#If I'm looking to solve a puzzle on the internet I just need the fucking answer

[righteousdelusions]

The space game must have the stupidest fanbase ever, I assume it's very young people that think the game is revolutionary for having mysteries and stuff

[cherryswisherz]

WANT vs NEED

♱CONTAINS: toxic juju, oc standin on bidness ♱NIYAHSPEAKS: yall like when i do the toxic shit so lmk if you want a pt 2

♱ ♱ ♱ ♱

"you gon let me in?"

this girl is sitting at my fuckin door- after i dont hear from her for two weeks- asking me to let her in.

for access to me. access she's had for the past two months. access that i gave her no matter how bad she treated me, no matter how much she lied, no matter how she spoke to me. she always got whatever she wanted out of me.

and i would have given in tonight, because honestly, two weeks wasnt even the longest we'd been no contact. had it not been for what went down in these past two weeks, i would have opened the door wider, let her prance her happy ass in my crib like i always did and take me places no one else ever had.

but not tonight. not any night ever again, because a week ago a video circled on the internet. a megan thee stallion audio with a girl who was excited to broadcast the arm lazily slung around her neck. they were at a party. one i'd asked her to go to with me, but she declined.

juju's face wasn't in it. her bun wasn't showing, no usc merch. but her tattoo was. on her hand, "tears dry" in the pretty cursive that i'd helped her pick out was on full display.

and i'm not stupid. i knew she was fucking other people, but it was the principle of the matter.

"no." my tone was dry and hard, like dead soil. but i felt weak.

i wanted her. i wanted to breathe her in like she was the oxygen i needed to live.

but that's the thing. i didn't need her. and i'd gotten so caught up in my own 'i can fix her' fantasy that i forgotten that that's all this was. a want.

it was deep fucking want though.

"no?" she sounded shocked, and she had a right to be. like i said, she always got her way with me.

"no." i blinked. "you gotta go" i tried to remain non-chalant, as i tried to close the door, like it standing on business didn't feel like standing on nails.

but of course, she couldn't just let me shut her out. she pressed her palm to the door, and pressed it open and i tried not to stare at the tattoo, not to track the veins from her hand down her arms.

"wait wait" she squinted at me, like she was trying to solve a puzzle, "you mad at me?"

i should have said no. that i wasn't mad, i was just done with this dance. that would have been the smart thing to do, but i've been known to be a bit dingy when it came to her. to throw my morals out the window and engage in petty disputes that i wouldn't engage in with anyone else.

"yes, i'm mad at you."

"for what?" like she couldn't fathom that i could be pissed off enough to not let her in.

"how was jaden's party, judea?" a cocked my head to the side. immediately i knew she got my message. she threw her head back with a deep sigh and covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes in frustration.

"if i hear about this shit one more time..." she groaned before shaking her head and lowering it. "i ain't even wanna go to the fucking party-"

"but you did." i bit out.

she stopped mid sentence and just looked at me. i watched ever muscle in face. i could see her thought process.

she could usually talk me out if my upset. and i think she could tell that this was different because i never cut her off. she knew she wasn't winning this one. not tonight at least.

and for a second, her face softened. for a tiny fraction of time, she'd looked defeated, but then she rolled her shoulders and hardened back up into the 6'2 basketball phenomenon that couldn't be bothered.

"i'm not boutta argue witchu you, jaliyah."

"then don't." i sassed, moving to close the door again, just for her palm to meet my front door again.

"liyah, cmon, bro." she groaned. she was irritated.

good.

"what, judea?" i asked, resting my head on the door sill. i kept that hard tone, and i felt it getting easier to use.

"you for real?" her laughed a little before continuing, "you're really boutta close the door on me?"

it was like she thought this was funny. my feelings were comincal to her. i was a joke, in her mind.

well shit's boutta get real hilarious.

"bye, judea."

♱

the next week, i showed out.

i prided myself on being a homebody, but that week? i was OUTSIDE.

during the day, when i wasn't in class, i was posted at whatever day party was poppin in LA.

it's true when they say the freaks com out at night, because when the sun set, my close friends was flooded with packed, dark rooms of USC students.

but there was a method to my madness.

i could function without her. i could be without her. and i was trying to prove that. to show myself, and anyone who would look that i didn't need her. all i had to do what get over this want- this yearning- for juju fucking watkins.

i was determined. focused.

i didn't talk about how every person i'd danced with didn't have strong hands like she did. didn't acknowledge the way i unintentionally searched for her in every crowd. i blocked out the majority of my own mind because it didn't feel like mine anymore. she occupied nearly part of it.

that saturday, i decided to branch out. to leave the USC campus because she was everywhere and it was too much. i guess i'd gotten sick of seeing the '12' jerseys everywhere i went.

i don't know why i did it- but i fucked with the opps. i went to a UCLA function.

juju and i had an inside joke. UCLA was the suburbs and USC was the hood. and as soon as i stepped into suburbia, i so desperately wanted to return back to the hood.

i didn't belong there. it felt so unnatural, but again.

point to prove.

so i made sure to post my bruins blue on the main story, gold jewelry adorning my locs, my ears cuffed with small gold hoops. bangles clanked in the background of terrible music.

i looked the fuck good, and i wanted everyone to see it. i wanted her to see it.

to see that i did not need her.

but in reality, i was a wallflower. no one there knew i was from USC. and no one in general knew that i was involved with UCLA's biggest hater. but i still felt like i was betraying... someone.

juju. my school. myself.

take your pick, but i knew i was wrong to be there. i felt like i was on guard, watching and waiting for someone to expose me.

then finally, it happened.

she called first, and i didn't make it outside in time to answer. for a second, i was glad that i missed her call and then i began internally kicking my own ass for foing outside to pick up in the first place.

that didn't last long though, because my phone dinged with a text.

wtf r u doing jaliyah?

my first instinct was to come clean. it was natural, the way i wanted to admit that i felt to out of place and i shouldn't have went there.

but then i remembered what i was doing this for.

im at a party why wsp

i smiled because i knew what the fuck i was doing. yes, i felt like an alien, but she didn't need to know that.

#nonchalantfinalboss

dpmo come home rn.

and just like that, it was easier to not give a fuck, because juju never failed to remind me that she had less to give than anyone i'd ever met.

she was still telling me what to do. expecting me to run back to her like i was that pitiful. and maybe i was in the past, but no more.

no <3

and that was the end of it. she didn't text again. she didn't call. it was that simple.

i stayed at the party until i couldn't take the music anymore, and by the time my lyft dropped me back at my apartment, i was ready to melt into my mattress.

on the elevator ride to my floor, i thought about why she'd given up so easily. she loathes UCLA, and she took my 'no' just like that? like it didn't really matter to her? like i didn't really matter to her?

i got my answer the second the elevator door separated. juju sat, legs crossed, hands folded between her knees, head resting on my front door.

she looked like she was meditating, kinda.

but when the elevator dinged, she popped her head up and i knew that she had no peace to share.

her eyes set on me, and that was when i knew i'd fucked up.

"you have fun?" she inquired, not moving to get up. she just craned her neck up as i stepped to her.

i knew she was pissed. she was devoid of any expression. she didn't even look mad, and that's how i knew she was mad.

but i wasn't about to let her win. she couldn't have this. she couldn't have me any-fucking- more.

"tons." i smiled, then nudged her knee with my foot. "move."

"no." she cut her eyes at me, intentionally throwing my words back at me.

she was so fucking petty, it irked the fuck out of me.

"juju, i'm not playin witchu." i kicked her a little harder, "move."

"jaliyah, i'm not playin witchu." she mocked me, "no." she smiled sweetly, like she wasn't acting an ass.

it was like magma boiled within me, giving me the strength to cock my foot back, and swing that bitch like i played professional soccer.

