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longforyesterday · 5 years ago

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Ok. Here we are. Long post(/rant) ahead in response to the photo above. Sorry for my English, but I had to get these things off my chest. Thanks to everyone who will take the time to read this post, and tell me what you think!

1. They had all agreed to shut up about the “divorce” and he announced it to promote his album.

First of all, it was Allen Klein (one of the main villain in this wretched story) that had convinced John - who was very enamoured with him, his persona and his promises - not to tell anyone about it. In late December 1969 John, however, told journalist Ray Connolly, who didn’t say a word. Klein wanted to make as much money as he possibly could from the band, and announcing the break-up would have certainly damaged that prospect. Paul did it in April 1970. That’s four months of limbo, of nothing. He was in the midlle of an uncertain situation, with a manager who profited off them and their work and that he didn’t want, his bandmates and closest friends against him. Paul loved the Beatles and being a Beatle, he never wanted them to break up but the time had come. George had wanted out for years but never left for good. We all know John had lost interest in the band and had already started working with Yoko. I feel like Ringo didn’t want the band to break-up, but just went along with the other two, hoping that Paul would eventually agree with them. Releasing a solo album (that he put together without any help from the other three) while staying in the Beatles under Klein, with no hope of a follow-up to Abbey Road, in a tense situation, after John’s “divorce” private announcement, alone against the other three would have meant - for Paul - that everything he made from it would have gone to Klein for the most part. Of course he didn’t want that. Let’s not act like this didn’t affect Paul at all. It must also be mentioned that, while he was working on his solo album, Allen Klein and John had contacted Phil Spector to work on Get Back/Let It Be, which had been shelved.

Back in Beatles headspace, Paul sat in a room at Cavendish Avenue and, with fresh ears, reviewed the results of the second version of the Get Back LP. To his mind, the music was stark, unadorned, frighteningly bare, but ultimately thrilling. Klein, meanwhile, bluntly deemed it ‘a crock of shit’ and conspired with Lennon to bring in Phil Spector, who had just overseen the rousing production of ‘Instant Karma!’, to rework the tapes. Unknown to McCartney, Spector booked studio time in March and began slathering strings and brass, fairytale harp and aaahing choir onto ‘The Long And Winding Road’, making it sound hopelessly corny, like a BBC orchestra backing Engelbert Humperdinck. At this stage, however, Paul remained unaware of this development, his thoughts somewhere else entirely. Secluded in his music room at Cavendish Avenue, McCartney began recording his first solo album.

Tom Doyle, Man On The Run

Then came a letter (maybe it’s just me, but I find it a little passive-aggressive) from the rest of the Beatles.

Ringo Starr stood on the doorstep of McCartney’s house at Cavendish Avenue, unaware that he was about to precipitate the end of The Beatles. His tricky diplomatic mission, which he had chosen to accept in his role as the chirpy drummer, was to convince his increasingly estranged bandmate that there was an unacceptable clash of release dates between the long-delayed Get Back – now renamed Let It Be – and Paul’s freshly minted eponymous solo album, which was due to be issued only a week before. With him, he had a letter, dated 31 March 1970, handwritten by John Lennon and co-signed by George Harrison. It read: ‘Dear Paul, We thought a lot about The Beatles and yours [sic] LPs – and decided it’s stupid for Apple to put out two big albums within 7 days of each other. So we sent a letter to EMI telling them to hold your release date ’til June 4th (there’s a big Apple-Capitol convention in Hawaii then). We thought you’d come round when you realised that The Beatles album was coming out on April 24th. We’re sorry it turned out like this – it’s nothing personal. Love, John and George.’ Paul – his patience already strained, his temper on a hair-trigger – invited his friend inside and very quickly absorbed this information. Then he erupted. ‘I told him to eff off,’ Paul says. ‘Everyone, to my mind, was completely treating me like dirt. It was kind of like, “We’re the big guys, we’re the grownups.” And I said, “No way, man. Get out.”’ Ringo swiftly departed with the sound of Paul’s fury ringing in his ears. McCartney refused to budge and his solo album was released on 17 April 1970, forcing Let It Be back another two weeks to 8 May. It was the moment when Paul McCartney finally gave up on The Beatles, the point where he mentally quit the group.

Tom Doyle, Man On The Run

Of course the news provoked public outrage, and Paul - trying to set the record straight - later said

‘It was all a misunderstanding,’ he protested. ‘I never intended the statement to mean “Paul McCartney quits Beatles”. I didn’t leave The Beatles. The Beatles have left The Beatles, but no one wants to be the one to say the party’s over’

Tom Doyle, Man On The Run

but John was furious because he had wanted to announce it to the world and Paul had beaten him to it. He didn’t announce it to promote his own solo efforts, he wasn’t the type of person to do such a thing: Paul left that limbo he didn’t want to stay in and did what had to be done, even though it was painful. His first solo album resented from the announcement, and McCartney was destroyed by critics for ages because of it, not because of the songs, and by John, George and Ringo too.

2. “He sued the Beatles”

Yes, he sued them, that’s a fact. He sued them in December 1970, at the end of an year during which he had received worldwide hate and criticism for his actions and for his album. He could have sued the other three immediately after the release of McCartney or Let It Be (and he was booed during screenings of the movie), but procrastinated and thought a lot about it. He also had a nervous breakdown because he felt worthless and useless and because of that difficult situation within the group (which at that point didn’t exist anymore) and with Klein. We could have lost him if it hadn’t been for Linda. There was no other escape from that situation. He brought his former bandmates to court with a heavy heart. He “killed” the Beatles, but he also saved them from their manager. In the end they all recognised Paul was right about Klein, and he did them a favour by freeing them from that shark and from Apple.

3. “It’s a drag”

Imagine having just learned of your close friend’s sudden, terrible death at the hands of psycopath. Imagine burying yourself in your work, in the studio to deal with your grief, and crying your eyes out all the while (George Martin was there with him, and I trust George Martin). Then you come out of the studio and a journalist shoves a microphone in your face, prying, asking you for a reaction to the sad news you’ve been trying to deal with for hours. He probably was still in denial. Everyone has a different reaction to death and grief.

4. “He lost their songs to his little Jackson mate”

Paul and Michael had worked together on two singles, and MJ had hung out with the McCartneys in their Scottish estate. He had also asked Paul for financial advice, and he suggested investing in song-publishing. The Beatles catalogue was up for sale and Jackson seized the opportunity. Of course Paul didn’t think MJ would go after their songs and was upset about it (eight years of his and his former bandmates’ hard work in another man’s hands? I would be furious) and he and Yoko weren’t able to outbid Michael and to get the songs back, which only happened ten years ago.

5. The credits for ‘Yesterday’

Every song in the Beatles catalogue that wasn’t a cover, written jointly with Ringo or written by George was credited to Lennon-McCartney, even when they wrote and composed separately (especially after 1967). Paul and John also agreed that the credits could be reversed, if either of them wanted to, on any future releases. When I first got into the Beatles, I thought that that was a good arrangement, but in my book the name of the main composer should go first. For example,in my opinion, A Day In The Life is correctly credited to Lennon-McCartney, but Eleanor Rigby, which was Paul’s creation with some input by John, should be McCartney-Lennon. But this is just my opinion. Now, Yesterday. We all know Yesterday was and is Paul’s baby. John repeatedly said he had nothing to do with it. In Wings Over America (1976), Paul reversed the credits for five Beatles songs, and John didn’t say a word about it. In 1996, before the release of Anthology 2, Paul asked Yoko to reverse them only for Yesterday, and she disagreed. He didn’t ask her to remove John’s name. After Yoko’s refusal, (probably unbeknownst to Paul) Linda, who was at the height of her chemo treatment, phoned her to ask the same thing, only to be answered “That’s never going to happen”. She could have been more empathetic and polite. Maybe she refused beause Yesterday is the most covered song of all time and still makes a lot of money?

6. “Salieri and Mozart”

Some people may argue that I’m bringing Yoko into this for no reason whatsoever, but - actually - there is a reason. The comparison with Salieri and Mozart was made by Yoko herself in a BBC interview in December 1997, when Linda was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. Put yourself in Paul’s shoes. Your wife is dying and your best friend’s widow rubs salt into the wound and describes you as the Salieri to her late husband’s Mozart. Common knowledge has it that the two composers were enemies, and that Salieri even poisoned Mozart, but in reality the Italian musician was Wolfgang’s mentor and tutor, and we probably wouldn’t have had Mozart without Salieri. If you choose to make that comparison just as Yoko made it, you should keep in mind the historical truth, and that Salieri was essential. The person who made the comment said that Paul is the modern equivalent of Mozart, and for a reason. Mozart had been a musical prodigy since his childhood, and Paul was and is still considered by many an all-round musician and multi-instrumentalist. People who worked with the Beatles like George Martin and Geoff Emerick, their sound engineer, even said that he was the most musically talented of the four. He also composed Yesterday in his sleep, for heaven’s sake! You can have your favourite among the four Beatles, but you can’t deny his talent. (The commentator isn’t doing that, but a lot of people did it in the past and still do to this day.)

7. *I’m not going to repeat those last words*

Read up on his life and work, dear commentator, and then tell me if you still think that. And his solo work shouldn’t be dismissed like that. Maybe I’m Amazed? Another Day? Band on the Run? Live and Let Die? Here Today? I could go on. (The other former Beatles wrote some clunkers too, let’s not forget that). I think that many of the nasty, horrible comments about Paul come from what John said about him immediately after the break-up. John regretted them later, walked back on them, apologised and made peace with Paul (who never badmouthed him in the press), but the media ignored that and continued spreading lies. Paul wasn’t and isn’t perfect, neither of them was. A lot of people (mainly boomers) just like to act like John was Saint John of Peace from Liverpool and never did anything wrong, while the other three were inferior to him and evil people, especially Paul. Nowadays (thankfully) people tend to be objective and to not believe the old whitewashing propaganda that has been perpetuated by the Lennon Estate. But this post is not the place for that.

