#Idk idk idk. I'm just overwhelming myself I guess. Might also be my anxiety acting up too oopsies <3

[shima-draws]

Caught in that weird in between of absolutely hating my art but actually thinking it's okay sometimes. Help :(

[timestillstands]

RAAHAHHAHAHRF

Hi i’m normal

Tell me about your au so I can EAT IT (the information, I mean.)

RRRAGHHHHH HELLO SLIME I HAVE NOT SEEN IN THE PAST TEN MINUTES COUGH COUGH

Hurrrg this might take me overnight because I'm sickies and exhausted but um anyways I'll try and do what I can

BA NA NA NA NAA ENTER THE READER. 100 men's anxiety packaged ever so careful. but not labeled as fragile. Has an overwhelming sense of people pleaser. also thinks everyone hates them if they aren't close w them. I wonder who could write such a self insert. Reader needs a job(you either quit or got fired from your last job) and you're fresh out of college(where you majored in engineering or something. idk.), what better place to turn to than the one and only(that's a lie) PizzaPlex!!!!

Yeah uh hahaha Sun doesn't like you. yayyy. you totally don't blame yourself at all. you do actually ignore that.

Haven't mentioned this yet but the dca is actually trying to PROTECT you. which is funny. because. you get harmed. physically and mentally. a lot. all apart of the plan to get you to quit !!!!

also sun and moon are one person in this au, which is extra fun because yayyy that totally isn't hard to explain at all. I did this to myself. moon is a set of nighttime protocols, while sun is day-time protocols. it just alters how he acts around you and talks etc etc. they both have the same goals and want you OUT.

Moon has very crappy programming; when they tried removing him or reprogramming him entirely, which they gave up on, they weren't very smart and didn't go back to fix anything they have erased. yknow. like safety measures. because. why would they try to do that.

They were more worried about fixing sun and just said screw it, shoving moon in there for a while as the naptime attendant before they realized they fuzzled up. oh good fun. so moon is like, erased from anything besides merchandise. sun won't even talk about what he did. or the fact that he's the same person as moon.

that turned into a bigger problem. why on earth would anyone want to give you a proper set of instructions? sun dismisses any sort of question about moon(who you were specifically told to FIX. by said date unless further complications arrived. they do, btw.) hey, at least we have Vanessa!

your brief encounter w her was great, she got along with you for the short amount of time that you talked that first time. you brought up moon, not having any other real coworker outside of staff bots and the dca around to ask. HEY !!! SHE KNOWS SHIT !!!

so you get some information, really rare around these parts, and haha. yay. you head out for the day and guess what? tomorrow you have a nightshift. fingerguns.

btw. you've never had a nightshift or anything. but you didn't think it was weird or anything to not have lights on, it was night, right?(ahaha that rhymed)

ouhg. hi Moon. um. btw. he likes playing hide and seek 😃

and that's like. the rough outline for the first two chapters

☝️me explaining my au 😁😁😁

[heavensickness]

I think you might have mentioned in a text post recently that you wonder if you should have gone to law school but not because you really want to but because it seems like you should have. I felt exactly this same way and am now finishing up my first semester of law school. I have never been more miserable in my life. The balance between “I’m a genius I love academia” and “I’m crippled by demons and have to actually crawl under my bed to stabilize myself amongst constant stress” is a nightmare. The debt is so overwhelming I think I would rather die than drop out and be crushed under it. I keep thinking about what you said about why a simple life can’t be good enough. I was a server at a cozy restaurant who travelled a lot and was surrounded by loving friends. I felt this sick impending disappointment in myself that left me terrified of being old, poor, and unfulfilled. I was convinced I was meant for more. I moved to the opposite side of the country alone for law school. I can’t stop now and yet I keep thinking about my simple life I gave up. But it’s like I made a silly wish and am being punished by being given exactly what I wanted but also nothing good at all. I’m excelling in school and have a new social circle here and am a representative for a prestigious club. But it’s like I’m a marionette acting out all the things I was convinced I wanted, while internally I’m terrified and crushingly unhappy. I’m 24 and won’t be in my career until my late 20s, but I’m still among the younger half of my class. Idk what I’m even trying to tell you, except that I understand that fear of choosing the wrong future. I guess no matter what we choose we’re haunted by the potential of the life we lost. Wether you choose a simpler career or decide to do something like law school, the life we don’t get to live seems rosy and romantic in comparison. I don’t know if I chose wrong or if there even is a wrong choice. The only comfort I have in my choice is that it’s not impossible to start over in five, ten, or even twenty years. I think the possibility of choosing a different life never leaves, even if our choice feels permenant. If it gives you any solace, I am also scared. It’s scary to bet on any decision we make that seems to determine our life. Either way those five, ten, twenty years will come to pass. I think eventually neither one of us will be afraid anymore.

