity? A K-pop idol? Woah, no wonder he’d been such a great dancer. Hyunjin… They definitely had to look him up when they were home. What kind of shit had they gotten themselves into now?

----------------------------------- o --------------------------------------

[intoanothermind]

Bright - Luke

Word Count: 1.3k

- Luke x reader

Synopsis: you are the shy sister of the drummer of Sunset Curve. You’re also a very talented musician, but are too shy to pursue it. But when your brother, your boyfriend and your friend die before their biggest concert, you decide to play music in their honour.

Masterlist

(This is my first time writing straight to English, instead of first in Portuguese and then translated, so a few sentences might not be written correctly. Make sure to check out my Reggie ones as well!)

Stand Tall - Reggie imagine

Flying Solo - Reggie imagine

Akai Ito - Reggie imagine (soulmate au)

—

Seeing her brother and his friends rehearsing for their big night was incredible. Y/N knew they were good, but was never really there when they performed, so she felt really proud when they invited her to see them on the stage of the Orpheum. They finished playing Now or Never and followed Bobby when he went to the tables to talk to a girl. Y/N raised an eyebrow and opened a small smile to that before looking back down to her journal. Bobby was never one to talk smoothly to girls.

“What are you doing?” Y/N jumped at the sudden voice in front of her.

It was Luke.

She smiled shyly, considering closing the journal, but it’s not like Luke haven’t seen her notes.

“Just a few lyrics thrown here and there.” she answered, leaning over to kiss his lips, not really caring if he was sweaty.

“I don’t think I’m okay with seeing my little sister kissing someone.” Alex interrupted them.

“I don’t think you have a choice anymore.” Reggie laughed.

Y/N smiled shyly at them and blushed. “You were incredible up there, boys.”

“Thank you, milady.” Reggie said, bowing to her and making her let out a small laugh.

“But I think you would be too if you played these songs.” Luke said, reading through her journal over her shoulder.

Alex hugged her slightly. “I agree, you write some pretty good songs.”

“No, no, no.” Y/N answered almost too quickly. “This is just... This is just a hobby, I would never have the courage to sing in front of people.”

“Well, I think you should at least consider it.” Reggie said. “Imagine how cool it would be if we opened each other concert!”

Y/N smiled at the scene playing on her mind, but she knew that probably would never happen. She was just too shy to try it.

“Who knows.” That was all she said.

“We’re going for some street dogs before the show, would you like to join?” offered Alex.

“Minus Bobby, he’s too busy flirting with the waitress.” Reggie pointed to the fourth part of the band on the other side of the room talking to a curly-haired girl.

“No, I’m good.” she said. “I’ll wait for you guys here.”

Alex and Reggie walked to the door, but Luke waited for a bit. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to wait for you guys in the VIP area.”

“Alright, we’ll be right back.”

Luke made sure to kiss her one more time before joining the boys. Y/N went back to working in her lyrics, not knowing this would be the last time she saw them.

 ~*~

 “Now that we know the plan worked, we need to work on the set list for tonight.” Julie suggested. They just had the confirmation of they playing in the Orpheum that night, hopefully in time for the boys to solve their unfinished business and cross over. “I was thinking Stand Tall as the first song. It would vibe with Y/N’s songs as well.”

“Y/N?” asked Reggie, looking up from his bass. “I thought we were opening for Panic! At the Disco.”

“I thought so too, but apparently Panic is tomorrow and Y/N is today.” she explained.

“Who’s Y/N?” Alex got up from his drums and approached the girl, feeling his heart beating hard in his chest.

“You guys probably don’t know her, she started her career after your death. Let me google her.” Julie took her phone and searched for the singer. “Her songs are pretty good and she’s really famous nowadays, but she likes to play often at the Orpheum. She never said why, just that it was a special place for her. Here.”

The boys approached her and stood shocked when recognized the woman.

“That’s... That’s...” Reggie struggled to talk.

“That’s my little sister!” exclaimed Alex, still surprised.

“What?!”

“Yes, and she was Luke’s girlfriend.” Reggie said.

Luke took Julie’s phone to see the picture up close and opened a sad smile. “She still has the same soft eyes.”

“I never knew she knew you guys.” Julie said. “But thinking about it, she always dedicated her performances to her brothers and their friends. Said it was their dream to make music.”

“She was always a great musician as well.” Alex said, feeling nostalgic. “But she was always too shy to try.”

“Yeah, but she was always walking around with a journal full of lyrics.” Luke said.

“Do you guys think she’ll be okay if she sees you in the stage?”

The ghosts shared a hesitant look.

 ~*~

 Y/N was excited to see this new hologram band. She never heard of it before, but she got curious over it when she heard they were opening her concert instead of Downside. Normally she would be in her dressing room until she had to go upstage, trying to calm her nerves and thinking about her lost brother and friends. That’s why she kicked her shyness to a dark room in her mind and pursued a career in the music industry. It was their dream to play music and connect with people. When she lost the most important people in her life, she decided not to let her nerves interfere, just like Luke always told her. If playing music was how she felt connected with them, so be it - she’ll do it.

But for some reason she felt like she should watch the opening performance. Call it a sixth sense, but this time, she didn’t stay in the dressing room. When she heard a girl starting a speech in the stage, Y/N walked out and stayed at the corner of the venue, listening.

The girl up in the stage was young. Probably had the age Y/N had when her friends died. But she sure did had a voice of a angel. And played the piano like a experienced professional. Y/N smiled, feeling the emotion in Julie’s voice rushing through her as well. But then something happened. At first Y/N got confused. The hologram drummer that appeared in the stage looked too similar to her brother. When bassist appeared though, Y/N got into a shocked state. And she started crying when the guitarist appeared as well. That wasn’t possible. As much as Y/N liked to think they were still there somehow, they couldn’t be there. But they seemed too real, running around while playing and interacting with Julie. When they walked on the bridge tough, Luke’s eyes caught her own. His eyes shined and his smile widened. Right before they disappeared, Luke pointed Alex in her direction and her brother smiled and waved discreetly.

Julie waved to the crowd even after the boys disappeared. But Y/N was still getting over state of shock. It wasn’t possible. Unless...

“Y/N, you’ll be up in the stage in ten minutes.” a crew member put her attention back to reality. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” her voice was a bit raspy. She coughed before speaking again. “Yeah, I’m alright. But I need a favour. It’s kinda of important.”

“Sure, what is it?” the man asked.

“Can you put me in contact with Julie and the Phantoms?”

[son-fuori-di-me]

"I had no idea I could change someone's life."

One Shot. Word Count | Around 3300. Description | <French female pov> you're visiting Rome for the first time, and you casually meet Damiano David the day before the Circo Massimo concert. The conversation takes a unexpected path.

Content | Real talk. No romantic development. * Expect French idioms and italian approximations from automatic translators

---

"Bordel, c'est immense !" ("Holy cow, that's big !") I said, looking at the Circo Massimo.

It was my first time in Rome. Knowing Italy a bit, I expected a hell lot of sun, a delicious bunch of ice cream for each meal, and tons of pretty things to snap with my phone. Well, that was the plan for my first two days there. Cause Saturday would be a very different day. Saturday would be Måneskin day.

I've been waiting for so long to do this trip. And what a blast it has been for now. Took only a bag, my external battery, some makeup and my favourite clothes to finally discover this astonishing city. This was my first solo trip. I've always travelled with my family or my ex, but never on my own. For once, I could decide what I wanted to see, what I wanted to eat, when to take a break. And as there are plenty of things to see in Rome, i wanted to enjoy every second of my trip. I could focus my last day there solely to the Måneskin concert happening that Saturday night. But as I didn't want to leave anything to chance, I decided to precisely organize my last day, so I could visit a bit more - a get a last fantastic meal before the concert.

I got myself a gold pit ticket. I guessed that would mean I had a special queue. So on Friday night, as I was back from a late tour in town, I decided to watch more closely the Circo, to check for the entrances, and see how I could sharpen my organization and schedule for the next day.

"J'espère que je vais pas avoir à poireauter toute la journée, avec la chaleur qu'il va faire." ("I hope won't have to hang around here all day tomorrow, the weather's gonna be hot as hell")

It was almost 10 pm. I was getting closer to the Circo, trying to read the boards, but all was written in italian and didn't seem to concern the concert. And a year fangirling over Måneskin clearly wasn't enough to become fluent. I saw no sign mentioning "gold pit". So I decided I would ask around, with Google translate ready in my phone in case I couldn't find anyone speaking English.

I saw a guy sit on a bench, smoking. He was dressed in an ugly dark sweater, with the hood over a cap. He was either a drug dealer or a hobbo. My instinct as a girl living in Paris got the uphand and I decided to ignore the guy and try to find a woman instead, or maybe a group of locals, to get me the information I wanted. Unfortunately, after a good 20 minutes walking around and asking people, no one could tell me how to make sure I find the right queue for the concert. I was about to give up and head back to my airbnb and I saw a silhouette still sitting on a bench, near the Circo. It was the same guy from earlier. "Bon, je tente, s'il est trop chelou, je me barre." ("Well, might as well take the risk, if he's too much a weirdo, I clear off quickly.")

"Scusi, do you speak English ?" i said, getting closer to the guy, but still from a good distance in case it turned wrong.