"get. the fuck." i kicked her with everything i had, knowing that at 5'4 it wasn't alot. this wasn't about hurting her. once again, it was the principle. "away. from. my do-"

i didn't feel it when her hand wrapped around my ankle, but i felt it when my knees touched the floor. i felt it when my skirt rode up my waist. i felt it when the pads of her fingers danced under my top.

i was silent. my tantrum was over. there was no kicking, no arguing, no nothing. just me on top of her.

she smelled so good, she looked so good, and she felt even better under me. for a moment, i let myself get lost in her eyes. i let myself find comfort in the way she was holding me. i let nostalgia take me back to when we'd first started this. when were friends with benefits and not... whatever we are now.

looking at her, i saw who we used to be before i'd convinced myself that i would be the one she'd act right for. i'd always listened to her ho tales and laugh, feeling sympathetic to the poor women she'd hoodwinked, and i told myself that i wouldn't be one of those stories. we were friends first. i was different.

not.

the present sunk in when i saw the way her jaw was so tight i could see it poking out of her cheek a little, and i found my breath.

she used to never be mad at me. she always told me it was impossible to hurt my feelings, because she would do anything i wanted. it didn't used to be like this.

i told myself that as i pushed on her chest to get up, untangling myself from her and huffing a little when i found my footing.

"just leave, ju." i whispered, but i knew she heard me because she rolled her eyes.

she threw her arms behind her head before bringing them back in front of her, like she was presenting something. "but why, though." she groaned, "what is the problem, liyah? what the fuck is the point of all this?"

the point.

"the point is ion wanna do this shit no more." i heard my own voice raising, and i didn't car that it was almost 2 in the morning.

it was saturday in LA. let's be for real... i could still hear stunna girl bumping down the street...

"it's not fuckin worth it." i finished, deciding that i didn't need her to move.

i would climb over this bitch if i had to.

i moved to unlock my door, leaning over her, but she taps my hips, pushing me back to where i was across from her.

"i'm not worth it?" she's on her feet in a second, stalking towards me until my back is to the closed elevator doors. "for real?"

i was intimidated, not scared. intimidated not by her height, but the look in her eyes. she was right there, staring down at me like i'd cursed her firstborn child. like i'd ruined her life or something.

i didn't understand how she'd managed to flip my words. how the tables had turned and somehow her feelings were the ones hurt. but that's the way it happened. she'd flipped the script, as she'd always done.

but it she wanted to play victim, that was fine.

i shoved her, "for real." and i knew when she stepped back it was her own doing, but she did it nonetheless.

i had a clear path to my door, and i took my opportunity. i found my key, and unlocked the door as fast as i could, but not fast enough because when i stepped in to my home, so did juju.

"no-" i gripped her shoulders in an attempt to manually turn her around, "get the fuck out."

it was no use, because she pushed past me and plopped on my couch like she paid bills. she man spread, folding her hands in her lap like earlier, "nah, we finna talk."

"there's nothing to talk about."

"what the hell is up witchu, bro?"

"YOU." i threw my keys. they didn't touch her, much to my dismay. "you are what's up with me. you got me fucke-" i dropped the hand i had pointing at her.

she didn't need to hear my reasoning. the fact of the matter was i was done, and she had to accept that.

"i'm not doing this." i sighed, shutting my eyes. "i said that already, and i'm not saying it again." when i opened my eyes, she still had that same dumbstruck face on, like she wasn't comprehending. "leave, judea."

"no."

"the fuck do you want from me?" i sighed.

this shit was exhausting. i wasn't even tired from the party. it was her. in what- 10 minutes?- she'd drained me of everything i had.

"i want you to talk to me." she said it like a conversation was all it took to fix this. she didn't realize that i was beyond fixing anything.

but the irony wasn't lost on me. the fact that she was begging for me to 'talk to her' like this whole thing didn't start with her not talking to me.

"i wanted you to talk to me for two weeks."

i walked past my kitchen, slowly creeping towards her with my middle and index finger up, in case she needed a visual representation. the muscles in my hand felt tight because she stressed me the fuck out, but she wanted to talk right?

she was finna hear me.

"two fucking weeks, wondering why the fuck i was on delivered and then you pop up, slung on some bitch like- like what?" my shoulders were heavy when i shrugged them, feeling the joints flex.

"like i didn't ask you to go? like you just said 'fuck jaliyah, who's constantly pouring into me. imma just ignore her, the one fucking time she wants to go out, and then go anyway, and imma rub it in her fucking face." i clapped between my words at the end because she truly had me fucked up.

i didn't wanna have this conversation because i knew that she pulled a side of me out that i didn't like, but here we are.

"so this is because i ain't take you to a damn party?" she squints like she can't grasp the concept, and she couldn't. it really just flew over that goddamn bun.

"oh my fuckin goood," my throat was scratchy when i let out a genuine shout. "no. it's not about the dumbass party, it's the principle."

she was still looking at me like she was fuckin slow, so i took a breath because i was running out of patience. when i opened my eyes again, i squatted down so i was setting on the edge of my coffee table.

"how long have we known each other, ju?" i ask, bracing my hands on my knees to ground myself.

"like three years," she shrugged, "what's tha-" i cut her off because i didn't wanna hear her stupid ass question. i already knew what it was.

what's that gotta do with it?

"three years. we been friends for three years, fuckin for what? four months?" i didn't give her time to think about it because i knew how long we'd been sleeping together.

i remember that first time, like it was my first time. we'd been eating and watching 'Love and Other Drugs." she made a joke about how the characters didn't do no strings correctly. one thing led to another and bam! i found myself doing shit i'd never done.

i think that's what really irritated me about the whole thing. she knew that i didn't just fuck for fun. she knew that i protected that side of myself. i'd expected her to cherish it, and she destroyed it instead.

"four months ago, you would have taken me to that party. you wouldn't have ignored me, because four months ago, you gave a fuck."

"whatchu talkin bout?" she spits out. she wags her finger in a circle, gesturinng to my apartment. "you think i would be here if i ain't care about you?"

"you care because i won't fuck you." i corrected.

it was the truth. she didn't care this whole time. she saw me going out all day and night, knowing i wasn't that type of person. yet, she didn't say fucking word until i was doing something she didn't like.

well, all she did was shit i didn't like. all she did was cross my boundaries, and break my rules, and i was sick of letting the shit roll off my back.

"it took me going to a fuckass UCLA for you to show up." i exclaimed, emphasizing on the ridiculousness of it all. "you get how fucked that is?"

"that's not the point-"

the point is i'm here.

heard that one before, too.

"but it is though." i nodded fast, leaving my chin in the air. "it is that fucking deep."

the situation may be small, but the principle be big as fuck, and that's what she wasn't understanding.

"i let you hit and all of a sudden you treat me like i'm somebody you laugh at inna group chat."

the group chat i started. the one where i let her mingle with my other friends because she'd complained about not having a life outside of basketball her freshman year.

we'd all talked shit about her conquests. calling them groupies. saying they should have known better. i'd encourage her, never imagining that i'd be on the other end of her whore-like actions.

"liyah, b-"

"ain't no 'liyah' NOTHING." i stood up, because i knew this wasn't going anywhere.

i knew it wasn't before it'd started, but i let her take me there and now i had to reel myself back in.

"you got it ju." i put my hand up in defeat.

because she had defeated me. she won because even after this whole thing, i still wanted her. i still wanted to keep trying to fix her, no matter how much she chipped away at me.

"you cracked. linked 'ms. unlinkable' - whatever the fuck you was trynna do that night - you did it." i clapped for dramatic effect. i wanted her to feel like a winner, even though she'd just lost.

she lost a friend. she lost good coochie. she lost a supporter. she lost it all.

"jaliyah, cmon." she kept saying that. trying to make me feel like i was being unreasonable, or i was crazy and saying my name would make me open my eyes to that that fact.

"get out my house, judea."

and finally- fucking finally - she listened. hung her head and drug her feet out the door.

when she was gone, i exhaled, like i'd been holding my breath that whole time. i slugged to my kitchen island and dropped my head against the cold marble, and i just breathed for a second.

what the fuck do i do now?

was the first thought i had, and the second was:

i don't even know.

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[selineram3421]

🎩

You're Off-key

Prologue

Reader X Gravity Falls

Warnings ⚠

⚠ The Book of Bill SPOILERS HERE! Do NOT read if you don't want any spoils of the book. Other than that, enjoy. -mentions of madness, blood, cryptids, italics= thoughts, ya know..the usual. Oh! And for our old pal Stan, some swear words. ⚠

You missed this.

