#If anything? the only medicine I couldn't take for the life of me was bitter as hell and IN A GODDAMN CAPSULE. UGH. it was powdery

[squeiky]

okay but as a kid who had medicine's I considered "sweet" (probably why I like bitter things now) Let me tell you- I think I was TOO excited to be taking drugs.

I think medicine should STAY bitter thank you very much.

[lovee-infected]

By my side

♥Leona Kingscholar ♥

Art credit

Well it still isn't too late to offer our dear Lion a bitter-sweet birthday gift , right ? Let him let go of his sad past and find happiness in this birthday night

...Sometimes I wondered why would I be even given birth to if this was the point life was going to drive me into ? If this was how it was supposed to be , I wished to never be born . Living without needing and to be needed , wanting and to be wanted , loving and to be loved was nothing different from death , some are given birth to by mistake , could it be that I as well was a mistake ? I was pretty sure that I was until something later changed my mind

Preview : Years has passed , each filled with dread , hatred , loneliness and dishonor . Unwanted pains shattering his heart to pieces , unexplainable emotions no one around him would ever care to imagine , endless tears fallen from his eyes over the years on his lonely corners , injured heart of him which no one ever cared to heal... But from now , things are going to be different . This year will be his new start because he has you by his side

Why did I always have to be the second one ...?

They say you've got to live your and only your life , that the only one holding you back from your dreams is you , that you can be anything if you try your hardest , and I tried

No , it wasn't only trying . I lived for my goal . I lived to become the strongest , I lived to be the one who brought honor to my family's name , I lived to pull myself out my brother's shadow , I lived to change my unwanted fate...but I couldn't . I cut back on my everything , my free time , my friends , my family , my own self . All to have my time to focus on my powers , to be an almighty magician . As I grew stronger , I begun to bring fear along myself. I got warned that I'm going way further than I ever should but it didn't matter . I still needed to be stronger , strong enough to prove that I'm worthy of being the next king

Farena brought light wherever he went and I brought...shadows . Shadows reflecting the terrifying darkness taming into my soul . I thought these would turn me into a worthy heir to my kingdom but they didn't , they turned me into something others called terrifying . Fearful . Greedy . Monster

My brother himself tried to hold me back for many times but I didn't listen , thinking that he was afraid of my strength which I thought had surpassed him so far . Even if it wasn't his purpose , this wasn't going to hold me back from the path I'd chosen ; it was too late

All they could see was my stunning powers growing more and more fearful day by day , slowly turning into a threat . No one ever saw what it took me to get to this point , no one ever cared . While children were playing outside and enjoying their short lasting carefree days , I had locked my self inside my hidden training spot , spending hours each day all alone there . Learning everything on your own isn't really pleasant , specially when no one's there to tell you how harmful magic can be . I was covered in dust and bruises each day after training , I even passed away of tire too many times right there

I have to admit...It doesn't really matter how much I grow . A part of me will always remain child because I sacrificed my time to be a child when I had to enjoy it . Yeah , there's an extremely annoying cry baby hiding inside me... It came clear to me again on the day of my nephew's birthday , the day life proved me that I can never change my path , no matter how much I try , no matter how much I lose , no matter how much cry , no matter how much I suffer

All those pain , loneliness , hours of crying and wiping blood off my body was a waste . Not because I didn't try , no dear it wasn't ever my fault . It was this life . It wasn't ever fair...

That child...This was the end of me . The only thing I fought for , my very last chance to get all I ever wanted out of my life . Why?...why?? I gave up my all just to be respected ! To be looked up to ! To be wanted !! Didn't I lose enough...?

I couldn't take it anymore , I couldn't . I had lost my purpose to live , to breath , to exist . Suicide would've been a pretty simple and shameful way to end it all , but you won't believe it if I tell how many time I was too close to doing it . The story of the infamous king Scar was getting reflected into my life . I was becoming what I refused to be , I didn't want to be like him , I didn't want to be the monster he became but...Not everything always goes as you expect , right ?

