#If anyone's wondering why Donnie's rescues always die

[tblsomedoodles]

Some Apocalypse Seer twins,

Also the first of my January Speedpaints (Aka make-up work for my missed december speedpaint. I will be doing a second one mid-January.)

Was suggested by @soniclozdplove a few weeks ago. (the suggestion was technically just "seer twins" but i went the apocalypse boys route. I felt the need to draw a billowing cape lol.)

i kinda want to rant about some shit, particularly to do with Donnie's cloak, like how it's darkened over the years, and how between the dark cloak and the fact that if Donnie "rescues" someone they either come back dead or soon to be dead (compared to Leo who's rescues always live), he ends up with a Grim Reaper sort of reputation. But, then again, that's really it on the subject and i'm pretty exhausted rn.

anyways, video link will be up once it's available.

Edit: Speedpaint Link

[spectrumscribe]

Three times Leo was there for his brothers (and the time when they were there for him.)

commissioned by a lovely fan, a TMNT 2012 AU where Leo actually acts like a good older brother and is there for his siblings when they need him. (and in turn, his brothers are there for him when he needs them.)

AO3 version.

Leo finds Mikey, some days after their misadventure in Dimension-X, staring upwards at the night sky with an oddly contemplative expression.

Usually, Mikey would be the first to have gone inside Murakami’s. He’d even broken off from patrol earlier and said he’d meet them here. Leo’s brother never misses a chance to snag the bulk of their order, or at least be the one to make his order first. Sitting outside on a clear night, perched on the edge of the roof and absolutely quiet, is out of the ordinary for Mikey’s behavior. He doesn’t even have his headphones on at the moment.

Of course… Mikey has been a little off in general the last while, in small moments here and there. But none of them have been too big- just Mikey being quiet for a while, or staring at everyone during training for a few more seconds than he normally would. Leo hasn’t worried, not until now.

Food is important to Mikey, since it can sometimes be hard to get good sorts on the table and their ingredients often end up limited to non-perishables. Mikey holding off getting food that’s fresh and hot and made by someone who accepts them for who they are is definitively weird.

So Leo, changing course from beating Raph and Donnie down to Murakami’s, hops up to the roof in silent bounds. Mikey still hears him, somehow, and twitches all over; turning his head and casting a guarded look over his shoulder at Leo’s feet hitting the rooftop.

When Mikey sees its just Leo, he relaxes subtly and returns to looking up at the sky. Leo frowns, because that’s new, too. Out of all of them, Mikey used to have the hardest time keeping track of his surroundings when he zoned out. Leo dislikes that he can’t remember when that stopped being a thing.

“Hey,” Leo says, walking over towards his brother. “How come you’re not inside already? You ditched us like, a full hour ago.”

Mikey shrugs, keeping his eyes on the dim stars of the NYC skyline. “Dunno, just thought I’d wait for you guys or something. It’s not so bad just hanging out, you know?”

Maybe so, but coming from his brother, who some nights can’t sit still even if and when his life depended on it, it sounds out of character. Leo sits down on the ledge with Mikey, hanging his legs over free air and knowing they’re both hidden by the glare of the sign below them.

Leo looks up at the sky Mikey is so intent on studying, picking out what faint constellations will show. He used to dream about going up there someday, meeting aliens and having his own space cruiser- until he figured out that turtles aren’t really allowed to do that, and lightspeed travel hasn’t been invented yet. The thought is still nice, though. The idea of populated worlds out there and the potential of contacting them.

“The stars are nice tonight,” Leo offers casually, finding the big dipper. Mikey hums in agreement.

“Yeah, they’re pretty,” He replies. Then he adds, “Dimension-X didn’t have a night sky. Or a real sky at all, actually.”

Leo glances over at Mikey. His little brother isn’t looking anywhere but upwards, still with that weird contemplativeness.

“…yeah, I noticed something like that,” Leo says slowly, watching Mikey. “Though I guess I wasn’t there long enough to know if it had a nighttime.”

“It doesn’t,” Mikey says. “It’s bright as hell all day every day. And pretty much everything is the sky? I- I wandered pretty far, a few times. Hopped downwards on those island thingies as far as I could. I don’t think they have solid land there. Just… sky.”

Leo notices that the more Mikey talks, the farther off his gaze gets. He touches Mikey’s shoulder and his brother blinks, coming back to himself. Mikey turns his head towards Leo, questioning.

“Are you okay?” Leo asks, feeling a squirm of worry in his gut. Mikey, as far as he knows, hasn’t actually… talked to any of them about Dimension-X, or anything he experienced there. There wasn’t time when they were rescuing him, and Mikey didn’t seem like he had anything to say other than how cool it’d been, knowing what was what when no one else did.

“Who, me? Yeah, I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be?” Mikey asks, eyes leaving Leo’s and looking away again. Avoiding eye contact is a classic trick Mikey pulls when he’s hiding something, so Leo pushes.

“Mikey, is there something that happened in Dimension-X you didn’t tell us about? You’ve been acting weird lately, and…” Leo puts a hand on Mikey’s, curling his fingers under his brother’s. “you’re kind of worrying me right now, honestly. Is there something you wanna talk about?”

Mikey looks down at their hands, and then back up at the sky. “It’s just…” His mouth goes tight around the edges. “D-X kinda felt endless sometimes, and there wasn’t ever really somewhere I could stay more than a few hours? I mean, half of the time it was really fucking cool- way more interesting than runnin’ the same patrol route the millionth time, right? But it… never stopped?” Mikey turns his hand over in Leo’s, not holding on, but not pulling away, either. “I got energy to burn, man, but… sometimes felt like you guys weren’t ever gonna get there. It got tiring, some days.”

Mikey’s eyes don’t stray from the sky the whole time he speaks, and stay there even after he stops. Leo’s squirm of worry becomes a weight of concern in his chest, and his eyes skitter across Mikey’s hand and arm.

There are scars there that hadn’t been, prior to Dimension-X. Some still partly pink, others healed over completely and silver-green, now. That’s at least two months of healing right there, if not more. There’s one right along Mikey’s jaw, straying a little too close to his throat for comfort, and that. That makes Leo feel unsettled all the way through.

Leo looks at Mikey, and finally, it slots into place why Mikey seems off in moments and a little more than different in others. Because he is. Mikey is different. There’s time between them now; time that felt like mere minutes to Leo, but were months for Mikey.

Without anyone to see and share it, Mikey grew up a little more without Leo or any of their brothers. And he spent that whole time wondering if anyone was ever going to come find him.

Leo grips his little brother’s hand- and Mikey is his little brother, whether he’s a few months older than Leo or not- and it draws Mikey’s attention back to him.

“We were coming to find you the second you went through the portal, Mikey,” Leo says, trying to be firm and feeling a little off-kilter as he does. “It’s the time dilation’s fault. We were always going to get you out of there, okay?”