Being one of the weird kids who loved the supernatural, interested in solving puzzles, uncovering secrets. Of course you ended up watching Gravity Falls.

Never really growing out of it, you'd still watch videos about ghosts or getting a heavy duty flashlight and a pair of brass knuckles for whatever made a noise in your apartment.

Ghost or not, they'd learn not to mess with you!

At some point you got The Book of Bill.

It was so cool! Little funny and silly at times. There was also the triangle's descent into madness. Man those pictures were good.

Also an axolotl?

You don't know but it looked cute.

As you kept reading, the more you wanted to experience everything you didn't get to when you were younger.

So you decided on a road trip!

A road trip to all the places that inspired the creator of the show and the final stop would be Bill's statue!

Best friend in the passenger seat! Sun glasses in the glove boxes! And snacks to last you a while before the next gas station stop!

You even brought a camera!

"Ready for the time of your life?", you asked excitedly.

"In this heat?", your best friend fanned their face with the paper map. "It'll be meh but yeah, I'm ready for the car AC."

You both were in the car, ready to begin the adventure to Oregon, but you were just double checking before it actually began.

"Ok, ok. I'll start the car.", you said and put the key in the ignition, turning it and starting the car.

Immediately putting the AC on high, both of you were ready and you slowly backed out the driveway.

"Let's get that fucking pie!", you said and put on the sun glasses.

It was really bright today.

First you went to the famous diner with the pie. It was a give in, honestly but the pie was really good. Next to the Oregon Vortex. Now that was a really weird shack! Everything was leveled but you were standing slanted a bit. Then you both went to every roadside attraction that you could and got some key chains for souvenirs. It's been really clear weather since you started the road trip, which was a bit of a surprise. It was supposed to sprinkle at some point.

Finally, the last thing on the list arrived.

Playing the song "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn as you drove to the parking area and both of you were singing along to it before you had to turn off the car.

You brought The Book of Bill for fun.

Deciding to joke around, you bought some spaghetti to go and went to park the car before venturing into the woods where Bill's Statue was.

"Are you seriously gonna try it?", your best friend laughed.

"Why not?", you smiled while putting a water bottle in your pack. "It's ok to be silly. Mabel says so. Trust the silliness!"

"Yeah, ok.", they agreed with a smile. "If we get mauled by a bear, I'm sacrificing you first."

.....

"Fair."

Camera, spaghetti, book of Bill, and water! (Also a flashlight.) You were ready for a photo shoot with the oh so famous Dream Demon!

Looking back to see the sun, you guessed that you had about two hours to find Bill's statue before it got too dark. Your best friend had a map they downloaded off the internet that would lead you straight to it. Of course, with you having some attention issues, you'd get sidetracked by anything you found interesting, hence needing the two hours.

��

You were right!

The two hours were needed because you were still trying to solve one of the codes in the book, while also getting distracted by some cool looking bugs around the area.

"Did you try the Caesar cipher?", your friend asked.

"Yeah, but this is new. It's something else.", you sighed. "I should have tried the website before leaving.", you grumbled sadly.

"Hey, it's totally fine!", they said and patted your back a few times. "You'll get to do that when we go back home.", then they pointed towards the right with their thumb. "By the way, Bill statue is next to us, over by those bushes."

"WHAT!?", you screeched and ran over, whispering a few ouches as the branches of the bush scratched your legs.

That's when you saw it.

In all of its odd glory was the Bill statue with its hand out, waiting for a hand shake.

"Eeeeee!", you cheered as you got closer, hearing your friend laugh behind you as you did so. "I gotta give him spaghetti!"

Opening up your bag, you took out the take-out box that held the noodley deliciousness and took a quick forkfull for yourself before putting it in front of the stone triangle.

"I really thought you were joking.", says your friend as they watch you take out the book and camera from your backpack.

"Nope!", you smile, snapping a quick picture of the statue with spaghetti. "Ok, now for the silliest part."

You take out Parmesan cheese and a cheese grater.

"Oh this is fucking hilarious.", your best friend says and takes pictures of you with their phone.

The sun hits the horizon and the sky is slowly darkening, you start grating the cheese and when you think it's enough, you stop.

"Hey, take a pic with me shaking his hand.", you say and get closer to the statue, reaching out to touch it.

"Sure thing jellybean.", they say and lift their phone up. "It's my turn after you."

"Ok!", you say and put a thumbs up as you put your other hand on the statue's.

As you look to where your best friend is, all you can see is darkness.

You call their name in confusion. "Are you there?", you ask. "Turn on the flashlight, its really dark out here."

But you get no response.

And then you hear something odd.

Kinda sounds like someone with a weird sound filter over their laughing.

"Ok, ha ha.", you roll your eyes. "Quit playing the Bill audio and take the picture already."

When you try to get a better hold on the statue, you realize you weren't holding anything at all.

"What?", you say and look at your hand. "Wait.. Why can I see my hand perfectly fine when everything else is-"

"Well, well, well!", says a familiar voice from behind you.

What?

Turning around you see a floating, glowing Dorito chip with a fancy bow tie and a top hat.

Holy shit.

"Here we are at last! I've been waiting an eternity to meet you."

How is this happening? Was one of the snacks you ate expired? Did you eat the wrong brownies!?

"Thanks for reading my best seller kid!", Bill says and twirls his cane into existence in his hand. "And for the handshake.", he blinks. Winks?

"Wait, hold on! I-!", you start.

"See you in Gravity Falls!", the triangle snaps his fingers and suddenly there's a hole beneath your feet that reveals a cartoon animated forest.

"Wha-"

"Don't break your neck on the way down!", the one eyed demon waves.

And you begin to fall.

ZKDW D QLFH VXQQB GDV

~Seline, the person.

Part 1

Taglist@

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YO-🎹 | GF List🏞️

[ivyyisbored22]

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭— 𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐅𝐅

Note: Check Description and other chapters first to understand the story ^^♡

Chapter 14

Bang Chan

There's some stupid article or whatever on the internet that says your partner's DNA stays on your mouth for an hour after kissing. If that's actually true, Aria's essence, taste, DNA, everything will be on me not for an hour but for the rest of my life.

"What were you talking with him that made you laugh so much?"

"Not anything you need to know"

"You think this is funny?"

"I think you're overreacting. Just because I was talking to someone other than you."

I have never lost it with my friends since the beginning of knowing them even though we give each other shit. But if I catch Aria with Hyunjin again smiling and laughing like that- I will definitely lose my fucking mind.

What the hell is wrong with me?

We had an agreement, a god damn contract, and now I'm acting like some jealous asshole because my wife was getting along with another man- my best friend, for crying out loud.

The thought should terrify me, but instead, it makes me want her more. It makes me want to hold on to this feeling, to her, even tighter.

"Everything is prepared and set for launch in a few months," Jane, my personal assistant, said as she stood in my office this morning, running through recent contracts, stocks, and an overview of the products we were preparing to launch.

Aurelius stood out for it's luxury and elegant collections, fashion shows, and an unwavering commitment to innovation. This new line was particularly significant, marking a bold step into sustainable luxury- a gamble that could either solidify our standing or expose us to criticism.

As Jane continued her updates, my mind wandered back to the previous night with Aria. The way she surrendered herself to me in my Rolls Royce sent nothing but pure satisfaction coursing through my veins. I could still feel the heat of her skin, the softness of her lips, the way her body arched, as if she were made to fit perfectly in my arms.

She is fucking made for me. Her body moulded and melted with mine like a missing piece of a puzzle I struggled to solve. And there was nothing more pleasing than making her see and feel that she was no one's but mine.

I was so fucking hard at the sight of seeing her naked and needy last night, my cock was about to pierce and break free from my tailored pants that costs more than one's house rent.

The way she cried with pleasure when I explored every inch of her with my hands and mouth felt like getting lost in a fantasy, where I never wanted to return to the real world.

"Mr. Bang, are you listening?" Jane's voice pulled me back to the present.

"Yeah, sorry. Go on," I said, forcing myself to concentrate. I couldn't afford distractions, not with so much riding on this launch. Jane gave me a concerned look but continued.