"Pretty good. You need something ?" He was searching something in his pockets and reached his pack of cigarettes. His voice was deep, but gentle. He did look funny but didn't sound dangerous - i still didn't get too close as I hate the smell of smoke.

"Do you know well il Circo Massimo ? I'm going to a concert here tomorrow and I want to make sure I find the right queue, but they haven't installed any sign yet". I asked, showing the structure of the stage behind me.

"Cute accent, where are you from ?" he answered, completely ignoring my question.

"Well, I'm French. So, do you know il Circo ?" I preferred to quickly repeat my question to let him know I wasn't interested in whatever he was trying to.

"Ah, Bonjour ! I speak a little French !" He said, now reaching for his lighter.

"Yeeaaaah cool, but how about the Circo ? I'd like to be here early enough, but I don't know wh-" I froze as he lighted up his cigarette. It was brief, but with the spark, I saw his face for a second.

"Hm ? You don't know what ?" He asked, with a smirky voice.

"Mais naaaan ?" ("Dont tell me -") I let out that typical French astonished sound without thinking. "You gotta be kidding me !"

He laughed as I was getting a little closer, staring at him. With one hand, he was putting his lighter back in his pocket, with the other, he lifted a bit his cap. It was him. It was Damiano.

I felt my spine shiver with that uncomfortable sensation of being around someone famous. As a journalist, I had my lot of interviews, so I knew there's no point in changing behavior around such people. But I still was flabbergasted to see him.

"Sorry, I didn't recognize you. Well, gotta say you're not dressed in your best outfit !" I chose the strategy of sass, to hide how impressed I actually was.

"That's my favourite sweater you're seeing me in, and I'm smoking hot in it" He said with a smirk, getting into the sassy game.

"Time off before the big day ?" I asked, completely forgotting about my initial request and switching to my interview mindset when I'm super focused about the conversation. "Shouldn't you be having a great night of sleep, to recharge your batteries ?"

"I don't feel like going to bed" He said, having no idea how the conversation would soon turn. Fortunately for him, I wasn't working in the music media industry. "That's quite a stage we're gonna play on."

I didn't know why he was talking to me about all of this. I didn't dare to ask him either. I just enjoyed the moment.

"Well, the Eurovision song contest was bigger, wasn't it ?"

"Hm, don't tell me about it, I still don't know how I managed that."

He suddenly had a strange tone in his voice. It didn't sound like the radiant and confident Damiano you see on Instagram stories or on TV interviews. I remembered where I heard him like that. In the 2019 documentary "This is Måneskin", the making of Il Ballo Della Vita album, in the sequence he's arguing with Vic on a train, as he tells her how anxious he can be get sometimes.

"Well, you did, didn't you ?" I put on a more serious voice. "And you had a ton more of pressure, representing your whole country ? So how a concert here in your home town could be worst than performing in front of all of Europe - not to say the whole world ?"

He was still smoking, listening in silence.

"Or maybe it isn't about how big the performance is but about performing in itself ? Why are you performing ? Why are you putting on a show ? All those fancy clothes and that makeup, who is it for ? For people to love you ? Or for you to love yourself ?"

Mais qu'est-ce que je branle ? Il va se barrer dans deux secondes, là c'est sûr (What the fuck am I doing ? He's leaving any second now.) I got a bit too excited about being able to share a few words with him. What's gotten onto me ? Well, let's go then.

"What is it you're running after ? Or running from maybe ? Some complex to compensate ? With all that smudge and confidence, that wouldn't surprise me."

He sat back on the bench. As he inhaled a deep breath of smoke, I saw a smile on his face. But I also saw his hand holding the cigarette shaking.

"Are you a psychiatrist or something ?" He simply said, as if he was trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

I hesitated to tell him the truth. I was sure he would walk away the second he would know my actual job. Et puis merde, autant tout dire. (Well, fuck, might as well be honest.)

"Nope, I'm a journalist." I admited, as he looked right back at me with a surprised look. "Pretty much the same. We get appoitments with random people, listen to their life, observe their body language, and tell them our whole opinion about all of it, which might very well shape how they perceive themselves from now on."

"Only difference is that you don't have to keep anything secret. Right the contrary."

There. This was it. He was gonna leave now, for sure.

"Before you go, did I hit any truth ? Don't worry, I'm not in the music media industry, I won't write anything from our conversation." I hoped this information would save me a few more seconds with him.

He didn't answer right away. He didn't leave either. He kept looking at me, still smoking his second cigarette in a row now.

"Whatever it is you write about, I guess you must be good at it" he finally replied. "Cause you did score a few points."

Another short silence broke. As a fan, I was obsessed with his music, lyrics, and attitude. But catching a glimpse of what lied behind the glamour definitly caught my interest. I wanted to know more.

"Why are you here ?" I slightly deepened my voice, getting back to my interview tone, and kept on going with this as if that was usual business for me. "It's half past 10. You play on Rome's largest stage tomorrow. You surely better should be in bed, or be about to, before the big day."

In that moment, I had the upper-hand in the conversation. He was sat on the bench, I was on my feet in front of him, and therefore above him. Not the best approach to get someone's trust for an interview, but with a personnality like Damiano's, you gotta put your own show.

"I actually don't sleep much before big events like these" He finally answered, accepting his condition as an interviewee. "I don't sleep much at all."

"You're tend to insomnia ?"

"Not really, I just got used to 4-5 hours of sleep, that's it."

"Even during tours ? Cause this all sold-out European tour for Teatro d'Ira must have been exhausting".

"You have no idea, bellezza."

"So tell me." From there, I decided to change my strategy and sat on the ground, still in front of him, but giving him the upper-hand, to put on a more trustful atmosphere. "How are you doing ? And I don't mean, like casual 'yay, fine', I mean : how are you doing ?"

I still have no idea of my tactical move of giving him more space to express himself worked, or if he understood right away where I was leading him, but in the end, he still didn't seem bothered by this conversation we were having. In fact, it looked like he was enjoying it.

"I'm... content, I'd say." He paused, and I didn't interrupt him with another question this time. "I know I'm going through the life I wanted. The music, the tours, the praise. It's all I could have ever asked for."

D'accord, très bien, mais ? (Okey, very good, but ?) I stayed silent, but I couldn't help anticipating what he was saying.

"But surprisingly, sometimes it's still... unfulfilling. Like I can never be satisfied".

Repressing some Hamilton's lyrics from my mind, I innocently pretend I didn't fully understand what he meant - another journalistic technique, to get someone to repeat themselves with other words in order to get them deeper into their reflexion.

"What do you mean, "never be satisfied" ? You're on top of Spotify chart list, your albums are now platinum successes, you're winning awards. How is this not satisfying ?"

"It's just... What are all those things for ? Money ? Fame ? Yeah, I like those but..."

"Typical Capricorn" I muttered, to slide in the conversation that I actually knew pretty well my subject - my subject being him. He chuckled.

"Damn really ? Let me guess ? Aries ?"

"Pisces+Taurus, actually. So what, you don't like being famous ?" Getting back quickly into more questions - another technique to keep control over the rhythm of an interview.

"It's not that I dislike it. It's just... not always as fun as I thought it would be."

"What part of the job ? The writing and composing ?"

"No, that's the best part." He reached for a third cigarette. It was almost 11 pm now. "Vic, Thomas and Ethan. Måneskin. They're the best thing that ever happened to me".

"Then what, you feel like a fraud ?"

"Hell, no ! I'm exactly where I should be." He claimed, with a light pride tone.

"So, if you're proud of what you create, and if you love the people you create that with, then what is the matter ? If life is about getting the Bare Necessities, it seems like you got it all." Hitting with a universal - and musical - reference. Shoud do the trick.

"Hahaha ! Lo stretto indispensabile, si ! But life isn't that easy." He said laughing, as I felt he started to let go of the tension. "In real life, you get judged all the time, and people try to dismantle you, and spread rumors."

"I didn't think you'd be one to listen to people's comments about you".

"I'm not. I stopped giving credits to those. But it's still here, you know ?"

"From what I see, you're keeping it real, with lots of wisdom. I can't quite grasp what seem to bother you."

He paused, looking at his feet for a few seconds.

"I'm afraid it won't last." He finally confessed. "I'm afraid it all ends as quickly as it all started. I'm afraid people get bored. I'm afraid I become a caricature of myself. I'm afraid I can't write new songs. I'm afraid to be a shooting star, you see ? Very bright, but gone in a flash."

"Like, to be an Icare ? Or may I say "Ykaaar" like on your Instagram ?"

He chuckled again.

"Huh, I'm that obvious ?"

"Yeah, even a bit over-the-top, if I may dare say so."

"Well, I've always related so much with this mythological figure. I mean what's wrong with aiming for the Sun ?" He said, pointing a hand to the dark sky above us. From his attitude, I could tell he was way more relaxed than in the beginning. He even took his cap and hood off, so I could now see his face more clearly. His eyes were glittering. "Burning your wings... What's that morale supposed to teach us ? Be modest ? Be moderate ? Che noia !" (How boring !)