Leo will die before he ever leaves one of his brothers behind; he knows that as clearly and intrinsically as he knows any one of them could die each night they go out. A few seconds or a few years- it doesn’t matter. Leo would have gone to find Mikey, no matter how long it took. He would have found his brother and brought him home.

He wishes all the jargon of physics and alter-dimensions hadn’t made it take so long, this time around. For Mikey’s sake.

Mikey squeezes Leo’s hand, tight and reassuring.

“I know,” Mikey says, and smiles like he wasn’t alone for all that time; bright as before Dimension-X, scars or no. “Loneliness just makes you think dumb things sometimes. I knew you guys would show up eventually, whenever you got your lazy butts in gear.”

The humor doesn’t completely cover the vulnerability there, and that hurts Leo, somewhere deep inside. That even for a second, Mikey might of have doubted his own family would rescue him.

So Leo draws Mikey close, and hugs him; tucking Mikey up against himself and trying to undo those months of loneliness with a single gesture.

“We wouldn’t have left you there, I swear,” Leo whispers, repeating his first word’s meanings. Mikey has to know that, he has to.

Mikey’s arms come up around Leo’s shell, clutching him back with a sudden grip.

“I know,” Mikey whispers back, small and young. “I know. Thanks.”

Leo keeps hugging Mikey until his brother draws away, covering the emotional moment with a joke about all their food being nicked by Raph and Donnie before they even get a crack at it. Leo lets Mikey go only because he knows his brother isn’t going anywhere far.

He makes a silent promise to hug his brother more often, and to spend time with Mikey that’s not just patrol and training.

Leo grabs Mikey’s shoulders as they head into the restaurant; giving his brother an affectionate noogie as Raph and Donnie tease them about missing the chance to weigh in on the order. Mikey fends Leo off as their brothers welcome them, and Leo makes sure Mikey gets sat right between Donnie and Raph; safe and happy and back where he belongs.

 --/--

 Months later, Leo wakes up and finds again he’s missed Mikey growing up a little more. He’s missed all of his brothers growing up a little more, and their friends as well.

The world kept moving along while he was in his coma, and for the first while Leo just doesn’t know what to do with that. New York is sealed off from the rest of the world, their father is missing, possibly dead, and Leo-

Leo can’t walk at the moment. Not on his own.

He can’t lead while his legs give out under him without warning, and his voice sometimes cracks and won’t come back for hours. Leo is healing, but as he is… he can’t be the leader of his team. Who can follow a leader that can’t even walk with his own strength?

Donnie, who is gaunt and exhausted in little ways, tells him it’ll take time. That Leo needs to be patient and let them take care of him. Leo wants to fight that, protest and keep trying to force himself back to wellness, but he reluctantly agrees in the end to take it easy. If only because he can see in Donnie’s eyes, every time they sit down for daily physical therapy, that Leo’s brother blames himself, for whatever reason, that Leo isn’t at full health already.

Leo lets Donnie fuss about treatments, trying to ease that guilt, and swallows his wounded pride that he’s so useless like this.

He’s always been the leader, always been someone to depend on. He’d always tried his best to be that, and because of a failure and trauma that’s left him crippled, he can’t be anymore. Not for a long while yet.

It hurts, having to admit he’s not fit to lead at the moment. It hurts worse that he feels like he’s let down his team, his family, and will keep letting them down so long as he’s stuck with crutches and a gravelly voice.

Nothing he can do about that, though. Not as he is.

So Leo rises in the mornings, and helps Mikey prepare at least a little of the breakfast for Casey and April before they go to their part-time jobs. He washes dishes as long as his leg will hold out, and then he goes to find wherever Donnie’s collapsed this time. Leo sets a mug of hot coffee beside Donnie’s slumped form at his desk, wakes him gently, and obediently follows Donnie through therapy exercises once he’s fully conscious again. Lunch is just the four of them, Leo and his brothers, and he attempts to help coach them all through training when April gets home. He can’t join in more than gentle stretches on the sidelines, unfortunately.

It’s not much, but he tries to keep positive. Leo can’t be a leader right now, but he can at least be a brother.

Though he wonders. While he was in his coma, who’d been leading in his place? Who’s still leading in his place, while he finishes healing? He doesn’t doubt that they can all handle themselves on their own, his family, but this many people can’t be coordinated effectively without at least one person guiding. Someone has to have been doing that for things to be running this smoothly.

It takes an embarrassingly long time to notice who has been and still is leading in his place. Leo blames the fact that he’s still only a week and a half out of his coma.

Its little things that, in the end, tip him off. Maybe his brother doesn’t even notice he’s doing it, since unlike a year prior, Raph isn’t advertising his spot at the helm of their team.

Leo knew it’d been Raph who’d sat beside his bedside every day and nearly every night, monitoring his condition in case it took a turn for the worse, or for the better. But he hadn’t known until he really looked that Raph has been doing much more than just playing sentry.

It’s in how Raph is just present, even just in the periphery. Sometimes closer in, talking low and steady to whomever he’s with at the moment. Grounding, solidly there. Finishing the dishes Leo can’t and not saying a word about it, putting away leftover food before Mikey can even reach for the saranwrap and playing any videogame their brother wants; leaving a blanket on Donnie’s shoulders when he finally collapses from lack of sleep and putting a plate of food within reach during the day, encouraging April with curt words as she builds strength and stamina in training and watching her so she doesn’t get hurt; catching Casey’s attention before he can think too hard about his missing family and never leaving him or any of them truly alone.

Being there for them all.

Leo’s missed a lot, including Raph maturing enough to be capable of holding the fort down like this. In a way he still feels ashamed he was gone so long, that he’s still unable to be a dependable support, but more so he’s proud.

Maybe a year ago, he would have felt jealous that Raph is holding a position Leo always has. Now though… maybe he’s matured some, too.

Not more than a day after he arrives to that conclusion, Leo finds Raph sitting by himself on the back porch steps. It’s late at night, and as much as Leo would rather be asleep, the taint of nightmares is already too much for him to handle. So he chose to come outside; see the clear night sky and remind himself he’s not alone in that construction site anymore.

The unexpected company isn’t unwelcome. Seeing his family, talking and interacting with them, it makes it all the easier to wash away the residual terror of a bad dream. As his crutches’ thuds against the wood draw Raph’s attention, Leo sees in his brother’s expression that company to him might not be so unwelcome either.

Raph’s mask is hanging around his neck, and even with just the dim porchlight to see by, Leo notes there are dark circles under his brother’s eyes. None of them sleep too well anymore, but the dark shade of Raph’s bags is a little worse than normal. Leo wonders if Raph has also been suffering nightmares. He wouldn’t blame his brother for it.

“Evening,” Leo croaks, then wincing at his voice’s struggle. He clears it discreetly as he can. “You mind if I join you?”