When I announced that I'll be heading to Night Raven College , everyone knew that I'd finally given up to my dark side . I was no longer afraid of becoming the monster they warned me about ; this was my path

I started a new life with entering Night Raven College or this is what I thought . No was there to look down to me for my neglected past and that was enough for me , enough to not suffer much more . My mind finally came to a more stable zone , somehow I could pull some parts of my shattered personality together and that seemed to be good...but the holes in my heart , there was no way to get rid of them . Loneliness , pain and , isolation took more than having a more stable life to be forgotten , but I never knew that my medicine would one day come to me on their own

I used to think that you were just as empty as I was , perhaps even a lot weaker with not a single sight of magic inside you . May seem rude but I believe that was the first thing that made me have an interest in you : You made me feel superior . Don't hate my dear , but that's just how I grew up . Being compared to my brother my whole life and receiving endless critiques and blames on it . You do understand , don't you ? Told you , those holes in my heart needed to be filled . Bullying you was just a small part of it

Back then , you were nothing more than a child in my eyes . Your will to make a change and save others sounded pathetic to me ; not just because I looked down to you as a human , but rather because I saw myself inside you ; my unfulfilled wishes and useless tries . This was how I expected you to end up , just like me . But you didn't

Overblot may be counted as my most terrifying form , but it isn't the only the thing you saw through me . That was the very first time I show you the others how empty I was , how weak I felt . I revealed my holes and that made me feel unsafe

Considering how I was wrong about being superior to you and the way you saw how measurable and weak I could be , I wouldn't have been fascinated if you too had started looking down to me as a loser . It was odd of you to try and get closer to me instead , no wonder why I kept rejecting you at first . You were stubborn and I was moody , I didn't really like the two of us getting much closer . Helping you take back the Ramshackle dorm was supposed to be our very last business together but , I'm thankful that you didn't give up on me . I accepted the two of us becoming friends since you insisted , but I'd never imagined what great changes were coming to my life by letting you in

Your powerless self which I used to make fun of , became a way for me to spend sometime forgetting how strong my magic would be or how important it can be in my life . Having ice cream together , taking walks , talking like two friends would , these were nothing special but they were all new to me . I had to accept that it was nice having you around , finally someone that wasn't as annoying as the others

Finally I gained enough self-esteem to speak of my personal issues , stuff that were bothering me over the years . I didn't want you to do anything about them , I just needed a listener . But to see how you cried hearing my pain... I- I wasn't ever expecting that . You were not only the first one to know but also the first to care...that shook my heart

When you said that you wanted me to spend more time with my family specially brother and nephew , I couldn't help but to laugh it off . But the way you actually forced me into doing it seemed to by quite childish at first . I was too selfish to even call my brother but you were there to force me into doing it - It felt like you were my mum sitting next to phone to see if I talk politely or not, but it worked out anyway

As the time passed , many things changed . Our small friendship was now way further than were it once was , specially now that I look how you changed me and my life over

Farena and I are now much better than we used to be , I can now really feel like I have someone as my older brother , not a symbol to be compared with . My family now check on my casually asking how I am doing . I still refuse to go home since I still have a lot to take care of here , but I can somehow feel that I as well missed them too . For so long I thought that I was forgotten , invisible and unwanted . But after you showing up in my life , I can finally see what it means to be alive

My dear (y/n) , I'm still learning to be a better me and need you by my side to learn me how to , so I'm not yet prepared to tell you how I feel . I kept on learning to be a great magician for years and now , it's time for me to learn to be a great lover , someone worthy of your love and attention , someone you'd like to remain by his side for eternity

I love you (y/n) , not just because of giving me all I needed for my whole life , not because of making me feel like I have a real family after the years , not because of helping me gain all respect and honor I always wanted to have , but for showing me that my path as well can be changed

Tonight here I am with my family , friends and you by my side , celebrating a date I called filthy for the past 20 years of my life :

" Happy birthday Leona! "