#i've written a testament #but it was worth it #i'm going to tag john too because i mentioned him a lot #paul mccartney #john lennon #the beatles #rant

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somnilogical · 5 years ago

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davis tower kingsley (listed here on the cfar instructor page) who harassed a cis woman about her appearance another cis women reported this to acdc (the people who wrote the thing about how brent was great) and afaict they did nothing, claims that if trans people and gay people dont "repent and submit to the pope" they will burn in hell, defended the spanish inquisitions, wrote about how the mission system werent actually abductions, slavery, forced conversions and this was propaganda, defends pretty much any atrocity that an authority, "believes" the catholic god exists and does not try and destroy them, submits to them. and so much more.

born into another era they would actually work for the california mission system and say it was good.

said thing that cached out to that emma and somni should repent and submit to the rationalist community. wrote up a rant about "how about fuck you. go lick the boots of your dark mistress anna salamon." didnt send. got kicked by some rationalist, reasoning is probably that what id say would disrupt their peaceful machinations of omnicide, would be infohazards, because... the information is hazardous to their social order.

a few of these things are subjects of future blog posts.

cfar has never hired a trans woman, i have lots of logs of them trying to do what people did to porpentine. claiming emma thinks torturing children is hot, claiming emma was physically violent, claiming emma was indistinguishable from a rapist, claiming ziz was a "gross uncle style abuser", claiming somni was enticing people to rape, claiming that anna salamon was a small fragile woman and ziz was large and had muscles. as if any of our strength or speed had anything to do with our muscles in this place. all of these things are false except relative size difference between ziz and anna which is just transmisogynistic and irrelevant.

if they lie about are algorithms claim that we are using male-typical strategies and then they can fail by these lies and be sidelined by callout posts that transfered 350,000$ from miri despite their best efforts to cover this up. (all benefited by having relative political advantagr flowing from estrogenized brain modules. men are kind of npc's in this particular game of fem v fem cyberontological warfare for the fate of the multiverse, mostly making false patriarchal assumptions that ziz was doing things for social status. like status sensitivity is hormonally mediated, your experiences are not universal. or saying like kingsley is saying that people should repent and submit to whatever authorities in the rationalist region they submit to. NO. FUCK YOU. i will not repent and submit to your abusive dark mistress anna salamon.

i knew anna salamon was doing the edgy "transfems are all secretly male" thing before i talked with ziz. it was a thing, {zack, carrie}, ben hoffman, michael vassar were also in on it. ppl had men trapped in mens bodies on their bookshelves because the cool people were reading it. didnt think she was being *transmisogynistic* about it until i talked with ziz. in retrospect i was naive.)

also? anarchistic coordination ive had with people have been variously called lex's cluster, somni's cluster, ziz's cluster by authoritarians who cant imagine power structures between people that arent hierarchical. like based on who they want to say is "infohazardously corrupting people" emma goldman had to deal with this shit too where the cops tried to say she was friends with anyone who thought anarchism made sense. people she didnt know at all who did their own anarchism. because authoritarians dont think in terms of philosophy, they think any challenge to their power is a disease that needs to be eliminated and you just need to doxx their network.

like if ziz and somni and emma were all actually infohazardous rapists as people keep trying to claim we are and then saying "oh no i didnt mean it i swear" and then doing it again. what would happen isnt that a bunch of infohazardous rapists start talking and working together for a common goal. what actually happens with people of that neurotype is they partition up the territory into rival areas of feeding on people like gangs do.

like they dont get together and start talking a lot about decision theory and cooperate in strange new ways.

not that the people lying about emma, ziz, gwen, somni and others are trying to have accurate beliefs. they are trying what all athoritarians try with anarchist groups. unfortunately for them, ive read the meta, i know dread secrets of psychology and cooperation that they claim are like painful static and incomprehensible, yet despite being "incomprehensible" are almost certainly harmful. if harm is to be judged against upholding the current regime, and the current regime is evil, then lots of true information and good things will look harmful. like ive tested this out in different social spheres what people claim is "incomprehensible" is the stuff that destroys whatever regime they are working in. like someone said i sounded like i was crazy and homeless and couldnt understand me when i pointed out that reorienting your life, your time, your money, to a human who happens to be genetically related to you for 16 years is altruistic insanity. just do the math. eliezer, anna, michael, brian tomasik all once took heroic responsibility for the world at some point in their lives and could do a simple calculation and make the right choice. none of them have children.

pretending that peoples "desires" "control them", when "desires" are part of the boundary of the brain, part of the brains agency and are contingent on what you expect to get out of things. like before stabbing myself with a piece of metal would make me feel nauseated, id see black dots, and feel faint. but after i processed that stabbing myself would cure brain damage and make me more functional, all this disappeared.

most people who "want" to have children have this desire downstream of a belief that someone else will take heroic responsibility for the world, they dont need to optimize as much. there are other competent people. if they didnt they would feel differently and make different choices.

you can see the contingency of how people feel about something on what they get out of it lots of places. like:

<<Meanwhile, a Ngandu woman confessed, "after losing so many infants I lost courage to have sex.">>

but people lie about how motivation works, in order to protect the territory of saying "well i just need a steady input of nubile fems so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" or "i just need spend 16 years of life reorienting around humans who happen to be genetically related to me and my friends so i can concentrate and be super altruistic!" when neither of these are true. these people just want nubile fems, they just want babies. (the second one has much much less negative externalities though. you could say i am using my female brain modules to say "yeah the archetypically female strat, though it has the same amount of lying, is less harmful". but like it actually is less directly harmful. the harm from gaslighting people downstream of diverting worldsaving resources and structure to secure a place to {hit on fems, raise babies} is ruinous. means that worldsaving plans that interfere with either of these are actively fought. and the knowledge that neither of these are altruistic optimizations, neither is Deeply Wise they are as dumb in terms of global optimization as they seem initially, is agentically buried.

this warps things in deep ways, that were a priori unexpected to me.)

this is obvious, but when i talk about it, the objection isnt that it doesnt make utilitarian sense, the objection is that "im talking like a crazy person". authoritarians say this to me too when i assert my right to my property that they took, act like im imposing on them. someone else asked if i could "act like a human" and do what he wanted me to do when i was thinking and talking with my friends. all of these things authoritarians have said to me "act like a human" "talk like a normal person i cant understand you" were to coerce my submission. they construct the category of "human" and then say im in violation of it and this is wrong and i should rectify it. i am talking perfectly good english right now. you can read this.

anna salamon, kelsey piper, elle, pete michaud, and many others all try to push various narratives of somni, emma, ziz, gwen and others being in the buckets {RAPIST, PSYCHO, BRAINWASHED}. im not a rapist, im not psychotic, im not brainwashed. before ziz came along, people were claiming i was brainwashing people, its a narrative they keep reusing.

porpentine talks about communities that do this, that try and pull trap doors beneath trans women:

<<For years, queer/trans/feminist scenes have been processing an influx of trans fems, often impoverished, disabled, and/or from traumatic backgrounds. These scenes have been abusing them, using them as free labor, and sexually exploiting them. The leaders of these scenes exert undue influence over tastemaking, jobs, finance, access to conferences, access to spaces. If someone resists, they are disappeared, in the mundane, boring, horrible way that many trans people are susceptible to, through a trapdoor that can be activated at any time. Housing, community, reputation—gone. No one mourns them, no one asks questions. Everyone agrees that they must have been crazy and problematic and that is why they were gone.>>

https://thenewinquiry.com/hot-allostatic-load/

(a mod of rationalist feminists deleted this almost immediately from the group as [[not being a good culture fit]], not being relevant to rationalism, and written in the [[wrong syntax]]. when its literally happening right now, they are trying to trapdoor transfems who protest and rebel asap. just like google.)

canmom on tumblr talks about the strategic use of "incomprehensibility" against transfems. and how its not about "comprehensibility". i have a different theory of this, but her thing is also a thing.

<<Likewise, @isoxys recently wrote an impressively thorough transmisogyny 101, synthesising the last several years of discussions about this facet of our particular hell world. But that post got just 186 notes, almost exclusively from the same trans women who are accused of writing ‘inaccessibly’.

Perhaps they’d say isoxys’s post is inaccessible too, but what would pass the bar? Some slick HTML5 presentation with cute illustrations? A wiki? Who’s got the energy and money to make and host something like that? Do the critics of ‘inaccessible’ posts take some time to think about what kind of alternative would be desirable, and how it could be organised?>>

https://canmom.tumblr.com/post/185908592767/accessibility-in-terms-of-not-using-difficult

alice maz talks about the psychology behind the kind of cop kelsey piper, david tower kingsley, elle and others are:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

https://www.alicemaz.com/writing/alien.html

anna salamon wrote a thing implying that ziz, somni, gwen suffered some sort of vague mental issues from going to aisfp. (writing a post on this.) alyssa vance tried to suggest i believe cfar is evil because im homeless. but sarah constantin, ben hoffman, {carrie, zack}, jessica taylor (the last three who have blogged a lot about whats deeply wrong) (not listing others because not wanting to doxx a network to authoritarians, who just want to see it contained. and the disease of "infohazards" eradicated.) are not homeless and ive talked with many of them and read blog posts. and they know that cfar is fake. jessica (former miri employee) left because miri was fake.

anna and others are trying to claim that theres some person responsible for a [[mass psychotic break]] that causes people to... independently update in the same direction. and have variously blamed it on ziz, somni, michael vassar. but like mass psychotic breaks arent...really a thing, would not be able to independently derive something, plan on writing a blogpost on it, and then see ben hoffman had written http://benjaminrosshoffman.com/engineer-diplomat/ and i was like "ah good then i dont have to write this." and have this happen with several different people.

like this is more a mass epistemic update that miri / cfar / ssc / lw are complicit in the destruction of the world. and will defend injustice and gaslight people and lie about the mathematical properties of categories to protect this.

they all know exactly what they are doing, complicity with openai and deepmind in hopes of taking the steering wheel away at the last second. excluding non-human life and dead humans from the CEV to optimize some political process, writing in an absolute injunction to an fai against some outcome to protect from blackmail when that makes it more vulnerable.(see:

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html

hyperexistential separation: if an fai cant think of hell, an fai cant send the universe to hell in any timeline. this results in lower net utility. if you put an absolute injunction against any action for being too terrible you cant do things like what chelsea manning did and i believe actually committed to hungerstriking until death in the worlds where the government didnt relent, choosing to die in those timelines. such that most of her measure ended up in a world where the government read this commitment in her and so relented.

if chelsea manning had an absolute injunction against ever dying in any particular timeline, she would get lower expected utility across the multiverse. similarly, in newcombs problem if you had an absolute injunction against walking away with 0$ in any timeline because that would be too horrible, you get less money in expectation. for any absolute injunction against things that are Too Horrible you can construct something like this.

a lot of humans seem to be betting on "nothing too horrible can happen to anyone" in hopes that it pays off in nothing too horrible happening to you.

the end result of not enacting ideal justice is the deaths of billions. at each timestamp saying "its too late to do it now, but maybe it would have been good sometime in the past". with the same motive that miri wants to exclude dead people from the cev, they arent part of the "current political process". so you can talk about them as if they were not moral patients, just like they treat their fellow animals.

(ben hoffman talks about different attitudes towards ideal justice coming upon the face of the earth.)

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

cev:

<<But again, we fall back on the third reply: "The people who are still alive" is a simple Schelling circle to draw that includes everyone in the current political process. To the extent it would be nice or fair to extrapolate Leo Szilard and include him, we can do that if a supermajority of EVs decide* that this would be nice or just. To the extent we don't bake this decision into the model, Leo Szilard won't rise from the grave and rebuke us. This seems like reason enough to regard "The people who are still alive" as a simple and obvious extrapolation base.>>

https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

this is an argument from might makes right. because dead people and nonhuman animals cant fight back.