Raph nods mutely. Leo sits down as his brother moves over on the step; easing his bad leg out and sighing under his breath at being off his feet.

“Is it bothering you?” Raph asks, eyeing the leg as Leo rubs his knee. “You want me to get your pain meds?”

Leo waves him off. “No, no it’s fine. I already had my dose at dinner.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. I’m okay.”

“…hrm,” is all Raph replies with. Leo ignores his brother’s disbelief and looks out at the wide lawn of the farmhouse. The trees in the distance are a formless bulk of black, full of far off animal noises. The sky above them is not full of stars, but certainly peppered with a gracious amount.

It’s beautiful, and nothing like they’ve ever gotten to see in the city or sewers. Even with the circumstances, Leo feels lucky to be here. He’s never seen so much green in his life, or stars.

Towards the edge of the wide lawn, the lights of the barn are still on, spilling through the cracks that riddle it. Leo doesn’t even have to guess why, though he does wonder why Raph is out here so late.

“Are you waiting on Donnie for something?” Leo asks Raph. He shrugs.

“No,” Raph replies, and then pauses. “Well, sort of. He’s been at it since early morning. He’s gonna fall asleep sooner or later.”

Leo then sees the blanket on Raph’s lap, mostly concealed by his arms as he leans on it. Leo smiles fondly.

“You’re tucking him in?” Leo says, keeping a laugh out of his hoarse voice. “Why not just get him into an actual bed, jeez.”

Raph rolls his eyes. “’cause then he’d wake up and go “oh no my science experiments shit” and find caffeine to inject himself with. Which would put us at square one again. Trust me, this is the only way he’ll get sleep these days. I had Mikey hide the coffeemaker halfway through the afternoon today; he can’t last much longer.”

Leo does laugh at that, because it’s true. The only way to get Donnie to rest up is to let him wind down, and then keep him asleep as long as possible. Leo’s noticed though that that habit of Donnie’s is much worse now. Usually, he’d only do it during really stressful periods of time.

Leo supposes this still counts as that, their situation being stuck on the farm and Leo stuck with his bum leg. They can’t leave until he’s fully healed.

The fact that he’s causing Donnie this stress, even just indirectly, is an unpleasant one that sits sickly in Leo’s stomach. He moves away from it by focusing on what Raph is doing right now, which is a considerably nicer thing to think on.

“Do you do this every night?” Leo asks softly, though he has his own suspicions already.

“…no,” Raph says, a beat too late to be believable. Leo gives his brother a look, and points at his eyes.

“The bags say otherwise.”

Raph frowns/grimaces, which is his default expression whenever he doesn’t know how to respond. Or how to admit he’s having feelings.

“Sometimes.” Raph allows, and Leo rolls his eyes. “Just when I got time.”

“Well, we definitely have plenty of that,” Leo says wryly, rubbing his sore leg again. “That’s good, though. Good that you’re keeping an eye on him. Donnie always runs himself into the ground when he’s left to his own devices,” Leo shakes his head. “Don’t know what we’d do without you right now, bro.”

“Hn, you’d get by, somehow,” Raph says curtly. “You’re all not that stupid.”

“You sure? ‘cause last I looked, you’ve been doing a lot around here lately,” Leo smiles, feeling that gentle touch of pride in his chest again. “I actually wanted to say thanks for that, properly. The way things are… I can’t do much for anyone. So, thanks for filling for me. Makes it easier for me to rest up knowing you’ve got things under control.”

He expects Raph to preen, or at least puff up a little under the praise, but his brother just hunches his shoulders and won’t look at him.

“I’m not… actually doing anything, though,” Raph says, eyes on the treeline instead of Leo. “I mean- come on. Anyone can do this stuff. The others… they got something to contribute. Donnie- Donnie saved your life, and Mike’s the only one who can actually cook anything decent, and April and Casey are the ones doing the real work bringing money in and keepin’ the lights on. I can’t do any of that, all I’ve been doing is-”

“Holding down the fort,” Leo interrupts, not letting Raph keep on. He lowers his voice, making it gentler. “I’ve only been awake a little over a week, Raph, but I can already see how much you do. You’re their rock. You’re always there when they need you, no matter what time of day. Being that for them… that’s more than enough, especially considering I can’t even try to be that right now.”

Raph sits silent, still not looking at him. Leo reaches out, putting a hand on Raph’s shoulder, drawing his brother’s attention onto him. Raph finally meets his eyes, and Leo smiles warmly.

“You kept them together, Raph,” Leo says sincerely. “and you’re still keeping them together. I can’t even imagine how hard that’s been- I know it would have been so, so difficult for me to watch one of you go through what- what I did.” Phantom pain laces through him, and then fades. Leo doesn’t dwell on that nightmare longer than a second. “You might not think so, but you’ve done amazing. And I’m really proud of you for that.”

Raph stares at him for a long moment, and then lets out a small chuckle. He scrubs roughly at his nose, covering a soft sniffle, and turns away again. “Shut up, you sound like Sensei. It’s weird for my brother to say that.”

“I am basically your older brother though, so. Not so weird,” Leo points out, teasing just a little.

“None of us knows who’s actually older,” Raph says in a mumble, a fight they’ve all had multiple times over the years. Tonight though, it doesn’t become that. It’s just a welcome familiarity.

Leo gently moves himself closer to Raph, getting close enough he can sling an arm around his brother’s wide shoulders and give him a sideways hug. It only takes a second for Raph’s to wind around the back of Leo’s shell, hugging back.

“Dunno how you do this stuff all the time,” Raph says with a tired huff. “It’s exhausting being the responsible one.”

“After years of practice dealing with you assholes, I got the hang of it,” Leo replies, only fondness in his words.

“Yeah, well. Good to have you back, then,” Raph says, clearing his throat. It hardly hides the emotion there. “I was getting bored of being the stick in the mud anyway.”

Leo laughs quietly, feeling touched. “Good to be back.”

Raph hugs Leo to his side a moment longer, and then lets go. He doesn’t make any move to put space back between them after that. So they sit in relative silence on the steps, waiting for Donnie to finally be ready to sleep, and remain shoulder to shoulder the whole while.

After everything they’ve both been through the last months, it’s a welcome lull of peace.

 --/--

 Peace never seems to last long for them, not with how many enemies they’ve made and how often they get themselves into trouble. Leo regrets that this case happens to be caused by both at the same time; an enemy… coming from inside of them.

He’s failed a number of times over the years. Failed to have the strength to stop Shredder in that construction site that still haunts his nightmares, failed to stop him again from murdering Splinter at the worst possible time, and failed to save an entire world from oblivion. Thankfully, that was all undone for the most part, even if he still carries thick scarring up and down his leg and around his throat.

Donnie’s death was undone, too, but not really. Something like that can’t be taken back, not completely. An experience that traumatic doesn’t go away; Leo knows that too well.