"The investors are eager, but there are whispers of skepticism regarding the sustainable materials. Some think it's just a marketing gimmick."

"Let them think what they want," I replied, a touch of frustration in my voice. "We'll prove them wrong with results."

"Of course"

"Is there anything else?" I asked Jane, hoping to wrap up the meeting.

"Just one more thing," she said hesitantly.

"There's been some unusual activity reported by our IT department. They think someone might be trying to access our confidential files."

My eyes widened at her words, a cold shiver running down my spine. "What?" I tried to keep my voice low but it came our sharper than I intended.

"They're still investigating, but they haven't pinpointed the source yet," Jane replied, her own worry evident in her expression. "It could be an internal issue or an external threat. We're not sure. Whatever they try, it leads to unknown"

I rubbed my temples. Great. When I thought everything could go smoothly, some bullshit has to come and ruin everything.

"I need that fucker tracked down by the end of the week. I don't care what security measures you have to implement or how much overtime it takes. Just get it done," I snapped, my frustration bubbling over.

Jane nodded, her expression steely. "Understood."

As she left the office, I leaned back in my chair, trying to reign in my temper. My mind raced through a thousand possibilities. Any number of competitors could be behind it and I cannot afford any leaks on this project I've been working on for a year.

I sat there for a moment, the weight of the situation bearing down on me. The launch was critical, and then there was Aria. My mind kept drifting back to her and last night no matter how much I tried to keep it down.

There was too much at stake. My father was counting on me, the board was watching, and the future of Aurelius depended on my ability to handle this.

As much as my father believes in me to take over the company one day, giving such a project in my hands is his way of testing my leadership. I trusted myself with my logics and strategies, yet, something in my gut is telling me to be aware of an upcoming threat.

With a sigh, I pushed those thoughts aside. I couldn't afford to let my emotions cloud my judgment. I returned to the pile of documents on my desk, diving into the work that needed to be done. But no matter how hard I tried to focus, the memory of a certain brunette lingered, a constant reminder of what could be slipping through my grasp.

Fuck this hell. I need a drink.

But instead of going to my cabinet where I keep my whiskeys and other expensive wine, I grabbed my phone and dialed my favourite Michelin star restaurant.

"Good morning. I'd like to make a reservation for this afternoon"

***

"Oh wow Chris, this place looks stunning" Aria said, her eyes wide with admiration as she took in the elegant surroundings of L'Étoile.

The restaurant was a symphony of sophistication and luxury. Huge chandeliers hung from the high ceilings, casting a soft, golden glow over the room. The walls were adorned with tasteful art, each piece carefully chosen to complement the refined atmosphere. The tables were dressed in crisp, white linens, and the gentle clinking of silverware and murmured conversations added to the ambiance.

I watched Aria's face light up, a small, genuine smile tugging at my lips despite myself.

"I thought you might like it," I said, guiding her inside the restaurant. We slowly stepped inside, the soft hum of classical music enveloping us as the scent of freshly baked bread and exquisite dishes wafted through the air.

Wee approached the hostess stand, a well-dressed host with a polished demeanor greeted us with a courteous bow.

"Good afternoon. I have a reservation for the afternoon. Under Christopher Bang" I said smoothly while my hand remained on the small of Aria's back. She stood so close to me, I could feel the faint scent of her floral perfume.

"Good afternoon, Mr. And Mrs. Bang. Your table is ready. Please follow me" The host instantly recognised me and led us through the restaurant, weaving between tables adorned with crisp white linens and sparkling silverware.

We passed a live string quartet playing in the corner, their music adding another touch of elegance. Our table was perfectly positioned near a large window, offering a breathtaking view of the city skyline illuminated against the afternoon sky.

The host pulled out Aria's chair with a practiced grace, and she settled into it with a look of awe still etched on her face. I took my seat across from her, feeling a sense of satisfaction at her reaction.

"Your server will be with you shortly," the greeter said, placing the menus in front of us with a polite smile. "Please enjoy your afternoon."

As he walked away, I noticed Aria's eyes scanning the room, taking in every detail. She looked stunning in her gorgeous black coat and boots outfit, accentuating her natural beauty.

I felt a strange warmth in my chest, a feeling I was beginning to recognize as more than just physical attraction which surprisingly didn't feel uneasy.

The waiter approached, handing us the menus with a flourish. "Would you care for some wine to start?" he asked, his tone professional yet warm.

"Sure, bring us your best red," I replied, glancing at Aria who nodded in agreement. As the waiter left, Aria leaned forward, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"This place is amazing. How did you find it?"

A faint smile tugged the corner of my lips as I watched her gaze locked with mine. "It is. I used to come here with my father. We love their dishes"

I managed a cool voice, trying to calm down a racing heart having no idea why it's beating so fast. Somehow today being with Aria felt different. Her gaze softened, and for a moment, I saw a flicker of something in her eyes that made my heart skip a beat.

"Thank you for bringing me here," she said quietly.

I looked away, pretending to study the menu. "I thought you might want to spend some time outside" I replied, but even I could hear the slight tremor in my voice.

The waiter returned with the wine, pouring us each a glass. I took a sip, letting the rich, velvety liquid coat my tongue, trying to calm the conflicting emotions swirling inside me.

"Shall we order?" I asked, eager to steer the conversation away from the dangerous territory of feelings.

As we discussed the menu, I couldn't help but steal glances at her. The way she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about something she loved- it was all insanely distracting.

"So um," Aria spoke in a low voice, attempting to break the silence. "How's work?"

"It's," I took a sip of the wine. I've gotten so used to whiskey, even the best wine tastes like fruit juice from the supermarket.

"It's hectic as always," I finally replied, my voice softer than usual. "The upcoming launch is taking up most of my time." I was being careful with the words but somehow I felt like I wanted to share more with her than just the weather and how the food tastes.

"You did mention that it was a big step," She replied softly, encouraging me to continue, those big brown eyes having trapped the soft glow of the lights above us.

I took a deep breath, deciding to let her in a bit more. "We're introducing a new sustainable luxury collection. It's a quiet a big shift for the company, and there's a lot riding on it. It's exciting, but also nerve-wracking."

Aria watched me with concern. "That sounds intense. It's a lot to handle."

"Yeah," I admitted, feeling a slight weight lift off my shoulders just by talking about it. "But it's not just that. There's a lot of pressure from the board, my father, and everyone else. Sometimes it feels like I'm juggling too many things at once."

She reached across the table and gently placed her hand over mine. "You're doing great, Chris. I believe in you." Her words, simple as they were, meant more to me than I wanted to admit.

I squeezed her hand briefly, the soft brush of her hand over mine felt like a lifeline of a stormy sea.

"Thanks, Aria. It helps to hear that." She smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"You don't always have to carry everything on your own, you know." I nodded, appreciating her support but knowing I had to keep my distance. But fuck, it was becoming harder and harder.

"I know. But some things are easier dealt with alone."

The rest of the meal passed in a more relaxed silence, her presence comforting yet bittersweet. Being with Aria was becoming more than just a contractual partner; she was someone I could confide in, someone who genuinely cared.

But I couldn't afford to let my guard down. Not yet. It was nearly impossible to shake off the feeling of this connection we were building. It was both a blessing and a curse.

And as much as I wanted to open up to her, to let her in completely, the risk of getting hurt, or worse, hurting her, was too high. She has dealt enough of my shit over the past months.

As we made our way out of the restaurant to my Porsche, I couldn't forget the way her eyes sparkled everytime she looked at me. They held hope and something I wasn't sure but desperately wanted to believe in.

Fuck. She's so gorgeous and so full of life, a pang of guilt hit me again, but I pushed it aside. I needed to focus. We made it to the car, I opened the passenger door for her and walked over to the driver's side.

The engine roared to life, and with a smooth glide, we pulled out onto the street. The city blurred past us as we drove in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Every now and then, I stole glances at Aria. She was staring out the window, her expression soft and contemplative.

Instead of taking the direction to my mansion, I drove to the headquarters of Aurelius.

"Where are we going?" she asked, a hint of curiosity in her voice.

"You'll see," I replied, keeping my eyes on the road. I could feel her gaze on me, but I kept my expression neutral, not wanting to give anything away.