->"i think we should give planning of the town to the white people, then extrapolate their volition and if they think doing nice things for black people is a good idea, we'll do it! no need to bake them in to the town planning meetings, as they are arent part of the current political process and no one here will speak up for them."

i dont plan to exclude dead people or any sentient creatures from being baked in to fai. they are not wards of someone else. enslaving and killing fellow sentient life will not continue after the singularity even if lots of humans want it and dont care and wont care even after lots of arguments.) and so much else.

the list of all specific grievances would take a declaration of independence.

like with googles complicity with ICE having a culture of trapdooring transfems (for some reason almost the only coherent group that has the moral fiber to oppose these injustices, that is p(transfem|oppose injustice in a substantiative way) is high, not necc the reverse.) who question this sort of thing.

thinking of giving sarah constantin a medal thats engraved with "RIGHTEOUS AMONG CIS PEOPLE: I HAD SEVERAL SUBSTANTIAL DISAGREEMENTS WITH HER ABOUT LOAD BEARING PARTS OF HER LIFE AND SHE NEVER ONCE TRIED TO CALL ME A RAPIST, PSYCHOTIC, OR BRAINWASHED" thats where the bar is at, its embedded in the core of the earth.

kelsey piper, elle benjamin, anna salamon, pete michaud, and lots more have entirely failed to clear this bar. anna and kelsey saying they dont understand stuff somni, emma, ziz and other transfems talk about but its probably dangerous and infohazardous and its not to be engaged with philosophically. just like the shelter people acting as if my talking about their transmisogyny was confusing and irrational to be minimized and not engaged with. just like any authoritarian where when you start talking about your rights and what is right and wrong and what makes sense they are like "i dont understand this. you are speaking gibberish why are you being so difficult? all we need you to do is submit or leave."

and no i will NOT SHUT UP about this injustice. all miri/cfar people can do at this point is say "the things these people write are infohazards" then continue to gaslight others they cant engage on a philosophical level. all the can say is that what i am saying is meaningless static and yet also somehow dangerous.

it doesnt make sense to have and raise babies if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. doesnt make sense to need a constant supply of fems to have sex with if you are taking heroic responsibility for the world. people who claim either of these pairs of things are lying, maybe expect someone else to take heroic responsibility for the world or exist in a haze.

the mathematics of categories and anticipations dont allow for the thing you already have inside you to be modified based on the expected smiles it gives your community. this is used to gaslight people like "calling this lying would be bad for the institutions, not optimize ev. thus by this blogpost you are doing categories wrong' this is a mechanism to cover dishonesty for myopic gains.

using the above, a bunch of people colluding with the baby industrial complex get together and say that the "beat" meaning of altruism includes having babies (but maybe not having sex with lots of fems? depending on which gendered strategy gets the most people in the colluding faction) because other meanings would make people sad and unmotivated. burying world optimizers ability to talk about and coordinate around actual altruism.

openAI and deepmind are not alignment orgs. cfar knows this and claims they are, gaslighting their donors, in hopes of taking the steering wheel at the last moment.

alyssa vance says paying out to blackmail is fine, its not.

CFAR manipulated donation metrics to hide low donations.

MIRI lied about its top 8 most probable hypotheses for why its down 350,000$ this year.

anna salamon is transmisogynistic, this is why cfar has never hired a trans women despite trans women being extremely good at mental tech. instead the hire people like davis kingsley.

kingsley lied about anna not being involved at hiring in cfar in order to claim anna couldnt be responsible for cfar never hiring a trans woman.

a cfar employee claimed anna salamon hired their rapist, was angry about it. mentioned incidentally how anna salamon, president and cofounder of cfar, was involved in hiring at cfar.

acdc wrote a big thing where defended a region of injustice (brent dill) because of their policy of modular ethics. when really, if you defend injustice at any point, you have to defend the defense and the thing iteratively spreads across your organization like a virus.

miri / cfar caved to louie helm.

not doing morality or decision theory right. among which is: https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/hyperexistential_separation.html and https://emma-borhanian.github.io/arbital-scrape/page/cev.html

and so much more.

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bltngames · 5 years ago

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Rant: The Nightmare of Steam Input

It’s hardly a surprise these days that something built by Valve Software is maybe not the most solid, well-thought-out decision anyone’s ever had. When it comes to Steam, it can sometimes feel like a cobbled together set of half-finished features. Remember Steam Music, when they were going to implement a way to listen to custom music during gameplay? Remember when they used to sell movies? Or what the “Steam Machines” initiative, when Valve was going to partner with different hardware manufacturers to sell pre-built PCs, likely in a move that was meant to mimic to how Google handles their Android phones?

And then there’s the Steam Controller, built on the back of the “Steam Input” API. Though the controller floundred, Steam Input ended up being far more interesting. The theory: plug any controller in to Steam and it just works. Does the game ask for an Xbox controller, even though you aren't using one? Steam Input will take care of that. Does the game not even support controllers at all? Steam Input can make that work, too. And for games that interface with the Steam Input technology directly, a whole host of new and exciting features get made available, like binding specific actions to a Playstation 4 controller’s touchpad, or a Nintendo controller’s motion control.

On paper, it sounds great. But like a growing number of ideas out of Valve, in practice, it’s been kind of a nightmare.

The most recent example of this has been the launch of No Man’s Sky BEYOND, billed as one of the biggest content updates that game has ever seen. Previous PC builds of No Man’s Sky relied on basic, functional Xbox controller support. It operated very similar to the original Playstation-4-exclusive console game, but now on an Xbox controller. If you used anything besides an Xbox controller on PC, Steam Input’s base function would kick in, which in my case meant my Playstation Dualshock 4 controller would be seen as (and function identically to) an Xbox controller with zero fuss. It worked flawlessly.

With the release of BEYOND, No Man’s Sky has transitioned into using Steam Input to its fullest extent. No longer does it pretend you’ve got an Xbox controller connected, it now attempts to support the features of your controller directly. In theory, this should mean far better and more robust controller support!

Except that, as of this writing, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for Playstation controllers, it barely works for Xbox controllers, and it even seems to have mucked up keyboard support for some. Thanks to Steam Input, the game is now more or less unplayable in many different configurations.

In my personal experience, this manifests itself by only some of my Dualshock 4 buttons working, and only working some of the time. The power of Steam Input means developers can insert hooks to completely remap all your controller buttons depending on the context. So, for example, let’s say you’re playing a game like Grand Theft Auto. If that game supports Steam Input, the developer could set it up so you could change your entire button layout depending on whether you were walking around or driving a car. They could even set it up so you could have different buttons depending on whether you were driving a car, motorcycle, boat or airplane.

This is what No Man’s Sky now does, with half a dozen different contextual button layouts for flying your ship, exploring on foot, using certain weapons, organizing inventory, dealing with merchants, and more. While cool in theory, it’s a little overwhelming to actually consider customizing your controls. You must now dig deep and decipher what button you want to change in which context, and that’s assuming everything is working as intended.

In practice, this currently means some controller functionality only works when certain menus are visible. For example, I can only aim with the right stick while the build menu is up. Close that screen and my view instantly freezes. As I said earlier, it’s more or less unplayable.

To a certain degree I forgive the developers of No Man’s Sky (Hello Games) for this. Signs do point to something changing behind the scenes within Steam Input recently. Other, older games have been silently breaking in the last few weeks. The 2012 PC port of Sonic Adventure 2 suddenly asked me to reboot the game after informing me that my controller type had changed, and I had to remap all of my inputs in Gas Guzzlers Extreme after it, too, detected a change in Steam Input’s Xbox controller support (all its buttons had to be rebound to a “new controller” after the “old one” stopped working, despite no hardware change on my end).

It’s possible that a version of No Man’s Sky from a week or two ago worked fine with Steam Input, and now a change on Valve’s end of things has thrown everything into disarray. It's equally likely a patch will fix things up sooner rather than later (maybe even by the time this post goes up).

That excuse does not apply to a game like American Truck Simulator, however. It’s a story similar to No Man’s Sky, except while I expect No Man’s Sky is trying to use Steam Input to approximate the original controller setup (just with more depth to what buttons you remap), American Truck Simulator inexplicably did the opposite of that.

The game launched with Xbox controller support, meaning you could effectively use any controller with the game via Steam Input’s basic functionality. Sometime around the end of 2018 that changed, with SCS Software ditching Xbox support in favor of direct Steam Input support. But it’s how they did this that ended up so baffling.

Instead of updating their controller support to use Steam Input, they seemingly stripped all controller support from the game entirely, busting American Truck Simulator back down to basic keyboard controls. Then, using Steam Input, they created a custom controller configuration that translated to those keyboard keys to controller buttons. In other words, let's say the "F" key on your keyboard handles turning on your headlights. Using Steam Input, SCS Software made it so hitting the controller's X button would activate the F key on the keyboard, thus toggling the headlights. In theory, this is great, because you can use both the keyboard and the controller at the same time without changing any settings.

But it also meant that when I put down American Truck Simulator mid-2017, how the game controlled changed (relatively) overnight. Booting it back up a year later, all my buttons did something completely different through no fault of my own, and it took a lot of detective work to figure out why. I had to spend more than an hour untangling this new mess and putting everything back the way I originally had it. By the time I was done, I was too fed up to actually play American Truck Simulator.

Next, let’s talk about the exciting new features afforded by Steam Input. Though fully-featured official drivers for Playstation and Nintendo controllers are hard to come by on the PC, Steam Input enables features like the Dualshock 4’s gyroscope, allowing developers to make games with motion control in ways that would have been impossible. A whole new era of innovative uses of tilting your controller could begin!

Has anyone done anything like that? Nope, not really. Unless you count VR, but that's mostly with VR-specific controllers.

Instead, we get developers going rogue, implementing gyroscope functionality where none existed. Take Ubisoft’s Grow Home. Developed as a tech demo for a procedural climbing system, Ubisoft spun Grow Home off into a sort of big-budget indie game. You play as a charming red robot named B.U.D. as he ascends his way up a gigantic alien tree. At the very top of the tree sits his spaceship, and his central computer, M.O.M.

Grow Home uses Steam Input and plugs in to the Dualshock 4’s gyroscope, nauseatingly giving you the ability to control the game’s camera by tilting your controller. It doesn’t tell you this, you just start the game with B.U.D. staring at the floor, gently twitching from your slightest movement. What makes this crazy is the fact that if you were to play Grow Home on an actual Playstation 4 console, this gyroscope camera feature is not present. Same controller, same game, but for some reason Ubisoft secretly gave the PC version gyroscope features thanks to Steam Input.

The exact same thing happened with Croteam’s The Talos Principle. Here’s a first-person puzzle game about redirecting laser beams to unlock doors, available on just about every platform that will take it. On a Playstation 4 console, it controls like any other standard first-person shooter -- left stick moves, right stick aims. Connect your Playstation 4 Dualshock to your PC and play The Talos Principle on Steam, and suddenly you have all-new gyroscope aiming for no logical reason, necessitating a dive into the game’s settings so it can be turned off.

This could perhaps be explained by the environment Valve has cultivated on Steam. On a console, there’s a laborious, and sometimes even expensive “certification” process games must go through to release. Additional rounds of certification is required to issue updates and patches. Usually, platform holders require games to meet certain standards of functionality as to avoid driving away potential customers and spoiling the marketplace for everyone else.

On Steam, that all gets thrown out the window. For a small, one-time submission fee, anyone can publish (almost) anything on Steam and update it instantly, for free, forever. Any whim you have can be instantly realized for zero cost other than the time it takes to implement. New gyroscope controls? Sure, why not! Who’s going to tell you no? Definitely not Valve, that’s for sure.

This lead to the worst of all worlds. I suffer from occasional flare-ups of carpal tunnel syndrome thanks to art-related pursuits. One night a few months ago I found myself with enough discomfort in my hand that I tried playing Valve’s own Left 4 Dead 2 with a controller. Besides launching on PC, Left 4 Dead 2 had console ports on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. As such, the PC version originally received standard Xbox controller support. And more than once, I’d fallen back on playing L4D2 with a controller for any number of reasons. It wasn’t as accurate as using a keyboard and mouse, but in a pinch it was convenient, functional and comfortable.

Booting up Left 4 Dead 2 in 2019 and grabbing my controller, just like with American Truck Simulator, I was met with a top-to-bottom control system rewrite made to accommodate Valve ditching Xbox support and replacing it with Steam Input. This meant that none of my buttons were the same anymore.

And, just like with Grow Home and The Talos Principle, suddenly Left 4 Dead 2 also had completely unnecessary (and frankly, hyper-sensitive) gyroscope aiming bolted on over the top, even though I didn’t need or want it. It was like I stepped on to an alien planet.