Leo failed to see one of his team members, one of his family members, falling under the influence of something horrible, and both Donnie and April paid for it. Leo’s been on the receiving end of near death more than once, but never at the hands of one of their own. He can’t imagine being hurt like that, or hurting like that.

April says she’s fine, that she just needs time to recover, but the hollowness to her is clear as she leaves. Like a shell of herself, emptied out of what makes her shine so bright. A part of Leo wants to reach out and pull her back into his home- which hers too, after all this time- but he knows she won’t be open to comfort. Not yet. Maybe not for a while.

And besides. There’s a larger part of him that’s instinctively defensive. Defensive of his family, as much as April is a part of that. She’s still his friend, and he knows this wasn’t her fault, that they were the ones who hadn’t seen she wasn’t herself the past weeks-

But she hurt his brother. And that’s not something he can forgive easily.

They all need time apart, he thinks. Their whole team. When the wounds are less fresh, they’ll talk about it. Try to mend things between them all; give apologies for mistakes and figure out where they go from there. For now though, they go their separate ways.

In the end, Leo and his brothers do the same. Drifting to their individual rooms for restless sleep now that the immediate drama is over. Casey limped off into the early dawn not long after April did, and Splinter has already turned off his light by the time Leo and his siblings are closing their doors. Donnie shuts his first; making his point again that he’s not in the headspace to interact with anyone, much as they’ve all tried to.

Leo respects that sometimes, especially when bad things happen, you need time to collect yourself. He has moments like that still, more often now days when Karai wears the Kuro Kabuto around her base, less often than the months after his coma. He’ll give Donnie space until he’s ready to talk.

Though he should have expected, Donnie will never be ready to talk. The four of them are all repeat offenders for internalizing things and avoiding actual confrontation; Leo should have known that Donnie would lock himself inside his lab and skirt the subject of temporarily dying like it’s the plague.

Leo is familiar with bad coping mechanisms, and his family has rarely let him get away with them for long. Donnie was there for him after the fall of New York. Leo in turn is going to be there for him now.

And maybe Donnie wants that, however much he’s been shutting them out, because the lab doors aren’t locked when Leo tries to open them a week after the Za’naron Incident.

Donnie is bent over a lab table in the middle of the room, hunched around some fiddly bit of technology connected to… something. It’s in too many pieces for Leo to even try to figure out its purpose or use.

He crosses the room with a calm stride, approaching the table with as little intention to startle as possible. Not that its needed; his brother doesn’t even notice him directly on the other side of the table. Donnie only looks up when Leo clears his throat; eyes hidden by his black goggles and a distinct bleariness to his, “-whuh?”

Leo holds out one of the two cups of tea he’s brought. Donnie doesn’t need any more caffeine than he’s already doped himself on.

“Hi,” Leo says, smiling comfortingly. “feel like talking?”

Even with the goggles in place, Leo can see Donnie blink in confusion.

“’bout what?” He asks with a slight slur, scrutinizing Leo. The amount of sleep deprivation he must have hit by now is really starting to show. Leo sighs.

“You’re the genius here, Donnie. You know what about.”

A grimace tugs at Donnie’s mouth.

“And if I don’t want to?”

“Then I give a sternly disapproving glare and ask again later.”

“…and if I say I don’t want to, again?”

“Rinse and repeat.” Leo won’t stop coming back until they do this, just like his brothers didn’t stop until he actually talked about what happened in that construction site with the Shredder.

Talking about things like that hurts, but sometimes you need to hurt a little more before it gets better. Leo knows that. Donnie knows that, too.

Which is likely why Donnie sighs, putting down the soldering iron in his hands and pushing up his goggles to rub his eyes. They’ve got dark bags under them, and Leo ventures Donnie has scarcely gotten a full day’s sleep all week.

“Okay, let’s talk,” Donnie says quietly and holds out his hand for the tea. Leo gently presses it into his grasp, pulling up a seat to the table.

It’s probably only because Donnie’s been worn down over a whole week by all of them, trying at different times to get him to talk about his recent trauma, that Leo gets him to talk at all. It’s slow going, words coming in soft fits as Donnie fidgets with his tea and tools both. Leo is patient though, listening all the way through about Donnie’s early suspicions about April’s mental sanctity. Like he should have, right back at the beginning when Donnie first starting voicing concerns.

This could have been prevented. That is a stark and painful regret in Leo’s mind. But it wasn’t, so now they just have to pick up the pieces and put them back together best they can.

Leo doesn’t want this to have lasting damage on Donnie, or April, or their friendship. It probably will anyways. That may be the saddest fallout of this whole mess.

Leo listens to Donnie talk about how he started noticing irregularities in April’s behavior, little ticks that appeared or disappeared, and how he’d seen the obsessiveness she started about the crystal. Leo listens to his brother talk about the few times he tried to confront her about it, to try mitigating a possible disaster he suspected was budding, and how April had shut him out time and again. Leo has to hold his cup a little tighter when Donnie gets to the part that no one listened to him, and how that led to the Incident happening.

His voice gets very, very quiet as he talks about the moment he’d been suspended in the air. Leo hadn’t been able to hear anything of the exchange between April and his brother from below, but the conversation has clearly left its mark on Donnie.

It’s hard to listen to. There’s a long pause of silence when Donnie trails off, full of regrets and still sharply fresh memories.

“…I know it wasn’t her,” Donnie says eventually, voice nearly whisper quiet, “but I just… can’t get my head around the fact she. She knew me, still. At the last second, she talked to me. And then…” He swallows. “still did it anyway.”

Donnie’s eyes lift from his hands around his tea, giving Leo a look of guilt and deep pain. “Does it… does it make me a bad person?” He asks, voice wavering. “To feel mad at her for that, even though it’s not her fault?”

Leo tries to find something wise to say, something to heal that hurt with a single sentence, but he comes up empty. All he can say is, “No. No I don’t think it does. I think that’s… normal to feel.”

Donnie closes his eyes, takes a slow, shuddering breath, and opens his eyes again. They’re glossy under the lab lights, but Leo doesn’t say anything about that.

“It’s not her fault,” Donnie says again, like he’s been saying since the night happened. His voice is hoarse as he does. “I should have done something sooner. It’s not her fault this happened.”

“It’s not yours either,” Leo says gently, even as Donnie looks away from him. “We should have listened- all of us should have listened. You knew something was wrong and we ignored it. It’s not her fault, and it’s not yours. Okay? You did your best, Donnie.” His brother still won’t look at him, and the way Donnie’s jaw clenches is painful to watch.

“It wasn’t enough,” Donnie whispers tightly, eyes hard and bright. “It wasn’t enough and she. She.”

Killed me, hangs in the air. Bitter and heavy as it’d been the first night after.