Anon I wish I could put my emotions into words right now, I am close to tearing up but not because I feel negative. I feel bittersweet to know that I am not alone, and I hope you know that you are not alone either. I am 23 years old and except the fact that I haven't had a job before and am suffering from a constant anxiety because of it, we are basically in the same situation. Maybe I am like you from a year ago... And you are right, the hunger for more never ends. Humans are greedy, we always want more & never settle down for what we have, but always chase what we could've been. Another big part in this situation is the constant disillusion and dissatisfaction the modern society brings, never being content & always looking up instead of seeing what is actually ahead of you etc. "I guess no matter what we choose we’re haunted by the potential of the life we lost." This really resonated with me, I was thinking the exact same thing. Also thank you again for reminding me that we can always start, and it is not too late. My friend from university dropped out of an prestigious engineering school at 23 at his own will, started literature program with us at 24, and now he's in the master program at the age of 28. And he was the top student of our department! I think about him a lot and I hope his story also reminds you that we are not too late or too old for anything, ever. This message is scrambled but so is my mind these days, so I'm sorry that I couldn't give an organized answer to your ask. Just know that, I will keep this ask with me and I wish the very best for both of us. I mean it.

[dumbass-mha-simp]

Hawks x Reader: Bad Idea

Another self indulgent Hawks fic that I've literally had in my notes for months. He lives in my head rent free along with my other 22 fake boyfriend's because I'm ✨mentally unstable.✨ It is a song fic tho, Bad Idea ft. Shiloh Dynasty https://youtu.be/kH9hJnT7KkE

Tw: food, depression, Hawks is honestly just feeling it bro- same dude,

Word count: almost 2k? I think

Requests are open! Honestly I'm probably terrible but the only things I can think to write are those imaginary situations I put myself in

(Y/L/N)- your last name

(Y/N)- your name

Thoughts or emphasized talk are in italics

Also idk why but I imagine he removes his feathers to shower since they probably need different cleaning conditions and also they just seem like a hassle in showers.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Here he was, the number two prohero. Everyone assumed his life was perfect, anything he wanted served on a gold platter. He felt the guilt creep up into him.

I should be thankful. The thoughts ate away at his mind in the rare seconds he got alone. You shouldn't be so selfish. So annoying. So insufferable.

Takami pushed these thoughts back. "No one needs to know how you think, Keigo." He whispers out to himself in his office.

He scrawled at paper work, trying to not let the self depreciating thoughts feast away on his mind. Unfortunately for him, different thoughts came up.

His best friend, Rumi had this friend. (Y/L/N). Smart, attractive, sometimes a little rough around the edges, but amazing. He found his mind wandering to them all too often.

They were mostly unknown, despite their insanely strong quirk. They preferred to stay out of the lime-light, through that irritable exterior sat overwhelming anxiety and shyness. But they always denied it.

He stopped himself as he realized he's spent 10 minutes only thinking of them, a friend. Yeah right.

He lazily walked out of the office waving to all his employees as he made his way outside. His eyes slowly dragged to the darkly faded blue sky, dusted in clouds. Cold, tired, aching. Just how he felt.

He took a slow brisk flight to his house, feeling the wind bash his face and the air flow through his feathers. He gently placed a foot on the metal railing of his balcony, taking a deep step to the ground and opening the door.

The emptiness rung through his apartment like a blaring siren. You have everything. How can you still want more?

The voices in his head screamed and clawed their way out. You're nobody. No one ever loved you. You're so alone. You're nothing but a tool to the commission. You're actual character is useless.

He shed his coat, boots, and pants. Looking to himself in the mirror as he removed most of his feathers. He looked exhausted as he stumbled into the shower, numbly.

The next ten minutes seemed to elude him when he wondered how much time has gone by of him staring at the shower wall blankly.