Worse yet, this new Steam Input configuration was actually a step back from the previous Xbox controller config.

Left 4 Dead 2 was old enough that it was an early game to feature emotes on a radial wheel chosen using the analog stick. This made it easy to communicate with teammates even if you didn’t have a headset for voice chat. To some degree, it was made specifically for a controller. In Valve’s new, official Steam Input controller config for L4D2, the option to show these chat shortcuts was removed entirely. So not only were all my buttons different, but some old functionality was now gone. Why? Why not, said Valve. After all, nobody is going to stop them.

To butcher a quote from Jurassic Park’s Ian Malcolm, just because you could, doesn’t mean you should.

The solution to this is the same solution Valve has for everything they do nowadays. Steam Input is not a closed system. You can, if you so choose, connect to an online database where users share their own custom controller configurations. In Valve's eyes, the “Free Market” solves all problems, even problems Valve makes for themselves.

Assuming your needs match the free market, anyway. You may spend just as long browsing and testing other people’s Steam Input configs as it would take you to dig into the settings and fix it yourself. Either way, it’s an unwanted distraction.

The greatest benefit of Microsoft standardizing PC game controllers via the Xbox 360 was that you simply plugged in the controller and it worked. No mapping buttons, no detecting analog stick ranges, no fiddling with any of the options menus. The game in question simply said, “I know what this is!” and you were ready to go. The only problem with that was it only applied to Xbox controllers, a problem Steam originally solved. Thanks to Steam, every controller was functionally an Xbox controller!

But as is increasingly the case, Valve’s aspirations to be more than simply a library of PC games outstripped their ability to control the quality of the input or output. They fixed a very important problem, but were so determined to prove their own intelligence that we've landed right back where we started: forever tinkering with options menus when we could just be playing video games like we wanted.

#steam #valve #no man's sky #the talos principal #hello games #croteam #writing #long #left 4 dead #xbox #controller #switch #nintendo #gamepad #playstation #dualshock #feature

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spideymybucky · 6 years ago

Text

A thing for Co-stars

Pairing: Tom x reader ,Zendaya x Tom

Warnings: fluff and angst, just cuteness!!!!

Word count: 1.4+

A/N: Well, thanks for reading and this came to me because idk. Things happen and my brain is weird. Y’all like it? Would you like more? My request are open cause im bored, so blow me up babes!

Tom Holland wasn’t expecting any of this to happen. He wasn’t expecting his life to turn into a whirl wind of events, red carpets, paparazzis, or just being put into the spotlight so fast. He also wasn’t expecting to fall in love with (Y/n) (Y/l/n), while being in a ‘relationship’. He felt as if everything was sleeping right out of his hands.

He sat on the white high chair with Clair, the make up artist, retouching his foundation. He looked at his phone, reading the article published by one of the gossip sites. Tom Holland and Zendaya called it quits? Read the headline. He bit his lip as he scanned over it. It seems as if Tom Holland, Spiderman himself, might have cheated on Zendaya with his new co-star (Y/n) (Y/l/n). Talk about drama. They were seen walking out of a restaurant together. An insider said “Tom has never felt this way before. He truly is broken, he doesn’t know who to choose.”

He threw his phone on the counter and sighed. He wasn’t ready for this side of fame. Nothing was supposed to come out of to co-stars eating together. His gut said it was a bad idea, even (Y/n) said that, but he ignored every sign and insisted. He just wanted a bit of time with her.

“Mate, stop stressing about it. I already sent a statement to PR and they’re gonna deal with it.” Harrisons stated. He nodded and looked at the mirror.

“Well, love, you’re all done here. Tell (y/n), if she needs a retouch to come to me. Sara’s gone for the day, you know an emergency or something.” Her crooked smile was something that made every ones day. She was like a mother hen to all the actors.

“Sure, Clair.” He answered smiling. Harrison followed him to the set. It wasn’t a big production, but it was highly anticipated for its cast. He read his scene, taking notes from Guillermo, the director until he had to leave. He looked around, not seeing much of the cast here. He was sure the he had scenes with her, but she was nowhere to be seen.

“(Y/n)’s gonna be late, so we’re gonna shoot the shot/reverse shots first without her and continue with the 23rd scene followed by the 2 and 4 scene, ok?” Guillermos’ thick latin accent noticeable more then ever. The crew members nodded and started arranging the set. All the house scenes were to be done this after none, and later they had to fly to Thailand to continue.

Filming continued for the next few hours, it was hard doing everything alone. He didn’t have his co-stars input or how he should act. Guillermo called it quits, unsatisfied with the 23 scene after two hours. He wasn’t angry, just annoyed by waste of time. He looked down at his clock and it was 8:30 pm. He sat on his designated chair with a snack on his hand, and looked through his phone. More articles were being released, his name was trending and it annoyed him.

“Well, if it isn’t my cheating boyfriend.” A feminine tone came from behind him. He turned around and saw Zendaya smiling.

“Hey, Z, What’ya doing here?” Tom spoke with his mouth full of bread.

“Gross, Holland.” Daya, scrunched her nose in disgust. He laughed and swallowed, almost choking.

“Sorry, sorry. Forgot how lady-like you are.” Zendaya rolled her eyes and sat next to him.

“Well, Tommy boy I’m here to relive you of your guilt.” Tom looked confused at Zendaya.

“What are you talking about, Z?” He asked confused out of his mind.

“I talked to your manager and we’ve decided to release a statement about our break up, and how its been a year and a half or something like that since then.” She showed him everything, how it was going to go down and it was going to be posted on both their instagrams. He looked at her with hopeful eyes, feeling better than ever. It was a weight lifted of his shoulders.

“Z, you didn’t have to do that. I know how private you are in all of this. I-Thank you.” Tom mumble out as he engulfed her into a hug. A high pitched laughter interrupted their hug, as Tom pushed Zendaya a way. He looked at the door to find (Y/n) laughing at her phone. She looked up and caught Tom’s honey-brown eyes. She then averted them and saw Zendaya next to him, her eyes wide with intrigue.

“I’m guessing thats her.” Zendaya mumbled, slightly showing Tom. He nodded and sighed.

“Yeah” he whispered out.

“You sure do have a thing for co-stars, don’t you?” Zendaya humorously said. He glared at her. Why is he so unlucky? He thought. (Y/n) stood in front of them with a tight lip smile. Her eyes roamed from Zendaya to Tom. They looked close, like any couple would, and happy.

“Hey, Uh…” She whispered out, scared her voice would betray her.

“Hey, I’m Zendaya but my friends call me Daya or Z, or ya’know, you can call me Zendaya. Its up to you. ” With her hand out, (Y/n) grabbed and shook it. Dayas’ big smile plastered on her face as (Y/n) was to scared.

“Yeah, I know. I’m a big fan of your work. I’m (Y/n).”

“Thanks, boo. Me too, I’m a fan. I loved you in Captive.” Her warm smile made (Y/n) guilt grow. She nodded, forcing herself to smile and act as if nothing happened that night-which nothing did, except some glances here and there.

“I just wanted to clear the air and say nothing happened that night. Tom and I were just having dinner, after a long day and Paparazzi were there. I should’ve known it was to risky, I didn’t want to cause any problems. You and Tom make such-” Zendaya burst out laughing, making (Y/n)s’ rant cut short. Tom smiled lightly and nudged Z.

“No no no no, we aren’t-I mean we were but now- its”

“What Tom’s trying to say is that we aren’t together.” She motioned at both of them. “We were an item but its over now, he’s just one of my best friends.”

“Oh, ok.” She sighed in relief and smiled at them. “I should get going, Guille’s kind of mad at me.” She slowly hugged Zendaya and smiled at Tom before retrieving. Tom looked at her go, slipping away from him again and he sighed. Why was he such a dork? Can’t he just talk to her and not make it awkward?

Zendaya on the other hand looked at both of them. (Y/n) was stealing glances at Tom, every no and then. Her eyes full of love and hope, but with every small glance a bit of hope decade. Thomas, on the other hand, was trying his hardest to push down his feelings and ignore (Y/n). He acted as if nothing happened, with a broody look on his face. He was stealing glances too, both of them oblivious.

“You shouldn’t just stay there staring at her. Go on and ask her out before that wannabe Zac Efron does.” Zendaya winked at him. She grabbed her coat and slipped it on. Tom stood up next to her, falling a few feet short.

“Yeah, I know. I know.” He said hugging her.

“Get on it Thomas, cause she’s gorgeous and if I were her I wouldn’t wait for you to get your shit together.” She smiled and waved at him, leaving him speechless.

She was right, though. He had to talk to her, tell her how he felt and how everything went down that night. He didn’t mean to make her feel uncomfortable or put her in any kind of situation where she was affected. He needed to do it before anyone else got to her. She was gorgeous and talented, how can someone not like her? Licking his lips he stood up and walked to her.

(Y/n) looked at him and smiled. She set better after what Zendaya said. He was free, no relationship attached to him, and that made her revaluate her relationship with him. She was attracted to his innocent smile, his puppy dog eyes and his wild curly hair. She could see herself with him, talking for hours and just laughing at everything. The hardest part about everything is envisioning a future together, and thats what both of them did.

“Hey…” He mumbled out. She smiled at him, making him slightly dizzy and out of breath.

“Hey.” She whispered out before looking up straight into his eyes.

Right there and then they both knew, everything was going to be ok.

Tags

@run-girl-on-fire-run @savvythedork @iwokeupinabadmood @thechickvic @its-shaula-wii @unicorngummybears @hahajalen1 @melaerica @phenominiallfabiola @takeabreathandbeanxious @kealohilani-tepise @she-had-theworld @schischi @h0tshotholland @profangirllex @richiethotzierz@bellagrayson-wayne @chonisberonica @rockyrocket15 @mariejoycarter @charlsxblog @alainabooks143 @mercurys-rhapsody @its-a-mess-here @omg-i-am-lord-voldemort @bartonsbowandarrow @andreuskystuff@avatheexceed @imma-witch-bitch @chewymoustachio @rachelscosplay @au-shay-lia @fuckingpasssword @andreuskystuff @liveanddiehere @loxbbg@beckastark @babymadz@shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @spideymood @spider-scrub acceptance07 @emmaewatson

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #zendaya x y/n #zendaya x tom holland #Spiderman #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #harrison osterfield #tom holland x you #peter parker x you #marvel mcu #tom holland imagine

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thegreymoon · 6 years ago

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Hi I have been a fan of your work for a very long time and so I sneak into your tumblr from time to time.I counldnt help but notice that you post a lot of political/sjw stuff and I know it is none of my business but since I am probably absolutely opposite in my political views I can't help myself and ask: I understand that you are Asian, but you don't seem to be interested in real or imagined injustices in your country/continent and are mainly interested in USA, why is that?

Hi, anon!

First of all, I am not Asian and I’m very sorry if I ever did or said anything to mislead people into thinking that I was. It was unconsciously done. I have no intention of offending anyone or appropriating an identity that isn’t mine, so if I did something of that sort, please let me know and I’ll do my best to correct myself. I often reblog stuff about China because I think it’s an amazing country, I’m learning Mandarin (not making much progress, though), love their culture, nature, architecture and am a big fan of their historical/fantasy dramas. Also, the two fandoms I was the most active in (coincidentally) happen to be a Japanese anime and a Japanese video game, so I have a lot of love for their art and aesthetics.

