#If he's ever led to believe that Yo Han doesn't want kids is EXCRUCIATING

[amethystina]

Hi! Reading your fics, which are mainly post canon, I was wondering... do you ever imagine gahan getting married and talking about kids (besides Elijah, of course) or do you think they would just stick to each other's company and that would be enough?

Personally, I love the ideia of Yo Han being able to raise a child in a fully open loving way, without the restrictions he had to put on Elijah (we saw a few glimpses of how he used to be with her before the fire). After 10 year in anger and in chase for revenge, Yo Han deserves some peace, I wonder if he ever considerated a child as part of it (we can't forget his own childhood). Knowing how deep he can love someone, it feels such a loss not being able to have a person that only knows him for that, openly, without the mask he used to put on in front Ga On and Elijah (i don't know if you'll get what I mean lol).

I'd just love to know your personal's head canon for that 😅 Since, for me, you're so good in thinking as Yo Han.

I imagine that they will, yes — in most scenarios I can think of. I mean, granted, the marriage can obviously never happen in South Korea (and not only because Yo Han is officially dead) but I think they'd definitely end up building an even bigger family somewhere down the line.

As I've touched on in Who Holds the Devil, I think that Ga On 100% wants kids. And, let's face it, he'd be such a good dad. But, that said, he would never force Yo Han to want kids since... well, that's not very like Ga On, is it? He wouldn't want to do that to Yo Han or the kid/kids.

So, in the end, the decision on whether or not they end up getting kids lies with Yo Han. And, as with many of my theories, I think his answer depends on when he would be asked that question. Like, during canon? I think he'd say no, without a moment's hesitation. Or on pure reflex might be a better way of putting it. Because, at that point in his life? He wouldn't consider kids to be something for him. He's so defensive, so convinced of his own darkness, and also well aware of how poorly he treated Elijah.

He did his best — but that's also the problem. Even his best left the child in his care to become a bitter, isolated teenager with little to no social skills. He'd no doubt be convinced that he'd only fuck up again if he was ever in charge of raising another child. So why bother? Clearly, it's not for him. And not fair to the child, either.

But after he gets settled with Ga On? Especially a year or two down the line? After they've dealt with the majority of the guilt and trauma and gotten comfortable? And Yo Han has softened even more? And gets to have a stable, loving home environment for the first time in his life?

Then his opinion would most likely change, especially once he starts suspecting that Ga On wants kids. Because Yo Han, as we all know, can't deny Ga On anything. That's not to say that he would agree immediately, though.

Quite the opposite.

He'd have to think about it a lot before reaching a conclusion. Because I think he'd panic a bit at first. Like, when he first realises that Ga On wants kids? That's terrifying. Because, again, up until that point I think Yo Han has just decided that kids aren't for him. And his first instinct won't be to reevaluate if that decision has changed, but rather feel a kneejerk rush of: "That's not something I can give him. I'm going to have to crush his dream of having children. I'm going to make him miserable."

And Yo Han would feel terrible.

But then, thankfully, his rational side would kick in and try to straighten out what's actually going on. As in, Yo Han would ask himself if he might just have changed his mind about kids now that he has a stable partner — especially one who balances and complements him as well as Ga On does. Maybe kids aren't out of reach anymore?

But even once Yo Han realises that, yeah, he might actually want kids after all — at least if it's with Ga On — he'd also have to overcome the fear that he'll fuck them up as much as he accidentally ruined Elijah. But, again, it helps to know that Ga On would be there, making sure that Yo Han doesn't go overboard with the protectiveness. Ga On wouldn't let Yo Han hurt another child like he hurt Elijah.

Yo Han would also have to figure out how a child would change his relationship with Ga On, their relationship with Elijah, and their existence overall. And he'd have to overcome that quiet, simmering fear at the back of his mind that he might turn out to be like his father.

Yo Han is good at thinking on his feet and can obviously be spontaneous and unpredictable when needed, but I think he'd approach "Do I want kids?" like it's one of his schemes. He'd collect data, meticulously structure his thoughts, weigh pros and cons, plot and plan, and, finally, reach a conclusion.

Because having a child — starting a family — would be huge for Yo Han.

I mean, he obviously already has a family, but it's one that Yo Han didn't have all that much input in? Miss Ji is there because his father hired her. Yo Han became Elijah's guardian due to incredibly tragic circumstances and because there was no one else who could take her. Ga On came into his life because of Jung Sun Ah's machinations, and was intended to be a weapon against him.

But having a child? Choosing to have a child? And build a bigger family with Ga On? That's no small thing.

And, for the best result, I think Yo Han should probably be left alone with that thought for literal months to have time to work through his own thoughts and feelings on the matter before he and Ga On ever broach the subject. If they do it too soon, Yo Han could get defensive and start deflecting without meaning to, which would no doubt make Ga On backtrack and just... resign himself to the idea that Yo Han clearly doesn't want kids. Because Ga On, too, knows that Yo Han can't deny him anything and he'd be afraid that if he pushes too hard — or shows how much he wants kids — Yo Han might feel forced to agree. So Ga On would rather pull back and drop the subject instead of feeling like he's making too many demands.

But once Yo Han has thought it through? And realises that, yes, he wants kids?

Then he's all-in in that way only Kang Yo Han can be.

He'd still be terrified from time to time, of course — because he did grow up thinking he was a monster and that will resurface when he's got tiny humans to take care of — but oh man he'd love those kids with every fibre of his being. And I totally agree that it would be so, so wonderful to see him do that, without having to hold back or be afraid of being seen as soft or weak (as he no doubt did with Elijah).

All he has to do is love them.

My personal headcanon (i.e. this is something I'm choosing to believe because I want to, since I'm not sure what Yo Han would actually think) is that Yo Han wouldn't want those kids to be his biological ones, though. I think that, somewhere deep down, he'd be scared they'd turn out like him. That whatever it is that makes him so vicious and different would be hereditary. So he'd prefer the kids to be adopted or, even better, Ga On's.

Like, just imagine how much Yo Han would love to have miniature Ga Ons running around?

He'd practically combust from happiness.

(but he would obviously love the kids either way — Yo Han, if anyone, knows that chosen family is more important than blood relations)

So yeah! I totally agree that they'll get a kid/kids sometime in the future. It just feels like the kind of family that both Ga On and Yo Han would want considering their childhoods and how lonely and isolated they've both been. Ga On is the one who expresses a longing for family the most, but it's clear that Yo Han wants that, too. And I think there's something very beautiful in it being their choice to start that family? Something they're creating together because they want to?

They deserve that love and peace.

But it would take a while for them to reach that point, since it's such a big decision and there would be a lot of heightened emotions involved. And they would also have to spend a lot of time preparing Elijah for it, to make sure she doesn't feel neglected or replaced. But, hopefully, she's had enough therapy and matured enough by that point that she'll eventually come around. She'd of course be wary at first and perhaps a little snappish from time to time, until she realises that, sure, there are more kids in the house now, but her relationship with both Yo Han and Ga On is still unique and they're not abandoning her.

And once they reach that stage?

It'll turn into a full-time job to keep Elijah from a) spoiling the kids rotten, b) undermining all of the hard work they (but mostly Ga On) put into teaching the kids about rules and responsibility, and c) kidnapping the kids and holding them for ransom whenever Yo Han makes her angry and she wants to punish him. Complete with a hostage-like exchange once he caves and eventually apologises — which sometimes requires Ga On's intervention because he would like his kids back now, thank you very much, so suck it up and just apologise, Mr. Abyss.

They'd be a wonderful little family and deliriously happy, in other words.