The crybaby inside me isn't going to shut the hell tonight- I know that I shouldn't cry but , I can't help it . My first tears in front on someone else than myself fall not because of pain this time , but due to the unbelievable happiness and joy my heart has drowned into . I look at you , your bright smile giving me straight and your beautiful eyes keeping on bringing light to soul . Even if my birth was a mistake , I would mow say that it's the most beautiful mistake that could have ever happened in my life

My family , my friends , and my beloved (y/n) , I need them all , and I'm glad to see that they as well need me . I want them in my life , and I'm proud that they as well want me . I love you (y/n) and I would die to see that you too love me , but even if you don't , that will never change my feelings for you . For the first time in my life , I feel alive . And it's all thanks to you , because of you by my side

I can't help but to hug you tight , feeling your warmth close to me . Digging my head into your shoulder as I let go of heavy tears in my eyes : " Thank you , (y/n)..."

♦♥♠♣

Tagging : @ji-yaaan @lilyholo @yandere-wishes

[ask-thedepressedkidatthetable]

Relax. Relax. Give in . . . Die. Justin wasn't any good at lying down. He didn't react like Billy did with anger and violence, even when it might have favored him, but that didn't mean he felt like swallowing everything life gave him. Justin stared at the glass of water, gripping it tightly as the heat made the pills in his other hand feel tacky and ineffective. He could see the water's surface tension, like two shades of translucence. You weren't supposed to take medicine on an empty stomach, he remembered hearing that once, something about it absorbing too quickly, straining the organs. Did it matter?

Justin swallowed the pills dry, taking two- three tries before the feeling of the casings sliding down his throat finally settled in. He took the pills like Billy said . . . he still had the water. He was supposed to drink it. Water was a human right. He had permission. But doubt clawed at his mind as he raised the glass to his lips, taking a single insufficient sip before moving to put it on the nightstand. It drifted as his fingers left it, tilting dangerously- Justin watched, as in slow motion it fell to the ground with horrible wet thud.

He should have known better. Justin couldn't see the shattered glass and forming stain from where he was on the bed, but that didn't stop him from staring, blank-faced before he cycled through his available emotions- Anger, disappointment, resignation. He wanted to say sorry, but what for? Justin had already said he was sorry for just about everything he could think of and what had it gotten him? Shoulders slumped, drawing around his frame as his conscious mind worked on closing himself off, building high walls that would let him pretend to have some dignity in his last moments.

What was he going to do? Oh god, what was he going to do? All the times he wished they could be alone; how bitter it was, his dreams becoming reality. Justin's expression broke, a shine coming to his eyes as quivering lips pressed thin. He had really thought he had something to give to the world. Stupid him. Stupid, stupid him. He had FAILED.

"Don't bury me in the backyard." No one would have known, just like Billy said. "You're not putting me in the ground!" Even for all the trouble he was and all the mistakes. Even if a broken glass was the last straw to finding out just how great Billy's anger was. Justin stared at the other- eyes rapidly darting between him and the space around them, looking for anything he could use. The odds were not good. They never were. "I-" He had a pillow. His only weapon that he clutched in front of him. "I'm sorry- but I'm warning you!"

continued / @ask-thedepressedkidatthetable

　Things were complicated. His own bullshit was pretty hard to navigate without adding the fuckin’ tragedy that was Justin’s life. The only saving grace Billy had was that weekend his parents were out of town and his step-sister was spending the night with her dweeby friends. He doesn’t often consider himself a particularly lucky person but he has long since learned when to count his fuckin’ blessings. 

Finding Justin in that state is enough to almost give him a heart attack ‘cause no matter how bad or hard Neil had laid into him it was always enough for Billy to keep up appearances. He wouldn’t miss too much school, wouldn’t be anything that anyone would report, and certainly hadn’t left him half-dead no matter how much Neil might threaten. Billy wasn’t dumb either. At least not how people expect him to be. So it doesn’t take much to figure out how he might have ended up like this… Billy just doesn’t understand why.