I’m actually very surprised that you would ‘notice’ that I post a lot of ‘political/sjw stuff’, considering that I mostly use Tumblr to repost Merlin gifs, cast/crew news and fanworks. There is maybe one reblog on just about anything else for every fifty (perhaps even more) Merlin posts, so I really have to wonder which of the RL issues I posted about bothered you so much that you would describe them as ‘a lot’.

I may be misinterpreting the tone of your ask, so forgive me if I misread your intentions and am responding too harshly, but in my experience, ‘SJW’ is a term that is used to be dismissive when people are talking about real social issues, plus I found your wording of ‘imagined injustices’ very… interesting.

Also, I find it odd that somebody would unironically ask me why I’m ‘mainly’ interested in the USA.

First of all, the global market is oversaturated with American media, American products, American news, American movies, TV series, music, you name it. It’s everywhere. Of course I’m going to know more about it than, say, Lichtenstein. The exposure of American public figures is insane and it just happens that the stuff that appears on my dash is most often related to the USA because that is what the people I follow also follow (and for the record, on Tumblr, I mainly follow the Merlin fandom and to a somewhat lesser degree, various artists, baby animals, Chinese traditional outfits, Buzzfeed and NASA news). I absolutely do reblog pure evil, injustices, hypocrisy and intentionally inflicted misery in other countries too when I see them, but I don’t actively go looking for them on Tumblr, just like I don’t actively look for the USA posts either. The USA posts are simply there, without much active input from me, while other countries are not. An important point, of course, since we are having this weird discussion about why a random person outside of the USA is consuming so much American media, is that English is the only foreign language I am fluent in, so when it comes to foreign content, I am primarily going to read and interact with posts in English. And which country creates the most content in English? Yup, you guessed it!

On a similar note, everything that happens in the USA affects other countries too. Nothing that goes on there takes place in a vacuum and the USA has made damn sure that it has its fingers in each and every single pie all over the world. Everything, the good and the bad, spills over and trust me, we feel the effects acutely in my unstable, politically fraught little country. The economic and cultural implications are enormous, so you can bet American issues are very personal for me, even if I don’t live there. My country’s government consists of puppets in the hands of various world leaders playing tug of war with actual human lives. My literal paycheck depends on the stability of the dollar. The survival of the entire human species hangs on how we deal with climate change right now and that ignorant, illiterate orange shitstain Americans voted into power is now standing on a global platform, spouting nonsense that is barely one step removed from Creationist bullshit and Flat-earther conspiracies. And you seriously ask me why I’m interested in the USA?

The USA loves to dub itself as ‘the leader of the free world’ and ‘a global superpower’, and has managed to stick its nose into everybody’s business everywhere (usually with no good intentions), but somehow you question why the rest of us are now going to be interested in what is going on there, not to mention critical when the US government spouts absolute rubbish not just on a domestic, but also global scale? So, yes, I am personally invested in what is going down next in the USA and am sitting here, half the world across, cheering Americans on as they fight to have that shame they elected removed from power and, hopefully, incarcerated, along with all his corrupt cronies, advisors and family members. I’m going to be genuinely celebrating here when he finally goes down!

Secondly, I come from one of those countries that the USA and its allies have destroyed for their own gain and where they have ruined countless lives over multiple generations. I have every reason to notice, take a personal interest in and comment on the hypocrisy, the grandstanding and the false moral high ground that is assumed by the USA (and any of its bootlickers) when I see it.

For any of my USA followers here, I would just like to note that I am perfectly capable of distinguishing between ordinary people and disgusting government policies enacted by corrupt or incompetent politicians. I realise this post sounds angry, but I wish only good things for you all, people are people everywhere and the stuff I’m talking about is way above the average person’s paygrade. I also realise that the USA has screwed over so many of its own citizens; including its war veterans, PoC, minorities, the poor, the weak and the disabled. My heart goes out to you all, truly, and I love you all!

(BTW, I intentionally have not said which country I’m from because I’ve stopped publically stating my location online, simply because it makes it too easy for malicious people to identify me IRL that way. I don’t necessarily hide my RL identity if I have a valid reason to reveal my true name and location, but please forgive me for not stating it outright here, on a public platform, to satisfy the curiosity of an anon ask. My country is misogynistic, homophobic and hostile to all who are non-conforming and my job prospects are hard enough without my online pseudonyms being generally known in my RL circles. I used to be much less secretive about it, but have since learned the error of my ways and am now taking the most basic of precautions.)

With that said, yes, my country has issues! And, fyi, I have ranted and raged and cried about them before online, IRL and in private. I have posted about my country’s political problems everywhere, including here, when I was just too angry to hold it in because I’m absolute shit at being careful even when I make a conscious effort to be. Most recently, I raged about our elections which were a punch to the gut. If I was to start typing about the corruption, injustices and absolute evil going on around me, I would never stop, but I’m not going to do that because that’s not what I come to Tumblr for. This is primarily a fandom space, mostly for fandom stuff, where I come to look at other people’s things and almost never create content of my own. Just about anything political has been reblogged from someone else because it showed up on my dash and touched a nerve. Very little of that is stuff from my own country because nobody creates and reblogs posts about it in the fandom circle I mostly interact with.

I’m now trying to think back to what ‘SJW’ issues (as you put it) I reblog the most often and how any of them are ‘imaginary injustices’. Off the top of my head, the ones that usually touch a nerve are about the oppression and discrimination of women, patriarchy, sexism, various kinds of abuse, sexual assault, overworking, capitalist brainwashing, mental health issues, LGBTQ issues, freedom of speech, resurgence of Nazism, the gap between the rich and the poor, climate change and criminal religious institutions regaining power in society. I can assure you that none of these is ‘imaginary’ and the negative ways in which they affect me and the people around me are very, very real. Also, none of them is unique to the USA, which is what you seem to be the most concerned about, and even if the post is from or about the USA, these problems definitely overlap with things that I, and countless people around the world, are personally experiencing and have a lot of feelings about. The only social issues ‘unique’ to the USA that I often reblog are the ones related to the particular US brand of racism and the appalling, still-ongoing genocide committed against the indigenous people there, and how can you not empathise with that when it’s so egregious? I will reblog them every time they cross my dash to spread awareness since the US government is actively trying to stifle it and rewrite history and idc who is uncomfortable.

With all that said, I’m open to corrections and have no problem admitting to being wrong once I realise I’ve made a mistake. So, this goes for all the people following my blog: if any of the posts I shared are about ‘imaginary’ issues (just… wow at the use of this word) or contain false information, please feel free to let me know and I will take it under advisement. I’m always willing to learn.

#tl;dr #Anonymous #no idea how to even tag this #social issues #personal #i guess

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fiddle-dee-dee777 · 6 years ago

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Sorry for making a vent post, folks. But after an event that occurred a while ago during my fall semester at college, I haven’t stopped thinking about it and felt the need to voice out my thoughts. So here goes:

I think it was about a week or two before Finals when it happened. I was sitting with a group of girls who I thought of as my friends (I still sorta do, but I’m less sure now looking back on the months we spent together) at the school’s cafeteria. We were having a bunch of conversations about different things while showing each other pictures and memes as we ate. At one point, one of the girls shows off something that I assume was funny because everyone else laughed at it, and I asked what it was about. They didn’t tell me all that much except that it was about “some black comedian making a joke”, so it didn’t seem like a big deal to me when I asked if I could see it (since I’ve seen and heard other comedians before like Brian Regan, John Mulaney, Kevin Hart, Gabriel Iglesias, and Jeff Dunham to name a few). However, much to my surprise, they refused to let me see it and told me that I wasn’t allowed. I was confused by their behavior at first and asked them why when one of the girls leaned over the table and said “It’s because you’re too innocent.”

Too innocent? What did she mean by that? We’re all adults here, aren’t we? What does being “too innocent” have to do with it? I was shocked even more when the others agreed with that girl saying how such an innocent girl like me shouldn’t be looking at such a thing.

I’m 20. And I was the oldest of the whole group of girls at that table.

Even my roommate, a girl who I had met online and became my best friend since 7th grade (and later on became more like a sister to me), agreed with everyone else on the notion of me being “too innocent”. While hearing that stuff from everyone else was strange and off-putting, hearing it from her of all people, it . . . it honestly really hurt. A lot.

I then asked them that if I really was “too innocent” to see the photo with the comedian, then at what point in time would I be deemed “not innocent” in order to see it? The girl who had called me “too innocent” earlier said that I would only be able to see it on the day after I get married, and I quickly responded with something along the lines of “So you’re saying that I have to get a husband and have sex with him in order to see that one photo? (the “have sex” part was a bit of a stretch at the time since she never said anything about that and it was more just me kinda overreacting, but it was hard trying not to get mad at this point)” She, of course, responded with “No, you don’t have to have sex. You just need to be married.” Yet she nor anyone else around her in the group (minus one) were ever married nor had any plans on marrying anybody yet. In response, I quickly told her (almost kinda jokingly yet kinda bitterly at the same time) “Joke’s on you! I don’t ever plan on getting married! Thanks a lot for shutting me out forever!”

I didn’t say anything much after that, but (as I tried [and inevitably failed] to google the picture from the vague description they gave me earlier) the girl facepalmed at my response and told the others along the lines of “Can you believe this? The things I/we have to deal with!” with the other girls laughing along a bit and looking back at me funny saying that I’m just “blowing it all out of proportion” and “making it a big deal” over a little picture. I’m not gonna lie, I likely did and wouldn’t doubt them on that. However, it wasn’t the picture that I was making a big deal over; it was how they treated me regarding the picture and how I was “too innocent” for it that got me upset.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have a problem at all with innocence in the slightest. I think it can be a wonderful thing if tended to properly and with maturity. For me, it was simply their tone of voice and how they shut me out and talked down to me, assuming that I “didn’t have what it takes” to handle something that could’ve potentially been offensive or anything like that. That’s what really got down underneath my skin and rubbed me wrong. How do they know what I see and hear? Who gave them the power and the right to determine whether or not I am capable to look at some picture and exclude me because of it? Besides, they don’t have eyes on me 24/7. They aren’t my parents. They don’t know my life and what I’ve dealt with. I’m old enough to determine those things myself, aren’t I?

I know folks have called me “innocent” and “sheltered” before in high school and other earlier points, and I felt uncomfortable about that then (mainly when people say it in a way that they’re talking down to me like I’m some child or that I’m incapable of learning about anything outside of what I already know because I can be rather sensitive [and I know I am, but I’ve been learning to improve on it]). However, whenever I had some friends back then in high school that called me “innocent”, they both playfully joked about it yet said it in a way that felt much more like they meant “You are a kind, pure-hearted person, and I have high respect for you as such”. And even then, they wouldn’t exclude me from things that they were looking at and, if they were unsure of whether or not I could handle a certain thing, would either simply not show it at all unless I wasn’t around or gave me a little warning/precursor of what they were going to show and asked me if that was okay to show off around me in a way that didn’t put me down or make me feel upset. Regardless of our differences in background and views on certain ideals, they treated me more like an equal (and I really hope that I was the same for them during the time we spent together). Those are the kind of people that I greatly appreciate the most, in all honesty.

Now that I’m an adult, I feel that I have learned - and am still eager to learn - more about life like what to avoid and what to take into consideration among other things. As we deal with different experiences, we learn more and more lessons from said experiences and grow from them. However, after thinking about it for so long, I’m still sorta confused about what the lesson may be from that one. I know part of that lesson is that I’m gonna find people like that everywhere in life, but what else? Mom said that girls are catty and quick to turn on you unlike boys (who she says make much better friends than other girls). While I do kind of agree with her and like having guys for friends, I do want to give other girls the benefit of the doubt and believe that not all girls hopefully act that way towards each other. But even then, I still don’t think that’s all there is to learn about that day. The girls were usually very good friends to me, but I’ve been sadly feeling more and more unsure ever since that one moment. I don’t want to see them as bad friends, but I still feel very put-off every time I think about it.