After getting through the crazy traffic, we arrived at the towering headquarters of Aurelius. I slowly pulled into the entrance of the underground parking lot.

The security gates lifted as the system recognized my car, and I drove into the private parking area reserved for executives.

"Come on," I said, stepping out after parking the car and walked over to open her door. Her hand slipped into mine, Aria looked around, taking in the surroundings with a mix of curiosity and anticipation.

"I thought it was time you saw where I spend most of my days. And nights."

"This is where you work?" she asked as she stepped out of the car, her eyes wide. "Yeah," I nodded, feeling a strange mix of pride and nervousness.

We walked into the minimalist yet luxurious building, the receptionist greeted us with a nod as we made our way to the elevator to the top floor.

The ride up was silent, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It was filled with anticipation, well, at least on my part. When the elevator doors slid opened and my hand fell on the small of her back as I led her down the hall to my office.

The soft clicks of my shoes and her heels on the marble floor echoed through the corridor, the only sounds breaking the stillness.

Jane was sitting at her desk in front of my office, her fingers flying over the keyboard. She looked up as we approached, a surprised smile spreading across her face. I gestured her to sit when was stood up, tapping in my passcode and I pushed open the doors, as we stepped inside.

The office was spacious and modern, exuding an air of authority and elegance. My desk, a sleek piece of dark mahogany with polished chrome accents, stood in the middle of the room. It was positioned strategically to face the floor-to-ceiling windows that offered a breathtaking view of the city skyline, along with my coffee table and furniture for late night drinks.

Behind the desk, built-in bookshelves lined the walls, filled with an array of business books, awards, and framed photographs.

Aria glanced around the office, her eyes capturing and taking in every detail. She walked around the room, her fingers lightly brushing over the surface of my desk and the spines of the books on the shelves.

She stopped at the framed picture of my father and me, us dressed in our black suits with the Aurelius building behind us, a moment of pride and legacy frozen in time.

"You and your father," she said softly, glancing at me. "You look so much alike."

I nodded, my gaze fixed on the photograph. "He's been a huge influence on my life. Everything I've learned, is from him."

Aria turned back to me, her eyes full of curiosity and something else I couldn't quite place. "I can see that you're continuing his legacy," Her eyes fell on the floor then on me.

"But there's more to you than just work."

A pang clenched my chest at her words. She saw through the façade I had carefully constructed, the one that protected me from getting too close, from feeling too much.

"Aria," I began, my voice low and steady. "There's a lot you don't know about me." She took a step closer, her gaze unwavering.

"Then tell me, Chris. Let me in."

I hesitated, the words caught in my throat. Aria was a beacon of warmth in my otherwise controlled existence. Years of conditioning told me to retreat, to protect myself from the vulnerability her presence evoked.

I glanced at the photograph of my father. He had taught me strength, resilience, but emotions were never part of his lessons.

My mother was the woman he fell in love with and will love for the rest of his life. But unfortunately me being able to feel that is something I didn't inherit from my parents.

Aria's gaze was still on me, her eyes searching for mine. Searching for someone behind my exterior who would love her the way she deserves and I...

I wasn't that man she deserves.

"Chris,"

Before she could finish, I erased the distance between us, capturing her lips with mine. It was tender, yet filled with an intensity that spoke of all the things I couldn't say.

Her fingers sank in my hair as my hands held her waist, the surrounding faded away, leaving the two of us to get lost to wherever our souls desired.

She was mine. In every existing universe. But she was worth more than anything I felt capable of giving.

When we finally pulled apart, I rested my forehead against hers, breathing her in. If only she knew and if only I could keep her wrapped in the warmth of my embrace, shielded from the doubts that threatened to consume me, then maybe, I could give her the love she deserved...

The love I couldn't feel.

------------------------

Taglist: @bowsnbang @bangchannie97lov @hwasmints @laurenalpha123 @mrs-hwangh @greyyeti @sociallyawkward18 @stephanieeeyang @piscesrising01 @jaquisos @de-uns-tempos-pra-ca

If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know <3 (If I missed someone please lmk)

Thank you for reading!

xx, Ivyy

Next Chapter

[miquella-everywhere]

Miyazaki said in an interview that he read the fan theories during the two years of development of the DLC. Now no one can convince me that it happened like in GoT and someone actually managed to deduct the original plot of Miquella's story and Miyazaki had the entire thing redone just for shock value l, and in doing so spit in the face of all Miquella lovers who actually paid attention to the clues in the base game.

Seriously, when a writer says they read the theories, I get a bad feeling because the culture now is to pull "something unexpected" instead of the beautiful relationship between mystery writer and attentive reader; there's a certain trust between them: the writer has to leave clues trusting that the reader would play detective, and the reader follows the mystery because they trust that the mystery is solvable.

But now, with the internet, the writers have access to fan theories and instead of being proud that their readers are invested enough to solve the mystery, they instead seem to use it to write completely out of the blue endings just to say that "nobody got it, I'm a master of mystery!"

Sorry if I got a little ranty, but I needed to get it out of my chest

So

As someone who absolutely ADORES storytelling, writing, narratives, themes, you name it and wishes that they had the energy to be an aspiring writer.

The stance of redirecting and retconning what you've written because fans managed to piece together your story makes no sense to me and FUCKING PISSES ME OFF

Like

HELLO????????

There is absolutely no shame as a writer in fans figuring out your story or piecing together the puzzle pieces you've left behind. It means that they are invested and they love your story, and imo if I were in that position I would consider that to be a fucking HONOUR.

I just..,,.. I do not understand the idea of butchering your whole story just to prove that your audience isn't smart/doesn't really understand what's going on???? By doing so you are left with a unsatisfying, disconnected, contradictory mess that alienates and drives away your audience and fankly ruins your stories reputation along with your own credibility as a writer.

Just look at Game of Thrones for godssake.

I do not understand why this had to happen to Elden Ring and Miquella when everything was set up perfectly and Fromsoft had a good reputation for DLCs. But now all of that is ruined 😞

[undeadboyfriendsupportgroup]

Throwing in some headcanons for the season 1 Archive gang

(As always, these are just silly goofy fun, not meant to invalidate anyone's characterization of the archive folks, we're in season 3 so if any of these contradict with canon, it's probably bc of that or memory failing us/personal preference sooooo, lesgo)

cw: alcohol (very lightly mentioned) and spiders

Jon:

-Jon tends to wander when drunk, it's a good idea to keep an eye on him. He's gotten lost in campus during his college days but always comes back unharmed (somehow).

-He thought his grandmother made up grass allergies to keep him from getting into dangerous places as a kid but his family has a genetic grass allergy, nothing fatal but recently cut grass does make him v itchy when it touches bare skin.

-He uses pen grips, i think he's developing arthritis so he owns some comfortable rubber ones. There are a few bite marks on em, but if you confront him he will gaslight you

-Jon's bones also crack very easily, when he gets up you can hear it. It gets worse throughout the seasons

-Jon uses transparent nail polish. He started doing it to avoid nail biting but started the habit of chipping it off. In college he wore colored nail polish but he ditched bc he doesn't consider it v professional on himself.

-He's a responsible sunscreen user, he applies it whenever he needs to be outside but he uses a regular drugstore one since i don't think he believes in skincare being a thing. IN THE SAME VEIN: he doesn't think that body wash works, he only believes in soap.

-He had a bowlcut as a kid.

-He gets shorter by 1 inch per season.

-Jon, even though very good with tech, prefers to do things on paper because he likes the feeling. He prefers pencils over pens, but uses pens because they are more professional

-Jon would love smash burgers, i'm not giving more context.

Sasha:

-Sash started training a couple years ago to improve her posture (she tended to go shrimp while doing deskwork) and now she could crush a lemon with a single hand. She and Tim go to the gym sometimes and she can lift way more than him

-To counteract the smash burger hc above, she would love Shake Shack.

-She's scored pretty high on IQ tests every time she has to take them but she doesn't believe in their validity.

-She used to go spelunking on internet forums a lot.

-I think she would have enjoyed well planned ARGs and things that involved solving mysteries before it became her full-time job to deal with horrors.