“…she wouldn’t hurt you on purpose, Donnie. Not in her right mind,” Leo says, and it makes Donnie take a harsh breath in. “April wouldn’t do that to any of us. I’ve… talked with her, a few times. She feels awful about this. But it’s neither of your faults. It’s Za’naron’s, okay? Don’t take blame for something you shouldn’t.”

Donnie shakes his head mutely, and they lapse into silence again. The longer it stretches, the worse Leo feels about having nothing to really fix this. He understands now how Donnie must have felt, the months it took for Leo to recover from his coma. The wanting to say a few words and make his brother feel better, to understand it’s not his fault, that April wouldn’t hurt him on purpose, that he shouldn’t feel so badly for resenting her just a little for doing so…

That brings a thought to Leo’s mind. Accidental hurts.

“…Karai’s rebuilding the Foot clan,” Leo says, which is enough a topic change that Donnie finally looks at him again.

“…so?” Donnie asks. “She’s been doing that for months.”

Leo nods once. “She wears the Kuro Kabuto most nights, too.”

Donnie keeps giving him a look of blank confusion, obviously wondering why Leo’s brought this up right now. Leo keeps talking. “She uses his throne, too, you know. You’ve seen her in it. And they kept the same uniform dress code for the Foot soldiers. Even the same insignia.”

Donnie clearly doesn’t see Leo’s point yet. “And?”

“She’s taking his place, Donnie,” Leo says plainly. The shadowy form of Shredder looming over him plays in his memory, like it often does on bad nights. “He’s still out there, and she’s already decided she wants to put things back to how they’d been before. Except she’s the master of the clan this time around.” He laughs without humor. “It’s a little hard to see her walking around with that helmet on, you know?”

Donnie keeps staring in confusion until finally, it clicks.

“Oh. Oh, Leo,” Donnie’s expression morphs into sympathy. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I didn’t even- I never even thought of that. God.”

Leo nods, giving a wry smile. “I haven’t said anything, and I don’t plan to, but it’s… difficult to swallow. Spending years trying to dismantle the Foot and its control of New York, and having our own sister start building it right back up.” He gives himself a small shake, brushing off the old and new nightmares that follow him. “Look. Point is, Karai doesn’t even know she’s doing it and I doubt she’d mean to give me flashbacks on bad nights. And I know it’s not the same thing- not anywhere near the same thing, but… I just want you to know. I kind of get it. What it feels like to get hurt unintentionally by someone you care about.”

Donnie looks at him for a long moment, and then smiles wetly.

“It sucks a lot, doesn’t it?” He says, and then covers his mouth; hunching on himself. Leo is already coming around the table when Donnie let out the first muffled cry.

Leo is taller than his brother like this, him standing and Donnie sitting. He takes advantage of it to tuck his brother’s head under his chin while he hugs Donnie; holding onto his brother until he can pull himself back together. Donnie clutches Leo tightly, and barely lets out any sound as his breathing falters, then unsteadily continues. Growing stronger with each intake.

It won’t fix anything immediately, but it’s a good step towards fixing things eventually.

It’s as much a comfort to Donnie as it is to Leo; holding onto each other like this. Donnie had been outside anyone’s reach for help that night, but he’s here now. Tangible and alive.

A long time ago, Leo told himself he’d die before he let one of his brothers do so. He failed that promise. He makes a new one that he will never, ever, fail like this again. He couldn’t take the experience twice, he just couldn’t.

When Leo and Donnie finally emerge from the lab, cups empty and hearts at least a fraction lighter, they’re welcomed back by Raph and Mikey, who are none too subtly waiting on the couches for them. They take Donnie and set him in the middle of everything, surrounded on all sides by sympathy, comfort, and listening ears.

Donnie’s voice doesn’t waver so badly, now. Encircled and protected. It’s a small victory, but Leo will take it.

It’s not fixed with a single evening of sharing empathy, the broken and battered state of Donnie and April, of their relationship and minds, but it’s a start. And they- the two of them, Leo, their whole family- are all willing to work towards the better future lying ahead.

It’s Leo’s job, officially and unofficially, to make sure his brothers are okay. They’re not little kids anymore, but that doesn’t mean the gut reaction to keep them safe, to make them happy, has gone away. And so long as Leo has them by his side, it never will.

 --/--

 He fails his promise a second time.

Splinter dies, and Leo.

He.

Becomes lost.

The night it happens, everything burns. He cuts away the drowning grief and turns his blades on the source. He marches them into battle and refuses to let himself stop moving, one foot in front of the other, his bad leg be damned- until it’s over.

And then it is, and he.

He doesn’t know what to do.

Leo washes off the spray of mutant green blood on his hands, cleans his swords and gear, and then just. Sits. Stops thinking.

He sinks. Silently. Into himself, his mind, the black ocean that’d claimed him on and off, after the Shredder broke him the first time. He sinks, and he can’t even wonder if he’s drowning. He just knows he is.

Leo has always guided his brothers, but he has always been guided in turn. By their father, by the only source of parental love they’ve ever had. The first person to ever love them. Shells and all, unconditionally.

And now Splinter is gone, and Leo. Leo needs to.

Lead them. Protect them. His brothers, he has to keep them safe in place of their father. That’s his job. But.

He can’t. Not like this.

There’s no do-over this time. No time travel, no psychic power. Just. Finality.

Leo feels like he’s dying as he kneels in front of the dojo tree. He almost wishes he was. It would be escape from a grief that’s swallowing him up and leaving nothing behind. Only emptiness.

He doesn’t know which way to go, how to move forwards. Leo’s eyes burn, like he’s been trying to do to everything poisoning him through. It hurts, but not nearly as much as his heart does. Splinter is dead. He’s dead and never coming back. There’s no one left to lead him, no one left to tell Leo that it will be alright, even in the worst moments when he’s too weak to say it himself. How could he move forwards from this, how could he ever move past it-

How is he supposed to-

-live like this, missing such a huge chunk of himself and- and-

-he’s all alone, in charge and bearing a mantle that’s still decades too big for him to hope to handle. He’s not ready, he can’t be the Sensei, he doesn’t want to be a Sensei, he just wants to be a son and be held, be quieted and told it’s okay, it’ll all be okay, eventually, don’t worry, you’re not-

“-alone, Leo,” Mikey whispers, arms tight around Leo’s back. His voice is hoarse, but firm. “You got us. It’s gonna be okay, you got us. We got you.”

Leo comes back from the suffocating depths, where his worst fears and memories hold him in night terrors and flashbacks, and takes in a shuddering breath. His face is wet, and everything hurts, but Mikey is here. He’s not alone.

A second set, stronger and broader, wrap around them both from the side. Raph’s forehead is laid on Leo’s shoulder, hiding the struggle Raph hates to show, but comforting. Saying he’s here, too, for Leo. On the opposite side, the way only lanky arms can, Donnie encircles all three of them in his grasp. Adding his tireless support, the way he always gives it whenever one of them is in need. Leo is wrapped up in a group hug and he’s no longer alone.