Did they really think that, of all things, I’d get so offended by what the comedian said or did? Did they think I’d be grossed out or that I’d be mentally/emotionally scarred by it? And if they didn’t want me to see, couldn’t they have waited until I wasn’t around to show the picture off rather than purposefully excluding me from it?

If anything, thinking on that event, what they said and how they behaved toward me was far more offensive than any silly photo of some comedian.

Again, sorry for the rambling and ranting, but I felt like I had to get all this off off my chest and that it needed to be said. If anyone else has any input or dealt with similar experiences, feel free to put down your own thoughts and stories. Hope things go well for you all this year. See ya around!

#my thoughts #vent post #venting #just one of those days I guess...#I dunno #I might decide to delete this later #what do you think?

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lilacskyent-blog · 6 years ago

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Breakfast with The Wicked Lady

Every day we see social media influencers, as well as anyone with a social media account, talk about how fake everything is. They rant about how everything is curated, modified with photoshop or facetune, and how no one is showing who they really are. This stance has always frustrated me because the way we present ourselves on social media is often times the same way we present ourselves in the real world when we want to make a good impression. This idea of trying to be our best selves, or even something as ill-conceived as “fake it ‘till you make it” was not born on social media, it’s something nearly everyone on the world does, while simultaneously craving something real. Michelle, a.k.a thewickedlady is one of the most real influencers I’ve ever encountered. Sitting with her via video chat, I feel immediately at ease because she’s normal. There’s no performance, no hyped up mess, just a really cool girl.

Where did Wicked Lady come from?

Growing up watching Anime and Sailor Moon, I felt like I related very closely to the character Chibiusa, who is Usagi’s daughter who comes to visit Usagi from the Future. There’s a part in Sailor Moon R, where Chibiusa is convinced she is unloved by her friends and family, and she’s told that she is alone. This puts her in a really dark place and Wise Man turns her into the Wicked Lady. Growing up, I had a hard time finding myself and feeling very alone. I felt really unloved and I was in a dark place. But light was shed on me eventually and I realized that all these negative thoughts were not necessary and I should live my life to the fullest and be happy, and that’s also what helped Chibiusa return to her small lady self.

What got you into modeling?

It really wasn’t my initial plan to get into modeling, but I started when I was 18 and got serious when I was 20. I just started taking pictures when I had my pink hair, and my favorite hair dying brands started working with me. I started taking more pictures with my friends who were photographers and I grew from there. I did not do this on my own, I had a lot of help from my friends who helped me grow as an influencer and as a model and a person. I wouldn’t be anywhere without them.

Despite her modesty, Michelle is an amazing model. From the outfits she puts together to the poses the photographers capture there is pure magic in every image, even the silly ones that may or may not have been accidents. In my own personal modeling career, I pull inspiration from her work, because it’s not only beautiful but also carry an oddly perfect balance of elegance along with badass. Though from what I’ve gathered I’d say greatness with modesty is a fairly accurate way to describe Michelle. She’s absolutely incredible but doesn’t use her energy demanding you to tell her, or even acknowledge it. She’s just herself, just a girl with dreams, goals, and gifts like every other human being.

So along with everything else you have going on, you’re also a college student, what are you studying?

Currently studying Psychology, on route to receiving my bachelors, and eventually my PH.D. PSY.D in Industrial-Organizational Psychology. Psychology has always been my favorite subject, especially growing up in an unstable home environment, I felt it would be best to learn more about mental health to help myself and my loved ones. People tend to forget that mental health is extremely important in living a healthy, and happy life. But because we can’t physically “cure” mental illness as we do with the common flu, I feel like it’s left unattended, or not taken seriously. We’ve all heard the term, “It’s a phase”, and in some cases, it really isn’t and leaves us more bruised and broken.

Mental health is one of the number one things we’re dealing with in today’s world. From loud, known cases like Kanye West, to the closed-off kids in the back of hundreds of classrooms who are feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, depression, or anything else. However despite overwhelming evidence of this challenge people still act like it doesn’t exist. People poke fun, or minimize the importance of mental health, but scream about mental health every time someone is taken from the world. It needs to be taken seriously, and taken care of.

What is the goal for you?

My main goal is to figure out myself, and create a path for myself in a way that is healthy and happy for my family and I. I don’t want to live a life dependent on money but I do want to live comfortably. In general, I would love to be able to make a difference and help people when they are feeling alone or in the dark. I know at times people feel really hopeless and let down and I want to set a reminder that people feel the same way and we should all be there for each other as a support system. (Enough serious time I also want to be the greatest pokemon master ever YAAAGGAA)

The minute she makes this joke I break and can’t stop laughing. The fact that she can go from completely serious to completely ridiculous is so comforting. I find myself laughing not only at the joke, but at how nervous I felt when I was preparing for this interview. I’m laughing at myself for being nervous, for worrying that the real person would be different from the person on instagram, or from the Twitch streamer who will randomly stop playing a game and instead let her audience watch her bake cookies at 2am. We’ve become so used to the endless performance of content creators, that seeing someone who, it seems, is completely herself, is honestly disarming at first.

3 Breakfast must haves?

PANCAKES WITH CHOCOLATE CHIPS. (All time favorite food), Roasted Potatoes or anything with potatoes, and blueberry muffins!

Describe your perfect day

Honestly, waking up on a rainy day with my significant other and Goku(my cat) . A full 8 hours of sleep. Not having to worry about drama or struggles. Staying in binge-watching the LOTR/ Hobbit Trilogy, drinking Hot Cocoa, eating everything and anything that I can that has potatoes and corn. (I’m a mess but I'm a SLOOT for Elote). and not having to worry about work/homework assignments in college. I’m a simple lass.

Rave or mosh pit?

Considering I used to go to a lot of concerts and got used to being swiftly kicked in the head in mosh pits, now I would prefer raves mainly because it’s a more loving and sweet environment and it’s a lot more affectionate.

Top 10 songs on your playlist right now?

Sunflower- Post Malone

IDWK - Dvbbs

Girls - The 1975

Kamikaze - MO

Take me As You Please - Story So Far

In Bloom - Neck Deep

From the Outside - Real Friends

Disrespectin’ - 88Rising

Bright Pink Tims - BlackBear

Ocean - Martin Garrix / Khalid

This playlist is available through Google Play on our blog!

What advice would you give up and coming models to help avoid scam businesses/shady photographers? - Be cautious for red flags, pay attention to their “creative” ideas such as import/lude/ implied. If they don’t allow you to bring a friend during shoots. Check in with others who may have shot with them to get their input with their experience. Also - always meet in a public area and do not shoot with them in a private area. Try to shoot outdoors first, to see how they vibe during the shoot, and FOLLOW YOUR GUT FEELING. If something is off about them, cut the shoot short.

What got you into Twitch streaming and what do you enjoy most about it?

I used to work for a shady ass stream house with 10 other girls, and those girls turned to be the sweetest and most loving girls I’ve met. Although the work itself was garbage, it was the people who worked with me who motivated and inspired me to continue twitch streaming. I met such amazing and wonderful people within that house. <3 I love being able to get personal and talk to my viewers one on one, and I love making them laugh. If you’ve watched my twitch streams, I do dance parties in onesies because I know as much as it makes me look like a fool, it makes my viewers laugh and happy, and that’s all I want for them <3

If you could live in any Studio Ghibli movie which one would you pick?

Kiki’s Delivery Service or Mary and the Witch’s Flower <3

You're very open about mental health and your struggles with it. Was that always something you were open to sharing or was there a moment where you decided to do that?

I used to shut everyone out. I bottled up all of my emotions because I grew up being afraid of them. I was told to keep my head held high and never let my guard down. Showing sadness meant a sign of weakness to me growing up, but it just felt so inhuman to me knowing people feel the same way too and I couldn’t express it. I had a really bad experience back in middle school that completely destroyed me and my mindset. It was all because of social media. It tore me down and turned me into this monster who couldn’t learn to love herself. It stressed me out and brought so much anxiety. I figured, if ever I came back to social media, it would be to help others who felt the way I did. I don’t want anyone to feel like they were alone in life. I get it, suicide hotlines and phone numbers and therapists are provided for those who feel like they want to talk to someone. But in all honesty, it’s hard to find it within myself/yourself to talk to a complete stranger about your problems. It’s better to even talk to someone who you feel like you can trust. As a young adult, I feel like it would be better if I had open arms to those who need it.

So I have to include at least one question about FBE and I have just one, important question: when they finish filming Try Not to Eat do they give you free rein? NOPE, WE CAN’T EAT JACK SHIT AND IT MAKES ME UPSET BECAUSE IT’S THE ULTIMATE TEASE. ( I love me some honey glazed HAM)

If you haven’t watched the Try Not To Eat Challenge videos from FBE I highly recommend them. They’re hilarious, and Michelle is in most of them.

Do you know how dope you are?

God No. I honestly think I’m way too dorky sometimes. I like having this persona on Instagram but being able to be myself and be goofy and fun as well. I don’t like to be serious, I really don’t. But I do have a feisty side when I see something I’m not okay with. I’m not really afraid to snap back if something doesn’t feel right.

Whether she becomes a therapist, psychologist, model, or anything else Michelle is destined for even greater and more amazing heights than she’s already reached. The world could benefit from someone not only as amazing as she is, but as honest and she is. I’m excited to see what’s next for her!

-Strawberry Smirk

#lilac #sky #michelle #wicked #lady #interview #breakfast #asian #american #millenials #influencer #social media #Model #beauty

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gurenaii · 7 years ago

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My SS Analysis (Part One)

SasuSaku. A canon pairing between Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura.

I posted earlier that I wanted to do one of these, so here this is!

This is an analysis for only part one, not for Shippuden. It’s too long for one for Part One as it is.

I spent a long time on this and I’m really proud of how this came out. In this I’ll be addressing some, if not most arguments against the ship and I’ll be using the manga and databooks as well; not the anime. I’m getting the manga translations an screenshots from Kissmanga.

I’ll also be doing this with an open mind, while inputting my own thoughts as a shipper of SS.

Now, let’s begin.

WARNING: THIS IS VERY LONG, THOUGH ITS MAINLY THE AMOUNT OF MANGA PANELS THAT MAKE IT LONG...

CHAPTER 3

When Sasuke and Sakura are officially introduced to the series, Sakura is shown and described by Naruto:

Naruto has a lil crush on her, and she’s shown as a Sasuke fangirl shortly after.

Sasuke then gets introduced right after, described as the class heartthrob.

Then yes, Sakura is officially portrayed as a girl who has a crush on Sasuke, a fangirl of his. And he pays no attention to her advances. As well of two girls there hissing “who does she think she is” which I find kinda funny by the way. It also proves the whole “class heartthrob” comment by Naruto, it’s shown that not only Sakura, but other girls also have a crush on him. Though it’s based on his looks and his coolness as the rookie.

He ignores all the advances by his fangirls. Right after Naruto comments how Sakura looks totally ecstatic while she has heart eyes at Sasuke. And then the little funny comical scene happens where Sasuke and Naruto kiss accidentally.

Let’s skip ahead a bit. We get to where Iruka is pairing up the three person squads. Team Seven is paired together as: Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke.

Skipping ahead again...