-Sasha owns comfy shoes she wears in the office. Wearing heels during a whole workday isn't worth it and she knows this.

-Shes a bit of a stationary fan, she would have all of the really nice highlighters and notebooks

-She chews her lips pretty often, especially when she wears nice chap sticks

-She likes furbies.

Tim:

-He hates furbies and dolls, truth be told it is more fear than hatred.

-He's been on commercials as a kid at least once. Somewhere on youtube there's a bubblegum commercial with a preteen Tim on it and Jon found it while looking for background info about nearly everyone in the archives in season 2.

-Tim has a small collection of fucked up Rubik cubes. He has a knack for solving them, the more alien-looking, the better. He finds solving puzzles stimulating but also gets fed up with them easily. Having something to do with his hands helps him think.

-He's an excellent draftsman, took an art course pre college and he indulges in it every now and then. He has no issues with people looking through his sketchbooks and all of the building facade sketches he has there. He's the kinda guy to sketch random people he sees in public and all of the archives gang has been drawn by him before

-He would love cockatiels, but he doesn't own any animals. He birdwatches quite a bit and has books/a special sketchbook just for birds/landscapes. He also purple columbine flowers, even though he is really bad with plants. He's foraged before but he ended up in emergency care bc he fucked with something he shouldn't have XD

-Tim got his tongue pierced some time ago, it suits him well.

-Will absolutely WRECK you in karaoke and then act like he isn't that good after (he was a theater kid)

-He's the most seasoned traveler among everyone in the archives. Tim's ideal vacay would be going around the world

-He would have enjoyed streaming games as a hobby (am i bringing up Mike LeBeau? probably. In a different world we would have Tim playing The Sims 2 with all of the mods on Twitch). He's also had pink hair before!!

Martin:

-He's a bit of a polyglot to me (so far The Eye makes you understand other languages but it doesn't give you proficency over them! That's all his own talent)

-Mart's worked at a blu-ray rental before the Institute. He came out of that job decently well-versed in 80's-90's movies. He's the opposite of a film snob and probably loves The Princess Bride and other bangers

-Martin's the kind of person that would cut an apple for you but he'd eat a tangerine with the rind on without hesitating. After you have a fight with him he brings you cut fruits and crackers

-He also writes prose and has finished nanowrimo during company time.

-Martin wears graphic tees under shirts under sweaters at work, but for very nerdy and obscure things

-Martin does the little dinosaur hand things often when he is walking, heh

-He's kept house spiders in glass jars with little holes and fed them bugs. Many of those spiders gave birth inside those jars. He's moved places a couple times as a kid so he's probably responsible of scaring a landlord or two by greeting them with a roomful of spider jars (and it was deserved).

-Martin owns tea pets!! He shares a cuppa with them every now n then

[popculturebuffet]

Sam and Max Beyond Time and Space Retrospective: Chariot of the Dogs (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people! We're near the end of our Sam and Max: Beyond Time and Space Retrospective. After this we only have one more chapter till ....we take a bit of a telltale break for a bit.

Well i'll tell you terry: Kev DID try a backup plan, giving me his old PS3. But despite trying EVERYTHING possible.. I couldn't get it or it's eventual replacement when it went to PS3 heaven to connect to my internet. I mean i'ts still damn neat to have but it dosen't really solve the problem and with my computer not having a completely 100% graphics card, the reason my brother gave it to me in the first place, I'm not sure it could take playing the Devil's Playhouse.

So for now my only option is to wait for the remaster, which at the time of this writing has nothing close to a release date after a year. This dosen't mean the project's canceled: there have been work in progress pics on Skunkapes Artist Formerly Known as Twitter account

It just means it's taking a while in the oven and i'm fine with waiting till it's ready. I'd rather have a third awesome remaster to fix things instead of a glitchy mess rushed out to meet some sort of quota.

The good news is that Kev's keeping the sam and max reviews a coming, having me review stories from the comic and cartoon in the devil's playhouse's place till said remaster happens. And given i've only scratched the surrface of both, we've got PLENTY of sam and max stockpiled till the devil's playhouse or the inevitible apocalypse. which ever is first!

So with that we have Chariot of the Dogs... which not only neatly dethrones Moai Better Blues as the most bonkers these games, and this franchise has gotten, but is also just a joy to play with a unique setup: your time traveling which means a lot of familiar locations to reuse them assets, but most redressed to fit another time period. As a result there's a lot to unpack and i'll try my best. It runs into the usual issues of there being a brick wall you can't pass, but it helps that by being fun and only hvaing one puzzle i'd call "a giant list of menus wearing a hat. " So come travel in time so time as we travel to the end of all sam and max to find out where Bosco is.

We get a really awesome playable cold open following up from the last one: Sam, Max and Flint break into Bosco's to find him after he disappeared off the face of the earth. The puzzles are mostly one way but their fun from scanning a moai to undo the lasers to bosco's home office to all the fun jokes you get as you look at things. There's also some nice easter eggs like the items he had at the end of season 1 that would've made season 1 way easier.

Inside his sanctum unsanitorium, we find what you'd expect: a plunger that gave Sam nightmares when used on a delivery man, toilet wine, toilet wine that's become vinegar, and a LOT of paper mache volcano's. A lot. A LOTTTT. Like a whole rack of ones that just weren't big enoguh. As it turns out big explosions summon THEM

So we need to summon THEM

Too. So we need the world's biggest baking soda volcano made the old fashioned way... with a bullet hole, a lot of toilet vinegar and a prayer. This works as THEM

Abduct you, kicking off the spaceship

ON TH...eir spaceship, we meet bosco, whose now a cow

Gladly but you may never get the image out of your brain

Turns out it isn't thanks to THose guys who run the ship, but Bosco himself. THEy have a time machine, and like most time traveler's , Bosco fucked up his own personal timeline, so now we need to unfuck it.

To unfuck that time cow, we have to use the time machine, and I love the design of this one. It's a wood paneled elevator, something really neat and unique. And how it operates is also a lot of fun: it hones in on specific people in time and space. Why we'll get to in a little bit , but while there's a printer for the cards, we can't really use it so instead we use Bosco's carbon dater he somehow got from sybil, and use it to create cards by scanning a person.

So our first is Bosco's own, which leads us to his oft talked about Mom right before he was born in the 1960's. And like her son she has a habit for being mildly disturbing, in this case outright asking Sam and Max to donate as the fathers to her unborn child. Bosco's mom is a feminist, the extreme kind that hates all men and thus wants to make a child the new fashiond way: SCIENCE. But since invetro is still a decade out she made her own setup. She just needs the dna of two parents, any kind.

We end up making a problem for this plan though as she falls in love.. with MAX.

So Bosco's back to the futuring. Luckily we got a time card from Mama Bosco that sends us to the kennedy era white house.... and to a young but identical looking agent superball.

He can't help us much for now, but he can give us a time card to our office, and scanning ourselves gives us time cards to 80s stinkys and our future office

So we get to meet the man, the myth, the legend himself Stinky. And we see why Sam and Max love him as he's a misanthrope who creates his dishes not to feed people but to cull the weak. Yeah I can see why Max loved him so much.

Their attempts to warn Stinky of his possible death at Girl Stinky's hands fall on deaf ear.. and the one that works tells them NOTHING CAN KILL STINKY PUNY MORTAL. Which honestly giving his cooking habits, general attitude and multiple attempted culinary murders for what's been decades, yeah i'm not convinced anything short of ten nuclear bombs in a row, an orbital laser strike, thirteen hulks, the entire nation of krakoa pre fall, and dropping the MOON ITSELF on him could kill stinky.. and even THEN it's not an easy bet.

At any rate while , like most locations we can't get everything we need NOW, but we can interact with our past selves. And it's here we get the jokes in this part that REALLY don't work for me, the only ones really.

See this chapter finally fully nails the black comedy as there's no one who gets hurt, physically or emotionally, you feel all that bad for for the most part. Bosco is back to the futured but it's both because Max is an accidental sex machine and because he mucked with time in the first place for no good reason, Mama Bosco is a raging misandrist who, while understandibly tired of men hitting on her, is also mad at a whole gender and later targets will make themselves clear.