"Well don't be !" I felt almost like scolding him. "There's nothing wrong with seeking big dreams. As there's nothing wrong with this feeling of being outrun by your life. Savour the moment. Every second of it. It's because you can't know how long it may last that it tastes so good, so thrilling ! And you actually already are ten steps ahead ! Writing songs like ´Torna a casa' or ´Coraline' at, what, 19-20 years old ? You're the real deal, dude. And even if later on, you get blank page anxiety or write just good-enough songs, it's okey. You got plenty of time to make mistakes. Take the leap of faith. Failing and being a failure aren't the same. You learn, you grow from it. It's okey to doubt yourself, but please, don't ever doubt all the love and support you get."

I paused, hoping I didn't do too far and missed my point. But in a way, I could also feel I got it right. He was looking at the Circo, his eyes even more sparkling than before.

"I..." He got up, standing on the bench, looking as tall as a statue from my perspective. He came down and took a few steps. I got on my feet, starting to feel concerned about what I just said.

"I didn't know I needed to hear that." He finally confided. "I always wanna reach perfection. I'm aware I can be authoritative, sometimes even harsh, on the band. I can't accept to be a failure. But love and support, that, I can't get enough of."

I didn't respond. There was nothing to add. This instant felt like an hour. The wind was slightly blowing through the length of the Circo in front of us. His hair reflected the gentle light of the moon, only showing her first quarter. He broke the tranquility of the moment, turning and taking a few steps in my direction.

"Grazie mille" he said, his arms opened, calling for a hug.

"But, you're very welcome" I said approaching him, softly putting my arms on his back as he put his over my shoulders. The second before his face disappeared from my vision, i noticed a tear on his cheek.

"You've completed reset my mind. I feel like I can start all over again. I was anguished, trapped by my anxiety. But it's all gone now. You've changed me. Thank you, thank you so much" He affirmed full of hope, his voice shivering.

"Wow, well. I had no idea I could change someone's life." I answered, trying to hide how moved I myself was from the conversation.

------

It was almost midnight now. We kept talking for a while, comparing life in Rome and Paris, exchanging what was our best concert experiences. But he still needed to get back home to rest before the concert, and I didn't want to arrive too late at my airbnb - even if I could have spent the whole night talking with him. Yet, to enjoy our last few minutes together, he offered to walk me back to where I was staying. It was just a 15 minutes walk, along the Tevere river bank.

"So tell me." he asked with a smirk. "How does the Bare Necessities go in French ?" He started to muffle the melody.

"Oh no, you don't expect me to actually sing it ?"

"Hehe, you got me into a therapy session, so I can get a little song from you, no ?"

"Damn, you. This is blackmail !" But drunk on the moment, I took a deep breath.

"Il en faut peeeeeeu pour être heureux, ("Look for the baaaaare necessities,") vraiment très peu pour être heureux, ("the simple bare necessities") il faut se satisfaire du nécessaire !" ("Forget about your worries and your strife")"

I started dancing along, if I had to be ridiculous, might as well utterly be. But he actually followed my lead, clicking his fingers.

"In fondo, baaaasta il minimo, ("I mean the baaaaare necessities") sapessi quanto è facile ("Old Mother Nature's recipes") Trovar quel po' che occorre per campar ! ("That brings the bare necessities of life !")

We kept on singing Disney songs for a few minutes as we walked at a slow pace - I was shocked he never saw Tarzan and immediately made him promise to watch it as i told him Phil Collins recorded all the songs in five languages, including Italian. When we finally reached my destination, we exchanged a last timid hug as farewell.

"Well, I'll see you on stage tomorrow." I told him as I crossed the street.

"And I'll look for you in the crowd !" He shouted with the brightest smile on his perfect face.

** the end **

[annetteblog]

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

[perfectharmonyloveschaos]

TUA S3 Episode Titles

Basic ideas of what each episode title could entail, but FYI I suck at these since every single one I made for the last season were wrong lmao so one thing we’ve gotta take into consideration is how the titles affected the episodes in the previous seasons.

[1] Meet The Family:

Pretty self-explanatory in that it will introduce both the Umbrella Academy and the audience to the Sparrow Academy, while also vice-versa in introducing the Sparrows in their own way to the Umbrella Academy with a sense of irony using such a casual term. Also adds an ironic twist to the phrase Klaus used in S2 ‘Family barbeques are about to get real weird’ (Klaus back at it again with his underestimated clairvoyance maaaaaaammmm).

[2] World’s Biggest Ball of Twine:

I know a lot of people want a family road trip—me too lads me too—but I honestly think this’ll be referencing the timeline after all the Hargreeves’ shenanigans. I can only assume that this may be said at some point by Five while explaining why they can’t just use the briefcase again, assuming they still have it, to just go back immediately to fix things. Their actions causes too much chaos and they need time to figure things out, potentially hide out (although I’d love to have them stay at the Academy in order to make things easier and cause friction with the Sparrows) while Five tries to figure things and the others try to find a sense of stability amongst the destruction they’ve caused. They fucked up, plain and simple, and now poor Five needs time to fix it.

[3] Pocket Full Of Lightning:

I went about looking for anything this could be referring to in terms of song lyrics or reference and couldn’t find anything yet, but something that did come to mind was that of the nursey rhyme containing the words ‘pocket full of posies’. While not the same, the nursey rhyme uses a pocket full of posies, or herbs, to ward off disease and death so my first thought was that they used this to show that flowers could be seen as innocent, but a pocket full of lightning could be something that is quick and sudden and hurts someone? I’m not sure to be honest. But the symbolism of having something in your pockets comes from having something readily available, or easy to use. Meanwhile, lightning symbolizes the destruction of ignorance or marking people to remind them of what they barely survived. So many, much like the supper in Season 2, this episode may go into the actual power Reginald still holds—even if he isn’t their original father—over the Umbrella Academy and maybe the Sparrows as well?

[4]Kugelblitz:

This one is meant to be looked up and according to google means “a black hole formed from radiation as opposed to matter” and “a concentration of heat, light or radiation so intense that its energy forms an event horizon and becomes self-trapped”. So basically—something super dangerous and wild. But it does also mean “ball lightning” in German which could mean something more considering that there is another title in German and is an anti-aircraft tank made by Germany for WWII and was an operation by the Germans in 1943 against anti-Partisan in Yukoslavia. This title has so many means connected to German that I have to think may connect to Klaus or even allude to Five, due to the idea of black holes and time travel, also being German and potentially Klaus’ twin but it’s nothing concrete.

[5] Kindest Cut:

This seems to be a parody of the Julius Caesar phrase “This was the unkindest cut of all” upon his betrayal and murder at the hands of his fellow politicians, so I can only assume that this title may allude to another betrayal but one that was either seen coming or a murder that was asked. Maybe a mercy kill? I’m not sure to be honest. But I think that perhaps at this point one of the Sparrows, perhaps Sloane who due to the character profiles released seems to be the most likely to try and break away from the Sparrows, but it could also be Five joining the Sparrows to save his siblings being the kindest betrayal? Not sure.

[6] Marigold:

Due to the fact that the golden orbs of light we saw Reginald release in S1 and that Vanya both gave and took from Harlan, this episode may go more into detail of Reginald’s connections and potential experiments with the children’s powers. There are so many questions to be answered, especially about his link to the children and how his alien-ness may tie into things. Perhaps through flashbacks or experiments he does with the Sparrows and Umbrellas themselves? Due to the fact that the original Reginald seemed aware of what the children themselves were capable of power-wise with that of Klaus’ potential, having a vague awareness of time-travel in terms of how it affects people in connection to knowing Five wasn’t ready to do it yet and even how dangerous Vanya was and why he chose to lock her powers away. Reginald definitely knew more in the original timeline and I feel like now he is going to go more in-depth with the Umbrellas this season as adults rather than the rudimentary “superhero” training we saw them go through that suited the collective rather than showing individual training aside from Vanya with her glasses and Klaus’ exposure training with the mausoleum. I hope this episode will actually address the supposed “potential” Klaus had and why Reginald saw him as his “greatest disappointment” compared to Five who was MIA and Vanya who he seemingly gave up on, especially since the next episode definitely seems to be a Klaus-centric one that could finally address his power-arc started in S1 that was basically abandoned last season in favor of giving Ben more screen time.

[7] Auf Wirdersehen:

Translated from German to mean “Goodbye” in the sense of not a forever goodbye but rather a momentary one (“until we see each other again” —potential symbolism connected to the pilot “We Only See Each Other At Weddings and Funerals”?? The next episode is called “Wedding At The End of The World”??), it is ironic that this was also the name of a show from 1983 about seven people struggling through adversity and growing closer together which may also hint at the relationships within the Umbrella family/Team Zero getting better throughout the season. Anyways, this title definitely suggests to have a large connection to Klaus specifically due to his identity as being from Germany mainly due to speaking German throughout the first season, establishing that Reginald most likely bought Klaus from a German woman in 1989 like how he bought Vanya from a Russian woman the same way in the pilot. Now, I doubt that this would be a literal goodbye due to the fact that neither any of the showrunners/cast or even Robert Sheehan himself have come close to suggesting that Klaus may leave this season and due to the popularity of Klaus within the fandom, that wouldn’t be a smart move unless Sheehan expressly wanted to leave and said as much. They simply wouldn’t kill Klaus off around half-way through the season. But I doubt this sort of title would warrant being connected to anyone but Klaus. But I definitely could see this being a sort of rebirth for Klaus through an act of sacrifice and the introduction of his immortally into the main plot. I see this as hinting at Klaus sacrificing himself like Ben did in order to save his siblings but not staying dead like in S1 when he seemingly died saving Luther at the club, and coming back to life with a new resolve and completing his arc with him accepting Dave and Ben’s deaths and letting him finally find his potential that Reginald hinting at in S1. However, I think that would happen over time and rather he may die and either the others don’t know and only find out after he comes back or he dies and stays “dead” for this episode and we explore Klaus like Vanya was explored in S1 and S2 before he is revived for the next episode like how we saw him vanish with the briefcase in one episode in S1 and appear back on the bus visibly changed in the middle of the next episode.