He dried off a bit then looked around his kitchen for something to eat. Have I eaten today? The buzz and light of his phone on the counter startled him.

"Hey, Hawks." A single, simple message from (Y/L/N). Okay don't panic.

"What's up?" He replied swiftly.

"I had this feeling something was wrong and wanted to check up on you."

"Why would you think that?" He tried to play it off like it wasn't true without actually lying.

"I'm not sure. Do you maybe wanna join me?" You asked.

"Where?"

"Well, every once in awhile when I need a break I go and stargaze with a night picnic. It helps me relax, and if you think it might help I'd want to. I can tell something's off." You were always so convincing. It felt like you weren't too nosy or snoopy but you understood.

"Text me where to be and when?" He let out a gentle smile at his phone.

"The dollar store on 4th in 10 minutes? So we can choose some snacks together?"

"I'll be there."

Did Takami think any problems where going to be solved with some food in the dark? No. But would he skip the opportunity to be with you, to find out how he really felt when it was just you two? Absolutely not.

He landed down on the broken pavement outside of the old dollar store, scanning around to see you.

"Boo!" A bump from behind had him flinching to see the sound as you stood behind him giggling. "Got ya."

"Very funny (Y/L/N) the most amazing trick yet." He rolled his eyes with a slight smile.

"C'mon let's go grab a bunch of terrible snacks and call it a picnic, bird brain."

You two walked into the store and walked a large circle around it, choosing chips and candy and drinks at your leisure. Once you got to the counter, he fights you to his wallet.

"It's my picnic."

"And I'm the very special guest who was so generously invited. I'm paying." He grins as you pout at him.

Grabbing the bags you placed them in the back seat as you offered passenger side to him.

"I don't like cars."

"Why not?"

"Cramps my wings."

You look at him with the biggest puppy eyes you can manage. "You already agreed to keep me company and pay for the snacks, let me do something for you?"

"Fine, but only cause you're pouting kid."

He gently sits in your passenger seat as you strap yourself in and turn the car on. The car hums and the music playing softly on the radio are the only things heard. The peace feeling too good to break.

Once you pull your car up into the parking lot of a small park and grab your bags, you begin leading him to your usual place.

"Hold these." You hand him the bags as you jump and climb up on top of a big metal container. You peer over the side with big eyes and a smile as you say to him, "now hand me the bags and do what I did!"

He looks at you with a wide smirk before simply flying up to join you. "Or you can do it the cheater's way." You pouted and bumped his shoulder.

"It's not cheating, it's using my resources." He says with a triumphant smirk.

"Your cheating resources." You pull out your gummy candies and started eating as you leaned back till you were laying down.

"Do you like the stars, Hawks?" You say like your sleep talking, staring into the night sky.

"Keigo." He shifts to lay down about a foot away from you. "You can call me, Keigo. And... I don't think I've ever taken time to look at the stars."

"No sneaking out away from parents to sit on vans and stargaze? Or watching the sunrise with a partner while eating fast food?"

"What kinda date is sitting in a car for hours staring at the sky and eating?" He laughs.

"Ah one that never really happened, he just said he would. But never mind that repressed shit." A sad laugh forces itself out as you stare between the stars.

"Was he cute?" He tried to sound funny but it came out more sympathetic.

"Sometimes," you laugh with him. "But he had really nice hands."

"Hands? That's an odd thing to find attractive." He turned his head over to look at you as your eyes seemed to burn holes in the dark milky blue sky.

He continued laughing with you about this guy but couldn't help an overwhelming feeling of jealousy. Who was he? Did he look anything like him? Was this recent?

"Keigo?" A voice snapped at his train or thought, "Yes, (Y/L/N)?" He replied rushed.

"Do you want your mini cookies?" You ask looking to him with the bag.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks." He mentions grabbing the bag from your finger tips.

He ate his cookies and thought as you seemed either lost in your head, or lost in the stars.

Loving you would be selfish. As such a high ranking hero, he's made a target for himself and anyone around him. He's broken down, can't feel. You obviously have other people on your mind. Someone like you wouldn't be single long.

"When did he leave?" He blurts out without thinking. Maybe it's a sore subject-

"Long ago." You look lost, your eyes searching and wandering but never grabbing hold of exactly where you should be. "Why?" Well I guess if I'm gonna start prying might as well go all the way.