The one exception is Past Sam and Past Max, who our heroes have to get intrested in girls. Yes really. This joke's problem isn't that it's rediculous enough, our heroes CHANGING THEIR OWN PERSONAL TIMELINE for petty self gain is pretty on the mark, it's just the joke is so lazy. GET IT NERDS DON'T GET WOMEN. GET IT. YA GET IT. YA GET IT. GETTTT IT. It's a lazy joke and like the sea monkey's thing is a relic of the times it was made. It also kinda misses the fact these games have enough gay subtext between the main two to fill a scrapbook. Or that the previous version of the franchise did this

What i'm saying is Sam and Max are married and even if I didn't ship the two of them, this joke just dosen't fit. Sam and Max tends to punch higher than this.

But like I said.. after a whole season of grousing.. and I admit sometimes it was a tad overblown as I forget THIS IS A COMEDY, it's nice to see them nail a darker tone.. while still being hilaroius. The jokes here are still pretty dark, but their back to the wackier tone of things like torturing whizzer in the oval office. Ah that was a good day.

Oh the memories. Anyways this subplot does have ONE thing going for it as the game Max is playing is Bluster Blaster. And that would be enough, seeing Bluster before our heroes give him a future ai set to grouchy.. which I was farwarned for by the guide i'd need to do. Which is good because it gave me the best runner of both games so far, a joke I just.. never got tired of. Anytime you alter the timeline the computer says "Timeline Altered, Jackass". It's funny every damn time, especially since 80% of your timeline alterations are screwing someone else over.

That's not the big takeaway.. no the big one is that Sam CREATED Bluster Blaster. And he didn't forget, to quoth the doggo himself "It just never seemed important." It's the best joke of the episode... just.. deciding that sam just never brought up he had an arcade cabinet son. And it's entirely in character for him to have just.. forgotten that.

Anyways onto our offices. The present one has Superball present in the present. He's guarding the trophy closet as suprisingly Max's disappearnce was actually looked into as the president instead of as seen as divine intervention before he destroys us all. We also find out Superball.. is still a shady guy as he gladly mindwipes us if we mention time travel.. despite being in the middle of something important. I'm hoping this pays off... I mean it does in this episode but i'm wondering what the hell.

Our final timeline, for now, is the future! Girl Stinky has become a paste magnet, the flying cars are finally here and sam.. is not doing so good. This is sad... and unlike previous dark bits, while they do JOKE about it, it's clear there's a hint of tragedy to what's going on. Sam.. has dimentia. THat's it. He has it, Max is taking care of him while wearing a geordi laforge visor. While it's clearly after a lifetime of adventure.. it's still pretty sad to see Sam like this.. evne if him wearing the cat's suit from red dwarf while his wheelchair is half a dalek, as of course max is the only thing in the universe that can kill a dalek easily, helps suck the pain out.. as does a brilliant gag where checking your trophy closet , since you can't check yours in the present, finds it just.. crammed full. Great

So now all the pieces are in order a LOT has to be done. Some of it later, some of it now. The shortest explination is you use Past Sam's screwdriver to steal a saucy letter from president kennedy. I love how Sam asking Max to distract stinky.. has max just tell him sam is stealing. And stinky.. still does nothing. We use that to suprise agent superball, get his dna and get president kennedy's. We use that to create bosco, Max is a sex monster now so mama bosco decides to make a kid, timeline restored... jackass.

Now we have a new issue though: THE...Y want to see us and we get the grand reveal that THEM

Are the mariachis. Yes the random ones that show up any time someone says birthday... are the kidnappers.

It's.. it's both. It's both hilaroius.. and a great payoff. Sadly I knew going in.. but I didn't know WHY they were doing this, or that they still had a UFO for it. As they explain in song, Pedro was an elderly mariachi from the future, the timeline we saw, and with the art nearly extinct he decided to assemble two younger versions of himself to form a marachi band to sing for people's birthdays whenever the word birthday is spoken. It's gloriously dumb and I love it.

We also find out how the moai an djurgen kidnappings and the mysterious triangle figure in: Turns out UFO's that have a time machine in them are expensive, so to pay for it the Pedros are working for a mysterious big bad to give them souls. They send them through the triangle after having the moais, who they built, crush the people then shrink their souls.. or in bosco's case just the soul part as he dies of fright.

So we need to Save Bosco and since talking to the three Moai only makes Bosco's soul go into the hole faster, we need to go with plan b: get the Marachi's to quit.

Thankfully Pedro, while you know, doing some murders, including Jurgen whose sadly not in this episode for wrong, is a nice and resonable guy: his backstory is sadly relatable, and he's genuinely only doing this because it's the only job he has and HATES doing it.. and agrees to quit if the guys can answer two questions for him: how does he dies and which came first, the chicken or the egg? Which given we've had an egg for some time we got from ourselves, I at least knew which thing woul dlikely solve it

We also have to get rid of the other two pedro's too. Luckily the one steering the ship wants to go solo and the other one is busy listening for birthdays, so ther'es easy ways to take care of them both. Well... easy for Sam and Max. In any other situation solving these four problems would be nigh imppossible. Thankfully this universe runs on nonsense.

So the first task is the easiest: get Perdo's death notice. Future Sam and Max have it on the board so jus go grab that, show Pedro and he agrees not to go near the printer anymore. This allows us to, and actually explains the ink ribbon from last episode: Max chucked it into the time stream.

So with that we can print our own time card.... a BLANK one. This takes us to THE START OF TIME ITSELF.

Where we find what you'd expect: a black void of nothingness, a small baby universe about to explode, mr. featherly.

Yeah the Marachis chucked him to the start of time after kidnapping him during the filming of Midtown Cowboys The Movie. I don't know and I don't care as my boy is here and we need to take him with us. Problem is Mr. F is now the SOURCE OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH. So while the elevator will let us gleefully destroy history all the live long day, destroying EXISTANCE is a hard no.

So we simply leave the egg there instead and take Mr. F back in our inventory as a new item. He's not pleased. I however am delighted and showing him off gets Pedro to quit

Next is the youngest pedro and while the HOW is a bit obtuse, it's great: we simply use the calender from WAY back in episode 4 of the last game to change the date to the 9th, superball's birthday. Getting this.. requires a lot of talking and is obtuse as heck. It's why strategy guides exist. But the payoff is great as it summons the marachi.. and we just.. leave him there. In the Kennedy Whitehouse. Forever. That sure happened.

So with that we just have one last task to get to the end of this chapter and it's one of the funnest. Turns out the Marachi's next target is the soda poppers

Yup. Thankfully their only in it for a minute..t his time as we go back to embarassing idol. We also don't hear Peepers sing so 10/10 chapter. We go back to get the recording contract from us, explaning what happened to that. Our past selves still need it though and upon hearing the words time machine steal it. I love this gag.. esepcailly since sam and max then have to relive the entreity of chapters 3-6 of save the world AND this game up to this point. I love it so much. I also love how when trying to question past sam and past max... past sam asks the questions instead.

To get our more annoying past selves to actually coperate we send them back to superball, who blanks their memories, allowing us to steal the contract in exchage for a screwdriver. We give it to pedro, he books it and now we can go savvvvveeee bosco's soullll.

Problem is not only does soul go down the hollleee.. but the self detruct activates. The marachis somehow appear in the time machine and use it to go do all the apperances we've seen this season, leaving us stuck. Thankfully using some goey cake from stinky's that we stole the copyright to, long subplot I genuinely forget that' snicely fucked up, we can stop the gears of time themselves, giving us time to put bosco on the platform before escaping into a hole. Sadly the Moai don't make it so I guess we stil lhaven't broken our streak of ruining one mostly innocent person's life a chapter, but it dosen't matter as anywhere's better than here.. and if not they'll see us in hell

Next Time: We wrap up beyond time and space as that's literal! Our heroes must face the most insideious, nightmarish, horrifying force they've ever encountered one last time to save Bosco's soul, and the world.. again. Thanks for reading

[samtheflamingomain]

the mystery machine

I'm into mysteries of all sorts - games, books, shows, what have you.

I started at 5, reading Nancy Drews and solving them halfway through and skipping to the end to confirm it. I expressed the simplicity of the stories to her, and then my mother gave me an Agatha Christie.