Other silent mercy was Billy had been beaten up so badly he was probably as good as a god damn nurse. His own broken bones, bruised ribs, and body littered in the aftermath of rage could attest to that. Carrying him inside and cleaning him up was another thing entirely. 

He almost has it in him to call the police or somethin’ but from experience adults seldom listened or provided the protection needed. He would just make it worse if he did that, wouldn’t he? Would they look at Justin like he was someone who deserved this?

When Justin finally wakes up - Billy had been constantly checking his pulse, scared to death he might just die on him - he doesn’t expect the question. Why? What exactly was Justin asking and to whom? ‘Cause Billy didn’t fuckin’ understand how he was supposed to be the one to answer that. Instead, he moves to the side table next to his bed and picks up the glass of water with a couple of pain pills. (Ones he stole from his stepmom and doubted she would notice. She never did.)

“Take these and relax. My parents aren’t home and no one knows you’re here.”

[zaynes-nieve]

Okay, here the thing about this, he IS pretending not to care but for many different reasons.

A) Even a meager Cultivator would feel the loss of their core regardless how it was taken, we see many times if affected his life style

Him running because he couldn't fly to get to the burial mounds.

He's been hurt and not able to heal like he normally did.

He couldn't fly to the one month celebration could He? The Jins are completely dumb but they knew he wouldn't have his sword so they ambushed from the ground.

He couldn't use his sword at all, his wide broad road has been closed to him for years. WE ALL KNOW HOW PRIDEFUL HE IS, you telling me he doesn't feel as single amount of loss for never being able to use Suibian again. HE WOULDN'T EVEN carry with him to keep up appearances, I don't know if he assumed everyone would believe it to be his arrogance but to me that would have been a huge red flag. LIKE that utterly bitter smile when he says he didn't want to bring it, he would do anything to be able to use his sword again but he made a sacrfiece he believes is worth it.

B)] Resentful Energy

I know some of us would wish he was the same person after all his trials but he isn't he is different. the way Lan Wangji constantly repeated the same arguments made it difficult to sympthisze but he wasn't wrong to say it was changing Wei Ying. He was more irritable and snappy when ever he got worked up when he usually just played it off. We have seen his anger get the best of him and it being used to the advantage of those wanting to take him down.

The moment of screaming at eachoter when they met after 3 months of the burial mounds. LAN WANGI , WEI WUXIAN. Wei Ying was angry how dare he try to spit on what he did when He did to survive, for the disciples of lotus pier his shidis an shixiongs, he just for the only family he has ever had for Mamdae Yu, for Uncle Jiang, for His beloved Shjije, for Jiang Cheng, and a very small part of him tells his self for Lan Zha . Nightleess city was his falling point when his heart and determination burned out, he no longer had lotus pier or his cultivation he didnt have the trust and bond with Jiang Cheng the one who he was supposed to stay beside forever , he didn't have the ones he gave the life up for the wen remnants we're massacred for righteousness. In the end he lost his Shi jie Jiang Yanli the last light in his life, he believes Lan Zhan had despised him in his last moments. The resentful energy finally took him over, all emotions he has been going in exposed the grief and rage, despair. He fells off that cliff on his own

C) JC and a Promise

When they left a burning lotus pier Madame Yu made WWX promise to protect JC even with his own life. When he left to get medicine he came back to find JC was missing. We know that he did this to save WWX.

Even when he didn't know that it was to save him WWX when he found the scroll for the golden core transfer what else could he do he told himself , he was just the son of a servant. JC was the son of a sect leader, he needed his core to lead, he wouldn't have his core with out his uncle and he had promised Madame Yu with his life so he gave it up for his Brother regardless of what that would mean for him. He would still follow JC but he would never know.

So he begged Wen Qing to do the transfer and she did with a 50 percent chance of it working and without anesthetics

For 2 painful days, then he left only to be thrown into the burial mounds.