"He thought that maybe he could love me. But now that's just ridiculous," you laugh coldly. "Who would love me?"

"Falling in love with you seems like a really bad idea. But not on your part." He whispers into the wind, hoping it'll carry his words away from you.

"What do you mean?" You look completely confused, almost scattered.

"You're quiet, and I'm someone who puts a spotlight on practically anyone around me. You'd constantly be put in danger. Plus I'm arrogant and cocky, nothing at all like you." He acted like he could see the stars as you could. He stared into them finding any way he could to avoid your eyes.

"You could get hurt or I could annoy you." He whispers.

"I had no idea you felt that way, Keigo." You whisper back, shock keeping your voice quiet.

His eyes burned holes into the night sky, he felt he shouldn't look at you. The mental image of you already wouldn't go away.

"You wanna know something, Keigo? I can read people like books, I can read stars like stories, and I can read in-between lines like they were in bold font. But, you always catch me off guard. Reading you is like a mystery novel. Sometimes intense, sometimes peaceful, but always keeping me wondering." You smile into the stars, you can tell he desperately doesn't want to see your eyes. "You're always leaving everyone on the edge of their seat, and when you leave you can't stop thinking of the next time you'll come. What you'll bring."

"I....I don't think I understand (Y/L/N)-" Keigo's soon cut off.

"(Y/N)"

"Well, (Y/N)- I don't think I understand." He tries to sit up and look at you.

"You catch me off guard, something about you speaks to me in ways I know you never actually would. I can see it, the way you stumble or hesitate. I can tell somethings scared you into silence." You've never had much chance to talk about the ways you analyze people, you wanted to tell him how you could tell the way he acted wasn't always good.

"I think you might be reading too much into this, kid." He tries to intervene.

"I get if you don't want to tell me." You stared up at the stars, waiting for him to do the same. "You see there?" You pointed to a star. "That's a constellation."

"They just look like stars." He seemed a bit disappointed that he couldn't see stars the way you did, with such knowledge and wonder in your eyes.

"That's cause they are," you giggled to him, "it's not like I can actually see the pictures either."

"You.. you can't?" He looked to you confused but slightly hopeful, how could they look at them but not see too?

"That's the whole point, Keigo. It's being able to see what's not really there. Sometimes I stare into the sky hoping to see any semblance of hope, but that's not how it is. You have to teach yourself to look at what could be there." He stared to you, a small content smile graced your face. You were beautiful.

"(Y/N)?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe, loving you isn't such a bad idea.." he looked remorseful, staring into the stars. Maybe he could see it too one day.

"What do you mean?" You glace to him.

"You see so much, you can read and see the things I want to see. I want to learn, (Y/N). I want to see how you do."

The smile on your face spread.

"I'd love to show you."

[awsugar]

(1/2) mackenzie, as someone who's met and talked to frank multiple times do you have any advice abt how to actually talk to him and not just like freeze? I met him when I went to a fiatp show a few months ago but I was pretty overwhelmed + just kind of said hi and took a picture with him. i'm a pretty awkward person when taking to people in general so i don't really know what to say/how to have a conversation with him without making it awkward? sorry this is long I was just wondering if you had

(2/2) experienced anything similar b/c you've met frank a few times and you always mention stuff you've talked about so I thought maybe you'd be the person to ask about how to have a conversation with him. thanks

can i preface this by dsaying im drunk sorry im not like WASTED but ive been drinking so i apologize

and anyway basically until i met him the 5th time i had a lot of anxiety about it and forgot everything i wanted to say to him basically. somehow once this trip happened i like have desensitized myself to being around him and i don’t really feel nearly as nervous anymore, liek this time around i’ve been excited to get my chance to talk with him instead of making other peopel go ahead of me. but i really think it just takes time. when you’re someone like me who has spent the ladt 10 years talking about him on the internet and idolizing him basicallh, it’s hard to like at first act like you’re just talking to anyone else.

and like even in february i was an idiot i was like ‘uhhhhh can you sign my wrist band also dear percocet makes me wanna get punched in the face bye’ literally. 

i know what yo mwan about being awkward, i totally am too. but just go into it with the realization that hes a real person living a real life who is  affected by real things and just treat him like another human being, he’s not like on another level just cause he’s frank..you know?