He was never alone. He’ll never be alone.

Not so long as he has his brothers.

Leo sobs hoarsely, but he doesn’t fall any further. He’s drawn up and away, kept from the ocean of despair by three pairs of arms that would never leave him there. Supporting and grounding, keeping him present and together. Holding onto him until he can hold himself up again.

And they need him, too. They’re broken, but they’re together. Their father is gone but they’re all still here, the four of them. Like it’s always been.

Leo raises his hands, gripping Donnie and Raph and Mikey’s arms, and holds onto them just as tightly.

Leo can’t be their Sensei, no matter what their father wanted, but he. He can be this. He can be their brother.

And maybe that’s enough.

 --/--

 They move forwards. They move on. They mend the hole that Splinter left, but they don’t close it over. It’s there, and always will be, but it fades to an old scar like the many others covering their bodies. It becomes bearable.

Leo leans on his brothers until he can stand again, and then they walk forwards together. Supporting and being supported.

Their father is gone, but like they always have, right from the start.

They have each other. They have their brothers.

For Leo, that will always be enough.

Commission info & Kofi link.

[hymnrevival]

THE DANGERS OF HALLOWEEN - PART 10 I Was Abused In A Satanic Halloween Ritual

https://plus.google.com/115555888016056562361/posts/RjzTDRXicgu

SRA Victim, Ex-Witch, Redeemed by Jesus Christ

Sister Beth

Two years ago, as a brand new Christian, I came to the realization I had to let go of Halloween. As a non-Christian I absolutely loved Halloween. Obsessed really. I loved all things horror and gore, as a matter of fact. Zombies, witches, vampires, you name it. I was fascinated by all of it. We had quite the collection of Halloween decorations sitting in our garage that we had been working on for years. Costumes, skull lights, a severed head, tombstones, body parts, etc. All to make our yard look nice and festive for the Halloween season.

It was actually very easy for me to let go of Halloween that first year. I had come into this new relationship with Christ and experienced His love immeasurable. All I wanted was to give myself to God and receive more of Him in return. The love and the guidance of my beautiful Savior was something that I had longed for my entire life. And as I gave myself over to Christ, I found myself wanting to leave behind my old life of pain and death and despair.

Walking away from my old life meant leaving behind all of my associations with witchcraft and the occult. That meant my books on witchcraft, gods and goddesses, my Buddha statues, crystals, tarot cards, and much more. I knew that witchcraft was not something to trifle with, because it was dangerous. It was allowing darkness into my life and my home, and I was done with the darkness. Done. The darkness had done nothing good for me ever, but Jesus had given me life and hope.

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14 So that year we took that entire box of Halloween decorations and dumped it all in the trash where it belonged. I knew Halloween was a high holy day for witches and Satanists, because I had celebrated it many times as a witch myself. I had even done spells and rituals on this holy of holy nights. Halloween is when witches see the veil between the world at its thinnest, and they do rituals to contact the dead. They also use this time to celebrate death, because in the pagan culture, death is not the end of life, but the beginning of life in another world.

The next year on Halloween, I began to speak out about my testimony of how I broke free from witchcraft and that Halloween ia actually a pagan celebration. I was so passionate about sharing the truth with the world, because I didn’t want to see people getting sucked into the lies of the devil. So many people, Christians and non Christians alike, love Halloween. They get caught up in the season of Halloween, which is full of dressing up, parties, goodies, and other fun things. Little do they know that they are actually being a party to witchcraft in the process.

I remember last year speaking to a woman who was a satanic ritual abuse survivor and being so worried for her as she told me how difficult October is for her every year. I couldn’t quite understand why, but I knew that the increase of witchcraft activity must have a part to play in it. I learned more about the Satanic aspect of Halloween and the sacrificial murders that happen on this night. Yet it still seemed so far away from my own reality.

‘You shall not give any of your offspring to offer them to Molech, nor shall you profane the name of your God; I am the LORD. Leviticus 18:21

It was just about that time last year that I began to have my own memories of being abused and tortured in satanic rituals as a child. I was barely coming to terms with it even being real for me as the memories slowly came in every week. It has taken me an entire year to process and understand and come to grips with some pretty intense truths about myself and this world we live in. One of those being that Halloween is far more than just a pagan holiday where witchcraft is prevalent. It was only recently that God took me into a memory of being in a satanic ritual on Halloween. I cannot even say how many Halloweens I was forced to be involved in rituals on Halloween, as I am taking my time going through as the Holy Spirit wills. What the Holy Spirit has shown me was being taken into a satanic ritual at the tender age of 3. I don’t think any person can truly fathom the reality and the evil of a satanic ritual, and I do not intend to ever go into great detail about them, but I am going to explain enough so that you can have a better understanding.

Satanic rituals are not new to our world. They have been around for thousands of years, and they are talked about in the Bible, when people were sacrificing their children to the god Molech. Molech is the god of human sacrifice, and he is highly worshiped in satanic cults, along with many other gods and goddesses. Molech is a demon, not a god, and he is controlled by Satan himself. In ancient times satanic rituals were done out in the open where anyone could see. They were not hidden. But times have changed and the rituals have not stopped, they just had to be moved into places where it would not be detected.

And he burned his son as an offering and used fortune-telling and omens and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the Lord, provoking him to anger. 2 Kings 21:6

All satanic rituals have one main purpose: to align people with the kingdom of darkness, so they can be filled with evil and be used to carry out the works of the devil. The devil has to do this, because what else does he have to gain power? No one would openly align themselves with the devil over darkness, when they know the Truth of the goodness of God. No, the devil always resorts to lies and deceptions in order to steal away God’s people, and he targets the most innocent first.

I remember quite clearly on this particular Halloween night getting dressed up and going to my Grandmother’s house with my parents. I was excited to show her my costume and go trick or treating. I had a Donnie Osmond doll with me. On my own I can recall nothing more. Yet here is what the Holy Spirit revealed to me. My parents told me before we went around the neighborhood we were going to go by the church (Mormon Church) to get some candy there. The church was very close to my grandmother’s house, and I knew so from going often.

We went to the church and what happened next made my blood curdle. I was given candy, but that was just a preclude to the sexual abuse that would happen in a satanic ritual. On Halloween Satanists use young children, such as myself, as sexual idols to worship. Other children receive a far worse fate. Death. I know for some this is more than you can even think to believe, but it is true. I can barely write these words because the pain of the truth is almost more than I can bear. If it wasn’t for the grace and love of Jesus Christ, I would not even be here writing this at all. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace,expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:6-7

Why would anyone do such sick things to a child? There are a lot of reasons really. Most likely they are acting from what they know; their own sadistic abuse. Satanism doesn’t just all of a sudden show up. It gets implanted and takes roots and grows over time. It starts off small and infects everyone around it who isn’t grounded in Christ and able to see the truth of the evil around them. That is why Satan starts with children. If he can do this to small children, then they will grow up and do it to children themselves. That is what Satan’s plan was for me.