A/N ima post this but it is 1 am musings so if some of the information is mixed my bad

I did a series of posts of people giving WWX his sword when he can’t use it anymore.

Here begins the accompanying series of people giving WWX a hard time for not having his sword and him pretending not to care about it.

[drhotwheels]

MYRA MALIK

She could positively feel her cheeks reddening at that statement she’d made. She was a model, she’d been around some very good looking people and never even been phased but this somehow got a reaction out of her. That’s it…she was only going to be blaming whatever pain medications they’d given her for her ribs and her arm. That was the only cause of her rambling off these types of things. Of course she wasn’t lying at all because Dr. Blake was definitely good looking but that didn’t mean she had to make that known to him.

“Well..I mean, I’m glad?” She said with a soft laugh as she listened to him speak a little bit more. She supposed he was right. If his help wasn’t needed it meant that her injuries were probably not as terrible as they could’ve been. Still she appreciated every single person who’d worked on her when she’d been brought in and wanted him to know it. When he ended up closer, she found him looking into her eyes and stared back, aware that he was conducting a test even if it made her feel a bit unnerved. “I’m okay? I think…my ribs really hurt but one of the nurses did stop by with some medication. Honestly I think it’s why I’m rambling so much.” 

Myra managed another smile in his direction before nodding, “otherwise I think I’m doing okay. I mean…the staff here has been really great about bringing me reading material and other things.” Admitting that she was pretty much alone here without any family taking care of her wasn’t top on her list and hopefully she wouldn’t have to say anything about that yet. “But the rambling does mean I have questions.” She wanted to be as correct as possible and ensure she didn’t hurt any sentiments in the way she phrased the question she had. “How did you…become a doctor? I mean you’re probably the first I’ve seen…and I, it’s honestly inspiring and that’s really the only reason I ask.” Myra truly needed something inspiring to change her outlook on life lately and if Dr. Blake could make it happen—she’d be grateful.

-

"Oh yeah, the infamous pain med uninhibition." He smiled, closely familiar with its effects— in fact the main reason why he completely neglected his own, even when he needed them. He'd seen the injured ribs in the attached x-rays, and sitting up should be excruciating. Trauma patients always spoke a little too close to home. He got closer to her bed and pressed the button to lower the hospital bed a little, flashing her a smile once again. "Do you mind if I run my own tests?" Ben wasn't her assigned physician, so being there wasn't exactly protocol; he couldn't write any reports on her case, and it was likely some other doctor, her doctor would run those very same tests in a couple of hours, making this entire thing physically and mentally exhausting for her. Overexamination was a thing he was entirely too aware of; residents and interns walking in and out, asking the same questions and going around the same rounds. But he wouldn't be able to rest if he didn't. Unlike himself, Ben felt weirdly worried, overly worried even; he wanted to make sure she was safe. He unwrapped the stethoscope from around his neck as she talked, noticing the changes in her breathing as she shot her questions at him.

"Well, I'm not sure it's too inspiring." That word always left a sour taste in his mouth, but he wasn't as bitter about it anymore. He didn't feel like any more of an inspiration than any of his colleagues — in fact, he'd fucked up more than your average guy. He'd made peace with that. Still listening, Ben chuckled. "Years of med school. Then a couple more of emergency medicine residency. He joked with a wink. Obviously that hadn't been her actual question, though she seemed to be afraid of getting to the point. "I broke my back when I was in college." He said, a surprise even to himself. Not often he shared that story with patients; the little were more than happy when he told them crazy stories involving sharks and safaris — their parents less so. But sharing now felt almost easy. "And I spent a lot of time inside hospitals, as you can probably imagine. After that I wanted to... pay it back." He put the stethoscope down and lowered his voice to almost a whisper, looking inside her eyes. "Also, it looked terribly exciting. Don't you agree?"

He fished a little flashlight in his chest pocket and flashed it in her eyes. "But enough about me." Ben asked, shutting off the light, but not pulling back. "Who are you, Myra Malik? And how did you end up in here?"