[8] Wedding At The End of The World:

This one seems to also be very symbolic due to the fact that I doubt any couple within the show are close to be wed, but rather it being a symbolic coming-together of the Sparrow and Umbrella Academy in order to stop the coming Apocalypse (honestly, I don’t mind another apocalypse as long as it isn’t Vanya again). A “wedding” doesn’t have to be the marriage between two people, and according to Collins Dictionary can also be “the combination or blending of two separate elements” or a “joining together” which I think is the two Academies coming together. They are becoming one, or simply ‘Team Zero’.

[9] Six Bells:

This title I believe connects to that of Hotel Oblivion and the idea of a bell hop bell when someone enters a hotel and are checked in, but the fact that it is only “Six” bells makes me think of either two possibilities; one is that Five only at this point has joined the Sparrows and so is not included with the Umbrellas being forced into Hotel Oblivion, or that Klaus who I and many theorize will die two episodes prior to this will finally wake up revived only to find that his other siblings have been locked away leading to the irony of him, who was always seen as the “useless” one being forced to team up with the Sparrows against Reginald to save his siblings. As well as this, we also can point to that of a funeral in which a bell is rung 6 times potentially hinting at a death or connecting to death in terms of Klaus being presumed dead by his siblings? Death is often signaled by the ringing of a bell and something to note is also the ringing of a bell happening at both a wedding and a funeral (tying back into the pilot title?) so I think this may tie into both Klaus’ “death” and the “marriage” of Team Zero. I doubt they would go through with hyping and building the characters of the Sparrow Academy only to kill them before the finale, and we’ve seen from the S2 finale that killing the Umbrella Academy both makes no sense and would make the idea of including Hotel Oblivion in the finale useless due to the fact that they would be dead and so why would they be sent there. So I definitely think only six of the Umbrellas will be sent there and the one left behind will either be Five or Klaus.

[10] Oblivion:

The finale title is self-explanatory in tying into Hotel Oblivion, and I don’t really have much to theorize on it based solely on the fact that there is such a high probability that my previous theories could be wrong. All we know for certain is that Hotel Oblivion will definitely be making some sort of appearance this season, whether through threat of the actual team being taken there as seen by the set pictures leaked showing cars with the emblem of the Hotel. However, the word “oblivion” also has several meanings and could have a double meaning along with connecting to that of the hotel. Oblivion came mean “destruction”/”extinction” or “unaware” or “forgotten” and I think depending on what happens in terms of potential hints of other episode titles could definitely vary. If “Kugelblitz” ends up referring to a black-hole causing the new apocalypse then it could definitely connect to the destruction meaning, but if the likes of Klaus is revealed to be alive with his siblings in this episode after being assumed dead then it would definitely add to the meaning of his siblings being “unaware” or that Klaus has to save them or face being potentially “forgotten” and alone like the ghosts.

[itscinnafox]

STORY NOTES [akafuri] : By The Next Sunrise

Because I had sooooo much fun doing this with a friend (@miss-cactus) :] (also being the first collab' work that's posted) and had a lot of messy notes and drafts, it's just so precious to me not to ramble about it >w< also plenty of fun times in just 2 and half months despite life biting my ass at the same time, totally my stress relief lol. Also, this story really isn't just some cheesy stuff for the sake of romance. It's genuine love (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾

Read the story here in AO3 Summary: On the way to his brother’s house, the spring showers had begun again. With an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world. Furihata smiled. He would find out. Perhaps by one of the next sunrises.

.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ. Rambles undercut ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ .☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.

FIRSTLY, @miss-cactus has all my gratitude ♡(ŐωŐ人) without her; AkaFuri will be stranded in France LOL! Seriously, I'll just dump them in some random village in France and just maybe not even finish this story at all even. The time she took to find me a place, translate, edits and also judging me for my description of the place LOL yep... total life saver. With her help it really motivated and inspired me a lot! She's the oil to my car............. you get the idea :] .

BONUS, she's also a translator and translated many amazing works, basically a deity, breathing life back into them. Also, she has original works too :D check 'em out, it's cute! It's in French, but they're easily translated, she's that good! (๑>◡<๑) her AO3

WEIRD FACT, I also had a short break up with my boyfriend of 7 years while writing this. LOL. I was so upset but I got motivated by the similarities, that when he asked for us back I was like 'But-but the similarities though!' but I love him....bleeegh. So I said yes, and we're better than before. YAY!

๑ Story Base ๑ The idea popped when I was listening to 'The sun after washed by spring rain' by Wang Lee Hom on a rainy day on my day off, and florist Akashi just looks so beautiful lol and the rest just came up.... and I really wanted this vibe for AkaFuri something incredibly soft and warm~ just cozy >w< huehue~

This story sets in Spring, spring here, spring there~ Spring is the breath of new life, basically Furi's story lol.

I was also aiming for this story to be short and a bit poetic...... LOL then 11k words later I just gave up and was like: well, if AkaFuri wanna romance then who are we to say no? (Akashi will shave my hair in my sleep lol)

๑ Playlist ๑ Play on Youtube The playlist is by order according to each part within the story. I really love to ramble about this since music is my inspiration for a lot of things and the vibe of the whole premise, section of their development and perspectives.

☆ 11 : 11 by Taeyeon Introducing Furihata's little sob lol and Furi's perspective. After Furihata breaks up with his girlfriend (who again, have no significant in his life what so ever), he goes through the phase on moving forward. It really isn't him moving forward with his feelings for her though, it's just him moving forward from the familiarity of being with her in his life. With her gone, he finally reconnects with who he is, like in this passage : "However, somehow with just a fling of his bag onto the island top threw him years back. He has not always been this tidy and clean." Furihata had basically lived his life to accommodate to those around him. (I wanna stress that Furi wasn't forced into a relationship or was it abusive. It was just a relationship with someone whom Furi had no infatuation for. It just so happens she wanted to date him after the wintercup, and Furi is just like 'yea ok?' but really he didn't exactly thought it through.)

So this is where Furihata moves on from the familiarity. He cries because they dated lol, but really he's just confuse.

☆ The Sun After Washed By Spring Rain by Wang Lee Hom Exactly one year after Furi's break-up. The source of this story idea lol. Also, Furi's perspective. The title and the song is literally what it meant; the sun after the spring rain which brings in new beginnings. I present you, this passage of the story: "Instead, with an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world."

☆ Reunite by Jordie Power I present you, when Akashi appeared and Furihata's crush on Akashi just awakened and go haywire LOL! In this AU, Furihata has genuine feelings for Akashi. They were long time friends, and there were even a few emphasis of their friendship through high school but because Furihata has a girlfriend and Akashi respected that (although most times, in my brain, is just Akashi crying to Kuroko LOL!)

☆ Passage by Miyano Mamoru Furihata and Akashi's similarities. The song is basically about finding yourself as you age, the experiences you go through as you age (i'm 27 and i'm still confuse lol) Even though this story focuses on Furihata a lot and little less on Akashi except for little hints here and there, Akashi was just as lost as Furihata.

Random thought (as I type this), my boyfriend had told me this before "Even though we don't need each other, and do well on our own. We have friends but it's so different. Is just something different to have someone you love around, so to an extend, I really do need you and to share everything with you, it really makes me happy." it really is something different to have someone by your side especially when you found someone. (p/s: you definitely don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete. you complete yourself okay? :3) Furi and Akashi have been in-love since high-school, they have accomplished a lot on their own but in a passage, they both felt lost and felt like something was 'empty' that was because they were still in-love, and they met each other and truly want to spend their life together and share everything.

☆ Moonlight by Miyano Mamoru Mmmmmm~ the juice. This is Akashi's perspective when he wants to romance Furihata (∗ᵕ̴᷄◡ᵕ̴᷅∗)՞ and of course, sneakily confesses to him. OH MY GOODNESS! THIS IS LITERALLY THE PART THAT I'VE BEEN DYING FOR! and wrote it sooooo many times. I wanted it steamy and a little desperate after their long pent-up-frustration unprofessed love, without making it 'explicit' kind of way. So I hope I captured it right lolol.

☆ Make Me Love You by Taeyeon Furihata's feelings towards Akashi. I was pondering on a song that would fit Furihata's pull towards Akashi and how Akashi makes him feel every time. No other songs seems to feel like then I was randomly humming to this song while I was working and this is perfect! Also, a wonderful vibe.