There are many churches that are going to have just the same type of rituals on Halloween night. Christian churches, Catholic churches, and more. Satan does not care what your religious beliefs are, he only cares that he can get a door in. Once he gets that door open, he is in for good, because the deception is just so deep. If we as a society cannot see that this happens, or refuse to believe it could be true, then no wonder Satan is in so deeply.

We have to be willing to open our eyes to the world around us. Satan has come to steal, kill and destroy, and he is doing it by masking it as peace, love and light. Yet the Bible makes it clear Satan will come in disguise as an angel of light. As long as we keep deciding to turn our backs to these sort of truths, we are going to continue to be held captive in this world. I am not alone in this abuse. Hundreds of thousands of others are just like me, and have been subjected to torment on Halloween night. And many more will also be tortured and murdered on Halloween as every year passes. The only difference between myself and most other victims is, I chose to allow God to bring me healing and remember it. I could not have done it without Jesus. It would be impossible.

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24

Halloween night is a night full of rituals, but also witchcraft. Witches and Satanists of all kinds get together in groups and perform rituals and also do spells and astral travel. This means that Halloween night is so full of witchcraft that it is basically impossible not to feel the effects of it. Most people do not understand what witchcraft feels like, so they have no idea. There is literally so much witchcraft going on that night that it is overtaking the world. That means that every single person that is participating in any type of Halloween activity on Halloween night is actually in agreement with all the rituals and witchcraft.

That means when we take our kids out to trick or treat, or to a fall festival or even to a costume party, we are coming into agreement with Halloween and what it is. We are not only teaching our children that Halloween is good and safe, but we are inadvertently allowing them to be aligned with darkness. In the laws of the spiritual realm, that is all it takes to make an agreement, or covenant. It is very important we stop looking at the world for just the physical nature of it, and start realizing that there is a spiritual side that encompasses every aspect of everything. Do we want to come into agreement with ritual abuse of children or witchcraft? I know, I do not.

Halloween is still a very difficult time for me, as I am faced with constant reminders about my abuse as I drive through the neighborhood or go to any stores. They are all filled with Halloween decorations, especially decorations of skulls, witches and other such things, that are directly related to satanic abuse for me. I used to love Halloween because so much of me was aligned with darkness. Now I am finding incredible levels of freedom, and Halloween can never hold anything fun or good to me ever again.

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. Colossians 2:8

Jesus has been absolutely central in my finding freedom, redemption and healing from my pain and my own personal hell. He has shown me a love like I have never known before in my entire life. He has shown me that His love is something that is pure and untainted, and that I am indeed special and valuable to God. Even more so, that I am wanted and precious in God’s eyes. How amazing is that. Once I had a taste of that love, I had to have more. That is what has led me to healing. Wanting more of Jesus Christ and His all-consuming love.

There may be evil in this world, but nothing is bigger than the power of the Almighty. The devil may have infiltrated churches, or taken over an entire night to align people unwittingly with darkness, but that can never change the truth of who God is. He is the King, and in the end He will wear the Victor’s Crown. The devil can try as he might to corrupt God’s people, but behind the scenes God is working relentlessly to save us all. If it hadn’t been for Jesus, I would have been completely corrupted, and on my way to hell. Jesus protected my spirit, which is eternal, so it could be with Him forever. As hard as knowing all this abuse has happened to me, and even reliving it through flashbacks, I am thankful for it all. If it hadn’t been for this abuse, I could not be here right now telling about it. Which means so many others who have endured this life of hell and had no idea why, would never see the hope that lies in their own freedom. It also means that so many people who have been held captive to the lies of the devil would never be awakened to the truth. And it also means that there is a hope that children can start to be saved from this horrible abuse that is happening to them, and lives can be saved. All of this is because of the hope and the love of Jesus Christ. I am so very thankful for that.

Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:11

I pray for each person reading this that you are absolutely burdened with the truth, but absolutely freed with complete hope in restoration. We have to start now to work together, to love each other and build each other up in order to spread God’s message of love. The devil wants to spread fear and hate, but we need to remember it was love that saved us. God’s love did not stop on the cross. God’s love is so powerful that it will redeem more hearts and minds than the devil can ever hope to corrupt. He is good, and the devil cannot stop that goodness from spreading like a wildfire throughout this world, not matter how bad things look. We just have to learn who to focus on. Jesus. He is the giver of life and hope and truth. We need to turn our eyes to Him and see where He is asking us to go, and then surrender ourselves just enough so we can begin to follow Him. No matter how hard it is.

Jesus is safe. He is trustworthy. He is patient and steadfast in abounding love. If He weren’t then I would be dead. Yet I am alive! I am alive in Christ and hopeful in salvation to the utmost ends of this earth. God is willing that none should perish, not even one. He is working my loves! He is working for you, and everyone you know, to bring them into the rightness of a relationship with the Father. He is working at drawing you near and offering you hope from your affliction. It is only through Jesus that we as people can begin to make drastic changes in this world and tear down every stronghold the devil has made. And it all starts with love.

Love yourself enough to allow God to speak into your heart right now, no matter how hard it seems, and let Him bring you the truth. He will never bring you to a place that is more than you can bear, and He will never violate you, ever. He is good. Open up to Him now, and hear His truth. Receive His love. Bask in His goodness. He is worthy it. All of it. I love you all.

For I desire loyalty and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6

Read More Here <a href="http://www.theothersideofdarkness.com/?s=halloween" rel="noreferrer nofollow">www.theothersideofdarkness.com/?s=halloween</a>

Sister Beth's Youtube channel here <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUus4aARWSIn7vlrShV4oLQ/videos" rel="noreferrer nofollow">www.youtube.com/channel/UCUus4aARWSIn7vlrShV4oLQ/videos</a>

[freedombeginswithyou]

Saving Animals: Update

This week we thought it would nice to revisit some of our stories from the past and provide updates on where the rescue animals are now.  Join us on this happy journey!

Moo the Pig: Moo was the pig who had been removed from his original home when his owner had a child and the two didn’t seem to get along.  He had moved in with another couple but was reported as being difficult and trying to bite the husband.  Debby’s friends with a sanctuary in Illinois, offered to take him.   Their main reason for offering was because one of their associates is a pig expert who works with pigs suffering psychologically.  The goal was to have the expert work with Moo in hopes of making him more emotionally stable.  Well, as soon as Moo arrived to the sanctuary, he was so excited!  He loved when visitors showed up, and although they had an open house around the time he arrived, they didn’t let anyone go near him because they hadn’t been able to witness the full extent of his temperament.  However, this all soon changed as he showed no signs of hostility whatsoever.  In fact, he was a happy, loving pig.   It was as if once he realized he was at a place where people cared for him, he was at ease.  When the foster family originally took Moo, they did so mainly to get him expert help and said they’d see how it went from there.  But he hasn’t needed to see the expert and things are going so well, we hope this will now become his forever home.