After Sasuke gets free from the restraints Naruto put on him he finds Sakura who was basically just in an encounter with Naruto disguising as Sasuke. He obviously doesn’t know about that and he asks where Naruto is and Sakura does her little rant about how he keeps ‘getting in between them’ and how he has no parents and how kids with none grow up selfish and annoying, then right after he tells her that being scolded by your parents doesn’t compare with loneliness. Sakura is oblivious to this and then Sasuke calls her annoying then leaves.

Some SS Shippers I now have said that he didn’t really think of her as truly annoying here, but yes, he did. She rambled about something that hit his nerves. He was actually annoyed at her here.

So here, he isn’t very fond of her.

CHAPTER 4

We are introduced with this cover which is really nice foreshadowing by the way.

Where they are talking about themselves, while Sakura talks about herself like everyone else did, this happens:

Take it as embarrassment or moved, I personally think he’s embarrassed since she’s basically fawning over him in front of his teacher and yeah. I also think he’s just embarrassed because this takes after he called her annoying, where he wasn’t really liking her.

CHAPTER 6

After Kakashi puts Sakura under a genjutsu of Sasuke on the verge of death, she screams and passes out. Meanwhile Sasuke hears the scream:

CHAPTER 7

After Kakashi sends Sasuke underground, Sakura arrives and believes that she’s seeing his severed head and passes out again.

She wakes up to see Sasuke leaning over her, he waited for her to wake up to see if she’s okay or not, despite wasting his time.

She sees that he’s fine, not dead, and hugs him in relief, and he reassures her that he’s fine and tells her to let him go now.

And he explains to her how it’s almost noon and time is running out (cough, and yet he stayed with her until she woke) and that he almost got the bells last time.

*clears throat*

I don’t think this is embarrassment. What even is there to be embarrassed about? Nobody else is around except for Sakura. And there isn’t any reason to be.

Boy, I see you.

After, she says how “there’s always next time!” and that he should give up, and then he opens up to her by saying:

Pretty sure he’s never told anyone this yet other than briefly hinting it when he was describing his likes, dislikes, goals, etc.

Also going to mention she’s concerned here.

And she remembers this.

She may be his fangirl in this part, but she isn’t dumb.

CHAPTER 8

moving on

CHAPTER 9

Included that because I found this panel to be humerus, and that eye smex is a big part of his ship. *giggles*

CHAPTER 10

The team is on a mission and they get attacked. Sakura gets in front of Tazuna with a kunai and tries to protect him, Sasuke goes and gets in front of both of them, if Kakashi didn’t step in here he could’ve died or gotten seriously injured.

Proving the statement wrong: Sasuke didn’t care about anyone or anything in part one, he was only focused on revenge.

Yes, he’s focused on getting stronger and getting revenge. But stepping in front of two people where he could have died, where he would be unable to get his revenge, yeah.

There are also more examples that prove the statement wrong, but I'll go over it when I get to those parts.

Another example that Sasuke does indeed care, even if it’s slight.

Mhm~

CHAPTER 19

During chakra control training, Sakura could easily walk up the tree with ease. Meanwhile Naruto and Sasuke were struggling. Sakura gave Naruto tips, and then after a while...

Sasuke asks Naruto what Sakura told him earlier about the tips, with a blush on his face.

You can interpret it as a blush of embarrassment or a blush that he’s interested in her, I take it as embarrassment. I mean, he obviously isn’t one for asking people for help or advice and he’s embarrassed that he had to ask Naruto of all people.

CHAPTER 26

Another example that Sasuke does care for his comrades this early on in the story. He heard Sakura scream and was panicked that something bad might’ve happened to her and Kakashi back there.

CHAPTER 27

Another example that he cared or his comrades this early on...

CHAPTER 31

Then comes the scene where Sakura see’s Sasuke’s supposedly dead body.

-And she is shocked to see this.

You can see it in her expression. She’s shocked that the Sasuke, top rookie in the class whom she praise to be cool and good at everything he does, is laying down dead in front of her.

And she’s holding her emotions back now. She states that this isn’t an illusion this time and says he feels cold, rather than the warmth that he’s supposed to have and that confirms it in her mind that he’s actually dead.

She is holding her emotions back until Tazuna says that it’s alright for her to shed tears.

Sakura hears this, and talks about how she always got good grades on all her tests in school.

And she states the 25th rule of the Shinobi Conduct, and finally lets her emotions out and she cries.

This moment here, I think opened her eyes about how anything could happen, and how easily she could lose somebody. I also think this moment, her character develops. She obviously really cares about him more; more than his looks or his “coolness” or else she wouldn’t be crying this hard.

If she truly didn’t care about him then she wouldn’t be this affected by it.

CHAPTER 33

Sasuke hears someone crying and recognizes it to be Sakura.

And he wakes up.

She is grateful that he’s alive, and quickly hugs him. This is like a parallel to chapter seven, except this one has more emotion and it’s more meaningful.

While she hugs him he tells her he’s hurting him so she lets go and apologizes. And Sasuke’s eyes are concealed.

He tries to get up and she is against it, because he might worsen the wounds he already has. He reassues her (just like chapter 7) that he’s all right and asks about the situation about Naruto and Haku and she answers him.

CHAPTER 34

No, he didn’t insult her. He reminded her that instead of flirting, she should work on her skills more. Sasuke is Sasuke. He’s blunt about his thoughts and he’s not afraid of letting them out.

If you want to know what or who he insults, it’d be Naruto from the amount of times he’s called him an idiot and made fun of him.

Calling someone an idiot (which is making fun of how smart they are) and mentioning to someone that they should they should practice on their skills instead of using their time of flirting are two different things. You can take it as an insult, but just don’t forget he’s called Naruto a variety of things that are rude.

Also, again, Sasuke is extremely blunt.

She actually even admits that he’s right.

CHAPTER 36

The next day, Sakura is still reminded of what Sasuke told her the day before. She’s reluctant to join the chunin exams because she knows she isn’t good like Naruto or Sasuke are.

And Sakura puts on a front, and Sasuke of all people saw right through her.

When two people are standing in front of a door, not letting anyone through to enter the exams.

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura come up and see this and:

And:

He compliments Sakura on her genjutsu immunity skills in front of everyone, winks at her, and has a smile on his face when see sees that her mood has been lifted to happiness.

CHAPTER 38

This is quick, but:

After Sasuke’s fight with Lee, Sasuke is falling and Sakura saves him from falling and hurting himself.

And she asks if he’s alright because she’s genuinely worried.

CHAPTER 47

While in the Forest of Death, when Orochimaru approaches Sasuke and Sakura and forces them to see their death and are paralyzed, they cannot move.

Sasuke looks over and notices Sakura cannot move either, and that she’s shaking from fear.

And he needs to do something. He needs to get them both out of there alive, so he stabs his leg and goes to get Sakura out of there.

And she tries to talk to him and he puts his hand over her mouth to shut her up so he can think of a plan to get them out of the situation.

She also notices that he’s more jumpy and that she’s never seen him like that before, and she’s worried about that.

CHAPTER 48

We’re given this as a part of a cover. (I don’t know if you noticed but I’m putting the covers here as well)

CHAPTER 49

Something that we haven’t seen from Sakura yet, is if she’s as submissive to Sasuke as she usually acts.

She may seem like she doesn’t, but she doesn’t take shit from him, and she’ll call him out if she ever needs to or if it’s necessary.

And what she says here, pushes him to snap out of it and then he proceeds to fight Orochimaru.

And when he loses and gets bitten, getting the curse mark, Sakura is angry and wants and demands to know what Orochimaru did to Sasuke.

After not much of an answer she goes to try to comfort him, to try to help him in any way.

And their hands get intertwined, Sasuke squeezing hers, trying to ease the pain he’s getting.

She pulls him close to try to ease the pain, trying to figure out what to do and what’s happening to him.

She is NOT taking advantage of him. She is NOT trying to take advantage of him. She’s worried about him and she’s trying to figure out what to do to help.

CHAPTER 50

Sakura is taking care of both Naruto and Sasuke.

And she is determined to protect the both of them.

CHAPTER 51

She’s taking care of them to the point where she isn’t letting herself sleep. If she didn’t care about them dearly, she wouldn’t be doing this, and she wouldn’t be this determined.

When three sound ninjas come in and want to fight Sasuke, and Sakura obviously declines, he’s still injured. So she demands answers about the mark on Sasuke’s neck, and about Orochimaru.

CHAPTER 53

It shows that she has liked Sasuke ever since she was really young.

Later on, she tries to protect them as well as Lee, now, and she gets pulled by the hair by a sound ninja.

She goes on in her head about how she feels llike a burden, and how she always has to be protected. She wants to protect the people she cares about, and now she feels useless, like she just gets in the way. And so she then cuts her hair to get free from Kin’s grip on her.

CHAPTER 54

Sakura thinks about how her teammates protect her, and how she just watches them from the back.

She thinks of her teammates + Lee, and guess who’s right in the center.

She then proceeds to fight for her teammates.

A series of flashbacks show with Io and Sakura, and it’s revealed that, again, she’s like Sasuke ever since she was at a young age, and she didn’t even know he was popular and that a lot of girls liked him, too. She didn’t start liking him because he was popular.

CHAPTER 55

Sasuke wakes up.

...But it isn’t the sight she thought she’d see.

Sasuke wakes, the curse mark is active, and he’s angry at seeing how injured Sakura is and demands her to tell him who hurt her.

He is pissed.

The background behind Sakura is black, and I learned recently that when the background of a panel is black, the thing in it is the sole focus of a character is looking at.

It indicates her state of injury is the one thing he’s focused on at the moment. That is the reason he’s so angry after all.

CHAPTER 56

Sakura is worried about the marks on Sasuke’s body, and she points it out.

And he reassures her that there’s nothing to worry about and that he feels strong with power.

And once again. he opens up to her.

And yes he gets even more pissed. Especialy when he figures out who hurt Sakura.

Also, he pays no mind to anyone else around, not Naruto who’s right next to him, he woke up demanding who hurt Sakura, not Naruto, not Lee, not why or who these people are, but who hurt her.

He then goes to defeat Zaku by breaking his arms right out of his sockets, and then goes to the other standing sound ninja.

Sakura notices that this isn’t the Sasuke she knows, this isn’t him.

She then takes it upon herself to try to stop him, so she runs up to him screaming for him to stop, and pulls him back from behind.

Even if you don’t ship it, you gotta admit this was a very powerful and well done scene, props to Kishi.

The eye smex:

And then she pleads again but with a softer tone, to stop.

And because of her doing this, the curse mark goes away.

CHAPTER 57

Naruto wakes up, and is alarmed to see Sakura and Sasuke far away, and he notices something.

He notices that something happened to her hair. Not her injuries, her hair.

Sasuke and Ino are not amused xD

CHAPTER 60

Sasuke is determined to get Naruto to get those fish. He’s really into it lmao

And then:

okay then sasuke

This moment isn’t really relevant, but I am doing an analysis on all their interactions, so...

She’s worried about something, and he asks her to explain what she means...if Sasuke didn’t care about her at all and found her hella annoying, he wouldn't have asked her to talk and he wouldn’t be listening to her.

And he’s obvious listening to her proven in a few panels ahead. It is a very important topic. Normal conversation about important matters, nothing more, nothing less.

CHAPTER 61

Another example that she isn’t as submissive to him as some may seem to believe.

CHAPTER 62

Still trying to figure this out...