I think it has been emphasised a lot on how Furihata reacts to Akashi, how he blushes like crazy, how he also subconsciously wants Akashi to make him fall in love with him. Because deep down, as again, Furihata genuinely loves Akashi but he was never daring enough to do it and since Akashi had never showed any indication, so Akashi had to confess in order for Furihata to be brave enough to smack their lips together to confess too.

☆ Je Fais De Toi Mon Essentiel by Emmanuel Moire Infinitely bless @miss-cactus (and her naughty brother lol) for this! This is song is seriously sooooo beautiful ;w; I don't care if reader's don't listen to the playlist, but OH MY GOD! If nobody had listened to this, is seriously missing out. (just as a song in general is beautiful) and the lyrics are just akjsfhakjsfhaf AKASHI'S WORDS! In Akashi's perspective and the song that Akashi sang to when they were in the car, and Cactus chose the perfect line for it ;w;

This song basically concludes everything!!! From their feelings for each other since high-school and all the way until the day they die! It's basically everything I wanted this story to be about, just their pure love for one another and to share their happiness together ;w;

Also, I want to point out in regards of Furihata's decision on staying in France. It's really not just a spontaneous and reckless decision lol. As stated and shown in the story, Furihata is somewhat a successful person with a career, but Furihata has other passion and interest which he seemed to enjoy doing which is photography and Akashi notices this. Even though with a career, at a time some will have a change of heart. So if Furi wants to stay in France with Akashi, he has thought it through enough, and can afford to even live by even without Akashi's money lolol. ๑ Premises ๑ Cactus, without her, AkaFuri will be hobos. I . AM . NOT . KIDDING ! She just whip out the map of France and pin point me to everything! I didn't ask for that but her soul is made from angel clay and she showed me this beautiful town, and I am floored! I didn't feel that much motivation and inspiration before o(≧∇≦o)

So why not Paris? XD 1, I didn't want Paris, I wanted a natural, country/cottage vibe and not the city. 2, proven by Cactus, "actual paris : if you want a cup of coffee you have to give up your wife and your 2 children bc it's way too expensive" (XD actually there's more but those parts are only between us lol) 3, I want to pull Akashi from his usual portrayal of rich and luxurious life style. I mean.... he's still rich, just not lavish in that lifestyle. In here, Akashi's basically bare as a canvas, and painting it on his own. 4, I google mapped Paris.... and if anything, Akashi and Furihata will probably get run over by traffic LOLOL! 5, we hate the crowds lolol and we'd do anything to drown the citizens for AkaFuri to be alone. I'm not even gonna be discreet about this xD.

☆ Mornac-Sur-Seudre This main village, is the most beautiful town picked by Cactus. It's not so 'in the face' although not so splashed in a lot of colours (except for the oyster huts), it is a very vibrant village. We totally fell in love with it. It's quiet, and not a lot of villagers, so it's perfect for AkaFuri to have their stroll hand in hand (人 •͈ᴗ•͈) They're also very famous for their oysters LOL! So yeah..... Akashi fed Furi oysters.... because....it's yummy.... LOL! Video reference here. There's another beautiful video but I can't find it no more. ;; Other references; here, here and here.

☆ Seagull Train Furihata loves train (and so do I) and since the train exists here! WHY THE HELL NOT?! I really love writing this part! I fell in love with the department Cactus picked and everything was so perfect and beautiful. Pictures and videos of it was just so breath taking ;w; and it's a steam train! I've never ride one before, but I have been into exhibits in the train museum. The smell is amazing lol. It's like sniffing my humidifier......but bigger.

This is the train I had saw mostly from it. the 030 T 3 from 1891. It's still operational so choo-choo!!! they go!

Video reference ; here Train reference; here, here Other references; here, here, here and here.

☆ Saintes & Royan These two towns are what's closest to Mornac. I didn't have much on Royan because Saintes had a beautiful charm, so this is where they would have their wonderful date <3 and talk a little bit about their feelings.

Cactus correcting me on the description on the city as I just woke up from my sleep, is seriously a way to wake up in the morning at 5am XD LOLOL!!

There's a few churches too, and has an interesting history from the Roman empire :D really intriguing.

The bridge where they have their little confession in high-school (◡‿◡✿)

This video here, absolutely pretty!

☆ Akashi's Floristry; Fleurs d’acacia Cactus picked out the most beautiful name! "So either L’acacia (just the tree) or Fleurs d’acacia (acacia flowers)" The Acacia because it rhymes with Akashi's name : Aca - as in 'Aka' in Akashi. Ci - as in sea...because they're near the ocean. A - as in....... h(a)m because Cactus said so... and I can't even disagree because it's where Furi getting some of those..... meat....because Akashi's ham.....like his meat.......y'know..... We're very dignified ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

The design of Akashi's 3 story shop/studio/apartment..... I really don't have any reference, it's all in the head LOLOL! Akashi basically lives in simplicity, his shop all on the ground floor, and the second floor is his art studio where paints and do whatever he wants. Finally the third floor is where he stays, it was wasn't very detailed but it's very spacious and cozy >w<!

☆ The Drive-in theatre Bruuuuuh......the confession is the thing! Akashi sneaking in his opportunity to confess. What more is there need to be said? AkaFuri : mlemlemlemlemlemlemlemlem~

Ohh~ Akashi's pretty Bentley of course.

☆ The Landes The finale of their romance ❀.(*´◡`*)❀. I think we all know what a Volkswagen van looks like LOL! And they had the funky in the van and Akashi took Jean's advice with the bamboo charcoal.

Cactus showed this pretty place and I'm just ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Of course I'd really like to say it again. Furihata's decision to stay with Akashi was really not for the sake of a 'happy ending' or so. They've had deep feelings for each other since high-school and bonded closely, but Akashi didn't show any indication of romantic interest out of respect for Furihata's relationship, and Furihata knowing nothing about Akashi's mutual feelings just kept his feelings to himself. As told by the story, Furihata has a career and stable income. But even though his life is dandy in Tokyo with his job, that doesn't mean it's something he wants to keep pursuing or maintain, as we age, we search for something else to add into our experience. Not to say that we're forever unsatisfied, it's just how life is. We accomplish something, and we move on to another thing, and then another and another. It's really something beautiful about it, and life's just us exploring :] In Akashi and Furihata's case, is that they've already have what they wanted, a life of their own, choosing their own path and what they don't have was each other and now that they've bonded and opened up themselves, they can finally pursue another beautiful life together (>*^▽^*<)

๑ Book, Night on the Galactic Railway by Kenji Miyaza ๑ This is a real book. Also, my favourite! There is an anime as well, but if anyone wants the PDF feel free to drop me a DM and I'll give it to ya'.

In here, the story of the galactic railway impacted their lives a little bit differently. With Akashi the loss of his mother and Furihata to live the last adventure before death.

It is shown they have extreme love for this book, and it really is a beautiful book and there's just endless things to talk about, as it is place in an infinite travel of the train through the galaxy, meeting new people, seeing new things, the mysteries of stories and making meaningful relationship despite never being able to see them again.

The sentiment of Giovanni and Campanella is also similar to Akashi and Furihata. Before anything else, they want to have their adventure together before eventually parting their ways (and i really mean, until death do them apart.)

๑ Other Juices ๑ There some nitty stuff that aren't just there for show xD Well, kind of but there's some sentiments and stuff so...

☆ The Sunflower Maybe because I'm bias to sunflowers LOL! But Furihata is pretty with yellow! Sunflowers with darker brown florets are absolutely beautiful. The pendent I had in mind was literally the one I had when I was a kid (but I donno it's gone now lol). I googled other sunflower pendent but it's ugleh...

It associates with the theme of this story which is 'Sunrise' as in new beginnings, Furihata's fresh start to pursuing the person he actually loves.

Sunflowers also grow towards the sun. They radiate pure joy and positivity. They also symbolise unwavering faith and unconditional love; which is AkaFuri's undying love here despite the years.

Sunflowers are also given to show their deepest to the person, so Akashi gift him a sunflower :3 also because Furi looks pretty in yellow, fight me.

In chinese myth, sunflower are best for business... So with Furi around, Akashi's business will bloom LOLOL!

Funfact: In greek myth, a nymph named Clytie fell deeply in love Apollo, god of the sun. Although Clytie was beautiful by nymph standards, Apollo did not reciprocate her feelings, or acknowledge it. (except Akashi appreciates Furi's love okay?) After days of hopeless devotion, the nymph then transformed herself into a sunflower and constantly turned towards the sun so she could always be with the one she loved (Furihata's chasing sunrises because Akashi is there ok?).

☆ The Happy Street Cats :D This is actually a real book I have, a gift by my teacher before I leave S.Korea. The passage idiom is extracted by this page as well.

The front cover of the book is also yellow.

Yellow : Sunrise + Sunflower.

There's so much yellow in this story LOL!

☆ The Movie Cactus : Idol movie Me : *internal screaming* I swear we are always soooooooo close to making this whole thing crack XD

This scene is a real brain wreck lololol. (Still contemplating if it was romantic enough)

☆ Akashi's Florist number I extracted that number from an oyster restaurant LOLOL! Thankfully Cactus changed it.... we were planning on a crack bonus in which, Furihata orders oysters before calling Akashi.

It didn't happen. But if it did.

Furihata will order some oysters. And not regret it.

