#IVE BEEN STRESSING SINCE 10 AM BC SOMEONE SAID THE EMAIL WAS GONNA BE SEND THEN | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

handwritten-blog · 5 years ago

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okay im back bc its been a weekend and by a weekend i mean like friday.

on a side note i think i figured out why ham asked “who’s this” when i texted bc i guess whenever i use imessage my apple id email shows up instead of my number sooo that means ppl have been getting my spam email

okay but idk if i mentioned this last time but october 3rd was my friend’s bday. and over the summer when i scratched my car against a metal pipe i told him that i’d be sad for rest of the year & he said he’d be sad if i was sad on his bday & i guess i joked about it so much it actually came true.

but since it was his 21st on friday he invited me and my friend (that he also knows) to go out a brewery & bar with his three housemates. & so i split a beer flight with my friend & had a mixed drink from the bar. & after that we all went back to his place to have some more drinks & play jackbox games. & he hasn’t really had any alc before his 21st sooo he ended up being pretty out of it after splitting 2 beer flights w/ his 2 housemates, an amf, a ski shot, & a bit at his place. Now I myself am a pretty chill drunk, i would say. like i just talk more than usual and i’m still pretty self-aware and like normal. my friend has no filter when he’s drunk.

so when he started getting real out of it, his sober housemate/dd and my friend went over to him to take care of him. & he goes “help me _my name_” and like everyone turns and stares at me & then they’re like oh you’re the chosen one. so yeah i get over there and help him. i like make sure he sits up & rub his back while he’s yakking into a bag. but he just keeps spewing stuff like you’re cute & i like you & im in heaven & i dont deserve you. & my friend is just hyping him up like otp!! & its awk bc i feel like all of his housemates knew and i was just there rubbing this guys back while he yaks. & the other half the time he’s like i regret getting this drunk / i should be doing hw / im so behind / i wanna make money / & reciting chemicals and what not.

so yeah after we get him to bed my friend and i walk back to my apt and the way there im just like bruh what?? you heard all of that too right? & we get back to my apt and apparently he had snapped my roommate about how cute she was & so she was like whatt??

& so now i have this info. and i don’t want this info. like i had a few hunches before but now that its confirmed in a drunk sense i know im gonna act different around him. weve been snap #1 best friends for over 2 months so we have that double heart thing & now i overthink everything i send him. like i dont want to be leading him on. and now i think everything im doing is. & im like reevaluating the past and what ive seen from others.

& its bad bc i dont think i feel the same way about him. like i feel like usually if i find out someone has feelings or is somewhat nice to me i’d catch feelings reeeal easy but i dont think i feel anything this time. & if this is anything like last time it’s gonna go drunk confession --> real confession & im gonna have to be like srry dude i only see us as buds. & it’s gonna make me feel like an asshole even though it shouldn’t bc what im feeling is valid but im gonna feel bad for hurting his feelings. like i can’t even ghost ppl on tinder i feel bad about it. but i dont think he’s gonna mention it. im not gonna mention it. we mostly talk on snap anyway & you cant confess through snap. so it looks like we’re both ignoring it for now. but it still stresses me out. i keep overthinking all of my actions now. & im pretty sure that he is too. he probably has it worse. but that shouldn’t disregard what im feeling. & i can’t stop overthinking this. & it sucks that our friendships not gonna be the same after this bc i know im acting different & im pretty sure if he does confess sober & its not gonna go well- im not gonna hear from him for a while

10/6/19

#10/6/19

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