CHAPTER 63

screeeeech~

riiiiiiiing~

CHAPTER 66

She doesn’t take shit from him...She isn’t as submissive to him as people may think...

He’s pretty shook and alarmed to see her cry like this, especially for him.

She doesn’t want him to get hurt with that mark.

Again: She does not take shit from him.

She doesn’t want to see him suffer, she says it herself.

Some eye smex, though it’s angsty and intense eye smex:

He opens up to her again.

And then he says, not even for your sake.

CHAPTER 68

In the midst of his battle in the preliminaries, the curse mark activates, but he thinks of Naruto and Sakura, and it goes away. He does in fact care for his teammates while people say he doesn't and never did, but he does, and they do have an effect on him.

CHAPTER 69

Apparently, Sasuke made Sakura promise that she wouldn’t mention the curse mark to Naruto, he trusted her to keep the promise...

And she kept it.

CHAPTER 99

Sakura is worried that Sasuke wont show up to the exam.

CHAPTER 111

Sasuke arrives to the match, and Sakura is worried that the curse mark is still there and it might interfere, so she asks Kakashi about it.

And when he answers something positive, her mood gets lifted up.

She isn’t a fangirl anymore. She isn’t obsessed with him anymore. She deeply cares for him as seen here, if she really just liked him for his looks, then she would not have been this worried.

CHAPTER 129

After Naruto jumped into the fight with Gaara, he gets out and goes after Sasuke to attempt to kill him.

But Sakura jumps in front of him with a kunai, wanting to protect him.

If she only cared about Sasuke for his looks, would she have jumped in front of him, knowing full well that she would either die or get extremely injured?

And Sasuke would have probably died if she hadn’t stepped in front of him.

CHAPTER 133

Sasuke gets up, and tells Naruto rescue Sakura from Gaara’s hold, and then to get her and himself out of there. He trusts Naruto to do it.

So he can delay Gaara, so there would be a chance for Naruto and Sakura to get out alive.

If he didn’t care about Naruto or Sakura, he wouldn’t do this. He wouldn’t say this, he wouldn’t call him and Sakura precious comrades to him.

CHAPTER 138

Gaara is defeated, and Sakura is getting free. She’s about to fall when Sasuke goes and catches her before she hits the ground and gently sets her down by Pakkun.

He then looks at her softly and tells Pakkun to take care of her while he goes to check up on Naruto.

CHAPTER 144

Sakura thanks Sasuke for saving her, but he tells her it wasn't him, but it was Naruto.

And she's thankful.

But Sasuke isn't happy with it at all.

He felt that he couldn't do anything, he felt useless. He was unable to defeat Gaara when he was his original opponent, and he wasn't able to prevent Sakura from getting held by him when she stepped in front of him, and because she did so was because he wasn't "strong enough" is what I get from this.

And from then, he wants to get stronger, he wants to make sure he's ahead of Naruto because he's catching up to him at a rapid pace.

CHAPTER 153

After the encounter with Itachi, Sasuke is put in Konoha Hospital, and is in a coma. Sakura is shown sitting at his bedside.

CHAPTER 172

Sakura is shown at Sasuke's bedside when Tsunade arrives in the room.

Tsunade then heals Sasuke and tells Sakura that he'll wake up.

And Sakura starts to cry tears of joy that he'll be okay.

Sasuke wakes up and Sakura immediately embraces him. Sasuke doesn't tell her to let go and lets her hold on and just stays silent. He isn't annoyed or angry that he was embraced by her when he just woke up.

Naruto leaves the room, noticing something (:)) and gives privacy.

Maybe he noticed Sakura's feelings for Sasuke were in fact pure, and maybe there would be a chance he (Sasuke) would return the feeling. Still a mystery, but I like the look on Sasuke's face :)

CHAPTER 173

Sakura is in Sasuke's hospital room cutting apples for him, when he starts to get disturbed.

His encounter with Itachi changed a lot of things with his mindset. This is where things start to really go downhill.

He is disturbed, again, that he wasn't strong enough to defeat Gaara, he wasn't strong enough to prevent Sakura from getting captured, he wasn't strong enough to do anything. Naruto did everything while he sat there injured, he feels weak.

He is so disturbed, he gets angrier and angrier the more he thinks about it, and even smacks the apples Sakura cut for him out of her hand.

He's angry and yeah, things went really downhill. His mindset is completely different. The Sasuke before the Itachi encounter chapters prior to this wouldn't have done this.

He's different, and Sakura notices that something is wrong before anyone else does as proven in a few chapters.

Also, keep in mind he looks away from her after he smacked it out of her hand.

CHAPTER 174

Naruto enters the room, and right off the bat Sasuke looks at him like he was the one who ruined everything, even though he didn't.

They are both alarmed at the look on his face.

Sasuke demands Naruto to fight him, he's really out of it, he's really angry now, he isn't himself.

Naruto agrees, totally oblivious to the way he's acting and agrees to fight him with enthusiasm, while Sakura protests Naruto not to.

CHAPTER 175

Sakura protests no, to cut it out but they don't listen to her.

She notices the darkness now, she notices everything now, before Naruto or Kakashi have. She did experience that certain darkness herself when the curse mark activated and went out of control the first time.

And his darkness really makes an appearance when he goes at Naruto on the rooftop with an intent to kill him.

CHAPTER 176

She jumps inbetween them, and that's what snaps them both out of it, but they can't stop the attack. Thankfully Kakashi stops everything.

Then Kakashi states how they were too into it to be just a normal fight. And there, it's proven by what Kakashi says and Sasuke's expression that he really was intending to kill Naruto there with the Chidori.

And he gets angrier.

So to those who complain and use Sasuke smacking apples out of Sakura’s hand as the worst thing on the planet that makes the ship bad, keep in mind too that Sasuke was completely out of it and he tried to kill Naruto right after.

CHAPTER 177

Kakashi has a talk with Sasuke, and does nobody remember the crazy look in Sasuke's eyes? No? Nobody is paying attention to what he told Kakashi? And people throw a hissy fit over Sasuke smacking apples out of Sakura's hand and then they ignore the entire reason why he did so, forgetting that he tried killing Naruto and was acting mentally unstable in his conversation to Kakashi right after?

Why is Sasuke smacking apples from Sakura more brought up than this?

And if things couldn't get worse he gets an invitation to go to Orochimaru for power.

CHAPTER 178

Naruto noticed Sasuke's darkness and truly knew his intentions before Sakura who?

"Sasuke wont be tempted by him!"

That's exactly what happens. He decides to leave Konoha because he was tempted by Orochimaru and the four Sound Ninjas.

CHAPTER 181

Heavy chapter...

Sasuke decides to leave, and before he does that he looks at the Team 7 picture...with an expression of longing maybe, or something that indicates when he leaves he'll miss them? It's definitely a pained expression.

Right when he's about to leave Sakura comes and meets him near the gate. She knew he would be leaving, while Kakashi and Naruto assured her that he would be fine and everything would be okay. But she knew.

Another confusing facial expression from Sasuke on the bottom left panel.

She knows he's leaving Konoha.

And she asks why he never tells her anything, and why he's so silent, and why he never lets her in.

But she fails to notice that he let all of Team 7 in, and failed to notice her how he did in fact tell her things he didn't tell anyone else. He has opened up to her in the past but she didn't notice.

And then Sasuke tells her that he shouldn't have to tell her anything, that it's none of her business.

Sakura asks him if he remembers the time he called her annoying at the same exact place they're standing now before when they first became genin. He says he doesn't remember.

sasuke stop talking out of your ass

She talks about the old happy times. How it was so fun during missions with each other and Team 7.

And she tells him that getting revenge wont make anybody happy, including him. And then he tells her that he's different than everyone, and how yes, they worked together for a while. And that yes, maybe, they were a team once. And she starts pleading.

She tells him that how she knows the feeling of loneliness now, and if he left she would feel lonely. (which I didn't necessarily like and i'm a shipper)

But then there's an unknown expression in Sasuke's eyes, which I still fail to see the emotion to this day.

When he refuses, she drops the bomb.

Notice he stops walking, like he just stops.

Also keep in mind he listens to her the entire time. He doesn't interrupt her with a rude ass comment, he doesn't reject her, he just stands and listens to what she has to say.

And then he says:

Creating a complete parallel to when he first called her that in their first actual conversation. Sasuke "I-don't-remember-but-I'll-make-a-parallel-anyway" Uchiha, you really were talking out of your ass when you said you didn't remember...

moving on :)

No, that wasn't a rejection. Sasuke is blunt, and if he really attempted to reject her he would have outright told her: I don't like you, leave me alone, go away, I won't ever return your feelings.

But instead he does a parallel to their first conversation.

Sakura then threatens to scream and yell when he starts walking away, and then he quickly goes behind her and...

He thanks her.

He doesn't say, I don't like you, leave me alone, go away, I wont ever return your feelings. He thanks her.

And Uchiha Sasuke doesn't thank anybody unless he actually, truly means it.

And his eyes are not shown, they are cut off.

And he knocks her out, picks her up and carries her to the nearby bench and sets her down.

If he seriously didn't give a crap about her at all, he wouldn't have wasted his time listening to her confession, he wouldn't have thanked her, he wouldn't have carried her to a bench, he would've knocked her out and left her there with no words spoken from him.

And I've already put down panels showing he indeed cares for all of Team 7. Just because you hate Sakura or the ship doesn't mean you should spout bullshit. He considers all of Team 7 as family, Sakura isn't an exception just because you don't like her or the ship.

CHAPTER 182

The next morning, Sakura's still laying on the bench, and she wakes up. And she remembers Sasuke's "thank you" right off the bat.

I find these panels so very sad. The boy she loves just left to the enemy and walked into the darkness and she couldn't do anything to stop it, all she could do is get a thank you from him and that's it.

CHAPTER 183

Even after Naruto hears of Sasuke's departure, he still can't understand why Sasuke left.

And then Sakura shows up before the Get-Back-Sasuke Squad leaves.

Wait- Shikamaru?

The second time she's reffered to as an "even you" related to Sasuke. First time was when Sasuke told her he couldn't forgive even you.

It's like people around know her importance to Sasuke. She is his teammate after all, she has got to have an affect on him, right? Just like everyone else in Team 7, and Team 7 only at this point.

Moving on, she is heartbroken that she can't do anything else, and all she can do now that she isn't allowed to go with the squad, is to plead Naruto to bring him back, because now he's the only one at this point who can do it, except Naruto would have to do it physically, not having a conversation like Sakura tried.

Honestly if you see this as an obsessed fangirl, I don't know what to tell you anymore.

Even Naruto says it right in the same page.

She does, and it's genuine.

And so Naruto promises her that he'll bring him back.

CHAPTER 236

Sakura goes to visit Naruto in the hospital, and then she hears that the mission failed: They couldn't get Sasuke back.

And she's heartbroken again, but she refuses to show it.

She wants to keep a smile on, to be postitive here even though it's the opposite of what she really feels. She avoids Naruto's apology.

And then shortly later, she approaches Tsunade and asks to be her student.

And she thinks of both Naruto and Sasuke.

She wants to get stronger to protect the ones she loves, and to do that she needs to train hard, and she will (and she did)

That's the finished analysis for part one. Want me to do a Part Two? Doing this was fun despite how long it took me to finish.

I made this for one of my friends who recently just joined the Naruto Fandom and she ships SS, so I made this little analysis for her so it's more understandable.

I actually would like to do more of these but not just for SS...Not sure though, but I do like doing these.

I hope you liked this :D

#sasusaku #pro sasusaku #pross #prosasusaku

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