*Akashi judging*

☆ French Dialogues + Akashi teaching Furihata French Bless Cactus, she's my happiness now. I have no idea how many weird noises were coming out from our mouths just to understand how the French consonant 'R' sounds like to put it into words LOL! XD Without her, it'd be a disaster.

We were looking at other romantic phrases and found the perfect one ;w;

“Je suis ton bonheur.” means "I am your happiness" (oh god, google translate voice just keeps playing in my head LOLOL! help) Which, what else can be said? LOL Akashi's happy ok? Since this story is from Furihata's perspective, I really wanted to put him into the spot of being a foreigner (he speaks english and mandarin lolol just clueless in French, because Akashi is supposed to guide him). So while Cactus work her magic, being the Akashi to my Furihata. I tried to emphasis a lot on the characters expression etc, at least to indicate of what was going on....tbh even I forgot what they were saying. *just as clueless as Furi and Cactus cackling somewhere.

Everything in here is just Cactus being amazing ;w; and pure patience LOLOL!

๑ Side Characters ๑

☆Shérine ............ We butchered the original female side. Her name was Camille.... but I was sooo tempted to name it after *coouugh* :] because it's pretty. Also her hair was blond with hazel-green eyes.... yea we buried her.

Shérine wins now... Shérine is life.

Shérine will be in their wedding.

☆Jean Kirstein (of AOT) It's JEAN! ...........someone gotta tease Akashi with no filter.

(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ FINAL NOTES

The last section when Furihata wakes up and makes his decision, believe it or not, I was in the bus. While typing to Cactus, I was literally shaking in the bus and my eyes stung because of dust and I was in tears. I was between crying and laughing. Finished it at home ;w; Cactus was such a darling through it all.

I really had fun writing this with Cactus ;w; she's the best!!!!!!! And hopefully we'll make some crack stuff because we're hooligans like that XD.

:D BYE!

[0ffgun]

Alright so!! I got some requests from people for me to make a post with tips on how I self-study my languages, so here we are! It’s not perfect and everyone studies differently, but I hope some of these tips can help you out.

Personally I study Korean & Thai so this list is aimed at those but a lot of the study tips are pretty general and can be applied to whatever language you’re learning. 

I’m an energetic puppy in human form - I simply CANNOT sit still and study for longer than 20 minutes before getting insanely restless and distracted, so I tend to only actually sit down and actively study once a week. If you’re expecting something clever and insightful this is absolutely the opposite of that... I basically trick myself into learning! So here is my silly little guide, let’s go!

General Tips:

★ Get ridiculous with sticky notes. Seriously, do it. If you’re just starting out and don’t know the words for all of those household objects then go ahead and scribble them down on those post its and stick them EVERYWHERE. It might drive your family members/roommates crazy but hey... you’re doing it for a good cause, right?

★ Don’t rely on romanization too much - if your language has its own writing system, focus on that using as much as you can. Romanization seems helpful but in the long run you’ll rely on it too much. It’s better to get familiar with the native writing system asap!

★ Pick out a word/phrase of the day and write it somewhere you’ll see it often. I have a whiteboard in my room that I’ll scribble a few phrases onto and then every time I walk past it, I’ll say them. Or if I’m not gonna be home all day then I write something on my wrist and glance at it throughout the day! This one is the most fun because when people see it they’re like “ooh that looks pretty!” or “ooh does it mean something deep and profound?” when in reality you have the phrase I like cheese written on your arm and it never stops being entertaining. Bonus points if someone native to that language reads it and looks at you like you’re crazy.

★ Say the words in silly voices. It sounds weird but if you’re sitting there repeating words (like the word banana, for example) from an app in a monotone voice you’re definitely less likely to remember it than if you’re yelling out “BANANA!!” in an opera voice or squeaking out “b an a n a” dramatically as you let go of Jack’s hand and let him sink into the ocean. 

★ Don’t isolate vocabulary. Learning new words is great, but it’s useless and you’re more likely to forget it if you don’t learn to use it in a sentence. 

★ Keep a diary! One of the absolute best ways to practice your writing and improve your skills is to just jot down a few things every now and then. It’ll be rusty and you won’t have much to say at first and will definitely keep needing that dictionary every 2 seconds, but after a few weeks you’ll really notice the difference. Buy pretty pens and stickers to motivate yourself to write in it! It’s also fun to do this around people who can’t speak it as they’ll look at it in awe and you can show off when in actual fact your writing is usually a clumsy scribbled “today I snacks eat and go sleep” but hey what they don’t know can’t hurt and it’s always fun to look like a genius.

★ Talk to your pets in that language. They’re not going to judge you, they actually don’t even care what you say as long as you say it in that entertaining pet voice. I don’t have any friends that speak Korean or Thai so the majority of my speaking practice is hurled at my dog. If you don’t have a pet, then plants or stuffed animals work perfectly too!

★ Listen to language podcasts while you do household chores, heck if you’ve gotta do something boring, might as well yell foreign words while you do it!

★ Change your phone settings to your target language. That way you’re literally forcing yourself to use it, and it becomes second nature and you pick up key words so quickly. Only do it if you know how to get back into your settings and change it back if you have to... or else you’re stuck and lost. 

★ Listen to music and sing a lot. Just scream those lyrics! A little off-key screeching never hurt anybody!

★ Get comfortable with numbers. They’re something that is dominant in ALL languages and you’re going to use them on a daily basis. Start with learning how to count to ten and get comfortable with it, and then go higher. Once you’re used to numbers individually, make it harder. I used to get my mum to write out 10 random numbers between 1 to 10,000 in the morning and I would translate them, and then I would do the same for myself in the evening. After a while you get quicker at them and before you know it you don’t have to awkwardly translate them in your head anymore, the numbers are just there ready in your brain.

★ Don’t only watch dramas! Watch more natural stuff too - variety shows, vlogs, instagram lives... anything where people are just chatting like they normally would do. That way you’re subconsciously learning more casual speech patterns and casual language too!

★ Don’t just study at home! Always make sure you have a dictionary handy (like on your phone, for example!) and keep your brain busy while you’re out and about. Buying some groceries? Try to name everything in the fruit and vegetable aisles and if you don’t know the name of something, look it up! You’re more likely to remember vocab this way as your brain has a situation to associate it to.

★ Be mean and make yourself work for things you normally do - check your horoscope on a regular basis? Read it in your new language instead! Want to check out the weather forecast? Do it the hard way.

★ Don’t feel like studying? Not in the mood? Then don’t do it! Instead put on your favourite show in your study language of choice. Not every study session has to be a hard one. Just relax and watch a foreign movie! You have no idea how much your brain picks up without you even noticing, chilling out and watching a drama absolutely counts as studying. Don’t force yourself to study if you’re not feeling it, you’re more likely to learn if you’re having a good time.

Advanced Tips:

★ Get keyboard stickers - if your new language has a different alphabet and you use your laptop to study it a lot then you’re definitely gonna need these! You can buy them SUPER cheap on ebay!

★ Change the language on your Netflix account and get ready to binge watch your faves! If you change your profile language to the one that you’re studying, you’ll notice that a lot of the shows available will now show subtitles in that language too. If you’re pretty advanced then now is probably the time to drop your native subs and start watching with the original subtitles in the original language.. good luck! 

★ Play Pokemon. When the latest Pokemon games started coming out with Korean language options I JUMPED at the chance - what better way to study than to just laze around playing video games? This is great for any other kinds of games you can snatch up in your target language too.

★ Read a favourite book in your new language. A common one is Harry Potter! It’s pretty much available in every language at this point and it’s a story you probably already know, which means you never get too lost because you know the plot already.

Resources:

Here are a bunch of apps and things that I use for studying that I find super helpful (and all of these are free!)

Drops (for Thai and Korean - available in both the apple store and the google play store)  - I use this app every single day without fail. It’s brilliant for expanding your vocabulary (there are TONS of languages available on there too!) HOWEVER: It only lets you study for 5 minutes and then you have to wait around 9-ish hours before you gain another 5 minutes to work with unless you want to pay for more. But honestly? That’s a good thing. You only need 5 minutes of vocab study before your brain wants to dissolve into mush anyway. I get up, do my morning stuff (usually just involves rolling around and blinking in confusion before grabbing a coffee) and then sit and do 5 minutes of drops, and then by the evening my 5 minutes have replenished and I do it again. Rinse and repeat, and you’ll be learning more words in a week than you even realise!

Duolingo (I use this for Korean, there is currently no Thai option) - This app is fantastic. I don’t recommend it for beginners as it should be used as more of an aid alongside your natural studies, rather than as a study resource itself. This app expects you to already know the basics so I’d dig into this one once you’re starting to get a little comfortable with your language!

Naver Dictionary (for Korean) - I use this every single day! Not only does it help me when I need to find a certain word, it also gives me lists of example sentences which is PERFECT and super helpful when I’m trying to memorize words!  And for Thai I use Thai-English Dictionary (I can only find it in the Apple store sadly) and that’s incredibly handy too, I wouldn’t be able to cope without it! I also use this website as a Thai dictionary when I’m not on my iPad!

Talk To Me In Korean (for Korean) - This has been a core element to my Korean studies. They have tons of lessons available on their website, they do regular YouTube videos (usually only 5-10 mins long, perfect for just a mini casual study session!) and they also sell textbooks and do podcasts too. If you learn best from textbooks then these are by far my favourite ones I’ve found, give them a try! They’re not too pricey.