and like having a conversation with him...that’s only happened twice for me. the first time was after death spells in ny when our whole friend group like waited to be the last people to talk to him so we coudl take squad pics and tlak to him as a group without being anoying as fuck and we got a good 10 minutes at least of just like chatting with him and ti was very chill and great and so like 1) talking to him with friends takes the pressure off a lot. and the second time, last weekend, i was also near the end of the line and it was like all the people frank knows that goes to lots of shows basically so he didn’t feel like he had to rush us cause he knows we’re chill i guess..cause he went through the rest of the line super fast then took like a bunch of time with each of us. and somehow it was just suddenly easy for me to talk with him? and maybe it was because he like started the conversation by showing that he recognized me idk.

THIS IS SO DUMB IM DRUNK IM SORRY i m not answering your q bu tbasically i think it’s more of a thing of like either havinh friends to like make it seem liek its not all the attention is focused on you OR just like it comes iwth time and meeting him  few times before you feel comfortble. i ws nervous every time and suddenyl now i’m not so i think it’s just like a process i guess. but realizing that hes just a regular dude who makes music that you happen to love might be helpful.

[tinyhatonapumpkin]

Hey, I saw your post about how non autistic people aren't accommodating to autistic people and was wondering if you had any recommendations of how to be more accommodating? I'm not NT but I don't have autism and I'm not sure what kinds of things would be helpful when interacting with someone with autism.

(Sorry if this is a really late response my internet has been abysmal for the past..... WHILE)

-Make sure that you don’t assume meaning from our actions. That’s one of our biggest frustrations. Allistic people often read into our actions, words, body language, etc. and then make incorrect assumptions. Remember, we’re not allistic, our brains work different, we think different, so the reason WE do something may be very different from the reason an allistic person does something.

- By extension: say what you mean and mean what you say. There are so many times that people get mad at me, say I’m being a little shit or purposefully obtuse, etc. just because... I didn’t get what they were insinuating. Or I didn’t read between the lines, or whatever. Hell it’s gotten to the point that I often over read into what allistics say, because goddamn. You people can’t just be direct. So in an attempt to accommodate, I end up accidentally reading into things that aren’t meant to be read into, or over reading into things, or even just getting the wrong meaning because I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. Just... talk to us. Don’t hint. Especially don’t get annoyed if we don’t catch what you’re saying.

- Kinda on the same vein, but: If an autistic person doesn’t understand something, even if you think it obvious, don’t ridicule them for it, just explain it. Things that come naturally to you don’t come naturally to us. Our mental skills are elsewhere. Also it’s usually social stuff or figures of speech we don ’t understand, and i mean... that stuff is bullshit anyway. (This isn’t just social and communication btw, this could even be just how to do a task.)

-Speaking of which: don’t force autistic people to conform to your social standards. Don’t force us to make eye contact. Don’t tell us not to stim. Don’t get mad at us for repeating something or scripting.

-If we communicate in a nonverbal way, don’t tell us to “use [our] words!” (ex: pointing and gesturing to something we want passed to us at the table, a hand on your shoulder when we’re trying to get past you, etc.) Because even if we may not be nonverbal at the time, we might be overwhelmed, and so talking uses a lot of energy. Or we just might be very distracted and plain forget to speak. Getting angry at us will only stress us out more, which will only exacerbate the problem.

-Speaking of nonverbal: if someone needs to communicate using an alternative communication method, like writing, typing, AAC, etc. GIVE THEM TIME TO WRITE THEIR RESPONSE. I can’t tell you how many people will just get annoyed and move on, stop talking to me, try (and fail) to guess what I’m trying to say, etc. It’s more frustrating than the inability to use my mouth to talk in the first place. This can also go for people who stutter and/or stammer. Which often happens to autistics too. Just give us time to communicate however we can.

-Don’t spring things on autistics. Plan things in advance, and if they are asking for lots of info about what you’re going to be doing, don’t get annoyed. Shit is stressful for us, so knowing a lot about it can help ease the anxiety and stress. The more we know the better we can prepare. Because the world isn’t made for us, so we have to do a lot to fit into it. But if we know nothing about the situation, we can’t know what we need to do for it. Not to mention we often need accessibility items, so it’s important to know what’s going on so we know what to bring.