Three Pig Brothers:  These brothers were rescued from slaughter, the rest of their simblings had not been so lucky.  Someone was offering them temporary foster care but didn’t have the proper space for them, so as they grew, we were in search for something more permanent.  They now have a new foster care, which was only a two to three hour relocation trip.  While it is starting simply as a foster home, it has the potential to be a forever home. Currently, this location has another pig there (also one Debby helped place) who is kind of lonely.  They are hoping the pig brothers will accept him into their little family and all be well.

Stephanie the Cow:  We heard about Stephanie from a granddaughter in Georgia who was fighting for her life. The girl had grown up with Stephanie, always loved her, and was witness to the sad life Stephanie had been forced to lead.  After no longer being able used for breeding, they were fattening her up to send off to slaughter.  The girl begged her grandpa to allow her to live but he was resistant.  However, after reaching out to many organizations, she finally found one willing to buy Stephanie.  The grandpa, being able to receive the money he would have gotten for selling her, gave in.  When this was being arranged, a male calf was found outside the grandpa’s farm.  No one knew where the calf came from.  He looked just like Stephanie-it could have been her own. In a weird twist of fate, as Stephanie’s transfer was being arranged, a small male calf wondered onto the farm. Debby says seeing a photo of the calf is uncanny as he looks so much like Stephanie he could be her son.  No one knew where the calf came from and no one in the area claimed him.  Some of us believe it was one of her children who had been taken from her, yet had escaped his fate and came back to find his mom, Stephanie.  Therefore, there was a desire to rescue him along with Stephanie.  Even though the calf was not the grandpa’s property, he decided he wanted to charge for the release of the calf in addition to the pay for Stephanie.  He also charged for the extra hay to go with them in the trailer.  Someone who was following Debby’s fundraising site saw this story and he got a group of friends together to pay for the entirety of the calf’s funds.  Then, two sanctuaries got involved.  One could keep them but couldn’t transport them while the other could transport them but not keep them.  So, they worked together while Debby said she’d raise the money (the sanctuaries couldn’t pay).  It was a big group effort with a happy ending.  Stephanie is living at a local woman’s farm along with the baby calf. After all these years of having to see her children ripped from her, the last part of her life will be spent in the mother role she’s always wanted.  Phinneas the Pig: Phinneas was about to be dumped by an owner who decided he no longer wanted to keep him.  A friend stepped in and took Phineas temporarily, seeking to find him a safe, forever home.  It was a wonderful act of kindness that saved the pig from slaughter.  Phinneas was taken in by a sanctuary with the intent to place him in foster care.  However, they were trying to acclimate him to being an outdoor pig which did not go well. He isn’t adjusting and has slipped to an extremely deep depression.  They are quite worried he may die from this depression if not rehomed soon.  He needs to be in a place where he can resume his life as an indoor pig and will receive an abundance of love and care.

Hansel the Racing Horse: Hansel was the former racing horse whose owner was keeping him at a stable about to close down.  While we searched for a home, his owner ended up finding another boarding place near her that she could afford.  While we are happy this worked out for Hansel, it meant we lost the connection to find out what happened to his friend.  His friend was an older horse there whose owners had essentially abandoned her. Hansel’s owner knew the two were bonded and had asked that we find a place willing to take both.  Once Hansel’s situation was resolved, however, we could not find out about the other horse in order to rescue her.  We hope she too was transported to a loving place to live out the rest of her life.

Two Blind Horses:  This was one of Debby’s more challenging placements.  These horses were not just old but also blind and in need of rehoming. That said, Debby did find them foster care which is where they currently live.  The woman who took them is happy having them and they are happy to be there. She is the same woman who took in the other two horses who were medically challenged and is the same who took the mule.  The mule is starting to warm-up and relax.  But everyone is doing okay there, all building a loving community of misfits.

Healey the Dog:  Healey was Debby’s miracle story.  She was the one who was saved within an hour of being scheduled to be put down.  Debby’s persistence made all the difference.  She went into foster care and was officially adopted by her foster caregiver.  She is happy and well!

Two Baby Calves: These two male calves, Danny and Donnie, were deemed worthless and were about to be sent off to slaughter.  They had been taken from their mother too soon and were going to need to be bottle fed. Debby was able to get them rescued, and after being vetted, they went to a sanctuary in Iowa.  They are still there, happy and growing.  

Ki & Titus: These two dogs were owned by a woman who had four dogs total.  She had just relocated to an apartment that would not let her keep all the dogs.  She kept the older ones, knowing they would be harder to find homes for and set out to find a place for Ki and Titus.  Ki went into foster care.  Unfortunately, the foster situation didn’t wasn’t working out.  However, the foster mom had a friend willing to take him. This worked out beautifully.  Ki is there and the former foster mom still comes over to see him.  He seems quite happy.  Titus ended up staying with the original woman, but we have not heard from her since.

The Wild Turkey:  This was the turkey found injured in the wild.  He was released to a sanctuary where he healed.  However, when they tried to release him back into the wild, he ran after the truck, following it all the way back to the sanctuary.  He ran to his enclosure, they opened the door and he went willingly, and excitedly inside.  He is quite the character, very content living where he does.  His wild turkey friends come all the time to visit him. They fly in, hang out on his roof, and then leave when ready.  He’s quite the entertainer and still has no desire to be free.  In fact, he won’t even go near the opening of his cage as he doesn’t want to take the risk of being let out again.  It just goes to show you that not all animals want to be free to roam when they could instead life a life of luxury.

 Myth: Animals all find happiness in the same way.  With the recent story of the cows escaping slaughter in St. Louis, rescuing animals is more on the forefront than usual.  Whenever animals are found roaming the city after escaping, it is just more proof that animals know where they are at and what their fate holds. They have feelings and do not have a desire to be used and abused for our selfish human gains.  Yet the problem is we only think about these animals when it’s right in front of our faces.  There was so much push to free these cows that it led to their successful rescue.  However, these cows represent thousands of animals living in captivity every day. They also want to be rescued but haven’t had the opportunity to escape, so that we can see their faces and fight for their safety.  We must remember the job is never done.  But also, we must remind ourselves each animal desires something different, just like us humans.  Some of us are content in the city whereas some like living in tiny towns.  Some of us are introverts, others are extroverts. We all have unique hobbies, talents, desires, etc.  It’s the same with all these animals.  Some foster homes didn’t work out because it wasn’t the right fit.  Some animals refuse to be set free back into the wild. Some will fight to find their moms, refusing to give up.  That’s why it is important that we humans, who have far more abilities than they do, continue to fight for each individual’s needs, to never forget they are out there, and to ensure each animal gets to live the life they dream of.