Lingodeer (for Korean) - It’s cute, it’s friendly and it’s helpful!! I learned a bunch of new phrases using this one and it’s perfect for casual study!

Memrise (for Korean) - Fantastic if you’re a beginner! There are tons of languages available on here too. Although, there are only 3 levels in Korean so I got through this one pretty fast. 

Eggbun (for Korean) - An app that encourages you to learn using a texting format! I haven’t really used it much but I have friends that have said it’s really useful!

Ling (for Thai and Korean) - This one was pretty good, once again though I wouldn’t use it if you’re a beginner, it’s probably a lot more helpful if you know the basics before you attempt this one! I’ve only used it for Thai but there’s a Korean option you could try checking it out!

Mondly (for Thai and Korean) - This app is cheeky and it wants your money. You get a bunch of free lessons to start with which are GREAT but that’s it. Then it reduces you to one free lesson a day but honestly? Still useful so go ahead and use it. They also have speaking practice available too!

Thai2English (for Thai) - This website is an absolute LIFESAVER!! If I’m ever browsing and come across a sentence that just throws me, I simply copy and paste and this legend of a website just breaks it down for me word for word.

Extra Korean links:

Children’s books in Korean

Learning Korean through fairytales - a textbook used in Korea for children who are learning to read, it’s helpful as a Korean language learner too! You get a little story and then it’ll ask you questions about what you just read. 

TOPIK previous exams - these are so good for practice and if you want to get a general idea of what academic level your Korean skills are at. 

Learning to type in Hangul - this one was fun and I now type Korean pretty comfortably on my laptop so if you know you’re gonna be typing a lot, I recommend this program!

[bangtanreadingcorner]

duet [2/2] • jeon jeongguk

WORDS – 3.6K

part one

“Just rehearsing now, right?” He checked, even though you both knew that was all that remained.

“And we’re done!” You announced, grinning at Jeongguk. He grinned back and warmth bloomed in your heart.

“Yes! No more early Saturdays and Sundays.” You were relieved because every weekend that Jeongguk was in town, you two worked on the choreography. And now that that was done, you would only rehearse at school until the assessment day.

Jeongguk looked at you, a little hesitant. “We’re still friends, right? I mean, after this is over, we’re not gonna go back to being strangers?”

You frowned at him, heart twisting violently at the thought. “No. Of course not, why would you think that?”

Jeongguk’s tense shoulders relaxed. “I don’t know, just being stupid, I guess.”

“You, my dear friend,” You started, walking closer to him and pointing your index finger at him. “are a overgrown puppy.”

Before he could come up with some ridiculous retort, you stepped even closer, right up in his personal space and wrapped your arms around his waist, hugging him.

He froze, just for a second, before hugging you back.

“Our friendship doesn’t have a expiration date, Jeongguk-ah.” You told him softly, but meaning it all the same.

“Thank you.” His voice was just as soft as yours as he squeezed just a bit tighter.

You stood there, hugging. He didn’t let go, so you didn’t either. You realised that it was actually really nice hugging Jeongguk. His chest was warm and solid but also soft and comfortable. His arms around you were strong and secure and it made you feel content, just standing there in his arms.

Then it hit you, like a lightening bolt. Holy shit, you thought to yourself, I like him. I like Jeon Jeongguk. Fuck.

You pulled away from Jeongguk, startled by the revelation, but really, you should have seen it coming. You’ve never bothered too or wanted to get to know someone, and then in walks Jeongguk into your life and all you wanted, was more.

You want to spend more time with him, you want to talk to him, you want to know anything and everything about him, you want to tease him and you want to comfort him.

You want him. And not just physically.

Shit.

“You okay?” He asked, reaching out to you after you pulled out of the hug so abruptly.

You side stepped his hold and nodded slowly, still processing. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m gonna go get the ice cream.”

Jeongguk stared after her as walked in the direction of the kitchen, heartbeat speeding up even more. There was no way she knew right? It was just a hug, he was sure he didn’t let anything slip. She couldn’t possibly figure out from that, that he likes her.

* * *

“I’m going to be so bloated tomorrow.” Jeongguk groaned but still finished the last spoon full of banana ice cream.

You snorted, “Do I really need to remind you that this was your idea?”

And it really was. He was the one who called you and said that he was going to star gaze with his telescope on the roof of his dorm building and asked if you wanted to join him. Seeing as there wasn’t many opportunities to stargaze in the city, you said yes – although in hindsight it wasn’t the greatest idea in the world to stargaze with the guy you liked more than you’ve ever liked anyone before.

“You bought the ice cream.” He retorted, going to lay on his back, looking up at the stars. “Admit it, you brought it here for me to eat with you.”

“Of course, I brought it for you too, it was chocolate and banana ice cream so I thought I could eat the chocolate and you could eat the banana-” Here he let out a loud, triumphant 'hah!’ that made you roll your eyes just a bit. “-but I still didn’t tell you too eat it. It was your own choice, golden boy.” You smirked at him, watching as he pouted. You snickered, laying down next to him and looking up. You couldn’t really see the stars clearly without the help of the telescope that stood not to far from the two of you, even up this high.

“I hate that you’re always right.” He grumbled, no heat in it whatsoever as he nudged your arm with his. Your heartbeat kicked up a bit at the small touch and you felt half giddy, half annoyed with yourself. It was just a nudge, for crying out loud.

“My apologies, Sir Jeongguk.” You said, raising your voice in pitch and making it sound squeaky and fake. You both burst out laughing a second later, rolling on the ground, until the laughter turned into giggles that turned into silly grins as you two laid facing each other.

Jeongguk looked at you, dark eyes pinning you down. Even though it was the dead of night, the city lights made sure that your two could see each other. The air between you changed. Your stomach flip-flopped and you wanted to get away from this, because this position – Jeongguk laying face to face with you, within kissing reach – was dangerous for your heart and your self-control.

“Can I tell you something?” He whispered, seeming to realise that something about this moment was different and he didn’t want to accidentally break it.

“Don’t you always?” You tried to tease like your normally did, but your voice was different as nervousness stared spreading through your body.

“I want to kiss you. So badly.” Jeongguk admitted and all of the air in your lungs evaporated.

Your heart screamed yes, thundering against your ribcage, but your mind said no. You sat upright, moving away from Jeongguk, wishing that he had never said it. Fantasizing and daydreaming about him returning your feelings is one thing, but him actually returning your feelings? It’s terrifying. He is an Idol, part of a group who’s popularity and fame grows everyday.

If you act on whatever is between you two, give into each other, it could ruin everything that he’s worked so hard for. And you couldn’t do that to him.

So, you hardened yourself and looked at him, seeing that he had sit upright as well. “What?”

He immediately understood by your tone that you didn’t agree with his words. “I, uh, I’m sorry. I thought that you felt the same. I’m sorry.”

“There is a difference between friendship and a relationship. You and me? We’re just friends.” You words were slightly harsh and when he flinched, you felt like the worst person in the world.

He looked down at the cement you two were seated on, hands gripping his knees so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, Y/N.” He whispered, like he did something terrible by admitting what he feels for you. Your heart ached and you needed to leave before you could give into him.

“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.” You said, and his head shot up, eyes visibly panicked. You ignored it, getting up.

Jeongguk scrambled to his feet, taking a hold of your hands, shaking his head fiercely, his eyes tearing up. “No, no, please, we- we can still be friends. I can get over this, I will get over it, I promise. Just don’t do this. Please.”

You pulled your hands out of his, gently because you’ve hurt him enough as it is. “It’s better this way, Jeongguk.”

You turned and walked away from him, you took deep, shaky breaths as you walked to the elevator, your eyes starting to tear up halfway there. Luckily, it was just you when the elevator dinged open. So, when the doors closed, you finally let the tears fall as you slumped against the wall. With each shake of your shoulders, it felt like your heart was breaking more.

* * *

After that, you started to avoid Jeongguk. You sent him a text saying that you didn’t need to practice the duet any more, because it was already perfect and there was only a week left before you needed to do the dance. Then you blocked his number. Petty, you knew, but you didn’t need the extra temptation.

At school it was a little easier because he wasn’t there for Monday or Tuesday and when he was back, you avoided him best you could. On Thursday, he caught up to you after a math period and you snapped because this was hard for you too.

“Just stay the fuck away from me!” You screamed at him, so loudly that every student in the hallway looked at you.

Jeongguk stepped back, looking like someone slapped him in the face.

You found the nearest bathroom and cried for the whole next period. Then you called your mom and asked her to come get you because you weren’t feeling well. She didn’t even question it, just said she’d be there within an half hour.

Jeongguk didn’t try to talk to you again the next day.

* * *

That next Monday was when you and Jeongguk had to perform the dance that would count for half your year mark. When you walked into the studio, you immediately noticed him. Jeongguk was standing and waiting for you in the middle, wearing white skinny jeans and a loose white button up – you had asked him if it would bother him, but he said that he could dance in pretty much anything. He looked breathtaking, but then again, you already knew that.

You were wearing white dress. It was tight fitting across your chest and to the middle of your stomach. Then it went down to your knees and when he twirled you, it would flair around you.