-If the autistic person needs things done a certain way, let them have it done that way. It is extremely stressful if one of our constants in our lives is disrupted. Also we have things done in the way we do them for a reason. Whether it be to fight decision fatigue by having routines and sameness, or just doing things a certain way because it makes our homes, clothes, LIFE more sensory friendly, just... let us have our things be the way we need them. Hell even shit like sitting in the same seat every meeting let’s say: it’s easier to focus on the meeting when your SPD isn’t having to process all sorts of new information because you’re seeing the room from a different perspective.

-Don’t judge us in any way for our “weird” behaviours. So this includes “weird” expressions, body language, habits (chewing, sucking, stimming, etc.), body movements, speech, etc. And by judge I mean commenting, funny looks, reactions, etc. Just act like it’s totally normal, because to us? It kinda is.

-Small talk.... just... ugh. So something that happens a lot that I HATE is that allistic people will disrupt my work to just... chat. About fucking nothing. I’ll be doing something and then they’ll just come up to me and be all like “Whatcha doing?” “...working.” “Whatcha working on?” “I’m typing up the minutes.” “...” “...” “So how was your weekend?” etc. Drives me up the wall. You could clearly see I was in the middle of something. If you don’t have anything you actually need from me? Leave me be. I’ll chat later when I’m not busy!! (If you’re not sure, just ask if the person is busy/up for chatting.)

-Don’t be overly condemning/abrasive when informing us that something we’re doing/said/etc. is inappropriate, offensive, rude, etc. Now this part may seem like I’m contradicting the whole “don’t hold us up to your social standards” thing, but being autistic isn’t a get out of jail free card. If we are doing or saying something shitty, it still needs to be addressed. However we may not realize the impact of it. This could be because it’s not a big deal to us and we don’t realize that it is for others, or just because in an attempt to fit in, we mimicked those around us... and those around us weren’t the best people.

For example: I have dermotilliomania. So I can’t stand it whenever there’s a zit on my face, ESPECIALLY a white head. I’d pop that sucker as soon as I saw it. But I didn’t realize that this was more of my own experience, so in my teens, whenever I’d notice one on my sister’s face, I’d point it out. I wasn’t trying to go all “haha you have acne” I was more going “Oh no you have a Bad Thing on your face, you probably want to get rid of it!!” Kinda like when you tell someone that they have something in their teeth or a bit of sauce on their chin. Unfortunately though, she was allistic and did not have dermotiliomania, so to her I was just constantly pointing out something that she was insecure about. So it actually caused a lot of self image problems for her. I didn’t learn the full impact of it until years later.

So in that example, a good thing to do would be to explain: “I really don’t like it when you point out my acne, because you pointing it out all the time makes me really insecure.”

Using myself for an example again: I was raised in a white Conservative Catholic family. So I didn’t understand the allistic world, and the only people I had to base my understanding OF that world were..... well not great. So I had to spend a lot of time unlearning stuff. I’m not trying to excuse anything I did or said that was offensive, but I just feel like pointing out something.

Here’s how intense it can be: my family LOVED making “r*tard jokes”, which were actually autism jokes looking back. I made them along with them, even though I did all the behaviours they were mocking (but in secret). Hell I even threw around the r word in casual conversation, because that’s what I was used to hearing, and what I thought was normal.  I had a good friend begin my education about that stuff, so by the time I found out that I’m autistic, I had already dropped all the jokes and language... and started realizing how terrible they were because they were making fun of me in a way. (I even remember hearing things like “why are you acting like such a r*tard?” and then trying to hide it by acting like I was just doing more of the mocking.)

Now the latter half of this section (or even this section in general) may just seem like good advice in general. But it’s particularly relevant for autistic people, because we often end up with more rude behaviours, and more easily adopt offensive crap... and find it harder to lose because scripts and echolalia and whatnot. So if they continue after you address them, just point it out each time they do it, but in a gentle reminding way, because they probably just are falling back on old scripts, forgot themselves for a moment because of everything else going on, etc. It’ll take some time, but it’ll happen. 

Ok so idk if I went overboard or not, but.... here are some things anyway!! 

(And hell this might just be a good list, so feel free to reblog it anyone reading if you’re just stumbling upon it or whatever.)