Those were a bit harder, and it didn't help that the first one was And Then There Were None, which was an insanely difficult solve for a 9 year old.

But I did solve it.

See, ATTWN actually has an epilogue that tells you whodunit, and my mother taped those pages shut because she didn't want me to spoil it and that's probably the closest she's ever come to understanding me.

It made me think for DAYS, rereading it twice. It was a lightbulb moment, I rushed home from school to say "Warren did it!" and my mother was fucking astounded. She really thought she was gonna get me.

From there, I kept reading Christies, but also other authors, and also, when I was 10, I got a Nancy Drew video game for Christmas. #11, Blackmoor Manor. My most-replayed video game by far.

If you're 9 playing a Nancy Drew start-to-finish on the first go, it could take well over a week, maybe 2. Today, speedrunning, I clock in at just under 3h.

I have played and won every single Nancy Drew game. Nowadays that's not much of a flex, but 20 years ago? Before the existence of the forums that have a thread for literally every puzzle? Add another 5 years before I even knew it existed, and the fact I solved every single game on my own till #14 or 15… it's probably the thing I think of most when I think about my level of intelligence.

(Kind of an aside but one day I was home early from school and caught my father... playing the ND game I was in the middle of, to get ahead of me to seem smart by pointing out the way to go. No, it wasn't to help me. It was for him to appear smart, and I know this because he literally said so.)

Fast-forward ten years, and I partake in mysteries of different kinds. Oddly enough, rather than video games, I've been into card/board games of mystery. Mainly the one-play EXIT games. A good 2-3h of mysteries as a game, $20, but only playable once due to having to cut up cards and such.

For Christmas, my best friend got me 2 kinds of mystery - a game in the EXIT series, and a book with 100 pages out of order, the goal being to put them in order, and only 3 people have ever solved it.

All this to say, I have a few categories of interactive mysteries. Does it have hints? Does it need hints? Do hints hinder the experience?

I started the book, Cain's Jawbone, and I already have several pages in order. It's… oddly, intuitive to me. I truly believe I will solve it. I haven't even looked up hints, though I likely will.

In terms of hints making a game worse, I'd point to something like Thief Sim, which is pretty damn specific, a $3 Switch download with a surprisingly well-made system of play. It's very smooth, very intuitive and not too punishing. But the game is absolutely blasting you in the ass with hints. Every house you burgle you somehow know the exact daily routine of every tenant. It would be harder but a lot more rewarding with fewer hints.

Hints that improve a game? Odyssey. I can't stand an open world without a map and directions. Odyssey, to me, is unplayable without the arrows because the world is just too open.

Time-travel back to when 9-year-old Sam started Blackmoor Manor. Ask me if I need a hint anywhere along the way and the answer is yes fucking please. I got none. I still won. But I'd have saved a lot of bullshit with hints. Again, there is a forum. But the games themselves have no hint system - well, okay, hold on.

So some games, you can access the internet. Sometimes you can call Bess and/or George and/or Ned to help… but their answers are usually just another riddle in themselves.

Early games have no hints, though. I'd say Blackmoor is the last of the early games, and the last one without a dedicated hint system. You do get internet, but it doesn't hint, it's part of the puzzles.

EXIT games come with Hint Cards. A LOT of the puzzles are just very badly written and even Hint 1 and Hint 2 don't help, and the first sentence of the Solution card is just the answer so very often you can't really get a step-by-step on how to get there before you're just told the answer.

Each game has 12 puzzles. The best one had 10 good puzzles. The worst had 2 good puzzles. We've played 4. Never have I had to pull the Hint 1, Hint 2, and Solution cards for more puzzles than that last game, and every single one was something stupid or something we were severely over-thinking and could never dumb ourselves down enough to get it and I'm not kidding.

But I think the best mysteries lie in a sweet spot of some amount of hints, but ones you don't necessarily need to consult to get the answer.

Ironically, the best example of this is actually one of the puzzles from the bad EXIT game I just talked about. When we do these games, only one of us pulls hints and then we try to guide the other to the answer. Sometimes it's just not possible because it's so dumb. Sometimes, it's rather seamless.

I got obsessed with a certain puzzle so Connor pulled the hints for me. The first hint tells you what exactly you need to solve. This hint was "You need Riddle Card E". I had it. No help.

Well, not no help - it lets you know you only need that one thing to solve an entire puzzle, which is honestly pretty rare. Usually you need at least 2 Riddle Cards and multiple pages of the book. Not this. Just that one card.

E was a simple 4-line rhyme that mentioned paying close attention to #13. Immediately, we went for the book (the game comes with a "journal" or some such with usually 10-15 pages of puzzles and letters/notes and stuff) but ours only went to page 12.

He's leafing through the book looking for a 13. I go through a few thoughts - when do they ever, EVER mention a number?? Usually it's symbols. We don't have page 13. Where else do numbers show up? Well, there's 3 decks of cards in each game - Riddle Cards unlocked as you go, A-Z. Hint Cards that help you, each with the puzzle's symbol on it. But Answer Cards, for when you think you've got it, are numbered. I almost think I'm cheating but I go for #13.

And there it is. A big yellow X. Wait, yellow, not red? Usually when you get an answer wrong it will tell you to pull a card from the deck with a big red X saying put this card back and try again. This card said "Put this card back unless you want the code 338".

But the funny thing is, I showed it to Connor and he groaned. I laughed and handed it to him and he just looked at me. "READ IT!!" He's like holy shit good catch.

Then 10 minutes later I'm absolutely adamant I'm going to solve this card so he pulls hints and it's the angriest I've been in 5 years.

Hint 1 - you only need the card you're holding. The card I'm holding has every letter of the alphabet, =, and a number 0-9. The top says, "What is the the wrong thing?"

I'm pulling fucking algorithims outta my grade-11-math ass, thinking syllables, checking how many of each letter appears in the book. Connor is dying. "It's just that card. Just… read it."

George is getting upset! I'm throwing everything at him. "What? What's wrong? A=3? How do I know if that's right or not??" There's an equation at the bottom. A few numbers added = 18, and it adds up. That's not wrong. So I start assigning those numbers to the letters but there's 6 possibilities for a 1…

"Stop. Read. The. Card."

Ugh. Okay so "'What is the wrong thing?' Those words are in order, so that's not wrong-"

"Are they?"

And instantly, there it is. "What is the THE wrong thing?" Like a goddamn Facebook post pointing out you didn't notice they skipped #4. Perfect case of overthinking, but then again, the entirety of that card doesn't matter except that extra The. Whoever made an entire fake cypher? I just wanna talk. Outside. I'm free after 4.

But some puzzles are legitimately so hard that you need to think that deep.

My favourite EXIT, and probably my favourite interactive mystery ever, is "Murder on the Orient Express" - the only game in the series with a 5/5 difficulty. And the only game where, for the very last puzzle, you only get one guess.

Every other game, if you're wrong, you pull a card saying "try again". We got Orient on the first try, so for a few minutes we just celebrated. Then we read the one card left and realized if we'd been one digit off, we would've outright lost the game.

Technically you could just pretend you didn't get it wrong and try again, but this game had a dedicated card to all 7 wrong answers telling you that you are murdered by the culprit. But it's cool cuz someone else solved the mystery.

I get why, I do, it's one of the lowest-rated games. It's very, VERY hard to pick the culprit among 8 suspects.

However, I started taking Game Notes at age 9 and I know how to notate a game with items you need instant/repeated access to.

Me and Connor have a routine. I lay out a table and tell him to read me every 3rd word, every time a food is mentioned, every date etc. and know how to organize such info.

It got away from me a bit, but I was trying to talk mystery with regard to hints. So let me finish by going back to Cain's Jawbone.

I'm used to, nowadays, having infinite hints just by a simple Google search. If I ever solve Jawbone, I personally wouldn't feel any amount of pride if I didn't at least give a hint to those attempting to solve. Because some things just need a word or a phrase to ignite a lightbulb. Gatekeeping a puzzle because of its exclusivity doesn't jive with me.

Some puzzles need hints. Some don't. I think the distinction is worth discussing.

Stay Greater.