You tried to avoid his eyes, but couldn’t. It reflected exactly what you felt – hurt and longing. You nodded to the teacher, and when the song started, you suddenly hated it. You don’t speak English, but the song needed to be in English and you both wanted to know what the song meant and for it to mean something to both of you, so you googled the translation of the lyrics.

Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi was the song you both finally liked. Now you hated it because the lyrics hit to close to home right now.

You and Jeongguk finished your dance, and letting go of his hand was one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. The teacher was full of compliments and some of your fellow students were too. Others watched you two with envy. You ignored both.

When you got the results the next day, full marks, you couldn’t even feel happy about it.

* * *

Two months later, Jeongguk releases a cover of 'Before You Go' on SoundCloud and you spent the whole night listening to it, crying and eating chocolate ice cream. (You couldn’t even look at the banana and chocolate ice cream.)

* * *

It was another two months later when you were woken up by your mom one night. You immediately sat up right, disoriented and full of sleep, eyes squinting from the hallway light.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Your voice was low and full of sleep.

“There is someone at the door for you.” She said, reading glasses on her face and dressed in her PJ’s but not sleepy, which means she was still up working.

You checked the time on your phone, “It’s the middle of the night. Tell whoever it is to go away.”

“I think you should come and see the person.” She said, giving you a pointed look that made it clear that it wasn’t a suggestion.

With a deep sigh you got out of bed and walked to the living room. You were shocked out of your wits when you recognized the figure sitting on your couch leaning back, eyes closed and singing something unintelligible. You looked around for your mom, who was nowhere to be found.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, sharper than you intended. Jeongguk's eyes flew open and searched for you. When he found you, the most endearing bunny smile lit up on his face.

“Y/N!” He exclaimed cheerily, a bit slurred. You frowned, a thought coming up in your mind, and you stepped closer to him.

“Jesus Christ,” You breathed when you put it together. Flushed cheeks, over cheery personality, and the smell – Jeongguk is drunk. “What the fuck, Jeongguk?”

He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest huffing. “We haven’t seen each other or spoken on four months and that’s the first thing you say? No ‘I missed you'?”

You looked at him with narrowed eyes, “Oh no, you don’t get to play that card with me. Not after you show up drunk at my house, in the middle of the night.”

“I missed you.” He said, like he didn’t hear a word you said, looking at you with frighteningly serious eyes.

“I-” You started, but you didn’t know what to say because those words melted away at all of the carefully constructed walls you built around your feelings for Jeongguk in an effort to keep them under control. The truth of the matter is simple – you are weak for Jeongguk.

“Do you hate me?” He asked, tilting his head at you curiously.

You frowned, kind of offended by the question. “No, I don’t hate you.”

“Oh.” He nodded to himself, looking relieved.

You sighed gently when something occurred to you. “Does your hyung’s where you are?”

“Uh,” He looked at you wearily. “No.” He admitted.

You gaped at him, “What? Why not? Are you insane? They must be so worried about you.”

“I forgot.”

“You forgot.” You echoed in disbelief and when he just nodded, you pulled deep for patience. “Okay, so call them.”

“I forgot my phone.” He winced at the glower you aimed at him.

“Fine, I’ll go get my phone.” You said, turning away from him and going back to your room. “You better have their numbers memorized.” You muttered to yourself.

When you returned, phone in hand, it was to an asleep Jeongguk and your mother throwing a blanket over him.

“Mom, no, what are you doing? He needs to go home.”

“He can go home in the morning. After you two actually talked to each other.”

“We don’t need to talk.”

Your mom gave you one of those looks again, “The boy showed up, in the middle of the night, drunk of his ass and asked for you. I think that he might have a few things to say.”

“Maybe I don’t want to listen.” You mumbled petulantly.

“You love him. No, don’t look at me like that. I know who he is, I know about the dance and I know you cry sometimes. It doesn’t take a genius to put it together, my dear.” Your mom said, looking very satisfied with herself.

“He’s not even supposed to be here.” You sighed. “I let him go.”

Your mom grinned, eyes twinkling, “Well, you know what they said: when you set a bird free and he returns, he’s yours to keep forever.”

“He’s not a bird, mom.”

“It’s a metaphor.”

“It’s ridiculous, is what it is.” You huffed.

“Go get some sleep.”

The next morning you seriously contemplated not getting out of bed. Then you remembered the look your mom gave you and decided to face Jeongguk rather than your mother’s wrath. You got dressed, having showered the previous evening before bed, brushed your teeth, and walked to the living room, where the Idol was still passed out.

You got a glass of water and two painkillers before going to wake him up. You gently shook him wake, watching as he blinked his eyes open with a wince, then bolted upright when he noticed you. “Y/N? What am I doing here?”

“Funny thing,” You started, handing over the water and painkillers. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

He took hit gratefully, drinking the pills and downing the water. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, so we need to talk, but first, call your hyungs and then go brush your teeth. There is spares in the cupboard beneath the sink. I’ll be in the kitchen.” Without giving him a chance to respond, you walked away.

Fifteen minutes later, he passed into the kitchen on sock covered feet, face washed and teeth brushed, holding your phone out with a sheepish smile. “Thank you.”

“They must love you right now.” You smirked, taking the phone and pocketing it. “Coffee?”

“Sure.” He nodded. “My hyungs aren’t to happy with me right now, but they are relieved that I called.”

You hummed in agreement, not really sure what to say. When you were done, you handed the coffee to him. You leaned against the counter and watched him. “Why are you here?”

He looked at you, long enough that you started to feel until unnerved. When he spoke, there was no hesitation or doubt. “I want to be with you.”

You swallowed, “Jeongguk-”

“Just hear me out, before you say no, okay? Please.” He looked at you. “I’m begging here.”

You nodded hesitantly. What could it hurt?

“We only get one life, and I decided long ago that I wouldn’t live it with any regrets and I know that if I let you go now and never look back, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I’m not asking you to marry me, Y/N, just for a chance, because I think that we could be great.” He said, eyes unguarded and hopeful as he looked at you.

Tears was stinging your eyes, “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?” He asked, because no, he didn’t get it.

“You’re an Idol, and being an Idol means sacrificing certain things. You and me-” You gestured between you two. “-we’re one of those things.”

“So, what? I don’t even get a say? You just make the choice for me?” He asked, getting a little angry.

“Why can’t you understand? This is for you own good. If we do this and it gets out, and you could loose everything.” You said, trying to make him see. “Before, when I said you could tell everyone I’m your girlfriend, that was different because it wasn’t true and you could have easily denied it. But this time it wouldn’t be and both of us deserve better than a life of secrets and lies.”

“Well, that’s my choice, too, isn’t it?” He retorted heatedly and it was only then when you noticed how close you two were standing, that while you were arguing, you moved closer to each other.

You went to step away from him when he grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer to him, wrapping his free arm around your waist. He gave you a slight glare that you found a lot more attractive than you probably should have. “Stop running away from me. It’s not going to solve anything.”

“I’m not running.” You protested even as you placed your hands on his shoulders, trying to put a bit of space between you but not really getting anywhere because his hold was solid and he is really strong. How easily he lifted you during your practices for the dance was more than enough proof.

“You are.” He scoffed, looking down at you. Your heartbeat spiked, heat rushing to your cheeks as he looked at you with those dark eyes of his. This close you could see they were really a warm brown colour and the mole underneath his bottom lip looked even cuter. You felt the urge to press a kiss to it. “Tell me you don’t have feelings for me.”

More than a little distracted by the close proximity to Jeongguk, you didn’t immediately understand what he said. “What?”

“Tell me you don’t have feelings for me. Tell me and I’ll walk out your front door and you never have you see me again.” He challenged. You opened your mouth, but nothing came out. Slowly, he started to smile, happiness seeping out of him. “I knew it.”

You looked down, looking at the stitches of his t-shirt collar. “What gave me away?”

“The look in your eyes that night on the roof – you were terrified. You once told me that only three things in this life terrify you – loosing your mom, snakes and love.” Jeongguk said and your eyes widened.

“You remember that?” You asked, a little amazed because that was more than five months ago.

“I remember everything.” He said, voice so soft and gentle, sparkling eyes looking at you like you were worth everything and more. He started to smile slowly. Your heart thumped wildly, cheeks heating up. “Can I tell you something?”

You snorted, leaning forward to rest your head against his shoulder, his words of all those months ago coming back to you. You decided to give in an play his game. “Don’t you always?”

“I want to kiss you. So badly.” He said again, but no less sincere than the first time.

You lifted your head and looked him in the eyes. You saw the hope, the nervousness and the fear. You realised that maybe, he was just was terrified of this as you were, but he was taking a chance – again – despite of his fear.

You knew that there was still a lot to be said. You owed him an apology, for all those mean and heart breaking things you said, but most of all for ending your friendship. You promised him that your friendship didn’t have an expiration date and then you shut him out after he opened his heart to you. You really don’t know where he got the courage to do it a second time.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Jeongguk, you smiled up at him and said, “Then what are you waiting for?”

Jeongguk went still for a moment, then smiled – something bright and brilliant – before leaning down to press his lips to yours. You decided right then and there that this must be what heaven on Earth feels like.

the end.