#Idk just rambling… This was originally on my priv Instagram story but I was like hey I should probably post here!

[zone-of-truth]

I think Taako's character is the most interesting case in terms of a character study because the way he changes is very very dramatic. Fandom-wise, this is why there is such a stark contrast between early Taako designs and later Taako designs, and also part of why he is so popular. For Merle though I think the first big change we see with him is when his patron deity is changed to Pan. Clint obviously had a more solid idea of Who he wants Merle to be by that point, but I don't think things completely fall into place until the character choice is made to give Merle children. That choice isn't made until after the Eleventh Hour. Possibly before but if that’s the case, Griffin wasn't aware of Clint making that character choice. I think it being so long though for Merle to develop a strong backstory narrative is why he hangs loose in the minds of many.

Not that Merle doesn't have a personality. Like he does and it is part of why I love him so much, but his backstory just sort of cements what kind of character he is. His relationship and dillema with Pan is made more interesting with the knowledge that Even with kids, Merle didn't know what he was doing and didn't have faith in his connections with others. Even when Merle isn’t explicitly following the choices of others, we see a lot of his character is rooted in him not having faith in himself.

To use them as an example, Magnus and Taako have certain mantras associated with them. "Magnus rushes in" and “Taako's good out here." Then you have Merle who doesn't necessarily have one in the podcast, but is repeatedly described to be the one who follows behind. You see a funny switch in The Suffering Game where Justin, Travis, and Clint all say respectively, “Taako rushes in!”, “Magnus follows him,” and “Merle’s good out here.” I’ve seen art occasionally that uses this as Merle’s “mantra” (though definitely not as commonly associated with him as “I cast Zone of Truth” is). Each phrase and the commonality of it being said really just summarizes their characters. Magnus is bold, direct, and confident. His catchphrase was established in the first arc and it is repeated by himself, his player, and the other players. Taako doesn't really use his and is notably used less than what Magnus yells, but it still shows that Taako is unworried, flippant, and nonconfrontational. Merle has no catchphrase he says often, but we SEE him follow behind. We SEE him reluctant to make his own decisions and being content with going along with the group. We SEE him follow what others are doing, even if he never verbally comments on it. His actions show much louder than his words.

Merle wasn’t there for kids for a long time because he was paralyzed by fear and and a lack of faith in himself. Merle continuing to dislike and distrust Angus when Taako has always liked him and Magnus quickly warms up to him just shows how… unfamiliar he is with kids. He doesn't know how to treat children and he doesn't know the effect of having an adult you look up to treating you poorly. Growing up as well it was Merle’s father who kept pushing the Pan faith onto him and as an adult, Merle is pretty agnostic before his character arc is resolved. He starts out as a cleric for Pan because that’s what he was surrounded with growing up and then his faith in Pan falters after The Crystal Kingdom (we see the peak of this in The Eleventh Hour). Merle seems to be just… burned out from worship after all the bombardment as a child. Clint has said Merle is insecure about his place on the team but the fact he treats Angus as another adult is telling about his relationship with his kids and his own insecurity.

The thing is though… Merle didn’t experience that kind of self-doubt during The Stolen Century. At least, we didn’t get to see much of it. He’s less in the shadows of others and more exuberant and unapologetic. With John, we see him telling him what’s what. He has an appreciation for life and a kindness we do not see as often in the arcs before. And fittingly… we see him say to Angus that he’s alright in Story and Song. In the same arc, we see him finally resolve his relationship in Pain.

Merle is a follower because he lacks faith. His lack of faith leads to him doubting his own capabilities and self-worth, leading him to lash out at Angus and avoid the responsibility of taking care of his children. This is just a vector of Merle caring so, so much. He cares deeply about others and what they think of him, which is why he doesn’t like Angus and projects onto him but also why he behaves the way he does in The Stolen Century: he doesn’t want to be any other way if it means his family believing he is someone else. He cares deeply about his children, which is why he returns to their lives but also why he left them in the first place. He didn’t think he was good enough and he didn’t think they deserved him as a father. He cares deeply about his ideals and beliefs, which is why he comes around to Pan and stops his meetings with John but also why he chooses to be a follower for most of Balance. He doesn’t want to be rejected.